Conflict Resolution

Empathy

A Presentation by

Anand Jj

Roll no.

1214113203

Empathy

What does empathy mean?

Empathy is “feeling into”, seeing how it is

through another's eyes.

It involves experiencing the feelings of

another without losing ones own identity.

Empathy

The emphatic person senses the other

person’s bewilderment, anger, fear or love

“as if” it were his own feeling, but he does

not lose the “as if” nature of his own

involvement. (Robert Bolton, People Skills, 1987)

Empathy

Some of the things that help you to feel empathy towards another person are:

Trust

Attentiveness

Appropriate Responses

Shared Experiences

Respect

Support

Empathy

Some of the things that make it difficult to

feel empathy towards another person are:

Inattentiveness

Lack of interest

Lack of respect

Empathy

The key elements of empathy as a skill are:

We must separate our responses from those of

the person we are empathizing.

Retain objectivity and distance

Be alert to cues about feelings offered to us by

the other person.

Communicate to people our feeling for them and

our understanding of their situations.

Empathy

Some things a person can do to help in the

communication process are:

Stop talking. Always remember that if you are

talking, than you are not listening.

Ask questions

Maintain good eye contact.

Display attentive and welcoming body language.

Empathy

Some things a person can do to shut down

the communication process are:

Not really listen

Not showing interest

Not being attentive to the person speaking

Poor eye contact

Changing the topic

Empathy

When attempting to empathize with

someone you must always be on the

watch for empathy blockers. There are

four main types:

Domination

Manipulation

Disempowerment

Denial

Empathy

Domination

Threatening: “Do it or else”

Ordering: “Don’t ask me why, just do it because I said so”

Criticizing: “You don’t work hard enough”; “You’re always complaining”

Name-Calling: “Only an idiot would say that”; “You’re neurotic”

Shoulding or oughting: “You shouldn’t be so angry”; “You ought to face facts”

Empathy

Manipulation

Withholding Relevant Information: “If you knew

the “big picture” you would see it differently”

Interrogating (micro-managing): “How many

hours did this take you?” “What are you doing

now?”

Praising to manipulate: “You are so good at

report writing, I would like you do this one.”

Empathy

Disempowerment

Diagnosing motives: “You are very possessive”; “You have always had a problem with time management”

Untimely advice: “Why didn’t you do it this way?”

Changing the topic: “Yes it is a worry…by the way, did I tell you I applied for a new job?”

Persuading with logic: “There’s nothing to be upset about. It’s all quite reasonable…we just do this…than we do that…”

Topping: “I crashed the car last week” and you follow with “When I smashed up my car…”

Empathy

Denial

Refusing to address the issue: “There is

nothing to discuss as I cannot see any

problem.”

Reassuring: “Don’t be nervous”; “Don’t

worry it will work out”; “You will be fine”

Empathy

Important

Always remember that people in trouble

want to be reassured and we want to give

that reassurance.

However the “there, everything will be

alright” approach is not a help. It may

actually be a disservice as everything may

not be alright.

Empathy

Important

The kind of reassurance that people in difficulty

need is not meaningless comfort that the

problem will take care of itself, but rather our

statement of faith that they will be strong enough

to work it out even if it is not alright.

Let them know that you are available and would

work with them in finding something that can

help.

Empathy

Some of the consequences of using “empathy

Blockers” are:

Defensiveness, resistance and resentment.

Blocks feelings

Diminishes self-esteem

Decreases the ability to solve problems

Creates emotional barriers between people.

Empathy

When we use an empathy blocker, or shut

down our communication when an

empathy blocker is used on us, we are

probably relying on a habitual and

automatic way of behaving that we learned

in childhood.

In other words “We React”.

Empathy

However, when we pause a moment and choose a response that opens rather than closes communication, then we can “respond”. You may use phrases such as “I’m listening”, “this really seems important to you” or “let’s discuss it”.

By choosing to respond, we are taking control of our behavior and opening the door to richer relationships.

Empathy

Once we are responding rather than

reacting , there can be times when offering

assurances or giving advice can be

helpful. Those times come after you have

listened and others know they have been

heard, and after you have shown them

respect and recognized how they are

feeling.

Empathy

Reassurance and advice may then be

given in a cautious, constructive and

supportive manner that empowers them to

do what they need to in order to move on.

Thank You