Faith Shift by Kathy Escobar (First Look)

8/11/2019 Faith Shift by Kathy Escobar (First Look)

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Praise for

Faith Shift

I cant count the times people have come to me saying their faith is

falling apart and they have nobody safe to go to for help. I wish I

could send them all to spend a few days with Kathy Escobar, a wise

pastoral presence who understands, accepts, and works with people

wherever they are. Short of that, now I can send them to Kathys

powerful, practical, honest, sensitive, and intelligent new book. Itsjust what so many of us have needed and couldnt find. Im so glad its

now available.

Brian D. McLaren, author, speaker, and activist

With this immensely practical book, Kathy Escobar serves as both a

friend and a guide, offering help and healing to those traveling thefrightening road from certainty, through doubt, to faith. Faith Shiftis

a must-read for every doubter, misfit, or dreamer who has ever felt

alone in the church. Ive been waiting for a book just like this one for

years and am so grateful to have finally found it. I simply cannot rec-

ommend it enough.

Rachel Held Evans,author of Faith Unraveled

andA Year of Biblical Womanhood

Kathy Escobar is the best and wisest of guides for those who find that

their faith simply doesnt fit anymore. She is the real dealcompas-

sionate, truth-telling, prophetic, challenging. This powerful and prac-

tical book will bind up the wounds and heal the broken hearts of

religion. Kathy is a voice that I listen to closely in my own journey. She

is the spiritual director for the disenchanted and the disenfranchised of

our time.

Sarah Bessey, author ofJesus Feminist


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Kathy Escobar eloquently and wisely voices what so many of us have

experienced, that the faith we embraced in our early years is a poor

companion in our later years. Faith Shifthelps us take the all-impor-tant next step: authentic intimacy with the Divine without surrender-

ing our minds. If your faith needs to shift, read this book!

Philip Gulley, author of Living the Quaker Wayand

If the Church Were Christian

Reading Faith Shiftwas like being with an understanding friend whogets me. With wisdom and grace, Kathy Escobar affirms the growing

tribe of faith shifters who have left church, scarred and unraveled. She

makes no attempt to woo strays back into the fold, but instead pro-

vides hard-won wisdom for the formerly churched. Faith Shift is a

life-giving guide for me and my kind.

Pam Hogeweide

, blogger, and author of Unladylike:Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church

Kathy Escobar is the perfect guide for navigating the disturbed waters

of shifting faith. I cant think of a better person to have as a pastor from

afar. Her language of faith shift provides a helpful framework for un-

derstanding the states and stages that can be so disorienting and dis-

heartening. Faith Shift shows the way forward to emerge from the

rubble of shaken belief.

Steve Knight, co-founder of TransFORM Network

Kathy Escobar is an explorer of new faith territories. If youre worried

that you might be losing your faith and dont know where to go, follow

Kathy. Shes already been there and back and can save you lots of pain

and time.

Jim Henderson, producer of Wheres God Whenand author ofJim and Casper Go to Church


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Thank God for Kathy Escobar! While others wring their hands,

point fingers, and theorize, Kathy can be found where she loves to

spend her timein the trenches with those who sincerely struggle. InFaith Shift,Kathy offers a powerful resource for those in the throes of

their own faith revolution. This users guide is a true life saver.

Phyllis Mathis,licensed professional counselor and

co-creator of Walking Wounded: Hope for Those Hurt

By Church,an online resource for faith shifters

For those of us whose faith has been ripped from its moorings by life

experience and wrenching questions, we cant go back. As Kathy

Escobar points out, we may trybut at great cost to our souls. Faith

Shiftis the surest, wisest, and most compassionate guidebook Ive seen

for traveling forward into a liberating way of faithful life.

Scott Dewey

, co-director of Street Psalms and co-authorofMeal from Below: A Five-Course Feast with Jesus

In an age when thousands of Christians are experiencing a shift from

certainty into spiritual wilderness, Pastor Kathy Escobar brings warm

and wise insight to that often confusing and lonely journey. Her astute

observations will help faith shifters know they are not alone and that

hope, freedom, and renewed passion call from the other side.

Ellen Haroutunian,psychotherapist, spiritual director and

urban pastor, and contributor toA New Kind of Conversation

Faith Shiftgives the reader needed language to describe the rhythms

and processes that many have lived and even more have observed. As

the church has shifted, so have her people. Shame is dispelled as decon-

struction is explained step by step, and we realize that shifting away

from church as we know it does not mean leaving God behind.

Dr. Deborah Koehn Loyd,coach, educator, and author


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shiftfaith


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CONVERGENTB O O K S

shift

kathy escobar

Finding your way forward when

everything you believe is coming apart

faith


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Faith Shift

Published by Convergent Books

Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996,

2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188.

All rights reserved.

Details and names in some anecdotes and stories have been changed to protect the identities of

the persons involved.

Trade Paperback ISBN 978-1-60142-543-0

eBook ISBN 978-1-60142-544-7

Copyright 2014 by Kathy EscobarIllustrations 2012 by Kathy Escobar

The poem in chapter 10 based on Ezekiel 37 is reprinted with permission of the author, Cheryl

Lawrie, Uniting Church in Australia, www.holdthisspace.org.au.

Cover design by Mark D. Ford

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any

means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information

storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published in the United States by Convergent Books, an imprint of the Crown PublishingGroup, a division of Random House LLC, New York, a Penguin Random House Company.

Convergent Booksand its open book colophon are registered trademarks of Random

House LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Escobar, Kathy.

Faith shift : finding your way forward when everything you believe is coming apart / Kathy

Escobar.First Edition.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-1-60142-543-0ISBN 978-1-60142-544-7 (electronic) 1. Faith development.

2. Spiritual formation. I. Title.

BT771.3.E83 2014

248.8'6dc23

2014022406

Printed in the United States of America

2014First Edition

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Special Sales

Most Convergent books are available at special quantity discounts when purchased in

bulk by corporations, organizations, and special-interest groups. Custom imprinting or

excerpting can also be done to fit special needs. For information, please e-mail Special

[email protected] or call 1-800-603-7051.

Excerpted from Faith Shift by Kathy Escobar Copyright 2014 by Kathy Escobar. Excerpted

by permission of Convergent Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the

publisher.


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For Jose, Josh, Julia, Jamison, Jonas,and Jared and the Refuge:

my beautiful family and wild faith community,

you all make me laugh, help me love,

and teach me more than I ever bargained for.


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Contents

1

Youre Not Crazy, and Youre Not Alone 1

2Less Religion, More Freedom 9

3

Saved into Certainty (The Stage of Fusing) 23

4

When the Foundation Cracks (The Stage of Shifting) 37

5

Turning Back Toward Safety (The Stage of Returning) 53

6

When It All Comes Apart (The Stage of Unraveling) 64

7Soul Care for Unravelers 82

8

Its a Lot to Lose 96

9

Cutting Ties (The Stage of Severing) 112

10

Against All Odds, New Life Springs Up

(The Stage of Rebuilding) 126


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xii Contents

11

Go Looking for What Remains 138

12

Finding What Works 148

13

Honoring the Good in What Was 165

14

Becoming More Alive 178

15

Practicing Resurrection 189

16

Trust the Path Ahead 200

Faith Shifts and Your Family and Friends 205

Other Resources for Faith Shifters 213

Acknowledgments 219

Notes 221


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1

Youre Not Crazy,

and Youre Not Alone

Im not sure what I believe about Jesus anymore, and it scares me. A

friend whispered this in a corner of my kitchen while grownups and

kids whirled around us, eating and laughing during a weekly potluck at

our house. A once deeply dedicated evangelical Christian, Jessica looked

at me with watery, pleading eyes, and I knew how much courage it took

to say those words. She added, Im not sure how much longer I can

keep some of these thoughts to myself without feeling crazy.

I whispered back, The crazy part isnt the questions. Its the guilt

and fear we feel for asking them! Her countenance lightened a little,

but I knew the theological doubts she was wrestling with were consid-

ered taboo in the circles she traveled.

I went to my old Bible study last week to see everyone and, hon-

estly, I thought I was going to scream. They all sounded so certain, and

what they were talking about didnt make sense to me anymore. Jes-

sica was still whispering. She took a breath. Then I started to get mad

at myself for not thinking through some of these questions before.

We find good things at church that we dont necessarily get anywhere

else in our lives: community, consistency, certainty, affiliation, a place


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2 FAITH SHIFT

to grow in our faith. The satisfaction may last for years, even forever.

Like Jessica, though, at some point many of us begin to experiencedoubts about ideas and traditions we have embraced for years. When

those rumblings come, we can feel alone, scared, and confused. I un-

derstand those feelings. Ive been there too.

In Jessicas pain and sincerity, I heard myself eight years earlier

when I started to ask questions. I sensed her concern that maybe even

the Refuge, the faith community I co-pastor, might not be safe enoughfor her doubts. What would that mean for her?

I didnt waste time trying to convince her that everything was

going to be okay, even though I knew it would. I didnt try to sell the

Refuge as a place that could hold her evolving faith, even though I

believed it could. I didnt try to tell her God was far bigger than the

boxes we were taught he lived in, even though I wanted to tell her storyafter story of people who were discovering freedom they had never

known before in their faith. The best I could do in that moment was

tell her what I always say when someones faith starts to unravel:

Youre not crazy, and youre not alone.

Jessica is part of a growing trend:

One million churchgoers will leave their church this year,

and this number is continuing to rise.1

23 percent of young adults are leaving church due to

significant intellectual doubts about their faith.2

The fastest-growing religious group in the U.S. is the

category of people who say they have no religious affiliation.

Sometimes called the nones by social scientists, their

numbers have more than doubled since 1990. Current

surveys indicate they make up 16 percent of all Americans.

(Many of those who have given up on organized religion,

however, have not given up on faith.)3


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These stats are consistent with what has happened in my own life

and in the lives of many others I knowmaybe even in yours. Life-long friends who were once devoted to their churches, immersed in

Christian spirituality and proud of their faith, have left organized reli-

gion. Some no longer want to be associated with Christianity. I know

missionaries who are questioning their motives and methods, and for-

mer church and ministry leaders who are finding new life in the secu-

lar world. Numerous others are still going through the motions ofchurch but know deep inside that something has radically changed in

their hearts. And these are just my close friends. Throw in the stories I

hear week after week on my blog and in my work as a spiritual director

and pastor in Denver, and the list gets much longer.

These people are experiencing a radical shift in their faith. And its

not only in evangelical Christianity, which is the tradition I comefrom and where most of my experience lies. I hear similar stories from

Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, and other mainline denomina-

tions, as well as Catholics and Mormons. After years of participating

in a comfortable and comforting tradition, countless believers have

begun a slow drift or experienced a dramatic event that lands them in

a spiritual wilderness.

SYMPTOMS OF A FAITH SHIFT

See if any of these statements describe you:

I havent picked up my Bible in a long time and dont have

any desire to.

I dont even know how to articulate where I am spiritually

these days.

I have experienced a significant shift in my theology or faith

perspective and find myself feeling disoriented and unsure.


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4 FAITH SHIFT

I have a strong negative reaction to words, phrases, Bible

passages, and worship songs that used to bring me comfortand peace.

I find myself swearing more than I ever have in my life.

I feel sad, angry, afraid, and lost after a painful church

experience.

I have lost friends and significant relationships because

of my shifting faith. I secretly worry that God is angry and disappointed

with me.

I feel betrayed or abandoned by God.

Im afraid Im on a spiritual slippery slope and have no

idea if Ill survive the landing.

I sometimes wonder if God exists at all. I have lost respect for my pastors and leaders and no longer

trust their leadership or authority.

I feel bored and tired every time I go to church.

Ive stopped going to church altogether because I couldnt

take it anymore.

I feel scared that if I share some of these doubts and con-

cerns out loud, I will be judged, scripturized, or ostracized.

I feel stifled, limited, and unvalued in my gifts and passions.

I worry that if I disconnect from church, my kids will miss

out on developing their faith, so I keep going for them.

When I am around Christians, I have no desire to be like

them or to be associated with them anymore.

I see more hope, love, equality, and dignity in the secular

world than I do in Christian circles.

Since leaving church, I feel so much better.


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If you relate to some of these, this book is for you. In the pages

ahead, well wrestle with questions youve probably also asked: Whathappens when all we once believed begins to become less solid and

secure? When we sense that what weve been doing is not what Jesus

had in mind for his followers? When we have years of head knowledge

but our hearts feel empty and dead? When our tried-and-true meth-

ods of connecting with God stop working? When were disillusioned

with church and dont know where to turn? When our faith is shiftingand it feels like were in a free fall?

What happens, in other words, when the certainty is gone and all

that remains are questions and doubts?

FALLOUT FROM A FAITH SHIFT

When once-faithful followers begin disturbing the status quo instead

of honoring their spiritual evolution, theyre often labeled as rebellious,

divisive, and even heretical. We attend church less often or leave church

altogether. Sometimes were asked to leave. The anger and guilt can

lead us to disconnect from God. Lost and without a map, many of us

end up on the fringes of all we once knewalone, disoriented, and

disillusioned.

We become outsiders.

Thats where this book comes in. I have a deep desire to help

people find hope and community in the midst of the wilderness and

learn to navigate the sometimes scary process of spiritual shifting and

transformation. Ill tell the stories of a diverse group of people who are

in the thick of their own faith shifts, share my own messy story, and

offer some names and descriptions for the different seasons of the faith

shifting process.


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6 FAITH SHIFT

This book is not a memoir, a textbook, a Seven Steps to Finding

God Again treatise, or a self-help book with guaranteed results tosqueeze out faith-challenging feelings and put you back into a spiri-

tual box. And rest assured, its not a covert tool aimed at getting you

to rededicate your life to Jesus. What it provides is an honest, hope-

ful framework for transformation and a path forward through your

own spiritual shift when everything you once believed is coming

apart.If you are skeptical of formulas or easy solutions to complicated

issues, good. If you are mistrustful of church leaders, believe me, I

understand. (Even though I am a pastor, I am not vested in keeping

the wheels of the institution spinning.)

My role in this process is not to provide easy answers (there are

none) or give advice (thats always irritating). Rather, Im here as a fa-cilitator, conversation starter, and storyteller as you navigate your own

unique faith shift. Hopefully by the last page you may think of me as

a companion from afar.

THE FAITH SHIFT MODEL

Most Christians are taught that faith is defined by an event: salvation.

After we get saved, we turn our energies to keeping faith, growing it,

spreading it. But life teaches us the limits of this view. We discover it

just isnt big enough to describe our experience as spiritual beings. Our

event doesnt cover things like change, evolving beliefs, shuffling of

worldviewsto say nothing of disillusionment with Christians, our

own painful life stories, and the ever-after promises that begin to feel

broken.

The truth is, growth and change are natural parts of our relation-


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ship with God. God invites us to be in motion, but often the faith

systems we are part of dont. Our changes can feel threatening to thosewho are used to our believing and behaving a particular way.

A faith shiftwhat often feels like a failure or an endcan actu-

ally be a doorway to something moresomething bigger and truer. In

fact, this process has been widely studied and named by professors and

sociologists.4 It is most helpfully understood as a series of stages or

seasons in our faith.With a nod to the research of others, I have created a flexible Faith

Shift model, based on my observations of the common series of stages

faith shifters seem to exhibit over time. Ive diagramed the faith jour-

ney stages as an evolving illustrationlike something I might draw on

a napkin if we were at a coffee shop or a pub together, talking about

our changing faith and sharing our stories. Although you may see itsomewhat differently or use alternative words or imagery, the point is

to give language to our shared but individual experiences and identify

the progression of a faith shift.

This book will bring these stages to life in accessible, ordinary

language. The outcome you can expect depends on your own experi-

ence, but fellow faith shifters have described life beyond an unraveled

faith as authentic, grounded, open, true-to-experience, healing, free.

I want you to know its possible to survive a shifting faith and find

life, hope, and freedom on the other side. Survival looks different for

each of us, but we can indeed find our way. We can lose old beliefs

without losing God. We can escape all we have once known and still

enjoy a deep faith if we want one. We can shed theologies and emerge

with new passion and purpose.

We can find our way forward when everything we believe is com-

ing apart.


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Faith Shift by Kathy Escobar (First Look)

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