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eHARMONY—FINDING YOUR TRUE LOVE

Series: Friend-ing & Unfriend-ing, Pt4 February 23, 2020 ser3914

I. POINT OF INTRIGUE

A. Love is, at times, a funny thing! [R] By “funny,” I mean amusing. Let me be completely transparent…well, not COMPLETELY, but close.

Unlike Pastor John K, if I asked Sheryl for permission, I’d seldom get an okay. So, I use “pulpit license” and ask forgiveness afterward. LOL!

My wife is a very private person. (show photo)

I did run this photo by Sheryl. Although a Church employee and a member of the Board, she doesn’t like the limelight, prefers not to be a public figure (although she is an excellent speaker with something to say), and views her most important role as caring for our family, which now includes the care of 5 grandchildren, two dogs, and, of course, “me.” She is my number one fan and my gift from God.

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IT’S FUNNY (there’s that word again). Over the years, because Sheryl prefers not to be a public figure, and isn’t physically by my side in everything I do, people have thought certain female pastors and others who have assisted me in various positions, to be my wife. I have had one wife for 44 years, and she will be my wife until the day “death alone does us part.”

Back to my transparency about love. My first love was a beautiful woman … Ruth. I was 8-9, maybe younger. She was probably in her mid-twenties. I thought she was the nicest and most beautiful person on the planet. When I was told she was engaged to be married my heart was crushed. I never recovered. LOL! Only kidding! Seriously, I thought for sure she was going to wait for me to grow up and then marry me.

When I was 13 there was Joy, my first kiss. I found out later that she married a preacher. (She had good taste.) When I was a senior in high school, there was Judie. When I graduated from college there was Patty. When I finished my Master’s Degree, there was Sheryl … need I say anymore? Well, let’s be completely transparent … // … there is also Eliana Rain, Shiloh Lyndon, and Eden Cyanni, our granddaughters, and Adam Joseph and Levi David our grandsons—but that’s a different kind of love. Sheryl and I will celebrate 45 years this November.

I CAN TRULY SAY, our love is far richer, wider and deeper today than it was 44 years ago. Time tests love.

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Circumstances enrich love. Typically, it’s not as glitzy, but it is far more substantive. Let me illustrate by taking a page out of Pastor John K’s book, and read to you our Valentine’s cards.

1. This was Sheryl’s card to me. Here’s to my hubby!

He’s handsome, strong, nice and cuddly, patient, kind,

extra studly, funny, sweet, Oh, so fine … Wow, LOVE THAT MAN OF

MINE! Happy Valentine’s Day.

“I wouldn’t trade you for the world or Pierce

Brosnan. (show photo of card)

I love you with all my heart, Sheryl”

2. This was my card to Sheryl.

Some nights we’re not together till it's time to go to sleep.

Sometimes the only way we talk is quick after the beep. There are days our list of things to do can't

possibly get done. And evenings, when we’re simply too exhausted to

have fun.

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Although we're such a busy pair just keeping up with life.

I'd like to take today to say, “I'm sure glad you're my wife.” Happy Valentine's Day!

I love you.

B. As many of you know, God defines love in 1 Corinthians 13, known as the love chapter.

If you Google “Types of Love,” you’ll find things such as:

1. Eight Different Types (or Kinds) of Love (show photo by same title)

2. The Five Love Languages (show photo of 5 hearts)

3. Four type of love in the Bible (show photo, p5):

Eros – sensual or romantic

Storge – familial love (family and friends)

Philia – brotherly love that unites believers

Agape – God’s love for mankind

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C. This morning I’d like to address the three ways in which we love God and others, for these are the Two Great Commandments.

D. Let’s pray!

II. eHARMONY

A. When I first heard of eHarmony and the plethora of other “dating” sights, I was NOT a fan. I thought, “This is crazy, meeting a person through the Internet. How do you know if the person is being honest? How do you know that’s what the person really looks like? People can say, “Whatever!” And, the list went on.

But I must say, I’ve changed my mind. In fact, I think that meeting a person online through an authentic website, cuts through many of the “games” people play when dating. Let me give you an example: I meet far too many people deep into a relationship, actually wanting to get married, that are unequally

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yoked or have been sexually intimate and therefore feel obligated to one another.

What happened? They met. Did not discuss faith or values. Were physically attracted. Followed that attraction. And now here they are … contemplating marriage. Maybe there’s a child in the picture, too.

What “eHarmony” does is cut through the red tape, so to speak. Upfront, as much as possible, you can find out:

1. If the person is a Christian,

2. If his/her thinking is Godly or worldly,

1 John 2:15-17 p 1394 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is

not in him. 16For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man (lust of the flesh - KJV), the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does (pride of life – KJV) --comes not from the

Father but from the world. 17The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

3. Do they hold to the Bible’s guidelines to building a relationship that lasts? God’s order is:

a. Faith—Old and New Testaments clearly speak of NOT being unequally yoked in faith.

b. Soul—Mind, Will and Emotions

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Amos 3:3 tells us, “How can two be one, unless they walk in agreement.

c. Sex—Scripture is clear, sex is to be within marriage. Anything outside of that boundary can lie, confuse and compromise one’s integrity and constitution.

4. Does the person you’re dating want children? If so, how many? And, how do they want to raise them?

I RECALL TWO COUPLES WITH WHOM I MET. We addressed this question in counseling. With the first couple, the man wanted children and she wanted none. With the other couple, she wanted the kids to choose their own religion, he wanted to raise them protestant and Christian. The latter couple never made it down the aisle; the first couple I referenced worked it out.

B. What I am saying is that what I was once opposed to (dating websites) is no longer the case because I think that in many cases they cut through the “dating game.”

C. Now, I’m not saying that is the ONLY way to find a lifetime partner. I met Sheryl at Church. I officiate weddings of couples (22 on Valentine’s Day ) who have met at this church, and a variety of different places. Listen, God can pair you up in a line at Wawa. I’m just saying … .

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II. THREE WAYS TO LOVE GOD & OTHERS

Regardless of how a person directs his/her love—toward God or others, love can be put into three categories: If, Because or Period.

A. "If" is conditional.

“If” love rises or sinks on how one responds to another person’s wants. The central figure in "if” love is "me." In actuality, "if” love is nothing other than lust. It is essentially “want” driven, and when those wants are not met, the relationship cannot survive.

Tragically, in most cases, the man/woman who loves conditionally does not know that his/her love will fail to endure. A great Bible illustration of “if” / conditional love is seen in the Bible character

Delilah. She told Samson, "If you really loved me you would tell me the secret of your strength." (Judges 16:15 JBS) (show photo with scripture or within image)

What was the aftermath of this "if” love? The death of both Samson and Delilah.

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PEOPLE LOVE GOD THE SAME WAY and that’s why the relationship does not last.

Judas was a Zealot and thought Jesus was going to restore the physical kingdom of Israel to what it was in the days of Solomon. When Judas’ “want” was not met, he betrayed the One he supposedly loved.

Larry Flynt, the infamous creator of the pornographic magazine, Hustler, did the same thing. After giving his life to Christ and pursuing Christianity, he was shot and paralyzed. When God did not heal him, he despised God and Christianity with hatred even greater than before his conversion. (show photo of Larry Flint) Why? His love was “if” (conditional) driven.

Love that is “if” / “me” driven won’t last whether it is with another person or with God.

B. The second way in which a person loves is "because."

“Because” love is driven by the certain qualities the other person possesses. This is where most relationships begin. A person has a good personality,

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a good figure or physique, a great sense of humor, makes you feel good about yourself, brings financial security, is in a position of fame or power, and the list goes on. Some of these qualities mentioned are healthy, some are not – but they are all reasons why/because someone may love another.

WHEN I MEET WITH A COUPLE WANTING TO BE MARRIED, one of the questions I’ll ask is: “Why?”

e.g.: “Jarrod, why Victoria? (show photo) You’re a handsome guy. I’m sure there were other women interested in you. Why Victoria?” (And I’ll ask the same question of Victoria regarding Jarrod.)

Understand, we’re not saying this is “bad,” we’re saying— o Beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) o Wealth and security can disappear (Proverbs

23:5) o Personality can be morphed relational to the

hand life may deal (Genesis 4:6)

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What happens next? Do you trade in your wife or husband for someone with a better personality, better looks, more security? Remember the movie director John Derek? He kept trading in his wives (Ursula Andress & Linda Evans) as they aged for a new model who looked like his previous wife, only 20 years younger. He finally grew up with Bo.

SOME PEOPLE LOVE GOD THE SAME WAY.

As long as God is meeting their expectations, they are fine—they live the Four Challenges. (show “Take the CHALLENGE” *Draw attention to the CARD) But when the going gets tough—they lose a job, go through a divorce, lose a loved one, get ticked off at the Pastor (LOL!), w h a t e v e r, they quit serving, quit tithing, step out of their connections, and quit reading the Bible.

Are we thinking that by getting angry with God we’ll get His attention and things will change? No! A thousand times “No!” God won’t be bullied. Sorry! What He will respond to is our FAITHFULNESS regardless of what we’re going through.

God wants us to love Him, “period” – unconditionally. Hear the words of Job after he had lost everything but

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his wife and life. Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Job 13:15a

And this brings us to the third way in which we choose to love and that’s “period” or “unconditionally.”

C. Here is God's definition of loving “period:”

[4] Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. [5] It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. [6] Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. [7] It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. [8] Love never fails. [13] And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor. 13 (selected)

Let me be candid. I’m not so sure one can achieve this kind of love with a man or with a woman or with God in a day, or a month, or a year. This kind of love (yes, it is a choice) is built over years of sharing together, caring together, serving together, connecting together, going through life’s successes and failures, hurts, and healings, and the list goes on.

I love my wife, Sheryl, far more today than when we married 44 years ago, because it has been forged through tough times, easy times,

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disappointing times, joyful times, relaxing times, busy times, smooth sailing and navigating storms.

III. CLOSE AND INVITATION

A. There is a golden thread that weaves its way through the cloak of God’s word: “The best of all is God is with us.”

The outstanding question is: Are we with Him? The choice is OURS, just like the choice for Sheryl and I to love unconditionally is ours.

(Unconditional relationships don’t need to be solely that of a husband and wife; they can be with others. Jonathan and David were both married men with children, but they loved one another unconditionally.)

B. My question today, is: Will you love God unconditionally?

You say, “Where do I begin?”

Admit– your sins have separated you from God. (Psa 14:1-3; Rom 3: 23);

Believe – that God did something about your sins through Jesus Christ. (The final Pascal Lamb/Messiah.) (Lev 17:10; Heb 9: 19-22);

Commit – yourself to His righteousness by confessing Jesus as Lord and Savior. (Isa 53:5; Col 1:22);

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Do it today! (Isa 49:8; 2 Cor 6:2).

Father in Heaven, I’m sorry for the things I’ve done that are wrong: I am a sinner; forgive me. Thank You for loving me and sending your Son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for my sin. Holy Spirit, come into my heart; Jesus, be my Lord and Savior. I give You my life. Amen!

ser3914, eHarmony—Finding Your True Love (Sermon Series Friending & Unfriending, Pt 4. 2299 words with Invitation.