7/28/2019 Finding Truth in Prayer

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Finding Truth in Prayer

Glory, God stared me in the face. A man, my savior stood at the curtain. Are you

planning to pray? he inquired. I blinked twice, Um... yes?

Praying isnt my thing, but I figured When in Vatican City...

I stepped past the man and into Enlightenment. Behind the curtain a room heavy with

relics awaited. People stood, sat in the corners; heads down and hands clasped the room

was immobile. Satan himself could not stir a soul.

I took my place in the pew furthest from the front in a dark corner. Mindlessly I closed

my eyes, hands and tilted my head. Ask God for three things my stepmother whispered

in my ear.

I opened my eyes.

The room was remarkably bright. Angels flew above my head. How could I have never

noticed before? And the altar before me rang with a holy, resonant sound. And this

sound, this deep hum filled my mind, almost deafening any insecurities that I could everfind. This projection left me feelingwhole, left me feeling safe and secure.

I was ready, I closed my eyes.

Just like Robert Frosts Mending Wall. It occurred to me that when you wall somethingout (God), youre also walling something in (the very glimmer that one day Id have

faith). I chose to break down that wall.

But what to ask for? Here I am in what has to be one of the holiest places I will ever

encounter and Im gearing to pray. I dont pray. What do I want?

Truth. I heard myself whisper. Yes, the word flowed right out of me. An eternal flame

had been lit, and I felt remarkably warm. I could not contain myself, I continued to

whisper I want to find the truth. Any and all truth, and somehow find its beauty.

Sure it wasnt exactly three things that I had asked from him, but I figured if I put thisone on hold, hed be sure to listen another day.

Bombarded, my mind filled with a million thoughts and ideas. I felt like I could seethrough any problem solely because Im meant to. I knew what I wanted - the mere idea

swallowed me. There is truth, and a faith that will liberate me. And my job, my mission is

find its beauty. To chisel away the inconsistencies and fallacies of life until Im left withnothing polished or refined, only the raw truth. And without question, somehow I knew

that my job would also be to share this truth, and share it unpolished and unrefined while

at the same time presenting its beauty.

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7/28/2019 Finding Truth in Prayer

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My body, mind not yet ready to move from my spot I knelt there for a time that felt

neither long nor short. Timeless. Clenched, I had yet to reopen my eyes.

In comparison to Aldo Leopolds Thinking Like a Mountain, his epiphany can be

found in the rocky hilltops, while mine in St. Peters Cathedral.

I allowed my eyes to breathe. Liberated, the entire room had yet to lose its effect. The

once deep hum was now a slight murmur in my mind. But the feeling remained. I felt

good, real good.

On my way out I noticed the usher in front of the curtain had left, he was replaced by

another. I floated right out of the cathedral and welcomed the suns warm rays. Maybe

what I had found was never really lost, only admitted. But maybe what I had found wasthe truth: you see truth unaltered and raw, you accept its beauty.