EXAMINING RELATIONSHIPS HEALTHY VS UNHEALTHY

PRESENTER

Debra BarkerDebra Barker is a premiere key note speaker who holds a

bachelor’s degree in psychology with a minor in crisis counseling and a master’s degree in business administration

with a minor in accounting.

She started her career as a life skills counselor and has maintained those licenses since the early 1990's. She is a solution focused financial counselor/coach as well as an

adult educator. Additionally, Debra holds certifications as a personal fitness trainer and sports nutritionist and she

works with clients on both emotional and physical fitness in all aspects of their professional and personal life goals.

Debra has been a keynote speaker for more than 20 years and has taught over 10,000 hours of solution focused

developmental programs in psychology as well as finance. 2

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

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• Identify the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships

• Understand how to establish personal and professional boundaries

• Determine when to let go of an unhealthy relationship

• Understand when to seek help for prolonged sadness at a lost relationship or the inability to let a bad relationship go

TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS

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• Family

• Friendship

• Romantic

• Professional

FAMILY RELATIONSHIP SCENARIO

When Dan comes home from work, he is extremely tired after a 12-hour shift. He expects Debora, his wife and a stay-at-home mom, to cater to his every need. He doesn’t spend time with the kids and expects them to be quiet. He feels his responsibility is to be the “bread winner”.

1. Is this a healthy family relationship?

2. Why or why not?

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FRIENDSHIP SCENARIO

Damien and Raj have been friends for over 20 years. When Damien’s father passed away, Raj flew back home early from his honeymoon to assist his dear friend. Now, Raj is going through a divorce and Damien feels he’s too busy with his own life to deal with Raj’s divorce issues.

1. Is this a healthy friendship?

2. Why or why not?

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ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP SCENARIO

Chad and Jasmine have been dating and living together for five years. Jasmine is never allowed to hang out with her friends because Chad believes it will only lead to trouble. However, Chad hangs out with his drinking buddies every Friday night while Jasmine is left home alone. Jasmine is concerned because Chad often doesn’t come home until the next morning.

1. Is this a healthy romantic relationship?

2. Why or why not?

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CO-WORKER RELATIONSHIP SCENARIO

Natasha is a new employee in the sales department. She has been trying to build a rapport with her coworkers and often buys them lunch and takes on extra work. Julie notices that Natasha is eager to be accepted, so Julie often passes her work off to Natasha.

1. Is this a healthy coworker relationship?

2. Why or why not?

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QUOTE

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

Dr. Maya Angelou

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SIGNS OF HEALTHY VS. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

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PROMOTING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

• Communicate openly

• Set clear expectations

• Set boundaries

• Build trust

• Provide support and respect

• Resolve conflict fairly

• Maintain humor 11

BULLYING IN THE WORKPLACE

Bullying is a pattern of unreasonable actions intending to intimidate or cause a risk of harm.

• Abuse or misuse of power

• Intimidation, degradation, and humiliation

• Covert and/or overt

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WHEN IS IT NOT BULLYING?

•The supervisor has reasonable grounds to:

– Deny a promotion

– Take disciplinary action

– Terminate an employee

•Different from strong management or having a “tough” supervisor

•Different from harassment

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ADDRESSING BULLYING: ACTIONS FOR EMPLOYEES

• Recognize the behavior is bullying and that it is inappropriate.

• Keep a log detailing specific instances of the behavior.

• Retain supporting evidence.

• Avoid retaliating with inappropriate behavior.

• Speak to an HR representative prior to confronting the individual.

• Firmly express to the bully that the behavior is unacceptable.

• Contact your Employee Assistance Program (EAP).

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ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES

• Be clear on what your needs are.

• Politely, but firmly, state your case.

• Avoid overexplaining your decision.

• Anticipate possible objections and how you can confidently

respond.

• Seek support from your partner when communicating with family

members or with children.

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SAYING “NO”

Most people find it hard to say “no.”

Reasons• Fear of retribution or rejection

• Societal norms

• Fear of standing out

• Fear of confrontation

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HOW TO SAY “NO” EFFECTIVELY

• Say “no.”

• Be brief.

• Be honest.

• Be respectful.

• Be ready to repeat.

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QUOTE

“Some people think it's holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it’s letting go.”

Unknown

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BENEFITS OF ENDING AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

• Increased self-esteem

• Reduced stress

• Opportunities to explore interests

• More time with the right people

• Foster and grow other relationships

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IT’S TIME TO ACT

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Accept the fact that the

relationship is unhealthy.

Consider one’s own needs.

Take time to heal.

ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT HEALTHY

• Does a friend, family member, or coworker constantly degrade or belittle you?

• Are you being financially stifled by someone?

• Does a friend, family member, or coworker borrow money or items from you but never pay you back or return your items?

• Are you always available for your friend, family member, or coworker but they never reciprocate support?

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ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS NOT HEALTHY

• Are you unable to speak your mind honestly in this relationship?

• Do you frequently feel unhappy, frustrated, sad, depleted, and/or depressed after interaction with this person?

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CONSIDER ONE’S OWN NEEDS

• What do you want and desire out of a relationship?

• What makes you happy?

• Do you have time for the things you enjoy?

• Is the relationship balanced?

• Have you set appropriate boundaries?

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TAKE TIME TO HEAL

Understand it’s natural to feel sad• Keep a journal and write about your feelings• Talk to someone about your feelings

Fill your free time with things you enjoy doing• Spend time with friends• Find a new hobby• Take a trip

Reduce stress• Exercise

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ALWAYS AVAILABLE.ALWAYS CONFIDENTIAL.

FOR ADDITIONAL ASSISTANCECONTACT YOUR EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROGRAMME (EAP)

WORKS CITED

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Brown, N., Jeffery, C., and Ransohoff, J. (2013, October). ABCs of a healthy relationship. Retrieved January 27, 2015, from http://www.pamf.org/teen/abc/

Cloke, K., & Goldsmith, J. (2001). Resolving conflicts at work: A complete guide for everyone on the job. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Florida Gulf Coast University. (n.d.). Relationships: Evaluating and identifying healthy relationships. Retrieved January 27, 2015, from http://www.fgcu.edu/

Kaye, K. (1994). Workplace wars and how to end them: Turning personal conflicts into productive teamwork. New York: AMACOM.

Leech, C. (n.d.). Establishing healthy boundaries in relationships. Retrieved January 27, 2015, from http://www.ehcounseling.com/materials/establishing_healthy_boundaries.pdf

University of Washington Hall Health Center. (2014, January). Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Retrieved January 27, 2015, from http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/content/health-articles/all-undergraduates/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships

Washington State Department of Labor & Industries. (2011, April). Workplace bullying and disruptive

behavior: What everyone needs to know. Retrieved January 28, 2015, from http://www.lni.wa.gov/safety/research/files/bullying.pdf

WORKS CITED

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White, D. (2013, August 16). 4 Tips for setting healthy boundaries. Retrieved January 27, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/08/17/4-tips-for-setting-healthy-boundaries/

Woodford, J. (n.d.). Ten tips for healthy relationships. Retrieved January 27, 2015, from http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/relationships/relatn.html

Workplace Bullying Institute. (n.d.). The WBI definition of workplace bullying. Retrieved January 28,

2015, from http://www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/problem/definition/

Workplace Bullying Institute. (2010). Results of the 2010 WBI U.S. workplace bullying survey.

Retrieved January 28, 2015, from http://www.workplacebullying.org/wbiresearch/2010-wbi-national-survey/