For All Your Wasted Time

7/27/2019 For All Your Wasted Time

1/35

1

For All Your Wasted Time

You were my mountain,

My great river ford;

My solace and solitude

Reward;

In you I saw and was

All I would ever beToward and where else

Would I run?


2/35

2

Its only when

You're here, dear.

That every flys wing

Doesnt beat ripples,

Echoing in the hall;

We're no good apart

At all. the walls shudder

Another night.

No under-cover lover.

None in sight.

Tin and empty, ringing,

Singing aloud. waiting to

Catch your rain.

She has to know I think of her

Hair like thick ribbons curling at the ends


3/35

3

Toes in throes and knees like magnets

OppositeThe walls and I stare; them at each other

Me at them

Envious and twice as trapped

Lonely as only human,

Waiting for the phone

(Or the end of the world.)

I gaze stoic, unreasonable

Mountains of time to the sea

Spent drinking you in

And lending money now

To the opium den.

I missed you,

So badly

To pieces.

Threading the needle with my own blood

To sew my legs and arms

Like little charms

A labour of art,

Everything.

Every night. There,

The same picture when

Its time to turn in.


4/35

4

It seeps into my bones

while I sleep. You watch,

And watch over me.Be there, or even here,

Not somewhere between.

Dreams act out the scene

Over and over.

Your eyes and mouth

Are sharp, they penetrateBetween snake scales;

I love their sting,

Their ring,

Everything.

O, to be in

your claws!

Little paws awaiting

The tail to impale

My heart through the center

I would die to become

Your fare,

I do not care.

We are both predator and prey,My Goddess.

Sly little Bitch in the ditch

Biting my heels as I walk by.

Led astray by blind men,

Only two


5/35

5

Keep following them.

Betrayal like needles

Into arms and haystacks;Your veil, dear friend, is thin.

Your eyes two stormy seas;

Two lies.

I'd no more room to carry on

With you anymore then or to any longer

And suffer the unbearable itch;With no room in this anchored boat

Spinning circles in the sea

With hornets nest at half mast

Blind strings knotted

To be only half dark or light

Id remind you of past times

And myself of how ears never listening

Can be kept so safely

Retreating

To your prarie, Young Mare.

Don't try sleeping sound

Upon the beams in my eye

Lying another time

All these ghosts are you

Have been you


6/35

6

Do you see?

There is no family but me

A mere seed; a generationOf dandelions and ghost adjutants

Same as my childhood

Home, attached.

Unable to connect

Only bending over

To turn

Your eyes

Their own beams, objects

All too foreign and sadly familiar

Thinking of Disney

And places I've been

Places I'll go to forget

I take what is not mine because

Everything you throw away

It doesn't just disappear

(2)Like a dream deferred

Or just a glimpse of reflection

In the eye of eternity.

Old man, you've fooled and been fooled

Long enough with these spouted visions


7/35

7

While I come to senses finally

Alone in the middle

Of the road, whereWords fail now,

Haughty and cumbersome

Sawed-off shotguns;

Trigger happy and cocksure,

Alcohol and ammunition,

The endless injustice soTypically American.

They who say what they want

At the end of the day.

It is action

That makes traction

We communicate, barely

And in improper

Fraction.

Maybe you will leave. I might, too.

Untrusting, projecting my ugly mugTwisted into every other face.

Fear and trembling! My teeth chatter

A (c)old souls wind filtered through.

Gripping me in pins


8/35

8

With needles pointed,

Daring a false move or

Anything but perforation.

They adore rapping your window pane

Evermore; Haughty, overbearing, pathetic

Cold stones falling flat and hard

To land in my hand and sling,

They are their own ammunition.

Every grotesque test of being

And a pike for every head.

Sad gladiator begs to know-

Enjoying the show.

I know of the ghost

The half cracked shadow

Gliding around;

Silent and sweet schism,

Absent host, orphaned echo.

Im buried already.

Everything caves in,

Dirt pushes upon my eyes,


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Softly closed or not.

A small tear is all

The fabric of time needs

To dance between; step back and forth,

Taunting mad and hellish; the drawn

And barely sunken skeleton kid,

Dances: death, death, death.

The acid soaked under tongue,Breathing gills of psilocybin,

Narcotically beguiled.

Everything moonlight;

Suicidal, for a while.

The tick is nervous.

Pumped charged hot white ore

Overheating nuclear core

Melting my insides to hide

The bloodied tick, constantly chewing

My bleeding lips,

I can not hide my biding time.

Coming apart, my dreams burst


10/35

10

From tattered seams and threadbare shirts

Skin, muscle, bone and hurt;

Everyone sees without me,

The cracked lense, tarnished brass,

Mildewed glass, holy knees.

A capsule without release,

A bomb and a fiend

For explosions I see,All traps and tripwire

Landmine mire,

Crude oil sea;

Waiting to ignite.

Bramble bush.

Your green berry eyes

Circle blackened; unripe

Every: Hair a snare

Freckle a thorn

No tact taciturn

For a brush with your

Leaves, stabbing in between

Threads "clearly" unworthy


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11

And yet you hang under skin and nails

To the cross; unable to hide

Your glance, sidelong.

Showing at the hour of departure

To profess your (waning) interest.

The words retreat, empty and alone

Single file/marching into blackness,

Its center a single cut into the pi

I have no more room

For apology; the last drop clings

For dear life! the canteen rings

An empty tin and you've left

Me, walking in circles again;

Vanishing overnight

With the black widow, a mere fly in her web


12/35

12

Of fine pries unrelenting; whispering secrets

And whereabouts unaware, the silken

Lined jail cells death knellIs more than your fair share.

Heart rate, the old bray

Sixty eight BPM, or,

1.1333333333333 and so on.

Four fifths of gin an hour;

Four fifths of a second

Per beat; five point six

A ghosts retreat.

There are moments where

Everything is up in the air.

A ghost, undead. Beat.

Alive only as the flow,


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The tiny rivers of blood.

And they, alive as what?

In my shoes and clothes and food

Home; they haunt me, ever close,

A ghostly head slips behind

The corner; Eyes burn

Holes in my back. Feet scurry

Out of sight, silent.

When, born and bred

With the days aftertaste

Of waste and rampant greed

For garnet and gold! We say;

Life, almost priceless in cheap conversation;

All but worthless in reality.

The needle finds its groove,

Softly sinking; Weaving,

Retrieving an ocean of old

Notes; wave upon warm wave

From old throats.

Mother rhythm of so many

Eventually orphaned; crying in cribs,

Little tape recorders still whirring.

Following grooves all the way back

To center; Returning to


14/35

14

Click//

Una vez mas.

One more day, minute,

Second moment.

Wound and wound clicking,

A cheap plastic Chinese toy,

Spun off wildly

On the slick black streets,

The cars seep and film over

And boy, when it rains.

The grinding gnash and screams

Metal twists round; trees bend

To the ground. Mother Earth,


15/35

15

The invisible blacksmith,

Tornadoes and hurricanes

Avalanches and mudslidesFlood, famine, feed, fix.

A loose dress, never

Covering the secret too well;

The folds falling gracefully about

Her delicate shoulders,

The sun obligedly rising,

To shine and to burn and to caress;

Her dry, cracked country callous

Skin. Deliquesce.

(2)

Tracing the cracks,

Our fingers and feet the map,

Drawn and torn,

Washed to and fro,

Tumbled and heated

The seam needing species

The same fabric, same

Pieces, each one a puzzle.

Somehow we manage without tipping;

The stars and brother/sister planets,

So easily misread, dead, or disregarded;

At the other end of a million strings

Tied to all your fingers, tied to your wings

Every one pulling a different direction.


16/35

16

The abandoned trot line

Finds its home on me.It will be the dress, the screaming secret;

Ghostly mist parapet.

The eternal fiery eye

Peering from the closet.

Stranded on an

Island, the vastest of oceans.

The drug hug and its sweaty, sticky

Cloud; clinging to my bones.

A stench not easily stoned

Out.

Shaking hands and frantic eyes searching

Spinning round and round.

Wide sockets ever widening,

Spun and cut on pure amphetamine

Death, and so socially acceptable.Eyelids pried open, lips drawn

At the corners, shut.

You come for money.

Sheep at the table, outdoing yourself,

Always. Unseen, the squealer;

So eagerly you lick the bones clean


17/35

17

With the cadence of flames underneath

Those at the stake and their disgusting gape

Of a resting place

For your brothers and the love

Spoken of others fervent tongue

Rung and rung, biting the hand

That taught you to eat meat.

The rest of the wolves unsurprised

At your retreat, retreat, retreat.Selling your families secrets,

To earn your keep to creep

(2)

Acquiring a taste for blood again;

Hastily hiding behind disputant lines,

More vile than them.

It reeks and leaks on your skin,

In your sweat. Creating an aching target

On your barely-there chest;

Crushed, suffocated and weighted by unrest.

Poor patron, one day.

They will gnaw your hocks and chopsOff the bone.


18/35

18

Memories, the pillow clutched;

Its a phantom inadequate.

Longing - the empty tin to ring,

I'd sing to you, on the other end.

Hardened from so many low blows

That chose the low road.

Melted with a fell swoop

Deer-eyed glance

To even sit at the edge

Of those lovely pools,

Kind of like you do,

An oasis in the middle

Of Heaven Id long to swim in.


19/35

19

Fallen angel, why?

My back aching of stumps and feathers;

White snowed canvas and blood paint.

My heavy head fell

My body followed, quaint.

Remembering to draw from

Underneath the skin - needle, hollow;

Our cave paintings taken to the grave.

Marching, every step.

Aiding the devil, did I

And died with my

Weary head held high.

True Child of Legion,

See the line within is thin.

Heaven is built upon

The backs of its unworthy;

We carry them upon


20/35

20

Our mighty palanquin.

Hell is the sewer of Heaven.

I become trapped

A mere present for your to unwrap

The plan cram is just a map.

Little ones taught to hold it in;

Squirming in their chairs.

Little angels. Little devil debonairs.

They know the secret; It haunts me.

They only know the love

I know only now, after.

Too late is too soon

For regret.

One thing at a time.

Remember that line

Nail-biter, to the quick, every time.

You glance to the river

Below; and miss step


21/35

21

Too. To pummel,

Pummels you.

Look to her eyes, stay connected.

These are the pools in which to swim.

She coaxes you to her, the other side.

Baby, taking your first steps again.

I will not spend another four yearsDreadfully here; this freezing loft,

Sweating bombs to awaken

Screaming, A hoarse howls all

To manage the distance.

O, night guardian.

Steaming from my ears,

Condensing on my glass hat.

Down my brow and into my eyes.

And you, grinning, you fat cat

Your mane is mine

She shines, she shines.

The eyes pierce. Already,

She knows she has won.

The lioness licks her decidedlyWet red lips. What fun.


22/35

22

Morning and the first thought.

The edge of day beckons.A dream bursts

This time, a damn.

The river flows forth unstoppable, even,

By the sand or sunlight

Or any mans hand

I gasp and fail, grasp for your hairOr the hem of your dress;

I drowned in a dream.

Brought back to air and nowhere.

Already feeling it; that summer, again.

The seasons legally binding leap

Appearing like divorced parents.

Always one or the other.

Dawn and springtime, of a few loves.

They hand you off, a leaf to fall.

And fertilize; or a seed to become

(And not to fall far from) the tree.

Gathered to our loves,

Misses; the yearning and burn;


23/35

23

The empty tin bundled together,

Again. Released like balloons

To the blue sky and a white hot star;Burning and reflecting in wet eyes

We watch them, afloat and hoping.

Sweat beads on my back

Like blood on a road rash

Soaking thin shirt; clinging film

Endless doors mock

A silent greek chorus opposite

And starring, an eyeing gauntlet

As you pass

Endless white forms and black ink

Stupid students leading halls

Nowhere

The plan is obvious

A black hole of mortals

And time, sucked into

A useless, toothless mouth;

Vacuous and unending

Draining the clock under

A suffocating and hot

Wool smock


24/35

24

Sweet Sylvia, my savior;

An oasis untapped at the back

Of the green and white

Desert sidewalks.

Caricatures of Picasso,

Monet, Matisse, Escher.

The clones do their dance

Phones glued to ears sheer

And self-conscious

You must go here

And there and there

Here, take a quarter

Drop it off

Some mountain in Kansas

Find the ghost and give it some clothes

Watching, the left hand distracted

The ride of a lifetime.

Really?

Being a rat in the maze play

Isn't worth the cheese pay youll receive

For all your wasted time

Should you not be productive,


25/35

25

Otherwise?

Wed been making a lot of plans but even more love.

Plans that fall through cracks in the wall

And out of sight. Between sighs and thighs

And out of bright blindingly high heatAnd living the high life.

Here again were one day closer and

I seethe and burn in my skin, staring at my

Reflection in your secret window, a television blank

No snow, no light.

Unrevealing.

You keep your secrets, and I will keep you

Safe, my darling. What is rest

If not with you? Id rather stay up

Many moons, its true.

But when she came a burned sage

In the house I thought about how

Id already told you I loved youAnd you knowing nothing

Of my immense darkness

And I none of yours

Our lips had already decided

For us.


26/35

26

At the point where you realize

Everything you know about life

You learned from people who dont know

A thing about life

And her eyes turn away

With an infinite sadness

And a quick thousand yard stare

Leading right back to me

Before filling instantly with love

Once again as infinite

As the sadness misplaced

You are a lute,

knife hollowed.


27/35

27

While you rise I am slipping to sleep

While you reluctantly shine thousands of miles

I pine and long, enduring the infinite

Pain of the the wax and wane

Ceasing only for a brief meeting at twilight

And dawn, where we are slipping and ripped

Away before we even meet.

The earth hangs between

A stinking, whining phantom

A mistaken conscious unknowingly placed by our parents

Into our most tenderous chambers

While we are rocked to sleep night after night

We meet at dawn and twilight

For one infinitesimal moment of utter serenity

Before the clamor, the stammering start

Ofearths hammers building, building, building

Paltry structures that could not hold us or anything without

Your bright, watchful eyes in the daytime sky

And my sad, half-cracked eyelids at the night

To let the world fall

For just a moment

Without the protests of inferior creatures

Having long since stopped looking toward or being grateful for

The life held in our clasped hands

Spinning infinitely through the ether,


28/35

28

Breathing life and beauty through and unto all

(2)

For a hastily prepared count of deaths in the morningPlaced ever so carefully on our desks

Ungrateful children looking to blind parents

Taking credit for mere chance and knowing not

That nothing is possible unless we hold hands,

Continually longing for the day when

You will save all your bright rays for meThat we may shine equally and leave

That dreadful, willfully ignorant sphere

To fend for itself

To flail and gasp and drown in its own seas

Of intended antiquity and unwarranted entitlement

Still claiming none more ungrateful than us

Who continue to burn that precious glimmer

That is our all

That these vile places who continually deny

Our faces may be that much more beautiful

Longing for the day

When at once and long last we realize

God has given to us the boundless realm of space;

An eternity in which to live how we please

While we still waste our time turning the colors of leaves.


29/35

29

Tell him his first born was delivered late

Stuck in the womb of a new mother

Who nervously waited by phoneWhile he was drunk in a bar after work

Waving his gun around

Tell him his youngest joined the army

Deceived to fight and die for a price

Worth one thousandth of his life

While he was out trying to makeThe millions that would never come

Tell him that his only daughter

Married a vile man who beat her

To beget a beautiful, unwanted child

While he boasted of his lot in brothels and bars

Tell him his two smartest

Disowned him and all his pride

To all but forget his utter existence

While he tried to impress

The illiterate laborers in the ditches

Tell him that his family grew into beauty

And came to fruition still, without himAnd his everlasting cry that

Everything wouldve been better

Had yall stuck by my side.

the gnaw and gnash subsides lightly

but the little paws still scratch the door


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and yap some more; the owners are

out on the town, galavanting

around the bushes they beat

with knowingly dull blades while

there is so much to be done

breakfast at one and the blood

all over the refrigerator door

and kitchen floor from

a white-tailed innocent

Caught in the middle of

A flooded river and the end


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31

Of the world we know

Helpless as anything,

FixatedOn stars placed carefully

In our eyes

Waiting for the wolves to come

We welcome them with open arms

Rejoicing, we bear their armament.

And much higher above

Held down by nothing but

The weight of our dead

Dreams.

They follow us around

They lay down

Inside our bodies while we sleep.

We have become the bidding limbs

Idle work in the devils hands

Orphaned dreams

In wolven finery.

Taking like children.

Like my parents in the kitchen

On and on,


32/35

32

Falling apart.

All teeth and nails

Bitten off.

They will be proud.

Still following steps, some how.

They looked too much

Like my own.

And on record, for the first time,Here we are - sign your name on the line

Please, well do this civilly.

Making the same mistakes

Molesting the give and take

Just like his father before him

My heart broke with the first dish

Thrown there, in the kitchen

Please leave -

Take your bad memories.

The birds make leave

On my fairly weathered branches

Gray eyes and gray sky

Falling fast from the trees


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33

To the ground, to the grave

To my feet

All I want is a years worth

Of sleep.

I could live in my dreams

And never awaken from the pub

At that sultry, twinkling hour

And every face is a smile.The heads all run down

Tall glasses and steins

To rest on the bar.

Sadly awakened before

The first heady pour

To the life chosen for me

But not by.

How many more times

Our hopes dashed against rocks

Like a million shifty canoes

Riding a million unforgiving waves

Never paying dues late.


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34

How many more times

Innocent babes snuffed like candlesBefore the light dries their eyes

So many born to be eaten

And nothing more

Rising with a first and last breath

As soon as we feel we go numb

As soon as we think we go dumbOur hands are cut off, caught

Stealing for the first time

Only from slave masters.

The idiots blither on and on

With nonsense and hearsay

As the geniuses walk around,

Crippled

With a self-doubt purer than water.

We look to God and every time

He stands next to His brother

And claims him the evil of all evils

Feasting on our dead relatives

Picking their fangs(2)

With the tired shins of our dead

Fathers and mothers,

All behind closed doors.

You only love someone


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As much as they can bring you down.

For All Your Wasted Time

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Transcript of For All Your Wasted Time