Farewell to Fathers Day?
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Transcript of Farewell to Fathers Day?
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MUST WE SAY FAREWELLTO FATHER'S DAY?
By David R. Leigh*
"Our Father who art in heaven, " Matthew 6:9
"Father," Luke 11:2
Ronny was a boy being raised in a family of women, two
big sisters and his mother. Mom had been through three bad
marriages, two of them to the same manRonny's frequently
absent father.
As much as we, their family and friends, felt a boy should
know his dad, those of us closest to the situation winced when we
heard Todd was in the neighborhood. It was no secret that the man
was a substance abuser and a womanizer. When he did show up at
* This is an excerpt from a book on the Lord's Prayer currently being written
by the author. For contact and copyright information, please see the final page.
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the apartment, it was usually because he needed a handout or a
place to crash, tired of sleeping in shelters and boarding houses, or
having been kicked out by his latest girlfriend.
As you might expect, this resulted in a lot of male bashing
at Ronny's house.
I was the family's pastor. I observed how noticeably Todd's
visits disturbed Ronny. And I have to admit that sometimes I
secretly wished I could run the man out of town, like a shepherd
routing a wolf, and warn him never to come back.
One day Ronny, at age 9, came to see me. He wanted to be
baptized. Concerned about Ronny's young age, I asked a number of
questions to see if Ronny really understood the significance of the
step he'd be taking. At one point I explained to him that one
important part of being baptized is that it makes a statement to the
world that we love, and have decided to follow, Jesus. In baptism
we say we've died to our old self and have been born to a new life,
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a new way of living. I explained to him that we should be sure we
really mean it when we take this stand because some people make
this statement and then go on to live immoral lives. While none of
us will live perfect lives, I explained, we should be careful not
make a mockery of baptism or be an embarrassment to Christ, our
church, and our Christian friends.
"I understand," Ronny said. "I know someone like that."
My heart sank as I asked, "You do?"
"Yeah.... he said, my dad."
Sadly, Ronny's dad had not only shamed Christ and
Christians by his actions, but he shamed little Ronnyand very
deeply.
Ronny went on to be baptized and to be quite involved at
church. But there was one Sunday each year when I could always
expect Ronny either to volunteer for nursery duty or miss church
altogether. It was Father's Day.
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The Father Crisis
As is the case for so many people today, Father's Day only
pointed to a painful void, if not a festering wound. It is well-known
that the western world is experiencing a "father crisis." Because of
the current break up of the traditional nuclear family, we live in a
day when "father" and Dad are not universally-accepted terms of
endearment. For more and more people, these words are packed
with increasingly negative connotations.
If you've been blessed, like me, with a good and faithful
father, the emotional struggle I'm describing may seem unreal or
exaggerated to you. But if you stop to consider that today an
American teenager who still lives with both original parents is in
the minority, then the epidemic proportion of this crisis begins to
sink in.
Unfortunately, what happens in the world often ends up
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seeping into the church. In this case the seeping is more like a
monsoon. Mother's Day can be fraught with its own set of unique
emotional pains. Although it usually fills the pews with families,
Father's Day often means a decline in mainline church attendance.
After all, it's Dad's day. If Dad is not spiritually committed, he may
see Father's Day as a chance to sleep in, play golf, or go fishing.
And then, of course, there are the Ronnys (and Rondas), young and
old, for whom Father's Day is too painful. Let's face it, if your dad
is not in a positive or loving part of who you are, and if the letters
"D-A-D" spell pain for you, then why attend an annual tribute to
him at church?
Many times I felt I should have given my Father's Day
sermon the week before or save it for the week after. I've spoken to
other pastors who feel the same way. Many times I wished we
could just skip or ignore Father's Day. It nearly wore me down to
keep feeling like I had to defend or apologize for applying the title
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"Father" to God. After all, God is so holy and the idea of
fatherhood in our culture seems so hopelessly mangled, stained,
and out of date. For many people in our culture it almost seems like
an insult to call the loving, self-sacrificing, forgiving, merciful, and
all-wise God by thatterm.
The more I got to know the pains and struggles of my
congregants, especially the pains of women and children who
experienced fatherhood gone so wrong, I became more and more
aware of how sensitive an issue this is for so many well-meaning
people who need to know the love of God and who truly need to
experience Our Father the way fatherhood was meant to be. Yet
this sensitivity, and the tendency of our society to stereotype and to
extend guilt by association, actually made me hesitate to push this
precious metaphor for God. I found myself actually fearing that it
would tarnish his good name and reputation. I did not want to place
Yahweh in the same category with the men who had failed the
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women and children of my congregation and of this culture so
dismally in that role.
As a father myself, I also wrestled with my own short-
comings. What was I doing to confuse my own kids about the
Heavenly Father each time I was too overbearing, short-tempered,
or exasperating in so many other ways? Even my best efforts were
but caricatures of God's fatherliness. And my worstwell, that's
the stuff my kids really had to sort through on their own, to see that
Dad is only human.
And there's the crux! While fathers are only human,
fatherhood is divine. That's what makes it such a high calling,
beyond even the important role it plays in just caring for and
raising our children.
God As "Mr. Mom"
Andrea was in tears. This time it was Mother's Day in
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church. And the sermon was about maternal aspects of God's
character found in the Bible. For just as the Bible shows God to be
the example of what it means to be a good father, it also shows
God as the model and source of godly motherhood.
Andrea had grown up under the abuse of a father who
claimed to be Christian but who exasperated his children. The
dysfunctionality of that relationship and that home created
enormous conflict within Andrea whenever she tried to think of
God as her father.
But now tears of joy and relief flowed as she heard about
how both male and female were created in God's image,1 and how
the Bible frequently used maternal imagery for God, as when God's
word is called mother's milk, and how Isaiah likens God's love to a
mother's love, affirming that God will not abandon us even if a
1 Genesis 1:26-27
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mother could abandon the child nursing at her breast but instead
jostles us on the hip and carries us through our struggles and
adversities, comforting us. When Andrea discovered that these
samples are just the start2 of the many ways that God showers us
with parental love, then suddenly Andrea could put aside her
scarred and wounded impressions of God and experience God's
dear and tender parental love.
As single-parent families become increasingly common, a
number of unpleasant phenomena seem to accompany it, including
but not limited to the following:
1. Mothers are increasingly the sole "head of the house" and the
main provider;
2. Deadbeat" and "dad" have become readily-linked for many;
2
See for example: Isaiah 49:15-16; 66:12-13; Matthew 13:33; 23:37; Luke
15:8-10; Acts 17:28; 1 Peter 2:2-3.
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3. Many men fade into the shadows of church involvement and
spiritual leadership, while otherstrying to compensatetake on
an overbearing role that improperly excludes women from their
God-ordained place as full partners and coheirs in Kingdom
service;
4. Some voices in the church have urged that God-talk would
better meet the needs and expectations of modern women and
children if God were presented as our Mother instead of in
traditional masculine language. Cultural conservatives push back
with abhorrence of such ideas. Often the balance needed to heal an
Andrea or Ronny's heart can get lost in the crossfire of culture
wars.
While it certainly is legitimate to rediscover the biblical
character of God that God intended to be imaged within women
and mothers, yet genuine healing does not force us to make an
either-or decision about God's parental gender. Doing so leaves us
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with only a part of the divine image that Yahweh intended to create
in us as he placed humanity in the garden, blessing them, and
commanding them fill and subdue the earth. We need to be careful
not to win a culture war at the expense of losing a priceless biblical
glimpse into our God's wonderful love. Both fathers and mothers
are made in Gods image and are designed to communicate
wonderful things to us about our Creator.
While this kind of suggestion may jar us today, especially
those of us who are traditionally minded, we should be careful not
to respond with knee-jerk reactions. After all, the Bible wastes no
time in telling us that both male and female are made in he image
of God. Its in the very first chapter! Theologians have long known
that this reflects the fact that God is prior to sex or gender
distinctions. God is Spirit and does not possess a body with
chromosomes, hormones, or glands. Yet the text declares that
humanity's original design has both male and female sharing in
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the gift of being God's image-bearers. Therefore, not only can
imperfect fathers possess godly attributes, but it turns out that even
the most maternal and feminine qualities of our mothers and sisters
originate from God and reflect aspects of who God is in relation to
us.
After we acknowledge this, it would also be a mistake to
abandon the biblical teaching on God's fatherhood in a day when
fatherhood is in such need of positive male role models. Men may
fail at and even abandon their roles as father, but God has not. The
masculine concepts of father, husband, and Lord remain the
dominant metaphors God himself uses to describe himself in
scripture. But why?
Word Games
It is only when we impose what we associate with "father"
(as Ronny and Andrea did) that God's fatherhood becomes
grotesque. The same can happen if we impose on God our own
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notions of what it means to be a mother, or ruler, or Spirit, or
friend.
Consider the idea of resurrection, for example. This is a
beautiful vision of hope in the scriptures. Hollywood and worldly
literature, on the other hand, have made the notion of "coming back
from the dead" to be a frightful and horrible thing, the bone-
chilling stuff of zombies, ghouls, and Frankensteins. If we let
Hollywood's idea of rising from the grave color our thinking about
biblical resurrection, we have nothing to look forward to with joy.
In the same way, God is not to be thought of by the definitions or
connotations our society and culture may give to the term father.
Rather, God is the original pattern or blueprint and we must
judge the correctness and integrity of one's fatherhood based on his
original pattern. He remains the prototype father. It is not that he is
like a father. Rather, he isthe
father that all others should imitate.
He is not the metaphorwe are the metaphor! This means our
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fatherhood needs to find its definition and example in God. To say
it another way, the degree to which a man's fatherness is real and
genuine, the degree to which it is an accurate, true, and a complete
example of what it means to be a father, can only be measured by
God as our standard.3
Perhaps the greatest implication of the Lord's Prayer for our
struggling world today is that there still is at least one good,
reliable, admirable father left"Our Father, who art in heaven." As
our Father, God is tender toward us and free of the negative
connotations and failure we've come to associate with earthly
fathers.
3 And, by the way, the same is true for mothers, by virtue of Genesis 1:27 and
the other passages footnoted earlier in this chapter. Godliness and spirituality
know no gender. And the degree to which we fulfill our created design as men,
women, fathers, or mothers, is directly proportional to how true we are to our
calling as God's image-bearers.
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God our Father cares about each of our needs and knows
them even before we ask.4 Therefore, Jesus warmly assures us that
because his heavenly Father is Our Father, Yahweh is rightly the
object of our prayers, the cause of all our worship, the source of
our hope, and the refuge to whom we turn for all our needsbe it
for bread or deliverance from temptation, forgiveness of our ugliest
sins or escape from the oppression of evil. It will not do to pray to
anyone else.
This not only means there is hope for fatherhoodour
fatherhoodbut it also explains why the title Our Father appears
where it does at the head of The Jesus Agenda outlined in the
Lords Prayer.
The Old Testament ends with a chilling ultimatum
regarding the coming messianic kingdom: "See, I will send you the
4 Mathew 6:8
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prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of Yahweh
comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and
the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and
strike the land with a curse" (Malachi 4:5-6).
Clearly Jesus saw the priority of this needed relationship.
He modeled it in his own relationship to the Father. He wanted us
to share that relationship with his father. But the turning of our
hearts between fathers and children to each other is a heavy
kingdom matter.
When Jesus was asked by his disciples how to pray,5 he did
not offer them any options, as if there might be other gods, or
angels, or even saints, to whom we might turn our hearts or bring
our petitions or praise. No, he settled the question then and there.
"When you pray he said, say, `Our Father.'"
5 Luke 11:1
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In effect, every prayer is a celebration of true fatherhood
and every worship service is a celebration of the Fathermaking
every Sunday not only Father's Day but a prong in Jesus' strategy
for advancing his kingdom in our families and our world.
You Are Not Alone
Jesus, the only begotten Son of God, could have called God
My Father in this prayer. He could have told us that we should
call God that tooMy Father!Sounds nice, doesn't it? But lest
any of us be tempted foolishly to lay exclusive claim to God's
affection, Jesus teaches us that God is ourFather collectively.
Hubert van Zeller comments, in Prayer In Other Words, "If it
began `My Father' it might be a more private prayer but it would
not have as much charity in it. And charity matters more than
privacy." In other words, as we pray this prayer, it reminds us that
each of us comes not as an only-child but as part of a family. We
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cannot get away with claiming to love God and only God; loving
God obligates us to love our brothers and sisters as well. Yahweh
is their Father too.
The "Our-Father-ness of God also assures us we belong
not only to God, but that God intends us to belong to a loving
support system of brothers and sisters who care for us and who
love the same Father we love, "our Father, who art in heaven."
In Heaven? How Far And Yet So Near
In a culture of silent males and emotionally detached or
distant fathers, we might find ourselves troubled by the next phrase
in the Lords Prayer, even if we've resolved the apparent conflict
between our earthly parents and God being a loving, nurturing,
parental presence in our lives. After all, heaven seems kind of far
away, doesn't it? What happens to all the warmth of God being our
Father if he's going to be far off in some lofty throne, attended to, if
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not guarded by, unearthly angelic beings. Even they must cover
their faces and bow before this awesome Ruler. What are we to do
with this?
If Jesus' depiction of God being in heaven makes God seem
remote to you, consider that other passages of the Bible take this
matter yet a step further! The Scriptures tell us in many places that
God's glory, loving kindness, and exaltation are in fact above the
heavens. The book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus himself is exalted
above the heavens as our High Priest. The triune God reigns over
the heavens. In fact, God made heaven and earth and therefore
existed without them just fine. Solomon, that wisest of Old
Testament kings, exclaimed upon completing the first Jerusalem
temple that the heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot
contain Yahweh!6 The Psalms depict him as having to stoop down
6 1 Kings 8:27; 2 Chronicles 6:18
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just to look upon the heavens!
7
And so, God our Father only
inhabits heaven by way of what theologians call condescension.
That is, God lowers himself to inhabit heaven!
Think about that! Heaven is actually a stopping point for
God on his way to us! Heaven is his throne and the earth is his
footstool.8 Yet in his loving compassion and infinite desire for us,
he chooses to dwell among his people in both heaven and earth!
Remarkably, Jesus tells us that when we speak to God, our
words are heard in heaven. Heaven is that close. Though heaven
seems to us to be beyond the stars, heaven is so near that the One
who inhabits its throne hears our every whispered word in prayer
and even the inaudible longings of our hearts.9
7 Psalms 113:4-6
8
Isaiah 66:1; Acts 7:49
9 Romans 8:26-27
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These precious opening words, Our Father in heaven,
communicate to us that God is both near to us (as Father) and far
above us (in heaven). Yet at the same time they tell us that the
highest realm of all creation is also as near as the words in our own
mouths and the longings in our hearts. There is only one reason for
this. It is precisely because of who it really is who reigns there and
hears our every sigh: It is Our Fatherin Heavenour loving
Father.
Heaven is not just a "home beyond the stars," although it
certainly is that and more. It has rightly been called "the capital and
powerhouse of the cosmos" from which all is created, governed
and sustained.10 Yet although every human parent may abandon us,
and every earthly relation might fail us, there is One on the throne
who is on our side and who can be trusted more than the dearest
10 Simcox
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earthly father, more than the tenderest of mothers. He is not a
stranger or a tyrant up there on the seat of power, not an old man
with a telescope, and not a remote, aloof monarch who needs to be
approached through channels, no matter how saintly. He is our
Father and his nature is the true nature of fatherhood. He is holy,
just, and pure, and from his capital of power he rules all things. His
fatherhood tells us he is willing to help us. His heavenliness tells us
he is able. Because our Father rules and inhabits heaven, we can
rest assured that all things ultimately will work out for his glory
and for the good of all he calls his own (Ro 8:28). Our loving
Father is on the throne of omnipotent sovereignty. His enemies, no
matter how fearsome and threatening they may seem to us, are but
kindling for his consuming fire. Yet his throne is for us called "the
mercy seat."
Without Exaggeration
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It has been said that Jesus was given to hyperbole, or
overstatement, as when he tells us to cut off a hand that causes us
to stumble. But when Jesus calls God "our Father in heaven," this
is nothing less than understatement. To say God is in heaven is
actually to bring him down. He transcends all things, including
heaven, yet he stoops down to us to raise us from the dust and seat
us with him and princes,11 loving us and calling us his children.
What a wonderful thing it is, then, to be able to say, "Our
Father, who art in heaven." It should fill us with wonder and joy,
assurance and courage. When we pray this way, we address the
most powerful Being in the universe, the One who sits enthroned
securely in the most powerful place in the universe, and we find
that this powerful Being is not only mercifully inclined toward us
in Jesus Christ; he is intimately attuned, intertwined, and involved
11 Psalm 113:4-8
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with us and as our perfect dad.
This is Jesus' heart in prayer. It is at the forefront of Jesus'
prayer for us, as it is at the forefront of his agenda for all whom he
loves.
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What I'd Like To Say To Ronny
Certainly no earthly father can compare to "Our Father in
heaven." The very best men fail at some point. I know that I have
failed most miserably of all. But Ronny, if you're out there, don't
give up on fatherhood or on Father's Day. Someday you may be a
father too. And when you are, don't sleep in or go fishing when that
June Sunday comes around. Don't follow any earthly man's
example of what it means to be a dad. Imitate the original Dad.
Make him your role model and your standardsomeday there may
be a little Andrea in your life who depends on it! Celebrate the fact
that our heavenly Father has never let you down and that God
wants you always to turn your heart to him to experience his
amazing love.
Because of this, Ronny, Father's Day is for you.
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QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:
1. How would you explain to the following people that God is their
father?
[] A person who grew up without a father.
[] Someone whose father was physically abusive.
[] A feminist who believes it is sexist to refer to God in any
masculine terms.
2. What does the term "Father" communicate to us about God?
3. Why is it significant that our Father is in heaven?
4. What are some other ways we can address God in prayer? How
does this way differ in its meaning from the others?
5. How has this chapter affected the way you feel about God? How
will it influence the way you pray?
__________________________________________
2010 Copyright by David R. Leigh, P.O. Box 268, Fox River
Grove, IL 60021. Used by permission. All rights reserved. For
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more information contact the author at [email protected]
or call 847-571-3011.