Enjoy chatting until we get started. Seminar and audio will begin at 7 p.m.

Enjoy chatting until we get started.Seminar and audio will begin at 7 p.m.

Welcome to Seminar Unit 8

Unit 8 Learning Activities

Reading: Introduction to Unit, The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing, ch. 14 (pp. 181-194), ch. 15, ch. 16; Roger Ebert’s article

Invention Lab: Post introduction and conclusion and offer classmates recommendations for revision

Seminar: Discuss introductions, conclusions, and coherence strategies that will help students revise for the final project

Introductions

Either motivate the reader to continue to read what is written or cause the reader to stop reading.

Can hook the reader.

Can provide a positive first impression of you the writer and your ideas.

Are most effective when they are centered on the reader. They should clearly establish why the information is valuable to the audience.

Consider the strategies that YOU like. What introductions and conclusions work best to motivate you to begin to read and continue to read? What do your favorite authors do?

Introduction - Tips Don’t assume you have to write the

introduction before you write the rest of your essay. You can come back to the introduction at any point in the writing process.

Forcing an introduction may make it awkward and may create Writer’s Block.

Avoid apologies, obvious statements, trite phrases, and awkward statements like “In this paper, I will….”.

Strategies for Introductions

Establishing the Topic

The introduction is a great place to give any necessary background or historical information, or to define unfamiliar terms.

"Grammar" or syntax (the linguistic term) is the study of the patterns and regularities of language at the word-to-sentence-level. Its history can be traced back to the Greeks, 2000 years ago, through the Romans, and extends to present day. Importantly, grammar does not limit itself to what people say is grammatical. True grammar reflects the patterns that real speakers and writers actually use, including, even, their use of the word “ain’t.”

This introduction gives a historical background, but it presents it in an interesting way.

Strategies for Introductions Begin with a quotation:

However, make sure to explain its relevance! A quotation with no explanation is not effective at all. The following is an example.

"If I commit suicide, it will not be to destroy myself but to put myself back together again." (Antonin Artaud, 1925, p.37) It may sound strange to think of suicide as anything but self-destructive, but to many who have contemplated or committed suicide, as Artaud did, the notion that suicide will somehow heal them or put them back together is quite common. Obviously, suicide is self-destruction, but to prevent suicide, one must first understand what those who are suicidal feel it will fix. Only then can another path to putting oneself "back together again" be realistically offered.


Begin with a definition:

The key to using a definition is to make sure you are defining something that needs defining. Do not throw in a definition that everyone knows.

Euthanasia is “the act or practice of ending the life of an individual suffering from a terminal illness or an incurable condition, as by lethal injection or the suspension of extraordinary medical treatment” (American Heritage Dictionary, 4th edition, 2000). While everyone can agree on what it is, there are deep divides over whether or not it is moral or ethical.

Now consider this definition:

Euthanasia is the act of ending a terminally ill person’s life mercifully. It allows people to control their own destiny by controlling their own death.

This second one is interesting because it is a definition that we would not find in a dictionary. It is a stipulative definition...part of the author's job is to support this definition of euthanasia. Why do you think the author gave this definition of euthanasia rather than a dictionary definition? Well, what is euthanasia considered in the legal world (in most of the U.S.)? Suicide or murder, at this point. Just looking at this definition, what do you think the author's stance on euthanasia will be? Note how the persuasion starts early. This definition sets up the paper's argument. The author wants you to see it in a positive way, and part of the author's job is to support this definition of euthanasia.

Strategies for IntroductionsBegin with a question:

Echo, shampoo, window, balcony, hurricane, cruise, noodle, whiskey—these are all good English words, aren't they? Actually, they are now, but they are only a few of the tens of thousands of words that English has borrowed from other languages. In fact, English has borrowed and generated so many words that it has the largest vocabulary of any language on the planet. Just how many words it has cannot be determined—are “care,” “careless,” and “carelessness” to be counted as one word or three? The range, however, is from 500,000 (the number of entries in the Oxford English Dictionary) to well over a million. To be fair, no individual English speaker has a vocabulary of this size—depending on education and other factors, an individual’s range is usually between 15,000 and 70,000 words—yet it remains fascinating that English has gained most of its words by borrowing them from other languages.

But avoid a question that is obvious and leads nowhere.

Strategies for IntroductionsBegin with a narrative:

If you begin with a very short narrative or story that relates directly to your paper, be sure it is short, to the point, and relevant to your topic.

Sandra sat down on the coach and took a deep breath. She slowly put on her shoes, stood up, and reached for her purse. As she walked to the front door, her pulse grew rapid and she felt short of breath. She started to tremble. As her hand rested on the doorknob, a wave of panic washed over her. “I just can’t do it,” she thought. She stepped back from the door, defeated once again. Sandra, like thousands of other Americans, suffers from agoraphobia, an overwhelming and unnatural fear of being in public.

You can use this method to "frame" a paper—start the story in the introduction and end it in the conclusion.


Begin with an interesting fact or startling information:

This information must be true and verifiable, and it does not need to be totally new to your readers. It could simply be a pertinent fact that explicitly illustrates the point you wish to make:

Water conservation usually focuses on shortening the length of showers or reducing lawn watering, but according to the Worldwatch Institute’s senior researcher Alan Durning (1988), over half the water used in the United States is devoted to meat production.

Conclusions

Strategies for Conclusions

Mirror or complete the introduction:

Recall the narrative introduction about Sandra, the agoraphobic woman who was too afraid to leave her own home? When the introduction left off, she was backing away from the front door, unable to work up the courage to go out. The conclusion could revisit Sandra after she has received treatment. It could show how much happier she is with this phobia behind her.


Challenge the audience to take action from what they have learned:

In this case, the author has written a paper on poor parental conduct at their children’s sporting events and the effect this has on children. In the conclusion, she puts the responsibility on the audience by suggesting parents need to take responsibility for their own behavior and make youth sports positive again:

Parents across the United States need to let go of their own agendas, and athletic associations need to enforce parental and coaching codes of conduct through classes and training. As a result, the world of youth sports can be returned to the children where they can all learn to enjoy a sport, learn the skills of a sport, play, and most of all have fun.


Bring up remaining questions:

Suggest answers to the questions or propose further research that would answer those questions. You can also use this technique to minimize the importance of questions that may be lingering in the minds of your audience.

With the rising price of, growing demand for, and lessening supply of gasoline, is the only solution to reinvent the automobile? Is the next new technology just around the corner, ready to solve this problem? While new technologies will shape the future, and while the current automobile is likely to become obsolete in the decades to come, there is a great deal we can do today far short of abandoning our cars. We can buy more fuel-efficient vehicles. When we buy a home or rent an apartment, we can try to find one within walking distance to a grocery store. We can carpool to work or take public transportation. We can even talk to our employers about setting up a staggered work schedule: cars burn the most gasoline and create the most pollution when driving in heavy traffic. Workers who are allowed to start work two hours earlier or two hours later to avoid rush-hour congestion can save gasoline. Regardless of what we do now, or what innovation brings, conserving gasoline now makes sense.

Help with introductions and conclusions

For an excellent Writing Center Workshop on introductions and conclusions, review the following:

http://khe2.acrobat.com/p44415570/?launcher=false&fcsContent=true&pbMode=normal

Editing

Reminder

Your revisions should demonstrate significant changes from your draft. You can not receive two grades for the same work!!

If you turn in your draft twice, the second time will be graded as a zero.

Other reminders. . .

This is a formal essay. Do not use first person (I, me, my, we, us, our) unless you are using a personal example (and if possible, I would recommend writing that in third person as well—otherwise, the shift into first is awkward for a reader).

Do not use second person (you, your).

If you have a specific question, email me.

Other remindersIf you find that you have too many quotes,

eliminate, paraphrase, or summarize.

Make sure you've used quotation marks when you used someone else's exact words. Make sure you have in-text citations for quotes, paraphrases, and summaries.

Internet sources

Finding sources on the Internet is relatively easy, but their quality varies greatly. You will need to evaluate if those sources are credible.

The fact that a source is listed does not guarantee that it is reliable. Anyone can put up a web site about anything!

Remember, the final project guidelines specify that you can have no more than two internet-only sources.

Internet sources

Assess Crediblity:

Who is the author? Does he or she have any qualifications to be writing about the subject matter? Look for degrees, knowledge, and experience.

Check the publishing body. Information in web sites published by reliable publishing bodies is more likely to be valid. Is it an .edu site (education)? A .org site (government)?

Internet sources

Look for a date published. Is the material old or outdated?

Think critically about the information. Does it make sense? Is it logical? Is it biased?

Does the web site publisher have questionable motives that affect credibility (trying to make a sale, political statements or affiliations)?

Does the site contain obvious errors in grammar or logic? Is it well-written?

Does the site include citations for its sources?

Assess Crediblity:

What is editing?

Editing is correcting a document’s errors and stylistic flaws.

Errors may occur in grammar, punctuation, spelling, use of capital letters, and other areas.

Stylistic flaws can occur when a sentence just doesn’t “sound right” because of awkward word choice or too many words (wordiness).

Rules for clarity and conciseness

Aim for 18-25 words per sentence. Use shorter sentences for clarity when describing complex ideas.

Limit sentence content—usually one idea per sentence.

Read your work aloud. Pause only when you have punctuation. That will help you find grammar and clarity issues.


Use strong, concrete subjects and verbs.

Wordy: All of the separate constituencies at this academic institution must be invited to participate in the decision making process under the current fiscal pressures we face.

Better: Faculty, students, and staff at this school must all have a say during this current budget crunch.


Avoid awkward noun phrases. Look for:

Strings of prepositional phrases

Verbs turned into nouns (look for endings such as “ation”) EXAMPLE: The police conducted an investigation…could be more concisely stated as: The police investigated.

Lots of articles (the, a, an)

While these phrases are not “wrong” in a grammatical sense, they can be tedious to read!

ExamplesWordy: members of the student body at

University of California

Better: University of California students

Wordy: the manufacturing of products made up of steel

Better: making steel products

Wordy: the prioritization of decisions for policies of the student government

Better: the student government’s priorities

Example

Wordy: The press release gave an explanation for the behavior of the demonstrators.

Better: The press release explained the demonstrators’ behavior.


Get to the point quickly! Avoid starting sentences with long sets

of prepositional phrases or clauses that delay the verb.

Wordy: A new scam e-mail that appears to be a solicitation from

the IRS and the U.S. government for charitable contributions to

victims of the recent Southern California wildfires has been making

the rounds.

Better: A new scam e-mail making the rounds ask for charitable

contributions to the victims of the recent Southern California wildfires.

While the e-mail appears to be from the IRS or the U.S. government, it

is not legitimate.


Avoid starting sentences with phrases like “it is,” or “there is.” Those phrases delay getting to the subject of the sentence.

Delayed: There were over 4,000 runners in the marathon.

Better: Over 4,000 runners competed in the marathon.

Delayed: There were many incentives offered by the company to its sales force.

Better: The company offered its sales force many incentives.


Use active voice instead of passive voice.

Use action verbs when possible. Passive: The ball was thrown by the boy. Active: The boy threw the ball.

Wordy: Students are too reliant on credit cards.

Better: Students rely on credit cards too much.


Avoid cluttering phrases, unnecessary words, and needless repetition. An example of a “cluttering phrase” would be using “at the present time” instead of saying “now.”

Repetitive: She did the daily paperwork every day.

Better: She completed the paperwork every day.


Aim for parallel constructions.

Not parallel: Her true pleasure is playing the piano rather than in the library.

Parallel revision: Her true pleasure is playing the piano, not reading in the library.


Turn dependent clauses into direct modifiers.

Wordy: Our coach, who is nationally renowned, expected a raise.

Better: Our nationally renowned coach expected a raise.

Avoid misplaced modifiersModifiers are words or phrases that describe

nouns (adjectives) or verbs (adverbs).

Mary is a pretty girl. “Pretty” describes Mary/girl.

A misplaced modifier occurs when the placement of a modifying word or phrase makes the sentence unclear. EXAMPLE: We chose that song for Mary, the prettiest one in the songbook, to sing.

Mary is not the “prettiest one in the songbook”—the song is. REVISION: We chose that song, the prettiest one in the songbook, for Mary to sing.

The Paramedic Method

Richard Lanham created this method, described in his textbook Revising Prose. It’s called paramedic, because the process helps rescue your writing.

Targets wordiness

Helps to make writing more clear and concise

See ch. 6, pp. 70-72, for more examples.

Steps for the Paramedic method

Circle the prepositions and replace with active verbs.

Circle the "is" and “have” verb forms and replace with active verbs.

Ask, "Where's the action?" and put this action in a simple active verb. Make the doer of the action the subject.

Start fast--no slow windups. Avoid starting sentences with phrases like “I believe that. . .” or “There is/are.”

Eliminate redundant phrasing.

Remove some prepositional phrases Avoid strings of prepositional phrases.

Cluttered: We stood in line at the observatory on the top of the hill in the mountains to look in a huge telescope at the moons of Saturn.

Better: We lined up at the mountaintop observatory to view Saturn’s moons through a huge telescope.

As you edit. . .

Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. Just make sure longer sentences are punctuated properly!

In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary.

Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer. Mix them up, with a little of both.

Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary.

Revision examples

• Original: The dog with the short tail lives at the house next door.

• Revision: The short-tailed dog lives next door.

• Original: The dog was having fun rolling in the grass.

• Revision: The dog enjoyed rolling in the grass.

• Original: I am a race car driver.

• Revision: I drive race cars.

Original sentence

The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money.

Possible revisionThis company’s employees need a better

money manager.

Original sentenceIt is widely known that the engineers at

Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years.

Possible revisionSandia Labs engineers actively participate

in most Search and Rescue operations.

More examples of revisionAfter reviewing the results of your previous

research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.

Possible revisionYour research results and our recent

studies suggest the need to make changes to our operating procedures.

Edit this sentenceThe first step in the police investigation is

to interview the parents and children in the household to establish an idea of what happened.

Edit this sentenceEven people who cannot agree on whether

death by execution is the best form of punishment should be able to see that if there is even a slight chance of an innocent person losing his or her life, death should not even be an option.

Any Questions?

Enjoy chatting until we get started. Seminar and audio will begin at 7 p.m.

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