Domestic Abuse Couple therapy as a way to help children Asbjørn Solevåg, Phd Grete Lilledalen, Phd...

Domestic AbuseCouple therapy as a way to help children

Asbjørn Solevåg, Phd

Grete Lilledalen, Phd

Dimitrij Samoilow, Phd

Paris Workshop 31.10.2010 / dato: 21.04.23

Concerns and consequences for children living in families with violence

• 50% of the children living with violence between adults are also experiencing violence themselves

• Consequences of witnessing violence are as serious as being a victim of physical abuse

• Reduced caring competence

• Lacking problem-solving competence


Inspiration

• Sandra Stith & Eric McCollum

• Arlene Vetere

• Systemic model

Confidentiality

Stable third

Differentiate between safety work and couples therapy


Target group for this approach

• Parents who wish to continue living together, in spite of violence

• Escalating, loud quarrelling. One or both exposed to threats and/or physical violence

• Episodic violence, not “patriarchal terrorism.”

• Children and one parent, according to exclusion criteria.


When violence becomes an issue:

• Stop traditional couples therapy, develop a safety plan

• Inform how we work:

– Focus on security and planning for safety

– Two therapists work together

– Safety plan and non-violence contract

– Always return to Safety work

– Confidentiality and Stable 3.

– Videoillustration


Exclusion criteria's• Inability to empathize with the victim or to listen to another point of view

• Consistent blaming others, either family or professionals

• Inability to work with professionals, or to see them as helpful

• Extreme values, such as lack of respect for social control, or seeing women as objects rather than people

• Inability to acknowledge that violence is a problem

• Inability to accept responsibility for violent behaviour


Exclusion criteria cont.

• Inability to work constructively to solve problems around violence

• Lack of appropriate boundaries around anger expression Problems with drugs and alcohol and an unwillingness to seek treatment

• No internal motivation for change

• No acknowledgement that relational factors may contribute to the problem


Security work

• Detailed inquiry

– Recent, or most serious violent incident

– When did the violence happen

– Where did the violence happen

– Type of violence and degree of seriousness

– Describing violence over time

– The situation for the children when violence took place

– Video illustration


Security work cont.

• Assessing violence together, or separately

• Questions asked to the violent partner

• Use of assessment forms


Non-violence contract and Safety plan

• An agreement of not using violence any more

• Plan on how to achieve this:

- Details

– Concrete plans on who does what in specific situations

– Time-out

– Both partners are responsible to protect both themselves and the children

– Practical arrangements


Confidentiality

• Confidentiality can not be maintained when there is violence.

• Violence is a public matter

• Social control, motivate, be supportive, leave privacy

• Ensure safety for the family and for the therapist

• Difficult therapeutic work

• The credibility of the agency


Stable Third

• Official agency, or community network trusted by both parents

• Regular contact with the family, the person has to feel comfortable presenting a third perspective.

• Consistent communication with the therapists

• Therapeutic challenges.


Conversations with parents about their children

• Detailed mapping makes the children’s situation more obvious for the parents.

• Children ‘see and know’, opposite of the parents claims

• Making the role as mother and father more obvious.

• Discuss possible consequences for the children in present and future situations.


Conversations with parents about their children cont.

• The parent’s conversation with their children

– Predictability and safety

– How children percieve meaning

– guilt, shame, sorting out responsibility

– Conveying values

– Acknowledging and owning feelings


Multi-agency collaboration

• Keep hold of a systemic perspective which helps:

– Coherent perspective

– Everybody working in the same direction – what is best for the children

– Coordinating tasks and sorting out responsibility

– Emergency management plan

– Cooperation with the child protection services, Women shelters, the police, lawyers, psychiatric units, schools, social welfare systems


Child protective services

• The importance of dual trust and cooperation

• Duty to provide information

• Genuine cooperation vs note of concern

• Challenges:

– To know each others competences, working methods and legal regulations

– Resources

– The importance of personal relationship; vulnerability

– Our own presuppositions and experiences

– The tradition of the Family Counselling Centres


Focus on Couple therapy• Requiring a non-violence contract, safety plan and being confident that violence

has stopped

• Always go back to safety questions

• If violence, back to safety work

• “Traditional” couples therapy, but specific challenges concerning earlier experiences of violence

– Trust

– Forgiveness

– Nonverbal/verbal communication, pre interpreting , fear

– Family of origin, earlier experience of violence, history of violence

– Managing conflicts

– Cultural differences

Domestic Abuse Couple therapy as a way to help children Asbjørn Solevåg, Phd Grete Lilledalen, Phd...

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