Fostering a Mentoring Relationship

7/30/2019 Fostering a Mentoring Relationship

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Fostering a

Mentoring RelationshipJeanette Cullen, DC, BA


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Introduction

Building a Mentoring Relationship

Mentoring Functions

Listening, Counseling, Coaching, Educating,

Sponsoring and Role Modeling

Mentor Benefits


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Agenda

Becoming a Mentor/Friend

Mentoring Functions

Mentoring Skills

Establishing Trust

Building Relationships


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Overview

Developing a Mentor-Mentee Relationship

Mentoring takes time, patience and

understanding for the pieces to fall intoplace

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Vocabulary

Menteea youth receiving the benefits of

a mentor Mentora trusted counselor or guide,

tutor or coach


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What does it take to

become a mentor? Mentors are experienced, wise people who are

willing to advise and encourage a youngerperson.

A mentor may make the difference in success orfailure of a mentee.

Research has shown that achievers areinfluenced by specific people in their lives far

more than underachievers, that whether or notyoung people succeed depends in great part onindividuals who help them establish values andwho inspire effort. (Mahoney 1983)


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Mentors can help young people

Increase self-esteem & self-confidence

Develop communication, listening &

socialization skills Develop friendships

Motivate and reach personal achievements

Make decisions

Develop respect for self and others

Achieve many other goals


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Effective Mentoring

Maintain a steady presence in a youthslife

Respect the youths viewpoint Pay attention to the kids need for fun

Get to know your mentees family, but do

not become too involved with them Seek and use the advice of the program

staff


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Who becomes a mentor?

Any mature, caring person who has

enough time and energy in his/her life toshare with a youth can become a mentor.To be a mentor you must enjoy sharingyour knowledge, skills, abilities andinsight with a youth.


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Mentoring is a Satisfying

and Rewarding Experience Most mentors learn or gain something

personally from their mentoringexperience, including feeling that theywere a better person, increased patience,friendship, a feeling of effectiveness andnew skills.

Mentors develop self-sufficiency as well asincreasing their own interpersonal andproblem solving skills.


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Mentoring Functions

ListeningThe most important functionof the mentor may be to listen. Many

youth do not have anyone at home who iswilling and able to listen to what they haveto say. Youth are often able to sort outtheir own problems and arrive at their own

solutions just by having someone withwhom to talk out the situation.


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CounselingThrough discussion mentors canhelp youth gain a different perspective of their

problems and their own abilities to dealsuccessfully with them.

CoachingGiving advice and providingfeedback are important as a youth takes on newchallengers. Coaches can give praise for a jobwell done, encouragement when the going getstough, and constructive criticism when changesneed to be made. It is always easier to deal withthe negatives when you know there are some

positives.

Mentoring Functions (cont)


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EducatingA mentor is also a teacher. While itmay be easier to do things for a youth who isstruggling with a problem, the youth will benefitgreater if he/she is able to handle the problemhimself/herself. One way to empower a youth isto teach them the skills to take care ofthemselves.

SponsoringMentors can help open doors foryouth by introducing them to new people,

activities and organizations. Opportunities for ayouth to meet new people and explore newsituations may open new horizons.



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Role ModelingMentors can help their

proteges develop values, standards andgoals by allowing themselves to be seen asreal people and by sharing personalbeliefs and values. Mentors may also

introduce or expose their proteges to othersthat they hold in high regard.



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Mentoring Skills Good CommunicationBeing able to listen

effectively and respond in a way that the youthwill listen.

Good ListenerBeing quiet while someone else

is talking does not constitute good listening.Real listening occurs when you are trying tounderstand someone, learn something fromsomeone or help someone express their thoughtsand feelings. Good listeners maintain eyecontact, reinforce the speaker by nodding and

paraphrasing and asks questions to clarify whatthe speaker said.


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Send a Good MessageWhen youcommunicate, you must be aware ofyourself. What are you observing? Whatare you thinking? How are you feeling?What do you want to happen? What doyou need to communicate? What is thepurpose of the communication?

You must be aware of the other person. Howis he/she feeling? Is he/she able to listen towhat you have to say?

Mentoring Skills (cont)


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Awareness of the environment is important.

Serious messages should be given when you

are alone with no distractions.Use clear messages that accurately reflect your

thoughts, feelings, wants and observations.

Dont make assumptions that other people

know what you think, want or feel.



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Knowing the Roadblocks to GoodCommunicationOften, it is our initialresponse that either encourages or discouragescommunication. The first words spoken will

either turn a person off or invite a person to talkabout ideas, feelings or attitudes. A good openeris a noncommittal response like: I see or Isthat so? To invite a person to say more, use a

non-threatening response like, Tell me more orId like to hear what you have to say.



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Behaviors to Avoid

Ordering, Directing, Commanding

Warning, Admonishing, Threatening

Moralizing, Exhorting, Preaching Advising, Giving Solutions or Suggestions

Lecturing, Teaching, Giving Logical

Arguments Judging, Criticizing, Disagreeing, Blaming


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Behaviors to Avoid (cont)

Praising, Agreeing

Name Calling, Ridiculing, Shaming

Interpreting, Analyzing, Diagnosing Reassuring, Sympathizing, Consoling,

Supporting

Probing, Questioning, Interrogating Withdrawing, Distracting, Humoring,

Diverting


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Establishing Trust The key to creating effective mentoring

relationships lies in the development of trust.Learning to trust, especially for youth who have

been let down before, requires time; youth cannot

be expected to trust their mentor simply becausethe program staff put them together. Establishingcommunication and developing a relationshipcan often be a difficult process. Mentors whofollow a gradual path in building trust find that

the types of support they can offer, and that willbe accepted, broaden considerably once trust hasbeen established.


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Mentors who focus first on building trustand becoming a friend to their mentee tend

to be more effective than those whoimmediately try to change or reform theirmentee. Adults whose attention isconcentrated on reforming youth are often

frustrated by their lack of receptivity.

Establishing Trust (cont)


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Building Relationships Volunteers who take the time to develop real

relationships with youth are much more likely topromote the changes that are expected to occur.

Mentors make a commitment to being consistentand dependable, to maintaining a steady presencein the youths life.

Mentors recognize that the relationship may be

fairly one-sided and take responsibility forkeeping the relationship alive.


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Building Relationships (cont)

Things to avoid in building a relationship

Avoid not meeting on a regular and consistent basis,

demanding that the youth play and equal role in

initiating contact.

Avoid attempting to instill a set of values that may be

different from or inconsistent with those the youth is

exposed to at home.

Avoid attempting to transform or reform the youth by

setting tasks and adopting parental or authoritative

role.


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Building Relationships (cont)

Avoid emphasizing behavior changes over developing

mutual trust and respect in the relationship.

Mentors are more effective when they seethemselves as friends rather than teachers or

parents and define their role in supporting theyouth in a variety of ways.

The key to creating effective mentoringrelationships lies in the development of trust,which takes a substantial amount of time.


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Summary

Mentoring is a matter of TRUST

Mentoring is a powerful tool for helping

youth fulfill their potential Mentoring is a rewarding experience

Developing a trusting relationship takes

time, allow that to happen


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Where to Get More Information

Attend future training sessions

Attend mentor support nights Discuss any concerns with program staff

Ask questions

Fostering a Mentoring Relationship

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