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I

NTRODUCTION

I must have been about the age of seven(around 1995) when I was home fromschool one day, watching the GeraldoRivera Show. Now I don’t remember why Iwas home, or even why I was watching aday-time talk show at the age of seven, butI do remember the topic. That day’s showwas centered around the controversialtopic of the time, ADD, and I remembercalling my mother scared about what theguests were saying as I had just recentlybeen diagnosed with Attention DeficitDisorder. This would be my first recollec-tion of the largely negative opinion of ADDthat would soon begin to shape how I inter-preted my everyday life. While I may have

come a long way from my perception of thediagnosis from the age of seven, it still is afactor of my life as well as the daily lives ofmillions of others who share my diagnosisof Attention Deficit Disorder, more recentlyreferred to as Attention Deficit HyperactiveDisorder (ADHD).

Now as a graduate student studyingsociology, I am more aware than ever of mydiagnosis, and far more intuitive as to howit has affected my

socialization

, a continu-ing process whereby an individual acquiresa personal identity and learns the norms,values, behavior, and social skills appropri-ate to his or her social position (Appelrouthand Edles 2008). I am also aware of how onthe macro level the societal opinion of apositive ADD diagnosis can affect either

Ellen Maher has a BA in sociology from Western Michigan University, and is currently pursuing her Masters inApplied Sociology at the University of Massachusetts Boston. She hopes to pursue a career in policy evaluationupon graduation. Maher wrote this paper while enrolled in the course Soc. 605: “Applied Sociological Theory,”instructed by Mohammad H. Tamdgidi (Associate Professor of Sociology at UMass Boston) during the Fall 2010semester.

Drawing Attention to A Public DeficitSociological Self-Reflections on Growing Up with ADD

Ellen Maher

University of Massachusetts Boston––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

ellen.maher001@umb.edu

Abstract: This article explores my own personal struggles with Attention Deficit Disorder as wellas the larger implications of the disorder facing society as a whole through the lenses of bothmicro and macro sociological theories and concepts using a sociological imagination framework.It also works towards breaking down the common beliefs and misconceptions in society aboutwhat exactly having ADD entails, and how on a personal level one can work to combat thesemisconceptions. As a person with Attention Deficit Disorder taking the step of sharing her storyin this paper, I believe it is important to work toward a paradigm shift in how the world viewsADD, because for those who have ADD, the greatest barrier to the diagnosis is the publicperception.

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ISSN: 1540-5699. © Copyright by Ahead Publishing House (imprint: Okcir Press) and authors. All Rights Reserved.

HUMAN ARCHITECTURE

Journal of the Sociology of Self-

A Publication of OKCIR: The Omar Khayyam Center for Integrative Research in Utopia, Mysticism, and Science (Utopystics)

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positively or negatively one’s willingnessto disclose or admit their diagnosis, andhow it continues to shape and affectpeople’s lives throughout adulthood.

II. ADD A

S

A P

ERSONAL

T

ROUBLE

As a child I remember being hard tohandle, hyper, and prone to tempertantrum, but aren’t all children? Manypeople jump to the conclusion that becausetheir child is difficult he or she must haveADD, drawing conclusions merely fromtheir lifeworld rather than actual and care-ful examination of concrete circumstancessurrounding each case. According toAppelrouth and Edles (2008), lifeworld“refers to the world of existing assump-tions as they are experienced and mademeaningful in consciousness” (2008: 539).People have overlooked several of the keyfactors contributing to ADD and merelyfocused on what mass media has giventhem as a basis for their assumptions. Thereal and medical definition of the symp-toms involved in the diagnosis of ADD, orADHD, is far lengthier and involves anarray of different test for diagnosis.

In the lifeworld there are two separatespheres both the

public sphere

and

privatesphere.

The public sphere consists of themedia and open spaces, like schools where“actors engage in a struggle over influ-ences, that is, over the ability to shapepublic opinion in order to catapult an issueinto official, institutionalized politicalbodies” (Appelrouth and Edles 2008:725). Itis in the public sphere that we can see howthese lifeworld meanings arise and becomestereotypes or simple generalized beliefs.The private sphere of the lifeworld, incontrast, consists of the family. Here, therelationships are much more intimate. So,my ADD diagnosis was also placed in thecontext of my family’s knowledge of andattitudes toward me as a person.

In thebook

You mean I’m not Lazy, Stupid Or

Crazy?!,

Kaye Kelly and Peggy Ramundo,portray a scene of a difficult child in agrocery store throwing oranges, while theother shoppers stare disapprovingly on themother trying to discipline her child as bestas she could—which inevitably leads to atantrum on the part of the child (1993:29). Ican personally see being that child, and mymother gasping for some sort of explana-tion. Kelly and Ramundo write, “Many ofus have countless childhood memories ofsimilar scenes. We were reacting predict-ably to the ADD wiring in our brains whileour parents were trying to do the best theycould in a tough situation” (1993:29). Theessential part of the quote to notice is thereference to the brain. Many people have ageneral education on ADD and believe it issimply the inability to focus; so, theyassume anyone may have it.

While I was not diagnosed until the ageof seven, my mother told me that teachershad been urging her to get me on Ritalinand seek help, because my behavior wasnot just that of an overly excited or hyperchild. In “Delivered from Distraction:Living with Attention Deficit Disorder,”Edward Hallowell states, “Having ADD islike having a turbocharged race-car brain”(2005:4). It was not until my family made itsfirst big move from Arizona to Michiganand the influence of one particular teacher,that my mother finally gave in, consideringthe possibility that I may in fact have ADD.The move placed me in a battery of newand different situations that as a child werealready confusing. My frustrations andinability to understand the situations led tomore outbursts in class than those beforethe move. I was also at a crucial age inschool when rules of the classroom becomefar stricter. So, even though my behaviorhad tended to be seen as disruptive, newsymptoms were emerging in light of mynew city, and the new challenges I wasfacing at school. It was from then on thatthis diagnosis began to provide me withsome explanation as to why I could not

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focus, and why when something did notmake sense it resulted in anger and totalavoidance. According to Kelly andRamundo,

These negative cycles of interactionand reactions result from blame.Teachers of an underachieving stu-dent blame the parents for notproperly supporting the child’slearning. The parents blame theteachers for their incompetence.And everyone blames the child.These negative interpersonal cy-cles begin early in an ADD child’slife and impact in a variety of wayson her subsequent development.(1993:29)

At a young age, my perception of my

self—

or my ability to be both subject andobject to one’s self (Appelrouth and Edles2008:328)—was beginning to be shaped byshortcomings in school, and my eccentricways of behaving in social settings. Kellyand Ramundo also note that “personalitydevelops around the ADD handicap—theway each of us deals with our abilities anddisabilities is affected by our life experi-ences” (1993:29). While I knew that I was“different,” it was important to me toappear just like all the other kids, and thiswas something I worked on throughout mytime in the public school system, college—one that I continue to deal with to this day.Former SUNY-Oneonta student M. Goltrywrites in her article, “Theoretical Reflec-tions on Peer Judgments”:

We are all absorbed in a constantstruggle to nd ourselves. From thetime we are born, every experiencebecomes a piece in the puzzle thatmay or may not eventually inte-grate into the whole person. Bothsociety and ourselves play a majorrole in deciding what kind of peo-ple we will be. It is through our in-

teractions with others that we formopinions of ourselves. (Goltry2003:19)

What I was engaging in as a child with-out realizing it, and am still doing in myeveryday life, is what the sociologistCharles Horton Cooley called the

lookingglass self.

Cooley argued that the selfdevelops through its interactions withothers, specifically “the imagination of ourappearance to the other person, the imagi-nation of his judgment of that appearance,and some sort of self –feeling, such as prideor mortification (Appelrouth and Edles2008:313). I had

internalized

the idea thathaving ADD was negative based on how Iimagined others view and judge me, so Idid not want to project to my classmatesthis negative factor of my personality andbehavior.In other words, I had incorpo-rated a “specific interpretation of thecultural symbol” (Appelrouth and Edles2008:354) known as ADD into my everyday experience of the world. I had devel-oped an idea of how the people I would beinteracting with would judge my behavior;so, to avoid any sort of embarrassment Iwould usually just mimic the behaviors ofothers around me as best as I could. I hadthus taken what I took for granted to be theview of the

generalized other,

“the orga-nized set of attitudes that are common inthe group to which an individual belongs”(Appelrouth and Edles 2008:330). I hadinternalized what my group of peers haddeemed as normal and to the best of myability used

impression management

—or,“the verbal and non-verbal practices weemploy in an attempt to present an accept-able image of our self to others” (Appel-routh and Edles 2008:480)—to producesuch an image. I think this had both a posi-tive and negative effect on the develop-ment of my self. While I was in schoolworking toward presenting a good studentimage despite my lack of focus and drive, Iwas learning proper social behaviors or at

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least imitating them. In a way, I was engag-ing in what George H. Mead would refer toas the

game stage

of self development, i.e.,I was “able to move beyond simply takingthe role of particular others and assume theroles of multiple others simultaneously”(Appelrouth and Edles 2008:329).

While this helped me at a young age tolearn to better adapt to new and differentsituations, it has also taught me to put astrong emphasis on maintaining a “puttogether” appearance. To this day, I havethis fear of being embarrassed, being puton the spot and not knowing the answer,and most importantly being seen as anoverly emotional person. SociologistErving Goffman developed a perspectivecalled

dramaturgy

where one’s everydaylife is likened to a play. In this perspectivewe see where the division can be madebetween what I was trying to portray anddo in the

front stage, and

how I was reallyfeeling and doing in the

back stage

(Appel-routh and Edles 2008:486). While my frontstage may have involved attempting toshow restraint and present myself as beinga good student who was grasping theconcepts as well as my classmates, I wasmore or less just doodling on a piece ofpaper. My front stage was presenting a

character

—that is, “an image [or] managedimpression that is fabricated in concertwith others during an encounter” (Appel-routh and Edles 2008:488)—of a personwho was following the appropriate set ofrules. Backstage, though, I was fightingback tears of frustration and confusion.However, my need to be accepted by mypeers and teachers as a regular student wasmore important to me than compromisingthe act that was going on in the front stage.

In the school setting, I dealt with a lot offrustration and anger, but wanting to beseen as the average student, I did a lot of

emotion work

, “the efforts to alter (i.e.,manage) the intensity or type of feeling oneis experiencing” (Appelrouth and Edles2008:522). To this day as a twenty-three

year old graduate student, my everydaylife involves an abundance of emotionalwork. Kelly and Ramundo write,

We’re not exactly sure what causesthe problems with mood and emo-tions in ADD. We do know thatADDers often say they live onemotional roller coasters. Feelingstates fluctuate, with extreme alter-ations in the highs and lows overhours or even minutes. (1993:52)

Being a new student in graduate schoolin a brand new city, far from everythingfamiliar, I feel it is important for me to beable to control my emotions and present aconfident graduate student image. Whilesometimes I feel undeniably home sick andoverwhelmed, the constant expectationthat my emotional outbreaks may lead tonegative repercussions has become amatter of

operant conditioning

(Appel-routh and Edles 2008:439) leading me tooften think that it is best to put on a happyface and wait ‘till I get home.

From a very young age I wasconstantly told that school was not theplace for such outburst, and that my behav-ior was not appropriate. In the book“Adults with Learning Disabilities” NoelGregg, Cheri Hoy, and Alice F. Gray write,“Radical behaviorism focuses on the rela-tionships between behaving persons, thesettings, the conditions of behavior beingobserved, and the consequences of behav-ior in context” (1998:24). In the schoolsetting and the context of being in a class,the consequences of my actions usually leftme alone in the hall for disrupting the class.As I progressed in the school system thesebehaviors where further reinforced andinternalized. According to Gregg et al., anddespite its narrow focus on observablebehaviors,

[b]ehaviorism provides a method-ology to help adults with learning

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disabilities to gain the skills, eitheracademic or social, to improvetheir current status through in-struction. If behavior is seen aschangeable, not all inherent in theindividual, change is a realisticgoal. (1998:27)

Even though Behaviorism sought onlyto explain the observable behaviors, whichare predominant in the life of an ADDperson, however, what is of more impor-tance is the inner, mental process going onbehind the scenes of the behavior. And thehuman brain plays an important role inmaking such a mental process possible. Aspreviously mentioned, the brain and how itfunctions is key to the diagnosis of ADD; itis not just the behavior or lack of focus. Thebrain activity and the resulting mentalprocess that makes us seem this way alsomust be acknowledged. George HerbertMead thus initiated a new theoreticalframework for understanding the self thatexpanded on the crude Behaviorist conceptto include the idea that the process of innerthinking and feeling, and what goes on inthe mind, itself is a behavior, one that mustalso be understand as arising in a socialcontext. Mead labeled the idea as

socialbehaviorism

(Appelrouth and Edles2008:313). When talking about ADD it isimportant to look at behavior. But moreimportantly, one should look at what goeson behind the scenes in the mind as Meaddid. To understand the behavior of some-one with ADD, it is not sufficient to justobserve their behaviors, but also to be ableto understand what goes on in their mind,how they think and feel and sense in theeveryday life—in short, to be able to putoneself in their shoes. This is also oneimportant reason why it is important forme to be writing this paper and sharing myexperience with others.

Attention Deficit Disorder is character-ized by an overactive mind, which oftenleads to impulsive behavior and can affect

all realms of a person’s life. In their book

ADHD in Adults

authors Russell A. Barkley,Kevin R. Murphy, and Mariellen Fischerwrite:

Anecdotal accounts of adults withADHD have repeatedly noted theirdifficulties in a variety of domainsof major life activities, includingworkplace behavior and occupa-tional functioning, educational set-tings, social functioning, dating ormarital relations and behavior incommunity activities. (2008:130)

Kelly and Ramundo (2006) also speakin their work to the difficulties the ADDpopulation has in each of these situations,and they attribute them to the idea thatmost people with ADD create differentways to “get by” in different situations byadjusting or coping with the different chal-lenges. Each of these roles requires particu-lar

stocks of knowledge

, which

…provide actors with rules forinterpreting interaction, social rela-tionships, organizations, institu-tions, and the physical world. It isonly with the stock of knowledgethat one is able to imaginativelyexplore courses of action otherthan those he already knows.(Appelrouth and Edles 2008:541)

I have successfully made it throughcollege, I have worked at a full-time job,and I have what I would consider veryhealthy and successful social relationships,without turning to ADD as a crutch orexcuse. However, I would be lying if I saidthat each of these things did not require meto use a clear and defined stock of knowl-edge on how to act within each of theseareas of life.

Growing up with ADD, and notdisclosing it, I have always made it a pointto at least appear to be a good student, no

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matter how difficult actually doing thework was, and that came at the cost ofknowing how I personally need to go aboutachieving my goals in the educationalworld. My attention span is extremelyshort and the workload is extremely large. Iknow I must adjust my behavior and putmyself in a situation that will allow me tofocus. Within the educational realm of mylife, it was of utmost importance to me tonot let the teacher know that I had ADD; Idid not want to be seen on different levelthan any of the other students. I did notwant to get through college and think that Ihad received any special treatment. When Iwas in high school, it was the same way,and I came to this conclusion sometime inmiddle school that I would not allowmyself to use ADD as an excuse or a crutch.I did not want to be the kid going to theoffice every day during lunch to take mymedicine and have to explain to my peerswhy. While the

manifest function

, or the“intended purpose” (Appelrouth and Edles2008:383) of this decision stemmed fromwanting to maintain my presentation of thecharacter I was playing, it held severalpositive

latent functions

, or “implicit orunintended purposes” (Appelrouth andEdles 2008:383) for me as I continued onwith my education, like forcing me to learnfocus techniques, and to explore whatstudy habits work best for me.

I have several different

roles

, or,“complementary, detailed sets of obliga-tions for interaction” (Appelrouth andEdles 2008:352) I play, and each has differ-ent behavior patterns which allow me toachieve my goals. Like those portrayed inthe PBS documentary

Multiple Personalities

,I have created different roles for myself, notunintentionally (which seemed to be thecase for those in the film) in order tosuppress a painful memory, but to providemyself with a framework of behavior thatwould allow me to achieve a specific set oftasks or goals. It helps me to compartmen-talize certain tasks and behaviors that I

need to present in order to convey the rightimpression in each different setting. WhenI know that I have a lot of school work todo, I enter my student role. I know that Icannot be at home, I cannot have myphone, or any other external distractionaround me, and I know that I need toactively be participating in the work. Icannot just casually read, because even ifmy eyes are reading the words, my mind isthinking what I will do this weekend, orhow I need to clean my room. I need to bedoing more than just reading, I must beoutlining, highlight and taking notes, and Imust give myself ample time to do so.

In social life, I feel most comfortable,but not initially. When meeting new peopleI have a very difficult time opening up andtalking. In a self-reflexive article, “Let Meintroduce Myself: My Struggle WithShyness and conformity” former SUNYOneonta student Sherry Wilson talks abouther battle with her shyness, one that kepther from opening up when meeting newpeople: At work it is important for me tonever give my boss a reason to question myfocus or drive. So when I enter a workingenvironment, much like the student role, itis important for me to attempt to put asideas many distractions as I can as well asdouble-check all work, and write thingsdown as they come along in order to keeptrack of what I am doing when unnecessarydistractions arise. For most people in theworkplace, idle chit-chat is nothing but aharmless temporary distraction; for me it isa hurdle as it stops me mid-task and inter-rupt whatever, if any, concentration I hadgoing.

I require time to become comfort-able enough to share my life withsomeone. While I am first gettingto know someone, I will occasion-ally censor myself to avoid sayingsomething that I will regret. Bycensoring I mean that I will debatewith myself whether to express a

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thought or simply let it remain as athought. (Wilson 2003:65)

For the most part I do not like toconsider myself shy but, more so, cautious;Sherry’s idea of very carefully censoringher speech during the initial interactions issomething I can definitely relate to. I oftenneed to take the time to observe, and

definethe situation

, which is “the primary stageof examination and deliberation which onebases their actions on” (Appelrouth andEdles 2008:481). Once I have allowedmyself to get a feel of the crowd, I feel morecomfortable talking, and allowing myselfto participate.

As I previously mentioned, maintain-ing a good impression and avoidingembarrassment are extremely important tome. Growing up hoping to hide one’s faultsis a challenge, and it was not so much that Iwas ashamed of it but that I did not wantpeople to think I was any different. So,when entering a new social group, or meet-ing new people, I have a hard time commu-nicating, and it is not because I am notinterested, or dislike the person. It stemsfrom not wanting to say or do anything thatwould diminish the person’s opinion ofme. When I moved to Boston this past fall,I entered into a whole new arena for each ofthese social worlds, and understandingthese hurdles has made it easier to beingable to cope and make substantial progressin my new town in all the three areas ofschool, work, and social life.

III. ADD AS A PUBLIC ISSUE

As I move forward in life and with myeducation, C. Wright Mills’ idea of thesociological imagination becomes increas-ingly more relevant. According to him, thesociological imagination “enables itspossessor to understand the larger histori-cal scene in terms of its meaning for theinner life and external career of a variety of

individuals” (Mills 1959:348). Society is in aconstant state of change, and it is importantto recognize that and to make connectionsfrom the past to present, as well as theinternal to the external and establish howthat impacts ones daily life. Regarding“public issues,” in contract to “personaltroubles,” Mills writes

Issues have to do with matters thattranscend these local environmentsof the individual and the range ofhis inner life. They have to do withorganizations of many such milieuoverlap and interpenetrate to formthe larger structure of social andhistorical life. (Mills 1959:359)

For me while the issue of ADD ispersonal, it transcends my personal life andhas a meaning in the society as a whole. Inthe movie Girl at the Café it isn’t ‘till the endof the movie that we find why Gina hassuch a personal investment in the issue ofsaving thousands of children’s lives inAfrica. Her sociological imaginationallowed her to draw the connection fromher personal life of losing a child, to that ofthe societal problem of mothers in Africalosing their children at an exponential rate.When we can relate personal issues topublic issues on the macro level, we canfind in seemingly personal challenges agreater meaning.

Attention Deficit Disorder is anextremely prevalent public issue today, andnot many changes have been implementedin order to adjust the public view of thedisorder. To this day a positive diagnosis ofADD or ADHD pigeon-holes those affectedby the disorder into categories and labelsthat are very difficult to overcome. A posi-tive diagnosis acts makes it next to impos-sible for the individual to escape from thestereotypes and presupposed limitations ofan ADD person. Soon the diagnosisbecomes their sole characteristic; itbecomes who they are, and not simply

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something the person has. In the movie Awakenings Robin Will-

iams plays a neurologist who discovers asmall group of people in the mental hospi-tal who are for the most part catatonic, andneed certain motivators to be able to do themost basic tasks like eating or simplymoving. In the beginning the conditions ofthese people are simply a problem for thedoctor to solve. It wasn’t until they receivedtheir first successful drug therapy andawakened from the coma-like state that thedoctors began to see them as real people.The patients were no longer simplymentally ill; they were people with familiesand defining characteristics. Through theprocess of working with these awakenedpatients the doctor had his own awaken-ing. He begins to recognize that thesepeople were alive inside of their bodies,even though they couldn’t physically showit. Conversely, he realized how people(including himself) who are seemingly welland able to move may be asleep inside,needing awakenings. This was no longerjust a problem or medical conditioned to besolved. The doctor now had a personalinvestment in finding a cure to help thesepeople return to their normal selves, andbreak through the common assumptionthat they are beyond help and meant toremain in that catatonic state forever. Muchlike the common assumption facing thepatient in awakening, that they were noth-ing more than catatonic bodies, commonassumptions become hurdles to the ADDindividual’s everyday life. While I chose tonot disclose my diagnosis during school,others may feel it is necessary, and they willas Kelly and Ramundo write need to

… [b]e prepared to face faulty as-sumptions about the nature of[their] disorder. Many people viewmental or emotional problems asdiseases of the will. In other words,they assume that the sufferercould, with sufficient effort, over-

come the problems—but is choos-ing not to. (1993:305)

It is these types of assumptions thatkeep the ADD individual trapped. InAdults with Learning Disabilities Gregg er al.write:

It may be that these exaggeratedstereotypes serve to make the non-disabled feel less vulnerable, andmore able, just as exaggerations be-tween women and men serve tomake men feel more powerful.Whether one considers learningdisabilities as a social constructionor a biological fact, it is possible toquestion the significance of the atti-tudes, assumptions, and socialmeanings that are attached to thelabel and the implications behindsuch meanings. (1996:43).

Under such circumstances of publicstigma, then, ADD individuals (or othersfor that matter) find themselves unable tonegate, or challenge the ideas presented bythe status quo (Appelrouth and Edles2008:403), surrounding ADD in order tobreak free and redefine the terms of theirdiagnosis.

A diagnosis of ADD should notconsume one’s entire life; it merelyprovides some explanation regarding whathas been afflicting the person. Since mypositive diagnosis it has been somethingthat I did not want others to know becauseof the prevailing ideas in mainstreammedia and culture. Society is highlycompetitive, and it is difficult to get aheadif you present yourself as anything otherthan the strongest candidate. Even thoughscitentifically discredited, Social Darwin-ism or similar beliefs still inspire many toview social life in terms of the survival ofthe fittest, following what CharlesDarwin’s original theory pertaining tonature (Appelrouth and Edles 2008:197).

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The societal stigma attached to the idea oflearning disabilities, including ADD, putsthose afflicted on a different level. They areseen as weaker and in need of more atten-tion than are their fellow classmates or co-workers.

Similar to what the sociologist DorothySmith describes in terms of women’s expe-rience in a gendered society, or what W. E.B. DuBois calls in the racial context,“double-consciousness” (Appelrouth andEdles 2008:289), often times the ADD indi-vidual will also experience a bifurcation ofconsciousness “a separation or splitbetween the world as you actually experi-ence it and the dominate view to which youmust adapt” (Appelrouth and Edles2008:586). Our epistems, or frameworks ofknowledge, teach us the appropriate waysin which we are supposed to act accordingto the dominate view of society (Appel-routh and Edles 2008:642). However, theADD person will experience the worlddifferently than others, yet they will beforced to act according to the societalnorms, and ignore whatever their impulsesare telling them. The individual is taughtfrom a young age the appropriate ways toact in different situations; these becomeengrained in their minds. Even thoughsocial interactions change from onemoment to another, we also develop ahabitus, or a mental filter, through whichwe habitually think and experience theworld. “The social world is, to a largeextent, what the agents make of it, at eachmoment; but they have no chance ofunmaking and remaking it except on thebasis of realistic knowledge of what it isand what they can do with it from the posi-tion they occupy from within” (Appelrouthand Edles 2008:707). The ADD individualplaces a large emphasis on maintainingwhat they consider to be a good presenta-tion of themselves; so, they tend to alwayslive with a double-consciousness of howthey feel and how they should outwardlyact, always looking at themselves through

the eyes of others. This helps them main-tain the presentation of their selves assomeone who is no different than theirpeers or colleagues.

While ADD is categorized as a learningdisability, effects of the disorder span in toall aspects of the individual’s life. Itsurpasses simply being an issue of lack offocus and becomes an issue of both cogni-tive and physical behaviors. Social interac-tions become tough to navigate. MaxWeber outlines four types of social actions,and the ADD individual tends to be tornbetween the affective “marked by impul-siveness or a display of uncheckedemotions” and traditional “behaviors thatare determined by habit or long standingcustom” (Appelrouth and Edles 2008:143).More often than not the ADD individualwill sway towards affective social action,and give in to their impulses.

Individuals with ADD have a tendencyto have poor money management skills asthey are prone to impulse shopping (Kellyand Ramundo 1993, Gregg et al, 2008). Inthe mind of the ADD person, wants quicklybecome needs, and the instant gratificationof the purchase is placed at a high priority:

Four areas of money managementwere specifically more elevated inthe ADHD group than in either theClinical or Community controlgroups, these having to do withdeferred gratification (saving andputting money away for retire-ment), impulse buying, andmeeting financial deadlines(nonpayment of utilities resultingin their termination). (Gregg et al2008:374)

It is as if many people with ADD liveby what Sigmund Freud called the pleasureprinciple, where they respond to their“instinctual drive for the immediate andpainless gratification of desires” (Appel-routh and Edles 2008:411).

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This idea of instant gratification leadsto an increased amount of consumerismand subjugation to what Karl Marx calledcommodity fetishism, where the individualplaces an intrinsic value on the commodity(Appelrouth and Edles 2008:58). Our soci-ety has begun placing more and moreimportance on commodities; we havecreated a culture industry where ourpursuit of happiness and success isachieved through material things (Appel-routh and Edles 2005:410). In the documen-tary The Corporation we see how oneadvertizing company seeks to make adver-tisements in order to reach its target popu-lation, mainly children, packaging itsproducts to seem as if they are necessarythings in the childs life. The children don’treally know why they need these items, butthey are being made to think that havingthat one toy, or whatever it may be, is essen-tial to their very being. The ADD consumeracts much in the same fashion; impulsesdrive their wants and needs. “A pattern ofliving for the moment with little attentionto the future, makes household budgetingand long-term planning, difficult. Savingsaccounts might be non-existent. Creditcards might exceed their limits” (Kelly andRamundo 1993:43).

Their impulses then begin to controlthem, and even more detrimental to themthan their poor spending habits is the ADDpersons’ susceptibility to risky behaviorssuch as thrill seeking, drug use, and otherdeviant acts (Barkley et al. 2008; Kelly andRamundo 1993). Coupled with their predis-position to act impulsively, people whohave ADD also face different social chal-lenges such as lack of poor social skills, orworking to maintain their character atwork; all of these factors my make the ADDperson gravitate towards drugs and alco-hol. Authors Kelly and Ramundo write:“ADD adults are also at somewhat greaterrisk for substance abuse. Impulsivity, socialisolation and an inability to handleemotions can make the escape of alcohol or

drugs particularly tempting” (1993:43). Inour, what Michel Foucault called, disciplin-ary Society we are forced though intimida-tion of possibly being watched to adhere tothe rules (Appelrouth and Edles 2008:644).A person with ADD will feel the pressure toconform and follow the rules. Howeverwhen the rules are lifted and they no longerfeel the pressure, they tend to give in totheir impulses and do whatever will givethem that instant gratification. As Baker,Murphy and Fischer state in their bookADHD in Adults, “The previous literatureon children with ADHD followed to adult-hood indicated that they carry an elevatedrisk both for later substance use and abuseas well as for many forms of antisocialactivities and their consequences (arrest,jail)” (2008:326).

IV. ON THE POSITIVE SIDE

While it may be true that some of thefactors mentioned here make a diagnosispositive diagnosis of ADD seem like adismal fate, that is not the case. It may betrue that having ADD has longstandingeffects that go beyond the classroom; but itis not all bad. Like all things in life constantadjustments are needed to achieve one’sgoals and maintain one’s ideal status.Despite the challenges and barriers facingpeople with ADD it is simply a matter ofworking past them in order to achieveone’s calling. Often times ADD people willtake a while to find their niche, “An ADDeris often a late bloomer who experiences anumber of false starts before he finds hisunique niche” (Kelly and Ramundo1993:405). Many times people with ADDfind themselves in careers that allow themto use their creative thinking like analysis,problem solving and critical thinking.People who have ADD tend to lead a lifeguided by individualistic rationalitywhich allows them to “transcend the statusquo” (Appelrouth and Edles 2008:405), to

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question take-for-granted social attitudes,and think creatively in order to solve theproblems at hand. Their ability to seethings from different perspective givesthem an advantage that others may nothave, the individual must use their agency,their “capability to act, to ‘make a differ-ence’ to intentionally intervene in theworld” (Appelrouth and Edles 2008:755)and create these opportunities for them-selves.

In the same manner that it takes timefor someone with ADD to find their callingor place within the working world, thesame is true in the social realm of the indi-vidual’s life. While a lot of the literature Iconsulted spoke to the belief that manyindividuals with ADD lack proper socialskills, they (and I) don’t entirely agree. Ithink it is a matter of an opinion oftentimes. It just takes time for the person toopen up. In her article “The ‘Out’ Crowed:Resisting stereotypes of High School andTeen Culture” former Macalester Collegestudent Ellen Corrigan writes about theimportance placed on certain images ofhow normal teen culture looks:

High school is a pivotal time inteens’ lives, as it is the time they be-gin to form their identities outsideof their families. They often look toimages in the media in order to ndout how teenagers in high schoolare supposed to act, and thus beginto engage in those activities. Alco-hol, partying, gossip, and keepingup with the latest fashion trendsbecome the pinnacle of high schoollife, because those are the issues themedia chooses to depict as “nor-mal” teenage concerns. Highschool, as an institution itself, per-petuates these images through theemphasis placed on the status ofindividuals and their group offriends. (2005:141)

Corrigan’s portrayal of high school lifeis a basic one, but her points are valid;many teenagers strive to achieve what theybelieve is “cool” based on media images.Too often kids are cast aside who do not fitin to the cookie-cutter idea of what anormal teenager likes, or does with his orher free time, and the same goes with ADDadolescents. While ADD may commonlyaffect individuals, each also has a differentset of traits and characteristics that willallow him or her to relate to others. It willbe a matter of time before someone withADD can learn to relate to others, and itmay not be an instantaneous connectionthat others may have. Like other things inthe ADD person’s life, it requires time tointerpret and digest.

My story of dealing with ADD sincechildhood through the present realizationof its nature and dyamics is just one ofmany among the ADD population. Grow-ing up with ADD has without a doubtgreatly shaped who I am as a person, justlike it does for all those who spend theirchildhood with that gnawing thought inthe back of their minds that they are not likeeveryone else—that something about themis inherently different. Taking the time tolook back and reflect on my life from theperspective of a person with AttentionDeficit Disorder has made me even moreaware of how exactly it has affected my life.I can see my personal story emergingthrough the research and stories in thedifferent literature on ADD that I haveconsulted. There is comforting for me toknow that throughout the years whenpeople told me ADD was made up, andthat everyone has it, they were focusingonly on its aspects of being disorganizedand unfocused. While ADD is not a factorin my life that I see subsiding anytime soon,having this knowledge will allow me tomake strides in overcoming some of thebarriers in front of me.

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V. CONCLUSION

Impulse shopping is something that Ipersonally have always done. I never onceconsidered the fact that my attention deficitwas contributing to my compulsive spend-ing habits. Even as a child it was always“Mommy I NEED it,” not “Mommy I wantit.” In my mind there was no differencebetween need and want, they were thingsthat were essential to my being a happychild and denial of that caused me a greatdeal of distress. Since growing up andhaving to deal with my own finances theseneeds have gotten a little better, but I stillhave the most horrific time creating andmaintaining a budget. Making a purchaseis something I have always had the abilityto control. Now that I know why I may behaving these impulses I can take a step backand look at why it is that I feel so stronglythat I need that one particular item. Havingthe ability to step back and realize that thiswill probably end up being a fleetingimpulse will be crucial on my next trip toTarget. The question “Do I really needthat?” will have to be altered in my mindsince need and want are synonymous witheach other. I will need to begin to recognizethis discrepancy in meaning and alter howI define the two. The question will need tobecome “Is this really need? Or is this awant?” and “will this purchase seem socrucial tomorrow, or in a week?” Havingthe ability to recognize this issue in my lifeand seeing how to effectively enact changeby knowing the source will really help tocreate a positive change in my spendinghabits.

As I move through life, situations willcontinue to arise where my attention deficitmy pose as a barrier. However, being ableto recognize and anticipate these hurdleswill allow me to better navigate the obsta-cles. I have always known that ADD hasbeen a factor in my life. I always justassumed that it was restricted to my class-

room behaviors or my study habits.Possessing more in-depth knowledge as Ihave sought in this paper will allow me tomove forward with a greater confidence.

When I encounter new social situationsand I feel myself pulling back, I can try tomore rationally understand what ishappening, and work to break down theinteractions and to define and establish anew set of habits based on my social posi-tion at the time. I can recognize myimpulses and work to counteract them andbegin to let people see the real me, insteadof my socially presented self who, I mustsay, is not nearly as fun.

In the end one of the biggest steps I cantake to make strides in working throughbarriers of having ADD is learning toconfront those who preach the validity ofthe stereotypes. When I am involved inconversation where people are saying ADDdoesn’t exist, instead of not speaking up forfear that it may diminish the character Ihave been portraying for years, I can tellthem some of the deeper implications ofhaving ADD. These misunderstandingsstem from the lack of a true base of knowl-edge on the topic, and being one of themany who have had to hear from all theirpeers that it is a made-up condition, it istime for myself and other who have it tostand up and begin correcting this misin-formation and lack of knowledge. This isalso what gives me courage and hope toshare my story of personal troubles withADD through this paper so as to furthereducate others about it as a public issue.

As a person with Attention DeficitDisorder taking the step of sharing herstory in this paper, I strongly believe that itis important to work toward a paradigmshift in how the world views ADD, becausefor those who have ADD, the greatestbarrier to the diagnosis is the publicperception.

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