THE UNIVERSITY OF VICTORIA’S INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPERFEBRUARY 7, 2013 • VOLUME 65 • ISSUE 23 • MARTLET.CA

DEBUTANTE OF DESIGN: MEET A UVIC COSTUME DESIGNER (P. 10)

KISS IN THE CITY CONTEST MET WITH CRITICISM (P. 4)

WHEN YOU CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT AT HOT YOGA (P. 9)

NEW FOOD TRUCK TO HIT VICTORIA STREETS (P. 15W)

> JENNY AITKEN

I travelled to Greece for a month last summer. A small crate holding 26 packs of Trident Layers weighed down my backpack. By day 23, I had exhausted my stash, only to discover that it’s not available in Greece. I didn’t know what to do; for over two years, I had hardly gone anywhere without Trident Layers. I started tearing up. When I told my friend Samantha Bartlett, she shook her head. “Jenny, we’re in Greece. Who cares about gum, anyway?”

Bartlett isn’t alone in her disdain — my room-mates condemn me as an addict.

Gum addiction, and whether or not it exists, is exciting increasing attention in the cyber world. Online support groups purport to help self-proclaimed gum junkies, some of who chew up to eight packs a day. I used to restrict myself to one pack a day, but now I weigh in at just under two packs; about 22 pieces per day. That’s 8 030 pieces yearly. With every pack of Layers weigh-ing in at 33.6 grams, if I keep chewing at this rate, I will have chewed 1 156 kilograms of gum between the ages of 20 to 80 — exceeding the cumulative weight of six adult male gorillas.

Bartlett’s question bothered me. Why was I so gum-obsessed?

According to Dr. David Katz, a columnist for O

magazine, gum containing sugar can be mildly addictive. That being said, many popular gum brands in Canada, including Trident, Orbit and Extra, sell several sugar-free products. My gum of choice, Trident Layers, is sugar free.

My dad hates my gum chewing. “Disgusting,” he says.

It’ll rot my teeth and line my stomach forever. This is a common belief, a fear instilled in chil-dren. But, like the existence of Santa Clause and the Boogey Man, not everything your parents tell you is true. Gum is referred to as “indigest-ible” because it resists the body’s attempts to break it down, yet it travels through the diges-tive system at the same rate — and exits in the same way — as any other swallowed material; it just maintains its properties.

With one myth disproved, I wanted to know if gum could rot my teeth. According to the American Dental Association (ADA), chewing sugarless gum after meals prevents tooth decay because the increased saliva washes away debris that leads to cavities. It’s a dental debris warrior. That being said, the ADA also warns that excessive gum chewing can also lead to jaw problems, including temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJ).

TMJ is a jaw-based syndrome that leads to chronic pain in the head and neck, making it

painful for the patient to open and close their mouth. The symptoms include inability to chew foods, migraines and hearing loss. For a while, even the slightest twinge in my jaw convinced me I would soon be drinking food through a straw, but since gum chewing isn’t one of the top causes of the disorder, I convinced myself I’d be safe to keep chewing.

I know, I know: addicts always rationalize their behaviour.

Still, chewing gum can’t be that bad; in fact many experts recommend it as a weight-loss tool because it helps curb cravings, and the constant chewing actually burns calories.

In a study conducted by the Mayo Clinic, students were hooked up to machines that mea-sured their energy expenditure. Resting subjects who weren’t chewing gum burned 58 kilocalo-ries per hour, but after chewing sugar-free gum for 12 minutes at a rate of at least 100 chews per minute, their hourly energy expenditure jumped to 70 kilocalories. The study found chewing gum daily (and frequently) could lead to a weight loss of up to 11 pounds per year.

My gum obsession began when I was trying to lose weight. From age seven to 17, I was persistently “big boned.” In September of Grade 12, I resolved to fit into a size-six prom dress. Considering I was size 14, it wouldn’t

be easy. I started going to the gym daily and cut out junk food. But here’s the thing: I was used to eating all things carbohydrate, so quitting cold turkey sucked. When I read in Women’s Health that chewing gum helps con-trol cravings, I had a “hallelujah” moment. I flirted with brands before discovering my one true love — Trident Layers. It was a relation-ship built to last. On prom night, I crossed the stage in a size-six dress with a broad smile and a stick of gum in my mouth.

But not all gums are marketed at shrinking your size: Suplitol Tongkat Ali Gum for Men promises to do the opposite. This Japanese gum contains a combination of herbs and plant testosterone, which purportedly improves blood flow below the belt. And for women, new on the Japanese market is Bust Up Gum, made with Purearia Mirifica extracts that ostensibly enhance your breasts. Too bad Dubble Bubble was already taken.

Chewing gum addiction: a sticky problem?

A STICKYPROBLEM?continued on p. 7

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VIKES ON PACE FOR TRACK NATIONALSMEN’S & WOMEN’S TRACK

The Vikes men’s and women’s track team are gearing up for championship season as the Canada West championship, Feb. 22-23 in Regina, and CIS championship, Mar. 7-9 in Edmonton, draw near.

The Vikes have transitioned from their fall cross-country season to the indoor track season, where several of the Vikes feel much more at home. In 2012, Adam Gaudes earned a CIS silver medal in to 600-m, while rookie Rachel Francois raced to gold in the same event and was the lone Vike to earn CIS First Team All-Canadian status.

Both Gaudes and Francois have already helped give the Vikes a good opening to the 2013 season, as Gaudes headed the 4x800-m relay to gold, while Francois earned a bronze in the 600-m at the University of Washington indoor preview, Jan. 11.

The Vikes also competed at the UW Invitational on Jan. 26 and had another spell of strong performances. Grace Annear raced a personal best in the 800-m (2:10.29), while senior Brittany Therrien bested herself in the mile race (4:54.72).

With only one graduate not returning this season, the Vikes are sure to be strong contenders on the track. In 2012, the Vikes men and women earned double-silver in the 4x800-m relay, and with Gaudes and Francois’ individual performances, had eight CIS All-Canadians.

The Vikes will race in the Bison Classic (Winnipeg, Man.) on Feb. 1-2, and the Husky Open (Seattle, Wash.) prior to the conference and national championships.

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February 7, 2013 MARTLET • NEWS 3

NEWS: PROVINCIAL

> VANESSA HAWK

According to a recent labour market profile, a province-wide demand for highly educated workers is set to overtake the number of quali-fied workers starting in 2016 and increasing through 2020. Over the next decade, govern-ment investment in post-secondary will be key in reducing the labour shortage, according to a report released on Jan. 29 by the Research Universities’ Council of B.C. (RUCBC).

The RUCBC’s B.C. Labour Market Profile shows that, starting in 2016, there will be too few qualified workers with post-secondary educa-tion to meet labour demands, leaving 18 800 jobs vacant by 2020. The B.C. government’s 2010–2020 Labour Market Outlook projects that 78 per cent of job openings in B.C. between 2010 and 2020 will require a degree from a university, college or trades institute. Over the next decade, over one million jobs will open across the province, 152 000 of which will be on Vancouver Island.

“We’re in an economic downturn right now, and what we have to remember is that we’re going to come out of that,” says UVic President David Turpin. “Just because things are a little tight right now doesn’t mean we can say that we don’t have to worry about education. The thing that’s going to happen is that the baby-boomers are going to retire. They’re moving into prime retirement years, and you’re going to have all these jobs opening up, and what the data show is that we’re not going to have enough educated

people to take them.”The profile was released on Jan. 29 by the

RUCBC, which represents the six major uni-versities in the province: UVic, Royal Roads University, the University of B.C., Simon Fraser University, the University of Northern B.C. and Thompson Rivers University. Drawing on data from the government’s B.C. Labour Market Out-look and Statistics Canada, the profile concludes the impending skills deficit is a result of an aging and retiring labour force, a slowing flow of immigrant workers into the province and an increase in jobs as a result of economic growth.

Retirees account for approximately two-thirds of the one million job openings. Most openings will be in: sales and services; business, finance and administration; and trades, transport and equipment operation occupations. New jobs from an expansion in sectors such as health, nat-ural and applied sciences and recreation make up the remaining third. Fewer immigrant work-ers will fill these positions than have in the past, according to the B.C. Labour Market Outlook.

“I think students right now in British Colum-bia are looking back at a lost decade for post-secondary education,” says Lucia Heffelfinger Orser, UVic Students’ Society director of ex-ternal relations. “We’ve seen our needs-based program scrapped. We’re the only province in Canada without a needs-based program. We’re also the province with the highest interest rates on student loans, and we’ve seen some major funding cuts to post-secondary, including at this institution.”

The RUCBC calls for an expansion of govern-ment support for post-secondary institutions in B.C. through the Opportunity Agenda the RUCBC released in October 2012.

“We’re looking to the province to increase the capacity of the post-secondary system, to improve the quality of the student financial assistance and to provide the long-term, stable, predictable research funding,” says Turpin.

The Opportunity Agenda calls on the provin-cial government to create 11 000 new spaces for qualified students, expand financial assistance for students and commit to research funding.

Creating space for more students over the next four years costs approximately $130 million, according to the agenda. In order to allow low-income students to enter post-secondary and to reduce graduates’ debt load, which is $27 000 on average, the agenda proposes loan-reduction grant programs and a merit-based graduate scholarship totalling $90 million annually, with a net new cost of $51 million.

According to figures from the Association of Universities and Colleges of Canada (AUCC), post-secondary education pays long-term returns to individuals, regardless of faculty of study, and to the economy. In spite of the economic downturn, university graduates earn higher incomes than their counterparts and contribute 41 per cent of the province’s income tax base.

“Expenditures in education are, in fact, in-vestments; they pay back,” says Turpin. “When people come out of universities, they get high-

paying jobs. They pay taxes, and the feedback into the public purse from well-educated individuals far outstrips the cost of educat-ing them.” The RUCBC report incorporates solutions presented in the Opportunity Agenda and comes only weeks before the B.C. 2013 budget is announced on Feb. 19. Whether the proposals are included in the budget remains to be seen, and the budget’s implementation is dependent on the results of the provincial general election on May 14.

Turpin says the proposal’s strength is in the solidarity it has drawn from universities, indus-try and student societies alike — something he says is uncommon in the post-secondary sector.

Orser says, “It’s unprecedented to see leaders from the post-secondary sector, including col-leges and universities and student unions, all working together around this call. I think that really just drives the message home to govern-ment and political parties that they need to keep in mind post-secondary education as they draft their platforms going into the May 2013 provincial election, but also their policies that come post-election.”

The UVSS has long advocated for student financial assistance and inclusion of student voices in government policy through cam-paigns such as Where’s the Funding? and Vote Education. While Orser is hopeful that the proposal will succeed, she emphasizes the importance of holding government account-able for post-secondary promises made during election campaigns.

CORRECTION TO JAN. 31 STORY ("ONGOING SYRIAN CONFLICT PROMPTS CALLS FOR USE OF INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT") On Jan. 31, the Martlet ran an article called “Ongoing Syrian conflict prompts calls for use of International Criminal Court”

in which we reported that there are around 1 550 Canadians formally registered with the embassy as being in Syria.

In fact, there are approximately 1 250 Canadians registered as being in Syria.

Study predicts more jobs than educated workers in B.C. by 2016

> RICHEL DONALDSON

The rain had just stopped as people began to gather in Centennial Square on Jan. 26. A group of about 100 marched on the Legisla-ture, led by drummers and carrying handmade signs that declared their frustration with the Harper government and Bill C-45, a piece of legislation that changes land provisions in the Indian Act and loosens protection of natural resources such as fresh water. Their message was clear: Idle No More.

The protesters included men and women, ranging from elders leaning on canes to young children holding hand-painted drums. Many wore their traditional costumes or headdresses. Non-indigenous supporters stood with them as well. The group finished their march at the steps of the Legislature, where tents for shelter awaited. Even though the event was non-vio-lent, it was constantly watched by members of

the Victoria Police Department. Notable amongst the protesters was the

presence of students. This event was orga-nized primarily by the First Nations Student Association of Camosun College and Native Student Union of UVic. Megan Marshall, the Aboriginal Students’ Liaison for the Canadian Federation of Students-B.C. (CFS-BC), said the event took eight weeks of planning and that she was pleased with the outcome. “It’s really nice to see this community coming together,” said Marshall.

MC Jarrett Martineau began the event by expressing his gratitude towards indigenous women, who he says have been the heart of this movement. He later called for a moment of silence to acknowledge Attawapiskat Chief Theresa Spence, who had ended her 44-day hunger strike three days prior, as well as Cross Lake elder Raymond Robinson, who had joined in her strike.

Several of the speakers introduced themselves in their indigenous languages. The presenters came from many different nations, but most were native to coastal B.C. Shana Manson of the Lyackson First Nation delivered a speech urging the nations of Vancouver Island to stand in soli-darity with those in Northern B.C. as they fight against development. She later expressed her hope that the day would keep people “motivated and energized” and said that they needed “to continue pushing.”

The crowd laughed as one elder gave her advice to young activists: “Never get saucy with the police.” She told youths that they had noth-ing to fear if their activism did not break the law. Young Donna Cook came after her and said, “I see a day where we are all treated as equals.” She denounced alcohol and drugs in indigenous communities and urged youths to break away from stereotypes.

Former UVic Students’ Society Chairperson

Tara Paterson spoke out on behalf of non-indig-enous supporters. She told her story of how she benefited from living on traditional Cree land. She called upon other non-indigenous people to support Idle No More because she believes being silent just furthers the process of colonization.

The rest of the event was characterized by drumming and singing. Elders began the songs and were quickly joined by others. Cook said in her speech, “Our weapon of choice is our drum.”

Despite a cold and wet day, more than 100 people rallied at this event and impressed the organizers. Manson acknowledged that many other rallies and events were taking place and that she was grateful that so many people had chosen this one.

The effects of this rally — as well as others like it — are yet to be seen. But many of the partici-pants felt that the Jan. 26 event was effective in gathering support for Idle No More.

Indigenous and student voices join at Victoria Idle No More rally

NEWS: campus Would you enter the Kiss in the City contest? Why or why not?

Email letters@martlet.ca.

> TIA LOW

The Downtown Victoria Business Association (DVBA)’s fourth annual Kiss in the City Contest is meeting some opposition for the first time. A group called the Disruption Collective says the contest further marginalizes those living in poverty by actively excluding them from spaces in the city and gentrifying the downtown area. The group has submitted contest entries that the DVBA has shown disapproval of.

The contest is held on the DVBA Facebook page and calls for individuals to post pictures of themselves kissing their significant other in a downtown location. Each photo posted is an entry to win a number of prizes, including a one-night stay at the Fairmont Empress Hotel, $300 to spend at the Bay Centre, movie passes and more. When the submission period ends on Feb. 7, five “local romance judges” will choose the top 10 entries, which the public will then vote on from Feb. 8–14.

“[The DVBA is] really just trying to inject some fun into the winter months of the year,” says DVBA general manager Ken Kelly.

Winning entries in the past have included artful photographs with popular downtown at-tractions in the background.

Former UVic students Serina Zapf and Julie Anne Blackpen are the Disruption Collective, which they created to disrupt authorities’ pro-cesses and events such as this contest. They are trying to reveal what they feel is being swept under the rug: how the DVBA has dealt with poverty and homelessness downtown. On Jan. 27, they posted photos of people — themselves included — kissing next to private property signs.

“It’s to draw attention to how the DVBA is criminalizing poverty and promoting a consum-er-oriented image of downtown,” says Zapf.

They posted three pictures before the DVBA deleted them. When people commented asking why, the DVBA said the photos “did not comply with the spirit” of the contest.

Kelly says the photos “showed very poor taste and poor judgment” — particularly one that showed a couple holding a chalkboard with “DVBA” written above a drawing of feces.

“They know nothing about our organization . . . and it’s unfortunate to disrupt this particular contest in the manner that they have,” he says.

Explaining the Disruption Collective’s ap-proach, Blackpen says, “I’m not interested in having a conversation with [the DVBA] through

this action. This is more about having a conver-sation with the community. I’m not interested in going into their container. I think the space they created is very gentrifying and very exclusive.”

Neither of the groups has tried to contact the other directly.

The DVBA put up the private property signs near privately owned spaces in 2006 with help from the Victoria Police and downtown business owners. They were originally a response to “a group [of people] who could simply not respect the rights of property owners to keep things clean, tidy and welcoming,” says Kelly.

People cannot trespass, loiter, camp or so-licit in these marked spaces, and people who do can be arrested on the grounds of the B.C. Trespass Act.

This results in social profiling by police, say Zapf and Blackpen.

“It means poor people who have nowhere to live, nowhere to go, they’re being excluded from all spaces in the city,” says Zapf. “There’s a lot of stigma caught up in the street com-munity where we no longer see people in our neighbourhoods as people.”

Some conditions may have changed since the signs were posted. Kelly says, “I don’t think there has been the degree of reason that there was formerly to have those signs up there.” However, he says the signs will not come down.

“While most of our owners are very apprecia-tive of the plight that some people find them-selves in,” says Kelly, “if those people are not showing respect to the owner or the business that occupies that space, then there will have to be some means by which those individuals be politely but effectively asked to move along, and those signs do that. There should be no blurring of boundaries on this. We’re talking not public space, but private space.”

Zapf and Blackpen also note the Victoria Integrated Court (VIC) system, which the DVBA helped establish in 2010. They believe the private property signs increase convictions for street-involved people, creating a pool of work-ers who — through the VIC — are forced to do community service. This claim has “absolutely no semblance to what reality is,” says Kelly.

According to the DVBA website, the DVBA is a “community service partner for those convicted in the courts.” Community service sentences are carried out with the DVBA’s Clean Team and other community organizations, including Our Place. This work is unpaid as it is in lieu of other punishments such as fines. Kelly adds that the

Clean Team program often hires clients of the VIC to clean up the downtown core.

“We have been able to help them in a small way by giving them assistance, by employing them,” adds Kelly.

The VIC was created through the B.C. Attorney General to address increasing crimes commit-ted by individuals with unstable housing and mental health and/or addiction issues, and to deal with the resulting demands on emergency service and health service providers. It operates outside the regular courts and combines the justice system with health and social services in hopes of reducing repeat offences. According to a 2011 Provincial Court of B.C. report, all groups involved with the VIC strongly believe in community service as a way of making offenders pay for their crimes.

The Victoria Public Interest Research Group (VIPIRG) and the Radical Health Alliance, a working group of VIPIRG, regularly speak out against the way city organizations deal with street-involved people in Victoria and express concern with the VIC system.

“I’m deeply troubled,” says VIPIRG Research Co-ordinator Seb Bonet, “that the DVBA advo-cated for this court and are benefitting from it by having people serve [with] their so-called Clean Team.”

Kelly feels issues around poverty and home-lessness are improving. “The downtown service providers, the City of Victoria, the police, the business community, the courts — everybody has worked together to address these challenges that our community has faced,” he says.

The Disruption Collective aims to use the light-hearted nature of the Kiss in the City Contest to bring awareness to more serious issues.

“I hope through something that’s playful and fun, people will learn a little bit more. There has been a lot of writing [done by other groups], and there have been a lot of campaigns, but it doesn’t seem to be coming home,” says Zapf.

Since their initial posts on the DVBA Face-book page got deleted, the Disruption Collec-tive has posted more photos, which have not been removed.

4 NEWS • MARTLET February 7, 2013

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The Disruption Collective has posted photos like the one above on the Dowtown Victoria Business Association's Facebook page in protest of the Kiss in the City contest.

Activists show no love for Kiss in the City ContestDisruption Collective says contest gentrifies Victoria

PROVIDED

Interested in international affairs? Why not check out the Martlet's insights into the Honduran primaries on martlet.ca?

Our web editor covered the elections as a human rights observer.

February 7, 2013 MARTLET • NEWS 5

NEWS: local

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> VANESSA HAWK

Robert Fisk has reported on major conflicts in the Middle East from his post in Beirut, Leba-non, for over 30 years as an international war journalist, 25 of which have been as a writer for British newspaper The Independent. He has cov-ered the 1979 Iranian revolution, the first Gulf War, the U.S. invasions of Afghanistan in 2001 and of Iraq in 2003 and the ongoing Syrian con-flict — events where international media often only skim the surface.

On Feb. 1, Fisk gave a lecture called “Arab Awakening: but are we hearing the truth?” at a sold-out event at UVic’s Flury Hall in the Wright Centre.

He is one of the few journalists who inter-viewed Osama bin Laden in person, and did so on three occasions after the Russian occupation of Afghanistan. Bin Laden requested the inter-views and even tried to convert him, saying Fisk is a true Muslim.

Fisk is one of the most renowned and cel-ebrated foreign correspondents, earning more journalism awards than any of his colleagues. He has received the British International Journalist of the Year award seven times and the Amnesty International U.K. Press Award twice, and he has authored five books on the Middle East.

Fisk’s Victoria lecture was part of a cross-Canada tour from Jan. 21 to Feb. 2. UVic’s social justice studies program and the Victoria chapter of Canadians for Justice and Peace in the Middle East (CJPME) brought Fisk to town.

Even moving the lecture to a larger venue couldn’t accommodate the number of people hoping to see Fisk speak on the Arab Awaken-ing. People were turned away at the doors and extra chairs were brought in.

At 66 years old, Fisk has lost little of the energy that drives his stripped-down, on-the-ground reporting: he plans to visit Syria and Egypt, among other countries, after lecturing in Canada. He spares no actors blame. He critiques Western leaders, the international community and mass media as much as he does repressive Middle Eastern dictators. Stephen Harper and British Prime Minister Tony Blair were the brunt of Fisk’s biting sense of humour as he criticized the ineffectiveness of international players in the Middle East.

Fisk’s perspective pervades his work down to his use of “Arab Awakening” rather than the popular “Arab Spring” moniker. “Springs turn into bloody summers and infinitely more horrible winters, so don’t use the word ‘spring,’ ” said Fisk.

He dismissed the idea that a spark or singular incident set off the uprisings in Egypt in De-cember 2010, saying that it was a combination of a population that is newly educated and has new understanding of the world outside Egypt through travel and technology.

From countless interviews with Middle East-ern citizens during their respective uprisings, Fisk has found that people there demand dignity and freedom rather than governance by democ-racy, as the West promotes.

“Democracy, to the protestors, is the West that supported their dictators,” said Fisk, emphasiz-

ing the U.S. and the UN supporting leaders like bin Laden and legitimating decades of fraudu-lent elections across the region.

He was heavily critical of Western media that aim to simplify and generalize the wars in the Middle East and, as a result, have de-contextual-ized the conflicts.

In a recent article that dismisses the ability to determine an accurate number of casualties in the Syrian conflict, Fisk wrote, “[t]he UN, after all, is not a committee of wise men, but a monumental political beast, not unlike a giant donkey. Give it the carrot of a bigger mass grave and it might plod a little faster.”

However, he clarified he hasn’t lost faith in the UN or other international organizations like Amnesty International or Human Rights Watch when UVic student Quinn MacDonald

asked Fisk his opinion on the UN member states’ Responsibility to Protect (R2P) human rights initiative during the question period. Fisk said enacting R2P raises questions about who should be protected and how they should be protected that need to be addressed.

Some audience members came away from the talk feeling disappointed by Fisk’s pessi-mism about the prospects for resolution of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict and the civil war in Syria. Still, after four decades of experiencing relentless uprisings and violence first-hand, Fisk retains hope and encourages people to not only support groups like Amnesty International, but to visit countries in the Middle East themselves and not rely on media that offer a fragmented view of the region.

Veteran war journalist offers a different perspective on the Arab Awakening

HUGO WONGRobert Fisk, who has reported from the Middle East for more than 30 years, spoke at UVic on Feb. 1 to a full house.

SPORTS & LIFESTYLE Check out our Business and Technology section in these pages next week to learn about wedding proposals from outer space

(yep, we're pulling all the stops for the Valentine's issue).

6 SPORTS & LIFESTYLE • MARTLET February 7, 2013

> ELLA WEATHERILT

The long and the short of it is that long-distance relationships suck. Not in the “I’m forlorn be-cause my lover has gone away to distant lands” kind of way, but in the “I miss the person that I really dig and I’m super horny” kind of way.

Not exactly the stuff you write romantic po-etry about, but hey, that’s life. The shitty fact is, sometimes (or, in my case, fairly often), when you’re an adult and you dig someone, they have to go somewhere that you’re not. Careers, school, family, personal enlightenment — what-ever the reason, sometimes two people have to try to make it work from different area codes. More than four million U.S. college couples are in long-distance relationships, and you can bet a lot of Canadian university students have gone the long-distance route, too.

But what does long distance mean for your genitals?

Nothing good. Here’s the thing about long distance: I’m pretty sure you can make it work. That is, it can work emotion-wise. Your junk is screwed, though, and not in the fun way. Unless you’re one of those superheroes of polyamory or in an open relationship, the only pleasure that’s going to get anywhere near your privates will be

coming from your own hand (and/or whatever battery-operated devices you may possess).

The only comfort I have to give you is that the longer you go without sex, the easier it gets. After the first three months, that is.

I recommend a large, Eastern European grandmother helping of denial. If you really love the crap out of the person you’re however many miles away from (I don’t want to get sappy here, but you’d better love them — it’s probably not worth it if you don’t), you have to be really good at ignoring the shitty parts of your present situ-ation and look forward to the future. A future that will hopefully involve the two of you mash-ing your privates together on a bed of money or master’s degrees (whichever you prefer).

I also recommend looking into phone sex, Skype sex or FaceTime sex. We live in an age of limitless technological ways to get your rocks off, most of which are definitely worth exploring.

So, folks, here’s to you and your attempts to find love and shit. Your genitals may be pissed, and you may have moments where you wonder what the hell you’re doing. But hey, it’s an ex-periment that might just go right.

Or, you could continue to have glorious, unat-tached sex and be awesome. Whatever floats your boat.

THE STUDENT BAWDY

Reluctantly learning to love the long DBalancing the battle between your genitals and geography

> STUART ARMSTRONG

Like other universities in Canada, UVic has a grow-ing problem with student depression, and UVic Counselling Services is having difficulty managing. There are 10 counsellors to deal with the entire student body (approximately one counsellor per 2 000 students), plus a designated counsellor for indigenous students. Counselling Serivces has been compelled to develop a list of off-campus counsel-lors who will see students on a sliding-fee scale.

Unless students book an appointment in the first week of a term, the wait time for a counsel-ling session can be up to a month. In the past, Counselling Services would hire a seasonal counsellor for times of increased need. But because of 1.5 per cent budget cuts to university departments this academic year (and planned budget cuts of 4 per cent in the next two years), Counselling Services is reviewing its policies to change the way student depression is dealt with. This new approach will include seminars to help students, staff and faculty in psychological first aid. Participants will learn to identify the signs of emotional distress and depression and know what to do.

According to Rita Knodel, PhD, a registered psychologist and director of Counselling Services, “Seventy per cent of students at the University

of Victoria are students from other areas of the country or are from other countries. As a result, many students have no social support system to help them cope with the life changes that students typically face in their late teens and early 20s.” She adds that some students may give up regular meals, sleep and exercise due to heavy study schedules. “This by itself can lead to depression and anxiety without the added difficulties of unresolved psychological issues such as separation anxiety if this is the first time moving away from home or moving to a new city.”

One solution is drop-in appointments. Students can call at 8:30 a.m. and ask for an appointment that day. Counselling Services typically holds four to six appointments for urgent needs. There are also check-in blocks two to three times a week where people are dealt with on a first-come, first-serve basis for 20-minute sessions with a counsel-lor, similar to a walk-in clinic. These options are available for all students.

Knodel says Counselling Services often books multiple appointments on the hour. “We hold ap-pointments for 10 minutes, so if someone doesn’t show or is late, or someone doesn’t call ahead to say that they are going to be late, that appoint-ment is given up to someone else. So if someone comes in and is just patient . . . they can wait 10 minutes and they can get that spot.” She adds

that, if you’re persistent, you can usually get in within a day or two.

The increase in demand for services is sub-stantial. In September 2012, Maclean’s ran a cover article entitled “Campus crisis: the broken generation,” which reported on a 2011 survey at the University of Alberta. Of the 1 600 students surveyed, many were so depressed that it was difficult to function (34.4 per cent), experienced overwhelming anxiety (52.1 per cent) or were overwhelmed by what needed to be done (87.5 per cent), and some had seriously considered suicide (6.8 per cent).

Knodel says new factors have contributed to student mental health issues. “The career op-portunities at the end of a degree are different, for example. We are now looking at engineering students or nursing students that are at the end of their degrees and not being able to get work.” She adds, “Competition is probably higher in some programs than it used to be. I think that stress is always high, that university or post-secondary is stressful — it’s meant to be a challenge. [But there is] a fine line between when a student feels chal-lenged or overwhelmed.”

The increase in student depression may also be a reaction to increasing pressure from family.

“Sometimes parents put a lot of pressure on students to go into certain programs. I think some

of those pressures have probably intensified over the years,” says Knodel.

Knodel has consulted with the Canadian and American counselling authorities on ways to combat student depression, stress and anxiety and found that simply adding more counsellors is not a very effective answer. A much better approach according to Knodel is to work with students and faculty to create a less stressful environment on campus and to train peer helpers to appropriately react to signs of stress and depression. Counselling Services runs a peer-helping program out of its office. The goal is to train students to talk to other students who are struggling and then, if necessary, refer them to counselling services, “rather than just bring crying students to Counselling Services and drop them off with us, as typically happens now,” says Knodel.

Knodel offers some words of encouragement to those who are experiencing depression or believe that they may start to. “What I like to tell people is that feeling depressed after prolonged periods of stress is normal.”

The Counselling Services office expects to launch its new awareness program in the fall of 2013. For information about the programs from Counselling Services, go to coun.uvic.ca, call 250-721-8341 or schedule an appointment in the University Centre on the second floor, room B270. 

UVic attacks student depression with multi-pronged programFunding cuts mean creative approaches to growing demand for counsellors

KLARA WOLDENGA

February 7, 2013 MARTLET • SPORTS & LIFESTYLE 7

But is my gum obsession really a problem? I asked my physician if my incessant gum chewing would damage my health, and she said unless I was suffer-ing from gastrointestinal problems, I’d be fine. This is a concern because sorbitol, a common ingredient in sugar-free gums, is also used as a laxative. Given there is little sorbitol in gum, it rarely causes diffi-culties for the casual user, but hard cases may spend a lot of time in the bathroom.

There are definite drawbacks to any obsession. I have a stash of over 100 packs of Trident Layers hidden under my bed. I’m not the only one willing to shell out the bucks; in 2007, Canadians spent $449 million on gum. The industry is expanding, with analysts predicting a global market hitting $23 billion by 2017.

I’ve learned to buy in bulk. At Costco, I can get 48 packs of Trident Layers (my monthly supply)

for $54.60. Even avoiding gas station and grocery store gum purchases, that’s still over $650 a year.

More than money or stomach pain, what worries me most about my gum fixation is how helpless I feel without it. Last year, I tried breaking the habit, making it five whole days until, during a potluck with friends, I inhaled four pieces of cake. At parties, I usually allow myself a small slice and then pop a fresh piece of gum to distract myself from diving back in. With my molars unoccupied, nothing could stop me. Afterwards, I rushed to my purse for the emergency pack stowed in an outer pocket and took a hit, convinced it was the only thing preventing a return to size 14.

When New Year’s rolled around, my family advised me to quit chewing gum. I considered it for about 10 seconds, but the thought made me so nervous I instinctively reached for a piece. I don’t actually think that chewing gum is what helps me keep off the weight — I think the healthy eating and daily gym sessions have more to do with it than a stick of gum — but at this point, it is such an ingrained habit that if I had to quit, I wouldn’t know where to start. When it comes to my gum-chewing compulsion, I may just be stuck with it.

> LACHLAN ROSS

The Vikes women’s basketball team has furthered its fiery start to the new year with a home sweep over the University of Northern B.C. (UNBC) Timberwolves on Feb. 1 and 2.

With a 65–48 win Friday and an 82–66 victory Saturday, there was no warm welcome to Mckin-non Gym for the Canadian Interuniversity Sport (CIS) newcomers.

The Vikes began January with a five-game win-ning streak, but cooled off in Kamloops with a Jan 26. loss to Thompson Rivers University (TRU).

“We were feeling pretty good about our success,” said third-year guard Jessica Renfrew. “Maybe a little bit too good. We came [into the Jan. 26 game] a little bit too relaxed, I think, so it was a big wake-up call for us.”

The win bumped the 12–5 WolfPack ahead of the Vikes in Pacific conference standings to third.

After the loss, Vikes fifth-year guard Debbie Ye-boah said, “I think it’s good that [a loss] happened now . . . I think it could be a good learning experi-ence, and as long as we take something away from it, then it could be good for us.”

Coming off a tough shooting night against TRU, hitting just 4–23 from the field, Yeboah got back to her Can-West All-Star ways scoring 19 on 9-15 shooting Feb. 1 and 16 points Feb. 2. The five-foot-six guard also managed to rip down 12 rebounds and dish out 12 assists over the weekend, leading the Vikes in both categories.

“What we’ve been really happy with is, especially since Christmas, [Yeboah] has expanded her game,” said coach Dani Sinclair. “She’s not only scoring for us, but she’s distributing the ball better, [and] she’s rebounding the ball better. She’s been our leading rebounder in a few games, on top of being a leader for us on and off the court.”

With the Feb. 1 and 2 wins, the Vikes still sit in fourth, occupying the final Pacific playoff spot after going 5–1 in January. Yeboah attributes the

early-year success to a tough Christmas break.“We had a lot of hard practices, but good prac-

tices,” said Yeboah, “and I think we just put in work and we wanted to make a change.”

Going into the holiday break, the team had lost road games in Lethbridge and Calgary.

“We lost a couple of games we shouldn’t have,” said Yeboah, “so I guess we came [into 2013] with just enough spite and just enough hard work.”

Sinclair agreed the team benefitted from the holi-day workouts, saying, “I think the girls have come out with renewed energy after Christmas.” She added, “The first weekend in Winnipeg, we talked about set-ting the tone for the second half of the season.”

“I think the biggest thing for us is playing as a team and using each and every player’s individ-ual strengths to our advantage,” said Renfrew, who is having a breakout year.

“Jess has come into her own this year,” said Sin-clair. “She’s been a top scorer for us, [and] she of-ten matches up with the other team’s best player . . . We’re asking a lot of her, and she’s responded extremely well to all of those challenges.”

With just four regular season games remaining, the Vikes need to carry their momentum into the tail of the season.

“Every game now has huge playoff implica-tions,” said coach Sinclair. “There’s still so much to be determined as far as placement.”

“I think we have a great chance to make play-offs and to host playoffs, even,” said Yeboah. “We just need to keep performing. We can’t have any lapses.”

With 5–13 Mount Royal next up on the schedule on Feb. 8 and 9, the Vikes have a chance to secure a playoff spot before taking on second-place University of British Columbia (UBC) in their final weekend (Feb. 15 and 16) of regular season play.

“We’ve had some really great games,” said Ren-frew, “but we can’t ride on our previous successes to carry us through. It’s definitely game-by-game, and we can’t take any win for granted.”

Vikes women’s basketball team sweeps UNBC, recovers from loss to TRU

Shooting for playoffsHUGO WONG

Vike Chelsea McMullen breaks away from a pack of University of Northern B.C. Timberwolves.

A STICKYPROBLEM?continued from cover

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8 OPINIONS • MARTLET February 7, 2013

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Editor-in-Chief • Vanessa Annand edit@martlet.caProduction Co-ordinator • Glen O’Neill proco@martlet.caManaging Editor • Erin Ball maned@martlet.caAdvertising Director • Marc Junker ads@martlet.ca News Editor • Shandi Shiach news@martlet.ca Opinions Editor • Sol Kauffman opinions@martlet.ca Culture Editor • Tyler Laing culture@martlet.ca Features & Humour Editor • Geoff Line martlet.humour.feature@gmail.comSports & Lifestyle Editor • Kevin Underhill sports.martlet@gmail.com Business & Tech Editor • Nina Neissl businesstech.martlet@gmail.com Photo Editor • Hugo Wong photo@martlet.caVideo Co-ordinator • Alan Piffer video@martlet.ca Graphics Editor • Klara Woldenga comics.martlet@gmail.caWeb Editor • Liz McArthur web@martlet.caDistribution Co-ordinator • Jon-Paul Zacharias jpzach@uvic.caVolunteer Co-ordinator • Marta Ligocki martlet.volunteercoordinator@gmail.comProduction Assistant • William WorkmanStaff Writers • Vanessa Hawk, Tia Low Copy Editor • Ashley HampsonDistribution • Matt Loewen, Kimberley Veness, Coltin Neyrinck, Stefan Lake, Marketa HlavonContributors • Jenny Aitken, Stuart Armstrong, Jack Crouch, Meg Cuthbert, Richel Donaldson, Amy Frueh, Jonathon Gentille, Robyn Gray, Jill Kuzyk, Joseph Leroux, Mark Lester, Julie McIntosh, Blake Morneau, Patrick Murry, Mike Parolini, Kaitlyn Rosenburg, Lachlan Ross, Ella Weatherilt, Katrina Wong

Want to help with the Editorial? Editorial topics are decided on by staff at our weekly editorial meetings. These meetings take place at 11 a.m. every Wednesday in the Martlet office (SUB B011), and all are welcome to attend. Editorials are written by one or more staff members and are not necessarily the opinion of all staff members.

Happy? Sad? Enraged? Tell us: letters@martlet.caThe Martlet has an open letters policy and will endeavour to print letters received from the university and local community. Letters must be submitted by email, include your real name and affiliation to UVic, and have “Letter to the editor” in the subject line. Letters must be under 200 words and may be edited. Letters must be sent by the Friday before publication in order to be considered for publication. The Martlet Publishing Society is an incorporated B.C. society and a full member of Canadian University Press (CUP). We strive to act as an agent of constructive social change and will not print racist, sexist, homophobic or otherwise oppressive copy.

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> JONATHON GENTILLE

Imagine someone stole your $1 600 laptop.You know who it was, but the cops won’t pur-sue charges. You question the thief. He says he took your laptop because you weren’t using it as much as he does, and that he has a right to it. You made your living using that laptop, and now you are broke. The thief now uses your laptop for his living and is doing very well. You are suffering dire poverty without your work tool.

It was your laptop a few weeks ago. Will it be your laptop still next month? Next year? When will it become not your laptop? Would it ever be so long ago that it doesn’t matter anymore? Do you think you would ever get to the point where you would think, “He was bigger than me, so he had the right to take my laptop?” Probably not.

So why do so many of us European-Canadians use these types of justifications to rationalize our government’s illegal expropriation of indig-enous lands and resources?

Indigenous Canadians have suffered through a legacy of abuse through the growth of this nation, from residential schools to the Orwellian legislation of the Indian Act and beyond. But acknowledging the abysmal treatment of indigenous peoples is not the same as saying all non-indigenous people should pack up and leave. Nobody on any side of this dialogue is saying that.

We have to be honest with ourselves about the history and the current situation and move forward. It’s high time we change the way we

think about indigenous people. I welcome any Idle No More-type movement that pushes our government to let indigenous people have their rightful seat at the table, a stake in the game and a strong voice. A designated number of seats for indigenous people elected or selected by their own indigenous nations in our national and provincial legislative bodies, proportionate to the percentage of indigenous people in the population, would be a great first step and is already in place in countries like Venezuela and Bolivia. Indigenous access to traditional land and resources must be guaranteed.

Rather than municipal, regional, provincial or federal entities, indigenous nations are just what they sound like: nations. History shows what happens when one nation tries to eradicate another under the guise of “progress.” The outcomes are never pretty, and we’ve had enough of that in this country. We are better than that. We need to be better than this.

Indigenous people across North America are raising their voices as one and speaking in the only way we can hear them. Let’s keep our ears, minds and hearts open to this opportunity for long overdue true dialogue to begin. When it comes to respecting the dignity and rights of indigenous people, the Canadian government has never missed an opportunity to miss an opportunity. Our leaders are capable of doing the right thing, but they need to be pushed from below to do it. This conversation needs to hap-pen today in our homes, schools and worksites. As Winston Churchill once said, “To jaw jaw jaw is always better than to war war war.”

The Super Bowl halftime show is one of the most anticipated and watched television events in the United States. Each year, the public expects bigger and better: more fireworks, more choreography and an everlasting lineup up of mega-superstars.

It doesn’t get much more spectacular than Beyoncé. Everything she does is a super-produced, booty-shaking, over-the-top performance (inauguration lip-synching aside), so it makes sense she was the choice for this year’s show. Last year, Madonna’s halftime show had 114 million people tuning in, and this year, Beyoncé drew over 100 million viewers as well. How can the halftime show possibly maintain its trajectory? When will it end? Who is bigger than Bey? 

Perhaps some fresh scandal is in order. Not since the ill conceived and poorly staged “nipplegate” of 2004 has there been a proper controversy surrounding the Super Bowl’s halftime show. If you’ll recall, Justin Timberlake reached around Janet Jackson’s torso at the end of their performance and yanked off one of her boob covers, revealing a star-adorned breast. They called it a “wardrobe malfunction.” Please.

The Super Bowl higher-ups were either so aroused by the situation that they couldn’t comfortably enjoy the second half, or simply so enraged that a woman singer had made a mockery of their be-loved game that they kept the fairer sex from headlining halftime for six years. Perhaps they decided it would be easier to refocus on burly men beating each other without any added pressure in their loins. From 2005–2010, middle- to late-middle-aged men rocked the halftime show, and all was good and safe and pristine once more. Female headliners weren’t seen again until 2011 when Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas had the privilege of performing for the masses.

In this day of social justice and equality, the answer to a bit of female nudity (if you can even call it that) is not to choke the Super Bowl halftime show of lady performers. In fact, quite the contrary. We just need to balance it out with a little man flesh. Think of how refreshing it would be if, at the end of a high-energy pyrotechnic halftime extravaganza, Nicki Minaj — consumed by the heat of the moment — gave Michael Bublé the ol’ reach-around and yanked off his codpiece, exposing Bublé’s tasseled wiener to the world. Imagine the excuses then.

On the flip side, maybe an appeal to patriotism would help stir the remaining population to tune in. With over 200 other countries watching the Super Bowl, the NFL is really missing their chance to shine and show the world what America is all about. After all, it’s called American football for a reason.

We need more American colours. The event should be bursting with the magnificent red, white and blue colours of American patriotism. Perhaps they should consider dipping not only all the cheer-leaders in those glorious colours, but the halftime performers as well.

There is also a serious lack of eagles of the bald variety. What’s more American than releasing a group of bald eagles like doves from cages so they can fly off into the stands and greet their fellow Ameri-cans? We’ll tell you. Bald eagles released into the stands, dipped in the colours of America, gripping ice-cold bottles of Coke™ in their shining talons. That’s the halftime show we want to see in 2014.

Super Bowl shenanigansKLARA WOLDENGA

KLARA WOLDENGA

Idle No More apart

February 7, 2013 MARTLET • OPINIONS 9

> MARK LESTER

Ever since the attacks of 9-11, Western gov-ernments have been focused on fighting the seemingly endless “war on terror.” This war has led militaries to far corners of the world where they try to stamp out terrorist threats while managing to shed plenty of blood and over a trillion dollars in the process. As terrorist groups unconfined by state boundaries are able to eas-ily hide amongst the clutter of cities, the West has realized traditional military tactics are less effective and has resorted to a new weapon; one that is equally sneaky and deadly.

Drones, or Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAVs), seem straight out of science fiction. Armed with hellfire rockets and state-of-the-art cameras, drones kill targets as though in a video game, with operators even using controllers almost indistinguishable from those used for an Xbox 360. President Obama’s new nominee to head the CIA, John Brennan, praises drones for their “astonishing” and “surgical” precision, which al-lows the drones to efficiently kill terrorists while avoiding risks to civilian and American lives. Yet eyewitness and independent news agencies

claim this is far from the truth.According to a study by New York University

and Stanford University, the CIA allegedly carried out the first targeted drone killing in Afghanistan in 2002. Today, this secret program has expanded to include Pakistan, Somalia and Yemen. In 2011, the London-based Bureau of Investigative Jour-nalism reported that in Pakistan, drone strikes were occurring on average every four days.

Under President Barack Obama, the drone program has dramatically escalated to include “signature strikes,” which, according to Daniel Klaidman, author of Kill or Capture: the War on Terror and the Soul of the Obama Presidency, target “groups of men who bear certain signa-tures, or defining characteristics associated with terrorist activity, but whose identities aren’t necessarily known.” American officials claim to have killed over 600 militants (including 24 terrorist leaders) in 2011, yet distinguishing be-tween militant and civilian is almost impossible. In 2012, the New York Times reported many in the White House joke that when the CIA sees “three guys doing jumping jacks,” they assume it is a terrorist training camp. More frightening is the use of a technique known as a “double

tap,” where drones wait for rescuers to reach the scene and strike a second time. This has forced rescuers to wait hours before daring to help victims. Legal experts including UN special rap-porteur Christof Heyns have noted such actions constitute war crimes.

Suspected militants are not the only drone casualties. In total, drones have killed at least 3 061 people since 2004 in countries not formally at war with the U.S., with over 200 of these victims being children — and that’s a conservative tally. Rather than destroying terrorist threats, these strikes have bred new hatred toward the West. People living under drones in Pakistan claim that before, most didn’t even know America existed, but now, according to one Pakistani interviewed for the NYU/Stan-ford study, “almost all people hate America.” Drones have given many people in the region a new reason to fight, making it easier for terrorist groups to recruit more followers.

It seems to me drones create the very condi-tions of terror that the U.S. is trying to eradi-cate. These covert operations lack any system of accountability, directly breaking the 1976 executive order banning American intelligence

forces from attempting assassinations. Drones create the perception that war can be costless in terms of American lives, but the long-term costs are significant. Drones have developed into a $94-billion industry with over 50 countries, including Iran and Syria, in possession of their own versions. Who knows what the conflicts of the future will look like, with researchers work-ing on nano-drones (equally lethal weapons the size of insects). Governments are also using drones in more environments, such as patrol-ling borders and aiding the police force. I cringe at the possibility of drones one day monitoring our every move and enabling dictatorships to further oppress their people.

Though drone strikes will not go away any time soon, we need a system of transparency and legal accountability to ensure they are used only when absolutely necessary. Many terrorist-inhabited areas lack access to basic health care and education. Only if we help develop rather than bomb these areas can we have a hope of killing the terrorist ideology. The world we live in will always contain threats and problems — waging fear against fear and terror against terror will solve nothing.

> ROBYN GRAY

Over the past few years, I have heard many posi-tive things about hot yoga. People go into an in-sanely hot room and sweat their asses off. By the end of it, they feel clean and revitalized. While I was fooled at first, I now know how brutal this really is. I write to warn those innocent to the realities of hot yoga by telling you about my first experience with it.

When my friend told me that there was a one-week unlimited special at a Bikram hot yoga studio near my house, I decided to go for it. If people think yoga is a good form of exercise even though all you do is stand around in differ-ent poses, then sweating more must mean it’s more effective, right?

The reception area of the studio I went to was bright and clean, and the women working there were extremely friendly. I was so pleased that I was trying out the latest workout fad. I quite enjoyed the class at first, but that ended once the instructor walked in the room and we had to stop lying on our mats.

We began with a breathing exercise in which we “stretched and compressed our ribs while taking deep inhales and exhales.” Basically, we took huge lungfuls of air heavy with heat and moisture before exhaling it all back out where it stayed, stagnant in the suffocating room. We then began the standing poses. The sweat was officially dripping off me by the bucket load. I alternated between seeing spots and having a stomach ache. I loved some of the poses we got into and felt like I could be strengthen-ing my body and increasing my flexibility. But that could have been a hallucination brought on by dehydration. The instructor was wear-ing a microphone like Gwen Stefani live and talked rapidly, plus she kept clapping at us to signify when we were done different poses. I’d never felt more like a dog in my life. And not the downward kind, either — doing that pose would have caused too much blood to rush to our heads in all the heat. When one person went into child’s pose to take a break, the instruc-tor told her to lie on her back instead so she wouldn’t get lightheaded.

As we finished the standing poses and lay down on our mats, I was relieved that I had survived and would soon be released from this hell. Imagine my horror when I realized that this lying down was merely a quick break before

we began the sitting poses. So much for making it out alive. These poses felt slightly easier than the standing ones; however, I couldn’t get over the fact that I was placing my face on the same towel that I had stood on and sweated all over for the last hour or so.

When the class finally ended, I could hardly wait to step into the normal temperature of the reception area. The cold air rushed over me like I’d jumped into a pool . . . but instead of feeling relieved, I initially was overcome with nausea. I made it to the change room and managed to peel off the clothes that I would likely toss in a dumpster — they were never going to be clean and dry again.

However, lots of fellow students told me, “It’s

so great when you get used to it! Keep coming back and you’ll feel much better!”

I did come back a few times that week, seeing as I had paid for the deal. However, within the short timeframe I gave it, it didn’t get any more fun. Perhaps I wanted to vomit less, but that was about it. I figured it might eventually do won-ders for my body, since wanting to die during a workout must mean it’s working. Yet for some reason I did not buy the year-long membership by the end of the week-long deal.

That summer, I took up yoga without the heat . . . and was amazed at what I had been miss-ing. My body was tested as I tried new poses and worked to strengthen my muscles and in-crease my flexibility, but I did not want to faint

while I was doing it. I could focus on these poses instead of focusing solely on the amount of sweat in my eye. The instructor spoke quietly and calmly without clapping at me like I was an obedient dog. And when the class was over, I felt calm and focused instead of absolutely wiped; plus, I felt I could go out in public and people wouldn’t stare and wonder what tidal wave had hit me.

I realize there are many people who love hot yoga, and I support pursuing the physical fitness of your choice. However, I will continue to do yoga without the inside-a-volcano heat. Hot yoga is not a magical solution for everyone.

The futility of using terror to fight terror

When hot yoga leaves you cold

KLARA WOLDENGA

an an institution foster creativ-ity? This question preoccupies fine arts students of all disciplines, perhaps nowhere more so than in the Theatre Department, where not only are the usual deadlines fixed and grades meted out, but students’ work is also scrutinized by a paying audience.

Halley Fulford, who is in her fifth year double-majoring in UVic’s

Theatre and English Honours programs, is learning the boon and bane that a structured environment can be for creative endeav-ours. Fulford is entering the final stretch of designing costumes for her first Phoenix Theatre production, Reasons To Be Pretty, which runs from Feb. 14 –23.

“There are deadlines, and they’re real deadlines, and the show will go up. And that’s comforting in a way, because you can’t just dismiss your deadlines. They’re not just fantastical deadlines that your professor has just made up for no reason, which is always tempting to ignore.” In other departments, Fulford points out, “Your essay is not a real essay publishing deadline — it’s just an imaginary deadline.”

Fulford could easily spend all her time sewing empire waist-lines, reading the literary canon and squeezing in weekend trips to her family home on Salt Spring Island. And she does these things. But she also does “a lot of nothing,” which is what fuels her costume designing, in spite of the frenetic pace that often characterizes putting on a play.

“I spend a lot of time staring at something, or sketching one per-son or one costume and then staring at that for a long time trying to imagine everyone else before I keep going,” says Fulford.

It’s not hard to picture the 23-year-old in a state of silent absorption. The cadence of her speech is considered, and her long, camel-coloured skirt and white cotton top give her the slight air of a Brontë heroine or Katharine Hepburn about to embark on a safari.

“Even before she was in my classes, I noticed the originality that she dressed with,” says Mary Kerr, who teaches design in UVic’s Theatre Department and has designed for everything from the Paris Opera Ballet to the Commonwealth Games open-ing and closing ceremonies.

“I remember thinking, ‘Who is that? She should be a designer. She looks so interesting.’ ”

A DESIGNER IS BORN

Fulford was born to theatrical parents who worked for the Cara-van Farm Theatre near Armstrong, B.C., and the costume shop was her nursery.

“I would sneak in there whenever I was allowed to and dress my sister up in clothes and dress myself up in clothes and parade around the farm showing myself off to people,” says Fulford.

As she grew, Fulford’s interest in theatre — both acting and design — persisted. During high school at Salt Spring Second-ary, she decided UVic’s Theatre program was the next step.

“My high school drama teacher [Jason Donaldson] went to UVic, and he’s a genius,” says Fulford. “He didn’t specifically say that UVic was the place that made him a genius, but I sort of thought, ‘Well, he survived or got something out of it, and so maybe I could get something out of it, too.’ ”

Fulford is a comprehensive theatre student; she has no declared major within the department.

“One of the reasons I’m not a design student is because I sew a lot, and so I spend a lot of time doing special construction

classes, which means I have less time to do lighting design or set design,” says Fulford.

As much as she has enjoyed the opportunity to focus on sew-ing, Fulford says even comprehensive students face a number of boundaries.

“I think it would be a better thing if people took comprehen-sive students more seriously or had more performance classes available to comprehensive or design students, or design classes available to stage management or performance [students], but you’d need to have a larger program in order for that to really run smoothly, and so for what it is, I am satisfied.”

Kerr says UVic’s Theatre program is more flexible than other schools where all first-years take the same classes. In her cos-tume history and costume design classes, she’ll often have stu-dents from all four years of the program, “plus a PhD student, plus someone who’s 93.”

So how does one comprehensive student stand out amongst the crowd and score one of the few costume-designing gigs at UVic in a given year? Between handing in assignments and wor-rying about grades, how does she carve out the time and space to be creative?

IT’S IN THE INSPIRATION

Costume design isn’t just about the ability to realize an elaborate bustle or towering headdress.

Kerr says good costume designers “should be able to move in either direction, going highly realistic or highly imaginative depending on what the needs of the production are. I think Hal-ley has that ability.”

Kerr adds that she believes Fulford’s literary interests have augmented her designing talents.

Fulford thinks the link between literature and design is more suggestive than concrete, saying that novels tell you more about what clothing means than how it ought to appear.

“So, if you’re reading a Dickens novel and he explains there’s this crazy guy in a long, blue patchwork cloak and he’s bent double and he has a strange-looking pipe and he’s wearing slip-pers even though he’s in the middle of London, I think that tells you more about what people see when they see a character who is dressed strangely rather than what the actual clothes you end up putting on stage might look like,” she says.

However, if the author of a play that Fulford is working on has written other work, she’ll often read as much of it as possible.

“So, when I was doing Haroun and the Sea of Stories [at Salt Spring Secondary] . . . I was also reading a lot of Salman Rush-die’s essays . . . not because it would suddenly give you exactly the right answer for whatever you’re trying to design, but just because then you’re sort of always in Salman Rushdie’s mind, as opposed to your own.”

As for the oft-cited influence of fashion designers, Fulford is even more reluctant to affirm there’s any cause and effect.

“This is contentious — everybody might not agree with this — but fashion designers, even when they are doing a runway show and there is some kind of narrative theme or concept for their runway show . . . or even someone who thinks that every look that they’re putting on the runway is a character and has a back-story, it’s not narrative in the same way that theatre is narrative or that film is narrative.” Because she finds film much more story-based than fashion, she draws inspiration from film cos-tume designers, such as Kym Barrett (who designed The Matrix and Cloud Atlas) and Colleen Atwood (Tim Burton’s partner in whimsical crime). She also looks to graphic artists ranging from Dave McKean (of The Sandman series fame) to her own brother.

As for the effects of music on the creative process, Fulford

10 FEATURE • MARTLET February 7, 2013

Story by Vanessa Annand

Finding inspiration to create costumes under the pressure of school

AN EDUCATION

CFor the male lead in Reasons To Be Pretty, a character named Greg, Fulford was able to explore the textual possibilities offered by graphic t-shirts. “Violence is being articulated, and the fact that this character is kind of a nerd is being articulated,” says Fulford.

says, “I think that it is important, but I don’t necessarily think that you’d always see a thread of influence. If someone else listens to the Decemberists or the Fleet Foxes or whoever, I don’t think that if I drew a picture of what I see when I listen to those artists that they would go, ‘Oh, I see: this is the Decem-berists. Good.’ ”

All this other art is, in the end, more inspiration than influ-ence. And, Fulford points out, “What is appropriate as an influ-ence changes depending on the text that you’re working with.”

REASONS TO EMBRACE REALISM

Reasons To Be Pretty takes place in the present day, tracing the lives of two blue-collar, foul-mouthed couples whose growing disillusionment with their lives and each other is revealed when one man makes the mistake of calling his partner’s face “regular.”

In many ways, “regular” is the order of the day when it comes to the costumes.

“Reasons To Be Pretty — it’s almost like playing a Bach fugue. It’s really about detail, accuracy, realism,” says Kerr. “It’s almost the antithesis of what I know Halley can do.”

Fulford says, “This project is not usual for me just because it’s modern, realistic and not fantastical. And so, the challenge is, because everybody here in this world at this time is using the sartorial vocabulary that these characters on stage are using, there’s the fear, if not the real danger, of mispainting these characters in a way that people will notice more than you would notice if you were doing a ’20s show.” She says that, because the average audience member is only vaguely familiar with clothing from decades ago, they won’t notice if a particular dress is too vampy for the era. But when characters are dressed in modern, realistic clothes, the audience may find an outfit jarring if they don’t believe someone in the present day would actually wear it.

Fulford thinks of costuming as a conversation, saying some pieces can be “out of turn.”

Kerr says Fulford won her turn to design costumes for one of the department’s shows by fulfilling all the prerequisites (taking both Kerr’s costume history and costume design classes, as well as working as an assistant to another designer) and by impress-ing the director, Christine Willes, in an interview.

“A lot of people can do something in a realistic way, but not in a detailed realistic way,” says Kerr of Willes’s hopes for a costume designer for Reasons To Be Pretty. Fulford fit the bill. “You’re not going to see bells and whistles up there, although there’s a couple of very neat looks, because it’s about a certain type of person and how they dress. So she’s really trying to get into their heads,” says Kerr.

Between the realism of her costumes and the realities of study-ing design at a school that she says seems “calcified” at times, Fulford has had time to consider whether or not a formal educa-tion helps or hinders creativity.

“The actual designing — the actual art that you’re doing — is kind of outside of the system, only in the sense that you don’t have a teacher telling you not to colour outside of the lines. That part is done by the larger administrative system, which is tell-ing you not to colour outside of the lines in the sense that you have certain classes that you have to take and you have certain rules and regulations to follow. The particular teachers that I’m involved with are pretty big on colouring outside of the lines, and so I think it’s just the micro versus the macro. The macro picture is pretty stifling, and the micro picture is pretty exciting and inspiring.”

February 7, 2013 MARTLET • FEATURE 11

Images by Halley Fulford

IN REALISMOf the female lead, a character named Stephanie, Fulford says, “She’s basically progressing from a sort of position of childishness in some elements, like having an empire waist, which reads as young (at this time, anyway).” Over time, Stephanie realizes that childishness, even if it’s quirky and cute, isn’t really working for her. She eventually moves to a more mature, structured way of presenting herself. “She probably does consider her other outfits as well, but it’s the difference between thinking about your clothing and considering well — the difference between writing an essay and writing a well-articulated and well-structured essay,” says Fulford.

Check out next week's Culture section for all things sexy — it's our annual sex issue! CULTURE

12 CULTURE • MARTLET February 7, 2013

> JILL KUZYK

It’s that time of year again: midterms are steadily creeping up, and winter is making a slow retreat. Bold, vibrant colour is sneaking back into the Vic-toria landscape, but not exactly in the ways you’d expect. This spring, Pantone, Inc., a corporation known as the world’s premier colour authority and creator of global trend-determining colour systems, wants you to go green.

Just before the holiday season, Pantone an-nounced that the colour of the year for 2013 would be Pantone 17-5641 Emerald. And like the illustrious colours that came before it, emerald will influence everyone from fashion designers in New York and Paris to furniture creators in Tokyo and Stockholm. Pantone describes the shade as “a colour of elegance and beauty that enhances our well-being, balance and harmony.”

With New York Fashion Week now upon us, you can bet the runways will be overflowing with

gemstone goodness in the clothing, accessory and beauty departments. So how can you get in on the trend without looking like a forest fairy on speed? When it comes to cosmetics, baby steps and small infusions are key. No mat-ter your skin tone, eye colour or hair colour, emerald green is the kind of shade that pops on everyone — even if it isn’t the easiest colour to incorporate into your beauty routine.

To find out how to tackle this tricky shamrock hue, I tracked down a makeup artist at Victoria’s MAC Cosmetics location inside Mayfair Mall. Wearing a hint of green herself, the makeup artist recommended using emerald as an accent shade on the eyes. The MAC eye shadows Humid and Swimming — both rich, pigmented shades in the emerald zone that are available year-round — were her top picks.

“[Eye]liner is a nice way to wear the trend because it’s not something you’re putting all over the eye,” she says. “You’re just using a thin line of

it, so it’s a way for people who are maybe not as into going full-on with the trend to take a baby step and try it out.” Her top recommendations for liner: MAC Minted Eye Kohl and Undercurrent Pearlglide Intense Eye Liner. If you’re not much of an eye makeup fiend, consider rocking the hue on your fingertips or toes. It’s a little subtler, but still makes an on-trend impact. The MAC makeup art-ist suggested trying “a manicure with something creamy and light on the nail, but then painting the tips green” for a modern take on the French mani.

Feeling enthused about emerald yet? If you de-cide to take this trend for a spin, keep in mind that it’s a bold, somewhat flashy shade that will get you noticed. If you go with a hint of green around your pretty peepers, try to keep the rest of the shades in your look a little bit tamer. Really let green be the star and compliment it with a soft, petal pink cheek and lip combo, or a coral-peach version if the undertones of your skin are warmer.

Wondering where else you can get your hands

on some green? Because of its newfound popular-ity, emerald collections of eyeshadow, eyeliner, loose pigment and nail polish have been grow-ing like weeds all over town. Drugstores have affordable, easily accessible options to keep you in green’s good graces, while department and specialty stores have mid-range and high-end products from a wide array of brands that will ensure you find the items that are perfect for your skin type and tone — and budget.

Throughout 2013, we’ll be seeing lots of varia-tions on this colour trend, so don’t worry if you’re not on board right now or don’t find items that take your fancy right away. It’s a beautiful shade that can be quite daunting, but will most definitely freshen up your look. As Kermit the Frog once sang, “It’s not easy being green” — but someone’s got to do it, so take a chance and try out your beauty green thumb this spring.

Cosmetics, fashion going green for springPantone names emerald the colour of the year

(Clockwise from top left)

Shiseido Luminizing Satin Eye Color Trio in GR305 – Jungle

Lancome Color Design Sensational Effect Eye Shadow Smooth Hold in Make It Work

MAC eye shadow in Swimming, Shimmermoss, Humid, and MAC Super-slick Liquid Eyeliner in Treat Me Nice

MAC Technakohl Liner in Jade Way, MAC Pearlglide Intense Eye Liner in Undercurrent and MAC Eye Kohl in Minted

JILL KUZYK

February 7, 2013 MARTLET • CULTURE 13

> JOSEPH LEROUX

Atheist punk rocker and filmmaker Justin Ludwig’s pillars of hardcore are “self-reliance, progressiveness, heresy and hedonism.” So when he found out that evangelical Christians were moshing to the same riffs while praising Jesus, his foundations shook. “I was upset that [Chris-tian hardcore] even existed,” says Ludwig.

He resolved to make a documentary — and his directorial debut — about the Christian hardcore scene. But it was 2008, and the financial crash took a toll on Ludwig’s ambi-tions to bring his atheist lens down to the southern United States, where this scene is most potent. Though he had some footage, the film sat on the shelf until 2011 as Ludwig let the idea simmer — and its flavour changed.

Ludwig’s atheism is the product of the influ-ence of hardcore on his own strict Catholic upbringing. He believed making this docu-mentary would allow him to re-approach a belief system he had been bemoaning since he rejected it at age 16. “With age and time, it seemed much more appropriate to have a conversational approach and objectively get to know people,” says Ludwig. “With time, I became less interested in the angle I would have taken before when I was younger, a bit angrier and more brash.”

Ludwig set out with “the goal to learn and explore, to meet people and have conversa-tions,” hitting the road and supporting the documentary, titled ChristCORE, out of his own pocket and with the help of co-producer Robin Schlaht, a filmmaker based out of Lud-wig’s home town of Regina, Saskatchewan. Ludwig separately toured with two evangeli-cal Christian hardcore bands.

The film depicts the band Messengers, eager newcomers to the scene, on their first tour of the States. It also highlights evangelical pow-erhouse Sleeping Giant, a band revered not only for sludgy metal core riffs, but for faith healings as well.

“We did not expect faith healings to become a part of the everyday,” says Ludwig. “Ev-ery single show, kids would be lined up and there would be faith healings. The first time it happened we were like, ‘Wow, that was kind of intense,’ and then they were like, ‘No, this happens every single day.’ ” While the legitimacy of faith healings may be up in the air, the weight of them is palpable in the film. They range from focusing on more minor issues of soreness and bruising, healings that Ludwig says seemed more like “Reiki or some-thing” to more emotional encounters. A young

girl named Emma, blind in one eye, said she could see light and dark through that eye for the first time in years after being prayed over. “In the original cut of the film, I did mention that . . . her eye did not get any better, but ultimately we decided to cut it because it was taking away from the bands and it wasn’t [the goal of the film] to disprove the faith heal-ings,” says Ludwig.

Rewind to 2010. Messengers have made it to Cornerstone, a Christian music mecca in Illinois, where hardcore has taken over the side stages — until this year. The hard core group For Today has a set on the main stage with a sermon to match. “Even feeding the hungry and taking in widows and clothing the poor, as nice as those things are,” says For Today frontman Mattie Montgomery, “are, if not done from a place of relationship with and obedience to God, detestable to him.” He adds, “The news that we have to bring you is that you are on your way to hell right now.”

Ludwig says, “I stand in very opposition to [those sentiments].”

Throughout the film, Ludwig meets a swath of believers, ranging from teenagers on a search for meaning to neck-tattooed evangel-ical guitarists playing hardcore at the Sunday service. But it was Ludwig’s experience with the two bands he toured with that was the saving grace for his view on the religious hardcore scene. “Some people that I met, who I would call the real Christians of the world, they’re people that aren’t interested in swaying political campaigns or picketing funerals. They’re interested in trying to be Christ-like,” says Ludwig. “That’s just some-one who is going to strive to make the world better whether you are rich or poor or cast out on the margins of society.”

The film had its world premiere at the Victoria Film Festival (VFF) on Feb. 4 and will be doing a theatrical run this summer thanks to Canadian distribution company FilmsWe-Like picking it up. The hook of the film is the people, regardless of your religious convic-tions or lack thereof. “It becomes a pretty big leap of faith to do [a film like this], especially when it’s your first feature,” says Ludwig. The summer theatrical run will expose the film, and Ludwig, to wider audiences, opening him up to the criticism and acclaim that come with art that deals with subjects like religion — but perhaps it won’t be as nerve-wracking as it was when he showed it to his Catholic in-laws. “I just hung out in the kitchen and drank the whole time,” he says.

Hardcore for ChristFilmmaker’s inaugural documentary examines the Christian hardcore scene

(Top) ChristCORE poster(Bottom) A still from ChristCORE of For Today performing

PROVIDED

14 CULTURE • MARTLET February 7, 2013

250.595.6044

> KATRINA WONG

I heard once that you could figure someone out from the kind of shoes they wear. Ever since then, whenever people-watching becomes inevitable (like when I’m about to hang out with that friend who’s never on time), I always make a point of looking at what adorns people’s feet. Sometimes I catch myself staring, which is probably a habit I should stop.

With an overwhelming selection of shoe designs and materials lining store shelves, how can one possibly choose? This is why expand-ing shoe racks exist. But doesn’t it also evoke nostalgia when you notice your shoes are starting to get worn down and dirty? Doesn’t the thought of disposing of the reason you were able to trek through all those adventures make you hesitate to throw them away?

Well, here are ways of easing the pain, my frengers (that’s a portmanteau of “friends” and “strangers” in case you’re wondering — you can thank Danish band Mew for coining it).

First up: dye your shoes. If you can’t find the colour you’re looking for, grab your old white shoes (or get a new pair if you must) and dye them yourself. It’s just like dyeing a t-shirt, really; it only works with natural fibres, such as cotton or silk. Still Life, a local boutique on Johnson Street (and a personal favourite), participated in Tretorn’s Nylite Project last summer, which involved customization of their Nylite canvas shoes. Search “Nylite Project” on stilllifeboutique.com and watch the video of a couple of dapper young gents dyeing their canvas whites.

You should also become friends with artists who can ink some seriously amazing graphics onto your shoes.

Forgive the tedious repetition of how wet Victoria is, but it can’t be helped. Rain has the capacity to ruin your footwear, especially suede and leather. The drying process for suede is long — be patient. Try to draw out as much water as you can from your suede shoes with a towel. Never dry suede with a hair dryer. Just let it dry naturally. As for leather, it’s best to protect it before it gets wet. Clean off your footwear with a clean towel and smear some lotion all over the leather surface. Those bottles of hand or body lotion you have on the dresser will work okay, but if you want something specific, Aldo has an aromatic water-resistant lotion that specifically protects leather from rain, snow and salt damage.

It’s available at Aldo shoe stores and online for about $9.

In my last article, I mentioned the rain boot, which is an important investment if your feet want to make it in Victoria — your old, non-waterproof shoes can’t help you in this case. The most popular boots around campus seem to be those from Hunter. They have undeniably good products and selection, not to mention those cute welly socks. Tretorn also has a line of boots with fuzzy linings that provide extra warmth for your icy toes. However, Hunter’s prices ($100–$200 on average, with some as high as $795) soar higher than Tretorn’s (typically below $100). Look out for sales! (Tretorn’s boots can go down to as low as $35 for a good pair.) You can find them at Town Shoes in Mayfair Mall, The Bay Centre on Douglas Street and at Rainbird, a bou-

tique in Cook Street Village.I also mentioned my fancy for hydrophobic

products in my previous article. Guess what? Ross Nanotechnology is making it happen. The company’s new product, NeverWet coating, is a super hydrophobic substance that supposedly lets liquid drops glide right off a surface to which the product has been applied. YouTube NeverWet for a demonstration.

I’ll leave you with the Danish brand, Shoe The Bear — the makers of my dream boots. These handmade leather boots seem to howl for adventure. One day, when Victoria again surprises us with a white Christmas you’ll hear me say, “Where there are snowbanks, there will be romps. Snow, prepare yourself for my boots.”

Shoe solutions for your adventuring needs

Romp weaponry

PROVIDED

February 7, 2013 MARTLET • CULTURE 15

> KAITLYN ROSENBURG

The streets of Victoria will be much tastier (and zombie friendly) come May, when the Dead Beetz food truck opens for business.

Chef and owner Karrie Hill, 37, has spent over 20 years in the restaurant industry, but wanted a change. “I’ve been talking about this for years and finally decided to go for it,” says Hill.

Her biggest challenge? Raising the funds. “For me, I have the drive, ambition and the

set of skills, but I never had the money,” says Hill. She heard of other food truck owners raising money through crowd-funding web-sites like Kickstarter and followed suit. Her campaign, hosted through Indiegogo, helped her reach her fundraising goal. “Without social media, I wouldn’t be doing this. I would not have raised $7 000.”

With the funds, Hill can complete renovations on a 1980 Grumman truck that was once a Canada Post truck, including the installation of a grill and deep fryer.

One of her first priorities was naming and painting the truck. “I wanted the truck to be unique,” says Hill, who combined her love of zombies with food, deciding on the name Dead Beetz.

The truck features graffiti-style zombie beets in vibrant purples and pinks, courtesy of the artist solely known as Soak, who is now based in Vancouver.

The interior space is small, ideal for two or three staff members at most. “The logistics is something you have to think about. You are totally bound by space,” says Hill in regards to menu planning. “I’m building a totally self-con-tained kitchen on wheels.”

Her menu will be tiny, but not without flavour or originality. Still in the concept phase, Hill plans to offer eclectic and healthy items, with a focus on gluten-free and vegetarian choices.

“I want to have stuff that people can come to the truck for a couple times a week and not feel guilty about what they’re eating. A lot of street food can be heavy.”

Devoted to local and seasonal ingredients,

Dead Beetz will have West Coast offerings. A seafood roll (cousin to the classic East Coast lobster roll) with scallops, spot prawns and a preserved lemon tarragon aioli served with a side of beet and yam chips will be on the menu.

Hill gave Eats, Chews and Leaves a sneak preview of future menu items, and I had to stop myself from asking for seconds. The butter paneer masala over basmati rice, gluten free and vegetarian, stood out. Hill swaps chicken for paneer (a cheese common in India), while keep-ing the masala rich and creamy.

I was also smitten with a grilled steak sand-wich with chimichurri sauce. The chimichurri, an Argentinian sauce made with parsley, cilantro and garlic, lent the perfect amount of acidity to the meat, provolone cheese and crispy onions.

Hill is also working on a Moroccan chicken curry and a vegetarian burger. For those craving sweets, she hopes to serve donuts and Frannie’s fudge, a secret recipe from her cousin. (I tried the fudge; it’s phenomenal.)

Hill plans to offer most items around the $10 range, aiming to appeal to the downtown lunchtime crowd. Presently, she’s working on obtaining a permanent parking spot through the City of Victoria.

Victoria city counsellor Lisa Helps has spoken out in favour of a pilot food truck program like the one in Vancouver, where businesses apply with the city to receive official permits, but no city policy has been made. “It creates such vibrancy on the streets,” says Hill, who hopes Victoria will one day have the same food truck culture as Seattle or Portland. In the meantime, food trucks can make arrangements with pri-vate property owners to set up shop.

I’ll be on the lookout for Hill and the Dead Beetz truck this spring, for the food of course, but also to ask her one last question: how does one kill a zombie beet? My guess? Eating it.

To follow Hill’s progress, find Dead Beetz on Twit-ter: @deadbeetztruck

The birth of Dead Beetz

EATS, CHEWS AND LEAVES

Local chef prepares to launch West Coast-flavoured food truck

HUGO WONG

HUGO WONG

Chef Karrie Hill is renovating an old postal service truck to be her mobile restauarant.

16 CULTURE • MARTLET February 7, 2013

DIRECTOR Christine Willes

SET DESIGNER Breanna Wise

COSTUME DESIGNERhalley FulFord

LIGHTING DESIGNERS erin osBorne &

MiChael WhitField

SOUND DESIGNER hayley MCCurdy

STAGE MANAGERiMogen Wilson

neil laBute’s

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visit martlet.caThere is a ton of awesome, daily, web-exclusive content waiting for your ocular enjoyment.

VALENTINE’S EVENTSTHURSDAY, FEB. 14FUGITIVE PIECES (AT CINECENTA)Since this movie is a love story, it might be the perfect Valentine’s date movie — as long as both of you are serious film buffs. A big part of the movie is the lead character’s memories of the Second World War, which means some serious drama, because the main thing about the Second World War is that it sucked. So that could put a damper on the Valentine’s Day mood, but if you’re both into heavy drama (or if you’re single and are into heavy drama), Fugitive Pieces ought to make for an enjoyable cinematic outing.For more info, visit cinecenta.com.Cinecenta (UVic Student Union Building), 7 p.m. & 9:10 p.m. $5.75 students ($3.75 for 9 p.m. shows or later).

THURSDAY, FEB. 14 NAUGHTY & NICE: ISLAND ILLUSTRATORS SOCIETY VALENTINE’S ART EXHIBITION – VALENTINE’S DAY FUN NIGHTFeeling particularly saucy on Valentine’s Day evening? Why not go downtown with your significant other and take a gander at some naughty illustrations by a number of local art-ists? Nothing is left to the imagination here, folks; we’re talking naked elbows, knees and foot arches, and if that’s not enough for you, other naked body parts as well! But there’s more going on this evening than art; you can enjoy some live music and body painting as well as a sexy photo booth. I could close this listing by saying some weird, cheesy line that Austin Powers might say, but I won’t.For more info, visit islandillustrators.org.Martin Batchelor Gallery (712 Cormorant St.), 7–9 p.m. Free.

THURSDAY, FEB. 14 – SATURDAY, FEB. 23REASONS TO BE PRETTYThis Tony Award-nominated play is all about our culture’s emphasis on physical appearance. Now there’s a theme that will no doubt strike a chord with a lot of people. I haven’t seen this play, so I don’t know how uplifting it is by the end, but I have to say, to those who are concerned about stuff like physical appearance — don’t sweat it. There are people who will be into you no matter what you look like; browsing through various subreddits will confirm this.For more info, visit finearts.uvic.ca/theatre/phoenix.UVic Phoenix Theatre, 8 p.m. $13 students/$22 adults/$18 seniors. $7 tickets for students for preview shows (Feb. 12 and 13).

SATURDAY, FEB. 16THE FIFTY FIFTY VALENTINE’S PARTY FEATURING THE HIMALAYAN BEAR, GOOSE LAKE AND LE RATWhen I first saw local band The Himalayan Bear play a few years ago, I was surprised that singer/guitarist Ryan Beattie was playing alone with a drummer and no bass player. Yet, the band’s sound was full and heavy. I wasn’t sure how he was able to accomplish this, but later a fellow guitar geek told me Beattie gets this sound by using a baritone guitar (a guitar that has a pitch range in between a regular guitar and a bass guitar). Mystery solved! “But his guitar only has a bolt-on neck,” complained the other guitar geek (a feature often found on cheaper, mass-produced guitars). “Well, so what?” I thought to myself. That bolt-on neck guitar sounded pretty damn awesome to me! And I’m sure you will

agree as the baritone guitar of The Himalayan Bear and the sound of bands Goose Lake and Le Rat shake the walls of Logan’s.For more info, visit loganspub.com.Logan’s Pub (1821 Cook St.), doors at 9 p.m. $10.

EDUCATIONAL EVENTS TUESDAY, FEB. 19CAFÉ SCIENTIFIQUE – “FROM FAT TO SWEET AND BACK AGAIN — A SCIENTIST’S JOURNEY INTO HORMONES, SUGAR, AND THE CHOICES WE MAKE” (WITH DIANNE LATTEMANN)What could be more fun than hanging out in bars and talking about science? Not a whole lot, in my opinion. That’s exactly what the popular Café Scientifique, hosted by UVic’s Centre for Biomedical Research, is all about, and this upcoming lecture sounds like a doozy. Based on its title, I imagine if I were to go to this lecture, I would think to myself as I left, “Oh, crap. I really shouldn’t be eating all that processed food.” It’s one more of those shocking, game-changing things you learn in life. It’s like when you’re a small child and you think a certain popular, kid-oriented fast-food restaurant is totally awesome, but then later you discover how absolutely non-awesome it actually is. Be sure to RSVP for this event by emailing cfbr@uvic.ca.For more info, visit cbr.uvic.ca/outreach/cafe-scientifique or call (250) 472-4067.Hermann’s Jazz Club (753 View St.), 6:30 p.m. Free.

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 20GLUTEN-FREE LIVINGSo what exactly is gluten, besides sounding like one of the things the cloaked man says at the beginning of Def Leppard’s “Rock of Ages” music video? Well, gluten consists of proteins found in foods made from wheat, barley or other grains. It helps bread to rise and gives it texture. And it’s possible that you might have a gluten intolerance and really shouldn’t even be eating it. So how do you find out you are intolerant to the stuff and then adjust to that? Just attend this workshop by husband-and-wife doctor team Jeffrey and Jennifer Gratton, who will give you straight talk on all things gluten.For more info and to register, visit gvpl.ca.Greater Victoria Public Library: Bruce Hutchison Branch, Arbutus Room (4636 Elk Lake Dr.), 7–8 p.m. Free.

THURSDAY, FEB. 21GARRY OAK-ASSOCIATED WETLANDS (LECTURE WITH JAMES MISKELLY)Some folks (like cartoon bears) can’t get enough of that Golden Crisp. Other folks (like Kool and the Gang) can’t get enough of that funky stuff. But other folks can’t get enough of that studying of rare ecosystems. Naturalist James Miskelly is one of these folks, and he’ll be delivering a lecture about Garry oak-associated wetlands, which are rare ecosystems indeed. This sounds like important information for biolo-gists, and is likely to be far more satisfying than a bowl of Golden Crisp, which turns into flavour-less puffed wheat when it gets soggy. The talk is hosted by the Native Plant Study Group. For more info, visit npsg.ca.UVic MacLaurin Building, Room D116, 7 p.m. $3 non-members.

> ALAN PIFFER

FEBRUARY 14 – 21EVENTS CALENDAR

JOHN LOO (VIA FLICKR)

Learn all about gluten-free eating on Feb. 20 at the Bruce Hutchison Branch of the GVPL.

February 7, 2013 MARTLET • CULTURE 17

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Hear the weekly top ten on Charts and Graphs Mondays 2-3PM on CFUV 101.9FM or online! * Canadian artist + local artist

a horse walks into a bar...and tells you to write for our Humour section. Clearly we're not the funny ones.Email martlet.humour.feature@gmail.com to get started.

> BLAKE MORNEAU

Hip-hop is a young genre of music, but despite its age, it has spawned an incredible number of subsections and styles within itself. Here, I open up the vaults and dig out a couple of gems (one for partying and one for philosophizing) from two very different eras in hip-hop. They lie only a decade apart but help paint a portrait of one step in the evolution of the genre.

THE W.I.S.E. GUYZ – EF YOU EN KAY E (1989)

When someone tells me to check out a piece of media, I smile and say, “I’ll look it up,” knowing that at no point will I ever look it up. However, when underground hip-hop legend Gift of Gab of Blackalicious recommended an obscure hip-hop album to me, I checked it out.

Only ever released on vinyl, eF yoU eN Kay E is a fascinating and tremendously entertaining portrait of hip-hop at a crossroads. The album is an amalgam of three distinct movements in hip-hop’s short history: the party beats of early hip-hop like the Sugarhill Gang, the “Black CNN” commentary of groups like Public Enemy and the abstract Afrocentricity of the Native Tongues posse.

The beats here are classic hip-hop, which means they sound a little dated and same-y to some ears. But there is a whole lot of other stuff going on here sonically. Think the abstract party vibes of A Tribe Called Quest filtered through the noisy genius of Public Enemy’s Bomb Squad, and you may begin to figure out what’s happening here.

Information about the group is quite limited, and I can only assume from the track “New York, New York” that these cats, like most great hip-hop of the time, hail from the five boroughs (the five districts that make up New York City). The track, buoyed by a single blasting saxophone line, is a perfect example of enlightened hip-hop storytelling as the group spins tales of life in the Big Apple. The most arresting moment in the song, possibly of the whole record, comes as one member raps the line, “Whether heterosexual or homosexual/It might upset you still but I’ma bet you will/Have a ball in Apple” then immedi-ately follows it up with “Many making money/Faggots being funny/Suckers acting funny on a cloudy or sunny day.” This choice of words is at once highly enlightened for hip-hop music in 1989, while foreshadowing the continued use of

the hateful language that remains a black eye on the genre.

You may only be able to get it digitally, unless you’re some kind of master record-store scourer, but eF yoU eN Kay E is a shamefully forgotten album that has been lost to years and is still waiting to reward anyone who seeks it out.

DEEP PUDDLE DYNAMICS – THE TASTE OF RAIN . . . WHY KNEEL? (1999)

The end of “The Scarecrow Speaks,” the centrepiece on The Taste of Rain . . . Why Kneel?, finds Slug rapping, “Let’s open up the conver-sation for comments/ To complement your circumcised mind state while I ride on your anxieties/ Trying to speak to the class and justify the act/ By pointing my finger at your head and asking you ‘What the fuck is that?’ ” In that line lies the drive behind Deep Puddle Dynamics. If Canadian rock legends Rush make what some have termed “math rock,” Deep Puddle Dynamics make “math rap.”

This is music to be studied, to be consumed en-tirely on headphones. There is so much going on that neither the ear nor the mind has much time to rest. This record is a mental workout — deci-phering each rapper’s words as they rap through and over each other, often creating their own rhythms outside of the beat they’re rapping on.

Over dense and unrelentingly dark beats, the crew — composed of underground lyrical cham-pions Slug, Doseone, Sole and Alias — not only rap; they proselytize. With unceasing passion and endless intelligence, Deep Puddle Dynam-ics is like the hard-ass teacher who’s effective in drilling information into the heads of students. The crew use blunt force to drive their graceful wordplay into the psyche of the listener.

Even when the sound brightens up on tracks like “I Am Hip Hop (Move the Crowd),” the crew turns the song into a weapon, assaulting the vapid, macho party culture that was (and still is) consuming hip-hop, which is the group’s favou-rite target. While the tones here get serious and philosophical, there are moments of humour to help the medicine go down. Hearing Doseone’s nasally drawl drop the line “Now that’s a foxy young lady/ If only she’d put some clothes on,” in one verse then turn around and quote Ameri-can writer and physician Oliver Wendell Holmes is a slice of conscious hip-hop heaven and a win-dow into the mind-bending lessons contained on The Taste of Rain…Why Kneel?

MUSIC RAGS

The continuing evolution of hip-hop, in review

PROTOTYPE7 (VIA SXC.HU)

HUMOuR Knock, knock. Who's there? You. And you're busy writing Humour content for the Martlet.

Email martlet.humour.feature@gmail.com.

18 HUMOUR • MARTLET February 7, 2013

� The Jedi spirit of Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) would narrate an arbitrary section of the film, but not appear in the movie.

� A moment would occur in which three protagonists point lightsabers at each other while swearing profusely — a.k.a. The Mandalorian Standoff.

� Characters would obsessively make philosophical allusions to junky pop culture irrelevant to the Star Wars universe.

� Uma Thurman, Harvey Keitel, Michael Madsen and Christoph Waltz would be cast. Also, long-forgotten cult actors such as Mara Wilson (the kid from Matilda), Lark Voorhies (Lisa from Saved by The Bell) and Devon Sawa (from Final Destination) would be revitalized.

� A florid yet pointed interrogation scene would occur in which both parties search for answers to secrets.

� There would be lots of ultra-violence and at least one reference to feet or the massaging of feet.

� We’d see: a scene shot from the inside of a trunk; a scene in which a character looks at themselves in the mirror; dozens of visual swipes plucked from the universal subconscious of film.

� The soundtrack would comprise historically (and, in this case, galactically) inaccurate music but feel so right.

> KLARA WOLDENGA

Two young Sociology students, Mary Davidson and Erik Vold, found more than they bargained for while attempting to find their professor’s room during office hours last week.

Lost and looking for directions, they turned to one of the few people in the area who didn’t look too busy to be asked a question. This was a man with a long beard and raggedy clothes. According to Davidson and Vold, the man was mumbling to himself and licking the crumbs from a Doritos bag.

“We thought he was a professor or maybe some kind of hipster janitor,” explains Vold. But this was not the case. The presumed hipster janitor was actually Jake Tosl, a UVic grad stu-dent who had been missing since January 2012.

“He was so excited to finally talk to another hu-man being,” recalls Davidson. Tosl had been wan-dering in both of the Cornett wings, hopelessly lost ever since he dashed into the A wing to grab an issue of Geographical magazine from a friend.

“I never go into the building. I just wanted something to read on the bus ride home,” Tosl recalls. He survived by digging food out of the trash and stealing snacks from staff rooms after hours. This surprisingly gave him better nourish-

ment than his student diet. “Although I was lost, I certainly wasn’t living off of Ramen noodles. People throw away entire apple cores!” he says. Tosl slept in the men’s room stalls at night. “I’m so glad I took that survival in the wilderness class in my undergrad,” Tosl states. “I was able to apply many lessons from it, including how to identify spoiled food and how to fight off bears. But instead of bears, they were janitors.”

When asked why he never asked for direc-tions, Tosl explained no one ever paid attention to him, aside from the janitors who chased him away from garbage bins. “I did approach students occasionally, but they were always headed to class with their headphones in their ears and never heard me,” he says. Although Tosl’s parents are happy to have him home after all these months, their worry still hasn’t disap-peared. “We just don’t want this to happen to other students. What if there are more students lost in there?” Tosl’s father asks. “How could someone create such a complicated, monstrous piece of architecture?”

Tosl is just happy to be home. “I’m looking forward to finishing my master’s in Geography,” he says. Tosl specializes in GIS technology and hopes to navigate the world’s most uncharted forests once done his degree.

Man lost for one year found in Cornett Building

A-LIST

If Quentin Tarantino directed the next Star Wars film

KLARA WOLDENGA

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February 7, 2013 MARTLET • HUMOUR 19

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> MEG CUTHBERT

Ten years ago, I fell into a tree well while skiing. I was in Smithers, B.C. for a swim meet (make sense of that). But in January 2012, I decided to take to the slopes again, hoping to make an impressive return to the sport.

I watched a bunch of pro ski videos on YouTube the night before we went to Mount Washington, so I was pretty pumped to get some planks on my feet and start shredding some slopes. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and jumped out of bed already dressed in my long johns and Me-rino wool under layers — it was a long, sweaty night but totally worth it.

We drove up the mountain in the Jetta and passed all those sporty SUV families with the “I heart skiing” stickers on the back window, but no winter tires. We arrived before the lodge was even open. I had to wait for the rental shop to finish having their morning staff meeting before some tired, pubescent ski-punk fitted me with the wrong size of boots. But not even a young punk could dampen my spirits on the day I was going to prove my ski abilities to the world. I strapped those beautiful planks onto my feet, and with the joy of a child feeding goats at a pet-ting zoo, I took to the hill.

Now, hill is the wrong word. It was more of a gradual decline that led from the lodge to the Hawk Lift. Either way, as I started picking up marginal speed, I realized that I didn’t know how to stop or turn. I like to think I glided with both grace and an element of heroism into the snow bank, stopping just metres away from a steep drop-off.

My buddy swooshed in beside me, thinking I had experienced an unexpected bout of narco-lepsy or suffered a limb-locking stroke. But no, I just couldn’t ski. It turns out he was a ski racer in high school and we had both overestimated my abilities. Although I had only skied once before, it

should be just like riding a bike. It isn’t. We ended up on those magic-carpet lifts

with all the toddlers for the entire morning. I don’t think my ski buddy had a very great day as he would unclip from his skis and carry them up the carpet instead of gliding up with the rest of us (I would have unclipped, too, but I didn’t know how).

A year later, I’m doing much better. I don’t watch pro ski clips anymore because they make me feel bad. I’ve learned to turn and sometimes to stop.

In general, I’m better than toddlers, but still not as good as school-aged children. Those kids have no fear. They bomb down black diamonds going full French fry, laughing the entire way. Kids fly down with their arms out and no poles. They look like little wild seagulls or fluores-cent snow-suited falcons. If I tried that, I’d get kicked off the hill and/or put on some person-ality altering medications.

No surprise, I’m not very good with kids, and I’m even worse with the ski kids. One time, a pack of 10-year-olds learning to ski trailed behind me. I was trying to take it calm and slow down the hill when the crazy, fearless ski-baby swarm attacked. They were weaving past each other down the hill, enveloping me on all sides. All I could see were their bright pink, blue and green snowsuits as they blurred down the hill at the speed of sound. I think they were aiming for me, like slalom, trying to come as close to the human flag as possible. The worst part is, through all this, I wasn’t worried about hurting them. I was worried about them hurting me, and I think it’s frowned upon to use ski poles as a weapon against the ski-babies, even if it’s defensive.

But yeah, a year later I think I ski better than a toddler. I went up to the hill last week and skied all blue runs, so I’m basically hot shit. I French fry, I snow plough; I like to mix it up.

KLARA WOLDENGA

Skiing: it isn’t like riding a bicycle

20 HUMOUR • MARTLET February 7, 2013

UNIVERSITY OF VICTORIA

School of Music concerts held at the Farquhar Auditorium are FREE for UVic students with valid ID. Must be reserved up to 48 hours in advance. Visit the UVic Ticket Centre, book online (www.tickets.uvic.ca) or call 250-721-8480. Tickets are $5 for UVic students at the door.

FREE ADMISSIONFREE ADMISSION

UNIVERSITY CENTRE FARQUHAR AUDITORIUM

FOR UVIC STUDENTS

UVIC WIND SYMPHONYFRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8th, 8PMTHURSDAY, APRIL 4th, 8PM

UVIC ORCHESTRAFRIDAY, MARCH 1st, 8PM

UVIC CHORUS & ORCHESTRASATURDAY, APRIL 6th, 8PM

www.finearts.uvic.ca/music

ROW/BOX SEAT

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$ 00.00

FRETTING FLOWERS BY AMY FRUEH

NORTH-EAST LYNX BY PATRICK MURRY & MIKE PAROLINI