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PS 022 664
Twilley, DwightQuestions from Dad: A ,Very Cool Way To Communicatewith Kids.ISBN-0-8048-1984-X94182p.
Charles E. Tuttle Company, Inc., 153 Milk Street, 5thFloor, Boston, MA 02109 ($16.95).Books (010) Guides Non-Classroom Use (055)
MF01/PC08 Plus Postage.Childhood Attitudes; Divorce; *Fathers;*Interpersonal Communication; Letters(Correspondence); One Parent Family; *Parent ChildRelationship; *Parenting Skills; Parent Materials;Parents; *Questioning Techniques; *Questionnaires*Long Distance Parenting
This book offers help and guidance to fathers whohave been physically separated from their children by divorce, work,or other factors. It gives methods and ideas to help long-distancefathers better communicate with and stay connected to their children.The methods offered in this book include devising test-likequestionnaires for children; these tests are designed to help parentsget to know their children better, to encourage discussion betweenparents and children, and to develop and maintain a closerelationship between children and their parents. Part 1 discusses thefather'S separation from his child, and how he came to use tests inorder to bridge the communication gap. It also explores the reasoningbehind the tests, and guides readers through the construction oftheir first "Dad's Test." A checklist and troubleshooting guide areincluded to assist in test construction. Part 2 consists of actualtests used by a father, and offers commentary and suggestions on whattype of questions to use and avoid when designing tests. Included atthe end of the book is a list of organizations dealing withchildren's rights and welfare, parenting, and parent rights. (AS)
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DWIGHT TWILLEY
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Way to Corn nicate with Kids_.auction by Dr. Susan forward
2
Praise for Questions from DadQuestions From Dad is truly outstanding. I highly recommend Dwight's method as a
very effective way to develop better relationships between children and theirparents. Communicating through the tests described in this book should be a
win-win situation for all. P.S. The drawings are terrific!
David L. Levy, Esq., National PresidentChildren's Rights Council, Washington D.C.
We all know someone who wants to have a better relationship with their child . . .
Questions From Dad provides a healthy alternative to worrying, and feeling helplesswhile trying to establish or maintain that relationship. Parents who see their
children daily could learn a lot about parenting through this book as well.!
Travis Ballard, Esq., PresidentNational Congress for Men and Children, Washington D.C.
This book can help many peoplenot only absentee fathers. Whether theirseparation be due to a break in the family unit, traveling for business, beingin the armed forces or in prison, Questions From Dad shows absent parents
how they can stay in touch with their children.
Michael Bowers, M.A.., Executive DirectorAmerican Association for Mairiage and Faznily Therapy,Washington D. C.
An innovative approach to encouraging a long distance parent-childrelationship, one that any parent and child living apart from one another
would find fun and rewarding.
Jennifer Isham, National PresidentMothers Without Custody, Houston, Texas
Questions From Dad is a metaphor for love from dad, and 7'willey's method of lovinghis daughter can inspire within any father that spark of creativity, caring and
playfulness that will leave both him and his child with a legacy of love.
Warren Farrell, Ph.D., AuthorThe Myth qf Male Power, and Why Men Are the Way They Are
Questions From Dad can help turn shallow conversations and awkward silences intoproductive discussions between parents and children. We commend this book as a
unique how-to manual on maintaining and improving communicatio:: with children.
Dick Woods, Accredited Access Counselor and DirectorFathers for Equal Rights, Inc. and Iowa Access Enforcement Project,Dc Moines
3
I believe Questions From Dad will become the bible of all parenting books. It is useful,functional and interactive to the point that it achieves what normally can
only be achieved by a live-in parent.
Michael Hirschensohn, Co-FounderEquality Nationwide for Unwed Fathers, Los Angeles, California
There never can be too much positive communication between a parent and child. Ibelieve this book is novel and creative and can greatly help effectuate a healthy dialogue.
Jeffery M. Leving, Esq., Co-author,Illinois Joint Custody Law and DirectorNational Divorce Forum for Men, Chicago, Illinois
After years of witnessing the breakdown of family relations in our criminal justicesystem, it is most encouraging to see an effective and innovative way to
rebuild those relations through communication.
Elliot Zinger, Esq., Criminal Defense AttorneyChicago, Minois
Questions From Dad provides a great way for parents who are absent from theirchildren to build relationships with them. The book provides creative ideas and
step-by-step procedures. It is easy to read and fun to use.
Tom Williamson, PresidentNational Coalition of Free Men, Manhasset, New York
What a wonderful ideaexcellent for grandparents separated from their belovedgrandchildren! Simply looking at the questions and sketches makes me smile,
chuckle and get a warm comfortable feeling all over. This idea appears unique andsimple, yet demonstrates poignancy and sincerity.
Ethel Dinin, National Executive DirectorGrandparents United for Children's Rights, Madison, Wisconsin
This book helps break the emotional stereotype that men don't talk. For those fathers whomay not be in a position to talk to their children over the phone, they can effectively
establish real communcation by using Questions From Dad.
Bill Harrington, National Director and PresidentAmerican Fathers Coalition and Washington State Fathers Rights,Tacoma, Washington
A fun, effective way to start, continue and build relationships with kids,even when separated by time and distance.
George R. Kelly, State Chairman and PresidentConcerned Fathers of Massachusetts, Springfield, Massachusetts
4
Within ten minutes of finishing the book, my first Grammie Wants to Know was started.I now have a fun and creative way to communicate with my grandchildren, who live
three thousand miles away. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Sheila Sands, State CoordinatorChidren's Rights Council of Massachusetts, Springfield, Massachusetts
It is our experience that, with the changing economic climate and the concomitant strainit puts on the traditional family, parents, in many cases, do not know how to
communciate with their children. Questions From Dad provides a safe, easy and effectivevehicle for establishing the vital links that must exist between parent and child.
Dennis Brown, Ph.D., Executive DirectorThe National Institute for Child Custody and Divorce Awareness, Inc.,Lincoln Park, New Jersey
Fathers today need all the help they can get in order to effectively communicate with theirchildren. Questions From Dad plays an important role in fulfilling that need. Perhaps thegreatest endorsement for the Dad's Tests comes from my six-year-old daughter, who often
climbs up in my lap and asks me to read Mr. Twilley's questionnaires to her.
Charles A. Ballard, Founder/PresidentNational Institute for Responsible Fatherhood & Family Development,Cleveland, Ohio
This book literally places the children first, by enhancing their ability to know their parentsthrough creative communication. Thank you for sharing this marvelous method with the
parents and children who so desperately need to know each other.
George and Lesley Wimberely, Director and PresidentNational Association of State VOCAL Organizations,Orangevale, California
Questions From Dad offers an exciting solution to the long-distance communications problemthat is plaguing more and more families, and families separated by a marital breakup are buta small part of the individuals that can use this book. It is a must-read for all parents who find
themselves periodically physically separated from their children.
Ray Hart, State Association PresidentFathers Rights Association of New York State, Inc., Rochester, New York
Any suggested means of communication between an absent parent and child, whether thedistance be long or short, is a welcome addition in attempting to build a bridge betweenparental responsibility and child well-being. Questions From Dad achieves this status,
in what may indeed be called a unique manner.
James I. Taylor, Past President and Legislative LiaisonEqual Rights for Fathers of New York State, Clinton, New York
5
After reading Questions From Dad I feel like I know the author's daughter personally. Thecreative give and take is a heart warmer . . . . This technique allows parents to get to know theirchildren. All parents could use this technique. Children will thrive on the attention they receive
and parents will learn to share more of themselves with their children.
Ann M. Danner, M.S., PresidentChildren's Rights Council of Massachusetts, Springfield, Massachusetts
Long distance parenting is a growing fact of life in today's society. At best, this type ofparenting is trying and difficult. This book helps the long distance parent communicate
in a way that is fun and interesting for both parent and child.
Eric Anderson, Nationwide Chapter Coordinator and State CoordinatorChildren's Rights Coalition, Austin, Texas
Who says the left brain is so bad? This book provides a thoughtful and compassionateexploration of ways non-custodial parents can maintain contact and make a crucial
difference in their children's lives, no matter what the physical distance.
Gordon Clay, Executive DirectorThe National Men's Resource Center, San Anselmo, California
Questions From Dad is a very worthwhile book for fathers to effectively communicatewith their separated children . . . . It was great reading and should be
helpful to anyone who takes the ti;we to read it.
Marvin L. Chapman, Vice PresidentUnited Fathers of America, Orange, California
This is a excellent book for any non-custodial father who wishesto maintain contact with his children.
David Nowicki, National ManagerNational Fathers Rights, Waukesha, Wisconsin
It is sensitive and very well done. I wish it had beenavailable when I was separated from my kids!
Richard F. Doyle, PresidentMen's Rights Association, Forest Lake, Minnesota
I look forward to using this boo!:.. The ideas seem so effective andenjoyable that I can't wait to try them.
Fred Hayward, DirectorMen's Rights, Inc., Sacramento, California
I got a thrill when I readfrom the author's daughter"Dad, send more tests!"I could not resist reading the complete book and learning dad's secrets!
Frank Bertels, Founder/DirectorMale Liberation Foundation, Inc., Miami, Florida
6
Dedicated to the best dad,George William Twil ley
(1 926-1984)
r
And to the memory of my earliest partner in song, Phil Seymour,and these greatly missed friends:
Annie, Mollie-Twilley, Mollie, Ozzie, Dixie the Duck,Beethoven and Beethoven, Jr., Mel, Kee-Kee and Lester.
uestionsfrom
DADA Very Cool Way to Communicate with Kids
By Dwight Twilley
Edited by Joe Klein
Introduction by Dr. Susan Forward, Ph.D.
CHARLES E. TUTTLE COMPANY, INCBOSTON ' RUTLAND, VERMONT ' TOKYO
In conjunction with reading this book, know your legal rightsand obligations as they pertain to your relationships with yourchildren. As much as the author would like to see as many read-ers as possible utilizing the technique described in this book toimprove communication with their children, he is in no wayencouraging any parent to disobey any court order or statute.
Published in 1994 by
CHARLES E. TUTTLE COMPANY, INCof Boston, Rutland, Vermont, and Tokyo
with editorial offices at153 Milk Street, 5th Floor
Boston, Massachusetts 02109
© 1994 Dwight TwilleyAll rights reserved. No part of this publication, including
artwork, may be reproduced by any means, electronic or mechanical,including photocopy, or stored in an information retrieval system,
without prior permission in writing fromCharles E. Tuttle Company, Inc.
ISBN 0-8048-1984-X
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOG CARD NUMBER 94-60040
COVER AND TEXT DESIGN BY JILL WINITZER
2 4 6 8 9 7 5 3 1
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
10
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments vii
Introduction ixby Dr. Susan Forward, Ph.D.
PART 1: HOW AND WHY
Calling All Dads 3
The Road to the Tests 9
Looking at These Tests 23
Getting Your Feet Wet 31
Checklist and Troubleshooting Guide 45
Spinoffs and Special Guests 53
PART 2: THE TESTS
About These Tests 65
Dad and Dionne's Art Gallery 163
An Open Letter to Other Dads 167
Friends and Sympathetic Ears 169
About the Author 171
11
66A very cool way
to communicate
with kids.
79
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The author would like to acknowledge the contri-butions and inspiration from the following peo-ple, who truly helped make this book possible.
First, my daughter Dion, because she's the best thatany dad could ask for. Next, my editor, advisor andfriend, Joe Klein, who saw the first "Dad's Tests" andconvinced me to write this book, and' saw us throughthe process without sustaining serious injuries! Thenthere's Jan Allison Rose for her love and supportthrough endless nights of rewrites, for the use ofAllison Entertainment Inc.'s office and computer sys-tem and for feeding Mow and Coco when I went off tolive at Kinko's. Dion's mother, Linda, for allowing me tokeep the lines of communication open and for obvious-ly being a great mom. And, of course, my own mom,Alberta Twilley, for bawling out the parents of the kidwho beaned me on the head with a rock!
The assistance of the following friends and supportersis also greatly appreciated. Jerry McCulley for hisdogged encouragement, Rocky Burnette for his dadlyrock and roll wisdom, ZOX for his ultra-pop visionaryeye, Ciaran MacGowan for his Irish lensmanship,Robert Knight for the shot with shades, Morey Klein,Sue Rose, Wendy Gardner Moore and her sensible photo-copy machine, Carrie R. Hyde, Susan, Peter and Miranda
QUESTIONS FROM DAD Vii
12
Holsapple, speech-man Jeff Cooper, computer-dudeFast Eddie Maurer, computer-pilot Fred Blechman,agents B. J. Robbins and Ken Sherman, Dr. SusanForward, Ph.D., Don Menn, Dr. Carole Lieberman,M.D., Phil Lobel and Lobe line Communications, BillHoldship and BAM Magazine, Karen Glauber at HITS,Ken Barnes of Radio and Records, Tom Lanham, BruceGrakal, Esq., Dan Bourgoise, Bud Scoppa, KarenMomme, David Levy, Esq., Dick Woods,- Russell Fish,Sonny Burmeister, Helen Grieco, Steve "K-Man" Kamer,Santos "H.D." Flaniken and Rock-A-Bear, Jeffery R.Leving, Esq., Gil Savage, Wayne & Garth, and whocould forget the agony and ecstasy bestowed upon usby nearly every Kinko's Copies store in the SanFernando Valley of L.A. and Santa Monica!
Thanks to all the people at our publishing company:Peter Ackroyd, Roberta Scimone, Kathryn Sky-Peck forher editorial endeavors, Lorrie Andonian and her pub-licity-minded mind, Mike Kerber, and a special thanksto Jim McMullan for introducing us to the 'Ditties.Finally, to all the pets and characters, who give us somuch to talk about. Mow, Coco, Carrie, Yodeler, Auhee,Toby, Princess, Mohawk, Buddy, Geoffry, Dixie theParakeet, Tweety, Julio Mangles, Mr. Rat, Max-Dog,Mario, The Flea and Snake Families, The Little Man InChinatown and all the new personalities yet to come!
Viii QUESTIONS FROM DAD
13
INTRODUCTIONby Dr. Susan Forward, Ph.D.
Half of all marriages end in divorce. Each year,over 1.2 million promises of "til death do uspart" get broken and millions of adults begin
the process of healing.But what of the children? They too need to heal,
and though mom and dad no longer want to spend theirlives together, the children didn't make that choice.They still need to feel connected to and loved by bothparents. They need to know that the end of lovebetween mom and dad does not mean the end of lovebetween them and mom or dad. Unfortunately, divorcein a family with children results in the physical separa-tion of the children from one of the parentsmostcommonly the father. So the child, who has alreadyexperienced the loss of family life as he or she knew it,now experiences another lossdaddy doesn't live here
anymore.In the fast-paced world in which we live, staying
connected to our children, and in touch with theirneeds, likes and dislikes, dreams and wishes, is difficultenougheven when we live under the same roof. How,then, can a dad be anything other than just a friendly
QUESTIONS FROM DAD ix
14
66
If you're looking
for ways
to connect with
your child, you've
come to the right
place.
99
Dionne (age 11)with Bud and Toby. :Photo by Linda Twilley :
V
acquaintance if he lives far away? Or if he only visitsweekly or monthly?
Through Questions from Dad.Dwight Willey has done something quite remark-
able. Not only has he maintained open communicationwith his thirteen-year old daughter Dionne, whom hehas never lived with, but he has found a way to be pre-sent for her as a parent despite his physical absence.
I don't think Dwight ever realized, when he put hisfirst Dad's Test in the mailbox years ago, that he hadengineered a bridge for estranged parents and childrento stay in touch, to keep love alive. That he had come
up with an anchor to keep theparent-child relationship fromdrifting and ultimately gettinglost.
Dwight's physical distanceis easier to bear because of thatbridge and that anchor. HisDad's Tests maintain a constantdialogue between him and hisdaughter. And they are funfun for Dwight to draft, fun forDionne to get, fun for her to fillin, fun for him to get back!These tests have enabledDwight and Dionne to knoweach other in ways that somechildren and parents who livetogether never do.
Dionne told me, "The ques-tions let me know that dad wasinterested in things I neverthought he'd be interested inlike my cat." There may be an
X QUESTIONS FROM DAD
15
entire trove of special details about your child thatQuestions from Dad could dig up for you!
And I can't help believing that these tests also haveallowed Dwight to get in touch with the kid inside him.
He has reached way inside himself to find questionsthat are funny, puzzles and drawings and bits of silli-
ness. To work, the tests need to focus the attention onthe child, so Dwight needed to think of things Dionne
might like and respond to. As Dionne grew andmatured, so did the tests, leaving Dwight with insight
into his daughter at age ten, eleven, twelve . . .
The effort Dwight put forth to communicate with
Dionne is rare and very specialand thus has reward-
ed him with a relationship with his daughter that issimilarly rare and very special.
How many fathers out there see their children oncein a while as part of their custody arrangement? How
many of you send presents in the mail in the hope ofbeing remembered? How many of you go home at theend of the trip to the zoo or the mall or the baseball
game with a sinking feeling in your hearts and stom-achs that you don't know that little person anymore?
That you have little in common, that you have nothing
to say to each other, nothing to share?If you're looking for ways to connect with your
child, you've come to the right place. You can't main-
tain a parenting role based on "once in a while." Your
own set of Questions from Dad can become your link
to your child, your private haven, your "home" togeth-
er. Once you try this book's approach, you'll wonderhow you (and your child) ever did without it!
I spoke to Dionne about her dad's tests. Sheclearly has benefited from them. She is blossominginto adolescence with the security and self-assurancethat comes from feeling accepted and loved. That is
QUESTIONS FROM DAD Xi
16
66
How many
of you send
presents
in the mail
in the hope
of being
remembered?
77
Unlike a
conversation,
your tests will
stick around.
to both of her parents' credit. Dwight and his ex-wifeLinda were able to separate from each other and stillshare the parenting of Dionne. The purity of Dwight'stests had a lot to do with that. He never used the testsas an investigative look into his ex-wife's life, or as away to weasel his way back into it, or to bad-mouthanybody, or to twist truths, or in any way threaten orundermine Linda's role as primary care-giver. I can-not stress the importance of this enough. TheQuestions from Dad method which Dwight Willeyhas devised is a wonderfuleven magicalform ofcommunication for parents and kids. But it is alsosacrosanct. To work its magic, its unwritten rulesneed to be honored.
Dionne feels close to her dad. She feels comfortablesharing silly stories and drawings with him, knowing hewill guard their little secrets. She feels understood. Shefeels loved. I wondered if she didn't sometimes feel likethe tests were a chore. "It's a lot of questions," Iprobed. "Yes, but I look forward to getting them!"Dionne said. The most profound impact of Dwight'stests was revealed to me when Dionne told me: "Thetests make it easier for me to talk to my dad when Ifmally get to see him. Because we're already friends."
Children often walk away from divorce not onlywounded, but feeling guilty and somehow responsiblefor the break-up. It is important to let childrenknowin no uncertain termsthat the divorce wasnot their fault. Emotional wounds can scar childrenforever. The best way to help children heal is to main-tain a constant, supportive world for them in whichthey feel cared for and loved. And the most lovingthing we can do for them is to show them we genuine-ly care about their thoughts and feelings. Their futurehappiness, and their capacity to love others and beloved depends on the supportive foundation you
Xii QUESTIONS FROM DAD
17
establish for them. The building blocks for that foun-dation are the thoughts aid experiences you share,the little things that make you laugh together, the sto-ries you quietly tell each other when no one else is lis-tening.
You'll find you will grow as an individual throughthis process. Writing allows us the luxury of fore-thought and editing in a way that talking does not.Unlike a conversation, your tests will stick around, atangible history of your communication with your child.The beauty of the permanence of the written word isoften lost in a world of sound-bytes and MTV Time willpass, and you and your child will find yourselves look-ing back at the tests over and over again. They willmake you remember. They will make you laugh. Theymay even make you cry.
Children don't have the same language skills asadults. You will need to take special care to make yourtests age-appropriate. Children can't always findwords for what they want to say. Dwight's variedquestion styles provide possibilities and choices forkids who could otherwise not express themselves.Mixing in humorous question-and-answer choicesreinforces the notion that this is more a game than a"test."
Keep your own child's interests in mind. If she is abudding sleuth, come up with a hidden clues mysterygame. If he loves animals, cut up pictures from maga-zines and decorate your test with them. Dwight isgreat at this. He mixes funny tales with games, cross-word puzzles, doodles, and other things to keepDionne interested and connected. Remember, theprocess is supposed to be fun! Have fun with it.
You will find that you can gain deep insight intoyour child by the answers to his or her tests. You canalso give your child deep insight into what you value
QUESTIONS FROM DAD xiii
18
66
The tests make it
easier for me to
talk to my dad
when I finally
get to see him,
because we're
already friends.
66
Questions from
Dad will act as
a key to the
wonders of
childhoodit will
be a touching
journey for
both of you.
77
and believe. Think about it. What do you want to passon to your daughter or son? What do you want him orher to know about you? How do you want to be remem-bered?
Dwight mixed serious questions and issues into thefun ones, thus making the serious ones more "invisible"and more likely to get an answer. Point-blank questionsabout boys, drugs, or grades could be deemed toodirect and make your child recoil .rather than respond.Be prepared to give serious responses serious consider-ation, however. If your child's test reveals somethingyou are concerned about, talk about it. Don't just enjoythe cute, funny and light-hearted nature of these tests.Delve into the depth of feeling which some answersmay discloseand use that as a springboard for aheart-to-heart talk! The tests are not meant to replaceor be an easy way out ofvisits, phone calls, lettersand cards.
What the Dad's Tests gave Dwight was insight intohow to be a better parent to Dionne, a way to staytuned into his little girl's life as the weeks and monthswent by.
What the Dad's Tests gave Dionne was love.Revealing himself through humor, puzzles and littlegames, Dwight showed Dionne that he had learnedfrom her previous answers and was responsive to themShe felt connected to her dad through these tests as fewchildren ever do.
Far more than being just fun tests, the Questionsfrom Dad turned Dwight and Dionne into secret pen-pals. Through the tests, Dwight and Dionne were ableto bond on many different levels. They shared stories,inside jokes, and little bits of themselves. That way,when they did get to see each other, Dwight and Dionne
XiV QUESTIONS FROM DAD
19
had as much (or more) in com-mon as any parent and childwho live together. They werefriends.
Questions from Dad willact as a key to the wonders ofchildhood. It will be a touchingjourney for both of you. It willalter and affect you in ways youcannot now imagine. Open yourheart wide. And let your child in!
A.
"Bodey Don'tMind," by Dwight
QUESTIONS FROM DAD xV
20
CALLINGALL DADS
It is not the purpose of this book to address anyof the nagging emotional issues such as custodybattles, child support and legal disputes that so
often hang like ugly clouds over families separated.What I am trying to do is rally "long distance dads"
and, for that matter, all parents behind the idea ofincreasing the amount and quality of communicationwith their kids. Whether you're mere blocks or thou-sands of miles from your child, the term "long distance"could apply to you if the dialogue between you and yourchild is limited, strained or inadequate.
That distance now separating so many childrenfrom their parents is the simple reason I emphasize theneed for this exclusive dialogue. If, like me, you havefound phone calls and letters lacking substance andfalling short of asserting your presence in your child'slife, relief is at hand!
In this book, I will present a unique and effectivemethod which has allowed me to establish a productiveand unprecedented line of communication with mychild. For me, the positive nature of this simple proce-dure has shattered the distance barrierforever.
Later, in more detail, I will describe this system that
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 3
22
44You've got a
lot to sayand
there's much to
discover ahead.
77
my daughter and I now commonly refer to as the "Dad'sTest." Call it whatever you like, but this intimate andfun questionnaire from dad is, at once, a means of com-munication, a source of camaraderie, and a sure-fire
way to solicit answers to any question a
ADionne's drawing ofDad.
long distance dador any parentcouldponder.
I know that, while some dads enjoycalm waters, others, sometimes by virtueof their own mistakes, experience themore nightmarish side of broken mar-riages.
It is my hope that, even in the worstcases, the Dad's Test might slide throughand bridge the gap between the bitter-ness of a bad dilemma and what is bestfor a child.
It is not my intention to instigate fin-ger pointing between the sexes. And,while I wii. be harping on about how thetests should be just between you and yourchild, this doesn't imply that they shouldbe used as weapons aimed to alienateothers or further disrupt already shakenground. These questionnaires, as person-al in nature as they are, should notbecome ammunition between you andyour ex-spouse. Keep the "grown up"
issues away from your quizzes! The Dad's Tests shouldbe thought of as "magic dry cleaners," designed to"shrink miles" instead of shirts.
Naturally, whenever possible, amiable communica-tion with your ex-spouse or the custodial guardian canreduce stress on your child and make your well-intend-ed test more welcome as it passes through a potentiallyenemy household.
This test, which only demonstrates love and con-
4 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
23
cern for a person whom it took two people to create,may in itself plant a seed of reconciliation.
I also want to acknowledge that some dads securecustody of their children, and I'm sure that the "Mom'sTest" would be equally welcome to a single-parentchild.
As I am a dad, I'm not really equipped to addressthe nuances of the "Mom's slant," but the conceptremains the same. Step-parents, grandparents, and sep-arated siblings are also nominee quiz-creators. Some ofyou who have business that keeps you away from homeor who are in the military may be candidates too. Evenyou guys behind bars could simulate your presencethrough the tests.Whata constructive and rewardingway to pass the time!
Those of you who devote too much time to yourcareers might even discover awelcome recipient of the Dad'sTest in your own home. Kids arealways excited to find somethingin the mail for them. What a sur-prise to receive a test from Dad'swork address! Slipped under thepillow, your quiz could be serioustooth-fairy competition. It's hardcommunicating with a teenagerwho has locked herself in herroom. Fortunately, a Dad's Testwill slide under the door. (Mydaughter has just reached herteens, and I'm already beginningto see shades of some of theunsettling "coming attractions.")We all hesitate to admit that weeventually have to let 'em go. But I'm countingDad's Tests to keep my foot in the door as long as pos-sible.
Dionne's Halloween
on the
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 5
Dionne'sgreat-grandfather.
00000 410.
Let's face it. It's no cake walk for a distant dad.It's not easy to jump start communication that has rundownor even diedover a period of time. Ratherthan look for solutions, it may seem easier just toblame yourself, someone else, or run away from theproblem altogether. The resulting void can leave youfeeling even more guilty or ashamed. You may feeluncomfortable about the way you are perceived byothers, or even think of yourself as a dysfunctionaldad. Taking the "hopeless hat" off can be tough. Iknow. I've worn that puppy for months at a time. But,after the much needed gloom and despair and suffi-cient time spent cursing the sky, it's time to startthinking about another hatthe hat that you are deny-ing your child. What would you rather see above your
6 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
J
kid's heada question mark, or a crown that reads,"You can say what you want about my dad, but I knowhe cares about me!"
A dad who feels angry or helpless can elevate hisself-esteem when he discovers that just a few hours ofhis time can have such a profound and positive effecton his child. A release from the discouragement ofbelieving that there are no options could be at all ofour fingertips through the Dad's Tests!
It's no secret that we dads are capable of torturingourselves, receiving great torture and torturing others.Perhaps, now, we can take a breath and look at moreredeeming horizons! You're not reading this bookbecause you like the clever way I turn a phrase. Youlove your kid. Most of you were not just reckless dri-vers who crashed into parenthood; it was your dream.Others who swore never to have a child discoveredthey were more than eager to put away the power toolsor switch off a football game to search for Barbie's lostslipper.
It doesn't take much more than the first time a tinyhand wraps around your finger for you to know thatyour child is both the futureand the past.
When you look at your child's face or study aphoto, you may also see your mother, your grandfatherand even unfamiliar faces that carry the wisdom ofancestors spiraling back through history. With this, itbecomes clear that the importance of passing on thethings you believe in to your child is equalled by howmuch you can learn.
You've got a lot to sayand there's much to discov-er ahead. It's never too late for anything that mighthelp you bond with your child.
I'm calling on all dads to sharpen pencils, dust offtypewriters, power up computers and do whatever isnecessary to begin their first tests!
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 7
26
66You can say what
you want about
my dad, but I
know he cares
about me!
9,
I'm hoping that this book will succeed in eliminat-ing excusesand inspire communication. The nexttime you hear one of your friends ragging on about thedistance between he and his child, tell him about thetests and show him some of yours. Then, tell him. toShut up and sharpen hispencil!
8 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
27
THE ROADTo THE TESTS
Today, so much energy is centered on the prob-lems and affairs of us grown-ups that our 'chil-dren often become a secondary issue. My
primary mission in writing this book is to advance theidea of the "Dad's Test"and putting our childrenfirst. rm not writing this book to tell you how or why Icame to be a long-distance dad. It's not my intent tofocus on the soap-opera aspects of broken relation-shipsmine included. This book isn't about divorceI'm sure my story could be topped by almost anyoneyou bump into on the street. But a little backgroundwill help provide a thumb-nail sketch of the road thatfor better or worseled to the Dad's Tests.
Shortly after I graduated high school, I met a girlnamed Linda. We maintained a steady relationship foryears, and eventually got married in our early twenties.At the time, I was still a struggling musician, knockingaround the clubs in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I begrudginglyfound part-time jobs to support my emerging career.The short trips I made to Memphis and Nashville forrecording didn't have a significant effect on our lives.But I knew I was reaching the point where, to fulfill my
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 9
66Dad!
send more
tests!
Ice Captain,"by Dwight
musical ambitions, I would need to commit to a moresubstantial journeythis time to the west coast.
Eventually, with the reluctant approval of Linda,plans for this "business trip" of undetermined lengthwere in motion. Complete with band, bags, guitars anda rusted Olds, I was fmally on my way to L.A., where Iwas sure success in the music business was waiting.Inevitably, like a thousand other wide-eyed kids, I foundmyself on the streets of Hollywood with a demo tape inmy pocket. I was prepared to struggle and rough it outfor as long as the few hundred bucks I had in my pock-et would allow me to scrape by. It seemed like a worth-while sacrifice for the chance to be discovered.Ironically, the struggle only amounted to a couple ofweeks and a lot of cheap frozen dinners. In a strange
10 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
29
quirk of fate, I was offered a recording contract fromShelter Records, whose home office was in Tulsa. Howbizarre! After traveling over a thousand miles, I wouldbe signing with a label located only a few miles frommy house!
Not so many months later, I had a hit record called"I'm On Fire." Linda joined me in Los Angeles. Over thenext few years, I was recording, doing concert tours,television shows and getting a little lost in the show-bizfast lane. The money and celebrity were great, butthere were prices to pay.
I was like a kid in a rocket shipthings werechanging sO fast and drastically. The first casualty wasmy marriage. I guess when you don't know what planetyou're on, it's hard to be on someone else's.
Linda decided to move back to Tulsa. Then, thetraumatic and emotionally-charged dilemma of our sep-aration became almost surrealistic when fate steppedin and added another, even more sobering, factor to theequation: We were going to have a child.
Linda and I had drifted too far apart for a realisticchance at reconciliation, and, in the interim, I had metanother woman that I was beginning to think seriouslyabout. In spite of all this, there was never any questionin Linda's mind about having the baby. It was herchoice to make, and I supported her decision.
Looking back, as much as I would like to blame thefailure of my marriage on all the things that were hap-pening to me and the amount of time I was having tospend on my career, I must admit that I was just tooyoung and irresponsible for a commitment as grown upas marriage. Likewise, I was miles away from eventhinking about parenthood.
With time, the separation seemed reasonably ami-cable, and I think we both felt comfortable about get-ting on with our lives. There had been a lot of love
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 11
no
A
"Eggplant Baby"photo by Linda Twilley
between us for many years.Perhaps this child was meant tobe the consummation of all thathad been good. Linda and Irecently agreed that we did it allbackwards. Most people getmarried and have a baby. Wehad a baby and got divorced!
The next seven or eightmonths seemed like seven oreight minutes. I was in the mid-dle of recording when I receivedthe long distance call. A babygirl was born, and I was herfather. I had been raised in afamily with four brothers and nosisters. The idea that somewherein the world there was a tiny,bald-headed female creaturethat might look a little like mewas a mind-twisting concept.
The night she was born, Ithought it was agreed that her
name would be "Dion," spelled D-I-O-N. I didn't like thetraditional female spelling. But somehow, it was"Dionne" that finally appeared on the birth certificate.Perhaps that was the first indication of what being along distance dad would be like. I spell her name D-I-0-N to this day, but not for any negative reasons. I likeit that when Dionne sees "Dion," she knows that dad'sinvolved, and I kind of get a kick out of thinking itmight allow her her own little alter-ego.
No absent dad can ever forget the day he receivesthe first photos of his child. After the required timespent confirming that ears and eyes were in their prop-er locations, my first impression was, "She looks like
12 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
31
an eggplant!" I went around for the next few days call-ing her "Eggplant Baby." As the weeks passed, I beganto receive more photos. Soon I was forced to askmyself the question, `!Am I prejudiced, or is she possi-bly the most beautiful child ever to grace a Polaroid?"
My recording schedule had not allowed me to visitmy new-born child. I began to experience a new anduneasy feeling. Something was wrong. There was a lit-tle more than a thousand miles between the person Ihad beenand my new identity as a dad. It was astrange sensation to miss someone I'd never met.
Then, at a time when I thought things couldn't getany more complicated or confusing, I becamegled in a show business traditionI neither expected, nor was pre-pared for. There was a legal dis-pute involving my recordingcontract. Everything came to anabrupt stop. I had complete con-fidence in myself as an artist, butit began to become apparent thatI didn't have a clue about con-ducting business. Truckloads ofmoney seemed to be ending upin other people's trucks.
With the financial strain andendless legal procedures, it wasimpossible for me to leave L.A.and, more and moredifficult to think of myself as a responsible adultletalone a father. I felt helpless.
So, as a result of events that were out of my handsand problems I most likely brought upon myself, I wasforced to sit by and watch month after month pass,while my daughter, so far away, was growing inch byinch, never knowing her father.
After a virtual cake-walk of lawyers, the legal has-
entan-
Daddy spells it Dion
Mommy spells it Dionne
Ozzie says meowon
Molly sings the same song
Ai'iee, Molly and Susan three
Spell it with a mark II
But Toby never learned to read
He spells it with a bark!
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 13
32
"Music," by Dwight
.0%
0
sles finally were resolved. I ended up at a new recordcompany, EMI, and I was glad to finally be back in thestudio working on a new album. That album, "ScubaDivers," would include a new song called "Dion.Baby."
Now that things were back on track and "Mr.Wallet" was much happier, a release from this nagging,innate sensation of incompleteness seemed withinreach! I was beginning to realize that the most impor-tant creation of my life might now just be a plane ticketaway. Things had gone well in the studio, and the ses-sions were coming to an end. At lastthe time hadarrived to meet my daughter.
Just before making the trek back home to Tulsa, Ifelt a great sense of relief. Since Dion was born, I hadfelt guilty thinking that Linda may not have really
understood what I had beengoing through, and perhapsmisread my absence to meanthat I didn't care about mykid. But once I told her I wascoming home to see Dion, Ifelt she, too, was relieved toknow that, although we hadseparated, I really did want tobe a part of my daughter'slife.
I was nervous when Iarrived at the house. I reallydidn't know what to expect. Iknocked, and, after a fewlong moments, two tinyhands emerged, tugging atthe door. And there she was.
It was questionablewhether or not I had everreally found true love in mylife. But it became immedi-
1 4 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
33
ately obvious that I had been hopelesslyseduced by a squirming angel, barely a yearold, who loved to stretch my face and poke herfingers in my eyeballs and nose.
I remember, like a bozo, I paraded my kidaround Tulsa, showing her off to friends, familyand people who could care less! This "dadthing" wasn't such a bad deal after all. Before,it seemed like the only thing I was ever reallyexcited about was my "new record." Now, I hadmy "new kid!" When I finally had to return toL.A., I knew that I would never be the sameperson. I had become . . . a dad.
At that moment, it finally struck me that,while Linda had always wanted a child (and Ifigured that eventually it might happen), Inever really appreciated or understood thewhole parenthood picture. I didn't grow upholding a baby doll in my arms. Instead, I wasarmed with toy guns, monster models and,later, guitars. When I was five years old, no onesaid "Dwight, would you like a little baby?" On"Father Knows Best" and "Leave It To Beaver,"the dad was just there and the kids werealready there. What would Ward Cleaverhave done in my situation? I was raised at atime when boys were somewhat oblivious to thebaby thing. Someone else did that! I wonder ifit would be a healthier world today if little girlswould have occasionally .been faced with thetask of gluing together. Frankenstein and littleboys were encouraged to learn to change BabyBig Tear's diaper.
Anyway, over the next few years, I was ableto maintain a' fair amount of contact with Dion.There were occasional visits and phone calls,and I'd send her postcards from across the country
DION BABY
Dion you make meBetter when I was crazyWell April it was rain it was hazyBut you were my only baby
Dion baby, oh, oh, oh, Dion babyWell I wanna be with youI want to be with youI wanna be with you
Dion believe meNothing is ever easyAnd into this life that you're leadingYou're lucky you're warm
when it's freezing
Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion babyOne of these nightsI'm gonna feel your breathFingers x'd on my chest
Dion you're changingWith every moment pretendingThink of the time we be
spendingIt could be never ending
Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion babyWell I wanna be with youI'd love to be with youI wanna be with you
Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion baby!Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion baby!Dion baby oh, oh, oh, Dion baby)
Dionnio Music, administered by Bugreprinted by permission
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 15
34
when I was on tour. On a few occasions, I was able tobring her out to LA. for a few weeks, or visit her inTulsa. Trips like these can be expensive, but who canput a price on having your kid next to you onChristmas morning?
Unfortunately, for long distance dads, the size oftheir pocket books can have a direct effect on the rela-tionship they can sustain with their kids.
In 1986, I was excited about the release of my lat-est album, "Wild Dogs." My previous album, "Jungle,"had been successful and yielded the hit single, "Girls." Ithink this was the first time Dion saw me on MTV and
knew what her dad didfor a living. Things werelooking up. Once again, Imoved to another recordlabel, and I even changedthe name of my publish-ing company to DionnioMusic.
However, just a fewweeks before the releaseof the new album, thehead of my record com-pany became the focus ofan industry-wide payolascandal. The record labeland, with it, "Wild Dogs,"
seemed to vanish in a puff of smoke. There would be noradio, MTVor sales. If the problems I had before werea bad dream, this was a nightmare! I was "back in thetorture boat," watching my career sink. Simultaneously,another unforeseen ordeal was surfacing.
Linda had remarried, and suddenly my daughterwas calling another person "dad." So, what did that
: 'Wild Dogs," by Dwight
16 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
3r
/,'make me, "dad number one" or "dadnumber two"? I'm sure that there area lot of step-dads who do a great joband are sensitive to the predicamentof the child's biological father, but Istill had trouble hearing my daughtercalling someone else "dad." It was avery unsettling feeling. Talking toDion on the phone became increas-ingly awkward. She seemed inhibited,as if someone might overhear her saythe wrong thing. It made me feel evenmore distant.
I was really fortunate, in that Iactually had no problems with Dion'sstep-father. Still, even though hispresence in the household turned outto be relatively short, it was just hardto step aside and allow someone else to teach, disci-pline and assume the position of a fatherly role modelto my child. But, after all, I really had no choice in thematter. This awkward predicament is an enormousweight carried almost exclusively on the shoulders ofestranged fathers, although I am sure that separatedmothers and grandparents experience their own uniqueanguish. For those who haven't experienced it, theemotions involved are impossible to describe.
Ironically, the "communication card house" contin-ued to tilt. Since she was a baby, Dion had been closeto my girlfriend, Susan. Susan is a great per8on and areal talent. She sang on a number of my records andwas well-known as a member of the group TheCowsills. Dion and Susan would talk about "girl things"that I might otherwise never have been aware of. Butwhen, after nearly nine years, Susan and I separated,
Dion's Birthday Poem
You were far too old
when you were seven
now I find that you're eleven.
It's hard to see my baby snake
grow up so fast when I'm away.
Our kittens try to make us famous
and if we fail, their hearts
won't blame us.
But even when you're eighty-two
your dad will still, love, love, love, you.
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 17
36
66There must be a
better way to
approach this com-
munication thing.
yet another source of communication with Dion col-lapsed.
Phone calls were becoming less than rewarding aswell. Trying to carry on an intimate and personal con-versation with a rock video blaring in the backgroundwas a task in itself. At this point, with visits not practi-cal either, I still wanted to, somehow, maintain my pres-ence in Dion's life. I entered a short phase of sendingDion elaborate letters. I spent a lot of time trying tomake them amusing and clever. I included numerousintricate drawings, poems and occasional surprises.
Working on the letters really felt good up until itwas time to mail them. But the minute I dropped themin post box, it was like they disappeared. They weregone. The same was true at Christmas and on her birth-days. As soon as the last gift was packed and ready tobe mailed, I'd start feeling depressed. That Christmasor birthday was overfor me. I rarely got to see herface when she opened her presents.
I was always thrilled to receive any letter from Dion.However, in this "Nintendo-MTV world" we live in, mostpre-teens don't invest huge amounts of time writing let-ters. While I treasured every one, my daughter's lettersproved to be of little value as far as figuring out whatwas really happening in her life. In one letter, I mightlearn two things: Yes, she got my last post card and"Everything A Dad Ever Wanted To KnowAbout HerNewest Video Game!"
I kept thinking there must be a better way toapproach this communication thing. And what could Ido that would elevate my visibility in Dion's mind whenI'm half a continent away? I decided to try an experi-ment.
I decided to put myself in my daughter's place. Ithought back to when I was about her age. I remem-bered how a teacher surprised my class with a test on
18 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
37
the first day of school. Irecalled the sighs andgroans that filled theclassroom. But as thetests were being passedout, I began to hear gig-gling-7-and then laugh-terbecause this test wasdifferent. It was fun. Itasked personal questions,
like, "Who would you like for your boyfriend or girl-friend?" It was the only time I remember evervine inmy class enjoying a test. I knew my daughter liked toread, write and draw. So, why not? I decided to createmy own test, just for her. The idea was so simple, itseemed too good to be true.
I thought it would be a fun and personal question-naire from dad, but it really turned out to be much,much more.
Without thinking much about it, I pulled out a sheetof notebook paper and just started writing questions. Ikept them simple. (Yes or no, fill in the blanks, etc.)Most of all, I tried to come up with questions aboutthings we had in common in our personal relationship. Ialso included questions that I hoped she would thinkwere funny or might spark her imagination.
I thought if I made it light and entertaining, nowand then I could toss in a question about something Ireally wanted an answer to. I called it "The Dad'sQuestions For Dion Test." Before sealing the envelope, Ihad another thought. I took a second envelope, put astamp and my address on it and slipped it in along withthe test. The idea was to make it easier for Dion to getit back to me. Then, just before mailing the test, I had astartling revelation. I didn't have that depressing "letterdisappears into nowhere" feeling. This time, it was dif-
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 19
38
"Bitty Bacawn,"
by Dwight
.441(
litiot /9,c°4 '''^1::1141,4)44,00 .a-trS Et. ko".
'. .1 - (4: ",' I\ \-A-\ /
L--L':--
A
: Dionne's Letter
ferent. In fact, it was excit-ing! As I placed the test inthe mail, I felt like the kidsending away for the "secretdecoder ring" from the backof the cereal box!
With the holidays aroundthe corner, I had alreadybegun my neurotic quest topurchase every crazy toy onthe planet. After all, it hadbeen my duty to supply Dionwith an endless army ofCabbage Patch Kids, dollsthat did things that scaredme, and a host of mind-alter-ing Japanese gizmos.
Rusty nails in my eyeswould be better than myDion being let down atChristmas. And, God forbid,I might screw up that oneannual golden opportunitywhen fathers are, for a
minute, most likely to garner their child's attention andreaffirm the concept that dad really exists. I thought,if this "Dad's Test" idea worked, I might try another,and maybe find out what she really wanted forChristmas. I didn't have to wait very long.
In a matter of daysbang! There it was, at mydoor. The testsent back and completed! I couldn'tbelieve it. It was great! In fact, it was supercalifragilis-ticexpialidocious! Apparently, the test had struck anerve with young Ms. Twilley. She seemed to instantlyunderstand the whole concept. At this point, I knew Iwas on to something!
20 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
39
I got such a kick out of reading Dion's forthright
answers! I learned much more from this single ques-
tionnaire than I had from all of her previous letters.Immediately, I envisioned how I could easily expand
and improve upon the next test. A host of new ques-
tions filled my mindthings I might never have gotten
around to asking her in a letter or on the phone.
At first, I was patting myself on the back overthe success of the test. My "dadly" head had swollen
to such proportions that it was no longer easy pass-
ing through doorways! Finally, though, I had toforce myself to come down to Earth long enough torealize that my daughter was as much a part of this
as I was. Wow! We were doing this together! Still, I
took great satisfaction in knowing that this Christmas I
would know exactly which Japanese gizmos to grab
and maybe evenwhat they were!
I was soon todiscover that thereis something veryspecial and magi-cal about the worldof the Dad's Tests.It's a world whereit's safe to say any-thing you want. It'sa world wheremake-believe isokay. It's a world where dreams and fantasies are born.
It's a world where parent and child meet on equal
ground. It's a world where there's always enough time,
and distance doesn't matter. It's a world without barri-
ers. It's a perfect world.Unlike the letters I had sent in the past, the Dad's
Tests never disappear, and believe me, they're much
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 21
40
A
"Me, Daddy, My Dog,"
by Dionne
more than most keepsakes. They're a chronicle of avery special relationship I now have with my daughter.
Coincidentally, just days after her first completedtest arrived, I received a rare phone call from Dion. I'llnever forget the excitement in her voice: "Dad! Sendmore tests!"
22 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
41
LOOKING ATTHESE TESTS
R fight off the bat, I want to make one thing clear.
I never thought of myself as any 1 ..:1 of child
psychologist or expert with kids. In fact, if you
totalled up all the days I've been able to spend with my
daughter since she was born, I'm sure it would unfor-tunately fall short of a year's time. So whatever I can
do to add even an hour or two to that precious year is
well worth it to me. I look at these tests as "quality
absentee time." The bottom line is, these question-naires have been fun for me and fun for my daughter.
When there are more than a thousand miles between
you and your childor another obstacle that may feel
like the equivalentfun is a rare and cherished com-
modity. This is what I hope to pass on to you.
I realize that the thought of a rock songwriterwhose first hit song's lyrics were "You ain't, you ain't,
you ain't got no lover" trying to write a book about par-
enting is, at the very least, humorous. Regardless, I will
try to shed some light on this goofy idea that turned
out to be a landmark event in my world as a distant
dad.Before I started writing this book, I thought it
would be a good idea to go back and review all the
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 23
42
66i look at
these tests
as quality
absentee
time.
99
Dionne's "An alien fromMars," from 1991.
ur
tests I had sent to Dion. Besides, it had always beenfun to pull out an old test and "relive the moment."
So I go to my closet and yank down the large card-board box where I keep all of Dion's photos, letters andvarious memorabilia. Sorting through stacks of draw-
ings and Christmas cards, Iuncover a few, forgotten testsfrom years past. My search isperiodically distracted bydrawings of indescribable crea-tures that were supposed to beme. Finally, I believe I've locat-ed all of the "Dad's Tests."
Now here I sit, looking atthese tests. As I lay them out infkont of me and begin tothumb through them, a num-ber of things are going throughmy mind. The worst thing is, Iwish I had come up with theidea years earlier, when shefirst began to read and write.Fortunately, these tests have atleast provided me with aunique and invaluable chroni-cle of my relationship with mydaughter over the last fewyears, and the promise ofmuch more in the years ahead.I know that when I finally packmy bags for the old folks
home, the Dad's Tests will not be left behind.Also, I'm surprised to find nearly seventy-five
pages of tests, beginning with the first, which wasmerely the front and back of a single sheet of note-book paper. I recall how I quickly learned that thestaunch demand for longer and more challenging tests
24 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
43
had to be met. This called for much experimentationand imagination.
In subsequent tests, I began to add Where'sWaldo? type drawings and ambitious dot-to-dotadventures. I kept adding spices and otheringredients to the "test recipe." The forcesof supply and demand eventually dictatedthat one hundred questions would be theacceptable length for what constituted areal Dad's Test. Under a hundred ques-tions, dad was holding out; over a hundredseemed a bit much. Hence, "The Dad'sQuestions For Dion Test" evolved into "100Questions From Dad." I considered the evo-lution from a single sheet of notebookpaper to as many as eighteen pages, com-plete with color-photocopy cover in a clearplastic binder, to be a milestone in "long-distance-dadness."
I think of the four or five hours spent over a coupleof weeks preparing each test as a high-yield invest-ment. However, I recall many times I'd stall out aroundquestion number seventy-five. How could I come upwith twenty-five more questions that would keep herattention and have any real meaning? Somehow,though, after the required amount of "pacing and eras-ing," I found I could always nudge my way to the centu-ry mark, and, when I'd finish, I'd think to myself,"What was I worried about? Dad conquers anothertest!"
And of course, once a test was in the mail, a num-ber of questions I wished I would have asked wouldinstantly come to mind!
When I stand back and look at all the tests as awhole, I ask myself, "What was I trying to do?" First, Iguess I was just trying to communicate with my daugh-
ter all the silly little things; subjects too trivial to con-
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 25
4.4
A
Dionne as Cleopatra,
Halloween, 1990
A
Dad on stage, .1
by Dionne
stitute a letter or a phone call. If there were things thatwe could share the same sense of humor about, thatwas, at least, a beginning.
The game-like environment of these recurringquizzes created a kind of "synthesized camaraderie"that would more likely be present between a parent andchild in the atmosphere of day-to-day chatter under thesame roof. That's one of the reasons why I like to askher about her pets and things that surround her, andhave always included recurring references to subjectsthat are private jokes no one else would understand."Baby Snakes" and "The Little Man In Chinatown" havebeen staple themes.
My second intention was, of course, to find outwhat was happening in Dion's life. Occasionally, I waslooking for a serious answer to a serious question, butthe little things, like her favorite cookie, were just asimportant.
At a glance, here's a random list of things I'velearned from the Dad's Tests over the years:
26 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
45
I: On Halloween of 1990, my daughter was Cleopatra.
2: How to find warps in Mario
3: My daughter knows that drugs are dangerous and stupid.
4: Receiving any kind of clothes for Christmas is an abomination.
5: Science is my daughter's favorite subject in school.
6: Liver should be buried in the backyardnot served for dinner!
7: She is very happy where she lives.
8: Her cat "Princess" plays a great piano!
9: If anyone ever hurt my daughter, she wouldn't hesitate to tell me
about it.
10: My daughter has a great sense of humor. She is sweet, intelligent
and will always be my "baby snake."
Now, here is a list of things I think Dion may have
learned from the tests:
1: Her dad is willing to spend the time required to construct these tests
for her.
2: Dad's cat "Mow" likes to type letters and send them to her cat,
"Princess."
3: How to draw "old Grandpa Snake."
4: Dad speaks "Nintendo."
5: Dad can be pretty silly.
6: How she and her dcid can communicate through their art.
7: Dad is concerned for her happiness.
8: Dad is interested in the way she looks at things.
9: Dad wants to be a part of her life despite the distance between us.
10: Her dad love, love, love, love, love,
loves her.
One could argue that I couldhave learned about Cleopatra onHalloween through a letter orphone call. But I'm sure I neverwould have known how wellPrincess plays piano!
I know I'll have to face thefact that, sometime in the future,these questionnaires could lose
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 27
46
A"State Fair,"
: by Dwight
their appeal. It's hard to predict how the Dad's Testswill weather the teenage years.
Dads have a lot to compete with out there. Justbeing a teen automatically crowds a kid's social calen-dar. With shopping malls, homework, school activities,sports and, inevitably, boyfriends and girlfriends, adadespecially a long distance dadcan end up with apretty small piece of the pie! All in all, this can be apretty hard pill to swallow. But, the fact is, it wasn'tyour child's idea to place his or her father away fromhome in the first place. With so many new doors wait-ing to be opened, forfeiting special holidays and themagic and romance of summer to spend time with the"old man" may become less and less palatable. Walkingthat "teenage tightrope," teetering between the securityof "just being a kid" and the lure of adulthood is anadventure in itself. All this will, no doubt, be tuggingaway from the boring chore of writing to pop. ("Whatdo I say to this ancient dude?")
28 QUESTtONS FROM DAD
47
By customizing and adjusting my tests for a morepreoccupied recipient, I'm hoping they'll survivethrough a time when they may be more valuable thanever. Perhaps the new fast and "user-friendly" routineof these novel questionnaires may earn that ever-so-important moment of attention and verify that dad isnot only alive, but eats at Burger King with Elvis! Whoknows? The old Dad's Test might be a welcome relief inthe midst of college exams.
Lastly, what about that awkward moment when afriend or family member inquires about your separatedchild? Instead of the sad scenario they might expect,dazzle them with a glance at your latest test! These arenot treasures to be buried. Dion and I have no qualmsabout letting the world know what the Snake familylooks like on Christmas day. Besides the fact that we'reboth really a couple of hams, I really get a kick out ofshowing people the quizzes. The idea of pulling out oldletters or photos pales next to the epic blockbusterimpact of a Dad's Test!
I'm pretty sure that my method could work for a lotof people, and, while the impact of Dad's Test idea maynot change the world as we know it, I'm quite sure thatthousands of cats and dogs will both improve theirpiano playing skills and feel less inhibited about writingletters to their feline and canine friends across thecountry!
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 29
48'InillM
GETTING YOURFEET WET
Now that you are ready to "take the plunge," Iwill try to guide you through the constructionof your first "Dad's Test."
It's important to remember that these tests are anongoing experiment. You may find a different approachthat I haven't even thought of. Of course, the content ofyour quiz will vary according to your child's age andsex, but I think children's appreciation for the attentionthe tests provide is universal. As soon as your child isable to read and write, he or she is a candidate for theDad's Test. Before you begin, you may want to take alook at any letters, schoolwork or other examples ofyour son's or daughter's writing skills. This will helpyou choose words that your youngster will understand.
You may want to begin by thinking of a name foryour first test. I encourage you to select a title that bothrelates the idea of the quiz and makes it clear that it ispersonalizedjust between you and your child. Forexample, "The Dad's Test For Susan" or "25 QuestionsFor Michael From Dad." If you feel the word "test" maybe intimidating, remember, there are no rules! The"tests" have worked well for me, but you may want to
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 31
49
66Keep
your first
test short,
20 to 40
questions.
77
A
"Complete thedrawing," fromDad's Test, 1993.
call your quiz "Karen's Fun Book From Dad" or "Dad'sQuestion Game For Craig."
I suggest that you keep your first questionnaire rea-sonably shortsay twenty to forty inquiries. Make arough list of any questions that you're sure you want toask. List the names of your child's pets, friends, toys,games and any other subjects he or she can easilyrelate to. Use the lists to help create your questions.Once you have selected a title, you are ready for themajor hurdlethe first question.
Start with very light inquiries which immediatelyand clearlydemonstrate that the test is supposed tobe fun.
1. "What is your favorite TV show?"2. "What is your dog's favorite T.V. show?"
If you have any questions of a serious nature, makesure they are well-insulated by lots of silliness! Within achain of wacky inquiries, a spontaneous answer to aserious question is more likely. (On the other hand,don't be surprised if a goofy question receives an unex-pected serious response.)
As your quiz takes form, it's important that youkeep it interesting. This is crucial in keeping yourchild's attention and can be accomplished by constantlychanging question styles and adding artistic activities.
32 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
Examples of different question styles
TRUE/FALSE
You should never eat anything bigger than your own head.
True False
MULTIPLE CHOICE
What does your room look like?
A. Neat and clean
B. Not too bad
C. Disaster area
YES/NODo you help your mom around the house?
Yes No
YES/NO/OTHER OPTIONS
Do you like school?
Yes No A little A lot
WHICH IS BEST
Which is best?
Hamburger Hot Dog
FILL IN THE BLANK
There was a little man in town.
NAME THINGSWhat would be a good name for a home video for
us to make?
SYMBOL IN THE BOX
Put a "." in the box if you love it.
Put a "0" in the box if you like it.
Put a "G" in the box if you don't like it.
Put a "X" in the box if you hate it.
Liver [ 1 Apple Juice [ 1 Popcorn [ 1
LIST
List the names of all of your pets.
1.
2.
3.
"Duck," by Dionne
V
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 33
51.
66The test
is supposed
to be fun.
/7
FILL-IN-THE-BLANK-STORY
There once was a
town ofgirl who lived in the
CHALLENGE
Write your name the best you can
Write your name the worst you can.
Adding art activities will also help add interest toyour questionnaire. While you may or may not have anyartistic skills yourself, it's not too hard to use a straightedge to draw a box, trace a square object or to simplywrite "Draw A Picture Of Your Dog." Kids love to draw,and there seems to be no limit to their imagination. Tofulfill this appetite over the past three years, I havemade some bizarre and wide ranging requests.
"Draw the Snake Family At Christmas""Draw the Worst Insect""Draw a Singing Fish Head""Draw an Alien From Mars""Draw the Flea Christmas Parade""Draw Rudolph the Red-Nosed Mallard"
Never in the entire realm of "dad-testology" has asingle one of these challenges failed to be met and con-quered, often with mind-boggling results. I fmd it inter-esting and rewarding that, even from a distance, I'mable to fuel my daughter's imagination, and then havemy own outlook broadened. Now when I close my eyesand envision an alien from Mars, only Dion's unearthlyillustration comes to mind.
Additional (more Earthbound) artistic request.;might be:
34 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
52
HOUSE MOTHER ROOM
SCHOOL SIBLINGS MONSTERS
FRIENDS RELATIVES ANIMALS
PETS XMAS TREE SANTA
TOYS FAMILY CAR CARTOON CHARACTERS
Throughout this book, I have used samples of artthat Dion and I have used to correspond with eachother over the years. Dion's rendering of "Princess andHer Servants" certainly rivals my "Cat WithSunglasses." I see a more than coincidental similarityin their styles. Don't be intimidated by all of the artin my tests. Your cartoonish doodle or mindless scrib-bling could easily invoke a greater response fromyour youngster than a carefully planned out drawing.Remember. . . . "Stick People" are funny!
"Squiggles" can also be fun. It's easy for anyone todraw a couple of squiggly linesand request: "Complete theSquiggle." The results are impos-sible to predict. Also, try draw-ing heads with no faces, houseswith no doors or windows andrequest: "Complete theDrawing."
Participating in your child'sart can create an unusual cama-raderie. The same is true withother forms of participation-stylequestions, like the "fill-in-the-blank stories." However, it is alittle embarrassing when thekid's work turns out better thanyours!
Try experiments. On one ofmy latest tests, I tried making acrossword puzzle using words and
"Cat with
Sunglasses,"
by Dwight
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 35
53
A
Stick people
are funny!"Zorro,"by Dwight
names that were common Dad's 'Pest lingo.Completing the puzzle, I had learned twothings:
1. I will never try to create anothercrossword puzzle as long as I live.
2. It was different, and she'll probablyget a kick out of it. You may be a whiz atmaking puzzles. I'll stick to heads with nofaces.
Of course, Dion loved the crossword puzzle, andrequested more!
I'm well aware that many dads have more than oneestranged child, and having more than one child maycreate a few obstacles and call for additional effort.Naturally, you will want to make sure that your atten-tion is equally distributed between your children. WhileI can't speak from experience, I can at least suggest afew hints that might lighten the load.
Make a photocopy of your test and send the sametest to all your children at once, with personalized titlepages.
Same process as above, only completely omit afew questions, leaving the spaces blank. After copying,just add in those few questions with personalizedinquiries according to age, gender, etc.
Send a test to your eldest child. Early in the test,request: "Tell your little sister that the next test dadsends will be for her." Later in the test, ask: "Did yourremeber to tell your sister that dad is sending her a testnext?" Later in the test, ask: "Since you are getting to
36 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
54
be such a grown up boy, can you help your little sisterwith her dad's test when it comes?"
Split one test in half. "Fifty Questions for Rockyand Chanti." The first 25 for your eldest, followed by arequest that the test then be passed to the youngerchild, perhaps ending with questions the two can dotogether.
Send a "smorgasbord-test." One test to be passedfrom child to child. Each question has multiple, person-alized spaces for each child s answer.
Here's an example:
What is your favorite video game?
Phil's aswer
Ed's answer
Wendy's answer
Hopefully, all the preceding suggestions and advicewill be of some value in helping you with your firstDad's Test! Here are some additional tips to make your
"The All New Dad'sQuestions forDion Test"
V
QUESTIONS 37
64Subjects are
as numerous
as the
problems and
achievements of
childhood.
99
early questionnaires more effective and ensure theirreturn.
When your first quiz is completed and ready to bemailed, don't forget to include instructions. Avoid alengthy letter that might dilute your intent here.Instead, write a simple note:
Dear Carrie,
Here is the "Dad's Test For Carrie 1994." Please answer the
questions as best you can.
When you are finished, put the test in the j envelope and
mail it back to me.
I hope you have fun with this testi
Love,
Dad
You probably will want to continue to include theseinstructions in succeeding tests until you're sure the rou-tine has been established. If possible, a few phone callsbefore and after your child receives the first test will helpfurther explain the test and, hopefully, get your childexcited about the idea.
Another way that may help expedite the initial testprocess is using a brightly colored envelope for thereturn of the test. I strongly feel that the whole 'Dad'sTest" concept would be crippled without the all-impor-tant, self-addressed-postage-paid return envelope. Thebright red envelope will be easily identifiable from yourinstructions. I've found it to be a simple and invaluableaid to my daughter for returning her completed test tome. 100 questions lost in the "black hole" of "toy boxhell" are no good to anyone!
Depending on the age of your son or daughter, asmall amount of participation from the custodial parentmay be required in the early stages of "dad-testing." Youmay have accidentally used a word that your childdoesn't understand or can't read. And, even with your
38 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
56
prepared, colored return envelope, itmight require a more responsiblehand to drop it in the mail box. Inmost cases, I would hope the custo-dial parent would welcome positivecommunication between his or herson or daughter and the separatedparent, simply because it's healthyfor the child to have contact withboth parents.
In my case, Dion was already tenwhen I began sending the tests, and,fortunately, automatically locked intothe process. Linda told me that,when a test would arrive, Dion wouldmysteriously disappear into herroom. The next day the test would bemailed with nothing said to mom. Onother occasions, Dion would showher the latest rendering of "The Snake Family atChristmas," or, out of the blue, make strange inquirieslike "How do you spell dad's middle name?"
Initially, establishing the routine of your tests maybe a little awkward for all the parties involved. Justremember to keep any explanations simple and posi-tive. Hopefully, it will not be long before your question-naires will be as they were intendedjust between youand your child.
After subsequent tests have established the routine,you may want to embellish or expand the title to sustalainterest and to focus on particular subjects. A coverpage can be a nice touch. It can capture "the pupil's"attention and make your test look more "official." Writethe title of your test in BIG letters on the top of a cleansheet of paper (possibly colored paper), then affix aphoto or two underneath (shots of you, your child orpets are trustworthy subjects). Try a drawing. You'll be
.---Atuamnatcuatcr---:*"."----*MASUArtainitti=
.
'4-'7-7"
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 39
57
A
A sample cover.
asking your kid to draw; show your son or daughteryou're willing to meet them on equal ground. Zip overto the corner copy store and make a couple of colorprints. Be creative. Your "Norman Rockwell MeetsSalvadore Da li" cover page will give your test personali-ty and will also be a great memento for you and yoursprout.
The cover page design may be motivated by yourmore elaborate test title or title that addresses a specif-ic subject. Here are some examples:
The All New Dad's Test for Jan"
"50 Questions from DadThe Special Edition"
"The 1994 Christmas Test for Tommy"This test will serve to arm you with thestrategic insight to face the ever changingarsenal of G.I. Joe, video and sports para-phernalia, and, thus, help you survive theannual siege at Toys 'R Us.
The Johnnie's Trip to Texas Test"Your child may be coming to visit you or tak-ing some other trip (i.e. summer camp forthe first time) which could be the source ofsome anxiety. This test may help smootheither road.
linda's 10th Birthday Test from Dad"What is the perfect gift? How does she feelabout growing older? This test is anotherway of asserting your presence on her birth-day from a distance.
"Dad's Test to Joe About Scooter"This test could address the loss of a friend,relative or beloved pet.
As you can see, the possibilities for tests that focuson specific subjects are as numerous as the problemsand achievements of childhood.
40 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
5S
After you get through yourfirst couple of tests, you'll startto get a feel for what works, whatdoesn't work and what reallyworks. When something reallyworks, don't hesitate to repeatthe same type of question oractivity again and again in futuretests.
Sometimes, you may be sur-prised by a question that receiveslittle or no response. Remember,a youngster's entire view of lifecan change on an hourly basis.Wait a while, and try the samequestion again on a later quiz.The results may surprise you.
Remember to seek out topicsthat are exclusive between you and your child, as theyhelp to create a string of reminders that you are a realfatherand a real person.
It's understandable that your tests will grow inlength. In this multi-media world, a couple of pieces ofpaper with questions on them may not continue to earnthe same interest as what your test will likely evolveinto, perhaps something like the shiny, thick bookletwith the color-laserprint cover that I now use. Whoknows? In a couple of years, I may have to go "hard-back!"
However, it's ironic how, as your child gets older,it's possible that the tests may start to get shorter, andeventually return to their original twenty to forty ques-tion length to accommodate for the shrinking timeallotted us distant dads. Once again, we're back to try-ing to keep their attention.
Perhaps, soon, computers and other interactivedevices will come to the rescue, with "digital dads" zap-
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 41
59
ADionne's "Pals"
"Freddy the Frogand a Friend," :by Dionne
ping their tests across the country, spitting out wild,high-tech graphics and offering new mental challenges.
I've found that it's kind of a funny Catch-22. On theone hand, as your tests get longer, you can get tired orbored coming up with more and more questions. But,on the other hand, once you've received back the com-pleted test, poring over the answers can be such a gas,
that you end up wishing you had scrawled pagesand pages more.
Somewhere along the line, I'm sure you willfind yourself, as I have, nearing the hundredquestion mark (or whatever personal goal you'veset for your test), and then experiencing thatspecial moment when you feel you are no longercapable of rational thought, let alone coming upwith any more questions. Usually, the bestresolve is to simply put it away until tomorrow.Give it a rest! Then, when you're relaxed and
ready to carry on, a glance through the random list ofquestion categories that follows might inspire an idea.For further assistance in constructing your test, consultthe following chapter, "Checklist and TroubleshootingGuide."
"Menagerie,"by Dwight
42 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
GO
100 CATEGORIES FOR DAD'S QUESTIONS1. School situations 46. Cleanliness 74. Phones and phone numbers
2. Friends and aquaintances 47. Doctors, dentists and shots 75. Chores
3. Social situations 48. Glasses and braces 76. Summer camp
A. Sex and sexuality 49. Bed wetting 77. Nature
5. Peer pressures 50. Birth and babies 78. The environment
6. Adolescence and puberty 5L Siblings 79. Places visited
7. Death or serious illness 52. Safety 80. Places to visit
8. Pets/death of a pet 53. Discipline 81. Space travel
9. Hobbiei and collections 54. laws and rules 82. Cars, planes and trains
10. Living conditions 55. Patriotism 83. Gift desires
11. Sleeping habits 56. Gossip and rumors 84. Possible careers
12. Dreams and nightmares 57. Manners 85. Current events /news
13. Food likes and dislikes 58. Fighting and roughhousing 86. War and famine
14. Cooking 59. Pillow fights 87. Computers
15. Sweets and snacks 60. Food fights 88. The weather
16. Pizza 61. Mud wrestling 89. Slang
17. Dinosaurs 62. Money 90. Santa and his elves
18. Anything Disney 63. Fears and insecurities 91. Exercise
19. Entertainment 64. Depression 92. Jokes
20. Movies 65. Boredom 93. Complaints
21. Movie stars 66. Hostilities 94. Art
22. T.V. shows 67. Abuse or harassment 95. Clubs
23. T.V. stars 68. Good and evil 96. Jumping on beds
24. Music 69. Heroes and villains 97. Frogs
25. Music stars 70. Wealth and status 98. Warts and pimples
26. Games 71. Racism and prejudice 99. Spills and messes
27. Cartoons 72. Malls and shopping 100.. . . and
28. Comics 73. Fads and fashion DAD'S TESTS!
29 Books
30. Toys
31. Theme parks
32. Sports
33. Sports teams and stars
34. MTV
35. UFO's
36. Ghosts
37. Drugs and alcohol
38. Smoking
39. Parental separation stress
40. Responsibility
41. Religion
42. Holidays
43. Family awareness
44. Morality
45. Aesthetics
61
CHECKLIST ANDTROUBLESHOOTINGGUIDE
Wbile constructing your test, take advantageof this handy checklist and guide. This listcould help solve a problem, provide moti-
vation or at least establish a direction that may affordyou the same success I have enjoyed with my question-naires.
1. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!
Sure you do! Use a yellow legal pad. Place it in plainsight on a bedside table or some place where you like torelax. Get into a habit of adding just a few questions toyour test each day. It will only take a couple of minutesof your time daily, perhaps before bed or during yourlunch break. Your questions will be more well thoughtout if you don't feel pressured, and you'll be surprisedhow quickly your quiz is completed. Remember, yourtest can be as longor as shortas you like.
2. WILL I ALWAYS BE WORKING ON THESE TESTS?
Hardly! Two or three good tests per year shouldkeep you in touch with your child and supply you withplenty of informationperhaps before Christmas, dur-
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 45
62
44Make sure
you keep
your tests
interesting.
99
"Plane Sense,"by Dwight
ing the summer or in the fall. Ifyou want to do more, great!
3. MY KID HATES TESTS!
So, don't call it one! Give yourquiz a happy or exciting title."Secret Questions For Sarah" or"Dad's Amazing Crazy Quiz Game."
4. USE A PENCIL!
You'll save a lot of time cor-recting an error or changing aquestion when it can be easilyerased.
5. MAKE IT EASY TO READ
Try to' print yourITAL letters. Ofcourse, avoid usingwords above yourchild's vocabularyor reading skill.Shy away from typ-ing, if possible. It'stoo much like a"real" test.However, a typedtest is better thanno test. If you andyour child are intocomputers, you canuse a PC to con-struct your test.You might even
questions using easy-to-read CAP-
46 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
63
want to go "direct-to-disk" and send a "floppy-test" toyour digital son or daughter! But remember, if you usea typewriter or computer, more creativity or sillinessmay be required to keep your test from taking on toomuch of an "academic" appearance. Don't forget, yourtest should be intimateandfun!
6. MAKE IT FUN!
Why? So, to quote mydaughter, "It's not boring, like aletter!" This is especially impor-tant if there are some seriousquestions you would like to gethonest and uninhibited answersto. Insulate your sober inquirieswith lots of lighthearted andsilly exchanges. A forthrightanswer to a "heavy" question ismore likely to surface when sur-rounded by queries like "DO YOU THINKSHOULD BE DECORATED WITH PIZZA?"
7. WHAT IS FUN?
CHRISTMAS TREES
Things from your child's worldquestions aboutyour son or daughter's friends, pets, toys, etc. "CAN YOUFIND THE FIRST WARP IN SUPER MARIO?" "DRAW A PICTURE OF
YOUR DOG READING A BOOK."
8. IMAGINATION
Make sure you have included some questions ortasks that will allow your child to use his or her imagi-nation. "DRAW A PICTURE OF AN ALIEN FROM MARS." "HOW OLD
DO YOU THINK SANTA CLAUSE IS?"
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 47
64
A Complete the squiggle,
from "The All NewBigger and Better
Than Ever 1991
Dad's Questions for: Dionne Test: The Next
Generation."
"Mom's Rules,"
by Dionne
9. HAVE CRAYON WILLTRAVEL
Don't forget the art! ADad's Test without requestsfor drawings is like peanutbutter without jelly! If thou-sands of dads ask for picturesof "The Alien From Mars,"maybe we'll find out what thelittle bugger really looks like!
10. DOES DAD REALLYEXIST?
Or is he just "the guy whosends stuff on holidays orbirthdays?" Try to think ofthings you have in common,such as places or experiencesyou have shared or thingsthat only you and your childwill remember. "WHAT WAS THE
MOST FUN THING WE DID AT AT
DISNEYLAND?" These questions
will remind your child that "dad" really does exist! Hetook you to Disneyland, remember?
11. THE REPETITION GAME
Choose a common experience, like a song you mayhave sung together or a story you shared. Each timeyou send a new test, find a different way of askingabout the same experience. This can become your own"private joke" with your child. "A SPOONFUL OF SUGARHELPS THE GO DOWN." "TRUE OR FALSE: A SPOON-
FUL OF SALT HELPS THE MEDICINE GO DOWN."
48 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
65
12. WE'RE TALKIN' SHORT ATTENTION SPAN .
Make sure you keep your test interesting. This canbe accomplished by mixing a wide variety of questionstyles. Use a "multiple choice" question followed by a"true or false" and then a "draw a picture in the box"request. Try to create surprises. "DID YOU THINK THE LAST
QUESTION WAS STUPID ?" "WRITE YOUR NAME BACKWARDS."
13. MESSAGES
Messages can be subtly placed into your questions.Perhaps there's something you'd like your youngster toknowperhaps something as simple as the fact that youmiss them. "DO YOU THINK IF I DIDN'T LIVE SO FAR AWAY I
WOULDN'T MISS YOU SO MUCH?"
14. DAMAGE CONTROL
I would strongly suggest you avoid questions thatmight draw other parties into what should be a very pri-vate dialogue between you and your child. "DO YOU HELPMOM AROUD THE HOUSE?" is okay, but "IS YOUR STEP-FATHER
EVER MEAN TO YOU?"
might create prob-lems. "IS ANYONE EVER
MEAN TO YOU?" is much
better. In general, stayaway from names.Your harmless inten-tions could inviteinterference from anunexpected source.There's always thepossibility you'llreceive an answer
"Nativity Scene,"by Dionne
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 49
66
you're really not happy withor even one that alarmsyou. But, at least, then you'll know, and can take appro-priate action.
15. GETTING YOUR TEST BACK
By enclosing the all important postage-paid-self-addressed return envelope, you instantly limit the poten-tial of third-party participation, which can often benegatively apatheticor just plain negative. The pre-
prepared envelope allowsyour child the privacy andindependence to simplyanswer the questions andplace them in the mail with-out any additional adultsupervision. Leaving theresponsibility of postage andfinding envelopes to yourchildor a third partycanseriously jeopardize the com-pletion and return of the test!
A"The
Professor"
by Dwight
16. USE YOUR OLD TESTS
After you've made yourway through a few question-naires, take advantage ofyour old tests! Review thequizzes for questions to be
followed up on, repeat activities that were well receivedand create new questions based on some of the unex-pected responses. This will give your tests continuityand keep the dialogue meaningful!
17. DON'T BE A TEACHER!
When you receive a completed test back from yourchild, avoid the temptation to correct grammar or
SO QUESTIONS FROM DAD
67
spelling errors! This is not whatthese tests are about. Such scrutinywill take away the fun and inhibitfuture candid and frank responses.If anything, "grade" your child'scandor and imagination. Circle par-ticularly honest or open answersand send back a copy of the testwith big red "A+ !"
18. EXPERIMENT
Anything goesmaybe betterthan you think!
A-Elf and
Dog," byDwight
QUESTIONS FRO" DAD 51
63
SPINOFFS ANDSPECIAL GUESTS
Much like a successful television series, theDad's Tests have created "spinoffs," likewhen Danny Thomas was pulled over for
speeding by a then-unknown Sheriff Andy Taylor ofMayberry or when Richie Cunningham and The Fonztraded laughs with Laverne and Shirley. It's interestinghow a question or subject included in a test may takeon a life of its own. The nature of these spinoffs seemsto be that they just appear unexpectedly. The very firstspinoff that I experienced was, perhaps, the best exam-ple.
I think it was about the time I was waiting for thereturn of the second or third test I had sent to Dion. Iwas having a lot of fun thinking of the questions andwaiting to see what kind of response they would yield.It was all still pretty new to me, and what I might havethought was a great question could receive a "dud"response, while an answer to a blatant, straight-forwardquestion would have me rolling on the floor.
I remember picking up the mail and finding a parcelfrom Dion. Right away I felt that adrenalin rush andthought, `Aah, this must be the latest test." But then Inoticed that something wasn't right. The package didn'tappear to be large enough to contain the test. I opened
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 53
69
66A question
in a test may
take on a life
of its own.
.Im y +4, .-+ le e49Stell 11419911.
. Mir.; DodiChi. wriral7X6 r+
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9
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Dionne's "A Few Questions
for Dad" Test.
it, completely oblivious to the revelation I was about toexperience. I couldn't believe my eyes! Never in a thou-sand years would I have expected what I was now hold-ing in my hands: "A FEW QUESTIONS FOR DAD." Dion had
created her own test for me to answer!After picking my mouth up off the floor, I felt that
the test idea had come full circle. It was kind of a natur-al evolution, but I never saw it coming.
Periodically I would try little experiments, just tosee what might strike a nerve or add some new angle tothe tests. Once, I sent Dion a letter explaining that mycat Mow had written to me on Christmas Eve. Ienclosed "Mow's Letter" with mine, with the intentionof getting her response in the test to follow.
54 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
0 BEST COPY AVAILABLE
I, MOW The Kitty, DO pLEdge to KEEp thiS Sacred OATH, anD To the BEST of my
KITTY AbiLitiEs wiLL FulfiLL all duTies set Forth in THIS AGREEmenT:
1. I PromiSe to TRy To SIT in Dad'S Lap EVERy Waking HOUR Of the day.
2. ShouLd HE walk arounD. I wiLL follow HiM to evEry room in thE houSe.
3. if He getS too near THe puPPy, i Will sTAnd iN AnotHer rooM ANd cry.
4. If hE lays DowN, I wILL lAy on his sTomAch aNd kNEad mY paWs On HIs cHeSt
aNd puRRR.
5. WheN hE GoeS TO SLeep. i Will PaW aT his eyes, noSE And LiPs until hE letS
Me unDeR the coveRS, WHerE i wILL SLeeP beTwEen hiS LeGS.
6. if hE gETS uP duRiNa THe NighT I Will geT UP too, anD theN rePEAt the
whOL, pRoceSS.
7. I voW to hisS aNd to trY To sWAt the pUPpy aT leAst 4 Times A dAy.
8. i PRomiSe TO aTTacK, kiLL, aND eaT All sPiDeRs aND FLiEs.
9. I will MAke weiRd soUndS WHen i sEE BirDe oUTsiDe the WiNdoW.
10. wheN cLeaN launDRy iS placed anywHERs in the houSe, iT Is my duTy to coME
LaY oN it, befoRE it is folDed.
11. I WiLL, wiThoUt FAil, sPenD at LEast 30 minuTeS a dAY cleANinG, swEEping
and crEAting aRtisTic desiGNS iN my CAt bOX.
12. I will maKe suRE thaT a nuMBeR of spec/CS of kiTTy liTTeR aRe uniQuEly
pLaCed throughout dab's rOOm on A daiLy baSis.
13. I will faiTHFully conDemN all baLLOONS to deaTh.
14. iT iS MY joS to siT on aNY PAper oR maGaZinE That daD would likE to rEAd
or wRiTe on.
15. AnyThing tHat is oPen, thAt I can fiT iNto, I will go iN.
16. WhenEVer daD is usiNg hiS ViDeo caMeRa, I will tRy to bE iN isvoRY sCeNe.
17. I pRomiSe never to eat mY dRy food unLeSs it is mUShed in wiTH my wet
fooD.
18. If aNy stRange doGS or CAts eNtER our yARd, I will waRN dAd by making my
tail 10 tiMes its noRMAL siZE.
19. I will caREfully smeLL *Very nEW iTem tHat is bROught inTo the hoUSe.
20. LastLy. I pROmise thAt whEN I dO somethinG bAd, i will alWayS look reALLy
cunt wHeN I'm doiNg iT.
YouRs truLy,
MOW
Mow's pledge to Dad.
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 55
BEST COPY AVAILABLE 71
Dear Dion,
On Christmas eve, I couldn't find Mow. It was late at night
and I was worried.
Then I thought I heard someone in the, office typing. I peeked
in, and there was Mow sitting at the computer, typing away.
I thought I was dreaming, but on Christmas morning, I found
this letter next to my bed.
DAD
On the next test, I asked Dion the question, "IF YOURPETS WROTE YOU A LETTER LIKE THE ONE MOW WROTE TO ME,
WHAT IS ONE THING THAT TOBY (her dog) MIGHT SAY?" The
five questions that followed inquired the same from herother dog, cat, turtle, hamster and ducks.
When the completed test was returned to me, I wasa little disappointed. She simply answered, "I'll get himto write one," and then ditto, ditto, ditto to the otherfive questions. I interpreted this to mean, "Dad, this is astupid question!"
Once again, about a week later, a thick envelopearrives at my door. To my surprise, I was inundatedwith pages and pages of crazy comments and promisesfrom all of her pets. Here is a sampling of some of thethings that Dion's dogs, cat, turtle, hamster and duckshad to say:
1. "I'll fish for and catch more rocks this year." (Toby)
2. "I'll try to keep track of my beloved rubber ball." (Budher
PRO
3. "Practice my hissing lessons once a week with Bud." (Princess
her cat)
4. "I will eat all my food before sunrise." (Samsterthe hamster)
56 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
72
5. 1 swear to eat all my salad." (Godzilkrher turtle)
6. "To quack all morning until we are fed." (Mohawk &
Beethovenspokesmen for the ducks)
7. ". . . .And most of all, bring in birds, lizards, snakes, mice,
and slimy creatures that haven't been discovered yet!" (Princess)
As a result, it is now a commonplace event for our
pets to correspond between themselves.Spinoffs can also be ideas that the tests inspire.After so many questions asking, "What did you get
for Christmas" or "did you like this or that thing that I
ShMOW TWiLLeY
DaD'S ROOM
LOS AngeLES, CaLIF.
DeaR PrinceSS,
My namE is SchmOW TwiLLey. BuT yOu cAN caLL me MOW. I Live
IN LoS AnGeLes, califorNIa wiTh DioN'S daD.
SoMEtimes I heLP dAd wiTh the teSts he sENds to Dion. iT'S
my joB to siT on the paper when he tRiEs to wRiTe. ALSo, I muSt
aTTack all peNciLS!
aNYway, on oNE of the teST, Dion sent Back to dad, I found a
dRAwing of you, so I deciDeD to wRitt you a leTTer.
i aM enClosiNg a phoTo of yourS truLy. If you caN senD me a
piCtUre of yOU, I will pUt it up neXt to my waTer boWLI
This woRSt thinG that ever haPPened tomE occuRRed when I was
playing. I was ruNNiNg real faST aNd juMPed into tHe baThtub. I
diDn't kNow the TUB was fuLL of WATER. It was like a niGhtMare!
Has aNythiNg liKe this *Vero haPPened to yoU?
I haVE to go nOW. Dan juSt GoT out of tHe shower and I nEEd
to bile hiS feeT! NeXT time, i'LL tEll you aBouT thiS crAZy
puPPy nemeD 'Carrie' thAt lives in the hOUse. Write sCOn!
YouR FRiend,
MOW
BEST COPY AVAILABLE
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 57
73
4e1(
Mow's letter
Princess' Speech
10'
got you for Christmas," a light bulb finally appearedover my head. I decided to videotape the wholeChristmas present process.
I showed her the things that I got her and talkedabout why I thought she might like them. I also let herwatch me wrap the gifts and pack them up to bemailed. On a subsequent test, I inquired whether or notshe enjoyed my "Christmas Video." Her response wasaffirmative.
When the following Christmas rolled aroundandDion had her own video cameramy video was nowanswered by a video of Dion opening her gifts onChristmas morning. After Christmas, the videos wereexchanged between us. Like the tests, it at least left us
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58 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
74
with a memento that cap-tures the Christmas we"sort of" spent together.
It should also benoted that the Dad's Testsalso feature visits from"special guest stars."
There are occasionalappearances from "Mr.Rat," a plastic rodent whostarred in one of our homevideo movies. Mr. Ratenjoys driving his car and takingfor pizza.
There is also Julio Mangles, a legendary fictionalcharacter who was the subject of another one ourfather-daughter video productions. The documentaryincludes various interviews describing Julio as the manresponsible for just about every important event inrecent history
When I was a kid, my parents had a funny old forty-five called "The Little Man Iri Chinatown." It was the flipside of a hit called "The Green Door," recorded in the50's by Jim Lowe. "Chinatown" repeats the same lyricsover and over, making absolutely no sense.
Dion and I would sing this novelty tune togetherwhen she was still just a baby. Sincethe song was so exclusive to ourrelationship, I've included somereference to "The Little Man InChinatown" in virtually every exam.
How to explain "Baby Snakes?"I think it started after a visit to thezoo when Dion was very young. Fbrsome unknown reason, Dion sud-denly started calling everything
his girlfriend Ratina outA"The Snake Family," by
Dionne
"The Flea Family Portrait,"
by Dwight
.
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 59
lJ
"Where's Mallard?" ;by Dwight
from french fries to pencils "baby snakes."Unexplainable by modern science, this kooky quirklasted for q rite a while. it ccordingly, the entire Snakefamily lives on through the osts.
Oops, I almost forgot to mention "Max-Dog." Howcould anyone neglect a rock n' roll dog with no legs?Max embarked on his path to fame in 1984 when thesong "Max Dog" appeared on my "Jungle" album.During the promotional tour for the album, fans sponta-neously began to cut the legs off stuffed animals andneatly sew them up with the intent of tossing them onstage during the concerts. Eventually, a few "Maxes"ended up in Dion's toy box. A character like "Max" is anatural for the tests.
The latest addition, "The Flea Family," has just madetheir debut. However, no explanation for them is possi-ble, nor needed.
There is no way to predict what may come next. I'msure that those of you who try my method will experi-ence new and surprising "spinoffs" unique to the rela-
60 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
76
tionships the tests can createbetween you and your child.
I think it's important to let yourchild know that you are eager toparticipate in their fantasies just asopenly as you would address thehard questions of real life.
Baby snakes are not just imagi-nary characters. They are real resi-dents of the world that exist exclu-sively for myself and my daughterin the Dad's Tests.
A"Max Dog,' by
Dwight
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 61
'7 7
ABOUT THESE TESTS
Isent my first test to Dion when she was a littlemore than ten years old. The quizzes appear inchronological order, concluding with "100
Questions From Dad 1993," with Dion nearing thirteen.These time capsules represent an on-going exchange.In fact, I'm currently working on a new test, and I'mconvinced it will be the best one yet!
Many of you will have the advantage of being ableto start using your Dad's Tests when your child is muchyounger than mine was. Translating a seven year old's"chicken scratch" will most likely be more difficult thanthe task of "decoding" an answer from an eleven yearold. You may want to customize your tests accordingly.Leaving a much bigger space for your seven year old'sanswer may raise your percentage of comprehension.
While my tests have been cleaned up a little inp'aces to make them more legible, I did want to prepareyou for the challenge that may lie in deciphering yourchild's answers. Answers may be creatively scrawledout over other questions and responses. Words thatmight be spelled correctly in school are embellished orgarbled in a jumbled frenzy. But, by design, all shouldbe fair in the "no-pressure" environment of the test!
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 65
79
With teens, you may want to "streamline" your testto improve its capability of competing with dances,dates and sports.
When prospecting through the hieroglyphic maze ofsymbols and illustrations, sometimes the true meaningof your child's answer may be overlooked. More thanonce, I have casually glanced through a test from year'spast, and discovered a fact or some subtle humor onlyHolmes himself would have caught at the time. Perhaps,in the years to come, even more camouflaged messagesmay appear. Indubitably, a tantalizing mystery!
Of course, the tests are not substitutes for visits, let-ters or phone calls. Instead, they are a whole newdimension of communication, providing an entirely dif-ferent level of interaction. Ultimately, this methodologymay have a positive impact on the other, more tradi-tional means of communicating.
Many of you may be able to relate to this scenario: Imiss my daughter. I just want to hear her voice.Instinctively, I reach for the phone. After the usual "howare you, how is school" queries, I suddenly discoverthat, at the moment, I really don't have anything inter-esting to talk about.
I'm sure my daughter is perplexed about why dad isurgently calling her long distance to ask how she isdoing in school. But, with a copy of the latest complet-ed test nearby, I am able to quickly refer to her cleverspin on The Big Green Rat from Outer Space, savingmyself the embarrassment of a temporary mental shut-down.
The tests provides a wealth of subjects for discus-sion. Chatting about Dion's drawings and answers notonly provides fuel for future questions, but also sets thestage for a continuing and meaningful dialogue.
However, you may discover that too much discus-sion with your child about his or her answers may dis-turb the safe shelter the tests provide. I've found that
66 QUFSTIONS FROM DADr-10
these questionnaires create a world of their own. Partof the magic of this world is the way that thoughts andideas can be exchanged without a spoken word.
In the end, how you decide to act on what you'velearned about yourself and your will be your decision.Perhaps there'll be much to dodissecting the answers,analyzing the artwork, and discussing the "red flags."But it's also possible that there is nothing to be done,except to cherish and nurture the bond between youand your child, enhanced within the playful realm of theDad's Tests. In short, it's the fun you share that may bethe most important thing.
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 67
THE DAD'SQ_JESTIONSFOR DION TEST
ere it is, the test that started it all!I have to chuckle when I look at this test today.I recall how excited I was about it at the time,
but, compared to the "ultra-mod" grandeur of my cur-rent questionnaires, it seems so awkward and primitive.Still, it was a successful experiment, and I can see that Iwas locking into a process.
I also notice that I completely omitted questionnumber 29. I wonder what that question might havebeen? Perhaps, on a future test, I should include twoquestions numbered 29 to make up for the slight!
All in all, I don't think it was really what I learnedfrom this first test that was important. It was the rap-port it initiated that was the magic for me!
However, without the test, I might never have beenaware about her almost-spiritual reverence for pizza!
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTION 10 "How is your Mom?"A question like this might cause problems. Steer
away from queries about other grown ups, especiallyparents. While your intentions might be innocent, they
62
may be misunderstood by your child or the third partythe question relates to.
QUESTION 14 "Can you think of any new thing wecould become famous for?"
This question was based on another one of thoseon-going jokes between Dion and me. In the past, I hadsent her letters in which I would ask her about sillythings that we could get famous for. Her answer, "Teachour dogs and cats to bark and meow Xmas songs," Ithought was clever, and, who knows, might haveworked!
QUESTION 27 "What is your favorite animal?"This was really just a "filler" question. I expected
her to just say "dog" or "cat." Her answer, "Every ani-mal," I thought, was very touching and really saidsomething about my daughter as a person.
QUESTION 36 "Do you know what you want to bewhen you grow up?"
Her answer, "A good-paid person," makes sense tome!
70 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
83
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QUESTIONS FROM DAD 71
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5 BEST COPY AVAILABLE
THE ALL NEW DAD'SQUESTIONS FORDION TEST PART II
After the triumphant response to the first test, Iwas inspired to press ahead with great forti-tude. Even the title demonstrated my ener-
gized conviction.This mighty effort soared to a whopping 42 ques-
tions. This time I boldly included a number of boxes fordrawings. To this day, I consider the drawings forQuestion 34 priceless treasures.
Since the very existence of Santa was falling intodoubt, letters to the North Pole became a diminishedpriority. Questions 1 and 2 allowed me to swoop in on"Go-Go My Walking Pup" and "Baby Alive" with pin-point accuracy, while cautiously avoiding "Liver" or"Dead Bugs," thanks to question 4.
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTIONS 13 through 16 After I bought Dion her firstNintendo system, whenever she would see me, shewanted me to play video games with her. After a while,she got me hooked. By answering my questions anddrawing a diagram, she was able to show me how to
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 73
86
find the Warps in Mario 3. Quite a "long distanceachievement, don't you think?
QUESTION 22 What a relief! I don't have to worryabout boysyet.
QUESTION 29 As I begin to establish my tradition ofrecurring themes, I once again inquired, "Is there any-thing we could do on Halloween that we can becomefamous for?" Her answer, "Go with our animals andmake people think they were kids in Halloween cos-tumes," assured me that a bonanza of imagination wasjust waiting to be tapped.
QUESTION 32 When I asked, "What is your favoritesubject in school?" I was startled by her answer, "sci-ence." It instantly conjured up visions of microscopesand test tubes as future birthday gifts.
QUESTION 36 This question falls into the "Ask a stupidquestion, get a stupid answer" category and providedme with my first lesson from Dion in "Dad-testing."When I'm asking for three things she has learned tocook, an answer like "Breakfast, lunch and dinner"should only be expected.
74 cLuEsTirINS FROM DAD
87
THE ALL NEW OAFS QUESTIONSFOR LION TEST PART
0 NAME two 'fiettAb5 you rCetity, reAfty,reAlly reAlly \NWT FoR x-mAS
O 6gi o.n A- 4-1-0.0L9 at 4,4,.
O G&Oac) Puvrfr-NAME two thifas yet) reo.t11 *JAW FOR X-MAS
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&NAME two Thinv you clorii wANT co R. X- MA,5
O Lit. J v-ei r- eACki...;ver
HAVE You SEEN the GifTEO CitiLDRVSS CATALoGuE?
1ES , 140
ir) If YouR At swER WAS 'its DiD you SEE ANY1
YES ---- r4 sfESiWilAt?
QIIkr Doss tolly WANT Fop. X-MAS ?
goat Now Dian' ASKWhAT Dan ego wort folt X-MAS ?
Dotifi IcpoW HE DieuT 5A1
WHAfOoEtie-PEE WAIST. FoR XMAS ?
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Dora KNOW.-- PRE-TuRRRRS Nor To SA/ oR ft-eckiorwci 4-44 ys
Cblou th,nk X-MASirES Shcu bE DEcOrATErt WITH PIECES OF PIZZA?
YES No. , At.,wAlps
8 Do YoutTIc the lAst qUE7aTioW Wks stool!) ?
YES Ikto
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 75
BEST COPY AVAILABLE 88
O Now MANY HOURS hagE /Ov playEO MARIO ZE 504CE Yok) Gar ir ?
Nor MAN4 --Ouikc a kw AiLLioS. .ZiLLiONS
g IN MARIO IIL CAN 4ou TELL. ME WHICH 440f2L0 oftWoRLDs I CAN nn1O WARPS in
WORLD (1) GRASS LAND ...AZ. WoRLDO DESERT LAND
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CAN You ORAu a ficlite. c*whER,E I Shp:luta bE 'to Cim0 1;- t v4Ap.p
a CAN You nu. ME Akitg, ELSE to het? Mc AND the WARPS ?.
YES NO Oft
76 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
89
C) ARE You Sick of Ar4Swei211,1 QUESTiox15 MARro AND Mc WMPs?
Yes No. CArif AtJUJER. BEcAusetu'RESIok of niuswEP_In2,-
OuEsiioxiS Abocii 1442va Aka the WARps
0 ON Youe 1i r 'list You SAID Yoult TuRtIE RANOJAY WhERE PoYoufrunk hr wegr?
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TO HollyWoOD bECoME A tAaviE StAk
Td ScooL To LEARN fo bE A BRAIN Su%EoN OfhER
031 WHICH Po You likE best?
SUMMER SPRicIG WitATER. fku.
Wou you MR WAkiT To Go INTO OVER S PAcE oR To ANoti-kER PLANET' ?
YES 140_ Do. KNOW 10u AIREADY An
WHAT Do Yco Think Abaci+ boys
like +hit like }hem Love ii)ER
WHALISIOuR FAVORITE GAME ?irear-40 t.
0 WHAT is Youa. FAVORITE TV 5tloWl Dont+ KnewYOU i.lku To BE TURNED INTO Ark *IhM tiouLD You BE? AeerPi-5ht5 st
WHAT IS THE ISEST I Ktits Abos+ DISVIEIL.AND ?____Zadrgfapc1
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QUESTIONS FROM DAD 77
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78 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
91
THE ALL NEW BIGGER & BETTER THAN EVER
1991 DAD'S QUESTIONSFOR DION TEST: THENEXT GENERATION
Since my travels in 1991 allowed me to visit Dionon a few occasions, and I knew her life wassomewhat disrupted by her move from
Oklahoma to Arkansas, it wasn't until the early fall thatthis next installment of the Dad's Test was completed.
I guess the fact that Dion had moved even furtheraway and so much time had elapsed since the previoustest accounts for the "Dead Sea Scroll" length of thisquestionnaire. I had a lot of questions about her newliving conditions and how she was making the adjust-ment.
Perhaps this test should have been called "Dad GetsStrung Out On Cappucino For Dion Test." It was, how-ever, the first test to feature a cover with original art,which I thought was a nice touch.
Along with early Christmas inquiries, I added lots ofrequests for drawings, which yielded the awesome"Alien From Mars." Steven Spielberg, eat your heart out!
It was also interesting to learn about her fascinationwith science was continuing and that she was alreadythinking of college . . . whoa!
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTION 23 I decided to make further queries to fmd
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 79
92
out if she liked to eat anything besides pizza. Can youimagine my horror when "barbeque" appeared on herlist of "What do you hate the most?" I wondered ifthere might have been a mix-up in the maternity ward!
QUESTION 42 My request for a short poem was grant-ed. However, I found it illuminating that she had clearlylabeled her effort "a song." I realized it was a little earlyto be calling her a chip off the old block, but I liked theway she was thinking.
QUESTION 53 "Do you ever go to church or Sundayschool?" I was pleased to learn that she was alreadyattending church twice a week.
QUESTION 63 Once again I try to assess her culinaryskills. "If you had to cook a dinner, what could youdo best?" Her answer: "Food." At this point, I knowshe's trying to play Tic Tac Toe with dad's brain.
QUESTION 87 The fact that she could only name two ofmy four brothers could have seemed disturbing, but thequestion lets her know that I have four brothers. It's abeginning. Use questions like this to acquaint yourchild with relatives he or she may be unaware of or hasforgotten.
QUESTION 88 "Would you ever like to come livewith your dad for a while?" At the time, this questionseemed harmless to me, but it really wasn't. What am Iexpecting her to domake a choice she doesn't reallyhave? It's hard enough being a child without this need-less weight. Avoid questions like this altogether.
QUESTION 98 "What do you wish someone wouldinvent?" Her response: "One day per year schooling."Edison would have been impressed!
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THE AFTER XMASDAD'S gjESTIONSFOR DION TEST 1992
This is the first test where I finally leveled out toan even 100 questions. As you can see, theeager reception of dad's exams continued
undaunted, as evidenced by my daughter's message,"PLEASE SEND ME MORE," urgently scribed on the firstpage.
The title art was probably one of my worst efforts.Instead of "After Christmas," it looks more like "DuringHalloween." What a mistake! Why didn't I use a cover,like I did on the last test? When I got the test back andplaced it along side- the previous tests, I vowed that allmy questionnaires would have covers from that pointon. Sloppiness aside, this quiz is one of my favorites.
This edition features a truly excellent rendering of"Samster the Hamster" in Question 29, an invaluableinsight into the sacred law, "Thou shalt not withhold lit-tle plastic animals from thy child at Christmas."
A few more serious issues are sandwiched betweenthe Little Bunny Fltmily and the Teenage Mutant NiiljaHamsters. A splendid time is guaranteed for all!
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTION 23 This question earned one of my favoriteresponses from Dion: "Did you feel sad about home-
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 93
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less people at Christmas?" Her reply, "I forgot thisyear," I thought was a very honest and candid answer.For some reason, I know I'll never forget it. There areenough sad things in the world for a little girl to thinkabout at Christmas. I think it's okay she forgot this one.
QUESTIONS 69 and 70 These questions address ascary issue I knew I eventually had to face. I'm alsosure I could have easily bumbled the whole thing overthe phone. Fortunately, I felt pretty good about theresults. In Question 69, I ask "Do you know any kidsthat use drugs?" Her affirmative response was enoughto sober even a former hippie like myself. Question 70inquires, "Using drugs is: OK; OK if you're careful;OK to try once or twice; Stupid and might kill you."I believe her "check" on the last answer was honest andallowed dad to sleep much better. I strongly suggestyou try the exact same question, or something verysimilar.
QUESTIONS 73 and 89 Questions like "The Dad's testsare: Too long; Too short; about right," or Are youglad this test is almost over?" are a good way togauge your success as a "dad-tester." If you receive adisappointing response, perhaps it's time for a visitfrom the Flea Family.
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,® ref. Dee0 <__106:1166-04-kmurs-lie..0./t.ci/z
0:AhtitlE you): 3 FAvorktiE Little PRE.sburs.
0
G.WhAt pRest.10 was the blest suepRise0.')IP you gni' ANYthitsk6 you clitiLt' !ikE? YES _No ear-
,: Yo, whAT
P' you GE; 2 of the stoiC YE5,
YES, WhAT?
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 95
luS
lity to Li ST 30 thwie 9f1+ ftlik x-mAs, No MATTER HoW SMALL,
:2e1twe'll"."*D Orest e_
:0 Pre6gea 4tedauta4m,
TU-. .
A,. 0tisk
..rdt.robetWr&v.,0140.00.01 0
Qt./dn./1A-. :
nen .
el Which GAME Do lou I i KE.fir bCSf
0Oemerporrhatislitelsm
. 0 pat 104ow yetkiAvE you, SEENJANTANA FoRk?
ciPo you lila St? No ALOT Lovcit NV
96 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
3 VICIN MAN'( befORE X-MM fhE box I SENT,
- 0 DiD you opw_if fh dAy you 80+ r . 40- 14"sar
KNOS OC TRADING CARDS..DI.D You likE bEST ?
Zt.too .e.$01
.ct If I ciwo othe&. KINDS, OF TRA. PiNG_CARDS , WGCJLD ou wAitir plc
.Lo Ger.-them. Fog.you..?__Yg
HAVE_ yau. ENtEe._.sEE w...CARDsJilsE. ibEsE_BefoR.E I No
"IRE theee.AN y kiNDS_Of. CA.RDI.thAt.. L.SENT `fou fhAf._you
w0ut4 iiE iloR 1_kl Es
crt. dx3.Dv../D .yo u i.ke...K1. Nett xr 1.6A5. _Zot4.Gs ? AI. No --kinciA A lot
Which.o4E.dict..you ?
,
_Bath_DoitiT ow"
g,Aallouitinkof A 14AME..of A..
you.fed SAD .Aboyt. h-ottimusi .peopictrX7.141A.0..._
AI-- Difeitibuix..A1;lovi.li
D_Nictu peis . l_YEs
jr01444Skster
, Tort cznitcrttr4SitimcEs
Q_UESTION.S FROM DAD 97
II
yow:4. viAttZ
:\ilhAt is yat.ik. hAM5:teZis IlAms
WhAt ARE ruk.cluclKsNAtA 57.
111),o
akaakakfte0
DIZA*1 YouR.
Diuw Yam. HAmsto.
gWhIcH Do You likc +hE bE5+ ?
(i) MR ..RAT.
. k Q Tu 11 o t1At4G LES dt,--® Both
CI :WA5 There. Some-Minch xou wAkn-ED Fog 1+41-
.1 You dd'rvi. GE T _
517
98 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
iii
1)!E:IkICC \IOU .d01:4 5pOri'S AtJD S doriA- tike ceorts,
:t2r9 jot) +hulk wAs 5trANbe that r Seri* You ''Ani.c.et.5.
Ou'nf.fet-D 7* 1E5 /1 Na
®AAA. You Zee() 3e:CoRC-. 7 YES No
.DID You like ?Yr.s No___.. mot 1...OvED it,
AVE.t..11- WA-COAF:D
Ci4f looR Pets WROTE you A le+ie.,R. the cwa 141.v.0
-ro tAE 'rosy MIGHT sAY? cp./24
I Jti;-1 *eto-ctts .
WhAT MIGHT BUD SA'( ?.
whAT WOULD PCINCESS SAY ?
WhM WOULD. YouR.Tu.RTLE SAY?
0who woula %?ovit tion53ta..5m.
wha,i WOULD /OUR. (looks
eir)0 you wtSH I hAd nt spenT So MUCH Motery Conti mini Tv
ANP Got You MORE toys irlsielki IgtAMoleNT
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 99
112BEST COPY AVAILABLE
OD ARE. "eak.1Go%n-to use the pic+ure. YcLi on ,4.17JsT SPA 4 f
,. USE SAvE V7T-hrot,,,, AWAI PuT fht.n3S 111,i+
usE FoR ShAv 418 Doric Kniow other
'41here s The, it i+It buishf FA Y Goi live ?
0 what .cioLs +0 FRorli MEAN?
. CFtgaid 5 cil.Cir4-el
0,Do you tir,i5 DADS 5houi8 'OE SArd (3cri+ 4.
CARD of A c6IfT FRotit chlid AT ? YES 1./
Po you wisk I wouA ZetiEdri you
PLAnc, Awrelatz EvERy \iEAk?"fE.S
4coDo you Mink CARR:-."1\7145. PuRy):5 CUTE ? YES .1Z No
(3, DID you +hink heR. Acive(rURE 4hE TEO" WAS luiJOY ?
8: Po you +funk r-AVIE ANC. Mow did A good Sob WRAppin8 youRX-MAS7,,
. GtiTS: TES telk10 BUD AND PRINCESS could do Fe+teR
CIP0 you think youizieachers writ believe yours mini Tv is A
Lut4c1-1 Box ? YES .Noe!.°.ohdadCi,Do you Wi51-iru hAci A bAETI brother or 5i.SkR YES_ No V@.);WhiCh WOULD you P-ATHER. NAVE. ? 5151-ZRAG....
0iWhen you ce-4- youe, pi esems Rom susito _4,vje will you
!!cpil otz tkirrfe. Mem. AwD 5-Ay +h)4(1K you
ii.fAD you even. played +he Momo?oly Ow GAME. 12E1Oec
9p4 if roe you ? Yes .NoCliWhAi is #ne 4Jotts-k NAME VOR A GA. r.s&ttrAtktY1 PANACIA
is there A l'Aca 13e11 IN ARKANSAS ? Es 0SWEAT ltithe ottsi NAbIE Fait A Boy 44*rlJ°
2/1,16/6 1,111,0. .3,dori CHINA
100 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
113 BEST COPY AVAILABLE
(vf4.41.0'1er-`1- Ato3,WhA7 do ou Feed yout ;65u
WhAT 5 .r!OL'CIOE.5 rue. 4.-1.112}1E 'Nt.AR? 040.12o AtsiloWc; ELSE SEE i'ne.se. .seigir.; you 4/11.80r
No last :#1.0m 1,71FRIENDs ON-ar-r
DRAW
YoUR
DUcK5
.00o the VIDEO TAPES t 5Et4T 100 PLAY CPC ON YOUR. vole ? `(ES
CG.WhAi' ONE WORD t>L5f ClISCelba YIY PALLONterl VIDEO?
CaWhAt Is your hAP154Cte:5SAVORIfE:r4 51-tow? Im cA.q
Po you couniry lelesTERt.lo titi5le. Yes knet44atv:
(i) Po you like. Me ot..P blAcitiohrF5._ shl,e.guocK Haritcs ?
Po you chill PoG.5?..YES ME5 NEAR.
Like ch.; i. AND hoHoSs ,but Nat -rose.the,
,Do c,cru iNow ANy Kan MAT usE. DRUGS ?'1E5/ No
fifi.U5iN6 DRUGS IS:OK OK if youR CAREFUL
511.1PIP AND MIGHT 41 Lt. YoU )10e.po you gervico.t;eg the Robot z1)01.1/4) tusoio ao roR You F SosAo?
:Woo .D filAk.' MAKE A good VIDEO?
0.14 945 l'EST ARE : Too Lowc6,-roo stlz.r_l:Abuw," RIGHT
h11 -,AT best you AVE cloP,JC ON PR. MAIO? ,ewee/50740--(DARc you Icoi;r5i-r.loN4,:)-to (.7.2+1.:144 OLDER ? NO
°tiro TRI o R -NicC
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 101
BEST COPY AVAILABLE 114
CI:latch 4o you -i-ilrvi= 'novo se the i3Evr Maui e?hRoba DiJck",
.Tt.S.11AGE "'WAIT tkIts1ZA rIAMS-TE S cRAMKUJZTIE NS kitly)losto
,&. Do \jou bell eve. ill Gi4csTs, ?ii"..f> No_ Pon+ ic:tiow
0,114h AT ofouki-,IPtic is A a:06 NtAt: roe A 1644127; "Itt9041/4x lir..a. ving CouLD WE GO rAlvlous rol;? rt\sx-OP.,:(R't. Id..... siStv.4
D!,,r, \31., \Ike Peoi.s teite-.? YES ._.t4 No
i62).CANYOuR.iciiiy TypE YES le0_ POI, 1igfr5hVolAyS c3reirr PI4t4014/
C),Dip you ihlr.:< 199i WAS A 2tood yeAR,? YC5 ...41\10 ......._
C) :441 i 1 t clqz bE 3Ettek.? Yes_No_Dot,ii- ISwow..,.._140fa So......1
ctiiovi MAN) clAr *KS you sick 0x/elk he Hoci!JA1.5 ?.kita2-03_"<ag:.
;ARE You b AcIC... ,...4." \iouK SpuNKY SEL.F ?`{E5_1\10- ALleaSr.t -
6,:iS -theft Arnthinaiou hope.todo +hisyem4 . ..z.. .. ............_ .......:.....J.....;:,......
(:/Oolc Ut°11 %51.4".? As No 14:1.f.i.d x_..._9064%10%0
0,,.....i,1,,, i!AARto TX ,ThE Most Lo Es you CAN GET 5.31 'TkOEllifALSE.
*Could you send trie A Piclutze o4' youp..4ix.k4r. $000.7.......__ ..........._
stARE you GLAD its testis IS AIMOST oven? YES No
adwhATt5 youR. CAVORME .FLA4012. ICE..CREAM3. e-...... .
.0 ro *linkZutiO KAVIGLF.S hAS EVER. kEE1.3.i21.ARKAWAS?.144114410.41,.
PoloYou ittiiIK L_REpEA.r.somc.of..11.1.Quarioust,_.:po you_thinli.l.REpEAT sp.m_of_kly_QuEsTiat). y :.51 . ...t
._ Now MANI_AVot4 . if eMS .ARE..IN.rvIk.Cotte.thiabl..t._ .6.
(g), ARE You PlAnI,NiN(. +0 80- AtH NEW peit..r. ff.YES,4144*
141-IA4E You WolJ A GAME. of Mompoly YET?.?es.,ZNo LMosT
7vVbc.17%. Toke N 7° you USE r 4.0j1..)/1"0..412.2 1=4.01%
.190 `tau WI hAvc A copy of Surfs Dokl t. O' 7$.1..JVa Now 104 did it tAkC you to Ciritsti this +tat- Tnadlon/1401.41'
You CiA0, thinks you OK- 16404.111%s yoli
.L.OvEs you-- LovE , LOVES you... LOvElLovE, Love, Love,
. Lov E ,LOVE, Love,LOVE , Love" LOVE ,L1DV, LOVE, LOVE; LOVES you 4p...
102 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
BEST COPY AVAILABLE 115
100 QUESTIONSFROM DAD
In this landmark decision, I have finally cus-tomized my title into the current "100 QuestionsFrom Dad" model.
Even my cover was a showroom centerpiece com-pared to the ugliness of Christmas past. Inside, a shaky"dot-to-dot" is saved by the sublimely captured essenceof "Old Grandpa Snake."
The interactive atmosphere of the questionnairecontinues to chart unpredictable paths. I ask Dion to"Complete the squiggle." She throws the ball back inmy court, and requests that I complete her squiggle. Iguess it's only fair.
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTION 30 I was curious if, like when I was inschool, there was one teacher Dion just hated. I waspleased that she confided in me and named the teacher.However, I've rendered the name illegible to protect theinnocent.
QUESTION 31 In another school-related question, Iprobed, "What is Samstee.s favorite subject?" I
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 103
116
received a choice response, "Reading. He hates sci-ence-sometimes his cousins are used." Good answer,Groucho!
QUESTION 38 I believe this is an important questionfor distant dads to ask: "If anyone ever really hurtyou or did something bad to you, would you tellyour Dad?" Not only does the question let your childknow that you are concerned about how he or she istreated, it also initiates the idea that it would be okay toconfide in dad if any problem arose.
QUESTION 63 Here's an example of how a simple ques-tion can turn out to be important. I thought she surelyshe knew my phone number! She didn't.
QUESTION 98 "Could you call me sometime soon?"Naturally a question like this will only fly if phone callsto and from your child are not a custodial issue.
104 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
117
01. rectify liked you :4 FEW rs Fog DaD1-", EsT. L.L. "feu SEND ME
MORE ? YES No MaybE
0 I KEEP SENoiNs you to TRADING CARDS. Haw MAKJy cit-Fcerenr
KINDS Oc CARDS do \foe hAve lk) \pork Collec+;ort ?, 1-ck, Now.
0 HAVE You V,IkicrtED AtlELS hu +he Out>:I tt,D YET ? '{ES No
yes, Dip you like it ?1es _No Hu4D4 LOVED i'
()Whew I play Motoopoly, I likE to pltil \win C./..krAct..) ALJD ISAAC.
Who 80 you it RE -1-o plAy mt+h ? M*E OWEGERTRuDE- ISAAC.- ART AUR ERWtN
tI joseAlt MATTER k/*---0Whai- did 4he. duck say when .iks mother broue it SOME Soup
0 Bring ME A GLA55 of wAcidel
@It) FEATHER HAVE S+EAK
I 0couLpI hAVE SOME QUAcKERS
CAR
OiDoEs youv, beTA st4 wosts? `1E! _NoIT PIED 10146 Aso VOfrodAl is 301 Zoe whth happens 3 Mon+hs5Rom Now?
Cs:NAs 51.10wED sic r rikse. bew in ARK/4.151%5Mo AloT
®:P055 youtk MINi-Tv GET AS MANY sfaticms As youRoilltikokiE? 110"A
g Do you Mink you wool() eueR tow io-CLY A 3ET k RC R ACT ? _Tdahitsfir.
()Would you eueR un To 'TAKE A 514IP AcRoss THE ocEAKI ?
OWOula you eueR WANT TO cLIMB A ilouniAtO ?
you licE to .o ScubA Drit46?@Would you like +o hAV E Not NAILS SAGGED IN) yon?
CO. Do you ituntiou woola evetz..Vay sky d%vin&?
WOOLS You IikE i0 SO Up 10 A 1407 AIR BALLootJ
@Wout.o you tiViEk0 Rs% SIN 5LE PHAtJT? 1.4C
(Novo you like EXPLon A CAIE ?
SIWOUL0 YOU Go OM A fREAsuRE Hunt ?
® goumolco IA% ko MD? ANSWER%c QUESII0g5
MIGHT WAIJC To Po?
106 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
119
eitittivr GRADE 114 Schiool vou"14) ? (OAHow Much hot4EvJoRS Do you Get ? Nor ToNS
®WhAt subilea 6i46 you ThE MOST tiomEwoRK?
i
@WhAt 5ubjecT AT 5cHo hARDE5T ?
()Which 5 EAsy ?youR 5cHooL too fAR to wat..x To .
@How4:6 you think youR9RADE5 Au? Nor Goo
ePoNiou likeyouR TePalEits? flea,01s There oui.you hATE NIES)Whe f-tcAc..-t4v;,'":-,-,
WhAT A#45TER5 FAVoRIT15,51011gqi. s4.2t
BEST COPY AVAILABLE
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 107
J.Sq 0
How MAN`( Pul.ows do you I ticE fa sleep
6 Now MANY PiLLows doEs GociziLLA sleep with? ;71, 6000 Po you CNIER REMEMBER MC (N youR prAyE Rs ?
8 Po you kNow hol.0 4-o +Roo A Shtki ? 2./.42
Do you kNow how +o Scw ?
® Pa you kNow how to MAKE AN PrrogIc game?Co) If you did) WhERE hiouLD yoq uSE
ttrO.e. ti 4,1
® Po you Iskc ButteReiLis ?ID HAVE you EvEit PLPnT.ED AMINO?
rf yEs)wh4f? -/f4ttg4"--9.4
I4 You 5Aw A 6Hosr, cow You BE SCARED? rESN0_41r/Po You thinls Mum is life ou plAneis?
them is life ov cog plowei J nayMotheR)YouR GRAwoMother, ou CALL "TAMM(E.
.WhAT is he R. REAL NAME? TvitLLsY,eDiD you likc the ART'. did co The. CovER of this test ?
YES No (By to way youCAN KEEP the CoveR if you wAui)
0I se you Copis5 Of siOuR OLD 'TESTS AND GRADED -them.
:iNouLD you h kE ME to KEEP DoinbitiAT 11.) the FUTURE ?
IS 465 5 bap/ SmAKCfAND ih15 15 tilopirly kiAtc.
'r14:5 15 PAPPY6NAkr Dogs OLD GRAODPA SNAKE
looK GkE
Dip 14 GRow ? -
108 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
1. h. 1
'Now you kNow +he. Boo Nurnbeck +1Ai you CAN USE "to
ME VoR FREE. Buf iN CASE of An.) 5MERGECy,D0 you 141o.41
My hoME NUIllbER ? AREA CooE
® Do you hep youR MOM ARouND +he 440uSE. ?
YES -/ No A ALoT
NAME SOME WILD klititALS You hAvE SEEM SIMCS you MOvED
. TO A RKAw5 A 5. 2 2
() YouR MP WAS BORN ok) The __OA/ of +he __-.... MonthAT OcLocK AND THE THERE ARE .L.11--Leiiers tN
His NAtic.?() 941
WHAT iS thE 6E51 OisiveY MoviE cxe, ALIA etue16.7hreo'l
comple.le +he SQuiNie. ita"..
0 Ikiheir DIP you do v4i4h MARBLES I o{ you? f2olo
®00 AN OLD TfsT you sAld you hATED 801S.D0 you
001p you GET AtJy DREAM Sod% 41312 X-MAS ?C)Why WOULD you NevER Vicor To Go -1-0 NEW YoRK?
Asavilviv.A®You shouLD NEVER EAT Arilth s Mks bigaeafhAw
YouR 14EAD, TRUE FALSE
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 109
122
Haqt you seer; hook"yeewouLo you hkE. it if I look A ZEAL h110,3 AbOd. the 945 TESTS?Ii"
Cow> help oiheR Nes who livc fidz AviAltheiR kids, MAKE the, R Ov1/411/41
fists. YES " No®CouLp wc GET FAMOUS rot? i+'? YES c' NO- MAyinE(.3If I mAdE F!bs koic , I WouLD U5S picrass of you AO P1 AND SHO'J firt":
"(SSTS. WouLD eoiheR \jou ifthousaullsofpEopic 5awyouR dRAINit.ia5 AM?
Aisivticgs? YE5_ NoeVlouant It in fuumy If S'ucklenCy everrE v4A5 CA LuNs EAci-1 ofheR
,PADDY MoMMyoR BABY SNAKE/ 5o4GING Li i-fiE MAN IN Cht NA roMAI
AND Bettina letters fibm het pets.8 I was sugpaiseci you couia'rx+ think of A NAME of Are XMAS Sow,
:1 COULD ifikt+E.. Co.) you of # NAME of Awe kiwo so.f.
:,/ COULD WithE ? e:;:s.1fCcHN---7--
PRaw,
SUPER ToeY AND BATBuP
(§)coot.o this MAKE A Good MOviE
eitiow VJAwli +0 wirktiE A lelieR pRiNcESS. WOULD thA1 hE oI4 ?
Whea .15 411C 411.1Ra lAre6+-sAlue o Tulio MANc2Ics Ito
WORLD 10cATEP ? V44.4410
110 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
123
ewh44 is youct CAvotzike pAer of ZZA to MAt41Es? _.
els there Awyttlin Good About- LiveR? 74/0-----..,-V.P....v\L':.:. .....--__
6 Po youfink m/ pRit4riwG is 9joaci ? tWO Vc0 16/1/r-11'AINA71/ le 43 011 ' '&117'.
11 ,® WhAT MAKCS youRfuraly bora- tow? 1 c_c_iu:eio.,,,,I,
SCA', you Guess how tow?) if toolc ME. 1'0 MAI% +hts fesi- ?_ :-.,9.--
C) DRA\J TANooKi MARio
NAVE you eveP, heA RD of'ULT R A MA ?
®Who do you bEsi,CAFA i 1.3 KW. OR CApToki KJ PICARD
egkItto Jo you like bEsT, MR 5VocK 1----"OR DATA
eAlsouT Now osj did it +Ake you to KUSH this +es+ f@Comm you CALL ME SOME ME SO0N?
SPir) you Think ihE GRAPES I. GAVE you a/TESTS WERE FAiR?
CD Do you Miss tie? 4et-
112 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
125 BEST COPY AVAILABLE
THE DAD'S TEST FORDION'S TRIP TOCALIFORNIA, 1992
T his special test boasts over 200 exciting ques-tionsand a few stupid ones!
I initiated my "symbol-in-the-box" techniquefor the simple purpose of deciding what I could feed mykid for two weeks without invoking the dreaded "liver"response! Besides, fourteen pizzas might get a littleboring. It also provided me with an interesting overalllook at my daughter's diet. I think "beans and lizards"and "rubber pickles" helped avoid monotony.
The test is divided into Parts I and H. I can't explainthe purpose this may have served, but it looked cool!
Subtle aspects of your child's answers may go unno-ticed. Only recently I made the following observation.At the beginning of Part II, I listed a succession of twen-ty yes/no/maybe inquiries. I can see now that the con-fining regimen here was obviously limiting Dion'scapacity to express her answers, and that she haddevised a unique solution to the problem. What I onceinterpreted to be sloppiness or disinterest, was reallymuch more! Dion had used the size and shape of hercheck marks to demonstrate her emotional response tothe questions. When it comes to the "Dad's Tests,"expect the unexpected.
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 113
126
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTION 6 and 7 Earlier, when I mentioned my num-bering mistake in test number one, I had no idea of thescope of my almost dyslexic approach to mathematics.Throughout my tests, I find numbers omitted, repeatedand placed out of order for no apparent reason. I don'tknow whether to consult my accountant or see a therapist!
QUESTION 151 "Which is best: doughnuts or cinna-mon rolls?" Her answer: "A mystery of the world."The answer really shows Dion's sense of humor!
QUESTION 153 "What kind of pipe tobacco do youuse?" An important question that every dad needs toknow before a visit of this type.
114 QuEsrioNs FROM DAD
127
1//
47.1t7,17:-.771Prtrir4r.,74LP, TA
1-rHEPA651i5orfoft.0%. figvioN5 loCALIFORNIA/TR-
ON/ER. 200 EXCrti4G, 00E5710MS/41P A r.la VOID oilEs
(u 41e. -fiRsT DART' o4:- the:rest, Choose. our of +hese_ Five fx)Is
bE5+ 4-5 WOW) You reel Abouf e. ier s lisied.
I
v
LOVE IT
LIKE 11
ITS OK
IZHATE IT
DWI KNoW
0 Min( 0 CHOCOLATE MA 7C APPLE Z-UtCE; ct gRANGE, Tuicc
f0 TOmATo Tula C)CAN0Q Tuice
riTEPr A SPAcE
EAcii ITEM, IN CASE 1
You HAVE Awi COMIliENT5
ButteR
0 PRUNE
0 LEMONADE
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 115
128
OsI,OVE LIKE V* OK Xs HATE ? = DoeirKvoto
t:CRAWApplE UuicE ® ICEDTEA ©CoKE 717
0.DR PEPPER N7 I 6i) 7uP V'1® RooT BEER 171 (i) MALTSLi
6MILK SNAKES NI 6g Moroa Oa_ 1 I ocoRo
SCORQ 'ME Cola t J 8 CREAM CORN I g pop cow
1 c!71
fikrzfzeem-s--Aws BEANS n 6 PEAS
Crsr,;1/ .4 (k1/1)4\"tr."
BEANS AND WEENIES la 6 BEANS AND Liumos
CDSPItuci-4 171 TOMATOES Efe BEETS
LeiTucE [ 1 lb owiot.) 41) ASPARAGUS 1.6134 SQuAsti
P. 1 gCARRoTS
SAuEAKRAuT
6:ARTICHOKES k fi BRUSSELS SPRouts P®Mu5I1RootA5
eSweer PicKLES o DILL &Kiss RubbeR Pickles EGREEN OLIVES
45Weei FbiAt0E5 sm.FoTAToE HEAP ®4 PEARS 111
Ci51RAWBE1tRIES El 6Awthrots2/® ApplEs EttiORAPIGES
WEAcHES El OLAciSDERIMSa CHERRIES COORAISINS
U BRocc.96 Ceierty Eire SPIDERS Li
RIPE OLivesgi ® MASHED RafAibes
116 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
129
tl* LOVE Zt; t U Ki OK X NAITE ? DOIAT INOW
PINEAPPLE E GRAPEFRutT Q GGRApEs 2 ococowur
6WATERtAEL014 CAuThoun [16:)APRicoTS f X t GLIvER
C) StEAK C) HA M Idj F RAT E PORK CHOPS R91
C. SAUSAGE
OFIZIED CHICKEN ST
BAKED CiiicKeA E.aiutJA 117(1
FROzEP CA-14KEW ectiictio FRIED si-EAK
s*PePPeRomi El ® MEAT LoA.P;ge MEATBALLS
911EAT NEW FRielJos EC) 0yE7ItZ® Lobsieg CLAMSII0.5oulD c CATFiss C) Doe FISH RED 5nAppER.
8.SHRImP COCKTAIL. E ® SHRIMP SCAMPI
r-MO®ScRAtiOLED EGG5 I Nil g GGs SUNNriDE UP
EGG HOG
@SALAD t) (;) SLUE CHEESE PRESSiNCo
CiltALiAM DREssiWG
()FRIED SHRIMP
&FRoG EGGS Eta OfneLeTS
® DEVILED 5665
0/0,BuRT E:1
HousAwD Isuov DRESSING
C) ?WARD
Al 5tEAK SAUCE
HAIR PRESsit%
OMAyolswAtsE EIS MiRALLE WHIP
PICklE au% L J e TARTAR SAUCE
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 117
130BEST COPY AVAILABLE
II ..E4jc.RE.Am CtieesE..1E.C) &GEjai roi-±A9E CHEESE.J=1
PARME.SA t4 . 0 SAL;M0_610140.1ati
iii TT _REATBALLS._
Lk .SALTIME.. 7
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100 QUESTIONS FROM DAD:
AN EXTRA EXCELLENT
XMAS EXAMINATION
W bile I must admit it was really hard com-ing up with 100 questions, aboutChristmas, it was well worth the effort.
It was great to get a look at how the Snake and Fleafamilies spent Christmas. Toby Claus and Rudolph the
Red Nosed Mallard deserve honorable mention as well!
I also introduced some new activitiesa "Where'sWaldo"-type "Where's Santa," and a "fill-in-the-blankstory." Furthermore, the test features the birth of a new,all-purpose holiday, "The Fourth of Chrisoween-thankseaster Day." Coming up with these ideas is kindof like throwing darts at a map. You either end up in
Beverly Hillsor Death Valley!It was interesting to learn that Dion would like a pet
skunk. Boy, would that be a holiday surprise for the
folks back home!
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTION 38 While really stretching to come up withall these Christmas questions, I came up with this silly
query. "Why does Noel have an 'V in it?" I thoughther answer was really clever: "I don't noe."
CIPESHONS 123
QUESTION 39 "Can you think of a New Year's resolu-tion for 1993?" She issued the following pledge: "Iwon't eat anything with sugar in it . . . NOT!" A"most excellent" answer, babe!
QUESTION 39 "Since you couldn't come out forChristmas, do you think maybe you might like a lit-tle longer visit this summersay three or fourweeks?" Sometimes the temptation arises to dream outloud. Try not to ask for decisions that are not yourchild's to make.
QUESTION 90 Here, I ask Dion to complete my list of"The ten things you would never want to find underyour Xmas tree on Xmas morning." Her entries:
6 A dead frog7 Rotten apple8 A dead Santa9 A broken Christmas ornament
10 Nothing
I guess 8 and 10 could throw a wrench in the wholeyuletide thing!
124 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
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t's hard to be objective, but it seems like thetests are improving with age. "Super Flea" and"The Singing Fish Head" are, for my money, top
notch illustrations. The complete-the-blank-story, "TheBig Green Rat From Outer Space With ChristmasLights On Its Tail," is an undeniable literary milestone.
This test also includes my first, and hopefully, lastattempt at a crossword puzzle, and a somewhat suc-cessful diagram of "A Day In The Life Of My DaughterAt School.'
Dion and I are aspiring to be the Lennon andMcCartney of "Dad Testing."
QUESTIONS, QUIRKS AND COMMENTS
QUESTION 19 I didn't really know what would happenwhen I asked, "What could squirmeyblobin mean?"My scholarly daughter's learned response was"SQUIRMEYBLOBIN (noun) 1. The act of having anunlawful squirmey blob in your house." I didn't knowthat
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 141
1 5 3
QUESTION 24 "Name something your Dad loves thatyou hate." Her answer: "Cigarettes." Ouch' I guess shebusted me there.
QUESTION 25 I was surprised that when I asked her to"name something your dad hates that you love," sheanswered, "Arkansas." I'll have to let her know that theonly thing I hate about Arkansas is the distance it putsbetween us!
QUESTION 30 'At what age do you think you'll be tooold for the Dad's Test?" Her answer: "204, give ortake a year:" After all the time I have invested in theDad's Tests, this one answer alone makes it all worth-while! Perhaps these questionnaires will, in fact, weath-er the teenage years, or even a lifetime.
QUESTION 61 With her answer, my daughter lets meknow that homework is not really necessary for her. I'mnot sure how serious she is, and I suppose that this isan issue to be concerned about. But since Dion consis-tently earns straight "A's," I figure, why rock the boat bypursuing the matter? Something tells me she might besneaking in a tiny bit of homework between videogames.
142 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
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154 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
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comoi..cre. THE DRAWING:
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QUESTIONS FROM DAD 155
167 BEST COPY AVAILABLE
WhAf DOES YouK Room look II
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Which Three. Quesiloo 10.thisies-r did You ?
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156 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
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WhAT AMit4AL 1S hARD fo DRAw ? )1),1,1010..in
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EP; Who 5+he.ut CARTooKi ChAfAciteP...?
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158 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
110
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Go 51t4mmING
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QUESTIONS FROM DAD 159
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160 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
BEST rcIDY 4VA1LABLE
Po you have All New Pho 4z5 to SEJD ME ?
Shou1.:1 L lei MOW TEACH Co -co +o Type. ? listAxtuv-rz ik.strAcl\zir
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DID you Say A PRAyeR FoR. Tow To COME Nome?
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Do You I-IAve ANy New ducks this Week? 4\0 dz_cpp
What WORA RA5 Three. le+Vers Is 5peltifie Ame rORWARD
OR iNICkWARD AND is A person who Love,t-oqe,LovEs you
ORAW the oun.iNe of YOUR Led W):
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 161
1 '7 3
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A "He's Not From My Side of the Family,"
by Dwight
"Super Toby and Bat Bud,"
by Dionne
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 165
176
AN OPEN LETTERTO OTHER DADS
Dear Dads,
I hope that you have as much fun and success with yourDad's Test as I have.
As I near completion of this book, I am pleased to reportthat things are going well for Dion and me today. Dion ishappy living with her mom in Arkansas, and I like the idea ofher growing up where concrete obstacles don't block herview of the sky. As for me, I think that the old man upstairshas taken more than good care! Dion and I see each other asmuch as possible; we yak on the phone and exchange someletters. But the "Dad's Tests" are still our most "dad-daugh-terly" means of conversation.
I'm sure that, during the course of receiving the complet-ed tests from your child, you will find answers and artworkthat are sometimes profound, heartwarming or hilarious.
I would greatly appreciate your sending me copies ofsome of your favorite tests, answers or artworkespeciallythose which defy description!
I would also be very interested in your comments, tips orany new techniques that you have found to be successful.Please feel free to write me in care of my publisher.
I am eagerly looking forward to your correspondences!
Sincerely,
DWIGHT TWILLEY
QUESTIONS F4ONV DAD 167
1 i 8
44The Dad's Tests
are still the most
dad-daughterly
means of
conversation.
,9
FRIENDS ANDSYMPATHETIC EARSContact these organizations for information or complete lists of state and localchapters and affiliates. Many organizations distribute monthly or quarterlynewsletters containing a great deal of useful information. Computer users withmoderns can access information directly from the National Congress of Men andChildren's Bulletin Board (BBS) (602) 840-4752 or (913) 432-1163.
CHILDREN'S RIGHTS COUNCIL
220 "I" Street, NE #230
Washington, D.C. 20002-4362
(202) 547-6227
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR MARRIAGE AND
FAMILY THERAPY
1100 Seventeenth Street, NE 10th Floor
Washington D.C. 20036
(202) 452-0109
NATIONAL CONGRESS OF MEN AND CHILDREN
2020 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW #277
Washington, D.C. 20006
(800) 773-DADS
ACADEMY OF FAMILY MEDIATORS
1500 South Highway 100, #355
Golden Valley, MN 55416
(612) 525-8670
FATHERS FOR EQUAL RIGHTS, INC.
3623 Douglas Avenue
Des Moines, IA 50310-5345
(515) 277-8789
CHILD WELFARE LEAGUE OF AMERICA
440 First Street, NW #310
Washington, D.C. 20001-2085
(202) 638-2952
MOTHERS WITHOUT CUSTODY
P.O. Box 27418
Houston, TX 77227-7418
(800) 457-MWOC
COALITION FOR AMERICA'S CHILDREN
1634 "I" Street, NW 12th Floor
Washington, D.C. 20006
(202) 638-5770
QUESTIONS FROM DAD 169
1 7 9
NATIONAL COALITION OF F: EE MoN
P.O. Box 129
Manhasset, NY 11030
(516) 482-6378
FAMILY RESOURCECOALITION
200 South Michigan Avenue, #1520
Chicago, IL 60604
(312) 341-0900
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF STATE VOCAL
ORGANIZATIONS
P.O. Box 621314
Orangevale, CA 95662-1314
(800) 745-8778
NATIONAL INSTITUTE FOR RESPONSIBLE
FATHERHOOD AND FAMILY DEVELOPMENT
8555 Hough Avenue
Cleveland, OH 44106
(216) 791-1468
STEPFAMILY ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA
215 Centennial Mall South, #212
Lincoln, NE 68508
(402) 477-7837
GRANDPARENTS UNITED FOR CHILDREN'S RIGHTS
137 Larkin Street
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PARENTS WITHOUT PARTNER::, INTERNATIONAL
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170 QUESTIONS FROM DAD
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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D Wight Twilley is a writer and rock music artist of international repute.Best known for his hits "I'm on Fire" and "Girls," he has releasednumerous albums on the Shelter, Arista, EMI and DCC record labels.
A native of Tulsa, Oklahoma, Dwight began painting and writingpoetry at a young age. His musical career began at age fifteen, when he found hisbrother's abandoned guitar in a closet: Dwight was enthralled to find that hiswords and images could take on new meaning by being fused with melodies.
In 1974, Dwight met drummer and singer Phil Seymour, and together theyformed the Dwight Twilley Band. After being signed by Shelter Records, the firstsong they recorded, "I'm On Fire," was an instant smash. The band's debut album,Sincerely, was named "Debut Album of the Year" by Rolling Stone magazine.
During the eighties, Dwight and his band toured the world with JeffersonStarship, The Edgar Winter Group, and Greg Kihn. He performed at the 1984summer Olympics and played for the troops of Desert Storm on the aircraft carri-er USS Ranger in 1991. He has been a presenter at the American Music Awards,and had his own hour-long special on MTV. His music has been featured in suchfilms as Heavenly Bodies, Up the Academy, Just One of the Guys, WorthWinning, Ladybugs, and Wayne's World.
Dwight has never lost his interest in the visual arts, and in 1982 his origi-nal works were exhibited in a one-man show at the Museum of Rock Art in LosAngeles. His artistic and literary endeavors have come full circle in the question-naires he creates for his daughter Dionne. Through them, Dwight reveals tne fullrange of his powers of self-expression.
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"Questions from Dad is truly outstanding. Dwight's method is a very effective way todevelopbetter relationships between children and their parents . . . The drawings are terrific!"
David L. Levy, Esq., National PresidentChildren's Rights Council, Washington, D.C.
"Whether the separation be due to a break in the family unit, traveling for business, being inthe armed forces, or in prison, Questions from Dads shows absent parents how they can stayin touch with their children." Michael Bowers, MA., Executive Director
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, Wasington, D.C.
"Parents who see their children daily could learn a lot about parenting through this book aswell!" Travis Ballard, Esq., President
National Congress for Men and Children, Washington, D.C.
"Questions from Dad can help turn shallow conversations and awkward silences into produc-tive discussions between parents and children." Dick Woods. Director
Fathers For Equal Rights, Inc., Des Moines, Iowa
"An innovative approach to encouraging a long distance parent-child relationship."Jennifer Isham, National President
Mothers Without Custody, Houston, Texas
"Questions from Dad is a metaphor for love from dad."Warren Farrell, Ph.D., Author
The Myth of Male Power and Why Men Are The Way They Are
"This book helps break the emotional stereotype that men don't talk."Bill Harrington, National Director and President
American Fathers Coalition, Tacoma, Washington
"Perhaps the greatest endorsement comes from my six year old daughter, who often climbs upin my lap and asks me to read Mr. Twilley's questionnaires to her."
Charles A. Ballard, Founder/PresidentNational Institute for Responsible Fatherhood & Family Development, Cleveland, Ohio
As one of the millions of long-distance dads in this country, Dwight Twilley successfully found
a way to establish a more meaningful relationship with his only daughter and bridge the gapbetween them. Remembering a fun "test" given to him by a second grade teacher, he began tocompose a test of personal questions for his daughter. Within days after sending it, it wasreturned completed with the comment, "Send More!" Twilley now shares indetail his ingeniousnew method that may forever change the way that parents, grandparents, aunts, unclesor any-onewill communicate with kids.
Dr. Susan Forward is an internationally renowned psychotherapist whose best-selling titlesinclude Obsessive Love: When It Hurts Too Much To Let Go, Men Who Hate Women & theWomen Who Love Them, and Betrayal of Innocence: Incest & Its Devastation. She is themother of two children and maintains a practice in California.
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CHARLES E. TUTTLE COMPANY, INC.
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Cover design and photography by Jill Winitzer
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ISBN 0-8048-1984-x