for - Missouri's Children's Trust Fund · • Toddlers experience stress too. • Temper tantrums...
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6 months birth to In a nutshell • Discipline means teaching. You are your child’s teacher from birth. • Your baby learns to trust when you meet his needs. • When your baby trusts you, he will be more likely to follow your guidance later on. • Young babies do not misbehave. About Discipline and Guidance for national r cente You might not think that discipline and babies go together. Discipline is really teaching. You are your baby’s teacher from birth. Discipline is not the same as punishment. It is teaching your child what to do in different situations. Discipline starts with trust. Trust is the foundation for discipline. When your baby cries, she needs something. She may be hungry or tired or need to be held. When you meet your baby’s need as soon as she expresses it, she learns to trust you to make her feel better. Children learn best when they trust the person who is teaching them. When you are able to read your baby’s cues and understand what he needs, you are get- ting to know your baby. This isn’t always easy. Relax and focus on your child. You can start to build a trusting relationship now, when he is just a baby. When your child trusts you, he will be more likely to follow your guidance when he is older. Young babies do not misbehave. They haven’t developed the ability to think ahead or the memory to disobey their parents on purpose. That doesn’t mean that you won’t feel frustrat- ed or get angry with your baby. Keep in mind that your baby isn’t doing what annoys you on purpose. She is just trying to get her needs met and do things which drive her development.
Transcript of for - Missouri's Children's Trust Fund · • Toddlers experience stress too. • Temper tantrums...
6 months birth to
In a nutshell•Disciplinemeansteaching.Youareyourchild’steacherfrombirth.•Yourbabylearnstotrustwhenyoumeethisneeds.•Whenyourbabytrustsyou,hewillbemorelikelytofollowyourguidancelateron.•Youngbabiesdonotmisbehave.
About Discipline and Guidance
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Youmightnotthinkthatdisciplineandbabiesgotogether.Disciplineisreallyteaching.Youareyourbaby’steacherfrombirth.Disciplineisnotthesameaspunishment.Itisteachingyourchildwhattodoindifferentsituations.Disciplinestartswithtrust.
Trustisthefoundationfordiscipline.Whenyourbabycries,sheneedssomething.Shemaybehungryortiredorneedtobeheld.Whenyoumeetyourbaby’sneedassoonassheexpressesit,shelearnstotrustyoutomakeherfeelbetter.Childrenlearnbestwhentheytrustthepersonwhoisteachingthem.
Whenyouareabletoreadyourbaby’scuesandunderstandwhatheneeds,youareget-tingtoknowyourbaby.Thisisn’talwayseasy.Relaxandfocusonyourchild.Youcanstarttobuildatrustingrelationshipnow,whenheisjustababy.Whenyourchildtrustsyou,hewillbemorelikelytofollowyourguidancewhenheisolder.
Youngbabiesdonotmisbehave.Theyhaven’tdevelopedtheabilitytothinkaheadorthememorytodisobeytheirparentsonpurpose.Thatdoesn’tmeanthatyouwon’tfeelfrustrat-edorgetangrywithyourbaby.Keepinmindthatyourbabyisn’tdoingwhatannoysyouonpurpose.Sheisjusttryingtogetherneedsmetanddothingswhichdriveherdevelopment.
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•Gotoyourbabyandmeetherneedsassoonaspossiblewhenshecries.Youcan’tspoilababylessthan6monthsofage.
•Learntoreadyourbaby’scuessoyouwillknowwhatsheneeds.Beawareofwhenshegetshungry,orwhatcalmsherdownwhensheneedstosleep.Whenyoucananticipateherneeds,youwillbehelpinghertobecalmandsatisfied.
•Gentletouchworksbestwithbabies.Theycravebeingheldandcuddled.Neverhitorshakeyourbaby.Harshphysicalpunishmentdoesn’tworkbecausebabiesdon’tmisbehave.Babiescanbeseriouslyinjuredwhenadultsareoutofcontrol.
• Ifyoubegintofeeloutofcontrolwhilecaringforyourbaby,putherinhercriboranothersafeplaceandtakeafewminutesforyourself.Talktoatrustedfriendorprofessionalifyoufeeloutofcontroloften.CalltheParentLinkWarmlineat1-800-552-8522.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sBirth to 6 Months
6 to 12 months
In a nutshell•Babiesarenaturalexplorers!•Setlimitsandsticktothem,butwithkindnessandfirmness.•Babyproofingiseasierthansaying“No!”•Distractyourbabytoencouragethebehavioryouwant.
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Ifyourbabyis6or7monthsold,getready!Abigchangeisabouttohappen.Yourlittleonewillsoonbemobile!Yourbabyisanaturalexplorer.Herdevelopingcuriositymakesherwanttomovearoundherworld.Yourbabywillsoonbecreeping,crawlingandthenwalk-ing.Andshewillwanttoexploreeverythingshecangetto.She’snotmisbehaving;she’sbehavinglikeanexplorerwithawholenewworldtoconquer.
Asyourbabybeginstomovearound,youmayrealizeyouneedtosetsomelimitstokeepher—andyourfavoritepossessions—safe.Limitsworkbestifyouareconsistentaboutenforcingthem.Yourbabydoesn’tunderstandmanywordsyet.Helearnsbe-causethesamethinghappensoverandover.Babiesareconfusedandfrightenedbyangryvoicesorharshpunishment.Yourbabycan’tlearnaswellwhenyouareangry.Consistentlyenforcethelimitsyousetwithkindness,firm-nessandpatience.
It’seasiertobabyproofyourchild’senviron-mentthanitistokeepsaying“No!”Yourbabylearnsbyexploring.Maketheplacessheplayssafebyremovingobjectsshecouldbreak.Hideelectricalcords,plugwallsocketsandblockstairs.Getdownonyourbaby’slevelandlookattheroomthroughhereyes.Seethatpennyonthefloor?Hecouldchokeonit.Seehowinterestingthevaseonthecoffeetablelooks?Yourbabywillthinksotoo.Checkyourlibraryoranearlychildhoodprogramforresourcesonbabyproofing.
Yourbaby’scuriositymakesherhighlydistract-ible.Anythingnewcancatchherinterest.Ifsheiscrawlingtowardsomethingyoudon’twanthertotouch,showherafavoritetoyorclapandsingtogetherattention.Bydistractingyourbabyfromwhatyoudon’twanthertodo,youcanencouragethebehavioryouwant.
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•Setlimitstokeepyourbabysafe.Thelimitsshouldchangeasyourbabygrowsanddevelops.
•Uselimitsconsistently.Keepyourvoiceandbehaviorkindandpatient,butbepersistent.Yourbabylearnsbyrepetition.
•Babyprooftheplaceswhereyourbabycrawlsorwalks.Removethingsyoudon’twantyourbabytotouchsoyoudon’thavetotellhim“No!”allthetime.
•Distractionisthebestdisciplinetechniqueforbabies.Distractyourbabyfromwhatyoudon’twanthertodo.Offerheradifferenttoyorexcitedlypointtosomethingelse.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s6 to 12 Months
12 - 24 months
In a nutshell•Saying“no”iscommonduringthisage.•Toddlersexperiencestresstoo.•Tempertantrumscanhappenwhenyourchildisoverwhelmed.•Buildapositive,trustingrelationshipwithyourchildthroughplay.
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Isyourtoddler’sfavoriteword‘no’?Ifitis,sheisingoodcompany.Saying‘no’ofteniscom-monforachildthisage.Yourtoddlerisbegin-ningtorealizethatsheisapersonseparatefromyou.Sheisexpressinghergrowingsenseofindependencebyobjectingtorequestsandsuggestions.Thisisanimportantpartofbecomingindependentandbeingabletostandupforherownideaslaterinlife.Takeadeepbreath.Gowiththeflowfornow.Yourchildisnotbeingrudeorrebellious.Giveherlotsofchancestomakepositivechoices.Lethershowherindependenceinacceptableways.Soonshewillsay‘no’lessfrequently.
Stressaffectseveryoneinthefamily,includingtoddlers.Ifyouarefeelingstressed,yourchildmaybetoo.Takecareofyourchildbytakingcareofyourself.Trytochangesituationsthatmakeyoustressed.Ifyoucan’t,takestepstohandleyourstress.Exercise,dancetomusic,talktoafriend;justdon’ttakeyourstressoutonyourchild.
Youmaybesurprisedthefirsttimeyourtod-dlerthrowsatempertantrum.Wheredidthatcomefrom?Tempertantrumshappenwhen
yourchildisoverwhelmed.Toddlershavestrongwantsanddesires.Notgettingwhattheywantmayfeelliketheendoftheworldtothem.Youryoungtoddlerdoesn’thavemanywordstousewhenheismadoroverwhelmed.Instead,hethrowshimselfdownonthefloorandwails.Hisdevelopingnervoussystemhasreceivedtoomuchinput,andyourchildlosescontrolofhisbehavior.Punishmentdoesn’thelphimgetbackincontrol.Helphimfindaquietplacetocalmdown.Staycalmyourself.Holdhimifhe’llletyou,orjustwaitquietlyuntilhecanstopcrying.
Disciplineisteachingyourchildwhattodoindifferentsituations.Shelearnsbestwhenshetrustsyou.Effectivedisciplinerequiresanaf-fectionate,trustingrelationshipbetweenyouandyourchild.Whenyouplaywithyourchildinloving,positiveways,youbuildthatkindofrelationship.Shareyourattentionwithyourchildbylookingatbookstogether.Lethertaketheleadwhenyouplaywithblocks.Dur-ingpretendplaytaketheroleshewantsyoutoplay.Thisisthefunpartofbeingaparent.Itpaysoffinpromotingpositivediscipline.
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•Giveyourtoddlerrealchoicesineverydaymatters.Offerachoicebetweentwooutfitstowear,orbetweentakinganapbeforeoraftersnack.Yourchildmaysay‘no’lessfrequentlyifhecanmakeachoice.
•Keepchoicestotwoorthreeoptions.Don’tmakeeverythingachoice.Toomanyoptionsortoomanychoicescanbeoverwhelming.
•Helpyourchildfollowroutinesforeating,sleeping,dressingandotherdailyactivities.Toddlerscancontroltheirbehaviorbestwhentheyknowwhattoexpectduringtheday.
•Routineshelpyourchilddealwithstress,becausetheyarepredictableandreliable.Whenyouestablishandkeeproutines,yourchildismorelikelytobewellrestedandnourished.Whensheistiredorhungry,sheismorelikelytohaveatempertantrum.Routinesalsohelpyoufeelorganizedandincontrol.
•Whenyourtoddlerhasatempertantrum,staycalm.Sheisnotmisbehavingorrebelling.Shemaybeovertiredoroverstimulated.Helpherfindaquietplacetoregaincontrol.Makesureshe’ssafe,butignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.
•Avoidgivingintothedemandsyourchildmakeswhenhethrowsatantrum.Ifyougivein,youwillteachyourchildthathavingatantrumisthewaytogetwhathewants.
•Playwithyourchildeveryday.Ifyouseeyourchildbeginningtolosecontrol,stopwhatyouaredoingandplaywithhim.
•Keepplaypositive;nopretendfightingorviolentplay.Followyourchild’sleadandlookforwaystoofferanewideaorfact.Mostimportantofall,havefunwithyourchild.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s12 to 24 Months
24 - 36 months
In a nutshell•Setthestageforgoodbehaviorbythinkingahead.•Tempertantrumsarearesultofyourchild’sgrowingindependence.•Toiletlearningiseasiestwhenyourchildisready.
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Teachingyourchildpositivebehaviorsbeginslongbeforehemisbehaves.Setthestageforyourchild’sgoodbehaviorbythinkingahead.Keepinmindthat:• Busytwo-year-oldsarejustbeginningtolearn
aboutcontrollingtheirstrongemotionsandquicklychangingmoods.Yourchildneedsyourhelptostayincontrol.
• Yourchildismorelikelytodosomethingyoudon’twanthimtowhenheistiredorhungry.
• Yourtwo-year-oldissocurious;hejustcan’tresistsomethingtempting.
• Toomanyruleswilloverwhelmhisdevelopingthinkingskillsandmemory.Heislearningsomuch.Heneedsyoutotellhimandshowhimthebehavioryoudesire.Sometimesheneedsyoutogentlyguidehimawayfromtemptingsituations.Ifyouguideyourchildwithpatienceandlove,hewilllearntoactthatwaytoo.
Two-year-oldsareknownforbeingterrible!Actu-ally,theirstrongemotionsandtempertantrumsareasignthattheyaredevelopingsociallyandemotionally.Tempertantrumsarearesultofyourchild’sgrowingindependence.Shenowexpe-riencesstrongwantsanddesires.Theseover-whelmherabilitytocontrolherbehavior.Whenyourchildhasatantrum,staycalm.Yourexam-
plewillhelpyourchildcalmdown.Don’tgiveintowhatyourchildwants.Thismayteachhertousehertantrumstogetwhatshewants.Makesureyourchildissafe.Stayclosebyandignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.
Learningtousethetoiletcanbestressfulforbothparentsandchildren.Toiletlearningiseasiestwhenyourchildisphysicallyready.Thesearesignsyourchildmaybereadytolearntousethetoilet:• Hisnervesandmuscleshavetodevelopfirst.
Forsomechildrenthatdoesn’thappenuntilwellpasttheirsecondbirthday.
• Hehastobeawareofandunderstandthesensationsthattellhimhehastogopotty.
• Yourchildmaybereadyifhehasdrydiapersforseveralhours,isdryinthemorningorisdryafternap.
• Heunderstandsandcansaywordsforbodilyfunctions.
• Hecansitforshortperiodsoftime.• Hecanpullloosepantsupanddown.
Whenyourchildisphysicallyready,bepatient,butpersistent.Punishmentdoesnotworkwhenyouareteachingyourchildtousethepotty.Yourchildisn’tbeingbadifhewetsorsoilshispants.Heisjustlearningawholenewlifeexperience.
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•Readyourchild’scuestoknowwhenshe’shungry,tired,sickoroverstimulated.Behavioryoudon’tlikemaysignalthatyourchildneedsrest,asnackorsomeattentionfromyou.
•Arrangetheenvironmentsoyourchildisn’ttemptedtomisbehave.Puttingthingsyoudon’twanthimtohaveoutofsightmakesiteasieronbothofyou.
• Ifyourchildishavingaroughday,spendsomeextratimewithher.Doquietandcalmingactivitieslikereadingorlisteningtoquietmusic.
•Haveafewrulesandsticktothemconsistently.Makesureeveryonewhotakescareofyourchildunderstandsandusesthesamerules.Asyourchildgetsolder,youcanhavemorerules.
•Tellyourchildwhattodoinsteadofwhatnottodo.Manytimesyoungchildrenmakemistakesjustbecausetheydon’tknowthebehavioryouexpect.
•Stayincontrolwhenyourchildhasatempertantrum.Makesureheissafe,butignorethetantrumasmuchaspossible.Tellhimyouhaveconfidenceinhisabilitytocalmdown.Hughimandhelphimfeelbetterwhenhedoes.
•Begintoiletlearningwhenyouaresureyourchildisphysicallyready.Helpherunderstandwhatyouexpectandbepatientandpersistentwhileshelearns.
•Punishmentslowsdownthetoiletlearningprocess.Ifyoufeelyourselfgettingmadatyourchild,takesometimetocalmdownandrelievestress.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’s24 to 36 Months
young preschooler
In a nutshell•Movingfromoneactivitytoanothermaybedifficultforyourchild.•Developingself-controlisanimportantskill.•Rewardsandpraisemustbeusedcarefully.
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Whenyourchildmovesfromoneactivitytoanotherorfromoneplacetoanother,sheexperiencesatransition.Transitionsarehardforyoungpreschoolers.Sometimesyourchildisnotreadytoleavewhatsheisdoing.Whenpossible,letyourchildfocusonanactivityaslongasshewants.Giveyourchildtimetoeaseoutofanactivitybygivingherawarn-ing,suchas“WhenIcomebackintheroom,we’llcleanupyourpuzzle.”Dailyroutinesforeating,sleeping,dressingandbedtimecanhelpyourchildmaketransitions.
Developingself-controlisanimportantskill.Yourchildmustlearntocontrolhisactions,likenothittinghissisterwhenshetakeshistoyorwaitinguntilMomgetsoffthephonetoaskforasnack.Youngpreschoolersarejustbegin-ningtodevelopself-control.Itwillbemanyyearsbeforetheymasterthatskill.Helpyourchildbyexplainingwhyheneedstodelayhiswantseachtimeheactsimpulsively.Youngpreschoolersarejustlearningtotakeanother’sperspective.Yourchildneedstohearyousaythathittinghurtshissister.Hedoesn’tknowhe
shouldnotinterruptwhilesomeoneisonthephone.Explainthereasonshehastowaitintermsheunderstands.
Rewardsandpraisemustbeusedcarefully.Ifrewards,suchastoysorfood,areusedtomotivateyourchild’sbehavior,shemightnotunderstandwhywhatyouwanthertodoisvaluable.Sheisonlyworkingforthereward.Shemaymissthefeelingthatdesirablebe-haviorisrewardinginitself,andwhentherewardisnotoffered,yourchildwillstillnothavemasteredthebehavioryouwant.Also,whenrewardsareused,theyoftentimesneedtobeincreasedtogetthesamelevelofmo-tivationfromyourchild.Whenyoupraiseyourchild,youmaybeputtingthefocusontheoutcome,notonherprogressorefforts.Praiseputsthefocusontheoutcome,andnotontheprogressorefforts.Praisecanbeaddic-tive;yourchildmaybegintofeelinadequateunlessyoupraiseher.Besuretoencourageandpraiseyourchild’sprogressandeffortsastheylearnproperbehavior.
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•Giveyourchildoneortwowarningsbeforeshemustmakeatransition.Followthroughandhelpyourchildmoveonattheendofthetimeyou’veset.Yourchildlearnsmoreeasilyifyouareconsistent.
•Establishandkeepdailyroutines.Routineshelpyourchildtransitionfromonepartofthedaytoanother.Forexample,establishingabedtimeroutinethatyoufolloweverynightcanhelpyourchildwinddownandfallasleep.
•Clearlytellyourchildwhatyouexpectofhim.Befirm,butgentle.Usewordshecanunderstand.Showhim,inadditiontotellinghim.
•Giveyourchildresponsibilities.Letherknowyouareconfidentthatshecancarrythemout.Youngpreschoolerscandomanythingsaroundthehouse.Theygainself-confidencebyhelping.Beclearaboutwhatyouwantyourchildtodo.Followuptoencouragehertodothetask.Besuretotellyourchildyouappreciateherhelp.
•Berealisticabouthowlongyourchildcanwaitforsomething.Explainwhyyouwanthimtouseself-control.
•Helpyourchildtaketheperspectiveofothers.Tellherhowheractionsmakeotherchildrenandadultsfeel.Includegoodfeelings,suchashowpleasedhergrandfatherwaswhenshesaidthankyouforagift.
• Insteadofpraisingyourchild,tellhimwhatyousee.Forexample,ifhepicksuphistoys,lookaroundtheroominamazementandsay,“Idon’tseeonetoyonthefloor!”Yourchildwillgainafeelingofaccomplishment.
•Acknowledgeyourchild’seffortsandprogress,ratherthantheoutcome.Shemaynotachieveagoal,butshewillknowthatyounoticeherefforts.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sYoung Preschooler
older preschooler
In a nutshell•Powerstrugglescanbeavoided.•Olderpreschoolerscanunderstandtheconsequencesoftheirbehavior.•Self-controlisimportantforsuccessinschool.
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Yourchildwantstofeelpowerful.Thiscanmakehimdisobeytherulesyouhaveset.Trytoavoidpowerstruggleswithyourchild.Re-memberheislearningabouthisownpoweratthisage.Four-andfive-year-oldsenjoysuperheroesorplayingwithtoygunsbecausetheyareexperimentingwithbeingpowerfulthroughtheirplay.Childrenthisagearemoreawareoftheworldaroundthem.Atthisstageofdevelopmenttheyareawareofpowerinrelationships.Whenyousuggestthatyourchildchooseanotherwayofdoingthings,hewilllearntousehisownpowertocontrolhisbehavior.
Olderpreschoolersarebeginningtounder-standthattheiractionshaveconsequences.Sometimesthoseconsequencesareenjoy-able.Sharingatoywithafriendusuallyresults
infun.Butsometimestheresultsofyourchild’sbehaviorarenotenjoyable.Remember,disci-plineisteachingyourchildwhattodoindif-ferentsituations.Youcanuseconsequencesthatareconnectedtoyourchild’smisbehav-iortohelpherlearnwhattodo.Beingfirmandconsistentwillhelpyourchildlearn.
Self-regulationmeanscontrollingyouractionsandemotions.Italsoinvolvesdelayingsome-thingyouwantuntillater.Self-controlisimpor-tantforsuccessinschoolandlife.Childrenthisagebegintodevelopcontrolovertheirbehaviorandemotions.Whenyourchildstartsschool,hewillbeexpectedtofollowclass-roomrulesandroutines.Hewillneedtoknowhowtogetalongwithotherchildren.Whenachilddevelopsself-control,heisabletotakepartinthelearninginschool.
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•Don’tletyourchilddrawyouintoanargumentoverlimitsandrules.Staycalm.Restatethelimitsorrule,andthenletyourchilddecidehowtoreact.
•Helpyourchildtofeelpowerfulinpositiveways.Lethermakedecisionsthatareappropriateforherage.Oneexampleischoosingbetweentwobreakfastoptions.
•Showyourchildhowtodosimplechoresthathelpthefamily.Givehimtheresponsibilityofcarryingthemout.Showhimyouappreciatehisefforts.
•Helpyourchildlearntousethebehavioryouwant.Makeitclearhowyouexpecthertobehave.Talkabouthowtobehaveatatimewhenyourchildiscalmandincontrol.Ifshe’salreadymisbehaving,she’sprobablytooemotionaltohearyou.
•Childrenlearnhowtopushourbuttons!Knowwhatyourchilddoesthatmakesyouparticularlyangry.Planwhatyouwilldowhenthathappenssoyoucanavoidblowingupatyourchild.Whenyouareprepared,youcanremainfirm,butcalm,anddealrationallywithyourchild’smisbehavior.
•Developconsequencesformisbehaviorthatarerelatedtowhatyourchildhasdone.Thiscanhelpteachhimtherightthingtodothenexttime.Forexample,ifherefusestopickuphistoys,givehimachoice.Hecanputhistoysawayoryouwillputthemawayinyourclosetuntilthenextday.Thisconsequenceisrelatedtothemisbehavior.(Ifyourchildrefusestopickupthetoys,thenhewillnotbeallowedtoplaywiththem.)Letyourchilddecidehowtobehave,thenbesureyoufollowthroughrightawaywiththeconsequenceyouhavestated.
•Letyourchildknowyouappreciatehisefforts.Pointouttohertheprogresssheismakinginlearningtherightthingtodo.
• Itisyourjobtosettherulesforyourchild.Asyourchilddevelopsfeelingsofindependence—andallchildrenwill—itisher‘job’totestthoserulesandlimits.That’showshelearnswhattheyare.Limitsshouldn’tbetooflexible,oryourchildwillhavetroublelearningwhattheyreallyare.Ontheotherhand,theyshouldn’tbetoorigidorharshlyenforcedsothatyourchildfeelsdiscouraged.
•Thinkabouttherulesyousetforyourchildoften.Aretheystillappropriateforhisageandabilities?Limitsandrulesneedtochangeasyourchildgrowsandlearns.
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Understanding Discipline and Guidance How-to’sOlder Preschooler
