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Five Critical Steps orEfective Assertiveness–Jean S. Corson , workplace behaviour consultant and coach, and

ounder o Corson Wolf Consulting

Using Assertiveness

Efectively: The ChallengeBob and Casey were friends at a large software engineering rm.

They had different approaches to their work but shared a similar

problem. Bob had recently become a team leader. As team leader,he lectured his team on what to do and how to do it, fearing theywould do it wrong and make him look bad. Team members felt he

was treating them like children and reacted to his direction by doing

the bare minimum. He felt like he spent most of his days babysitting.

Even though he recognised that his team wasn’t particularly

responsive to him, he felt it was the team’s responsibility to learn

how to listen to him.

Casey was on the research and development team. He just wanted

to investigate new technologies and be left alone. Dealing with

people and ofce politics took him from his work, so he ignoredthem altogether. Consequently, two of his more assertive colleagues

were promoted over him even though his work was better than theirs.

In addition, he was surprised that teammates often accused him of not being invested in the team. When Casey did communicate with

his team members, he used a low-key style that verged on a monotone

so that, as he put it, his presentation “wouldn’t get in the way of

the facts”.

Though Bob was aggressive and Casey was an avoider, both were

nonassertive and, more importantly, ineffective in their careers. Their

boss, William, recognised the problem and met with Bob and Casey

hoping to help them develop more effective assertive strategies. Bob

and Casey’s rst reaction to William’s input was to say that their

behaviour wasn’t their fault — that their teams were forcing them to

act as they did. William stressed to them that positive change was

only possible if they took responsibility for their behaviour.

Assessing and Correcting the Situation William told Bob and Casey that effective assertiveness is the ability

to express yourself and your wants, needs or requirements while stillshowing respect for the wants, needs or requirements of others. To

Bob, he stressed that treating people aggressively doesn’t work in a

world that needs collaboration more than compliance. To Casey, he

pointed out that passive behaviour that avoids addressing issues is just

as ineffective as aggression. William told them that to be effectively

assertive, they needed to implement ve critical steps that include

taking responsibility, engaging in honest communication and granting

mutual respect.

When William met with Bob individually, he explained the difference

between managing as a babysitter and managing as a coach. While a

babysitter engages in “adult/child” relationships and doesn’t respect

the interests of others, a coach recognises that all parties have valid

interests and are capable of valuable contributions. If Bob startedtreating his staff like adults, they would start acting like adults.

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STEP 1: Take responsibility or your

behaviour and circumstancesNo one makes you do anything. Sometimes this is hard to accept, buteach individual is ultimately responsible for his or her own behaviour.Be aware of your “hot buttons” — those actions and events that cause

you to react without forethought. Taking responsibility puts you incharge of what you do.

STEP 2: Respect the needs on both

sides o the relationship When working with others, people often act like lecturing parents orpetulant children heading to the principal’s ofce. Neither representsassertive behaviour. Assertiveness means presenting your concerns toothers in a way that equally respects both your needs and the needs of

others. This means recognising that other people have reasons for theirbehaviour that (to them) are as valid as your reasons for your own.

STEP 3: Be aware o your emotional

triggers and those o others As much as we depend on intellect, our emotions often have theupper hand. To act assertively, you must not only be aware of your

emotions but manage them as well. Be aware of how you feel andhow you respond under pressure, such as if you’re nervous aboutpresenting information to others and how that might cause you toreact to questions. Then extend that awareness to others: Recognisewhat their emotional hot buttons are, and don’t ignore or dismissother people’s emotional reactions to particular issues and situations.Figure out how to talk to them by recognising what’s important tothem and monitoring your emotional levels and theirs.

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When William met with Casey, William acknowledged the qualityof Casey’s work, but he emphasized that Casey’s passive behaviourand failure to communicate were causing his co-workers to assumehe didn’t want to be a team player. Given the interdependency of the employees on each other’s work, communicating ideas andaddressing issues with his colleagues was essential to advancing

in the organisation.

William worked closely with Bob and Casey over the next few months, coaching them through the ve critical steps for effective assertivebehaviour. In the ensuing months, Bob and Casey’s interaction with

their co-workers improved dramatically. The result: Bob’s team’sproductivity improved and Casey got the promotion he wanted.

Getting StartedStart by reecting honestly on your behaviour and attitudes whenworking with others. Are specic problems recurring? Are you avoid-ing certain people? When you work with others, does your stresslevel go up while your performance goes down? Are you reluctant toaddress problems with your boss? Effective assertiveness requires adesire and motivation to change the way you respond to others. First,clarify what it is that you want to be different about your working

relationships and the goals you want to achieve. With that clarity andcommitment in place, you’re ready to start implementing the vecritical steps.



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US1007 Mgmt Insights July

About the Author

Jean S. Corson is a workplace behaviour consultant and coachoffering leadership development, executive coaching and team

performance improvements. Her specialty is helping technical andnontechnical people work together. She teaches several Learning Tree Courses, including Course 294, “Inuence Skills: Getting Results without Direct Authority”, Course 292, “CommunicationSkills: Results through Collaboration”, and Course 3411,“Emotional Intelligence: Achieving Leadership Success”. Jeancan be contacted at [email protected]

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STEP 4: Recognise the range

o communication How you say things is more important than what you say: Listenerstake over 70% of the informational content of your speech from yourtone of voice, facial expressions and body language. Less than 30%of the information you communicate comes from the words you use.

Assertive behaviour requires that you demonstrate clear, direct, honestand respectful communication.

STEP 5: Work in the spirito collaboration

Consider the equation 1+1=3 (You plus Me equals Us) as a formulafor a “we” approach rather than a “me” approach. Recognise thatthe contribution that two people will make to an issue collabora-tively is greater than the contribution those two people could makeindividually. The modern work world requires collaboration: We alldepend on each other. When you act assertively by recognising theintersection between your needs and the needs of others, it’s easierto nd common ground and build a more effective solution.

Rarely is there a magic day when problems don’t crop up or youdon’t have to deal with difcult people. By taking responsibility for

your part in a situation, expressing your needs, recognising the needs

of your colleagues, communicating with an understanding of thelistener’s issues and looking for collaborative solutions, you set thestage for working together to solve problems. The goal is neitherto avoid issues or impose your will but to channel energy in a moreconstructive way. Being effectively assertive empowers you and those

you work with to not “misdirect” time, energy and other resourcesand to work collaboratively toward the achievement of common goals.

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