8/18/2019 FCE Paper Part 1 - Sample Essay 2

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© Macmillan Publishers 2003.

Sample Essay

Sample Question

You have three children aged 9, 11 and 13 and you want to send them away for a summer holiday. Theadvertisement shown below offers something that may be suitable.Carefully read the advertisement and the notes you have made. Then write your letter to PGL, covering the pointsin your notes and adding any relevant information about your three children.

Write a letter of between 120 and 180 words in an appropriate style. Do not include addresses.  

8/18/2019 FCE Paper Part 1 - Sample Essay 2

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© Macmillan Publishers 2003.

Sample Essay

71B Warden Road

BristolBS6 AG2

The PGL co.

708 Penyard Lane,

Ross-on-Wye,

HR9 5NR

8th May, 2003

Dear Sir,

I am writing about your advertisement, and I would like

to ask more details.I have three children one daughter and two sons who

are 9, 11 and 13. The oldest son has been playing football and

he likes any sports, and the younger brother keen on fishing,

but he doesn’t like any sport. My daughter has no experience

about activities because she has an asthma but it is not hard.

I hope that they can enjoy this opotunity. If they can

 join this, would you tell me the place and what kind of

activities they can do and if there is any discount for the

children.

I am looking forward hearing from you.

Faithfully,

Takako Tanaka

8/18/2019 FCE Paper Part 1 - Sample Essay 2

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© Macmillan Publishers 2003.

Assessment

Content

Q. Does the letter do everything the question asks? Are any parts muddled or irrelevant? _______________________________________________________________________________________

A. The letter does most of what the question requires but it does not ask about availability in August. Inaddition, the enquiry about a discount for the children is not put clearly. The real situation is that the parentwonders whether there would be a discount for sending all three children at once. The letter is rather short, sothese two failures show up all the more. There is no credit for adding addresses, which the question says arenot required.

Organization

Q. Is the letter arranged and paragraphed in an appropriate way? _______________________________________________________________________________________

A. The letter is arranged and paragraphed in an appropriate way. The first paragraph serves as an introductionto the whole letter, the second describes the children and the third asks for information.

Sentence structure and cohesion

Q. Are the sentence structures correct and interesting? Are the sentences linked to one another to make theletter flow smoothly and clearly? ______________________________________________________________________________________

A. The sentence structures are basically correct, though and  and but  are overused. There are no linkingwords like finally  but they are not really needed. The letter is brief and simple and progresses in a logicalway; see, for example, how the second and third sentences of the second paragraph follow on from the first.

Range

Q. Is there a good range of vocabulary and is it used correctly? ______________________________________________________________________________________

A. The vocabulary is adequate.

8/18/2019 FCE Paper Part 1 - Sample Essay 2

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Accuracy

Q. Are the verbs and nouns used grammatically? Are there any other points of grammar that need to bechanged and improved?  _______________________________________________________________________________________

A. There are several grammatical errors. The oldest son has been playing football  uses an inappropriate verbform, while the younger brother keen on fishing  does not use any verb at all. However, would you tell me the place and what kind of activities they can do and if there is any discount  is good, though it would have beenbetter to have a comma after  place instead of and  (see ‘Sentence structure and cohesion’). Also, the writerdoes not seem to know that John is a boy’s name and says that her  daughter  suffers from asthma. Examinersmight not penalize this because there are no other clues to the sufferer’s sex. However, in the examination asa whole, it is important to pay attention to this kind of detail where it exists (e.g. his/her pronouns).

Appropriacy of register

Q. Is the style appropriate?  _______________________________________________________________________________________

A. The style and approach are very appropriate.