Forgiveness and its Forgiveness and its Therapeutic BenefitsTherapeutic Benefits

GMM – Chapter 10GMM – Chapter 10

HHP – Lesson 14HHP – Lesson 14

ForgivenessForgiveness

• Forgiveness is God’s will and way for Forgiveness is God’s will and way for coming to terms with a world in coming to terms with a world in which, despite our best intentions, which, despite our best intentions, we are unfair to one another and we are unfair to one another and hurt each other deeply.hurt each other deeply.

• God began by forgiving us.God began by forgiving us.

• He invites us to forgive each other.He invites us to forgive each other.

Forgiveness of others has to do with Forgiveness of others has to do with hurts we feel we do not deserve.hurts we feel we do not deserve.

• It goes against our natural instinctsIt goes against our natural instincts

• An act of forgiveness requires an act An act of forgiveness requires an act of the will that overrides our feelings of the will that overrides our feelings and desires.and desires.

What happens when someone What happens when someone offends us?offends us?

• It hurtsIt hurts• Often we feel threatened and upsetOften we feel threatened and upset• Often anger comes which, when not Often anger comes which, when not

released, can turn into hatred.released, can turn into hatred.• We condemn the offender in our We condemn the offender in our

hearts, and justify our own feelings…hearts, and justify our own feelings…– ““He did this to me!”He did this to me!”

• We plan revengeWe plan revenge

UnforgivenessUnforgiveness

• The unforgiveness brews and turns The unforgiveness brews and turns to resentment, which develops into to resentment, which develops into bitterness and angerbitterness and anger

• This in turn causes further This in turn causes further psychological and even physical psychological and even physical suffering and illnesssuffering and illness

We must make a Decision:We must make a Decision:

• Does my enjoyment or secondary Does my enjoyment or secondary gain of the resentment and gain of the resentment and condemnation of the offender condemnation of the offender outweigh the pain of my bitterness?outweigh the pain of my bitterness?

• If I decide it does not, I can then If I decide it does not, I can then release my condemnation of the release my condemnation of the offender by forgiving him offender by forgiving him

Why should we forgive Why should we forgive someone that offends us?someone that offends us?

• God requires itGod requires it– Matt. 6:12-15; 18:21-35; Mark 11:24-25Matt. 6:12-15; 18:21-35; Mark 11:24-25– Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13

• Revenge is not a viable option, for it leads Revenge is not a viable option, for it leads to escalating offensesto escalating offenses

• We are set free from inner wounds that We are set free from inner wounds that have accumulated because of the offensehave accumulated because of the offense

• In other words, it is in our best interest to In other words, it is in our best interest to forgive the offenderforgive the offender

A Medical ParableA Medical Parable

• Matthew 18 : 21 – 35Matthew 18 : 21 – 35• If we refuse to forgive our brother, into If we refuse to forgive our brother, into

what what prisonprison does God put us? does God put us?• When we forgive, we are released and When we forgive, we are released and

healedhealed• We are released and healed of the We are released and healed of the

pain of our bitternesspain of our bitterness• And of the physical effects of And of the physical effects of

bitternessbitterness

We can then re-establish We can then re-establish relationships of harmony and relationships of harmony and respect both vertically and respect both vertically and horizontallyhorizontally

AN EXAMPLEAN EXAMPLE

• A man with angerA man with anger

JESUS AND ANGERJESUS AND ANGER

• Anger can cause serious physical Anger can cause serious physical illness that could become fatalillness that could become fatal

• Jesus can heal our angerJesus can heal our anger

• This usually requires forgivenessThis usually requires forgiveness

• ALWAYS think about ALWAYS think about negative feelingsnegative feelings – hostility, resentment, anger - when – hostility, resentment, anger - when no physical or lab signs are presentno physical or lab signs are present

What is Forgiveness?What is Forgiveness?

• Forgiveness is NOT excusing or condoning the Forgiveness is NOT excusing or condoning the wrongwrong

• Forgiveness is really releasing the perpetrator Forgiveness is really releasing the perpetrator to the Lord, recognizing He is the only to the Lord, recognizing He is the only Righteous JudgeRighteous Judge

• Forgiveness is a proclamation that the one Forgiveness is a proclamation that the one offended is no longer going to be the judgeoffended is no longer going to be the judge

• It is important then to ask the Lord to cleanse It is important then to ask the Lord to cleanse the heart of the anger, resentment and the heart of the anger, resentment and bitterness that he has held onto, let Him heal bitterness that he has held onto, let Him heal the brokenness, and let God’s peace fill his the brokenness, and let God’s peace fill his heart heart

What do we do when the What do we do when the offender is unavailable or has offender is unavailable or has not apologized?not apologized?• We must still forgive – “to loose them We must still forgive – “to loose them

and us.”and us.”

• Sometimes, it may mean releasing Sometimes, it may mean releasing your heart to the Lord for Him to work your heart to the Lord for Him to work this forgiveness out it your heartthis forgiveness out it your heart

• Jesus did it from the CrossJesus did it from the Cross

• Stephen forgave his executionersStephen forgave his executioners

How does someone forgive How does someone forgive when the perpetrator is not when the perpetrator is not available? available? • Some ideas include:Some ideas include:

– Writing a letter to him (and perhaps Writing a letter to him (and perhaps then burning it)then burning it)

– If he is deceased, talking with him in our If he is deceased, talking with him in our imaginationimagination

– Releasing a helium filled balloon, Releasing a helium filled balloon, representing “letting go” of the hurtsrepresenting “letting go” of the hurts

How can we help another How can we help another forgive an offender?forgive an offender?• Ask the person to describe the offender and the Ask the person to describe the offender and the

eventevent• Ask him how he feels about the perpetratorAsk him how he feels about the perpetrator• Ask him to rate the level of the hurt, anger or Ask him to rate the level of the hurt, anger or

resentmentresentment• Ask him who is being hurt the most by the anger Ask him who is being hurt the most by the anger

and resentmentand resentment• Ask him if he wants to get rid of those feelings, and Ask him if he wants to get rid of those feelings, and

forgive the offenderforgive the offender• If he does want to, lead him in a simple prayer If he does want to, lead him in a simple prayer

releasing the offender to God, and declaring to God releasing the offender to God, and declaring to God he is forgiving the offenderhe is forgiving the offender

Some other helpful steps may Some other helpful steps may include:include:• Think about the offender, and why he may have Think about the offender, and why he may have

hurt youhurt you• Try to empathize with him – was he hurting and Try to empathize with him – was he hurting and

lashed out in his own pain?lashed out in his own pain?• Try to think about what happened and what Try to think about what happened and what

about it hurt you?about it hurt you?• Make a decision to forgive the offenderMake a decision to forgive the offender• Once you have done that it is DONE!Once you have done that it is DONE!• It doesn’t mean the offended won’t remember the It doesn’t mean the offended won’t remember the

offense, but it does mean that, in remembering, it offense, but it does mean that, in remembering, it will not illicit the pain it once didwill not illicit the pain it once did

Forgiveness blesses the one Forgiveness blesses the one forgiving…forgiving…

• It also blesses the one forgiven, and It also blesses the one forgiven, and opens the door for God to work more opens the door for God to work more effectively in their liveseffectively in their lives

The refusal to forgive another The refusal to forgive another will hinder our relationship with will hinder our relationship with the Lordthe Lord• It also may be a reason our prayers It also may be a reason our prayers

are not being answered Mark 11:24-are not being answered Mark 11:24-2525

• It is also decreasing the work done It is also decreasing the work done on the Crosson the Cross