Ernest Living

8/14/2019 Ernest Living

1/26

ERNEST LIVING

"Pilot"

Written by

Michael J. Green

CONTACT: WGAwMichael J. [email protected]

Copyright Michael J. Green, 2009. All rights reserved.


2/26

ERNEST LIVING

Pilot

ACT ONE

EXT. PARK - DAY

ANDREW MARKS (23) sits at a park bench. He wears a cheapsuit, having just left work. The job is tough on him, and thephone conversation with his girlfriend only exacerbates thesituation.

ANDREWNo, I just dont see what you couldpossibly be doing--

(beat)Of course Im glad youre working

more hours, but I--

AN ELDERLY MAN, sitting on a nearby bench, lazily throws bitsof bread on the ground. He focuses on not meeting Andrewseyes.

ANDREW (CONTD)I want to spend time with you,thats what I want.

(beat)Well, Im sorry, but its been,

what, four days since weve eveneaten together. Whats the point ofliving together if we see each

other less than before?

The elderly man smiles. Andrew notices him, but is quicklyreturned to the conversation.

ANDREW (CONTD)Im sorry. Its just that, with

work the way it is, I was reallyhoping--never mind. I love you.

Andrew hangs up. Damn it!

Breaking the silence, the man coughs, but not to grab

Andrews attention. He is ERNEST WILKINSON (67).

ERNESTThat sounded rough.

ANDREWYeah...


3/26

ERNESTWives are the worst.

Andrew doesnt respond. Ernest looks over and checks for aring.

ERNEST (CONTD)Oh, sorry, girlfriend.

Andrew tries to ignore the intruder, but he needs someone.

ANDREWWhat, youre married?

ERNESTOh yeah. A few times. Seen the goodand the bad.

ANDREW...How long til the bad times?

ERNESTOh, I dont know... a few years?Moving in together is usually thestart of it.

Andrews interested. Ernest seizes the opportunity.

ERNEST (CONTD)(towards empty seat)

Mind if I?

ANDREW

Yeah, sure. Free country.

ERNEST(moving over)

Thanks. Better angle for the birdsover here.

ANDREW...You realize there are no birdsaround here, right?

ERNESTYeah, but I felt like it was the

thing to do today. You tend to trylots of things when youre dying.

Andrew nods until it hits him.

ANDREWWh-what?

2.


4/26

ERNESTPulmonary fibrosis. Its thescarring of the lungs.

He breaks out into a hacking cough.

ANDREWUh, Im sorry, man.

ERNESTIm not looking for your sympathy.

Ernest digs into his pocket and pulls out a white businesscard. Andrew is too curious not to take it.

But hes confused. There are thick, black Sharpie lines drawnin the center, and above them is, in handwriting: ERNEST P.WILKINSON.

ANDREW

Ernest?

ERNESTThats me.

ANDREWSo what are you looking for,exactly?

ERNESTIm looking to help you.

ANDREW

Help me? Wh... help me with what?

ERNESTWith that pickle you got there.That trouble with your girlfriend.

Andrew offers the card back.

ANDREWThanks, man, but no thanks.

ERNESTIm not asking for money or

anything.

ANDREWYeah, what then? Booze? Some crackcocaine?

Ernest laughs, which leads to a cough. He moves uncomfortablyclose to Andrew.

3.


5/26

ERNESTHeres the rub, kid: my wifesdead, I have no children, no closefriends or associates, no one whoreally gives a damn about me.

ANDREWJesus, I really dont want to hear

any of this.

ERNESTWell hold on now. See, Im tryingto change all that, make it not sodepressing.

ANDREWWhat does helping me change?

ERNESTIf I die tomorrow, it wont matter.

Nobody will weep, nobody will takea moment of silence. Maybe myphysician will be sad he lost aclient and some insurance clerk

will be relieved Im gone, butother than that, it will be as ifErnest Percival Wilkinson never

walked this Earth. But if I helpyou, thats one person who willknow. And Ill have left a mark onthis world.

ANDREW

You sound very rehearsed.

ERNESTDont get too full of yourself;its not like youre the first Iveapproached with this offer.

ANDREWSo... there are others out there

who know of you.

ERNESTWhat can I say, Im greedy.

ANDREWI dont know, that price soundspretty steep. Youd have to do alot to make such a lastingimpression.

4.


6/26

ERNESTIm not offering to clean yourgarage, for Christs sake. I canpromise you a marriage and two kidsby your 30th.

ANDREWYeah, well, Im not looking for

that right now. Thank you, though.

ERNESTIll be in the park the next fewdays, if you change your mind!

Andrew leaves with confidence.

Ernest simply smiles. He scratches his left wrist, slightlyred from where a wristwatch once was, before letting out acough.

INT. BEDROOM, ANDREWS APARTMENT - MORNING

Andrew calmly gets ready for work, fixing a clip-on tie. Hisgirlfriend, NATALIE (23), on the other hand, is rushing. She

wears a professional suit, but searches for shoes and make-up.

NATALIEGod, where are my shoes?

ANDREWThe Lord says under the bed.

She finds her shoes, in silence.

ANDREW (CONTD)Think youll be home tonight?

NATALIEI told you, its really busy this

month.

ANDREWOK.

NATALIE

You should move it along. Dontneed you getting fired from thisjob too.

Shes gone too far. She slides into his arms and theyembrace.

5.


7/26

NATALIE (CONTD)I can come home early tonight, OK?Well have dinner.

ANDREW(joking)

Ooh, and then?

NATALIEI dont think Ill have that muchenergy.

ANDREWWhatever happened to staying uptil 6 AM?

NATALIEThat was college, honey.

ANDREW

I know, but I miss that.

She breaks away from him.

NATALIEYeah, well were not in college any

more. Need to grow a little bit.(getting her stuff)

Ill see you tonight.

ANDREWYep.

Andrew hangs back and watches her leave. He loves her.

But its time for work. He puts on his jacket and, beforecontinuing, notices something in his pocket. He pulls out anold WRISTWATCH.

How did that get in there? He goes back into his pocket tofind Ernests matted card. What a cheap trick.

END OF ACT ONE

6.


8/26

ACT TWO

EXT. PARK - DAY

Andrew walks through the park, scanning for Ernest.

ANGRY MAN (O.S.)I told you, get away from me!

Andrew finds the source of the angry mans yelling. Not toosurprised, he sees Ernest with the man.

ERNESTIm just trying to help.

ANGRY MANStay away from me and my kids!

The man pushes Ernest back and rushes his two children out ofthe park. The shove sends Ernest into a coughing fit.

Andrew walks up to help Ernest, who has sat himself down.

ERNESTWell, that was quick.

ANDREWI was quick? Youre alreadyscouting for new marks.

ERNESTIm not allowed to have multipleclients? That guy was a prick

anyway. I hope his wife does getthe kids.

Andrew takes out the watch.

ANDREWThis is yours.

Ernest chuckles in satisfaction.

ERNESTShe always finds her way back to

me.

ANDREWYeah, real clever.

(beat)So, what? Youre not gonna smoothtalk me any more?

7.


9/26

ERNESTYou know the deal. Whats yourname, anyway?

ANDREWAndrew.

ERNEST

Andrew, nice to meet you.

A beat of silence.

ANDREWYoure really dying?

ERNESTI am.

ANDREWYoure not just trying to scam me

out of my retirement funds?

ERNESTNo, Im gonna scam you out of yourhundred thousand dollar collegedebt.

Andrew laughs. Its worth a shot.

ANDREWI love her. I really do.

ERNEST

Thats good. Love is good.

ANDREWBut theres something between us,and I need to figure out what thatis. I cant help but think itssomeone else.

ERNESTI want to say that trust isimportant, but that would make myservices unnecessary. So Iencourage your suspicion.

ANDREWThanks, I guess.

ERNESTSo! You want to confirm shes notcheating on you?

8.


10/26

ANDREW(ashamed)

Yes.

ERNESTOK. First order of business: I needto meet her. See who she is, whatshes like. Get a sense of her.

ANDREWI suppose I can introduce you. As acolleague or something.

ERNESTHows tonight?

ANDREWTonight? I-I guess, before dinner.

ERNEST

After. In case there are anyleftovers.

ANDREWNo, before. Just... its been a

while since weve had a nighttogether, so, I was thinking...

ERNESTWell that means you wouldnt reallyneed my help.

Andrews not amused.

ERNEST (CONTD)Fine. Ill be there early.

CUT TO:

INT. DINING ROOM, ANDREWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

Andrew and Natalie are just finishing their dinner. Andrew isboth nervous and angry. Natalie is grumpy.

NATALIEThat was good.

ANDREWIm glad. Im glad...

Son of a bitch. Where is he? The whole night is ruined.

Natalie takes her plate to the sink.

9.


11/26

NATALIEI dont think Ill be able to dothis again tomorrow night, though.

Andrew wants to say something, but is interrupted by thebuzzer.

NATALIE (CONTD)

Whos that?

ANDREWOh, I-I dont know.

He activates the intercom.

ANDREW (CONTD)Hello?

ERNEST (O.S.)Hey Andrew, its Ernest. From work.

Andrew lets him enter the building at that.

NATALIEWhy is someone from your work here?

ANDREWIts just Ernest.

(beat)Hes, umm, a colleague. I-I dontknow why hes here.

Theres a KNOCK, and Andrew lets Ernest in.

ANDREW (CONTD)Hey, Ernest. Thanks for coming soearly in the evening.

ERNESTYeah, Im sorry about that, but Ijust remembered that you still had

my watch.

Andrew is taken aback. He searches his pockets and, yes, itsin there again.

ERNEST (CONTD)Thank you.

(to Natalie)Hi, Im Ernest.

10.


12/26

NATALIEYeah, he mentioned. Natalie.

(to Andrew)I guess Ill clear your plate.

ANDREWOh, you dont need to clean up toimpress him or anything.

ERNESTYeah, just came up for my watch. It

was a little magic trick we did fora presentation to... investors?

NATALIEMagic tricks, yeah. Thats my man-child.

ERNESTWell, it was a big splash.

This is too uncomfortable for Ernest to stay.

ERNEST (CONTD)Well, thats all I needed.

ANDREWThats it? I mean, yeah, see youtomorrow.

Ernest hurries out. Andrew heads for the sink to joinNatalie.

NATALIESeems like an odd man.

ANDREWYeah, he is that.

(searching)I think Ill take the trash out.

He does so.

NATALIEYeah, empty it when its half-full.

EXT. ANDREWS APARTMENT BUILDING - LATER

The half-empty bag of trash hangs from Andrew as he findsErnest waiting outside.

ANDREWSo? Youve met her; what now?

11.


13/26

ERNESTYou got nothing to worry about.

ANDREWWhat?

ERNESTYou dont treat someone youre

cheating on like crap. You keep upappearances so that they dontsuspect anythings wrong with therelationship. The fact that youreso adamant shes having an affairexonerates her.

ANDREW...I dont buy any of that.Besides, if you mean the ball-busting, we do that to each otherall the time.

ERNESTIt is thin, but I stand by it. Justtrust her.

Ernest, feeling the matter is settled, turns to leave.

ANDREWThats not good enough.

He turns back to Andrew, while still inching away.

ANDREW (CONTD)

What about your payment? If youleave, Ill erase you from my mind!

ERNESTYoull remember me as that crazyold coot who ripped you off.

ANDREWOh come on! This isnt fair!

Ernest stops.

ERNEST

Lots of things arent fair.(beat)

What else do you want me to do?

ANDREWI dont know... follow her? Findout what she does every night.

12.


14/26

ERNESTThat sounds kinda... cheesy?

ANDREWGot any better ideas?

He doesnt.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

Ernest waits outside Natalies building. He spots her leavingfor lunch. He follows.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET - DAY

Andrew walks out of a deli, a light lunch in hand. He isinterrupted by a call.

ANDREWHello?

EXT. OPEN SQUARE - CONTINUOUS

Ernest is on the other end of the line. He stands behind acorner, watching Natalie eating lunch across the square.

ERNESTShes eating lunch outside.

INTERCUT with Andrew on the street.

ANDREWErnest? So, what does that mean?

ERNESTI dont know, thats why Imcalling you.

(beat)Are you eating lunch now, too?

ANDREWYeah.

ERNESTAww, thats sweet. You two are onthe same schedule.

ANDREWSo shes eating outside?

ERNESTDoes she do that often?

13.


15/26

ANDREWSure, on nice days. What does it

matter?

ERNESTI need to be able to spot what isand isnt routine for her; or, atleast, what you think is routine.

(beat)Youre eating outside too, arentyou?

ANDREWCall me back when you--if you findanything.

Ernest notices Natalie reaching into her purse.

ERNESTWait, shes getting a call.

ANDREWThats not anything.

ERNESTIm going in.

ANDREWKeep me on the line!

Ernest walks covertly towards Natalie, who is talking overher phone. He circles around to avoid her sight. He cant lether notice him.

He succeeds in getting behind her.

NATALIEShell see you at casting at 3.

(beat)Well I dont know, Im on my lunchright now.

Ernest begins coughing. Natalie turns to him, but he isalready walking away.

ANDREW (O.S.)

(over phone)Ernest? Are you OK? Whats goingon?

ERNESTSame old, same old. Shes justtalking about work.

14.


16/26

INTERCUT with Andrew again.

ANDREWWell that is routine.

ERNESTYeah. Im telling you, I dontthink were going to find anything.

Ernest turns back to Natalie. She is several yards away,greeting MARK, a well-groomed businessman. The two KISS.

Ernest freezes.

ANDREW (O.S.)(over phone)

Ernest? Ernest!?

Ernest flips the phone closed, mouth wide open.

END OF ACT TWO

15.


17/26

ACT THREE

EXT. OPEN SQUARE - AS BEFORE

Ernest flips the phone closed. His shock precipitates anothercoughing fit. This time, Natalie catches him.

She sees his face and, finally recognizing him, panics. She

tells Mark to stay before approaching him.

Ernest ignores the phone vibrating in his pocket.

NATALIEWhat are you doing here?

ERNESTWhat are you doing?

NATALIE(anxious)

Are you going to tell Andrew?

ERNESTThat depends. I dont really wantit to end like this--

NATALIEYou barely know us.

ERNESTI dont really work with Andrew.Im trying to help him with this.

NATALIEWhat are you, a therapist?

ERNESTGod no.

NATALIEYeah, well, we dont need yourhelp. At least, I dont.

She doesnt have anything else to say to him. She startswalking away.

NATALIE (CONTD)Its none of your business.

ERNESTIm dying!

That doesnt work on her. She returns to Mark.

16.


18/26

ERNEST (CONTD)Im a PI!

That gets her attention.

ERNEST (CONTD)...of a sort. He knows, Natalie.

Ernest starts approaching her.

NATALIE(to Mark)

Could you give us a minute?

Mark gives her an eager peck on the cheek, then leaves,eyeballing Ernest as he goes. Natalie is frozen.

NATALIE (CONTD)I guess thats it, then.

ERNESTWell, he doesnt know. He suspects.(beat)

What are you doing with this clown?

NATALIEI dont know... hey, hes not theclown. Andrews the clown.

ERNESTThats your boyfriend of threeyears youre talking about.

NATALIEHes my boyfriend of three yearsago. Hes still the joker I met atsome frat party. I thought movingin together would send him the

message, but... I guess not. Mark,on the other hand, actuallyunderstands--

ERNESTDo you love him?

NATALIE

I told you, Im not even sure whatIm doing with him.

ERNESTAndrew.

NATALIEYeah, I think so.

17.


19/26

Ernest sees an opportunity and smiles.

ERNESTNatalie, heres the rub...

EXT. NEW YORK STREET - LATER

Andrew paces around, taking the last bite of his sandwich,

when his phone RINGS. He answers.

ANDREWWhat happened?

ERNEST (O.S.)(through phone)

Dont talk with your mouth full. Iknow where shes going tonight. Areyou up for a stakeout?

EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT

Andrew joins Ernest, positioned against a wall. Ernest isdressed in black to hide in the shadows. They overlook asmall restaurant.

ANDREWI dont like being here, but I haveto admit this is kinda cool.

ERNESTIts pretty fun, right? Get down,by the way, someone might see you.

Andrew hesitates laying on the grungy roof, but relents.

ANDREWSo youre sure shell be here?

ERNESTAny minute now.

Ernest reaches back into his pocket and pulls out a bag ofBIG LEAGUE CHEW. He takes a few strips of the gum.

ANDREWIs that Big League Chew? I havent

had that in like fifteen years... Ididnt know they made it any more.

ERNESTI hope its not fifteen years old.

Ernest offers it to Andrew, who gladly takes some.

18.


20/26

ANDREWCrazy...

ERNESTIt is, isnt it? You loved BigLeague, had it all the time - it

was a part of your life. But youmoved on and forgot it ever

existed. Just like that cat you hadfifteen years ago thats dead now.You dont think about her veryoften either, maybe never.

ANDREWI had a dog, actually.

ERNESTHow could you ever forget about adog?

Andrew laughs.

ERNEST (CONTD)Seeing this place... my wife and Iused to treat ourselves once a

week. Go to a place just like this.Any time I see a cosy littlerestaurant, I should remember herand those times. It should be thefirst thing on my mind. Ive beenhere, spying for twenty minutes,and only just now did I remember.

ANDREWNothing you can do about that. Lifemoves on. Were not frozen in thepast.

ERNESTThe past is all we have. The futureis unpredictable, and the presentis infinitesimally small. If youdont have the memory of an event,then as far as youre concerned itnever existed.

ANDREWId rather the past have some kindof meaning. What good isremembering your wife if it turnsout she never really loved you?

19.


21/26

ERNESTA dead person cant love anything.Even if its gone now, she lovedyou then.

(focusing his point)And like I said, memories are all

we have. I dont remember my wifeever not loving me, so as far as I

care, she never cheated.

Andrew considers it, then has a realization.

ANDREWYou lied to me. You said you had afew wives; she was the only one.

ERNESTIm sorry if I hurt your feelings.You were being difficult at thetime.

ANDREWWhat else was part of your game...is Ernest your real name?

ERNESTErnest does help my pitch.

ANDREWAnd whats all this about nothaving any friends? Youre probablynot even dying.

ERNESTThats for me to know.

Ernest sees Natalie enter the restaurant and sit with RYAN, askinny and artsy kind of guy.

ERNEST (CONTD)Shes here.

Andrew looks. Natalie and Ryan talk and laugh.

Andrews face drops. Thats all he needs to see. He stands,in silence, and walks away.

Ernest stays and watches. None of it surprises him.

EXT. ALLEY ACROSS FROM RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Andrew leans against a wall, lost in thought. Ernestapproaches apologetically.

20.


22/26

ERNESTSo youre just going to wait outhere?

Andrew doesnt react.

ERNEST (CONTD)OK, lets wait.

EXT. ALLEY ACROSS FROM RESTAURANT - LATER

Ryan comes walking down the alley from the restaurant. Hesall smiles.

Andrew steps out of the shadows and stops him.

ANDREWWhat are you doing with Natalie?

Ryan speaks in a very feminine way.

RYANExcuse me?

ANDREWJust please tell me - why are you

with Natalie?

RYANShe gave me a good word in thecasting process, and I wanted tothank her. God, whats yourproblem?

ANDREWWait, casting?

Ernest tries not to laugh. The man is obviously gay.

RYANYes, casting.

Andrew is too embarrassed to say anything else. He leavesRyan be, who promptly leaves.

ERNEST

Well hes innocent.(beat)

Then again, it doesnt mean much.She could be sneaking around onother nights.

21.


23/26

ANDREWNo... no. You were right. I shouldtrust her. I just dont know whyshes been pulling away.

ERNESTMaybe she resents you.

ANDREWFor what?

ERNESTYouve been together for threeyears. Yeah, you moved in with her,and youre trying to make it work,but maybe shes looking forsomething more.

ANDREWI dont know...

ERNESTIts time to grow up, kiddo. Bettersooner than later.

Ernest leaves Andrew to think.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. PARK - DAY

Ernest sits at a bench. He enjoys the beautiful day, a fewslices of bread in hand. Still no birds, though.

Andrew approaches him and sits. He is beaming.

ERNESTHow you doin, kid?

ANDREWQuite fine, quite fine.

ERNESTBread?

Andrew smiles and takes a piece. Ernest notices his

engagement ring.

ERNEST (CONTD)Thats a big step. Congrats.

ANDREWYou were right.

22.


24/26

ERNESTIm the best thing to ever happento you.

ANDREWYoure free to say that.

ERNEST

And dont you forget it.

ANDREWCome on, you dont expect me tobelieve youre really dying, doyou?

ERNESTWere all dying.

ANDREWYeah, but how many of us are dying

in the next year?

ERNESTNot you, thats for sure.

Natalie comes walking toward the bench, getting Andrewsattention.

ANDREWHey sweetie.

NATALIEHello. I thought Id pass by you

here.

ANDREWHey, do you remember Ernest, from

my work?

Ernest nods. Both of them are very sober.

NATALIEYes, hi.

A beat. Natalie is too uncomfortable to stay.

NATALIE (CONTD)(to Andrew)

Im gonna head home, OK?

ANDREWOK, Ill be right behind you.

23.


25/26

The two share a quick kiss. Andrew stays standing afterNatalie has left.

ERNESTYou lied to her about me, again.

ANDREWYeah, well I cant tell her why I

really know you.

ERNESTSee, thats the smart decision.

ANDREWSo what are you going to do?

ERNESTFind another 20-something withrelationship problems and a good

memory.

Andrew cant believe him.

ANDREWI dont understand anything aboutyou, Ernest, or this wholemission of yours.

ERNESTSo remember me for that.

ANDREWBesides, you wont find another

like me.

ERNESTDitto.

Andrew smiles, then nods and walks off.

ANDREWKeep in touch!

Ernest stays on the bench, reflecting.

INT. VISITORS CENTER, ALZHEIMERS CLINIC - DAY

Ernest navigates a sea of tables and various couples ofparents and their children. He nods to a familiar nursebefore coming upon a solitary woman in her late 60s. She sitshunched over in a wheelchair.

Ernest kneels down to face her and gently caresses her hand.She is MADELEINE WILKINSON.

24.


26/26

MADELEINEHarrison? Why are you here?

ERNESTIts Ernest.

MADELEINE(shaking her head)

Wheres Harrison?

Ernest doesnt challenge her. He holds her hand and stays inher presence. CLOSE ON their entangled hands: they wear

matching wedding bands.

He coughs.

FADE TO BLACK.

25.

Ernest Living

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