DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

“putting you on the road to healthier relationships”

Helping you to watch out for the signs

The aim of our program is to teach young people how to protect

themselves from domestic violence.

We see the easiest way of doing this is helping you to watch out for

the warning signs of domestic violence so you can prevent it from

getting worse and get out of destructive situations.

By doing this you can form happy healthy relationships with your

peers, partners and family.

Why is it a major problem?

Dating Violence among Adolescents

Dating Violence is a serious issue adolescents are faced with in today’s societyMore than 20 percent of cases involving psychosocial or physical violence go unreported.

Why?

• The length of a relationship impacts on whether or not a young person will report abuse• Fear or their partner• Self-blame• Loyalty and love• Social and/or religious stigma• Lack of understanding• Beliefs dating violence is of private concern• Embarrassment• Denial

Another factor contributing to underreporting is the consumption of alcohol.Dating violence also includes psychological and emotional violenceSigns to look out for are:

• Controlling behaviour• Jealousy• Hitting• Punching•Non-consensual sexual behaviour and even rape

Perpetrators of dating violence are of both genders, and both can be on the receiving end, however, it is more common for females to receive injuries, sexual assault and suffer emotional trauma than males.What are the negative effects of dating violence?

• STI’s • Unplanned/unwanted pregnancy• Mental illness• Suicidal tendencies• Binge drinking• Smoking• Fighting

364 final protection orders affecting approximately 30,000 children were made in the Family Court between 2000-2003.

7,966 women and 9,241 children used Refuge services in 2000-2001.

Police records show that 52% of murders in 2000 were family violence related. In the same year 12,000 family violence assaults were recorded

- Family Court of New Zealand

Keeping in mind a lot of domestic violence goes un noticed or

unreported....

STATISTICS FROM WHATSUP HELPLINE 2007 On average 1,500 calls are made daily to the 0800 WHATS UP hotline. Males made 48% and females made 52 % of calls. Almost half of all counseling calls involve concerns about relationships. 41 % of peer relationship calls reported ongoing problems in peer relationships Problems in a relationship with boyfriends/girlfriends was the main concern for teenagers. 42% of partner relationships reported difficulties or relationship breakdowns. 30% reported they wanted to be in a relationship.

Calls about relationships with girlfriends and boyfriends continue to grow each year.

The average age of callers is 13. 43% of callers are 12 years old or younger and 81% are 15 or younger.

More than 62 % of callers who phoned about sex related issues where between the ages of 13 and 18 years old.

Cont. of statistics

Do they.....

INTIMIDATION- To coerce or inhibit by or as if by threats

- intimidating a weaker person to make them do something

-Try to make you feel weaker? or afraid of them?- Do they use fear or their physical strength to convince or force you to do things that you don’t really want to do?-Do they deter you to do things using the power they have over you?

YES? These are signs of domestic violence

Emotional ABUSE

Emotional abuse is very hard to recognise in a relationship because there

are no visible marks on the victim.

To recognize emotional abuse in your relationships, and among your

friend’s relationships, you need to be able to identify the signs.

Teasing

Bullying

Deliberately humiliating others

Threats

Intimidation

Put-downs

Betrayal

EMOTIONAL ABUSEDo they...

-continually criticize you, call you names or shout at you ?

-Insult or drive away your friends and family

-humiliate you in private or public

- regularly threaten to leave or tell you to leave

YES? These are signs of domestic violence

C ERCION & THREATS

Coercion and threats is a common way to achieve power and control over another individual.

Coercion occurs when force and/or intimidation is used to pressure an individual into carrying out activities against their own will.

C ERCION & THREATSTo gain an understanding of how Coercion and threats affect a relationship, it is important to know the signs, in order to act fast.

Do they...

Threaten to harm you or anyone close to you, including family, friends, children and even pets.

Threatens to use self-harm if you do not comply with their terms.

Blackmail – Threatening to disclose private information about you to others.

Using physical force, for example choking, hitting and weapons to acquire sexual acts. This can include unwanted kissing, petting or intercourse.

Using verbal strategies, such as lying, purposely causing arguments, and threatening to finish the relationship to gain sexual intercourse.

C ERCION & THREATS

Continued.... Using verbal strategies such as lying, purposely causing arguments,

threatening to end the relationship to gain sexual intercourse

Using alcohol and/or drugs to obtain sexual intercourse

Coercion may also involve more refined acts

such as: Sweet-talking

Begging

Seduction

ISOLATION

A person is not born an a abuser they learn the behavior.

ISOLATIONISOLATION CONTINUEDDo they…?

•Check up on you?• Accuse you of unfaithfulness?• Punish you for being late? By…

Complaining Getting moody Threatening you

• Find faults in your family and friends?• Isolate you from outside activities?• Forbid you from talking from other guys or girls?• Make you feel that you do not have a life?• Control where you go?

Yes? these are warning signs!!!

These are some of the ways the abuser can take control of your life.

Minimising, Denying and Blaming - These are tactics of abuse

The signs...

You shouldn't be so sensitive I was only joking !

I only do it because you wind me up !

Its not that bad everyone does it !

You are making a big deal over nothing

People that make the decision to abuse another are often very good at denying this or making up excuses for the abuse. Very rarely will the abuser ever take responsibility for the choices they are making and the damage they are causing.

Ways to stay safe...

Observe your environment and trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel right, try to leave the situation.

If you can tell you are about to get into an argument with a partner try to move to somewhere where they are a lot of exits or other people around just in case you need to get away.

Always carry money with you, it should be enough to make a phone call, or pay for a taxi if you get into a situation your not comfortable with.

Know the phone numbers of people or agencies you can call if you need help. Making sure your phone is always fully charged it also helpful.

TELL SOMEONE! If the abuse is happening make sure you tell someone you trust. Abuse can be very hard to deal with an no one deserves to do this by themselves.

Having friends in your life as a teenager is important

They give you a sense of social acceptance, and emotional confidence

When in a relationship you can compromise your friendships

This can happen either by you or your partner

Do you put friends in the middle of your arguments?

Do you ask them to take sides?

Do you ask your friends to keep tabs on your

partner?

Could this be you or involve someone you know?

There are people who can help

Relationship Services : 0800 RELATE

Women's Refuge Crisis- line: 09 3781893

Preventing Violence in the Home: 09 3033938

Family Violence Helpline: 09 3033939

Man Alive Counselling: 098350509

Family Violence Information Line: 0800456450

Youthline: 0800 376633

What's Up?: 0800 9428787

References

Adams, Clarke, Codd, O'Neill, Openshaw, Waitere-Ang. (2000). Educatuion & Society in Aotearoa New Zealand. Palmerston North, New Zealand:Dunmore Press Ltd

Hope Digits. 2005. Domestic violence. Retrieved June, 2, 2008 from http://www.hopedigits.com/What_Is_Domestic_Violence/Isolation.html

Plummer, D. (2005) Helping Adolesencents and Adults to Build Self-Esteem.Jessica Kingsley Publishers. London and Philadelphia

Whatsup . 2007. Statiscal summary 2007. Retrieved June, 2, 2008 from http://www.whatsup.co.nz/links_resources/pdfs/StatSum07.pdf

Titus, A.,& Potter, J. (2005).Education for Change; Transforming the way we teach our children. London & New York. RoutledgeFalmer

Teen health. (2008). Am I in a health relationship. Retrieved May, 27, 2008 from/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab=community&url=%2Fbin%2Fcommon%2Fcourse.pl%3Fcourse_id%3D_16294_1

Teen Relationships.(2008)What is abuse? Retrieved June, 2, 2008 from http://www.teenrelationships.org/abuse/.html

References