Dr. James Long, Jr.

ELEVATE Marriage

• Establish a biblical foundation for relationships and marriage

• Loyal and lasting love

• Engaging communication

• Values and Visioning

• Actively pursuing peace

• Tenderness (emotional and physical intimacy)

• Equipping children and Edifying others

Loyal and Lasting Love

Lesson # 2

What is Love?

• Love is never defined in the Bible

• It says love is essential

• It says that God is love

• It never defines it. However, it describes it

What is not Love

• Romantic feelings

• Physical attraction

• Sex

• Needing

• Benefitting self

• Loving words alone

• Loving actions alone

• Being “in love”

What Biblical Love Is: Christ’s Love

• is initiated first by Himself (1 John 4: 9-11)

• is enduring (Psalm 17: 12)

• is verbalized (Jeremiah 31: 3)

• is compassionate (Psalm 112: 4)

• is demonstrated by action (Romans 5: 8)

• does what is best for us (Romans 8: 28)

• is self-sacrificial (John 10: 11)

• involves treasuring us, even though we are not worthy (Luke 15: 11-32)

• is not based on performance (Psalm 103: 10)

A Working Definition of Love

A selfless and enduring commitment of the will to care about and benefit another person by

righteous, truthful, and compassionate thoughts, words and actions.

I John 4:8

The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

I Corinthians 13:4-8a

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not

insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,

but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,

endures all things. Love never ends.

Love is an Action

• Additionally, when we look at I Corinthians 13 when we read it in the English text, we see a series of adjectives.

• However, in the Greek, it's a series of verbs.

• Why is that important? Because verbs are words of action. Love is action.

• It's a series of doings and behaviors.

TOLERANT LOVE

Love is patient

Patience Defined

• Patient: The Greek verb for patience denotes “longsuffering” or “forbearance,” particularly in respect to personal injuries or wrongs suffered. The Christian spirit of love does not seek to retaliate. It is not quick to anger.

Patience Displayed

• even when you feel like forcefully expressing yourself. Love bears pain or trial without complaint, shows forbearance under provocation or strain, and is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity

LAVISH LOVE

Love is kind

Kindness Defined

• Kind: Kindness is a readiness to do good, to help, to relieve burdens, to be useful, to serve, to be tender, and to be sympathetic to others. It has been said, “Kindness is love in work clothes.”

Kindness Displayed

• even when you want to retaliate physically or tear down another person with your words. Love is sympathetic, considerate, gentle and agreeable

HUMBLE LOVE

No envy, boasting, arrogance

Envy Defined

• Does Not Envy: Envy makes one resentful of others’ good fortune. It covets others’ gifts, possessions, or positions of influence. Our commitment to love should prompt us to consciously rejoice over the successes and talents of others.

Goodwill Displayed

• especially when you are aware that others are being noticed more than you. Love does not participate in rivalry, is not hostile towards one believed to be enjoying an advantage, and is not suspicious. Love works for the welfare and good of others

Boasting Defined

• Does not Boast: Boasting, or bragging, is a sinful preoccupation with oneself. Braggarts crave attention. They want others to praise their abilities, knowledge, successes, and even their sufferings for God. Because they desire recognition, they speak too highly and too much of themselves. Braggarts build themselves up, but loving people build others up

Building Up Others Displayed

• even when you want to tell the world about your accomplishments. Love does not flaunt itself boastfully and does not engage in self-glorification. Instead, love lifts or builds others up

Arrogance Defined

• Is not Arrogant: The Greek word for arrogant can be literally rendered “puffed up” or “inflated.” Arrogance is contrary to love because it focuses on self more than others. Arrogant people, especially religious ones, think they are better than other people, but love doesn’t have a superiority complex.

Humility Displayed

• even when you think you are right and others are wrong. Love does not assert itself or become overbearing in dealing with others

GRACIOUS LOVE

Rudeness Defined

• Is not Rude: The verb for “rude” conveys the idea of acting disgracefully, contrary to established standards of proper conduct and decency. Loving people are considerate of how their behavior affects others, even in little things.

Value and Honor Displayed

• even when being boastful, rude, or overbearing will get you attention and allow you to get your own way. Love conforms to what is right, fitting, and appropriate to the situation in order to honor the Lord

Selfishness Defined

• Is not Selfish: Love, 1 Corinthians 13:5 states, “does not insist on its own way.” This means that love does not seek its own interests or its own advantage. Loving leaders and teachers put themselves out to serve others, they reach out to people in need, they are self-forgetful and ultimately self-renouncing.

Selflessness Displayed

• even when you feel like grabbing it all or having an opportunity to do so. Love does not try to fulfill its own desires, does not ask for its own way, and does not try to acquire gain for itself. Love, as an act of the will, seeks to serve and not to be served

EVEN-TEMPERED LOVE (SELF-CONTROLLED)

Easily Angered Defined

• Is not Easily Angered: Angry people are focused not on others but on their own emotions and issues. A remarkable quality of love is that it is not easily provoked to an emotional state of anger. “It is not irritable.”

Forgiveness Displayed

• even when everyone seems to be against you or when people openly attack you. Love does not hold a grudge against someone. Love forgives, chooses not to bring up past wrongs in accusation or retaliation, does not return evil for evil, and does not indulge in self-pity. Love covers a multitude of sins

Irritableness/Resentfulness Defined

• Is not Resentful: Another lofty, redeeming quality of love is that it is not resentful. The literal translation is: love “does not reckon the evil.” Life lived according to the “more excellent way” doesn’t keep a journal of injustices and emotional hurts. Love forgives and blesses those who have caused offense.

CELEBRATING LOVE

Joyfulness Defined

• Is not Joyful Over Evil but Rejoices in Truth: Love “does not rejoice at wrongdoing” (1 Cor. 13:6). A loving heart is saddened by wrongdoing because it destroys people and displeases God. But the truth has just the opposite effect—it makes love sing for joy like a morning bird on a summer day. Love quickly recognizes conduct and attitudes that accord with the truth and takes great pleasure when truth prevails.

Reconciliation Displayed

• even when it seems like a misfortune was exactly what the other person deserved. Love mourns over sin, its effects, and the pain which results from living in a fallen world. Love seeks to reconcile others with the Lord

Rejoicing Displayed

• even when it is easier and more profitable materially to lie. Love is joyful when truth is known, even when it may lead to adverse circumstances, reviling, or persecution

LOYAL LOVE

Love bears all things

• Bears all Things: Love bears up under the heavy load of life’s problems and sufferings. It holds steadfast and re- mains strong despite opposition, deprivation, and hard work. Love is courageous

Love bears all things

• even when disappointments seem overwhelming. Love tolerates, endures with others who are difficult to understand or deal with, and has an eternal perspective in difficulties. Love remembers that God develops spiritual maturity in us through difficult circumstances

Believing the Best Defined

• Believes all Things: In dealing with loved ones, love is not suspicious or cynical, but open and favorably disposed toward them. It seeks to understand each person in the best light with an understanding of life’s complexities.

Love believes all things

• even when others’ actions are ambiguous and you feel like not trusting anyone. Love accepts trustfully, does not judge people’s motives, and believes others until facts prove otherwise. Even when the facts prove that the other person is untrustworthy, love seeks to help restore the other person to trustworthiness

Optimism Defined

• Hopes all Things: Hope is not a sentimental wish; it is faith in God’s ultimate triumph and in God’s good intentions for his people. This gives him realistic optimism and confidence in the future, even in the face of repeated difficulties and disappointments. Hope in the Lord and trust in his sure promises enabled Paul to put problems and failures in perspective.

Optimism Displayed

• even when nothing appears to be going right. Love expects fulfillment of God’s plan and anticipates the best for the other person. Love confidently entrusts others to God to do His sovereign and perfect will in their lives

LASTING LOVE

Endurance Defined

• Endures all Things: Love lasts; it holds out; it perseveres in the face of opposition, unkindness, and difficulties; it never gives up. Serving Christ and his people cannot be done without labor and self-sacrifice. Love gives a person the power to endure all things.

Endurance Displayed

• especially when you think you just cannot endure the people or circumstances in your life. Love remains steadfast under suffering or hardship without yielding and returning a blessing while undergoing trials

Love never fails

• even when you feel overwhelmed and the situation seems hopeless. Love will not crumble under pressure or difficulties. Love remains selflessly faithful even to the point of death

EXAMPLE OF BIBLICAL LOVE

John 13:1-20

• Contrast of Jesus and Judas

• Love them to the end

• Love of Jesus seen in (Humility)

– Washes their feet

– Dies on the cross

• James Montgomery Boice’s thoughts:

– Jesus is the Lord

– He took the role of a servant

– We are not greater than He

– What is proper for Him is proper for us

– We are sent to be servant

– Do what we know

John 13:31-35

• What makes this new? see Deuteronomy 6:4-5

• Example and Expectation (just as I loved you)

• New commandment (love one another)

– Object – the Lord Jesus Christ

– Measure – 1 Corinthians 13; 1 John 4:10

– Power – the Holy Spirit

ASSESS YOURSELF

What are the two strategies for dealing with sin?

Proverbs 28:13 • Conceal –Avoid (deny) –Avert (blame) –Anesthetize (numb self to it)

• Confess –To say the same thing as another or to

agree with another

True Repentance includes…

• Confession –Honesty with God –Honesty with others –Honesty with myself

• Change – In your mind (intellectual)

– In your desires (emotional) – In your will and actions (volitional)

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right

spirit within me.

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my

thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way

everlasting!

C. H. Spurgeon

Repentance is to leave

the sin we loved before,

and show that we in earnest grieve

by doing so no more

How Do I Repent?

• To confess your sin, you must first see your sin

• Your confession of sin must flow from Godly sorrow

• When you confess your sin, stop passing blame and get specific

Application – How then are we to apply it?

• Examine yourself

• Confession

• Repentance

• Obey regardless of how you feel

• Pray and Praise

• Remember “I can’t” but “He can”

• Stand under the waterfall of gospel grace and Praise and Honor Christ because of His love for you

• “Second hand smoke” – gospel grace