Effective Thesis Writingfor CPSC Students

Jo-Anne Andre (andre@ucalgary.ca)University of Calgary

September 22, 2006

Effective Writing Program http://efwr.ucalgary.ca wconline@ucalgary.ca

Common Problems in ThesesFrom an informal survey of U of C CPSC professors ~

Conceptualization of research into thesis structure

Conceptualization of audience

Structuring the thesis

Coherence & paragraph structure

Development of strong arguments

Definitions & use of specialized terminology

Clarity and precision in sentences & grammar

Presenting math effectively

Editing - spelling, punctuation, word use, citations

Overview Getting started & your writing process Conceptualizing your audience Structuring a thesis

– Basic parts and writing strategies

Revising & editing your thesis– Improving coherence and readability

– Defining and using specialized terminology

– Integrating quotations and equations

– Editing for precision and clarity

– Formatting citations (APA style)

Getting Started Familiarize yourself with requirements & resources:

– Thesis template (& guidelines):http://www.ucalgary.ca/it/mswordthesisstylefiles/

Review several theses in your field: For U of C, see https://dspace.ucalgary.ca/handle/1880/281

Recommended theses available online: Brygg Ullmer's dissertation (MIT):

http://alumni.media.mit.edu/~ullmer/dissertation/

George Fitzmaurice's dissertation (University of Toronto): http://www.dgp.toronto.edu/~gf/papers/PhD%20-%20Graspable%20UIs/Thesis.gf.html

Cory Kidd's M.Sc. thesis (MIT): http://web.media.mit.edu/~coryk/papers/Kidd_MS_thesis.pdf

Writing Process Work from an outline

Expect to do multiple drafts

Write first, edit later; edit in waves(move from large issues to small issues)

Consider the “layered approach” to drafting proposed by Thomas (2000, p. 21):

1. Focus on factual information

2. Add evaluative and critical material

3. Write integrative material (section previews, comparisons of studies, summaries)

Get feedback on your drafts

Conceptualizing Your AudienceYou, your supervisor, and researchers focusing on topics similar to yours

+ Computer scientists working on other topics

+ Professionals in related fields, who might have an interest in your research.

TARGET THIS RING

Conceptualizing Your AudienceConsider your audience’s needs for

• an understanding of the significance of your research and how it fits into the bigger picture

“Students need to really highlight the significance oftheir results, especially what’s new and why it’s

an important contribution to their discipline” (Jacobson)

• definitions and background information

• information about the relevance (purpose) of technical information, equations, and ideas presented (e.g. “The following theorem shows that . . . .and will be used to . . .”) (Jacobson)

Basic Structuring Strategies

Specific

Provide section overviews / previews & closing summaries Provide background for readers Use visuals to show the scope of your research Start paragraphs with topic sentences Provide context for your work and for formulas, examples,etc.

Evidence & Support: e.g., technical info., equations, data, examples, reasoning

General(link to familiar information, context) Background

Claim

Providing Context First Carpendale suggests this basic set of moves:

WHAT WHY HOW What’s the problem Why it’s important How you addressed it

“I like to see an introductory chapter in which the

problem and its significance are described at a fairly high level, followed by an overview of the work the

student has done in order to address the problem. This is often not done very well, especially the discussion of

the problem’s significance.” (Jacobson)

Providing Context First Example of an opening (Zobel, 2004, p. 32)

X In this paper we describe a new programming language with matrix manipulation operators.

Most numerical computation is dedicated to manipulation of matrices, but matrix operations are difficult to implement efficiently in current high-level programming languages. In this paper we describe a new programming language with matrix manipulation operators.

handout

Structuring your Thesis Front matter: Title page, approval page, abstract,

acknowledgements, table of contents, list of tables, list of figures, list of abbreviations

Ch. 1: Introduction Ch. 2: Conceptual Foundations (Background) Ch. 3: Related Research (Literature Review) Ch. 3: Methods Ch. 4: Results Ch. 5: Discussion Ch. 6: Conclusion End matter: References, appendices

Body chapters may vary depending on the thesis; e.g., chapters may present new work or report on testing or case studies. In some cases, body chapters will resemble research articles.

Structuring Sections1 Introduction 1

1.1 Background . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11.2 Motivation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11.3 Thesis Objectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31.4 Thesis Contributions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3

1.4.1 Wireless-side Measurement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41.4.2 Overview of Results . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

1.5 Thesis Organisation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 Background 10

2.1 Local Area Networks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 102.2 Protocols . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . … 102.3 Network Model . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11

2.3.1 Physical Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112.3.2 Data Link Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122.3.3 Network Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132.3.4 Transport Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142.3.5 Application Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

2.4 Packet Encapsulation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152.5 IEEE 802.11 WLAN Standards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 162.6 IEEE 802.11 WLAN Components . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 172.7 IEEE 802.11 Architecture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . 182.8 IEEE 802.11 Framing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 212.9 IEEE 802.11 Frame Types . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

2.9.1 Management Frames . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 262.9.2 Control Frames . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27

2.10 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ….. 28 (Mehanti, 2006)

Use informative headings for subsections

Try to keep to two or three levels of headings

At each level, try to keep headings parallel grammatically (e.g., all nouns or noun phrases)

Example

Crafting a Title Make it specific; include key words

Avoid potentially unfamiliar acronyms and ambiguous terms

Revise for conciseness and to rephrase long noun chains

Weak: A study of chipmunk muscle tissue ion channel amino acid activation parameters

Better: Amino acid activation of ion channels in chipmunk muscle tissue

(Example from Matthews, Bowen, & Matthews, 2000, p. 66)

Writing the Abstract

A brief summary of your project

One or more paragraphs

– Master’s thesis: 150 words max.

– Doctoral dissertation: 350 words max.

Example

Global gene expression of cellsattached to a tissue engineering scaffold Klapperich, C. M. & Bertozzi, C. in Biomaterials; Nov2004, Vol. 25 Issue 25, p5631-

A goal of tissue engineering is to produce a scaffold material that will guide cells to differentiate and regenerate functional replacement tissue at the site of injury. Little is known about how cells respond on a molecular level to tissue engineering scaffold materials. In this work we used oligonucleotide micro-arrays to interrogate gene expression profiles associated with cell–biomaterial interactions. We seeded collagen–glycosa-minoglycan meshes, a widely used tissue engineering scaffold material, with human IMR-90 fibroblasts and compared transcript levels with control cells grown on tissue culture polystyrene. Genes involved in cell signaling, extracellular matrix remodeling, inflammation, angiogenesis and hypoxia were all activated in cells on the collagen–GAG mesh. Understanding the impact of a scaffold on attached cells will facilitate the design of improved tissue engineering materials. [128 words]

Context / problem

Purpose / focus of study

Method

Findings

Significance

Example

Consider how the opening sentences add to readability and clarity for the reader

Writing the Introduction (Ch. 1) Introduce the broad research area & topic State the research problem or question Establish its significance Mention existing solutions & their limitations Outline the proposed new solution Indicate the purpose and objectives of the

study (e.g. to identify…; to determine…; to measure…; to evaluate…; to develop…)

Include hypotheses (if applicable) Indicate the study’s scope and limitations

Considering Significanceof your Thesis Research(Friedland & Folt, 2000)

Potentialsignificance ofthe research

Empiricalcontributions(information)

Theoreticalcontributions(understanding)

Contributionsto other fields

How others mightuse your research

Short- vs long-term importance

Methodological/technological contributions

Considerelementsseparately

Consideranalogoussystems

Educational orsocietal benefits

Reviewing the Literature

A literature review situates your research intothe larger research context by

Reviewing previous research Synthesizing it into a summary of “what is and

isn’t known” Relating it to your research question Identifying points of controversy Suggesting questions for further research

(Taylor, 2001, p. 1)

Reviewing the Literature (2)Tornquist (1986) suggests the following

approach:

1. Establish the existence and importance of the problem or question

2. Discuss research . . . done on the question

3. Present your conceptual framework and discuss how this framework or model has been applied in your problem area

4. Point out flaws or gaps in the research 5. Conclude with the purpose of your work (p.10)

Reviewing the Literature (3) Organize your review thematically

– look at key concepts in your research

– use subsections with informative headings

– group related pieces of research

Move from broad to highly relevant work, from theoretical to empirical, from known to unknown (Tornquist, 1986)

Describe highly relevant work in more detail

Reviewing the Literature (4)

Use appropriate tenses:

– Researcher actions - past tense

• Smith (2003) studied…; Pell (2004) found…

– Research in general – present perfect

• Research has shown…;…has been studied

– Conclusions drawn - present tense

• Response time depends on…(Pell, 2004)

Describing Methods “A methodology is not just a list of research tasks but

an argument as to why these tasks add up to the best attack on the problem” (Przeworski & Salomon, 2004, p. 1)

Summarize the research design– Approach, research questions & hypotheses

Describe the research setting & sample- Population, sample, sample size; sampling method; recruitment

Explain (& justify) the intervention, procedures and tools for data collection and analysis– Address variables, measurement, sources of bias, etc.

Outline research ethics considerations For guidelines, see http://www.ucalgary.ca/UofC

/research/html/ethics/poli_guide.html

Describing Methods (3)

Use headings to organize information

Be as specific as possible

Include references for methods

For novel approaches, justify methods in more detail

Presenting Results

Summarize the research; describe the sample

Present the study findings

Connect findings to your research question, objectives, and hypotheses

Discussing Results & Concluding Summarize major findings Connect findings to your research questions,

objectives, and hypotheses Highlight the meaning of the findings and

relate the findings to the literature– Do they support previous research or theory?

Discuss limits to generalizability of the findings Discuss applications to theory development and

implications for practice Indicate directions for future research

Using Appendices

Use appendices for detailed information related to research methods or results

Label as Appendix A, B, C, & title each

Revising for Coherence(Gopen & Swan, 1990, p. 550)

Table ATime (min) Temp (C°)

0 25

3 27

6 29

9 31

12 32

15 32

Table BTemp (C°) Time (min)

25 0

27 3

29 6

31 9

32 12

32 15

Which table is easier to read and understand?Principle: Provide context on the left

Revising for Coherence:the Given New strategy

Example:

I know Jack well.

In fact, he has been a friend of mine for 4 years.

Begin with Then provide New information--Given (familiar the info to emphasize or “old”) information end of sentence = stress position

Paragraph A “The porous channels of reservoir rock can be subjected to

forced flow of very large volumes of water as a result of deliberate efforts to inject fluids into under-ground reservoirs or, in an attempt to duplicate this process in the laboratory, from sustained flooding of several times the pore volume through a reservoir core. The reduction of permeability which can occur as a result of flowing such large amounts of water may be caused by a number of factors; such as, clay swelling, fines mobilization, bacterial growth, etc. Bacteria existing in fluids and cores used for research purposes can affect permeability measurements, polymer retention, and can result in misinterpretation of fluid mobility.” What makes this passage hard to read?

(Ionescu-Fornicoiov & Masata, 1985, p. 1) The Effect of Water Quality on Laboratory Core Floods. PRI. [Words/Sentence: 54, 34, 24 = 112]

Example

1. Sentence length

2. Placement of new information

Paragraph A revised Very large volumes of water can be forced through

the porous channels of reservoir rock underground. This process can be duplicated in the laboratory, using reservoir core samples, to measure [such things as] permeability, polymer retention, and fluid mobility. However, as water is forced through the porous rock, it may cause clay to swell, fines to be mobilized, and bacteria to grow, all of which may reduce permeability. Bacteria present in the flooding water or the cores used for research can affect permeability measurements and polymer retention and can lead researchers to misinterpret fluid mobility. [Words/Sentence = 16, 23, 29, 27 = 95]

Revising for Coherence

For example, open sentences by

– Repeating the grammatical subject or using a replacement pronoun (e.g., it, this…, they)

– Using a logical connectors linking given to new information (e.g., therefore, as a result, however)

PRINCIPLE:Begin sentences with given (familiar) information. Present new information in the stress position at the end of the sentence.

Handout 2

Defining & UsingSpecialized Terminology

Watch for these common problems:

Using concepts (terms) before defining them

Using terminology inconsistently (e.g. switching from correctness to functional correctness)

Defining terms imprecisely or in non-standard ways

Confusing terms; making up terms

Overusing acronyms and abbreviations, especially non-standard ones

CPSC Dictionaries at U of C

Facts on File Dictionary of Computer ScienceEd. By John Daintith. Rev. Ed. 2006. [On order.]

Elsevier's Dictionary of Computer Science and Mathematics : in English, German, French, and Russian. 1995.Deliiska, Bor´i`ana. [QA76.15 .D44313 1995]

Integrating Quotations & Equations Effectively Quote only when the original wording (not just the

idea) is important

Never start a sentence with a quotation, an equation, a symbol, or a number; always provide a lead-in

Integrate equations grammatically into a sentence and punctuate normally

For other guidelines, see “Writing Mathematics” by the London Mathematical Society, available at http://tinyurl.co.uk/3990

handout

Revising for Precision + Clarity Check for vague uses of it and this

weak: This should be studied further.

better: This problem should be... This phenomenon... This approach...

Be specific in topic sentences

The pronouns here could be made more specific: Although we do not know of anyone using this type of measure to gauge the performance of a robot, we believe that this is a valid measure when comparing the performance of a robot to that of an animated character because the purpose of the scale is to quantify what they refer to as “the perceptual illusion of nonmediation.” [Kidd, 2003, p. 33]

Revising for Precision + Clarity Use “I” when it makes sense to do so

(e.g., in describing your actions). Use “We” for co-authored papers.

Use “We” = I, the writer,+ you, the reader Good: “If we assume that v = . . .”

Avoid questionable uses of “we” in a single-authored thesis Weak: “We recruited 10 subjects…” Better: “My research team and I recruited…”

Weak: “In this thesis, we present…”; “In Ch. 4, we evaluate….”

Better: “This thesis presents…”; “In Ch. 4, I evaluate…”

Revising for Precision + Clarity Avoid shifts in person (e.g., to “you”):

e.g., If we produce a software system that has terrible reliability, we lose because no one would want to buy it. If on the other hand you spend infinite time, extremely large effort, huge sums of money to build absolutely perfect piece of software, then it . . . will be so expensive to produce that we will be out of business anyway. (Bhawnani, 2006, p. 9).

Second person (you) First person (I, we) Third person (they) (esp. hypothetical) [real second person]

Informal Formal

Revising for Precision + Clarity Check all uses of they and their and try

to make the referents plural

Weak: A cyclist must check their equipment regularly.

Better: Cyclists must check their equipment regularly.

HINT: Use plural forms for generalizations

Revising for Precision + Clarity

Check the its / it’s distinction

Its = the possessive form (e.g., The firm changed its name.)

It’s = it is OR it has (It’s clear that we . . .)

Consider whether descriptors need to be made more specific

weak: A large increase in processing speed…

better: A 20% increase…Handout 1

Checking for Parallelism in Lists

Principle:Items in a list should be grammatically and conceptually parallel (See handout)

Example: “Their responsibilities should include:

• Dispatching deliveries that do not go directly ...• Completing Receiving Reports for deliveries• Tagging equipment that is university or state-owned• Working with vendors to process damage claims…• Receiving, processing, and selling surplus

equipment” (Arthur Andersen, n.d., Sec. 1, p. 9)

Revising for Economy

“Vigorous writing is concise. A sentenceshould contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.” (Strunk & White, 1979, p. 23)

Revising for Economy

Edit wordy “it is” and “there are” phrases e.g. “It is possible to...” (can, may)

Eliminate unnecessary words: e.g. The values [which are] given here . . .

Watch for doubled verbs e.g., We focus on providing = we provide

Eliminate wordy phrases e.g. at this point in time = currently

Check uses of “exist” and “being”

Editing for Semi-colonsUse a semi-colon to separate items in complex lists, or to join complete ideas but only where a period

could be used.

.Complete idea; complete idea.

Complete idea; however*, complete idea*furthermore, indeed, in fact, therefore, in contrast, for example

Example:There is nothing inhuman about an intelligent machine; it is indeed an expression of those superb intellectual capabilities that only human beings, of all the creatures on our planet, now possess (Sagan, 1980, p. 292).

Editing for ColonsUse a colon to signal a general specific relationship, but

only after a complete idea that could standas a sentence on its own

.Complete idea: word, phrase, list, equation, quotation, sentence

Examples:The relationship between energy and mass is given in Einstein’s famous equation: E = mc2.

There are three ways to increase storagecapacity: ……., ………, and ………

Editing for i.e. vs e.g.

Use these abbreviations only within parentheses or notes.

i.e. = id est = that is, namely, in other words The group’s three members (i.e., Joan, Jen, and Tom)

were away at a conference. [i.e. introduces a complete list]

e.g., = exempli gratia = for example When editing, concentrate first on higher-level concerns,

leaving lower-level concerns (e.g., pronoun use) until later. [e.g. introduces an example]

Editing for Which vs That

Use which (+ commas or dashes or parentheses) for extra information

e.g. The University of Calgary, which I attended, now has over 25,000 students. [Note that the “which” phrase could be cut]

Use that for essential (or defining) information e.g. The university that I attended has an excellent

co-op program for undergraduate students.

Editing for Affect vs Effect

Write affect when you mean act on e.g. This issue affects us all.

Write effect when you mean side-effect or consequence

e.g., This policy had the unexpected effect of lowering turnover in our district office.

Editing for Citations

Always cite a source for ideas, information, or words from a source.

Always include quotation marks (or block indentation) when taking wording from a source

Check paraphrases for following sources too closely

Sample APA citations for paraphrased passages:

Barlman and Trey (2001) investigated the impact of viruses in large organizations. They found that organizations are vulnerable if individuals fail to keep virus definitions up to date, as internal firewalls are rare. [Example from Zobel, 2004, p. 218]

Computer viruses have become increasingly virulent over the last five years (Smith & Blue, 2004; Woo, 2003).

In-text Citations: APA

Sample APA format for a quoted passage <40 words:

Webber (2006) says that “American corporations have…been engaged in…cynical behavior” (p. 7).

Sample APA format for a quoted passage >40 words:Webber (2006) links managers’ over-reliance on numbers to questionable business practices:

American corporations have for some time been engaged in what can be described as cynical behavior: taking aggressive accounting measures, engaging in short-term expediencies to improve results, too often displaying little concern for the impact of their actions on employees and communities. (p. 7)

In-text Citations: APA

In-Text Citations: APAIn your paper, cite web sites as you do print sources:

e.g., (Webber, 2006)

Use n.p. if page number is unavailable (Webber, 2006, n.p.)

Use n.d. if no date is available (Webber, n.d., n.p.)

In the Reference list, include retrieval information:

Library and Archives Canada. (2003). Manager’s guide to

multiple format production. Retrieved August 29, 2006,

from http://www.collectionscanada.ca/accessinfo/

s36-202.001-e.html

Check for Paraphrasingtoo Closely (Example from Zobel, 2004, p. 217-218)

Original (Barlman and Trey, 2001): The impact of viruses has become a major issue in many large organizations, but most still rely on individual users maintaining virus definitions, with no internal firewalls to protect one user from another.

Unacceptable paraphrase:Viruses have become a major issue in many large organizations, but most organizations still rely on users maintaining virus definitions on their individual computers, with no internal firewalls to protect one computer from another (Barlman & Trey, 2001).

Sample APA Reference List

References

Bond, A.E., Draeger, C. R. L., Mandleco,

B., & Donnelly, M. (2003). Needs of

family members of patients with severe

traumatic brain injury: Implications for

evidence-based practice. Critical Care

Nurse 23 (4), 63-72.

Burnett, R., & Shepherd McKee, J. (2003).

Technical communication. Scarbor-

ough, ON: Thomson Nelson.

• Start a new page

• List sources alpha-betically by first author’s last name

• Double-space and use hanging indent

•Include all sources cited in the paper—except for personal communications.

•Use initials rather than authors’ full first names

•Capitalize only the first letter of book and article titles

References & ResourcesAlley, M. (1996). The Craft of scientific writing. New York: Springer.Friedland, A. J., & Folt, C. L. (2000). Writing successful science proposals. New Haven CT: Yale UP.Gopen, G. D., & Swan, J. A. (1990). The science of scientific writing. American Scientist, 78, 550-558.Hart, C. (1998.) Doing a literature review. Thousand Oaks CA: Sage.Higham, N. (1998). Handbook of writing for the mathematical sciences. Philadelphia: Society for

Industrial and Applied Mathematics.Kidd, C. (2003). Sociable robots: the role of presence and task in human-robot interaction. (Master’s

thesis, U of Calgary, 2006). Retrieved September 19, 2006, from

http://web.media.mit.edu/~coryk/papers/Kidd_MS_thesis.pdf Matthews, J. R., Bowen, J. M., & Matthews, R. W. (2000). Successful

scientific writing. Cambridge: Cambridge UP.North Dakota State University. (n.d.) Guidelines for M.S. Thesis/PhD Research Proposal. Retrieved

May 3, 2005, from http://www.ndsu.nodak.edu/HNES/Graduate%20Stuff/ms.thesis.guid…Przeworski, A., & Salomon F. (2004). The art of writing proposals:

Some candid suggestions for applicants to Social Science Research Council competitions. Retrieved April 10, 2004, from http://www.ssrc.org/ publications/for-fellows/art_of_writing_proposals.page.

Strunk, W., & White, E. B. (1979). The elements of style (3rd ed.). New York: Macmillan.Thomas, S. A. (2000). How to write health sciences papers, dissertations and theses. Toronto:

Churchill Livingstone.Tornquist, E. (1986). From proposal to publication: An informal guide to

writing about nursing research. Don Mills ON: Addison-Wesley.Ullmer, B. A. (2002). Tangible interfaces for manipulating aggregates of digital information (Doctoral

dissertation, MIT, 2003). Retrieved September 19, 2006, from http://alumni.media.mit.edu/~ullmer/dissertation/

Zobel, J. (2004). Writing for computer science. London: Springer.