Here’s the email as we received it

With identifying information blurred out

Here’s the email as we received it

With identifying information blurred out

Our goal here is learning, not public shaming

Here’s the email as we received it

Ok, on to the first thing you see from your inbox: the subject line

Ok, on to the first thing you see from your inbox: the subject lineOk, on to the first thing you see from your inbox: the subject line

“Hi David” isn’t very creative, nor is it descriptive…

It doesn’t really scream “open me!” or at the very least hint at the

content of the message

“Hi David” isn’t very creative, nor is it descriptive…

The real killer here is that he called him “David”

The real killer here is that he called him “David”

5 seconds of research would have revealed…

The real killer here is that he called him “David”

5 seconds of research would have revealed…

That he goes by “Dave” and NOT “David”

The real killer here is that he called him “David”

5 seconds of research would have revealed…

That he goes by “Dave” and NOT “David”

The real killer here is that he called him “David”

5 seconds of research would have revealed…

That he goes by “Dave” and NOT “David”

There he is!

So, even at the outset Dave knows this isn’t coming from someone he knows or has a relationship with

So, even at the outset Dave knows this isn’t coming from someone he knows or has a relationship with

Do your research, people!

So, even at the outset Dave knows this isn’t coming from someone he knows or has a relationship with

Do your research, people!

Let’s say that Dave opens the email anyways…

Yep, the name is still wrong

And it starts out with a negative opening line.

Yikes.

Yep, the name is still wrong

And it starts out with a negative opening line.

Yikes.

Yep, the name is still wrong

Sounds like there’s not much value here. Why

keep reading?

Onwards…

Why is research capitalized?

Why is research capitalized?

What kind of research are we talking about here?

Why is research capitalized?

What kind of research are we talking about here? Research for making

“strategic business decisions”…

Why is research capitalized?

What kind of research are we talking about here? Research for making

“strategic business decisions”…

Huh?

Maybe that’s a thing at a large companies… but not at startups. We’re

a startup, and that’s everybody’s job

Maybe that’s a thing at a large companies… but not at startups. We’re

a startup, and that’s everybody’s job

This could have been more personalized with a little more

research done in advance

A pretty standard call to action here, asking for the decision maker

A pretty standard call to action here, asking for the decision maker

Unfortunately, the value they provide isn’t clear – nor is the use case

Wait, what? Are you sending this from a mobile device?

Wait, what? Are you sending this from a mobile device?

It’s clearly automated, with little research done beforehand. Even the unsubscribe link is obvious

Wait, what? Are you sending this from a mobile device?

It’s clearly automated, with little research done beforehand. Even the unsubscribe link is obvious

Which is actually a good thing in this case!

But making it a hyperlink is probably a good idea, so we don’t see the whole ugly URL

Wait, what? Are you sending this from a mobile device?

It’s clearly automated, with little research done beforehand. Even the unsubscribe link is obvious

Which is actually a good thing in this case!

But making it a hyperlink is probably a good idea, so we don’t see the whole ugly URL

Wait, what? Are you sending this from a mobile device?

It’s clearly automated, with little research done beforehand. Even the unsubscribe link is obvious

Which is actually a good thing in this case!

Also, is that a tracking pixel? Oops!

There’s clearly a lot of room for improvement on this one.