Effective Match Supervision Notes...EffectiveMatchSupervision(Notes(2/19/13& &...
Transcript of Effective Match Supervision Notes...EffectiveMatchSupervision(Notes(2/19/13& &...
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Effective Match Supervision Notes 2/19/13
My hope is to help you and your mentoring ministry become more effective in your match supervision process. It does not have to be overwhelming. There are processes you can put in place that make it very manageable. Supervision is essential to keeping your mentors, protégés, and families’ safe, keeping your mentoring matches long-‐term, growing your mentoring ministry, and helping transform the lives of the youth and families you serve. I will share with you some of the basics of supervision, go over some of the latest research, and give you some practical information and resources that you can use. This is the overarching thought to keep in mind as we talk about Supervision: The key to effective mentoring is that the mentor and protégé develop a trusting relationship. It is through a trusting relationship that transformation and change occurs. A mentor and protégé cannot just be matched and left to their own devices. Research shows that it is not safe or effective. That is why having a supervisor is so imperative. The supervisor is the one that helps make the mentoring match work and keeps the mentoring ministry safe and effective. Let me note that there are other terms that you can interchange with supervision such as coaching, facilitating, or supporting the match.
Learning Objectives
Participants will learn: 1. How to get mentoring matches off to a good start. 2. How to help matches develop a strong trusting relationship. 3. How the supervisor helps the parent / caregiver support the match. 4. What mentors need from their match supervisors. 5. How to keep mentors long-‐term.
Definition:
• Supervision is the process of overseeing the development of a healthy relationship between a mentor and protégé.
• This process involves consistent contact with the mentor, youth, and parent from the time that the
match is made until it is officially ended.
• The coach assists the mentor in developing a friendship that will help the protégé reach his/her God-‐given potential.
Here are the 5 main things you want to focus on as a Supervisor
Five Main Objectives of Supervision 1. To help new matches establish a friendship and build trust 2. To help monitor the match 3. To provide support, encouragement and guidance 4. To work with mentors to develop strategies that will help protégés reach their God-‐given potential 5. To bring closure to matches as they end
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What the Research Says “..one of the strongest conclusions that can be drawn from the research on mentoring is the importance of providing mentors with support in their efforts to build trust and develop a positive relationship with youth. Volunteers and youth cannot be simply matched and left to their own devices; programs need to provide an infrastructure that fosters the development of effective relationships 1.” “More specifically, research has found that:
• Programs in which professional staff provides regular support to mentors are more likely to have matches that meet regularly and participants who are satisfied with their relationships.
• Programs in which mentors are not contacted regularly by staff have the greatest percentage of failed matches – those that don’t meet consistently and thus never develop into relationships.
• Mentors (and consequently, their protégé’s) benefit tremendously from the support they receive from program staff. While pre-‐match orientation and training can prepare mentors for some of the possible challenges ahead, ongoing monitoring, training, and related activities provide the practical and moral support that mentors need to keep meeting with the youth and get through the rough spots 2.”
Key Facts
• Mentors who fail to keep their commitment to their protégé’s cause more harm than good. • Good supervisors help build longer mentoring relationships – longer relationships yield more
positive outcomes for the youth and the mentor. • The common denominator for at-‐risk youth making it, is that they had one trusting relationship
with an adult outside their family.
How to get Mentoring Matches Off to a Good Start We can see that research shows that the key to mentoring is that a trusting relationship is developed between the mentor and protégé. Building a trusting relationship is also the key for supervision.
1. Be the Model for the Relationship-‐ You model to the mentor, protégé, and parent how to develop a trusting relationship – (Initiate contact, Listen, Understand, and Encourage) • Primary: with the Mentor • Secondly: with the Parent • Thirdly: with the Protégé
2. Be Proactive – • Contact the match as scheduled • Help the match with scheduling and make sure they are meeting • Try to foresee problems before they happen • Deal with problems promptly
3. Be Available – • Let them know how to reach you
How to Help Matches Develop a Strong Trusting Relationship
Jean Rhodes, in her book, Stand By Me, explores the very heart of change in a mentoring relationship. “She has concluded that mentors can influence their protégé’s in three important ways:
a. By enhancing social skills and emotional well-‐being. b. By improving cognitive skills through dialogue and listening. c. By serving as a role model and advocate.
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She says that it is important to note that none of these beneficial changes can occur until the mentor and protégé establish an emotional bond 3.” Research goes on to show, “that if an emotional bond is not developed in a mentoring relationship, then the youth and mentor may disengage from the match before the mentoring relationship lasts long enough to have a positive impact on the youth 4.” It is imperative that the Supervisor helps the match get off to a good start of developing a trusting bond. Trust Chart – Here is a general model of how three different types of youth develop trust. Trust is built as the mentor:
• Meets consistently with the protégé • Focuses on building a friendship • Involves the youth in the planning of activities • Begins to understand the protégé’s world
Here are some of the key things you can do as a supervisor to facilitate trust being built: Pre-‐match
• Provide pre-‐match training for the mentors on how to attune to the child and their needs. How to enter into their worldview by asking questions, listening, empathizing, and not being judgmental.
• Match mentor and protégé that have some things in common, similar interests, or like doing some similar activities. Research by Carla Herrera and colleague’s shows, “similar interests emerged as one of the most important factors in determining the closeness and supportiveness of the match (Rhodes, 85). 5”
At matchmaking meeting • Facilitate the matchmaking meeting and go over all of the program rules and guidelines with the
mentor, parent, and protégé. (Making a Match) • Help match set up their first outing. It is not always feasible, but if you can have the match set a
consistent date and time that they can meet weekly that can really be helpful. Post-‐match
• Contact the mentor, parent, and protégé at the recommended Contact Schedule. • Try to help foresee and trouble shoot potential issues and problems that you might see hindering
the match early on. • Encourage the mentor to focus on the protégé and their needs. • Have the mentor include the protégé in planning what they will do on outings. Research shows
that it is important for the mentor to involve the youth in the planning of the outings. • Encourage the match to start off doing some fun & interactive activities. This helps with them
getting to know each other. (Activity List) • If the match is really starting off slow or the protégé is very shy you can meet up with the match
for an outing and try to help or you can try to have them go on an outing with another match that has a child a similar age.
• Have the focus of the match be more about the social interaction than strictly being task or goal focused. Studies show that social interaction is key to forming a close mentoring relationship.
How the Supervisor Helps the Parent/Caregiver Support the Match
Your relationship and investment in the parent is going to help the match succeed
1. Develop a trusting relationship over time a. Regular contact b. Show genuine care and concern for their family
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c. Follow through on commitments 2. Support – help them put support systems in place
a. Emotional – Listen, understand, and validate them – Mothers Match b. Physical – Advocate – school/court, Food, Clothing c. Spiritual – Pray, Connect with church
(Parent Story) What Mentors Need from Their Match Supervisors
Preliminary guidance: family intake information
• Family background – who is in the family, stability, jobs, who lives in the home • Special issues that may occur – learning disabilities, medical allergies, other siblings mentored
How to contact the supervisor Supervisor should model the ministry to the mentor
• Initiating contact • Listening • Understanding • Patience • Acceptance • Encouragement
Ongoing guidance: work on these the first couple months of the match
• How to build a relationship and establish trust • How to handle conflict • What happens if the child does not respond? • What happens if the family interferes?
Accountability: Encouraging them to remain faithful to their commitment Support:
• Spiritual • Emotional • Resource
Evaluation • Semi-‐annual and annual evaluations • Closure
How to Keep Mentors Long-‐term
Keeping Mentors Encouraged
• Praying for them regularly and with them when you can. • Staying in regular contact with them and giving them feedback and assurance. It is helpful to
validate them by letting them know that you know mentoring is challenging and it requires sacrifice and commitment. (10 Signs of Success)
• Letting them know that you are there for them whenever they need it. • Setting some goals with them and helping them stay accountable. (Goal Sheet) • Send them thank you cards or emails to let them know how much you appreciate them. • Have the protégé and family send them a thank you card. • Getting them resources that will be helpful to them – (articles &books).
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• Providing ongoing training to help the mentor feel competent and confident. • Provide some fun group events where they can interact with other mentoring matches. • Provide free passes to fun local events. • Have a yearly awards party that you recognize the mentoring matches. Come up with some
awards that would be encouraging to the mentors. • Remind them of their past successes within their match. • Contact their pastor and brag on the mentor. • Have the mentor get involved in recruiting friends to mentor. It can be fun to have a good friend
who is also mentoring a child. You can do stuff together from time to time. It can increase the morale for both matches.
Casting Vision
• Reminding them that mentoring works. • Pointing them back to the Biblical basis of mentoring. They are fulfilling the Great Commission. • Giving them a long-‐term perspective. Tell success stories. Raise their sights beyond the current
challenges and see the bigger picture. Encourage them to dream with their protégés regarding the future that God has in store for them and then take steps to help them accomplish their dreams.
(Mentor Story)
NOTES
1. Sipe, C.L. (1999). Mentoring adolescents: What have we learned? In Grossman, J.B. (Ed.), Contemporary issues in mentoring. (p. 17). Philadelphia: Public/Private Ventures.
2. Sipe,C.L.(1999).Mentoring adolescents: What have we learned? In Grossman, J.B. (Ed.), Contemporary issues in mentoring. (p. 17). Philadelphia: Public/Private Ventures. Also see Sipe, C.L. (1996). Mentoring: A synthesis of P/PV's research: 1988-‐1995. Philadelphia: Public/Private Ventures; and C. Herrea, L. Sipe, and W. S. MeClanahan, Mentoring School-‐Aged Children: Relationship Development in Community-‐Based and School-‐Based Programs (Philadelphia: Public/Private Ventures, 2000)
3. Rhodes, Jean (2004). Stand By Me. **Rhodes p. 35 4. C. Herrea, L. Sipe, and W. S. MeClanahan, Mentoring School-‐Aged Children: Relationship
Development in Community-‐Based and School-‐Based Programs (Philadelphia: Public/Private Ventures, 2000) **Rhodes p.36
5. C. Herrea, L. Sipe, and W. S. MeClanahan, Mentoring School-‐Aged Children: Relationship Development in Community-‐Based and School-‐Based Programs (Philadelphia: Public/Private Ventures, 2000) **Rhodes p.85
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Parent Story
The mentoring ministry I was worked with initially got involved with a family while the mom was in a residential drug rehab program overcoming a drug addiction. She had a son and daughter that we matched with mentors. The mentors and their church did a great job of reaching out to the mom and served her in many ways. She actually started attending the church and accepted Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior. This lady’s two kids had been in our mentoring program for over two years at this point and I started coaching another one of her younger daughters. I had coached that match for about a year. I made one of my routine monthly calls to the mom and I could tell by her voice that she was very stressed. I asked her what was wrong. She started crying and said it had been a horrible couple of weeks. Her job cut her hours back and now she was not going to be able to pay her rent along with other bills. She found a less expensive apartment, but they needed to move in the next couple of days. She said that she really wanted to go out and get high. She said she knew that was not what God would want, but that is what she felt like doing. I told her that I was sorry that she was in such a tough situation and that if I were in her shoes I would be stressed too. I let her know that I had never been in a situation quite like that, but that when I was in difficult situations what always helped me was to ask God for help. I asked her if I could pray for her. She said that would be great. So I prayed with her and when I finished she said your call today was a divine appointment. You listening and praying for me is just what I needed. You never know when God is going to give you an opportunity to minister to a parent. I was not able to solve all of her problems, but she knew that I cared about her and her family.
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Norman & Dylan Norman was 71 and Dylan was 12 when they were first matched. Norman and Dylan have been matched for over 5 ½ years. Dylan was a high-‐risk kid because of his family situation. Dylan’s dad was out of the picture and his mom struggled with serious depression. We actually had another boy in mind for Norman because we did not know if he could handle a boy like Dylan. Norman said he felt like God was leading him to mentor Dylan and so that is how it all started. Norman and Dylan hit it off from the very beginning. They really enjoyed hanging out with each other. Norman was a retired farmer, so he introduced Dylan to the farm and he loved it. Norman also got Dylan involved in the Upward Basketball program at his church. About a year into their match Norman had to have heart surgery. Norman and Dylan had already developed a close relationship by this time. This was a major surgery and there was a chance that he may not recover well. This challenging time grew their bond even stronger. Norman did recover well and has been going strong ever since. Their match has not been a smooth ride. There have been many bumps in the road along the way. Dylan has always struggled in school. He has some learning disabilities and so he would often get overwhelmed with schoolwork and end up getting into trouble. Norman had many visits with schoolteachers, counselors, and principals. Dylan got locked up in Juvenile Detention for extended times 3 or 4 different times during their match. Norman would always make it a point to go and visit Dylan each week at the facilities. When I think of Norman and the challenges he had with Dylan, I think of the quote, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. God has used Norman to make good out of bad situations. As Norman visited Dylan so many times at these Juvenile Detention facilities he got to know many of the other kids that were there as well. He felt God calling him to reach out to them. A year ago, Norman was ordained by his church and he is now a chaplain at a Juvenile Detention Facility. This has been an amazing match to watch. Norman has helped Dylan in his spiritual walk. Dylan prayed for the meal at the 2009 State of Kansas Mentoring Conference. Dylan also helped start a Bible study at one of the Juvenile Detention Facilities. Norman got Dylan a summer job on a farm where he drove a tractor and worked with cattle. Norman helped Dylan get his driver’s license a couple months ago. Norman helped Dylan complete his GED.
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Making a Match • Introductions – tell a little bit about each other – Need to break the ice and
start some rapport with the protégé, parent, and mentor. • The reason we have a mentoring program is because we care about families and
kids and we want to see the next generation better than our current one. Our services are free. We don’t get paid by state, Not a social service Agency.
• Mentoring is a big deal. What the mentor is committing to do is spend 2-3 hours a week for at least one year. Over the course of a year that is over 100 hours. Mentor does not get paid, but does it because they really care about kids.
• Boundaries – the time commitment is (2-3 hrs / wk). • Outings should be with the protégé only and not protégé’s siblings or friends. • If other siblings have mentors – set up expectations – they will be different • Communication problem –One of the most common problems is break down in
communication lines. The mentor and family are required to stay in contact with staff and notify us of any problems that may arise or if there is a change of address or phone #.
• We want the mentor and child to meet as consistently as possible. We realize that things may come up and it might be necessary to break an appointment. Please try to give the other party 24 hours notice if possible.
• The mentor should consult with the parent when setting up appointments. Mentor should inform parent what they are doing and when they will be back.
• The parent, family member, or friend should be home when the child is picked up and returns from an outing.
• We know the mentors well. We know the mentor has the child’s best interest in mind. When the mentor is with the child the mentor is the authority figure. We ask the child to respect the mentor and their belongings.
• Balanced relationship – goal is not to spoil child or always have fun – General Rule - 1/3 life skill, 1/3 spiritual, & 1/3 fun activities.
• If protégé is struggling in school you might recommend the mentor talking to the protégé’s teacher to see if they can be of help. (Need parents approval)
• Events – Inform them of events you have that you would like them to attend. • Sign friendship pact • I am your case manager – I will call you every other week for first 3 months and
once a month after that. Not to nag, but to help develop the relationship. Yearly check up. Reasons for Rematch. (end in first 3 months)
• Do you have any advice or input for the mentor and I on how to start the relationship off well with your child. (Is there anything important that we should know)
• Questions or concerns, PRAY and PICTURE, *** Releases signed *** • Set a few basic goals - Goal setting sheet & set up first meeting.
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TEN SIGNS OF SUCCESS
Success as a mentor is not based on how well the child does. It is marked by your faithfulness and love. Here are some ways that you can measure your success as a mentor. 1. Do I make my best attempt to meet weekly with my match?
2. Do I invest at least two to four hours a week of my time with my match?
3. Do I stick to my role: Building a friendship? 4. Do I plan activities based on the youth’s interest? 5. Do I listen intently? 6. Do I encourage my match and remain non-judgmental? 7. Do I communicate with my mentoring coach and follow the
program Mentoring Policy? 8. Do I always show respect for his or her family?
9. Do I pray daily for my match?
10. Do I attempt to reflect Jesus in my relationship?