First Mentoring Workshop

Judith Masthoff

Admin issue: Mentoring slots

Which of these slots can you make?

Monday 3-4: Monday 3-4: Tuesday 12-1:Tuesday 3-4:Wednesday 1-2:Thursday 2-3: Friday 1-2:

What is a mentor?

• Write down some alternative words for ‘mentor’

• One word per post-it note

Mentoring Roles

• Coach

• Role model

• Supporter

• Advocate

• Critical friend• Acculturator (getting the mentee used to the culture)

What is Mentoring? (1)

‘Behind every successful person, there is one elementarytruth: somewhere, somehow, someone cared about theirgrowth and development . This person was their mentor’

[Dr Beverley Kaye, Up is Not the Only Way, 1997]

Mentorship refers to a developmental relationshipbetween a more experienced mentor and a lessexperienced partner referred to as a mentee – a personguided and protected by a more prominent person.

[Wikipedia]

What is Mentoring? (2)

To support and encourage people to manage their own

learning in order that they may maximise their potential,

develop their skills, improve their performance and become

the person they want to be.[Eric Parsloe]

What makes a good mentor?

• Write down characteristics of a good mentor

• One characteristic per post-it note

Some Characteristics of a Good Mentor

• Approachable and welcoming• Shares information and experiences openly • Good communication skills• Trustworthy, reliable• Provides accurate and appropriate feedback• Technical expertise• Motivating, encouraging, positive and empowering• Non judgmental• Allocates appropriate time to mentoring• Sensitive to the needs of the mentee

Empowerment

‘ Mentoring is a processrather than an event;mentors must seethemselves asmanagers of a process,rather than just passingon knowledge.’ (Galvin, 1998)

Empowering the mentee

• Communicate openly• Encourage them to take

responsibility for achieving their goals

• Give them space and time to complete tasks

• Guide and counsel as they reach final stages of tasks

• Help them to learn from mistakes

• Help them to work out the answer, rather than just telling them

• Give constructive, critical advice – but don’t expect to solve all their problems for them

• Introduce them to other people who might be able to help them

• Give them responsibility and monitor progress

• Build confidence

Foundations for successful mentoring relationships

• Develop and communicate clear goals and expectations at the beginning

• Set the ground rules and develop an agreement

• Clarify the roles of the mentor and mentee

• Work out when and how feedback will occur

• Review the relationship at regular intervals

Ground Rules

• Which ground rules do you want?

Offer mentoring support1. Assist mentee to identify and evaluate

options to achieve agreed goals.2. Share personal experiences and

knowledge with the mentee.3. Encourage mentee to make decisions

and take responsibility for the courses of action under consideration.

4. Provide supportive advice and assistance in a manner which allows the mentee to retain responsibility for achievement of their own goals.

5. Change and discuss the mentoring relationship.

6. Make any adjustments to the relationship taking into account the needs of both mentor and mentee.

Provide Mentoring SupportEstablish a relationship

1. Apply effective communication styles to develop trust, confidence and rapport

2. Agree on how the relationship will be conducted

3. Clarify and discuss expectations

Effective Mentoring

Mentoring involves:• Level 1: a personal relationship in which a relative novice

is supported by a more experienced peer in coming to terms with a new role

• Level 2: active guidance, teaching and challenging of the mentee by the mentor, who accordingly needs to claim some expertise, wisdom and authority

• Level 3: the management and implementation of a planned curriculum, tailored to the needs of the individual

(McIntyre, 1996, p147)

Coaching is…

• a relationship and a conversation which supports a person to move forward to desired goals in a fulfilling manner (Myles Downey)

• unleashing a person’s potential to maximise their own performance, it is helping them to learn rather than teaching them. The underlying intent of the coach in every coaching session is to build the self-belief, self-motivation, choice, clarity, commitment, awareness, responsibility and ability of the coachee to take action (Sir John Whitmore)

• proactive and focussed on solutions and the future

Coaching Values

• Confidentiality• Honesty• Trust• Openness• Transparency• Integrity• Sincerity• Equality• Non-critical / non-judgemental• Empathy / caring

Core skills used in coaching

• Listening

• Questioning

• Other forms of communication

• Managing the process of coaching

Listening

"We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking."

 

VS.

Needs of the mentee…

• To be recognized and remembered• To feel valued

• To feel appreciated

• To feel respected

• To feel understood

• To feel comfortable about a want or need

Why be a good listener?

The Purpose of Listening

• To be present• To accompany the other person on their journey• Reflection of feelings• To hold a mirror up of understanding• To determine whether my sense of the other

person’s inner and outer world is correct• To offer a non judgemental presence• Listening is NOT about asking questions or

challenging what the other person is saying

Levels of Listening

1. Cosmetic listening – listening in everyday conversation

Listener looks as if they are

listening but their mind is elsewhere

Not useful in coaching

People are usually aware that

they are not being fully listened to

Levels of Listening

2. Conversational listening

A number of things are happening:

listening, talking, thinking,

planning what to say next

Not useful in coaching

Levels of Listening

3. Active or attentive listening

The listener is very focused on what the speaker issaying, they are paying attention and recording significant facts

The type of listening used in coaching

It feels very positive to be listened to with someone’s full attention

Levels of Listening

4. Deep listening

The listener is more focused on the speaker thanon themselves. The listener’s mind is “quiet” and the intention is “seeking to understand”. All thesenses are being used.

The ideal state for listening in coaching

The client feels understood and may also experience a deeper connection to the coach

Qualities of Active Listeners

Desire to be “other-directed”

No desire to protect yourself

Desire to imagine the experience of

the other

Desire to understand,

not critique

Skills for Active Listening

BODY LANGUAGE Examples:

Sitting forward

Eye contact

Nodding head

Smile etc when appropriate

“You listen with your face as well as your ears!”

Skills for Active Listening

OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS

Examples:

What happened after that?

Who was there?

What did they do?

How did that work?

If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask.

Skills for Active Listening

REPEAT CONTENT Examples:

So what I hear you saying is . . .

It is a good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure your understanding is correct.

Skills for Active Listening

ACKNOWLEDGING FEELINGS

Examples:

You’re feeling ___.

It makes you (feeling) that . . .

Skills for Active Listening

DON’T JUDGE Examples:

Bite your tongue!

Skills for Active Listening

BEING QUIET Examples:

Count to yourself.

Active Listening

Body Language Open-Ended Questions

Repeat ContentAcknowledge

Feelings

Don’t Judge Be Quiet

Other tips for being a good listener

• Give your full attention on the person who is speaking.

• Make sure your mind is focused too. • Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. • Let yourself finish listening before you begin to

speak! • Listen for main ideas.

Exercise: Active Listening

Split into trios (speaker, listener, observer)• Speaker – talk for 2 minutes about your

experience of the first lectures this week• Listener – listen using the skills discussed• Observer – observe the application of the

skills and take notes• Discuss how it wentDo this three times, so that everybody has

had a chance to practice listening

Questioning

• Questions are the main form of communication in coaching

Open Questions

• Questions that start with what, when, who, how many, how much

• “Why” should be used with caution as it may imply criticism

• “How” should be used with care as it may lead to analytical thinking

• Open questions require descriptive answers. They raise awareness for both the coach and the client and promote responsibility in the client. The client creates a clear perception of the relevant facts and information and the ability to determine what is relevant. Creative thoughts and ideas are also stimulated and explored.

Closed Questions

• For instance: “Am I right?”

• Limited use in coaching

• Useful for checking when a yes or no answer is all that is required

Questions which clarify

• For instance, “If you take those steps, what will you achieve?”

• These questions are used to make things clearer for both the coach and the client

Enquiry questions

• For instance, “What is your purpose in life?”

• Enquiry questions require reflection and allow the client to explore their values, emotions, behaviour and reactions to an issue/situation (useful for homework)

Incisive questions

• For instance, “What would you do if you did not have to live with the consequences?”

• Incisive questions are useful when the coach is working with the limiting beliefs of a client. These questions work to suspend the limiting belief and the client is able to see past the limitation

Questions which challenge limiting beliefs

• For instance, the client says “I always make a mess of projects at work”. The coach responds with “says who?”

• Challenging questions are designed to raise the awareness of the client to help them move on

Powerful questions

• For instance: “What is stopping you from…?”

• Powerful questions are usually brief and designed to help the client make a quantum leap in understanding and perception

Use of appropriate questions

What questions might be appropriate in the following situation?

Situation: The mentee has difficulty articulating their needs/goals for the mentoring relationship. What questions might you, as the mentor, ask?

Possible Questions: • What do you want to get out of this relationship?• Do you feel there is more that you are after from me

as a mentor? If so, what?• How can I, as your mentor, better cater for your

needs?• Can we discuss what you would like to accomplish by

the end of the semester?

Exercise: Questioning

Split into trios (questioner, client, observer)

• Questioner – ask questions

• Client –answer questions

• Observer – observe and take notes

• Discuss how it went

Do this three times, so that everybody has had a chance to practice questioning

Other communication skills

• Repetition

• Summarising

• Paraphrasing or reframing

• Grouping

• Making suggestions

Repetition / Mirroring

• Repeating back to the client words that they have said, often verbatim

• Useful when there is an emotional undertone

• For instance:“You find the lectures too difficult”“You feel discouraged.”

Summarising

• “Extracting the essence” from what the client has said

• Not just facts but also feelings• Useful to check that the coach has fully

understood the client• It also confirms to the client that he or she is fully

understood• For instance:

“These seem to be the main problems you’ve expressed…”

Paraphrasing or reframing

• The coach uses his or her own words to reflect or reframe back to the client something which he or she has said

• This is to ensure communication is clear and meaningful in terms of intended outcomes

• This may help the client to detach from issues, to create some distance and to provide new insights and ideas

• For instance:“So you would like your friends to help you learn to program, is that right?”

Grouping

• Identification of the relationship between themes/elements in the conversation

• This may help to raise awareness of the client to patterns or linkages which they have not previously recognised

Making suggestions

• The coach believes that he or she has something to offer which will add value

• The coach may make a suggestion, but the client does not have to act on the suggestion

• This can be useful when the client is stuck and has spent time reflecting and acknowledges that a suggestion would be helpful

Managing the process of coaching

TGROW model provides a structure

• Topic

• Goal What do you want to happen?

• Reality What is happening now?

• Options What could you do?

• Will What will you do?

Topic

• Provides background and structure for the client and coach, and a common basis to take the session forward

Goal Setting

• What do you want to happen (establishes goal for the session)

• Coach works with client to identify and agree on achievable outcomes

Reality

• What is happening now (who, what, where, how much)

• Coach works with the client to generate a clear understanding and awareness of the current situation and the topic

Options

• What could you do? (What is possible?)

• Coach draws out a range of options from the client encouraging creativity, acts as a “sounding board” (No evaluation or judgement of options)

Will

• What will you do? (Clarify commitment)

• Coach works with client to select options, encouraging responsibility, commitment to action and creation of an action plan with an appropriate timescale and measures for reviewing progress.

Mentoring Session 1: Getting Acquainted (1)

Introduction• Tell the group your names, your year of study/degree you are on,

and give them your email addresses. • Tell them that the purpose of the mentoring sessions is to help them

get the most out of the course, by providing peer support (by you and by other members of their group)

• Tell them that this first week will be mainly about getting to know each other

• In discussion with the group, establish ground rules• Tell them that you will treat what they tell you with confidentiality (in

the sense that you will only report opinions of the group without highlighting individuals). Ask them to treat each others remarks with confidentiality as well. Tell them that once in a while a lecturer may attend a mentoring session.

• Tell them that you would like them to attend all sessions, and sent you an email when they cannot make it

Mentoring Session 1: Getting Acquainted (2)

Activity 1: InterviewsAims: To begin to get to know one another, to develop

confidence, to develop awareness of membership of a group

Procedure• Get the group to brainstorm what they would like to know

about each other in the context of this group.

Display the headings on the blackboard. (Could include past programming experience, what they did before they came to uni, which country they are from, their name, etc etc, leave this up to the group). Spent about five minutes on this.

Mentoring Session 1: Getting Acquainted (3)

• In pairs, one person interviews the other to gather this information (and anything else that the two think of and wish to share). Spent about five minutes on this. You may want to take part yourself (and one of you will have to if the number of students is odd)

• Interviewers remain where they are, while interviewees move round and interview someone that they have not previously met. Again, about five minutes.

• Everyone prepares (organizes their notes, etc) to introduce the person they interviewed. About 2 minutes.

• In turn, individuals address the group, introducing the person that they interviewed. About 2 minutes per person.

Mentoring Session 1: Getting Acquainted (4)

Activity 2: Views on first lectures

• Ask the group what they thought of the first lectures. Were they too easy/too difficult? What things were the most difficult to understand?

Keep a diary

• After the mentoring session, spend five-ten minutes to write down your impressions: – How did it go?– What did you find difficult?– What were the main things you learned?