Sponsoring Committee: Professor Frank Tang, Chairperson Professor Miriam Eisenstein Ebsworth Professor Margot Ely

EXPERIENCES OF LEARNING ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE IN

THE UNITED STATES: FIVE PEOPLE'S LANGUAGE STORIES

Sonna L. Opstad

Program in Multilingual Multicultural Studies Department of Teaching and Learning

Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of

Doctor of Philosophy in the Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development

New York University 2009

UMI Number: 3346266

Copyright 2009 by

Opstad, Sonna L.

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J6/SL I0%

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I am fortunate to have benefited from the support, wisdom, guidance,

friendship, encouragement, patience and understanding of a number of people

throughout this experience. I offer my very sincere gratitude to them here.

To Dr. Frank Tang, my chair, I am grateful for his guidance in all aspects

of this process, for reminding me that the dissertation is my first research study

and not my whole life's work, and especially for the sense of balance he provided.

He seemed to have an intuitive sense of when I needed patience and when I

needed to be pushed. I hope I can develop that sort of sense with my students.

I am indebted to Dr. Margot Ely for all of her extra time and care, for

allowing me to intrude on her retirement, and for her confidence in me. I am

especially grateful to her for teaching me about qualitative research. She has

shown me a way of learning that has helped me to make sense of life both

personally and professionally. And I try to create that welcoming feeling I found

in her classes in my own teaching.

Dr. Miriam Eisenstein Ebsworth has been a mentor to me since I first

started the master's program in Bilingual Education at NYU. I have been inspired

by her knowledge and commitment to the field, and appreciated her enthusiasm

iii

and humor. I thank her for all her ongoing encouragement and for helping me get

the job that kept my head above water.

Laurie Knis-Matthews, my friend and colleague, has been there for me

every step of the way. She's shared the excitement, the frustration, the meltdowns

and the celebrations. I could call her anytime and count on finding an empathetic

ear. My thanks also, Laurie, for the opportunity to work with your students.

Thank you to Alice Ganz for the e-mails, meetings at the diner and the

working conferences at the swimming pool. They helped to provide much needed

relaxation in addition to research support.

My thanks to Ming-Chi Own for her insight, perspective and

encouragement. I wish you lived closer!

I am grateful to my sister, Karen Opstad, and my brother, Steven Opstad,

for their patience and tolerance while I indulged in this work. They endured the

financial repercussions of my choice, my hermit-like behavior, and my whining,

all without a complaint of their own.

I am indebted to my parents, Woody and Reba Opstad, for much more

than I can begin to list here. They embodied the spirit of "Don't give up" and

were proud of me, as long as I tried my best. I wish they were still here.

To my dog Elsa, for her unconditional love and for understanding more

than is humanely possible.

Most of all, I offer my thanks to the participants in this study, Joseph,

Nari, Ella, William, and Dino, for so generously sharing their stories with me.

iv

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS iii

CHAPTER

I INTRODUCTION 1

II RELATED LITERATURE 6

Attitudes, Policies, and Bilingualism 6 Language Attrition, Language Loss, and Language Shift 10 Benefits of Bilingualism 15 Connections between LI, Identity, Culture,

and Family 17 Complicity and Native Language Loss 21

III RESEARCH METHODS 23

Participants Participant Selection - Joseph,

23 Nari, Ella, and William 24

The Chinese Heritage Language School Participant Selection - Dino

Data Collection Field Log

Data Analysis Category Files and Theme Statements

Trustworthiness Support Groups Prolonged Engagement Participant Checks Socio-cultural Issues

Researcher's Stance Presentation of the Data

I-Stories Themes and Discussion

25 30 33 37 37 38 39 39 40 41 41 42 48 48 49

Continued

V

THE PARTICIPANTS AND THEIR STORIES 50

Interviewing Joseph 51 Joseph's Story 53

Interviewing Nari 74 Nari's Story 75

Interviewing Ella 93 Ella's Story 95

Interviewing William 118 William's Story 120

Interviewing Dino 138 Dino's Story 143

VARIATIONS ON A THEME - COMMON THREADS 168

Feelings about Language Proficiency, What it Means to Know a Language, and the Struggle to Develop and Maintain Languages in the United States 169

How proficient I feel in my heritage language is complex. It varies over time, from situation to situation, in comparison to others and with my level of confidence 169

Reading and writing are part of knowing my language 177 I used my heritage language only with my family and

now the way I speak doesn't work outside the family 180

Use it or lose it 182 I need both formal study in my language and a setting

that requires me to use it in order to develop and maintain it 186

I had no special help with English in the United States, so I struggled 189

Discussion 195 The Relationship between Language and Self and Issues

about English as a Replacement Language 203 Language is part of who I am 203 My feelings about my language and who I am reflect

the language attitudes I experienced 208 With my Asian features, I feel that I am not accepted

in the United States because of the way I look; when I replaced my language with English I lost a part of my self 216

Continued

vi

With my European features, speaking English with an American accent is key to being accepted as an American 219

Not knowing my heritage language is like rejecting my culture; it's an embarrassment 222

Discussion 226 Obstacles and Hopes - The Role of Responsibilities, Time,

Exposure, and Effort in Heritage Language Development for Themselves and Their Children 239

Pressing Responsibilities interfere with opportunities to study and use my heritage language 239

English is the common language for my spouse and me, so it's difficult to pass my native language on to my children 247

My hope for my children is that early exposure to the language will plant a seed that will help them develop it more easily when they choose to pursue it 250

Making the effort to develop and maintain the heritage language is as important as the result 255

Discussion 262

VI SUMMARY, METATHEME, IMPLICATIONS, AND FINAL REFLECTIONS 277

Metatheme - The Centrality of Emotion in Language Use 283 Discussion 286

Speaking to My Profession 288 Suggestions for Future Research 294 Reflections on the Research Process 296

REFERENCES 305

APPENDICES 312

A RECRUITMENT NOTICE 312

B CONSENT TO Participate IN THE STUDY 313

C PARTICIPANT CATEGORIES 315

D SAMPLES OF TRANSCRIPTS 317

vii

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

I sat in classrooms for two to three years without understanding what was being said, and cried while the girl next to me filled in my spelling book for. In music class...I wouldn't sing. In art class, I was so traumatized that I couldn't be creative....I went into a "survivor mode" and couldn't participate in activities. (Quan, 1990 p. 213)

Arriving in the United States at the age of seven, with no English beyond

the alphabet and a few basic words, Kit Yuen Quan (1990) describes what school

was like for her. Eventually English replaced Chinese, and when she left home at

age sixteen, Quan recalls her subsequent devastation at her native language loss:

I felt like I had no family, no home, no identity or culture I could claim...I didn't even have the words to communicate what I felt. (p. 214)

In contrast, she relates a completely different feeling she observed among

the Cambodian children whom she tutored:

They spoke only Cambodian with their family...English was used for school work and to talk to me... When they spoke to each other they were not alone or isolated...they were connected to each other through their language and their culture...in speaking their language they were able to love and comfort each other, (p. 217)

As an adult, Quan began to study Chinese again and to reconnect with her

family. She writes:

I have had to create my own literacy program. I had to recognize that the school system failed to meet my needs as an immigrant...! have to let

1

myself grieve over the loss of my native language and all the years wasted in classrooms staring into space or dozing off when I was feeling depressed and hopeless, (p. 220)

Similarly, in her discussion of the No-Cost Study investigating the

language patterns of language minority children in preschools, Lily Wong-

Fillmore (1991) argues that native language loss contributes to academic

difficulties for children and has a negative impact on other areas of their lives as

well. She writes, "the consequences of losing a primary language are far reaching,

and it does affect the social, emotional, cognitive, and educational development of

language minority children" (p. 342). She further suggests that the negative

effects of native language loss extend beyond the individual, "the loss of a

primary language, particularly when it is the only language spoken by the parents,

can be very costly to the children, their families, and to society as a whole" (p.

323).

Some of the consequences of this loss are poignantly revealed in the

stories documented by Sandra Kouritzin (1999) through interviews she conducted

with adults identifying themselves as having experienced the loss of a childhood

language. One participant described it this way, "I feel that I lost a part of my

identity....I really feel that it's been a personal assault" (p. 47) and another,

"Losing the language is like losing half the man you are" (p. 71). In describing

communication with parents, "When I spoke to my parents, we spoke in English

and that was it. They communicated what they could, but I'm sure they never

really understood what we were trying to say" (p. 93). The participants frequently

2

reported having difficulty in English and feeling anxiety because of it, but

acknowledged that English was their strongest language. Some expressed regret at

having lost a marketable skill. As one participant put it, "I just see it as a freebie. I

missed out on a freebie and now I have to pay for it" (p. 177).

Efforts to address the educational needs of language minority children in

the United States tend to focus on English. These children's native languages are

often considered problems to be overcome rather than resources to be developed

(Freeman, 1999). Stories such as Kit Yuen Quan's and those documented by Lily

Wong-Fillmore (1991 and 2000) and Sandra Kouritzin (1999) suggest damaging

outcomes from this practice and provoke further questions.

As an elementary ESL teacher, my experience with the children at school

was: the stronger the first language, the stronger the second. While it may seem

contrary to common sense (shouldn't more English produce more English?), Jim

Cummins (1987, 1992, 1996, 2000) explains this seemingly contradictory

situation by suggesting that a common underlying proficiency develops as

children learn, which is available across languages. The concepts one develops in

the native language are potentially available in the second, given adequate

exposure and motivation to learn the second language. Simply put, if you learn

about a concept in your first language, you don't need to relearn the concept in the

second. You merely need some new vocabulary. Stephen Krashen (1996)

illustrates this idea with his "Paris Argument." He says to imagine you have taken

a job in Paris, and that you speak no French, or maybe you studied it for a little

3

while several years ago. How much easier it would be to learn French if you have

information in English about how to find a place to live, where to shop,

information about the place where you work and the routines observed there. The

background information in English makes the input you will receive in French

more comprehensible. Numerous studies, among them Chaswick (1991); Gardner,

Polyzoi & Rampaul (1996); Ramos & Krashen (1997) found this positive

relationship between first and second language development (cited in Krashen,

1999).

Given the research supporting the positive role of the first language in

facilitating English development and in promoting academic achievement, the

focus on English, and English only, that appears to be increasing in our schools

seems counter-productive. Further, as Quan (1990), Wong-Fillmore (1991, 2000),

and Kouritzin (1999) have indicated, first language loss, "which may refer to lack

of first language development, delayed first language development, or a

progressive loss of previously-acquired language ability (Verhoeen &

Boeschoten, 1986)" (Kouritzin, p.l 1), appears to have potentially damaging

consequences. Studies of heritage language development efforts (Cho 2000,2004;

Tse 2000, 2001a, 2001b) offer support for the potential benefits of developing

both the immigrant language and English and reveal some of the challenges

involved.

While there has been considerable research on the linguistic aspects of

first language loss, Kouritzin's is one of the first studies to investigate the issue as

4

it concerns the whole person - his/her educational, emotional, and family

experiences. An in-depth understanding of this experience is vital in order for

policy-makers, parents, and teachers to make informed decisions regarding

effective educational services for children who are learning English as an

additional language. Each story contributes to this understanding - adding

perspectives, strengthening the images, refining focus, to provide a clearer more

complete picture.

This study is an attempt to continue the work Kouritzin, Tse, Wong-

Fillmore and others have begun by documenting the language stories of a group

of five Americans who identified themselves as having experienced limited

development or loss of skills in their native languages when they learned English

as a second language. Their stories add insight into the question: How do people

who learn English as a second language in childhood, with English becoming

their dominant language, describe their language learning experiences?

Sub-questions include:

How do people describe their experiences learning English?

How do they describe their proficiency in the native language?

What is the role of the native language in their lives?

What do they report influences their language use and language proficiency?

What are their plans and hopes for their children regarding language?

5

! CHAPTER II

RELATED LITERATURE

A review of the literature on first language loss inevitably involves a

variety of issues related to bi/multilingualism. The way that societal attitudes

toward language diversity and immigration interact with education policies and

legislation, directly impacts the likelihood of maintaining or losing the first

language for individuals and communities. The connections between language,

culture, and identity, along with research into the cognitive and linguistic aspects

of bilingualism and first language attrition all enter into the discussion, as do the

insights from the study of heritage language development. An abbreviated

overview is presented here as a backdrop for the current investigation of the

individual experience of first language loss.

Attitudes, Policies, and Bilingualism

Despite the English-only rhetoric in the United States which portrays

monolingualism as desirable and necessary, in the rest of the world, bilingualism

and even multilingualism are the norm (Baker, 2000; Lessow-Hurley, 2000;

Skutnabb-Kangas, 2000). One particularly impressive example is provided by

6

Candelaria-Greene (1996) in her description of the situation in Kenya, in which

multilingualism is expected and routinely achieved. After approximately four

years in school, the special education students in her study demonstrated

proficiency in at least three languages (family/tribal language, Kiswahili, and

English) comparable to the English proficiency of native speakers in the U.S. who

were identified as having similar special needs.

A look at U.S. history reveals that bilingualism and bilingual education are

not recent developments there either, and in fact, both have been in existence

since the nation began (Freeman, 1999; Lessow-Hurley, 2000). The writers of the

Constitution did not declare an official language, and throughout the 1800s, state

laws guaranteed bilingual education and bilingual publications (Freeman 1999).

At various times throughout the 19* century, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish,

German, French, Dutch, Polish, Czech, Italian, and Spanish communities all

operated schools in languages other than English, or bilingually (Kloss, 1977 as

cited in Crawford, 2000). During this same period, the Cherokee achieved levels

of biliteracy (in English and Cherokee) that were higher than the English literacy

rates of whites in Texas and Arkansas (Freeman, 1999; Lessow-Hurley, 2000). As

efforts to dominate Native Americans intensified, the Cherokee printing press was

confiscated, children were removed from their homes, and forced to attend

schools where the Cherokee language was prohibited.

The climate for European and Asian immigrants also changed toward the

end of the 19th century. Laws restricted Chinese and Japanese immigration. A

7

wave of xenophobia ensued, focusing largely on the Germans, whose large

numbers made them highly noticeable (Freeman, 1999). The start of World War I

intensified anti-German sentiment and anti-immigrant sentiment in general

(Crawford, 2000; Lessow-Hurley, 2000). The English language became

associated with patriotism and other languages were viewed as anti-American.

Pressure to assimilate was intense, with some states passing legislation banning

the use of languages other than English for instruction (Crawford, 2000; Freeman,

1999; Lessow-Hurley, 2000). This climate, along with severe restrictions on

immigration dramatically promoted the dominance of English. Freeman (1999)

writes, "...a linguistically diverse United States became a largely monolingual

country over the course of one generation" (p.33).

This period of disregard for languages other than English continued until

the 1960s, when the Civil Rights movement sparked consideration of English-

only practices as a potential violation of equal rights (Crawford 2000, Freeman,

1999). With the conservative backlash and renewed anti-immigration sentiment in

the 1980s, the tide turned again. While Congress continually renewed the

Bilingual Education Act, the number of checks by the Office of Civil Rights for

compliance decreased drastically (Crawford, 2000). And programs that stressed a

quick transition to English or English-only instruction received the majority of

funds.

The 1990s produced competing attitudes towards bilingualism and

bilingual education. Congress again renewed the Bilingual Education Act in 1994,

8

even adding the preservation of the child's native language as a desired goal,

however enforcement and funding for native language maintenance were almost

non-existent (Crawford, 2000). Legislation banning bilingual education passed in

several states. At the same time, there was a dramatic increase in two-way

bilingual programs, also called dual language immersion, which instruct native

English-speakers and language minority students in both English and the minority

language. Public opinion regarding bilingualism and bilingual education has

seemed to ebb and flow, and at times storm depending on the political and

economic situation, and how useful or threatening new immigrants and Native

Americans were perceived to be (Freeman, 1999; Lessow-Hurley, 2000).

A contributing factor to the contradictory currents of public opinion is the

popular press. In their examination of the relationship between findings of

published research and the opinions regarding bilingualism and bilingual

education that were presented in newspaper and magazine articles from 1984-

1994), McQuillan & Tse (1996) found a discrepancy between the results of

academic research and the viewpoints presented in newspaper and magazine

articles. While 86% of studies in their ERIC search reported results favorable to

bilingual education, only 45% of the persuasive media pieces could be classified

as favorable. Furthermore, less than half of the newspaper and magazine articles

supported their opinions with social science research. Crawford's discussion of

the media coverage involving bilingual education, Ron Unz and Proposition 227

(1998 presentation, published in Crawford 2008) revealed a similar situation.

9

Journalists viewed it as a political story, rather than an education or science story.

They tended to focus on sound bites that provided a more dramatic article; the

results of educational research were more complex and not nearly as reader-

friendly. Research that brings a human face to issues of language is necessary to

bridge this gap between research and public opinion.

Currently, and throughout its history, policies and practices regarding

language in the United States often reflect emotional responses to the political

situation at the time. Rarely does the problem of native language loss enter into

the discussion (Tse, 2001). An understanding of this experience in human terms is

essential so that we can move beyond assumptions and make informed decisions

about issues affecting English language learners.

Language Attrition. Language Loss, and Language Shift

Language attrition, language loss, and language shift are terms that are

sometimes used interchangeably in the literature. Language loss can refer to the

loss of the language ability at the group level, across generations (Kouritzin,

1999; Tse, 2001; Wong-Fillmore, 1991), or for an individual (Anderson, 1999,

2006; Kouritzin, 1999; Wong-Fillmore, 2000). Language attrition is the linguistic

term for the loss of language skills by an individual (Seliger & Vago, 1988;

Yagmur, De Bot & Korzilius 1999). Van Els (1986, cited in Jamshidiha &

Marefat, 2006) designated several categories to specify the type of loss:

LI loss in an LI environment (e.g., aphasia, aging, dialect loss)

10

LI loss in an L2 environment (e.g., loss of native languages by immigrants)

L2 loss in an LI environment (e.g. loss of a foreign language)

L2 loss in an L2 environment (e.g., loss of L2 by elderly immigrants)

First language attrition in an L2 environment, including limited

development of the first language, is the situation addressed in this study.

Research on first language attrition has typically focused on the specific changes

that occur in the language. The interest of this study relates more to the overall

personal experience. As Kouritzin (1999) did, I have chosen to use the more

general term language loss. To more accurately reflect the situations described, I

frequently refer to the experience as loss in the native or heritage language. I use

the terms first language, native language, immigrant language and heritage

language interchangeably to refer to the non-English languages used by

immigrant families.

Language shift refers to a change in language use (Fishman 1991;

Grosjean, 1982; Tse, 2001c; Zhang 2004) in which a group or individual begins to

use another language with more frequency and reduces the uses of the previous

language, typically shifting from minority language use to majority language use.

Migration, immigration, and political changes are situations that can promote this

shift. The shift can be accompanied by language loss, usually across generations.

Language shift in immigration situations in the United States is well-

documented (Fishman, 1991; Grosjean 1982; Portes & Hao, 1998; Tse, 2001c;

Wong Filmore 1991, 2000). Initially, the immigrants are monolingual in the LI.

11

Depending on the community situation, among other factors, they achieve varying

degrees of bilingualism. Their children may be bilingual, but the next generation

is likely to be monolingual in English. There is evidence that this shift is

happening even more rapidly today (Portes & Hao, 1998) even within an

individual lifetime (Wong-Fillmore, 2000).

How likely is language shift in young children? Wong-Fillmore's (1991)

often cited large-scale study revealed this trend in preschool children to be

widespread in California, much to the surprise and dismay of the parents.

Cummins' (1991, in Cummins 1996) longitudinal study of 20 children in Toronto

documented the rapid shift from Portuguese to English as children went from

junior kindergarten at age four, to first grade. Although parents continued to speak

Portuguese to their children, interviews and tapes of home language use revealed

that children were increasingly English dominant. By the end of grade one, only

two children were still more proficient in Portuguese and three demonstrated

equal proficiency in English and Portuguese. The rest were English dominant.

Consistent with theories of the positive influence of the LI on L2 development,

those children who were maintaining their Portuguese also had developed

stronger reading skills in English.

Subsequent studies have supported these findings among older children as

well (Hinton, 1999, Portes & Hao 1998, Tse 2001c). Portes & Hao's 1998 study

involving over 5,000 children of immigrants found few that considered

themselves fluent in their native language by the time they reached middle school.

12

In the article, Separated by a Wall of Words, published April 10,2001 in

the Washington Post, Rumbaut also indicates that language shift is happening at a

more rapid rate in the United States than previously, "We are seeing this country

become a language graveyard for the second generation, with children and parents

living under the same roof but unable to talk to one another." In a 1991 survey he

conducted, he found that although 94% of the parents spoke another language at

home, 73% of children identified English as their primary language by the time

they were in seventh grade. In 1995, the percentage of English dominant children

had risen to 88%, while the number of parents speaking another language

remained essentially the same.

Eilers, Zurer Pearson, & Cobo-Lewis (2006) reported that in Miami where

Spanish is assumed to occupy a very strong presence, even children in two-way

bilingual programs were showing evidence of weakness in Spanish by the time

they reached the fifth grade. They concluded that both school and home support

for Spanish was necessary in order to continued Spanish development and avoid

loss in Spanish Their findings also revealed that less Spanish did not produce

more English.

Reese & Goldenberg (2006) found a similar vulnerability for Spanish in

the two communities they studied, despite the presence of developmental and

two-way bilingual programs. The schools offered positive support for Spanish,

but the messages of the relative prestige accorded Spanish and English out in the

13

world were reflected in the students' preference for English and the erosion of

Spanish skills noticed by their parents.

Kaufman & Aronhoff (1991) followed the process of language attrition in

one child, a native speaker of Hebrew, as she became exposed to English in

preschool at age two and a half. The parents continued to speak Hebrew at home,

but signs of attrition began within three months. Less than a year later, attrition

was accompanied by a change in attitude as well, as the child began exhibiting

reluctance to speak Hebrew.

As Olshtain & Barclay (1991) found, language attrition can also take place

among adults in a situation where the native language occupies a position of

value, even prestige. Their study involving 15 adult native speakers of English

living in Israel, revealed evidence of lexical retrieval difficulties, despite the fact

that they all identified English as their dominant language. Most had acquired

only enough Hebrew "to fulfill utilitarian needs" (p. 139). They varied in age from

25-55, had lived in Israel between eight and twenty-five years, and had developed

full competency in English before coming to Israel. Their performance on a story­

telling task and interview was compared to that of a group of English speakers in

the United States. The U.S. group exhibited none of the difficulties demonstrated

by the English-speakers in Israel. The participants were quite aware of their

difficulties and expressed frustration that they were unable to remember certain

words. Olshtain & Barzilay found the results to be particularly noteworthy since

this situation would be considered one of the least conducive to attrition.

14

Yagmar, De Bot, & Korzilius (1999) documented language shift and

attrition among speakers of Turkish, who had immigrated as adults to Australia.

Their results indicated a role for the status of the language in language attrition

and shift, but specifically how the attitudes influenced language maintenance and

loss could not be determined.

Clearly, native languages are vulnerable, and in a variety of situations.

Studies on the psycholinguistic aspects of LI loss have focused on what happens

to the language itself. Studies on the sociolinguistic aspects have looked at

describing the phenomenon at the group level. What happens to the individuals

who experience it is the focus of this study.

Benefits of Bilingualism

Since Peal & Lambert's classic 1962 study documenting cognitive

advantages for bilinguals, numerous studies have found similar results (Baker,

1993; Bialystok, 1991, Cummins & Swain, 1996; Diaz, 1993; Hakuta, 1986,

1990; Hamers & Blanc, 1989; Homel, Palij, & Aronson, 1987; all cited in Ovando

& Collier 1998). These studies considered "measures of cognitive flexibility,

linguistic and metalinguistic abilities, concept formation, divergent thinking, and

creativity" (Ovando & Collier, 1998, p.256). In discussing many of these findings,

along with those of others (Diaz, 1986; Goncz & Kodzopeljic, 1991; Hakuta &

Diaz, 1985; Mohanty, 1994; Ricciardelli, 1989,1992), Cummins (1996, 2000)

emphasizes that the children who demonstrated these advantages had developed

15

high levels of proficiency in both the LI and L2. He suggests that a minimum

threshold of LI proficiency is required to both avoid the negative effects of

subtractive bilingualism and to enjoy the benefits of additive bilingualism. In

order for this additive bilingualism to occur, support for the minority LI must be

substantial enough to counteract the dominance of the societal language (Landry

& Allard, 1991, in Cummins 1996).

The knowledge of more than one language offers practical advantages as

well, both to the individual and to society as a whole (Carreira & Armengol,

2001; Krashen, 1998). There is a need for skills in languages other than English in

business, government, media and communications, law enforcement, health care,

education, and the performing arts.

In terms of academic achievement, results from studies of bilingual

education indicate the benefits of the continued development of both the heritage

language and English (Greene, 1998 in Krashen, 1999; Ramirez, 1992). In

investigating the reasons for school drop out, Isidro Lucas' study (1991, in

Cummins 1996) revealed that English proficiency was not the issue for Puerto

Rican high school students in his study. None of the dropouts identified English

as a reason for dropping out. Nor was abandoning Spanish a characteristic of

those who remained in school. In fact, they maintained greater confidence in their

LI than the dropouts did. As Lucas describes it:

All my dropout respondents spoke good understandable English. They hadn't learned math, or social sciences, or natural sciences, unfortunately. But they had learned English....No dropout mentioned lack of English as the reason for quitting. As it evolved through questionnaires and

16

interviews, theirs was a subtle story of alienation, of not belonging, of being 'push-outs'...dropouts expressed more confidence in their ability to speak English than stay-ins...stay-ins showed more confidence in their Spanish than did drop-outs....I had to conclude that identity, expressed in one's confidence and acceptance of the native culture, was more a determinant of school stay-in power than the mere acquisition of the coding-decoding skills involved in a different language, English" (p. 19)

Connections Between LI, Identity, Culture and Family

The connection between language and identity, mentioned by Isidro

Lucas, appears repeatedly throughout the literature. Skutnabb-Kangas (2000)

describes the continuum of opinions regarding the role of language with some

scholars viewing it as a tool or commodity, nothing more, and others seeing a

much more personal connection. Skutnabb-Kangas acknowledges the

instrumental aspect of language, but adds, "Language is a tie and our mother

tongues both form and are symbols of our identity.... conceptualizing the world in

childhood mainly happens through the mother tongue" (p. 104-105). Bonny

Norton (1997, 2000) describes a similar role for language in one's evolving sense

of self, "every time language learners speak, they are not only exchanging

information...they are engaged in identity construction and negotiation (p.410).

Joshua Fishman (1991) writes, "The destruction of a language is the destruction

of a rooted identity" (p.4).

Lucy Tse's (1998) proposes a model of ethnic identity development that

consists of four stage experienced by ethnic minorities: 1) Unawareness, 2) Ethnic

Ambivalence/Evasion, 3) Ethnic Emergence, and 4) Ethnic Identity Incorporation.

17

In the first stage, there is an unawareness of belonging to a minority culture. This

stage typically occurs early in childhood, particularly with those living in ethnic

enclaves and isolated from exposure to the dominant group, or with those who

have the opposite situation, in which there is relatively little acknowledgement of

the ethnic minority culture and language. The second stage is characterized by the

desire to identify with the dominant culture, along with the presence of less

positive feelings, ranging from disinterest to rejection, for the heritage culture. In

Stage 3, there is a renewed interest in the heritage culture, as minority group

members find that acceptance into the dominant group is not really possible or is

problematic in some way. They question who they are and where they fit in; some

respond by rejecting the dominant group entirely. During the last stage, Ethnic

Identity Incorporation, there is a resolution to the conflict as they begin to identify

with the "ethnic American group", who share many of the same experiences and

have gone through a similar process. Some in this stage may arrive at a new

interpretation of what it means to be "an American".

Agnes Weiyun He (2006) proposes an identity theory of Chinese heritage

language development consisting often hypotheses that predict success in

development of the language based on identity-related attitudes. Although the

theory is designed to reflect the characteristics of Chinese heritage language

development, it appears to apply in similar ways to other languages and cultures

too. The hypotheses describe motivation to develop the language as influenced by

identity related issues such as the feeling of rootedness, the ease with which the

18

learner moves among different roles in different communities, perceptions of the

status of the language, and the way the language appears in family interactions.

Support for this connection between language and identity appears

throughout the emerging literature on heritage language development (Cho, 2000;

Cho & Krashen, 1998; Guardado, 2002; Lee, 2002; Li, 2006; Tse, 2000, 2001). In

Hae-Young Kim's (2003) study with Korean heritage learners, a recurring theme

in their reasons for studying Korean was the connection between the heritage

language and self-discovery, "language learning as a journey to find out who they

are" (p.8). Part of that discovery also involved the desire to know more about their

parents.

Wong-Fillmore (1991, 2000) contends that language loss comes with

damaging consequences for the children and their families. Generational conflicts,

loss of family connections, self-esteem, and academic difficulties were among the

problems she found related to this form of subtractive bilingualism.

Cho (2004) also found disadvantages in family relationships associated

with weak heritage language skills. They expressed frustration and indicate that

conversations are cut short or kept to a surface level because communication is so

difficult. The desire to establish stronger relationships with family members in

turn contributed to the motivation to try to improve their heritage language skills.

Personal accounts of those who have experienced native language loss

consistently confirm the connection between language and identity, culture, and

family relationships, whether or not they view the maintenance of the mother

19

tongue as beneficial. Richard Rodriguez (1982) provides some of the most

powerful descriptions of the cost to his family when Spanish was replaced with

English in his home:

...as we children learned more and more English, we shared fewer and fewer words with our parents. Sentences needed to be spoken slowly when a child addressed his mother or father. (Often the parent wouldn't understand.) The child would need to repeat himself. (Still the parent misunderstood.) The young voice, frustrated, would end up saying, 'Never mind' - the subject was closed. Dinners would be noisy with the clinking of knives and forks against dishes, (p.23)

He viewed this change as sad, but necessary, given the situation in the United

States. If one wanted to succeed, one had to pay the price.

Others describe a similar experience, with a very different reaction to the

loss. Marainen's (1988) provides an account of a conversation he had with his

father on their way home from a lecture he had given on the Sami. He had given

the lecture in Swedish, his L2, a language his father did not understand well. As

he went to translate what he had said for his father, he was shocked to find he was

no longer able to do so:

I realized in horror that / could no longer relate the most common and everyday matters in my own language! ... I could no longer talk to Father! ... I became desperate, despondent and then I became angry....I had been robbed of my own language, my own history and my own culture. What was foreign to me was I, myself....I realized that the first thing I had to do was to study my own language....I had to find my way to my Sami identity... (pp. 183-184).

The intensity of the connection between language, identity, and culture is

vividly expressed throughout the interviews in Kouritzin's study (1999). In

discussing her loss of Finnish, one woman said:

20

I think, having lost my language, I, in essence, lost a lot of my culture....If I'd kept it, I think I would have kept a sense of myself, my own identity, much more....I suppose there's a certain death of self when you lose your mother tongue, as well, that perhaps you don't ever get back, don't ever find....don't ever resurrect (p.96).

Similar strong connections are expressed among the other participants. The

instrumental value of the language, the knowledge of the native language as a

marketable skill, was more common among younger participants. Those who

were older and/or had experienced the loss of a parent tended to emphasize the

personal connection to their language. All of her participants commented on the

lessened communication with family members after experiencing native language

loss.

Complicity and Native Language Loss

Feelings of responsibility and guilt frequently surface in the stories of

those who have experienced native language loss (Kouritzin, 1999), as if they feel

they should have resisted somehow, at the same time recognizing that it wasn't

their choice. As one participant put it, "I'm glad now that I can make amends,

compensate in some way, and make sure that my students maintain their

languages....I feel guilty that I turned my back on my own culture, not by choice,

but by circumstances" (pp. 48-49). Kouritzin also found that participants

frequently attributed the loss to their own inadequacy, assuming that the reason

for the loss was in part because of below average intelligence on their part.

21

Even Richard Rodriguez (1982) admits a certain need to rationalize the

loss. While criticizing movements such as bilingual education and other efforts to

maintain the native language and culture, he advises the reader to beware. He

acknowledges needing "to justify my own change" (p. 160). He explains:

My relationship to many of the self-proclaimed Chicano students was not an easy one. I felt threatened by them....I envied them their fluent Spanish. (I had taken Spanish in high school with gringos.)....I had been submissive, willing to mimic my teachers, willing to re-form myself in order to become 'educated'. They were proud, claiming that they didn't need to change by becoming students. I had long before accepted the fact that education exacted a great price for its equally great benefits. They denied that price - any loss. (p. 160)

So this study attempts to find out more about this loss, this price that has

been paid. How do others who have experienced it describe it, reflect on it? What

advice would they offer? What do they wish had been different and what would

they want to be the same? What commonalities are there in the experiences, both

among participants in this study and in comparison to those described in

Kouritzin's and Wong-Fillmore's work? What new information might the

experiences of these participants provide? Each story contributes to a clearer

picture of native language development, maintenance, and loss for English

language learners. The better and more confident our understanding of the issue,

the more effective we can be in making decisions to benefit language minority

children.

22

CHAPTER III

RESEARCH METHODS

Since the intent of this study was to learn about individual experiences

with language learning and loss, and the meaning of those experiences for the

person, a qualitative interview approach was most appropriate. Qualitative

research methods are designed to provide an in-depth exploration of a

phenomenon, experience, or situation (Bogdan & Biklin, 1998; Creswell, 1998;

Ely et. al, 1991). They are suited to holistic investigations concerned with

describing a process and context in its complexity. Qualitative interviews are

often used when the intent is to document the feelings and experiences of the

participants in order to better understand a topic from the participants' points of

view. Qualitative techniques are most appropriate to communicate to others the

meaning of an experience for the participants involved (Creswell, 1998; Ely et. al,

1991; Mariano, 1998; Munhall & Boyd, 1993).

Participants

I was interested in finding participants who were adults living in the

United States, who had learned English as an additional language as children,

described themselves as having experienced loss in a first language (including

23

those with limited development of a first language), and now considered

themselves to be dominant in English. The criterion for language loss was self-

identification, not a test or other external criteria to measure proficiency. Since the

purpose of this study was to understand the experience from the participants'

points of view, their perception of their language facility was the most appropriate

means of identification (Kouritzin, 1999). Socioeconomic status, age, gender,

number of years in the United States were all left open, as Kouritzin (1999) did in

her study, in order to collect a variety of perspectives. Similarly, the number of

participants was not predetermined, since the focus of the study was an in-depth

exploration of each person's experience, not a survey of a specific number of

people.

All of the participants were informed, both verbally and in writing, of the

purpose of the study. They were assured that their confidentiality would be

protected and that they were free to withdraw from the study at any time. The first

interview session for each participant began by clarifying any questions about the

study, and then the consent forms (Appendix B) were signed.

Participant Selection: Joseph, Nari, Ella, and William

As I thought about where to recruit participants to interview, I kept

remembering a comment made by one of the participants in Sandra Kouritzin's

study (1999). He told her he would not have been able to participate in her

research study if he had not regained his language, because it was only after

24

regaining it, that he realized what he had lost. I decided a heritage language

school might be a promising place to start. I had previously read an article in a

local newspaper about a Chinese heritage language school, which was not far

from where I live, and planned to contact them. By chance, I happened to meet

the assistant director, Lena Hsu (a pseudonym; all names for people and places

included in this study are pseudonyms), in an office of a local college. She was

interviewing for a part-time position teaching Chinese, and I was looking over

materials for an adult ESL class I was teaching. When we were introduced, I told

her I had read about her school in the newspaper, and I explained my interest in

first language loss and maintenance. She seemed pleased with my interest, gave

me her card, and invited me to visit the school. I contacted her about a month later

and arranged to come the following Sunday to distribute my recruitment notices

(Appendix A).

The following description of entree into the field where I met my first four

participants is taken from my field log and presented as a story in the present

tense.

The Chinese Heritage Language School

The school is easy to find; it's convenient to several major roadways, and

there is a sign on the front lawn that prominently displays its name. On Sunday

mornings, the ample parking lot is usually about two thirds full. There is a larger

building in front that looks like a well-maintained office building, and on the hill

25

behind it, there is a smaller two-story white house that reminds me of a country

school. The office, the lounge, and most of the classrooms are in the larger

building. Most of my time is spent there as well. Only one interview takes place

in the little house on the hill. A uniformed security guard greets and offers

assistance to visitors as they enter the larger building. He is Caucasian, of

imposing size, but friendly demeanor.

As I walk through the entry way on this first day, the cheerful sound of

children's voices fills the halls. Adults talking and laughing over coffee and

donuts can be heard in the lounge. The atmosphere seems warm and comfortable;

it has the feel of a community center on a busy Saturday. And it is that way every

Sunday morning that I visit.

The security guard shows me to the office where I wait for Lena to finish

talking with a Caucasian couple. The office is a sunny room with windows on two

sides. There are four desks, each filled with papers, books, organizers, and other

office equipment. A row of computers and printers lines one wall. Colorful

decorations hang from the ceiling, and posters in Chinese are displayed on the

walls. Lena calls a greeting to me and tells me to have a seat. I sit down at a chair

by the computer wall. As the couple is leaving, she introduces them to me and

mentions that the school also has some Caucasian students. Would I be interested

in talking with any of them for my study? I explain that I need people who have

experienced some loss of their first language. "Oh," she said. "No then." Clearly,

first language loss is something not associated with Caucasians.

26

The director, who has been bustling in and out of the office, on the phone,

talking with what appear to be parents, teachers, and other staff as I wait for Lena,

comes back in the office with an apparent free moment. Lena introduces me. Dr.

Lien has an efficient, business-like, but accommodating demeanor. She leads me

down the hall to the lounge, which is brimming with activity and noise. Parents

are sitting at cafeteria tables, chatting over coffee and Dunkin Donuts while

children play. Dr. Lien raises her voice to be heard and introduces me, saying that

I am from a local college and doing a project. She turns to me, "I'll let you

explain it." The people closest to me are the only ones with a chance of hearing. I

smile and explain that I'm also a student at NYU. I tell them that I am working on

a study and wonder if some of them would be interested in participating. I get out

my bright pink recruitment notices and start passing them around. Several people

pick up the notices and start reading. Others go back to their conversations. A

group of three people closest to me start asking me questions about it. A few

more, farther down the table appear to be answering the eligibility questions. A

glance tells me that one person has answered them all "yes". I start to feel

hopeful.

One woman to my right, Nari, says she's not sure if she fits or not because

she doesn't remember which language she learned first, English or Korean. She

really learned them at the same time. But she says she definitely feels more

confident in English than Korean. I tell her that yes, she would fit.

27

The man across from me, Joseph, says he would be interested, although he

does still speak and read Chinese. He appears to be in his 40's and talks about

how you really have to work at it to maintain the language. He says you'll realize

suddenly that you're searching for words. He tells me that he went to one of the

same colleges I did. He first got a degree in architecture and then got his master's

in public service. He would like to get a doctorate, but it's difficult to arrange

while he's working full-time. We discuss the commute to various colleges and the

work load. He talks about reading classics in Chinese to develop his Chinese

more, beyond just newspapers and magazines. I get the feeling that he could start

the interview right away.

Joseph mentions that there are other schools and asks how many people I

need. Do I have a questionnaire? As I get out the consent forms which provide

details of participation in the study (Appendix B), I explain that it's a series of

interviews. I tell them I can leave the information with them and they can take it

home and decide if they'd like to participate.

Another woman, Ella, joins us and says that she would definitely qualify.

She says that reading and writing are really difficult for her. Nari agrees and

comments she reads at about a first grade level. They seem very interested in

participating and don't really need to think about it. We discuss places to meet for

the interviews, and they suggest just doing them at the school.

"We're always here on Sundays. You can just come here. You could

probably do several of us at once."

28

"Besides," Ella continues, "I'm from Connecticut. It would just be easier

to meet here."

I explain that multiple interviews are necessary. The looks on their faces

tell me that they're amazed that I would need more than one interview, but they

seem willing to go along.

I notice a woman on my left has answered yes to the three questions on

my recruitment notice. She is busy running after a 2-3 year-old child and I don't

get a chance to talk with her.

Ella, Joseph, and Nari recommend that I also talk to a man sitting farther

down the bench. William has a child on his lap and another sitting next to him. On

the other side is a woman who I assume is his wife. I show him the notice and

explain that his friends thought he might be interested. He asks about data

collection and if there is a questionnaire. I explain that it's an interview study.

"Oh, so just our stories," he answers. "Sure, if my wife is here to take care of

them," he says, referring to the children. "Otherwise, it won't work." The children

are very active, and it's obvious that talking for any length of time with them

around would be too distracting.

I thank them and tell them I'll see them next Sunday. I go to the office and

thank Lena. She asks if I found any people to interview. I answer that I did, and

I'll come back the following week. She shows me the restroom and indicates the

cafeteria down the hall. If you want something to eat, go ahead. She asks how the

29

classes at the college are going and adds, "Maybe we can collaborate on

something later on."

I am impressed by the welcome and their willingness to share what they

can to accommodate my study. Lena's comment about collaboration indicates that

she may hope for some reciprocal professional assistance, but it's one that I would

be quite happy to provide if I can. I couldn't have hoped for a more positive

beginning to the recruitment process.

Participant Selection - Pino

I met Dino at a graduation party for the son of a friend and former

colleague of mine. Renee and I taught in the same schools almost nine years

before, but we live about 40 minutes apart, so we don't see each other often or

share mutual friends (other than former colleagues). However, we have kept in

touch, mostly by phone or e-mail. Renee frequently invites me to special family

events. Dino and his wife, Teresa, live in Renee's neighborhood, and they are

good friends. The following description details how we met and how Dino

became involved in this study.

After Rene's introduction, Dino and Teresa ask what the topic of my

dissertation is. I explain that I am interested in people who learned English as a

second language when they were children, then found that English became the

stronger language, and they had experienced loss in their first language. Dino

nods with kind of a surprised look and says, "That would be me."

30

"Really?" I feel my heart quicken. I was hoping for another participant,

particularly someone of apparent European heritage. My own aversion to

imposing on others and my worry about invading their privacy makes recruitment

intimidating for me. While the experience of language loss is not that uncommon,

determining where to recruit people and how to bring up the subject is not easy.

There is nothing about Dino that would indicate that he might be a potential

participant. He speaks with a Long Island-Bronx accent; there is no trace of

anything to signal that he emigrated from another country.

"Yeah, if I am understanding it correctly," Dino answers. "I came from

Italy when I was a young kid and now I rarely speak Italian. Well, what we speak

is a dialect."

"But you still speak it with your mother," comments Teresa. "Do you need

people who don't speak it at all anymore?" She asks, turning to me.

"No, not necessarily," I answer. "It doesn't have to be complete loss. It's

people who have experienced some loss in their first language, so that now they

feel more confident in English. It's also people who maybe were learning both at

the same time, but then English took over as the main language."

"Well there's definitely some loss," Dino says, with kind of a wry humor

in his voice.

"Then you would fit!" I exclaim, trying to remember that this is a party

and I should keep things conversational. It wouldn't be fair to monopolize his

31

time or take advantage of the social setting. We are interrupted at that point

anyway, the conversation turns to other things for the rest of the party.

A few weeks later, after getting Dino's phone number from Renee, I call

to see if he would be interested in participating in the study. Teresa answers the

phone and says that they are getting ready for company for the weekend, but she

will give Dino the message, and he will call me back in the early part of the week.

Wednesday night, the phone rings, and it's Dino. He asks me to remind him again

about the type of participants I'm looking for. I give him the same explanation I

did at the party. He recounts that he came from Italy when he was young and

continued to speak his language with his mother but then learned English at

school. School was all in English, except that he did have a chance to take Italian

when he was taking classes on sabbatical as an adult. He asks what participation

would entail. I explain that it is an interview study, so really it's just talking with

me about his life, his experiences with languages, and also about his family, work,

school, things like that. I go on to say that the idea is to get a view of the person's

experience as a whole, which is why we would talk about his life experiences etc,

in addition to language.

He responds that it sounds interesting and he'd be glad to do it. He laughs

a little self-consciously as he mentions not ever having the experience of telling

someone his life story before. I laugh with him and acknowledge that it sounds a

little daunting, but the idea is really just to get to know him, in order to get a

better understanding of his experience. I assure him that everything is confidential

32

and pseudonyms will be used to protect his identity. We agree to meet on

Thursday afternoon at 4:00 at his house.

Data Collection

The in-depth interview was the primary means of data collection.

Consistent with the description provided by Ely et al. (1991), the structure of the

interviews was shaped by the responses of the participants. Initially, questions

were broad and open-ended, a starting point for participants to reflect on their

experiences and communicate their thoughts in detail. More specific questions,

emerging from the dialogue and on-going analysis, both during and after each

interview were used to probe and clarify the information provided. In this way,

the research was guided by those who have knowledge of the experience, the

participants, and not limited by a set of predetermined questions. My intent in

using this format was to assist the participants in telling their stories so that others

may understand more fully the experience of heritage language loss for those who

learn English as a second (or third) language in childhood.

The open structure of the interviews was also useful in establishing and

maintaining rapport. In interviewing Ella, for example, we talked quite a bit about

her new job, which allowed her to become more comfortable with me, and

allowed me to get to know her better. This contributed to our continued rapport

and to my understanding of her responses. Joseph and I talked quite a bit about

philosophy and history, areas he was passionate about and felt comfortable

33

discussing. These conversations led me to a fuller understanding of his

experiences and perspectives. Often the participants would provide the

information that I was interested in, without my asking the question. The topic

would come up naturally, as part of our conversation.

Interviews were both responsive to the comfort level of the participants

and reflective of their need to discuss or avoid particular topics. Some stories

were told and retold; some topics brought quiet responses, and some provoked

animated discussion. The rate of speech, the tone and volume that accompanied

the information shared, were all important in understanding and interpreting their

stories. As indicated by Green, Franquiz, & Dixon (1997), both the participant

and the interviewer bring their ideas about language (what silence means,

intonation patterns, how emotions are expressed, eye contact, gestures) to the

interaction. How the speaker makes use of these conventions and how they are

understood by both interviewer and participant influence how they communicate

during the interviews and how the communication is interpreted and transcribed

(Roberts, 1997). Goldstein (1995) also found that if she wanted the participants to

talk about experiences from their lives, it was helpful to share a little from her

life. I tried to be sensitive to this possibility with my participants and to avoid

what Igoa describes as the "dehumanizing" that occurs when a person becomes

"the object of study" 1995, p.73). Notes relating to these issues were recorded in

the field log, and in specific files detailing research issues that were specific to

each participant.

34

We engaged in casual conversation as we got settled in a quiet spot to talk

and set up the audiotape equipment (Bogdan & Biklin, 1998). This also helped me

to get a feel for the conversational style of the participant (Goldstein, 1995). I

often began the interviews by asking about something they had mentioned in our

initial conversation about the study, such as "You mentioned you learned English

and Korean at the same time..." or with a general question about their language

experiences, "Would you tell me about your experiences with language when you

were growing up?" In subsequent interviews, questions became more focused or

asked for clarification and detail about a topic already mentioned. I incorporated

participant checks into all interviews, regularly checking the accuracy of the

information and getting feedback from the participants on my interpretations of

what they had shared.

There were from three-six interviews with each person, usually about an

hour in length:

Participant Name

Joseph

Nari

Ella

William

Dino

Number of Interviews

5

3 '

6

3

3

Total Number of Minutes

360

240

270

200

375

35

The length of the interviews varied according to the participants' comfort levels

and time commitments. The total number of interviews and the amount of time

spent interviewing each participant reflected the time required for sufficiency and

redundancy of the information.

I had originally intended to complete a series of interviews with one

participant before starting to interview another, but some of my participants had

other ideas about this process. The first four participants, recruited from the

heritage language school, were clearly ready to be interviewed right away. I felt

that insisting on completing a full series of interviews with one person before

talking to anyone else would interfere with rapport, and I was afraid I might miss

out on opportunities to talk with them. These were very busy people for whom

time was already in limited supply. While Chinese School was in session, the

interviews fit into their schedules easily. Once the summer started, getting

together would be much more difficult for them. I compromised by interviewing

just two participants, one after the other, each visit. Visits were at least one week

apart, which gave me time to listen to the tapes of the interviews several times to

decide on questions for the following interviews, and to transcribe and continue to

analyze the tapes. I actually found this variation in the interviewing format much

less overwhelming than I anticipated, perhaps because my schedule at that time

allowed me to immerse myself in the interviewing process and devote all my <

attention to it. I found that each story remained distinct from the others, and the

36

discussions from interviews with one participant were helpful in interviews with

other participants.

All participants were agreeable to my contacting them for future

clarification and questions that might arise as I heard the stories of other

participants and continued to revisit the transcripts of all the interviews. I also

encouraged them to contact me with additional thoughts that that they might have.

Field Log

After each interview, I listened to the audiotape of the interview several

times, making notes so that I could decide what I needed to find out in future

interviews (Ely, 2001). Then I transcribed the interviews word for word. I read

the transcripts over carefully, making notes and indicating possible categories in

the margins. I also kept a log of each visit, where I recorded information about the

recruitment sites, notes about informal interactions that took place before and

after the interviews, basically anything that was not on tape. Pseudonyms were

used in all discussions and representations of the data, including logs and

transcripts.

Data Analysis

As suggested by Ely et al. (1998), analysis was ongoing; it began with the

initial impressions recorded in my field log as I made contacts with potential

participants, and continued as I transcribed and reviewed each interview. Possible

37

categories and subcategories, hunches, questions and thoughts were noted in the

margins as I read the transcripts. Initially, all notes and categories reflected as

accurately as possible my reaction and impressions as I read the content. No

attempt was made at uniformity at this point, and no existing set of categories was

applied. I shared the transcripts with my support group members, who in turn

recorded their comments and reactions. I reviewed the transcripts again with their

comments and made notes about the possible themes emerging there.

Category Files and Theme Statements

For each transcript, I made a category file, in which the category

descriptions were revised and indicated on the left in bold, followed by the

portion of the transcript that suggested the category. I also kept a Research Issues

file for each participant, where I collected all of the Observer Comments (my

notes as a researcher), notes about rapport, and anything pertaining to the research

process itself: interruptions, time constraints, equipment issues, my mistakes,

worries, improvements, and other reflections on the process.

The category files were reviewed and the categories grouped together to

form larger groups: LI Proficiency, Fitting In, LI and Identity, Learning English,

Family Connections, Time, Children's Language, for example. I started with

Nari's theme section, experimenting with different ways of physically organizing

the categories into themes. I went through the files many times, making notes and

lists of themes that they suggested. I tried actually cutting up the category files

38

and physically arranging and rearranging the pieces, which worked fine, except

that it was cumbersome to keep track of all of the pieces of paper. I learned that

creating new files of theme-related categories was easier to manage. Some

categories were common to all participants, and a few were specific to a single

participant's story. Lists of these categories appear in Appendix C.

Trustworthiness

Throughout the study, from initial contacts through the presentation of

data, efforts to ensure trustworthiness have been, and continue to be, a constant

priority (Bogdan & Biklen, 1998; Ely et al., 1991; Guba & Lincoln, 1989).

Besides the conscious effort to maintain a trustworthy attitude, techniques to

support me in this endeavor included the use of support groups, prolonged

engagement, participant checks, and the practice of ongoing reflection, initiated in

my written stance and continued in analytic memos.

Support Groups

I met with two support groups made up of fellow doctoral students in the

School of Education, who were also conducting qualitative research studies. The

members of the groups came from different programs within the School and

different professional interests (occupational therapy, elementary education and

math education). The diverse perspectives they brought with them assisted me in

looking at my research from multiple points of view. I shared interview

39

transcripts, log entries, I-Stories, written theme discussions with them, as well as

numerous verbal discussions to help me process my thoughts and reactions to the

data and the research process. I also enlisted the help of a former colleague who is

from Singapore and of Chinese heritage, and has been living and teaching in the

United States over ten years. She had conducted a qualitative research study in my

classroom when I was teaching ESL in the early 1990's. We have met regularly

over the years at TESOL conventions and have continued our discussions relating

to culture and language that began with her research. Her feedback added another

valuable perspective to my analysis and presentation of the data.

Prolonged Engagement

Prolonged engagement (Bogdan & Biklen, 1998; Ely et al., 1991;

Mariano, 1998) was necessary so that the data represented a more thorough

picture of the experience being studied. Multiple interviews were conducted with

each participant over a period of several weeks to be sure that the information

collected was representative of their thoughts. The rapport so essential to

qualitative research develops over time, particularly when the interviewer and the

participants are from different cultures (Glesne, 1999). As previously mentioned,

multiple interviews also allowed me to ask questions that occurred to me as I

reviewed the tapes and transcripts, and to check my impressions with my

participants (Anderson, Herr, Nihlen, 1994; Ely et al., 1991). Further, the

participants also had the opportunity of reflection between interviews, offering

40

them the opportunity to clarify their thinking and assist me in understanding their

experiences.

Participant Checks

In addition to prolonged engagement, I incorporated participant checks

into all interviews. In some cases, I was clarifying my understanding of events

and basic factual information. At other times, I would share my interpretations

that were emerging from the interviews to get their opinions and reactions.

Whether or not they agreed with my interpretations, their feedback was crucial to

my understanding of their experiences.

Socio-cuitural Issues

Another important issue in maintaining trustworthiness for me was

cultural/socioeconomic group membership. As a native-speaker of English and a

member of what is loosely termed "the mainstream" in the United States (middle-

class, white, and of apparent European ancestry) I was, as Bodgan & Biklen call

it, "border crossing" (1998, p.83), to some extent. I was aware that my

participants might view me as a member of the dominant culture, which could

influence their responses or even their willingness to participate in the study. I

anticipated that they might feel uncomfortable discussing the more personal

aspects of these issues with an outsider, particularly if I were identified with a

more powerful group. Establishing rapport and earning their trust was an essential

41

part of ensuring the credibility of the study. I also needed to come to terms with

my own culture and history of privilege, as well as to acknowledge my

assumptions and personal perspectives regarding language. I began this effort

with my researcher's stance and continued with ongoing reflection and

discussions with my committee and support group members.

Researcher's Stance

Those of us who love languages, especially if we have devoted our lives to learning or teaching them, find it hard to put ourselves in the right frame of mind to understand the concept of language diversity as a curse. We see in language a source of novel delights and subtle experience, a blessing. (Haugen, 1987, p.l; in Skuttnab-Kangas, 2000, p. 211)

Haugen expresses the way I feel about languages. For me, studying

another language was like opening a door and finding a place where I felt

excitement and anticipation. It was magical. I started Spanish classes in seventh

grade and couldn't wait to get to class each day. I was in awe of my teacher and

others who could go back and forth from one language to the other with ease. I

hoped/wished that I would be like that one day. As I learned more about Spanish,

I also began to look at my native language, English, with new interest and

understanding. I was fascinated by it: grammar, diagramming sentences, the

subtle nuances of words and phrases, the variety of accents. I was hooked on

language in general. My interest continued through high school and college. I also

took German and a couple of Portuguese classes. Basically, whenever I had a

spare spot in my schedule, I added a language.

42

Exactly why I was so fascinated with language is hard to say. As a young

child, the only person in my family who spoke a language other than English was

my grandfather. His mother tongue was Norwegian and he learned English after

he went to school. He often told about his memory of his first day of school, when

he came home and cried because he couldn't understand what they said. He

always told it with a laugh, as he did with any number of stories about a problem

that worked out okay. He became extremely proficient in English, admired for his

speaking and writing ability. He also taught Latin and German - apparently he

had an interest in languages as well.

My grandfather did not, however, pass along his mother tongue to his

children. He said there was no point in learning Norwegian, unless one lived in

Norway. Occasionally he wrote a phrase in Norwegian on a Christmas card, sang

a song in Norwegian or included it in a story he retold from childhood, but that

was all. Despite its limited utilitarian value in the United States, he said his ability

to speak and read Norwegian had stayed with him; he assumed because it was his

mother tongue. So I had no model of first language loss.

I have not felt a sense of loss because I did not learn to speak Norwegian.

There was certainly no Norwegian community where I grew up. I was not in a

situation in which I heard others speaking it and wished I could join in. English

was and is my mother tongue. I would say it's more a feeling of disappointment

that I did not learn to speak Norwegian. I see it as a missed opportunity,

43

something I would have enjoyed, like a precious heirloom passed down to each

generation.

My identification with the experience of language loss is more likely when

I think about my L2, Spanish. It has slipped away more and more each year. After

a summer in Mexico on a study program in college, the senora in my friend's

house commented, "I can tell you're thinking in Spanish now. When you came

you were still translating, but now you can really speak." I was thrilled. And now,

27 years later, I'm embarrassed at how much I have forgotten and angry with

myself for letting it happen. I feel like I've been careless and lost a precious gift.

Though my native language, English, was never threatened, I came to

appreciate it when I was studying in Spain and Mexico. Most of the time, I was

thrilled with the opportunity to speak Spanish and was disappointed when

someone spoke to me in English. On the other hand, it was also exhausting to

function in Spanish from morning till night, day after day. Despite having studied

Spanish for years, the fact that it was my best subject, and that I was thoroughly

enchanted by it, there were times when I needed to hear, read, and speak in

English.

I always remember this experience when I hear people insisting that

second language learners in the United States need to be immersed in English and

discouraged from using their native language. Needing one's mother tongue

doesn't mean there is resistance to the second language. Among the ESL students

I taught, I consistently found that the ones who were most successful in English

44

were the ones who had continued to develop their first languages. Welcoming the

first language also helped for some students who seemed particularly homesick

for their country and their language. Their eyes would light up, "I can write in

Korean?" Somehow the idea that English was an addition and not a replacement

made the situation more comfortable for them. They didn't have to give up who

they were and what they knew; they could add English to it.

On the other hand, for many, the idea that another language besides

English was welcome at school was a hard sell. The pressure of English was all

around and no amount of persuasion on my part could convince them that their

language had a place here.

Besides my attitudes about language, it is important to acknowledge how

my social and cultural background could impact the study. Looking back as I

write this stance, I realize that my life has been full of privilege and opportunity.

Most of these advantages, I have learned about as an adult and am learning about

them still. In my world, as a child and teenager, it was cool to be Catholic, Italian,

Irish, or Jewish. I wasn't. I knew that being white kept me from all kinds of

discrimination, but I remember being shocked, in a college class, to learn that

WASPS were the dominant group. That certainly wasn't my experience! WASPS

were boring. I had always taken comfort in being able to say that I wasn't all

WASP. I was thrilled with the discovery, when one of my relatives investigated

the family roots, that my heritage includes Native American ancestors. And yet I

45

know it's not really fair to claim it. I want the benefits, the image, without having

paid the price.

Despite apparent membership in the "dominant" culture, I frequently

found mismatches between the school culture, the cultures in the community, and

my family culture. The advantage I had was that my parents were able to explain

this to me, and to help me figure out how to navigate among the differences. I

refer to family culture because my culture is a mix of ethnicities, geographic

influences and my parents' reactions to them. It can not be identified with a single

ethnic group. I know that the differences I experienced were much more subtle

than those of new immigrants, particularly those who are identified as more

visible minorities. I was not obviously different. On the surface I seemed to

belong. I have had enormous advantages because of this. On the other hand, I do

remember what I felt (and still feel) as I try to respect my family culture and

function in the world. There are commonalities in this experience that I found to

be of help to me in understanding my participants.

A large part of my privileged experiences came from socioeconomic

advantages. Again, I was often unaware of those when I was young. My family

didn't talk much about money. I just knew that we weren't poor. We didn't have a

lot of the flashy things that many of my peers had, but if there was something that

was really important to me, I could have it. I was also aware that my father turned

down raises in his position as the director of a not-for-profit hospital because he

said the hospital needed it more than we did. So I knew we were in a position to

46

turn money down. My parents also declined participation in socially prestigious

organizations, like country clubs, saying, "That's just not us." But it's different to

turn something down because you don't want it, than it is to be prevented from

the opportunity. Whether I knew it or not, I had, for most of my life, a very easy

road, well-paved, with lots of options and roadside assistance. As I began the

study, I was very aware of the potential problem these privileges could present in

my effort to conduct an effective study. I hoped that by acknowledging the

obstacles and continuing to reflect on the ways my experiences both interfered

and contributed to my rapport with my participants and how I heard their stories, I

could turn the problem into a resource.

In the course of conducting the research and dealing with new life events

and financial responsibilities, the economic advantages I had once experienced

became a distant memory. While difficult for me personally, this situation

ironically helped to balance my frame of reference for the study. I also had an

occasion to reconnect with Spanish for a job, and I was confronted with some of

my feelings of loss and anxiety, offering added perspective on some of the

feelings my participants expressed. In truth, listening to their stories helped me to

make sense of my own experiences, in addition to providing insight into the

research topic.

47

Presentation of the Data

I- Stories

After completing the interviews, I wrote an 1-Story for each

person, in which the information the participant had given me about his/her life is

presented in a unified story, told in the first person, as if the participant were the

storyteller. I tried to preserve each person's conversational style and to tell the

story in a way that allows each person's personality to come through. I decided to

write the I-stories at this point in the analysis to maintain the essence of the story

as a whole. I used the I-stories both as a tool for analysis and as a means of

presenting the data. The process of writing the participant's story as if he/she were

telling it, helped to clarify the essence of the thoughts and feelings expressed in

the interviews.

Following the work of Daphne Patai (1988), I have included excerpts of

the interview transcripts presented as free verse, so that the reader may more

closely "hear" the voices of the participants. The process of constructing these

free verse poems involves listening to the tape and typing the excerpt of the

transcript so that each pause starts a new line. Extraneous elements frequently

found in conversation, such as "um" and "you know", that are distracting in print

and do not contribute to the conversation as it was heard are deleted. On the other

hand, the repetitions and false starts part-way through a word or sentence, which

are part of the speaker's effort to communicate his/her ideas and feelings, allow

the reader to experience the message as it was expressed.

48

Each person's story, along with an introduction that includes my

reflections on the interview process we experienced, appears in Chapter IV, titled

"Telling Their Stories".

Themes and Discussion

Each person's story is unique, with its own set of themes that reflect the

specifics of that experience, and yet, there were themes that were common across

participants. In the chapter titled, "Variations on a Theme - Common Threads", I

discuss themes as they relate across participants, followed by a discussion of these

themes in light of the related literature. As I did in Chapter IV, I have presented

aspects of the transcripts in free verse (Patai 1988) to assist me in communicating

the themes that I found in the experiences of the participants.

49

CHAPTER IV

THE PARTICIPANTS AND THEIR STORIES

This chapter presents the stories of the five research participants: Joseph,

Nari, Ella, William, and Dino. Each story is preceded by a brief introduction,

which provides the context of the interview situation from my perspective as the

researcher. The stories are reconstructed from analysis of the interview data and

told in the first person, as if the participant were the storyteller (Ely, 1997;

Kouritzin, 1999). The resulting narratives are designed to provide the reader with

a clear understanding of each person's story as it was revealed to me. Care was

taken to preserve each participant's conversational style and allow his/her

personality to come through. To further support this intention, following the work

of Daphne Patai (1988), I have included excerpts of the interview transcript

presented as free verse, so that the reader may get a better sense of the voices of

the participants.

Throughout the interviews, Joseph, Ella, William and Nari usually used

the term Chinese rather than Cantonese, Taiwanese, or Mandarin, despite the fact

that the differences between these dialects are greater than the differences

between Spanish and French, for example. I have maintained this characteristic in

presenting their stories. The specific dialect spoken by the participant is indicated

50

either in the introduction to the story or in the beginning of the story itself. The

written form of the language is the same across all three dialects and refers to the

traditional form, not the simplified form introduced in China during the 1950s.

Interviewing Joseph

Joseph was the first participant I interviewed. He had shown immediate

interest when I introduced the study the previous week at the Chinese Heritage

Language School. He told me that he does speak and read Chinese (Cantonese

and some Mandarin) now, but that it takes a lot of work to maintain. He explained

that he had experienced language loss previously, "What happens is that you're

using English at school and at work, and then you go to speak Chinese and you'll

suddenly realize that you're searching for words." (Logl, p.4). He talked about

reading Chinese and working to improve on it. He told me about some of his

educational goals, how he would really like to pursue a doctorate, but with the

commuting time involved, it wouldn't fit into his schedule right now. I had the

distinct impression we could have started the interview right then.

When I walked into the lounge of the Chinese School for the first

interview, Joseph was sitting at a table with his recruitment notice and consent

form in a clear plastic folder in front of him and he seemed ready to talk on this

day as well. He anticipated the need for a quiet space for taping and suggested we

look for a room that was not in use. We usually talked in the gym, seated facing

one another, on folding chairs that Joseph brought in from the hall. He always

51

reminded me of a host arranging things for his guest's comfort, as we set up. It

made me feel welcome and lessened my concerns about imposing. Neatly dressed

in slacks and a button down shirt, Joseph would sit, leaning forward somewhat,

with a slightly rounded posture that didn't change much throughout the

interviews. His demeanor gave the impression of a secure humility - modesty out

of choice, not necessity. He seemed to have a genuine interest in the discussion,

with no apparent desire to impress, and no defensiveness or self-consciousness

either. There was a quiet assurance about him that put me at ease as well.

I talked with Joseph five times over approximately two months, with each

interview lasting between 30 minutes and 90 minutes. He talked readily, showing

no reluctance or discomfort in relating the details of his life. However, he seemed

to prefer to talk on an intellectual level, often bringing philosophy, history, and

literature into the discussions. I worried at times that I was letting the interviews

veer too far off topic. But I also knew I wanted to avoid being too directive, to

give him the space to tell his story. I felt that the discussions on religion,

philosophy, and history were also revealing who Joseph was. These topics are

quite important to him and are therefore part of his story. He often used the

second person "you" as he described an experience. I suspect it provided a

distance that made talking more comfortable. As a listener, I found it pulled me

into the experience, allowing me to feel as if I were living it too. The "you" also

adds a more universal tone to the story, implying that Joseph considers his

experience to be something with which others can identify as well.

52

Throughout the time I visited the Chinese School, Joseph would

frequently ask how it was going and if I was finding out anything interesting.

Joseph revealed his love of learning in every conversation, whether it was a taped

interview or a casual meeting in the lounge. On one of my visits, I walked into the

lounge and found Joseph reading a novel in Chinese. He seemed apologetic that it

was a popular novel and not a classic or historical work. "This is relaxing -

relieves stress," he explained. He compared the author of that novel to Taylor

Caldwell to help me understand the type of book it was. We talked about various

authors and types of literature. Joseph mentioned that he was fond of historical

fiction, especially things set in Roman times and went on to compare authors from

the East and West, their different perspectives and the similarities they share. The

conversation then turned to philosophy and psychology. He commented that he

found psychology limited, because it ignores culture and loses the important

questions by focusing on side issues. Philosophy, he explained, looks at the real

overarching questions. Conversations with Joseph were rarely superficial. In

addition to the information he provided for the study, I found it fascinating and

quite inspiring to talk with him. What follows is Joseph's story, as analyzed and

reconstructed from his interview data.

Joseph's Story

Actually, I emigrated from Hong Kong to New York City when I was 13.1 was

born in China, in the south, so we spoke Cantonese mainly, not Mandarin. It was

53

my main dialect for 13 years. At the age of five, we moved to Macao and there it

was the same dialect. Then a year after that, when I was six, we moved to Hong

Kong. So that's the background, basically, 13 years of exposure to the mother

tongue - Cantonese. During the school years in Hong Kong, I did pick up some

English because I attended a parochial school, a Catholic school. It was run by

Dominican priests, and actually, it was a good environment to learn a foreign

language because we had to deal with some non-Chinese teachers, like the priests

and some of the teachers from the Philippines. They didn't use Chinese, so we

were kind of forced to use the English language. Of course it's just general

exposure, not really in-depth.

I was fortunate to go to a missionary school because we learned a little

more English than the average student - although, English was still a second

language, no doubt about it. At recess and at other times, we were glad to get out

of English. It felt strange to us, so we kind of made fun of it. But we were forced

into it in a sense; you know you have to improve your test scores to move on to

the next grade. So we worked hard at it. But we were glad to get out of the

English and go back to the Chinese history or Chinese literature. They used

English to teach us math and science, so we had to understand that. It wasn't all

just composition or literature. We also had dictation where the teacher read a

paragraph and you had to know how to spell the words and understand the words

basically. I think it was more intense than they learn Chinese here in America.

Here it's kind of like enrichment. For us, it was necessary. We didn't look at it

54

like learning French or Spanish, like here. It wasn't just the language requirement

that you will never use. We had to use English so we had to pay more attention to

it. We started in first grade or kindergarten, and it continued all the way through;

you don't expect to get out in three years, you expect to use it your whole career

basically.

But actually, I did enjoy the English literature too. I remember the

mythology, you know, there were interesting stories. Sometimes we had role

plays or drama activities to motivate the students. You act the role, and I think

that definitely helped to learn the language. We also studied poetry. We

memorized it - most of the things were by memorization. You memorize it and

stand up in front of the class and recite. So obviously we're all nervous, but

everyone got a turn, and it was a little challenge. In a sense, it forced you to study

so you didn't get too much embarrassment when the teacher called on you. There

was a lot of memorization, which I didn't particularly enjoy, but it can be useful.

First you memorized the thing, whether you understood it or not, and then when

you get older, you remember it and go back to it. You ask yourself, "What was

that all about? How do I interpret it? How do I apply that theory?" Then you

understand the wisdom of that passage that you memorized. So as a young student

you say, "That's ridiculous to memorize all these things." As an adult, you find a

different perspective.

The political situation was the reason my family moved from China to

Hong Kong. When the Communists took over China, it was pretty rough. A lot of

55

things were being controlled: speech, movement; you can not easily move from

one province to another. So we were fortunate that we were able to move to

Macao and then Hong Kong. My grandfather was in the United States, so I think

my parents anticipated coming to the U.S. later on. I was too young to know at the

time, but that may have been why they chose to put me in a bilingual school in

Hong Kong, so I would learn both English and Chinese. I think they realized that

if you don't have the language skills, you can not find a job. Either it was their

foresight or divine providence, but they put me in a religious school, so I was not

just taking language, but religion as well. And of course the study of religion had

a profound effect on me. My parents are not Catholic, so that's kind of interesting

that I ended up there.

It was never a problem that my parents were not Catholic. Religion was

important to me, but I was not evangelical, in a sense. I really believe religion is a

calling. Not every person is suited for every religion. Besides, in Chinese families,

we don't openly discuss religion and things like Americans do. The sons or

daughters in the families always obey. We don't challenge the parents. We can

disagree, but we don't challenge them. Also my parents were not highly educated

in terms of formal schooling, so I don't know that they were interested in

discussing certain issues. Now that we are older, we talk more about current

events than before. But when we were younger, we just talked about the family,

what you should do, what you should not do. Of course they're concerned about

how well you do in school, but as far as intellectually, no. I am a little better

56

prepared for that with my son because of my experience in the schools, and I'm

ready for open discussion, debate, philosophy - this kind of thing. But the older

generation, my parents, they didn't have that level of education, so they probably

were not interested in philosophy and theology.

When I moved to New York in 1966, with my parents, we settled in the

city where my grandfather lived. It's not too far from Chinatown, but it's not a

Chinese community; it was more Italian at that time. My grandfather had moved

here, and married and had a family here after my mother was grown. My mother

was the oldest daughter, and my grandfather told us he wanted to bring us here

too. They realized that this is the place of opportunity for me; this is the place to

be to get a higher education. Of course the first year, it was a little bit strange,

obviously. You have complete culture shock and things like that. You can see that

the competition is all around you and you know that you have to be able to go to

the mainstream of American society. But I had a sense of what I wanted to

accomplish and my family expectations.

In order to do that, obviously you have to master the language, so you can

communicate with other people and get a job in the mainstream. The most clear,

sure way to go is through the education. So a college education is a basic

requirement. So I set that goal. You really concentrate, you know: How can I

catch up with my peers and eventually, after four years, compete in college? And

you try to learn, to catch up. So there is a tendency at that young age to imitate or

copy the American way of living, the language. And of course, I'm indebted to

57

my parents because they expected me to get a formal education and not just stick

with the old garment industry, laundry, or restaurant business. They encouraged

me to try my best and get on with my educational life and make a career, different

from theirs.

Once I set that goal, I aimed for it, and I associated with other people who

are planning to go to college. We talked to each other, we communicated, we

learned from each other and encouraged each other, basically. We competed with

each other in a way - you know, which college are you going to make? And this

kind of thing. I also could see some of my family members and I didn't want to be

a failure. I wanted to do something. Practically all my cousins were born in

America, so I wanted to prove the point that I could do equally well. It's a

competition built in that I wanted to show some honor to the family.

Obviously the first few years, the language was not able to catch up to par.

I took my studies seriously, but I it was difficult for me to get into the high school

I wanted, because of the reading level. So I went to a public high school for art

and design since I really enjoy drawing as well. My mother's aunt said, "Well,

maybe it's a good choice. Go ahead and study in a public high school. It's all

right." And I studied there four years, which I really enjoyed. But, I knew my

weakness. I knew I had to increase my vocabulary, so I went through some books

and whenever I found a word I didn't use, I underlined it and studied it. The

reading level, of course you read something and then you try to understand it.

Once you increase the vocabulary, I think you can understand the reading

58

materials a lot better. And you learn the customs, the American way of living,

understanding. You read the newspaper and the teachers give you some guidance

about what to read, even though you don't understand everything.

I did improve in high school and I set my goal to become an architect. At

first, they had me in the vocational track, but later on my academic advisor asked

me, "Do you want to go to college?" And I said, "Yes, that's what I'm planning to

do." So they moved me to the academic track. I had biology, physics - 1 had to

take chemistry in summer school because it didn't fit in the regular school year,

but luckily my math was one year ahead. So I was able to take music also. And of

course we had other arts courses too: free hand sketches, sculpture, photography,

watercolor. I really enjoyed the curriculum and I even made the Honor Society.

Actually, I had an easy time in the sense that I didn't feel the pressure of

the schoolwork that much, because I think we worked harder in the Hong Kong

system. The people there have tons and tons of homework. So I felt relief here.

And I was able to socialize enough, but not too much. I wanted to keep myself in

the Honor Society and to achieve certain things. So with that attitude and a little

pressure, that's how I had a good time. And some good friends, you know, after

school we're all riding home on the subway. So there were some good friends,

and we enjoyed it together. There were very few Chinese, only a few one class

ahead of me. But my friends, we shared a common interest; we all studied

architectural design and I think we all had intentions to study further, so we

encouraged each other. I think it was a pretty good four years.

59

After that, I was accepted at three universities, and I chose a local

university and studied architecture. I found the classes in college more interesting

than high school. I think that's a place where you find a field that you really enjoy

and like, and you can compete as an equal. I had an aptitude for art; the drawing

was kind of natural. So architecture was really a good field and very suitable for

me. It's a combination of engineering and art, not as rigid as engineering and not

as free as fine arts. There's some practicality and some creativity in architecture.

So it's just right for me - my cup of tea. My college wasn't my first choice of

universities. But I think it worked out well. It's more practical, not so snobbish,

more of a Frank Lloyd Wright approach. Frank Lloyd Wright is my kind of

architect. He didn't care about the establishment; he didn't even finish school. He

said, "I don't need degrees. I just do it."

But after one year, I was drafted into the army. My lottery number was 36,

so there was no avoiding it. That was during the 60's, and there was a lot of anti-

Vietnam War sentiment, but my feeling was if they call me, I'll serve. This is my

second home, and it's my duty as a citizen or even a resident of this country. And

I did well in the military. Maybe it was due to my discipline-oriented background,

but military life wasn't tough for me. I followed the rules, I was on time, did my

jobs well and I was chosen soldier of the year. My job was in Personnel and it was

an easy job, actually. I spent two years in the military and I really enjoyed it. It

gave me more opportunities to learn more about American society, how people

act and behave, how they talk. You get a chance to move around to different

60

states, you see different people of different backgrounds, and it so it builds your

confidence to live away from home. And now, I don't care where I live. I don't

have to cling to the Chinese community. I'm comfortable anywhere.

I liked the system of promotions in the military. I thought it was very fair.

They don't depend on connections or politics, and they respect leadership. So I

think the opportunities are better there than in the private sector. I was tempted to

go to West Point and make a career out of the military, but I decided my family

needed me instead. If you have a career in the military, you have to move all

around, wherever they send you. So I returned to college on the GI bill. But I

found I got some respect from being a veteran. I was also the only one of my

cousins to serve. So they all went to Ivy League Schools and have been very

successful that way, but I am a veteran and that makes me a little unique.

Originally, when I graduated from high school, I hoped to go to an Ivy

League school too, but I realized my English was still not as good. So I found

another school. I didn't dwell on it. Okay, so I didn't make an Ivy League school;

it's not the end of the world. The opportunities are still there. It's not the only way

to get an education/Besides, the Harvard man is not always the best person in the

world. It's what's in you that matters. You don't have to be a Harvard graduate to

be successful, successful in the sense that you have the attitude to work and study

- these kinds of things. You can get a genuine education.

I look at education as not just training to get a position, ajob. Education is more than that.

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If you get a complete education, you have to have a moral education as well as your technical skill. If you don't accomplish a balanced education, then I think you're not educated. You may know schooling, but you don't have education.

I value education more than schooling.

I was very fortunate, I did well in school and I was able to work with my

American friends and avoid things like the drug culture. Some people are

negative, they're never satisfied and moving in these different directions. But I

think you have to say, "Well there are certain things you can live with. Nothing's

perfect, so you take advantage of whatever it can offer you at the time." So I think

I took that attitude and didn't get distracted by the drug culture and things like

that.

After I graduated, I worked in California for a few years. But then my

father had a stroke. So I came back to New York. If I had a sister or brother,

maybe I would have made a different decision, but I am an only child. I couldn't

abandon my parents. I don't regret it. Yes, it changed the opportunities for me;

I'm not as successful in the worldly sense, but what good is that kind of success if

you forget your family and your friends? The important thing is your relationships

with other people. If you sacrifice these for success, it's too high a price. A lot of

times to get ahead, you have to lose your conscience. You get so you don't worry

about hurting other people. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to step on

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other people's toes and compromise my ethics for power and money. Ethics are

an important part of Chinese culture. So I'm happy with the choices I've made.

Basically, That period of time from the time the day I immigrated here though the army years, or even college years, you know Ifocused on the American way of living language and study. I was constantly using American English more so then Especially away from home And the two years in the army So obviously Constantly I used the English language Although I occasionally wrote letters home So in a way then When I came here, the formal Chinese training stopped. There was no more Formal Chinese language training And that may be the transition point. But I strongly emphasize that I had six or seven years of studying Chinese the native language, so it was a very good foundation. So I build my Chinese on that.

For all the years, the college years, in high school, I really concentrated on

learning English. You try to build the vocabulary very fast. You learn from the

dictionary, from all the books that help you, SAT books, whatever they may be.

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And you try to listen more: to other people, television, radio. I think that's the best

way to learn a language.

After that you settle down, find a job, you start to question in a sense, how Chinese you want to be. So you can settle down So now you appreciate your culture go back to your roots a little bit more. So I think that's what brought me back, As one who's searching for Chinese studies. The books, the magazines, all the classics you know you start with one book and then at the back of the book you see the bibliography and say, "Maybe I should try another book." And on and on. So the study attitude is there. So it's still there. And I think, when you get older, I think: Well That's part of me. So you get back to Chinese again.

You can be either Chinese American or American Chinese. Where you put

the adjective shows which part you really want to be. The Chinese American,

maybe they don't pay too much attention to the culture - it's like saying, "I'm

Chinese because I can't help it, but I'm American." The other, the American

Chinese, consider themselves more Chinese than American. At this point, I

describe myself as an American Chinese. I'm Chinese, but living in America. So

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in that sense, then, I care about my culture and want to search for it. During those

younger years, I think I wanted to be Chinese American because of the job

opportunities.

And as you get older, you get wiser too and say, "Well that's not

important." So then you gear your energy toward intellectual studies. You spend

more time with your language, to enrich yourself. There are plenty of

opportunities for learning. Libraries are wonderful resources. You can go and read

anything you want. Keeping that learning attitude, gives you freedom, intellectual

freedom. I personally value that very much

But in my case, when I had the opportunity to go to West Point, and when

I considered transferring to an Ivy League School, I decided against it because my

parents needed me. I had that kind of ethics built in me of how to be a son - filial

piety to my parents. So, although I really wanted to learn the American way, I still

made decisions based on Chinese values and ethics, putting the family first.

I would say that religion influenced me too, because I'm a Catholic. I

studied under the Dominican priests in Hong Kong, and Christianity gave me a

kind of affiliation with Chinese ethics. They're both very close to each other: love

thy neighbor as thyself, this kind of thing. It also gave me the study attitude.

Studying is natural. I study religion, theology, to learn more because I'm part of

it. I'm part of the Catholic family. So I study Chinese, because I'm Chinese. It's

part of me in a sense, If you look at Jesus, he accepted himself as a Jew. He

observed Jewish traditions, went to synagogue schools, he observed the Sabbath.

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In that way, religion is saying to me, "You are what you are. Whatever you're

born with, you keep that and you nurture that." So it gives me some confidence to

say, "I'm Chinese." And to observe the traditions. I just follow the so-called

master. He was Jewish and he observed all the regulations of the Jews, not some

other culture. So in the same way, I'm Chinese, observing Chinese tradition. And

in that sense, I'm a good Catholic, just following the teachings of the master. So

I'm constantly learning, there's no point in stopping.

You need both languages, English and Chinese. English is for practical

reasons, because we live in America. You have to use that as the language for

career and social life and you need that. Chinese is for family, for friends that you

deal with every day. That's part of life, so you have to keep those languages alive.

Well, there are other languages too. I like other languages as well. French,

I studied French in school and I was in France. I really do like that language too -

it sounds beautiful. And Latin, I think Catholics should know some Latin; Latin is

also useful in learning English. So I like studying languages. I'm very systematic

so I don't find it difficult to recognize the sentence structures and the grammar.

It's easier for me to pick up the reading and writing. Listening and speaking,

especially speaking, are more difficult. It's the same with Mandarin. I can

understand Mandarin, but I am probably not able to speak it as well. Luckily in

Chinese, the written language is all the same. Of course now there are two forms:

the simplified and the traditional form, but actually they're related - you can

recognize it. Mao introduced the simplified form after the Cultural Revolution.

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Supposedly it was to make it easier for people to learn Chinese, but I don't think

Mao was really concerned about that. I think it was a political statement, a

rebellion against the old established Chinese associated with democratic

apportionment. I feel it loses some of the tradition, some of the culture. It's true

that it's easier, and I suppose that could be a benefit if it makes you learn faster,

but I think it's missing something. Just like any kind of arts or practice, you have

to learn the basic. Chemistry, physics, you learn the basic thing. Without that, you

can not understand. I'm personally for complete intellectual exploration; you get

to the root of things, not just the surface.

As I said, my formal Chinese training stopped after seventh grade. There

were still Chinese newspapers and magazines in the home, so there were still

reading materials available, but as far as academic Chinese, that stopped. I didn't

have compositions to write or reading assignments to complete. Once you're set

in your career than you have more time to pursue those interests. I think I can start

doing that now, reading Chinese books and history and things that I always

wanted to study but didn't get a chance to. I have tried to get some formal training

too, but there's nothing available. I would have to go to the city, and with work,

it's just not possible. Maybe when I retire. In the meantime, I'll read and study on

my own.

Now, the scientific and technical terms are easier in English. I find it

difficult to translate them back to Chinese. So I have to look those up. The

ordinary language is not a problem. I can switch from one language to the other

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almost simultaneously. In writing, sometimes you write something and it doesn't

look right, because there are complicated strokes. So you check the dictionary.

Some of the language used in the classics or history is the older form of the

language, terms we no longer use or that have a different meaning today. So you

need to check references to understand how it applies for today. But I think that is

the real essence of the culture. This is important to me. I know a lot of people

aren't interested in that. They just want the functional things: to be able to

converse with people, the shopping, magazines. But I'm not satisfied with that. I

never like to read the translation. I like to read the original. That way I can really

get the feel of it. I don't want to read Dickens in Chinese; I want to read it in

English. And I don't want to read Chinese literature or history in English. It loses

something.

I don't really pay attention to which language I know more, English or

Chinese. There's still a long way to go in both, because I'm looking at not just

being able to manage the functional aspect of it. You want to understand the

culture and not just the surface. Learning is an endless process. You can't really

stop, just whatever you can do in your lifetime, you have to pursue it. So I don't

really have a scorecard comparing English and Chinese. I'll never be done with

either, so no point in keeping score.

Not everybody feels this way. I have seen some people, they have not

really adhered to the Chinese culture, especially in dealing with the ethics. They

copy the western world and abandon their values. They try to be part of somebody

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they can never belong to. I think it requires some maturity to understand that.

When you're young, you're all ambitious and try to explore new things. Maybe

you're ashamed of your culture because it's so different. You just want to be

American. You want to fit in. When you get older and more mature, then you

don't care about that as much. You don't need to be accepted. You realize that

you can't abandon your culture, and that's why people study genealogy and things

like that - to discover their heritage, where they come from. But it takes some

maturity. I value it more now than when I was younger.

As important as Chinese is to me, I don't speak it outside the home. I feel

that you should use the local language in a public situation. For one thing, that

way you improve your skill. You get more practice. The second thing is that you

can get a closer relationship with other people. And I think that every country's

the same that way. When I was shopping in France, if you can use the language,

they're a lot happier. No one really told me not to speak Chinese in a work

situation or school situation, but you just sense that this is a public situation and

not a private home. Even in the clubs - at school they had some Oriental clubs.

People weren't using Chinese or Japanese or Korean languages. All of us were

using English anyway. So you pick up the point that basically it's appropriate to

use English outside the home.

Also, I think to show respect to other people, you use English because if

they don't understand Chinese or your dialect, then they might think you're

talking about them. Using the local language is neutral. Everybody understands

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each other, and it's just a lot easier for everybody. When American-born Chinese-

Americans associate with you a little bit more, they maybe become interested and

ask you about certain things. But not until that point. Some people, even younger

people in high school, once they get with a few Chinese students, they start using

their own language. I don't think it's healthy, in a way. I think that using the

English language is good. But I think that you can never stop learning your own

culture privately. And your own language. That's why I have a lot of books at

home. I read newspapers. However, I don't read Chinese books in public areas.

Maybe in the morning before work starts, I'll read a Chinese book or skim

through a Chinese newspaper. But openly, I will not read or speak Chinese

openly. I don't want to make other people uncomfortable because they don't

understand what I'm reading or talking about. I don't want to show off, in a sense.

That's a Chinese attitude anyway. If you know something, you don't brag about

it. You take a low profile.

I think that Americans now are more aware of the other languages, non-European languages. I think, especially China is a great country a big country in Asia and a lot of potential for economic power, so I think all of these kind of things related to the interest in languages and now they show more respect to the languages. In the educational system, basically, now we have bilingual

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to try to help the students, the immigrants from other countries to adjust to the American way of life. So I think more of these programs you know, your schools try to help them, I guess that they become more recognized. You know there's a need, There's an interest, There's a necessity to know the culture and languages.

But the older days, that kind of expectation to learn Chinese and know Chinese wasn't there. Even my cousins, you know, that are my same age, that generation-the parents didn't send them-well they did send them to school but they did not encourage them and they did not use the Chinese language at home that often. So therefore they lost everything. Even though they attended a few years in Chinese school, but it didn't do any good. So most of my cousins can't they lost they all they're born American, Chinese-American, so there's no way they can know the language.

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But now now they regret that they didn't learn it, now if they wanted to open a law office in San Francisco, because a lot of Chinese are-but now too bad they can't use the language. So now, to a certain extent, they didn't anticipate the change, the global change.

It's ironic, my cousin works for Intel and he was sent to Hong Kong. But

he knows nothing, not a word in Chinese - not even understanding it. He's no

different from any American. But he's top in sales, so they sent him.

It's an embarrassment when you go back to China and your features are

Chinese and you don't know the language. They call you a banana - yellow on the

outside and white on the inside. Or some say that you're like bamboo - there's

nothing inside, just appearance. So it's an embarrassment. During the early years,

the decision was made to throw out their heritage and they have to live with the

consequences.

For my son, I think if he really learns ethical things, then he will naturally

pick something that makes sense. Learning the culture is important too, but

learning morals has to be first because once he knows that, he will make a good

choice. Forcing a thing is always difficult, so I try to explain to him, "Okay, this is

what I believe." And hopefully that will make sense to him and he will be

interested. To say, "Oh you must go to Chinese School." I don't think that will

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work. If there comes a time that he doesn't want to go, then maybe we'll do

something at home, maybe reading Chinese books - something.

Right now, I speak to my son in English, and my wife and my mother

speak to him in Chinese. My mother really doesn't speak English, so he knows he

has to speak Chinese with her. I speak to him in English because at this tender

age, I want him to be part of the group first. I want him to understand what people

talk about. When he goes to elementary school or day care, I want him to feel

comfortable, to be able to answer the teachers' questions. If he just speaks purely

Chinese and goes to the classroom and knows nothing, they'll say, "Oh this

person is mentally retarded or something." They'll send him to a special school

and have a psychiatrist look into it. So we're sensitive to that kind of balance. We

want to make sure he's able to understand the teachers. And he understands both

ways. He knows the difference. What level he can master of Chinese depends on

his future development. This is a hope - we can only try and then it's beyond our

control. Chinese people believe that if you are kind and just, hopefully your

reward will be your children will be obedient to you. If you are an immoral

person, then your punishment will be that your kids will turn bad. So you set a

good example for them, and then hopefully they will be able to sense that and say,

"I should be like my father and mother."

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Interviewing Nari

Nari's ready smile and engaging manner made me feel instantly at home

with her. I identify with her use of humor to maintain perspective, relieve tension,

and avoid discomfort in the conversation. We also share similar attitudes about a

variety of topics: a love of languages, views on raising children, respect for the

elderly. In our interviews, I often felt as if I were having a conversation with a

friend. Although our conversational roles were essentially set -1 was the listener

and she was the storyteller - there was an ease to our communication which I

appreciated, both for its assistance with the research and for my own personal

comfort. When I paraphrased something Nari said or made a comment to check

for understanding, it was often met with, "Exactly!" or "That's it! That's just what

it is." There were times when she finished my sentences or we both made the

same comment at the same time. And yet, she would also correct me if my

interpretation was slightly off, or there was more to explain. She seemed at home

with the open format of the questions, answering with a mixture of stories,

opinions, and her own reflections. She appeared to be reflecting on experiences

and topics as we talked. At one point in the second interview, she commented,

"Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest," and joked that it felt like therapy.

Nari's dry sense of humor serves her well, helping her to take things in

stride and to put others at ease. I got the impression that she can handle most

situations that come her way. She was in the last months of her pregnancy with

her second child, and joked at our last interview that I needed to make sure I

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asked her all my questions then, because she wouldn't have time before long. She

was right. The following week I saw her sitting at a table in the lounge at Chinese

School. She had arrived later than usual, her hair in a baseball cap, and looking

slightly annoyed or perhaps uncomfortable. She told me she was in labor and on

her way to the hospital. I was amazed that she was there at all, and at how calm

she seemed. I doubt I would have stopped at any school if I were in labor.

As Joseph and Ella also did, Nari adopted the role of hostess, always

greeting me and anticipating my needs in getting the interviews underway. All

three of them seemed to sense my discomfort at the possibility of imposing on

them when I needed to meet with them for an interview. They would offer to talk

next and/or help me find whomever I needed. Nari would always take one of the

treats I brought, commenting favorably on them, which helped to break the ice

and make the atmosphere more comfortable. She would chat with me with

apparent ease about the past week, about our coffee addictions, how our fathers

quit smoking, as we made our way to the room and arranged the tape for the

interview.

Nari's Story

I immigrated to the United States with my parents and my three older

brothers when I was two years old. We were really poor in Korea, and when this

sponsor offered my father a job in Georgia, he thought it was the perfect

opportunity to bring us all here. It was a really boon dock town in Georgia; they

75

rarely ever saw foreigners. So my parents actually picked up English fairly

quickly because they were forced to, although they did still really mess up. My

brothers had to learn English quickly too. They're a lot older than I am - my

oldest brother is 15 years older and then they're each three years apart. So they

were in school when we came and they used to get picked on because they

couldn't speak English. People would point and laugh - it was really traumatic for

them. So they had no choice but to learn English really fast because they wanted

to fit in. And they didn't want to get beat up on! The stories they told me -1 felt

so bad for them! It was lucky for me that I wasn't in school yet.

My brothers brought English home with them and by the time I got to

school, English was easy for me. I had no problems with schoolwork at all; my

verbal skills were strong, reading skills were strong and I was in the advanced

classes, always the straight-A kid. But my parents were never home; they were

always working, just trying to put food on the table. There was nobody to say,

"You did really good!" My father worked in auto body repair - to this day my

parents run a shop. And my mother would pick up odd jobs in a factory, like a

garment factory or a local grocery store. So we barely saw our parents. Plus,

they're immigrants so they don't really know that kind of stuff. They knew I was

doing well, and I guess they just kind of left it at that. It's not like these days,

when you're raising children and you're supposed to help them with their

homework and praise them, and be careful because your child is fragile - all this

child development/child psychology. I just did what was expected of me.

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My parents never worried, because I never did anything to make them

worry. They'd come home, I'm doing my homework, I'm watching TV, dinner's

cooked. What more could they ask for! I wish my daughter were that good! I was

the only girl, and in our culture the boys don't do the cooking and the cleaning,

the laundry. So I was expected to learn how to do all that stuff-1 was the maid. I

joke with my parents, "I could never treat my daughter the way you treated me.

That's neglect and abuse! I'm calling Child Services!" My mom's like, "What?!

You're okay!" But, you know, it was sad. We didn't get the attention and praise,

like kids do now. And when my brothers were older, they really rebelled. Still, it

was kind of good in a way, because you learned how to take care of yourself.

Of course when my parents came home, they spoke to us in Korean. They

needed to get the message across: "Time to eat, Get dressed, Did you do your

homework? Why did you hit him?" That's the type of communication there was.

And then with my brothers, we ended up speaking English to each other. So that's

how it was: Korean to our parents and English with each other. I really learned

English and Korean simultaneously. My brothers are still fluent in Korean, and

now that I think about it, when we're talking about something serious, like a

family problem, we'll use Korean.

We moved a lot when I was a kid: Ohio, New York, back to Georgia and

to New York again when I was in fifth grade. That was quite an adjustment -1

look Asian and I'm in New York speaking with a southern twang! It just didn't

fit. And the kids at school would talk about how they got in trouble and they were

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grounded. I would ask, "What's grounded? My daddy puts me on restriction." It's

funny, even now if I speak to someone from the South, I'll pick it up again just

like that. I can't get rid of it! So it was kind of bad. A lot of kids picked on me

because of it. When you talk like that in New York in the fifth grade, you're just

retarded! That's what they think.

But it was nice to have a more mixed group of people in New York. In

Georgia, everything was segregated black and white. And I mean segregated! The

"colored" people as they would refer to them were all in the middle of the town

and they were surrounded by white folks everywhere else. I mean, we were all in

the same class and everything, but you saw a lot of differences. The school bus

dropped the white kids off first, let's put it that way. People used the n-word just

like that. I really wouldn't want to bring my kids up there. We were the only

Asians, and actually, sometimes I got picked on by the black kids because I was

even more of a minority than they were. And then some of the white kids would

stick up for me, and my brothers would get mad. So when we moved to New

York where they were lots of minorities, we fit-in better.

At that point, there wasn't a huge Korean community, but at least there

was one. I realized then that I had really lost a lot of my Korean. I couldn't even

count. So I would ask my parents, because I just always wanted to know Korean.

It was always important to me. My parents were avid church goers, and we went

regularly to the Korean church. We started watching dramas and videos. I paid

attention to my parents and their friends, and I started to pick it up.

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When I started working in a Korean store, selling eyeglasses, I realized

again that I had so much to learn. It wasn't just trying to sell the glasses in

Korean, I had to find a way to form relationships with my co-workers in that

cultural environment. I was trying to backtrack into - not just learning the

language more, but more insight. Whenever there was a joke or something like

that, I had to learn all of that. And not only that, but a lot of the people, they

would try to correct my Korean - but they did it in a joking type of way. So I got

really offended. That's when I tried to force myself to learn more Korean, so these

people wouldn't make fun of me. Well, I perceived it as making fun; they

perceived it as helping me out. After awhile, I picked it up and I fit in very well.

They loved how well I spoke English, and pretty soon I was making all of their

calls for them - every little thing. At first it was fine, but then I started to feel

used. I started to resent it, especially since my parents use me the same way. But

the Korean practice was good. I spoke Korean most of the day except when I was

seeing my friends or my boyfriend. For three years I did that and my Korean was

getting better.

Then I got married and moved out here. I speak English with my husband

because his first language is Chinese, so English is the common language. There

really isn't a Korean community out here. The only time I really do speak Korean

is with my parents. I don't go to church because we're here at Chinese School on

Sunday mornings for my daughter. So my Korean has gotten worse. I just don't

have the opportunity and I know I'm slowly losing it. I really know. And I try to

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keep up with it, but it's so hard! I just don't have the time. So language has just

become-1 mean, I was always very interested in it. I've always been very

conscious of language because I just feel that it really makes you who you are.

That's part of what drew me to study Speech & Language Pathology. I

went back to school after our daughter was born because I realized that if I were

to go back to work, I'd go back to a job and not a career. And what would be the

point if that job's only going to pay for her babysitter? So, I decided to go back to

school in SLP. And I loved it! Just the whole concept of language is amazing to

me, and how it makes you who you are. It's got to be so frustrating for those

people who can't speak or have these disabilities. To be able to help them would

be very rewarding. Because I know what it's like when you can't talk! That

happens to me in Korean. For me, it's just because of a language; it's just a matter

of time. But these people have something physiologically wrong with them - 1

just think it would be very rewarding to help them express themselves. I've got to

get back to school!

I had to stop taking classes because when I got pregnant again, there were

complications and I was on bed rest for awhile. I was planning on taking Korean

to fulfill my language requirement, but there's only one Korean professor and he

was in Korea at the time. At least they do offer Korean, so I was thinking this

would be a great opportunity and I was really frustrated when I had to stop. But

my anatomy and physiology professor called and gave me a lot of encouragement.

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She told me that she didn't get her degree until she was a lot older - forty, because

like me, she had a family.

So my Korean has come and gone over the years. I do remember there was

a point when I didn't speak Korean at all, and then I relearned the language. But

my mother, from her memory, I've just always conversed with her in Korean.

With my parents now, I rarely ever speak English. Only when I'm joking or

something like that. It's just easier to stay in Korean. I'd rather they're

comfortable than I am. They're my parents, so it's fine for me speaking Korean

with them. But I know I make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes I feel intimidated

when I have to speak to another Korean adult. And when I feel intimidated, it

doesn't come out as well.

I never had any formal education in Korean. I just picked up what was

spoken at home. The writing, the reading, what I've learned, I just did it all

myself. My father had brought home a set of Korean books, like for kindergarten

and first grade, and I just learned by reading the books and figuring it out myself.

I still have a lot to do. It's very difficult for me to-1 can't read a Korean

newspaper. The level is too high. I can have a conversation with anyone, but if

you put me in a room with a college professor, I might have some difficulties.

Even watching the news, I can't really understand everything. The words are just

too difficult and they speak so fast. I would love to one day pick up a nice novel

in Korean and be able to read it. Right now I can't, so I don't bother. But I would

love to one day.

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Sol-I really regret it I-I hate it. At one point I was resentful to my parents. Because I was like, "Why couldn't you teach me Korean? I would be at such an advantage right now." You know, I mean with my Korean skills now, I mean, people think that I do well, because we have-my parents' friends have all immigrated around the same time we did, and their kids they can't speak any Korean at all. They're just not-So they're very impressed with the way I speak Korean, but I don't think it's enough. So I'm like, "Mom, you know, if I had some formal training, I would be really you know who knows what I could do right now!" That's why my daughter, I don't want her to miss out on an opportunity. You know, she's got Chinese and Korean background so, I would be, "You have to learn all 3 languages -1 don't carer (Laughing) That's it! Another language ifyouwantto that's fine: French, German, whatever. Go for it!

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So someday, I'll get back to it. Right now I live vicariously through my

daughter. "You learn, honey." I just think it gives you such an advantage and I

don't want her to miss out on an opportunity.

Part of it is people don't consider me to be American because of the way I

look. They would always say, "What are you? What are you?" I can't tell people

I'm American, because they won't accept that for an answer. It's always, "But

where are you from?" So I find that I'm at more of a disadvantage if I can't speak

the way I look. I think people tend to look - not exactly look down on you, but

kind of shake their heads - if you look so ethnic, yet you don't know anything

about your own culture. People don't feel comfortable with it because they really

don't want you to feel all that American, because you don't really look all that

American.

you know, I just always feel-I always felt out of place. You know, like "What are you?" You know? I wrote that on my -I took an English, you know, like freshman year, we had English 101 and English 102 at college and he made us write a paper in class just saying, "What do you want to be?" you know, out of nowhere. He just wanted to see our writing and I just said, "Look, I just want to be who I am. I'm sick and tired of people asking me, 'where are you from?

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Are you Chinese, Japanese Or you know-or Korean Or-' I just want to be left alone. That's all I want to be, andl-I consider myself to be an American citizen with a Korean background. And he was like floored, because everybody was like, "I want to be a veterinarian," (Laughing). And And it was just always embedded in my head that I had to know -

it was just always pointed out to me that I wasn't American.

But if I look Korean, and I can speak it then, oh boy, I have such an

advantage! I'm an American, but I still hold onto my culture too. Of course, now

I'm multicultural because my husband's Chinese. And I'm trying to fit-in again.

You should see me in Taiwan - like a fish out of water! All my life I'm trying to

fit-in!

It's interesting, from my parents point of view, they think of me as a

blessing because I have the interest that I do and that I can speak as well as I can.

They know they didn't really do anything to encourage it, because they didn't

care at the time. We were just trying to eat and have clothes on our backs. But I

can see they're really proud. My parents' friends who immigrated with us, their

kids are lawyers and doctors and very successful, but they can't speak a word of

Korean. And there's a lot of Korean people who just kind of shake their heads if

you don't speak it. You can't really blame them because it's like ignoring part of

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your culture. So some people are impressed with the way I speak, but I don't

think it's enough.

I do feel bad for my friends' parents because I know they're really

ashamed. They really feel bad that they're not able to brag about their kids in that

way. The oldest one, even at his wedding he couldn't say his vows in Korean.

And they can't even have simple conversations with their parents anymore. The

youngest one was telling me about how he had used this expensive shampoo that

smelled really great. He was trying to tell his mom to smell his hair in Korean, but

he couldn't do it. It came out all wrong. So I asked him if he ever felt embarrassed

or like he was missing out. But he said he has nothing to do with Korea. He's just

pure American. It was never that important that he learn his culture. It was more

important to study and be successful in a career. I asked him, "But do you feel

like you would be at an advantage if you knew Korean?" He said, "Yeah, sure.

But you know, I spent so much time on the bar exam, when am I going to learn

Korean?" But I think it's possible to be successful and still keep your culture. So

we just can't relate on that, because it's not important to him. But it's important to

me. My ethnicity is who I am. It's what I am. But for him, he could care less.

Still, I feel sorry for the parents because they have nothing to relate to

with their children anymore. They can't even relate in the same language. So his

mom has kind of adopted me. When we see each other, we'll have coffee and talk

for hours. She'll say, "I can't believe I'm talking to you like this. I can't even talk

to my own daughter this way." I just think that's so sad. I mean, my mom and I,

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the whole best part is that we gossip! We talk about my dad and this and that -

who had an affair with who. Now that I'm married, we can talk about anything.

And especially when you have children, I find it very important. Because it's her

granddaughter too, not just my daughter. I don't know what I would do if she

couldn't understand me. So, I really feel bad for my friends. They don't even have

holidays at their house anymore because it's so awkward. The kids don't come by

anymore. The mom really regrets it. She keeps saying, "I wish my kids were a

little more cultural. Look how we can talk! I wish I had that with my own kids."

So I feel good that I've kept my language as well as I have because I still have ties

to my family, and it's a strong tie.

So it's really important to me that Amy learn all that, and my niece too.

My niece is 15 now, but I took care of her from the time she was a baby and I was

a teenager. She lived with our family when my brother and his wife divorced. I

feel like she's my own daughter - she's my heart, you know, I love her to death.

She still spends a lot of time at my house because her stepmother is really awful

to her. But it's interesting because I can see the influence I had on her Korean.

She makes the same mistakes I do! So we told her to - my brother has an English

school in Korea now - and we told her to start going to Korea every summer to

help her uncle in the school. It would be a mutual benefit. I've already told my

brother, when Amy gets older, I'm sending her to him.

Actually, he wanted me to come there and teach. He's like, "Can you

come for a year?" I told him, "I have a kid! I have a husband! I have

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responsibilities here!" I wish I could though. I mean, if I weren't married, I'd be

over there in a split second. It'd be the perfect opportunity for me too, you know?

Before I got married, I actually wanted to do that. I wanted to go to school in

Korea so that I could focus more on my Korean and find a better job opportunity

when I get back. But I guess my husband got me first! You know, it would have

been something really fun, and meet new friends - 1 would have loved it.

My husband would be like, "If we're going anywhere, we're going to

Taiwan. My aunt, my grandfather, and my father are all in Taiwan. We're not

going to Korea to live with your brother." He has a point. Your brother is only

your brother, no matter what. They're only your sibling. It's not like a.parent or

anything. They have their own family. But I told him I'm not going to Taiwan to

live. He teases me, "But you need to learn Chinese." And I tell him that he needs

to learn Korean. So we go back and forth.

Actually, we do try to go to Taiwan for a visit every year because Danny's

grandfather is elderly and he doesn't have anyone. We treat him like a father, so I

really wouldn't mind, during the summer, going to take care of him. Take Amy

and send her to camp there and she can learn Chinese while I stay home and take

care of Grandfather. I said to Danny, "If you want me to, next time we go to

Taiwan, you can leave me there for awhile. I'll take care of him." He came to visit

us last year, but they changed the laws in Taiwan or something, and you can't stay

here for more than a month. So we're thinking we'll take the kids and go there.

It's easier for us to - 1 mean they're kids, they're flexible. And the poor man, no

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one's watching out for him. Danny's aunt and his father just don't. His father just

got married again to this materialistic, high maintenance woman, and they just

moved to China. So Grandfather's all alone. I'm really concerned. I don't know

where he gets his meals from. He has a neighbor who cooks for him from time,

but not every day. And he's a strict vegetarian - who's going to do all that? Also,

he got taken in an investment scam, and the reason he tried it was because he

wanted to give something to Amy when he died. You know, the elderly are so

vulnerable. It just breaks my heart.

It's no better in this country. If you can't keep up with the pace, then

you're going into a nursing home. You wonder why there are people who want to

go and throw their parents away like that. And in Korea, there are stories where

kids drove their parents away literally. They're not treated as humans, after all -

they devoted their life to you. It's not right. My uncle and his wife aren't like that

- they really take good care of my grandmother. That's the way I want to be. I

have this theory that if I'm good to the elderly, to the people who made it possible

for us to be together, then my kids will be blessed. If I'm horrible to the people I

owe all this to, then what will our kids be like when they're grown? I just want

everyone to be close and that's the way it's supposed to be.

Family is so important. Sometimes I get mad at my husband because he

doesn't spend enough time with Amy. I'm glad that he's working hard, that he's

so motivated to pay the bills and we're used to a certain lifestyle. I'm glad that he

provides that for us, but he has to remember what it's all for.

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The amount of time he spends with her shows up in her Chinese too. I get

frustrated. I said to him, "Why do we send her to Chinese School if you don't

even open her folder?" He just expects her to learn here. It's only once a week.

What is she going to learn? She has so many Chinese books and he's never

cracked a one of them. I'm like, "What's the point? You think I'm going do this? I

can't even read!" I'm not going to sit here and teach my kid a language I don't

know. I don't want to confuse her. I told him, "You have to take some

responsibility too." He agrees, but it doesn't change. So I try to encourage her.

She knows a couple of songs and I try to get her to sing them for everybody, but

she won't. So now, we give her a dollar for singing on the phone to my husband's

grandfather. And then she wants to call more people. So, you know, if money

motivates you, good! That in essence is the true reason I want her to learn Chinese

because if you're multilingual, you'll have no trouble finding a job later on. So

learn! Earn!

It's fun, but it's a lost cause at this point. She doesn't understand any

Chinese. Maybe it's the age. She's also struggling with Korean. When she sees

my mom, it's really funny. She speaks Korean to her, or she tries really hard to.

She's trying to translate things and "teach" my mom English. She corrects my

mom's pronunciation. It's funny, she thinks she's so smart. Meanwhile she can't

speak a word of Chinese. She can't even understand it. Korean, she understands

everything. I speak to her in Korean at home. And me and my mother speak

Korean, so she sees that. But my husband, the only time she sees him speaking

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Chinese is if he's with his friends, because there's no family here. But, I'm kind

of getting bored with meeting his friends because they're all speaking Chinese

and I'm the only one. So we don't get together as much. So I think he needs to

speak to Amy in Chinese and maybe he should give her a bath instead of me, and

teach her the parts of the body, things like that.

But it's hard. His father didn't spend time with him when he was growing

up; his grandmother raised him. So he doesn't really have that model. And I don't

either. My parents were always working.

Because culture-wise, like Asian communities, they really let their kids -I mean, raising their kids is totally different than how American parents would raise their kids. And you know, American parents are more like, "Spend quality time. Don't spend too much time in front of the TV, not more than 3 hours, and do this and should do this for their cognitive development and for their, you know, this development and that development and you know you should worry about their feelings," And Asian parents are just like, "whatever" you know," Go watch TV." [Laughing] "Can you go play?" Or "It's time to eat." That's the only time we Ever really talk to our kids, you know? "Come on, let's eat!" And then otherwise,

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the moms will be at home doing housework and you know, stuff like that. I find myself being-Well, it really is a conflict for me

And I was brought up that way where I had to entertain myself. You know, and my mom never worried about my self-esteem or how I was developing, or this would help me get smarter, or And um, in some ways I think that's better, to leave them alone and let them use their imagination and you don't really have to spend all that time with them.

But then, like there's that side of me, because I was educated here, so I know what the American environment tells me

So I find myself trying to spend more time with her, but I really can't, because I don't know how, because I wasn't brought up that way? You know what I mean? and Ijust-I can't do it, I don't know.

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And then it really rips - it really rips me apart. It really breaks my heart

Because I want to give her every advantage I can

What I don't want to adopt from the American way, is the materialism and

the lack of respect that I see in a lot of American kids. I see it in my brother's

kids. I mean, I love my nieces, but they're always whining that they need this and

that. They're so spoiled! They don't speak a word of Korean. They go to their

grandmother's house and they can't talk to her. The oldest one can understand and

say a few things, but the youngest one has no clue. My brother speaks Korean to

them and they'll respond in English, whining and rolling their eyes. My sister-in-

law gets so mad. She says, "How dare you speak to me like that?" A lot of

American parents, they let that slide. But you never do that to your Asian mother

or father. Who do you think you are?! And I told her, "Why don't you send them

to camps or something in Korea? Because it's not so much the language; they

really have no clue about the culture. And look at the way they talk back to you."

I try to keep Amy in check because she's already talking back to me. And

I just can't deal with it. I've lived here since I was two-years-old too - that's no

excuse. You don't talk to your parents that way. I don't think it's right for

American kids to talk to their parents that way either, but I see a lot of American

parents let that slide. It's not going to slide in our house. My husband hates that

too. If they talk to you that way, they'll start talking to their grandparents that

way, and their aunts and uncles, and other adults. That's disrespectful. It looks

bad on your part too, because you're not doing enough to discipline your kid.

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Fighting the materialism is hard. Our kids have so many toys and things.

They're so spoiled! They don't know what it means to be hungry or poor, not that

I would want them to. I would never want them to grow up the way I did and to

go through all that hardship. I mean we were dirt poor. We all grew up with like

eight people in one bedroom apartments. We didn't have snacks in the fridge, and

birthday cakes and things like that. It wasn't really hard for me because at the

time I didn't know any better. But I wouldn't want Amy to live like that. That's

part of the whole reason my parents came here was so that we could have a better

life. At the same time, I want her to understand the value of stuff and appreciate

what it took for us to live this way. I don't want her to think she needs all these

things. I've never had that kind of want. Some wives nag their husbands for this

car or that house. A lot of my girlfriends talk about designer clothes, Rolex

watches, whatever. I don't need all that stuff! I'm happy as it is. Even now, I still

worry about wasting the ends of the bread! I just wish she could have all the

advantages and all of the appreciation, without the hardship. It'll be interesting to

see how she raises her kids!

Interviewing Ella

When I think of Ella, I think of limitless energy and determination. She

describes herself as a typical type-A personality, and that comes across quickly.

She packs as much as she can into each day and seems to be a born manager,

taking pride in her organizational skills and ability to work under pressure. In her

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family, she is the "designated driver", the one everyone calls in a crisis.

Gregarious and outgoing, Ella was usually involved in lively conversation when I

saw her in the lounge. She also seemed to be aware of what was going on around

her. She would catch my eye and ask if I wanted to talk with her, appearing to

sense my discomfort at interrupting or intruding.

Ella projected a strong image, especially in the first interview, and was

very forthright yet personable in expressing her opinions. We initially talked a lot

about her work; she was changing jobs, and it was clearly on her mind. At first, I

worried that I might be letting the interview go too far off focus, but I decided that

as a novice interviewer, I needed to err on the side of less interference rather than

more. I felt this was a good way to establish rapport and to get to know Ella better

as a person: what mattered to her, what annoyed her or worried her, what she

enjoyed and what she disliked, etc. I was glad that I made this choice. There were

times when discussion of her work led directly to talk about her first language

(Cantonese), about job offers in Hong Kong and her hope that this will work out

someday. In listening to her talk about work, I got a sense of her competitive

spirit, her effort and pride in anything she was responsible for, and how aspects of

her culture appeared in non-stereotypical ways in her professional life. I felt we

relaxed with one another, and as the interviews progressed, she was also quite

candid in her responses. At times she commented that something she told me

wasn't something she tells everyone. I was honored at the trust she placed in me,

and I was envious of her drive, her energy, and how well she managed her time.

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When I first introduced the study, Ella volunteered that she would

definitely qualify and immediately mentioned difficulties with reading and

writing in Chinese. However, as I listened to her describe her proficiency in the

first interview, I felt confused. She sounded bilingual to me. One of us must have

misunderstood. I consoled myself with the thought that it would be good

interview practice for me and the chance to hear the perspective of someone who

had maintained her first language. As the interviews progressed, I realized that I

was applying my own definition of proficiency to her story. I needed to put my

assumptions aside and listen to Ella.

Ella's Story

I'm American born, but I was raised in a Chinese household and my

parents always spoke to me in Chinese [Cantonese]. As my younger sisters came

along, they spoke to them in English, for some reason, but only Chinese to me. To

this day, my mother speaks to me only in Chinese and writes to me only in

Chinese - 1 can't figure out why she does that. Every once in awhile I can read it,

but my reading level is not what it used to be. I would say I'm definitely like at

first or second grade level. I can read simple words - things off the menu. I can

pretty much guess what it is. If it's complicated, I can't do it anymore. I can sit

down and figure out the words I need to write, with a dictionary. I can do a very

simple paragraph, like: Hey, how are you doing? Enclosed please find money

for....etc.

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So, you know, for someone of my status -American born - I'm in a very

unique situation, where I speak it fluently and people can't even guess I'm not

from overseas. My accent is flawless. My sisters, on the other hand - 1 can't

figure out what happened here - they speak only English to my mother. I guess

because I'm the oldest, my parents only spoke to me in Chinese. And I have

always answered completely in Chinese. My sister, on the other hand, the younger

one, understands Chinese but won't speak it, can't read or write it at all. My

middle sister is mentally retarded. She speaks it - she understands you, she can't

read or write it. I think it was because I'm the oldest.

So when I went to school, I didn't understand English at all. I remember

going to pre-K- I'll never forget this- and there were the little hooks with our

names on them? And the teacher was saying to me to put my coat away. I

remember I didn't-1 couldn't read my name in English, I couldn't write in

English. The teacher physically took me to the hook and was pointing. And I'm

like, "What's she saying to me?" My early artwork - my mother had saved a

couple of the pieces that I did, and on the back of the drawings I had written my

name in Chinese because I couldn't write it in English. But you know, when your

mother is your only caretaker and she's only speaking to you in Chinese and

you're not allowed to watch TV, you speak Chinese. I learned English after I went

to school.

My memories of learning English -1 remember phonics. It was weird. The

teacher's doing the sounds of the vowels and I had no idea what it had to do with

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anything. I still don't get that. I do remember some of the spelling rules on the

charts: i before e except after c, that sort of thing. But mostly I learned it from

using it. Even now, I'm not always confident of the parts of speech; I know I'm

using it correctly, but I can't tell you whether it's a pronoun or something else.

That just never made sense to me.

I went to Chinese School daily after English school until I was about ten

years old. So I did both. I did American school during the day and Chinese school

from 4:30 till 7:30 at night, every night - five days a week. My mother of course

made sure I took piano lessons in between, and ballet and everything else. These

were all things my mother had wanted to do when she was young and didn't have

the chance to do. It was good in a way, but it meant that I never had a chance for

anything for myself. It was pretty much programmed.

I mean it was a very ethnically mixed neighborhood. There was A lot of Jewish people, there was a lot of Italians in the area In the apartment building there were a couple of black girls that used to want to come and get me to play But my mother would never let me out I mean She had the schedule. I mean After school Go home, I have a snack, I'd get on a train, I'd go to Chinese School I'd come home-She 's making Dinner Whatever And I'm sitting.at the kitchen table doing Both my English and Chinese homework at the same time Because they both had to be handed in the next day. And then

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You know We would eat And then from 8:30to9:30I would be doing Piano practice So And then Saturdays I wasn't allowed-Like my husband He's Italian And he would tell me He used to go out bike-riding with his friends and all And I'm like, "I never-I never had that." He goes, "What do you mean you never had that, you grew up in Brooklyn for god's sake!" I was not allowed to go out. I didn't Get to do that. I had piano practice. I had Things I had to do. I had ballet classes on Saturday morning. I was not allowed to go out and play Per se. I remember only going to the park in the summer. When there was no school And my mother was home with us, we would go To the park across the street And we'd be on the swings for about an hour And that's it Because she had the schedule done.

We didn't have Chinese School during the summer I think we were off for the summer break But it didn't matter. My mom still made us do the homework. Y'know I still had to write She had me writing letters to like Her friends in Hong Kong For her. Like using them as a pen pal type of situation? So I would be writing letters to them Like she would say, "Oh tell them about-Y'know.

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But at the same time my husband is like, "Oh, I wish I had piano lessons."

So it all depends on how you look at it. Piano lessons were great. I really

appreciate classical music and I think I have a better understanding of it than most

people. But, my mother should have let me go out and play roller skates one day.

There should have been a little compromise.

I'm trying to balance it out with my own son. There's going to be a time

for play and a time for homework. If it's all work, he's going to retaliate at some

point. That's what I did with piano. I started taking lessons when I was seven. I

remember the teacher came from Chinatown, but he spoke a different dialect, so I

didn't speak to him in Chinese. He had been a concert pianist in Shanghai. Then

when I was eleven or twelve, I started taking lessons at The Music School, which

is the same level as Julliard, only it's cheaper. This teacher was a concert pianist

from Russia. He told my mother that I should go into music for a career.

I remember this huge recital that I prepared and prepared for. It was a lot

of pressure, but I know I played really well. When I came out of the room, my

boyfriend at the time was waiting in the hall. He could hear the music but had no

idea who was playing. When I finished and walked out the door, he was amazed.

He had no idea I could play like that. I really think I should have had first place

marks, but I got second. I kind of felt like maybe it was because I wasn't Jewish. I

really feel that I didn't get the marks I deserved, which was disappointing after all

that work.

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I don't even play at all now, although I would like to at some point. When

I took lessons, I wasn't allowed to play anything but classical music. I appreciate

classical, but I think that if I could have played some things for fun sometimes, it

would have been better. When I went to college, I saw it as my way out - m y

whole life had revolved around the schedule - and I stopped playing piano

completely.

I stopped going to Chinese School daily after fifth grade because my

mother had my youngest sister at that time and she couldn't do the daily run every

day with an infant. So I went down from five days a week to one day a week, on

Sundays, in Chinatown. At that point I was graduating out of elementary school

and going into middle school. Then my mother signed my sister up, but she didn't

want to do it. She just refused to do it. So I think my mother got tired of doing the

commute and waiting around for several hours. And when you have two kids that

are not in the class, and one that is, it's hard. So I never completed past fifth

grade. I lost a lot of it. My mother just let my sister quit. I never had that option. If

I ever said to her, "I don't want to go," she would answer, "You're going." For

some reason when it came to the third kid, she just didn't care anymore.

I went to a Catholic high school And it was 98% Italian. The 2% minority consisted of Latinos and Black-Americans and One Two Asians. And I was one of them. There weren't too many of us. (laughing) The high school I was supposed to go to was closing down It was a

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private girls' school A Catholic school. They closed down so at the last minute I got admitted into the co-ed school Which Was not too far from the house It was over the Queens borderline and My mother was like, "Ah, it's a Catholic school and I'll just put you in there." So. There were Literally In the four grades, Maybe one or two Asians in each class. I think in the whole school there could not have been more than ten of us. Ten Asians. But yeah I did know who they were and yes we knew each other and yeah. Well, there was one guy I was friendly with. He was a A senior when I was a freshman? And he was graduating, but he was his family was from the Toisan area. So we became friendly And y'know we would write to each other, like he would speak in Toisan. I speak Cantonese. We didn't understand each other at all. So we just started y'know hanging out and speaking English only. And I got very friendly with his sister who was 2 years behind me, when she came in, so yeah. And there was a girl ahead of me, one year ahead of me, From my neighborhood actually, that went to that school. Well she spoke Toisan too. Totally different dialect. So.

I stuck out. Oh definitely.

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When I was in my Sophomore year of high school There was a girl that came over from Hong Kong. She was immigrating on a visa here. I don't know what happened exactly. She didn't graduate, I think she was here illegally? actually? She was from Hong Kong. so we were in the same homeroom because our last names were very similar, So I would always speak to her only in Chinese. Because she only spoke Chinese. Her English was very Mm so-so. So She kinda was using me as an interpreter and I was using her as like a A practice session. So it kind of worked out. So we would sit in homeroom the whole time and be chatting in Chinese and All the other students were getting ticked off because they They all were convinced we were all talking about them. And we were. (laughing) And we were talking about them, I'll admit it. (laughing). Oh, it was great! They didn't understand a word that was coming out of our mouths!

(laughing)

But actually, it was unusual because apart from speaking Chinese, I was so

not like the other Asians in the school. They were quiet and kind of meek, and I

was pretty outspoken. I've always been that way. I was on the debate team and I

really got into it - the whole set up. I loved it. I was definitely not your typical

stereotype. Everybody was like, "What happened to her!"

When I dropped out of Chinese School, I was fine with it because I kind of

went through a rebellious stage, where you don't want to be Chinese. You kind of

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want to be American, but you can't be American because you're not blond and

blue-eyed, not 5'9". So I went through that whole stage.

But then in college, I realized that it was a skill that would actually come

in handy. So I took Mandarin in college, thinking it was going to be a breeze.

That was a disaster! It was completely different from what I was used to. Totally

different from Cantonese.

And just, I've always wanted to maintain the skill; if anything, to improve it? So over the years I've gone to the bookstore, I've bought books for myself, like little dictionaries, and I make a concerted effort. I try at least.

I know 98% of my relatives in Hong Kong don't read English. I know the older relatives we have in the States don't read English. Christmas cards come along, and I will sit there and write the cards out in Chinese. And it takes me two hours. But I'll do it. And I make an effort at least, I try.... I want to make an effort to at least write something that they can read. You know, Not Merry Christmas in English and have a great New Year. It's like, I wanna do it in Chinese, I address them in Chinese, I write them in Chinese, like y'know, Merry Christmas, blah-blah-blah-blah, I hope to see you soon, I write it all in Chinese. The only word that you'll see in English is my husband's name.

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I'll write my Chinese name, my husband's name, and then my son's name in Chinese. Imake-

I try! (Ella, Int.l,pp.30-31

I remember some of it because after I stopped Chinese school, my mother

would still have me write letters for her in Chinese. I would do the draft first, she

would look at it and say, "Oh, it's good." And then I'd transfer |t to the aero

grams and send them out.

Being the oldest, I was always used as the interpreter for my parents. I had

to call and schedule the appointments. I had to be there to interpret. If documents

came in, if it was something I could understand I would read it; if it got too

complicated, my mother would go find a neighbor in the building who could read

and write Chinese, as well as speak English. But as I got older, I was pretty much

the one that was filling out all the forms and signing all the forms for them and

everything. It was scary because I was always terrified that I was making

mistakes. So it was a unique situation.

My mother, honest to God, to this day will not go to an ATM machine! I

told her, I opened an account for her in Chinatown - my father passed away - so I

opened an account for her in Chinatown. I said, "This is the place for you to go.

The banks are open seven days a week, the teller speaks Chinese and the ATM is

written in Chinese." How much more simple can it be? She won't do it. She'll

wait until she sees me and then ask me to take out some money for her. So I take

her to the ATM, and I show her how to do it. But she's set on me doing it for her.

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It's a comfort thing for her - to know that she doesn't have to worry about it. I

keep telling her, "If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, you're screwed! You're not

going to be able to eat, write your bills, because nobody's going to get your

money for you." She just doesn't get it. She'll say, "Well, I don't speak English

well." I tell her that her English is fine. Then she'll say, "I didn't get an education

here." I'll tell her she doesn't need an education to run an ATM. She'll think of

every excuse possible. Personally, I don't like being dependent on anybody. I

want to be able to do it myself. That's where personalities come into play.

My mother was born in a very unique situation. She was born during the

Japanese-Chinese War. And my grandmother had literally lost four or five babies

before my mother came along. My mother was the only survivor of all the

pregnancies that she went through. Shortly after my mother was born, my

grandfather passed away. So I think what happened was my paternal great

grandmother blamed my maternal grandmother and she left. Literally she walked

out on my mother. So my great grandmother and my great aunt raised my mother.

There was this whole thing - they had to go underground - so to this day my

mother will freak out about things. I guess it would be hard, I mean, I don't know

how I would feel if that happened to me. I think of - my son is five years old.

How would he feel if I walked out? You know, and my mother is an only child.

So, it was quite a situation. And then when she came here, there she was in a new

country as a bride with a newborn baby. And pregnant again two years later. I

don't know if I could handle that.

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My father was in this country eleven years before my mother came. He

went back to Hong Kong, married my mom and then I was born two months after

my mother arrived in the United States. It was a matched marriage and there was

a 22-year gap between the two of them in age. My father was about 40-something

and my mom had me when she was 25. It was a second marriage for my father.

His first wife passed away after the war. So, they were set up through one of my

father's best friends who knew people who knew my mom.

My father was a chef for a cruise line, so he was never home. He was

always on a ship somewhere - he would be off every two weeks for like a two-

three day period and then he would leave again. It was the late 60's when the

cruise line was sold off, and so for awhile he wasn't working. He was home and

then he started working for different restaurants out in the suburbs. So he would

be gone for a week at a clip and then come back for one day, for his day off, and

then leave the following day. So my mom was home with three children in a new

country, without any of her relatives around, except her aunt who was older by the

time she came here. We had relatives in Chinatown that we would see a lot, and

that helped, but they were distant relatives from my father's side. We also used to

go see the person who set my parents up every once in awhile - once or twice a

year - to pay respect and stuff like that.

I hold more of the Chinese tradition: you respect your elders, you don't

talk back to them - and my sister, sometimes I'm flabbergasted by what comes

out of her mouth when she's talking to my mother. She'll use this really

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belligerent tone of voice. Meanwhile, if I ever tried that with my mother, she'd

slap the crap out of me! Being the oldest has a lot to do with it. But I do try to

maintain the traditions and I want my son to understand it too. I don't scream at

him, "You have to do it!" But I want him to know about it. I want him to

understand it and appreciate it. Most of all I want him to respect it. I will allow

him to have opinions and say, "Well I don't really like that." I'll say, "That's fine,

as long as you understand the reasons why things are done."

I've always maintained a level of respect for the elders. I see a lot of that

disappearing. And I really don't like that too much. I understand it's a different

generation and all, but I don't go along with treating the elders that way. I may

not agree with what they're telling me, but I would never be vocal about it with

them. I know my boundaries. And I respect it. It doesn't mean that afterwards

when I walk away I'm not muttering under my breath! But I know where the lines

are. They're invisible, but I know where they are and how far I can push things. It

depends on the relationship I have with the person too. If I think they're going to

be receptive to it, then yeah, by all means I'll tell them straight out. But if they're

going to be saying, "I'm older and you don't know." Then it's not worth it. You

pick your battles.

My sister does not know where the boundaries are sometimes. She's

actually ticked off a lot of the family relatives who feel that she's disrespectful to

them. She doesn't see it that way. She says they nag her and she can't handle it. I

tell her, "Yeah, they will do that, but you have to realize how it all is. You just

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kind of leave it alone." Like my great aunt will say to me, "Now make sure you

feed the baby right and he's got to grow and I don't think you're feeding him

enough." I don't want to get into an argument with her, so I yes her to death.

Because that's what she wants to hear. And I know I can't stop her anyway.

Meanwhile I continue doing what I'm doing.

My mother will call me ranting and raving about something. I won't even

really understand what it's about, but she has to get it off her chest. So I'll put the

speaker phone on. I'll press mute, and I'm in the kitchen doing my thing. Every

once in awhile I'll pick up the phone, "Uh-huh," and put it back on mute. She just

needs to get it off her chest, so I let her. My sister doesn't get that.

If I'm in Chinatown, I'll call and say, "Here, let's go have dim sum

somewhere. I only have an hour, I can't stay very long but..." They appreciate

that. Whereas when my sister flies up from Florida, she won't even try to get

together with them. And they get ticked off. My sister says, "Well, I want to see

my friends." I tell her, "Well, I understand, but you have to understand too. They

want to see you." My sister will complain that they're going to start nagging at her

and she doesn't want to listen to it. I tell her, "You know what? How painful is it?

You see them once every two years! An hour of letting them get it off their chests

is not such a big thing to do. You pay for lunch, you look great! What do you

care?!" But she just wants to go hang out with her friends. I don't think she

realizes.

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They really do appreciate the things we do for them, the time we spend

with them. Recently my great aunt called in a panic, "I need you to come down."

Her husband had passed away a few weeks before and she was having trouble

handling everything. She's 79 years old, for god's sake! So I made arrangements

at work - 1 told them I'd come back at night if they needed it, they could call me

on the cell phone and I'd walk them through things as much as I could. But they

understood that it had to be serious for me to miss work, so it was okay. I went

down and spent the whole morning with her. She kept thanking me and tried to

give me money. I told her, "No, I don't want it! I don't do this because I expect

you to pay me back. I do this because I can." I also explained to her that I'd be

starting a new job and I wouldn't be able to take time off for awhile. I told her I'd

help her as much as I could and that I didn't mind doing it, but I needed to do it

on Saturdays. She understood and she appreciated that So it's a give and take.

My husband doesn't understand sometimes. He feels like they have other

family members they could lean on. He doesn't understand why they're always

calling me. But, a lot of it is the comfort. A lot of it is the fact that they realize

that I know a lot more Chinese than the other kids. I understand some of the legal

ramifications better than the other kids do. I think that's what it is. They know it's

done, taken care of, and that I'm not out to screw them. So I've gotten to be the

arranger in the family - I'm the designated driver.

I really try to be very organized and make the most of my time. If I know

I'm going to Jersey, I try to hook up with my cousin. Adam gets a play date out of

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it; he gets to see my cousin's children. We'll have dinner there, so we can see my

aunt because she doesn't see me too often anymore. They were really the only

relatives we had here. My cousins are around the same age as I am, so we grew up

together. One of the cousins is out here now. So we'll see her sometimes after

Chinese School. There's like a circle of us. I'm the one who shows up at

everybody's house because I have no problems driving. The one out here hates to

drive. The other one will only drive locally. And I'm all over the place. It doesn't

bother me - 1 just get in the car and go.

Of my cousins, I'm the only one who speaks Chinese fluently. Ninety-

eight percent of the time, most American-born Chinese, like myself, don't speak it

fluently. Or if they do speak it, their intonation isn't right. They don't use

expressions right. I can literally pass for a native. And it's happened. They can't

believe that I was born here. They always ask how old I was when I came here. In

fact, my uncle in Hong Kong was very impressed. He was literally yelling at my

sister, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you speak Chinese?" My mother's

proud. She'll say, "Oh this is my daughter. She speaks Chinese so well." Then

she'll look at my sister, "This one can't speak to save her life!"

My parents always spoke to me in Chinese, never in English. So I can

speak both, although at some point English transitioned to be my main language. I

feel more confident in it than in Chinese, because certain words in Chinese, I'm

not even sure what they are. If I listen to the news, sometimes I can understand it,

but sometimes it gets very, very complicated. They'll use certain words, and I'll

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be like, "What was that?" And I'll have someone explain it to me. Once they

explain it, I sort of remember it. When I was in Hong Kong one summer with my

family - we were there for about 3 months - there was a singer, and he was

singing about not having to do something. And I couldn't understand the word he

used. So I asked, and it meant "I don't need to sleep." And then I thought about it,

and I realized I had never really heard the formal form. It happens sometimes with

other songs too. If it's something where they're using more literary language, like

poetry or something, I'll have a hard time with that.

On the other hand, there are times when, depending on who I'm talking to,

it's easier to get thoughts together in Cantonese first. There are certain phrases

that are not readily available in English - when you translate them it's not the

same. Also, when I'm really angry, I'll wind up yelling in Cantonese. It just

happens. I can't imagine that ever happening to my sister.

So most of the time, I can have a conversation without any problems - it's

the reading and writing, I have trouble with. I'm illiterate. That's the way I feel.

It's almost like I'm ashamed that I'm not fluent with it. It's something you don't

really want to advertise. I mean, they understand, they know I'm American-born.

But by the same token, if I were living in Hong Kong, the expectation would be

higher. They would expect me to be able to read and write. Here, you get away

with it. As long as you can speak English, read and write in English, it's okay. It's

not expected for you to be fluent in Cantonese. But if it were the other way

around, if I got transferred there, that would be a major issue. I would have to

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immerse myself, get a tutor. I mean I still have books from when I was a kid and

I'm using them now with my son, but that's grade school level. I'm about at a

kindergarten or first-grade level. I would have to build myself up to - 1 mean I

would never be college level - but if I could be junior high level/low high school

level, that would be good. And usually, I don't disclose to anybody that I have the

ability to read somewhat. I usually don't. It's easier for me not to say anything,

than it is for me to explain the reason why. People don't understand - you speak

Chinese so fluently, how come you can't read and write it?

It's like, one of my husband's friends from college emigrated here from

Hong Kong, so we could speak fluently without a problem. He's always told my

husband, "Your wife's Cantonese is impeccable." And every once in awhile, I'll

say to him, "Can you read this to me?" And he can't read it either, because he's

lost a lot of it. He came here when he was seven, so he's lost a lot of it too.

Speaking-wise we're fine. But I cannot sit and read a newspaper, even though

I've tried. I can pretty much pick out certain words and read those. So I'm taking

a conversation class in Mandarin now to help build up the reading. I have enough

background that I know if you give me the English translation, I can figure out the

Cantonese version. My professor said to me, "I can see what you're doing."

Because she'll say it to me in Mandarin, I'll flip it back to Cantonese, then to

English and then I'll try to do it in Mandarin. So it works, but it's really time-

consuming. I have a lot of textbooks, and I can read some of it. I know given

time, I could probably just do it on my own. It's just hard to find the time.

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It's not unusual to find American-born Chinese who are sort of half-way.

They can either speak it, and have absolutely no level of reading - or you have

some level of reading and writing, but to a lower level. Then you have cases like

my cousins and my sister who understand you, but they can't respond. Or they

respond, but you don't want them to because it's so bad. It's like, "Oh God, don't.

Please don't!"

My mother was telling me this morning when I was driving down and I was on the phone with her, she's like, "Your sister told me something about you the other day when you were down in Florida. How Adam was making fun of you, and she said something like, 'it made it sound like you were -' she couldn't say the word," My mother couldn't understand what my sister was trying to tell her. Basically, my son was making fun of me. [With humor in her voice] He was saying that I cluck like a rooster because I'm always yelling at him. But my sister couldn't say the word in Chinese, so she was trying to tell her, and my mother couldn't get it. She couldn't get what my sister was trying to tell her. So my mother goes, "what was she talking about?" So I said, "Oh, well, Adam basically told his aunt that I cluck like a chicken because I'm always yelling at him." [Laughing] "Oh-h. That's what she was trying -

I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me."

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My cousins are like that too. I see them trying, but it's very painful. The

one, her mother was a schoolteacher in Hong Kong. So she speaks Chinese - her

accent is actually better than the one out here. This one, it's hard to understand

what she's trying to say! It's very strange because I know my aunts all spoke to

them in Chinese. I guess they answered in English. Or they just didn't get the

accent right. I notice sometimes my son does that too. I don't know why he can't

hear what I'm trying to tell him. I don't know if it's because English is really his

primary language and it's hard for him to switch?

Sometimes it's hard because I would like to speak to my son more in

Chinese. I really would only speak to him in Chinese. But it really doesn't work

because bis father only speaks English. From being around all these years, he can

pick up some of the conversation, but obviously, it's unfair to him for me to have

a full conversation with our kid in Cantonese. So the compromise is Adam comes

here to Chinese School every Sunday where he learns Mandarin, and my husband

knows that's just what we do. And, every once in awhile, if it's just the two of us,

we'll have these little conversations, and I'll ask Adam questions like, "Where's

your nose? Where are your eyes?" He won't verbally answer me, but he'll point.

So I know he understands me. Other times I'll make him ask me in Cantonese

when he wants something: "May I have a glass of water? I'd like some juice; I'd

like a cookie." When my husband's away on business for like two weeks at a

stretch, I only speak to Adam in Cantonese. He mostly answers me in English, but

I'm trying. I'm really trying.

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When we're in the car, I play music tapes for him from Hong Kong. I

don't care that he doesn't understand it. I just want him to hear it. It's exposure.

And then he comes here once a week and gets Mandarin. We do homework; I'll

teach him certain words. It's like a little game for him. If I'm reading to him in

Chinese, he'll say to his father, "You have to repeat it." He wants me to teach his

father too. It's really funny.

Writing - Adam writes his name on Mother's Day cards. I have to help

him because it's hard for him to do the strokes. But he recognizes it. They really

haven't started the writing here at school yet. It's more the crayons and coloring;

they're teaching them to recognize the words. We were in Chinatown the other

day and he recognized the word for "big", which is good.

It means a lot to me that I've maintained as much as I have, and I want to

preserve it through my son. It's a struggle for him. He's in a situation where he's

in daycare in English all day. Dad speaks only English. So I can't really expect

too much from him. I don't think he's ever going to be how I would like him to be

at some point. It's hard. I'm hoping his enthusiasm with this school - which he's

very enthusiastic about coming here - will help. He's more excited about coming

here than going to daycare. It could be because it's a shorter day here. Daycare is

eight hours. It could also be that he feels he's part of these kids here. Looking at

him, most people don't realize that he's mixed. He looks Asian. So it could be

that he feels like he fits in here.

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I would be thrilled to have more. I'm always looking to improve, and it

would help me with writing to my relatives in Hong Kong. If I were more fluent, I

would probably send more pictures. It would give me the option of sending a

letter this time instead of picking up the phone. When my son was born, my

cousins sent letters. All written in Chinese. I was like, "Okay, I can make out 'a

gift for the baby' and something about health and good luck, but that's it." I can

go to my mother now when I get something like that. But my thought is: One day

she's not going to be around. And then what am I going to do? I'm using my

mother as a crutch just as much as she was using me.

I guess I feel illiterate. That's exactly what I am. I tell my husband that. "I'm an illiterate. How am I any better than the people who can only speak English but can't read and write?" I'm functioning like an illiterate. It has the same feel, it does. I mask it really well, because most people would never guess.

But I am an illiterate

Even my mother will see something that I wrote and she's impressed

because she thinks it came naturally. She doesn't know there were books

involved, dictionaries. She doesn't know the time involved.

There's not enough hours in the day for me. I used to be able to write

more, but you need that repetition on a daily basis. I want to find the time to try to

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do more on my own. I want to look into a computer program that teaches or

translates English into Chinese. I know there is a program out there. I just have to

find the right one. I want it partly for myself, so that I can write to my cousins by

e-mail and translate it. The other reason is for my son - to teach him the

characters on the computer. I don't want to make it work for him. I want to make

it fun. I know what it was like when I was forced to do the piano lessons. It's

important to me that he learn this; it's important to me that he understands it. But

at the same time, I don't want to be there with a big stick. So I'm looking into

ways to do it.

The problem is I just don't have the time right now. I'm all over the place.

It's not easy to do it. I mean, the problem is you turn on the television any given

time of the day, it's all English. It's not like you have a designated time - an hour

Chinese program for children. If that were the case, he'd be sitting in front of it

right now. Or I would make sure I would tape it for him. When we moved up

here, I called Cablevision and I was yelling, "Why are there three channels of

Spanish and I can't even get an hour of Chinese?" And the response I got was,

"Well ma'am, there's no demand for it." I think that's a crock. There's quite a

population of Chinese people. We may be spread out, but there's quite a

community here. I'm not done yet. I'm going to be calling them back.

It's funny, the company I just left was opening a Hong Kong office and

they were going to have me work there for six months. My husband was worried

about me taking our son there because I'd be working crazy hours, but I'm sure if

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I pressed my firm, they would have gotten me a nanny. I would have loved it. It's

been 10 years since I've been there and I would love to go back. But then, this

new job came up. Actually there have been two opportunities for me to work in

Hong Kong. The first one was when Adam was only 18 months old. But, they

couldn't meet me on all of my conditions, so I turned it down. I had a list of

things, including a relocation package for my husband, things like that. I figured if

they really wanted me, they would meet my conditions. They didn't, so they

didn't want me enough. It was too risky. Someday it will work out. Maybe next

summer, after I have a staff built up, I'll be able to take Adam and spend some

time there.

Interviewing William

William was volunteered by Joseph, Nari, and Ella to participate in the

study. In our conversation when I first explained the study to them, they

suggested that I talk to William too. He was agreeable to participating, after I

explained it to him; in fact, he caught on to the research format immediately,

saying, "Oh so just our stories." But I was never sure whether he really was

interested or if he was just being polite.

Interviewing William was a challenge for me. I had difficulty getting him

to talk. He seemed to answer questions in shorthand, and the shorter his responses

were, the more unnerved I became. I would jump in too quickly, unable to sustain

wait time. It reminded me of when I used to talk to the accountant I worked with

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in a payroll office before I started teaching. It took me forever to get used to the

fact that his silence meant that he was thinking, not that he hadn't understood my

question. I have learned to handle wait time in teaching and even with members

of my own family. But for some reason, it was much more difficult with William.

I had the feeling that he was not comfortable talking about personal issues and

feelings with me. During the interviews, I didn't feel that I had the rapport with

William that I did with Nari, Ella, and Joseph.

As I revisited the transcripts, I realized that the discomfort was more mine

than William's. There were many times when he responded with, "Exactly," and

then went on to reinforce the description I had provided. There were even times

when he anticipated what I was going to say and finished my sentence. He also

seemed to have no qualms about correcting my words to be sure they reflected

what he meant or how he wanted his experience represented. I may not have felt

as socially comfortable with William, but his responses to my questions,

restatements and comments indicated that we communicated successfully with

one another. Our interactions may not have had the comfort (for me) of an

interaction with a friend, as some of the other interviews did, but that really

wasn't the point. We were investigating a research topic, not socializing. I think I

was expecting him to spell it out for me more, to do more of the interpretation

himself, when of course, that is my job. There are some apparent contradictions

between what William says and what he does. I was expecting him to provide

some explanation for the mismatch in the way he talks about language and his

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effort to attend Chinese School, for example. He talks about his experiences with

language loss as no big deal; language is mostly instrumental. He connects very

little emotion with it. And yet he and his family get up every Sunday morning to

go to Chinese School. This is especially interesting in view of the fact that both

William and his wife work at rather demanding jobs, and he complains about how

hard it is to find time for everything. I originally expected him to explain this to

me, but then I realized that is my job, not his.

William appeared to talk more freely when the topic was work, people

who hadn't learned English, or education and career preparation. When we talked

about his first language, hopes for his son regarding Chinese, childhood

memories, feelings, and areas where he was less confident or accomplished, he

gave more limited answers and his voice became quieter. It occurred to me that

William had succeeded throughout his life by taking a pragmatic attitude and not

dwelling on things he couldn't do or couldn't control. It made sense that he was

less talkative when the discussion involved these topics.

William's Story

Well I-I spoke 2 dialects previously to English. I spoke Mandarin first, then Taiwanese and then learned English. I came from Taiwan where we lived in the suburbs. Mandarin was the predominant language that we spoke. And then,

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later on we moved to the city, Taipei, where we spoke Taiwanese. So I had to adapt to that. And then after that we came to the U.S. and that's where we start -you adapt again.

So now at home, we, well with my parents only we speak predominantly Taiwanese. So Mandarin's more forgotten now. I can still barely get by with a few words here and there. And in Taiwanese, also, you know, we're not using it as much, so it's predominantly all English. And even my wife, we communicate in English because she's another dialect. She's Cantonese, so So we always speak English. And that's why at home it's all, only English.

Because now I, you know, if somebody speaks to me in Chinese, either Mandarin or Taiwanese, I lost the vocabulary, so I have to rethink what the English meaning is. And then, that's how I understand it. I mean there's still the basics that you still understand. The main, you know, the main words, that you don't have to think because you already know. But it's the vocabulary's just getting smaller and smaller as the years go by.

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Where I first lived in Taiwan, it was a college town, a community with no

cars. It was all secluded - a very nice rural setting. It was mostly dorms, which

were more like houses. They put each professor or teacher in these. And there

were residence halls. My father was a teacher - 1 think he probably taught

chemistry. My mom didn't work at that time. All the kids played outside games.

We played where you use your imagination to build things. We only had things

like simple blocks for toys, where nowadays you have all these complex things

and it's all given to you completely. It was a simple life. At school - 1 went to

pre-K and kindergarten there - you participated in the maintenance too, cleaning

up the leaves or whatever, and then a little time to play. You also went to school a

half a day on Saturday. It was longer ago, but I remember more of that, those

early days, than the city.

In the city, it was a completely different atmosphere. There was more

family running around, more chaos maybe. My dad was in the United States

going to school, and we lived with relatives - my dad's I think. So you're dealing

with cousins and family members. They all spoke Taiwanese, so it's a little

different. I didn't associate well in school there. A lot more kids than I imagined,

and the teachers were stricter. They didn't have any special programs or anything.

Either you know it or you don't. That's all. The method of teaching is different.

It's discipline and make sure you pick it up or else you're not good enough,

you're too dumb. There's no helping or tutoring or anything like that. You just

have to practice a lot, put the time in. Memorize it - that's mainly it. There's a lot

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of pressure because in high school you have to take entrance examinations and all,

and if you don't, you just go right into the army. Most of the teachers walk around

with a three foot stick and use that as a tool to discipline. Fingernails aren't cut or

clean, you get a few whacks. If you don't want to learn, just go out. They didn't

care. It's not like here where they force people to go to school and the kids are

always skipping; they have to put them back or whatever.

We came to the United States when I was about seven. My father spoke

English because he had been in school here, but my mother didn't. And my

younger brother and I just learned it in school or watching TV - mainly watching

TV because that's the only thing you pick up on. The repetitive language helps

you and the visuals. You try to understand what they're doing. That's how you

pick up all the terms and the slang because the definition is dependent on the way

they're saying it in the situation.

They didn't have ESL or special tutoring They just threw you in class and for the first grade or so, just sat there, didn't do anything. Until I found out near the end of the year or so, they go, "Where's your homework?" "What's homework?" "You're supposed to copy everything that's on the board." Never did it, just sat there and just watched. That's how it was very early.

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Because there wasn't, I guess the understanding? Because, I went to public school, there were maybe two or three Asians, that's it? Or very little? And one year, or once they had a new student, Asian, Couldn't speak English, They brought me over to try to translate? Don't speak the same language. Well, I didn't say, but I was like trying to say, we can't communicate, because it's not the right -it's not the same dialect.

So I was forced to speak English. There was nobody to speak Mandarin or

Taiwanese with. Same thing in junior high -1 went to Catholic School and there

was only like one other Chinese kid there. You didn't really make friends in the

beginning.

I mean you may have one or two But you know, who felt sorry for you That's about it. Yeah Just like one or two Of them Felt sorry and help you out. And Because you don't know what the activities are or what they do, what time the meetings are. Until I would say like third fourth grade

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you start understanding more of what was going on and start being capable of communicating.

Difficulty in communicating was the biggest problem. I remember holidays, going

to school, everybody's trying to tell you school's closed. I didn't understand what

they were saying. So you just go there, and nobody's there and you go home.

My parents worked long hours, so my brother and I didn't see our parents

much. We were on our own:

In grade school I remember you know It was just my brother and I home We-So on from late first grade second grade on to sixth grade in grade school we get dressed ourselves eat breakfast go to school and come back and you know we don't see our parents until about seven or eight o'clock. And in the morning they're already gone.

In fourth grade, my parents tried sending me to Chinese School, but it

didn't work out. It was like a 45 minute walk to get there and all the kids were

younger, like in first grade, so it was just difficult. Plus, it was in a church, and

I'm not fond of churches that much. What the church does is not what the Bible is

saying. You go to church and they're teaching you from the Bible about how you

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don't need a big extravagant church. "Oh you don't need a building. It's just a

gathering of people; that's your church." And yet they're importing these marble

statues from Italy, and how much you donate determines your status there.

They're contradicting themselves. The true meaning is lost.

I went to a competitive high school that was geared to science; it's

nationally known and there's an entrance exam to get in. It's not like a regular

high school where kids are just sitting there or dropping out. Everybody's trying

to work better than the others and that's what drives you. It's very mixed, racially

- kids came from everywhere. So you get exposure to all that. But you just spoke

English. You have to. You don't go to that school to speak Chinese. I mean

there's an Asian club that you go to, but you always speak English. You want to

better yourselves. The school does teach all the foreign languages, from Japanese

to Chinese to Latin, Greek. They teach all that, much more than the regular high

schools. But for all the other academics you need English.

It's a different type of education. Instead of, "Here, read this. Memorize

this. Read the textbook," they try to get you to think. They don't tell you the

answer. They're always asking you, "What happens when you do this?" and

giving you what-if situations. There are debate clubs, chess clubs, math teams,

and they're all competitive. They don't have a real football team or baseball team.

It's more for the academics. Where I live now, the local high schools all stress the

sports teams. I don't care about that; I care about what kind of education they

have. I mean sports are good, but they still have to have education too. Very few

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really make it in sports unless they're really gifted. And what happens if they go

and play and get injured, and that's it? They can start serving at a fast food chain.

In school subjects, math was easy; reading comprehension was always

difficult. Your homework assignment is to read 20-30 pages. People read through

that in half an hour. It takes me an hour and a half to two, just to read that. You

have all these English stories - Shakespeare, Catcher in the Rye, whatever - 1

only read it for the words and that's it. All the connotations and the meaning of all

that stuff, I didn't really capture that. Social studies also took more time because it

requires a lot of reading. But you had to do it because that's the homework. You

have to understand what's going on and pass the test. So on the SAT's, reading

comprehension is way down, but math is up there; it evens out. And in

engineering you have to read in between the words to understand it. All the

engineering textbooks are like that. A lot of definitions in there you have to

decipher on your own. One word can make the whole difference in the theorem or

algorithm. Little words like or or and make a difference.

Even now, it takes me a little longer to read, to understand and

comprehend. Usually, newspapers, current events are the easiest. But you still

have to take it slower to make sure you understand. Of course each person is

different. You may read literature faster, but when it comes to, something math-

related or whatever, I may read faster. So it depends.

I still need strength in writing and also some verbal skills. I still have an

accent; it's hard to detect, but you can sometimes. In writing, I have to be careful.

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I take extra time to read over the e-mails and memos before I send them out.

Sometimes I write it, sit back and read it, and it's, "oh, that's completely way

off!" You have to make sure that the wording is correct, that what you want to say

is what is on the paper. And you have to think of who your audience is. I have to

write parts of a training manual at work, and I have to consider the target

audience, what their expected understanding is.

When I was getting ready to apply for college, I thought about what I

wanted to do. I thought, well, I like to take things apart, I'm mechanical, so I'll

study engineering - mechanical engineering. You have to think about what you

want to be, and can you make a living at it? You could study archaeology, but if

you don't go further with it and hook up with a museum or whatever, what good

is the major if you don't practice it? You have to consider if you can get a job

with your degree and do what is practical or required in society. At the same time,

it's important to have something you're interested in, otherwise it becomes a

struggle to go to work everyday.

Now, I'm on a different course in my career, away from engineering. I'm

in management, so it's different. It's not like engineering where everything is yes

or no or something in between. You have to worry about people's feelings - every

single word you say, somebody will take things the wrong way. You have to

worry about liabilities, people screaming at each other, people accusing each

other. I've just been in this position for six months so I'm still adjusting. It takes a

lot out of you. I've got maybe 40 people underneath me. I have to make sure

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they're all doing their jobs and make sure they're doing the right thing. If

somebody sends an e-mail out, saying something they shouldn't, it's still my

fault. If they word it incorrectly, or whatever, it's my fault. You have to start

apologizing to the customer and put the fires out. People are always saying, "Oh I

can't come to work, my kid's sick and I have no more sick days." You

accommodate them to a point, but you have to hold firm too. You still need to get

the work done, so you make compromises.

There's a lot to keep us busy now. My wife works as a computer

programmer and we have two kids - two boys, one two and a half, the other one

almost five. We just bought our first house. When we bought the house, we didn't

know anything about the neighborhood. It turns out it's in a suburb that's 95%

white - or more. We moved in and it was like, "There's no mix here!" They're

very friendly, though, so it's fine. No problem. But for daycare, we drop the kids

at one that's a little farther away where there's more diversity - Asian, every type.

They get exposed to lots of different cultures. We want them to understand what's

going on. I grew up in a city environment, and it helps you understand more.

You're more street-wise. You get to know how difficult life can be if you don't

work at it. How are they going to experience that out here?

Once they start school, the critical thing is the teacher and the student-

teacher ratio. You want it close, so they get more attention and nobody is falling

behind. You're always trying to make things better for your kids, of course. And

stress the education. Most of my neighbors don't really do that. They just get a

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high school degree and that's it. They want to work in a rock band or a catering

hall. I was talking to some of the parents, saying, "Try to stress in them, at least

get them started - associates degree and then a 4-year degree, so they can make

themselves better, versus just a blue-collar worker in a factory, a mindless

situation. Something where you could educate yourself and work up." Some of

them know. They know that you need to go to college and not just do whatever

you feel like - live for the short-term enjoyment and that's it.

It was probably during junior high that I noticed I was stronger in English

than in Chinese. It's not a real thought that comes to you. It's not like something

that just happens overnight or with the flip of a switch. It's just sometimes when

you speak to kids, they make fun of you or whatever. They call you names or

whatever that you don't know, until they tell you the English ones and that's

when you understand. Then it's, "Yeah, okay. That's how you say that word."

See- at first, your primary language, like Mandarin, you learn. And when

when you hear the Taiwanese word, you translate it to Mandarin and then you

understand the meaning. And the same thing with English, when I came to the

U.S. Because I had been speaking Taiwanese, I translated English to Taiwanese

and then I understood. Until English takes over your mind, and now you have to

think in English, now everything. See it's a different way of thinking. Because

also, you know, living here you've got to process information quicker. You don't

have enough time to have this translation going through; you have to think in

English, understand things in English.

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Because, classes and lectures are in English, so you can't - well, I would

say you could, but you just have to practice it more to think in your native

language. If you learn the multiple languages from start up, I think you could,

because you switch modes one to the other more easily, versus afterwards. And

then you have to think of the actual way of saying it, because in English, there is a

lot of slang, lots of words that there's no true meaning or definition. If you put a

word for word translation, it wouldn't go through the right way. So you have to

think through what the situation is and how you would say it. If you start

practicing, you could pick it up again, if you have the time or the chance. Right

now, there's no time and not much chance to. Here in the US it's all English

unless you participate in certain other activities, cultural activities. Sometimes I

wish I could retain more, practice more, but that's the way things go. If you don't

use it, you start losing some. Especially when all your friends are all English and

that's all they speak.

The vocabulary is still there, but it's kind of forgotten. Once you hear the

English word, then you know. That's how you start understanding more. I didn't

feel a sense of loss or anything at that time. Now, I feel it a little bit. I think,

"Well you should know." In college, I got a lot of friends who were

predominantly Chinese and always speak that way. And I would get along with

them, but I didn't fully understand what they were saying. I felt a little bit like an

outsider.

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Some people are surprised when they hear me speak Chinese. They always

hear me speak English, so when I speak Chinese, they're like, "Whoa, where's

that coming from? It sounds so strange coming from you!" In the summer, I

stayed with somebody, Chinese, and for a couple of months he didn't know I

spoke Chinese. Then all of a sudden he was like, "Oh I didn't know you speak

like that! It sounds so weird!"

Sometimes I talk and certain people will understand that I'm saying the

English translation. They know it's not the right way. They understand - well,

they figure out what I'm trying to say and then they tell me. Where I get a haircut,

they tell me once in awhile when I say something. It's okay, that's how I learn.

My brother can only speak Taiwanese with my parents, within the family.

Not outside. And really, me too. I have trouble outside the family. My wife is the

same way with Cantonese. She speaks it to her family, but she's not really

comfortable with it outside the family.

So, when I talk to my parents, I speak Taiwanese. Well, you know you

mix in everything: English, Taiwanese, and then you understand. I can talk about

family things, what we're doing. Not current events or politics - that's getting

into bigger words. I wouldn't know the meaning or how to say it. I was never

really exposed to it, so I wouldn't know until it was explained to me what it was.

And then you have to piece it together. It's fine; I have enough to do what I need

to do - for now.

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It's still slowly eroding away, but at a much slower pace. You only know

the basics to communicate and all the larger words or high definition words, you

start losing. Until it gets refreshed again. Right now I'm so overwhelmed with

other stuff, there's no time to worry about it. There are time slots for everything -

work, house chores, daycare, school, whatever events are going on. You're taking

care of the kids - ball practice is coming up soon. You don't have time for this. I

don't feel angry about losing it; I didn't really develop or maintain it. Because I

didn't really have that much chance to.

Of course, I feel like I missed an opportunity now that China's becoming

more of a world power. Back when I was in high school, Russia was the other

world power and everybody was trying to learn Russian. But then it collapsed, so

now Chinese is becoming more popular. But, at least I have had a little

background. I wouldn't say I could pick it up easy, but the background is there. I

can't communicate in Mandarin as well, but maybe after a couple of years of it,

you know. I mean, you know what the words are, but you just forget the meaning

or definition of it. But you could pick it up if you start practicing. It wouldn't be

that easy, you have to work at it - a lot of it is building the vocabulary. But there

are a lot of ways that your thinking is still different. Different ways of saying

things from one language or culture to another. It's completely different, so you

have to know how to say it. You can't just translate word for word. And plus, I

speak slowly. My Mandarin and Taiwanese, we speak in a nice, natural tone. We

don't just blurt it all out - like in the Registration Office, they're talking a mile a

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minute. It's just the way /was brought up, we speak a nice, normal tone. No rush.

We're not under the gun, trying to get as many words out as quickly as possible.

When I hear people talking in the office, I can understand a few words, but

not all. Yeah, it's frustrating, but what can I do? They're trying to talk to me, and

I go, "Well, I don't understand." Sometimes I speak to them in Chinese - it

depends. Sometimes I start and after a few words, I go, "Okay, to understand what

I'm saying, then it's back to English." When they start using big words all the

time, I don't understand. Then I switch back to English. If it's basic conversation,

I could. But if it's more, then I can't.

Yeah, it would be good To have but right now I don't see a use for it. Maybe later on if my wife wants to go to Hong Kong, maybe it would be a help. But right now You need a natural environment for it to flourish out, come out forward. It's just like trying to force something that shouldn't be. Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You could do it, but you just have to continuously force yourself to do it, if you're here.

Reading, that would take a lot of years. So I don't think I'll have

the time - with the work load and family commitments. Maybe when I

retire. If I had the time to work on regaining Chinese, I would choose

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Mandarin because it's the most accepted language now; it's more widely

used than Taiwanese. With the Internet you can get information, even in

Chinese if you want to, in a few seconds. You have to know the

characters, but you could read in Chinese. There's a lot. But now, if I go to

Chinatown, like to a restaurant or something, I'll order in English or have

somebody else do it.

In high school, a lot of friends, they're Jewish and they always complained

that they were being forced to learn Hebrew. They didn't see a use for it. And

then afterwards, they go to college and their parents aren't forcing them anymore

- that's it. It's gone. But for the parents, I think they just say, "Hey, at least we did

it for the time-being." Just like I'm doing for my son here. Go to Chinese School

one day a week. Just for background information, just for a taste of it. If they want

to continue, they could. If not, then it's fine. You can't force it on them later in

life when they're grown. For my kids:

I would hope to at least speak? The writing and reading would be an added bonus if they do. So at least you know I'd like them to speak it and afterwards we'll see how the reading and writing Because that's the most difficult.

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It takes more of a commitment from them, the parents also. The kids

won't see a use for it; they won't see it in the long term. They'll say, "Why do I

need to?" Unless you really hammer it down and use it at home - which we don't.

That's why he just loses it every time. It's hard for us to reinforce Chinese at

home, because we speak different dialects. Also, our time with them is so limited

- only a few hours a day and on weekends. And even then, you're just running

around, getting things done. There's not much time to interact - or as much as

you'd like - so it's difficult. So the only thing is to depend on the education

system: public schools, daycares, or whatever is available.

So it's just a friendly environment, just to get them exposed to Chinese. I

think first grade, we'll start more. But, as to how it'll stick? We'll see. I don't

expect much. It's still a little late. Usually if you start earlier, and it's used a lot,

it'll be better. And since we don't use it at home - you know it's just a one day a

week thing. But, they're making it fun for them, so we'll see. At least they know

where they're from and have an understanding.

My niece is being brought up in a multi-language situation. My sister-in-

law is a teacher in the city, so she's teaching my niece Chinese and she learns

English at school. It's pretty good and natural. The weighting of it is equal. And

the mother-in-law only speaks Chinese, so they have to. My sister-in-law acts as a

translator between us sometimes. She also knows how to read and write, so she

can teach her that, and the regular school can bring her up in the English part.

They live in Chinatown so there's plenty of opportunity to speak Chinese. Her

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family has been here longer than we have and they still don't speak English. They

don't need English. Just like communities in any language - Spanish or Polish,

whatever. They have their own community and don't need to go outside.

A lot of immigrants tend to stay with native friends who speak the native

language. They'll never adapt that way. They shy off from everybody else

outside. You have a lot of communities now where you don't need to learn the

American language. You're not forced to. Like in Chinatown, there's immigrants

who are there 10-20-30 years and never stepped outside. Now since Sept. 11th, a

lot of companies have to close, and now they can't communicate outside or find

regular jobs outside because they've been in that secluded world. And yet they've

been here so many years, some of them longer than I have, and they still can't

speak English. I have a friend who's what we call an ABC, American Born

Chinese, and he speaks with a really heavy accent. I couldn't believe it when I

found out he was born here. I'm thinking, "How can you be born here, and I'm

working hard to speak English well, and yet you're born here and still have an

accent?" It's because early on, he was hanging out with all his Chinese friends

and never outside. That's why he speaks like that. So his Chinese is really strong.

Also, he and his wife speak the same dialect, and they live with the parents too, so

that's how they communicate. It's as if he's learned English as a second language,

versus the other way around.

State agencies want to get more diversification, they have all these

accommodations in other languages, but that's going about it incorrectly. They're

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not forcing anybody. They have driving tests in Spanish now. So if you're a

minority in another language, wouldn't you feel discriminated against because

they don't have your language there? They're customizing to Spanish and now

they've just discriminated against 500 other languages. If you're in America, you

should learn how to use English. Not Spanish, Chinese. You need a standard there

so we can all communicate, instead of your own special system that nobody

knows. English is the one standard. You have to know that, and then if you know

something else that you grew up with, that's good. That's an additional. That's a

plus for you.

My advice for parents coming here from other countries would be

to maintain your roots, and keep learning English and Chinese. You need

to excel in both. If recent immigrants fall behind in English, then they'll

fall behind even further in advancing in this country. You need to get

along with everybody, but meanwhile, maintain the same level that you

had previously in the original language. You need both, that's all.

Interviewing Pino

Interviews with Dino took place at his house, at the kitchen table,

accompanied by a pot of coffee, or in the case of the third interview, a delicious

pesto dinner (Dino's specialty) made with fresh basil from his garden. The

hospitality on the part of both Dino and his wife continually amazed me. They

were constantly offering me something else to drink, refilling my glass, making

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sure that I was comfortable. Dino had had to cancel one of our interviews; in

rescheduling, he not only made room to talk with me in an otherwise hectic week,

but invited me to have dinner with them. When I got there, the table was

beautifully set, like something out of a magazine. In fact, every time I left their

house, I had the urge to go home and clean, put fresh flowers on the table, and get

out the good china. Teresa immediately apologized for running late - she

explained that she normally likes to put something to eat in her guests' hands as

soon as they walk in the door, but the rain had delayed both of them, and the

brochette would take a few minutes. We all chatted while Dino finished the dinner

preparations, Dino and Teresa exchanging cooking instructions throughout the

conversation. There is a cheerful bantering in the way they interact - it reminds

me of the couples talking in the interviews in the movie, When Harry Met Sally.

Throughout the course of the interviews, Teresa would join Dino and me

for a few minutes from time to time, as she went about her own activities. Her

presence made a positive contribution to the interview process. Dino would check

with her to confirm his own memory, and at times she would clarify a question or

make comments that provoked him to clarify his thinking and his responses. They

didn't always agree, but the exchange helped to reveal more about Dino's

reflections and experiences. Their interaction pattern also supported my

impression of the conversational style that Dino found most comfortable. Dino

and Teresa constantly interrupted one another and engaged in overlapping speech.

I had noticed that Dino seemed uncomfortable with pauses in the interviews. He

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seemed to prefer frequent comments/questions to be sure that he was being

understood and providing useful information. While William needed more wait

time than I was used to, Dino needed less than the other participants, and a little

less than I am normally comfortable with. He would be talking about an

experience and suddenly ask if I had more questions for him, before I realized that

he had even completed his thought.

Dino also seemed to prefer an exchange of information, asking me about

my experiences as we talked about his. I suspect that this preference is partly

reflective of Dino's personality - he seems to have a natural curiosity about

people - and I imagine it also made him feel less self-conscious in sharing his life

experiences with someone he barely knew. With the participants at the Chinese

Heritage Language School, I felt that I became somewhat invisible, particularly

regarding cultural background. They would look directly at my brown eyes and

dark hair, unfazed, as they described Americans to be blonds with blue eyes. I

was pleasantly surprised by this situation; I took it as an indicator that my

apparent identity as "mainstream American" was not inhibiting their responses.

On the other hand, Dino seemed to continue to be aware of me as a person,

noticing my Scandinavian last name and asking me about it, wanting to know

where I had traveled and gone to school. The fact that we were both of European

heritage may have played a role - there would likely be an expectation of similar

experiences. Perhaps his occupation as a teacher contributed to his tendency to

ask me questions. In fact, Dino seemed to take responsibility for teaching me

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about the experience of replacing an LI with English, as opposed to providing

answers to my questions. He would comment at the beginning of interviews that

he had been trying to think of what else to tell me, and frequently during the

interviews he would ask if he was providing me with the information I needed. In

order to reassure him that it was okay for him to talk freely, I found myself

explaining more about the interview process and open-ended questions, about

how it was important not to be too limiting, and that sometimes the apparent

tangents provided very useful information.

In the first interview, Dino got out his photo album of his trip to Sicily to

supplement the conversation as we talked about his Sicilian heritage, his family

and their trips back to Sicily. The pride and passion he has for Sicily was obvious

as we went through the album. The pictures provided evidence of a rich cultural

history, which he pointed out to be on par with that of Greece. He mentioned

periodically that he didn't want to take up all our time with this, and initially I

was unsure how much time we should spend on it as well. I felt that at least it

would build rapport and decided that, whether or not it directly related to

language loss and maintenance, the album and the conversation it provoked,

clearly related to Dino's culture and who he is as a person. Our time with the

photos turned out to be time well-spent. It revealed an important part of Dino's

experiences and current attitudes about his Sicilian culture. The conversation was

frequently peppered with, "Can you believe this?!" and "Isn't that incredible?!"

This reaction stood in sharp contrast to the attitudes Dino expressed at other times

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regarding Sicilian. Gradually, I realized that the considerable information that

Dino had acquired to go with his photos was part of the rediscovery of his roots

and his battle against the negative stereotypes that had influenced him since he

was a child. Had I cut this short, I would have missed understanding an essential

part about Dino and his story.

My impressions were confirmed by Teresa's reaction as she joined us

toward the end of the first interview. She commented on Dino's interest in Sicily

and the work he had put into compiling the photos and research that went with

them. She mentioned the movie The Godfather and the stereotypes about

Sicilians. "And all of this," she said, gesturing toward the photo album/scrapbook,

"comes from that - to counteract that negative stereotype," (Int.1, p.94). Teresa

went on to say that when she and Dino first moved into their neighborhood, she

told him not to tell anyone they were Italian, and definitely not Sicilian! The

Godfather had just come out, and they weren't sure how people would react to

having Sicilian neighbors, fears which fortunately turned out to be unfounded.

She also talked about how her mother had had similar apprehensions, changing

Teresa's real name to a less-Italian sounding version when she registered her for

kindergarten - in fact it would have been associated with French - to avoid any

prejudice that might result from a name that was "too ethnic" (Int. 1, p.94).

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Dino's Story

I was born in Sicily, which is part of Italy, of course, and at home we

always spoke Sicilian. A lot of people think that Sicilian is just a dialect, but there

are some people who say that Sicilian is a language in itself. I belong to this

cultural organization, and they contend that Sicilian was a language even before

Italian. I've done a little research myself, and Dante, who was the father of the

Italian language the same way that Chaucer was the founder of the English

language, Dante even said himself that there was a Sicilian language already. But

a lot of people consider that Sicilian is just a dialect, and that it's very rough-

sounding. It's not, if you learn it alone. I never really learned Italian until I was an

adult. Of course I heard it - my mother listens to the Italian station and she

understands Italian, because she went to school in Italy, and they were teaching

Italian in school there. But when I listen to the Italian language, I understand

about half of it - it's like people always say, "They talk too fast." And then

there's the vocabulary, which is different.

So my father, my mother, my brother (who is a year younger), and I all

spoke Sicilian at home. And I'm very lucky that when I met my wife, she knew

how to speak Sicilian too, because she learned it from her grandmother. Her

grandmother lived in the house with them and so Teresa learned. I couldn't

believe it when I met her that she could understand everything I said, and I

understood everything she could say. Actually her family was from Catana on the

other side of Sicily. I was born - you won't believe this - but I was born in

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Corleone, Sicily. So I have to live with that, "Oh you must be Mafia!" because of

the movie, The Godfather. I've been back only twice - 1 still have relatives there

- but you can walk down the streets in the middle of Corleone at midnight, and

you would never be touched. Not to defend them or anything - they're criminals -

but the Mafia, they don't deal with ordinary people. You're safer in Corleone than

on the streets of New York.

I never wanted to see that movie when it first came out. I didn't want to

see it, because it hit too close to home. And actually, it wasn't filmed in Corleone

at all. Because I finally did see the movie - it was on TV or something - and I

asked my father about it. And he said, "No, that wasn't in Corleone." He had

heard that the town of Corleone actually refused to let them film it there. So they

filmed it in some other town. And when I went back in '79, after seeing the

movie, I said, "Wow, my father was right. That wasn't Corleone at all."

I went back to Sicily for the second time in '89 and took a lot of pictures

and everything. That was the year I took a whole tour of the island and I took over

400 pictures. I'm really interested in the history of Sicily, especially the Greeks,

and the ancient Greek ruins there. The Greeks kind of covered most of Sicily in

colonial settlements. I wish I could go back to a university that has Classical

Studies and do a PhD on that, but I'm too old for that now. I've done a lot of my

own research, though. After I went back to Sicily with my parents for the first

time in '79 - they went back every few years to see the relatives, but this was my

first time back- after that trip is when I started reading about all this stuff. And

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then all my free time - 1 started reading about it, accumulating books and doing

all kinds of research.

There are all these temples, and actually there are more temples in Italy

than in Greece! The Sicilians, in the old days, had a lot of money because wheat

was growing there, all over Sicily. They had tremendous resources, whereas

Greece had this rocky soil. So Sicily became the breadbasket of the ancient world

- or at least one of the breadbaskets. The leaders of the cities became

tremendously wealthy and they had all this money to build great temples. There

are 2 temples in Sicily that are bigger than a football field. That's how big they

were! So this was like the Golden Age of Sicily. That's why I'm so interested in

it, because, you know, now when you think about it, what's the first thing that you

think about when you think of Sicily? Especially Corleone. The Mafia, right? And

Sicily is so much more than that. It really has a wonderful cultural history.

My early memories of Sicily-1 remember being on the balcony of our

house in Sicily, and my mother speaking to an older lady across the street on the

other balcony, and telling her that I was going to start school soon. And I dreaded

that. I had no idea what it was going to be like, "What is this school?" I was

thinking, you know.

I have some memories of school in Sicily, although I only went to first

grade there, but I still remember some things. This classmate that I had - he came

to visit us a few times and he would talk to me about the old days. I remember he

came over my house one time - he must have lived a few doors down - and he

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came over and said, "Did you finish your homework yet?" And I said, "No, I

haven't done it yet." And he says, "Well, I finished mine." And I felt inadequate

at that point; I was like, "Oh God, why is he bragging that he finished his

homework, and I haven't done mine yet." I don't remember anybody else in my

class. He was the only kid that I remember. I think there were only boys in my

class - they must have had boys and girls in different classes. I have a vague

memory of my teacher, but as far as what we learned? I don't remember much.

But I still have my notebook - my mother still has it, and she shows it to me once

in awhile - it's a notebook written in Italian. There are a few stories in there that I

remember. They're typical Italian fairytales or fables. But when I think of any of

these things, it's always in English. I don't think in Sicilian at all anymore.

My family came to the U.S. in 1952, in the summer, July 22.nd And I had

never heard a word of English until then. As I said, I had gone to the first grade in

Sicily - there was no kindergarten at that time, apparently. I don't remember

much, but I remember first grade. Then in the summer, we came here, moved into

the Bronx. They were building a Catholic school at that time, right across the

street from the public school that I started in, but they were going to take a year or

so to finish it, so I was in the public school for either half a year or close to a full

year. I didn't know a word of English and I was completely lost in that first year.

They put me in the second grade because that was the age; I was almost seven.

And I was like, "Oh my God!" I was absolutely completely lost! You didn't have

a lot of immigrants in school with you - sure there were some here and there - but

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I had no one to talk to. People were very nice to me, I remember that. You know,

if I needed to go to the bathroom and I didn't know what to say, they kind of

figured it out. I remember being in class - and I have a picture of the class with

me - and everybody's doing little activities, and I'm the only one looking at the

camera. I was lost, like, "What's going on? Are they taking a picture? I don't

know."

So finally I started in the Catholic elementary school, and the first year, I

was in the third grade, again completely lost, not knowing any English, so I

couldn't really do much work. After about two months of third grade, they had to

put me back into the second grade. And I remember thinking at the time, "Oh I'm

too old for these kids! Why are they putting me in the second grade?" I kind of

resented it for awhile, but then I realized that, you know, I was starting to

understand things.

It took me about two years to really fully be able to speak and understand

things in English. I see kids nowadays, they come and about one year they're

speaking English already. They're really fast! But I think some of these kids

might have taken English in their countries. When I was in school, there was also

no such thing as ESL; you just were put into a classroom with every other kid.

And we had 58 kids in the class! I remember because I have a picture of the class.

It was sixth grade, but we had pretty much the same kids from second to eighth

grade. A nun taught us; she didn't have any aides - she had nothing! Anyway, it

took me a good two years, and even after those two years, I don't think I was

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talking a lot, let's say, to friends. Although I had friends in the class, I think

mainly, you know, the nun was asking us to speak and do stuff. I don't know

when it was that I actually started having conversations with kids. Maybe like

between two and three years.

There were always like five or six really smart girls that would get higher

grades than I did. But by the time the eighth grade came around, I remember there

were only two boys that were getting higher grades than I was, in my class. And I

remember their names. You know, because you're conscious of: Wow these kids

are really smart and they're getting all these good grades in all their subjects. And

I was really trying hard, and you know, I had a disadvantage because for six and a

half years of my life, I didn't know any English and I had to catch up. And I felt

like-1 felt a little inadequate at that point. But then in the eighth grade, I

remember, there was a point near the end that we took a test on World War II or

something, and the nun read my essay to the class. And everybody clapped. Oh, I

had the best essay of that particular- it was only one question, but it was the best

essay, and everybody clapped. And that really did it for me. That was-1 finally

got into- you know, I was equal to everybody, and maybe even better than some

kids. By the time graduation came along, I had the second highest average among

the boys. Gradually I picked up, and only one of my best friends - only he had a

higher average than I did. At graduation, I had a 92.2 average and he had like 93

something.

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It's hard to remember exactly how the transition from Sicilian to English

took place. I was a kid. When you're a kid, you don't pay attention to this stuff. It

happened I'm sure because I went to school. I would hear my classmates

speaking, and I'm sure I wanted to speak like them. And all of a sudden, you're

speaking in English, you're thinking in English. So it was kind of a forced

transition. I didn't really think about it at the time. Thank God I never really

displayed any kind of accent - even in transition. I'm glad of that! I would never

have wanted to speak with an accent.

I remember sitting on the steps in the house we lived in - it was like a

five-family house and my aunt owned it - and I'm sitting on the staircase, and this

man comes in - it must have been 1954 - and this man was asking for my cousin.

So I said, "He's not here. He's in the Service." And I surprised myself, that after 2

years I knew this word Service. Because my cousin was in the Army, and they

must have just drafted him or something. Anyway, as I say, I surprised myself

with that. A lot of times that would happen. All of a sudden, a word would come

out that I must have heard from someone else, but I had never spoken it myself.

You know, usage is the most important thing. If you hear it and you start to use it

yourself, that's how you learn it. You don't learn it from seeing it in a book

necessarily, and maybe writing a sentence. This is what I do; I teach English skills

to students who need extra help in reading, writing, and math. We do a lot of

work on vocabulary, and they're not going to learn the meaning of that word,

unless they really use it in their conversation or something like that.

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I don't think I had too much difficulty with English after those first few

years. I did have difficulty with certain school subjects - like math. When I was in

the fourth grade, I had such incredible difficulty with math. And I always liked

the social sciences, like English and geography. That was my favorite subject -

geography, probably because I had come from another part of the world. I was

always looking at maps. And it's still my favorite thing to do: look at maps of the

world, and you know, know exactly where I come from. That really started to

interest me.

But I didn't have a real atlas until-1 used to go to the public library, and I

would take out this atlas, bring it home, and pore through it. I remember saying,

"I've got to have an atlas like this." And I had no idea how to get one. So I said,

"I've got to do something." So I went back to the library, and I told them I lost it.

We were moving to a house around the block at that time, so I gave them that

excuse that we moved and I lost it. And they said, "All right. You have to pay a

dollar." I said, "What, are you kidding? Great! I'll pay you a dollar." So I got this

great atlas - my mother still has it at her house - for one dollar! It wasn't really

one of those thick ones, but it had all those great maps that I wanted to have. And

it really made a difference in my life. Ever since, I've been buying atlases. I've

got millions of them. I even bought one not too long ago. It has all these maps

taken from outer space. I just had to have it when I saw it!

I also have a lot of tour books of Sicily, and very few of them -just one or

two - put Corleone on their itinerary. Every time I go to a bookstore, I check out

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the travel section to see if they have any new tour books. There have even been

times where, it might be the same company, but they change the cover. I'll say,

"Oh my God, they changed it. Maybe there are some differences. I'd better buy

it!" I have two of them downstairs that are almost page for page the same thing.

And I went and spent over 20 bucks on them! I've got close to 4,000 books now,

all together. Of every description. Mostly literature, but of ancient history too. I

have a book called La Historia de Corleone. And I can't read it because it's

written in Italian. To this day, I still haven't read it because I'd have to sit there

and translate every other word.

I've always loved ancient history, from the fourth grade on, probably

because you would learn about other cities and other countries. I think fourth

grade curriculum in those days - you learn about the Vikings coming to America,

but then in the sixth grade curriculum we started learning about Greece and

Rome. And I didn't realize that the Greeks had been so much in Sicily. But I was

interested in Greek civilization and Roman civilization. I still have that sixth

grade history book. And I love looking through that. This is how I got interested

in this stuff. I would love the Roman helmets with the brushes and there were

those pictures of Alexander the Great, and I mean, his soldiers with their uniforms

looked fantastic. I think it was the romance of ancient history and ancient times,

and what was it like in those days that attracted me. And then of course gradually

you learn that Sicily was part of all this. That made me even more interested in it.

But I never really started studying it until I went back to Sicily in '79.

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As a kid, I remember really starting to pay attention to things that were

going on in the world, maybe around '56. Because I lived in the Bronx, and I had

a lot of friends who were all Yankee fans. You had to be a Yankee fan if you

lived in the Bronx, or you could not grow up. You would not be allowed to grow

up! So, you know learning - whatever I learned, I picked up from friends. I don't

know when I started reading newspapers - probably in the late 50's. I would start

seeing other people with newspapers and I picked them up. I remember the

Journal American being around in those days.

Another thing that helped me get some knowledge of what was going on

in the world was a radio I acquired. What happened was: The house we lived in

was owned by my aunt Cindy (my mother's sister) and her husband. There were

three apartments upstairs, and there was an old lady who lived next door to us.

When she died, we got her room. And I remember this very distinctly - in that

room, she left a radio. So I was like, "Okay, this is my radio." I was the older

brother, so I kind of inherited that radio. I would go into that room, "Wow, I'm

going to listen to this radio. That's my radio." So I started listening to music, and I

guess maybe news as well.

After a few years we got our own TV too, but in the beginning we

watched my aunt Cindy's TV. She and my uncle had no children, but they had a

TV. And everybody used to go downstairs and watch it at night. That was the

only time you would really watch TV. We watched all the prime-time stuff: I

Love Lucy, The Honeymooners, maybe Milton Berle.

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When I came here, I didn't want to know any Italian. I didn't want to

speak to anybody in Italian or Sicilian. If there were anybody - and there wasn't

anybody - but if there were anybody who spoke Sicilian, I would be very shy, I'd

want to speak English. I wanted to be American. I didn't want to be Italian

anymore. So after two years, I spoke English with everyone, except my parents. It

took me 27 years to even get back there, and from then on, I was gung-ho and

wanting to learn the history and the culture - everything. But it took a long time

to really reconnect with my roots, you know. This cultural organization that I

joined, there are about 10,000 members throughout the world, mostly in the

United States, but in Canada and other countries too. There's all these people who

have left Sicily and they still want to reconnect somehow. This professor who is

in charge of it, he goes to Sicily with a group every year, and he asked me if I

wanted to go. I would love to, but I can't. My mother is 91 years old and I just

can't take off.

But as a child, you feel embarrassed, like when my friends came over, and

I would have to speak Sicilian with my parents and then back to my friends,

speaking English. I didn't want them to hear me speak Sicilian, because to me it

sounded like a very rough language. In those days we thought of it as a dialect. It

didn't sound very formal to us. I guess we grew up with that idea that Sicilian

was, you know, the language of the uneducated. And it's true. It's really true. It's

not a formal written language. Although there have been many poets and writers

that spoke and wrote in Sicilian. But, I think it's probably because most Italians

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look down on Sicilians, you know. They see us as being in the Mafia, so there

was a lot of looking down their noses at us. I think in almost every country it

takes place. Because I remember my daughter, she studied half a year in

Provence. She went to Avignon when she was in college, and they speak

Provencal. And the French up in Paris look down on those people.

Also, in school and in the neighborhood, I don't remember anybody being

immigrants like us. That's probably why my brother and I, we wanted to be

American and assimilate ourselves as fast as possible. Because there were no

other immigrant children that we knew of. I'm sure they were around somewhere.

But in our neighborhood, there didn't seem to be any. And of course we wanted to

fit in. I remember in the 50-some-odd children in my class, a lot of Italian names,

but I don't remember anyone who said that they were able to speak Italian. As far

as I know, no one understood Italian. None of them had been born in Italy. I think

I was probably the only immigrant child. But I was accepted. As soon as I started

speaking English, they accepted me as if I were one of them. They didn't look

down on me or anything like that.

I never remember speaking Italian with almost anyone except friends of my parents or relatives. That's about it. And even then, I was a little bit reluctant to speak Italian to let's say, my parents' friends. You know, I would always speak English. Because they would-

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most of them would speak English, even if it was with an accent. Because I always, I think I told you this last time. You always felt self-conscious when you spoke your native language. You know, I don't know, do you get this from other people? That when you grow up with a certain language and then you learn another language as a kid, your second language becomes your-practically your only language, you know-to the outside world at least. Andum, so speaking Italian, I really did not want to speak Italian unless I had to. And I had to with my parents, and maybe my aunts and uncles, but that was about it. And most of my aunts and uncles, they could speak English, because they had been here already. So, I enjoyed speaking English to them much more than- (with a laugh) you know because I remember in the middle to late 60's, I was starting to get politically involved and knew a lot about what was going on in the world, and the war in Vietnam

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was heating up, etcetera, and I remember speaking to my aunt and uncle about politics and it was always in English, never in Italian. Very rarely,

would I say anything.

My mother's other sister lived there too. Her husband had left before we

got there, so I never knew him. That was kind of a scandalous thing at that time.

They had three kids, and he left, so they grew up without a father. And that was

really not good for them, you know. In those days it was pretty unusual to have

that happen. So anyway, I had three cousins living there, but they were born here,

so they didn't speak any Italian or Sicilian. Maybe they understood a few words,

you know. And I really don't remember ever speaking to my aunts, either one of

them, in Sicilian, although I must have spoken Sicilian in the first couple of years.

But as soon as I started learning English, it was almost strictly English with them.

They could speak English fairly well, although they had an accent, of course.

My parents didn't mind my speaking English, because they would want

me to speak English to them, so I could teach them. But I rarely did that because

anything more than a couple of words, they wouldn't understand it. You know,

it's always the same thing. If you speak a little too fast - and we would speak

normally, which was too fast for them. So they might pick up a word here and

there if we spoke normally, but they certainly wouldn't have understood

everything we said. They learned some at their workplace, but never enough

probably. My father, especially, could carry on a conversation in English. But you

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know, it always came out to us, my brother and me, always like really broken, bad

English. They never really spoke good English. Even when they were working.

My father worked in a bakery - an institutional bakery, more like a factory. This

was wholesale bread production for hospitals and schools and things like that.

Almost everybody there spoke English. So he gradually picked it up from hearing

people that he worked with speak. My mother worked in a dress factory. I

remember going there sometimes. And there were women who spoke Italian and

English, and some didn't speak any Italian. So she picked it up from work. But

they always had a limited vocabulary at their disposal.

After they retired, they'd speak English less and less, because they spoke

Italian more and more: with relatives, each other. So they started losing their

English. Now, my mother, I feel bad for her because she feels really isolated. I

have to go over there all the time to help her out and do things for her. Nobody

around her speaks - well, actually there's one neighbor who lives down the block,

but he doesn't come over regularly. He speaks Italian. And my mother can speak

good Italian, not just Sicilian. She learned Italian in school - they didn't learn

Sicilian in school - it was all Italian. All the books, almost everything written is in

Italian, not Sicilian. So my mother can speak formal Italian.

My mother's family - she had three brothers and three sisters - they all

came here in the 20's and 30's, I guess. They all left my mother with her parents

in Corleone. My mother was the youngest one, so she was the one who had to

take care of her parents, and everybody else took off for America. When her

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parents died, then she and my father came to the U.S. too. I don't think my father

really wanted to, but my mother wanted to go join her brothers and sisters, so

that's what they did.

My father, believe it or not, was born here. He was born in 1911, and his

parents took him back to Italy when he was two years old. I never really got the

actual reason why they went back; I think it was that they still had land over there

in Corleone. Everybody is maybe a farmer, or you know, you have a piece of land

that you farm. And my parents both had several pieces of land. They must have

had 25 acres together. So it was a lot. But it wasn't together, the 25 acres; it was

little plots of land here and there. And they also had vineyards. They had small

crops like tomatoes and fruits. There are a lot of fruits that grow wild, like prickly

pears. There are prickly pears all over the place.

My parents used to go back every few years to visit relatives and to sell

off some of the land. My father's relatives were using some of it, but they really

had their own land and didn't need it or anything. And as he got older, my father

started worrying that if he died, we might lose that land. He was afraid that I

would never be able to sell it on my own, because I didn't speak any Italian, and I

didn't speak Sicilian that well. Also, I'm not really a businessman, so he wanted

to get it taken care of.

See, going back to Sicily, you have to speak either Sicilian or Italian. They

don't speak English at all. My cousin's sons took it in school, but they really can't

carry on a conversation. I think they're impressed at what I still remember in

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Sicilian and they're glad of that. Whenever I speak to them on the phone, they

say, "Wow, you still speak Sicilian. I can't believe it! After 50-some years!" Even

though when they speak fast, they might use words that I won't understand, you

know. And sometimes I don't have the words for what I want to say in Sicilian..

Oh yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah, that happens, but you have to get around it by you know, trying to explain-if you come up with an idea that you want to say, you can't say it one way, you have to come up with another way of saying it. And you kind of explain what you mean instead of maybe using a particular word that you just don't have in your vocabulary anymore. Or that I ever did. I don't know if I ever did, because I'm sure there's a lot more words in Sicilian than I ever learned.

You know-

I wish I knew how many words were in my Sicilian vocabulary. I should

make a little study, because I have a Sicilian dictionary, to see what words I do

know and use, and write them all down.

I still have a lot of cousins over there. My father had three brothers, and

they all had children. He had a sister too, who died. But there's only one cousin

that I remember from Sicily, from when I was a kid. She was about four years old

or something when I left, but when I went back to visit, I remembered her and she

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remembered me. It's been awhile since I've spoken to them. I should call. I call

them, like once a year or something. My mother speaks to them more often. They

used to write - a lot. And now, we don't write as much - of course I can't write

Sicilian. If I do, it'll be all misspellings and everything. And I probably don't

even say it properly anymore either. That's the problem. I've only kept the

Sicilian I've spoken with my parents.

I never took Italian, formal Italian, until I took a sabbatical in 1990. That

was a really long time to wait to learn it. And I'm ashamed of that. But I didn't

get the opportunity to take Italian in school. I went to parochial schools, and they

offered two languages, French or Spanish, and that's it. So you took French,

because that was the more cultured language. I remember high school teachers

telling us that, "If you intend to go to college and graduate school, you have to

take French." That was the language of education and of research. I knew I was

going to be an English teacher, and I knew I wanted to go to graduate school. And

also my history teacher, who was also a French teacher, advised the class, "You'd

better take French. You're going to have to learn it."

So, I took Italian for the first time in 1990.1 took two semesters of it. It

wasn't bad, because I knew a lot of the vocabulary. But the grammar in Italian is

fairly difficult - the endings and all that. Sicilian has some of those endings, but

the endings are much different in Sicilian, because you kind of slur the word - or

at least to us it seemed like slurring. It was different. Some of the vocabulary was

different too, but you know, I didn't have a big store of Sicilian vocabulary

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anyway. I just had that small amount that we spoke, you know. I had taken Latin

in high school, and that helped me with the spelling. I remember one morning in

high school, I set a record. Twelve guys asked me for my Latin homework! All

these guys wouldn't do their homework, and they knew I knew a little bit of it, but

I wasn't that good in it, you know. I still had to work at it. And Latin was hard

too. There are a lot of endings different from Sicilian or Italian.

During this sabbatical, you could take anything you wanted, so I also took

Ancient Greek. I thought it wouldn't be too hard, but it was difficult as it could

be! I got an A- in it, but I don't know how I did it. The professor liked me,

because I knew a lot about the Greeks. It was a very small class, only about five

people. Who'd be crazy enough to take Ancient Greek? I also took Greek Art and

Architecture, and I got an A on that course. For the paper, you could pick your

own topic. I did it on Ancient Sicilian coins, and this professor - she had a PhD

from Harvard and she had been published in the American Journal of Archeology,

had written lots of books and articles - well, she loved it. She gave me an A on

the paper. I also took Roman Art and I did a paper on the Roman mosaics. I got an

A on that one two. I love this stuff! To me, this was all fun, and except for the

Greek language, it was all easy. I had to read it, you know, but it was a labor of

love for me. So that was my only claim to fame in writing. I really want to write

about this, but I've only written term papers.

But you know, I wish I had taken that Italian course before I went back to

Sicily. Because I went to Sicily in 89 with my father, and I took the Italian course

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in 90-91. So I couldn't really use it with my relatives. And they could speak and

understand Italian, because they had all been to school. There's a movement now

to really teach kids Sicilian as well as Italian in school. This professor I know

brings people from Sicily over, mayors and people like that, and a lot of them

have spoken of the fact that they're trying to keep the Sicilian language intact. It's

the same idea as kids in France, let's say, growing up learning English and French

at the same time, and seeing the whole world is speaking English and maybe

trying to lose their French heritage and language. I don't think the French are

going to go for that at all. And nobody likes to lose a language. I'm sure that's

happening in every country where there's a dialect that's different from the main

language in the country.

For me, Sicilian was definitely a family language. I only spoke it with my

family. And even then, the Sicilian that we spoke, I'm sure was a lot different

from what was spoken over there. Because I remember my parents would always

include English words in their Sicilian. That happened a lot. To this day, when my

mothers speaks to anyone over there in Sicily, because she still calls them back

and forth, and I remember her saying so many things that were really English

words that were Italianized. I said to her, "They're not going to understand you.

I would say Sicilian is part of who I am, rather than a tool. Because using

it as a tool would mean that you would use it to get somewhere or do something

with it, but I don't use it in that sense. I use it only to communicate with my

parents and now Teresa. But I certainly wouldn't use it as a tool let's say to

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project myself into Italian society or a literary circle. I certainly couldn't. I would

be more ashamed to speak Italian or Sicilian with someone else because it's so

limited. I can barely read it.

I speak only with my mother. And of course if a word fails me, either

she'll help me or I'll try to say something that's similar to it. But you know, that

doesn't happen too often, because we only speak about simple things anyway. So

we don't really need all these other words. It's still very limited in the number of

words I would use. I wouldn't be able to speak, even with let's say an educated

Sicilian. I wouldn't be able to keep up a really long conversation. I could speak

only about simple things.

My father always told stories. Everyone would gather around on holidays, you know, whenever we would all get together, and my father would be going from one story to another to another We have a couple of tapes of him telling stories. Unfortunately not enough. We may have gotten him maybe two times, andjustlethimsit and tell stories one after another. I think my brother videotaped him too, once. Boy I wish I had all those stories that he told, you know. He told so many of them, that we would say, "Oh my God, no more stories.

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Please!" But now I wish I had them.

My mother read to me I don't know if she would actually read them She would tell me a lot of stories when we were in Sicily. I remember I think it was mostly the cunti, which were all in Sicilian, that she had heard as a child. And then there were little proverbs too, like two or three lines or something like that. I remember there were a lot of those, but boy I don't remember very many of them at all I should get her here, put the tape on her and let her tell me all the stories that she would tell me when I was a young kid. Before I went to school.

My kids - my son took Italian in school, but my daughter took French. At

home, we didn't really teach the kids any Italian or Sicilian. Unfortunately. They

would hear us speak it if we didn't want them to understand what we were saying,

and they heard it at family get-togethers. In fact sometimes they would complain,

"Can we speak a language that we all understand?" But we never really taught

them. And I think they resent that. To this day. I think they would have liked for

us to teach them a few things. Just like my parents almost resented the fact that

we didn't really teach them enough English. My wife and I rarely spoke Sicilian

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when the kids were younger. Now we do more, much more often. Like if we're

out and we want to say something privately, we'll speak Sicilian.

I'm not sure how much my son and daughter understand, when my mother

is talking. Over the years, they've picked up some Sicilian, because the families

got together so often. My in-laws lived down the street, and my parents didn't live

far away, so we spent a lot of time together. I know that they understood much

more after they took French and Italian in school, because some of the vocabulary

is the same. I found the same thing myself, after I studied Italian, when I spoke to

my mother, I knew a lot more words, and even if I said an Italian word instead of

Sicilian, my mother would understand it, because she knows both Italian and

Sicilian. But usually, the kids speak to my mother in English. Thomas will speak

to her in Italian sometimes, and she appreciates that. But he learned it in school,

so other than a few phrases- and he really can't understand if she speaks at a

normal pace to him. So usually she speaks broken English and broken Italian.

You know, learning a language in a school situation, you learn grammar and you

learn vocabulary, but you really don't know how to have a conversation.

My mother still asks people everywhere she goes, "You speak Italian?"

She's so funny. My father always did that too. He'd go up to some guy who

looked like a Viking or something, and say, "You speak Italian?" Everywhere

they went, they always hoped that someone would speak Italian. There was a girl

at the bank who spoke Sicilian, believe it or not. My mother loved her; she would

always talk to her. But she got transferred to another bank or something. She's not

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there anymore. My mother's doctor speaks Italian, and that makes her a lot more

comfortable. Although I've heard him speak, and he doesn't speak that well. He

speaks a very formal Italian; he's very careful in the words he uses. But it makes

my mother feel better.

I would love to know more. Especially Italian, because I know so little. I

try to read the newspaper sometimes and I can't, you know? I buy the newspaper

for my mother on Sundays, and there's a magazine in it with all these tourism

articles. A lot of them have to do with Sicily, and I'm trying to read it, and I can't.

I have to ask her, "What does this mean? What does that mean?" I would like to

learn more in both really. Because Italian is so beautiful, and on the other hand,

I'd want more Sicilian, because it's my language, and I'm beginning to appreciate

it more, as I learn more about the cultural contributions of Sicily, and all the

things there are to be proud of.

Because you see this professor has got all this poetry written in Sicilian, and there was this actual there was this Sicilian poet who died only a few years ago, there's a picture of him in one of those magazines. In fact I think I brought it up [looking around toward the stuff he'd brought up from downstairs]. He had his obituary in the NY Times and his name was Vincent Anecone, Vinchenza Anecone. And he wrote this book­let me see where it is. [Going to look through the things he'd brought up] Oh, let me show you this first.

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Yeah here he is. And he wrote a book called Maladito La Lengua Which is translated into Damn Language. Because, as a poet, I guess he feels that he can not get all his ideas out into Sicilian. [Reading from the magazine or book jacket] "Anecone was an embodiment of the long-lived Sicilian institution, the natural poet. That is, a poet who was endowed by nature with a quick wit, an extraordinarily developed memory, Anecone could recite for hours without ever referring to a written text." Wow! That's like Homer!

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CHAPTER V

VARIATIONS ON A THEME - COMMON THREADS

While each person's story is unique, there are commonalities evident

among their experiences as well. In this chapter, I present an analysis and

discussion of themes that relate across the participants' stories. The themes are

presented in italics as first-person "I" statements, which reflect the essence as

established via analysis of a particular aspect of the participants' experiences.

These themes pertain to three main areas and are discussed in the following

sections:

1) Feelings about Language Proficiency, What it Means to Know a Language, and

the Struggle to Develop and Maintain Languages in the United States

2) The Relationship between Language and Self, and Issues about English as a

Replacement Language

3) Obstacles and Hopes - The Role of Responsibilities, Time, Exposure, and

Effort in Heritage Language Development for Themselves and Their Children.

Each section includes an analysis of the findings that contribute to each

theme and concludes with a discussion of these findings in light of the related

literature. As previously mentioned, Joseph, Ella, William and Nari often used the

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term Chinese without specifying Cantonese, Taiwanese, or Mandarin. The written

form of the language is the same across all three dialects. The use of the term

American refers to people accepted as members of the United States and is not

meant to refer to people from Central or South America.

Feelings about Language Proficiency, What it Means to Know a Language and How Languages are Learned and Lost in the United States

How proficient I feel in my heritage language is complex It varies over time, from situation to situation, in comparison to others, and with my level of confidence.

The way the participants described their proficiency in the heritage

language varied depending on how formal the situation was, what the specific

topics were, who was involved in the interaction, and how confident the

participant felt. Nari expressed the most variation in her view of her proficiency

over time, with waves of loss and growth depending on her circumstances and

opportunities to use her language at the time. For Ella, Nari, and Dino, especially,

the way they described their proficiencies also varied from session to session and

even within a session. There was a balance between talk of loss and limitations

and mention of the positive aspects of their proficiency.

Nari talked about feeling comfortable in conversational Korean with

family and friends. In understanding more complex topics such as current events,

vocabulary is a problem for her, and understanding fast speech can be problematic

as well:

With my parents, it's fine. Well, they're my parents; it's fine. Because they - I-I know I make a lot of mistakes when I'm speaking, and

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sometimes I do feel a little intimidated when I have to go speak to another Korean adult. But when it's to my parents or family friends or something like that, I feel- and it comes out easily. But when I feel intimidated, it doesn't come out as well. Because I know I make a lot of mistakes. And I never had any formal education in Korean. I just picked up what was being spoken at home. The writing, the reading, I just did it all by myself. And I still have a lot to do. (Nari, Int.l, p.6)

If someone reads the newspaper to me in Korean, I wouldn't understand everything. The words are just too difficult. Even watching the news, I can't really understand everything. And they speak so fast. (Nari, Int.l, p.8)

So, my Korean is limited, but I mean, I get the point across, and I can have a conversation with anyone. But if you were to put me in a room with a college professor or something, I might have some difficulties. (Int.1, p.7)

I can talk to my mom's friend like I'm her girlfriend. But formal language is totally- (Nari, Int.1, p. 18)

Because my pronunciation's all off. I know that. You know, I don't have the best pronunciation; I was never taught formally, how to pronounce this or that, and since I don't know the exact writing system, I know how to write as I say it, but I don't know how to write as it should be. (Nari, Int.l, p.43).

As Nari described the way that feeling intimidated by a situation and losing

confidence impacts her parents and husband in speaking English, she related that

concept to herself with Korean:

That's what it is! That's how I feel about Korean too. That's - it's totally what it is and I feel myself shrink. Like it's not just the language, but you know, language is everything. If you can't speak, then your whole confidence level just - [gestures like something flying away]. You can't express yourself. People don't know what you're like, because you're so quiet and I guess that's what it is. It's very intimidating when you're not -when you don't have a full grasp of the language. You know, when you can't be in certain situations and stuff like that. And actually, I think if I didn't have that kind of thought in my head, I could probably do it, but it's just- it's all psychological. It's all needless worry. I could probably do fine, but it's just - 1 don't know. (Nari, Int. 1, pp.40-41)

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Ella generally expressed pride in her oral language proficiency,

particularly in her accent and fluency; it is her difficulties with reading and

writing that cause her concern:

My reading level is not what it used to be. f would say I'm definitely like at first or second grade level. I can read simple words, you know, off the menu? I can pretty much guess what it is. If it's complicated, I can't do it anymore. (Ella, Int. 1, p. 1)

If you're asking me if that's cat or dog on the board, I can tell you what it is. I can read like kindergarten level books. I read to my son, y'know, using my old Chinese books, which I still have, I'm reading to him with them. Some of the children's books I can read. I've ordered some of them on the Internet for him, so I can read to him at night? Some of the words, I can do, and some of the words I can't. It's either a word I've never used or I'm not familiar - if it's a word I've seen over and over again like dog, cat, day, sun - y'know, then that, I can do. I've done flash cards with him. You know, those I can do. So yeah, I'm like at, seriously, a very elementary school level. But you can't tell when I speak to you in Chinese. (Ella, Int.l,pp.l7-18)

We go into a restaurant, I could sit there and order off the menu, have a full blown conversation with the guy, and the guy would never know that I was born here. Ninety-eight percent of the time they're shocked when I tell them I'm American born. (Ella, Int.l, p.37)

Well they're shocked. Ninety-eight percent of the time, most American-born Chinese, like myself, don't speak it fluently or if they do speak it, it's- you could tell. Their intonation is not right, they don't use expressions right. They're not fluent. I can literally pass as being a native. And it's happened. Where they're shocked. Or they think I was born there and came here at an older age. (Ella, Int.4, p. 17)

However, she also acknowledged some lexical gaps and a lack of familiarity with

formal spoken language:

Because certain words in Chinese, I'm not even quite sure what they are. Sometimes it's [the news] very, very complicated. Like they use certain words, and I'm like, "What's that?" And I'll have to have someone explain it to me. (Ella, Int.2, p.39)

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See, I've never heard formal really, when you think about it (Ella, Int.2, P-40)

Like sometimes I'll listen to the song and I could pick up key words. Like he's talking about his love and how much he misses her and that, so that's not so bad. You know, that's more simple. But if they're using like - 1 don't know - like they're doing it like a poem? That, I can't do. I can't-1 can't do that, [with a laugh]. That is never gonna work for me. (Ella, Int.2, p.41)

Dino used the word fluent to describe his Sicilian, as long as he is talking

with family and relatives. He explained that since he has heard Sicilian all his life

from his parents, he is usually able to understand fast speech. It's the limited

vocabulary that can be a problem, although he can usually understand the basic

meaning, depending on the topic. He says he isn't comfortable speaking Sicilian

outside the family:

She [my wife] can speak fluent Sicilian just like I can, but only with, you know, my mother. (Dino, Int.2, p. 14)

Now? Yeah, always in English, (disappointed tone) I don't think in Sicilian anymore. Very rarely, would I- you know-1 might think of how I would say something in Sicilian. (Dino, Int.2, p.30)

A lot of times when you speak- if you're speaking in Sicilian and you can't come up with a word, then you'd have to say it in English and then try to get around some kind of translation of it, and that's not easy to do. You know, you have to think of a concept or something like that. Because I don't know every Sicilian word. I have a very limited vocabulary. (Dino, Int.3,p.l8)

Well, because I speak only with my mother. And of course, if a word fails me, either she'll help me or I'll try to say something that's similar to it, if I can't think of a particular word or phrase. But you know, that doesn't happen too often, because, you know, I speak- we only speak about simple things anyway. (Dino, Int.3, p.52) But they [relatives in Sicily] would say a lot of things- well not a lot, but a few things that I wouldn't understand. They were using idioms too. (Dino, Int.3, p.54)

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For example with Professor Martelli [an acquaintance from the Sicilian cultural organization that Dino belongs to], you know I've said a few things in Sicilian with him, but I certainly would not be able to keep up a long conversation. (Dino, Int.3, p.53)

William was fairly consistent throughout the interviews in describing his

proficiency in both of his heritage languages. Similar to Dino and Nari, he says he

finds it difficult to communicate in the languages outside the family. Both

vocabulary and the speed of spoken language interfere. Even with his parents, he

is limited in the topics he can handle; he says he doesn't have the vocabulary:

So now at home, we - well with my parents only we speak predominantly Taiwanese. So Mandarin's more forgotten now. I can still barely get by with a few words here and there. And in Taiwanese, also, you know, you're not using it as much, so it's predominantly all English. (William, Int. 1, pp. 1-2)

Now, if somebody speaks to me in Chinese, either Mandarin or Taiwanese, I lost the vocabulary, so I have to rethink what the English meaning is. And that's how I understand it. I mean there's still the basics that you still understand. The main words, you don't have to think about them because you already know. But it's the vocabulary that's just getting smaller and smaller as the years go by. (William, Int.1, p.6)

I can understand a few words when I hear people talking in the Registration Office, but not all. Yeah, I'm frustrated, but what can I do? They're trying to talk to me, and I go, "Well, I don't understand all the words." Sometimes I start in Chinese (M, T), and in a few words, I go, "Okay, to understand what I'm saying, then it's back to English." (William, Int.1, pp.51-52)

I speak slowly. You know how it is: somebody is speaking too fast, and all that. My understanding even before, my Mandarin and Taiwanese, we speak in a nice natural tone. We don't just blurt it all out - like in the Registration Office, they're talking a mile a minute. The way I was brought up, we speak in a nice normal tone, no rush. (William, Int.1, p.51) Well, I couldn't really talk about current events, but other matters, like family things, [in answer to my question about being able to talk about topics such as the terrorist attacks on Sept 11th, or politics, or the president

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- something like that] That's into bigger words; I wouldn't know the meaning or how to say it. [Could he understand it?] Not all the big words, you know. Because I don't use those. I never really was exposed to it, so I never would know until it was explained to me what it was. And then you have to piece it together. (William, Int.3, pp.27-28)

How they felt their language proficiency compared to others, and the

praise they received from family members and other native speakers, provided an

added perspective. Ella and Dino, in particular, seemed to take comfort in this.

Dino spoke of enjoying the compliments he received from his relatives in Sicily:

But I think they were very surprised that I still remember my Sicilian. So they were glad of that. And whenever I speak to them on the phone, they still, "Wow, you still speak Sicilian -1 can't believe it! After 50-some years." So yeah, I think they're impressed. Even though, when they speak fast, they might use a word here and there that I don't understand. (Dino, Int.2, p.24)

Ella frequently referred to the fact that her proficiency compares favorably to her

sisters, cousins, and other American-born Chinese speakers. She feels she isn't as

proficient as she would like to be, particularly in reading and writing, but she is

successful in comparison to others and has been praised by family members and

other native speakers:

I was in Hong Kong one summer. And people were like, they were very surprised that I was American-born. Because my accent, my diction is perfect. I speak like a native. My sister you can tell from a mile away. My cousins, oh my God, it's very bad having a conversation with them sometimes. It's like, "Stop! Stop!" Like sometimes you're out in public and you don't want to say things, y'know, so my cousin will say to me in Chinese, "Oh wow, look at that!" And I'm like, "Okay, I got it. Don't say it anymore. It's so wrong!" (Ella, Int.1, p.36)

She goes, "Your Chinese is so much better than mine." My cousin's Chinese is spoken- like it's very elementary. I'm more, I'm very very far more advanced than she is. I'm more fluent than she is. And she said to

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me, "I would never be able to have a conversation with anybody. I would feel embarrassed." She would feel embarrassed. (Ella, Int l , p.37)

Oh I was fine. In fact, my uncle was impressed. Very impressed. He would literally be yelling at my sister, "What's wrong with you?" Why can't you speak Chinese?" (Ella, Int.4, p. 16)

My mother is proud. She's like, "Oh this is my daughter; she speaks Chinese so well. This one [sister] can't speak to save her life!" (Ella, Int.4, p. 17)

Then you have cases like my cousins who understand you, but they can't respond. Or they respond, but you don't want them to because it sounds so bad. It's like, "Okay, don't. I know what you're trying to say. Don't say it anymore." It's like my sister. She understands - like I'll say to her something in Chinese, she'll understand exactly what I'm saying, but when she starts to respond to me, it's like, "Oh my God, it's so bad. Don't, don't." (Ella, Int.4, pp.20-21)

Nari is appreciative of the praise she receives from her parents' friends

and the fact that her parents are proud of how well she compares to others who

had immigrated to the United States as young children. However her relative

success has not eased her frustration:

With my Korean skills now, I mean, people think that I do well, because we have-my parents' friends have all immigrated around the same time we did, and their kids they can't speak any Korean at all. They're just not-So they're very impressed with the way I speak Korean, but I don't think it's enough. (Nari, Int l , p.20)

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William's mention of how he compares favorably to others was confined

to his proficiency in English, although he expressed a lack of confidence in it as

well. He seemed to enjoy the irony that that there were people who have been in

the United States longer, but who appeared to be less proficient in English than

he. Joseph did not compare his proficiency to others; he mentioned his cousins'

difficulties with Chinese, but explained that they were American-born, so it was

to be expected. He offered praise for foreign-bom teachers who spoke and wrote

Chinese well in his school in Hong Kong. He did compare himself to others in

talking about his interest in academic and literary language, and his motivation to

pursue both languages in depth rather than settling for functional language.

Both Joseph and William talked about the proficiency of Chinese heritage

language speakers who were born in the United States, but their stories reflected

opposite experiences. Joseph reported that his U.S.-born cousins have very

limited proficiency in Chinese; he has always had to speak English with them.

Some do not speak or understand Chinese at all. This situation is particularly

likely when one of the parents or their spouse does not speak Chinese and/or they

live in communities with few opportunities to use the language. William talked

about the opposite situation for his in-laws and others who spend most of their

time in a Chinese-speaking community, "Because her family lived in Chinatown,

they were here longer than we were and still can't speak English" (William, Int l ,

p.37).

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Of all of the participants, Joseph appeared to have the most confidence in

the heritage language. Although he experienced a drop in his Chinese proficiency

as he concentrated on learning English, "you'll suddenly realize you're searching

for words" (Log 1, p.4), he has since made a concerted effort to regain and further

develop his language. He also had the most formal education in Chinese of all of

the participants, and he mentioned building on that foundation to regain his

Chinese. At the time of the interviews, he felt that he could communicate

comfortably in spoken English and Cantonese, and he spoke about the benefits of

reading classical literature in both English and Chinese. Interestingly, for Joseph,

the whole idea of proficiency levels and language dominance couldn't be more

irrelevant. In his opinion, he is never finished learning in either language:

I really try to catch up on both. And I'm still far away from both, Chinese and English. That's the way I look at it. Learning is an endless process....So you can't really stop, just whatever you can do in your lifetime. You have to pursue it. I don't really have a scorecard saying how much I learned of this. It's still too far away for me to keep score anyway. (Joseph, Int.3, pp.8-9)

Reading and writing are part of knowing my language.

Joseph and Ella, in particular, talked about literacy as an essential part of

proficiency in a language. For Ella, without literacy she could consider herself

only half-way proficient:

I mean it's not unusual to find a lot of American-born Chinese, like myself, who are sort of like half-way. They can either speak it, or you know - and have absolutely no level of reading - or you have some level of reading and writing, but to a lower level, you know. (Ella, Int.4, p.20)

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I guess I feel illiterate. That's exactly what I am. I tell my husband that. "I'm an illiterate. How am I any better than the people who can only speak English but can't read and write?" I'm functioning like an illiterate. It has the same feel, it does. I mask it really well, because most people would never guess. But I am an illiterate. (Ella, Int.5, pp.21-22)

But I don't, It's almost like I'm ashamed that I'm I'm not fluent in writing and reading. I'm illiterate. Seriously. I'm not, you know -I can have a conversation with any of these people without a problem. They will never know that I can't read and write. It's something you don't -you really don't want to advertise it. (Ella, Int. 4, pp.4-5)

Joseph expressed a similar opinion, "I consider language you can not read or write

is not fully complete. So you have to read and write and listen" (Int.1, p.34).

Later, he talks about the importance of reading and writing as part of the Chinese

language and culture, "If you learn Chinese, you should learn how to read the

language as well. Because the writing is part of the language and culture. And

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scholastically, it gives you some value. There's some value to it" (Joseph, Int. 5,

p.53).

Nari expressed frustration at her current literacy level in Korean. She has

some basic knowledge from the children's books her father would bring home,

but not enough to be able to read as she would like:

I can read partially. But I won't get the full meaning. To pick up a book- it defeats the purpose. I mean, I'm not even up to that level yet. I just- augh, forget it. I'll read like newsletters or something if it's being sent home or advertisements. Little things, short things. I can read those, but if it's going to be a book or a newspaper or something - augh. I'll read magazines, like the entertainment magazines, and the decorations in the cookbooks and stuff like that. I can read that. But I won't get committed to something too long. (Nari, Int.1, p. 18)

I would just love to pick up a nice novel in Korean and be able to read it. But I'm not, I'm just - 1 know I can't, so, I won't bother. But I would love to one day. (Nari, Int. 1, p. 19)

Nari's non-standard Korean writing was included in the negative criticism that

she received from co-workers. She uses a form of writing that would be similar to

invented spelling, which is often found in the writing of elementary school

children as they begin to learn to write in English. "Since I don't know the exact

writing system, I know how to write it as I say it, but I don't know how to write it

as it should be" (Int.1, p.43). She found the criticism bothersome, "I got really

offended. You know, it was really like, 'You're making fun of me here!" (Nari,

Int.1, p.43). She acknowledged that this may not have been their intent, but that's

the way it came across. "Well, I perceived it as making fun; they perceived it as

just helping me out." (Nari, Int. 1, p.43).

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Dino included literacy in discussing the limitations to his proficiency

which prevented him from using his language outside the family:

I would be more ashamed to speak Italian or Sicilian with someone else because it's so limited. My language is really limited. I can barely read it. I can read the Italian, but you have to take a little time to remember how to pronounce certain words, and you can't go too fast. And their words in Italian are not hard to pronounce whatsoever. But still, it takes a little time to read it. It's just like trying to read French. (Dino, Int.3, pp.63-64)

I used my heritage language only with my family, and now, the way I speak doesn 't work outside the family

Nari, Dino, and William all had little or no formal education in their

heritage languages and no opportunity to speak their languages outside the home

past the age of seven. Their development of their heritage language stopped. In

Nari's case, it was age two, although after her family moved to New York, she

had opportunities to speak Korean with her parents' friends and to hear Korean at

church. This resulted in a limited version of the language combined with English

influences. It works to communicate within the family, but using it with others is

problematic:

Well that's what it became for us. It was only a family language. I would only speak Sicilian with my family....You'd feel embarrassed outside the family. And even the Sicilian that we spoke was a lot different from what was spoken over there. Because I remember my parents would always include English words in their Sicilian. That happened a lot. To this day, when my mother speaks to anyone over there in Sicily, because she still calls them back and forth, and I remember her saying so many things that were really English words that were Italianized. I said, "They're not going to understand what you're saying." (Dino, Int. 2, pp.21-22)

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As Dino's wife expressed it, "There is such a thing as grammatical Sicilian, and

I'm afraid that neither one of us speaks it. We get by in our own little circle. You

don't go out in the world with that language." Dino echoed those sentiments, "No,

we wouldn't even attempt it" (Int.3, p.67).

William explained that neither he nor his brother would be comfortable

speaking Taiwanese outside the family. In describing his communication with his

parents, he said, "Well, when you speak with them, you mix in everything,

English and Taiwanese, so that you understand." (William, Int.1, p.9) His wife is

in a similar situation. She grew up speaking Cantonese and learned English at

school. Now she is no longer comfortable speaking Cantonese with anyone

outside her family.

Nari talked about being able to speak Korean with family and close family

friends, "they're my parents; it's fine" (Nari, Int.1, p.6), but in speaking with

others she feels self-conscious about her pronunciation and the mistakes she

makes. She notices that her speech patterns appear in her niece's Korean as well.

Carrie lived with Nari's family from the time Carrie was an infant, and as a

teenager, Nari spent a lot of time taking care of her. "It's very Americanized

Korean. And I laugh when I hear her talk because it's like: she says the things that

I say. It's really funny. It's like I left a really big dent on her [laughing]" (Nari,

Int.2, p.25).

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Use it or Lose it - When I used my language less, I started to lose it

If you don't use a language, you will lose it. All of the participants said

this. There was no doubt or surprise expressed when they made this statement.

The tone always implied that they were stating the obvious. When I waited for

more elaboration, participants continued with, "of course" or "that's easy" and

made reference to other languages to show that it is a universal phenomenon, not

limited to their particular language:

You lose your native language. I mean, if you don't use it, of course you will [lose it]. You won't know the pragmatics of the language, or you won't know this and-1 mean, how can you possibly know all- your brain's not that capable, [laughing] you know....You can't be expected to know French if you didn't use it for 10 years, [laughing] you know- It's ridiculous. Your brain is a big muscle. If you want to use it, you've got to keep stimulating it. So if you don't use it, what are you going to do? You're going to lose it. That's why I'm very conscious of my Korean. Because I know I'm slowly losing it. I really know. (Nari, Int.1, p.46)

Yes, if you have not used it, yes you will lose it. How can a person lose their language? Well that's easy. If you don't use it, for example, like-well, you can talk to anyone - French, any language. It's the same way, if you have not used French in the United States for a long time, you will lose it too. (Joseph, Int.1, p.34).

In talking about the difficulty of maintaining the heritage language for

children in the U.S. as they grow older, William said, "They don't use it, they

forget." (Int.2, p.37) He acknowledged the same situation for himself, "I wish I

could retain more, practice more. But that's the way things go. If you don't use it,

you start losing some" (William, Int.1, p.62).

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Joseph also addressed the issue of loss in talking about his son's language

and the decisions he and his wife have made about their language use in the

home:

We speak half and half. I use English most of the time with him. My mother, my wife uses Chinese because I'm afraid that he may lose it. So they're using that, and that's why he goes to Chinese School. (Int.l, p.45)

When they concentrated on English and limited their use of the heritage

language, the participants in this study began to experience loss in their language.

The loss can take several forms. It can be a loss of confidence in grammar,

fluency, and/or the ability to understand fast speech (Nari, William, Dino). It can

be a reduction in vocabulary, so that they find themselves searching for words

(Joseph, Ella). Or it may be limited development of vocabulary and grammar, so

that the language does not develop complexity (Nari, William, Dino). Loss or lack

of development of reading and writing is also recognized by the participants as

language loss.

Dino used the word loss to refer to language that was not passed on to the

next generation. He had asked me about my heritage and the languages involved.

I explained that there was Norwegian on my father's side of the family, and that

my grandfather spoke Norwegian before he spoke English, but he had not

continued the Norwegian language with any of the children, which meant that I

never learned it either. Dino responded with, "You lost it" (Dino, Int.1, p.60).

In the communities where they lived, no one specifically told the

participants not to use their home language; in most cases it just wasn't natural to

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use anything but English outside the home. It was the situation, not a rule, which

dictated their language use:

It was kind of a forced transition...It happened I'm sure because I went to school. I would hear my schoolmates speaking and I'm sure I wanted to speak like them. (Dino, Int.2, p.2)

Oh. There was no one who spoke Italian. No one at all. Most of them were not Italian anyway, there was-yeah, some school friends were Italian, but none of them spoke Italian. Their parents were probably all-most of them were born here. Yeah, I remember in elementary school, I never had anyone who was-I remember one kid in high school, who was Italian. He was born in Italy, but he didn't speak Sicilian. He was born somewhere in northern Italy maybe or central Italy, and he I think I may have had like a small conversation with him, but we spoke English mostly. He was the only Italian kid who I remember, who I ever spoke Italian with. You know, even slightly. All my friends in school, in elementary school, no one spoke Italian.

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No one understo-as far as I know, no one understood Italian. (Dino, Int.2, p. 19)

And I remember in the 50-some-odd children in my class, also a lot of Italian names, but I don't remember anyone who said they were able to speak Italian. So none of them had been born in Italy. I think I was the only immigrant child. (Dino, Int.2, p.36)

Joseph described his situation and how it affected his language choices:

So actually no one really discouraged me from using Chinese outside the family, in a work or school situation. Some of the clubs in high school -they may have Oriental clubs - but even then, the people are not using Chinese or Japanese or Korean languages. All of us were using English anyway. So you pick up the point that basically it's appropriate to use English outside the home. (Joseph, Int.5, p.2)

There's no discouraging, but you can sense that this is a public situation and not a private home. You should use the local language - one thing is to improve your own skill, language skill. So you try to practice. The second thing is that you can get a little closer relationship with other people. I think that every country's the same. When I was shopping in France, if you can use the French language, they're a lot happier. No one really physically says, "Don't use this language." (Joseph, Int.5, pp. 1-2)

In elementary school in the United States, William didn't have a choice

about speaking English, "No, teachers weren't saying they would punish me if I

spoke Chinese. There was nobody to speak Chinese with" (Int.3, p.2). There were

very few Asian students and usually they spoke different dialects:

One year they had a new student, Asian, who couldn't speak English. They brought me over to translate - didn't speak the same language. I didn't say, but I was trying to say, "We can't communicate because it's not the same dialect." They thought it's just Chinese, all the same...Back then there weren't so many. (William, Int. 1, p 10)

In junior high, the situation was basically the same, "I went to a Catholic school

for junior high - seventh and eighth grade. There was only like one other Chinese

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kid there. We just spoke English," (William, Int.3, p. 15). In high school, there

was more opportunity to speak Chinese, but it didn't seem appropriate, "There

were kids from everywhere in high school, but you just spoke English....It wasn't

natural to speak Chinese" (William, Int.3, p. 16).

Although she lived in a primarily Hassidic community as a child, Ella had

opportunities to speak Chinese in her community when she was in elementary

school, "I did actually have classmates who spoke Chinese....there was a decent

Chinese community there. And it was very close to Chinatown," (Ella, Int.l, p.6).

This situation gave Ella the chance to use her Chinese more than others who

settled in communities with no other heritage language speakers. However, in

high school, there were only a few others of Chinese heritage "I think in the

whole school there could not have been more than ten of us, ten Asians," (Ella,

Int.l, pp.33-34) and only one who spoke Cantonese, "So, right, just the fact that

there are other people who are Chinese doesn't mean you're going to be able to

practice your language with them," (Ella, Int. 1, p.34).

I need both formal study in my language and a setting that requires me to use it in

order to develop and maintain it.

Returning to the native country where they would be forced to use it was

mentioned by all of the participants as the way to regain or build on limited development of the heritage language.

If you're in a situation where you would use it, if you get transferred to Taiwan, China, over there. Then you have to. You'll be forced into it and

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that's the way you are forced to pick it up as quickly as possible. (William, Int.2, p.38)

While that type of situation was recognized as possible in the United States, it was

considered unlikely. In most situations, it wasn't natural to speak anything but

English:

If we go to Hong Kong, that would help. But right now- you need a natural environment for it to flourish out, come forward. It's just like trying to force something that shouldn't be. Like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You could do it, but you have to continuously force yourself to do it, if you're here. (William, Int.2, pp.42-43)

In discussing options for their own children and for others who were born

here or came at an early age and experienced limited development, both Ella and

Joseph suggest spending some time in the home country:

You know, I had an opportunity to actually work in Hong Kong for a bank. And I almost took the position, which meant relocating the whole entire family back to Hong Kong, which I would have loved. Because that would have given my son the chance to be exposed and immersed in the language on a daily basis. (Ella, Int.2, pp.48-49)

My idea is I'd like to take him back for a summer and immerse him there, where he has no choice but to start answering people in Chinese - if he wants to get anything done. (Ella, Int.4, pp. 10-11)

When you have the interest and we can say well, okay, you can go back to China in the summer, when he gets to high school age or something like that. (Joseph, Int. 1, p.50)

I don't think it's just Chinese language. Maybe some Italian people go back to speak Italian and the French- or maybe they practice French at home and they go back to France to visit, this kind of thing. It's very common. (Joseph, Int.3, p. 16)

Nari's brother returned to Korea and started a school for English instruction. His

business is booming now, and he wanted Nari to come teach in his school. It's not

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possible for her because of other family obligations, but she plans to send her

daughter there when she is older. And she encourages her niece to take advantage

of the opportunity:

I mean if I weren't married, I'd be over there in a split second. I mean it'd be the perfect opportunity for me too, you know? Because I wanted-before I got married, I actually wanted to do that. I wanted to go to school in Korea, so that I could focus more on my Korean, and find a better job opportunity when I got back. But, I guess my husband got me first (laughing). (Nari, Int.2, p.60)

Dino and his wife agreed that being in a situation where the language is necessary

is the most effective way to develop a language, "You have to be in the country or

with a person who speaks the language and continue to speak it" (Dino, Int. 3,

p.8). Dino noticed an improvement in his Sicilian when he visited Sicily for a

couple of weeks and was forced to speak Sicilian in order to communicate with

his relatives.

The value of formal schooling in the heritage language was also

recognized for the background and resources it provided. Ella credited the years

she spent in Chinese School for contributing to her proficiency. "I think a lot of it

was because I did go to school on a daily basis. I think that had a lot to do with

the fact that I'm able to speak fluently" (Ella, Int.5, p.l 1). Nari mentioned the lack

of formal training as an important factor in her limitations in Korean:

I was never taught formally, how to pronounce this or that, and since I don't know the exact writing system, I know how to write it as I say it, but I don't know how to write it as it should be. (Int. 1, p.43)

She complained to her parents for not providing her with Korean instruction, "At

one point I was really resentful to my parents. I'm like, 'Mom, if I had some

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formal training, I would be really, you know, who knows what I could do right

now!"'(Nari,Int.l,p.20).

Joseph stressed that his years of formal schooling in Hong Kong gave him

the background necessary to make his language easier to maintain than it was for

those who immigrated when they were younger. "For some, they came over here

too when they were younger, maybe two or three years old, maybe five or six. So

they never got the formal kind of Chinese education. So they don't have the

foundation" (Joseph, Int.1, pp.50-51). William, Dino, and Nari would fall into this

category. William and Dino arrived in the U.S. at age seven, and Nari came when

she was two. For Joseph, literacy is the key to reinforcing vocabulary and

rebuilding the language. When he found he was searching for words and having

difficulties in writing, it was reading that helped him. Dino noticed that his

Sicilian improved after studying Italian at a local university. He wished he had

studied it earlier, before his return visit to Sicily:

I remember speaking to my mother and knowing a lot more words after I took that Italian course. You know, and even if I said them in Italian rather than their Sicilian equivalents, my mother would understand it, because she understood Italian. You know, and I remember speaking to my father too, about the same idea. I wish I had taken that course before I went back to Sicily. (Dino, Int. 3, p.43)

I had no special help with English in the United States, so I struggled.

Experiences with formal instruction in English were not mentioned as

helpful, except by Joseph, who praised the English preparation he received at the

dual language school in Hong Kong. In addition to role plays and drama, which

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he found to be fun and motivating, the aspect of his formal training that he

stressed as most helpful was the fact that English was used as a medium of

instruction with no expectation to exit the program after a few years. Academic

content was learned through English, and the students were required to use it in a

purposeful way, in addition to learning about it as a separate subject. English was

also necessary to communicate with some of his teachers. "We had to deal with

some non-Chinese teachers, like the priests and some of the teachers from the

Philippines. They don't use Chinese, so we were kind of forced to use the

language, the English language" (Joseph, Int.l, pp. 1-2). Dino presented an

opposite view of the effectiveness of the English as a foreign language instruction

his cousin's children received in Sicily. When he visited there, they tried to speak

English with him, but they couldn't carry on a conversation. His comment was,

"But when you take it in school, you really don't learn" (Dino, Int l , p.64).

None of the participants received ESL instruction or any special assistance

in school in the United States. Dino and William both talked about feeling

completely lost for the first year or so. William described his experience:

They just threw you in class and for the first grade or so, just sat there, didn't do anything. Until I found out, near the end of the year or so, they go, "Where's your homework?" "What's homework?" "You're supposed to copy everything that's on the board."

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Never did it, just sat there and just watched. That's how it was very early. Because there wasn't, I guess the understanding? (William, Int.1, p.9)

And there was no help available to you. You didn't have tutoring or small group help back then. So it's just, you know, you try to do what you could. (William, Int.1, p.31)

How I coped? Just try harder, but you know, you just don't understand what's going on. I remember holidays, going to school; everybody's trying to tell you something. They say, "Oh, school's closed." I didn't understand what they were saying. So you go there, and nobody's there, so you just go back (William, Int.2, pp. 14-15)

For the first year you just sit there and that's it. Be a dummy. Well, not a dummy, but you know, you just sit there, see what's going on and that's it. (William, Int.2, p.24)

Dino remembered a similar situation:

I didn't know a word, and I was completely lost in that first year in public school. So they put me in the 2nd grade because that was my age. I was almost seven, so they put me in the 2nd grade, and I was like, "Oh God." I was absolutely completely lost. (Dino, Int.1, p. 12)

So I remember being in class and I have a picture of the class with me, and everybody's doing little activities and I'm the only one looking at the camera [laughing]. Lost, you know. I'm like, "What's going on? Are they taking a picture? I don't know." [laughing]

So finally we started in the Catholic elementary school, and it took me about two years to really get acclimated to learn a little bit of English. So, by the way, the first year I went into the Catholic school, I was in the 3rd grade, again completely lost, not knowing any English, so I couldn't really do much work. So I remember, that first couple of months, they had to put me back- after about two months of third grade, they had to put me back into the second grade. (Dino, Int.1, p. 13)

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Dino learned English from the extended family with whom he shared the same

house, as well as from peers at school and in the neighborhood. William learned

English by watching television:

Mostly it's TV that helps you, because that's the only thing you pick up on....You have the visuals to help you, and the cartoons repeat, so you try to understand it again next time. So the situation is like a rerun," (William, Int. 1, pp.31-32).

Although she was born in the U.S., Ella said that she didn't speak or

understand English at all when she started school. Her mother kept her on a strict

schedule; she wasn't allowed to watch TV or play with the neighborhood

children. She remembers the teacher physically leading her to the coat hooks,

because she didn't understand the directions:

I didn't understand it [English] at all. I remember going to pre-K - I'll never forget this - 1 don't know why I remember this - the little hooks?....The teacher physically took me to the hook and was pointing, and I'm like, "What's she saying to me?" But now it's strange. I told my husband about these things, and he's like, "That's so weird." And I'm like, "I know!" But you know, when you grow up and your mother is your sole caretaker and she's only speaking to you in Chinese and you're not allowed to really watch TV at that time, you know it's the early 60's. I mean, I was home with my mom all day and yeah, I only spoke Chinese. (Ella, Int.l,p.l 1-12)

There were no special classes for her either; Ella learned English by using it at

school and "At some point, it transitioned to be my main language" (Ella, Int.4,

p.4). She recalled nothing that helped her, although she remembers phonics and

spelling rules as confusing. The parts of speech and grammar rules undermine her

confidence. She relies on the sound of the language in editing her written work:

I don't feel as confident, even though I know I speak it well? I don't feel as confident when I'm writing: whether or not I'm using a noun or

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pronoun, or- I still don't get that, to this day. I mean, it just doesn't make sense to me. I don't know why I can't-1 mean, I know I'm using it right? I just don't know-1 can't tell you if it's a pronoun or- yeah, the parts of speech. And it's something I don't discuss openly with people, but you know. There are days when I sit there, and I doubt myself when I'm typing a letter. So I read it back to myself- "Does this sound right?" (Ella, Int.1, p.13)

Joseph spoke of "the struggle" and "survival" when he referred to his

experiences in school after he arrived in the United States:

It used to be we had no ESL teacher. You struggled. You learn English, you don't learn English - too bad! You fail! So you struggled, okay....when you go to the college track, they expect you to read certain books. Classical things. But you know, okay, you gotta survive! You learn to write compositions - real quick! The ideas aren't that bad because you have the ideas, but to put the English words together, you know, in a grammatical way...So you have to learn. That's the thing, you may not be the best, but you struggle through. (Joseph, Int. 2, pp.31-32)

In Joseph's situation, having arrived in the US with eight years of prior

experience in bilingual education in Hong Kong, for him, the struggle was a

positive motivator. He even criticized some of the current programs for providing

too much assistance to immigrants, "There are schools and all the other

organizations helping them. They become softer; they don't have that fighting

spirit" (Joseph, Int.2, p.30). Joseph maintained that there needed to be a balance

of challenge and help:

If you're helping them too much, then they lose that fighting spirit. Then it's out of balance. I think you have to have sufficient help but I think the help should be to help them build their own attitude. You have to set a goal, and you have to struggle for that a little bit. (Int.2, p. 32)

The years of dual language instruction in Hong Kong meant that Joseph came to

the United States with a foundation in English that helped him to feel challenged,

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rather than lost and overwhelmed. He also put a lot of effort into making

vocabulary lists to study from books and articles that he read, made friends with

others who shared his academic goals, and tried to listen to a variety of English

speakers such as broadcasters, actors, and public speakers.

William was less convinced about the value of the "struggle". While he

spoke of "force" as necessary to learning a language and criticized the bilingual

program for Spanish-speakers in his school for not forcing the students to use

English, "But of course, you're not forcing them, so they just become secluded

and speak Spanish throughout, and that's it....So now I can speak to you in my

native language, why am I- why do I need to force myself to learn English?"

(William, Int.1, p. 12). He also spoke with a definite edge in his voice about his

time "just sitting there" and "being a dummy". He talked about the difficulty of

finding a solution that will work for everyone:

Every situation's unique. I mean, do you just let them- force everybody to take the standard and if they fail, they fail? And if they excel, they excel? It's hard to say that, because they work with different individuals. So it's hard, you know, it's difficult. And it all depends on the individual. (Int.1, pp.57-58)

William still doesn't feel confident in English, "Well, I still need strength and

training in writing, and also some verbal skills. So, no, I still don't feel really

confident. Never really do" (Int.2, p.40).

Nari was the only one who remembered no difficulty with English when

she started school. She learned English from her older brothers, television, and the

community, which was a small town in Georgia. She spoke Korean with her

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parents and English with everyone else. Always interested in language and books,

by the time Nari started kindergarten, English was no problem.

In the United States, the participants were in situations where speaking

English was required. In school and the communities where they lived, they had

to speak English in order to communicate:

At first, we had gone to Georgia; we were the only Asian family for miles. I mean we were just the only Asian family - period. So my parents actually picked up English fairly quickly being that they were forced to do so. But, I mean they did still really mess up. (Nari, Int.1, p.2)

For Nari's brothers, English was necessary to try to fit in and avoid being targeted

for ridicule by classmates at school:

They were always picked on and they were telling me how people would point and laugh, and they wouldn't even know what they were pointing and laughing at...so they had no choice but to learn English really fast because they wanted to fit in...if they didn't want to get beat up or something like that. So that's what they did. (Nari, Int.1, pp.4-5)

In contrast to the assumption that is sometimes expressed by monolingual

English-speakers in the United States, the immigrants in this study clearly did not

resist learning English. The importance of the English language in this country

was well recognized, accepted, and even defended.

Discussion

The experiences of the participants in this study are consistent with the

trend documented by Lucy Tse in, Why Don't They Learn English?: Separating

Fact from Fallacy in the U.S. Language Debate (2001c). Despite the lack of

assistance available to them, they learned English and demonstrated strong, even

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high, academic achievement. They can all be considered success stories. They

also experienced, what Tse describes as the "primary language problem among

most immigrants" (p.29), heritage language loss when English takes over.

Similar to the reports of participants in Hinton's (1999) study with

linguistic autobiographies of Asian-American college students, the sources of

greatest assistance in learning English in the United States were peers and

television, or in Dino's case, radio. Ironically, the only one to receive school

assistance in learning English received it outside the United States. The dual

language program in Hong Kong provided Joseph with academic and linguistic

skills in Chinese and English, so that he was able to avoid the feeling of being

"completely lost" that Dino and William mentioned in describing their beginning

school experiences. Functioning academically in English was clearly a challenge

for Joseph nonetheless - he still described it as a struggle - but the education he

had received in Hong Kong gave him the tools to be motivated rather than

overwhelmed in the English environment in the United States. In Krashen's terms

(1996,2003), Joseph's prior education in both first and second language in Hong

Kong made the input he received in English in the United States more

comprehensible. Consistent with Cummins' (1996,2000) theory of a common

underlying proficiency that transfers from one language to another, Joseph

transferred the knowledge learned in his LI to facilitate his learning in L2.

Along with the overwhelming pressure to learn and use English, as Tse

points out, "only English" (2001c, p.32), the participants later found themselves in

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the situation described by Hinton (1999), Kouritzin (1999), Tse (2001), Wong

Fillmore (2000), and Olsen (2000), in which the more daunting problem was how

to maintain the immigrant language. With the focus squarely on English, came

neglect of the heritage language, sometimes inadvertent and sometimes

intentional.

For the most part, the participants were spared the overt discrimination

documented by Olsen (2000) and Wong Fillmore (2000) in California. The

students interviewed in those studies reported being ridiculed for speaking their

immigrant languages and for speaking English with normative accents. Nari and

her brothers did experience that type of treatment when they lived in rural

Georgia. However, in the New York area, the situation was more subtle. No one

was explicitly told not to speak the immigrant language, as the parents in studies

by Kouritzin (1999) and Pacini-Ketchabaw, Bernhard & Freire (2001) in Canada

were, but opportunities to speak the language outside the home were limited. At

times, there was literally no one they knew who shared their language. There

might be others who spoke Chinese, for example, but not the same dialect. Since

the differences between Chinese dialects are as pronounced as the difference

between English and French or German and Spanish, communication between

speakers of different dialects is just as problematic. When there were people with

whom they could speak the language, for the most part, it didn't seem natural to

do so. English was the accepted language spoken at school and in the

communities where they lived. As Richard Rodriguez pointed out in Hunger of

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Memory (1982), the native language became a private language; the public

language was English.

Ella was the exception in this regard. She had friends in Chinese School in

the early elementary years, and in high school she enjoyed the power of speaking

Cantonese with a student recently arrived from Hong Kong. As one of a handful

of students of Asian heritage in her high school, she was well aware of her

minority status, saying, "I stuck out. Oh, definitely!" (Int.1, p.35). She took a

mischievous delight in being able to talk about classmates without their

knowledge. Her use of Cantonese in that situation helped to frame the difference

as an advantage.

In contrast, Dino and William shared very different reactions. Similar to

the situation in Guofang Li's (2006) case study of Chinese families in Canada, in

which parents acknowledged stressing English for their children out of fear of

discrimination, Dino avoided speaking Sicilian whenever possible because of the

negative attitudes he anticipated from others. William spoke of using English as

part of bettering oneself. On the other hand, Joseph's reason for continuing to

restrict his use of Chinese to private situations was to avoid making others

uncomfortable or the appearance of showing off. Although the specifics of their

reactions varied, they appeared to share the perception that fitting-in in the United

States, for the most part, happened in English.

At home, the participants' parents continued to speak the immigrant

languages, but as documented in other studies (Cho, 2004; Hinton, 1999;

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Kouritzin, 1999; Li, 2006; Pacini-Ketchabaw, Bernhard, & Freire, 2001; Tse,

(2000,2001c), Wong Fillmore, 1991,2000), that was not enough to prevent

language loss. In William and Nari's cases, their parents worked such long hours

that they had very little time with their children. The language they used related

mostly to basic needs. For Dino, living with extended family who spoke English

contributed to less exposure to Sicilian. Although his parents continued to speak

their language, they encouraged Dino to speak English with the hope that he and

his brother could help the parents with English. The limited development and

restricted domains resulted in a family language variety that worked for

communication at home, but was less successful, even a source of embarrassment,

in other situations. As Dino's wife commented, "You don't go out in the world

with that language." This situation is consistent with descriptions in Cho (2000),

Cho & Krashen (1998), Guardado (2002), Hinton (1999), Krashen (1998), Tse

(2001c), and Wong Fillmore (2000). Parents in Guardado's study referred to the

"Tarzan-like Spanish" (2002, p.354) spoken by their children.

Joseph and Ella had more time with parents and therefore more

opportunities to speak their heritage language. They also had more formal

schooling in the language. They both maintained more of a standard language

variety and expressed more confidence in oral situations than the others. The loss

they discussed related mostly to reading, writing, and formal, academically

oriented language, although Ella also described difficulty following the news and

understanding lyrics in songs. Despite years of formal education in Chinese and

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the consistent use of Chinese with their parents, their language was still

vulnerable to loss. This situation is reflected in the difficulty Tse (2001b)

encountered in finding biliterate participants for her study. Despite aggressive

recruiting procedures that included sending letters of introduction and recruitment

notices to faculty in language departments at 34 colleges and universities in

southern California, as well as posting recruitment notices on bulletin boards

around campus at four universities with diverse student populations in the Los

Angeles area, she was able to locate only ten participants who qualified. Even in

Miami, where Spanish is expected to have substantial support, Eilers, Zurer

Pearson, and Cobo-Lewis (2006) found that children were showing evidence of

loss of skills in Spanish by fifth grade, even in dual language programs.

Descriptions of proficiency in the literature include the term "continuum"

to refer to the range of proficiency among heritage language speakers (Guardado,

2002; J.S. Lee, 2002; Valdes, 2001; Wang & Green, 2001). This seems a more

appropriate description than the all or nothing implication apparent in

comparisons between maintenance groups and loss groups; however the image

that goes with the word continuum is too linear to accommodate the type of

variation present in the descriptions of proficiency provided by the participants in

this study. Both Valdes (2001) and Wang & Green (2001) also recognize that

there are a variety of proficiency types that heritage speakers may have along the

continuum. They mention the use of child-like language, limitations in literacy

development, domains of language use, meta-linguistic awareness, and the

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situation in which there are limitations in both English and the heritage language.

Valdes further points out, "Bilingualism is best seen as a dynamic condition. Over

the course of a lifetime, a single individual's profile may vary immensely,

depending on background experiences and schooling," (p.42). This description

was more reflective of my participants' situations.

Similar variation is found in other studies as well. Besides the family

language variety previously mentioned, there were limitations in the topics the

participants could handle (Cho, 2000; Hinton, 1999). As Dino and William

described it, they spoke about only simple things. The importance of literacy, of

pragmatics, pronunciation, rhythm, and how "native" one sounded, apparent in

my participants' interviews, were also included in discussions of proficiency in

studies by Cho (2000), Hinton (1999), Kouritzin (1999), and Tse (2001c).

Kouritzin's participants included those who had total or nearly total loss of the

language; those who had limited development of the language in some way, with

variety among the types of limitations described; those with school language but

limited communicative ability; and those with a change in language dominance

and loss of comfort in using the language. The variety of proficiencies among her

participants and their perceptions of what constituted language loss prompted

Kouritzin to suggest that a definition of language loss needed to be explored. I

came to a similar conclusion during this study, and would suggest that the issue is

essentially: What does it mean to know a language and how much/what kind is

enough?

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My participants looked back on their experiences as examples of loss at

times and examples of maintenance at others. What it means to know a language

depends on the setting, who else is involved in the interaction and what their

expectations might be, how formal the situation is, what topics are discussed,

whether literacy is involved or not. They were proud of what they knew at times,

and they were ashamed, anxious and/or frustrated because of their language

proficiency at others. It was apparent throughout their stories, that knowing a

language means more than getting your point across, although this ability is

certainly valued. It isn't just the words or the grammar. Oral communication,

while certainly important, is not enough. Reading and writing are an integral part

of proficiency as well. Knowing the language involves understanding the

implications of how feelings and information are communicated, understanding

the culture in order to appropriately interpret the meaning of what is said or

written, and to express oneself as one intends. Knowing the language means

having the confidence to be in a variety of situations, not just those requiring

basic functional language.

In terms of how much language is enough, Joseph's perspective led me to

look at the question in a new way. As he pointed out when we talked about his

proficiencies in English and Chinese, "I really try to catch up on both. And I'm

still far away from both, Chinese and English....I look at learning as so broad and

for a lifetime, so you can't really stop, but just whatever you can do with your

lifetime. So, you know, you have to pursue it. I don't really have a scorecard..."

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(Int.3, p.8) In his view, he was never done with either language; there was no

point in stopping, no point in keeping score.

The Relationship between Language and Self and Issues about English as a Replacement Language

Language is part of who I am.

The connection between language and self is mentioned by all of the

participants, even by William, who expressed the opinion that language is mostly

a tool to communicate:

It depends. It's a tool- [pause] it can identify where you're from. But I see it more as a tool to communicate. Or as China becomes a world power, it becomes more of a handier tool to use. I mean, it does identify who you are and where you're from also. (William, Int.2, p.31).

This relationship between identity, language, and culture is part of William's

motivation for bringing his son to Chinese school every Sunday morning.

Knowledge of Chinese as a tool for communication is not the main focus at this

point. William recognizes how unrealistic an expectation that would be for the

once-a-week classes. "He's in class. As for learning? I don't know. It's just a

friendly environment, just getting them exposed to Chinese. Right now cultural

exposure is what it is," (William, Int.1, pp.43-44). The exposure to the language

produces a connection to the culture and a sense of identity. "At least he knows

where he's from. It's part of why we bring him here," (William, Int.2, p.l 1).

Dino described his language to be completely related to identity and

wouldn't consider it to be a tool at all:

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I would say it's part of who I am, rather than a tool. Because using it as a tool would mean that you would use it to get somewhere or to do something with it, but I don't use it in that sense. I use it only to communicate with my parents- my mother, now, and Teresa. But I certainly wouldn't use it as a tool let's say to project myself into an Italian society or a literary circle, let's say...certainly couldn't. You know, so that would not be a tool for me, no. (laughing) [So for you, your first language has always been connected to identity, not as a functional sort of thing?] Identity, right, right. You wouldn't-1 would-yeah, because I would be more ashamed to speak Italian or Sicilian with someone else because it's so limited. My language is really limited. (Dino, Int.3, p.63)

His reluctance to speak Sicilian and Italian after he came to the United States was

prompted by the identity he wanted for himself, "I wanted to speak English. I

wanted to be American. I didn't want to be Italian anymore," (Dino, Int.1, p.62).

Being an American meant speaking English only; speaking another language was

a threat to that identity:

When I came here, I didn't want to know any Italian. There was no-1 didn't want to speak to anybody in Italian. If there were anybody (and there wasn't anybody then), but if there were anybody who spoke Italian, I would be very shy, I'd want to speak English. I wanted to be American. (Dino, Int.1, p.61)

Ella's reaction, as we discussed whether it was necessary for an immigrant

family to switch over to English in order for their children to learn English,

illustrates this connection between language and identity:

That's not true That's not true. You don't have to switch over completely. You don't have to lose your identity. It's a hard thing to come to this country. My mother was 25 years old when she came here. No relatives from her side of the family, just my father's side of the family. Not speaking a stitch of English.

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She managed. I went to school; obviously I learned English. I didn't speak any English first, went to preschool and everything I didn't even know how to write my name in English. So that's not true. You don't need to switch over completely. Maybe if you want to immerse yourself, but you need to hang onto-to who you are too. You can't completely let go. It's not that easy to let go. (Ella, Int.5, p.23)

Nari frequently referred to the connection between language and identity, using

the phrase, "language makes you who you are" in talking about personal

interactions, her personality and confidence in various situations, and her choice

of profession. The intensity in her voice emphasized how strongly she felt about

the importance of this connection, in addition to recognizing the practical

advantage of being bicultural:

I mean, I was always very interested in language, you know, and it's just always - I've always been conscious of it, because I feel it really makes you who you are. And I didn't want to lose the bicultural thing and I always wanted to have that advantage and whatnot. (Nari, Int.1, p.47)

That's why I wanted to study SLP, you know. Just the whole concept of language is amazing to me. And just, how it makes you who you are, and it's got to be so frustrating to those people who can't speak, or have these disabilities, and to be able to help them pick it up would be very rewarding, I think. Because I know what it's like when you can't talk! (Nari, Int.1, pp.48-49)

And for me, my ethnicity is who I am. It's what I am, and it's just so important. Like I told you, I'm not American because of the simple fact of the way I look. Unless I prove to people with my citizen- naturalization

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papers, they won't believe I'm an American. So for me, that's everything I am. (Nari, Int.1, pp.54-55)

Of course. I mean, how you speak is who you are. So if you're less confident in one language, then you'll be less confident. I know, I am. When I'm in a Korean community, I'm less confident. I'm more - 1 let people walk all over me and stuff. I'm less combative and more obedient.... It really - your language makes up who you are. You can only do one thing at a time when you're not sufficient in a language. And that's get your point across. I mean you're less able to reflect on who you are because you're so worried about the language. And my Korean is really that way. (Nari, Int.3, pp.37-38)

For Joseph, a renewed appreciation for his cultural identity provided the

motivation to pursue his language and cultural values again. He described his

religious beliefs as instrumental in this process. They encouraged him to value his

cultural heritage, "Religion's teaching me to say, 'You are what you are.' And in

the sense that they don't want you to change - whatever you're born with, you

know, you keep that. And you nurture that," (Joseph, Int.1, p.44). His cultural

identity is the main reason that Joseph studies Chinese now; it is not for career

advancement or monetary gain. His reasons for studying more about his religion

seem to be rooted in its role in his identity as well, not because of a practical need.

As he explained:

That's part of me. I study Chinese and study theology, although I don't need them, I don't need theology, per se, but I'd like to learn because I'm part of it, you know. See, I'm part of the Catholic family, and I study Chinese because I'm Chinese," (Joseph, Int.1, p.l 1).

English was the third language for both Dino and William, but they had

very different views on the connection between language and identity. In

William's case, he remembered more of his second language (Taiwanese) than his

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first (Mandarin), and Dino remembered more of his first (Sicilian) than his second

language (Italian). Both have negative associations with the stronger of their

heritage languages, although for Dino, these associations have begun to change

and for William, they have remained.

Dino indicated that his negative feelings were the result of societal

attitudes, which identified Sicilian as an inferior language. He still has warm

memories of the environment in which he spoke it; it was the societal stigma

associated with the language that made him reluctant to speak it outside the

family. William's negative memories seemed to result from negative experiences

in the second language environment. His second language replaced his first when

his family moved to a different area in Taiwan, an environment in which William

was not comfortable, "It was different. You're more dealing with cousins and

family members. I didn't associate well in school there, so," (William, Int. 2,

pp.5-6). His family continued to speak predominantly Taiwanese, with some

Mandarin and English added in, and now Taiwanese is the stronger of his two

heritage languages. The fact that Taiwanese was a second language and is

associated with a negative personal experience may contribute to the weakened

connection he feels for it. He never really felt like he fit-in in the Taiwanese

environment in Taipei. For William, in each new language environment, the focus

has always been on learning the language well enough to function in it. For Dino,

it was the connection with identity that first prompted him to reject the language

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when he came to the United States, and this same connection which has prompted

him to return to his language and culture with renewed interest.

My feelings about mv language and who lam reflect the language attitudes I experienced.

Several of the participants mentioned going through a stage, as children

and/or young adults, in which they rejected their heritage as part of their effort to

be identified as Americans. As Ella said:

You kind of go through the rebellious stage and you don't want to be Chinese. You kind of want to be American, but you can't be American because you're not blond, you know. Yeah, I went through that whole stage. Um, kind of rebelled for awhile. (Ella Int.l, p. 30)

Then, in college, she decided that knowledge of Chinese could be useful and took

a class in Mandarin, which she labeled a disaster because it was totally different

from Cantonese. But she continued to try to improve her language on her own,

"So over the years I've gone to the bookstore, I've bought books for myself, like

little dictionaries. I make a concerted effort. I try at least." (Ella, Int.1, p.30).

Joseph described the change in attitudes about the heritage language as

part of the maturation process. He explained that when a person is young, he/she

wants to be accepted as an American and may even be ashamed of the first

language and culture because they seem so different. With maturity, this attitude

changes; being accepted is no longer so important. There is the realization that

they don't want to give up who they are and they return to their roots. His

comments summarize this process:

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The young...you have a tendency to say I'm going to imitate or copy the American way of living, the language, to try to catch up in a sense. (Joseph, Int.l,p.2)

After that, you know, you settle down, find a job, you start to question in a sense how Chinese you want to be.... when you get a job, now a career, so you can settle down, so now you appreciate your culture - go back to your roots a little more. So I think that's what brought me back as one who's searching for Chinese studies. (Int.1, p.6)

So I think when you're getting older, I think it's a lot - that's part of me. So you get back to Chinese again. So I think that's all the pattern of developing. (Int.1, p.7)

Joseph and I discussed these attitudes further in subsequent interviews. He

explained that a young person's need to fit-in causes them to try to be someone

they're not:

And they try to Be part of somebody That That you never belong to I think that needs some maturity To-to understand that. So when you get older Obviously You get mature And then you view things that You know That's part of your culture that you can not abandon And then you That's why people study roots And genealogy and you go back and things like that Because they Start to discover their What's their own heritage Where they come from Certain cultures that you know They can They can never give up Or afford to give up. So I think that

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As the time Passes The person gets mature And then they get closer and closer to their own You know Take stock of your own culture. So I think that needs some maturity. (Joseph, Int.3, p.12)

But I think I know at least who I am So that's what Maybe that ties me more closely To the Chinese culture. Because you know Nothing I can change. You know that's the race I come from So why should I abandon it? So I think I value it more now Than when I was younger. (Joseph, Int.3, p. 13)

In answer to my question about people not knowing to value the culture when

they're young:

That's right. It's kind of like they're all ambitious, they try to explore something and try to do away with the - actually some people may be ashamed of their culture, because you know, it's so different. You have to go into the mainstream all of a sudden, you know, you want people to recognize you as part of American culture or whatever that may be, you know. Go with the flow. That's I think when you're young and ambitious, I think you want to do that. [My comment, "You want to be accepted."] Yeah, fit in. But later of course you don't need to be accepted. You know you say, "I don't give a damn." This kind of thing. So you know in a sense you say, "Okay, then I can go explore the thing that really belongs to me." So maybe that's a different attitude. I think maturity will change things. (Joseph, Int.3, pp.13-14)

Ella also referred to maturity as a part of appreciating her language and

culture, "I guess a lot of it comes with age. You know, maturing. Not being

childish about certain things. Yeah, you appreciate it. When you're a kid, you

want what's fed to you." (Ella, Int.4, p.63). She has enrolled in a Mandarin course

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again - this time with more realistic expectations - to help with the literacy

development that means so much to her.

Dino's account of his experience mirrored the description that Joseph

provided, intensified by the prejudice and stereotypes associated with his Sicilian

language and culture. The desire to fit in as an American meant rejecting his

culture for a new identity when he was a child, an attitude that, for Dino,

continued well into adulthood. Speaking a language other than English potentially

marked him as an outsider and was a threat to his new American identity. As

adamant as he was about rejecting his heritage when he was younger, he is now

just as passionate about reconnecting with it:

You always felt self-conscious when you spoke your native language. You know, I don't know, do you get this from other people? That when you grow up with a certain language and then you learn another language as a kid, your second language becomes your-practically your only language, you know-to the outside world at least. (Dino, Int.2, p.20)

I wanted to speak English. I wanted to be an American. I didn't want to be Italian anymore. It took me 27 years to even get back there. And then, from then on, I was gung-ho and wanting to learn the history and culture -everything. But it took a long time to really reconnect with my roots, you know. (Dino, Int.1, p.62)

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In Dino's case, his first language was associated with a social stigma, even in his

native country:

I think it's probably because most Italians look down on Sicilians, you know. It's just like we- you know, it shouldn't happen, but- we might look down on Southerners, you know. Those red-necks, or whatever, you know. There's a stigma to having a southern accent. And it's a good analogy, because I think most Italians would look upon Sicilians as, you know of course being in the Mafia, there being that problem too. So there was a lot of maybe looking down their noses at us. (Dino, Int.2, p. 17)

That negative stigma continued in the United States. Even though his friends

wouldn't have known Sicilian from Italian, he was reluctant to speak Sicilian in

front of them; he was sure the sound of it was obviously inferior. This meant

avoiding speaking to his parents in front of his friends:

You feel embarrassed to have someone- like when I had my friends- and they would come over sometimes, and I would have to speak Sicilian with my parents and then back to my friends, speaking English. I didn't want them to hear me speak Sicilian, because to me it sounded like a very rough language. In those days we thought of it as a dialect. You know, what would they have known that we were speaking different than Italian? But it wasn't- it didn't sound very formal to us, you know, and I always loved hearing someone speaking good Italian. Because- we al-we-1 guess we grew up with that idea that Sicilian was- since it was supposed to be a dialect, it was, you know, the language of the uneducated. (Dino, Int.2, p.16)

As an adult, Dino began to learn more about more his cultural history and started

to change his attitude. He went on to talk about joining a Sicilian cultural

organization headed by a professor he knows:

He has about 10,000 members throughout the world, mostly in the United States, but in Canada- there are a few Italians in Canada. There are many Italians in Argentina and Chile, and other places in South America. And Australia. There's all these people who've left Sicily and they still want to reconnect somehow." (Dino, Int. 1, p.62)

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However, this rediscovery really didn't begin until he was in his thirties.

When the stereotype in the movie The Godfather received so much attention,

Dino and his wife initially reacted by hiding the fact that they were Sicilian. Later,

Dino started to fight back by gathering information to disprove the image

presented in the movie. A book about Sicily, which was a gift from his parents,

along with a visit to Sicily a few years later, provided the initial ammunition.

"That was really when I started reading about it. And then, all my free time I

always- was reading about it, accumulating books and doing all kinds of research

on it," (Dino, Int.l, p.42). Dino acknowledged the role of the negative stereotype

in motivating his passion to learn about his cultural heritage. As he explained his

interest in ancient Sicily, he commented, "So this was like the Golden Age of

Sicily. That's why I'm so interested in it, because it's- you know, now when you

think about it, what's the first thing that you think of when you think of Sicily?

Especially Corleone. The Mafia, right?" (Dino, Int.l, p.39).

He is still working to reconcile the image of his language as inferior.

These feelings resurface in conversations about speaking Sicilian in other parts of

Italy, notably Tuscany, but he is making an effort to address these negative

feelings, by learning more about the language, listening to tapes in the car on road

trips and attending lectures sponsored by the Sicilian cultural organization.

Language attitudes and status affected Dino's choice of foreign language

to study in school and the language his wife chose to teach their daughter at home.

The perception of French as the prestige language, the language of higher

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education and research, was Dino's reason for studying it in high school. "I took

French too in high school. It was considered the cultured language, you know. I

remember when we were given a choice between- in high school- between French

and Spanish. French was the cultured language." (Dino, Int.2, p.48). Dino and his

wife did not consider teaching their children Sicilian or Italian; Teresa decided to

teach their daughter French as an additional language, even though it was a

foreign language for her. This positive regard for French has stayed with Dino. In

talking about efforts in Sicily to preserve the Sicilian language, he made a

comparison to the attitudes about preserving the French language in France.

French is also mentioned by the other participants in providing examples

to legitimize something that happens in their own language and to explain

attitudes found in the United States. Nari and Joseph both referred to French when

discussing how language loss is possible with any language. Joseph mentioned

France to make the point that Americans are not unique in preferring the use of

English; his experience is that members of any community prefer the use of the

local language.

William's early language choices appeared to be influenced by logistical

issues and perceived survival needs more than by a conscious rejection of his

culture. He concentrated on acquiring the language necessary to function in each

new environment. However, the perceived usefulness of the language also

influenced its status for William. As he commented about his language choices in

high school, "There's an Asian club that you go to, but you always speak English.

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You want to better yourselves," (William, Int.3, p. 16). The practical views of

language he expressed as he concentrated on succeeding in the job market

coincided with the phases of adjustment and maturation that Joseph attributed to

that stage of life. William described himself as having adopted the entire

American lifestyle. How he raises his children is based on what he has seen on

television, with an added emphasis on education. The beginnings of the return to

his language and culture, which Joseph considered to be part of the maturation

process, are apparent in William's decision to spend every Sunday morning at

Chinese School so that his sons will have the opportunity to learn their language

and connect with their roots. "At least he knows where he's from," (William,

Int.2,p.ll).

Nari seemed to experience a relatively limited period of rebellion, one that

she considered typical of adolescence. Similar to Ella, she described an ongoing

interest in her language; the attention it received usually was influenced more by

the opportunities available than by her rejection of the language and culture. The

prejudicial attitudes she and her brothers experienced made an impression on her

early in childhood, and she periodically made efforts to develop her language and

fit-in with those who share her cultural heritage. However, circumstances and lack

of time have continually interfered with these efforts, and she is frustrated with

the limitations in her Korean. At this point, she pins her hopes for her language

development on the future and concentrates her efforts on providing her daughter

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with the language background to avoid the frustration and resentment that she

herself has experienced.

In the initial survival period, language use was dictated by practical needs

- as children, they used the language necessary to function. Once they became

more conscious of their language options, societal attitudes about language and

culture interacted with the maturation process to influence their choices. At first,

prejudicial attitudes and the pressure to fit-in with peers resulted in a devaluing of

the heritage language and culture; however, as they realized that acceptance was

not possible and/or included a negative view of their heritage, the connection with

their roots increased in importance.

With my Asian features, I feel that I am not accepted here in the United States because of the way Hook; when I replaced my language with English I lost a part

of myself.

Nari, Joseph, and Ella all expressed the feeling that Asian-Americans are

not accepted as Americans because of the way they look. No matter how well

they speak English, how American their accent, even those who were born in the

United States are considered to be Asian, not American:

You're a second class citizen in a sense, you're still a foreigner. Even though you may be born here, you may have settled down a few generations back. But, as I say, your features never change. Unless you have some mixed marriages. But in western society, definitely you can see the race. (Joseph, Int. 5, p.26)

Because I just think the way that I look? I mean I, like I said,

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we lived in Georgia so we went through a lot of prejudice and people would say, "What are you, what are you?" all the time. So it really made me conscious of what I am. I'm Asian! I'm Asian by nature; I'm a US citizen, but I'm Asian. You know, and I can't tell you I'm American cuz people won't accept that for an answer. They'll be like, "Oh you're an American, But Where are you from?" "I'm from here." "No. No, no, no. I mean where is your family from?" See? So they don't - they don't They don't consider me to be American. Because of the way I look. (Nari, Int.l, pp.20-21)

You kind of go through the rebellious stage and you don't want to be Chinese. You kind of want to be American, but you can't be American because you're not blond, you know. Yeah, I went through that whole stage. (Ella Int. 1, p.30)

Chinese is important to me. Um, I'm not quite American. American, you think of 5 foot 9, blond, blue eyes. I'm not that, obviously. (Ella, Int. 4, pp.23-24)

Physical appearance and its connection to identity was mentioned by Ella as one

reason that her son prefers Chinese School to daycare, "I don't know if it's

because he feels he's a part of these kids here. I don't know. Because looking at

my son, most people don't even realize that he's mixed. They don't. They don't

realize," (Ella, Int.4, p. 19). She speculated that physical features are part of his

view of his cultural identity:

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But I don't think he sees himself more as Italian. I think because from the outside, he looks more Asian. You could see he's a blend, but some kids that are a mixture, they look more Caucasian. Whereas in my son's case, he doesn't. He's got the Asian hair, he's got that sort of cafe-color skin. (Ella, Int.5, pp.7-8)

Nari and Joseph both pointed out that the acceptance available to European-

Americans is not available to Americans of Asian heritage:

We have the features that we're outstanding, you know; automatically they know that we're foreigners, regardless. To a certain extent that's still there. okay We cannot deny that this has not disappeared. We all know that. I recognize that we're still foreigners, no matter what. And people can say, "Why don't you go home?" But we cannot go home because we have a reason we cannot go. So we're like sojourners someplace in the west. But you know, the Irish or some of the other Europeans, they will not say that. I don't think they have people pointing it out to them that way. (Joseph, Int.5, p.28)

If I looked- if I had a European background, they wouldn't ask me, "Where are you from?" they'd just assume that I'm American and that's it. But since I'm Asian-looking, it's, "Where are you from?" It just gets really- [sigh]. (Nari, Int.l, p.25)

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With my European features, speaking English with an American accent is key to

being accepted as an American.

Dino's experience supports the different reaction given to European

immigrants alluded to by Nari and Joseph. Once he was able to speak English, he

was accepted by his classmates as an American, and no one treated him like a

foreigner. "But again, I was accepted. And as soon as I started speaking English,

they accepted me as if I were one of them. They didn't look down on me or

anything like that," (Dino, Int.2, p.36). For Dino, an American accent was the key

to acceptance:

And thank God I never really displayed any kind of um- even in transition- any kind of accent or anything like that. As a kid you don't do that. It just doesn't happen. Which is good! I'm glad of that. I would never have wanted to speak with an accent. (Dino, Int.2, p.2)

I was very quiet, I didn't say a lot in the beginning. But as I started to speak more and more English, and hopefully the way they sounded too, without any accent. I just got accepted completely. (Dino, Int.2, p.36)

The fact that Nari, Joseph, and Ella felt an American identity was not

possible for them, as Asian-Americans, made the heritage language and culture all

the more important to them. "Well people are saying, I'm not American, so

maybe I should know something else too," (Nari, Int.l, p.24). Since speaking

English does not give Nari acceptance as an American, replacing the Korean

language with English does not offer an even exchange. Without the language,

she is not accepted as Korean either, "So I find that I'll be more at a disadvantage

if I can't speak the way I look," (Nari, Int l , p.21). On the other hand, knowledge

of both cultures and languages offers the possibility of an advantage, one that can

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counteract the conflict that sometimes occurs between the two cultures, "So if I

look this way, and I can speak it, then: Oh boy! I have such a great advantage!

I'm American, but I still hold onto my culture too," (Nari, Int.1, p.21).

The connection between language and culture was apparent throughout the

interviews. Language and culture were mentioned in tandem, and at times

interchangeably, as Nari did in the quote above. Nari's mother's friend also

referred to culture in talking with Nari about her disappointment that her children

have not maintained their language and culture:

She keeps saying, "I wish my kids were a little more cultural too. Look how we can talk; I wish I had that with my own kids." But what can you do? It's too late for them. They don't want to learn, so what are you going to do? They have no interest in it (Nari, Int.3, p.9).

Both Nari and Joseph commented on how other Americans expect them to

know their language and culture:

I think people tend to look-not exactly look down on you? But kind of shake their heads, if you look so ethnic, yet you don't know anything about your own culture, you know I think there's a little denotation to that, I mean just like, people don't like that. They don't feel comfortable with it, y'know, because they really don't want you to feel all that American because you don't really look all that American, you know what I mean? (Nari, Int. 1, p.22)

It's strange enough - it's the irony that the foreigners or westerners are looking at you with regard to Chinese, that you should know something

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about Chinese culture. They say, "Oh, you don't know anything about that!" (Joseph, Int.2, p.35).

William seemed to take a pragmatic attitude in talking about these issues.

In discussing his own experiences, he tended to shrug it off with a "You just have

to deal with it" sort of response. "Yeah, you feel out of place, but you know, it's

the way you make it - how your life is. You just have to tough it out," (William,

Int.2, p. 16). He didn't mention the physical characteristics associated with race

and ethnicity except when talking about his neighborhood. When they bought

their house, he and his wife were unfamiliar with the area and didn't know what

the ethnic backgrounds of the people who lived there were. He described his

reaction when he realized that they were predominantly European-American:

Out where we're living, there's practically no Asians. There's all - there's nobody really. It's all very rural or suburban. It's maybe 95% white or more. It's all English. Because my wife didn't really know the neighborhood. It was like, "Oh, there's no mix here!" But they're very friendly, so there's not, you know, there's not anything like that. (William, Int.l,p.l6)

Although he was always in the minority growing up, William lived in a city

environment with a diverse ethnic make-up. No one group predominated. Cultural

diversity is important to him in choosing a daycare for his children. "Over there is

a lot of mix - of Asian, every type. The one daycare is closer, but there's no mix.

So we picked the other one because it's exposing kids to a lot of different

cultures, different people," (William, Int.1, p. 17).

Nari and Ella both talked about friends who took William's matter-of-fact

attitude a bit further, ignoring their culture and identifying themselves as

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Americans only. This was something both Nari and Ella found difficult to

understand because of their physical appearance. Nari recounted her

conversations with friends who had emigrated from Korea around the same time

Nari did and now speak almost no Korean:

And they'll be like, "Why do I have to- I'm not Korean, I'm American!" And I'm like, "Look at yourself in the mirror! You don't look American. Do you have blond hair and blue eyes? You don't look American. Your boss isn't going to think you look American." (Nari, Int.1, p.22).

Ella has found a similar attitude among some of the people she knows and also

referred to physical appearance in discussing why it was puzzling to her:

Some of them just completely don't even want to identify themselves as Chinese. They say, "I'm American. I live in this country. I'm American. I don't eat Chinese food. I don't like Chinese food." That type of thing. My cousin is married to a guy like that. He's born in the States, doesn't speak any Chinese, refuses to eat Chinese food. But if you look at him - James looks Chinese. (Ella, Int.5, p.7)

Not knowing my heritage language is like rejecting my culture; it's an

embarrassment.

Joseph and I were talking about his cousin who is traveling to China on business

and does not speak a word in either Cantonese or Mandarin. I asked if people

might expect him to speak the language:

Well Exactly. Urn Well that's why they're some people Um (pause) It's an embarrassment to Well you go back to China and you're Chinese, or your features are Chinese anyway your appearance is Chinese

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Then They expect you to know the language. Of course they find out that you don't know the language And then They kind of say "Mm, that's another-" They call you a banana in a sense A banana's yellow outside white inside. So, That kind of attitude. Or some simply say that you're like bamboo that there's nothing inside, just appearance. You know, this kind of thing. It's a negative connotation. Yeah Again That's the thing that Urn It's an embarrassment That well During the early years they should have spent their efforts to learn that. Because they decided to throw out their heritage at that time the decision was made. And I think they have to live with the consequences. (From Int. 5 pp 12-13)

Nari expressed a similar attitude among members of the Korean community:

There's a lot of Korean people who feel that those children who don't speak Korean at all- they shake their heads. Well you can't really blame them because it's like totally ignoring part of your culture. Like, "God, just because you speak English doesn't mean- you know." (Nari, Int.l, pp.43-44)

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Friends of Nari's family have experienced this situation to a much greater degree

than Nari has. Her efforts to continue her Korean development are a source of

pride for her parents. The opposite is true for her friend's family:

I know his parents are really ashamed. They feel really bad that they're not able to brag about their children. And now that they're married, and they -well none of them have kids yet, but they want to do the traditional more with the kids and they feel very - 1 feel sorry for their parents because they have nothing to relate to with their children anymore. They can't even relate in the same language, so I feel kind of bad for them. (Nari, Int.l,p.55)

So I've talked to his mom about it too, and she's like, "yeah, my kids are -I thought they were smart, but they're not. They're dumb, you know." And I'm like, "God, don't be so hard on them. They've been through college and they've been supporting themselves and stuff like that." She's like, "Yeah, but why don't they - it doesn't take that much to learn a second language." Because they're like brainiacs , so what more could it have taken just to keep their own language? She really regrets it. (Nari, Int.1, p.58)

Nari empathized with this type of negative reaction when she heard one of her

friends attempting to say his wedding vows in Korean. He couldn't manage it, and

she was embarrassed for him:

The oldest one is - his wife is Korean, but it was so funny, I went to his wedding and to hear him say his wedding vows in Korean, it was just awful. It was like, "You should have just said them in English." He can't read Korean, so I think they might have just written the words in English sounds. So he just sounded like an American person saying it all without knowing. I just thought, "Gosh, you don't do that with your wedding vows! Do you even know what they mean?" I think it was more of a show, because the whole congregation was Korean and everybody was Korean, so I guess it was more for them to hear than for himself. But it just sounded horrible! (Nari, Int.3, p. 10)

Ella spoke about the praise she received for being able to speak

Cantonese, while her sister was chastised. "My mother is proud. She's like, 'Oh

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this is my daughter; she speaks Chinese so well. This one [referring to her sister]

can't speak to save her life!'" (Ella, Int.5, p. 17). Her uncle's reaction was similar,

"He would literally be yelling at my sister, 'What's wrong with you? Why can't

you speak Chinese?'" (Ella, Int.4, p. 16).

Although William stressed the importance of English and seemed to

downplay the value of the heritage language in the United States, he too expressed

a feeling that he should be able to speak it, "It didn't particularly bother me when

I realized that I didn't know how to say something in Taiwanese. Early on, I

wasn't really thinking. But now I'm thinking, 'Well, you should know.'"

(William, Int. l,p.49).

In Dino's case, his parents encouraged Dino and his brother to speak

English; initially weren't concerned about Sicilian or Italian:

No, not at all. Because they would want me to speak English to them, so I could teach them. But, I rarely did that because anything more than a couple of words, and they wouldn't understand it. You know, it's always the same thing. If you speak a little too fast- and you know, we would speak normally, which was too fast for them. So they might pick up a word here and there if we spoke normally, but they certainly wouldn't have understood everything we said. They wanted to learn English too. And they really- they were learning some at their workplace, but never enough probably [with a laugh] (Dino, Int.2, p. 45)

For Dino, there was embarrassment related to language for a variety of

reasons. He talked about feeling embarrassed to speak Sicilian in front of others

when he was a child, and now he feels embarrassed about how long it took him to

study Italian, "And I never took Italian, formal Italian, until I took a sabbatical. In

1990, you know. That was really a long time to wait to learn formal Italian. And

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I'm ashamed of that," (Dino, Int.2, p.50). He also spoke of being embarrassed at

how his parents sounded when they spoke English:

I think, you know, it always came out to us, my brother and I, always like really broken, bad English. They never really spoke good English. Even when they were working. (Dino, Int.2, p.46)

As much as they wanted to learn English, Dino's parents were always glad to find

someone who could speak either Sicilian or Italian. Dino's mother formed a

special bond with a teller at the bank who spoke Sicilian, and the fact that her

doctor speaks Italian is a definite source of comfort for her. Despite the fact that

they stressed learning English for their sons, Dino's parents appreciated Italian-

Americans who had maintained the heritage language.

Discussion

The feelings about language and sense of self that surfaced in the

participants' stories share similarities with those documented in other studies and

are generally consistent with Lucy Tse's (1998) theoretical model of ethnic

identity development and with aspects of Agnes Weiyun He's (2006) identity

theory of heritage language development (see Review of Literature, pp. 18-19 for

more detail). The participants' stories also reveal subtle differences that reflect

their unique experiences and illustrate the variation in the way that this process

can take place.

Tse (1998) cautions that not all ethnic minorities will go through all four

stages of her model, which was true for the participants in this study. With the

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exception of Ella, these participants were all immigrants who did not settle in

ethnic enclaves, so they were all aware of their heritage upon arrival in the United

States and would not have experienced Stage 1, Unawareness. Ella may have

experienced a brief period of unawareness about the minority status of her

language and culture; the sheltered, tightly scheduled environment provided by

her mother meant that her interaction with the multicultural community in which

she lived was very limited. Her awareness of cultural comparisons at this point

would have been mostly the result of observation rather than interaction. At any

rate, when she started preschool and realized that she did not understand the

language spoken by the teacher, the period of limited awareness was over.

The rest of the model coincides with the participants' experiences,

although not as neatly as presented in the model. Generally, Stages 2-4 (Ethnic

Ambivalence/Evasion, Ethnic Emergence, and Ethnic Identity Incorporation)

correspond to Joseph's account of the way that attitudes about one's heritage

language and identity evolve over time, a description that reflects his own

experience as well as his observations of others. His explanation can be

summarized: Initially, the desire to fit in and be accepted as an American results

in a concentration on the English language and perceived "American culture" at

the expense of the heritage language and culture. Finding success in the American

job market is a top priority. Some may reject the heritage language and culture

completely, out of embarrassment by how different they seem. As they become

more established in a career and realize that they are still regarded as foreigners,

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they go looking for their language and culture again. With maturity comes the

realization that the heritage language and culture are part of who they are, a part

they don't want to give up. Along with this renewed interest and appreciation for

the language and culture, comes the process of clarifying how Chinese (or

Korean, or Italian, etc.) they want to be.

In Tse's model, Stage 4 (Ethnic Identity Incorporation) results in

identification with the American ethnic group. In Joseph's description, the process

of resolution and identity incorporation involves further analysis of the American

ethnic group to recognize the variation within it. He makes a distinction between

two groups, American Chinese and Chinese American. Both cultures are present

in these two categories, but with a difference in emphasis. As Tse noted, "It is

quite possible that the ethnic identity development process does not end with

Stage 4 and that one's ethnic identity continues to evolve throughout one's

lifetime, even after progressing through these stages," (p. 17). It is also possible

that for some, this is an ongoing process of clarification that takes place as one

passes from Stage 2 to Stage 3, during Stage 3, and continues to evolve in Stage

4, incorporating subtle changes to accommodate new experiences. It is quite

possible too, that this aspect of the description may be more applicable to

childhood immigrants, as opposed to 2nd generation ethnic minorities born in the

United States.

Joseph indicated that he had experienced both types of ethnic American

identity. He considered himself to be Chinese American at one time, but now

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feels that he is more accurately identified as American Chinese. The resolution of

conflict which is characteristic of Stage 4 is apparent in this comment:

So, I think I'm on the right track. Let's put it that way. I think I'm on the right track. Knowing the Chinese way and also trying to learn the western way. If I can blend them together, I think I can mold myself into a unique person. And I think that's the general approach. (Joseph, Int.2, p.40)

Part of his incorporation process resulted in a redefinition of what it means to be

an American, an aspect of this stage mentioned in Tse's model as well. By his

definition, which focuses on the principles the country was founded on as

opposed to ethnicity or length of residence, he qualifies as more American than

many who were born in the United States.

Ella, too, exhibited the characteristics of Stage 4. As Joseph did, she refers

to the uniqueness in the identity she has developed, describing herself as "an

anomaly, an interesting blend". She has incorporated aspects of both cultures into

her life and moves back and forth easily between the groups.

Nari expressed the uncertainty and frustrations with the conflicts between

the cultures that are characteristic of the Ethnic Emergence stage. She is in the

process of exploring how she can fit in with all of the groups that are part of her

life and which aspects of each culture she wants to incorporate into her identity.

As she reflected on her cultural identity during the interviews, she said, "I don't

know. I guess I haven't picked that out yet."

Dino also seemed to be experiencing the Ethnic Emergence stage.

Although he is of European heritage and not a visible minority, his experiences

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are reflected in Tse's model as well. As a member of a stigmatized minority,

acceptance as an American included issues of self image that are similar to those

confronted by Asian Americans. A trip to Sicily, which introduced him to a

cultural history that he was proud to claim, served as the catalyst to this stage,

similar to the change in attitude reported by Walker de Felix and Pena's (1992)

study with Mexican-American teachers after a foreign study program in Mexico.

His reaction now is similar to the "putting up a fight" strategy documented by Tse

(2000, p.l 87), in which the minority group member attempts to change the view

that others have of the group.

As is characteristics of the Ethnic Ambivalence/Evasion stage, William's

focus is on adapting to American society; he has adopted "the whole American

lifestyle" and associates the use of English with bettering oneself. His presence at

Chinese School every Sunday with his son, so "at least he knows where he's

from," suggests the beginnings of Ethnic Emergence.

Passage between these stages was not a completely linear progression. At

times aspects of the stages overlapped and seemed to coexist, alternately coming

to the foreground and receding into the background depending on the situation.

Nari described herself as always aware of her ethnicity, in large part because of

the prejudice she encountered at such a young age in Georgia. Her attitude toward

her language remained positive throughout; she remembers always wanting to

know Korean. While she was trying to be accepted as an American, she was also

trying to recapture her Korean and connect with other Korean speakers. She

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described herself as always trying to fit in: as an American, with her parents'

Korean friends, with her Korean co-workers, with her husband's family in

Taiwan. Her attention to each cultural identity seemed to go in waves, reflecting

the demands of her environment and her efforts to balance the cultures that are

part of her life. Navigating comfortably among these cultures continues to be a

challenge.

This type of alternation appears in Ella's story as well. She talked about

"huddling together" with her friends from Chinese School because they didn't fit

in anywhere else. In high school, she found her outgoing, dramatic personality

marked her as very different from the handful of other Asian students in the

school. At the same time, she was happy to speak Cantonese with a student

recently arrived from Hong Kong. Instead of being embarrassed to speak her

heritage language in front of her monolingual English-speaking classmates, as

Dino and some of Tse's (2000) participants were, Ella enjoyed the feeling of

power it gave her. She mentioned going through a period of rebellion when she

didn't want to be Chinese, but in college, she took a Mandarin class and began to

attend social events to connect with those who shared her language and culture.

Overlap between the stages is also evident in Dino's interviews. Amid the

intense pride he expresses in the history of Sicily and his passion for learning

more about the roots of his language and culture, there are comments that reflect

negative feelings more typical of the Ethnic Ambivalence stage.

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Language plays a complex and powerful role throughout the stages.

English was, and is, a prerequisite for participation in the communities in which

these participants live. It is recognized as an essential part of being an American,

as well as necessary for survival. For Dino, with his European physical features,

English was in fact the pathway to acceptance. As long as he spoke with an

American-sounding accent, he could identify himself as an American.

In contrast to the high value placed on English, the heritage language is a

casualty of limited attention, whether intentional or inadvertent, during the Ethnic

Ambivalence/Evasion stage. On the other hand, during the Ethnic Emergence

phase, the heritage language is a tool to reconnect with one's ethnic identity.

When Joseph decided to place more emphasis on the Chinese part of his identity,

he began reading and studying Chinese books. Ella also started buying books and

compact discs. She and Dino both took language classes. Nari made an effort to

leam Korean on her own and to spend time with others who spoke Korean. The

first sign of this stage for William is his attendance at the Chinese heritage

language school with his son.

As Joseph, Nari, and Ella did, participants in studies by Cho & Krashen

(1998), Cho (2000), J.S. Lee (2002) and Li (2006) mentioned physical attributes

and the importance of being able to speak how one looks. Similar to Ella and

Nari, Tse's (2000) participants made specific reference to the image of an

American as blond-haired and blue-eyed. However, Tse's participants expressed a

preference for those features and feelings of inferiority about their own, attitudes

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which caused them to pull further away from the ethnic language and culture.

Nari and Ella simply acknowledged the physical differences without describing

one as better than the other.

However, knowledge of the heritage language did not encourage rejection

of American cultural identity. While the language is important for ethnic group

membership, for these participants, it does not preclude membership in other

groups. The two participants who could be classified as Stage 4 and apparently at

peace with their integrated cultural identities, Joseph and Ella, expressed the most

confidence in their heritage language proficiency. Jin Sook Lee (2002) also found

this relationship between cultural identity and heritage language proficiency in a

study with Korean-American university students. Those who reported higher

levels of Korean proficiency identified themselves as more ^/cultural, identifying

strongly with Korean orientation items and also with American orientation items.

Comments in the follow-up interviews supported the positive role of the heritage

language in resolving identity conflicts, "I see many of my peers who do not

value Korean going through an identity crisis because they try to deny an essential

part of themselves" (p. 129). Lee concluded that "those who are more proficient in

the heritage language are also more successfully balancing the two cultures"

(p. 129). Proficiency in the heritage language affects one's status and the respect

received both from the ethnic group and from other Americans. Confidence in the

heritage language appears to positively affect self-image and offers more options

for negotiating one's identity.

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Identity and Proficiency - Agnes Weiyun He's Theory

Agnes Weiyun He (2006) proposes a theory of Chinese heritage language

development, consisting often hypotheses that predict success in the development

of the language based on identity-related attitudes. The theory is designed to

reflect the characteristics of Chinese heritage language development, but it

appears to apply in similar ways to other languages and cultures too. The attitudes

described in the hypotheses surfaced in my participants' stories as well, although

they appeared more as reasons that the heritage language was important to the

participants, rather than as predictors of their heritage language proficiency.

He's Rootedness Hypothesis predicts that success in the heritage language

will correlate positively with the degree of rootedness one feels to the heritage

culture. As Joseph and Ella did, He mentions the change in attitude with age and

maturity, "they disliked taking Chinese lessons at a young age when they lacked

the maturity and the desire to remain connected with their family background,

whereas now that they are fully grown and ready to embrace their cultural

heritage from the past, they are eager to learn" (pp.23-24). All of my participants

mentioned the language as a part of knowing who you are and where you're from;

Nari and Joseph in particular referred to this identity connection as a major factor

in their motivation to pursue the language. However, there are other factors that

facilitate or interfere with development of the language. The desire to pursue the

language may be there, without the time and opportunity to be successful. For my

participants, the rootedness they felt contributed to the importance of the language

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and the desire to develop and maintain it. Success in doing that was not always

something they could control.

The Benefit Hypothesis and the Positive Stance Hypothesis both refer to

the instrumental value of the language; the former focuses on economic and social

benefits from knowing the language, and the latter on the perceived usefulness of

the language to the English-speaking community. Part of Nari's anger at her

limited proficiency relates to the loss of advantages in the job market and in social

situations. Ella also talks about career opportunities that would be available to her

if she had maintained and continued to develop formal language and literacy. Her

perception that the language would come in handy in the future was one of the

initial motivators for taking a class in Mandarin. Joseph referred to the fact that

his cousins hadn't anticipated the global change, which resulted in the increased

practical value of their Cantonese, and that now there are opportunities they can

not pursue. However, for himself, he downplayed the practical value of Chinese

as a reason for continuing to study it, saying, "Do I have use of it? Practical use?

Maybe not, not in the career sense. But for my own personal enrichment" (Int.l,

pp.26-27). William also referred to the increase in the popularity of Chinese

languages that has come about with China's growing importance in world

economics and politics, noting that it was Russian that received this type of

attention when he was in school. Dino placed less emphasis on the instrumental

benefit connected with Italian and/or Sicilian, although he noted that this function

of the language was not open to him because his language was so limited,

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implying that perhaps there would be instrumental benefits if his language

proficiency were stronger. As Kouritzin (1999) found, the younger participants

tended to stress the instrumental value of the language more than the older

participants did.

Again, recognizing the economic and social benefits of the language does

not necessarily translate into successful heritage language development. The time

and appropriate opportunities to develop and support the language need to be

there. The awareness of the benefits of the language does however contribute to

the feeling of loss and missed opportunities as a result of limited proficiency.

Weiyun He's Interaction Hypothesis connects heritage language

proficiency with the motivation of successfully communicating "in a moment by

moment fashion" (p.24). She makes a distinction between long-term motivation,

which she contends is less successful, and the motivation of interacting in

"situated activities," which include, "understanding a comic strip or a letter from

grandparents, being able to talk to relatives or travel independently in Chinese-

speaking areas" (p.24). This type of motivation was very important to Nari, Ella,

and Dino. They all spoke of the positive reward of being able to communicate in

these types of situations. Dino wouldn't have been able to communicate with his

relatives in Sicily without the Sicilian he has maintained. Ella's role as a language

broker and the praise she received from other Cantonese speakers was rewarding

for her and contributed to the strength of her family relationships. Her desire to

communicate in writing with relatives in Hong Kong provides the motivation for

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her to spend hours writing a message on a Christmas card. Nari talked about the

need to communicate with family, particularly with her mother and daughter,

"And especially with the children, especially with the children, I find it very

important. Because it's her granddaughter too, it's not just my daughter. And I

don't know what I would do if she couldn't understand me" (Int.1, p.56). Nari's

conversations with her friend's mother are similarly reinforcing.

However, these types of interactions also prompted the realization of

limitations and loss, which produced a mixture of regret and motivation for the

future. In addition to the positive aspect of his experiences in speaking Sicilian,

Dino has found that sometimes they speak too fast, that there is unfamiliar

vocabulary, and that he doesn't think in Sicilian at all anymore. He wishes he

were able to speak at a more advanced level and to read articles about Sicily

written in Italian. For Nari, difficulties in interactions at the hair salon and with

co-workers were both a source of frustration and motivation. She disliked not

being able to be herself and being teased because of her language mistakes.

However, it also made her realize how much she had to learn and how much she

wanted to improve her language. Literacy enters into future hopes for her as well.

She would love, one day, to be able to pick up a Korean novel and read it. Her

attempts at this point are an exercise in frustration. Similarly, Ella finds situations

requiring literacy in Chinese can produce stress and embarrassment, along with

the determination to continue her efforts to recapture it.

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Although Joseph seemed to take many of these interactions for granted -

his education in Chinese before immigrating at age 13 making his language more

resilient - he recalled that he first noticed his language loss when he found he was

searching for words in writing letters home. In addition to being able to

correspond comfortably with family, the desire to continue learning in Chinese

was a huge motivator for him. He wanted to be able to be at home with academic

Chinese, to read literature and philosophy, to be able to pursue topics in-depth,

and not to be limited by functional language.

William, however, took a pragmatic approach to these situations,

recognizing that he hadn't had the opportunity to maintain and develop the

language, so he enlisted the help of those who have had those opportunities when

he was in a situation that required the language. He doesn't have contact with

relatives in Taiwan and uses English whenever possible in the United States, so he

avoids some of these situations, as did some of J.S. Lee's (2002) participants. For

William, these interactions can be frustrating, not motivating, in part because he

doesn't have the time or opportunity to do anything about it now.

Weiyun He specifies that the theory is focused on predicting the

development of proficiency in Chinese for heritage language speakers and not

proposed to address Chinese language maintenance. However, given the dynamic

nature of language proficiency, this distinction becomes blurred. For many,

maintenance and development are part of their ongoing language experience.

These hypotheses do relate to my participants' stories, but instead of predicting

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proficiency, they are more useful in predicting interest in the heritage language,

and in describing the meanings of the loss and/or maintenance of that language

for those experiencing it. Success in the ongoing development of the heritage

language is also affected by factors beyond the individual's control.

Obstacles and Hopes - The Role of Responsibilities, Time, Exposure, and Effort in Heritage Language Development for Themselves and Their Children

Pressing responsibilities interfere with opportunities to study and use my heritage

language.

Both Nari and William talked about how their time with their parents was

limited in any language. The demands of survival meant that their parents were working all the time, and the children were left to raise themselves. There was no

time for discussions or bedtime stories. Conversation was limited to basic needs.

William remembered his situation:

My father came here first for school. And then when we came, I think he was working. He worked in a hospital, working long multiple shifts. So I never really got to see him. Or when he came home, he was sleeping. (William, Int.2, pp.22-23)

We were on our own. Time for school, you run down to the school, whatever. It wasn't a problem. I mean, it wasn't that much of a responsibility then. Just go to school, come home, and watch TV. That's it. Or play after school and come home and watch TV. (William, Int.2, p.23)

In grade school, I remember it was just my brother and I home. We- so on from late 1st grade/2nd grade on to 6 grade, in grade school, we get dressed ourselves, eat breakfast, go to school, and come back. And you know, we didn't see our parents until about 7 or 8 o'clock. And in the morning they're already gone, so. I mean at that time, 1st grade, what are you, about 7-years-old? Right now it's against the law to leave kids home alone and do that. (William, Int.3, p. 13).

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Nari and her brothers were on their own as well, "We barely saw our parents.

Because they were never home" (Int.2, p.5). She explained:

My parents were always working. They never had time to spend with us like I have with my children now. And whatever they said to me was like, "Do this and do that."....That's why my father bought me the books - to keep me busy. (Nari, Int.1, p. 17)

The parents were always at work and the kids were together, so there was really no communication necessary between the kids and the parents. It's a few hours a day, "Did you eat? Eat this." It's the basics. So there was really no lengthy conversation or things like that between them. (Nari, Int.3,pp.l-2)

We didn't talk to them [parents] much. I mean, we were just kids. We just played amongst ourselves. We never talked to the parents - unless we were getting in trouble for something. You know, like, "Why'd you do that?" or "Why did you hit him?" or Why is he bleeding?" And, "I didn't mean to!" That was the only kind of communication we had. (Nari, Int.3, p.6)

There was no time or money for music lessons and other after school activities:

And like when I was growing up, my parents never - they were busy putting food on the table and clothes on our backs. So we never had those after school programs where I could learn piano and computer, and this and that. I mean, now it's like you have to keep your child intellectually stimulated, [laughing] So after school you're sending them here and there, and I'm like, "Gosh, I never had these kind of luxuries." (Nari, Int.2, p. 16)

Nari explained that Korean School was a luxury not available to her:

Well, I think they might have had some [Korean Schools]. I mean after church, they would've had language courses - my parents were too busy for that. They- they couldn't sit and wait for me. They just couldn't do that. So I never had the opportunity. It just never worked out for me...Well we were trying to eat. (Nari, Int.1, p.51)

She speculated that the limited attention from her parents contributed to her

brothers' difficulties at school:

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And our parents were never around to say, "Hey look. I heard you cut today." They didn't care, so. They were always in trouble. If it wasn't for one, it was another one, and so my parents were like - 1 heard a lot of bad words. I know all those words in Korean, very well. Between my brothers, and my parents always yelling at them, the cursing, I got down to a "T". (Nari, Int. 1, pp.61-62)

She pointed out that this situation was not something unique to her family, but

characteristic of struggling families:

And a lot of American families have this too, where everybody's working, and they have to - what are you gonna do? You're a working family. We barely got to see each other and dinner lasted 10 minutes. Everybody was, "Let's hurry up, get cleaned up, and go to sleep and-" (Nari, Int.1, pp.59-60)

Working families - the kids took care of themselves and that's the way it was. (Nari, Int. 3, p.4)

The presence of extended family already established in the United States

meant that Dino and Joseph avoided this kind of survival experience. Their

parents worked, but their responsibilities did not interfere with family dinners and

stories. When the parents weren't home, there were cousins, aunts and uncles, a

grandparent. The extended family appeared to ease the transition, allowing the

parents more time their children. Ella's family also avoided the struggle that

William and Nari experienced. Although Ella's father had to be gone for days,

and sometimes weeks, at a time in his job, he had been in the United States for

several years before Ella's mother arrived and Ella was born. Ella's mother was

able to be home with her, keeping Ella on a tightly packed schedule, which

included daily lessons in Chinese.

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Dino, William, and Joseph mentioned the undeniable time required to

learn English and the pressure they felt to learn as quickly as possible. The effort

and time spent concentrating on English meant that less time was available for the

heritage language. Although Ella also experienced the initial shock of going to

school and not understanding the teacher, she said she recalled few specific

memories of learning English or of the time it took. Perhaps because she did

attend Chinese School every day and had friends there, the feelings of being lost

and not fitting-in were minimized. As the youngest in her family, Nari profited

from her brothers' experiences. English and school were easy for her. She was

much more conscious of the difficulty involved in trying to hold onto her Korean.

The participants all mentioned how their responsibilities took time away

from their efforts to regain and further develop their language:

I want to find the time now to try to do more on my own. I just don't have the time. There aren't enough hours in the day for me. (Ella, Int.4, p.36)

I have a lot of my textbooks. Like you know, the little books and all that? I know if given the time, I can just do it on my own; I can probably do it on my own. So now I really just have to find the time to do it. It's hard. You know, I'm a lot older (laughing). I have a lot of responsibilities. (Ella, Int.l,p.20)

Although I wish I could spend more time on that. So, but right now, I think I have a chance. After you finish the primary things in your career, you study- you finish, you're kind of set in your career, now you find a job, so I think you have more time to pursue your interests. So I think I can start doing that now, and spend more money and research time- spend time reading some Chinese books and history. (Joseph, Int.3, p.2)

Hopefully you are not too successful according to the worldly standard because people are so busy with their own success then they will not have time to nurture that kind of thing [heritage language]. (Joseph, Int.l, p.38)

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If they spend a lot of time and energy for these two things, fame and wealth, then they don't have time to pursue their language and culture. (Joseph, Int.1, p.33)

And I try to keep up with it, but it's so hard now. Especially with the kids. And I don't have time. [In response to my comment about being so tired you can't concentrate on it anyway]: That's what it is! (Nari, Int.1, p.47)

I mean you just have to pick it up again, if you want to, or if I have the time. Or the chance. Because right now, there's not much chance to. Well here in the U.S., it's all English, so- unless you participate in certain other activities, cultural activities. (William, Int. 1, p. 15)

As Nari discussed the frustration of language loss with a childhood friend, lack of

time because of other responsibilities surfaced as the main obstacle. All of his

time was spent on academic success in English:

"I told him, I said, "But would you feel like you would be at an advantage if you knew Korean? Or about the culture?" He goes, "Yeah, sure. But you know, I mean, I spent so much time on my bar exam, and when am I gonna learn?" (Nari, Int. 1, p.54)

Dino talked about devoting his free time to learning about Sicilian history

and culture after his interest was sparked by the book his parents gave him, and

intensified by his trip to Sicily in 1979, "Well that was, that year was really when

I started reading about it. And then all my free time, I always- started reading

about it, accumulating more books and doing all kinds of research on it" (Int.1,

p.42). The interest and the time invested has continued, "I got more interested in

it, and I kept doing research and studying it, and now I'm still downloading stuff

from the internet. Every night practically, I download something new that I can

find" (Int.3, p.57).

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Several of the participants referred to the pursuit of their language as a

dream for retirement years, when they would be free of work responsibilities. In

talking about finding the time to work on her reading and writing skills in

Chinese, Ella laughed, "Probably when I'm 70 at the rate I'm going right now"

(Ella, Int.4, p.61). Joseph talked about the possibility of moving to a university

town where he could study Chinese when he retires:

Since I have to work now, and may be retired by the time I- So that was the thinking, I would move to the so-called university town, you know, close by to the university, either in New York or some other state, you know, moving to the university town, maybe where Chinese programs are offered. I was thinking about that, you know, but again this is the dream for retirement years. (Joseph, Int.1, p.47)

William also spoke of retirement:

There's like 30 hours [of things to do] in a day. You always run out of time. So it's difficult. Maybe when you retire or something, you can catch up on everything. (William, Int.l, p.62)

Nari expressed hopes for concentrating on her own learning when the children are grown:

Nowadays I just try to live vicariously through my daughter. "You learn, okay? I'll read through your books, okay?" That's about it because I've gotten as far as I can. And if I can better myself, I will, when the kids are off in college. I would love to. (Nari, Int.1, pp.47-48)

Dino used his sabbatical to study Italian. Now that he is semi-retired, he

said he would love to take advantage of one of the trips to Sicily sponsored by the

Sicilian cultural organization, but his mother, who is in her nineties, depends on

his help and he feels uncomfortable going so far away:

I've gone to two conferences recently that he had - he brings people from Sicily over; he brought the mayor of Catana, - and he goes to Sicily with a group every year, and he asked me if wanted to go back [to Sicily] in May.

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They go in May every year. I said, I would love to go but I can't. My mother's still- you know. I can't just take off. My mother is 91 years old. (Dino,Int.l,p.63)

Although the children are not left to raise themselves as Nari and William

were, Ella, Nari and William indicate that their efforts to help their children

develop the heritage language are still limited by work demands and limited

opportunities for exposure to the heritage language:

Well, our day with them- time with them is limited. Only a few hours a day and on weekends. And even then, you're just running around, getting things done - shopping, whatever. The time to be there with them, you know they're in daycare from around 8:30/9:00 to around 4:30/5:00. And then go home, dinner; the day's about over. So there's not much time to interact - or as much as you'd like - so it's difficult. (William, Int. 1, p.67)

Ella explained:

It's not easy. I mean, the problem is, you turn on the television any given time of the day, it's all English. It's not like you have a designated time-oh we'll do an hour Chinese program for children. If that's the case, I'd be sitting him in front of it right now. Or even if he can't sit in front of it, I would make sure I would tape it for him. We don't have the population for that. (Ella, Int. 4, pp.37-38)

So I'm looking into different ways to try to do it. The problem is I just don't have the time right now. Things- I'm all over the place. He's on tee-ball now. I'm on the board of the school. It's not easy. (Ella, Int.4, p.37)

Nari's husband is the only one in the family who speaks Chinese, so their

daughter's Chinese language development is dependent upon Chinese School

once a week and on him. "But my husband, the only time she sees him speaking

Chinese is if he's with his friends, because there's no family here" (Nari, Int.3,

p.29). She tries to get her husband to spend more time speaking with Amy in

Chinese at home, but work always seems to interfere:

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And he's like- he can't. He's busy with work and when he gets home he's tired and there's still more work. Because people call him from overseas -with the time difference, they have to. I understand that. But you've got to draw the line somewhere. (Nari, Int.3, p.30)

Nari's parents didn't have time to spend with her because they were working to

provide basic needs. Nari and her husband have the benefit of a much more

comfortable lifestyle, but the job that provides that lifestyle appears to limit the

time available for interacting with their child in the heritage language. Nari said

she appreciates the benefits of their current economic situation, but she wishes the

time could be more balanced:

"You gotta fit us in somewhere, you know?" That's what I always tell him, I said, "I'm glad you're working hard and I'm glad everything's going well. But you have to remember what you're working for. Otherwise all you know is work, work, work. I mean, what do you make all that money for? You just gonna die with a bunch of cash on you?" And he says, "Yeah, you're right." And he still never changes. (Nari, Int.3, p.30)

Joseph expressed less frustration about the time challenge for his son; he

said he and his wife try to balance the time spent speaking English and Cantonese,

and so far their son is developing both languages. However, Joseph addressed the

time issue in his advice to other immigrants. "You have to build the foundations.

That takes time. And not just overnight," (Int.2, p.30). He cautioned them not to

underestimate the time required to adjust:

You have to take time. You yourself take time, and the kids will take time to adjust. Culture shock, as they move form one country to another country; they take time to adjust. People take a generation to adjust. (Joseph, Int.5, p.50)

The younger person, they are ambitious, emotional, and it's not consistent. They can not stand up to the challenges, face all the different kinds of tests

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in life. It takes time. It takes time to deal with new situations and take stock of your own. That's important. Don't throw away your own heritage and culture easily, overnight. Have something to lean back on. (Joseph, Int.5, pp.22-23)

English is the common language for my spouse and me, so it's difficult to pass my native language on to my children.

Nari, Ella, and William all have spouses who do not share their heritage

language. As a result, the children hear their parents speaking English to one

another and have fewer opportunities to hear the heritage language spoken at

home. The parents also use the heritage language less in speaking with their

children. They tend to use English to avoid excluding the other parent. The

heritage language is reserved for time alone with their children.

Ella explained how her plans for her son to develop Chinese are

complicated by the fact that her husband does not speak Chinese:

I really would want to speak to him only in Chinese. But it doesn't really work because his father only speaks English. It's hard. It's like I'm excluding him. So what I do is, the compromise is: he comes here to Chinese School on Sundays and my husband knows that's just- that's just what I do, and when my husband is away on business for like two weeks at a stretch, I only speak to Adam in Chinese at home. So that way it works. (Ella, Int.1, p.26)

She does speak some Cantonese with Adam when her husband is there, but tries

to avoid creating a situation that will make him uncomfortable, "When my

husband's around, obviously because my husband's Italian, it's very unfair for me

to have a full conversation with my kid" (Ella, Int.2, p.48). She recounted a

situation that did meet with a protest from her husband:

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Now generally my husband understands the gist of the conversations because there's usually a laugh, there's usually, you know, a joke.... And since he [Adam] was a baby, I used to say, "Who loves you the most?" Always in Chinese. And he'll always say, "Mommy." Then my husband got pissed off when he finally figured it out [laughing]. "Hey, hey. What about me?" "All right, all right. Your daddy loves you too." (Ella, Int.5, p.5)

She said she has noticed that her son frequently answers her in English when she

speaks to him in Cantonese, and when he does speak Cantonese, he has

difficulties with some of the sounds:

My son, I notice that sometimes when he says things to me in Chinese a certain way; it's wrong. I'll try to correct him, because it doesn't sound right. And I don't know why he can't hear what I'm trying to tell him -properly. I don't know if it's because English is really his primary language, and it's hard for him to make the switch? (Ella, Int.2, p. 10-16)

Ella acknowledged the obstacles her son faces, "I mean, it's a struggle for him.

He's in a situation where he's in daycare in English all day. Dad speaks only

English. So I can't really expect too much from him" (Ella, Int.4, p.l 8).

Nari also used the word "struggle" to describe her daughter's Korean

development and "lost cause" to refer to her Chinese development (Int.3, p.2).

Nari and her husband speak English to one another, so Amy's language exposure

is mostly in English. "That's the main thing; I see that she's learning English from

us. And my Chinese is terrible. I don't want to teach her Chinese because I'll only

give her the wrong direction," (Nari, Int.l, p.35). Since Nari's husband has no

family members in the United States, Amy rarely hears her father speak Chinese.

William and his wife speak different dialects so the language spoken at

home is English. He said that the language the children use with their

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grandparents (William's parents) is English, and communication with William's

wife's parents occurs through their bilingual niece. When she's not around, they

have difficulty communicating. William said that his sons aren't motivated to

speak Chinese by this situation; they get frustrated with their grandparents for not

understanding them:

My wife and I speak different dialects, so we just speak English at home. My parents speak English with him. My mother-in-law who can't speak English, my niece translates. It's not really a motivation for him to learn Chinese. He doesn't like it because she can't understand what he's saying when my niece isn't around. (William, Int.2, p.46)

Joseph and his wife speak the same dialect, and his mother lives with

them, so his son has opportunities for input in Chinese at home that Ella, Nari,

and William's children do not have. However, he talked about witnessing this

situation with some of his relatives. The lack of community support contributed to

their difficulties in maintaining Chinese; when they married spouses who didn't

share their heritage language, it became even more difficult:

My cousins are struggling....My cousins' children, forget it. You know, it's too far away. They live in- all over- in Maine, California, and so there's less of a community that they can associate with. And besides they have mixed marriages as well, so you know, that also is not very encouraging to learn your own culture. (Int.1, p.49-50)

The likelihood of maintaining the language appeared to be greatly reduced

when parents did not share the same heritage language; however, the fact that

both parents did speak the same heritage language was no guarantee that it would

continue with the children. Dino's parents were thrilled that Teresa could speak

the same family variety of Sicilian that Dino and his family spoke. It made family

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get-togethers more comfortable and contributed to their close relationship. But,

the children did not acquire the language. Mostly Dino and Teresa used Sicilian

when they wanted to communicate something that they didn't want the children to

hear.

My hope for my children is that early exposure to the language will plant a seed that will help them develop it more easily when they choose to pursue it.

The participants recognized the difficulties for their children in acquiring

the heritage language, with instructional time and opportunities to use the

language as limited as they are. However, early exposure to the language was still

considered to be valuable. While they acknowledged that realistically their

expectations for language development couldn't be too high, they expressed the

belief that this exposure would make the children more receptive to the language.

William explained the situation:

He's in class. As for learning? I don't know. It's just a friendly environment, just getting them exposed to Chinese. Right now cultural exposure is what it is....as to how it'll stick, we'll see. (William, Int.l, pp.43-44)

Our son, we're the first generation now, he's not, and he's not going to be exposed to that. So we have to try to force or expose him to it and see where it goes. I don't expect much. But at least we expose him to it. My wife and I speak different dialects, so we just speak English at home. (William, Int.2, pp.45-46)

Joseph talked about the importance of creating an interest in the language

and an attitude that values Chinese language and culture. He doesn't see force as

an effective way to promote Chinese proficiency in his son; the motivation has to

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be internalized in order to be successful. The hope is that the early exposure to the

language and the development of a positive value for the culture will create the

interest necessary to devote the time to pursuing the language:

My mother and his mother (my wife) use Chinese, because I'm afraid he may lose it, so they're using it and that's why he goes to Chinese School, as well, so he can associate with some culture, traditions and also language. So it just depends on how far - on how much interest he has in the future, to carry that tradition. How do we set the example to carry the tradition, transfer the tradition to the next generation? So it's maybe one step [sending his son to Chinese School], to let him get the exposure here to learn whatever Chinese culture he can receive. (Joseph, Int.l, p.45)

In discussing her cousin's decision to send her sons to Chinese School for

an hour a week, Ella commented, "It's only one hour on a Friday, which, my

attitude is it's better than nothing. It's exposure" (Int.2, p.45). For her own son,

Ella provides exposure to Mandarin at Chinese School once a week and as much

exposure at home as she can to Cantonese, and a little Mandarin as well. She

plays tapes to expose him to the sound and rhythm of the Cantonese language,

without worrying about production or comprehension. "I'll buy the music tapes

from Hong Kong and I'll play them in the car for him. I don't care that he doesn't

understand it? I just want him to hear it," (Ella, Int l , p.27). She spoke of being

aware of the difficulty he faces and has adjusted her expectations. "I mean, it's a

struggle for him. He's in a situation where he's in daycare in English all day. Dad

speaks only English. So I can't really expect too much from him" (Int.4, pi 8).

Ella also talked about avoiding rebellion by keeping the motivation positive. She

remembered from her own experience how ineffective force can be:

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I don't want to make it work for him. I want to make it fun. I know what it was like when I was forced to do piano lessons. I want to- it's important to me that he learn this; it's important to me that he understands it. But at the same time, I don't want to be there with a big stick. I want to make it fun. (Ella, Int.4, pp.36-37)

Nari referred to the benefits of exposure to children who speak Chinese

and Korean in choosing a daycare for her daughter:

Amy was going to a Montessori school which focused on bilingualism. Because a lot of the kids don't know English, because their parents are bringing them up, and their parents don't know how to speak English either. So even though they live here, they were born here, they don't know how to speak English. But meanwhile you have kids, who are totally opposite. They don't know- so they'll put them together and expose them to each other. That's why I'd like to send my daughter to daycare in Flushing rather than Long Island. Because I want her to be exposed to that.

For awhile she was going to a Chinese daycare, which was the same thing. Well actually they focus more on ESL. But I don't care, because as long as she's around kids who can't speak English, she's forced to speak the Korean or the Chinese. So she's exposed to it. That's why I try to send her there. Most of the schools in Flushing, a lot of them are - they have that ESL program, but both sides benefit from it. (Nari, Int.2, pp.53-54)

In the above quote, Nari appeared to be more optimistic than the other participants

regarding how successful this exposure could really be in developing the

language. However, in expressing her frustration with her husband for not

spending more time with Amy to help her learn Chinese, Nari reveals an

appreciation for the limits of exposure, "He just expects her to learn here. I'm

like, 'It's only once a week. What is she gonna learn? And you don't speak to her

in Chinese, as a matter of fact, you don't spend time with her" (Nari, Int.2, p.25).

She elaborated further:

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He just wants to hear what she's learning in class. I'm like, "Don't just hear what she's learning in class. You have to speak to her in Chinese. You have to go over the things she learned and you have to encourage her" (Nari, Int.3, pp.26-27).

William, Joseph, Nari, and Ella were taking advantage of the fact that their

children were young enough (ages three - five) that the parents could choose the

children's activities. The hope was that the early exposure to the heritage

language in a fun atmosphere would promote a positive association with the

language and culture which might last through the years of teenage rebellion.

Even if their children took a break from formal instruction at that point, perhaps

the interest cultivated there would motivate them to pursue the language again

later. They also expressed the hope that hearing the language at an early age

would help them be more successful when they chose to devote more time to it:

I'm hoping his enthusiasm with this school - which he's very enthusiastic about coming here. He'd rather come here than go to daycare. Which is good - 1 guess because daycare is 8 hours, this is more of a shorter day for him. I guess that has a lot to do with it. He gets more excited about coming here. (Ella, Int.4,p.l9)

I never have any trouble sending her anywhere. She loves to be out. And she's quite active and outgoing too. I don't have a problem with that. At this age, they think of going to school as socializing. You know, because it's crayons, come on! And they learn songs and dancing. (Nari, Int.1, pp.49-50)

William has hopes that the teaching methods will help with motivation. He

noticed that the Spanish the children learn in daycare seems to stay with them,

and that they seem to enjoy it, "But you know, they're making it fun for them, so

hopefully this will be fun" (William, Int.1, p.45).

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Joseph acknowledged that he fully expects to encounter some resistance to

Chinese School when his son gets older, which is one reason that cultivating the

interest early is important. He said he intends to respond to the situation by

spending more time at home on activities that will develop the language:

Then I'm going to use more of the family time, if he's still young enough to stay at home. So you know, to read some materials, and then maybe using some kind of reading or learning materials related to the Chinese culture. Hopefully, he's got the interest or will rekindle the interest.... Sometimes a person with enough sense, they make a good choice....That's the only way I think I try to push - not, "Oh you must go to Chinese School." I-1 don't think I can do that. Because that won't work. I don't think- he will lose more interest and then, "I'm not interested at all!" you know, because it's too much. So I'm not forcing it upon him. (Joseph, Int.2, pp.60-61)

William also talked about the possibility of future resistance and the

futility of trying to force Chinese School on children as they get older. "Of course,

they'll say, 'Why do I need to?' They don't see it in the long-term, so it's hard"

(Int.l, p.66). He expressed the possibility that the early exposure they get at

Chinese School gives them an introduction to the language and reinforcement of

the culture that could stay with them:

Just for the background information. I mean, just get a taste for it, I guess. If they want to continue, they could. If not, then it's fine. You can't force it on them later on in life when they're grown, so. (William, Int.2, pp.43-44)

Nari also anticipates future resistance, but expressed more willingness to use force

than the others:

But I know after awhile it's going to be a little tedious for her. "More school?! I go five days a week; now you're making me go again?! [Laughing] But she has to. "I'm sorry, you'll thank me later." You know, "Instead of hating me for not teaching you, I'd rather you thank me later.

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Because I resented my parents for not giving me formal training, so I don't want you ever to feel that you never had the opportunity." (Nari, Int.1, p.50)

The exposure issue played out a little differently with Dino's children.

There were no Sicilian schools or opportunities to study Italian for young children

when they were growing up. However, even at home, the language that Dino's

wife chose to expose their daughter to was French, not the heritage language. The

exposure provided by frequent get-togethers with the grandparents was not

enough to teach the children Sicilian, and they have expressed resentment as

adults that they weren't taught. Dino pointed out that, on the other hand, the

exposure to French was successful in sparking an interest in that language for his

daughter; she went on to study French in school and spent a college semester in

France.

Making the effort to develop and maintain the heritage language is as important

as the result

Ella, in particular, used the phrase, "At least I try" or some variation of it,

throughout the transcripts, both in regard to maintaining and developing her own

language and for her son's language:

And just, I've always wanted to maintain the skill; if anything, to improve it? So over the years I've gone to the bookstore, I've bought books for myself, like little dictionaries, and I make a concerted effort. I try at least.

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I know 98% of my relatives in Hong Kong don't read English. I know the older relatives we have in the States don't read English. Christmas cards come along, and I will sit there and write the cards out in Chinese. And it takes me two hours. But I'll do it. And I make an effort at least, I try.... I want to make an effort to at least write something that they can read. You know, Not Merry Christmas in English and have a great New Year. It's like, I wanna do it in Chinese, I address them in Chinese, I write them in Chinese, like y'know, Merry Christmas, blah-blah-blah-blah, I hope to see you soon, I write it all in Chinese. The only word that you'll see in English is my husband's name. I'll write my Chinese name, my husband's name, and then my son's name in Chinese. Imake-I try! (Ella, Int.l,pp.30-31)

In talking about her cousins' efforts to provide Chinese instruction for their

children:

She's trying. Her children have expressed an interest in wanting to learn because of Adam....The one on the Island, interestingly enough, has started sending her 2 sons, one who's ten and the other one who's five, the same age as my son, to Cantonese class. And it's only one hour on a Friday, which, my attitude is it's better than nothing. (Ella, Int.2, pp.45-46)

When they're alone together, Ella speaks to her son in Cantonese as much

as possible, turning routine instructions into TPR (Total Physical Response)

activities. Even if he can't say it, she knows he understands the directions:

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Even if he's not answering me, I will tell him what I want, "Take this to the garbage for me, go turn off the light, go make sure the door's closed." I know he understands me because he's responding exactly the way he should be responding. (Ella, Int. 4, p. 18)

Every once in awhile I'll talk to my son, if it's just the two of us, you know, we'll have these little conversations and I'll ask him questions like, "Where's your nose? Where are your eyes?" You know, and he won't verbally answer me, but he'll point. So I know he understands me. (Ella, Int. 2, p.48)

When he doesn't understand, she uses repetition to try to get him to remember it,

"I'll say it again in English; then I'll say it twice or three times in Chinese. I'll

keep saying it over and over again, so it like gets in there somehow" (Ella, Int.4,

p. 18).

Ella also tries to encourage verbal production from him by requiring that

he use Chinese in making basic requests. She pushes to get as much language

practice as she can for him without overwhelming or frustrating him. She seems

to be quite aware of making use of every moment, and taking advantage of

situations that provide natural motivation:

And when he wants something, I always make him ask me in Chinese: "May I have a glass of water? I'd like some juice. I'd like to have a cookie." "What do you say?" And he'll say, "(says it in Cantonese)." You know, "Please can I have

?" If we're in the car and he wants to hear a song, I make him ask me in Chinese. I know I sound like I'm being really hard-nosed about it, but I am trying, I really am trying. And I'm not speaking to him as much as I would love to in Cantonese. (Ella, Int.2, p.48)

She recognizes that the results won't be what she would like them to be, but she

takes comfort in having done what she could; the limitations in results reflect the

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situation, not her effort. "I don't think he's ever gonna be- how I would like him

to be at some point. It's kinda hard right now" (Ella, Int.4, p.l9:2-4).

In talking about her views on programs in the public schools that attempt

to include development of the heritage language, Ella's response again focused on

the effort. I told her about a program I had visited and mentioned that I wasn't

sure how much of the heritage language was actually acquired. Her comment was,

"At least they're trying' (Ella, Int.6, p.29).

In discussing his son's heritage language development, Joseph also

expressed an appreciation for the importance of the effort and recognized that the

results were not something he could determine:

What level he can master of course depends on his future development. So hopefully, again, this is only a hope, we can only try and you know, then again it's beyond our control. (Joseph, Int.2, p.64)

As he talked about how he plans to handle resistance to Chinese School when his

son gets older, he stressed continuing the effort:

So I'll say, "Well maybe we'll do something at home, maybe reading Chinese books." Something you know. So that hopefully, if you can persuade him one way or the other, yes that would be good. But if not, then okay let whatever, wherever the chips fall, they fall. (Joseph, Int.2, p.61)

Regarding Joseph's own Chinese language development, his focus on the

effort was again readily apparent. He reads on his own and plans to study Chinese

formally again in the future when he has more time. In his view, he's never done

learning anyway; the important thing is to keep learning as much as he can. It is

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this attitude that he hopes to inspire in his son; with it, his son will have the

intrinsic motivation to continue with Chinese.

Nari was adamant about the importance of effort, but less accepting of the

idea that the results might not match the effort. "Wherever the chips fall, they

fall" is not part of her attitude at this point. She expressed strong feelings about

the importance of learning the heritage language, both for herself and for her

daughter. Nari expressed her intension for Amy to avoid the feelings of

resentment that she (Nari) experienced:

But she has to. "I'm sorry, you'll thank me later." You know, "instead of hating me for not teaching you, I'd rather you thank me later. Because I resented my parents for not giving me formal training, so I don't want you ever to feel that you never had the opportunity." (Nari, Int.1, p.50)

The fact that Amy has two heritage languages to learn has not lessened

Nari's expectations, "She's got Chinese and Korean background, so I'm like,

'You have to learn all three languages. I don't carel That's it! Another language if

you want to. That's fine: French, German, whatever. Go for it!" (Nari, Int.1,

p.20). The intensity of her feelings about the results for her daughter seems to

reflect Nari's frustration with her own results and limited opportunities. Joseph

and Ella both had years of instructional input in the heritage language, something

Nari never had. They also both appeared more comfortable with their heritage

language proficiency than Nari was with hers.

At this point, Nari expresses frustration with both the results and the

effort; she criticized her husband for not trying harder to facilitate their daughter's

Chinese development:

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I really feel that he should put a little effort into it. Definitely. Speak to her in Chinese. Or, I won't give her a bath, maybe he should bathe her at night and speak to her, and teach her body parts in Chinese and do things like that. (Nari, Int.3, p.29)

She recounted part of what she told him in a conversation a week before the third

interview:

"If I have to wake up at 7:00 in the morning every Sunday to cook you guys breakfast and get her ready and send her to Chinese School and sit there for 3 hours, then she'd better learn something! And you'd better teach her! I mean like, take some time and sit down and go over stuff." He buys her flash cards. His family in Taiwan sends her flashcards. She has so many Chinese books; he's never cracked a one of them. (Nari, Int.3, p.26)

With her husband's present level of effort, Nari doesn't have the comfort of

saying, as Ella did, "At least we're trying; we're really trying." In terms of

Korean, Nari said she hadn't yet enrolled her daughter in Korean School because

she didn't want to overwhelm her, but planned to add it in a year or two. She

speaks to Amy in Korean at home whenever she can, and Nari's parents speak to

her in Korean as well. She expressed the hope that future efforts will include

summers in Taiwan and Korea.

In contrast to Nari's intensity, William sounded resigned to the limitations.

His hopes, however, were quite different from his expectations. In fact, talking

with William about his hopes for his children's Chinese development and the

obstacles they face in doing this was like being on a seesaw:

I would hope to at least speak. The writing and reading would be an added bonus if they do. At least to know how to speak it, and afterwards, we'll see how reading and writing go, because that's the most difficult. (William, Int. l,p.53)

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Usually if you start earlier and it's used a lot, it'll be better. And since we don't use it at home - you know, it's just a one day a week thing. (William, Int.l,p.45)

Unless you really hammer it down and use it at home - which we don't. So that's why he just loses it every time. (William, Int. 1, p.66)

At least he knows where he's from. It's part of why we bring him here. The other part is to expose him, so maybe he could, you know, speak. Maybe write, I'm not sure. [Quiet voice] (William, Int.2, p.l 1)

It's just exposure for the culture and the place and other types of people. (William, Int.2,44).

I don't expect much, but at least we expose him to it. (William, Int.2, p.45)

There was a considerable gap between the expectations he expressed and his

hopes, but he still attended Chinese school every Sunday. He compared the

experience of his Jewish friends who studied Hebrew and then lost it after they

stopped going to Hebrew School, with his son's situation:

I mean at the time the parents thought, "Yeah, it's very important for them." Then after they're out of the parents' control, in college or whatever, it's not really part of their lives. I mean I think the parents just say, "Hey, at least they did it for the time being and that was it." Just like I'm doing for my son here. (William, Int. 2, p.43-44)

Clearly the effort and the exposure were still valuable to him, despite the apparent

limitations to their success.

On the other hand, when Dino's children were young, the stigma

associated with Sicilian meant that no effort was expended to help them learn the

language. Neither the results nor the effort were considered to be important

because the language itself was considered to be inferior. Dino explained that any

effort to facilitate language development, concentrated on English, French, and

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formal Italian. To this day, his wife has difficulty accepting the idea that Sicilian

is being promoted as a good thing. Similar to Nari, Dino's children have

expressed resentment that their parents didn't try to teach them. Dino expressed

regret that he hadn't made more of an effort to teach his parents English, and he

mentioned being ashamed of how long it was before he made the effort to study

formal Italian. The work he put into the Italian classes and the effort he expends

now to learn about the Sicilian and Italian languages and cultures appears to come

very naturally; he now has the intrinsic interest that Joseph spoke of, calling it a

"a labor of love" (Dino, Int.1, p.87).

Discussion

Factors identified in the literature as influencing heritage language

development and maintenance include: age of immigration (J.S. Lee, 2002; Luo &

Wiseman, 2000), birth order (Hinton, 1999), parental attitudes and language use

in the home (Guardado, 2002; Li, 2006; Luo & Wiseman, 2000; Tse, 2001b;

Wong-Fillmore, 2000), peer influences (Hinton, 1999; Luo & Wiseman, 2000;

Tse, 2001), institutional and community support (Guardado, 2002; Tse, 2001b;

Wong Fillmore, 2000). No single factor appears to be sufficient to prevent or

predict language loss (Fishman, 1991; Hinton, 1999; Tse, 2001b); rather, these

elements appear to interact with one another in a variety of ways to promote or

hinder individual language development.

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Age of Immigration

J.S. Lee (2002) and Luo & Wisemen (2000) suggest that a younger age of

immigration coincides with greater heritage language loss. Older children,

particularly those who have had the chance for formal education in the home

country, are expected to be more successful in maintaining the language because

of their greater exposure to it. This assumption was evident in Joseph's story. He

credited his years of exposure to his mother tongue, before arriving in the U.S. at

age 13, as playing an important role in his language maintenance and its

resilience. The greater difficulty experienced by Dino, William, and Nari, who

arrived at the ages of seven, seven, and two, respectfully, is basically in line with

these expectations. On the other hand, Ella was born in the United States and

developed and maintained a higher level in Cantonese than others who

immigrated after starting school. The tightly structured environment created by

her mother essentially insulated Ella from English until she went to school. Zhang

(2004) found similar complications with the age of immigration factor in her

study with Chinese-Americans in Philadelphia. Some of the immigrants she spoke

with, who had experienced stress in trying to learn English in order to fit-in in the

United States, were more resistant to the immigrant language, as if there some

resentment towards it. On the other hand, the participants who were born in the

United States and raised in a bilingual situation were more receptive to the

immigrant language. The age of arrival factor interacts with other factors, such as

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the family and community environments, to influence language development and

maintenance.

Birth Order

The role of birth order on the development of the heritage language

documented by Hinton (1999) and Wong-Fillmore (2002) is clearly apparent in

Ella and Nari's families. As the youngest of four children, Nari was introduced to

English by her brothers before she attended school. The siblings spoke Korean

with the parents, but English to one another. She has worked hard to recapture and

hold onto the Korean she has, and to maintain family connections. For Ella, being

the oldest meant different expectations and the responsibility of serving as a

language broker for her mother. Her youngest sister spoke to their mother in

English and refused to go to Chinese School, something that would not have been

tolerated from Ella. As Ella explains it, her mother had lost the energy and resolve

to require the same behavior of her sister. Now Ella's interpreting duties include

helping with communication difficulties between her mother and her sister.

As an only child, Joseph had the responsibilities of language brokering for

his parents that an oldest child would have. However, this role didn't really start

for him until he was an adult. At first, extended family members took care of that

responsibility.

Dino and William each had one sibling who was so close in age that the

oldest-youngest roles were not so clearly defined. They both described their

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siblings' language proficiencies as similar to their own. In both situations, English

soon became their language of choice. Dino and his brother both helped their

parents with English on occasion, but the presence of extended family meant that,

for the most part, this responsibility didn't fall on their shoulders until much later

in life.

Parent Attitudes and Language Use in the Home

As previously mentioned, the continued use of the immigrant language in

the home did not prevent language loss for the participants, but it was a necessary

prerequisite to minimizing the extent of the loss. Parents were essentially the only

source of exposure to the immigrant language for the participants in the early

years in the United States. Similar to Guofang Li's (2006) findings, parental

attitudes and the time they were able to spend with their children impacted their

language development and maintenance. Ella's mother spoke only Cantonese with

her, restricted her access to television, and structured Ella's time to include

literacy activities in Chinese. Although she did not maintain her skills in reading

and writing, Ella was apparently much more successful in developing and

maintaining her Cantonese than others, and she spoke with pride about how

favorably she compared with her cousins. The language was spoken in their

homes too, but their mothers placed less emphasis on it; their focus was on

English. Now when the cousins need to communicate in Cantonese, they rely on

Ella, sometimes to understand their own parents.

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Dino's parents, similar to Ella's aunts, were focused on learning English,

and encouraged Dino and his brother to concentrate on English instead of Sicilian.

On the other hand, they did have time together, and Sicilian was used, in addition

to English, for ease of communication. Dino indicated that it was often a two

language conversation when he spoke with his parents. There were also classic

stories his mother read to him and original stories his father told in Sicilian at

family get-togethers. In his case, parental attitudes did not support the continued

development of Sicilian, but the authentic need to use the language continued, and

included oral literacy activities which were part of the family social life. These

competing influences contributed to language loss, on the one hand, and language

maintenance on the other.

When Joseph first arrived, the initial focus for him was on English as well.

It was necessary to compete well in school, and his cousins didn't speak Chinese,

so he had to use English in order to communicate with them. However, he had

time with his parents, his aunts, and his grandfather in Chinese, and there were

reading materials in Chinese available in the home. His parents stressed

education, which was all in English in the U.S., but Chinese was still necessary in

the home. While his situation did not prevent him from experiencing language

loss, it contributed to the resilience of the language for him.

William and Nari's parents were too preoccupied with survival to worry

about native language maintenance. Their time with their children was limited in

any language. The children were soon spending much more time with English -

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from TV, peers, siblings - than with the home language. The experience they

described mirrors descriptions provided by Tse (2001c) and Wong-Fillmore

(2000). Nari's father did provide Korean books for Nari, and when she was older

and they had more time together, she watched Korean videos with her parents, as

part of her efforts to regain the language.

Despite continued use in the home, the immigrant language was still

vulnerable. However, the reinforcement of the language that did occur seemed to

make it more resilient.

Agnes Weiyun He's (2006) By-Choice Hypothesis proposes that heritage

language proficiency increases when the language is used by choice, as opposed

to out of necessity, at home. The idea is that the more it appears to be enrichment,

the more it will be seen as a benefit instead of a limitation. On the other hand, my

participants referred to the importance of a genuine need to use the language, even

being "forced" to use it, as a crucial factor in developing and maintaining

proficiency. The type of force they described, however, came from the need and

desire to communicate in a particular situation, not from rules imposed on them

by an authority figure. Guofang Li's (2006) study also indicated that the need to

use the language for communication purposes in the home was a factor in the

continued use of the language on the part of the children. In the families with

parents who could communicate in both English and Chinese, the children chose

to speak English. When parents realized the children were losing Chinese, they

tried to make rules requiring the children to use the language, but enforcement of

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the rules was difficult, and the parents resorted to English in order to

communicate. One of Li's participants, a child who appeared to be successfully

developing Cantonese, Mandarin, and English, had parents who couldn't speak

English, so Cantonese and Mandarin were necessary for communication at home.

However, an aspect of the "by choice" hypothesis may still come into

play. Li's (2006) findings suggested that another contributor to the children's

willingness to speak Chinese involved the parents' perceptions of their status and

the value of the language in the community, along with the parents' beliefs about

language learning. Although all three families had high socioeconomic status and

all hoped that their children would become bilingual and biliterate, the parents

had different views regarding their place in the society. The children who were

resisting Chinese had parents who feared discrimination and/or saw themselves as

guests in the country. They expressed the opinion that their role was to adapt to

their environment without complaint. Their anxiety about acceptance and the

importance of English appeared to be communicated to the children. It also meant

that the parents didn't stress Chinese until they realized the children were losing

it. On the other hand, in the family whose daughter was demonstrating more

success in maintaining Chinese, the parents viewed themselves as valuable

contributors to the community. They saw their Chinese language as an asset, for a

variety of reasons, including English learning. Although this family also had a

need to use Chinese for communication purposes, their choice to continue with it

at home was accompanied by a positive attitude about the value of the language.

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Their use of Chinese was not framed as a limitation. Chinese was not just for

basic communication, but included reading, writing, and academic purposes as

well.

Among the participants in my study, Ella was in this position to a certain

extent. Although Ella's mother may not have expressed the same confidence

about their role in the community that Li's participants did, the value she placed

on the Chinese language and culture was clearly apparent to Ella. The

reinforcement of reading and writing in the home, using it to communicate with

relatives in Hong Kong, supported this view. While these practices did not

prevent language loss and limitations, they appeared to play a role in making it

more resilient and substantially minimizing the extent of the loss.

The subtleties of the parents' views regarding their language and their role

in the community seem to be an integral part of the way the children respond to

language choices in the home. Perhaps the key is for the positive view of the

language apparent in the enrichment aspect of the by-choice hypothesis to coexist

with a genuine need to use the language.

Peers

When they were growing up, the participants for the most part did not

have the benefit of speaking their languages with a peer group (although initially

Ella had friends from Chinese School), and the communities they lived in were

not conducive to the maintenance of the immigrant languages. As adults, they

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have had opportunities from time to time to interact with peers who share their

languages. Some of these contacts were coincidental and some, they specifically

sought out. They reported that these situations have provided a mixture of:

reinforcement of the language and culture, embarrassment and frustration at their

limitations, pride in what they knew, and motivation to pursue the language for

themselves and their children.

Some of the benefits of a peer group and community support are

potentially available to Nari, Joseph, Ella, and William's children at the Chinese

School. Usually, they attend as a family and spend the morning there. While the

children take class, and between classes, there are plenty of opportunities for

social interaction as parents and siblings gather over coffee and donuts in the

lounge. The environment at the school also offers the adults the potential for

connecting with a peer group of Americans who share their ethnicity, providing

the group membership described by Tse (1998, 2001c) in stage four of her ethnic

identity model. There they find others who have similar experiences with

language loss and maintenance, similar cultural identity issues, and face similar

challenges in passing the language and culture on to their children.

Institutional Support

For all of the participants, except Ella, institutional support, in the form of

formal education in the immigrant language, was not available to them in the

United States until adulthood. Even then, opportunities and the time to take

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advantage of those opportunities were limited. The importance of formal

schooling was mentioned by all of the participants and can be seen in their

choices to enroll their children and/or themselves in language classes. Their views

are supported by the fact that the two participants who described themselves as

having maintained the highest levels of proficiency, Ella and Joseph, also reported

the most formal education in the immigrant language. This opinion is consistent

with Tse's (2001b) findings in her study with biliterates as well; all of her

participants, who were U.S. born or early arrivals successful in maintaining

biliteracy, had received formal schooling.

The value of formal schooling appears to go beyond the actual language

instruction that occurs. Tse's (2001b) study found that there was a legitimacy and

increase in status that came with inclusion of the language in a formal institution

such as a school. Seeing one's language and culture in that setting provided a

positive perception of the culture and language, as well as a model of

bi/multilingualism. The reasons my participants gave for enrolling their children

in Chinese School also reflected these values. They spoke of a connection and

sense of belonging that they find there. As William commented, regarding his

decision to take his son to Chinese School, "At least he knows where he's from,"

(Int.2, p.l 1). In addition, early exposure to the language is thought to condition

the ear to the sounds and rhythm of the language, providing a frame of reference

that can be tapped into later.

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Joseph and Ella, in particular, stressed the importance of a positive

atmosphere that fosters intrinsic motivation in order for language learning to be

successful. As all of the participants did, they mentioned the importance of being

"forced" to use a language in order to really learn it. However Joseph and Ella

considered force to be ineffective as a teaching technique for their children's

heritage language development. The "force" that they found useful related to a

genuine need to use the language to function in the world. They felt that forcing

their children to attend Chinese School or using authoritarian methods to make

them study at home would produce rebellion, and the children would turn away

from the language completely. William too mentioned the importance of teaching

techniques that make learning fun. These attitudes are consistent with Guardado's

(2002) findings that the families in his study who were experiencing success in

maintaining the language were using more entertaining ways, such as songs and

stories, of encouraging the use of the LI at home. Similar to Joseph's philosophy,

the parents in the maintenance families did not impose the language on their

children; rather they modeled and encouraged use of the LI. Li's (2006) study and

Tse's (2001a, 2001b) findings indicated that the teaching methods which relied on

traditional techniques of repetition and memorization in a strictly disciplined

format produced some negative reactions to formal instruction in the heritage

language.

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Views on Bilingual Education

While there was agreement on the need for formal schooling in the

heritage language, there were mixed opinions on bilingual education. Nari and

Ella were all for it, even if the actual language gains were modest. Ella's comment

was, "At least they're trying,'1'' (Int.6, p.29). Nari's view was the more languages,

the better. William saw pros and cons. He cautioned that it would only work in a

multilingual environment, where the use of the languages was natural; otherwise

the students would be tempted to stay with their stronger language. He also

considered it unfair to offer programs that include some languages but not others.

He objected to the bilingual programs for Spanish speakers in his school because

he viewed them as unfair to speakers of other languages.

Joseph also offered mixed opinions regarding bilingual education. Despite

the praise he expressed for the bilingual program he attended in Hong Kong as a

child, he questioned how effective bilingual classes would be in the United States.

He considered them beneficial for "general exposure" (Int. 5, p.36), so that later

in life the students will be more open to the language and culture. In talking about

his scholarship offer in bilingual education, he explained that the idea was to train

successful bilinguals as teachers so that they could provide a positive role model

for the students, teaching by example that it's possible to succeed in the U.S.

Although he didn't take advantage of the scholarship, he was very much in favor

of that idea, emphasizing that teaching by example was the most effective way to

teach. However, Joseph didn't consider bilingual education really necessary in

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order to foster cultural understanding between groups, those of Caucasian

heritages and those of Chinese heritages in the same program, for example. His

opinion was that Americans could develop respect and an atmosphere of

coexistence with other cultures without a dual language program. He expected

that there would still be some residual prejudice, but hopefully not too severe.

Implicit in his views is the doubt that prejudice would ever be completely

removed. Ella's impression, as she considered the possibility of programs that

included Caucasians, was that the level would need to be lowered to

accommodate them. Dino had difficulty imagining that anyone in the U.S. would

be interested in learning Sicilian, but was intrigued by the talk of including

Sicilian in schools in Italy.

In order for bilingual programs to be successful, in gaining acceptance and

in achieving their goals, they will need to address the relative statuses of the

languages and cultures involved. The years of prejudice and lack of acceptance

associated with the minority languages and cultures mean that this process will

likely require ongoing effort, communication, and adjustment.

Hopes for the Future

As the participants talked about regaining their language for themselves

and developing it in their children, the gap between hopes and expectations

seemed to rise and fall like a seesaw. At times there was cautious optimism that

one day, if they could just find the time and the right vehicle/s (computer

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program, television show, video, game, books, classes), supplemented with trips

to a country where the language is spoken, the language development they hoped

for could take place. Cho (2000) found a similar gap between the hopes the

participants expressed for their children and the likelihood that these hopes could

realistically come true. Parents in other studies (Guardado, 2002; Li, 2006) also

continued to harbor hopes that somehow their children will develop the language,

even when the children refused to speak the language at home. At other times, as

my participants recognized the reality of time commitments, the lack of

opportunities for developing and reinforcing the language, and their own

experiences with language loss, their expectations became much more limited.

What was a hope became a dream; optimistic views were replaced by frustration

and/or a recognition that the situation was essentially beyond their control. Still,

they maintained the feeling, that the language would come back, that it was still

there, but dormant. If they had the time and the right environment, it would

awaken.

More consistent in the discussion was the value of the effort. Whatever the

hopes and expectations, there was comfort and a sense of satisfaction in making

the effort to learn and to continue to develop the language. The act of trying was

an acknowledgement of their identity and a demonstration of respect for the

culture. There was success in putting forth the effort, in holding onto and helping

their children to acquire what they could. They may not be able to control the

275

results, but they could control the effort. As Joseph viewed it, learning is for a

lifetime - no point in stopping.

CHAPTER VI

SUMMARY, METATHEME, IMPLICATIONS, AND FINAL REFLECTIONS

This study began as an effort to learn more about the experience of native

language loss by people who learned English as a second language in childhood

in the United States - the situational context in which the loss occurs and the

meaning of that loss for the individual. From three to six in-depth, qualitative

interviews were conducted with each of five participants who identified

themselves as having experienced this type of loss. The process of documenting

and analyzing their stories resulted in a change in the scope of the original

research question and revealed themes pertaining to three main areas.

As the participants talked about their proficiency in their heritage language

and their feelings about it, it became apparent that my original concept of the

topic did not address the complexity of the experiences. The original question and

sub-questions seemed to carry the assumption that language loss is a discrete,

one-dimensional, linear event. One had a language, one lost a language. But, as

William pointed out, "It's not like something that just happens overnight or with

the flip of a switch," (Int.1, p.48). Even recognizing that language loss is a more

gradual phenomenon does not adequately address the issue. There is still the

implication of the language as a single entity that decreases like water draining

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from a sink. The complexity of language loss and language proficiency is missing

from that image. The stories of these participants revealed situations in which

language loss coexists with threads of language maintenance, development, and

recovery, interwoven together.

This complexity was explored in the discussion of themes under the

heading "Feelings about Language Proficiency, What it Means to Know a

Language, and The Struggle to Develop and Maintain Languages in the United

States." The participants' descriptions of their heritage language proficiency

varied from interview to interview, and even within an interview. Talk of loss and

limitations was followed by examples of how much they had maintained or

recovered, particularly in comparison to others. Over the course of their lives,

they had experienced loss, maintenance and recovery in varying amounts and

contexts. Knowing the language and losing the language were, for these

participants, topics that could not be addressed by an "either/or" question. It

depended on the type of language required by the situation under discussion and

at what time in their lives it took place, whether written language was involved,

the other participants in the interaction. The limitations they described involved

vocabulary, formal language, reading and writing, difficulties understanding fast

speech and problems with grammar and pronunciation. In some cases they had

developed a family variety of the language that did not work outside the home.

Both formal schooling and opportunities to use the language were

identified by these participants as essential to the development and maintenance

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of the language. How much and what type of each is a more complicated

question. The participants' families continued to use the heritage language at

home, which contributed to their language maintenance, but this was not

sufficient to prevent them from experiencing language loss and limited

development. For some, communication within the family was described as

"getting the message across", and there were limitations in the topics they could

discuss, "We only speak about simple things." Similarly, formal instruction was

mentioned as helpful, although not a panacea. Both Ella and Joseph had more

than five years of formal instruction in the language and reading materials

available in the home. Of the five participants, they expressed the most

confidence in their heritage language, but they both described experiences of

language loss as well.

Reading and writing were considered to be an important part of knowing

the language. The participants expressed the view that a person could be only

half-way proficient without reading and writing skills. These limitations were the

source of embarrassment and frustration at times. Written language was also a

tool to maintaining and developing the language.

The need to use English was obvious to all of the participants. In the

communities where they lived, there were few others, if anyone, who spoke their

heritage languages. English was a requirement for participation. Learning English

was referred to as a struggle; all of the participants recounted experiences of

feeling lost and overwhelmed at school. In Nari's case, those experiences were

279

her older brothers'; she expressed relief that she was too young to go to school

when her family immigrated and was able to avoid those feelings. Joseph credited

the bilingual school he attended in Hong Kong with providing the foundation in

English to help him feel less overwhelmed by the straggle of school in English in

the United States. As the participants focused their attention on English, the

heritage language was pushed into the background. With the limited attention and

use, came changes in the language which the participants described as loss.

The themes discussed under the heading "The Relationship between

Language and Self and Issues about English as a Replacement Language"

explored the connection between language and self expressed in the participants'

stories. In addition to the communicative role of language, the participants all

described the heritage language as "part of who I am", and they frequently talked

about language and culture synonymously. One was part of the other. The

intensity of the feelings they expressed varied somewhat, with one participant

emphasizing the more instrumental role of language in his life; however this

connection between language and self was mentioned by all of them.

Language was one of the main tools in negotiating their sense of self in the

United States. The heritage language was avoided and the English language was

pursued as part of rejecting or suppressing the heritage identity and adopting an

"American" one. When the participants wanted to reconnect with the heritage

identity, they sought out the heritage language.

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Participants' feelings about how they identified themselves were

influenced by the attitudes they experienced over time and were similar to the

description outlined by Lucy Tse (1998,2001c). The desire to be accepted as an

American led them to focus on English, pushing the heritage language to the

background. For Dino, with his Caucasian features, speaking English with a North

American-sounding accent did in fact bring this acceptance form others. For the

participants with Asian features, sounding "American" was considered to be

important, but in their experiences, it did not bring acceptance. The feeling that an

American identity was not possible made the replacement of the heritage

language with English seem like an uneven exchange. Loss in the heritage

language represented a loss of part of oneself. This feeling of loss was

compounded by the expectations of other members of the cultural group, who

considered it an embarrassment and a rejection of the culture not to know the

heritage language. Even among Americans of other ethnic groups, the participants

felt the expectation that they should know their heritage language and culture.

For Dino, the American identity he had adopted became problematic

because it seemed to come with a negative view of his language and culture. As

he got older and began to learn more about his cultural history, he found a

heritage he wanted to claim. He discovered the inaccuracy of the stereotypes and

became passionate about collecting information to change the image associated

with Sicilian language and culture.

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The desire to recapture the part of themselves that they had pushed aside

in their efforts to fit-in as Americans, led these people to try to reconnect with the

heritage language and culture. They attended language classes, joined cultural

organizations, watched videos, listened to tapes and bought books, and/or

returned to visit the country of origin.

The section "Obstacles and Hopes" looked at the role of time, exposure,

and effort in developing, maintaining, and regaining the heritage language for

themselves and for their children. As children and teenagers in the United States,

their time with the heritage language was limited, which led to loss and

limitations in the heritage language. The demands for survival meant limited

family time for some which also meant limited exposure to the heritage language.

As formal schooling in the language became unavailable to them, and they

concentrated on English and on fitting-in as Americans, they also spent less time

with the heritage language.

Now, as adults, the demands of work commitments, school and

community obligations continue to leave little time to pursue the heritage

language. Their efforts to pass the language on to their children are impacted by

lack of time as well. This is especially true for families in which the spouse does

not speak the same heritage language, and English is the common language

between them. They expressed the hope that enrolling the children in heritage

language school would provide the exposure necessary to spark the children's

interest in the language. There was also the feeling that the early exposure would

282

give the children an ear for the rhythm of the language, making it easier for them

to develop it in the future.

The obstacles they and their children faced were acknowledged, and there

was talk about adjusting their expectations to recognize those difficulties. Still,

there was the hope that they and their children would somehow overcome the

obstacles. What was more important to them, however, was the effort involved.

The actual language skills developed may not be something they could control,

but there was still value in making the effort.

Metatheme - The Centralitv of Emotion in Language Use

In the analysis of these participants' stories, an overarching metatheme

that emerged was the centrality of emotion in language use. Feelings of

belonging, acceptance, connection to others, confidence, pride, respect, anxiety,

embarrassment, resentment, anger, regret, frustration, inadequacy, and power

were expressed throughout the interviews as the participants recounted their

experiences with their languages.

The use of a language, and how one used it, could bring acceptance and

belonging or it could mark one as an outsider, provoking embarrassment and

frustration. Although it was not a guarantee, speaking English with a North

American accent was considered by these participants to be a requirement for

being accepted in the United States. Along with their efforts to fit-in with English

speakers came a tendency to use the heritage language less. At the same time, the

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use of the heritage language was part of belonging to the ethnic group. It

demonstrated respect for the culture and strengthened emotional bonds with

members of the group. Nari, Ella, and Dino, in particular, talked about the

importance of the language in maintaining these connections. Limited use of the

heritage language signaled a lack of regard for the culture. As Joseph, Nari, and

Ella explained, it was considered an embarrassment. William spoke of feeling like

an outsider when others were speaking the heritage language. How successfully

one used the language influenced the person's status in the group and the level of

acceptance he/she felt.

It was apparent in the participants' stories that language use was also an

important part of self-concept and self-esteem. Both reactions from others and the

participants' own personal expectations played a role here. Nari, Ella, and Dino,

in particular, spoke with pride about the praise they received from relatives and

family friends for how well they spoke the language, and they also reported

feeling regret and ashamed when they realized they didn't have the skills to use

the language as they would like. Ella explained the importance to her of reading

and writing in Chinese, "I guess because I want to know that I know what I'm

doing. I guess, I feel illiterate," (Int.5, p.21). Nari reported frustration in trying to

use her Korean in all the situations that were important to her, and she expressed

anger with those who made fun of her mistakes and resentment towards her

parents for not teaching her more. Dino spoke of feeling ashamed that he had not

studied Italian sooner. He also mentioned feeling ashamed to be heard using his

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Sicilian dialect, at times, because of its perceived low status and because of his

limitations in using it. A similar reaction appeared in William's story, as he

associated the use of English with bettering oneself, while at the same time

expressing the feeling regarding the heritage language "Well, you should know,"

(Int.l, p.49). Joseph's personal value of education and academic language was an

important part of his expectations for himself in both of his languages.

The relationship between language use and confidence appeared to be

cyclical. Confidence in using the language was associated with positive

experiences and stronger connections with members of the ethnic group. This led

to more opportunities to use the language and more willingness to take advantage

of those opportunities. The more the language was used, the stronger it could

become, leading to more confidence. A lack of confidence in using the language

contributed to anxiety and shyness in using it. Negative experiences led to

avoidance of situations requiring the language. The limited use of the language

meant that the likelihood of experiencing success with it was also more limited,

further undermining one's confidence. Nari described this quite vividly:

I feel myself shrink (Int.1, p.40). Like it's not just the language, but you know, language is everything. If you can't speak, then your whole confidence level just -[gestures like something flying away]. You can't express yourself. People don't know what you're like, because you're so quiet and

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I guess that's what it is. It's very intimidating when you're not -when you don't have a full grasp of the language. You know when you can't be in certain situations and stuff like that. And actually, I think if I didn't have that kind of thought in my head, I could probably do it, but it's just-it's all psychological you know what I mean? (Nari, Int. 1, pp.40-41)

Language was associated with power and advantage; it could be used to

include or exclude others, it could strengthen self-esteem or weaken it. For these

participants, the use of a language involved more than conveying a message.

Discussion

The feelings regarding language use expressed here are also apparent in

the writings of other researchers and scholars. The significance of language as an

indicator of group membership is well documented (Cho, 2000; Cho & Krashen,

1998; Krashen, 1998; Lee, 2002; Olsen, 2000, Tse, 1998, 2001; Wong-Fillmore,

2000), although frequently discussed from the point of view of the motivation to

learn a language, or to use Norton's (2000) more recent term investment. The

need for English in order to fit-in in school, a need discussed by the participants in

this study, is poignantly illustrated in the descriptions provided by Hinton (1999),

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Olsen, Tse (2001) and Wong-Fillmore. In addition, Tse and Wong-Fillmore

include evidence to support the feeling, expressed by both Dino and Joseph, that

acceptance in the United States appears to require the use of English with a North

American accent. They found that the pressure to assimilate means that the

immigrant languages are used less and, at times, avoided out of embarrassment

for their perceived lower status.

The feeling of embarrassment associated with difficulties in using the

heritage language and the feeling of pride in using it successfully are documented

by Cho & Krashen (1998), Cho (2000), Tse (2001), and J.S. Lee (2002). Among

the quotes presented in Cho's article, was the comment, "I think my parents felt

really proud and I was happy that I was at least able to read it," (p.339). Arid, in

Cho & Krashen, "It's kind of embarrassing that I can't speak my own language"

(p.35). Their participants reported being teased by co-workers about their accents

and limited vocabulary in the heritage language, similar to the experience Nari

had when she worked with Korean speakers in the optical store. Some

acknowledged avoiding family get-togethers, as Nari's friends did, because

communication was so difficult. There was also mention of negative reactions

when they tried to talk with people in the home country: they were teased or

chastised for not knowing how to speak their language, similar to the way Ella's

uncle reprimanded her sister and the way the storekeeper reacted to Ella's cousin

in Hong Kong. Both in interactions with members of the ethnic group in the

United States and in visits to the home country, one's use of the heritage language

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affected how one was viewed by the group, and consequently, how one viewed

oneself.

Krashen (1998) discusses the language shyness that can occur when one's

attempts to use the heritage language are less than successful. He describes a

cyclical relationship between language use and language shyness that reflects the

way confidence influenced my participants' language use. Similarly, Arnold and

Brown's (1999) discussion of the way affective factors impact language learning

connects anxiety and nervousness with poor performance in a language. As they

expressed it, "There is a great deal of vulnerability involved in trying to express

oneself before others in a shaky linguistic vehicle," (p.9). Although elements of

this type of shyness are apparent in my participants' stories, there is also evidence

of resistance in their responses to it. While they try to avoid some situations that

would make them uncomfortable, they appear to find comfort in making the effort

to support their language for themselves and their children.

Speaking to My Profession

By providing an in-depth analysis of the experiences of these five people,

it is my hope that this study contributes to a clearer understanding of this topic on

a personal level. No intent is made to generalize these findings to other

populations; rather the purpose is to present sufficient detail and context to allow

the reader to reflect on how the experiences of these participants may apply in

other situations. The findings of this study are consistent with those of other

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researchers (Cho, 2000; Guardado, 2002; He, 2006; Hinton, 1999; Kouritzin,

1999; Li, 2006; Lee, 2002; Tse, 1998, 2000, 2001b, 2001c, Wong-Filmore, 2000,

Zhang 2004) and add nuances of their own. Together they suggest possible

implications for those concerned with the education of English language learners.

The experiences of these participants and those documented in the

literature indicate that developing and maintaining two or more languages in the

United States requires a balance of attitudes, aptitude, opportunity, necessity, and

time, along with exceptional effort. This balance appears to be difficult to

achieve. In communities that are not ethnic enclaves, the scale is tipped to

emphasize English at the expense of the immigrant language. Substantial effort at

home and through formal education seems necessary to allow the heritage

language to continue. For the participants in this study, those who engaged in this

type of effort were rewarded with knowledge of the language that at times could

be a source of pride, particularly in comparison to others. This level of support,

however, was not always available, and was not sufficient to prevent loss from

occurring or the frustration and embarrassment that accompanied the limitations

they experienced. The heritage language appears to require ongoing nourishment

and stimulation in order to continue.

While English is certainly necessary, replacing the immigrant language

with English may not offer an even exchange. Along with this subtractive process

comes a potential loss of identity, which is particularly problematic when an

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American identity is either unavailable, as it often is for visible minorities, or

when it comes with a negative image of the heritage culture.

Since language carries such a powerful emotional component, one that

reflects a person's sense of self, decisions about language are ultimately personal.

How much language is enough, what registers of language are necessary, and the

meaning of the language to the individual can not be determined by an outsider.

What may seem like enough of the language to one person, may feel decidedly

inadequate to someone else. While most of the discussions in this study have

focused on the desire to maintain, continue, and regain the language, it is also

important to recognize that there are situations in which the language carries with

it painful memories (Kourtzin, 1999). It is certainly understandable that people for

whom the heritage language carries this type of association may want and need to

avoid the language entirely, and those wishes deserve respect as well.

Rather than a directive policy, what is suggested is to provide people with

information, so that informed decisions can be made regarding language, along

with the resources to ensure that people do indeed have choices. Families that are

so stretched financially that they have no time together and are operating in panic

mode just to survive, effectively have no choices. When there are no programs or

services available, there are no choices. Further, in order for developing and

maintaining immigrant languages to really be a viable choice, there needs to be a

climate that accepts and values multilingualism. That type of climate will not

happen in the United States overnight or "with the flip of a switch," as William

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might say. The difficulty of achieving the balance of attitudes, opportunity, and

time necessary for children to develop and maintain languages other than English

appears to be a complex and somewhat daunting task.

Efforts to address the situation need to take into account the variety of

community situations in which people live. Recommendations appropriate to one

setting could fail miserably in another. Those living in ethnic enclaves have a

different set of resources and challenges compared to those who live in

communities with many different cultures, or those who live in areas in which

they are the lone minority. Family needs and individual needs come into play as

well. In some families, parents do not share the same heritage language, so

English is the common language of the home. Others have extended family

members, who may not be comfortable in English. On the other hand, siblings and

cousins may promote the use of English. Some families have no plans to return to

the heritage country and others make frequent contact and regular visits to family

members there. Economic differences affect priorities. Individuals have different

preferences and aptitudes, and go through stages of maturity and identity

development at different rates and in different ways. There is no one-size-fits-all

solution, and policies will need to be responsive to the situations and experiences

of the people they serve.

One surprising finding was how varied and difficult to define a person's

language proficiency could be. And the experiences of loss were just as varied. In

my conversations with people since I first became interested in this topic, I

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noticed that there seems to a tendency among the general public, even educators,

to simplify these concepts; there appears to be a perception that a little of another

language is enough. In contrast, American, British or Australian-accented English

is considered to be a basic requirement; unless one sounds like a native speaker of

English, he/she will be categorized as non-English speaking. People hear a few

words or phrases in another language and assume the non-English language is

intact. Conversations with the participants in this study, revealed a much different

picture. They were not satisfied with functional language and were embarrassed to

use family varieties outside their familiar circle. They had the desire to be able to

communicate with confidence in a variety of situations, including those involving

written language.

Implications of these findings suggest a need to broaden the views of

proficiency, recognizing the inadequacy of surface assumptions. Recognition of

the amount of exposure required to support language development and prevent

language loss is necessary. Changing perceptions in the general public are always

difficult to orchestrate. Involvement of the news media and popular press would

likely be necessary, and would require consideration of the packaging. The

preference for quick sound bites, charisma or drama over carefully considered

reflection, means that academic findings face a challenge in acquiring adequate

and appropriate coverage. Personal stories do offer the potential to reach a wider

audience, and perhaps it would be optimal to incorporate personal narratives in

efforts to provide a more realistic understanding of this issue to a wider audience.

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Educators and policymakers, however, can be expected to recognize the

disconnect between the goal of life-long learning and practices/policies that

contribute to the loss of knowledge. One doesn't need to lose algebra to learn

geometry. The view that learning, particularly learning that has such a deeply

personal value, should be ignored and discouraged is contradictory to the concept

of education. Immigrant languages also offer practical benefits both to the

individual, in terms of increased job opportunities, and to the society as well.

In addition to being an important part of proficiency, skills with written

language offer a vehicle for regaining and supporting the language after loss has

occurred. Given this dual role, educational programs in heritage language

development would be advised to include a focus on developing and encouraging

reading and writing in their students.

One of the issues that contributed to language neglect and loss for these

participants and their acquaintances was anxiety regarding English. The pressure

to learn English was immense, and they had essentially no assistance available to

them. If opportunities for English language learning were more accessible and

included appreciation for the heritage language and culture, some of this anxiety

could be alleviated. In addition to contributing to a less threatening environment

for immigrant languages, children and parents would be spared time wasted,

unable to participate until they somehow managed to acquire the necessary

English on their own. Following the teachings of Paulo Freire (2000,2004) such

programs would also take advantage of the language skills that the students bring

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with them and create an environment of exchange, in which heritage language

skills and English could be shared. Perhaps these programs could be coordinated

with community efforts to provide childcare, recreation, arts, and a variety of

cultural activities.

In terms of teaching techniques, also notable in this study was the mention

of the value of television and video in English language learning. In fact, for these

participants, it was the main tool. It seems likely that video, perhaps accompanied

by drama or other activities in the creative arts would offers similar potential for

heritage language development. In after school and weekend language schools,

the classes are competing with the lure of free-time activities that the students

have available to them. Connecting with students' interests would be particularly

important.

Suggestions for Future Research

The complexity of the issues involved in maintaining and developing

immigrant languages reflects the complexity of language proficiency itself, and

reinforces the need for ongoing study. To add to our understanding of this topic, it

is necessary that research document the experiences of immigrants and their

children as they continue to confront the problem of acquiring English without

losing the heritage language. Family studies that gather the different perceptions

and viewpoints of family members would be useful in developing a more

complete picture of their experiences with the immigrant language and English.

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Similarly, studies that follow the experiences of children as they acquire English,

including participant observation of the children in school, a variety of

achievement data, interviews with parents, teachers, the children themselves and

their peers would be useful in further examining this issue. Longitudinal studies

would help to gain a clearer understanding of how the hopes and expectations

play out over time.

Research that documents instructional practices and language

development in community language schools and dual language programs is also

needed so that efforts to assist people in developing these languages can be most

effective. Research about social interaction and the evolution of attitudes

regarding language and ethnicity as people participate in these programs would

also be beneficial. For my participants, the heritage language school was about

more than the vocabulary and grammar learned there; it was a valued source of

cultural support. Investigation into the roles that these programs serve, and how

they try to meet their students' needs, can provide information that would be

useful for other programs as well.

The issue of time deserves some attention in order to identify more

effective and efficient ways for people to satisfy all the needs that compete for

their time. Studies like that would be of widespread application, well beyond

those interested in language development. Time is increasingly an issue for all

kinds of families, not only newly-arrived immigrants. Still for some, especially

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for new immigrants, the time issue is essentially about reducing poverty and

easing the struggle to survive.

Unfortunately I have discovered no antidote to language loss or

prescription to ensure the continued development of an immigrant language. It is

a complex issue that is influenced by a variety of factors that interact in complex

ways to pull the language away from a person and push them to search for it

again. As the participants did, I found hope in what they were able to develop and

maintain, and I was dismayed that language loss still occurred when there was

substantial effort and support. Societal attitudes, economic challenges, and lack of

time are among the factors that are part of the issue and seem overwhelming

obstacles to address. It would be tempting to be discouraged. But the voices of the

participants provided a different view of success. I learned from them that there is

value, respect, in making the effort. A program, a school, a teacher may be able to

produce only limited results. Perhaps the results aren't readily apparent. As Ella

would say, "At least they're trying." Making the effort, continuing to learn more

about the issue, trying different strategies all demonstrate a respect that offers the

possibility of making a difference in attitudes and in learning. In Joseph's view,

we're never done learning anyway, no point in stopping.

Reflections on the Research Process

As a researcher, I was involved in an ongoing struggle to get out of my

own way. My worry about imposing or intruding made the idea of recruiting

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participants an intimidating proposition in general; the sensitive nature of the

topic made it all the more challenging for me. I realized that my family culture,

which placed such a high premium on "being considerate" and "not intruding or

imposing on others for help" needed to be kept in balance. When carried to an

extreme, those values can actually produce the opposite result, with the focus

really on me and my feelings, as opposed to attention to someone else's needs. I

needed to have the courage to put my ego aside and concentrate on the research,

on the learning that could take place from asking people to share their stories. The

willingness, even eagerness in some cases, with which my participants

volunteered when I explained the study to them, helped me to keep my

perspective in balance. Comments made by the participants as the interviews

progressed, indicating that they felt better after talking about a particular

experience or that they looked forward to our talks, made me aware of the

importance and benefit that the research process can have for the participants.

During interviews, I periodically needed to remind myself that the priority

was to learn about the experiences of my participants, not the smoothness of the

social interaction. It was important that they feel comfortable talking with me;

however the focus needed to be on their experiences, not on the enjoyment of the

social situation. My comments and wait time needed to facilitate my learning

about these experiences, not how much they liked talking with me. I realized that

I needed to pay particular attention to maintaining my researcher personality, and

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avoid slipping into a social role. These were issues I continued to work on

throughout the process.

One of the challenges I faced was dealing with my own discomfort at the

sad, depressing aspect of the topic. I felt a need to mediate potential

embarrassment or negative feelings for my participants. This led me to be extra

careful in questioning, to pull back from sensitive areas and to make comments

for the comfort of the interaction. I wanted to avoid making people say potentially

painful things out loud. I found I had to work hard to find the balance between my

compassion and the need for information.

My comfort with the participants seemed to be influenced in part by the

level of proficiency they expressed. I was the least comfortable with William,

who described himself as less than confident in any language. His voice would

become so quiet, as he talked about his language loss and the obstacles that stood

in the way of his hopes for his sons. Ironically, I found that our discussion on

these sensitive topics seemed to flow better when my tone was more even and

direct. The more careful I tried to be, the more limited his responses were.

Nari's anger about her language loss helped to diffuse potential

embarrassment and made the topic less difficult to discuss. She also talked quite

freely about these issues, requiring fewer direct questions on my part. Her use of

humor and her overall communication style also helped in that regard.

I noticed that both Ella and I would bring up Ella's sister and cousins -

Ella's language proficiency compared quite favorably to theirs - in conversations

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that described Ella's limitations and loss. Ella had started this in the first

interview, and I unconsciously adopted this pattern as well. It appeared to be our

way of viewing the situation in terms of how full the glass was, as opposed to

how empty. By recognizing her comparative success, it also reduced any

implication that Ella was at fault, something that Kouritzin (1999) found her

participants wrestled with.

Joseph's success in regaining and continuing his Chinese development

contributed to the comfort of the discussion and cast a more hopeful light on the

topic. Although it took a continued effort, he had the resources to pursue the

language through reading, and at the time of the interviews, he felt he was making

good progress. Joseph also talked quite freely, answering most questions at

length. His style of speaking, which frequently used the second person pronoun

"you" in discussing an experience and related issues, also helped to make the

conversation feel less intrusive and allowed us both to talk comfortably. His

philosophical way of talking about most situations facilitated the discussion and

led to insights I would not have anticipated. Joseph's attitude about learning in

general provided a perspective that helped me look at the topic of language loss

and maintenance in a different way. The focus on the process of lifelong learning,

the idea that you're never done anyway, reduced the tendency to view loss and

maintenance as two opposite, finite possibilities. The ongoing development of

languages other than English is no less daunting a task, and Joseph was quite clear

in recognizing this. However, amid all the logistical obstacles, there was a

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comfort and an excitement in the view that learning was never finished and that

the process itself was rewarding.

When I interviewed Dino, I felt better prepared to handle some of these

challenges in interviewing. Because each participant is unique, I needed to make

adjustments. Dino's comfort with wait time was completely different from the

others, and from William's, especially. As I realized that, I made an effort to

provide more frequent restatements and questions to the conversation, recognizing

that he was quite comfortable in clarifying, correcting or expanding on these

comments. I was still very conscious of not conveying any sense of expectation

on my part about what he would say or what my opinion was on the topic we

were discussing. And at times, I had to fight the tendency to be so careful in

phrasing my question that he wasn't sure what I was asking him. Conversations

with my support group, personal reflections as I reviewed the tapes helped with

this, as did Dino's questions and openness in his responses.

In addition to the comfort it provided, I also found that discussion of the

more positive aspects of participants' experiences, their successes, was a valuable

avenue for learning about the issue of language loss. Talking about what they

were able to do, how they had managed to do it, what it meant to them, helped in

understanding the process and meaning of language loss as well. It also revealed

that originally my view of the topic was too limited, that language loss,

maintenance, development and recovery were all part of the same process. They

were not separate packages.

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As I reflected on my participants' experiences, I also began to understand

more about my feelings regarding my proficiency in my L2, Spanish. This

understanding in turn helped me to relate to the participants' experiences. I

realized that the variation I found in their descriptions was similar to the way I

talk about my Spanish proficiency. At times I concentrate on the limitations,

conscious of what I have lost. At other times I am aware of the need to emphasize

what I know. As I was completing the interviews with the first four participants, I

had a conversation with an acquaintance about a job that I was about to start,

teaching beginning Spanish in a high school. She made a comment indicating her

assumption that I was completely fluent in Spanish. I felt the need to point out

that it had been long time since I had used the language regularly, so I had

forgotten a lot. Her response was that I was awfully brave to take a job teaching

something I didn't know. Over the years, other people who knew I spoke Spanish

would suggest I work as a translator for the United Nations. I have been frustrated

by the all or nothing attitude regarding language proficiency and have found it

difficult to describe how proficient - or not -1 am. I realized that this issue applied

to my participants' situations as well.

I also found that the identity issue that played such an important part in my

participants' feelings about their languages was present in my relationship with

Spanish. While I have no heritage connection to Spanish, it has been a part of my

identity as a competent person. I loved the language and was successful in it when

I first started studying it in seventh grade. That success brought me respect from

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others and was a great source of pride for me. I had an identity as "one of the best

Spanish students". I worked hard to maintain it, and the praise I received was very

valuable to me. Over the years, opportunities to use Spanish became fewer and

sporadic. I have found that I have become shy about speaking it, because I worry

about making mistakes. My current proficiency does not meet my expectations,

and I find it embarrassing to be faced with evidence of what I've lost. On the

other hand, in another language which holds no expectations for me, I have no

such anxiety.

The importance of physical features in identity was interesting to me. I

was surprised by the description of Americans as blond and blue-eyed,

particularly since they said it as they looked directly at my brown eyes and dark

hair. I took this as evidence that my social self had receded into the background;

they were telling their stories and not paying attention to how I looked. Or,

perhaps they didn't consider me to be the stereotypical American. Dino was the

exception here. He asked about my heritage and made reference to the fact that

with his blue eyes, it was quite possible that some of his ancestors had Nordic

influences. We talked about how he looked more Scandinavian than I did. In

thinking about my connection to Spanish, I wondered if physical features played a

role. I could "pass" in Spanish-speaking communities at times, particularly in the

summer with a tan. I have had similar experiences to Nari with the frequent

question, "What are you?" The difference for me was that there was no

implication that I would not be accepted as an American.

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As I began to work on the written presentation of the research, I was

initially overwhelmed by the enormity of the responsibility of presenting my

participants' stories fairly and accurately. It was important to acknowledge their

difficulties and loss without characterizing them in a negative way. I wanted to be

sure that readers would appreciate Joseph, Nai, Ella, William, and Dino the way I

did. The trust these five people placed in me and their generosity in sharing their

experiences and feelings with me was humbling, and I was intimidated by the

prospect of interpreting and commenting on their lives in writing.

I also was frustrated by the fact that I had no groundbreaking solution to

offer. I wanted to provide a cure for language loss, some way to fix or prevent it. I

wanted a happy ending. I kept rereading the transcripts, category files, and notes,

hoping for some magic solution. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that this

was unrealistic and a bit presumptuous. This is a complex topic involving societal

attitudes; family attitudes, practices, and economic resources; peer group

influences; personal aptitude; birth order; practices and policies in schools and

religious institutions. It requires study from a variety of perspectives. The intent

of this study was to learn more about the topic by taking an in-depth look at the

experiences of a small group of people. While a magic cure would be nice, it was

never the expectation of the study. The perspectives of my participants contribute

the body of knowledge on this topic, adding support for the findings of other

studies, suggesting some differences, adding another layer to our understanding of

the topic. Their stories provide a vehicle to help others understand issues that may

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be at work in their professional and personal lives. I can suggest possibilities to

consider, but solutions will need to be reflective of the particular situations

involved, so they are best made by the reader.

Regarding the courage to apply myself to the written presentation, and a

number of other tasks that came up as I attempted to finish this study, Ella's

words about making the effort provided inspiration. I could hear her saying, "At

least I try!" and I would return to the computer.

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APPENDIX A

RECRUITMENT NOTICE

AN OPPORTUNITY TO TELL YOUR STORY

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED

(must be at least 18 years old)

• Was your first language a language other than English?

• Did you learn English as an additional language when you were a child?

• Did you then become more confident in English, considering English to be your main language?

A doctoral student in Multilingual Multicultural Studies at New York

University is looking for volunteers who meet the description above to

participate in a study on the experience of learning English as an

additional language, and what happens when English becomes the

learner's main language. Participation consists of talking about your life

experiences with your first language and English, in several interviews.

If you are interested in participating, or would like more information,

please contact S. Opstad at:

Phone:(631)427-7133 or E-mail: slopstad@optonline.net

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APPENDIX B

CONSENT TO PARTICIPATE IN THE STUDY

(NYU Letterhead)

Dear ,

Thank you for your interest in the study I am conducting as part of my doctoral work under the direction of Dr. Frank Tang in the Department of Multilingual Multicultural Studies in the School of Education at New York University. The purpose of the study is to learn more about the experience of learning English as an additional language in the United States and what happens when English becomes the learner's main language.

If you agree to participate in this study, you and I will meet at least three times, for approximately an hour each time, to discuss your life experiences with your first language and English. We may meet more than three times, but the total amount of time required will not be more than 15 hours. Our talks will be audiotaped so that I will be able to review them for information and understandings to include in a written discussion of this topic. Pseudonyms will be used at all times to protect your confidentiality. You may review the transcripts of our interviews at any time and request that all or parts of them be erased. Your participation is completely voluntary; you may withdraw from the study at any time, with no penalty or interference.

There are no known risks to participating in the study. While I can promise you no direct benefits from the study, this research offers the possibility of a better understanding of second language learning, what happens with the first language, and what it means to those who experience it. This knowledge can assist educators, parents, and policy makers in making more informed decisions on matters affecting English language learners.

If you have any questions regarding the study, you may call me at (631) 427-7133 or e-mail me at slopstad@optonline.net. You may also contact Dr. Frank Tang at New York University, School of Education, Dept. of Multilingual Multicultural Studies, (212) 998-5494 or 998-5460. For questions about your rights as a research participant, you may contact the University Committee on

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Activities Involving Human Subjects, Office of Sponsored Programs, New York University, (212) 998-2121.

Your signature below indicates that you consent to participate in the study, that I have explained the research study to you and answered your questions, and that you are 18 years old or older. I have provided you with a copy of this form to keep.

Sincerely,

Sonna L. Opstad

Agreement to Participate

Participant's Signature Date

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APPENDIX C

PARTICIPANT CATEGORIES

Main Categories for Nari

Language Proficiency and Language Use English Fitting In

Culture - child-rearing Family Connections/Family Relationships

The 1.5 Generation Identity Daughter and Language

School Time Values - Materialism Work

Main Categories for William

Language Proficiency and Language Use English

Culture Family Friends Force

Regaining School Time Sons' Language

Language Views

Identity

Work

Main Categories for Ella

Language Proficiency and Language Use Literacy

Boundaries Culture Family Relationships

Roles Schedule Time Effort

Birth Order

Personality

Son's Language

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Main Categories for Joseph

Language Proficiency and Language Use English Ethics

Friends Identity Language Views Religion Culture

Family Army School Time Son's Language

Success Work

Main Categories for Pino

Language Proficiency and Language Career Interests Culture

Family Friends Identity Children's Language Time

Language Attitudes Parents' Language School Success

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APPENDIX D

SAMPLE TRANSCRIPT PAGES

Transcript Pages from Interview 3 with Joseph

J: So you know, I-I think that's why, you know, the good thing is to pursue

education, is to know deeper, not just the surface. But you know, to reach that

level, then you take a long time.

S: right.

J: Even you finish your dissertation there's still a long way to go.

S [laughs]: Oh God, yeah. It's just the beginning.

J: Just the beginning, yeah.

S: Do you think having had that foundation in Chinese in reading and writing,that

made it easier for you to maintain?

J: Yeah, I think so. At least, that's why now people study, at least to get exposure.

I know, yeah, I think I've 6-7 years of so-called, uh, plus the family background

build a good foundation. Of course you know, there are also - people change too.

And some people - 1 have seen some examples that they have not really adhered

to the so-called Chi-the culture. Especially in dealing with the ethics. They copy

the modern world, or the western world, uh in a way that they abandon their own

uh ethical values. And they try to be part of somebody that you never belong to.

Um, I think that needs some maturity to-to understand that. So when you get

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older, obviously you get mature and then you view things that, you know, that's

part of your culture that you can not abandon. And then you - that's why people

study roots and genealogy and you go back and things like that. Because they start

to discover their- what's their own heritage, where they come from. Um, certain

cultures that you know, they can- they can never give up or afford to give up. So I

think that as the time passes, the person get mature and then they get closer and

closer to their own, you know, take stock of your own culture. So I think that

needs some maturity. But people-just like y'know wandering round, maybe

exploring you know, and they think the other cultures fit them, they call

themselves American or they [?unclear] how much American. I still don't

understand exactly what American is right now, today you know. So

[S laughing in the background.]

From Interview 1 with Joseph

S: Had you started writing yet? I don't know how early-

J: Yes. Of course parents and books and studies. You start writing something -

yes. Just like ordinary, kids learning from their first language. You know you start

the language listening, writing, start practicing. At that time you know in the

Congress they wouldn't allow the young students to get into the school - you

know I think that seven, I think that's high [or at that time?] to get into so-called

formal school. So that's many years at home that you know, your parents should

start you to read and write - something.

318

S: your parents - education was very important to your parents?

J: Yes, yes.

S: And reading and books.

J: But especially when they say "well, we come from one society to another

society, from Chinese to the United States, from China to the United States, I

think the transition of life-1 think that they realize if you don't have the language

skill, you cannot find a job. So you must build up your language, you know, that

you learn English.

S: Yeah,

J: That's maybe the reason why they put me in a school in Hong Kong, that you

know, not just only Chinese

S: Oh, okay.

J: Yeah, they have decide some school they just well they take all Chinese only,

all the Chinese alone but not other languages. Those people have no intention to

go overseas or go to western world to make a living. But that time my parents,

they may have some kind, you know- obviously I was too young to know, but

they put me in a school, either by divine providence or simply they have the

foresight, put me in the school, but also put me in a religious school, so I was uh,

in a sense that you know, I'm not just taking a language course, but also the

religion. So

S: Now were your parents Catholic as well?

J: No, they are not. See that's what make it more interesting to see that

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S: So you say, maybe by divine providence, yeah.

J; So you know, but again, it's part of my education. I have to admit. Religion, not

in the sense that people uh say religion is just separating [?] a book in a church

setting. But my true sense of religion, and I think it should be the true one, is that

you live the religion. It's part of you, okay.

S: Not just the ritual...

J: Yeah, that's right. Not just the rituals alone, you know, not just spend 45

minutes - an hour- in temple or church and that's it.

Sample Pages from Interview with Nari

N: Right. I don't use it, unless it's with my girlfriends but y'know, they're -

they're like a 2nd generation here too, so we're all on the same level (laughing)

we're not helping each other, y'know. So it's actually gotten worse. It used to be

much better than it is now.

S: uh-huh. So, but now, do your parents still live in Georgia?

N: No, no they're in Queens.

S: They're in Queens, okay. And what brought them to Georgia in the first place?

That's kind of interesting

N: They had a sponsor. My father had a sponsor who offered him a job.

S: mm-hm.

N: I guess that sponsor had gone to Korean and offered my father a job in Georgia

and my father thought it was just a perfect opportunity to just bring us all here. So

320

that's why we're in Georgia. And we had moved back there. And urn I think we

moved back there once or twice. I'm not, I think it was twice we moved back

there afterwards because we were just all over the place.

S: Oh so you-you kind of moved around a little bit, depending on job

opportunities?

N: Yeah, right. Basically that was it. We lived in Georgia and New York, we even

lived in Cleveland, and then back to Georgia and then back to New York, and so

we were kind of all over the place, and...So you can imagine what it was like, um

I look Asian, and I came to New York and I was in the 5 grade, and I'm

speaking with a southern twang!

(Both laughing)

N: Y'all...

(more laughing)

N: They're like, "Where did you get that accent?" and I'm like, "I don't know."

S: You just thought that's the way everybody talks, y'know.

N: Well, I knew they didn't talk - because I had been to New York already. I had

lived in New York already. I knew, but they didn't know. And especially being

Asian.

S: Right, they had this picture

N: It just didn't fit, y'know, if I maybe spoke like Chinese or something, maybe

they could understand, but here's little, y'know, Korean girl who's speaking like

in a southern twang.

321

(Both laughing)

N: And they would be like, y'know, last night they're talking about how they got

in so much trouble, and they were grounded. And I'm like (in southern accent),

"What's grounded, my Daddy puts me on restriction."

(Both laughing)

S: Oh I didn't realize that, restriction is what they call it down south.

N: Restriction, yeah. If I speak to someone from the South now, I'll pick it up just

like that. I-I can't get rid of it.

S: Yeah, those accents do return.

N: I can't

S: the ones you get when you're really young.

N: I can't get rid of it. I-I used to work as a freight forwarder, as a freight

forwarding agent as well. And we had a lot of agents and people that we spoke to

in the South and they swore I was like from where they are (laughing).

S: yeah

N: But if they saw me they'd be like (laughing), "little Asian girl speaking with a

southern twang, where does that come from?" You know, "It's only me."

Sample Pages from Interview 1 with Ella

E: Yeah, so after American school (laughing at herself) "American School", I

would go home, pick up my Chinese School bag and go on the train to go to

Chinatown for my classes every day.

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S: oh okay.

E: But yeah I had a couple of classmates in Chinese school who were Chinese and

we would kind of huddle together and do our thing because we didn't fit in

anywhere else.

S: So it was comforting to have... some people together. Well, so your parents

came then before you were born.

E: Yeah. My father was in this country um maybe 10 years. Went back to Chi-

well went back to Hong Kong, married my mom. Um my mom was pregnant with

me when she came here. And I was born 2 months after she arrived here in the

States so um first American-born Chinese in the family.

S: Yeah, and you were born right after your mom got here.

E: Right, right. Like literally 6 weeks after my mother arrived I came, something

like that, yeah.

S: So it's like: move to new country and have a baby, here you go

E: Yeah, and speak English and yeah, it was kind of scary.

S: Yeah, I'll bet. So your parents met in Hong Kong.

E: It was actually a matched...

S: Oh really, oh, okay.

E: My father was older. My father was about 40-something when he married my

mom. There was a 25 year gap between the two of them in age. And my mom had

me when she was 25. So yeah it's like a 23-24 year- something like that. He was

about 20, yeah, 22 years older I think than her?

323

S: mm-hm.

E: And um second marriage for him. His first wife passed away after the war. So,

but my mom was set up through one of his best friends who knew - who's like

somebody of somebody of somebody who knew my mom.

S: Right.

E: So that's how it got all set up. And then he married her - went back to Hong

Kong to marry her basically um, and then she showed up here like 7 months later.

S: Okay and they - so what did your dad do for a living?

E: He worked in - he worked for the cruise line, the Princess Cruise Line?

S: oh yeah.

E: From a long for like many years. He was never home.

S:oh

E: uh was always on a ship somewhere, and would be off every 2 weeks for like

2-3 day period and then um, then he would leave again. It was the late 60's when

my father was- like the cruise line got sold off or something like that. I can't

remember exactly what happened. So for awhile he was not working. He was

home and then he started going back into the restaurant business because he

worked in the kitchen on the cruise line. So he started working for different

restaurants out on Long Island or in Jersey so he would literally be gone for a

week at a clip and then come back for one day, for his day off, and then leave the

following day. So my mom was home with 3 children.

S: wow yeah in a new

324

E: In a new country, yeah, without really any relatives around, and you know

making new friends.

Sample Transcript Pages from First Interview with William:

W: And even my wife, we communicate in English because she's another dialect.

She's Cantonese, so

S: Oh, okay.

W: So we always speak English. And that's why at home it's all, only English.

S: uh-huh. So, so it was Mandarin until you moved to Taipeh?

W: mm-hm

S: How old were you when you moved to Taipeh?

W: I don't remember. It was probably like maybe a year or so before I came to

US, so maybe a year to two years I would say. And you have to adapt because

that's the only predominant language there.

S: In Taipeh?

W: Yeah.

S: So school is in Taiwanese, everything?

W: Yeah.

S: Mm-hm. Um, so you went to school in Taipeh? Did you-

W: (interrupting) In Taiwan.

S: Did you go to school in the suburbs before you moved to-

W: Yeah, um like kindergarten, first grade, yeah.

325

/

S: Mm-hm. And so then when you moved to Taipeh and you're using Taiwanese,

W: mm-hm?

S: Did they have programs to help you? Or...

W:No.

S: [laughing]

W: Not really. I don't think so. No, it was just you.

S: You have to figure it out.

W: You have to know it or you're too dumb.

S: [laughing]

W: Yeah, the method of teaching's different.

S: Yeah.

W: It's uh discipline and make sure if you don't, then you better pick it up or else

you're not good enough, whatever.

S: And so you just kind of... do it. Is that?

W: Or try to. Yeah, you have to struggle.

S: Yeah.

W: Mm-hm.

S: But then you got to the point when you were at home, would you still speak in

Mandarin with your parents?

W: Yeah, I mean that time, but then most of the family that we were staying with,

they all speak Taiwanese so. So it's a little different, but you know, you pick it up

quickly.

326

S: Uh-huh. So you were staying with another family then?

W: Well, relatives.

S: Relatives, okay.

W: Yeah, mm-hm. Cousins and ...

Sample Transcript Pages from Interview 2 with Pino

S: Mm-hm. Yeah, that's good too.

D: I don't know if I can really talk about you know, it just so happened kind of

naturally. I was a kid. So it was a kind of a forced transition. Whereas if I was

going through school you know as an older person and I could see myself

changing over - when you're a kid you don't pay attention to this stuff. It just

goes on naturally and it just happens. And all of a sudden, one day, you're

speaking in English, you're thinking in English.

S: Mm-hm.

D: I don't know if I ever actually thought in Italian because I was between 6 and 7

years old. I suppose I did, but who remembers? You know, do you remember

what you think about when you're a kid like that at that age.

S: Yeah, I know.

D: Um it's very hard to remember - what exactly or how the transition took place.

It happened I'm sure because I went to school. I would hear my schoolmates

speaking and I'm sure I wanted to speak like them. And thank God I never really

327

displayed any kind of urn- even in transition- any kind of accent or anything like

that.

S: Uh-huh.

D: As a kid you don't do that. It just doesn't happen. Which is good! I'm glad of

that. I would never have wanted to speak with an accent. Because, you know, you

hear adults who I'm sure I was near other people that my parents would speak to-

of course my aunts and uncles- even my aunt who had been here probably from

the 30's- and this was in the 50's when we first moved into that house, in '52. She

must have come over maybe as a 20 year-old, something like that, you know, she

wasn't married. She got married here. And she has an accent. But to me it

sounded natural, it didn't sound like, "Oh here's a foreigner" or something, but

she always kept that accent. Whereas I don't remember my uncle, her husband, if

he ever spoke with, you know, if he seemed like he spoke with an accent. It

seemed like he spoke pretty good English, maybe a very, very slight accent. But

nothing like my aunt. My aunt always had a recognizable accent. But again, to me

it didn't sound like an accent then.

S: Mm-hm.

D: But, you know, in later years I realized it.

S: Yeah.

D: So...

S: How about your parents?

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D: My parents, they picked up English very gradually. Both of them worked, you

know, in jobs that- my father worked in a bakery. A large bakery- it was more like

a factory

S: Wow.

D: It was more like an institutional bakery, you know, where they would send out

bread. They didn't sell it to stores. It wasn't retail. This was wholesale bread

production for hospitals or schools and things like that.

S: [overlapping] Oh-hh.

D: But it was still like sliced bread. It was mostly sliced white bread, and all the

other kinds of breads. I don't remember there being any Italian bread or anything

like that. But he worked in this bakery that was um in- there were 2 of them. One

in White Plains and one in Mt. Vernon, because we lived in the Bronx, and he

would drive there. And almost everybody at my father's place spoke English. So

he kinda gradually picked it up from hearing people that he worked with speak.

My mother, the same. She was working in a dress factory, you know she was part

of that union of the old- all the immigrants who came from other countries,

especially Italy, would get into the dressmakers' union, you know the old-

remember they had the commercials - Look for the union label - Remember that?

[Laughing]

S: Yes, yes.

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