Everyday well-being – Managing everyday life · After you answer that question for each task,...

Everyday well-being – Managing everyday life

Keeping up your guard in the home stretch of summer

Shrugging off the “shoulds”

Time out!e-Thoughts —

Unhappiness takes as much energy as happiness.

Getting help

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Now that it’s August, some people get a little laid back about summer safety. But even in the “last innings” of this fun season, you need to be alert to risks. More...

August 2013 Newsletter

How often do you say the words “I should”? It may be time to take notice. More…

The pace of life is at high speed for most of us. How can you best manage your time so you get important jobs done without stressing yourself out in the process? More...

I recently heard someone say “It takes as much energy to be unhappy as it takes to be happy.” That really made me think. More...

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Keeping up your guard in the home stretch of summer

Now that it’s August, some people get a little laid back about summer safety. But even in the “last innings” of this fun season, you need to be alert to risks.

So keep your guard up against sun, heat and water. Here are some basic tips:• Guard against sun injuries. Remember to wear polarized

sunglasses. They protect your eyes by filtering out the sun’s dangerous rays. If you’re going to work in the outdoors in the sun, wear light colors, light fabric and try to keep arms and legs covered. Always wear a hat.

Of course, sunscreen is your best friend for sun protection. Apply sunscreen generously to exposed body parts — even on overcast days. Remember to re-apply sunscreen if you’re going to be in the sun a long time. Even waterproof sunscreen may start to lose its effectiveness after 90 minutes of swimming or sweating.

• Guard against heat dangers. Heat exhaustion and heat stroke can happen easily. Both may be medical emergencies and you should never hesitate to call 911 if someone feels nauseous, disoriented or ill after being in the heat.

To protect against heat dangers, drink plenty of water and don’t overexert in very hot weather. Also, never leave anyone in a turned off, hot car even if you’re just running into a store to do a fast errand. Elders, kids and even your pets can be overcome by heat very quickly in a closed car on a steamy day. That’s true even if you leave a window cracked open.

• Guard against water risks. Swimming and water play are such fun. Yet we need to be careful constantly.

Kids should never be in or around water without adult supervision. Even kids who’ve had swimming lessons are not free from risk. Remember, it doesn’t even need to be the ocean or a deep pool to be a risk: inflatable baby pools can be just as dangerous to young kids and infants.

Adults can never turn their backs — even for a few seconds — on kids in the pool, ocean or lake. For that matter, adults need to use caution themselves. Obey swim rules and signs posted at beaches. Don’t swim without lifeguards nearby who can help if you get into trouble.

Enjoy the rest of your summer — and stay on guard!

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Shrugging off the “shoulds”

How often do you say the words “I should”? It may be time to take notice.

Psychiatrist Karen Horney coined the phrase “the tyranny of the ‘should.’”¹ It refers to living or being controlled by rigid rules or standards. “Shoulds” leave no room for error and we feel bad about ourselves if we don’t live up to them.

Here are some examples:

“Should” message How you really feel todayI should always smile and be happy

But things aren’t so great right now and I feel sad

I should be able to deal with my own problems

I’m really struggling and wish I had some help

I should always be patient with my kids

But sometimes I’m exhausted and I need a break

I should be smart, I should be polite, I should, I should, I should!

I’m tired of trying to be perfect!

Where do “shoulds” come from?“Shoulds” are based on values and expectations we learned from our parents, teachers and others. These influential adults in our young lives were — understandably — teaching us good manners and acceptable behaviors to help us get along in the world as they saw it.

But, as adults, we don’t have to blindly obey old “shoulds.” When we do, we often feel unhappy, self-critical and disappointed.

We may feel angry and depressed as well. That’s because these ingrained “shoulds” don’t represent who we are today.

Society needs some “shoulds”Many “shoulds” are necessary in order for us to live in a safe, non-chaotic world. Examples include “you should not hurt others,” “you should not steal” and “you should not drink and drive.” Those are samples of “shoulds” that keep society civilized.

Now think about your personal “shoulds”What are some of the “shoulds” you say or do each day? Do they make you happier…or resentful? Do they reflect your decisions or old standards you’re still living up to?

Start to make choices todayThe goal is not to live totally “should-free.” Rather, become aware of your “shoulds,” so you can make realistic, adult choices about your actions. Try this:• See if you can catch yourself saying, feeling or thinking

something because you think you should. • Stop and ask yourself “Why should I?” “Who told me I should?”

“Is there another behavior or response that’s more true to who I really am today?”

When your life is ruled by “shoulds,” you may suffer emotional pain. Evaluate your “shoulds” to decide if they need to be replaced by actions that are more in tune with the real you.

¹www.ask.com



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When was the last time someone told you: “Slow down and smell the roses?” Probably not as recently as someone else asked: “How fast can you get that done?”

The pace of life is at high speed for most of us. How can you best manage your time so you get important jobs done without stressing yourself out in the process?

1. Set clear objectives — Good time management requires strong organizational skills. Each day, make a list that sets out your goals or tasks in clear, specific terms.

Rather than saying, “Get to the gym today,” try something like “Go to the gym for 45 minutes.” Instead of saying, “Catch up on paperwork today,” try something like, “Write two reports today.” When you make your goals specific, you may find it easier to fit them into your schedule.

2. Prioritize — Once you’ve written down your goals, put them in order of how critical they are. In other words, what’s urgent, what’s important and what can wait?

After you answer that question for each task, re-write your new, prioritized list of goals. Put the “urgents” at the top and the “can waits” at the bottom. Realize that some of the tasks near the bottom of the list may have to wait a few days while you attend to the higher priorities.

3. Delegate — Look at your list of goals again. What jobs can you ask others to help with or even do for you?

Some people find it hard to delegate. They may believe no one can do the job as well as they can. Or they may think it’s easier to do the job themselves than explain it to someone else. If this is you, consider the extra pressure you put on yourself by not letting others help.

4. Leave some “wiggle” room — Easier said than done, right? Try to build in some extra time between tasks. Even if it’s five minutes, that cushion can help you feel less stressed if something takes a bit longer than expected. And if you finish sooner than expected, you’ll have a few minutes for a break.

5. Evaluate results — Try this system for a few weeks and see how you feel. Are you more organized? Are you letting others step in and help you? Are you a bit more relaxed? If it’s working, keep it up!

Time out!



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I recently heard someone say “It takes as much energy to be unhappy as it takes to be happy.” That really made me think.

When I’m unhappy, I do feel sluggish, unmotivated and — at the end of the day — exhausted. Everything seems so hard and unsatisfying.

But when I’m happy, I’m busy, engaged and — yes — still exhausted by the end of the day. But it’s a different type of exhaustion. It’s an exhaustion that feels “worth it.”

How about you? Does it take you as much energy to be unhappy as to be happy? Both are demanding, but one gives you a “good tired” at the end of the day while the other just makes you feel weary.

My take-away from this? I’m going to work on using my energies to be happy as often as possible. I’m going to fight against those days when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. After all, if I’m using up the same amount of energy, why not opt for the more positive outcome?

e-Thoughts - Unhappiness takes as much energy as happiness.

Our e-Thoughts feature provides close-up views on topics and areas of interest from everyday life.



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Monthly Newsletter — August 2013


Everyday well-being – Managing everyday life

This material is for informational purposes only. All calls are confidential, except as required by law (i.e., when a person’s emotional condition is a threat to himself/herself or others, or there is suspected child, spousal or elder abuse, or abuse to people with disabilities). Services are available to you and your household members, including dependent children up to age 26, whether they live at home or not.

Information is believed to be accurate as of the production date; however, it is subject to change.

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