ofby grace custer

far above

1

VOLUME 12, ISSUE 11, DEC 2016

THIS OLD HOUSE

Editor’s Note: This article first appeared in Far Above Rubies in December, 2000. Now, 16 years later, our children are grown, and our house has passed its 100th year …

I’m sure you’ve all heard the expression, “If these walls could talk…” Well, I’ve never really had the opportunity to speak before, but now that I do, I have some things I want to say! After all, if you were as old as I am, and had seen as much as I’ve seen, you would

have a few things to say, too! I have been standing – albeit not in this same spot – for over eighty-eight years now! Times have sure changed since 1912, the year I was built.

Back then, William Howard Taft was President of the United States, and people who could afford to, drove Model-T’s, or

“tin lizzies,” as they were nick-named. The pace of life was much slower in those days, too. People enjoyed simple entertainments, such as family picnics or drives in the country. In the evenings, families would often gather to read aloud or play music together. A little later

on, when electricity became commonplace, I remember hearing the scratchy sounds of

“Fibber McGee and Molly,” play-ing on the first radios of the era.

Now, let me tell you about how I came to be. In the spring of 1912, a Norwegian family by the name of Erickson had me constructed on their farm. I was their pride and joy, and for many years, the gathering place for all of their family and extended family, on holidays and other special occasions.

I was so proud of myself when I was finished! The Erickson family must have been proud, too, because they took a picture of me with a couple of family members who were standing out by the front porch. (That same picture is hanging in my front entry way to this day.)

The carpenters who built me actually lived here for weeks, until my inside was completed. Even though people could never detect it, I’ll admit to get-ting a little bit “puffed up” every time the work of those skilled craftsmen is admired, even now, after all this time. Those carpenters worked hard, and

" …families would often gather to read aloud…"

2

I could tell they got tired. You see, every day or so, when more lumber was needed, I’d watch as they hitched up the team of horses to the old wagon. Before they took off, the carpenters would settle into the wagon bed for their afternoon “snooze” on the way to the saw mill! Those horses made so many trips, I guess there was no way they’d ever get lost!

You know, I’ve seen a lot, and I hold a lot of memo-ries from a LOT of happenings down through these 88 years. After the first 70 years or so, my foundation began to crumble and I began falling into disrepair! I wasn’t being lived in anymore, and sadly, I was just too big and needed too much upkeep for the then elderly grandson of the man who originally had me built. You see, the year was 1992, and that was about the time the Custer family came along and bought me for six thousand, five hundred dollars!

Over the years, I’ve heard the mother and wife in the Custer family say many times, how she wished she could somehow unlock all of my secrets! Besides being old, it’s those secrets – my history, mind you – that make me so appealing to her! Like they say, I have

“been around.” I have survived the Great Depression (during which time the Erickson family lost me, due to foreclosure by the bank, and 17 years later, finally were able to buy me back…but that’s another story!), two World Wars, and sixteen presidents.

The Custers always talk about how the Lord led them to me, and I believe it. You see, they needed me, but I needed them, too! They worked on me for a whole spring and summer, and then, one day, some men came and just up and rolled me off of my crumbling foundation, loaded me onto a big truck and trailer, and transported me 15 miles south! It was rather traumatic for me, because I had no idea where in the world I was going!! When they finally sat me down on my new seat—I mean, my new foundation, as they call it—I felt a little lonely at first. Sitting up on this hill made me feel so vulnerable. I missed the big old spruce and oak trees, back on the Erickson farm. They always protected me, and through the years, we had become very good friends. However, since that time, back in 1992, I feel as though I’ve gotten a new lease on life! I guess I still had a lot of good left in me. It just took some elbow grease to bring it out.

The years the Custers have lived with me have been happy times, although, I must admit, I’ve changed a lot, especially on the inside. That Mrs. Custer has painted, wallpapered, rag-rolled, or stenciled just about every inch of my walls! I’ve overheard her husband teasing her many times, about never running out of projects for him to do, either! My opinion is that he relaxes by doing projects, and the two of them sure seem to have fun working together! At least it looks like fun, to me, when she comes up behind him while he’s working, and surprises him by…aw, well, I get embarrassed easily,

and I wouldn’t want to start any rumors about them, so I won’t tell you. Anyhow, they think I don’t notice, but my guess is they’d be pretty surprised at what I know about them!!

Let me tell you another secret: the lady of the house is actually kind of a cheapskate, when it comes to furnish-ing me! As much as possible, she avoids buying me anything new! She is convinced that, eventually, she can find everything she needs at garage sales!

I get a real kick out of the kids in this family, although that oldest boy is not around quite as much as he used to be. (Sometimes his mother seems a bit wistful when she talks about him.) I have noticed they sure do get excited, and shower him with attention, whenever he shows up, especially that little girl! She’ll either smother him with hugs, or run from room to room, calling out,

“Aaron’s here! Aaron’s here!” Her calls soon become squeals and pleas for help, when he comes in, grabs her, and starts tickling!

From what I can tell, it seems like the boys’ favorite room in the house is the kitchen! I think, to them, a tasty, home-cooked meal, made by Mom, spells “I LOVE YOU,” in bold letters! It’s kind of funny to watch that youngest boy’s eyes light up when he finds out what his mother is making for dinner! He’s always giving her hugs in the kitchen, anyway, but when he discovers she’s making one of his favorites – like an apple pie, for instance – you can count on him to give her an EXTRA big hug, right then and there!

As a rule, it’s not very quiet around here. Usually, it’s the second son in the family who likes to close the dining room door and play his horn for long periods of time. (I think he calls it a saxophone.) There must be something about the reverberation he hears bouncing off the walls and hardwood floors that makes that room his favorite place to practice. Just about any time of day, piano, trumpet and violin music, can be heard float-ing through the air. With four children in the family, all needing to get daily piano practice sessions in, it’s not at all uncommon for me to be awakened at the crack of dawn, to the sound of snappy tunes, classical music or hymns, coming from that old, upright piano.

In the mix of the musical sounds, you can always count on that little girl to be chattering to someone, every-one, no one, or even just to herself! If you asked her, I am sure she would be quick to tell you what her least favorite room of the house is. (Don’t bother asking her. I’ll just tell you: it’s the downstairs bathroom, because that’s where the board of education meets her “seat of learning!” Being several years younger than her sib-lings, she can never quite understand why she had to make more trips to that room than did her brothers.)

I must admit, though, she is very lovable, and quite a funny little girl. When she gets that mischievous look

3

on her face, and has her hair up in braids, she kind of reminds me of Pippi Longstocking!

Her brothers just shake their heads in amazement, because they can’t figure her out, half the time! They don’t have a clue as to why she pampers her doll like it’s a real, live baby, or why in the world she worries and frets over her cats as if they could never take care of themselves without her. One thing that really “blows their minds” is when, within the course of the day, she will parade through the house in one fancy or “unique” outfit after another. These, of course, she has put together from the treasures she finds in her “dress-up” trunk upstairs in the loft.

In many ways, this family is just like any other family. What I mean is, there are times when someone gets up on the wrong side of the bed, or says or does some-thing that hurts another’s feelings. (Unlike me, they are all very human.) Apologizing and admitting fault has

been an exercise every family member has had to do on a regular basis. The Custer family is not a perfect family and the parents are certainly not perfect parents! I will say, however, that seeing their children grow up to serve the Lord with their lives, has been the parents’ constant, burning desire for as long as I can recall! Many, many times, after the children were sound asleep in their beds, I’ve heard the parents talking and praying into the wee hours.

And do you know what? I can tell they really like me, but not me – or any other material possession – matters more to them than the Lord. He is the center of their home. Pleasing the Lord and serving Him is their goal. The parents insist that each family member respect the others, and when a problem arises, they deal with it. They don’t ignore problems, and let them pile up! The head of the household sees to that. I have watched him lovingly guide his family with godly wisdom and Biblical principles, for years, now. This wisdom is dispersed around the supper table, from the family room sofa, when kneeling by a bedside, or even while leaning on a hoe out in the garden! By watching this family, I can tell that God blesses families who practice Biblical principles.

Early one morning last week, I noticed the little girl was busy as a bee in the kitchen, making a thermos of hot tea for everyone. Before I knew it, they were all out the door, bundled up against the frosty, winter air. They piled into the pickup, and off they went!

Later on, from about a mile away, I could see them coming back down the gravel road. (You can see quite a distance when you’re as tall as I am!) When I saw what they had in the back of the pickup, I really got excited!

“It’s Christmas time again!” I fairly shouted to myself. I’ll have you know, Christmas is my favorite time of year. I love being decorated with wreaths, twinkling lights, red bows, and garland. Very soon, nearly every one of my rooms was bustling with excitement and activity.

First, all the ornaments and decorations were dug out of storage. Next, while familiar carols played on the stereo, one of the kids started unpacking the nativity set. Since the manger scene is always set up first in this family, it wasn’t long before it filled its traditional spot atop the piano. At that point, I overheard the little girl fretting about the placement of certain figures of the nativity set. “It doesn’t look good, ‘cause all the big stuff is here, and all the little stuff is over there,” she whined. “But this way is Scriptural,” argued her third brother, “and besides, talk about front row seats!” he said with a chuckle, as he lined up the animals and shepherds directly in front of the manger.

Soon the conflict was forgotten, and the next thing I knew, the little girl was happily helping her daddy string lights, all the while singing with the music, “Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.”

By day’s end, the tree was decorated, the stockings were hung on the mantle, and the house smelled of a wonderful aroma – a mixture of freshly baked Christmas cookies and pungent pine boughs. Before long, everyone was safely tucked into bed; all was quiet, as the twinkling lights shone out the window into the night sky, and onto the new-fallen snow. Ever so slightly, and undetected by the family, I sighed a contented sigh. “Once again,” I thought to myself, “the Christmas season has come to This Old House.”

Merry Christmas from the Custer Family

Proverbs 14:1 says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house.” As a wife and mother, we have the opportu-nity to build something wonderful, something precious and something enduring. Pour yourself into this sacred, God-given role. Do your best! Learn and grow and sac-rifice for those you love. Building a home is a worthy endeavor that will yield lifelong joy and blessing!

In this Christmas season take the time to reflect upon the privilege you have been given to be a wife and mother. And remember, the most special things at Christmas are often the simple things…homemade crafts and goodies, handmade gifts, handwritten notes and cards… things that touch the heart and soul of those you love the most.

Invest in your family, and make some special Christmas memories…together!

From my heart, Your Pastor’s Wife

"Pleasing the Lord and serving Him is their goal."

4

It was Christmas morning. I don’t remember exactly how old I was, but I was quite young. That morning, I was very excited, more than usual, because I had asked for something that I was sure was in one of the beautifully wrapped presents under the tree: a stuffed animal puppy. You see, my sister already had one. It was gray and white, very soft, and it

“slept” on her bed every day. I wasn’t allowed to play with it, for “Peppy” was my sister’s special friend. Oh, how I wanted a puppy of my own, to cuddle with every night. I had hinted this to my parents on a number of occasions.

The packages were handed out, and I remember being excited as I opened the gift that I was sure contained my puppy. As I pulled back the paper and looked, there it was, my puppy – A PINK POODLE. What?! Talk about major disappointments! Whoever heard of a pink dog?! Not only was it a ridiculous color, it didn’t even curl up like a real dog. It just stood all stiff-like. I know I smiled and tried to hide my true feelings as I hugged my “pink” dog.

My parents always taught us to be thankful for what we were given and to appreciate all that we had. Words like “I don’t like it,” or “This isn’t what I wanted,” were never allowed. I am sure I wasn’t completely successful in hiding my disappointment from my wise mother, but I know that I thanked my parents for all my gifts, regardless of the disap-pointment I felt.

Teaching children to be thankful is something which must start when they are very young. Children are naturally selfish, and they want things their way. One area where this is most prominant is at meal-time. I have observed many times, children being given choices in what they would like to eat, being served meals different from the rest of the family, turning up their noses at the food that is being served, as well as hearing utterances of dislike for the food set before them. Meanwhile, the parents laugh nervously at their children’s rudeness and make excuses for their behavior. I can’t help but wonder if this is allowed in front of others, what kinds of things take place at home, when only the family is present.

I think we all would agree that an ideal suppertime (or any meal for that matter) routinely would be one

where the family is seated at the table, the children are cheerfully eating their dinner, and the meal is consumed in a reasonable amount of time. This, believe it or not, can be accomplished. I want to include just a few guidelines which, when strictly followed, will result in children being thankful for the food which they have been served, as well as peace-ful mealtimes to be enjoyed by all family members.

First of all, NEVER offer choices for your children. What is to be the mealtime menu should not be decided by children! “Oh, but I like my child to have a ‘say’ and feel important in helping to make deci-sions in the home.” Sorry, the parents are the ones to make decisions – period! (Remember, we are talking about young children in this article). When we allow our children to pick what they want for supper, then we open the door for dissatisfaction (not appreciation), when something is served that they would not ordinarily choose to eat.

Secondly, do not fix something different for a child who doesn’t care for what is being served. When we are willing to make a different meal for a finicky child, it is not being done with the child in mind, but rather with yourself in mind. Admit it, mealtime is easier when we don’t have to deal with a child who is not choosing to eat something because he/she does not care for it.

Next, when a child does not like what is being served for dinner, never allow that child to display their dis-like – either verbally, or with body language. Things like whining, crying, facial disgust, or verbal state-ments should be met with discipline. If your children are trained that these things are not allowed, then any disdain should be dealt with the first time, and not allowed to continue or go without correction.

Last, when a child has finished with the meal, he/she should be taught to always say “thank you” to the person who has prepared the meal, even if the child did not like it. Take time to instill in the child that someone has worked hard to cook the meal, and we should appreciate their sacrifice to give us something to eat. Our children always had to say,

“Thank you,” before leaving the table. It got to the point where they would be eating their meal and thanking me before they had even finished the food!

Will following these guidelines while training our children ensure the ideal mealtimes we dream of? Yes! There will be times when supper is chaotic, when a child chooses to break every mealtime rule, but if you deal with the disobedience quickly and maintain consistency, then mealtime will be some-thing to look forward to rather than dreaded.

One supper dish that I made frequently, knowing that my all my children would enjoy it, was Ziti. It is

5

I GET TO…

There’s much to be said about having the “right attitude,” when it comes to many things in life. As single gals, wives and mothers, we all should strive for– and demon-strate– a right attitude. So often, we get in a pattern: an ugly, downward spiral that is anything but “right.” Sometimes, it’s good for all of us to “listen” to our-selves. Are our comments (concerning domestic duties and other opportunities) pleasant, sweet, encouraging, kind, courteous, cheerful, joyful, and respectful, or do they resemble a huge, adult WHINE?

I often hear mothers tell their children, “That is not the right attitude,” or “Are you having an attitude?” We endeavor to correct it in our children, but it can be a malady at any age.

I remember years ago, as the former Pastor’s wife taught a class for women, a lady asked her this ques-tion: “How do I get my husband to pick up his clothes?” Apparently, the young married woman was perturbed at

her husband’s inability to pick up his clothes. Now, I am ALL FOR men being taught things like this…there isn’t really a reason for anyone, man or woman, to randomly just leave clothes, towels, shoes, etc., on the floor, dirty dishes left in the sink, or countertops full of a mess, all to be left for someone else to pick up. However, an older married woman responded and gently said, “Perhaps you might want to just cheerfully pick up the clothes, because if he died, you wouldn’t have to worry about picking up his clothes.” That stuck with me until this day, for more reasons than one! As absolutely wonderful as my husband is, he gets his dirty clothes about four feet from the clothes basket most times! When I pick them up and put them in the appropriate basket, I smile and am reminded that “I get to…”

I think of so many scenarios that allow us to “get to…” do something that is sweet and a blessing to others. Let’s create those scenarios….

Wife, do you make sure your husband’s clothes are clean, pressed and in the closet? Do you try to prepare healthy, interesting meals that are served with a smile, on time, most days? Are you available to help him with projects when he asks, or do you sigh, whine and make his life miserable while you are helping? (Or maybe unwilling to help at all!) All of these scenarios are just daily oppor-tunities that you are given to be able to say, “I get to…” If you read Proverbs 31, you will see that woman is not lazy. She is all about doing what’s best for her house and her family. She’s a great example for all of us!

Mom, do you realize your responsibility to discipline and train your children for the Lord? Do you take each day as an opportunity to instill character and respect in your kids? Do you rise to the challenge to be consistent in all things? Do you try to see (and eliminate) things like whine, sass, disobedience, bad attitudes, and manipu-lation at every opportunity? Mom, you “get to” be an integral part of your children’s lives. I know you WANT what’s best for you children, but do you have the right attitude about it? It’s such a wonderful opportunity, lit-erally to “create” great kids. It’s an overwhelming task at times, but so rewarding. Consider what an awesome challenge it is of what you “get to“ do!

Ladies, how about extended family? Do you take EVERY opportunity to be a blessing to your parents? Guess what! If you don’t, there will come a time when you won’t be able to. Do you call, write, or text, OFTEN, so that they feel connected and loved? I can tell you that before you know it, you will have a parent that is either very ill, or is crippled, or dies, and you may wish you had done more. All you wish for is ONE MORE phone call to hear their voice! Are you thankful and grateful for all your parents have done for you? I sometimes see an “entitlement” mentality with young people. Once parents have raised you, it is NOT their responsibility to continue to supply every whim you might have that maybe your husband isn’t able to do right now. When your parents bless you with a meal out, or help babysit, or actually pay for part

easy, and when served with vegetables and garlic bread, should be quickly eaten by all family mem-bers. Give it a try!

Ziti

1 lb. package ziti noodles

4 cans tomato sauce (8 oz. each)

3-4 garlic cloves

8 oz. of Swiss Cheese slices

1 stick butter, melted

Cook noodles according to package directions. Drain well. Empty 1 can of tomato sauce into cas-serole dish. Crush one garlic clove over sauce. Layer half noodles, half cheese over tomato sauce. Repeat layers. Pour remaining 3 cans of sauce on top and crush remaining garlic over top. Pour melted butter on top.

Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes until top is just beginning to brown.

6

roof the pavilion. I can’t play the organ. I am not the best in the nursery—‘cuz I don’t do diapers! So…this the best place for me. Yes, I “get to!”

Young, unmarried ladies– you have such potential for this kind of “I get to,” because generally, you have fewer responsibilities than wives and mothers. You have more freedom each day, even if you work, to be able to be a blessing to others, like a new mom, who may need a little help. Maybe you can make a visit to someone in the hospital to be an encouragement. Often, you can offer to babysit (free of charge!), so a couple with many children can have a “date night.” Be creative and see how many things you will “get to“ do!

If you have the wrong attitude regarding ANYTHING or ANY AREA of your life, ask the Lord to reveal that, but you probably already know! CHANGE it. A happy countenance and a happy disposition create a blessed soul. Psalm 100:2 says, “Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.” Psalm 100:4, 5a, says, “Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the LORD is good…” What a great reason to “get to do.”

Evaluate your attitude and look at those daily tasks, those domestic duties, and your outreach, as “I get to!”

of something you really need, BE THANKFUL. Express it and remind yourself that “you get to” do that. You get to show your appreciation and love. Don’t get into the habit of “allowing” your parents or in-laws to “take care of you,” as they once did. Grow up and get up and get going. Allow your relationship to be more of what YOU can do for them and how YOU can bless them! It totally changes your relationship.

How about service to our Lord? YOU GET TO do so many things, if you just WANT TO! (Right attitude.)

Think of all the service areas we have at church: there are many levels of service, and having the right attitude means that you get to clean the church on a routine basis, maybe once every 5 weeks; write to our mission-ary wives, once every 6 weeks; teach a Sunday School or Children’s Church class; sing in the choir; play your instrument in the orchestra; help in the nursery; make a meal to take to someone who is ill, recovering, or who has had a baby, etc.; write an encouraging note to some-one who is struggling; be part of a baby or wedding shower; GO TO a baby or bridal shower to be a bless-ing and encouragement; be part of a team when we thoroughly spring clean the church; help paint and dec-orate; be a part of the group that prepares a Christmas gift for our missionary wives; work to get camp ready in the spring; volunteer for other tasks while at camp; babysit for some mother that has to run errands; take someone to a Dr.’s appointment, etc. Now, we can’t do ALL of these, but we can do some of them! Remember, I get to…..

I will share with you an opportunity that I have that is really a fun “I get to.” Recently, our church decided to set up a missionary apartment/prophet’s chamber for our own missionaries to have a home on furlough, but to also to make accommodations available for visiting preachers and missionaries. It was fun to be able to clean, paint, and decorate the apartment, initially. But, as you know….that was one-time event. Cleaning and maintaining, literally, another home, is another thing. Sometimes, we have a missionary in there for a few weeks or months and are not required of much during that time. Sometimes, however, we have someone in there for 3 days and turnaround is 1-2 days and someone else is using it another 3-4 days. Although a lady and her teenage daughters rose to the occasion of taking care of the apartment, there are times she is not able, so another lady and I gather up the laundry and do that at home. Then we meet at the apartment for 3-4 hours and go through it with a fine-toothed comb. (Stopping to get a good cup of coffee first, of course!) We “get to” put on all the clean, freshly IRONED sheets. Hang fresh towels. Tidy the linen closet. Check the fridge for outdated food and clean if necessary. We scour the kitchen, clean floors, sanitize the bathroom, dust and wipe down anything that needs it. Check the supplies. Check to see if any maintenance needs to be done. We do many things each time we are there, but it is a FUN time. “I get to” says it all. I can’t sing in the choir. I can’t

The Aged Woman

Somewhere along life’s road, I graduated from the “Young Woman” to “Aged Woman.” It hasn’t been that many years ago when I was the young wife and mother, gleaning from “Far Above Rubies.”

Oh, how I remember reading the article “Keepers At Home,” and the writer stating, “Ladies, it only takes 10 minutes to clean a bathroom…I timed it.” I thought, “Well, I don’t have 10 minutes; I’m already 3 hours behind!”

Then there was the article “Whether Ye Eat or Drink.” The writer encouraged wives and mothers to provide nutritious food for their family, and even suggested we consider milling our own grain. I thought, “She’s crazy!

7

I am NOT milling grain! I am very content with the con-venience of scooping flour out of a bag!”

The article “Daughters of Virtue,” often brought me to tears, over how I was failing as a mother, especially to my daughter.

Just for the record, I was raised by an organized, disci-plined mother who taught me well. It’s not that I didn’t KNOW some of these things, but knowing and applying are very different. My pastor has often said, “You can borrow brains, but you can’t borrow character.” These ladies were providing me with the knowledge, but it was my responsibility to have the character to apply that knowledge.

So, I humbled myself and stopped making excuses for my lack of character. I started prioritizing my time and making a chore list for my children, instead of ME trying to do everything. Now the bathroom got cleaned; it wasn’t MY kind of clean, but it was better than what I was finding the time to accomplish. We worked as a team, and actually had a lot of fun working together.

And that “milling my own grain” idea, yes, you guessed it! I have been milling grain for over 10 years now. The health benefits have been amazing! It took planning, research, and unselfishness to feed my family nutritious meals. Fruits, vegetables, beans, meat, eggs, oats, nuts, grains, and yes, butter! I learned that so many of our nutritious foods were being replaced with chemical-ly-modified foods. Oh, how I wanted to be lazy at times! I do not enjoy cooking. I’ve often wished we didn’t need food to exist. But I did enjoy the good feeling I got when I knew I was providing my children with nutritious food instead of “junk.” Did they always like it? Of course not, but I believed that my decision about what my children were going to eat was no different from my decision on what they were allowed to wear or the places they could go.

As I read each article, month after month, I prayerfully considered the advice these ladies so willingly shared. One article that was particularly helpful regarded my relationship with my daughter. I gained much wisdom from “Daughters of Virtue.” I discovered there was a fine line between being my daughter’s authority and being her friend. Yes, I made the decisions, and she was to obey, but I was also to show her that I was approach-able. and that she could talk to me about anything. We built a relationship together by talking, playing, working, laughing, crying, sharing burdens…becoming friends. I learned that if I wanted my daughter to talk to me about those sensitive issues in the teen years and on into adult-hood, then I had better be building a friendship with her in the elementary years. My daughter is now married. We built a great friendship, and never once did she have a rebellious, unteachable spirit in any decision her dad or I made on how she should conduct herself.

I praise the Lord for blessing my life with so many “Aged

Women.” I feel honored to now be one of them! It is a joy to help other ladies to be the best that they can be in this great adventure we call “Motherhood.”

By Barb Russell

Squabbling Squirts

I was given a piece of advice, through the grapevine. I don’t know the person who said it, and I’ve never met her kids, either. She has a large family full of children, and the comment that started it all was that they are the sweetest children you would ever meet, and are all best of friends. The conversation was just floating by this family while Moriah was filling me in on the months of life that had passed since I had seen her last. I jumped in and started asking questions about the family; I’m always curious to know what works for someone. I grew up with two sisters, and the relationships could be the very definition of fighting. It was ugly. One of the big-gest goals I had when thinking ahead to motherhood, was to raise children that were best friends, instead of worst enemies.

Moriah talked about the conversation she had with this mom. She said that she knew she wasn’t spending enough time playing with her children when they started fighting and being naughty to each other. The specific phrase that she used was, “I know I need to leave the mess and deal with the more important mess.” This obviously worked for her, and paid off exponentially, long term. When Ellery and Timmy were four and three we spent a ton of time correcting how naughty they naturally were toward each other. Children have to be taught how to treat others, and not just adults. When left to themselves, they will never act right. They have to be taught first and then corrected, when they choose to treat others terribly. We, as moms, need to be aware of what they are doing and thinking all the time. If you only fix the problem one out of five times, most kids will take those chances and choose the selfish way. With consistent enforcement of the PEOPLE rules, it becomes a habit to act right. It will never be natural or 100%, but it will be a habit and a choice.

After I heard this advice last Christmas, I set out to put it to use. You know those days where all they do is fight? One argument to the next. I would stop what I was doing and spend time observing or playing with them. I learned that before the big huge blow-outs occurred, there were about ten different problems that could be corrected. I also made it a punishment, for them to play alone. “You can’t get along? Well, put those toys away and go play by yourselves until you think you can prefer one another.” It speeds up the process. Do you know it actually worked! I have now been able to downgrade to listening in on the playing and give a few reminders along the way. I would say 70% of the time they love each other, 20% of the time they are irritated and only 10% of the time

8

“Character versus Personality”

Do you think you really know someone that you have only ever corresponded with on the internet? Or have you ever seen something that someone has shared or said online, and it doesn’t seem to match who you have perceived them to be?

“Being somebody” online can be tricky. There is first the tendency to airbrush our lives. We don’t want to share our “messes,” or the things we are struggling with. We take a picture of our house when it is perfectly cleaned, of our children when they are perfectly groomed. We post things that are happy tell others about the bless-ings we have received. I understand this tendency. Who wants to share sad things or hard times? I’ve thought that before: “I have enough problems on my own; I don’t need to know about everyone else’s, too!” The downside of this is that others can look at what you share and think that you have a perfect life. Here’s a revelation for you: no one has a perfect life!

At the same time, there is a big push for people to be “real.” It’s fashionable to say exactly what you are think-ing with no filter, and not care what anybody thinks. It’s easy to let the word, “vomit” happen, and to have no discretion over what you are sharing. The downside to this is that you can quickly become cynical and dis-couraging. It’s easy to walk in the flesh and share wrong thinking patterns, and encourage others to do the same when they see you being like that.

Of course, either extreme, all the time, is making yourself to be someone online that you really aren’t in person. Maybe the real issue behind what you share and how

you share it is your motives. Do you share all the good because you are embarrassed for people to know that you are struggling in some area? Or do you go out of your way to make sure everyone knows exactly what you are struggling with, either because you don’t want to take responsibility for the things that you CAN change, or because you hope to garner some sympathy?

I don’t have all the answers for how we should portray ourselves on the internet, but it is something that every-one should spend a little time thinking about. I think it would be wise to try to have a balance in this area. We don’t want to purposely mislead people, and at the same time, we want to be able to help others. If you are going through a hard time, sometimes it is so encouraging to know someone else is going through a difficulty as well, and when they encourage you to just look to the Lord, or to do the right thing, it can be such a blessing. I do know that this is a challenging area to balance. And if it is so hard for you to completely and accurately portray YOUR life online, remember that when you are reading about someone else’s life. No matter what, you probably aren’t getting the whole story or the complete picture.

When it comes to helping teenagers who are starting to use social media, this is something important that they need to understand. It would be easy for an impres-sionable young person to get an unrealistic view of life, just because they are listening to the wrong people online. Expectations can be set up about beauty, about how they should be acting, or about what they should be pursuing. These expectations might be about how marriage works, about the value of children, or just gen-eral values in a young person’s life. This could be good, or it could be bad; it all depends on what “voices” they are listening to and what those voices’ general attitude or tone is. It is easy for impressionable teenagers to just like HOW someone is presenting themselves online and subconsciously start adopting their thoughts and opin-ions. (Maybe that’s not just easy for teenagers, but for everyone!) When the message comes in an appealing way, it may be easy to just accept those “truths,” and not really examine the thoughts.

Teenagers are right at the point in their life where they are figuring things out for themselves. They need to start establishing their own beliefs; they need to know WHY they do the things that they do. Listening to the wrong voices can be destructive, and it’s so important for Mom and Dad to still be the greatest influence in their lives. Maybe this means keeping your teenager off of social media, or limiting it in some way. Maybe this means allowing your teenager to be on social media and you make sure you are right there with them! I don’t know how this will look for each individual family, but I do know that it should involve lots of communication time. Ask your teens about the things they are seeing online. Use questions (Don’t just tell them!) to help them think critically about the things that other people post online. It’s not about making your teens to be “holier-than-thou,” or to think that your family has it figured out more than

does it escalate to out-of-control behavior. Admittedly, it is usually during wrestle-mania. Someone once said to me, “The mark of a good parent is not that the child never does anything terrible, but what the parent does to fix it.” If you put in the tiring hours of nit-picky work now, for the rest of their lives, your house will be filled with friendship. If you don’t, the opposite is true, as well. No regrets.

By Malissa Custer

9

others. Rather, it is about teaching them to recognize what people are saying, and to compare that to Scripture to find out if it is worth listening to or not. You are train-ing them to take responsibility for what influences them. Don’t allow them to be passively affected.

I challenge you with this: think about the difference between character and personality. Character is what you are when no one else is around. You know what your character is like. You can try to fool everyone if you want, but you know, deep down inside, what your struggles and problems are. Personality is the part of your character that you allow other people to see. What you see about someone online is 100% personality. It might give you some clues to what their character is like, and a person with some wisdom and discernment would be able to pick up on those things, but it might be easy to miss! It is easy to have personality; it is much more difficult to build character, especially in this age, where everybody can be ‘somebody’ on their own personal page. Today, it seems that people spend much more time crafting their personality than examining their character.

It is a subtle difference and something that most people will never think about, but I want to be the type of person who does. I want to be the type of person who spends more time building the weak areas of my character with the Lord’s help, rather than just crafting my personality. Most importantly, I want to be the type of person who doesn’t just accept anything, simply because of the per-sonality that presented it, but to compare every thought to Scripture, and to find people with real, true character and allow them to influence me.

Growing in 2017

Don’t we all love a newborn baby? Whether boy or girl, there is just no other creature that is so sweet, so soft, and just so very precious as a brand new, hours-old infant! We women enjoy discussing their traits and observing which family members the child “takes after,” etc. While it may not last long, one of my favorite things about these dear little humans is their “new baby” smell. Before too long, this distinctive scent gives way to other, more compelling, and not so sweet smelling “odors!” No matter what, these dear little ones are gifts and very special creations from God!

It is a wonderful thing to watch these wee ones grow! In amazement, we see them begin to put on more weight and become more aware and responsive to their parents and their surroundings. “They grow so fast!” is a phrase every new mother hears often! This is the truth. Little

ones do grow fast, and they should, because growth is a normal part of life!

Why is it then, that growth, in many applications, is only attached to the very young? Why do we think it is some-how “normal” for older adults to get to a place where we don’t grow anymore? And furthermore, we don’t even expect to grow! (No, no, I’m NOT talking about our waistlines here!) Does it seem uncommon to hear a 50- or 60-something adult talking about experienc-ing emotional, spiritual or some other form of personal growth in their life? I don’t know about you, but I am NOT okay with the idea of never seeing or even expecting to see, any growth in my life at every age! May I remind you that “growth” means “life”? Yes, it also involves change, but the amount of life and vitality for every individual lies within their growth patterns, or in some cases, the lack thereof. Too many Christians I’ve known live unfulfilled, boring, negative, self-focused (There’s a BIG connection between those last two traits, by the way!), joyless, unproductive lives! Growth is not always comfortable, but it is the path to joy, productivity and fulfillment! Growth is a choice worth making.

I wonder if, before the New Year, 2017, dawns, there are others besides myself who may be concerned about their level of personal growth. Perhaps there are some areas in your life that need to be challenged, with the goal of seeing changes and new growth this next year. By God’s grace, may we all learn new things, change some of our attitudes and mindsets and/or establish better habits. I believe “all things are possible” with the Lord (Mk. 10:27).

Honesty is essential to growth, so first, I should take honest inventory. I hope you’ll join me in asking yourself these questions…

Do I have a bad temper? Am I lazy? Do I enjoy talking about others, being critical and finding fault? Do I con-sole myself that I am not a “gossiper” because I don’t actually “say” it; I only “listen” to the gossip? Can I iden-tify the ways listening to gossip harms my walk with the Lord and my relationships with others?

Am I usually inclined to “take the easy way out?” When I have hurt someone, or knowingly or unknowingly made a mistake, do I take responsibility for my error and take steps to “own up to it” and make my wrongs right, when-ever possible? Am I constantly accumulating emotional

“baggage” in my relationships, because I react first and think later? How easy is it for me to say, “I am sorry. It was my fault. Please forgive me,” and really mean it? How often do I do it?

Do I hold grudges and keep mental “tallies” of other people’s offenses? (People who cannot let go of the mis-takes of others have a pride problem, and usually end up immersed in anger or regret.) Do I take my burdens to the Lord, confess my sin, and ask His forgiveness? Accepting God’s forgiveness and then making things right with those we’ve wronged (It’s called restitution!),

ofby grace custer

10

allows us to move on and grow from the experience.

Am I a procrastinator? Do I do this because it appeases my conscience, making me feel like I’ve addressed an issue without ever changing my behavior? Do I have trouble defining the legitimate priorities of my life? Do I understand the various seasons of life? Am I surren-dered to the tasks that God has given me to do at my current stage of life? Defining my priorities can be hard, and requires me to identify a “good” priority against the “best” priority.

Am I materialistic? Even if I don’t have much money, do I place too much value and satisfaction upon certain things I acquire? Is the idea of living within my means something that I constantly chafe against? Do I have a bad “credit card habit?” Do I harbor jealousy against people I know who seem to have a lot more money and means than I do?

Do I base my personal sense of value upon how I per-ceive others view me, or can I “get past that” and focus on whether what I have done pleases the Lord? Am I truly able to accept responsibility for my actions or do I blame others for my responses? Does my “self talk” involve phrases like: “That’s just the way I am” or “I can’t help it. It’s not my fault. I don’t deserve that.”?

Do I look to the Lord and His Word for my happiness and acceptance, or am I constantly seeking another person to make me happy? Do I wear my feelings on my sleeve, expecting things from people which are unattainable and unrealistic? Am I an emotional “hermit,” or am I will-ing to reach outside my “world” with the sole purpose of blessing others with my time, gifts, and my life? When was the last time I made a new friend? Do I tend to “freak out” when something extreme happens, or is my first response to take my burdens to the Lord and allow Him to work things out?

Do I serve the Lord because I’m worried about what others will think of me or do I do what I do out of a sense of gratitude for what God has done for me? Do I read His Word and seek His face daily in my devotions and prayer life? How do I react to constructive criticism? Am I teachable and willing to allow the Lord to use other saints to help “perfect” my walk with Him? Am I per-ceived as being patient or impatient?

Do I label people and treat them according to my pre-conceived ideas? Do I seek to edify and encourage others or would observers see me as “all wrapped up in myself?” Do I enjoy new challenges and learning new skills? Do I thank the Lord regularly for specific things, people, material possessions, etc., in my life? How often do I choose to exhibit joy, thankfulness and cheerful-ness, even when my mood is quite the opposite, at that moment? Do I understand the value of a smile or simple greeting to a stranger in the midst of a busy day?

On a daily basis, is it a foreign concept for me to think

of myself as “His” servant? Am I flexible and willing to allow the Lord or others in my life to rearrange my schedule to suit needs for which I may be unaware? Do I really want to change and allow the Lord to make 2017 not only different, but better than 2016?

I realize this “list” is by no means complete. Admittedly, this kind of self-inspection can be painful and prone to failure. Perhaps there may even be a lady reading this who thinks living in a “rut” is much preferable. Certainly each one of us is entitled to our own opinion but person-ally, I want my life to count and if that means allowing the Lord to probe, convict and change my heart, then so be it. I desire to make a difference in the lives of my family and friends, and even in the lives of strangers! I seek to add value to people, making them better because they know me! I desire to be a blessing to others! The way I see it is, I only have ONE life and I’m only given so many years to live that life! I want to make the most of it by allowing the Lord to use me to influence, encourage, impact and bless other people for His Glory!

If you agree, may we make a point to prayerfully read over this list many times, asking God to teach us, stretch us, and greatly use us in this New Year? He has lives He wants us to impact! Let’s Grow Together in 2017!

Far Above Rubies is online!

Each issue of Far Above Rubies is uploaded as a PDF to our website. Go to far.bbcgf.org to download the newest issue, sign up for email notifications when new issues are added, or request to be placed on our mailing list!

11

To gift or not to gift, THAT is the question—and as always, I have the answer!

Have you ever handed a gift to someone with excitement and anticipation—after you took great care and time to find, select and wrap the gift you finally knew was per-fect—only to watch them tear open the paper and see the sparkle turn to confusion, slip into disappointment and plummet to revulsion?

Let’s face it, you can’t always avoid buying the wrong gift: not everyone likes resin figurines in the shape of a unicorn flying over a rainbow, and who could predict Dad not understanding the knitting needles and yarn were for relaxing after a stressful day at the office?

Buying the wrong gift is bound to happen once in awhile, but there are SOME mistakes NO ONE EVER needs to make! Since dread isn’t traditionally supposed to be part of the Christmas experience, let me help!

*note: The following are actual gifts and google-able.

NOT TO GIFT (starting with the things you shouldn’t have to be told):

Let me first say, not gifting socks and underwear is a given! (They belong in a drawer or store, never under a tree.)

Vacuum. Never, ever, ever, never, ever, for any holiday, ever, forever in perpetuity, amen!

Hamster, cat, dog, iguana or anything someone has to remember to feed.

DON’T plant a tree in someone’s name for Christmas. Much better: claim that a Mall Santa held you up and demanded all your Christmas money! (Speaking of Mall Santas; adults getting their pictures on “Santa Christmas Cards” isn’t funny; it’s just stupid!)

26-pound Gummy Bear. Besides the fact that it costs 150 bucks, trying to finish it could induce a sugar coma.

A Selfie Toaster (browns your bread and leaves your selfie photo embedded in the toast). Judging by the number of selfies on facebook, this product alone could wipe out the bread industry (Google-able).

Video game called, “Extreme Chores.”

We’re going to lump this all together and say that a: beginner cookbook, gift certificate to Merry Maids, Acne Solution Kit or Wrinkle Cream and Body Care Kit are all OUT. It doesn’t matter what you say or how you try to cover, they will assume you are trying to tell them something—anyway, aren’t you? Passive-aggressive gifts are a whole different article!

ANYTHING Batman for an adult!

Superhero knee socks. Even SUPERHEROES don’t wear knee socks (they wear tights).

Superhero tights.

Train track t-shirt.

If the gift ANYWHERE on the label says “Novelty,” DON’T DO IT!

Abraham Lincoln Chia Pet.

Anything in the following sections of the Dollar Store: Grocery, Cleaning supplies, Home Goods, Home Decor, Crafts, Clothing, Tools, Tchotchkes, Cards and Gifts, Toys.

If you are able to find a Dollar Store with additional sec-tions, please add those to the above list.

Nothing bought in a truck stop or grocery store.

ANYTHING made from animal dung!

An eye massager.

Life Countdown Watch. As well as tell the time, it counts down the years, days and hours of your life. If you’re still breathing after the buzzer goes off, you get your money back (again, Googe-able).

British Accent Gum (although this is a perfectly accept-able gift in Canada).

Last but CERTAINLY not least—Cat Lady Action Figure. I’m just sorry they didn’t make it “Scratch and Sniff” (AGAIN, Google-able)!

TO GIFT:

Uh, you’re on your own; it’s 11pm and the article’s due in 45 minutes.

bykaren peach

12

Our Goal - It is our desire that this publication be a voice for godli-ness amid a very ungodly world. We seek to encourage and edify the ladies of Bible Baptist Church and others, in their day-to-day walk with the Lord, and to strengthen them in their God-given roles as wives, mothers and servants of our Lord.

We believe God's designed intent for women is one of honor, pur-pose and fulfillment. After experiencing the joy of sins forgiven, and coming to know the Lord in a personal way through His free gift of salvation, obtained through His death upon Calvary (Rom. 6:23; Eph. 2:8-9; Jn. 1:11-12; Rom. 10:9-10), we find no greater joy than that of living each day for His glory, and striving to become that rare and priceless jewel - a virtuous woman.

The value of such a woman, God declares, is "Far Above Rubies."

If you desire to know more about the Bible, or are seeking a true relationship with Jesus Christ, please feel free to write and request Part 1 of a seven-part Home Bible Study Correspondence Course, free for the asking.

Far Above Rubies is a publication of Bible Baptist Church, PO Box 13497, Grand Forks, ND 58208

Far Above Rubies is a copyrighted publication. All forms of copying or duplication are permitted, as long as the source is acknowledged. No part of this publication is to be sold or used for personal gain.

far above