Family Developmental Trauma, Interrupted Safety and Disturbed Attachment

Kenneth Perlmutter, PhDFounder, Family Recovery InstituteFamRecovery@gmail.com or 415-322-0939

With that Moon Language

Admit something:Everyone you seeYou say to them “Love me.”Of course you do not do this

out loudOtherwise someone would call

the cops.Still, though, think about this:This great pull in us to

connect.Why not become the one who

livesWith a full moon in each eye

that isAlways sayingWith that sweet moon

languageWhat every other eye in This world isDying to hear?--Hafiz

Psychosomatic families: understanding relational

trauma Interruptions in safety Enmeshment,

disengagement Rigidity, constriction Over-protectiveness Lack of conflict

resolution Secrets, alliances,

feuds Emotional volatility Body-based

communication Spiritual disconnection 6 D’s

Stress Induced Impaired Coping™

Danger

DisorderDisconnection

Doubt

Deprivation

DenialDistract

Blame Fix

Escape

SHAME

©2011 K Perlmutter PhD

Systemic implications of inter-generational

trauma Inter-generational and systemic pathways

Predisposing (genetics, environment, culture) Precipitating (T or complex t, loss, dissonance) Perpetuating (starvation, SA, invisibility, SIIC)

Self and system: Templates for safety and visibility

Parallels: ED pathology and family system dynamics Low self-esteem SHAME OCD Disease-perpetuating rituals Perfectionism Qualified Achievement

Promoting system shift

Safety/boundaries Image: portrayed/

expected vs. actual

FOO inquiry Nutritional

inventory: what feeds us?

Identify sources of resistance (fear) Explore the family deal -- its emotional and

relational aspects Generate empathy for interruptions in the sense

of safety of any of the members. Guide elders to describe some of theirs

Normalize impaired coping and honor its origins

Managing counter-transference working with

wounded families Integrity, Emotional

Reliability Assume communications

are essential and can be metabolized

What does patient need us to know: how might she be communicating?

Self-monitoring / Self-care Find sustainable posture Create a precious retreat

space Create rituals that promote

connection Practice “Radical

Acceptance” Engage in presence of

limits Touch it with love

Emotional reliability

Who are the follower

s and where

are they

leading us?