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FIVE LITTLE MONKEYS

By Ernie Nolan

June, 2014

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MONKEYS Tour Draft 12/30/132 13

Cast Mama Monkey One also Crocodile/ Larry/ Drs. Ted, Ned, and Jed Two also Firewoman/ Tail Puppeteer/ Grandma Three also Fireman/ Man Passerby Monkey/ Leonard Four also Female Passerby Monkey Five also Boy Passerby Monkey/ Saleslady

3M, 3W (suggested)

The action take place in the Monkey family home (kitchen and bedroom, a spot by the river, in the Monkey family car, and in STUFF FOR KIDS.

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(As the audience enters the theatre they see the front door of the Monkey Family home. When the play begins, a doorbell is heard. MAMA MONKEY answers. She speaks to her house guests, the audience, through the doorway.)

MAMA MONKEY

Why good morning! How are you? Glad I heard the bell chime. Haven’t seen you since...well...it’s been a long time. Too long in fact, so come in. Let’s catch up. I’ll make us cappuccinos and we’ll chat over a cup. The kids are still in bed, so I have time to myself. But talking with you’s more fun than say... dusting a shelf.

(The front door rolls away as the audience is taken into the Monkey Family home. A large family portrait is revealed. Live actors make the family photo inside the frame.)

Like our family photo? I just had it taken. Looks kinda crooked... here let me straighten.

(MAMA straightens the photo. The contents adjusts.)

There now. That’s better. My bunch looks its best. Remember which one’s which? No worries. There’s no test. We’ll start with my oldest, he’s always in charge...

(Music. The picture comes to life and ONE steps out of the frame.)

He watches his siblings when they are at large. Next there’s my diva, can’t you tell by her pose?

(Music. ONE exits. The picture comes to life again and TWO steps out of the frame.)

There’s nothing she likes more than modeling new clothes. In the middle is my prankster. Though his tricks are never mean...

(Music. Two exits. The picture comes to life again and THREE energetically steps out of the frame.)

I’ve cut back on his sugar and especially his caffeine. Then comes my bookworm who’s exceptionally smart.

(MORE)

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MAMA MONKEY (CONT'D)

(Music. THREE exits. The picture comes to life again and FOUR steps out of the frame.)

She also has a large and a generous heart. And last there’s my baby, the youngest to boot.

(Music. FOUR exits. The picture comes to life again and FIVE steps out of the frame.)

Each monkey is beautiful, but he’s particularly cute.

(FIVE exits.) Now for that coffee...whoops...wouldn’t you know. I can’t make our drinks. I’m out of espresso. If you watched the kids, I could run to the store. I can be back in two shakes, it shouldn’t take more. Shall we call it a plan?

Oh thanks! I’m so grateful

(Hopefully gets positive response from the audience.)

You’re not like other neighbors who are sometimes so hateful. The kids are still sleeping and won’t rise for a while. Sit back, relax....

Read my copy of Jungle Style.

(She pulls out a magazine.)

Should the troop wake up, good behavior will be shown

(MAMA hurriedly exits the stage and then re-enters.)

Just in case, 9-1-1s programmed right there on the phone.

(MAMA exits for real this time. Alarm clock sounds then music. Enter ONE, he yawns having just gotten up, stretches and walks forward. Then TWO, THREE, FOUR, and last but not least little FIVE.)

ONE Brothers and sisters, aren’t you glad we’re up early.

TWO

Yes, now I have time to make my hair curly.

THREE And I can fix my favorite squirting flower.

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FIVE Don’t point that at me. I don’t need a shower.

FOUR Stop everyone, I have something to share Mama’s birthday’s today and I hope you all care.

ONE

What? Did I hear you?

THREE Is there wax in your ears?

FIVE

We almost forgot it!

FOUR There’s no need for tears.

TWO We need a good gift!

FIVE

We could buy her a vase?

TWO We did that last year!

FIVE Don’t you give me that face!

ONE

You’re talking too loud.

FOUR There’s no need to shout.

ONE

(FIVE starts to cry) (She gives him a disapproving look.)

Let’s all take a deep breath so some new thoughts can sprout.

(The Monkeys all take a deep breath and sigh.)

FOUR Brothers and sisters, a lot is at stake.

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ONE Exactly...So that’s why we’ll bake her a cake.

THREE

Good one! I like it!

TWO

FOUR A brilliant thought!

ONE

She’ll like it much better than one that’s store bought.

THREE Where is dear Mama?

ONE

She’s gotta be still in bed.

TWO Then we’re off to the kitchen.

FIVE

Everyone, full speed ahead!

FOUR

(FIVE bursts forward and is stopped by FOUR.)

In order for our baking plan not to be blown, Let’s all walk on tip toe and use a quiet tone.

ONE

A very good point sis! No noise. No drama. Remember everybody...

ALL Shh! Don’t wake up Mama!

(Music. In a film noir moment, the five monkeys cross to the kitchen. They make sure that their cake bake plan stays top secret. Once they are in the kitchen, FOUR reads from the cookbook.)

FOUR Two cups of flour go in the bowl first.

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THREE

(ONE, THREE, and FOUR add flour before FIVE can.)

To flavor the cake we could add a bratwurst!

TWO Ew! That is gross!

ONE

Please don’t say it again!

FIVE When’s my turn to add?

TWO

We’ll let you know when!

FOUR Next baking powder comes into the mix.

THREE

How much? Three teaspoons.

FOUR TWO

(THREE grabs the baking powder. But tries to switch it out with a box labled SNEEZING POWDER.)

(To THREE) Hey none of your tricks!

(ONE, TWO, and FIVE each add three teaspoons of baking powder into the bowl)

FOUR Now it gets hard. We must sift all this stuff.

FIVE

Move over! Let ME! I’m big enough! This job is fun I can do it with ease.

(FIVE sifts volcanic clouds of powder..)

I...I...

THREE Everyone take cover! He’s going to sneeze!

(FIVE lets out a volcanic sneeze. It’s as if an earthquake occurs.

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Didn’t you listen?

No noise, no drama.

ONE

FOUR

ONE

The monkeys and powder go flying in slow motion. At its end....)

Whatever we all do...

ALL Shhh! Don’t wake up Mama.

FOUR

Let’s all keep adding sugar, then eggs, and oil. But be careful or your clothes you will soil.

TWO

I’ll get the sugar, cause like me, its so sweet.

FOUR I’ll turn on the oven, so it can preheat.

ONE AND THREE

We’ll get the eggs. It’s a difficult job.

(The other monkeys go about their tasks. FIVE alone adds...)

FIVE I’ll get three more to add to our blob.

(While ONE and THREE throw away their egg shells. FIVE adds his eggs to the bowl and then pronounces....)

FIVE (CONT’D)

Now I’ll get the oil...

(The monkeys freeze in the middle of their tasks and look at FIVE.)

ALL BUT FIVE

Freeze! What did you say?

FIVE Hey I want a good part in this fun baking play.

ALL BUT FIVE

But...

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FIVE You think I can’t help cause I’m only the baby

FOUR

No... It’s just that...

Well you...

Ok. Maybe.

ONE

TWO

THREE

FIVE I can do this guys...

See a simple chore.

(The group intensely watches FIVE as he goes to the cupboard. Finds the oil. Walks to the table and puts it there.) (FIVE steps away and in another slow motion moment, slips knocks the oil off of the table and sends it flying into the air. The Monkeys try to catch it, bump into each other, and land in a pile on the floor.)

ONE What a big mess. Quick wipe up the floor.

FIVE If Mama’s up now, you’re gonna blame me. That’s what you did when we broke the tv

(FIVE starts to cry.)

ONE No tears, little brother, or noise, or drama. Remember what I said...

ALL

“Shhhh!” Don’t wake up Mama.

FOUR Let’s mix up the batter and then put it in pans.

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TWO And after it’s in, we can wash up our hands.

(Film noir music plays again as the monkeys try to quietly and secretly pour the batter into pans and then put it in the oven.

Now what?

Yes?

THREE

TWO

THREE What else is there to do?

ONE

We need to make a card from me and you and you and you and you.

FOUR I know where there’s paper for this kind of task.

(Each monkey gets the thing he or she says to make the card.)

THREE I’ll get my crayons. No need to ask.

FOUR

I’ll get my stickers to add a nice touch.

TWO If we added some glitter would that be too much?

FIVE

Glitter? Oh dear! There’s gonna be mess!

(FIVE gets an idea.) I know of a way to help make this mess less.

ONE

(Four of the monkeys begin to make the card when all of a sudden FIVE enters pushing a loud and noisy vacuum. ONE yanks the cord in order to stop the vacuum.)

I’ll say it again, “No noise. No drama.” Remember once more...

ALL Shhhh.....Don’t wake up Mama!

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FOUR

(The cake in the oven has grown and ballooned up to enormous proportions. Smoke begins to fill the kitchen.)

I have a hunch things aren’t going that swell.

TWO Do you also sniff that yucky ucky smell?

Oh yes!

I do too!

FOUR

FIVE

THREE And it don’t smell like clover!

(The oven door opens and the cake explodes all over.)

ONE Holy smokes, guys. Our cake’s gone and exploded all over!

(Music. A Keystone Cops-esque sequence ensues. The monkeys scramble. FIVE stays frozen staring in fear. THREE and TWO run around and leave “cutouts” of themselves. ONE and FOUR trying to wave the smoke away when they hear the sirens of a fire truck...)

Sirens! Not now! No noise, no drama.

FOUR Please fire trucks....

ONE AND FOUR

Shhhh...Don’t wake up Mama!

FIREMAN Where’s the fire kids?

FIREWOMAN

We’ll help out your case.

(Enter FIREMAN and FIREWOMAN)

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FIREMAN Clear out of the way!

FIREWOMAN

Our hose needs some space.

(FIREMAN sees FIVE frozen in fear.) (FIVE passes out.)

ONE AND FOUR

There’s no need for a hose!

FIREMAN AND FIREWOMAN What’s that you say?

ONE

It was only a cake for our Mama’s birthday. It’s completely ruined, isn’t it sad?

FIREMAN

(FIREMAN comes forward. Looks at the cake and then tastes it.)

You know what kid, that doesn’t taste half bad.

(FIREWOMAN comes forward and tastes a piece too.)

FIREWOMAN Let’s frost the cake. That’ll give it a perk.

ONE

We gotta do something after all our hard work.

(FIVE wakes up on the floor.)

FIVE Are we all in trouble? Maybe I should run.

FIREMAN

Run away? No! You can’t miss all the fun!

(Music. FIREMAN and FIREWOMAN lead five over to the frosting festivities. After the cake is frosted a banner saying “Happy Birthday Mama” is put up. The monkey “cutouts” are pulled closer to the group.

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They eventually pose in front of the banner with a frosted cake. Enter MAMA running in.)

MAMA MONKEY

I was just about to pay when I heard a siren sound I had a hunch if I returned then fire trucks would be found.

ALL BUT MAMA

Happy Birthday dear Mama! We love you a bunch.

FIVE This cake was supposed to be banana nut crunch.

MAMA MONKEY

My birthday, oh dear, I don’t mean to cause sorrow. But as a matter of fact my birthday is tomorrow.

ALL BUT MAMA

What?!?!?!?! MAMA MONKEY

I’m afraid that you somehow all have the wrong date. But look on the bright side your wishes aren’t late.

(The group looks dejected.)

Come now I say that we use this mistake and finish our lunch today with this cake!

FIREWOMAN

We’ll leave you right now to get on with your day.

MAMA MONKEY Thank you so much. The front door is this way.

(MAMA walks the FIREFIGHTERS out.)

ONE How did we ever get into this mess?

FOUR

I read the date wrong, I have to confess.

FIVE Don’t worry there, sis. No noise. No drama. When tomorrow morning comes....

ALL

Shhhh! Don’t wake up Mama!

(The siblings laugh and exit with the cutouts. Enter MAMA with a large picnic basket.)

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MAMA MONKEY Oh, I hope you’re not leaving. Won’t you hang with my bunch?

(MAMA get hopefully gets a another positive response from the audience.)

Oh good, that’s great. You’ll be our guest for lunch. I’ve packed up the basket and I’m all a quiver.

(Calling to the monkeys)

Come along dears. We’ll picnic by the river.

(Music. Transition. The monkeys enter ready to depart. The scene transitions from the monkey family home to the out side by the river. The Monkeys “travel” in a movement sequence like Bridge Over the River Kwai or the school children in Pete’s Dragon.)

You know what family, I think this will be our spot. Just the right amount of shade so it’s not too hot. My inspiration for lunch came from the cooking muses, for you are about to see all of the banana’s many uses. I made smoothies...

Oooooo!

And pudding....

Ahh!

And salad....

MONKEYS MAMA MONKEY

MONKEYS

MAMA MONKEY

Ugh!

And chips...

Yeah!

MONKEYS MAMA MONKEY

MONKEYS

MAMA MONKEY Not to mention a variety of tasty tropical dips.

ONE

Hold on now...

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Something’s up.

Give-me-a-break!

TWO

THREE

FIVE Where oh where is that special treat that you make?

MAMA MONKEY

What? You mean all this food doesn’t make me top dog?

(The monkeys shake their heads.) I guess that’s why I also made....

(She reaches her in the basket and pulls out.)

MAMA AND MONKEYS

Peanut Butter Banana Ants on a Log!

ONE Come on!

Let’s dig in!

Prepare to attack!

THREE

FIVE

(The monkeys step forward to devour the picnic food, but suddenly....)

MAMA MONKEY Miserable mangoes! Everyone step back! Something is missing.

(She searches. Realizes what’s missing, then....)

The napkins! They’re not in my pack,

THREE We don’t need napkins. Our shirt sleeves will do.

MAMA MONKEY

Do you know how long it takes to wash five shirts smeared with goo?

(THREE shakes his head “No.”)

That’s what I thought, now I’ll run right home.

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(FIVE and THREE somehow bump into each other spilling some of the food.)

I better run quickly since you’re accident prone.

(Everyone looks a FIVE and then run off stage.)

If you could watch the kids again, that would be a big help. There shouldn’t be a problem, if there is just give a yelp. I’ll run very fast, why as fast as can be so as not to impose on your generosity. My love for you has certainly enlarged....

(MAMA runs off stage and then back on again quickly.)

You do have a cell phone that’s properly charged? Yes, yes of course. I’m as silly as can be. It’s not like you’ll find my darlings up a tree.

(MAMA runs off. Immediately, a tree is revealed with five monkey tails swinging back and forth. The voices of the five are recorded voice overs in the scene or voices from behind the tree. for this part of the scene we only see the tails.)

THREE We’re up a tree! Isn’t this fun!

TWO

It’s millions of giggles.

FIVE I’d say a ton!

ONE

(Enter CROCODILE swimming by.)

Hey, check that out. Do you see what I see?

FIVE We should get off this branch here as soon as can be.

THREE

But we’re high in the branches and I’d guarantee (Tauntlingly) that silly billy crocodile can’t catch me.

FOUR

Brother, Mama warned us to think before we act.

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THREE Crocs aren’t jumpers. I know that’s a fact You can sit here and worry and shake nervously or help me prove my point and shout “You can’t catch me”

THREE AND FIVE

You can’t catch me! Your can’t catch me

You can’t catch...

THREE, FIVE AND ONE

ALL MONKEYS

(CROCODILE leaps and closes his jaws with a mighty SNAP! The tails disappear from sight. CROC circles behind the tree. Enter MAMA running in.)

MAMA MONKEY

There now you see, it only took me two shakes. With all this running my feet are beginning to ache. (Calling off) Come now monkeys, don’t make me leave this spot. Stop what you are doing. Don’t walk. Come. Trot- trot!

(MAMA sits down ready to picnic. She calls out...)

Monkeys??? Oh,monkeys, I am not amused!

(Nothing happens. She calls out...) (Nothing happens again.)

Where are my monkeys, I’m greatly confused!

(She puts forth the next question directly to the audience.)

I hope nothing’s happened. Where could they be?

(The audience hopefully says, “The tree!” or “Tree”!)

Are you for real? They’re up in that tree?!?!?!

(The same music cues play from the introduction of the monkeys out of the picture at top of show. ONE’s tail appears.)

I can see one tail....but there should be more!

(Music. TWO’s tail appears.) Revealed now are two tails...

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Are you keeping score?

(Asking audience) (Music. THREE’s tail appears.)

Look there’s a third tail that’s moved right next door.

(Music. FOUR’s tail appears.) Add them all up and we only have four.

(Music.... but FIVE’s tail does not appear.)

But counting in order there should have been five. Where is the fifth tail? It didn’t arrive.

(CROC appears from behind the tree.)

Quivering Kumquats! A croc is right there! Join me in warning my monkeys, “Beware!” “Beware!”

(Enter PASSERBY LADY MONKEY holding a baby.)

PASSERBY LADY MONKEY

Excuse me neighbor is something wrong? It looks like you’re troubled.

MAMA MONKEY

My children are gone! Look over there on the shore of the river. It’s a croc, can’t you see, oh the sight makes me shiver.


Well leave him alone. I’m sure he’ll soon flee.

MAMA MONKEY But it’s trapped my children up above in that tree.

MONKEYS

Mr. Croc, Mr. Croc, you can’t catch me!

(CROCODILE leaps up again and closes his jaws with a mighty SNAP! The tails disappear from sight. MAMA and PASSERBY LADY MONKEY let out a shriek. CROC circles behind the tree.)

MAMA MONKEY

Now can you see why I’m in this crazed state.

PASSERBY LADY MONKEY But can you and I help them? Or is it too late?

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(Music ONE’s tail appears in the tree.)

Look over there. At least one tail’s appeared.

(Music TWO’s tail appears in the tree.)

Now there are two. MAMA MONKEY

Yes! Another has cleared. (Music ONE’s tail appears in the tree.)

PASSERBY LADY MONKEY That is the sign that a third’s persevered.

(Music FOUR’s tail does not appear.)

MAMA MONKEY

But no number four. And five’s missing too!

PASSERBY LADY MONKEY There’s only one thing that I think we can do....HELP! HELP!

(MAMA joins in screaming for “HELP!” Enter MAN PASSERBY MONKEY holding a map and BOY PASSERBY MONKEY.)

MAN PASSERBY MONKEY

Excuse me ladies, need the help of some men? My name is Rodiney, and my son’s name is Len.

(MAMA MONKEY goes to say something but nothing comes out.)


My dear take it easy, you’ve had such a shock. Just look across the river, sir, there’s a great big croc!

MAN PASSERBY MONKEY Come now ladies, it can’t be that bad....

(CROCODILE appears from around the tree.)

BOY PASSERBY MONKEY

That croc is huge! What should we..

(MAN PASSERBY MONKEY passes out.) Dad?!?!?

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PASSERBY LADY MONKEY If your father came to then he’d also see five little monkeys trapped in yonder tree...

BOY PASSERBY MONKEY

Five little monkeys? But I only see three!

MONKEYS You can’t catch me! You can’t catch me!

(CROCODILE leaps up again and closes his jaws with a mighty SNAP! The tails disappear from sight. MAMA, PASSERBY LADY MONKEY, and BOY PASSERBY MONKEY let out a shriek. CROC exits.)

MAN PASSERBY MONKEY

What’s all the fuss? What did I miss?

BOY PASSERBY MONKEY I don’t think these ladies really want to reminisce.

MAMM MONKEY

You’re right little boy. What we need is a plan to get that nasty crocodile far away from my clan.

BOY PASSERBY MONKEY

If he’s hungry, we could feed him, then he’s sure to go. Do you have any food?

MAMA MONKEY

Please, fill your arms and throw!

(The group begins to throw food to the croc who devours each treat. MAMMA MONKEY pulls out the peanut butter banana ants on a log.)

What is this treat?

BOY PASSERBY MONKEY PASSERBY LADY MONKEY

Why it looks top dog!

MAMA MONKEY It’s the whole family’s favorite, peanut butter banana ants on a log.

(BOY PASSERBY grabs the log and throws it at the croc who swallows it in one gulp. The croc tries to open his mouth for more and can’t.

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He tries again and fails.) That croc looks like he can’t open his jaws.

BOY PASSERBY MONKEY

All that sticky peanut butter must surely be the cause.

(The croc exits.)

PASSERBY LADY MONKEY Hurrah everyone! He’s starting to leave.

MAN PASSERBY MONKEY

Perhaps a glass of milk he’s now off to retrieve?

PASSERBY LADY MONKEY A glass of milk? Well that might help him reopen his snout. I’ll run and tell the park rangers to be on the look out.

(PASSERBY LADY MONKEY exits.)

BOY PASSERBY MONKEY That croc won’t come back, but I’ll follow to be sure.

(PASSERBY BOY MONKEY runs off.)

MAN PASSERBY MONKEY Wait a minute son, croc tracking’s not on this tour.

(The MAN PASSERSBY MONKEY exits waving his map at his son.)

MAMA MONKEY

My monkeys come out now. The coast is very clear.

(No monkeys appear.) (No monkeys appear yet again.)

No one will harm you. Your Mama is near.

(No monkeys appear yet again.) Did that croc get them? I’m beginning to worry. My vision is starting to get a bit blurry. Monkeys didn’t you listen? Didn’t you hear? You must think before you act or you could... you could.... You could disappear.

(MAMA lowers her head in sadness and then. Music. ONE walks out from behind the tree.)

That sounds like one monkey. Could it possibly be?

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(Music. TWO walks out from behind the tree.)

That sounds like two monkeys walking towards me.

(Music. THREE walks out from behind the tree.)

If that is another, then we would have three.

(Music. FOUR walks out from behind the tree.)

Four now make up this monkey potpourri.

(Music. FIVE walks out from behind the tree.)

FIVE?!?!?!? (MAMA MONKEY turns to see the monkeys behind her.The monkeys and MAMA run into each other and hug.)

(Sweetly) Oh darlings! Kisses are long overdue.... (Beat change) But I also have quite a bone to pick with you! What were you thinking? No! That is just it! None of you were thinking. Not even one bit!

ONE

Mama, don’t fret. THREE

We knew we wouldn’t get hurt.

FOUR The sap on the tree stuck to us.

TWO

It’s all over my skirt.

FIVE We were glued like ants on a peanut butter banana

log.

MAMA MONKEY This story’s so crazy it’s got to go on Mama’s blog. Let’s get you cleaned up and then into the car. It’s time for new clothes, though the reason’s bizarre.

(The monkeys grab the basket and picnic materials and exit.)

Would it possibly feel like a hideous chore For you to follow this family to the department store?

(The audience hopefully responds.)

Fabulous! We’ll get coffee there and continue to talk as I diligently watch my kids like a hungry mama hawk.

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(Music. Partridge Family Transition. The Monkey family SUV appears and MAMA takes the wheel. The monkeys “travel” from home noticing sites and enjoying the ride. They eventually arrive at STUFF FOR KIDS. The car stops and they family gets out of the car.)

All right everyone, I want to make it very clear. Don’t go wondering off. You’re all to stay near.

(During the following dialogue FIVE wanders offstage.)

TWO Ribbons and lace! This dress is so fancy.

MAMA MONKEY

But...keeping it clean would be a bit chancey.

FOUR I want this sweater with the cute little bunny.

MAMA MONKEY

(Looks at the price tag) What? Are you kidding? That’s way too much money.

ONE

When can we look at the clothes for the boys?

THREE Never mind that, let’s head straight for the toys!

(Enter SALESLADY.)

SALESLADY Hello! Can I be of some service today? Here at STUFF FOR KIDS help is always on the way.

MAMA MONKEY

Thanks for your offer. Shopping sure does have stresses! We’re looking for backpacks...

TWO

And hats! And skirts!

FOUR!

And dresses.

TWO

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MAMA MONKEY In addition to that the boys need shirts and ties. There are five little monkeys in front of your eyes.

SALESLADY

Five little monkeys? I only see four.

MAMA MONKEY Don’t tell me I’ve lost one all ready in the store.

SALESLADY

Here now let’s count just to be sure. You’re motherly worry might be premature.

MAMA MONKEY

One. Two

Three.

Four.

Five

(Same counting music as before. ONE jumps forward.) (Same counting music as before. TWO jumps forward.) (Same counting music as before. THREE jumps forward.) (Same counting music as before. FOUR jumps forward.) (Silence. No one comes forward.)

Only four monkeys? How can that be? We entered the store a complete family.

SALESLADY

Here’s an idea I’d like to propose. I’ll stay with the children while you see what security * knows. * Eventually your little one’s bound to appear.

MAMA MONKEY

Kids, don’t go wondering off. You’re all to stay near.

(MAMA MONKEY exits.)

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SALESLADY Listen here children, it’s time for some fashion!

(The girl monkeys squeal. SALESLADY and the girls busily look at the rack.)

ONE Please Mrs. Saleslady, won’t you show us some compassion?

(The SALESLADY and girls continue to look at the rack.)

THREE (To ONE) I’m bored and thirsty. I could use a drink. Let’s find the fountain. We passed one earlier ...I think.

(THREE begins to sneak off with ONE in tow. Enter MAMA with a cut out of FIVE.)

MAMA MONKEY

I found him! I did! I found him right quick!

TWO Mama, this shirt? Or this? Which one should I pick?

SALESLADY

I hate to say it, but it’s obviously clear there are only three little monkeys standing right here.

MAMA MONKEY

How is that possible? How can that be? I found the missing monkey. He’s right here with me. * See... *

One.

Two

Three.

Four. ....

(Same counting music as before. TWO jumps forward.) (Same counting music as before. FOUR jumps forward.) (Same counting music as before. The cutout of FIVE is placed forward.)

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(MAMA realizes that no one is jumping forward.)

There are two missing!!! I’m starting to panic!

SALESLADY

Madame, don’t worry. No need to get manic.

FOUR Mama I’m sure that the boys are in view.

TWO

Relax, let’s shop. (To SALESLADY) Do you have this in blue?

MAMA MONKEY Girls stay here and take care of your brother. I’m off to look this way....

SALESLADY

And I’ll look the other. *

TWO

(MAMA and SALESLADY exit.)

Why would our brothers just up and leave?

FOUR They were tired of shopping I do believe.

TWO

Tired of shopping? FOUR

Yes, they think it’s a snooze.

TWO Say, do you see a bathroom close by I can use?

FOUR

What?!?!? You can’t leave.

TWO If I don’t I’ll explode.

FOUR

But if Mama comes back...

TWO Tell her I’m in the commode.

(TWO quickly exits.)

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FOUR Well, little brother, I have to discuss, if she’s not back soon, there will be a great fuss.

(FOUR puts her head in the clothing rack to look for finds. Enter LARRY with 2 cut outs of new monkeys, JERRY and TERRY.)

LARRY Hi there! Let’s play! My name is Larry. These are my brothers, he’s Jerry and Terry.

(LARRY puts on a funny hat and sunglasses. HE and FOUR decorate the cutouts as well. Enter MAMA with cut outs of THREE and FIVE. Also enter SALESLADY

SALESLADY Oh good, you found them! That didn’t take long.

(She notices the group of children in funny hats and sunglasses.)

Hold on a second madame! This looks very wrong!

MAMA MONKEY

Your warning just made my shoulders go tight. The number of monkeys we all should recite. One.

(Same counting music as before. MAMA moves one of the cutouts forward.)

Two Three.

Four.

Five

(Same counting music as before. MAMA moves another forward.) (Same counting music as before. FOUR moves the cut out of FIVE forward..) (Same counting music as before. FOUR jumps forward.)

Six.

(More counting music. LARRY moves of the cut outs of his brothers forward.)

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Seven.

(More counting music. LARRY moves another cut out forward.) (More music. LARRY takes his place in line.)

Seven little monkeys? How can that be?

FOUR I made new friends Mama with these other three.

LARRY

Our Papa has gone to look for our sisters.

MAMA MONKEY I’m relieved to know this happens to both mamas and misters

SALESLADY

Well, you’re still missing one.

MAMA MONKEY This is all so confusing. *

SALESLADY

When all this is over you’ll think it’s amusing.

(SALESLADY laughs.)

MAMA MONKEY No. No I won’t, not even a chuckle. Under all this pressure I’m beginning to buckle. I mean it this time and I’ll be VERY clear. * Don’t go wandering off. You’re all to stay near!

(Exit MAMA.)

SALESLADY (Calling after her.) I mentioned it once and again I will say * “Here at STUFF FOR KIDS help is always on the way!”

(Exit SALESLADY.)

LARRY How do you think we could lend some support?

FOUR

Find my sister quickly, then the search will be cut short.

(FOUR grabs two of her sibling cutouts and leaves. LARRY grabs his brothers and exits.

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FOUR comes running back on and takes to the cutout left on stage.)

What are you doing? Don’t just stand there and stare. Help me find the others, come on show that you care.

(FOUR grabs the cut out and exits. Enter MAMA with a cut out of TWO.)

MAMA MONKEY

I found your sister and the family’s complete. This mama’s gotta sit soon and get off her feet.

(Enter LEONARD with two cutouts of girl monkeys.)

LEONARD Excuse me kind lady, have you seen three boys? I’ve been searching all over, they weren’t in the toys.

MAMA MONKEY

I know that you’re worried, but you’ve nothing to fear. Your three little monkeys? I left them right here!

(Enter SALESLADY.)

Uh oh!

SALESLADY LEONARD

What does that mean?

MAMA MONKEY It doesn’t sound good.

SALESLADY

Where are all the monkeys? This is where they stood?

MAMA MONKEY What are you saying? Why this suspense? A meeting of ten monkeys will now commence!

SALESLADY

Ten little monkeys? But I only see three!

LEONARD I have to agree that three’s what I see.

MAMA MONKEY

My choice to count I may soon regret.

LEONARD There won’t be a surplus, it looks like a debt.

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One.

Two

Three.

Only three monkeys!

MAMA MONKEY

(Same counting music as before. MAMA moves one the cut out of TWO forward.)

(Same counting music as before. LEONARD moves one of his cut outs forward.)

(Same counting music as before. LEONARD moves his other cut out forward.)

LEONARD AND MAMA

SALESLADY Hold on everyone, I have a solution * that will put the right monkeys back into distribution.

(SALESLADY goes to the side of the stage and pulls out a phone/mic which broadcasts the following announcement.

Attention! Attention! All you ladies and misters, especially you brothers and you cute little sisters. If you’re walking alone, it should be very transparent that someone is missing and that someone’s.... a parent. So come and collect them with out delay cause here at STUFF FOR KIDS help is always on the way!

(Music. Another keystone cops- esque sequence begins. Monkeys begin to flood the stage. Some dance across, some come in from the ceiling, others appear in unlikely places. At the end of the sequence, FOUR has reunited with MAMA and cut outs of her four other siblings, LEONARD has reunited with LARRY and cutouts of his four siblings. Four other monkey cutouts remain on stage. SALESLADY stands in the center of the stage perplexed by the scene.)

MAMA MONKEY

Ten little monkeys now make up our scene.

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SALESLADY Your count is off madame, there are fourteen!

(The SALESLADY runs around counting to very sped up music from the previous number introductions.)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14!!!!

(Enter a GRANDMA MONKEY.)

GRANDMA MONKEY Pardon me everyone, don’t mean to intrude, but four of those monkeys are part of my brood!

SALESLADY

Hate to tell y’all, but we’ll soon be closing our doors. How about making purchases for all those little monkeys of *

yours?

LEONARD

(SALESLADY exits. MAMA follows the SALESLADY off followed by FOUR ushering cut outs off.) LEONARD starts to round up his crew and exit.)

Didn’t you hear, son? We all have to leave.

LARRY Why are you pulling me out by the sleeve?

(GRANDMA begins to collect troop of four and exit. )

GRANDMA MONKEY

Let’s hurry outside and play “Look for the flamingo!” Grandma needs to take you home, then get herself to bingo.

(Enter MAMA carrying shopping bags.)

MAMA MONKEY

I tell you, even after these shopping ordeals I’m walking away with quite a few steals. But you know, I’m beginning to feel really bad this is now the third missed coffee talk that we’ve had. Let’s nix the coffee, at home I’ll make cocoa You and I can chill out. No need to get loco. Monkeys where are you? You need to start showing. (Whispering to the audience.) After they have a bath, the day’s tempo starts slowing. (Calling) One....

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Two

Three.

Four.

Five

Six.

(GASP)

THREE MONKEYS

(Same counting music as before. ONE enters and starts a line) (Same counting music as before. TWO enters.) (Same counting music as before. THREE enters.) (Same counting music as before. FOUR enters.) (More counting music. FIVE enters.) (THREE pulls another cut out from behind his back.)

MAMA MONKEY Children, after today, let me bet you all money, that moments like these will NEVER be funny. *

(MAMA begins muttering under her breath. She picks up the cut out and takes it off stage. Transition. Busby Berkley Bedtime. The stage erupts in a flurry of movement and sound. MAMA conducts the monkeys as they begin to set up their bed and put on their pajamas. MAMA takes her shopping bags offstage. During the transition monkeys brush their teeth, gargle, and put on various nightgowns and pajamas. The sequence eventually has the synchronicity of a Busby Berkley dance number At the end of the sequence the monkeys line up in front of their bed.)

MAMA MONKEY (CONT’D)

All right my darlings, now that you’re through I think you all know that your bedtime is due.

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ONE

(Each monkey steps forward to Mama to say, “Goodnight!”)

See you in the morning, after you’ve had a rest.

MAMA MONKEY Better words, my love, I couldn’t have expressed.

(ONE kisses MAMA good night and gets into the big bed.)

TWO I’m just like you Mama, I put on some face creams.

MAMA MONKEY

Then tomorrow in the morning we’ll see how your face gleams.

THREE

(TWO kisses MAMA good night and gets into the big bed.)

Before I tuck in could I have a soda?

MAMA MONKEY A beverage like that is not a bedtime coda.

(THREE kisses MAMA good night and gets into the big bed.)

FOUR Couldn’t we go out now and look at the stars? At four point two light years, their distance is far. There are millions you know in the Milky Way...

MAMA MONKEY

Honey, this bedtime no longer delay.

FIVE

(FOUR kisses MAMA good night and gets into the big bed. A very tired FIVE steps forward. His eyes are heavy and he sways with exhaustion.)

Mama, I tell you I really feel beat.

MAMA MONKEY Then hop into bed and get off those tired feet.

(FIVE kisses MAMA good night and gets into the big bed. MAMA crosses to a “doorway”.)

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MAMA MONKEY (CONT’D) My loves I think you have everything you need.

TWO

Nightlight? Yes.

Water?

Yes.

And a book to read?

MAMA MONKEY

THREE

MAMA MONKEY

FOUR

MAMA MONKEY Sorry my dear, there’ll be no story tonight. If I read two tomorrow will that be all right?

FIVE

That’s OK Mama we’re tired any how.

THREE See you in the morning!

ONE

Love you! Ciao!

TWO

(MAMA blows a kiss. The monkeys catch it. She turns off the light and walks forward to talk to the audience. While MAMA talks to her “friend” the audience, the monkeys in the back round begin to climb up on the bed and jump. ONE exits leaving a cut out.)

MAMA MONKEY Finally we can talk, won’t this be nice? But first a tasty treat. Might I entice? I’ll run to the kitchen, I’ve banana cheesecake in the fridge. Don’t worry about the calories. We’ll just have a smidge.

(MAMA starts to go but turns to the audiences and shares.)

You know, come to think of it, that bedtime was too easy. Something is making me feel slightly queezy.

(MORE)

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MAMA MONKEY (CONT'D) On my way to the kitchen I’ll stop by and check As you’ve seen, five little monkeys can create quite a wreck.

(MAMA walks to “the bedroom” and turns on the lights to reveal five monkeys jumping on the bed.)

I can not believe what I see straight ahead! Five little monkeys are jumping on the bed!

(The monkeys freeze.)

UH OH!

MONKEYS FOUR

(The cut out of ONE falls from the bed on to the floor with an accompanying sound cue.)

He fell off and bumped his head.

MAMA MONKEY Stay where you are. I’m calling Dr. Fred.

(MAMA takes her cell phone out of here pocket. Quickly dials. There’s ringing. TED enters on the side of the stage.)

DR. TED Hello there and thank you for calling The Med.

MAMA MONKEY

Please this is urgent! I need Dr. Fred.

DR. TED Dr. Fred’s with a patient who flew off a sled. How might I help you? The name’s Dr. Ted.

MAMA MONKEY

Advise me now please Dr. Ted instead cause this little monkey fell right off the bed.

DR. TED

Is there a bump or a lump that’s bright red?

MAMA MONKEY No. I don’t see one unless I’ve misread.

DR. TED

The diagnosis is simple, this light I will shed: “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”

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We’re sorry Mama.

(DR. TED. HANGS UP THE PHONE AND EXITS.) FIVE MAMA MONKEY

All right, hear this warning. I’d like to make sure that you all see the morning.

(The MONKEYS get back to bed. MAMA places the cut out of ONE under the covers.)

Into your noggins this phrase I’d imbed: No more monkeys jumping on the bed!

(MAMA turns off the light and leave the room. She goes back to her speaking spot to the audience.While MAMA is talking. The MONKEYS begin to jump on the bed again.)

I’m sorry. Our hang time is long over due. It’s taken all day for us to....

(From the bedroom we hear...)

WOO-HOO!

TWO MAMA MONKEY

Pardon me friend. I’ll just be a moment. I’m pretty sure that sound didn’t come from a rodent.

(MAMA charges to the bedroom.)

Again! This is foolish! Oh how I have pled! And yet there are monkeys still jumping on the bed.

MONKEYS

UH OH! TWO

(TWO falls from the bed on to the floor with an accompanying sound cue.)

I fell off and bumped my head.

MAMA MONKEY Stay where you are. I’ll call Dr. Ted.

(MAMA takes her cell phone out of here pocket. Quickly dials.

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DR. NED

There’s ringing. DR. NED enters on the side of the stage.)

Hello there and thank you for calling The Med.

MAMA MONKEY Please this is urgent! I need Dr. Ted.

DR. NED

Dr. Ted’s on a snack break he’s gone to buy bread.

MAMA MONKEY Then would you connect me with kind Dr. Fred?

DR. NED

Fred’s with a patient who fell off a sled. How may I help you? The name’s Dr. Ned.

MAMA MONKEY

I’ll speak to you then Dr. Ned instead cause this little monkey fell right off the bed.

DR. NED

Is there a bruise or a welt that’s bright red?

MAMA MONKEY No she quite simply flew right off the bed.

DR. NED

The diagnosis is simple, this light I will shed: “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”

(DR. NED hangs up the phone and exits.)

MAMA MONKEY

Monkeys I think that this issue’s alarming! It isn’t me, but your heads that you’re harming.

(MAMA ushers the MONKEYS back to bed.)

The doctor’s prescription quite clearly was said It’s no more monkeys jumping on the bed.

(MAMA turns off the light and leave the room. She goes back to her speaking spot to the audience. The MONKEYS almost immediately get up on to the bed.)

Well here we are at our attempt number three. Another trip to their room I can almost guarantee.

(MORE)

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MAMA MONKEY (CONT'D) Do I take a few steps to go get our snack?.... No why do that??? I’ll just go on back.

(MAMA charges to the bedroom.)

UH OH!

MONKEYS (THREE and FOUR fall from the bed on to the floor with an accompanying sound cue.MAMA takes her cell phone out of here pocket. Quickly dials. There’s ringing)

Mama...

THREE AND FOUR

MAMA MONKEY Don’t say a thing it’s all ready been said.

(DR. JED enters on the side of the stage.)

DR. JED Hello there and thank you for calling The Med.

MAMA MONKEY

Sorry again, it’s me Dr. Ned.

DR. JED Dr. Ned? You just missed him (her) . He’s (She’s) off to go wed.

MAMA MONKEY

Ted? DR. JED

On a snack break I think buying bread.

MAMA MONKEY Fred?

DR. NED

Still with a patient who fell off a sled. How can I help you? The name’s Dr. Jed.

MAMA MONKEY

Dr. Jed this one issue is clearly widespread my monkeys keep jumping and bumping their heads.

DR. JED

The diagnosis is simple, this new light I will shed, “No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”

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(DR. JED hangs up the phone and exits.)

MAMA MONKEY

Monkeys I’m tired it’s been a long day. Why must we continue this bedtime ballet?

(MAMA put all of the monkeys into bed.)

I’ll share an idea that I think is quite wise: Get under the covers and close tight your eyes. My order to you is important, it’s urgent.

ALL

We love you Mama! FIVE

(FIVE hugs her and takes a quick sniff.)

Using new detergent?

MAMA MONKEY Monkeys, see this face.

This is me looking stern.

(MAMA makes a strong looking face.)

You don’t wanna see this look go away then return!

(MAMA turns off the light and leave the room. She goes back to her speaking spot to the audience.)

They’re usually not like this. I mean sometimes they’re wacky, but with company over never actually this tacky!

(There’s movement again in the bedroom.)

This really disturbs me I have to confess! Am I a good mother? I’m starting to obsess. Why am I standing? I’ll sit down on my tush. These issues I have are beginning to ....

MONKEYS

(From the bedroom) Shhhhh-ush!

MAMA MONKEY On no! That’s them! They’re at it once more! All these trips to the bedroom are becoming a chore. I’ll put an end to this business I won’t be much longer. We might skip the cocoa and have something stronger.

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(MAMA charges to the bedroom and turns on the lights to reveal the monkeys off of the bed holding a sheet hiding something. The cut out of ONE have been removed.)

Monkeys it’s late. Can’t we just call a truce?

THREE But our bedtime shenanigans have an excuse.

MAMA MONKEY

Oh really? What is it? What could you possibly say?

FIVE 1-2-3!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

MONKEYS

(They drop the sheet to reveal ONE holding a spectacular new birthday cake they made in the morning.)

MAMA MONKEY My birthday? Oh Yes! What a surprise! My opinion of things I will have to revise. I’m a little verklempt kids I have to admit.

ONE

Are you Ok? Need some water?

Just wanna sit?

TWO

FOUR

MAMA MONKEY No, no loves I’m fine. I’ve never been better. I have you in my life.

TWO

(Pulling out another gift) You also have this sweater.

MAMA MONKEY My dears, there is something I think we must do Follow my lead right after this cue.

(MAMA jumps on the bed and the other monkeys follow. They have fun on the bed and then collapse into a pile.

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FIVE Now let’s get in bed.

TWO

With no bumps on the way.

(The monkeys hop into bed.)

MAMA MONKEY I love all you monkeys. What more can I say?

(Mama turns off the light. She takes the cake and sweater to her spot to chat with the audience.)

Well I have to sit down. I’m simply astonished! And to think all those monkeys I quickly admonished! (MAMA yawns) You know what? I’m sorry. I really feel beat. Mind if we rain check our chat and a treat? Come back tomorrow.... or is it today? If you bring some yarn, then we can both crochet. Sorry again, that it’s gotten so late, but family life is wild, that you can’t debate. (Yawns again) But whether things are mellow or reached a crazy degree, Oh how I love my monkey family. (Yawns again)Pardon me, please, I don’t mean to sound weepy But after this day I am ever so sleepy.

(MAMA has fallen asleep in her chair. The MONKEYS sit up in bed with each line.)

Mama?

Hello?

TWO

THREE

FIVE

I really need my stuffed bear.

ONE Where could she be?

FOUR

I think sleeping downstairs.

MONKEYS (Realizing) Ohhhhhhh.

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