Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Introduction

Initial transition and stress management

The Military Lifestyle

Terminology, letter writing, package sending and call day

Family Day and Graduation

Tips and event day procedures, gift ideas and AIT

Miscellaneous Goodies

Interview with a soldier, Army fashion and fitness

The Aftermath

Homecoming ideas and soldier reunion

Dear Military Girlfriends,

The job of a military girlfriend is like no other. It is hard to adjust to the changes and transformed lifestyle that you will lead. The overall adjustment is so difficult and happens so fast. When your soldier leaves for basic training life will change instantly. The initial shock and adjustment is hard. Change is always hard but change is good. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and it is the complete and total truth. The independence you are about to gain is a gift in itself. When your soldier leaves you will realize how important your friends and family are. When your soldier is away self growth happens naturally. To all loved ones who are struggling to adjust to your new found independence then congratulations. It is so worth it in the end. Stay strong for not only yourself but for your soldier.

Sincerely,

Mia

This handbook is dedicated to all military girlfriends, boyfriends, spouses and loved ones who need an outlet to know that everything is going to be okay while your soldier is away at basic training. A soldier leaving for basic training takes willpower and stability for both parties. Within the next pages you will gain knowledge on everything from letter writing to graduation procedures. Boot camp is temporary and you will be reunited with your soldier in no time.

The Initial Transition

So your soldier just left for basic training, now what?

The initial transition from seeing your soldier daily to praying you get a five minute phone call will hit hard. Days will pass and life continues. Some days you will break down and other days you will be strong. The different emotions you will experience are endless. There is no perfect solution that will ease the feelings of this process but there are ways to help in the adjustment phase.

Adjustment Ideas

Find things to look forward too- Friends birthday? Nail appointment on Friday? Find small things that will enable happiness! Each day that passes is another day closer to being reunited with your soldier!

Reach out to others- Social media is huge and the ease of finding someone online who is going through the same tough adjustment as you can be easy to find. Also, by doing research support groups can be found.

Dont hide your feelings-Bottling up emotions especially when not many can relate is a bad idea. Talk to a friend or even journal how you feel. Expressing your emotions can ease whatever has been building up inside.

Only worry about what you can control- You can not beat yourself up if you dont receive a call or letter. You really have to just put this experience in fates hands and know it will steer you in the right direction.

Get involved in faith-Adding religion can help focus your mind on a new subject. People in your faiths community can also help distract and listen to you.

Sleep and nutrition- Getting enough sleep and eating correctly is vital. Lack of both can mess with emotions to an extreme.

Stress Management

Whether it is the first week of boot camp or the last, stress will play a factor in your life. It is impossible to surpass so its best just to tackle the problem with a few easy solutions!

Meditation

Whether it is yoga or tai chi, meditation can bring the balance into your life that you are yearning for. To relieve anxiety and worry try meditating daily. Mediation will enable you to clear your mind and renew your focus.

Gather your Thoughts

Play some of your favorite music and just relax. As a military loved one your mind is constantly thinking about every little thing. It is best to just focus on yourself in these moments of relaxation and sort out if the issues are really worth stressing over. (Ex. Missed phone calls or lack of letters received)

Breathing exercises

Cortisol levels are lowered when deep breathing occurs. Lowering these levels helps reduce stress and anxiety.

Other ideas include:

Taking a walk

Drinking tea

Art therapy

Set goals

Get a massage

Familiarizing with the below terms are essential. While communicating with your soldier he/she will use these terms. Just think of these terms as your abbreviated military dictionary.

Common Military Terms

Reception- The waiting before BCT begins

BCT -Basic Combat Training

Smoked- term used for when they make them do Physical training for being reprimanded

MOS - Military Occupational Specialty

AIT- Advanced Individual Training

ACU - Army combat uniform

ASU - Dress uniform

BCG- Basic combat glasses (aka birth control glasses!)

DFAC - Dining facility

AO- Area of operations

CQ- Charge of quarters

MRE- Meals ready to eat

AAFES- Army & air force exchange service

FDS- First Duty Station

PCS - Permanent change of station

XO - Executive officer

NCO- Non commissioned officer

TIS- Time in service

TDY- Temporary duty station

POV- Privately owned vehicle

OSUT- One Station Unit Training

PX - Post Exchange

DS- Drill Sergeant

BAH- Basic Allowance for Housing

BAQ - Basic Allowance for Quarters

PHASES [and what they mean]

Red phase? White phase? Blue phase?

No, you are most likely in a confused phase!

If you ever hear or read that your soldier has phased up below will help you determine what that means.

RED

Your soldier has officially transitioned from reception into red phase. Red phase is basically an orientation and adjustment period. Soldiers learn the Seven Army Core Values and undergo the Army Physical Fitness Test.

WHITE

New skills and tactics are taught here.

Phone call eligibility begins.

BLUE

This is the final stage before graduation. By now soldiers have created an unbreakable brotherhood. Weapon testing is introduced and the final physical fitness test is completed.

Songs to Familiarize

Whether it is the oath or various army songs it is important tomemorize the versestoshowyour support. Whilein attendance for graduationyou will hear many traditional army songs. However, your soldier willbe reciting these songs in their sleep so you will learn them regardless!

U.S. Army Anthem

March along, sing our song, with the Army of the free Count the brave, count the true, who have fought to victory were the Army and proud of our name were the Army and proudly proclaim First to fight for the right, And to build the Nations might, And the Army Goes Rolling along Proud of all we have done,Fighting till the battles won, And the Army Goes Rolling Along. Then its Hi! Hi! Hey! The Armys on its way. Count off the cadence loud and strong (TWO! THREE!) For whereeerwe go, you will always know that the Army goes rolling along.

Soldier's Creed

I am an American Soldier.

I am a warrior and a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.

I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and I am a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

Warrior Ethos

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

Letter Writing

I have compiled my best tips and tricks for writing letters to your soldier.

Always remember to write, write, write!

1. Upon arrival your soldier will not have his address for about two weeks. When he/she enters boot camp they are in reception [the initial process upon arrival where soldiers fill out paper work, get ID cards, etc.] Soon after you will be receiving letters but due to the fact that your soldier is in reception he/she will not include a return address. Be patient once they move over to their first phase [red phase] there will a return address and you can begin to write your soldiers address.

2. Attitude is everything. If a family member is sick or your dog has passed DO NOT write it in a letter. Your soldiers physical and emotional state is in chaos and any disruptions such as bad news will decrease their likelihood of performing their best. Save bad news for an appropriate time such as the end of graduation.

3. Set a schedule. There is no excuse for a busy life when your soldier is away at basic training. There is always time to write. Throughout the day take note of certain things that occurred that you may want to include in your letter. Do this for three days at a time and then compile all the information into one letter. Filling your letter with as much information will keep them up to date and informed. [TIP: include pop culture news, sports information etc. your SIT is truly cut off from the outside world and any noteworthy news is appreciated.]

4. Have patience. Sometimes letters do not come and sometimes three or ten come on the same day. Keep in mind the mail system for your soldier runs slower and there is no guarantee when you will be receiving mail.

5. Attach pictures. Keep your soldier up to date on pictures of yourself, family, friends and pets. You can always insert uplifting quotes as well.

THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF PACKAGE SENDING

It is important to note that during basic training items aloud to be sent are very limited. The best advice I could give is to hold back on package sending unless requested by your SIT. Any essentials your soldier may need can be purchased via their own money at the PX [store on base].

If you do send a package below are "safe to ship" items.

Baby wipes great for hands and faces

Kleenex pocket packets

Toilet paper

Bandages

Powersole inserts for boots

Pre-stamped envelopes

Pictures

Pocket sized calendar

Journal

Pens

Toothbrushes

Unscented- lotion,deoderant and body wash

Cough drops

DO NOT SEND:

Food/baked goods

Medicine

Candy/gum

Tobacco products

Scissors

Tweezers

Perfume

If you are unsure if an item is aloud then write a letter to your soldier and ask for an answer before proceeding.

SUNDAY

Your new favorite day of the week

You will find out quickly that counting down the seconds until Sunday will be the norm. Every Sunday as long as your soldier is in white or blue phase they are eligible for a call (of course, if well behaved!)

Tips and Information

Keep phones close and charged up

Calls usually start mid afternoon and go all the way until lights out (8 PM)

Calls can last anywhere from 5 minutes to 45 minutes (depends on the sergeant of the platoon)

Feel free to facetime your soldier during call time

Just remember whether your call lasts 5 minutes or even less your entire day will be instantly made after hearing your soldiers voice.

Community Bond

Finding a niche while your soldier goes away is important. Remember that now you have a common bond with every other person who has relations with a soldier. It will give you instant gratification when you connect with someone going through the same experience as yourself.

Start by joining Facebook groups. The best bet is to see if your soldiers base has their own Facebook page (highly likely)

Many of these groups are closed which means you need an invite to get in. Simply message the group leader and they will most likely ask you why you want to be in the group and who you know within the base and then you will be accepted.

Once you have joined a group your voice will be heard by many and respected. Advice will be given and information will be shared. It is like having an online family who understands fully what you are going through.

Feel free to message individual group members for an outlet. For example, I personally am on the younger side of the spectrum so I would seek advice from army girlfriends and wives who were young and going through the same challenges as myself. The connection you make with these people is inspirational.

Family day

Bags are packed and flights are booked! Congrats, you made it to family day. This is the most exciting time for both you and your soldier. You will be reunited and there is no better feeling.

Prior to family day your soldier will be sending home a packet of information with an itinerary involved. Keep in mind you still do not have cell phone access with your soldier so its very important to stay organized. [Please note: soldiers typically get one information packet to mail home. All the information should be listed online as well.]

Arrival time and getting to the post early is key. Make sure to have your ID and visiting pass on hand. You will have to surpass a variety of check points and show proof of identity.

Family day starts with an hour long presentation that will have you on the edge of your seat. Basically by this point you just want to run up to your soldier but you can not. The soldiers perform a demonstration of what they have done in basic training for families and loved ones to watch. Then awards are given out. After the soldiers are able to reunite with their loved ones!

For the entire afternoon/early evening soldiers are able to go off base and go out to eat, shop, etc. with loved ones. The day is exciting and memorable.

TIPS to CONSIDER BEFORE FAMILY DAY

Remember to book a vehicle early. If you are under 25 years old there is an additional $80+ service charge for being underage. Book through the USAA website (military financial service company) to void the extra charge.

When booking your hotel mention that you are going for a military ceremony. Discounts may be thrown in.

Wear your best casual wear. Family day involves a lot of walking. For colder months jeans a nice sweater or blouse is sufficient. In warmer months an appropriate sun dress will work. Pair your outfits with boots or flats.

TIPS to CONSIDER DURING FAMILY DAY

Soldiers are not aloud to have overnights at your hotel. They will be notified of a time that they need to be back on base and it is important to have them back so they do not loose further privileges.

Do not be offended if your soldier spends a lot of time on their cell phone. They havent checked their social media pages for months and phone calls to friends are priority.

Your soldier will want to relax. If your soldier just wants to remain in the hotel room then do so. They have not had a break to unwind and enjoy their environment in awhile.

Soldiers on family day are not aloud to operate a vehicle. Make sure the driver of the car is safe and going the speed limit at all times.

Depending on your area it can be helpful to locate stores that have essentials. Your soldier will most likely want to pick up supplies to bring with them to their next duty station.

The reunion is both exciting for you as your soldiers significant other and his/her family. Remember that splitting time and understanding that both parties want moments together is something that can not be taken personally.

*Family day can vary for everyone. This information is based off my personal experience.

GRADUATION DAY

The day after Family Day is Graduation. Graduation is so exciting! Families and friends go to their soldiers assigned graduation auditorium. (The information will be in the packet your soldier sends home) Graduation is about an hour long and each individual soldier will walk across the stage. Speeches from sergeants and other military leaders are given. Following the speeches attention is directed towards TV screens for a quick overview of behind the scenes footage of the soldiers during their time in boot camp.

When graduation ends family and friends are reunited outside the auditorium with their soldier! Many photos will be taken during this time. Afterwards soldiers are allowed to go on pass again. Many families take their soldiers out for a celebration dinner or hang out within the town.

TIPS AND INFORMATION FOR GRADUATION DAY

Timing is very important on Graduation Day! Make sure you arrive early for not only parking but a good seat within the auditorium.

Make sure your phone is charged (or any device you may be using to take pictures with) Picture taking is encouraged.

Outside of the auditorium there will be tables with people selling army themed merchandise. Bring cash if you would like to purchase any items. Items vary from clothes to bags.

Bring tissues! Graduation can be very emotional. Watching your soldier cross the stage is a huge accomplishment! (Military graduations are why they invented waterproof mascara!)

Make sure no large bags are brought. They are not aloud inside the auditorium. Carry your essentials if possible.

Promotions

As we all know soldiers work extremely hard to reach their full potential prior to graduation. If your soldier performs extraordinarily a promotion may be in his/her future. If your soldier is promoted you will receive a phone call (or find out on Sunday/call day) The best, all around soldiers out of each platoon are chosen keeping physical fitness test scores and other qualification scores in mind. Only five soldiers are picked per term.

On family day a service for all soldiers who received a promotion will occur. The sergeant will make an announcement for family and loved ones to walk onto the field for the promotion ceremony. (Keep in mind this will be your first time seeing your soldier in months so this process can be overwhelming but extremely exciting)

As you wait patiently behind your soldier the sergeant goes one by one announcing each promoted soldiers name. As your soldiers name is announced you are able to walk in front of your soldier and place his promotion badge on.

During the promotion ceremony talking along with hugging and kissing is prohibited. When the promotion ceremony commences family/loved ones are redirected back to their seats. (The promotion ceremony lasts no longer then fifteen minutes)

Below is an image of the different types of promotion badges. If your soldier gets promoted he will start off with receiving the Private badge which basically is an upside down letter V to best describe it. As your soldier continues their military journey they will have potential to earn more badges.

Graduation Gift Ideas

Your soldier graduating is a huge accomplishment! After the months of boot camp and graduation is complete your soldier will be shipped to AIT (job training)

Below is a complied list of gift ideas that can be helpful in showing congratulations to your soldier and also practical for the next step in their military journey.

1. G-Shock Watch

An all black watch is a popular gift amongst soldiers and G-shock watches in particular have a tendency to be durable.

Prices start from around $100 and can even be engraved with custom messages.

2. Laptop

In job training soldiers will be taking classes pertaining to their specific job. Soldiers will also have extended free time during the weekend. A laptop can also allow soldiers to Skype/Video call.

3. Headphones

A nice pair of headphones will be on the top of every soldiers wish list. With more access to their cell phones now catching up on videos and music will be a necessity.

4. Gym bag

On the weekends soldiers are encouraged to use the gym. Purchasing your soldier a gym bag and throwing in a few workout essentials can be a wonderful gift.

5. Wallet

Making sure your soldier has a place to store his/her money can be useful! Soldiers have private lockers where wallets can be stored.

Aftermath of Graduation

Dealing with the emotions of going back home and readjusting

When Graduation commences reality sets in. Soon you will be back on your car ride or plane ride home. It can be overwhelming coming to terms with realizing that what you just looked so forward to for months is re-set and the process of endless waiting and distance from your soldier becomes a reality again.

Tips for Adjusting Back into Reality

1. When you get back home unpack right away. Graduation and family day is very exhausting so to eliminate stress unpack. (It may be extra motivating to know that the likelihood of going home with army themed clothing is at an all time high. Therefore, unpacking and finding the army goodies will be worth it!)

2. Family and friends are going to overwhelm you with questions about your trip. Embrace the people who care and invite them in on your experience. Having a strong support system when you come back home is just as important as it was before you left.

3. Keep your spirits high and occupy your time. It is easy to fall into a depression when you realize your soldier is not at your reach.

4. Prepare! Job training is less weeks then the boot camp process (job pertaining) Organize and get ready for your soldiers homecoming!

5. Revamp your fitness routine! Considering you have just seen your soldier, motivation to take care of your health will be at an all time high!

AIT Transition

What is AIT?

Advanced Individual Training (AIT) is the next step your soldier will take after completing boot camp. AIT teaches soldiers skills on how to perform at their future designated job. Discipline and work ethic is taught here as well as hands on training. AIT training schools are located on base in an abundance of states.

How does AIT differentiate from Boot Camp?

AIT is best compared to college but of course with added structure and discipline. Extended free time is provided and speaking to your soldier can become a daily routine.

Does letter writing continue?

Typically AIT ends the writing process. If you are fortunate enough to have a soldier that has cell phone access nightly letter writing will not even cross your mind. (From experience my soldier got cell phone privileges every night from 5 PM-9 PM)

What about package sending continuation?

Unless you would like to send a pick me up type of package or if there happens to be a special occasion then typically package sending stops as well. Soldiers will have no problem picking up necessities once the weekend arrives.

Does activity change when the weekend arrives?

On the weekends soldiers are able to have their cell phones as well as free time for majority of the day. Your soldier will be able to get extra sleep, explore the base, enjoy outside food and talk to loved ones all morning through early evening. (Information is based off of good behavior. Soldiers may loose free time during the weekend if fellow soldiers misbehave, cleaning isnt correctly completed, etc.)

Interview with an Army Soldier

To give a sense of emotion and feelings that soldiers deal with while away at boot camp I took the initiative to interview a soldier. Special thank you to American Army Soldier, Toraski Stephens for his in depth answers. I hope this helps broaden your perspective on how the mindset of a soldier works when they are missing you just as much as you are missing them when they are away at boot camp. (

Q.What was your favorite part about receiving letters in the mail? A. It made me realize that there were people that cared enough to stay in contact. I also enjoyed receiving updates on what's going on in the outside world.Q.What kept you focused through the boot camp process? A. I did not want to let anyone down back at home. It helped me push my self and stay on task.Q.On a scale 1-10 how important is it to have a support system back home?A.10Q.What was the most useful item you received in a care package? A. Stamps and personal hygiene items like deodorant and body wash.Q.Which phase was most challenging? A. Red phase because you realized that you're really doing this and during this time you miss your loved ones since communication is completely cut off. Red phase was when the drill sergeants were hardest on us.Q. Attaching pictures is a fun addition to letter sending. How many pictures were you aloud to display in your locker at a time?A. Regulations allowed us to have four at most but depending on the drill sergeant you have you could display as many as you want.Q.Did you ever loose privileges due to misbehaved soldiers in your platoon? A. Yes, due to other soldiers sneaking food into the bay. This caused us to loose phone privileges. Q.How much down time did you get to letter write? A. During the weekend before final formation we had an hour of personal time. We were able to write letters or read a book.Q.Describe your time at basic training in one word. A. Amazing.Q. If you could give your best advice to any military girlfriend or loved one struggling with the absence of his/her soldier while away at boot camp what would you say?A. Hang in there because 9 out of 10 times they are doing it for you. By you supporting them and showing them you care you push them to overcome all the hard and challenging tasks.

Show Support through Fashion

Looking stylish while representing your soldier is actually quite an easy task! Below are ideas on how to stay army fashionable. If you prefer to opt out of army fashions assumptions are it is only because your soldier has already filled your closet with army t-shirts and sweatshirts galore!

Victorias Secret

www.victoriassecret.com

Available only online, Victoria Secret has an exclusive Army themed clothing line. Prices range from $20-70+

Etsy

www.etsy.com

Custom made clothing and unique accessories are at your finger tips! Basically any Army themed item you could ever imagine is provided on this website.

The Pressures of Being a Military Girlfriend

Dating a soldier ages you instantly. Not physically but emotionally you will grow up quick. As a young female it is important to stay goal oriented for yourself. You will notice quickly that the lifestyle of a military girlfriend comes with responsibilities the average relationship wouldnt have to deal with. Below are examples of pressures and hardships you may face being a military girlfriend.

Marriage Talk

The pressure to settle and get married at a young age is standard in the military. It is not out of the ordinary or a shock.

When a soldier gets married more benefits are enabled and the comfort of having your spouse on base is a priority.

There are two routes to this scenario. Either stick to your own path or enjoy life as an army wife. You will notice quickly that many soldiers are married and if not they are engaged. Feel free to stand by your soldier but if you are not ready to lead the stereotypical military wife life then wait until you have decided what you would like to do.

Reaching out to military girlfriends and wives through support groups will help immensely.

Baby Talk

Just like marriage settling down involves children.

Many military wives and girlfriends end up getting pregnant and moving on base. As a positive the military takes good care of military children (on base daycares, benefits like insurance, etc.)

While your soldier is away (especially at boot camp) the talk of starting a family will become less of a fantasy and more of a hopeful reality.

Whether you are going to school or are not ready for a child yet make it known between you and your soldier that you are not ready.

In conclusion, the military can have its demands and pursuing a romantic partnership becomes top priority to many soldiers. Rightfully so, you are their comfort and if you have stuck by each others side throughout the process of boot camp and AIT then expect the talk of future plans to be consistently talked about.

Fitness and Diet Change

Fitness and diet is very personal and every individual approaches a healthy lifestyle differently. When your soldier is away they go through rigorous training and strictly only get three meals a day! In other words after boot camp your soldier is going to physically be transformed.

Many military girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. take the initiative to increase their fitness regime when their soldier is at basic training.

WHY THOUGH?

Simply because when your soldier comes back they are going to lead a fit lifestyle. They are going to take pride in themselves and without instilled confidence in yourself it can be a hard mental barrier to shake. Fortunately, the solution is simple and (trust me) once you are reunited with your soldier and see how in shape they have become it is instant motivation.

Start by taking walks or increasing your gym routine. Choose healthier food options and in no time you will be on your way to endearing a healthy lifestyle!

When will my Soldier Come Home?

The different branches of the military vary on leave privileges. For Army soldiers they go straight from basic training to AIT without leave. After AIT the vast majority head over to their duty station.

Luckily, the HRAP program may be your soldiers saving grace in order to take leave. HRAP (Home Recruiting Assistant Program) is a home recruiting program. Once approved, soldiers are allowed a fourteen day leave. During the week(s) soldiers will be home but working at nearby Army recruiting centers, speaking at high schools, etc. If your soldier wants to take part in HRAP then he/she will have to apply in advance while at AIT. When he/she is notified of the acceptance into a HRAP position then your soldier will book their flight home. Flights are permitted after AIT graduation commences.

Please note:

Soldiers coming home for HRAP with have to purchase their own airfare.

Soldiers going right to their duty station will have airfare costs covered.

Homecoming Ideas

Soldiers go straight from boot camp onto AIT. After AIT some soldiers may have the privilege to go on leave. Going on leave usually allows soldiers about two weeks to go home before shipping out to their job station. This time period is really exciting and your soldier will be occupied with seeing friends and family.

Surprising your soldier with a homecoming poster is a small gesture that will put a big smile on your soldiers face. The below websites offer free homecoming posters for military personnel! All you have to do is pay for shipping.

http://www.lexiprint.com/

http://www.buildasign.com/Troops

More Homecoming Ideas:

Put together a basket of all your soldiers favorite foods that he has been missing for months! It is an affordable, fun idea!

Have you been missing the restaurant you and your soldier would go to? What about the park you two would always walk around? Make a life-size to do list! Add past time favorites to the list and see how many you can accomplish while your soldier is home. It will be a memorable process.

Spray your letters with the perfume you wore at home. Mailing the letter in your scent will comfort your soldier and make him/her less homesick.

Continued

Sample to-do list

Support Groups

HYPERLINK "http://www.forums.military.com" www.forums.military.com

HYPERLINK "http://www.militarysos.com" www.militarysos.com

HYPERLINK "https://www.facebook.com/ArmyWivesAndGirlfriends" https://www.facebook.com/ArmyWivesAndGirlfriends

For more credible sources dealing with stress management be sure to check out:

Local massage and yoga studios

American Heart Association [for how to deal with stress]

Trusted social workers, psychologists and therapists