Topic Matrix

Broad topic: Muslim Tradition

Narrowed Topic: Muslim Courtship and Marriage Tradition

Focused Topic: Muslim Courtship and Marriage Tradition: From

Early to Modern Practices

Thesis Statement: The Muslim Courtship and Marriage Tradition

have changed in the modern times.

Statements of the Problem:

1.)Are the elders approving of the changes?

2.)Who makes the decision on marriages

3.)Compare and contrast traditional and modern practices.

4.)Why did these changes happen?

5.)What are the responsibilities of the men and women?

6.)Are the changes practiced by every Muslims?

7.)Are the relationships with the other religions acceptable? Teens

and elders point of view.

March 2012

OUTLINE

Title: “The Muslim Courtship and Wedding Traditions”

Thesis Statement: “The Muslim Courtship and marriage

Tradition have changed in the modern times.”

I. Muslim Traditions

A. Islam History: Importance of Marriage among Muslim

Women

B. Muhammad (s.a.w.) and his wives

C. Practice of Polygamy

II. Early Muslim courtship

A. The people involve in the courtship

B. Reason for courtship.

C. How to choose spouse prospect.

D. Dating manner

E. Decision is made by:

1. Mother and father

2. grandparents

3. elder brother and sister

4. He

F. Engagement

III. Modern Muslim courtship

A. New communication technology

1. technologies involve

2. Its influences

B. How to choose spouse prospect

C. Dating manner

D. Decision is made by:

1. He and She

2. Parents

E. Engagement.

IV. Early Muslim Marriages

A. Responsibilities

B. Male dominations

C. Practice of Polygyny

D. Most prevalent Types:

1. Arranged marriage

2. Child Marriage

3. Diplomatic marriage

A. Divorce

V. Modern Muslim Marriages

A. Responsibilities of men

B. Responsibilities of women

C. Female dominations

D. Most prevalent Types:

1. Modern arranged marriage with courtship

2. Diplomatic marriage

3. Interfaith Marriage

4. Child Marriage

E. Practice of Polygyny

F. Divorce

VI. Courtship and Marriage Traditions and Practices of

Muslims have changed through time as evidenced by:

A. Evolution of Practices

B. Elder’s point of view

This study is aimed in identifying and discussing some of the

changes in the traditional practices of Marriage and courtship in

Islam. This study is conducted to know whether these said changes

have significantly affected the traditional and early practices in the

style of courtship and marriage in Islam. Such changes have

distinctively differentiated traditional and modern practices of

marriage and courtship in the Islam society, concretizing the large

influence of modernization and technologies of the 21st century. Thus,

furthermore, places gap among the view points of the elders and the

young adults of this generation.

Marriage in Islam is the starting point to which a family begins

to nurture. Importance of family in Islam is emphasized by Nasr

(1961) in Islam (religion, history, and civilization): The Family, as he

stated that “ the family is seen by Muslims not only as a biological

and social unit, but also as a religious unit that protects the individual

member in a thousand ways….. Therefore constitutes the most basic

unit in the fabric of Islamic society.” Provided with the significance of

Family sets marriage into the ideals of serious responsibility and

endeavor among Muslims that is taken nonchalantly nor hastily.

Marriage in Islam as well, according to history, is of great importance

to Muslim women as it saved women from the degrading and unlawful

treatment to them during the early years as stated in The Moslem

Heritage: Islam and the Feminist Movement, “Historians tell us that

women in pagan Arabia and similar communities were considered by

men to be accessories and possessions that could be bought, sold, and

inherited.”(Jubaira 1981). Islamic Belief in the importance of Marriage

uplifted and rooted the dignities and the regards towards women even

up until these days.

The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) presented and implemented

the ideals and importance of Marriage but he was/is criticized

because of his known practice of polygamy. Most people who do not

know the real reason behind such practice of the Prophet speculates

lust as the reason behind such doing. Exemplifying the real reason

behind this practice, Leila Dabbagh stated in Taking Back

Islam( American Muslim Reclaim Their Faith): Muhammad’s Legacy

For Women that: “The prophet Muhammad was married

monogamously to his first wife, Khadija, for twenty years. When she

died he cried and mourned deeply for her. The multiple marriages in

which he engaged afterwards were acts of kindness to his community:

many of the women he married were either orphaned or widowed and

had no kin to safeguard from the difficulties that awaited them

physically and socially in the Arabian dessert. Some he married for

political purposes--- to unite tribes and make peace.” (Wolfe 2002). In

addition, another clarification is presented in The Moslem Heritage:

The Prophet Muhammad on Marriage, which affirmed that “…. Wars

of conquests had let large number of women who would be taken as

wives and supported as such. Living with them without the religious

sanction of Islam was prohibited by the Prophet. And certainly they

could not be treated as slaves for slavery was forbidden. In other

words, plurality on wives during the time of the prophet was more of

an obligation and a sacrifice on the part of the men than lust. Wives

and daughters of Islamic faith had lost their breadwinners during the

war and had to be fed and clothed by those who survived.” (Jubaira

1981). It wasn’t for feeding up the lust neither of the Prophet

Muhammad (s.a.w.) nor of those men who followed the ways of the

Prophet in order to care those women and children who were left

alone and vulnerable towards the advances of the Arabian Dessert.

On the other hand, Polygamy nor Polygyny were not encouraged

or offered by the Islam Belief rather it was an exclusion further

elaborated in The Moslem Heritage: Marriage and Morals Among

Moslem Filipinos, “Contrary to popular belief, monogamy is the

general rule of Islam, polygamy is nothing but an exception to the

rule… Polygamy is only resorted to when conditions demand it….

Islam places polygamy under restrictions so that it will not be abused

by those who maybe driven by sensual desires and lust for women a

verse in the Qur’an runs thus: Then marry what seems to you of

women, two, three, four (wives); but if ye fear that ye shall not act

equitably, then one (wife) is enough.” (Jubaira 1981). It is a

paradoxical statement to the belief of most people regarding the

polygamy practice of Muslims. Presently speaking such Practices are

still done and misjudged by those of different perception and beliefs.

Furthermore, Polygamy is not approved nor acknowledged if the first

wife’s acceptance and agreement is disregarded. Additionally, it was

known that the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) had more than 4 wives,

12 to be exact. During the early times of the exemption of polygamy

the Prophet feared that many would misunderstood and misuse this

exemption so he passed the restriction of the numbers of wives to be

taken by one man into four with the vision of restricting it to

monogamy in the near future but the vision was not put into practice

because the Prophet died at an early age.

Moreover during early times it was not only the Prophet

Muhammad (s.a.w.) and some of his men followers live out the

practice of polygamy as evidence in The Moslem Heritage: Islam and

the Feminist Movement statement, “Multiple marriage was quite

customary among the pagan Arabs as well as among earlier

communities. The testimony to this fact is recorded in the bible which

repeatedly relates that many of the Jewish Kings had quite a number

of wives. Furthermore, some Arabian tribes in pre-Islamic days

satisfied their bigotry by burying their unwanted newly born female

babies.” (Jubaira 1981) This places polygamy as a practice during

early times not only by the Muslims but by powerful men as well of

other beliefs or religions.

In the practice of Polygamy in Islam is neither about Lust nor

the number of wives a man has but rather on equality a man is willing

and able to provide among these women. Subjectively and objectively

speaking polygamy is still an argument that has not been approved by

the majority of the world but regardless of these the decision is still

on both men and women.

Early courtship practices of Islam are known to be strict and

supervised by the parents of the woman. Men need to compete and

strive to gain the approval of the parents, but mostly, courtship is

done by the man together with his parents. The man and the woman

are not allowed to date or to talk privately, the woman will always

have a chaperone with her whenever the man visits her at home. It is

a tradition and a must that any visits from the man will only be

entertained by the woman at her home and with the approval of her

parents as well. As stated by Arranged marriage in Islam (retrieved on

January 20, 2012), “Islam prohibits unmarried, unrelated men and

women being alone together and physical relationships are not part of

the meetings.” This is a proscription that is strictly implemented and

followed by the Muslim society of the early times.

It is because courtship is not done so that both man and woman

would be able foster an emotion towards each other but rather to

assure and perceive any probable misreading of the future of the man

and the woman, and their compatibility as a married couple. It is also

believed that love would blossom not before but rather after and

within marriage. Love grows stronger not through physical connection

and emotion but rather through understanding and believing in the

progress of their marriage. Another anecdote towards the perception

of courtship and dating in Muslim tradition is specified in Courtship

and Dating in Islam (retrieved on February 10, 2012), “Umar related

that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, Not one of you

should meet a woman alone unless she is accompanied by a relative

(mahram). The Prophet also reportedly said, whenever a man is alone

with a woman, Satan is the third among them. When young people are

getting to know each other, being alone together is a temptation

toward wrongdoing. At all times, Muslims should follow the

commands of the Qur'an (24:30-31) to lower their gaze and guard

their modesty.... Islam recognizes that we are human and are given to

human weakness, so this rule provides safeguards for our own sake.”

Courtship in the early times meant engagement or the first step

to marriage. Once a man is approved by the parents of the women he

aspire to marry courtship begins as well. In the circumstances that a

woman is orphaned, her grandparents would likely assume the role as

parents to her as she grows up and the choosing of possible spouse

for the woman. Sometimes the elder sibling, particularly the elder

brother would assume the role of choosing and protecting the younger

sister in her search for a spouse. It was confirmed by Mamosaka

Darimbang (Interviewed on January 2, 2012), “Parents are the one

who chooses or accepts a spouse for a daughter but with the absence

of Parents the decision is left to Grandparents or the older brothers of

the woman. The woman is not allowed to choose her own preference

because they are more likely to choose the wrong person.

“(Translated into English)

In choosing a wife a man has a right to select a prospect wife

with approval of his parents. Once approved his parents would visit

the house of the woman he had chosen to talk about a possible

marriage.

After the agreement between parents and the children the

engagement is then set. The implication of engagement during the

early times according to Courtship in the Philippines (retrieved on

February 10, 2012),” These formal engagements are arranged by the

parents of men and the women. This also involves discussions

regarding the price and the form of the dowry.” During the said

engagement the future bride and groom is not present but is

represented by their respective families in the engagement day. This

occasion is well known in Islam society as Dialaga and the said Dowry

is called B’tang in Maranao dialect.

21st century marks the evolution of modern technology and

modern society. Improved communication, easier way of life, and so

much more these are what this evolution offers. More or less such

advancement influences not only how people lives but also the

tradition built through out the past generations. Muslim Tradition is of

no exemption to these so called influenced ways.

One of the greatest and mostly used products of these new

technologies is the invention of the telecommunication, such as the

widely used cell phone. It made communication a lot easier and

affordable. Cell phone made dating easier as well and subtle, you can

communicate with the opposite sex without your parents or guardian

knowing. Through cell phone men and women got a taste of freedom

from the strict tradition of chaperoned dates and visitations. Through

these you get to talk to each other without being physically seen

together and would less likely to get caught and criticized by the

judgmental society. As substantiated by Sittie Hannah P. Said

(interviwed on February 11, 2012) as she said, “Technologies

nowadays have influenced courtship and dating of the Muslims.

During my parents time they communicate through letters and go on

chaperoned dates but now, as for my cousins cases, they text and call

each other and they go on dates without chaperone. “(translated into

English)

Another well known innovation of the 21st century is the internet

also known as the World Wide Web. During the interview of Abdul

Wajid Marohom on January 23, 2012, he said “…. It is easier to find a

wife nowadays because communications is easier and we are less

likely caught by parents. Finding a wife becomes easier because there

is the internet, it let us view pictures of women who would be our

prospect wife. (Translated into English).” Affirming the influence of

this novelty to the way how young adults and teenagers interact as

oppose to the traditional ways. Further elucidated in About Muslim

Marriage (retrieved on February 10, 2012)” Dating is not allowed in

Islam; however, men and women are given a chance to get to know

each other for the sake of marriage. Family, friends or other

community members often introduce mates. The Internet has become

a significant way for many Muslims to meet and marry.”

The process in choosing a spouse changed but only on the part

to which the man acquires the picture of the prospect wife and the

informations about her with the help of internet together with the

network of friends he has. Also, they are allowed to communicate

after the marriage has been agreed upon and the date of marriage is

set, this is to prevent any gap and awkward feelings between the

involved persons. Children nowadays are more vocal with their

opinions especially about marriage and the chosen person.

Same as the old tradition the parents as much as possible

prevents any dates of their children to happen outside the house until

they are married to prevent gossips to roam and cloud the growing

relationship, but sometimes they allow them to date as long as one of

the sister of the woman would tag along the date. But according to

Shahira Damiano (interviewed on January 21, 2012), “nowadays

boyfriends and girlfriends are already been allowed to some families

and parents…” (Translated into English) this contradicts the previous

traditional practice and restriction.

On the other hand, choosing a prospect spouse is both taken

seriously by the persons involve and their families to ensure the

success of the possible marriage, as said in Courtship and Dating

in Islam (retrieved on February 10, 2012) “This type of focused

courtship helps ensure the strength of the marriage, by drawing upon

family elders' wisdom and guidance in this important life decision.

Family involvement in the choice of a marriage partner helps assure

that the choice is based not on romantic notions, but rather on a

careful, objective evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is

why these marriages often prove successful in the long-term”. The

decision is made not only by the two person involve but also their

family. In Muslim tradition the family is of great importance to each

member of the family.

Modern engagement still follows tradition, both the soon to be

bride and groom are not in attendance in the celebration, also known

as Dialaga in Muslim dialect. They are represented by their respective

families and it is in the engagement party that the initial amount of

the Dowry or B’tang in the Muslim society is given by the parents of

the man to the parents of the woman but the difference would be that

the traditional way the giving of dowry is done secretly during the

celebration to which only the immediate families of both parties are

present but now it is done publicly, with the other relatives and

friends invited in the engagement serving as witness to the giving of

dowry.

When man and woman is in the sacred marriage there are

certain responsibilities they undertake in order to maintain harmony

and strong family bond in the family. The man is the father who

protects and provides for the family, and acts as the strict and firm

decision maker in the family that no one would dare to defy. While the

mother is the heart of the family, the one who console each member.

She is also is the one who holds and does the budgeting of what the

father provides. Together they keep the family strong and well. This is

firmly supported by the internet article About Muslim Marriage

(retrieved on February 10, 2012) which says” Marriage or Nikah is a

very important part of a Muslim's life. It is said to be half of the

Muslim religion. Tying the knot in Islam is not something to be taken

lightly.”

During the early times Male dominates almost in everything and

they kept the women behind their shadows. During the absence of

marriage many women were maltreated and shamed by the men.

After the implementation of the set of laws about marriage that

entails about the rights of women maltreatments and such were

prevented. Though women are valued inside marriage the Men

remained to be in supremacy. Nasr (1961) wrote “The father is like

the imam of the family, representing religious authority… Muslim

male dominates in economic and social activity outside the home.”

The supremacy necessitate of men are not of violence but rather on

authority.

Practice of Polygyny in the early times, as stated in the previous

part of this paper, remained of the same reason. Another articulation

from Christine Huda Dodge in her internet article (retrieved on

February 10, 2012), “…at the Battle of Uhud in 625 C.E., thousands of

Muslim men were killed, leaving their widows and orphaned children

alone in the world. It was at this time that the Qur'anic verses

allowing more than one wife were revealed.” In addition, during these

times few females are allowed to have education or to engage in work,

their only job is to take care of the home and the children and that left

them exposed to the dangers the world offers.

On the other hand, marriage during these times is of different

types. This study presents the most prevalent marriages undertaken

by the early men and women.

The most prevalent type of marriage type is the traditional

Arranged Marriage. This arrangement involves the parents choosing

and planning ahead a marriage even without the knowledge of the

man and woman involved. Supplementary explanation is provided by

(New World Encyclopedia: Organizing Knowledge for happiness,

prosperity, and world peace ( retrieved February 10, 2012) “The

marital partners are chosen by

parents, community elders, matchmakers, or religious leaders in an

effort to guide young people through the process of finding the right

person to marry. Arranged marriages worldwide encompass a wide

variety of procedures, cultural customs, length of courtship, as well as

the practical and spiritual reasons for the matching of the partners.

Generally, such a match is based on considerations other than pre-

existing mutual attraction. Traditional arranged marriages became

less common in the twentieth century, with the majority of young

people in most cultures selecting their own spouse, with or without

parental approval. However, with the increasing prevalence of divorce

among marriages for love, advocates of arranged marriage argue that

their value—where the expectation of love is weak at the beginning

but ideally grows over time—makes for a stronger and more lasting

marital bond.”

Child marriage is prevalent during the early times to ensure the

future of their children especially the women since they are not

allowed to provide for themselves because it was the men who do the

providing. This is further explicated by (New World Encyclopedia:

Organizing Knowledge for happiness, prosperity, and world peace

(retrieved February 10, 2012) “The parents of a small child (even

infants) arrange a future marriage with another child's parents. The

children are betrothed or promised to each other. Often the two

children never even meet each other until the wedding ceremony,

when they are both of an acceptable marriageable age—which differs

based upon custom. In some cultures, the age is at or even before the

onset of puberty. Many people who have been married in this way do

grow to love and cherish their spouses after the marriage. ”

Another prevalent type is the diplomatic marriage. A marriage

bonded by diplomatic reasons and means. It would either be for

gaining a title such as that of “....Sayid Abu Bakr married Paramislui,

the daughter of Raja Baginda, and he received the title of Sultan

Sahrif.”(Majul. 1999) and also intended for peace agreement as that

of in the New World Encyclopedia:Organizing Knowledge for

happiness, prosperity, and world peace( retrieved on February 10,

2012), that stated “Historically, arranged marriages between kings or

clan leaders have been utilized to cement political alliances. In recent

years, Rev. Sun Myung Moon has revived this idea, promoting cross-

cultural arranged marriages as a way to promote world peace.” And

also of another Historical event “The most notable of these

was Alexander the Great, who in 324 married 10,000 of his officers

to Persian women. The mass wedding, held at Susa, was a model of

Alexander's desire to consummate the union of the Greek and Iranian

peoples.”

In regards of Divorce in early Muslim Marriages there is a process

in which one should follow in order to formalize the divorce. After it

has been agreed by both parties, the one who performs the process is

the man. The said process is elaborated in Understand Muslim

Marriages: Divorce in Islam (retrieved February 10, 2012), “In the

Sunni tradition, a man has the right to nullify his marriage contract by

simply saying "I am divorcing my wife" three times. He must do this

after his wife has finished menstruating and before having sexual

intercourse with her, so she is in a state of "cleanliness." A three-

month waiting period begins after the divorce has been announced

during which time the couple can reconcile without needing to

remarry. During this period, the woman and man must sleep in

separate rooms, but the man is still responsible for her welfare. At the

end of the period, if the marriage has not been reconciled, the divorce

is complete and the woman rejoins her family. The Shi’ite tradition is

more legalistic and requires a public announcement.” The decision to

divorce is taken seriously and cooperatively by the man and woman

because divorce meant breaking a sacred union they both agreed

upon in the first place.

According to an article About Muslim Marriage (Retrieved on

February 10, 2012) “Marriage allows for the strengthening of families

with the understanding that strong families help sustain strong

communities. Marriage also acts as a protection against premarital

sex.” But, at the present time teenagers and young adults are largely

influenced by modernization and tend to act the way the people they

idolized from television shows. They are astonished how the liberated

people go away with casual relationships and such. Only a few

Families stood firm of abiding the traditional practice and belief,

especially those that regards their children’s safety and morality.

Another elucidation presenting the stern importance and stability of

marriage in the lives of many Muslims is specified by Dr. Sherif

Mohammed (Marriage in Islam. Retrieved on February 10, 2012)

“Marriage is a moral safeguard as well as a social building block.

Through marriage, families are established and the family is

considered to be the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore,

marriage is the only valid or halal way to indulge in intimacy between

a man and a woman.”

The difference of the marriages these generations against the

traditional practice starts with the reason to marry. Since the

courtship evolved so as the marriage. One of the very discouraging

turn about of the reason of marriage is that young adults nowadays

are influenced by the media presentation of liberality and

modernization that resulted to curiosity towards premarital sex that

alarmed not only the society but most definitely the parents of these

people that is why the parents resorted to marriage to prevent this

curiosity of the young adults to be put into action. This statement is

further strengthened and reasoned by Dr. Sherif Mohammed in his

words from On Marriage in Islam: MARRIAGE IN ISLAM (retrieved on

February 10, 2012) which says, ” According to Imams Abu Hanifah,

Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommended,

however for certain individuals it becomes Wajib (obligatory). Imam

Shaafi'i considered it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general

opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not

marry they will commit Zina (sex outside of marriage), then marriage

becomes obligatory. If a person has strong sexual urges then it

becomes obligatory for that person to marry. Marriage should not be

put off or delayed, especially if one has the means to do so.”

On the subject of female dominations, it refers to how women

slowly walked out of the fore shadows that engulfed them for decades

now in terms of societal status, educational attainment, and

economical capabilities to which they have sufficed in this century.

They’ve proven their rights and ability, and exercised it well to place

them in pedestals of history and acceptance. Leila Dabbagh shared

her story of growing up in the household headed not by dominance of

men but rather by love and support to members. She said “I was born

into a Muslim family and learned about Islam and the respect

accorded women from the behavior of the Men around me. I

especially treasure my memories of my maternal grandfather… He

held and gazed at my diploma for hours afterwards. A devout Muslim,

he loved the fact that his granddaughter was getting an

education.”(Wolfe 2002). Another commentary about the rise of

women is as follows “… she takes charge of the family income, money,

or otherwise. Whatever the husband earns goes to her for safe

keeping, or even disposal. It is she who doles out to her husband the

amount he needs. The husband cannot dispose of any of the family

property without the consent of the wife.”(Jubaira 1981)

Marriage does not only involve the man and the woman but also

their families as well. Marriage is not meant for a child to be

separated from their parents, rather than losing a member a family

gains another member. “You finally meet the one. He is the man of

your dreams and seems absolutely perfect. You discuss your

expectations of marriage and seem to be on the same page, except for

one major thing: he expects you to live with his parents after

marriage... In a nuclear family culture, there is a certain stigma that

comes with living with one’s in laws.” (Syed 2010). When marrying a

person one must prepare one’s self in marrying also the family of their

partners because they become one.

Another set of customary types of Muslim marriages are

presented by this study, only in this part of this paper the

modernization is taken into consideration because of the influences it

fabricated.

The first taken up would be the traditional arranged marriages

that endured the course of time and evolution. The parents in these

times are still the one to inquire about possible spouses for their

children, sometimes in this decision the children were never asked if

they agree or not. An example is the circumstances Shahira Damiano

is in as she was interviewed on January 21, 2012.” As for my opinion,

arranged marriage is better when both parties agreed. Because really,

as a woman who already experienced getting married to someone I

don't even know and love is the worst feeling ever.” (Translated into

English) But certain changes undoubtedly bypassed the traditional

ways. “This is similar to the modern arranged marriage, except that

the children have a chance to get to know each other over a longer

period of time via e-mail, phone, or multiple in-person meetings,

before making a decision.” (New World Encyclopedia, retrieved on

February 10, 2012). On certain instances the child is able to

participate in choosing their prospect spouses and get the chance to

get to know each other before marriage will took place. “The parents

choose several possible mates for the child, sometimes with the help

of the child (who may indicate which photos he or she likes, for

example). The parents will then arrange a meeting with the family of

the prospective mate, and the two children will often have a short

unsupervised meeting, such as an hour-long walk around the

neighborhood. The child then chooses who they wish to marry (if

anyone), although parents may exert varying degrees of pressure on

the child to make a certain choice” (New World Encyclopedia,

retrieved on February 10, 2012).

Diplomatic marriage is not publicly perceptible or acclaimed due to

confidentiality of the truce or agreement between two families

involved. Diplomatic marriages are usually utilized in order to gain

power, allies, and for truce between families. This is justified by New

World Encyclopedia: Organizing Knowledge for happiness, prosperity,

and world peace (retrieved on February 10, 2012) “Marriages are

arranged for political reasons, to cement alliances between royal

families.” In most parts of Mindanao were such marriage is rampant

in order to patch up feuds among families or to gain allies during

upcoming Political career. The bigger and well known the family, the

better and helpful it is.

Interfaith marriage was a taboo during early times, it was never

considered, thought, or, much worse, put into action. A mere thought

or consideration that another religion could/would be a part of the

family would be a never ending shame according not only by the

Muslim society but also by Islamic Law, called Sharia, itself “Under

Sharia law, a Muslim woman is not permitted to marry a non-Muslim

under any circumstances. By contrast, a Muslim man may marry a

"chaste" Jew or Christian, assuming she is devout in her beliefs”

(Marrying Outsiders. Understand Muslim Marriages retrieved on

February 10, 2012). In all candors, the Islamic belief does not forbid a

Muslim to marry another person from another religion unless he/she

is willingly converts to Islam because if not their marriage would fall

apart due to clashing sets of beliefs and perceptions. To clear things

in this matter of conversion, it is not necessary to force your partner

to convert it should be his/her intention and free will, all you can

possibly do is support and help her with understanding Islam as a

whole. The heart chooses not you for your partner, just like in the

experience of Jennifer Manzoor, a Muslim convert, “... many people

incorrectly assume that I became a Muslim because my husband was

a Muslim. I make a point of clarifying that I did not become a Muslim

because of my husband.”(Dirks & Parlove {Eds.}.2003), she was

clearing the assumptions of people around her that she was forced or

made a convert by her husband who is a full Muslim blooded. “ with

the declaration of faith begins the journey on the path to being

Muslim, thereby changing one’s life, relationships, beliefs, and

religious practice as one selectively rejects the past American culture

or combines it with what is Islamic.” (Haddad 2000)

Women from other religions, unlike the past years, consider the

possibility of loving a Muslim despite the branded identity of Muslims

as terrorist. According to Janelle Noville p. Jarap (interviewed on

February 9, 2012) “I don’t mind marrying a Muslim if I do fall in love

with him. Regarding conversion I can’t tell because I have not yet

experienced such but actually it would not be bad to convert maybe

because I have Muslim friends and they seem good and their religion

is interesting also.” (Translated into English) breaching interfaith

marriage as an acceptable destiny.

An experience shared by Iman Fadlallah regarding her

experience about child marriage to a person she has no idea who or

what he was until their marriage was set,”.... Iman’s father, the most

prominent Hezbollah cleric in Beirut, had abruptly ended her

schooling when she was fourteen years old, choosing a husband for

her whom she didn’t meet until the wedding.”(Miller & Kenedi 2002).

Child marriage is one of the issues yet to be accepted by the large

society of non-believers of Islam because it was a question to the

credibility of the marriage to which the involved children haven’t

given their choice or rights to speak their minds about the marriage.

Practices of polygamy are still rampant in Muslim society

though not publicly claimed but nevertheless do exists. One of the

reasons of the continuity of such practice is as follows” Mawdudi

accepts that Islam allows men to marry up to four wives, provided

that they treat them fairly. He sees this as a pragmatic measure, given

that in many societies women outnumber men but require caring for,

while many want to fulfill their natural roles as child bearers and up-

bringers.”(Bennet 2005). Accordind to Mawdudi still, consideration of

such practice is widely served as an option to some men,” Mawdudi

accepts that Islam allows men to marry up to four wives, provided

that they treat them fairly. He sees this as a pragmatic measure, given

that in many societies women outnumber men but require caring for,

while many want to fulfill their natural roles as child bearers and up-

bringers.” (Bennet 2005) The restrictions of the past are still applied

even at present time with the same aim of preventing any misuse or

abuse to the purpose and practice of polygamy.

Divorce nowadays are more concentrated and taken on the legal

matter unlike the traditional way where a man would just announce

the Divorce. “A marriage in Islam is defined by Sharia or Islamic law.

The marriage contract imparts certain rights to the man and woman,

and divorce is only applicable under certain circumstances. This

article will outline the religious path to matrimony and how a

marriage can be annulled under Islamic law.” (Understanding Muslim

Marriages retrieved February 10, 2012)

After dwelling to the factors that contributed in the conclusion

at the end of this study we conclude that Courtship and Marriage

Traditions and Practices of Muslims have changed through time. This

is evidenced by the following:

The evolution beginning with courtship, from the strict no

physical or communicative interaction unsupervised by parents or

guardians to present day courtships and dating allowing the couple

ample of time to ordeal their compatibility. Furthermore, the

influences brought about by modern technology largely disrupted

what used to be’s in the relationships between men and women who

are not blood related, and also the restriction previously implemented

but now abhorred by some young adults and is hard to employ by

parents due to growing independence of children from them. Next

would be the engagement, to which undisclosed giving of dowry to

public display of it. Furthermore on the Marriage issue, customary

types of marriages: 1.) arranged marriages before the children,

especially the woman, might be uninformed about the marriage plan

until the day of the wedding. Presently, arranged marriage considers

the opinions of the children and allows the children to test their

compatibilities in regards to their feelings toward the impending

marriage. 2.) Interfaith marriages, during the early times it was

considered as a taboo while nowadays it is still considered as a shame

to some families but others accepts it, as long as that person converts

to Islam to avoid conflicting beliefs with your partner and your in-

laws.

In the conclusion brought about by this study the point of views

from the elders are taken into consideration as they themselves

witnessed these said changes. Rimbur Mamacotao (interviewed on

January 22, 2012) expressed his judgment toward the courtship done

in 21st century, he said” because it lowers the respect and high regard

to women in Islam. I would prefer that the parents should discourage

their children particularly women from engaging in text Courtship.”

(Translated into English) with his conviction of disagreement to the

said issue. Another opinion conveyed by Mamosaka Darimabang

(Interviewed on January 2, 2012) regarding the issue about the

influence of modern technology, she stated, “I forbid my daughters in

having any relationship with men, especially Christians, because my

daughters are precious to us and that they should stay pure and

innocent until the man destined for them comes. I do not approve of

the technology nowadays because it tempts my daughter to lie to us

and communicate with men they are not blood related to.” (Translated

into English) relaying the negative effect of technologies to

communication and trust relationships in the family. To sum up the

entire changes that the tradition and practices of the Muslim

Marriage and Courtships have under gone through Rimbur

Mamacotao (January 22, 2012) articulated the following words, “As

time changes culture and traditions are largely affected and the effect

of improved technology cannot be discounted because people live with

it. Sometimes it has disadvantages since it weakens the moral fibers

of young Muslims because since in Islam it is prohibited for a man to

talk to a woman who is not his close kin unless they are betrothed or

married, or necessary as in business. That is why I’ve always wanted

to preserve the old traditions of the Muslims.”(Translated into

English). He was conveying his thoughts and preference of preserving

what has been traditionally established and practiced. But regardless

of changes in Courtship and Marriage in Muslim Tradition it remained

as something that every child and person is bound to do. It is not

something you wear today and wear it off the next day. Indulging and

being or planning to be married is an act of obedience on our part.

Besides concerning these said changes it is a fact that it won’t/

couldn’t be prevented nor avoided because in this world nothing is

permanent except change itself, it’s how you deal and preserve such

tradition that the essence and sanctity of it be well protected.

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B.) Magazine Reference:

1.) Syed,T. (2010). Married to the In Laws. Azizah. 6, 54-56

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D. Interviews:

1.)) Mamosaka Darimabang, 56 years old. Housewife. Interviewed on

January 2, 2012

2.) Shahira Damiano, 23 years old.MedTech student. (January 21,

2012)

3.) Rimbur Mamacotao, 48 years old. (January 22,2012)

4.) Sittie Hannah P. Said, 18 years old. BSN student. Interviewed on

February 11, 2012

5.) Janelle Noville P. Jarap, 18 years old. BSN student. Interviewed on

February 9, 2012