DOCUMENT RESUME ED 220 860 CS 207 193 Goswami, Dixie; … · instructional materials, and scme...

DOCUMENT RESUME

ED 220 860 CS 207 193

AUTHOR Goswami, Dixie; And OthersTITLE Writing in the Professions: A Course Guide and

Instructional Materials for an Advanced CompositionCourse.

INSTITUTION American Institutes for Research, Washington, D.C.;Siegel & Gale, Inc., New York, N.Y.

SPONS AGENCY National Inst. of Education (ED), Washington, DC.PUB DATE Nov 81CONTRACT 400-78-0043NOTE 262p.

EDRS PRICE MF01/PC11 Plus Postage.DESCRIPTORS Course Descriptions; Course Organizatiwi; Higher

Education; Revision (Written Composit.on); *TeachingMethods; *Writing Evaluation; Writing Exercises;*Writing Instruction; *Writing Processes; WritingSkills

IDENTIFIERS *Advanced Composition; Audience Awareness; *DocumentDesign Project

ABSTRACTIntended for teachers of an advanced undergraduate

composition course for majors in any of the liberal arts, socialsciences, humanities, or business, this manual offers an outline,instructional materials, and scme suggested assignments. Emphasis isplaced on the process of composing, particularly the ways studentsshould write for different audiences and different purposes. Thecourse also stresses the crucial relationships among criticalreading, clear thinking, and effective writing. Students are expectedto write and review a variety of documents and also to practicerelated skills, including finding and analyzing audiences outside theclassroom and conducting an empirical evaluation of a document. Thecourse material, which can be covered in one semester or in onequarter, moves the students in a cyclical pattern through the sameprocess at three different levels: first, they move step-by-stepthrough the composing model; then they apply the model to actualdocuments that they rewrite; and then they create documents,gathering information, determining need, and moving through theprocess to evaluation and final draft. Chapters in the book followthe steps of the composing process and discuss such topics as thecomptsing process model, planning, organizing, writing clearly, usingdesign well, reviewing/revising/editing, and evaluating documents.Appendixes include a suggested syllabus, an example of a redesignedform, and exercises for writing clearly. (HOD)

***********************************************************************Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made

from the original document.***********************************************************************

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WRITING IN THEPROFESSIONS

A Course Guide and Instructional Materialsfor an Advanced Composition Course

Dixie Goswami

Janice C. Redish

Daniel B. Felker

Alan Siegel

A product of the Document Design Projectfunded by the National Institute of Education

Washington, D.C.

November 1981

AMERICAN INSTITUTES FOR RESEARCH/1055 Thomas Jefferson Street, NW, Washington, DC 20007with Siegel and Gale

Acknowledgements

The authors want to thank Anita Brostoff, Robert Kelton,Candace Miyamura, ard Ramsay Selden for their perceptive commentson an earlier draft of this book. We also express ourappreciation to Mary Medved for preparing the manuscript and toAnita Bennett and Denise Peck for the graphics.

This report is part of the work done under contract #400-78-0043 of the National Institute of Education. The projectofficer is Dr. Candace Miyamura of the Teaching and Learning/Reading and Language Group. This report does not necessarilyreflect the views of the funding agency.

Writing in the Professions

Chapter 1 - Introduction

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 2 - Setting the Scene

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Page

1

13

An Overview of the Process Model 35

- Planning 43

- Organizing 71

Writing Clearly 107

- Using Design Well 133

Reviewing, Revising, and Editing 159

Evaluating the Document 173

Appendix A - A Suggested Syllabus

Appendix B - An Example of a Redesigned Form

Appendix C - Exercises for Writing Clearly

chapter 1Introduction

rage

About this book 3

Some background on the course 3

A descriptIon of the course 5

How the course has been used before 6

A framework for the course (and some assumptions) . 7

A syllabus for the course 9

What comes next 11

Introduction

About this Book

chapter

In this book, we offer an outline, instructionalmateria13, and some suggested assignments for an advancedundergraduate composition course. The course focuses onexpository writing in work settings and is meant for juniorsand seniors majoring in any of the liberal arts, socialsciences, humanities, or in business. It should be excellenttraining for students entering any profession in whichwriting is a valued skill.

The book is addressed primarily to the instructor who isinterested in a writing course which grew out of research andpractical experience in work settings. It is not a textbookfor students, but we have included some materials that you,the intructor, may want to make dcrectly available to yourstudents.

Because composition instructors have told us that theyare least comfortable teaching graphics and evaluation, wehave included detailed chapters on these topics. We havegone into less detail on aspects of clear writing that arefamiliar to English instructors or that are coveredextensively in most composition texts.

Some Background on the Course

This book is a product of the Document Design Project--athree year effort funded in 1978 by the National Institute ofEducation to foster clear and simple writ,ing in publicdocuments. During these three years, the American Institutesfor Research, with the help of Carnegie-Mellon University andSiegel and Gale, Inc., has conducted research in writing,applied research findings to practical projects, anddeveloped courses on clear writing and design for graduatestudents and undergraduates. This book is the final productof the Document Design Project in curriculum development forundergraduates.

Three earlier activities of the Document Design Projectstrongly suggest that this course is needed. First, in1978-1979, we conducted an informal survey of innovativeapproaches to the teaching of composition in American

3

6

colleges.* We found a dearth of courses that would directlyprepare undergraduates in non-technical fields for thewriting assignments they would be likely to get in theirfture jobs. .

Secondly, we spoke with many English teachers at the1979, 1980, and 1981 meetings of the Conference on CollegeComposition and Communication and found great interest in ourapproach and confirmation of the need for such a course.Letters from many of you have also encouraged us in thiseffort.

In the third place, we have been working with lawyers,economists, tax specialists, program analysts, and otherprofessionals in government agencies. Since 1978, we haveparticipated in more than thirty technical assistanceprojects, helping writers develop, revise, and evaluatedocuments, and conducting workshops on clear writing. Mostof our clients need these services because they had notraining in how to write clear, effective documents forpublic audiences.

Research, practical experiences, and insights frombusiness and technical communication lead us to suggest thaton-the-job writers and students in advanced writing courseshave major needs which include the following:

1. They need to tackle whole pieces of discourse,focusing on general procedures and processes for writingrather than on recipes for special types of documents.Knowing conventions and formats is necessary but notsufficient for writing effectively in actual work settings,particularly for writing comprehensible, complex documentsfor public audiences.

2. They need the ability to manage writing tasks thatrequire team effort and that involve reviewers.

3. They need techniques for using graphics effectively,or at least for drawing on the expertise of graphicsprofessionals intelligently.

-TKaish, Janice C. & Racette, Kathryn. Teaching collegestudents how_to wri,te:. Training opportunities for documentdeiigners. Washington, D.C.: American Institutes forResearch, 1979.

4

4. They need research-based guidelines for using clear,comprehensible language as well as techniques for testing outthese principles of clear writing and developing their owntheories about what actually works.

5. They need,systematic procedures for getting out totheir intended readers to learn what the readers need to knowand what problems the readers now have with document;. Asthey define purpose, audience, and readers' tasks, they mustbe able to link these to choices of organization, style, andgraphics, and to evaluate the effectiveness of what theywrite.

A Description of the Course

This course stresses the process of composing,particularly the ways students should'write for differentaudiences and differenz purposes. Student% taking thiscourse will write and revise a variety of documents and alscpractice related skills, including finding and analyzingaudiences outside the classroom and conducting an empirical.evaluation of a document. The course also stresses thecrucial relationships among critical reading, clear thinking,and effective writing.

'The process model, which is an important part of thecourse, is a practical framework for training programs or afull semester's course. It guides both the novice and theexperienced practitioner through the planning and designstages that underlie clear, effective writing.

Using the model, the writer specifies content, audience,purpose, task, and constraints at the pre-writing stages.This specification allows the writer to shape an evaluat4onprocedure at the post-design stage that is more accurate thana readability formula in determining how comprehensible adocument is. Moreover, writers who use the model must gooutside the classroom or organization to evaluate theirdocuments with readers other than their peers, colleagues, orinstructors.

As writers move through the whole complex process tocompleting a writing task, they become sensitive to fullrhetorical situations and to the complex ways their writingis (or should be) shaped by subject, audience, intentions,and constraints.

5

As we have de,:eloped it, the Document Design Project'scourse differs from traditional composition courses in thatit does not focus on self-expression, writing fiction, orliterary criticism. It differs from traditional technicalwriting courses in that it does not stress industrial orengineering writing tasks. As an advanced compositioncourse, it offers guidelines for clear writing and practicein revising and editing, but assumes that the student knowsbasic grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Students will beexpected to use handbooks or dictionaries on their own or totake advantage, if they are having difficulty, of helpoffered by their university's writing lab or communicationskills center.

In Appendix A, you will find a syllabus which suggestshow materials might be presented week-by-week.

How the Course Has Been Used Before

In part, the course is an expansion of workshopsdeveloped by the Document Design Project for on-the-jobtraining of government writers. In the course, as in theworkshops, we are trying to bring together the best ofpractice, teaching, and research.

In part, the course is built on the experience of amodest field test. During the 1980-81 school year, fourinstructors of English at three universities taught advancedcomposition classes using the Document Design Project's modeland materials. We owe a deep debt\of gratitude to

Dr. Anita Brostoff of Carnegie-Mellon UniversityMs. Susan Chappalear of the University of MarylandDr. Susan Dunkle of Carnegie-Mellon University

and Dr. Robert Kelton of North Carolina State University

for being willing to experiment with the new ideas andexamples in this course. We thank all four for the time theytook to tell us about their experiences and for providing uswith examples of students' work. In their classes, studentsselected real-world documents that affected their own livesand followed AIR's process model step-by-step from analyzingthe audience to testing their revisions. The instructors andstudents were able to see how good writing can make adifference. Some of the students' new documents are now inuse. In the process, the students learned about differentaudiences and purposes; they honed their writing skills; they

learned about themselves as writers; and they apparentlyenjoyed the

A Framework for the Course (and Some Assumptions)

The process model of document design, shown below,provides a framework for the course.

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The model is a heuristic for writing or revising anydocument. We also think that it has several features thatyou will find useful in teaching an advanced compositioncourse. The model illustrates many of our assumptions about

7

good writing; assumptions that you may want to emphasize atthe beginning of the course. These include:

1. Writing is a dynamic, multi-step, process.

2. The process of writing does not begin withputtj.ng words on paper, but with findingout about who will.read the document, whyyou are writing it, and what you are goingto cover. The process includes invention,generating ideas, and planning before youwrite.

3. The process of writing does n-Jc and withfirst draft. The writer must celview, editevaluate, and revise until the-Tritiider----ETO-er can understand and use the document.

4. Writing is a means of communication;communication implies .1gFiger NiFiter) andreceiver (reader). The model emphasizesthe wciter's connection to the readerthroujhout the process.

5. Writin is a recursive process. Dottedarrows in the picture of the model linkreview and evaluation back to the draftingstage. Decisions at the drafting stagemight a,so require changes in planning orfurther\invention. (The writer shouldimagine dotted arrows connecting all theboxes in the picture of the model. We haveleft them out only because they wouldclutter up the picture.)

6. The model asks the writer to answer fiveplanning questions. We belie e thatwriting down what one does, p rticularly inthe planning stage, helps the writer tounderstand and then improve h s or her ownprocesses of writing. Althouh studentsmay balk at the amount of time we ask theilito devote to planning in their assignments,the time will be well spent. echniqueslearned here can become semi-automatic andtake up far less time in future writingtasks.

8

A Syllabus for the Course

You should be able to cover the material in this book ina one-semester orlone-quarter course. in Appendix A, we givea detailed syllabus for a cyclical version of the course in

which students learn the model using exercises and shortassignments and then apply the model to two longerassignments. The plan makes good sense to us and worked wellwhere it was field tested, but we assume that you will wantto adapt the plan and the materials to meet your ownstudents' needs and the constraints of, your university'scalender.

In the cyclical syllabus, students go through the sameprocess at three different levels: First, they movestep-by-step through the model; then they apply the model toactual documents which they rewrite; and then they createdocuments: gathering information, determining need, andmoving through the process to evaluation and final draft.

Throughout the course, your students should be workingwith actual documents. You and your students should collectabout a dozen documents on your campus and in your communitythat are unnecessarily difficult and that need revision.Students field-testing this course have chosen to work withpromissory notes, a constitution for a student government,consent forms, credit card agreements, descriptions ofgraduate programs, editorial pol.icy for the campus newspaper,and instructions fot using equipment (e.g. computer manuals)among other documents. We suggest that you have yourstudents find many of these documents themselves so that theyare working with material that they are highly motivated torevise and evaluate. Throughout this book, when we need torefer to your class's collection of documents, we'll callthis you.: "corpus."

Cycle One, Learning the Steps in the Model. We suggestthat you spend the fifst three or four weeks of the semestergoing through the process model step-by-step. Since thismodel provides the framework for the course, you willprobably need to introduce studeats to new terminology andtechniques, review guidelines for clear writing, and allowstudents to practice skills they will need later on when they

tackle writing projects. If your students are beginningcollege writers, you may need to spend even more time onthese general principles. You may want to emphasize thesections that cover graphics and evaluation, which includematerial that is unfamiliar to many students. Cycle One

9

includes many exercises and assignments designed to givestudents practice in analyzing documents and in writingrelevant material, including resumes, memos, lab reports,summaries and case studies. In particular, we have includeda set of writing exercises for Chapter Six that AIR staffdeveloped and used in clear writing workshops. You'll find'them in Appendix C. Feel free to copy and use them if they,seem appropriate.

Cycle Two, Using the Model to Revise Documents. In thispart of the curriculum, you should-Sive youriEridents applythe concepts and strategies they have just learned torewriting actual documents. Your students should selectdocuments to rewrite from the class's corpus of poordocuments. We suggest that students work individually torewrite two or three brief, fairly simple documents andcollaborate on zewriting one longer piece. You might run theclass as a writing workshop for the shorter pieces, withstudents serving each other as reviewers, consultants,editors, and audience. For the longer, collaborative work,we suggest that students also be required to find audiencesoutside the clasLI;room to read and evaluate their reviseddocuments. In this second cycle, you should have thestudents use (and therefore review) every step of the processmodel as they plan, carry out, and evaluate their revisions.Cycle Two will probably require three or four weeks tocomplete.

Cycle Three, Using the Model to Create Documents. Atthis stage, students should be ready for the challenging workof creating a document. They should be responsible forestablishing purpose, audience, and topic; and for movingstep-by-step, once again, through the process model.Students might complete two smaller projects or one majorproject.

Each student should individually create a relativelysimple, brief document that represents a kind of writing theyexpect to do regularly in their major field or career(executive summary, analytic report, case study, etc.). Youmight review the writing samples and assignments thatstudents have gathered over the first part of the course tohelp students select a particular writing task. Yourstudents should again serve each other as readers, reviewers,and editors as they move through the process model toevaluation and final draft.

10

Two to four students should work collaboratively on themajor writing assignment. Students should select a complexdocument intended for a multiple audience, one that has realaudiences outside the classroom, that is critical andmeaningful to many people in those audiences, one that can beempirically evaluated. Clearly, at this stage you shouldexpect students to be sensitive to full rhetorical situationsand to the way their writing is (or should be) shaped bysubject, purpose, constraints, and audience. Students shouldevaluate these documents with outside readers. If theevaluation shows that the final products of cycles two orthree are good, you and the students should attempt to havethe audiences adopt the new document.

This final project should occupy several weeks. You maywish to schedule a series of workshops as well as large groupmeetings where you discuss issues that arise as students workon their projects.

If you are working with beginning college writers ratherthan advanced students, you may wish to spend half the termon Cycle One, half on Cycle Two, and omit Cycle Threealtogether. However, another option would be to completeCylces One and Three and to omit Cycle Two. If you haveadvanced students who can go through Cycle One quickly, youmay be able to do both Cycles Two and Three in one semester.If you have the luxury of a full year course, all threecycles should be possible.

What Comes Next

Most of the chapters in this book follow the steps ofour process model. Before we even begin with the planningstage, however, we would like to suggest that you set the

scene .Eor your students as future writers in work settings.We suggest that you ask your students to analyze themselvesas writers now, to conduct and discuss case studies ofprofessionals as writers in several occupations, and to learnsomething about the climate of writing in organizationstoday.

11 Li

chapter2Setting the Scene

Page

The value of good writing skills 15

The student as writer 16

The extent and variety of writing in most professions 18

Case Study #1 A university professor 19

Case Study #2 Manager of a department in a largeretail store 21

Case Study #3 Bank executives 23

Assigning students to do a case study 26

Writing clear English on the job 29

1 t)13

chapter2Setting the Scene

The Value of Good With* Skills

Your students have one distinct advantage over most ofthe professionals we work with. They are taking an advancedcomposition course that focuses on the writing they are doingnow and will be doint on the job. Most people we meet in ourworkshops and as clients have had no training in writingafter Freshman Composition. They were unprepared for thespecific writing tasks that they have in their jobs. Theywere also unprepared for the amount of writing and thevariety of writing that they must do--and for the importanceof writing as a criterion for promotion and success in theirjobs.

You may find that you can increase your students'interest in the course if you begin by having the studentsexamine the role that writing plays in their own lives nowand in the lives of professionals in their major field. Thegoals of this section are to convince students that:

they do far more vriting in differentcontexts and for different purposes thanthey had thought (that is, they already dosome of what you are teaching in thiscourse--it isn't all new and impossible)

people in professional and managerial jobsspend a lot of time writing, and they writea variety of documents to different readersfor different purposes (that is, the skillsthe course teaches are critical on the job),and

as professionals and managers move up thecareer ladder, writing skills become moreand moreimportant.

By the end of this course, your students should not onlybe getting better grades for writing well in their othercourses, they should have highly saleable skills that willgive them a competitive edge in the job market.

15

The Student as Writer

One technique for getting students to understandthemselves better as writers is to have them keep a log ofall the writing that they do over a given period of time. Onthe next page, you will find our format for a writing logwith one column filled in as an example. As with otherexamples and forms in this book, this sheet can be copied anddistributed to your students.

We've chosen the questions we put on our logs becausethey are important aspects of the writing process, becausestudents can answer the questions when they think about them,and because few students have thought about these aspects oftheir writing before they begin to keep a log. Of course,you may think that other questions are more important forstudents to be thinicing about and may want to change theformat.

Remind your students that everything they write countsas an example--grocery lists, class notes, application formsthey fill out, letters home, research notes for a paper inanother course, a diary if they keep one, memos at work ifthey have a job, as well as essays, reports, or articles thatthey turn in for grades.

You may want them to begin by trying to recalleverything that they wrote in the past two weeks and then asktl'em to keep the log for the next two weeks adding to it atthe end of every day. Most people, in the recall part ofthis task, leave out much of the writing that they did. Asthey keep the log over the following two weeks, they realizehow many different types of writing they are doing (and hadbeen doing) that they had not reaalled.

At the end of the time you set for the students to keepthe log, you can review with them the extent and variety ofwriting that they do and the number of choices that they makeas they do each writing task. By the time you are ready todiscuss the students' logs, they will have the case studiesof professionals for comparison to their case studies ofthemselves (see the next section). They will probably alsobe studying the five pre-writing questions that our modelraises (you'll find these on page n) and thus be readyto discuss the different assignments, audiences, purposes,tasks and constraints of the writing that they do.

16 17

Student's wridng log

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Why did you write it?

Did you write one orseveral drafts?

What changes did youmake?

Did anyone help youwrite it?

What steps did youfollow? (First, I ...;then I ...; finally,I ...)

Did the writing achieveits purposes? How doyou know that?

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You can also have students use their logs (and thewriting they are reporting on) to analyze their own successesand failures as a writer. After students have learned toanalyze an existing piece of writing, you can have them lookback over their entries to see if there are any L:)mmonelements in the examples where the writing did not achieveits purpose.

The Extent and Variety of Writing in Most Professions

Some students, especially those who have managed toavoid writing much in high school and in college, have themistaken idea that once they move into their professions,they will do very little writing. The very opposite seems tobe true. Even while computer-writing technologies becomeincreasingly sophisticated, professionals in many fieldsreport that writing demands on them are increasing incomplexity and variety. We want to convince students thatwhatever profession they enter, they are likely to spend agood bit of their time writing and that their writing willhave consequences for them in terms of advancement andrewards.

One way to introduce students to the writing demandsmade on different professionals is to present them with casestudies taken from research on job-related writing. Whatfollows are three case studies of the writing that people indifferent jobs actually do.

18

Case Study No. 1: A University Professor (Redish, 1980)*

At age 40, John Smith has been promoted to a fullprofessorship at his university. He has an excellentreputation as a scientist. If you think of him as a writer,you probably think of his scientific research articles. But

John Smith also has to fill other roles in his job. As aprofessor, he not only does research. He teaches; he serveson committees; he interacts with students, support staff,administrative staff, and other researchers. To keep up hisreputation outside of his university, he writes to fundingsources, to people planning professional meetings, tocolleagues in other colleges, and for professional journals.In the course of a semester, Professor Smith is writing:

journal articles reporting on his research

reviews of other people's research forprofessional journals (meant also to helpthe other researchers)

proposals to get money to'do research

reviews of other people's proposals

progress reports to the agency that fundshis research

abstracts for papers that he wants topresent at professional meetings

presentations to give to other scientists(limited in time to 10 minutes or 30 minutesor 45 minutes)

notes for lectures for classes

review sheets for students in his class

exam questions for students

comments on students' papers

letters to other scientists to ask questionsabout research or to answer questions theyhave asked him

*J.C. Redish, interview with a college professor as writer,

unpublished, 1980.

letters to colleagues in other universitiesto plan programs for professional meetings

c letters of reference for students who areapplying elsewhere for jobs or for graduateschool

letters to people who ace applying to hisgroup for jobs or asking for informationabout jobs

copy for ads for newsletters and journalsannouncing jobs in his group

copy for a brochure to tell prospectivestudents about his group's research program

report to a department committee consideringwhether or not to promote an AssistantProfessor

memos to colleagues announcing time, place,and agenda for committee meetings

memos to colleagues and to the committee'sfiles to report the actions taken at acommittee meeting

memos to the Department Chairperson onsuggestions for policy and procedures (orresponses to memos from the Chairperson orfrom others)

instructions to secretarial staff orgraphics staff or technical staff about howto prepare his reports or material for hispresentations

Professor Smith's job at the university demands skillsin writing for many purposes and to many audiences--not onlyto communicate new scientific results to others who are doingsimilar research.

20

Case Study No. 2: Manager of a Department in a Large Retail Store (Goswami, 1978)*

This woman, 27, has always lived in the southeasternUnited States. She has a bachelor's degcee in homeeconomics, but has worked as a salesperson for several years.For about six months, she has been the manager of adepartment in a large retail store.

Here is how she describes herself as a writer:

As a salesperson, I almost never wrote.Maybe a letter for something speCigr, like sometime off. But when I got my promotion all thatchanged. And the funny thing is... well,nobody said anything [about writing] when theytalked about the new job. What would havehappened to me if I coudn't write? I don'tknow. I guess they'd fire me. And it's hardfor me. I hate it. But I did what you askedand tried to keep track of what I wrote in thepast two weeks. You won't believe it.

Here is what she wrote, during a typical two-weekworking period:

notes o myself, reminders and lists

several notes to one of the women on myfloor; a reminder or question; just a quickhandwritten note

notes on bulletin board to the clean-up crew

handwritten notes to my boss

report to my workers on this past month'ssales; a little pep talk, really

a report to the store manager with the aboveattached

a request to management for part-time help

*D. G. Goswami, "Rhetorical Occurrences in OccupationalWriting." Presentation at National Council of Teachers ofEnglish, Kansas City, November 1978.

21

0

formal letter; warning to go in anemployee's file

letter of complaint to a supplier

answer to a request for help with nextsummer's sales promotion

report to a buyer about how a new line ismoving

formal note to my boss outlining my ideasfor some changes in the department

letter to management asking for two days offto compensate for holiday overtime

sympathy note to recently widowed woman inmy department

letter to customer, responding to hercomplaint

daily and weekly sales reports (forms) andinventory reports

----

requests to maintenance and supply (formgT

employee work schedule and part-time report(forms)

_

This woman's comments about herself as writer, of whichyou have a brief excerpt, tell us that she must be able towrite to a wide range of audiences for many purposes. Forher, to be'able to write is to be able to advance, at leastafter she has reached management level in this retail store.

22 2 ,

Case Study No. 3: Bank Executives (Van Dyck, 1980)*

Figures 1 & 2 on the next two pages show the variety ofwriting tasks performed by executives in one bank. Noticethat the types of writing are divided into internal (when theprimary reader is another bank employee) and external (whenthe primary reader is a client or thl public in general).This distinction between internal and external audiences isimportant in most job-related %kiting. An important aspectof this course will be learning to write for each of theseaudiences (and for both at the same time).

Notice also in this case study that dictation isconsidered to be writing, so far as these executives areconcerned. We agree. Execdtives (and others) cannot rely oneven expert secretaries and administrative assistants toexpress meaning or to present a personal or corporate imageto their audiences. The person doing the dictating mustmentally go through all of the stages in the writing process.

*B. van Dyck, "On-the-Job Writing of High-Level BusinessExecutives." Presentation at Conference on CollegeComposition and Communication, 31st Annual Meeting, March13-15, 1980, Washington, D.C.

23

INTERNAL (within bank)

1. Call reports

2. Simple

Function

document information gath-ered from call on customer;record business transacted,implications; remind writer offuture action planned; pro-vide background informationfor other depts. of bank orwriter's replacement (newloan officer)

request other bank servicesmemoranda for clients; request information

from other depts.; inform col-leagues of action affectinganother dept.

3. Complex persuade supervisor or othermemoranda colleagues to endorse plan of

action or to azt on recom-mendation

4. Special reports

5. Credit com-mittee reports

26

investiget, analyze potentialarea of new business; assesscurrent systems, draw con-clusions, usually resulting inmajor decisions for bank

analyze financial health ofprospective client; recom-mend specific lendingpolicy

Audience

wide and varied; poten-tially unknown; creditfiles (resource for entirebank), marketing dept.,writer's supervisor,occasionally top man-agement, writer's ownfile

colleagues in otherdepts. of bank

supervisor, others intop management

top management,often chairman ofbank; people whomwriter must impressfavorably

wide, potentiallyunknown; CreditCommittee; heads ofCredit Policy, LoanReview, 1131 Depts.,Vice-Chmn. :If board andbank, supervisors of alllending divisions

Method of composition

usually first-time-final strat-egy;*.either "spew" tech-nique or sysvematic ap-proach, from orgenical notes;dictated to word process-ing dept. (WP) or hand-written, typed by secrotary

first-time-final strategy;usually dictated to WP;sometimes drafted by handonce, then typed by secre-tary

usually drafted by hand,transcribed by secretary

often written as team ortask fcrce; handwrittenin early draft stages, typedby secretary; final copyprinted and bound forimportant distribution

written in sections bycredit analyst (executivetrainee); by hand; finaldraft typed by departmentsecretary

Writing by Bank Executives(0 Barrie Van Dyck, 1980

Used by Permission of the Author

Role of revision

usually reviewed only fortypographical or mech-anical errors

revised only for typo-graphical or mechanicalerrors, or factual inac-curacies

often revised for focus,impact, tone (multipledrafts), as well as clarity,accuracy

long-term project in-volving multiple drafts;revised for orgenization,focus, impact, perhapslength, overall presenta-tion

reviewed by loan offi-cer whose client seeksloan; revised for inac-curacies

"terms borrowed from John Gould's research 27

1Writing , the Professions DOcument Design Project

American Institute; for Research

EXTERNAL

'I. Simpleletters

2. Complexletters

3. Commitmentletters

4. Proposals


23

Function

acknowledge understanding gained intelephone conversation; documentinformation for client; thank clientfor business or entertainment (e.g.,lunch)

explain complex financing terms;turn down request for loan orwithdraw existing policy (fail torenew)i.e., give client unwelcomenews

document loan agreement, commit-ting bank and customer to specificterms; state contingencies of agree-ment

persuade prospective or long-standing customer to use designatedbank service(s); explain details ofof service(s); emphasize sellingfeatures

Audience Method of composition

customer

customer

customer

customer

Writing by Bank Executives0 Barrie Van Dyck, 1980

Used by Permission of the Author

first-time-final strategy;dictated to WP or secretary

often drafted by hand,typed by secretary or WP

occasionally form letterwith specific details in-serted for particular cus-tomer, typed by WP; moreoften custom-tailored,drafted by hand

form proposals occasion-ally used; most propr ,alsprepared individually;drafted by hand, typed byWP or secretary

Role of revision

reviewed only fortypographical ormechanical errors

usually multiple draftsto create desired tone, topresent complex informa-tion clearly so customerunderstands all aspects ofbusiness transaction

careful review for accu-racy (by writer's super-visor.as well as writer);sometimes multipledrafts

multiple drafts if proposalis customized and lengthy;revised for clarity, accuracy,persuasiveness

}Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

29

//

Assigning Students to Do a Case Study

An excellent way to have students learn about a job theyhope to have someday is to have them do a case study of thewriting that someone in that position now does. The casestudy can, in itself, be a research and writing assignment.If they do not know, or have no access to, people in jobsthey are interested in, they can do case studies of people inother professional and managerial jobs (their parents orother relatives, health care professionals in the campusclinics, administrators in campus departments, managers inlocal businesses and agencies, such as a campus bookstore,credit union, or restaurant.) You can require them to use alist (as in Case Studics #1 or #2), a log (as in Case Study#3), a prose narrative, or a combination of these formats.On page 27, you will find a filled-in example of a log usedin a case study. On page 28, you will find an example of aprose narrative case study from the Canisius College WritingProject.

Students will need a few weeks to arrange and completetheir case studies. Remind students that they must bescrupulous about identifying themselves, explaining what theyare doing and why, assuring the subject's privacy, andoffering to send the person a copy of the completed casestudy. Students will be asking their subjects to give upseveral hours of time, to save copies of writing doneregularly at work, and to talk about this writing. Studentsshould-ask their subjects questions about how much theywrite, how often they write, the kinds of writing they do,about their writing processes and problems, and about otheraspects of the writing that interest the student and thesubject.

When the case studies have been completed, you might usethem for a general discussion of the types of writingprofessionals do at work, the concerns they have as theywrite, the range of audiences and purposes they have whenthey write, and the ways in which their audiences, purposes,and other concerns influence their choices of length,content, organization, and language in different documents.

You might (with your class) look for common writingtasks across professions. (Do managers do similar types ofwriting regardless of their field?)

26

,

Wkis

rtwctiow Amosmee

Descrbe elanAsk lutsrfssns,Discusc

Log _of Student' s Case Study.

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1

Writing in the Professions Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research31

ealcourraple

A Sample Prose Report of A Case Study

Division Personnel Manager -Large Manufacturing Company

Mr. K types one-page memos forcirculations among associates and superiorsonce or twice a week. He composes these at thetypewriter; he.usually types only one draft.Daily, he sends three or four brief,handwritten notes to subordinates andassociates. He writes letters and informalpresentations frequently. He sends monthlyreports to division management. He isresponsible for an annual report to operatingvice-presidents and officers of comparablestatus; these reports may be as long as fortyto fifty pages.

Mr. K needs privacy to write, which heobtains by closing his office door and havingcalls held. Sometimes he works from roughnotes, almost never from outlines orguidelines. He worries about wordiness andabout overstressing simple points. He alsoworries about grammatical mistakes, but hedoesn't confer with anyone about his writing.Writing is an important part of his job: heestimates that writing occupies about fiftypercent of his time. Writing well is a matterof personal satisfaction to Mr. K, who thinksthat writing skills are an advantage with hiscompany.

from the Canisius College Writing Project

3

Writing in the Professions 28Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

You might have each student look at the nature andvariety of writing done by the professional person he or shestudied and compare that to the nature and variety of writingthat the student now does. Students might ask themselvesquestions such as this one: To be successful in my careerwill I'have to learn to deal with many new writing demands?

You might save copies of professional writing thatstudents gathered in doing the case studies and use them inlater classes as good or poor, examples of the courseguidelines or to stimulate discussion of the choices thatdifferent planning decisions entail. If you use any of thewriting from your students' case studie:J, be sure to changeor eliminate any names of people or agencies or any otherreference that would violate anyone's privacy or businesssecrets. Don't just copy letters or memos where theletterhead will give away the sources of the writing.

You might also like to keep a log of yourself as awriter. Have you ever given yourself credit for the range ofwriting your job demands of you?

Writing Clear English on the Job

We want your students to develop excellent writingskills and also to become advocates of clear writing inbusiness and academia. If your students enter theirprofessions knowing both how to write well and what to expectin the organizational se ting, they may be less easilyco-opted into following oorly written models that they aregiven on the job.

One way that this co rse is designed to prepare studentsto write in organizations is that it gives studentsexperiences that come clo e to replicating the conditions forwriting on the job. Thes experiences include

writing actual documents for real audiencesand purposes

working collaboratively

having the work reviewed,'and

thinking about design considerations otherthan writing.

329

,'I

Another way that we would like to help prepare yourstudents for writing in organizational settings is to havethem learn about the growing movement towards plain Englishin business and government writing.

As Robbin Battison of AIR wrote in a recent article,*

Paperwork is choking our society. In manyinstances, we can cite individual pieces ofpaper (primarily forms) which, when replicated,control or affect the lives of large numbers ofpeople. Because of their inordinatecomplexity, many public documents hindercommunication, disrupt the lives of people, andcause costly bureaucratic headaches.

Of course, paperwork affects more thanjust individuals. Businesses must report theiractivities and keep detailed records to complywith regulations, and businesses are sufferingalso. Just consider the 10 million owners ofsmall businesses in the U.S., who must filemore than 305 million federal forms per yeartotalling more than 850 million pages,containing more than 7.3 billion questions inanswer to some 7,000 rules which come from90-odd federal agencies (source: Rep. AlvinBaldus, D-Wis.).

All of us in modern technologicalsocieties are faced with rapidly risingliteracy demands. Our lives run on paperworkand we are faced with more of it in morecomplex varieties than we ever had before.Paying bills, for example, used to be simple:They sent you a bill, and you paid cash orwrote a check. With the expansion of creditand banking services in consumer societies, thesituation has become more complex. You now mayreceive an itemized bill, a payment card,separate billing invoices, a notice on yourcredit rights as a consumer, a brochure on thecompany's policy or services, and anadvertisement for merchandise along with anorder form. The envelope itself might contain

*Tin-Egon, R. Document design: Language planning forpaperwork. Language Planning Newsletter, November 1980.

30

other complex messages or response forms (e.g.,for changing your address). Functionalliteracy demands such as these hava steadilyincreased in dramatic ways.

The volume of paperwork is (also] areflection of the size and complexity of asociety's institutions, and both our public andprivate institutions are growing.Multi-layered governments, hierarchicallynested firms within firms, transnationalcorporations, and branching or franchising areall modern features of the growth ininstitutional complexity.

The growing complexity of business and governmentincreases the need for clear writing. Clear communicationbecomes particularly critical when the writer and the readerare not physically close enough to clear up any possiblemisunderstandings in person. Consider an engineer in afirm's Houston office writing a report that will be read bymanagers in the New York office. Consider a program officercreating guidelines that will be used five years after shehas left the agency. Consider a bank's lawyer creating aform that 10,000 customers must fill out correctly.

Flying the engineer to New York to explain the report(if he could) would be expensive. If the program officercan't be located, she can't be asked five years later whatshe meant (if she remembered). Ten thousand people can takeup a lot of time asking questions and having to correcterrors on a poorly designed form. Clear writing can savebusiness and government time, money, legal problems, andinconvenience.

President Carter recognized the problem when he issuedtwo Executive Orders requiring that government regulationsand forms be written in plain English and be as easy forusers ag possible. Twenty-five states have laws orregulations requiring plain language in insurance policies.Six states (New York, Connecticut, Maine, Hawaii, New Jersey,and Minnesota) have laws requiring plain language in consumercontracts. In those states, banks, insurance companies,realtors, and retail businesses now have to rewrite andredesign traditionally dense, legal prose into clearlyorganized and well-written documents.

31 3 6

In the Reagan administration, also, at least one CabinetSecretary (Malcolm Baldridge of the Department of Commerce)has made clear writing a major issue in his department.Plain English in public documents also serves the Reaganadministration's interest in saving money and reducing theburden t4at paperwork places on business.

PoOrly written and poorly Aesigned documents cost extramoney for taxpayers and businegses. A few years ago, 34% ofthe people using a Federal financial aid form had to gothrough the process more than once (sometimes three or fourtimes) because they didn't understand the form. The studentsand their families paid in time and frustration--andsometimes in not getting money they were eligible for., Weall as taxpayers paid in processing costs, paper and mailingfor extra forms, in maintaining toll-free telephone lines andin paying people to answer questions. Well-designeddocuments can save money. In one year, with minor changes onthe form and major changes in the information andinstructions, the staff of the Document Design Projectreduced the error rate on this Federal financial aid form byabout seven percent.*

Or take as another example the marine radio regulationsfor recreational boaters that the Federal CommunicationsCommission recently revised. Before these rules werechanged, recreational boaters who have two-way radios ontheir boats had to buy a copy of a regulation that wasseveral hundree, pages long, find the rules and parts of rulesthat applied to them, and understand long and complexexplanations in legal language in order to comply with thelaw. The same rules also regulated use of two-way radios onocean liners and merchant ships.

By selecting only the rules that apply to recreationalboaters, reorganizing and rewriting them, and choosing anattractive, useful layout, the FCC was able to reduce therelevant information to an eleven-page booklet. The DocumentDesign Project helped the FCC to conduct an empiricalevaluation of the old and new versions of these rules. Inthis evaluation, both experienced boaters and peopleinterested in boating who had never seen the rules beforeperformed significantly better with the new rules than withthe old ones. They answered more questions correctly, found

*See J. C. Redish, The Language of Bureaucracy, DocumentDesign Project Technical Report #15, American Institutes forResearch, 1981.

32

37

the information more quickly, could more often identify thecorrect section, and rated the new rules as much easier touse.*

To give you a third example: When the.number of CBradio owners in the U.S. increased dramatically in themid-1970s, the Federal Communications Commission decided thatthe most cost-effective way to increase compliance with therules was to rewrite them so that CB users could understandthem. The revised CB rules are well-organized, clearlywritten, and available as an attractive booklet. Before thenew rules went into effect, the FCC had an office of fivepeople who spent all day answering telephone questions aboutthe CB radio rules from people who were trying to comply withthem. After the clear English version of the rules wasdistributed, the calls stopped. All five employees weretransferred to other jobs. Clear writing can'save businessand government time, money, legal problems, andinconvenience.

Clear English isn't being easily accepted everywhere,and your students should be aware that in any business orprofession that they enter, they will find tension between"the way we've always done it" and their own desire to writesimply, clearly, and directly.

Lawyers, in particular, worry that traditional forms arenecessary for legal accuracy and sufficiency. That is NOTtrue. The examples we've just given (and others throughoutthis book) show that it is possible to write legallyacceptable documents using the principles you will beteaching in this course.

Similarly, the passive style typical of academicarticles is based on tradition, not necessity. The traditionsays that to focus on the experiment or scientific facts, thewriter never mentions himself or herself. But the passivestyle that this philosophy engenders makes academic prosevery difficult to understand. As our philosophy ofcommunication shifts to an emphasis on communication betweenpeople, the appropriate style also changes. Writers can talkof themselves and use the active voice without compromisingthe objectivity of their studies and their facts.

Felker & A. Rose, Ithe Evaluaticn of a PublicDocument: The Case of FCC's Marine Radio Rules forRecreational Boaters, Document Design Project TechnicalReport #11, American Institutes for Research, 1981.

33 3 5

chapter 3An Overview of the Process Model

The pre-writing stage

The writing stage

The post-writing stage

(0

3539

t

Page

37

40

41

chapter 3An Overview ofthe Process Model

Most of this book follows Dr. Redish's model of thedocument design process that we showed on page 7 andreproduce again in a full-page size on page 38. This modeltakes the writer step-by-step from generating ideas throughevaluating any piece of writing. We don't mean for you oryour students to accept this model as the only plausiblediagram of tne writing process, but we do think that you andyour students will find it useful for a number of reasons.The model can give your course a framework in which the stepsof the composing process follow each other logically. Themodel is a pictoral reminder that writing is a process withseparable steps. The model can serve as an aid for writingor revising any text or form.

In the model, we divide the writing process into threestages: pre-writing, writing, and po-t-writing. Let usbriefly review each stage and step in he model here and thenspend several chapters presenting mater.,al for each step withexamples and suggestions for exercises.

The Pre-Writing Stage

Determinescope Define

(wom puiposs

message (why do

do you you need

want to a docu-

convey?) ment?)

Definaudince(who willuse yourdocument?what are'their needs?)

Determine

Uskfin out formreed and actreed andremember

locateinformation

Determine

constraintsposed by

the systemhow thedocumentis used

how thedocumentis distri-buted

'e've put five boxes in the pre-writing stage of themodel. Each corresponds to a set of questions and we suggestthat for every assignment in school or on the :'11, your

37

q 0

________.rale

THE PROCESS MODEL OF DOCUMENT DESIGN

I. Prs-Writing Stops I U. Writing Steps --I III. PostWriting StepsIDetermineKOMI

(whatmessage

do youwant toconvey?)

Definepurpose(why doyou needa docu-ment?)

11.

Defineaudience(who willuse yourdocument?what aretheir needs?)

40

Determinetask

fill out formreed end actreed endremember

locateinformation

111,

Determineconstraintsposed by

the systemhow thedocumentis used

how thedocumentis distri-buted

.

MEM.

, OM= ...le..... --..

-i

Draft documentselect appro.pr tate contentorganize foryour audiencewrite clearlyuse graphics tohelp clarifyyour message

11.-

Review,reviseandedit

EyDeing. 0

(does your Cdocument Uachieve -.9... pA

its purpose E

for its N

audience?) T

YEE

KNI\n-

N I Ai.

Writing in the Professions 3 8

41


students learn to ask themselves (and get the answers to)questions on these five topics.

1. 5cope. What message do I want to convey?Do I understand the assignment? Whatquestion am I supposed to discuss?

2. Purpose. Why do I need a document? What amI trying to achieve by writing this?

3. Audience. Who will use the document? Whatdo they want to see? What do they need toknow?

4. Reader's Task. What does this text requireof the reader? Is the reader going to readit and learn something to remember? Doesthe reader have to read it and act at once?Will the reader save it for reference later?

5. Constraints. What limitations are there onwhat I can do? Do I have a page limit? adeadline? Does it have to be reviewedbefore it is accepted?

With the answers to the pre-writing questions, the writer hasa basis for generating ideas and planning the text. Theanswers to these pre-writing questions will help the writerselect appropriate content for the readers, organize to meetthe readers' needs, and choose a tone, style, and graphicsthat will be most effective.

Your students may need to do some research in order toanswer the pre-writing questions for some of yourassignments. They may not know enough about the audience orthe audience's needs until they go and ask. The experienceof having to go outside the classroom for answers to thepre-writing questions is important--because it is realistic.Once they have done this work in the pre-writing stage,however, students may find that they can write more easilyand with greater confidence. They'll also have theinformation they need to plan an evaluation of their draftlater on--a step that we feel is critical.

39 4 14

P* The Writing Stage

Draft document*moat appro-price contentorganize foryour audiencewrite clearlyuse graphics tohelp clarifyyour message

In the model, we've enclosed the writing stage in ohebox. This is only for convenience. The four topics in thebox, in fact, constitute the largest section of this course,as they would in any composition course. One of the reasonswe give the other boxes so much room in the model is thatthey are the ones that are new to many students.

In the writing stage, we emphasize four areas:selecting content, organizing, writing clearly, and usinggraphics to help clarify the message.

1. Content. Students should learn how to be selectivein the content they actually use in the document. A majorproblem many students have is trying to fit in all theresearch or knowledge that they have gathered instead ofusing what they have learned to effectively argue orillustrate a point.

2. 2/-12.Liaa. Students should learn formats for manytypes of documents. The narrative format that they haveprobably most often used_is, in fact, seldom the mosteffective organization for documents they will be writing onthe job.

3. Lahguale. Writing clearly, simply and directly is agood principlefor all types of writing. In this book, westress twelve guidelines that respond to problems we've seenin the writing of advanced composition students and ofwriters on the job.

4. Graphics. Good design can make the readers' taskmuch easier. Good design can help attract readers and keepthem interested. Composition courses seldom pay much

40

attention to graphics, but a few principles, easily learnedand applied, can make a great difference in how readable atext or form is.

Although the model doesn't include reverse arrowsbetween the writing and the pre-writing stages, the processis recursive. Students should be encouraged to replan asthey write. They should also understand as they write that afinished first draft is not a final product. The processincludes a post-writing stage, of which evaluation is animportant part.

The Post-Writing Stage

Review,revise

andedit

Evaluate(does yourdocumentachieveits purposefor itsaudience?)

The post-writing stage in our model includes two boxes.

1. Review, revise and edit. Students should havepractice, in a composition course, in several levels ofediting. They should become comfortable reviewing their ownwork as well as the work of others. Revision, based on inputfrom several sources, should be an expected practice, becauseit is routine practice in the working world. Rewritingshould be seen as a positive step, not a rejection. Studentsshould expect that to get a ,good final product they will haveto write several drafts. Moreover, in reviewing, revisingand editing, students should become accustomed to returningto the work they did at the pre-writing stage. They shouldcheck their writing against their earlier decisions aboutpurpose and audience and edit with their pre-writing answersin mind.

2. Evaluate. Any piece of writing is effective only ifit achieves its purpose(s) with its audience(s) in the leastburdensome way possible. To really test a document, thewriter should find a sample of readers and see if they can

41 4 4

use the document appropriately (fill out a form correctly,choose the best refrigerator, know the rules they have agreedto in the dormitory, etc.). To know if he or she has madegood choices about content, organization, writing, andgraphics, the writer should see if representative members ofthe audience 1understand the material. In Chapter Nine, weexplain empifical evaluation, and how it can be useful towriters, in some detail but at a level that students canhandle even if they have no scientific background.

-

42

Planning

chapter4

Page

What (in general) is the message I want to convey? . 45

Know the assignment 45

Generate some ideas to get started 47

Know where to get information; clarify policy andposition before you write 47

Why am I writing this document') 48

Who will read it? 52

A variety of audiences 52

Multiple audiences 55

How to analyze the audience 58

How to address different audiences 60

What do I expect the readers to do with the document? 60

What constraints must I keep in mind? 62

Coping with deadlines 64

Coping with reviewers 64

Summary of the pre-writing steps 67

43 4 6

chapter 4Planning

Good planning skills are crucial to good writing skills.We know that expert writers spend as much as 75 percent. oftheir time on an assignment planning and we know thatexperienced teachers regularly have students ask planningquestions. In this course, we focus the planning stage onfive sets of questions which we have used successfully inwriting projects and in training workshops. You may findthat when students actually write out answers and discussthem, their approach to planning changes for the better, andthey spend more time and effort planning for a writing task.

We can summarize the five pre-writing questions we gaveon page 39 as:

What (in general) is the message I want toconvey?

Why am I writing this document?

Who will read it?

What do I expect the readers to do with thedocument?

What constraints must I keep in mind?

1. What (in General) is the Message I Want to Convey?

The writer must begin with a general understanding ofthe task and some ideas about how to proceed. Thisunderstanding can come from considering three aspects of thewriting task. One is being certain that students understandthe assignment; the second is having techniques forgenerating ideas; and the third is finding and usingappropriate sources of information.

Know the assignment. Much of the time in most jobs, thewriter does not decia-g-;ihat type of document to write or whatto write about. The assignment comes from someone else(usually a supervisor). Even if the assignment isself-generated, the topic (and format) are usually dictatedby the situation. In either case, the very first guideline

45 4 7

for creating a clear and useful document is for the writer tounderstand what he or she is going to write. Students whohave been handed papers back with the comment "you've missedthe point," will appreciate the importance of clarifying theassignment. In the working world where time is money, awriter who doesn't do the task correctly may not be asked todo it again.

Students should learn to ask questions until they aresure they understand what the scope of the writing task is.They may find the ideas throughout this section on thepre-writing stage to be useful in forming questions to askothers when they are trying to clarify a writing assignment.

An excellent practice is to have students analyze someof your own assignments, asking questions, and possiblyrevising the assignment. One good technique that helpsstudents clarify the task and topic is to try to write itdown in one short sentence. The answer to the question,"What am I writing?" should include two elements--the type ofdocument and a general statement of the message to beconveyed. For example, the writer might be writing:

a letter to apply for a job

a memo to the company President justifying arequest for permission to hire an additionalstaff person

a feasibility study giving the advantagesand disadvantages of different computers fora client's company, with a recommendation tobuy one of the choices

a contract form for a bank to use in makingloans to consumers

a brochure explaining the hospital's chargesto ?atients

a description of a proposed research study

a textbook on how to write clear and usefuldocuments.

Students should be able to charactierize a piece ofwriting succinctly after reading it quickly. You might have

46

4d

your students practice writing brief descriptions of severaldocuments.

Generate some ideas to set started. In the real worldof writing, professionals have a broad base of informationabout the topic accumulated from years of experience.Professionals also have the means to find out about the topicby study, and by calling on other professionals andorganizations. Students don't have that luxury, so we aregiving some techniques they can apply. Very seldom dowriters sit down to write with a fully developed notion ofwhat their topic is or what they know and do not know aboutit. Talking about the topic, reading about it, and thinkingit through are ways to get started. Writing also helps togenerate and organize ideas. Writing is in itself a way togain control over a topic. Your students should learnseveral techniques for using writing as a way of generatingnew ideas and making meaning. Have them try out and practice

brainstorming,

writing freely for a few minuts on a topicor an idea,

using journalists' questions (who, what,where, when, how, why), and

using different rhetorical techniques foranalysis (definition, compare and contrast,cause and effect, appeal to authority).

You might give your students a topic such as "Shouldprofessionals dictate letters or write them out?" and havedifferent students use each of these techniques to generateideas. Compare the uses'of each technique. You will quicklysee that each of these activities encourages a different kindof thinking about a topic and produces different kinds ofinformation for the writer. Students should have arepertoire of activities to help them think creatively at thepre-writing stage, when they are exploring a topic andclarifying what they have to say.

Know where to get information; clarify polcy_andposition before_you write. For many documents in the workingworld, the writer's primary sources are not in his or her ownhead. Brainstorming ideas is not as important for somewriting tasks as knowing who has the facts the writer needs.

47 4 3

The necessary sources may be people or other documents. Partof knowing the scope of an assighment is understanding thepolicy and facts to be included. If the writer's task is toexplain poliji-Eo the reader (in a letter to a client or in aset of instructions or in a regulation), the writer needs tobe certain that he or she understands what the policy is.Writing clearly on a muddled topic is -irtually impossible.

Invariably some gaps in the policy won't become apparentuntil the writer begins to draft the text, but the expertwriter presses to get 'clarification of policies and positionsat the planning stage--and as early in the planning stage aspossible.

Thus, for the first step in any writing task, the writershould define the scope of the task by

clarifying the assignment,

generating ideas to get started, and

clarifying the policy and position to takein the document.

2. Why Am I Writing this Document?

We have not called this a course in functional writingbecause all writing is meant to be functional--to serve apurpose for an audience. But most writing on the job hasexternal audiences and purposes that can be obiestiy.elydefined and measured. Let us call this type of writingtransactional, meaning that it is an exchange of informationbetween people. It is addressed to someone other than thewriter and it has a defineable purpose. In fact, a singlepiece of transactional writing often has several purposes.We can tell if the writing works or doesn't work by measuringhow closely it achieves one or more of its purposes.

You will recognize the term "transactional" fromBritton, et al.'s work, The Development of Writing Abilities:11-18 (London: Macmillan Education, Ltd., 1975). The chieffunction of transactional writing is to get the work of theworld done: to inform, persuade, report. Good transactionalwriting is clear and direct: its success can be measured interms of its intended readers. Transactional writing thusdiffers from expressive or poetic writing. For expressivewriting, the writer may be his or her only importantaudience. For poetic writing, the audience may include

4 8

others, but language is important for its own sake. Theprimary purpose is aesthetic; therefore, the criterion ofsuccess must be subjective.

To help students understand what we mean by the purposeof a document and that transactional documents often havemultiple purposes, you might have them study these examples.

1) A letter applying for a job. The writer'sultimate purpose is probably to get the job,but the immediate purpose is to be selectedfor an interview. The writer might even besatisfied if the letter only gets aninterview. The interview might give thewriter practice in presenting himself orherself and help the writer learn about jobsin that field.

2) A memo summarizing a meeting. One purposemay be to have everyone who was there see onpaper what the writer thinks they agreed tobefore anyone acts on the decisions.Another purpose may be to leave a writtenrecord in the file so that, at some laterdate, when none of the present committeemembers are around, someone who was not atthe meeting can figure out what happened.To satisfy this second purpose, the writermight need to include more backgroundinformation than would be put in if thewriter were only thinking about the firstpurpose.

3) Forms can serve to enroll people in aprogram, so they may receive benefits (foodstamps, insurance). A primary purpose ofthis type of form may be to separateeligible people from ineligible people.Forms can serve to get people to providesomething--money in the case of tax forms,information in the case of creditapplication forms.

4) Many legal documents, such as warranties,leases, and regulations spell out the rightsand obligations of both parties. They also,however, usually include instructions aboutprocedures. The purpose is to explain whomust do what when.

49 51

5) Instructions are written to help peopleoperate equipment or perform tasks easilyand correctly.

6) A public health booklet might serve thepurpose of getting people to take someaction; for example, to stop smoking.

7) A brochure that comes in a drug package mayserve to explain to the patient what thedrug is, to instruct the patient in how touse the drug, to warn the patient about therisks in taking it. The purposes of thebrochure are to persuade the patient tofollow the prescribed therapy and also towarn the patient to take proper steps ifserious side effects or other problemsshould arise. Balancing the purposes ofreassuring the patient and explaining therisks is a difficult job for the person whohas to write brochures about drugs.

You might have your students try to determine thepurpose(s) of several documents in the corpus that the classhas collected. They should very soon ask "purpose for whom?"or raise the notion that documents have different purposesfor different audiences. The discussion of purpose thusleads directly to a discussion of audience(s).

The purpose of a document will affect the tone,organization, choice of content, and language that the writeruses. The writer who knows what he or she wants to achievewith the document is likely to make more effective choices.Moreover, a document is far more likely to be effective ifthe reader understands the writer's purpose. Your studentsshould be able to review documents and either state what thepurposes of the document are or that the purpose is unclearand the document needs to be revised. They should also beable to point out specific fe'atures of a document that makeit particularly effective or ineffective for its purposes.

You might have your students review some of thedocuments in your corpus and discuss whether or not thepurpose is clear to the reader, how effective they think thedocument is (will it achieve its purpose?), why it is likelyto be effective or ineffective. As an example, you mightshow students the "Dear Patient" card on page 51.

50 0,_,

1. DEAR PATIENT,IF YOU ARE HAVING OR HAVE HAD LABORATORY

EXAMINATIONS WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL, YOU WILLRECEIVE TWO BILLS.

2. "YES" BUT YOU ARE NOT PAYING FOR THESAME THING TWICE. EACH LABORATORY TESTCONSISTS OF TWO PARTS.

1. THE HOSPITAL PROVIDES THE TECHNICIANS,EQUIPMENT AND SUPPLIES FOR YOUR TEST.

Z A SPECIALLY TRAINED PHYSICIAN, CALLED APATHOLOGIST, DIRECTS, SUPERVISES THEANALYSIS AND QUALITY CONTROL OF ALLTESTS, AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL RE-SULTS WHICH ARE GIVEN TO YOUR DOCTOR.(Those test results assist your doctor in making adiagnosis in your care.)

3. MANY TIMES THE PATHOLOGIST IS NEVERSEEN BY YOU, HOWEVER, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FORALL YOUR TESTS, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THEYARE ROUTINE OR VERY COMPLICATED. FOR EXAM-PLE IF YOU HAVE SURGERY, THE PATHOLOGISTPROVIDES YOUR SURGEON OR FAMILY DOCTORWITH A DIAGNOSIS BASED ON HIS PERSONALEXAMINATION OF THE TISSUE OR SPECIMEN RE-CEIVED, THIS TYPE OF SERVICE ENABLES THEBEST TREATMENT POSSIBLE FOR THE PATIENT.

4, THE HOSPITAL INCLUDES THEIR PORTION OFTHE LABORATORY CHARGE IN YOUR HOSPITALBILL SINCE THE PATHOLOGIST IS NOT AN EM-PLOYEE OF THE HOSPITAL, HE SENDS "HIS" POR-TION 0= YOUR BILL TO YOU SEPARATELY.

THIS IS WHYTHERE ARE TWOBILLS FOR LAB-ORATORY TESTS.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUSTSAY THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

I It,

\I

Writing in the Professions51

r r)I

c

it el II lewee

1


The "Dear Patiept" card is probably a response to manycomplaipts from patients asking why they receive two bills.Both tHb pathologist and the hospital need to explain thesituation to patients. They also need to persuade patientsthat both charges are necessary and reasonable, that patientsshould pay both bills without asking questions orcomplaining. The card is organized as a letter to thepatient; it tries to adopt a friendly, informative tone. Thesmiling patient at the end of the card is a graphic way ofconveying the persuasive message. The pathologists areprobably responsible for the card, which certainly includessome public relations messages. Do the students notice thatthe pathologists, as opposed to the cartoon-characterpatient, are sketched as serious, attractive, workingprofessionals?

3. Who Will Read It?

Your students have probably been told in every Englishclass that they have to pay attention to their audience. Butmany have not learned how to think about the vaFieTy oraudiences they will have to write to, the number of audiencesthly may be addressing in a single document, how to analyzetheir audiences or how to change writing styles to addressdifferent audiences effectively.

A variety of audiences. Working writers typically workin organizations and writers in organizations write to peopleat various levels of the organizational heirarchy. The twomemos on pages 53 and 54 are the work of the same writer.Can the students tell where in the organization the audiencesare in relation to the writer? What clues are the studentsusing? How has the writer changed style?

Writers in organizations write to people inside theorganization and outside. A major problem in muchorganizational writing is that the writer acts as if all thereaders are insiders even when they are not. (AnotherProblem is that even people inside the organization or theprofession may not be as much insiders as the writer thinks.A tax lawyer may not understand the intricacies of mortgages;a hospital adRinistrator and a doctor don't necessarily usethe same vocabulary.)

52r- -

ealcasamiple

MEMORANDUM

To: Area Service ManagersFrom: Allen Kingman, Corporate Operations DirectoSubject: Computer-Processing of ClaimsDate: January 10, 1981

We are now reviewing the effectiveness of our system forprocessing claims by computer. If we do not achieve greatersuccess than we have had to date with the automated system weare now using, we will either have to acquire a system moreadaptable to the claims or eliminate features of the claimsthe computer cannot now handle.

These are major changes. We do not wish to make either ofthem unless it is necessary. We need information, up-to-dateand detailed, about the operations being done manually in yourarea.

For the next three months, I will expect a report on the lastday of the month that shows each operation being donemanually in your department and the number of claims handledfor each of these operations. Please use the attached formatfor submitting this informaton.

Attached: Form for Reporting Manual Operations

Writing in the Professions Document Design Project5 3 American Institutes for Research

IBOIEELEEILIA

MEMORANDUM

To:From:Subject:Date:

Doris M. Hand, Area ManagerAllen Kingman, Corporate OperationsComputer-Processing of ClaimsJanuary 10, 1981

Ok-

First of all, let me apologize for not responding to yourrequest of December 15 about processing claims on our presentcomputer system right away. Quite frankly, I have been tiedup with other projects, and have not had time to review thevarious points you made.

In response to your query as to whether a study has been donerecently to investigate why certain types of things cannot bedone on the computer, the answer is "yes." We are continuallyreviewing the operations being done manually, and when we canbring cost-benefit data to the BCP committee, we do. We alsoask our area services managers to keep us informed aboutmanual operations, as they are often more aware of high volumemanual operations than we are. As of 'today, I am institutinga detailed three-month study.

I have to admit that our success with automated claimsprocessing systems is limited. The detailed report I amattaching should shed some light on this.

If you have any further questions or comments about thissubject, or any others, do not hesitate to get in touch withme.

Attached Report

Writing in the Professions Li Document Design Project5 4 American Institutes for Research

Multiple audiences. One document may have to meet theneeds of many groups. In developing a financial aid form forcollege students, for example, the writers have to besensitive to the needs of at least five groups:

the policy makers who decide what must beasked

the internal reviewers who have to acceptthe work before it can be printed

the students and their families who fill outthe form

the processor whose computer analyzes theinformation on the form

the school officials who use theinformation.

Sometimes the writer has to decide which audience to favor;sometimes trade-offs have to be made. In this case, theschool officials want more questions on the form, butstudents want fewer questions to have to answer. Theprocessor wants little numbers by each question, but theextra numbers confuse the students.

You might introduce several techniques students can useto meet the needs of multiple audiences (executive summariesvs. full reports; technical appendices; writing differentsections for different audiences; etc.)

We believe that the needs of different audiences canoften all be satisfied--or at least far more often than iscurrently done. Legal documents are an excellent example.They often only satisfy the needs of the lawyer, not theneeds of the consumer; but a growing number of revised legaldocuments show that both audiences' needs can be met in onedocument. You might want students to compare the twoversions of a warranty on pages 56 and 57 and to determinewhich audience's needs each version meets?

55r -0 (

esairaimple

LACO Black and White Television

LIMITED WARRANTY

LACO warrants this new set to be free from defective materials and workmanship,and agrees to remedy such defect or to furnish new parts for any unit which disclosessuch defect under normal installation, use and seivice, for a total period of one year afterdate of sale to original purchaser.

LACO will supply parts and service at no charge for the first 90 days of this warrantyand charge a seivice charge of $9.00 for the balance of this warranty with no charge forparts, provided that your set has not been dropped or abused or damaged during alterationsor repairs by any Person other than an authorized LACO Service Center, and provided thatyour set is delivered by its owner to us, or to an authorized LACO SeMce Center, all trans-portation charges prepaid. Antenna, power cords and any other accessories used in connec-tion with this product as well as broken cabinets or parts damaged by misuse are not coveredby this warranty.

This warranty is in lieu of all other exprmsed warranties and no representative orperson is authorized to assume for us any other liability in connection with the sale ofour product.

Your set sent in for repair must be dispatched in original packing together with anoriginal sales receipt to validate the date of purchase. After the first 90 days, the servicecharge of $9.00 must accompany your set.

Any set sent in for repair dithout sales slip or dispatched for repair after warrantyhas expired may be subject to a charge for labor plus cost of parts and transportationcharges.

This warranty gives you specific legal rights and you may also have other rights whichvary from state to state.

Writing in the Professions Document Design Project56

t.iS American Institutes for Research

aairasimille

MECO Black and White Television

LIMITED WARRANTY

Who Is Covered?This warranty covers the original buyer of this MECO TV set.

What Is Covered?This warranty covers your new MECO TV set for any defects in materials or

workmanship.

What Is NOT Covered?This warranty does not cover:

the antennathe power cordany accessories used with the TVa broken cabinetparts damaged by misuse.

This warranty will not apply if the TV set was dropped, abused, or damaged when alteredor repaired by anyone except an authorized MECO service center.

What MECO Will Do and For How LongFor the first 90 days, MECO will supply parts and labor free to repair or replace any defects

in materials or workmanship.

After 90 days and up to 1 year, MECO will supply the part free but you will pay a $9.00service charge. The $9.00 service charge must be paid when you bring or send in the TV.

After the warranty period (one year), you will pay for labor and parts.

At all times, you are responsible for bringing or sending your MECO TV in for repairs.

What You Must DoThe set must have been installed and used normally during the warranty period.

If you bring or send the TV in to an authorized MECO service center, it must be in itsoriginal packing case.

You must present an original sales receipt, showing the original date of purchase.

How To Get Warranty ServiceLook in the Yellow Pages of your telephone book for the authorized MECO service center

nearest you.

This warranty gives you specific legal rights, and you nidy also have other nghts which vary fromstate to state.

The warranty that this product will work normally is limited to one year. No one has the right tochange or add to this warranty.

Document Design ProjectWriting in the Professions57 American Institutes for Research

5 rl

-

How to analyze the audience. If your students arewriting to an individual or a group they know well, they maybe able to rely on intuition and personal experience tofigure t what their audience needs and wants. But it isalso wise to test that perception against reality. Forexample, do your students believe that they must use jargonto please the professors in their major field? On what dothey base that belief? Have they asked the professor? readhis or her work? listened to the way he or she talks inclass? Have they tried to turn in a paper in clear Englishand received negative comments? Maybe their perceptionsaren't accurate.

You might have your students brainstorm audiencecharacteristics that they think are important. To get themstarted you might want to suggest some of the characteristicswe raise on the sample questionnaire on page 59, which isfilled in with some thoughts about the audience for abrochure about Medicaid.

Students should understand that each of these majorcharacteristics may not be relevant to a particular project.We also know that good writers don't engage in this kind ofanalysis everytime they write, but by occasionally writinganswers to these or other questions about audience,inexperienced writers have a chance to become sensitive toissues that may shape prose style.

Transactional writing should have the readers' needs inmind rather than the writer's. Your students have probablynot had much experience writing to inform readers except forterm papers which sometimes have an,,unrealistic purpose--theyare supposed to be informative, but the reader (theprofessor) usually knows most of the information in thepaper. One of our major goals in this course is to preparestudents for the working world by giving them realisticexperiences and having them write for real audiences, whichincludes, of course, instructors who will assess theirwriting abilities. You might have your students analyze whothe audiences are for some of the documents in your class'scorpus. They might think up questions that would be relevantto ask to help make the documents more effective for theiraudiences.

If the,students don't know much about their audience,they might be able to find out quite a bit with a minimum ofresearch. For example, the student government rules affectall the students on campus. The student writer could find

58

133110EILIX3r10

Audience Questionnaire

(with some sample issues to consider)

Who will read it (Medicaid recipients, Agency people, caseworkers in Social Service centers)

Age (Does it matter? Many Medicaid recipients are elderly,that could make a difference)

Native Language (Are a large proportion Spanish-speaking?Should we do the brochure in Spanish?)

Education (Does it matter? Maybe I need more data, but Isuspect many in the audience don't have highschool degrees--keep the words fairly simple.)

Physical Problems (Does it matter? A lot of elderly peoplehave vision problems. Let's keep thetypesize at least 10 point, maybe 11point.)

Knowledge of the subject (The agency. people will know aboutit, but if it's for newrecipients, it shouldn't assumemuch knowledge of the subject.)

Expectations about the document (Will they be looking forpictures, questions andanswers?)

Attitudes and pet concerns (Do they think the government istrying to be helpful or do I haveto persuade them of that?)

Writing in the Professions Document Design Project59 . American Institutes for Research

1

1

out whether the audience can understa.nd the rules now andwhat problems readers have with the document by askingquestions of a sample of students. This is very similar tothe task we describe at the end of the process model (seeChapter Nine).

In this case, the writers might ask if the students havea copy of the rules, and if they've ever read them. Theymight have some students read and answer questions to findout what they understand in the rules. Because all studentsare not equally interested in the rules or equally used tothe rules or equally capable of reading complex prose, thewriters might want to talk to a few students from each ofseveral groups. Different groups might include commuters anddorm residents, freshmen and seniors, males and females,minority students. The section on evaluation (Chapter Nine)might also give you more techniques for discussing audiencecharacteristics with your students.

How to address different audiences. You might havestudents look through several documents to see what they cantell about the audience(s) from the document. They should beable to discuss mismatches between the audiences the documentshould be reaching and the audiences (if any) who couldririaiEgtand the document as it is now written.

A reader should be able to tell easily from thebeginning of a document who the appropriate audience is.Then the reader can judge whether or not the writer haseffectively reached the audience. Knowing about the audienceshould help in selecting the content, (information theaudience needs but does not know), in organizing, in choosingthe tone, the vocabulary and the graphics for a document.Expert writers can vary their style for different audiencesand write so that the same document reaches a broad range ofaudiences.

4. What Do I Expect the Readers to Do with the Document?

Writers should be sensitive not only to who the audienceis, but also to how readers will use the document. Dependingon the document, readers will

read to understand

read to locate information

6 0 04;

read to act immediately (put somethingtogether, use a computer),

read and answer questions to fill out aform.

The reader's task can be made more or less difficult by theway the writer organizes and presents the material.

You might have students analyze the readers' tasks in agroup of documents. How would a reader use each document?Is it easy for readers to use? In the section on purpose, wewere focusing on the writer's intention and the writer'sneeds. Here we are eaiiiiiron the reader's need, and we aresuggesting that the writer's purposeiiW6st efficiently andeffectively reached by making the reader's task as easy aspossible. For example, many documents in the working worldare used for reference, but they are not organized so thatreaders can find information quickly. The reader wants anindex and a detailed table of contents to be able to find aparticular section easily.

If readers have to go to other documents or othersections of the document in order to understand the sectionthey are they may find the task more trouble than it isworth. Your students might be able to lessen the reader'sneed for other material by, for example, giving morebackground information, avoiding obscure terms, defining newterms, or summarizing information from other sources.

You might have students imagine a busy supervisor (orprofessor!) reading a tray full of reports. How would shetreat each one? Perhaps she would read the introductoryparagraphs, the headings, or skim the first sentences ofparagraphs, and read the conclusion; then go back to thetable of contents to find the tables or sections that aremost relevant. You might have an executive come in to classand talk about how he uses different documentsmemos,reports, letteegT What does he look for? What organizationand style features does he like and dislike?

Does the person your students are writing to really needto go to last year's files to find your October 22, 1980letter? Can't the writer remind the reader briefly of theimportant point in that letter and thus make the reader'stask easier?

61

6 3

If readers must use other materials, can writersforewarn them? For example, a supervisor might preface areport on an employee's performance with a note: "You needto read the reprimands in Davidson's personnel folder beforeyou read my report." A response to a complaint letter mightbegin this way: "You will need copies of all of the lettersyou have sent us since December and copies of your cancelledchecks to answer the questions that follow."

In constructing a form, the writer needs to think aboutthe amount of space the reader needs for different types ofresponses. Checking yes or no, putting down a date, andexplaining why the writer left his or her last job are threetypical types of response on forms--they need differentamounts of space. Forms to be filled out on a typewritershould be set up so that the reader doesn't need to readjustthe typewriter for every line. Obvious as this point seems,it isn't always \followed. You and your students haveprobably all dealt with forms that didn't work easily on atypewriter--forms where the writer didn't consider the tasksfrom the reader's point of view.

You might share 61e reprint of Simplz_Stated 15 inAppendix B with your students. In that-issue, a colleague inthe Document Design Center at AIR describes how a form can besimplified if the writer considers what the reader must dowith the document.

Your students should think about what the reader willhave to do in order to follow, understand, and respond toeach part of the document. Considering the reader's task Maylead them as writers to regroup the information, to give moreinformation (or less), to ask fewer questions (or more), orto redesign the layout of a document.

5. What Constraints Must I Keep in Mind?

All tasks include constraints imposed by oneself, byoutsiders, or by the situation. In following the processmodel, the writer must consider the constraints in thepre-writing stage. Sometimes constraints can be changed--ifthe writer knows about them early enough to act on them.

The obvious constraints that first come to most studentwriters' minds are

62

deadline and

length.

In the working world, most writers also very quickly think of

budget and

resources (especially other people) who willbe available to help.

Here are some typical constraints that your studentsmay want to know about and plan for:

- deadlines, including intermediate deadlines(outlines, drafts)

- length (minimum, maximum)

- format (must it be typed? double spaced? in abinder? do you have to arrange for a typist or toborrow a typewriter? did you leave a margin largeenough so that the binder doesn't cover yourwords?)

- reviewers (who will they be? should you see themabout the project early on?)

- photocopying. (when is it available? budget?)

- printing, (how does that limit the time you have orthe paper size or the number of pages?)

- distribution (will it be mailed? does that affectthe type or size of paper to use?)

- storage (does it need to fit into a regular file?if so, is it the correct size?)

- use (is it a poster to be put on the wall? have youconsidered the typesize, colors, pictures thatwould make an attractive poster? is it a handbookthat would be most useful if it fit into a pocket?)

6 3 6 5

This list is certainly not exhaustive. You and yourstudents may bp able to add to it by brainstorming or maywant to keep adding to it all semester as examples come up intheir projects. Students can benefit from.learning how todeal with constraints that have to be accepted. They canialso benefit from learning when to fight against constraiits.Let's look at cases of both.

Coping with deadlines. Many novice writers havedifficulty planning an entire project with enough time forresearching, writing, revising, and producing (typing,copying, and delivering) the document.

Writers can cope with time constrat,ts by realisticallyassessing the demands that important writing tasks will makeand by planning accordingly. For documents such as complexreports, proposals that involve several people, applications,and term projects, a writing schedule is useful. Our processmodel can help student writers identify the demands of awriting assignment and make the best use of the time they arewilling and able to give to a project. The figure on page (3illustrates how a job applicant might use the process modelto make sure to allow enough time to prepare a high qualityresume.

Coping with reviewers. In most organizations, and evenin academic and professional circles, reviewers must approvea writer's work before it can be distributed. Studentwriters can learn to use reviewers and other aspects of thesystem they are a part of to enhance themselves aswriters--if they are conscious of the constraints and theireffects.

You might want your students to see the review processfor a journal article shown on page 66. Students, used toworking alone on writing assignments, are often unaware ofhow large a role reviewers play in writing on the job.Writers can cope with review and evaluation by involvingpeople who are going to judge their writing early andcontinuously. For example, if instructors are willing,students can ask them to look at early drafts of importantpapers. Students can try to discover the criteria theirinstructors use to evaluate individual writing assigninntsbefore they write. In the work place, writers can showreviewers preliminary notes and outlines, explain what theyplan to do And elicit responses before they write. Reviewerswho are brought into the project early won't be surprised bythe writer's innovations later. Reviewers who get involved

64

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Using the Process Model to Plan a Writing Task

Writinkin the Professions65

Document Design Project ,

American Institutes for Research

eamakarraimIleo

INTERNAL

EXTERNAL


Three scientists review and respond totyped draft #1 (author revises and edits)

Production staff type draft,#2 for ,second internal peer review and prepareillustrations and graphics (authorrevises and edits)

Technical editors review for format,esign, language, mechanics (author

approves)

Production staff prepare draft #3(author approves)

Editor of scholarly publication acceptsor rejects article for review

Anonymous peer review, (2 or 3 scientists,some makL substantive suggestions;recommend acceptance, qualified acceptance,or rejection)

Copy editors (author approves galley)

Publication in journal

Review Process for

a Scientific Article

Document Design Project66 68 American Institutes for Research

early are more likely to support a project because they have i

a stake in it. Reviewers who come in later are likely towant to make changes if only to show that they've had a handin the writing.

Summary of the Pre-Writing Steps

In any document, the quality of the final product is asmuch a reflection of the writer's initial thinkim as it is areflection of the writer's writing skills. The writer whohas thought about the scope, purposes, audiences, readers'task, and constraints will probably make more effectivechoices of content, organization, style, and design than thewriter who begins without planning first. Your students canuse the outline on the next three pages to write down theplans they make in the pre-writing stage.

636 7

Form for Answering Pre-Writing Questions

Pre-Writing Decisions

Ask yourself these pre-design questions about your document.If you don't knold the answers, discuss the quastions withappropriate others to find the answers.

Brief statement:(type of document and what it is about)

Scope: What is the topic? the message? Where did you goto find out information?

Purposes: What purposes will your document serve?

Audiences: Who will read your document? Who else is concernedabout what your document is like?

The (primary) readers who are most important to you are:

1. 2.

The (secondary) readers who are also important to you are:

1. 2.

3. 4.

Writing in the Professions Document Design Project

6 8 American Institutes for Research

II)

Comczamialle

Some important characteristics of the primary audiences thatmight affect how you write the document are:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

For the secondary audiences, you should be concerned aboutthese specific points:

audience concerns

audience

0

audience

concerns

concerns

audience concerns

Tasks: What does your primary audience have to be able to doto use your document?

Writing in the Professions6 9

71 Document Design ProjectAmedcan Institutes for Research

0 mr.zamisle5

Constraints: What else must you keep in mind when writing?Is i.. an impediment to your purpose? What canyou do about it?

constraint

If it is not OK, what can you do about it?

OK? yes no

constraint

If it is not OK, what can you do about it?

OK? yes no

Writing in the Professions Document Design Project70 American Institutes for Research

Organizing

chapter5

Page

Organizing the project 73

Organizing the document 74

The value of outlining 76

Always begin by plloviding a context 76

Some common organing principles 84

Organizing within each section 89

Showing the organization, to the reader

The value of informati'e headings

How to write informative headings

How to write uninformativ headings

90

90

91

101

chapter 5Organizing

Good organization is critical to a successful writingproject at several levels. In order to produce a coherentand effective document, the writer must

organize the project,

organize the document as a whole,

organize within each section of thedocument, and

organize the sentences in each paragraph.

We hope that the ideas in this chapter (and elsewhere in thebook) help you to help your students improve their skills onall these levels.

Organizing the Project

We have covered many aspects of organizing a writingproject in the chapter on the pre-writing stage. All five ofthe questions that students could ask about any writingassignment are necessary for planning the projpct. Whenstudents have answered the five pre-writing questions (orlisted other specific questions to which they need answers),it is time to organize the project. We believe thatbeginning writers should spend a good bit of timp writing,talking, and thinking before they try to prepare a writtenplan or outline for a piece of writing.

Of course, elaborate written plans like the ones we showhere are necessary only for major projects, but studentsshould be able to fotm a quick mental plan for completing anyassignment after the pre-writing stage. To organize aproject the writer has to know when it is due and whatresources will be available to do it.

73

7 `1

Resources include

the writer's own time (noting conflictingdemands on your time)

the time of others to help with- research- writing- typing- design- reviewing- editing- retyping- production (photocopying, printing)

books, articles, and people who will besources of information (noting anyconstraints).

A simple form like the one on page 75 can help with thispreliminary organization.

Organizing the Document

Students should plan the organization for a given pieceof writing early in the project but not as a first step.First, they should answer the pre-writing questions, andwrite down some ideas or questions about the topic, and somepreliminary research to know the major points they want tomake. Then, they should ldok for a tentative way to organizetheir material for the purpose and the audience. The wordtentative is important here. Students should expect toreshape and revise as they find more information in theirresearch and later as they write.

We have found that many of the people with whom we workdo not spend time thinking out the organization of theirmaterial. They do not appreciate the importance of settingthe context for the reader or of using a single organizingprinciple to develop the document. Using this section of thecurriculum guide, you can give your students more or lesselaborate instruction on techniques for outlining andgrouping material logically within an outline. Researchshows that expert writers spend much more time planning theirmaterial than do poor writers. Moreover, expert writersrevise their plans more often than poor writers do. They

74

ealICEIMralE5

ASSIGNMENT:

DUE DATE:

INTERMEDIATE DUE DATES:

due on

due on

Notes about my own time

(other deadlines that I must consider)

Resources I need or want and notes about them


Document Design Project6 American Institutes for Research0

plan more but they also are more flexible in the way they usetheir plans. Good writers are willing to try differentplans, to reshuffle, reshape--and reflect about the effectsof changes.

You might at least want to review with students thevalues of outlining and the iterative process that manywriters use when they outline, find gaps in the logic of thedocument, do more research to fill these gaps, and outlineagain. You might want students to be able to identify theorganizing principle used in a given piece of writing (theirown or someone else's) and to explain why it does or does notwork.

The value of outlining. The best way toorganize anydocument is to write an outline. At the early stage, it neednot be a formal outline with roman and arabic numbers. It

can be just an ordered list with phrases for the points yourstudents know come under each heading. In this firstoutline, students should conceW:rate on finding a unifyingorganizing principle for the major parts (for ordering thechapters or sections). They can organize the points withineach chapter or section later.

When students work on an outline, they have anopportunity to organize (and reorganize) ideas to sharpen thefocus and make the logic of their message clear. Outliningcan show where they have more work to do. For a researchpaper, outlining allows the writer to see if all of thecritical issues are coveredv. For a persuasive document,outlining can show up logical inconsistencies or missinglinks in the argument. Outlining ideas they already have canin itself suggest new ideas and fresh perspectives.

Outlining can also show where students should be doingless work. Looking over the preliminary outline, the writermay decide that an area in which a lot of research had beenplanned is really a very minor section of the paper--ordoesn't fit in at all. In a similar way, the time studentsinvest in an outline at the beginning will save writing timelater. An outline can keep them, as you well know, fromgoing off on tangents and can help them develop the necessarytransitions from one point to the next.

Always begin by providina a context. The first elementin an outline and in any document should be an introductionthat provides a context. Research has shown that peoplelearn best when new material is connected to information that

76 ?11

I

they already know. In the same vein, psycholinguists havefound that in conversation, at least, communication is mostsuccessful when the speaker begins by referring to oldinformation as a context for new information.

The same principle must hold even more strongly inwritten communication because the reader can't stop and sayto the writer, "Wait a minute, what are you talking about?"Thus, every piece of writing should provide some context forthe reader. An appropriate context may be as simple as aninformative title or as complex as several pages withsubheadings along the way. The length and complexity of thecontext-setting introduction depends on the length andcomplexity of the document.

YOU can use the exercise on page 78 to show students howimportant even a title can be. In the psycholinguisticexperiment where this paragraph was used, the group that readthe paragraph with the title recalled twice as much as didthe group that read the untitled paragraph. As your studentswill realize after they have seen the paragraph with andwithout the title, the original seems very abstract. Thetitle allows the reader Lo put the words in the context of a

ir familiar experience. Have your students read the untitledparagraph and then turn the page over; discuss what theyrecall. Then give them the title: Doing the Wash. Havethem reread the paragraph, turn the page over .i17discusswhat they now recall.

A context-setting :.ntroduction that is longer than atitle should

- introduce the topic

- explain the purpose of the document

- clarify any assumptions the writer has madeabout the audience

- briefly state the thesis (the major point,the result or conclusion, if any)

- lay out "signposts" (provide a roadmapthrough the document)

77

caws:ample,

The procedure is actually quite simple. First you

arrange things into different groups depending on their

makeup. Of course, one pile may be sufficient depending on

how much there is to do. If yoti have to go somewhere else

due to lack of facilities that is the next step, otherwise

you are pretty well set. It' is important not to overdo

any particular endeavor. That is, it is better to do too,-,

few things at once than too many. In the short run this

may not seem important, but complications from doing too

many can easily arise. A mistake can be expensive as well.

The manipulation of the appropriate mechanisms should be

self-explanatory and we need not dwell on it here. At

first the whole procedure will seem complicated. Soon,

however, it will become just another facet of life. It is

difficult to foresee any end to the necessity for this task

in the immediate future, but then one never can tell.

J. D. Bransford & M. K. Johnson, Contextual Frerequ,isitesfor Understanding: Some Investigations of Comprehensionand Recall, 11 J. Verbal Learning and Verbal BehavT5F-717(1972). 1 /

}Writing in the Professions DJcument Design Project

78 7d American Institutes for Research

The introductory passages on pages 80 and 81 areexamples of good context--setting introductions. Theexamples on pages 82 and 83 show signposts--how writers tellreaders where to find information in the document.

79 C")

coicsaarraarate

A business person provides a context in the beginnngof a letter:

February 7, 1981

Mr. Michael eennett, PresidentRockville Asphalt and Tile Company.1194 Dunning RoadRockville, New Mexico

Dear Mr. Bennett:

Since you engaged our firm four months ago to determinethe feasibility of a proposed merger of your company (RA&T) withthe Rockville Construction Company (RCC), we have reviewed theinformation you supplied us, and we have conducted researchourselves.

In this letter we are presentin; our recommendations about r-

the proposed merger. In cases where we have made certainassumptions, we have tried,to make these assumptionp explicitso that you can assess the validity of our conclusions.

1

Writing in the Professions 80 Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

MICEIM131 A3

'A student provides a ccntext for the body of a paper:

How to Index a Document

The purpose of this article is to show you how to index

any document. You-thould follow the indexing process

step-by-step:

examining the document page-by-page and underliningwords to be included in the index

recording the words (or subjects) on note cards andalphabetizing them

evaluating the finishr_d index for gpecificity andtechnicality.

In addition, this article presents several rules about

indexing names, being consistent, marking errors, and

underlining -talicized words.



eairimmiama

A government regulation writer provides "signposts"at the beginning of a set of rules:

Rules for Recreational Boaters

Subpart CC - How To Use Your VHFMarine Radio

General

VHF Marine Rule 1Who are these rules for?

These rules are for recreationalboaters who have put VHF (Very Highr'r-equency) marine radios on their.,its. A VHF marine radio is atwo-way radio for boaters. VHFmarine radios operate on channels inthe very high frequency band between156 and 162 MHz.

VHF Marine Rule 2What do these rules tell me?

Rules 3 through 9 tell you how to geta license for your radio. Rules 10through 20 tell you how to operateyour radio.


82 American Institutes for Research

Another government writer gives readers a road map:

Vrivacy Act Regulations (proposedrecodification):

.16.3 How to Exercise Your Rightsunder the Privacy Act.

The Privacy Act gives you thefollowing rights:

(a) Right to find out whatrecords about you HUD may have. Ifyou want to find out wnetner HUD iskeeping any record: about you, followthe instructions in Section 16.5,"How to get information about HUDrecords".

(b) Right to see or get a copyof any record about you. It you wantto see or get a copy of any HUDrecord about you, follow theinstructions in Section 16.6, "How tosee or copy HUD records".

(c) Right to correct any recordabout you. It you believe tfiat thereis an error in any HUD record aboutyou and you want to have itcorrected, follow the instructions inSection 16.11, "How to correct HUDrecords".

(d) Rights to appeal a denial ofany request tnat you made. If FWDSiiaenied any request that you madeto see or copy a record or correct arecord, you may appeal from thisdecision by following the proceduresdescribed in Section 16.10, "What you(-can do if HUD denies your request to'see or copy HUD records," or Section16.13, "What you can do if HUD deniesyour request to correct HUD records".

(e) Right to sue HUD in court.Your right to sue-Rat ih court torviolating the Privacy Act isexplained in Section 16.15 "Yourright to sue HUD".



Some common organizing princieles. For the main body ofa docTITFIT(ifter the context-setting introduction) studentsneed to find a useful organizing principle. Differentorganizing principles are appropriate for differentdocuments. The appropriate principle depends on the purpose,on the audience, and on what the writer wants the reader todo with the document.

The important point for the writer to remember is tofind an effective principle and use it as the framework forthe entire document. (You may want your students to usedifferent principles to organize within different sections ofthe document. We will discuss some principles for organizingwithin sections later in this chapter. Here we are talkingabout nelping students organize the document as a whole.)

Useful organizing principles include:

a time sequence

steps in a logical process

issues (questions or characteristics ortopics) raised and discussed in order ofimportance or relevAlice

elements or objects being compared onseveral factors

a chain of cause and effect

sources of information

audiences or roles

the format of the document the writer isresponding to

a traditional format that the audience willrecognize.

On pages 85-80 we show sample outlines for documents usingfour of these organizing principles.

84

eamsamgple

OUTLINE OF A DOCUMENT

ORGANLZED BY STEPS IN A PROCEDURE

The Student Loan Program

Context - setting Introduction

What is in this package?

What is a guaranteed student loan?

Step I Deciding whether or not to apply

Who is eligible for this loan?

How much money may I borrow?

What will it cost me?

Step 2 - Applying for the loan

When must I apply?

Where must I apply?

Step 3 - Getting and using the money

How may I use the loan money?

How does my progress in school affect my loan?

What if I transfer to anGther school?

Step 4 - Repaying the loan

When must I start to pay the money back?

How must I pay the money back?

After I start paying the money back, may I stop for any reason?

What happens if I don't pay the money back?


coorzamixleOUTLINE OF A DOCUMENT

ORGANIZED BY ISSUE

Which Typesetting Machine Should XYZ Company Buy?

Context-setting introduction

The question

The recommendation

A brief statement of the reasons for the recommendation

Background

Current capabilities of the system- facts- analysis- conclusion

Needs for a different system- facts- analysis- conclusion

Options that were investigated and issues that were considered

Issue 1: What each machine can do

Machine A

Machine B

Machine C

Issue 2: What each machine costs

Machine A

Machine B

Machine C

Issue 3: What options are available to expand each machine inthe future

Machine A

'Machine B

M.chine C

Conclusion

Recommendation

Justification for recommendation

(summary from each issue)

1,... i

.\. ....)Writing in the Professions Document Design Project


I 433icammi:2311.


ORGANIZED BY AUDIENCE

Sections from a government rgulation that has three audiences:

Part 126-Health EducationAssistance Loan Program

Subpart A-General Program Description

Sec. 126.1 What is the HEALprogram?

Subpart B-The Borrower

126.5 Who is an eligible studentborrower?

126.6 Who is an eligiblenon-student borrower?

Subpart C-The Loan

126.10 How much can be borrowed?

Subpart D-The Lender

126.30 Which organizations areeligible to apply to be HEALlenders?

Subpart E-The School

126.50 Which schools are eligible tobe HEAL schools?

Writing in the Professions Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

87


)4ITH A STANDARD FORMAT

(A Resume)

You can use one of many patterns of organization to prepare

an effective resume. What.follows is a standard format, one

that you might wish to vaiy, depending on the job you're seeking

and your own background.

Title

Name, address, telephone number

Personal data (You should give your SocialSecurity number; giving date ofbirth and marital status isoptional.)

Career objectives (Give immediate and long-rangeplans.)

Education

Work experience

Reference

(Give college or colleges youattended, dates and honors; givehigh school, location, date.)

(List most recent and workbackwards; give brief detailsand job title.)

(You may list references who haveagreed to recommend you or offerto provide references upon request.)

Wdting in the Professions Document Design Project


I

I

Organizing Within Each Section

Once students have an overall framework for thedocument, they can begin to organize each section. First, ofcourse, they must group the points, placing each where itbelongs in the outline. Remember that we are talking here asalways about a process. You may find it best to havestudents plan the outline first--brainstorming the majortopics and selecting an organizing principle--and then fillin the sections of the outline as the research progresses.Or they may need to do quite a bit of the research orthinking first and then develop major topics (the generaloutline) by sorting research notes into logical groups.

If it is appropriate for students to use the sameorganizing principle within each section of the document, theresulting parallelism can be very effective. For example,for a procedure, the best technique may be to put both thelarge steps (the document outline: and the small steps (theoutline for each section) in sequential order. In a memocomparing and contrasting options on different features, thebest internal organization is to repeat the same structure ineach section.

However, students should recognize that it is not alwaysnecessary or even most effective to use the same organizingprinciple within each section. In a proposal for a researchproject, for example, the first three chapters might be:

I. Introduction

II. Statement of the Problem

III. Description of the ProposedResearch

For the statPment of the problem, the best organizingprinciple may be by issues, presented in order of importance.For the description of the proposed research, the bestorganizing principle may be by chronology, where the writerexplains what will be done in the order in which the eventswill happen.

Students should have a preliminary outline for all thesections after they have completed pre-design stages butbefore they begin to write their first full working draft.On a large project, they may need to reoutline each section

89ti )

several times. Indeed their outlines are sure to changeduring the writing.

Showing the Organization to the Readers

It is important for students to learn to share theirorganization with their readers. In part, of course, awell-written document leads the reader from one point to thenext with the underlying organization as hidden andunobtrusive as the internal steel structure of a building.However, showing the internal organization quite openly tothe reader helps the reader find information quickly andfollow the writer's pattern of thought.

How does a writer share the document's organization withthe reader? One useful technique is to tell the reader aboutthe document's organization at the beginning. We've alreadydescribed this method of including a roadmap or signposts inthe context-setting introduction. Another useful techniquefor students is to develop informative headings for eachsection of the document. Because the section hcadingsautomatically become the Table of Contents for the document,they make the writer's organization explicit to the reader atthe very beginning and again throughout the material.

The value of informative headings. If the material isoften used for reference, informative,headings will allow thereader to find the applicable information quickly. You mightremind your students how much of the written material theysee is primarily used for reference--for example, manuals,guidebooks, most public documents, and brochures.

For other types of writing (reports, academic papers,textbooks, memos), the reader often wants to be able tounderstand the framework and the gist of the material at aglance. Informative headings help the reader to do justthat.

As the reader goes through a text, informative headingsprovide brief context-setting titles for each section. Ifthey are well-constructed, the headings alert the reader tothe content that is coming and make connections for thereader to previous experience or materials. Thus, they servethe same function as the title does on the paragraph we usedfor the exercise on context earlier in this chapter.

90

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Because headings mark the beginning of a new topic, theyprovide convenient stopping places for the reader who hasneither the time nor inclination to read the entire piece atone time. A text with headings seems to be more manageableto the reader because it can be digested in chunks.Informative headings throughout the document allow the readerto quickly review material already read and thus to pick upthe thread of the argument or discussion quickly after aninterruption.

A very useful technique to teach your students is tohave them recheck the organization when reviewing theirwritten product. (We'll raise this point again in thechapter on reviewing, revising, and editing, but let us justintroduce it here.) When the writer has finished a draft, heor she should go back through it and create an outline fromthe headings in the paper. The writer can then see at aglance if he or she has used a consistent principle insideeach section. The writer should check to see if there are atleast two headings at each level in each section. As in anoutline, if there is only one heading at any level, it shouldbe made part of the heading at the next higher level. Thewriter can also see if he or she has used parallelgrammatical structures in the headings and if the headingsmake sense to the reader. To help students appreciate thevalue of headings, you might do the following in-classexercise with them: Select a well-organized document withuseful headings and a poorly-organized document with theheadings at incorrect levels. Have students outline bothfrom the headings, putting each heading into the outline asit is used in the paper. Discuss the impression that thestudents have of how readable, understandable, and effectivethe two papers are likely to be based on reading theheadings.

How to write informative headings. Two very useful waysto write headings are

to present the question that the sectionanswers, and

to provide a brief summary statement of whatthe section says.

First, let us look at questions as headings. On pages93-95, we show the headings from the information sections ofthree student loan forms. You might ask students to decidewhich agency's package they would find most useful.

91. 92

Your students may have had to read material like this in'applying for money to help with their college expenses. They(your students) are the audience for this material. If youask your students which information page is more useful andwhy, they will probably see for themselves how dsefulquestions can be as headings.

I

92

9

I amicza.mip1e3

Headings in Information Section of Form A


TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF LOANS

DEFERMENTS

REPAYMENT

ELIGIBILITY NOTICE

IF YOU DO NOT MEET THESE REQUIREMENTSYOU SHOULD NOT COMPLETE THIS FORM

IF YOU DO NOT MEET THESE REQUIREMENTSYOU SHOULD NOT COMPLETE THIS FORM

ELIGIBLE LENDERS

PROGRAM OPERATION

INSURANCE FEE

DFFAULT

93Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

eaurasamizales

Headings in Information Section of Form B

What is the guaranteed student loan program?

Who is eligible to apply for a guaranteed student loan?

To whom do I apply for a loan?

How much can I borrow?

How much should I borrow?

What are the terms of a guaranteed student loan?

What will my monthly repayment be after graduation?

When should I apply for a loan?

How do I apply for a guaranteed student loan?

Writing in the Professions .94Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

i33mamr)10)

Headings in Information Section of Form C

PRIVACY ACT NOTICE

RIGHT TO FINANCIAL PRIVACY ACT NOTICE

CRIMINAL PENALTIES

NOTICE

GUARANTEED STUDENT LOAN PROGRAM

TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF LOANS

GUARANTEE FEE

ELIGIBLE STUDENT BORROWERS

ELIGIBLE LENDERS

ELIGIBI E EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS

Writing in the Professions 95 96Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

For another example of how questions make appropriateheadings, you might want student's to look at the before andafter versions of the tables of contents of the Citizons Bandradio regulations on pages 97 and 98. The rules come in thepackage with every CB radio; the owner is expected to complywith them. Ask students to imagine.the audience of CB radioowners. Which set of rules would they be more likely to readand follow? What difference do your students think therewould be in ftle numbet of calls, complaints, and questionsfrom readers 61-these two documents? Here is a case w ereclear writing and good reorganization benefited both thereaders and the writers.

96

;)?

emaczamixlelBEFORE

Rules for Owners of CB Radios

TABLE OF CONTENTS

GENERAL

Basis and purposeDefinitions

APPLICATIONS AND LICENSES

Station authorization requiredEligibility for station licenseStandard forms to be used

1

.1

1

2

2

3

3

Filing of applications 3

Mailing address furnished by licensee 4

Who may sign applications 4

License term 5

Types of operation authorized 5

Changes in terms of libense 5

Transfer of license prohibited 5

Operation by, or on behalf of, personsother than the licensee 5

Limitations on antenna structures 6

STATION OPERATING REQUIREMENTS 7

Authorized frequencies 7

Limitations on antenna structures 7

Transmitter service and maintenance 8

Acceptability of transmitters for licensing 8

Transmitter power 9

External radio frequency power amplifiersprohibited 9

Telephony only 9

Civil defense communications 10Prohibited communications 10Telephone answering services 10Prohibited communications 10False signals 11Prohibited communications 11Emergency and assistance to motorist use 11Operation by, or on behalf of persons other than

the licensee 12Duration of transmissions 12Station identification 13Station location 13Dispatch points and remote control 13

STATION ADMINISTRATION REQUIREMENTS 13

Posting station license 13

Current copy of rules required 14

Document Design ProjectWriting in the Professions9 7 American Institutes for Research

eannuarawp.111.43

AFTER

Rules for Owners of CB Radios

TABLE OF CONTENTSGENERAL PROVISIONS

CS Rule 1 What is the Citizens nand (C13) Radio Service? 2CS Rule 2 How do I use these rules? 2

HOW TO APPLY FOR A CS UCENSECill Rule 3 Do I need a license? 2CS Rule 4 Am I eligibls to get a CS license? 3CS Rule 5 How do I apply for a CEI license? 4CS Rules May I operate my CS station while my application

is being processed? 4CS Rule 7 We are not an individual. How do we apply for

temporary privileges? 7CS Rule $ How do I renew or modify my Cli license? 7CS Rule! How does a corporation holding a C13 license apply

for consent to transfer control of the corporation? 7CS Rule 10 What address do I put on my application? 7CS Rule 11 How do I sign my CS license application? a

CS Rule 12 How long is my license term? $

CS Rule 13 What kind of operation Orme mY names allow? II

CS Rub 14 What must I do If my name or address changes? ICS Rule 1$ May I transfer my CB Oconee to another corson? ICS Rule 111 Are there any special restrictiom on the location

of my CS station? tHOW TO OPERATE A CS STATION

CS Rule 17 On what channels may I operate? ioCS Rule 1$ How high msy I put my antenna? 11

CS Rub 111 What equipment may I use it my CS station? 11

CS Rub) 20 How much power may I use? i i

CS RW821 May I use pcnver amplif fere? 12CS Rule 22 What communications may I transmit? 12CS Rule 23 What communications ars prohibited? 12

en Reis 24 May I be paid to upon,/ CS station? 13

ell nub 25 How do I use my CS station in an emergency orto mist a traveler/ 13

CS Rub 2$ Who may operate under my license? 14

CS Rule 27 Who is responsible for transmissions made underthe authority of my license? 15

CS Rues 211 Who must not operate under my license? 15ell Rule 20 Do I have to limit the length of my communications? 17

CS nuis 30 How do I identify my CI3 communications? 17

CS Rues 31 Where may I operate my CS station? 17

CS Rule 32 May I operate my CO transmitter by remote control? 17

OTHER THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOWCS Rule 33 How long must I keep my license? 'itCS Rule 34 Where must I keep my license? itCS Ride 3$ What do I do ill lose my license? isCS Rule 34 Do I need to have a copy of the CS Rules? itCS Rule 37 What are the penalties for violating these rules? itCS Rule 3Il How do I answer violation notices? a)CS Rule= What must I do if the FCC tells me that my CS

station is causing interference?CS Rule 40 May I connect my CS transmitter to 6. telephone?CS Rub 41 How do I have my CS transmitter serviced?CS Rule 42 May I make any changes to my CS transmitter?CS Rule 43 Do I have to make my CI3 station available for Inspection?CS Rule 44 What are my station records?CS Rule 4$ How do I contact the FCC?CS Rule 44 How ere the key words in these rules defined?

..-. ----..01Writing in the Professions 98 9 3


Questions make good headings; so do statements. Yourstudents can turn almost any set of questions into shortsentences.

What must I do to qualify?

would become

What you must do to qualify.

In most cases, it is appropriate to keep headings short(less than ten words). On occasion, however, long headingscan be very effective. You might ask students to look atpage RM, which is the a table of contents from a report.When they think about what this table of contentsaccomplishes, they may realize that the headings summarizethe report. A table of contents (and set of headings) asdetailed as this is probably only appropriate for a reportthat is more than a hundred pages long (as this one is).

1 U

99

Statements can make useful headings

A report on the life insurance industry

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION 1

I. THE LIFE INSURANCE INDUSTRY AND ITS SERVICES . 5

A. Description of the Industry 5

B. Basic Types of Life Insurance Policies 7

1. Term Insurance 7

2. Cash Value Insurance 8

C. Life Insurance As A Savings Medium 11

II. CONSUMEI: PROBLEMS IN LIFE INSURANCE 21

A. The Rate of Return Consumers Receive on theSavings Component of Cash Value InsurancePolicies Is Often Very Low 25

1. Many New Cash Value Policies EarnRelatively Low Rates of Return

2. Substantially Lower Rates of ReturnAre Being Paid on Older Whole LifePolicies, Especially Non-Partici-pating Policies

'75

35

B. Consumers Lose Substantial Amounts of MoneyThrough Termination of Whole Life PoliciesWithin the First Years of Coverage 47

C. The Cost of Similar Life Insurance PoliciesVaries Widely 50

1. Evidence of Cost Dispersion AmongSimilar Policies 51

2. Cost Dispersion Among Similar PoliciesExceeds That Found for Other Products 56

3. There Is Little Relation Between theCost of Policies and Their Market Share. . 59

D. Consumers Often Receive a Small Amount ofProtection Against Premature Death Relativeto the Premiums Paid for Ordinary Insurance. . . . 63

Writing in the Professions 1001 01


How to write uninformative headings. Your studentsshould also learn how NOT to write headings. They may findit useful to see examples of poor headings as well asexamples of effective ones. Students might gain somethingfrom sLudying examples of poor headings to learn what not todo.

The chapter headings in a report should be used for thetable of contents and they should tell the reader about thecontent of the report. The "all purpose table of contents"on page 102 which comes from a senior's term paper forexample, is not informative. Headings should also cover themost important information in the section. It the headingdoes not convey the meaning of what folllws, the reader maybe confused. For example, what information would reade:s belooking for if they found the heading OWNERSHIP in awarranty? Students might decide if that's an apecopriateheading for this paragraph:

OWNERSHIP

This appliance PARTS warranty remains in force forone (1) year, and the EXTENDED PORCELAINFINISH warranty for five (5) years, from the initialdelivery of the dishwasher, and continues in forceeven if relocated by the first or subsequent purchaser(s).

The heading "ownership" is inappropriate here. In fact,headings of one or two words are often uninformative becausethey do not give the reader clues to the relationships or theresults involved in the section. To cite another example,one government program begins its guidelines for applying fora grant with these headings:

PurposeAuthorityApplicability and scopePublicationsCopiesCitationPublic commentGrant information

Do students find these headings to be informative or useful?

boil 0 2

A table of contents that gives no information is useless.\

,

TABLE OF CONTENTS

SECTION PAGE

Preface 1

Introduction 2

Part I 4

Part II 8

Conclusion 10

Footnotes 11

Bibliography 13

....)Writing in the Professions Document Design Project

American Institutes for Research\ \ \\10 2 1 03

i \

i

I

Phrases that include actors and actions are usqally moreinformative than phrases made entirely of nouns.Furthermore, they help both the reader and the writer. Thewriter who organizes with a clearly articulated organizingprinciple and who writes headings that inform the readerabout the organization is more likely to notice missingpieces of the document.

On pagelL4, we reproduce the entire table of contentsfor the guidelines to this same government program. Becausethis is a grants program, a reader's first interest in thedocument is likely to be "Am I eligible to apply?" Theanswer to that question is not in the document. If thewriter had used an appropriate organizing principle for aprocedural document like this one (providing a context andthen following the steps of the procedure), he or she mighthave produced the outline (table of contents) on page 105.With this second outline, the writer would not have neglectedto write on such a fundamental topic as whc. is eligible.

103 1 04

\

\

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mirmaimiple3

Sec.30.100 Purpose.30.101 Authority.30.101 Applicability end scope.30.110 Publication.30.115 Copies.30.120 Citation.30.121 Public comment.30.130 Grant information.30.131 Definitions,30.135-1 Administrator.30.135-2 Agency.30.135- 3 Allowable costs.30.135-4 Applicant.30.135-1 Budeet.30.131-4 Budget period.30.131-7 Educational institution.30.135-1 Eligible costa.30.135-9 Federal amistance.30.131-10 Grant.30.1!,-11 Grant agreement.30.131-12 Grant approving official.30.135-1! Grant award official.30.135-1430.131-1530,135-1430.135-1730.136-930.135-1930.135-2030.135-2130.135-22

Grantee.In.kind contribution.Nonprofit organization.ProjectProlect costa.Project officer.Project period.Regional Administrator.Subagreement.

Imbport A-Salle Peados

30.200 Grant simplification goals andpolicy.

30.205 P.,ie of EPA.30.210 tole of the grantee.30.215 'ecords of grant actions.30 220 C meandered grants.30 225 Foreign grants.30.225-1 Clearance requirements.30.225-2 Criteria for award.30 225-3 Allowability of costa.30 225-4 Payments.30 230 Grants administration review.30 235 Disclosure of information.30.241 Fraud and other unlawful or cot-

nipt practices.

feetivee 11-Appliestiew end Awned

30 300 Preapplication procedures.30 305 A-95 procedures.30 305-1 Specific areas of cleeringhouss

evaluation.30.305-2 Notification of intent (A-1111. Part

ff.

&WIWI C-051m. Fetiorol Impoirements

30 400 General grant cor.oitions.30 405 Statutory conditionv.30 405-1 National Environmental Policy

Act.30 405-2 Uniform Relocation Asaistance

and Real Property Acquisition pandasAct.

30.405-3 Civil Rights Act of 1914.30.405-4 Federal Water Pollution Control

Act Amendments of 972. Section 13,30.405-5 Title IX of the Education Amend-

ments of 19 /2.30 405-6 Hatch Act.30.405-7 National Historic Preservation

Act.30 405-11 Public Law 93-291.30 405-9 Demonstration Cities and Metro-

politan Development Act end Interim,ernmental Cooperation Act,

30 405.10 Flood Disaster Protection Act.30 405-11 Clean Air Act. Section 304.30 405-12 Federal Water Pollution Control

Act. Section SOS30 410 Executive Orders.30 410-1 Executive Order 1124130 410-2 Executive Order 119111.30 410-3 Executive Order 11514.

Tabie of Contents

Sec.30.301-3 Time limitations.30 301-4 WA processing.30.301-1 Program' requiring state Plane

and jointly funded projects (A-116. PartIII).

30.301-6 Coordination of planning In mul-tljurisdictional areas (A-96. Part IV).

30.305-7 Confidential information.30.301-g Specific requirements for the

Construction Grant Program.30.310 Unsolicited Pranced.30.311 Application requirements.30.311-1 Signature.30.311-2 Porn'.30.311-3 Time of submission.30.311-4 Place of submission.30.330 Use and disclosure of information.30.321 Evaluation of application.30.330 Supplemental information.30.336 Criteria for award of grant.30.340 Responsible grantee.30.340-1 General pollcy.30.340-2 Standards.30.340-3 Determination of responsibility.30.341 Award of grant.30.346-1 Amount and Wrma of grant.30.341-2 Federal share.30 345-3 Grant agreement.30.341-4 Costs incurred prior to execution.30.345-1 Effect of grant award.30.350 Limitation on award.30.39 Continuation grants.30.410-4 Executive Order 11731.30,410-5 Executive Order 11910.30,415 Additional requirements-federally

&misted construction.30.415-1 Davis Bacon Act.30.415-2 The Copeland Act.30.415-3 The Contract Work Hours and

Safety Standards Act.30.415-4 Convict labor.39.420 Additional requirements-all EPA

grants.30 420-1 Prohibition against contingent

fees.30 420-2 Officials not to benefit.30 420-3 Prohibition against violating fun.

Ries.30.420-4 Conflict of interest.30,420-5 Employment practices.30,420-4 Conservation and efficient use of

energy.30.425 Special conditions.30.430 Noncompliance.

Subpart 0-Petentt, Derte s.d Capyriohts

30 500 General.30 502 Definitions.30 503 Required provision regarding patent

and copyright infringement.30 510 Patents and inventions.30 515 Required patent provision.30 320 Optional patent provision.30 323 Data and copyrights.30 530 Required data and copyright provi-

sion.30 340 Deviations.

Seipett I-Aira eletretion end Perferreanes efGrants

30 100 General.30 405 Access.30 610 Rebudgeting of funds.30,615 Payment.30 615-1 Method of payment.30 613-2 Cash depositories.30 615-3 Withholding of funds.30 615-4 Assignment.30 620 Grant related income.30 620-1 Proceeds from sale of real or per.

sonal proPerty.30 620-2 Royalties received from copy .

rights and Patents30 6203. Interest earned on grant funds.30 623 Grantee publications and publicity.30 623-1 Publicity,

Sec.30.121-2 Publications.30.421-3 Signs.30.1130 Surveys and question: area30.431 Reports.30.631-1 Interim progress reports.30.431-2 Final report.30.636-3 Plhantild reports.30.631-4 Invention reports.30.431-6 Property reports.30.636-4 (Reserved)30 431-7 Compliance.30.640 Utilisation of Government procure-

ment sources.30.641 Faroe account work.

Swiepso F-Irrefeei Casts

30.700 the of funds.30.701 Allowable costs.30.701-1 Payment to consultants.30.710 Federal cost principles.30.711 Direct and Indirect costs.30.711-1 Direct costs.30.711-2 Indirect costs.30.720 Cost sharing.30.721 Cost and price analysis.30.721-1 Policy-30,725-2 Price analysis.30.721-3 Cost analysis.30.725-4 Requirements.

Subpart 411-Oronem Aeutuntebility

30.100 Financial management.30 805 Records.30.810 Property.30 810-1 Definitions.30 810-2 Purchase of property.30.810-3 Property management standards.30 810-4 Title to property.30 810-3 Real ProPerty.30.810-4 Federally-owned nonexpendable

personal property30.810-7 Nonexpendable personal property

acquired with Federal funds,30 810-8 Expendable personal property ac.

quired with grant funds.30 810-9 Property reports.30 115 Final settleme,..30 820 Audit.

Subpart 14-Moellkatien, Strepension sadTermination

30.900 Project changes and grant modifies-none.

30 900-1 Formal grant amendments.30 900-2 Administrative grant changes.30.900-3 Trander of grants: change of

name agreements.30 900-4 Grantee project changes.30 915 Suspension of granta-stoD.work

orders.30 915-1 Use of stop-work orders.30 915-2 Contents of stoperork orders.30 915-3 Issuance of stop-work order.30 915-4 Effect of stop.work order.30 915-5 Disputes provision.30.920 Termination of grants.30 920-1 Termination agreement.30 920-2 Project termination by grantee.30 920-3 Grant termination by EPA.30,920-4 Effect of termination.30.920-5 Annulment of grant.

Writing in the Professions 104

106Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

mrzamixleeAfter:

With a table of contents like this one, applicants to this grantsprogram could easily find the necessary information.

I. What are EPA grants for?A. What kinds of grants are

there?1. grant programs2. unsolicited proposals

B. Who is eligible to apply?C. General policies of

immediate interest

II. HOw to apply for a grantA. Overview of the processB. Detail of the stepsC. Allowable costs in a grantD. Deadlines

III. How will EPA process grantapplications?A. Criteria for awardsB. Procedure

IV. How does EPA award the grant?

V. How does EPA pay the grant?A. Fow recipient puts in claimsB. How EPA pays

VI. What requirements mustrecipient satisfy whilereceiving the grant?

VII. Patents, Data, and Copyrights

VIII. Changing the grantA. Changes that the recipient

may makeB. Changes that EPA may makeC. How to appeal EPA changes

by David Schwartz

Writing in the Professions 105 106 Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research

chapter 6Writing Clearly

Page

What are document design guidelines') 110

Guideline 1. Address the reader directly, by name,or by using a pronoun 112

Guideline 2. Write in the active voice 114

Guideline 3. Use action verbs rather than nounsmade out of verbs when you can 117

Guideline 4. Choose your words with care. Avoidjargon. Define or explain technical terms thatyou cannot change 120

Guideline 5. Don't rename for the sake of variety . 122

Guideline 6. Don't use extra words 123

Guidelira 7. Write short sentences 125

Guideline 8. Put the parts of each sentence intological order 126

Guideline 9. Untangle convoluted sentences 127

Guideline 10. Use lists when you have several itemsto discuss 129

Guideline 11. Rewrite multiple negatives as positivesentences when you can 130

Guideline 12. Avoid noun strings 131

108k,

I OS

chapter6Writing Clearly

In most college courses, students write for instructorswho are "eipert" readers, but, as they follow this syllabus,your students will write for audiences outside the classroomas well as for you. Chapter 9 ("Evaluation") presents aframework for having students take what they have written tooutside readers. The information about clear writing thatcomes from this kind of evaluation helps students makemeaningful changes as they review, revise, and edit theirpapers. Your students' greatest challenge will be to writeclearly and directly so that their intended readers canundetstand and use what they write.

With special guidance and much practice, even studentswith little experience analyzing audiences (or completingother steps at the pre-writing stage) will soon begin to seea relationship between the needs and expectations of theirreaders and the linguistic choices they make as writers.

To understand the nature of these choices, students needto have mastered basic writing skills. We assume that yourstudents are fairly competent writers, so this book does notinclude grammar lessons. We do include some guidelines forclear writing, which we selected for three main reasons:

First, experienced writers and editorswidely agree that these principles stronglyinfluence the clarity of prose. Theprinciples have all been included in writingand design manuals aimed at practitioners.

Second, researchers have investigated howthese principles affect how easily peopleunderstand text.

Third, we have found many instances of theproblems that these guidelines help solve instudent papers and in the writing ofprofessionals in government, business, law,and other fields.

109

What are Document Design Guidelines?

This chapter presents 12 guidelines that can makedocuments easier to read and understand by solving threekinds of writing problems:

readers can't picture thems_ives in thetext;

the writer chooses words that readers can'tunderstand, the text is inexact and wordy;

readers can't make sense of convoluted,impenetrable sentences;

The 12 guidelines that we have selected for this 3ectionof the course are:

Helping readers to picture themselves in the text

Guideline 1.

Guideline 2.

Address the reader directly, by name,or by using a pronoun.

Write in the active voice.

Guideline 3. Use action verbs rather than nounsmade out of verbs when you can.

Choosing words that readers can understand

Guideline 4. Choose l'Iur words with care. Avoidjargon. Define or explain technicalterms that you cannot change.

Guideline 5. Don't rename for the sake of variety.

Guideline 6. Don't use extra words.

Writing clear, easy-to-follow sentences

Guideline 7. Write short sentences.

Guideline 8. Put the parts of each sentence intological order.

Guideline 9. Untangle convoluted sentences.

110

(

Guideline 10.

Guideline 11.

Guideline 12.

Use lists when you have severalitems to discuss.

Rewrite multiple negatives as positivesentences when you can.

Avoid noun strings.

In the remainder of this chapter, we present each ofthese 12 document design guidelines, explain and exemplifythem, and show students how to apply them.

For the remainder of this chapter, we address thestudent directly, so that instructors who want to share ourapproach to these guidelines and our examples with theirstudents may do so easily. We know that clear writing is onearea of an advanced composition course in which mostinstructors have a great deal of experience. We hope thatyou will feel free to extract from our approach whateverideas or examples supplement your own material in teachingclear writing. At the request of our reviewers, who had usedthis material in their classes, we hive also included our setof exercises for the clear writing guidelines. The exercisesare in Appendix C.

To the Student:

Helping Readers to Picture Themselves in the Text

Some recent research in cognitive psychology hassuggested that one technique people use to understand writtenmessages it, to create a scenario (Flower, Hayes, and Swarts1980).* Put quite simply: in trying to understanddifficult, abstract prose, readers translate the words into a"scenario" in which somebody does something.

Original:

A lender or Associate may charge an applicantreasonable fees for necessary services actuallyperformed at the request of the applicant,including fees for necessary services actuallyrendered in the preparation of the application.

Scenario:

If 1 ask the lender to help me prepare myappi3cation, the lender can C'Earge me areasonable fe-J-TOTi-Tiecessary work he actuallydoes.

This reader has restructured the information as he isreading it in order to make the meaning concrete enough to befunctional for him. By using the three guidelines thatfollow, a writer can build scenarios to help readersunderstand even complex messages.

Guideline 1. Address the reader directly, by name, or byusing a pronoun.

The easiest way to create a scenario is to address thereader as "you". The following sentences express the samemeaning, but the first is obscure and the second clear anddirect:

*Linda S. Flower, John R. Hayes, & Heidi Swarts, RevisingFunctional Documents: The Scenario Principle, DocumentDesign Project Technical Report #10, Carnegie-MellonUniversity, 1980. .

112

11 2

IndirectReimbursement for each breakfast served whichmeets minimum nutritional standards isavailable.

DirectThe Food and Nutrition Service will reimburseyou for each breakfast you serve which -setsminimum nutritional standards.

In the second sentence, the writer has created asequence in which it is easy to follow the logic of who willdo what to whom. The second sentence is more natural thanthe first, and, therefore, easier to understand. You maywant to test this principle by thinking aloud as you read apiece of difficult prose.

Personal pronouns give a document a tone of directnessand personal interest. People may be more likely to read adocument if they feel that it is addressed to them. Usingpersonal pronouns also helps you write active sentences (seethe next guideline).

You may have found a wide-spread prejudice againstpersonal writing in academic settings. You shoulu review theeditorial policies of professional journals in your field tosee what is myth and what is fact before you just accept thenotion that you must write an academic article without anypersonal pronouns.

If you address the readers as "you," you can use "I," or"we," or a specific name if you are speaking for a group.

In a question and answer format, you may use both "I"and "you" for the reader. Then you need to use a name orabbreviation for the other party (here the FederalCommunication Commission).

Examplc VHF Marine Rule 9What must I do if I sell a boat?

If you sell your boat, you must send your shipstation license to the FCC, Gettysburg, PA17213 for cancellatiOT. You cannot transferyour ship station license to another person orboat.

11311 3

The U.S. Department of Transportaion made an effort toengage readers directly by using "you" in their brochure onautomobile restraints:

Example:You can't believe every story flying aroundthese days. The truth is that all driving canbe dangerous.

More than 80 per cent of all accidents occur atspeeds less than 40 mph.

Fatalities involving non-belted occupants ofcars have been recorded at as low as 12 mph.That's about the speed you'd be driving in aparking lot.

Three out of four accidents causing death Occurwithin 25 miles of home.

Belt up before driving to your, shoppingcenter--just as you would for a long trip.

As a rule, it is better to avoid "one" as a pronoun inon-the-job and academic writing.

Don't write:

One hestitates to rely on the 1980 report sinceit has a number of inaccuracies.

Write:

I hestitate to rely on the 1980 report since ithas a number of inaccuracies.

Guideline 2. Write in the active voice.

Your writing will be more direct and vigorous if youwrite in the active voice.

In active sentences the subject is also the agent ordoer:

114

1.14

The applicant pays a $25 fee.

In passive sentences, the sequence is reversed: thesubject expresses the goal or object of the action; there mayor may not be an agent identified.

A full passive has three telling features:

1. a form of the verb "to be" (is, are, been,is being, has been, et.c.)

2. a past participle of the main verb (given,shown, sent, received, earned, etc.)

3. the preposition "by" and the "doer" oragent of the action (by-phrase)

Full passive:

The form should be filled out by the student.

Active equivalent:

The student should fill out the form.

A peculiar feature of passives is that you may omit theby-phrase and not name the agent of the action.

Passive with no by-phrase:

The form should be filled out. [by 1

Active equivalent:

X (not stated) should fill out the form.

By leaving out the by-phrase you can avoid saying who isresponsible for the action. The reader, however, can't tellwho does what. Sometimes you don't know who the "doer" is orit doesn't matter; but, if you can, find out who should beresponsible and write an active sentence with the agent assubject.

You can also cut off part of passive sentences byleaving out the first feature, the verb "to be."

Passive without "be":

The form, filled out by the student, . . .

The phrase without the "be" verb becomes a relative clause,part of a larger sentence which may also be in the passive.For example this next sentence has two passive verbs. Thefirst is a relative clause without any "be" verb but with theagent. The second is the main verb of the sentence; the 'be"verb is there, but there is no agent.

The form, filled out by the student, should besent to the Basic Grants processor.

You can reduce the passive verb in a relative clauseeven further by leaving out both of these features, the "be"verb and the agent This leaves only the past participle tostand for an entire passive sentence.

The form, filled out completely, should be sentto the Basic Grant processor.

The a'ive sentence including all the necessaryinformation is much more easier to understand

Active equivalent for both of these examples:

The student should fill out the form and sendit to the Basic Grant pro,:essor.

Using the active voice, you give readers informati.inquickly and emphatically. A crisp, direct style isespecially important in writing instructions.

Passive voice:

Recognizing an active sentence may be done intwo simple steps:

116

IIG

\

\\ ,

1. The subject of,the sentence and the verbmust be found. H \

2. Whether the subject is the doer of theaction expressed by the verb must bedetermined.

\Active: \

You can tell if a sentence is active by doingtwo simple steps:

1. Find the subject of the sentence and theverb. I ,

.

2. See if the subj,ect is the doer of theaction expressed by the verb.

i /

Because the passive changes the usual word order OfEnglish sentences, readers sometimes have troubleunderstanding sentences in the passive voice, but in somecases, passive sentences arp OK.

,

For instance, you may use the passive voice if the agentor doer is either unknown Or is unimportant., /

The policy was established early in the 1900's.

t,

\

In other cases, you may use the passive voice

when you want variety in your writing, or

when the sentence.is simple and short.

Guideline 3. Use ac'...ion iérbs rather than nouns made out ofverbE when you can.

I

One of the most telling features of abstract, turgidwriting is the overuse ,c) nouns. Writers use nouns made outof verbs instead of pronduns and verbs. These derived nouns,called "nominalizations,' act very much like passives. Theyneed no subject.

this:In government, business, and education we commonly find

i

117 11-1

\\\

minalization

Is uance of a check will follow receipt of yourvouchers.

nominalization

rathen than:,

\

When we receive, your vouchers, we will send youa check.

To recognize nominalizations, look through your sentences forwords that end in:

Suffix

-ment

-ion

\\-ance\

\

-ing

Example

repayment for repay

investigation for in..estigate

reliance for rely

dependence for depend

referral for refer

signing for sign

,., When you are writing about an action, put the worddescribing the action into a verb form: don't turn the verbinto a noun. If you follow this simple rule, your sentenceswon't sOund like this:

There are four major characteristics thatinfluence consumer information seeking andutilization behavior.

Note here that the actions of the sentences are seek and use,but these words have been made into nouns that make thesentence ambiguous and hard to read. You have to pause tofigure out just what is being influenced. When the actionsare restated as verbs, a shorter, more direct version of thesentence results:

118

1.18

Four major characteristics influence howconsumers seek and use information.

Applying this guideline (express actions in verb forms)and the other two guidelines you've read, you can make thesesentences clearer and more direct.

N.

1. Completion of the subtotal item ismandatory only for those applicantsproposing housing rehabilitation goals.

2. Responsibility is placed on the intendingimmigrant to obtain the Secretary ofLabor's clearance.

3. Utilization of this card constitutesacceptance of the terms and conditions setforth when issued.

The three guidelines we have just covered all worktoge er. When you use personal pronouns, write in theactive Noice, and express actions in verb forms, you'll findyoursel\creating scenarios and writing directly andeffectively to readers.

Choosing Words that Readers can Understand

Another way to reduce c.he reader's burden is to adjustyour vocabulary to match your readers' needs. To apply theseguidelines, you have to think again about the answers yougave to questions about your audience in the pre-writingstage. Who will read the document? Will different peopleread different parts?

4

When you evaluate your documents with intended readers,you should be able to find out if you have chosen words thatyour tieaders understand. Remember, when you write, that evenhighly sophisticated readers appreciate clear prose.

Guideline 4. Choose your words with care. Avoid jargon.De ine or exp ain technical terms that youcannot change.

Jargon by definition is the specialized language of atrade or profession. Textile physicists have to talk aboutwarp, brush, and fiber blend. Computer scientists have totalk about inputs, CRT's and bytes. Technical terms may befine if you are sure that all of your potential readersiegularly use them. If you are trying to communicate with ageneral audience or with specific groups whom you know mayfind it easier to deal with everyday language, replace fancywords such as those below, with more familiar ones.

additionalapplicantassistanceceasecontingent uponcombined withcomplete

constitutesdeemdetermineemployenvisageexclusivelyendeavorfinancial assistance

facilitatefurnisheducational institutionindicateinstitutenecessitatenotificationoriginateomitpossess

= moreyouhelpstopdepend onused withfilledoutmakes upthinkdecide

= use= see

onlytrymoney,aidhelpgiveschoolshowbeginrequirenoticestartleave outhave

120

\

preserve = ! keepprovide = give,

send,show

prior to = beforerequest = askreside = liveretain = keepsubmit send,

giveterminate = endtransmit = send,

giveutilize = usewould like = want

,

If you need the technical term, but think that some of yourreaders need an explanation, add one in parentheses or aftera dash:

Example:The Library of Congress has one of the largestcollections of periodicals (magazines andjournals) in the country.

Example:You can get a Basic Grant for 1980-81 if allthese things are true:

1. You show that you have financial need (youreducation costs more than you can pay).

You should not deprive yourself of the subtleties and nuancesof the English language in your efforts to be simple anddirect. Readers are as annoyed by flat, condescendingwriting as they are by pompous, fuzzy writing.

Students use technical language justifiably in manysituations: using the technical terms of a discipline showsthat you are becoming a part of the discipline. From yourfreshman year onward you will be tempted to imitate thelanguage you read in your textbooks, ,in professionaljournals, and in the writing of academics in your field.Often this language is ungrammatical or unnecessarilycomplex. Choose your words carefully: don'tindiscriminately follow the models you see just because they

sound professional. Using the process model will help youmake a distinction between using technical language correctlyin a context that will comaiunicate with readers and usingjargon that is a barrier to understanding.

In all cases, use straightforward language. Forexample, write writers, not those engaged in producingwritten language. Get rid of faddish words like prioritizeand interface. Write to inform your readers, and you will inthe process impress them.

Guideline 5. Don't rename for the sake of variety

If your chief aim is clarity, be consistent in what youcall something. Precision is best served by repeatingsubject nouns. Variety has a place in prose style but notwhen you're trying to help readers understand complex orhighly technical messages. The elegant variation that isappropriate for fiction is not appropriate for business,technical, or academic prose. The reverse of this guidulineis also important. Once you have reserved a name for onething, do not use it to mean something else.

Example:

Don't write:

The prescribing physician should be told aboutany allergies you may have. Also tell thedoctor if you are pregnant.

Write:

Tell the doctor about any allergies you mayhave. Also tell the doctor if you arepregnant.

Don't write:

Student single lunchAdult price per lunch

$1.35$1.75

Write:

Student prica per lunch $1.35Adult price per lunch $1.75

122 1 9 -)- ,;

Don't write:

Several recent analyses support our conclusion.Thet;e studies cast doubts on the economics oflarge -s-Zireidvertising. The reports aretheoretical and empirical.

Write:

Several recent theoretical and empiricalstudies support our conclusion. These studiescast doubts on the economics of large scaleadvertising.

Guideline 6. Don't use extra words

The temptation to say things twice is often hard tofight, but you should cut out extra words that add length andno real information:

personal opinionexpress opinioneach and every

honest opinionpositive benefits

Some of these words are truly redundant; you could not usethe opposite of the adjective and have a meaningful phrase.What are negative benefits? In other cases, the adjective isimportant only if you are stressing that attribute (e.g.,"This is my personal opinion, not that of the group.")

Don't bury an important idea in several unnecessarywords.

Don't write:

Thirty teachers lost their jobs due to the factthat enrollment dropped.

Write:

Thirty teachers lost their jobs becauseenrollment dropped.

1.23123

Don't write:

The agency is not able to release the report atthe present time.

Write:

The agency cannot release the report now.

Don't write:

Congressman Howe's speech was in reference tothe new zoning laws in his district.

Write:

Congressman Howe's speech was about the newzoning laws in his district.

Cut down on meaningless modifiers. Overused words andphrases such as really, very, actually, practically,virtually, definitely obscure meaning.

Don't write

Actually, the X-210 copier is not really themachine the company needs, siace the X200 hasthe capability of meeting virtually all of ourneeds.

Write:

We do not need the X-210 copier since the X200meets most of our needs.

Look through your early drafts critically for paddedphrases. What you lose in pomposity and length, you gain inclarity. Jargon, excessive formality, and wordiness do notgive writing authority. Natural, straightforward writing isalways suitable.

Applying these three guidelines will help you expressyourself exactly in direct, well-thought-out language. Ifyou recognize wordiness and inflated writing and revise withyour readers in mind, you will communicate effectively.

124

Don't write:

The new program has a framework which has theability to meet the needs of students whoseinterests are in the fields of marketing,communication, and computer science.

Write:

The new program serves students in marketing,communication, and computer science.

Writing Clear, Easy-to-Follow Sentences

Guideline 7. Write short sentences

Use short sentences (under 25 words) when

your readers are unfamiliar with your topic,or

your readers are unskilled, or

your topic is complex,

you need variety or emphasis.

Research and practice show that the average reader canremember only a few ideas at a time. After every fewthoughts, readers need to pause and chunk together what theyhave read. The period at the end of a sentence is one signalfor such a pause. Phrases and clauses that make sense inthemselves also provide closure, but joining more than two orthree closed phrases usually makes a sentence too long.

In many documents, particularly legal ones, you willfind sentences of 100, 200, and even more, words. Anyonetrying to read and understand these sentences must break upthe material into smaller sentences in his or her mind. Evenlawyers have to stop and translate these sentences as they goalong. Although lawyers think that these sentences haveprecise meaning, in fact, in every rewriting project we haveworked on, we have found ambiguities in these long sentencesthat the lawyers did not realize were there.

125

1.25

Even when you write short sentences, you have to varythe style to get writing that flows. A passage made upentirely of extremely short sentences can sound choppy andimmature. Further, the relationships among the ideas may beunclear if you use only very short sentences.

Don't write:

Since you cannot patent an idea by itself, youmust show that the idea is operative. You mustshow that the idea can be put into effect in apractical way. Keeping good records will helpyou meet these conditions.

Write:

You cannot patent an idea by itself. You mustkeep good records which show that the idea isoperative and practical.

The second passage, in which we have combined andrearranged the sentences, is easier to follow than thepassage made up of three short, choppy sentences.

Guideline 8. Put the parts of each sentence into loaicalorder.

If you break up a sentence by additions, exceptions, orparenthetical remarks, your reader may have difficulty makingsense of it. Sometimes even short sentences violate thisguideline.

Looking at the following example, you will see that theunderlined words in this sentence make up the main idea.However, the date comes in the middle of the verp and theaddress comes between tivl verb and its object. '

Don't write:

You should before May 15, 1981 take to the ABCPrinters at 483 Main Street the plans forlayout and cover design.

126

Write:

Before May 15, 1981, you should take the plansfor layout and design to ABC Printers, at 483Main Street.

Guideline 9. Untangle convoluted sentences

Sometimes long sentences carry so many thoughts embeddedin each other that it's hard to figure out what the writer issaying. If you write long, convoluted sentences, readers maynot care to invest the time and energy to work out yourmeaning, or they may be intimidated by a dense prose style.

Don't write:

Integrated color scanning systems, which areable to eliminate conventional methods of colorseparation, combine single images and texts ona video display terminal, automaticallyproducing a full page, of any shape, on eitherphotosensitive film or paper.

Unpack this long sentence and write:

Integrated color scanning systems are able to:

eliminate conventional methods of colorseparation,

combine single images and texts on avideo display terminal, and

automatically produce a full page of anyshape on either photosensitive film orpaper.

Here is an example from a medical insurance plan.Because the original is loaded with conditions (if . . . or),it is virtually impossible to understand.

1'2'7

Don't write:

EXTENSION OF BENEFITS

If at the date of termination of Employee orDependent Insurance you are disabled bysickness or injury so as to be unable toperform the normal duties of your employment,or one of your Dependents is confined to ahospital for sickness or injury; and if beforethe end of three months after such terminationCovered Charges are incurred for such sicknessor injury for which benefits would be payableexcept for such termination; then benefitsshall be payable as if such insurance had notbeen terminated, for Covered Charges incurredfor such sickness or injury before the end ofone year after such termination.

Write

You can continue to receive benefits after theinsurance ends, if, on the day the'insuranceends,

you can't work because of sickness orinjury

orone of your DEPENDENTS is in the hospitalbecause of sickness or injury.

If you or the DEPENDENT incur a COVERED CHARGEfor the sickness or injury within 3 monthsafter the insurance ends,

and

we will pay for those charges at the samerate as if the insurance had not ended

we will continue to pay for benefits forthe sickness or injury for up to one yearafter the insurance ends.

. Make the words (or, and, if) stand out when you listconditions. If there are several conditions, state the rulefirst and list the conditions or exceptions afterwards.

128 i2 c'j

Guideline 10 Use lists when you have several items todiscuss

Readers can find and use patterns in your writing if yougive them cues. Even a passage packed with information willbe easy to follow if you list, in advance, points you plan todiscuss.

Lists are particularly useful when you are discussing asequence of actions or steps and when you are discussing anentity that has several components. When you construct alist, you should use parallel structure. Senter?ces orclauses that are linked in the same way to.some\major ideashould have the same grammatical constructions-=allinfinities, or all gerunds, etc.

\

Don't write:

Writi6g an effective regulation is a process,not a single activity. The process includes atleast six steps:

1. Plan before you write you write2. Selecting the appropriate content3. You should organize and make the

organization clear to readers4. Write a clear first draft5. You should review and revise6. Evaluating the regulation

Write:

Writing an effective regulation is a process,not a single activity. The process includes atleast six steps:

1. Planning before you write,2. Selecting the appropriate content,3. Organizing and making the organization

clear to readers,4. Writing a clear first draft,5. Reviewing and revising,6. Evaluating the regulation

By using lists which have parallel structure, you win saveyour readers time and effort.

129 1 23

Guideline 11. Rewrite multiple negatives as positivesentences when you can

Even well-educated readers have trouble translatingnegatives into positives. Negatives are indirect: theyimply what we should do by telling us what not to do.

Check your writing to see if you use double negativessuch as these that can be changed easily into positives:

DoubleNegative Positive

not until only whennot unless only ifnot prevent permitnot reject acceptnot disagree agreenot illegal legalnot fail succeed

Compare the first sentence below, which is negative andindirect, with the second.

Don't write:

The chapter will not accept student membersunless they are enrolled half-time In a regularundergraduate course of study.

Write:

The chaptec will accept student members only if

they are enrolled half-time in a regularundergraduate course of study.

If you are writing forms, instructions, or rules for

readers with weak skills, affirmative sentences will workbetter for you than negatives.

Don't write:

FFP is not available for medical care, otherthan family planning services.

130

Write:

FFP avail'able only for the cost of familyplar .ng.

You can use simple negatives for emphasis or when youwant to contradict, correct, or deny something.

Example: i

Your writing is not direct and concise. I donot have time to read through your essay tosearch for;your major points.

Example:Computer privacy is not a new issue. It is aproblem wnich the industry has not addressed,despite statements to the contrary.

Guideline 12. avoid noun strings

If you pile up several nouns in a row, your reader mayhave trouble discovering what you mean.

Don't write:

You must prepare a group technical consumerreport which includes an exeCTErie summary.

It usually takes extra words to rewrite 4 long string ofnouns, but in this case the longer version is clearer thanthe shorter. In the, example above it is impossible to tellwhether the report ts for consumers or about consumers. Youcan rewrite the ence to be unambiguous.

Write:

Your group must prepare a technical report forconsumers which includes an executive summary.

Noun strings are a common characteristic of bureaucraticand academic writing.

Don't write:

Not all information is available to theconsumer for consumption or purchasing choicedecisions.

Write:

Consumers do not have all the information theyneed to decide what to eat or what to buy.

1 :3;2132

Using Design Well

chapter 7

Page

The importance of design 135

The elements of design 138

Typeface 138

Type size 141

Upper and lower case vs. ALL CAPITALS 142

Line length 142

Margins 145

Spaces between lines 146

Page layout 146

White space 153

Color 153

Charts, photographs, and illustrations 153

Variety can clutter 154

An example 155

133

chapter7Using Design Well

The Importance of Design

Another aspect of producing documents that are easy touse and understand involves how the document looksphysically. We have all seen pamphlets, booklets, forms, andreports that "look good"--that look interesting, refreshing,visually exciting. This chapter covers some of thetypographic techniques and graphic elements that help makedocuments "look good."

Some material discussed here presumes that the author ofa document has access to professional graphic artists andprinting facilities. Such facilities often are available inoffices. Most of your students, however, won't have thesekinds of resources available to them for this course.Nevertheless, some design techniques can be applied usingonly a typewriter, and some students may be able to go waybeyond that if given a chance. Whatever the opportunities,the design of documents is an important consideration and allstudents should be introduced to the principles of designoffered in this chapter.

Design is a crucial element in the creation of simple,effective printed materials. It has been neglected for fartoo long. Fortunately for the public, this situation ischanging. British psychologist Patricia Wright, an expert onwritten communications, wrote in 1978:

Increasingly it is being recognized thateffective communication depends not only pn thecontent of what is said but on the way that theinformation is physically presented. Illegibleor badly presented information can reduce theuser's efficiency and may result in negativereactions to the information and its perceivedsource.

You can see for yourself and show your students whatthis means by glancing at the documents on pages 136 and137--the old and new versions of a bank's customer loanagreement. Before you even read the words, these two

134135

- - _

FI$TNA1IONALCtYYIANK Nil aTIISISINI "IPSNINIPNA.iI SIPAIjACIT .NV 'NI,

PINleli il _________________________ -ANNUAL P. , .. ii,.., 1 .CINTAGI ATI SINAIS a. Nilli i _____________________

NSNSNTUPI.i.1IN a,

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7

Document Design ProjectWriting in the Professions 136 American Institutes for Research

33 anu Siegel & Gale, Inc.

aczamialaMt Noised aly Bulk

Common, Lem Nate Date 19

(In this Dow the words se, NW sad vsy mean comb and all of those who signed it. The words yen, yearend yaws mean First National City Bask.)

Twr N To repay my loan.1 promise to pey you DollarsisploiNg ( ) I'll pay this sum at one of your branches in uninterrupted

installments of S each. Payments will be due startingfront the date the loan is made:

Here's the breakdown of my payments:

I Amount of the Loan2. Property Insurance Premium3 Filing Fee for

Security Interest4 Amount Financed ( I t-25 Finance Charge6 lotal of Payments (4 4

Mensal Percentege Itase_%

111ipsymai N Even though I needn t pay more than thc fined installm ents, 1 have the right to prepay the whole outstandingWbele ph& amount of this note at any ume. If I do. or if this loan Is refinancedthat is, replaced by a new note

you will refund the unearned Ilacsce charge, figured by the rule of 78a commonly used formula for flpringrebates on installment loans. However, you can charge a minimum Iluasee Arno of $10.

IlAle Clow !Mall more than 10 days behind in paying an installment. I promise to pay a late charge of 5% oi theoverdue installment, but nO MOM than 55 However, the sum total of late charges On all installments can't bemore than 21 of the total of payments or 525, whichever Is less.

Stearn To protect you if I default on this or any other debt to you. I give you what is known as a security interestin my 0 Motor Vehicle and/or (see the Security Agreement 1 have even youfor a full description of this property). 0 Stocks, 0 Bonds, 0 Savings Account (more fully describsd in thereceipt you gave me today) sea any account or other property of mine coming into your possession.

hounim I understand I must maintain property insurance on the prop v covered by the Security Agreement for itsfull insurable value. but I can buy thts insurance through a pers sf my own choosing.

Dullswk I'll be in tk faultI If I don't pay an installment on time, or2. If any other creditor toes by legal process to take any money of mine in your possession.

You can then demand immediate payment ef the balance of this note, minus the part of the fhowatelisegswhich hasn't been earned figured by the rule of 78 You will also have other legal rights, for instance, the rightto repossess sell and apply security to the payments under this note and any other debts I may then owe you.

frogrin Psysionss Youtan ascept late payments or partial payments, even though marked "payment in full", without losingany of your rights under this note

Darby Is frisremeN You can delay enforc.ng any of your rights under this note without losing them.

Csilhsohn Coos If I m in default under this note and you demand full payment. I agree to pay you interest on the unpaidbalance at thr rate of I % per month, after an allowance for the unearned grace arr. If you have to sueme, I also agree to pay your attorney's fees equal to 15% of the amount due, and court costs. Rut if 1 defendand the court decides I am right. I understand that you will pay my reasonable attorney's fees and thecourt Cosh

Camillen If I m signing this note as a comaker. I agree to be equally responsible with the borrower You don't have tonotify me that this note hasn't been paid You can change the terms of payment and release any securitywithout notify ing or releasing me from fespOnsIbIllly on this note

Csy Reesived The borrower acknowledges receipt of a completely fillechn copy of this note.

Signatures

Borrower

Comaker _

Cornaks r

Comakcr

Addresses

AMMER.,

NM Lie If yomething happsn and you can t Nv on time, please call us immediately at (212) 559.3061.

Persoll ill in In, I) p atnhnt1..1,1 "4 Atonal I R II od.

PBR ROW 1/75

Writing in the Professions Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, I nc.

documents g/ive you very different impressions. The old notelooks downright threatening. The words are packed so tightlyon the page that they seem confusing and impenetrable. Itobviously isn't meant to be read. The simplified version isa refreshing contrast. The information looks digestible."Design" makes the difference.

The important thing that you should emphasize is thatgood design not only makes the document more inviting, it canhelp make language clearer. The old loan agreement (page136) was written in traditional legalese that was difficultfor most people to understand. But even that language seemsmore accessible when printed in the format of the new note(page 139). Conversely, bad design can reduce theeffectiveness of clear language. From the point of view ofthe reader the advantages of good design are obvious.

The Elements of Design

Design is a set of specialized skills of commercialartists, illustrators, printers, and others. You are not inthis course going to make your students design specialists.But even without special training in design, it is easy foryour students to learn the fundamental elements that go intodesigning a well-conceived document. Being familiar withthese elements will enable them to participate intelligentlyin the process, and to keep any eye out for design problemsand opportunities.

Typeface. A typeface is a single style of type. Thereare hundreds of different typefaces, each with its own subtlecharacteristics. Here are some commonly used typefaces:

This sentence is set in Times Roman.

This sentence is set in Century Schoolbook.

This sentence is set in Helvetica.

This sentence is set in Univers.

138

"Old" Words in a "New" Design

611.154001 I" PM neal PM Nom PreP401 Is Moe rebsoaced. ihe borrower MS receive o refired of the smearmednip Nese Is rapid pones of 1M mood Illemnes ehms oserpered occurdonee inth the rek of 711 ithe -sum of PM

merked I. provided dim the beek may reran Imes sheep of $10. whether ue notanted. and. sum in the case al a relmencieg. no rayed MN he made of ir amounts ru las due SI. Inaddirae..pen oey such prepsymor ue afleseciag.ihe Mame shall receive . refined of the chop.if aa y. lee pm credo We IROOf011te Included im the km mad po the unarmed portion of the premiumpeid er maids by the Wier id PMUIIIIUPIU, tempered re acetwelace ark Mt rule of 711s. providedam me refund MN he mode of mums leis rhea SI.

A. Callaerd Seenriti A. Massed lawny lee the plasm ul phe indelitaineni Of the undamped Pareueder and all mitamidelisalsemue behniess of dm eedereared she beak. whether Pa. several. obsolete. comnageet.seemed uneepeed. mctsridoc semeted. wader ay pram ue fsters nose ue comma a agrommelwah Me bask toll seek sedelmases amd Medan bewle hermsher odlectively called phe-oNeystsortel.ths hark shell hew. and is Man meted. a seconn merest eete/or nolo of setoff in sod to tatmoms. macernme amd usher propeny of the undenigned *OW of h11111111141 est demo ark or or bermeheld IIyO comae so de pessessaa or wader rho moot of the Mb. Member held law soleaming.consensus triamenson of orberwise or as cumodron. meledm ihe proceeds thereof. an/ soy cad ellHama ihi usderaped imam 1M beak. whether now ue hersalter modes. and tbl the foamingdesenbed pentad propeny tall such mums. mentos. property. proceeds. clomps sold personalpawn being Mamba collocuorly celled the"collaierrel 0 MOIOr Verrone. 0 Bost. 0 Sloths.0 &wk. 0 Soma,. andier We Customer's copy of seconty aereaseras Iof nelleterel receipm relative le Otis loan foe fell damp me.

II This Noe If Ibis rale p. amored by ammo' vehicle. hoop oe orrcraft. propeny insurance on dm collaperalts required.bummed amd the rammer may okra PM some dreough a penue of Ms own choice.

Tlis Noe le No II dos nose m ma folly meted hy the collateral spealled sbove.a (onkel secunty for Ihe gement ofImly Immed this nose, dm book her toles an ampateet oe 10% of the uselenined harrower*, wages is accordance

Ina the wage amegment soaked to Me nose.

I. Bre Evan Is 1M event of defeat re the maw of this ue coy other Memnon oda performs's., or observanceel Whoa of any town Ur cOveclIal comtsmod hereon of in any note of ohm coruact Of agreement enemas Of

relabel to any Obligarem oe any CUllalefel on ihe Somme.' pen to be performed or observed. Of doemrdermeed Burrower shall die: ue any of PM undamped become resolvent or make aa assinment forthe benefit of creams:0e a petition shrill he filed by amorist any of the endorse/nal under anywomen°, the alidtruittee Act: of wry nom. leconttel or property of the undersigned mow °Memberon demo wulh oe on the poneeme or ruder die moral of the Bonk dull be attached oe becomevabylet to Mil root proatedtalp of any order uf mums of any coon. ue the Beek shall dean Med eshe onecure. rhea cad on any such twat. the tali shall have the nib no ors maim. worhout demand ofROMS of soy Med. ro declare silo, any an of the Milo ICAVII to be unmedtalley due NO/ payable.wareepon s eh Ohlrgations sholl become and he menedrstely due and payable. and the Bank shill Mathe right iu escrow ell the riles and remedies a moloilee to sectored pony upon dervish under theUniform CUOMIWICIfil Code ItheCodel to effect ut **York et the time. ewe welt other nghts eweremake as may utherwee be provided by law Each of the undamped agrees due mitoses of Phi"Cone) that entlen suttee of any popes/ sale of or of die Bend election to rains. Collateral mailedto the modensped Borrower lobo is hereby apparel agent of each of the smilenigad for muchimposer by fine clam mod postage mesa. at phi .ddresa of thc sedermened Botrower indoested belowthree Minas days pear to tech sale ue slalom shell be deemed ressonable notification thersof.Theremedies of Ile Bonk hereunder are cumulative and may he exercised community Of warmly. Ifany prOwerun dries magma 511.11 melba woh wry needier ammo nausea re sly Wittilyagreement of Collateral Neely COMM/ any Collateml. the pfumounsul such teCunty agreement Ofeon/send memo shall control

Writing in the Professions 139Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

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"New" Words in an "Old" Design

PlISPAYMONT OP WOOLS NOT!. MIN TNOUGH I MOW' PAY MORS THAN THII P11110 INSTALLMIIIITS. S NEVI TN RIGHT TOPOWAY THS WHOLS OUTSTANDING AMOUNT OF THIS SPOTS AT ANY TIM1. W I DO. OR W THIS LOAN IS RIMIIIMICIDTHAT IS. RI.PLACID SY A NOW NOVI YOU WILL NOUN) THE UNSARNSO MIIINISMfia21. PIOUR10 BY THS NUL@ OP 7SA COMMONLY USIDFORMULA POR MUSING MISATIS ON NISTALLMINT LOANS. HOWIVIR. YOU CAN CHANG. A MINIMUM INANCI IGIARG1 Of 1110.

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Writing in the Professions 140

13jDocument Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

You should point out the two basic categories of typefacesillustrated in the example. Serif typefaces such as the toptwo have projections--called -e-T-Es--sticking out from tnemain strokes of the letters. For instance, if you lookclosely, you'll see the tiny serifs at the ends of all threelegs of this letter "m." Serifs provide extra clues thathelp the eye recognize letters and words. Serif typefacesare used for most newspapers, magazines, and books.

Sans serif typefaces, such as the bottom two in theexample, lack the distinctive serif projections. Developedonly in this century, they have a cleaner;,more modern look.The letters are drawn to look proportionately bigger andclearer, even when printed in a small type size.

Both serif and sans serif typefaces have theiradvantages. A typeface should be chosen for itsappropriateness to a particular document. Some typefacesproject dignity and straight-forwardness; others may bedesigned to make advertisements more eyecatching; stillothers are used only on billboards.

Standard typewriters may come with only one typestyle orwith interchangeable elements that offer different styles.You and your students may want to look at a variety of typedpages and discuss the readability of different typewriterstyles.

Type size. Typeface and type size should be consideredtogether, for one affects the other. Type size is commonlymeasured in points: a point is 1/72nd of an inch. But thepoint-measure is less important than the impact of aparticular type in a particular size. Certain typefaces looklarger than others, even when printed in the same point size.Fourteen-point Helvetica, for instance, looks larger than14-point Garamond:

This is an example of 14-point Helvetica.

This is an example of 14-point Garamond.

Remember that typeface shouid be chosen based on visual sizeand not on point size alone.

1411. ki ;)

Traditional legal documents tend to use type that is toosmall--8-point or less. Today, the minimum type size forsome documents is set by law in some states. In general,clear text should be printed in at least 8-point type,preferably larger, but not larger than 12-point.

Standard typewriters come in pica and elite. Pica typegenerally looks larger but that is because there are fewercharacters to the'horizontal inch (10 per inch) and thereforemore space between letters. Elite type gives the writer 12characters per inch. On a standard typewriter each lettertakes up a uniform amount of space; an i uses just as muchspace as an m. In typesetting, you get proportional spacing;an m takes up more space than an i.

Upper and lower case vs. ALL CAPITALS. This is anaspect of design that your students can deal with becauseeven the simplest typewriter is c.pable of printing prose inall capital letters.

THERE IS A WIDESPREAD ASSUMPTION THAT CAPITAL LETTERSARE A GOOD WAY TO EMPHASIZE IMPORTANT INFORMATION. SOMEPEOPLE SET LARGE BLOCKS OF TYPE ENTIRELY IN CAPITALS. BUTTYPE LIKE THIS SOON LOSES CLARITY. IT LOOKS INTIMIDATINGRATHER THAN IMPRESSIVE.

You should caution your students against settingpassages in capital letters. ^'Written prose set in capitalsis harder to read. That's because the shapes of upper andlower case letters offer the reader more distinctive clues totheir identities.

When the word "example" is set in upper and lower case,for instance, the "1" ascends and the "p" descends, creatingmore distinctive shapes than all caps. When all caps areused, those shapes are lost. The example on page 143illustrates TETifooint.

Line length. The length of the typed lines is anotherelement of design that your students can control even with atypewriter. One reason why many written documents are hardto read is that their lines of type are too long. In theexample on page 144, we show the bank form from the previousexample in the old design. Note how difficult it is to readthe long lines. Long lines are accompanied by small margins,so that the whole page looks crowded and tight. yourstudents should understand that it is hard for the reader's

142

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TYPOGRAPHY

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Writing in the Professions14 3 142

Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

Long lines of small type are difficult to read

PIMPAYMINIT Of WNW NOT1. MAIN TOOMBS' I INISOWT PAY MONS MAN THII FOND NISTAU.NIMITS. I HAYS TIM RIGHT TOP REPAY ME MINN OUTSTMAINNO AMOUNT Of THIS NOVI AT ANY TIMIL IP I DO ON IP TINS LOAN N NINNANCIOTNAT NI. lea.KAM ST A NSW NOM YOU WILL MOUND TIM MUNN= PA PaNaU. mum SY 1711 RULE Of 76A COMMONLY USIOFORMULA Pon FIGUNNOS 111/111ATIS ON INSTAUMMIT LOANS. SIOWSYIS. YOU CAN CHANG. A MINIMUM OP NO

LANI CHAIM. IP I FALL MONS THAN IS DAYS MIND IN PAVING AN NISTALLMOIT. I MUNN T A' LAM OfNI Of TIM MORON INSTALL/MI/T. NOT NO mons MAN 1111. nownon. TH1 SUM TOTAL Of LAM CHASSIS ON ALL NISTALLMOITSCAN'T SI MORI MAN nor THE TOTAL Of PAYMNITS on MB. WMOSIMM M

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143

Doctiment Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Resea, chand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

eye to keep "on course" from margin to margin, withoutstraying above or below the line being read.

,

On the other hand, veryshort lines may be 'lard tofollow. They require moreeye movement and createawkward breaks in thetext.

A line containing from 50 to 70 letters and spaces is ahappy medium. It's not so long that it tires the eye and notso short that the eye must keep jumping back and forth. Thelines in this book are 55-60 letters (and spaces) long.

Margins._ On a standard typewriter, your students canmake the left margin flush, but they cannot justify the rightmargin. However, they should be able to recognize thedifference between justified and unjustified type when theysee it.

When the spaces between words and/or letters are variedto make each line of type on a page the same length, thelines are said to be justified. Lines of type are justifiedin order to produce a symmetrical block of text with evenmargins on both sides. The beginnings and ends of the linesare said to be "flush" with each other. This book is notjustified. The lines are flush on the left, except for thefirst line of each paragraph, but run "ragged" on the right.The example below shows what justified type looks like.

This paragraph illustrates text set flush leftand flush right. This is called justified type.The left,and right margins are both even. Tomake the right margin even, the printer putsextra spaces between words and letters allalong the line.

.1.4.;

145

Generally, a flush left, ragged rig" style is moreappropriate for use in written documents. Justified typesets up rivers of white that can be distracting. Text setflush left, ragged right, however, gives the document as awhole a more informal feeling that many readers findinviting.

Spaces between lines. Again, this discussion refers toprofessional typesetting that requires special equipment.You might discuss in class the relative ease of reading longsingle spaced or double spaced typewritten passages.

The horizontal spaces between the lines, called leading,also affect a document's readability. Lines of text that arejammed together are hard to read. Even a large type size ishard on the eye when the lines are set too close together.In fact, the larger the type is, the more leading itrequires.

The amount of leading that's necessary depends on thetypeface, type size, and line length. (For instance, sansserif type requires more leading than serif type does.) Theexamples on page 147 show how proper leading tan make a texteasier to read. As you can see, too much leading is notdesirable either. Beyond a certain point, the lines of typeseem to float apart from each other.

Page layout. The way information is laid out on a pageis more than just a matter of aesthetics. Layout can helpconvey the structure of the text, the relative importance ofits various parts. It guides the reader's eye.

146

6

Text with Different Amounts of Leading

This exampla illustrates a block of text set withdifferent amounts of leading; solid (no leading),1 point of leading, and 4 points of leading.Different typefaces require different amountsof leading. This example is set in Helvetica, asans serif typeface, which reads best with1 point of leading.

Too WM leading

This example illustrates a block of text set withdifferent amounts of leading; solid (no leading),1 point of leading, and 4 points of leading.Different typefaces :raquire different amountsof leading.This example is set in Helvetica, asans serif typeface, which reads best with1 point of leading.

Proper leading

This example illustrates a block of text set withdifferent amounts of leading; solid (no leading),1 point of leading, and 4 points of leading.

Different typefaces require different amountsof leading.This example is set in Helvetica, asans serif typeface, which reads best with1 point of leading.

Too much leading


Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

To arrange the elements on a page, designers develop agrid. This means dividing the page vertically andhorizontally into proportional areas. On pages 149 and 1501we show a blank two column grid and a form that uses thisgrid. All the parts of the document--such as headlines,paragraphs, blocks of text, fill-in areas, andillustrations--are then placed on the page in relation to thegrid. This creates an orderly sense of structure.

The two columns don't always have to be equal. If youlook at the old bank loan agreement on page 136, you can seethat it wasn't designed on a grid. The new agreement, page137, was designed on a two-column grid, with one narrowcolumn for headings and a wide column for text. On page 151,we show a blank two-column grid for a document with a narrowcolumn for headings and a wide column for text. On page 152,we show another example of a document using this grid. Thisis often thecmost useful layout for documents that the reader

is likely to scan quickly. In other situations a grid withtwo or three equal columns might be preferable: they makefor shorter, more readable lines of type. Developing theright grid depends on knowing the type of material (text,photos, charts) , its length, and its intent.

148

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TwoColumn Grid with Equal Size Columns

j149 1 aWriting in the Professions Document Design Project

American Institutes for Reseal chand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

Forld on Two Column Grid

Flex-a-Loan Agreement Union -rrusr4

Doar Customer:

Molcome to Limon Trust Mare gbd you 4 decded totake 0411 a Flek-a-ban. The is a new type of bon spec.*designed kir your convenienct ft also gnus mu a chanceto sure money

VAA. WM1117 this ogrwirmintin sew* ersarto-nsedEnglish AO you can *Mame yourself with Is unusuallemon. The words you and your mew roaryone whosigns Mrs agnmetont. W11, ()Wand us W taUnkm Trust.

Mem read thie swimmer% carol* Oil marks with yourammo* sign it If more than person sir : thi it agree-merit each wsll beads uP to the amour* ri the kihn.

*minim to pity To May MSS loon. you pro nie*koyus or our order It One 01 our tanchat S

dam)plus simple interest on the unpaid bak.nce ei an annualpercents.* retool --%.Youl pay this amount n

consecutive monthly installments of Sexcept for the final Malmo* kir which youlgW a finalbilabou t 10days before itt due. It may b* sOmewhathigher or lower than the others. depending on yourpaymont mord Your Instalments wit I bean the sameday miry month starting onMr 7/ act* each payrnint first to the finance chwge wdthen ro prove

How much you7I pay1 Amount financed2 Amnia dime3 Total ol payments (1+2)

AnnuelpercentegeThere! b* no other Ales or charges.

Early or loot payments Th* finance charge shownabove is betod on the assumpeon that you /make atmonthly kistallments on th* due dote. If you make install-ment peyments before or 'earthed** thwie due. wellused?* exact date we reuse your payment for figuring theMance charge you wif actualypay on your loan. Thismeans Mat your Minix dome b4,t be MSSd you My aninstallawint early If you' re late, Me fauna chew will begreeter Any adlustments it your total *lance chargewill be made on your final

Wel send you a nonce% you haunt paid aninstalment *ohm 10 days ol the due data

Right to prepay You can prepay the outstanding amountany time rn lull onn part Ktlifigu re Me Mena chorusup to the date of your payment Kiel apply your paymintfirst to the finance charge and then to th* princval If itt apartial prepayment we credo to your outstandingbalance If you make a pertlprepayment you / continueto pay your regular instalments until the whole loan 'spedMinimum finance charge Theret a mintmum Minoschine of $25 even d you pay Me whole loan back beforethat amount has been famed

Payment holidays 11 your loan runs for a year or Mottyou may request payment holidays. To qualify for apayment holiday you must make at least 3 scheduledpayments and not be behind on your payments,

If your loan for 12 to 17 months. you can skip on*installment If at for 18 to 29 months you can skip M. Andif itt for 30 months or bngeryou can slop three. To requesta payment holiday sknpy sand in a payment holidaycoupon from your loan book insand of your muterpayment

When we grant you a payment hoeday Jaendyoua notice Mail show how yc lino element will bepostponed andapistyii %Vance. tyou ***twopayment hcaday* youl take two months long r to payoffthe whole ban and youl pay som* added *moo Mergewith sdur OM payment

Credit Nis insuranc -11 **Ye itstotad the SAW*at the beginning of this sentence your loon 4 covered bya** Ns insurance. The meows wall not exceed snowand you do not pey any aria charges /or it I* absorbtheca*

Whole balance due If you lei more than 10 days behindin a payment **can without noace dimly@ the wholeoutstanding Wenct including any unpaid limoscharge, due and payable at once. V.can eiso do this if youbreak any ol your omits under** agreement or litbehind on amoeba, obligation to us. If this happons. wecan wrthout note* lake the outstanding balance out ofyou rcheckktg and/or savings accounts.

Collectton costs ling haws to go to court &cause youfad to comply with the terms °IN's agreement youll paya% collection costs plus lewyersliesol 15% of th* unpaidbalance.

Delay in enforcement I* con **enforcing 817Y ofour nghts without losing them.

if you haw any questions about this igreement. whte us at

You can contact us by hiephone by cahrtg

Thank yt r for taking out this loan wih us.

Sincerely.

Union Trust Company

14 read this agreement and recewed a duplicate copyon the day I sgned N with a/ blank spaces Med in

Borrower X

Address

BOITOWer X

Ackiress

I guarantee the repayment ol this loan

Guarantor X

Address

Clete


14.,)

Document Design ProjectAmerican Ingitutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

arwite5

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Two Column Grid with Un-Equal Columns


Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Research'and Siegel & Gale, Inc.

Form on Two Column Grid with UnEqual Columns

SIMPLIFIED 4. We won't cover liability of anyone who is insured as a corporate officeror a member of the board of directors of iny corporation except areligious, charitable or civic nonprofit corporation.

5. We won't cover uninsured motorists or no-fault auto insurance claims.

A Closer Look at Your Coverage Now that we've given you a bird's-eye view of how this policy will protectyou and your family, let's go into details. In the following sections we'llshow you how this policy covers your auto, homeowners and other liability.

If you've any doubts whether a specific claim is covered or not, go backto these opening sections to make sure.

Scattered through this policy you'll find examples printed in green ink. Ofcourse these examples are just a handful of illustrations out of manypossible situations..

Your Extra Auto Liability Insurance If you have an accident covered by your auto insurance, we'll pay thedifference between what's payable under that policy and the sum total ofwhat you legally have to pay, up to the liability limit shown on the attacheddeclarations page.You miss a stop sign and crash into a motorcycle. Its 28-year-old marrieddriver is paralyzed from the waist down and will spend the rest of his lifein a wheelchair. A jury says you have to pay him 51.300,000. Yourstandard insurance liability limit is 5300,000 for each person. We'll paythe balance of 51,000,000.

This policy covers any kind of private motor vehicle cars, trucks, stationwagons, jeeps, motorcycles, trailers, semitrailers and so on. It coversprivate cars even if they're used for business or carpooling. 'But it doesn'tcover private cars used as taxis or for hire or any other motor vehicles, suchas trucks, used for business.

If you're a farmer, this policy covers any kind of motor vehicle used foryour farm, such as trucks and tractors. Coverage for recreational motorvehicles such as golf carts and snowmobiles is explained under "Your ExtraGolf Cart and Snowmobile Insurance."

Bro 4 Auto Coverage for.YouAnd Others

You're covered for any accident involving an auto you own, borrow, rentor use as a temporary substitute. We'll also cover accidents duringmaintenance, loading and unloading, And we'll cover your liability to theowner for damage to an auto you borrow or rent.

We'll also cover anyone else who uses a covered car with your permissionprovided it's used for the purpose you intended.You're transferred from New York to California. You and your family goby plane, so you hire Mike, a college student, to drive the family car west.Mike has an accident in which a passenger of the other car loses his rightarm. Mike is sued for $500,000. Mike has no insurance, but he's coveredby your automobile policy up to $300,000. We cover him too, and negotiatea settlement for $100,000 for our part of the coverage.

Under this section we'll cover all relatives living with you and anyone under21 in-your or their care. They're covered for any accidents involving anauto they own, rent, or use as a temporary substitute. But if they borrowa car, they're covered only if they drive or use it with the owner's permis-sion. Even then they have to use it for the purpose intended by the owner.Your teenage daughter borrows a car belonging to her friend's father withthe understanding that she's to drive to the airport. She's covered if shegoes to the airport but not if she goes on a 400-mile trip


IDocument Design ProjectAmerican I nstitutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, I nc.

White space. A successful, well ordered form will usethe "white space"--the blank area where no type appears--asan element of its overall design. This leftover space can beused functionally. For instance, a large left-hand margincan be provided for headings; type isolated in white spaceappears more important. White space is not wasted space, forit helps make the text comfortable for the eye. To see whathappens with too little space, look again at the old bankagreement on page 136. Students can create white space in atypewritten report, too, by using wide margins on the top,bottom and sides and by leaving space between sections.

Color. Documents needn't all be printed in black inkon white paper. Imaginative use of colored ink or paper canmake a form look less coldly official. Color can also beused to provide emphasis; unify a group of documents; ordistinguish one document from another. Of course, it usuallycosts more to print a document in two colors.

Charts, ehoto ra hs, and illustrations. Not everythingis best said in wor s. Charts, photos and-Illustrations cancommunicate many types of information more effectively thanparagraphs of text or columns of figures. In addition, theycan make a publication more appealing by offering visualrelief from large bodies of type.

You should encourage students who are good photographersand artists to make use of these graphic elements, but onlyif they add something to their documents. The importantconcept you should stress is that these graphic elements canincrease the ease of use and understanding of a document.eneralay, though, these graphic elements should not be used

just for their own sake. They should add information to thetext, not merely repeat what has already been said (unlessspecial emphasis is needed). Each should present informationabout just one subject; four simple graphs are better thanone that is four times as complicated. Each must be clearand easy to understand.

Charts and graphs are useful ways to show statisticalinformation such.as trends and sizes or relationships ofdata. Diagrams may convey complicated ideas or operations.They should be kept simple and straightforward. You shouldpoint out that different kinds of charts and graphs servespecial functions. For instance, line or curve charts showmovements over time; bar charts compare the sizes ofdifferent items at the same time; and the familiar pie chartshows how parts relate to a whole.

153

Photographs can be used to show detail accurately, tocreate a mood, or to add aesthetic appeal. Good t-chnicalquality is essential: this means clear focus, interestingcomposition, a clear range of tones, distinct contrast, andeasily recognizable subjects. Lighting should be consistentfrom photo to photo in a series. Like every kind ofillustration, they should not contain distracting details.Snapshots from cheap cameras, or photos taken from a book orarticle, rarely reproduce well enough for publication,although they may be adequate for the purposes of the class.

Drawings Show a more selective view of a subje-t thanphotographs do. By omitting unnecessary details andaccentuating important points and relationships, they caneffectively direct the reader's attention to a particularsubject. But for drawings to be effective, they must be ofhigh quality. However, for instructional purposes, youshould be willing to accept drawings from your students evenif they are not professional quality.

Each kind of graphic device offers its own specialopportunities and problems. Before deciding to use one kind,the writer should consider the advantages of the others forwhat he or she is trying to communicate.

Variety can clutter. Many things can be done to adocument to make-it look different. Each design elementwe've discussed can make documents easier to use andunderstand. Some combinations of these design elements canimprove the document even more. But this is not to say thatmerely adding design elements to a document, or using alldesign elements in one document, necessarily improves thedocument. The opposite happens--too much variety cluttersthe document and detracts from both usability andcomprehension.

Point out to your students how much can be done to apiece of paper with a simple typewriter. Words can becapitalized, underlined, and set apart. Left and rightmargins can be set to show a little or a lot of white space.Right margins cannot be justified, but left margins can beeither flush or ragged. Sentences can be single spaced,double spaced, triple spaced, or sometimes something inbetween. Paragraphs can be separated by headings and by alittle or a lot of white space between them. Passages can beindented from the main text, boxed, or made into a table. If

the typewriter has interchangeable elements, different typesizps and faces are available. (However, designers caution

154t

against using more than one or at most two typefaces. Theyuse size, boldness, and italics in the same face to showheadings and important information.) ITOu add to this thegraphics elements available from professional printers andgraphic artists--color, shading, bold printing, fancy arrows,checkmarks, etc.--the possibilities increase many fold.

The teaching point you should make is that a documentwith too many styles and sizes of type, lines, boxes, andother emphatic variations looks confusing and is confusing.Clutter should be avoided. But you should also make thepoint that a document's physical appearance can make itsmessage clearer and make readers more receptive to itsmessage.

An Example

The examples on pages 156 and 157, from the inside of anold and new insurance policy, show how design can help makecomplex material more digestible. The old policy has anintimidating technical appearance featuring an outline stylewith five indents; long lines of fine print with too littleleading; and headings printed in capital letters. The newpolicy uses a larger type size (10 points instead of 8), ashorter line length, and a modified two-column grid. Thisgrid provides visual structure and uses white spaceintelligently, with an area in the left-hand column tohighlight the headings. Examples, printed in green italics,are clearly distinguished from the rest of the text. The newpolicy looks and is easier to read.

155

C-, v

11,1(1

ealraimipleORIGINAL

In any country where the Company may he prevented by law or otherwise from carrying out this agreement. theCiwnprny shall pay any expense incurred with its written coneent in accordance with this agreement.

The Insured shall promptly reimburse the Company for SO% of any amount of ultimate net loss paid on hehalf of theInsured hut the rmount payable hy the Insured (hereinafter referred to XI the retained limit) shall not exceed the maximumreirincil !mut slrted in Item 4 (a) 01 the Declarations.

III. LIMIT 01: LIABILITYA. As respects Coverage A, the Company's liability shall he only for the ultimate net loss in excess of the "underlying

limits" defined as the geater of:

I. .in rmount equal to the limit(s) of liability indicated beside underlying policy(les) listed or insurance descnhedin Schedule A hereof, plus the applicable limits of any other underlying insurance collectible by the Insured,

2. the retained limit as defined in the last paragraph of Insunng Agreement II if the occurrence is not covered inwhole or in part by such underlying policy(iss) or insurance;

rnd then up to 2n amount not exceeding the limit indicated in Item 4(a) of the Declarations as the result of any oneoci,urrence. provided that the Company shall not be reqwred to assume any obliption of any underlying insworwhich shall be deemed uncollectible or invalid by reason of bankruptcy or insolvency of such insuror. There is nolimit to the number of occurrences during the policy period for which claim may be made.

B. As respects ('overage I, the Company's liability shall be only for loss in excess of the "underlying limits" defined asthe greater of:

II) the total amount of insurance collectible by or payable to the Insured under other Uninsured Motorists,Underinsured Motonsts or Automobile Liability insurance; or

(II) the minimum amount specified by the financial responsibility laws of the state in which the accident shalloccur;

and then up to an amount not exceeding the amourt 'ated in Item 4(b) of the Declara as the result of any oneaccident, provided, such liability shall be reduced by 0 amount of the "underlying limits."

DEFINITIONS

I "NAMED INSURED" AND "INSURED"

"Named Insured" means the individual named in the Declarations and also includes the spouse thereof if a resident of thesame household.

The unqualified word "Insured" includes the Named Insured and also:

(a) Automobile and Watercraft Liability:

( I) any Relative with respect to (i) an Automobile owned by the Named Insured or a Relative, or (ii) a Non-ownedAutomobile, provided his actual operation or (if he is not operating) the other actual use thereof is with thepermission, or reasonably believed to be with the permission, of the owner and is within the scope of suchpe Mission, Or

(2) any person while using an Automobile or watercraft, owned by, loaned to or hired for use in behalf of theNamed Insured and any person or organization legally responsible for the use thereof, if the actual use is by theNamed Insured or with the permission of the Named Insured, provided his actual operation or (If he is notoperating) his other actual use thereof is within the scope of such permusion;

provided, the insurance with respect to any person or organization other than the Named Insured does not apply

ti) with respect to any Automobile (other than a temporary substitute automobile) or watercraft hired by orloaned to the Insured, to the owner or a lessee thereof other than the Named Insured, or to any agent oremployee of such owner or lessee. (This sub-paragraph does not apply tor Relative with respect to a Non-ownedAutomobile.);

( ii) to any person or organization, or to any agent or employee thereof, operating an Automobile sales agency, repairshop, service station, storap garage or public parking place, with respect to any occurrence ansing out of theoperation thereof;

(nt) with respect to any watercraft, to any person or organization, or any agent or employee thereof, operating ashipyard, boat repair yard, marina, yacht club, salsa agency, boat service station, or similar facility,

(h) Other Personal Liability

I I) if residents of his household, his spouse, the Relatives or wards of either, and any other person under the apt oftwenty-one in the care of an Insured (except with respect to the ownership, maintenance or use, includingloading and unloading, of Automobiles while away from ths premises owned by, rented to or controlled by theNamed Insured or the ways immediately adjoining, or of aircraft);

2) with respect to animals owned by an Insured, any person or organization legally responsible therefor, except aperson using or having custody or possession of any such animal without the permission of the owner.

Writing in the Professions 156Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

SIMPLIFIED 4. We won't cover liability of anyone who is insured as a corporate officeror a member of the board of directors of any corporation except areligious, charitable or civic nonprofit corporation.

5. We won't cover uninsured motorists or no-fault auto insurance claims.

A Closer Look at Your C 'meg, Now that we've given you a bird's-eye view of how this policy will protectyou and your family, let's go into details. In the following sections we'llshow you how this policy covers your auto, homeowners and other liability.

If you've any doubts whether a specific claim is covered or not, go backto these opening sections to make sure.

Scattered through this policy you'll find examples printed in green ink. Ofcourse these examples are just a handful of illustrations out of manypoirible situations.,

Your Extra Auto Liability Insurance If you have an accident covered by your auto insurance, we'll pay thedifference between what's payable under that policy and the sum total ofwhat you legally have to pay, up to the liability limit shown on the attacheddeclarations page.You mina stop sign and crath into a motorcycle. Its 28-year-old marrieddriver is paralysed from the waist down and will spend the rest of his lifein a wheelchair. A jury says you have to pay him 11,300,000. Yourstandard insurance liability limit is 1300,000 for each person. We'll paythe balance of 11,000,000.

This policy coven any kind of private motor vehicle cars, trucks, stationwagons, jeeps, motorcycles, trailers, semitnilen and so on. It covenprivate cars even if they're used for business or carpooling. But it doesn'tcover private cars used as taxis or for hire or any other motor vehicles, suchas trucks, used for business.

If you're a farmer, this policy coven any kind of motor vehicle used foryour farm, such as tzucks and tractors. Coverage for recreational motorvehicles such as golf carts and snowmobiles is explained under "Your ExtraGolf Cut and Snowmobile Insurance."

BroA Auto Coverage for YouAnd Others

You're covered for any accident involving an auto you own, borrow, rentor use as a temporary substitute. We'll also cover accidents duringmaintenance, loading and unloading. And we'll cover your liability to theowner for damage to an auto you borrow or rent.

Well also cover anyone else who uses a covered car with your permissionprovided it's used for the purpose you intended.You're transferred from New York to California. You and your family goby plane, so you hire Mike, a college student, to drive the family car west.Mike has an accident in which a passenger of the other car loses his rightarm. Mike is sued for $500,000. Mike has no insurance, but he's coveredby your automobile policy up to $300,000. We cover Om too, and negotiatea settlement for $100,000 for our part of the coverage.

Under this section we'll cover all relatives living with you and anyone under21 in.your or their care. They're covered for any accidents involving anauto they own, rent, or use as a temporary substitute. But if they borrowa car, they're covered only if they drive or use it with the owner's permis-sion. Even then they have to use it for the purpose intended by the owner.Your teenage daughter borrows a car belonging to her friend's father withthe understanding that she's to drive to the airport. She's covered if shegoes to the airport but not if she goes on a 400-mile trip.


r Document Design ProjectAmerican Institutes for Researchand Siegel & Gale, Inc.

\

1

\ Reviewing, Revising, and Editing

\

chapter

,Page

Using the review process 161

Revising other people's documents 162

Revising the writer's own documents 164

Revising with feedback from evaluation 165

Editing 166

chapter 8Reviewing, Revising, and Editing

In this course, we suggest that you emphasize havingstudents work together. Interactive assignments areimportant for two reasons. On the job, professionals have towork with other reviewers and writers. Therefore, studentsshould learn to make collaborations into positive rather thannegative experiences. Secondly, input from readers whorepresent the audience can, in fact, be very helpful to thewriter who wants to make his or her document understandableand effective.

In this chapter, we describe techniques for evaluatingand revising material in the classroom. In Chapter Nine, wedescribe techniques for going outside the classroom toevaluate documents. You should remind your students that, inthe post-writing stage (review, revise, edit, and evaluate),the steps are truly recursive. Students should use thefeedback frqm reviewers and from evaluations with readersoutside the.classroom to further revise their documents.

Because most students are unfamiliar with the kind ofcollaboration that is common in work settings, in thischapter we show how you can use writing workshops to simulatethe review process. We demonstrate how evaluation.leads torevision and multiple drafting that is essential to goodwriting. We also outline some exercises that your studentscan use to develop techniques for revising and editing bothother people's documents and their own work.

Using the Review Process

If students follow our suggestions, they'll take everyopportunity they can to talk to others about a piece ofwriting that is important to them. From some they'll getsuggestions about content, perspective, and tone. Fromothers they'll get specific advice about style or format.Finally, in an academic setting, you, the instructor, willassess their writing.

It would be helpful if students could bring in samplereview procedures, from working professionals or publishedsources. We recommend forming working groups that serve each

161

other as content reviewers and as technical editors, allowingeach student to take each role before the end of the term.

In work settings, writers do much the same thing. Theyget feedback informally, from peers who know the subject,from people who are expert editors and writers, fromcolleagues they trust. In many large organizations, thereview process is mandated. Every piece of writing that goesoutside the organization must be read and approved by anumber of people with var7714 expertise.

The more skilled your students become at involvingreviewers early in the writing process and listening to whatthey have to say, the more effective they will be as writers.It would be highly useful for your students to know somethingabout review processes in the fields they plan to enter. A30-minute interview with an experienced, working professionalwill yield a good bit of information. Many writers,especially in colleges and universities, save drafts ofworking papers and save comments and reviews. If you canshow students a paper of your own passing through review oracquire papers from colleagues in other disciplines, you candemonstrate what it means to use the review process.

Revising Other People's Documents

Your students should get practice in reviewing andrevising documents that .others have written. They should getthis practice in two ways--by serving as reviewers for their

, peers and by revising documents in your class's corpus.

In reviewing their peers' work, your students' goalshould be to develop skills that will let them show othershow to write clearly and forcefully. This is quite differentfrom helping another writer clean up a draft--spottingspelling, grammar, or usage errors. When they revise, yourstudents may want to do major cutting and rearranging andadding. As they work with other people's writing, from theirpeers or from published documents, they'll also develop agood eye for weaknesses and strengths in their own writing.

Students will want to revise documents to meet their ownstandards, but they need to keep in mind that when theyrevise someone else's work they are collaborating with thewriter. If the writer is present they will have theadvantage of being able to discuss issues that aretroublesome and raise questions about audience, intentions,

16215d

content, and other matters. If not, they must be scrupulousabout keeping information and issues intact as they revise.

For many of the documents in your class's corpus, thestudents should be able to find a responsible person oncampus who can collaborate in the revision by checking on theaccuracy of the students' revisions. Students should makethe contacts necessary to establish a working relationshipwith an appropriate writer/reviewer for each document.

If you use our syllabus for part of the course, you willask students to select a poorly written document and movethrough all the steps of the document design process model toevaluate and rewrite the document. Revising a document willgive them a chance to apply their skills in the context of a

real audience with actual purposes in mind.

Before they begin a rewriting project, students shouldstudy a document that has been revised according to documentdesign principles. The form in Appendix B is one example youcan use.

In learning how to revise a document, we suggest thatstudents practice these steps in a collabroative effort withthree or four other students:

answer the pre-writing questions about thedocument

read the document and use the checklists atthe end of this chapter to focus onparticular problems (see pages 16P to 171)

write up their plans for revising thedocument

present their plans to the entire class todiscover areas of agreement and to raiseissues about clear writing and revision.

revise the document

read the revised version of their documentsand work in groups to describe how Version Ais different from Version B.

163u :_l

We suggest that students work on a range of documents--memos,letters, and instructions--as well as forms. Urge studentsto get together and practice using the checklists to reviseeach others' drafts. By doing this, they learn to give goodfeedback to other writers as well as to do the hard job ofrevising.

Revising the Writer's Own Documents

Many writers and editors find it easier to shape themeaning and correct the mechanical errors in other people'swriting than in their own. If your students use the documentdesign process model, they will, as a matter of course, writewith their readers and purposes in mind. Revising for themwill be ongoing, for they will make changes from the timethey begin to write until they submit the final versions oftheir papers.

Nevertheless, we think it is productive for students topractice revising their own documents before they pass themon to reviewers or evaluate them. Many students do not readtheir own writing carefully; they have trouble describingwhat they've done. If your students learn to revise theirown writing thoroughly, they will be able to make more senseof the feedback they receive from others, whatever form itmight take.

After they have written an initial draft, your studentsshould

put aside what they have written for a dayor so--let it rest

read their document aloud, noting instanceswhen they stumble or are forced to pausebecause they can't follow what they'vewritten

use the checklists at the end of thischapter to focus on specific problems

write up a plan for revision before theywrite a second draft.

It's a good idea to have students work in small groupsafter writing up their plans to see if they have commonproblems, to discuss solutions for these problems, and to get

164

informal feedback about how well their writing is working.This informal feedback may suggest new approaches and newideas.

The revising we are suggesting is hard work, and veryfew writers are willing to do it. Most revising and editingwe see in schools is a student's response to a teacher'scomments and marks. We want students to develop a habit ofrevising their own work automatically--as a step in everyproject that they do-- before they bring the document to thereviewers or to the readers for whom they wrote the document.

Revising with Feedback from Evaluation,

In this course, we suggest that students must evaluatetheir ability to get their meaning across to real readers.Instead of imagining how hypothetical readers might respond,and in addition to having reviewers, your students should usethe evaluation procedures presented in Chapter Nine to takeparticular pieces of writing to readers outside theclassroom. Pinding out how well the document works for itsintended audience should add to the students' motivation torevise their own writing efficiently.

As we explain in Chapter Nine, if many of the people whoparticipate in the evaluation can't answer a student writer'squestions correctly, something is wrong. The student mayhave a poor test question. If the test question is good,however, and if it asks about important content, the factthat many people get the answer wrong probably means that thepassage that is being tested with that question is not clear.Evaluation will not tell students what the problem is, norwill it prescribe changes they must make, but from theresults of evaluations, students will learn to look again.attroublesome parts of their documents. Then they canreviseand retest, if necessary.

An important advantage of evaluation is that studentshave a chance to get feedback from readers outside theclassroom. They test principles of clear writing andorganization in real situations, a practice hard to achievein most classroom situations.

16')165 A,

Editing

Students should use feedback to help them avoid errorsin grammar and usage on final drafts, eveNif they've done agood bit of revising and editing throughout the process.

When students ask for editing help, they need to bespecific about the type of editing,they want. They need tolet their editors work on several levels. They need to asktheir editors to find mistakes in spelling, grammar, andusage. They need to ask for advice about bits that need tobe left out or rearranged. They neld to ask their editors toadd needed clarification and to insert transitions.

Allowing students to edit each other's papers hasobvious benefits. The chief is that students becomesensitive in their oWn writing to flaws and errors they find,in others' writing. This practice in close critical readingcan't be had by analyzing fine prose models. If students ,

must do their own editing, one teacher has an approach forcopy editing that might work for your students. She hasstudents read their,,papers backwards, one sentence at a time.This process forces:them to look senteAce-by-sentence at whathas become familiar territory to them. hey have a fresh"eye" and are able to find mistakes that s ipped by when theyread front-to-back.

Using the checklists on language and style on pages 168to 171 is another approach to editing. The checklists willgive students a basic tool for polishing their own documents,if they use them before they type their final draft.

If you can, have a professional editor visit the classand conduct a workshop on editing techniques. Since wordprocessors are in wide use, it would be helpful if you couldarrange for a demonstration and, if possible, have studentsuse a word processor to write and edit a document. Skillededitors are to be treasured. They are people who can look atother people's writing--and their own--and see what i3 almostthere or what ought to be there. And they can do thiswithout violating the writer's intentions. The example onpage 167 shows how an editor transforms a page from this bookwith a number of editorial changes.

166

MCEL7131.3p1A3

k--

A Page of Text Showing Editing

ISThp reader ti -above restructurej the information as he

'AR dc-f .4e, G. -

readp .a.1,ottf to makeAffiVin'ing concrete enouqh to be functiona4e.e.

Wri-ts-wtro-tindees-t-and-the-riii-erted- guidelines that follow vait-kieeA

Ca-A. cArLIC-the scenariocpeifto4146 to help readers understand par.44eograrly.....

complex messages.

Guideline 1. Address the reader directly, by name,

or by using a pronoun.

The easiest way to create a scenario is to

address the reader as "you*. The following

sentences express the same meaning, but the first is

obscure and the second clear and direct:

Indirect

Direct

Reimbursement for eachbreakfast served whichmeets minimum nutritionalstandards is available.

The Food and NutritionService will reimburseTZTI-TEF each bteakfastyou, serve which meetsminimum nutritionalstandards.

Thg4MPIALtAnt_difference-between-these -twoczNi,

oe.senterices_j,s-in-how. the writer orgaulaexl.tbe-seeond

creatg a sequence in which it is easy to folluw

the logic of who will do what to whom. The second

.55.: is more natural than the first.k

H!"?

Personal pronouns give a document a tone of

directness and personal interest. People may be

Instructor Notes andSuggested Activities

I



mczamialleJanice C. Redish


CHECKLIST FOR A CLEAR DOCUMENT

Yes(Good) I. Purpose / Audience / Content

1. Is it clear who is supposed to read, use, or fill outthe document?

2. Is it clear what the document is for?

3. Is it clear what the document is about?

4. Is it clear what the user is supposed to do with the document?

Yes(Good) II. Organization

5. For letters and memos: Is the format correct?

For all reference documents:

6. Does it have an informative title?

7. Does it have a useful table of contents?

8. Can the reader easily find the answer to specific questions?

9. If there are separate audiences, are the sections organizedso that each audience only has to read part of the documentand are the different seaions clearly marked?

10. In a long document, is there a roadmap or signposts to tellthe reader where to find different information?

For all documents:

11. Is the important information first?

12. Is the organization logical? (Could you outline the majorpoints?)

Writing in the Professions Document Design Project16 8 American Institutes for Research

calrximpleo

Yes

(Good) .2ypography / Layout

Page 2 of"Checklist for aClear Document"

13. Is the copy legible?

14. Is the typesize large enough to read easily?

15. Is there enough white space for the reader to find separa*.esections easily?

16. Are the headings set off physically from the text (extraspace, in the margims)?

17. Are the headings different from the text: different color,different size, bold, underlined, or all caps? (Should be,

one or two of these, not more.)

18. Is the text in upper and lower case? (There should be nolong passages in all caps.)

19. If illustrations are used, are they compatible with thetext (in style, tone, sophistication, detail)?

For Forms:

20. Is there enough space to write in answers?

21. If it is meant to be-filled in at a typewriter, are the

lines spewed for a typewriter?


RP

Janice C. Redish


CHECKLIST FOR LANGUAGE PROBLEMS

Yes

(Faulty) A. Paragraphs and Sentences

1. Document is impersonal (doesn't use "you")

2. Paragraphs are too long

3. Paragraphs cover unrelated topics

4. Main idea of paragraph is buried

5. Writer changes focus within paragraph

6. Transitions between paragraphs are unclear

7. Passive is overused--sentences have no actors

8. Sentences are too long (run-on sentences)

9. Sentences are too complex to understand easily(too many embedded or relative clauses)

10. Negative sentences could be stated positively

11. Sentences are ambiguous

12. Lists lack parallelism

Writing in the Professions170 .1 6


couramaxamsile

Yes

(Faulty) E. Words

13. Uses nominalizations instead of action verbs

Page 2 of"Checklist forLanguage Problems"

14. Uses nouns to modify nouns when they should be possessivesor prepositional phrases

15. Uses jargon without defining it

16. Uses two words where one would do (redundant)

17. Uses unnecessary legalisms (herein, said)

18. Uses more than one name for the same object

19. Uses the same name for more than one object

Makes grammatical errors:

20. dangling participles

21. misplaced modifiers

22., sentence fragments

Other language (style) problems:


1 7 11 13 American Institutes for Research

Introduction

chapter 9Evaluating the Document

Page

175

Some b---ics about evaluation 178

Evaluation in the context of document design . . . 178

Characteristics of empirical evaluation 179

Common evaluation concepts and procedures 181

The Document 182

The Sample 184

The Test 188

What the test should measure 188

Test item formats 189

Use of paraphrase 190

Performance tests 191

Scoring and analyzing tests 192

Scoring tests 192

Analyzing test scores 194

Audience-centered evaluation methods 199

The validation method 199

Evaluation by the comparative method 203

173

_ Page

Exhibit #1: Case Study of a Document Evaluation . . 207

Exhibit #2: Forming Purposive Samples 215

Exhibit #3: Guidelines for Writing ObjectiveTest Items 216

Exhibit #4: Ways of Paraphrasing Test Items 220

Exhibit #5: Paraphrased Test Items in DifferentFormats 221

Exhibit #6: Assigning Values to Test Items 222

Exhibit 47: Test Items Missed 224

Exhibit #8: Rank Order and Frequency Distributionof Scores 225

Exhibit #9: Grouped Frequency Distributions 226

Exhibit #10: Calculating Averages 227

Exhibit #11: Percent Attaining Acceptable Scores . . 229

Exhibit #12: Writing Performance Standards 230

I)

174

I

1

1

;

Evaluating the Document

Introduction

chapter 9

The post-writing stage of the document design processmodel focuses on evaluation. In this course, we areadvocating an empirical approach to evaluation that usesquantitative data and research procedures. We are primarilyconcerned with audience-centered evaluation, which meansfinding out whether a document is understandable and usableby testing it on a sample of the document's intended users.The research concepts and procedures employed are very basicand simple, but care has to be taken in teaching thiscontent. We don't expect either the instructors or thestudents to have had any prior training in statistics orresearch methodology. We also assume that the course isbeing taught in a humanities department, a setting not likelyto have much tradition with empiriCal evaluation.

1Because of these conditions, this material Oould be

presented in two distinct phases. The first will introducethe concept of evaluation and teach some basic empiricaltechniques and procedures that are used in evaluation. Thisphase includes putting students at ease with what isessentially "foreign" subjecL matter and corwincing them thatthe empirical evaluation approach is reasonable to apply tothe art of writing. The second phase of the instruction willbuild on the first and will focus on how actually to conductaudience-centered evaluations by two methods--the validationmethod and the comparative method. These methods will betaught in "cookbook" fashion. The aims are to give studentsa chance to practice the procedures of each method and toreinforce the notion that the methods can be applied to theevaluation of documents, even without prior specializedtraining in statistics or research. The instruction must usemany practical exercises and illustrative examples in orderto get the ideas across and to serve as models that can befollowed step-by-step by the students.

A word of caution to you and your students: While wepresent some,concepts and techniques that will enablestudents to Conduct a useful evaluation of the documents theydevelop in class, we only scratch the surface of evaluation.Evaluation is a complex undertaking that requires a firm

175 1 71

grasp of test development, inferential statistics, andresearch design to be done well. The ability to conductrigorous evaluations and to interpret evaluation findingsdepends on a good background in these areas. The situationis analogous to a statistician who is asked to teach his orher class to write for public audiences. The statisticianmight well be able to teach some of the writing principlestaught in this course, but it would be very hard for thisperson to recognize all the features that make writingunclear and to teach students to be polished writers. Thepoint is that your students should not be misled in thinkingthat they will be "polished" evaluators because of what theylearn about evaluation in this course.

Because the topic is "evaluation," you must be clearabout what you are trying to achieve in this portion of thecourse. For one thing, you should judge your students on thesteps they follow in conducting an audience-centeredevaluation of a document, not just oil what they write. Atthis stage, students are not writing for their instructor asmuch as they are performing prescribed evaluation proceduresand techniques to evaluate a document they have developed.Second, the actual results of the evaluation are notimportant. It is the process the students follow to obtainthe results that is critical. The students do notnecessarily have to show by their evaluation that theirdocuments are clear and usable. They only have to generateevaluation results that empirically demonstrate the degree towhich thcir documents are clear and usable. If theirevaluation results indicate the document is clear andreadable, fine; if the results show it has to be rewritten,that too is fine. In either case, the evaluation has servedits purpose.

This means that you have to be prepared to deal withsituations you likely have not encountered before. Adocument developed by. a student, and judged well written byyou, could be found to be unclear when tested on a sample ofits intended users. This is what evaluations are for; theyprovide the writer with feedback about how good the documentbeing tested is, and what needs to be revised to make thedocument better. Students shouldn't be penalized forgenerating this diagnostic information. You have to maintainthe distinction between the ability to write clear English astaught in this course and the ability to conduct anaudience-centered evaluation that tests how clear the Englishis to the people expected to read it.

176

You should follow a specific sequence in teaching thiscourse. The sequence takes into account that the typicalstudent has no prior preparation in research methodology orstatistics. We cover these topics:

the concept of evaluation, the meaning ofempirical evaluation, and how the empiricalapproach relates to scientific methodologyand differs from traditional classroomevaluation;

concepts and techniques about the fourcomponents essential for audience-centeredevaluation--the document, the sample ofusers, the test that measures understandingof the document, and the ways of analyzingtest results;

the application of these concePts andtechniques to two differentaudience-centered evaluation methods--thevalidation method and the comparativemethod.

As a reflection of the recommended sequence ofinstruction, and as an z._id to you for preparing your lecturesand assignments, these materials are organized into threesections.

Section I presents some basic points about evaluation,the context of evaluation in document design, and theempirical approach to evaluation. This.unit is really anoverview and an orientation to evaluation.

Section II introduces concepts and procedures common toall audience-centered evaluations of documents. These areconcepts and procedures that students need to understandbefore attempting to conduct an actual doctiment evaluation.This unit involves considerable practice exercises andstudent activity.

Section III presents the steps to be followed for twoaudience-centered evaluation methods--the validation methodand the comparative method. The concepts and procedurestaught in the preceding section are applied to both of themethods. This unit should involve an actual evaluation of adocument.

177

For each of these sections, we present an outline of thespecific topics that will prepare students to conductaudience-centered evaluation of documents that are writtenfor specific purposes and identifiable audiences. We haveinserted brief "instructor notes" and make reference toexhibits that suggest practical exercises and handoutmaterials that you might use or, adapt in your instructionalpresentations.

Some Basics about Evaluation

There are many definitions of evaluationbut all include the notion of finding out howgood something is. Simply, evaluation is away of establishing the merit of the program,curriculum, automobile, or whatever is beingevaluated. The evaluation of a documentestablishes the merit of the document bydetermining how well it communicates to thoseintended to read and use the document.

Evaluation plays a prominent role intoday's world. With the increase ingovernment support of all kinds of socialprograms in recent decades, and with theever-present concern of businessmen,educators, health professionals, and manyothers, that their dollars produce the desiredoutcomes, evaluation wM continue to beimportant. All professions are affected byevaluation; all professionals ought to have abasic appreciation of the evaluation process.

Evaluation in the context of documentEdesign. EvariFiai lrgthe major TcTivity of

the post-writing stage of, the document designmodel. Earlier stages of the model areconcerned with finding out the audience(s) ofthe document, what purpose the documentserves, and with the actual writing anddesigning of the document itself. Evaluationis simply an extension of the document designprocess. After the document is planned andwritten, we take the next step and find outwhether it fulfills its purpose and the needsof its audience.

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Instructor Notes andSuggested Activities

The document designprocess model oughtto be used when intro-ducing the concept ofevaluation, showingit as part of theoverall documentdesign process.

You will recall that in earlier stages ofthe process you took great care to identifywhat the document is meant to do, for whom,and under what constraints. Evaluationprovides the link back to that earlierprocess, because it is the process for findingout whether the document actually does what itwas supposed to do. Evaluation thus providesfeedback to the writer or designer of thedocument. (The feedback loop is illustratedin the process model by the arrows flowing outof the post-writing stage boxes to the "draftdocument" box.) Evaluation essentiallygenerates information that in turn can be usedby the writer to decide whether the documentis OK or whether it needs to be revised.

A document can be evaluated at any stageof its development. Evaluations of earlydraft versions help spot unclear sections orparagraphs that need revision; evaluations ofmore polished versions show how differentsections "hang together" and how well thedocument as a whole communicates to itsaudience. In both cases evaluation plays adiagnostic role. It uncovers what is wrongand highlights what needs to be fixed.

The students in this course are beingtaught evaluation because most of them willend up in professional careers, and mostprofessionals routinely produce writtendocuments that directly affect the well-beingof other humans. In some cases they affectthe lives of thousands of people. It follows,then, that professionals ought to createdocuments that are as clear and useful aspossible. Evaluation helps the professionaldo this.

Characteristics of emEirical evaluation.The evaluation appro-a7g-taught in this courseis empirical. This means that the evaluationis based on observed facts and numerical datarather than solely on personal judgment.Edpirical evaluations generate objectiveinformation on which to make decisions aboutwhat to do next with a document. The decision

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The key distinctionis the difference be-tween empirical ap-proaches and thosebased on professionalstandards which areopen to differentinterpretation bydifferent professionals.

might be to accept the document as is, torevise some portion of it4 or to scrap thedocument and start over. /in any case, thedecision is justified by'''bther than subjectiveinformation.

The procedures and techniques used inempirical evaluations are borrowed fromscientific research. This means that theprocedures and techniques are appliedsystematically and make use of numerical datawhenever feasible. These procedures andtechniques in an empirical evaluation of adocument are Used to help identify the needsof the intended audience, to develop a testthat measures the audience's ability tounderstand or use the document, to analyze thetest results, and to organize the results sothat they can be interpreted and reported.The procedures and techniques used inempirical evaluations are quite distinct fromthose traditionally used in classrooms wherethe instructor assesses student work on thebasis of internalized, generally acceptedprofessional standards.

This discussion of empirical evaluationmay have introduced some words and phrasesthat could be unsettling to many students whotake this course and the instructors who teachit. For example, the concern with "empiricalprocesses," with "quantification" and the useof numerical data, with the "systematic .

application of scientific researchprocedures," are not what the average studentexpects to hear in a Department,of English.It is important at the outset that two thingsare made clear: 1) the words and phrasesindeed are foreign to humanities departments,and 2) this is no cause for alarm.

It certainly is true that the ability toconduct scientific experiments and to conductcomplex evaluations requires skills instatistics and research methodology that thetypical student in this course does not have.Most students taking this course, and theinstructors teaching it, are interested in

k.,,,,,,

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You should be alertfor any misapprehonsioof students becauseof lack of priorscientific training.Reassure them thatonly basic arithmeticansd computationalskills are used; sta-tistics and researc,hmethodology arenot part of thiscourse.

writing as an art, as a form of individualexpression. They do not intend to pursuescientific careers. The students mustundetstand, therefore, that what is taughthere are portions of the scientific researchprocess, and only a few of the empiricaltechniques, which can be applied by almostanyone to evaluate documents. The studentsshould understand as well that they are beinggiven only some very basic information onevaluation in this course, and they need mucbmore, training to be competent evaluators.

The intent is to teach students how toconduct usefUl evaluations that will help themcreate'better documents; they are not expectedto conduct scientifically rigorousevaluations. Complex statistics andsophisticated experimental researchmethodology arcl not requirements. To plan andconduct empirical evaluations of documents inthis course, your students need some commonsense, some skills in simple arithmetic, and awillingness to invest some time and energy inthe task.

Common Evaluation Concepts and Procedures

The ultimate aim of this portion of thecourse is to teach students how to use twodifferent methods of audience-centeredevaluation to evaluate documents--thevalidation method and the comparative method.Both methods evaluate documents by testing howwell members of the intended audienceunderstand and use the document. It is for

- this reason that they are known asaudience-centered evaluations.

It is for the same reason that bothmethods also are examples of,empiricalevaluation. The act of testing members of theintended audience generates objectiveinformation which then can be analyzed andinterpreted. This objective information,typically converted into some form ofnumerical data, is the empirical foundation

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The notion of usefulevaluation (as op-posed to scientifical-ly rigorous ones) isa good point to make.The intent here isto teach evaluationprocedures andtechniques that wiZZgenerate informationthat students can useas they create andrevise their documents.The evaluattion shouldtell studehts-if theirdocument is understand-*able, or if it isunclear ix pZaces andneeds revision.

Ifor later decisions about what to do next with/the document.

Several common concepts and procedurescan be applied to both the validation methodand the comparative method. It is essentialthat students master this material before theyare, asked to evaluate a document by either ofthe methods.

The concepts and procedures areassociated with the only four components thathave to be considered in planning andconducting an audience-centered evaluation.If the students truly understand theessentials of these four components, they willbe capable of evaluating a document at arudimentary, but useful, level. They willknow what has to be done to evaluate adocument, why it has to be done, and how to goabout doing it. The four components of anaudience evaluation of documents are:

(1) the document (or part of)to be evaluated,

(2) the sample of intendeddocument users,

(3) the test used to measurethe user's understanding ofthe document, and

(4) the ways of scoring andanalyzing the user's testresults.

The first and second are mainlyconceptual in nature; the third and fourthcomponents ate mainly procedural in nature.

The Document

It should be obvious that not alldocuments deserve to be evaldated. Only some,'of the documents that professionals in any

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Said another way, youare going to teachthe students about:

o the kinds of docu-ments to evaluate,

o sampling,o test development,o test scoring andanalysis

The last two componentswilt take much more ofyour time to teach.

See Exhibit #I: Thisie a brief case studyof a document evalua-tion. It describesthe steps of each oftht four componentsand illustrates someof the procedures.You could refer tothis case studythroughout your in-struction to makepoints and provideexamples.

career field develop are worth the effort,time, and cost of evaluating. The kinds ofdocuments that are worth evaluating are thosethat inform or instruct laY-ge numbers ofpeople about matters that directly affecttheir well being. Sometimes these documentspresent information that is important to beunderstood at the time it is read. Sometimesthese documents are meant to help peoplelocate specific, important information from amuch larger body of information. Andsometimes these documents are intended to helppeople apply for services that they areeligible for or are in need of.

The particular documents worthwhileevaluating will vary by profession and thesetting in which they are used. The importantthing is that when a document does have asignificant impact.on the safety, welfare, orlivelihood of large numbers, it should beevaluated to ensure that it is comprehensibleto the people it is'supposed to serve. It isprecisely because many students in this coursewill end up in professional careers and willhelp develop soc'sAlly important documents thatthe topic of evali.:4 :.n is included in thiscourse.

College stu6ents 'obviously do not havethe same opportunity to write sociallyimp,rtant documents as professionals. Evenso, there is a large variety offactually-oriented documents that affectcollege students and that are readilyaccessible. These documents are sufficientfor teaching the rudiments ofaudience-centered evaluation. Examples ofdocuments that fall into this category includestudent loan applications, descriptions ofdegree requirements, eligibility requirementsfor campus medical services, and apartmentrental contracts. It is these kinds ofdocuments, the documents that haveidentifiable audiences, that students ought towrite or revise and evaluate in courseassignments.

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An important pointhere is th-t thetraditional writingdone in collegeclassroomsthelibrary researchpapers, the themes,the creative writingassignments--is notsuitable for empiricalevaluation. Zhe writ-in;, has to be purposive,factual, and aimed atan identifiableaudience.

You can use the docu-ments that your classhao collected andused throughout thiscourse.

TbeSample

The very core of audience-centeredevaluation is testing a group of people whoare the expected users of the document to seeif they understand the contents of thedocument or if they can use the document asintended. The development of tests thatmeasure comprehension and other useractivities is covered extensively in the nextsection. In this section 'we concentrate onidentifying the group of document users whowill be tested.

The task is straightforward: theevaluator first has to identify who theaudience is for any given document, and thenselect a sample of these users to test.Samples of document users are importantbecause it is too difficult and too costly totest real world documents on the entirepopulation of intended users.

A sample is a relatively small number ofpeople who are taken from a much largerpopulation. The sample represents the largerpopulation. The population could be anyaggregate of people we might ")e interestedin--sophomores at State University, applicantsfor food stamps in a certain city, owners of1981 Ford cars, etc. The population of usersobviously will vary by the particular documentbeing evaluated. For income tax forms theuser population is taxpayers, for homeownerinsurance policies it iS homeowners, for auniversity's admissions requirements it is theindividuals seeking admission to theuniversity. Obviously, it is almostimpossible to test all taxpayers, or allhomeowners, or all students seeking admissionto a large university. The best we can do isto select a small number of individuals fromthis population to test.

The undJrlying principle for selectingsamples is to ensure that the sample isrepresentative of the population. The sampleshould be similar in all important respects to

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Examples of generaZ-izing from small sam-ples to large popula-tions are the political(continucd on next page

the population it is drawn from. The reasonfor this is that evaluators want to generalizewhat they find out from the sample to theentire population. This is possible only whenthe sample represents the population. Itwould be absurd to claim that tai forms areunclear to U.S. taxpayers if they only weretested on a sample of non-English speakingimmigrants who never before filed U.S. taxforms.

There are at least three different kindsof sample-s that can be discussed. While onlyone kind of sample is really of any practicalvalue for evaluating documents, all threeought to be presented in order to givestudents a perspective on sampling.

One kind of a sample is a random sample.A sample is random when every member of thedefined population has an equal chance ofbeing selected as a member of the sample. Itis alalogous to drawing names from a hat underthe condition that the names of the entirepopulation are in the hat. Random samples arescientific-ally ideal because powerfulstatistical procedures can be applied toestimate the results that would be obtainedfor the entire population. In the context ofdocument evaluation, this means that one couldpredict very accurately how well allundergraduates of a university wouldunderstand a document on student rights if weknew how well a random sample ofundergraduates understood it.

Except for rare instances, true randomsampling is too expensive to even beconsidered in evaluating documents. Just theinitial step of enumerating all members of thepopulation will often go beyond the availableresources of time and funds. For most if notall students taking this course, randomSampling simply will be impractical.

Another kind of sample, and one much morefeasible to consider for evaluating documents,is a purposive sample. A purposive sample is

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polls that predicthow each state willvote in an electionand the Neilson rat-ings that estimatehow many people arewatching a TV programon any given night.In both cases, pre-dictions of whatmillions of peoplewill do are based ona sample of severalthousand.

Students should beencouraged to usepurposive samples forassignments.

formed when the evaluator uses logic andcommon sense to select a sample thatrepresents the population on a set ofimportant characteristics. Thesecharacteristics typically include such thingsas sex, age, educational level, ethnicity,etc. To go back to the example of thedocument of student rights for universityundergraduates, it would not be sufficient toform a sample of only white, female,sophomores, A more representative samplewould consist of both females and malestudents, all four undergraduate grades, andblacks and hispanics as well as whitestudents. In this case, the evaluator hasdecided that sex, grade level, and ethnicbackground are important characteristics toinclude in the purposive sample.

The decisions as to what particularcharacteristics to include in a purposivesample is really up to the evaluator. Thereis no one correct set of characteristics thatapplysin every case; the relevantcharacteristics vary from document to documentdepending on the intended audience.

Detailed information about the audienceand the purpose of the document are twopre-writing questions we mentioned in ChaptersThree and Four. The answers to thesequestions posed in the pre-writing stagesprovide clues for the important audiencecharacteristics to consider in the evaluationstage. A document meant to convey writtenrules to senior citizens eligible for socialsecurity benefits suggests that age, sex, andreading ability are important audiencecharacteristics to consider for an evaluationsample. To evaluate a form for migrant farmlaborers to apply for work permits, we wouldprobably include sex and English languageproficiency as important characteristics toinclude in the sample.

For purposes of this course, the use ofpurposive samples should be encouraged. Mostcolleges and universities enroll students who

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This is a good placeto refer to theDocument Design Model:and reinforce thenotion of documentdesign as process--what is found out atone step shapes whathappens in anotherstage.

vary on many dimensions. As such, there isample opportunity to form purposive samples.

The last kind of sample to discuss is aconvenience sample. These samples areevaluation groups that are formed by selectingpeople who are readily available rather thanbecause they are representative of theintended audience. Any convenient group ofindividuals--friends, fraternity brothers,family--can be used for the sample.

It is possible for convenience samples toprovide useful evaluation information. Aplausible argument is that testing documentson anybody is better than relying solely onsubjective judgement. However, conveniencesamples clearly are inferior to p rposivesamples.

A concomitant issue that rises wheneverany kind of sample is contemp ated is samplesize. How large does a sample have to be tobe adequate? There are formulas that can beapplied to answer that question, but those arebeyond the scope of this course. Thepractical question for students enrolled inthis course is, how large a sample is neededto conduct evaluations of documents? As a ruleof thumb a good sample size would consist of20-30 members of the intended audience. Giventhe constraints on time and access to peoplewho might be appropriate for an evaluationgroup, a more reasonable sample size would be6-10 people. There is no specific rule forsample size that we can give that will holdfor all possible evaluations, for allclassrooms, and for all students who mighttake this course. Some general guidelinesthat might help are:

In a college setting wherestudents are learningempirical evaluationprocedures, the sample sizeshould be at least between6-10 people.

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Convenience samplesshould be permittedonly if a studentcannot form an ap-propriate purposivesample. It istempting to usepeople who are con-venient rather thanfind people who areappropriate forsamples. A conven-ience sample, however,at least will permitrelevant practicefor scoring andanalyzing tests.

Samples and samplingprocedures are amongthe many technicalareas we have simplifiedfor this course. Youshould make clear tothe students that thereis much more to samplingthan is presented here.

See Exhibit 112:Forming PurposiveSamples.

Purposive samples almostalways are larger thanconvenience samples becauseimportant characteristics ofthe audience should berepresented.

In audience-centeredevaluation there always is atrade-off between obtaining adesirable sample size and thetime and resources availableto conduct the evaluation.

The Test

The purpose of an audience-centeredevaluation is to find out how well the peoplewho are expected to use a document actuallyunderstand it. This means we need some way ofmeasuring user's comprehension. The mostcommon way is to develop a test that measuresthe kinds of things we want to know about thedocument.

The only type of test taught in thiscourse is objective tests. Documentevaluations are not concerned with essay oropen-ended tests because the concern is not inknowing how well users can organize thoughtsand integrate ideas in their written answers.Depending on the document being evaluated,document evaluations seek to find out whetherthe users understand the meaning of thematerial contained in the document, or whetherthey can locate specific information, in thedocument, whether they can fill out forms orfollow procedures in the way prescribed by thedocument. Objective tests are suitable forthis.

What the test should measure. The testitems (or test questions) that make up thetest should measure the important pointspresented in the document. Your studentevaluators have to be capable ofdistinguishing the essential parts of the

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document from the trivia, and they have todecide how to test the essential. In earlierchapters we mentioned two pre-writingquestions that concern the purpose of thedocument and the reader's expected task whenhe or she reads the document. An analysis ofthe answers to these-two pre-writing questionswill help you identify the important topics inthe document and whether the reader issupposed to:

read and understand thecontent so it can be usedwhen needed later on,

read and locate otherinformation elsewhere,

read and act at once (likefilling in a form orfollowing a set ofinstructions).

With this information you can determine boththe important content to test and the kinds oftest items that are appropriate.

The test used to evaluate a particulardocumen._ thus has to conform to the purpose ofthat particular document. We can test andmeasure comprehension, the abil.ity to locatespecific informatior, or the ability tocomplete forms accurately or to performactivities in the right sequence. What youteach in this course will enable students toconstruct any of these tests.

Test item formats. Test items can take avariety of formats. The four most commonformats are sufficient for the purposes ofthis course. These are True-False items (orYes-No), Multiple Choice items, Short Answeritems, andFill-in items.

To novices, it often seems a very easytask to write test items in any ot theseformats. Experienced test devr,lopers know,however, that writing "good" test items--items

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Sec Fxhibit #3:Guidelines forWriting ObjectiveTest Items

that are not ambiguous, or misleading, ortrick questionsis a difficult task. Thiscourse cannot make testing experts out of thestudents, but it will teach some basic skillsfor writing test items that will help studentscreate useful tests for evaluating theirdocuments.

The appropriate number of test items toinclude in a test depends on the number ofpoints in a document that are consideredimportant enough to test. That decision isleft to the test developer. The mix of testitem formats to use in a test is also up tothe test developer. A test can have only onetest item format or a mix of two or more. Forlearning purposes and to give your studentspractice with writing a variety of f.est items,you should encourage them to use more than onetest item format in their assignments.

When your students administer their test,it most likely will be appropriate for them tolet the people being tested to refer to thedocuments while answering the test items.This is because document designers areinterested in knowing if people can findinformation in documents and understand itwhen they do. The ability to recallinformation from memory is not usually accncein.

Use of paraehrase. The test itemsthemselves should be paraphrased statements ofthe text of the document. That is, the testitem should use different words and phrasesfrom those in the text, but still meanessentially the same thing. If the words andphrases used in the test items are identicalto those in the document text, it is possiblethat the test item can be answered solely byrote memory.

When we evaluate documents our realconcern is whether the users understand thecontent, not whether they have memorized it.Do the users understand the meaning of thecontent in the document? Do they understand

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The concern with com-prehension and unde2,-standing documents isobvious. People arenot expected to(continued on next page

how to locate information that they need? Dothey understand how to complete theapplication form or to perform the steps of anoperation described in a document? Unlikemany academic testing settings, documentevaluators are not interested in the abilityto memorize content. Test items thatparaphrase the document increase the chancesthat any correct answers given on the item aredue to understanding rather than memory.

There are at least three ways of writingtest items so that they paraphrase thedocument's original text. The first is tochange the order and words of the originalstatement by mixing or substituting words andphrases in the test item but keep the samemeaning as the original text. The second isto convert the test item into a scenario thatinvolves a neutral third party who is requiredto make use of information presented in thedocument (e.g., John Dce is assigned to do Xand Y. How should he proceed?). The thirdway of paraphrasing is to make the test itemsinto an hypothetical problem solving situationthat involves the person taking the test(e.g., You are such and such and have beengiven the responsibility for X and Y. Whatshould you do?). In all three instances, theparaphrase test items require that the testtaker recognize the concept or principle beingcalled for and then apply it in anothersituation. The ability to generalize from thedocument to another situation is taken asevidence of understanding.

Performance test. The tests and testitems we have discussed so far are formeasuring comprehension of facts andprinciples presented in documents; this is themost common form of test in either academic ordocument evaluation situations. A performancetest is another kind of test that isparticularly appropriate when the documentinstructs the reader in how to perform anoperation or follow a procedure. For example,if the document being evaluated is a form andinstructions for filling out the form, the

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memorize the pro-visions of their autoinsurance; they shouZdbe able to understandthe provisions whenthey read their poli-cy, however.

See Exhibit #4:Ways of ParaphrasingTest Items.

See Exhibit #5:Paraphrasing TestItems in DifferentFormats.

Performance tests area special case oftesting. They areparticularly suitablefor documents thatinstruct users todo something in aparticular order.

appropriate test is to see if intended usersactually can complete the form. The "testitem" is the form and accompanyinginstructions. As another example, if thedocument being evaluated explains how tooperate a two-way radio, the proper test is todetermine if typical users can operate theradio as instructed. The "test item" here isthe radio and its knobs and dials, and theevaluation is measuring comprehension of thedocument's instructions by observing actualperformance. Performance tests such asdescribed here are still objecti-ve andempirical. They can be scored by counting thenumber of errors made, the time required tocomplete, the particular sequence of stepsfollowed, among other ways.

Your students should consider performancetests if they are appropriate to the documentsthey are constructing.

Scoring and Analyzing Tests

The test is the instrument by which adocument is evaluated; it tells us how wellthe users who are being tested perform on thedocument. A high score on the test is takenas evidence that the user can understand oruse the document and, in which case, thedocument needs little or nor revision. A lowscore on the test is taken as evidence thatthe user doesn't understand some part or partsof the document and, in which case, it needsto be revised. To be able to make these kindsof evaluative interpretations we need a way toscore the users' performance on each test anda way to analyze the test scores of the entiregroup.

Scoring tests. The scoring of tests forevaluating documents is similar to scoring anyother kind of test. Each test item isassigned a numerical value. If the item isanswered correctly the student gets credit forthe value of that item. The total test scoreis the sum of the values of all test items

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/This is the point inthe instruction wherenumbers and arithmeti-cal calculationsenter. It might befruitful to repeatthe fact that thecalculations arevery basic.

answered correctly. The total test score forany given person is an indicator of thatperson's comprehension; the average testscores for all individuals in a group is anindicator of that group's comprehension.

The numerical value of any test item is adecision for the document evaluator to make.The only requirements are that 1) there mustbe a rationale for assigning numerical values,and 2) test items of equal difficulty shouldbe worth the same number of points. We cannotcite any hard and fast rules for assigningvalues to test items that will apply in allcases, but here are a Lew general guidelinesthat your students can use.

1. Test items with the sameformat and of equaldifficulty should have thesame numerical value. All"True/False" items, forexample, or allmultiple-choice items shouldbe worth the same number ofpoints.

2. Be consistent in applyingnumerical values to similartest items.

3. Multiple choice items may beassigned greater weight thantrue-false items. This isbecause an individual has a50-50 chance of getting atrue-false item correct bysheer guessing, whereas thechance of guessing correctlyis only 1 in 4 for a4-choice item.

4. Test items that cover alarge portion of a topicarea should be assignedgreater values than itemsthat cover a small portion.

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5. Test items that involvemultiple ideas andintegrating concepts arebetter tested by shortanswer formats.

It basically makes little difference if atest item is assigned a value of 1 or 100, aslong as the same rule is consistently appliedto all other test items. Test developersoften assign values between 2-5 for test itemsand, for purposes of this class, these valuesmight be recommended to the students.

Analyzing test scores. Once the testscores foe each member of the sample have beenfigured we are ready to analyze these data.The'analysis step consists of organizing thetest scores and performing arithmeticcalculations on them so that the evaluator canjudge if the document is clear and usable.There are any number of statistical analysistechniques for this, many of them complex. Wedo not cover these complex statistics becausethey require several semester courses to learnand are beyond the scope of this course. Theanalytic techniques needed for this course arerestricted to basic arithmetic calculations(i.e., addition, division, multiplication,percentages, averages).

When your students analyze their testscores, their main interest will be todetermine if the document they are evaluatingfulfills its purpsoe for the intendedaudience. The students should focus on usingthe test as a diagnostic tool, to spot theparts of the docroent that are weak andstrong. From the analysis of test data, thestudents will ma%Ie decisions about the qualityand usefulness of the document, whether it isOK or needs revising. Significantly, thesedecisions are made independently of anysubjective judgements of how well the documentis written, or how fancy it looks, or theamount of effort that went into producing thedocument.

,

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See Exhibit #6:Assigning Values toTest Items.

Listed below are several techniques thatwill help students organize test scores andperform useful calculations for evaluatingdocuments. All techniques normally would notbe used in an actual document evaluation. Forlearning purposes, however, students shoUld beencouraged to use as many of these techniquesas possible in their class assignments.

(1) Determine how many times each testitem was missed. This is the first thing thatshould be done after the tests are scored. Itis an easy task to do and requires a simplematrix like the one shown below.

SampleMember

Person A

Person B

Person C

Person J

Total

1

Test Item Missed

2 3 4

When filled out, the matrix shows at a glancethe number of times a particular item wasincorrectly answered.

This Xind pf analysis is useful fordiagnosing potential problem spots in thedocument. If, for example, a large number ofpeople in the sample missed item #4, it mightbe an indication that the content related tothis test item in the document is not clearlywritten or designed. The evaluator may wantto examine that portior of the document to seeif it is ambiguous or not well written.

Frequently missed test items might alsoindicate poorly written, unclear items. Test

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See Exhibit #7:Test Items Missed.

takers may miss an item because they aremisled or can't tell what is wanted, notbecause they do not understand the content inthe document related to the item. In allcases when an unusually high percentage of thesample misses a test item, the evaluator oughtto review it to see if the item itself is thecause of the problem. If so, the item shouldbe discounted from any further scoring andanalysis, or cevised for any future testing.

(2) Array test scores in rank order. Asimple way of getting a visual overview of howthe entire sample of document users performedon the test is to rearrange individual scoresin rank order (either descending or ascendingorder, but the former is more typical). Thiswill quickly reveal different trends in testperformance. The range between the highestscore and lowest score indicates the degree ofvariability in test performance. If we alsoadd to this simple array the number of peoplewho attained each score, (called "frequency"in statistics) we can get a clear picture ofwhere the test scores cluster. If most of thescores cluster toward the high end, we havesome reason to think the document isunderstandable; if the cluster is at the lowend, the opposite is indicated.

Arraying scores in rank order is a usefultechnique if the sample size is fairly small(say, up to 15 people). Large sample sizesget too unwieldly to simply array in rankorder. To deal with larger samples, avariation is to break down the scores intointervals, to group the scores into broadercategories, as shown below.

Score IntervalNumber of Samplesin This Interval

0 - 5 2

6.10 7

11 . 15 13

.

x y

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See Exhibit #8:Rank Order andFrequency Distri-bution of Scores.

See Exhibit #9:Grouped FrequencyDistributions.

The interval here is5 points. The eval-uator may selectany number for theinterval but 3 or5 points is sensiblefor most document-evaluations.

This makes iteasy to find the number ofpeople in thesample whose scores fall in eachinterval. As,before, the evaluator can tellat a glance whether most of the sample fallsinto higher co lower score intervals, or areevenly distributed. Both of these simplevisual techniques of arranging test scores canhelp the evaluator draw conclusions about thequality of a dbcument being evaluated.

(3) Calculate average performance (mean).Most document valuation decisions wirr EOTSebased on how a\specific individual performs onthe test, but rather how well the sample usersperform as a group. An average score is thescore that indicates how an entire group didon a test and is very useful for judging howeffective a document is. The concept ofaverages should be a familiar one toinstructors and students alike.

There are several different kinds ofaverages. We will discuss two. The firstkind of average is the mean. To calculate themean, all individual test scores are added andthe sum is then divided by the number ofindividual scores. If the mean score is highthe evaluator might interpret this to meanthat, as a group, the sample understood orused the document as intended. Theappropriate conclusion would be that thedocument is understandable. A low mean scoreinvites the opposite conclusion, while amid-level average score suggests that someportions of the document may be clear andothers may need revision.

The mean is the most versatile and widelyused measure of average performance. Thestudents should be encouraged to calculatemeans in their document evaluations.

(4) Calculate average performance(median). Another kind of average is themedian. The median is the point whereone-half of the test scores are above, andone-half are below. Stated another way, themedian is the middle test score when all test

scores have been arranged in either descendingor ascending order.

Like the mean, the median is an indicatorof how the sample as a group performed on thetest. The mean and median of the same set oftest scores may not be the same, but in mostinstances they will be close.

The mean typically will be theappropriate statistic for your students whenthey calculate average performance. It iseasily calculated and widely used in researchand evaluation. The median, however, isperferred when the array of test scoresincludes one or a few scores that differgreatly from the other scores. The extremescore(s) will affect the value of the meanbecause they are used in calculating the mean.This will make the mean misleading.

Consider the test scores 2, 25, 26, 27,30. The score "2" is quite atypical of theother scores and it greatly affects the mean.The mean is 22, a value smaller than any ofthe other test scores. The mean clearly ismisleading. The median is 26, a value thatreflects the value of the other test scoresbecause it represents the mid-point of thedistribution of scores and discounts the valueof the extreme score of "2." When yourstudents have a set of test scores that aregrossly asymmetrical they should considerusing the median.

(5) Figure the percent getting acceptablescores. Another kind of analysis is to findout the percent of the people in the samplewho scored at or above the score that theevaluator thinks represents the level ofacceptable performance. This means thai theevaluator first has to define the particularscore that represents "acceptableperformance." The evaluator makes thisjudgement and is somewhat akin to collegeinstructors deciding the point at whichstudents pass or "fail."

1(4198

See Exhibit #11:Percentage AttainingAcceptable Scores.

This procedure requires only simplearithmetic. For example, assume that thelevel of acceptable performance selected is90% of the test items correct. If there are40 test items on the test, a score of 36 orbetter would r:onstitute acceptable performance(.90 X 40 = 36). The next step is to countthe number of people in the sample who gottest scores of 36 or 'higher. If a largenumber (or percentage) of the sample attaineda score of 36 or higher, the evaluator mightconclude that the document is understandable.

This technique could be used in lieu ofor as a supplement to averages. It has adistinct use in the validation method ofaudience-centered evaluation.

Audience-Centered Evaluation Methods

In the previous section you concentratedon specific concepts and procedures that canbe used when evaluating documents. The aim ofthat instruction was to teach the prerequisiteskills for actually conducting documentevaluation. In this section you are ready tocombine and apply these prerequisite skills intwo specific audience-centered evaluationmethods. These are the validation method andthe comparative method.

The validation method. When a documentis being evaluated by the validation method,the evaluator wants to establish that thedocument is effective for its intendedaudience. If the document is designed toinform college students about the school'sgroup health insurance, the evaluator seeks toverify that students understand the provisionsof the insurance policy. If the document isdesigned to show students how to use referencesources for finding research in specializedareas, the evaluator seeks to determine thatstudents can use the reference document andcan locate the appropriate research studies.If the document is designed to serve as anapplication form for student loans, the

199

195

See Exhibit Ili:Case Study of aDocument Evaluation

evaluator seeks to establish that students canfill out the form accurately.

In using the validation method, theevaluator is not concerned that someone elsemight be able to design a better document orthat t "better" document might already existsomew.tere. (This kind o'.7 evaluativeinformation is generated by the comparativemethod, which is discussed in the nextsection.) Instead, the evaluator's concerncenters on finding out if a particulardocument does what it is supposed to do.

The process of validating a documentfollows a fairly straightforwad procedure, asshown below.

Document w.mairSeleaaSampleofUsers

111111.

SpecifyPerformanceStandards

AdministerTest

111111.

AnalyzeTestResults

Simply, a sample of intended users is giventhe document and a test that measures what thedocument is supposed to convey. The evaluatorspecifies a standard of performance that mustbe attained for the document to be consideredeffective. The document is "valid" andconsidered effective if the analyses of thetest performance indicate that the sample metthe performance standards.

The "performance standard" step is thekey to validating a document, and is a steponly briefly mentioned before. A performancestandard is an explicit statement ofacceptable performance. The evaluator setsthe performance standard before the sample ofusers is tested, because TITithe baselineagainst which the sample's test performance iscompared. It is what the evaluator willaccept as evidence of a document'seffectiveness.

200

Performance standards include twodifferent parts: (1) a statement about thelevel of performance that must be attained,and (2) a statement about the percentage ornumber of people in the sample who must reachthis performance level. Examples ofperformance standards are:

X% of the sample must get Y%of test items correct,

X number of the sample mustattain a score of Y orhigher,

X number of the sample shouldcomplete the form with fewerthan Y errors.

The values for "X" and "Y" are up to theevaluator and must be set with the document'spurpose in mind and with common sense. Whilewe cannot give hard and fast rules, you shouldconsider at least three factors in settingperformance standards:

(1) Criticality--documents thatcontain essentialinformation should have ahigher performance standardthan when there is marginfor error (e.g., theperformance standard forevaluating applications forfood stamps should behigher than applicationsfor credit cards).

(2) Frequencydocuments thatcontain information used bymany people should havehigher performancestandards than those usedby few (e.g., theperformance standard forevaluating apartment rentalagreements should be higher

201

We introduced earlieran analytic techniquethat sets a cutoffpoint for acceptableperformance. Thistechnique is compar-able to the Vrstpart of a perfor-mance standard.

than regulations governingtrust funds).

(3) Consequences oferror--documents thatcontain informaticAl thatleads to seriousconsequences if noItcorrectly applied ;shouldhave higher performancestandards than informationwith minor consequences(e.g., the performancestandard for aircraft pilotinstructions shduld behigher than instructionsfor assembling a bicycle).

Performance standards conventionally usedin training and education range from 90/90(i.e., 90% of the sample must get 90% of thetest items correct) to 80/80. For purposes ofthis class, these values or variations of them(e.g., 90/85; 85/80) should be suitable.

The underlying rationale of performancestandards is twofold. Performance standardsmake clear the basis for accepting a documentas effective, and they reflect the documentdesigner's commitment to create a documentthat truly communicates to its intendedaudience. By setting a very low performancestandard (say, 1.0/10) it would be very easy todemonstrate that a document met or exceededthe performance standard. But to do so isunprofessional and would be akin to a collegeprofessor counting "D" work as acceptable. Bythe same token, extremely high performancestandards (say, 100/100) are unrealistic and,except for very rare and very specialsituations (like training jet pilots), shouldnot be used. The key notion in settingperformance standards is that "most usersshould understand or perform most of what thedocument sets out to convey."

202

See Exhibit lin:,Writing PerformanceStandards.

Evaluation by the comparative method.When most people hear the word "evaluation,"they think of evaluations performed by thecomparative method. The comparative method isused in two different settings:

(1) to test two or more versionsof a document on similargroups of intended users,

(2) to test one document on twoor more groups of intendedusers who differ in certaincharacteristics.

In the first situation, the evaluator'sconcern is with selecting the "more effective"document from two or more possibilites. Theprocedure is shown below,

Document A

Document B

Sampleof Users

Sampleof Users

TestAnalyzeTestResults

The two documents are different versions ofthe same essential content. Half of thesample receives Document "A" and the test andhalf gets Document "B" and the test. Theidenti6a1 test is given to both groups. Eacbtest is scored and the test performance foreach group is analyzed for differences. Ifthe group with Document "B" performs better,the evaluator concludes that Document "B" isclearer and more usable than Document "A."The opposite, of course, would also be true.

There are several issues to note aboutthe comparative method. First, more than two

203 193

documents could be evaluated. For this class,two documents are sufficient and the addedcomplexity of evaluating more than twodocuments should be discouraged. The typicalcase will be where a student rewrites andredesigns an existing document and comparesthe revised version with the original to seeif there is any difference.

Second, the user sample typically will belarger than in a validation effort because twotest groups are formed; half the group istested on the original document and half onthe revised one. Once the sample isidentified and selected, the documents shouldbe assigned to individuals in a randomfashion.

Third, the same test is given to eachtest group. Care must be taken to insure thatthe test can be answered from informationcontained in both documents. This is anotherreason why paraphrased test items areimportant. The test items must tap theprinciple or concept presented, not the exactwords of either document.

Fourth, the test scores can be analyzedby any of the techniques discussed earlier.The scores can be rank-ordered, they can begrouped into score intervals, clusters ofscores for each group can be compared, thepercentages of each group scoring at or abovethe level of acceptable performance can becompared, and means or medians can becalculated for each group and compared.

Fifth, the proper interpretation of thescores will depend on what is found. If themean score, for example, of one group isconsiderably higher than the other, Lt can beclaimed that that particular document iseasier to understand (normally, the studenthopes the revised document scores higher).

It is not so clear cut when the scores of

the two groups do not differ by much. Fotexample, if one group has a mean of 75 and the

204ij

This step of theevaluation processcan be difficult.The test must coverthe same facts andprinciples in bothdocuments; the in-formation needed toanswer the test mustbe contained in bothdocuments beingevaluated.

other group 72 it is difficult to judge theformer document "better." There arestatistical techniques that will indicatewhether such a difference is "real" or due tochance, but these techniques are beyond thescope of this course.

Your students should be very cautious indeciding one document is better than anotheron the basis of differences in means/medians.Most students will test their documents onquite small samples and the results can bemisleading. When your students compare twodocuments and find small differences, thesafest procedure is to have them get moreinformation to supplement the test scores.They might, for example, ask their sample ofusers to discuss the relative merits of thetwo documents and try to make a decision withthis added information.

'In the second comparative evaluationsituation, the evaluator is concerned aboutwhether the document that has been deVelopedis sufficient for the needs of a diverseaudience. An example is the student who hasrewritten a college's rules for studentbehavior and now needs to find out whether therevisea rules are understood by freshmen aswell as seniors, and by hispanic students aswell as ang-los. The procedure is shown below.

Documen

UserSample A

H UserSample B

TestAnalyzeTest Results

In this t pe of evaluation situation theimportant consi eration is how the samplegroups are forme . Both sample groups must

2t)205 -

represent the intended audience of thedocument (e.g. undergraduate students), butthe groups will differ on some criticalaudience characteristic (e.g. class year;English speaking ability).

To justify the formation of two or moresample groups, there must be some reason tothink that the intended audience differs insome meaningful characteristic. Thischaracteristic will vary by document andintended audience. For documents presentingmostly verbal information, relding abilitymigh't be a critical characteristic. Theevaluator will want to check that the documentis understandable to persons with varyinglevels of reading ability. For documents thatinstruct how to perform a sequence ofoperations, work experience might :De acritical audience characteristic. For stillother documents, years of education, or sizeof high school attended, ca: age, or incomelevel might be the important characteristic.Whatever the critical characteristic is, theintent of the evaluation is the same: todetermine whether the document adequatelymeets the needs of a diverse audience orwhether different versions of the document areneeded for different subGroups of theaudience.

The analyses of the test scores are thesame as before. The scores of each test groupcan be arrayed in rank order and compared,means and medians can be calculated, and soon. The interpretation of the results,however, is different from the previouscomparative method situation. In this case ifthe scores are similar, the evaluator canconclude that the document works equally well(or poorly, depending on the score) for bothgroups. If the groups performed quitedifferently, the evaluator might conclude thatthere is a need for another version of thedocument to meet the needs of a specificsubgroup.

206 Oil .1

EXHIBIT NO.1: Case Study of a Document Evaluation

This describes two brief case studies of hypotheticaldocument evaluations. The case studies apply many of thespecific techniques and procedures that are covered in theinstruction and discuss why they are used. You should readthe other materials and exhibits before you read the casestudies and try to use them in your class. The case studiesrepresent document evaluation requirements that easily couldoe met by a student in your class. _

The first case study depicts the use of the validationmethod to evaluate a document. The second case study is anadaptation of the first and illustrates the use of thecomparative method.

CASE STUDY 1: Validation Method

Background

John Smith is a junior at State University, enrolled inan advanced compositidp course. A requirement of this courseis either to design a document or revise an existing one byusing the document design principles taught in the course.The document is to be ivaluated empirically by anaudience-centered method of evaluation. This case studysummarizes the evaluation effort.

The Document

John chose to revise State university's Regulations forStudent Conduct which governs undergraduate behavior oncampus. THIrrUocument was written many years ago in legallanguage and has been revised repeatedly during the years.John reorganized the content, added a table of contents,replaced technical language with common everyday words, usedheadings and subheadings throughout, inserted tables, andgenerally incorporated other "good" document designprinciples.

As John was revising the document he informally tried'out some of the draft text passages on friends to see if theyunderstood them. The complete revised document is 30 pageslong, which is considerably shorter than the original. Therewritten document is organized into sections that coverspecific rules of conduct, the university's and the student'srights, and appeal procedures.

'

207

EXHIBIT NO.1: Case Study of a Document Evaluation

To meet the evaluation requirement, John elected to use

the validation method. His evaluation goal was to find outwhether undergraduate students at State University understandthe revised Regulations for Student Conduct.

The Sample of Users

John decided to form a purposive sample to evaluate hisdocument. Since State University enrolls 15,000undergraduates, he realized that a sample size of 150-300,which would represent 1% to 2% of undergraduates, would be

ideal. However, a sample this size was completely beyond thescope of available time and resources and could not beconsidered for his advanced composition course. He chose asample size of 20, because this number was feasible torecruit and test and was still large enough to go through the

evaluation steps and generate some tentative conclusions.

The population (or audience) being served by thedocument is State University undergraduates so John wanted a

sample of undergraduates. One audience characteristic hethought important to represent in the sample was class year,since upper classmen may be more knowledgable about specificrules through experience. John recruited five students fromeach class (freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors) forhis sample. The State University undergraduates populationis close to 50% male/female so John decided to have 10 malesand 10 females in his sample. Minority status was the finalaudience characteristic he deemed important. About 10% of

State University's undergraduates are minorities so Johndecided that his sample should have at least 2 minoritiesrepresented (10% of 20 = 2).

The Test

To measure comprehension of his document, John wrote anobjective test made up of 20 test items. The test consistedof a combination of True-False and multiple-choice testitems. Each test item was worth 2 points making a total

possible score of 40.

The test items covered the major rules presented in thedocument, student rights, and appeal procedures. The testitems were paraphrased as student (third party) scenariosthat required the test taker to apply information from thedocument to the test scenarios.

EXHIBIT NO. 1: Case Study of a Document Evaluation

After recruiting the sample, John met individual membersat the agreed upon time and place to collect test data. Eachmember of the sample, either individually or as a smallgroup, received a copy of the document and the test. Eachindividual was instructed to read the document and thenanswer the test items. They could use the document to answerthe test items because John reasoned that it is moreimportant for students to be able to locate relevantinformation and understand it than to answer test items frommemory. John collected the test and document from eachindividual when they finished.

Scoring Analysis

John specified the performance standard he would use toevaluate tilt' document before he scored the tests. Since theRegulations concern all undergraduates and could haveunfortunate consequences if misinterpreted, John reasonedthat he had an tAaligation to make the document as clear aspossible for the majority of students. The performancestahard should be quite stringent. Accordingly, John setthis peormante stlndard:

80% of the sanple should get at least85% of the total possible points on the test.

For John to judge ;he document effective, 16 people in thesample (80% x 20 pecole = 16 people) would have to obtain ascore of 34 or higher cn the test (85% x 40 points =34 points).

John then scored erach test. Correct answers received 2points, incorrect answent 0 points, and, for some items,partially correct answero 1 point. Each individual's testscore was the sum of the 1)oints for correct answers with 40the maximum score.

John's first step aft.,r scoring the tests was to see howmany people missed each test item. The matrix below showsthis result. John used this information as a diagnostic toolto locate potentially unclear sections of the document. Manypeople missed test item #5, which covers the rules governingdrug use. John first reviewed this test item to see if itwas unclear or misleading. This did not seem to be the caseso John concluded that the poor performance must be due tounclear writing in the section of the document that deals

209


with the rules governing drug use. John decided that thissection should be rewritten. None of the other items wasmissed frequently enough to indicate any other unclearpassages in the document.

SempleMember

Test Item Missed

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

--

8 9 10 11 12 13 14 1 5 16 17 18 19 20

1 XL X X X

2

3 X X

4 X X X X X X X X X X X

5

a X

7 X X X

8

9 X X

10 X

11

1 2 X X X X X X X X

13 X,

14 X X X

1 5 X X X

16 X X

17 X

18 X X X X X X X X X

19 X

20 X X

TotalMissed 3 3 2 2 12 0 3 3 3 3 0 2 3 3 1 3 2 2 3 3

John next arrayed the test scores from highest to lowestso that he could get a visual impression of the testperformance of the entire sample and also see whether theperformance standard he set was met. This array of testscores is shown on the next page.

210ofv,

32

40

36

18

40

38

24

40

36

40

38

24

38

34

34

36

38

20

38

34

EX

HIB

IT

NO

.

1: Cue

Study

of a Doctunent

Evaluation

4040

4040

3838

3838

3836

4--

median

= 36 + 7 2 = 363636

3434

3434

level

of acceptable

performance

3224

2018

6884

niean

= 688

20 = 34.4

John

concluded

from

this

array

that

most

of

the

test

scores

cluster

in

the

higher

score

range

with

only

three

people

attaining

very

low

scores

(i.e.,

less

than

30).

Moreover,

since

16

people

attained

scoies

of

34 or

higher

the

performance

standard

was

met

(i.e.,

80%

of

the

sample

got

at

least

85%

of total

points).

From

this

information,

John

concluded

that,

on

the

basis

of the

performance

of

the

user

sample,

the

revised

Regulations

for

Student

Conduct,

with

the

exception

of

the

section

on

drug

use,

would

be

understood

by

the

majority

of

the

undergraduates

at

State

University.

A final

analysis

that

John

thought

might

be

interestingto

report

was

the

average

test

performance

for

the

sample.The

mean

performance

was

34.4

(688

20)

and

the

median

performance

was

36.

The

averages

were

sufficiently

high

to

support

John's

conclusion

that

most

State

University

undergraduates

would

be

able

to

understand

the

revised

document.

2 I);

211


CASE STUDY 2: Comparative Method

The following case study demonstrates the use of thecomparative method to evaluate documents. The same basicinformation as above is used, but is changed to illustratethe requirements for the comparative method.

Background

Same as above--John Smith is required to evaluate adocument he developed in an advanced composition course.

The Document

Same as above--John revised State University'sRegulations for Student Conduct. The difference is that tomeet the course's requirements to evaluate his document, Johndecided to use the comparative method. He compared theoriginal document with his revised one. His evaluation goalwas to find out whether his revisions made the Regulationsclearer and more understandable to undergraduates.

The User Sample

For his sample, John decided that six undergraduatesfrom each grade would be sufficient, for a total of 24people. John selected the sample so that male and femalestudents were about equally represented. John recognizedthat a larger sample size would be desirable but timelimitations made a larger sample impractical. (For example,if he had doubled the sample size described in the validationstudy, he would have had 40 people to recruit and test. Formost students, this would be a demanding undertaking.)

Half of the sample (or 12 students, comprised of 3 fromeach grade level) used the original document to answer thetest and the other half used the revised document. To theextent feasible, John collected the test data from bothgroups under similar conditions.

20L;212


The Test

John used the same test that we described for zhevalidation method (that is, an objective test made up of 20

,items, each of which was worth 2 points). John ensured thatthe test items could be answered from either document andthat the test did not favor one document over the other.

Scoring and Analysis

John scored the tests and analyzed the scoret for eachgroup. The aim of the analyses was to determine whether onegroup performed differently than the other, and whether thisdifference was due to the documents.

As the first step, John arrayed the test scores for eachgroup from highest to lowest, as shown below. Just byscanning the score arrays, John can see that the group usingthe revised document performed better. The scores of therevised document group cluster at the high end with only oneindividual scoring below 30. In contrast, 8 of the 12 peopleusing the original scored below 30. From this informationalone John might conclude that the revised document isclearer than the original.

Test Scores forRevised Document Group

Test Scores forOriginal Document Group

40 36

40 35

40 35

38 31

38 2736 223b4median = 36+36i.2=36 204. median 22+20i2=21

36 2036 1835 16

30 16

25 14

430 290

Mean = 430 = 35.83 Mean = 290 = 24.1612 12

213,20


John next calculated both the mean and medianperformance to determine the differences in test performancefor each group. (John need nat have figured bothaverages--one would have been adequate.) As caA be seenabove, the group using the revised document performed muchbetter than the group using the original document(35.83 vs. 24.16 mean performance; 36 vs. 21 medianperformance). John concluded that the revised document isclearer and better understood by State Universityundergraduates than is the original document.

04.1 q

214

EXHIBIT NO, 2: Forming Purposive Samples

Your students should spend time thinking about samplesand about the kinos of audience characteristics that areimportant to represent in a sample. You might use or adaptthe two situations below to give your students practice inthis area.

Situation A

The Athletic Department at your University asked you todevelop a pamphlet that describ,2s who is eligible to buyfootball tickets at special rates, where they ran be bought,how paid for, and when. The pamphlet also describes thesections of the stadium, the exits, the locations ofrefreshment stalds, and how to enter and leave the parkinglot to reach different highways. The pamphlet will beavailable to university students and to people who haverecently bought season tickets.

You will evaluate this document with a purposive sample:(1) What are the important audience

characteristics you would include in thesample?

(2) Describe the size and composition of yoursample.

Situation B

You have been asked by a school superintendent to writea set of instructions for grades 7, 8, and 9 on classroombehavior, hallway etiquette, and keeping restrooms, hallways,and study rooms clean. The instructions will be posted inboth of the city's middle schools.

You will evaluate this document with a purposive sample:(1) What are the important audience

characteristics you would include in thesample?

(2) Describe the size and composition of yoursample.

2152 .1. 1

EXHIBIT NO. 3: Guidelines for Writing Objective Test Items

Some basic, widely accepted guidelines for writing testitems in the four objective test formats covered in thiscourse are given below. You might use these materials oradapt them for presentations or use them for handouts.

Writing True-False (or Yes/No) Test Items

1. Make sure that the test item does not include statementsthat are true and others that are false. The first partof the statement below is true; the second part is false.

Example:Form 1040 is used for income taxes and, therefore, iscompleted by all taxpayers.

2. Do not use all-inclusive terms like "all," "never," and"always" because they are signals that the statement isfalse. /t is rare for anything to be "never" or"always."

Example:All working Americans have to file income tax returns.

3. Beware of using terms that qualify statements, such as"often," "sometimes," and "many," because they are cluesthat the statement likely is true.

Example:Many working Americans have to file income tax returns.

4. Do not use double nega`ives because they are confusing.

Example:A non-taxpayer is not one who pays taxes.

Writing Multiple-Choice Test Items

Note: multiple-choice test items consist of two parts: (1)the stem, which asks the question or presents theproblem and (2) the options, or list of possibleanswers.

1. It is best to have four answers for each test item inorder to reduce guessing. But do not add an obviouslyincorrect answer so that you have a total of fouranswers. (It is better to have 3 good answers for anitem than to have four, one of which clearly is wrong.)In the example, "C" obviously is wrong.

216

2 1


Example:What channel of your radio should you use to talk toanother boat:A. Channel 12B. Channel 22C. Channel XYZD. Channel 10

2. Make the stem clear; do not add irrelevant detail. Inthe example below the stem simply could have asked "Whattax form is designed for yearly incomes of $10,000 orless?"

Example:In 1947, after much debate in Congress and over theobjection of the Commissioner of Internal Revenue, a taxform was designed for people making $10,000 or less ayear. This form is:A. 1040A0. 2440C. 1040D. 2159

3. Do not give clues to the right answer bY the form of thewords in the stem. In the example below "C" is correctbecause it is the only grammatically correct completionof the stem (the article "a" precedes the consonant in"tax").

Example:ForM 1040 is an example of a:A. operational formB. interstate agreement formC. tax formD. application for a job

4. Make sure that the right responses do not form a pattern.For example A-A-A-B-B-B; or A-B-C-D-A-B-C-D.

5. The possible answers should be about the same length. Ananswer that is considerably longer than the other answerstends to be the correct answer because it contains thequalifications needed to make the answer true. In theexample, "B" illustrates this point.

Example:The major distinction between Form 1040 and 1040A isthat:

217 2 1 3


A. the 1040 is longer ,

B. the 1040 can be filed by any taxpayer but those whomake $10,000 or less have the option of filing 1040A

C. the 1040A is longerD. the 1040 is quicker to complete

6. Minimize the use of "all of the above" or "none of theabove" as options. Too often these options are usedmerely to provide a fourth optional answer. Never useboth of these options together.

7. Try to avoid negatively stated items. They are confusingand hard to understand.

Example:Which tax form is not used by people making more than$10,000?A. 2441B. 1040AC. 1040D. 2159

8. If you must use negatively stated items (which sometimeshappens), underline the negative word to force attentionon it.

Example:All of the following must be reported on the Form 1040except

orWhich of the following does not have to be reported onForm 1040?,-,

Writing Fill-In Test Items and Short Answer Items

Note: The fill-in and short answer test item formats arediscussed together because they are very much alike.They differ only in how the test question ispresented. If the question is presented as anincomplete statement that needs to be completed, it isa fill-in test item; if it is presented as a question,it is a short answer item.

1. Leave blanks only for key words or major concepts--do notleave many blanks because the statement becomes hard tounderstand.

218

214

EXHIBIT NO. 3: Guidelines for Writing Objective est Items

Examples:Weak: A radio is a boo in which you keep

about yourBetter: The book in which you keep i formation about /

your radio is the .

2. Make sure the statement is sufficiently ,,efined so thatthere is only one sensible and correct an wer. In theexample, "neat and orderly" or "up to date' could becorrect answers.

\Example:Weak: You must keep you radio log (one year .

Better: The length of time you must keep your adio logis (one year).

3. Make sure Lt is clar whether a blank can have one wordonly or can have several words. Either is OK as lo g astest takers know the rules.

Example: n,

The book in which you keep information about your radiois the (radio) (log).

vs.The book in which you keep information about your radiois the (radio log).

4. It generally is better to put the blanks at the end of astatement because it makes it more like a normalquestion.

219

2 1 5

\

\

N,

\\

EXHIBIT NO. 4: Ways of Paraphrasing Test Items

Shown below are examples of test items that arep.4raphrased in three different ways. You might use oradapt these in your instruction.

The Document's Original Text

Form 631-DD is used to tabulate the number of peoplewho apply monthly for medical service under theprovisions of the state's Aid-to-Citiiens program.

(1) Paraphrased Test Item: Mixed Order

The number of monthly applicants in the state whorequest medical service from the Aid-to-Citizensprogram is listed on what form?

(2) Paraphrased Test Item: Third Party Scenario

Jane Doe has the responsibility for keeping track ofthe.number of people who apply for medical serviceseach month under the Aid-to-Citizens program. Sheselects Form 631-DD for this. Is this correct?

(3) Paraphrased Test Item: Test Taken Scenario

You want to compile each month the number of.peoplewho ask for medical services under the Aid-to-Citizensprogram. What form should you use?

\

220 ol,41 I)

\

EXHIBIT NO. 5: Paraphrased Test Items in Different Formats

Shown below is a paraphrased test item that is writtenin four different objective test formats. You might beable to use these as models for assignments to students towrite paraphrased test items.

The original text (from a government regulation for radiosin recreation boats).

VHF Marine Rule 15

You must keep a radio log. A radio log is a book inwhicn you keep information about your radio. The\radio logmust be neat and orderly. Each page in the log must benumbeed, signed by the operator, and show the name andcall sign of your boat. You must keep your radio log forat least one year after the day of the last entry in thelog.

(1) True/False Test Item

It is sufficient for Harold Brown to sign the firstand last page of his radio log. T F

(2) Multiple Choice Test Item

What pages of a radio log must be signed?A. The first pageB. The last pageC. All the pagesD. The first and last pages

(3) Fill-In Test Item

Tony Owens has a radio in his boat. Every page of hisradio log must contain his boat's call sign, benumbered, and be

(4) Short Answer Test Item

What are the requirements for signing the page of aradio log?

91221 7

1

EXHIBIT NO. 6: Assigning Values to Test Items

The values that you attach to test items are relative.There is no automatic method that can be followed. Theprinciple is simply that "difficult items ought to beweighted more than easier items."

For you to provide students with a perspective forassigning test values and to give them an opportunity topractice assigning values to different test items, youmight consider an exercise something like that describedbelow.

'The exercise (thher classroom activity or formalassignment) would recitiire your students to write severaltest-items for a text passage from a document. The testitems should be worth different values. Your studentsshould explain why they assigned the values they did. Theexample below is a model of what you might do.

Example Exercises

The Document Text

Assume that the one part of the document being testedis the same VHF Marine Radio Rule 15, that is presented inExhibit #5.

Test Item (2 Points)

An owner of a boat radio must have a radio log. Thislog must be kept

A. for one monthB. for one year after the last entryC. for two yearsD. until a new log is started

Reason for assigned value: This test item is given a'value of two points because the test taker only has toidentify one 4-ct: there is no need to organize conceptsand integrate more than one idea. ("B" is the correctanswer.)

Test Item (5 Points)

List at least three things you need to do when youkeep a radio log.

222 2 i

EXHIBIT NG. 6: Assigning Values to Test Items

Reason for assigi.ed value: The test requires the testtaker, to recognize requirements for radio logs, todistinguish requirements Lrom non-essential information,and to organize an answer ti,at includes at least severalpoints.

21d

223

EXHIBIT NO. 7: Test Items Missed

Your first step in a document evaluation is toorganize test results so as to get an overview of testperformance. The matrix below shows how many of the 10people taking a test missed each of six test items. Youmay use or adapt this material in your instruction.

Procedure: (1) Score tests. (2) Construct matrix.(3) Note test items missed by each person in sample.

SempleMember

Test Item Missed,

1 2 3 4 5 6

1 X X

2 X X X

3 X

4 X X

5 X

6 X

7 X X

8

9 X

10 X X X

Total Missed,

7 2 2 0 2 3

Possible interpretation of above data: Since 70% ofthe sample missed item #1 (7 out of 10 = 70%) , theevaluator should first review the test item to see if it isunclear or misleading. If so, the sample's performance onthis item should be discounted. If the item is clear, theevaluator should read the document text that is related tothis test item to see if it can be rewritten and madeclearer.

224 24,..)

EXHIBIT NO. 8: Rank Order and Frequency Distribution of Scores

You should arrange test scores from highest to lowestand tally the number in the sample who got each score.This gives you an easy way to generate an overall visualpicture of test performance. The example below shows thetest scores for a sample of ten people on a test having 40possible points. You might use or adapt this material inyour instruction.

Test scores received by sample of ten (40 points possible):21, 38, 15, 40, 27,,30, 17, 21, 15, 36

Procedure: (1) Array scores from highest to lowest.(2) Note how many people received each score.

Test Score 1.2.1q.122.Y

40 14.

38 1

36 1

30 1

27 .120 2

17 1

15 2

Interpretation: One half of the sample (i.e., 5people) got 50% or less of the test correct (i.e., scored20 or less). Only three sample members scored high (i.e.,scored 36 or higher). This suggests that the document isnot clear to most of the samp e and should be revised.

N:Ivantage of this technique: It provides order totest scores. It is easy and fast to do if the sample sizeis small (15 or less). It provides an overview of how asample performed on a test and it permits tentativeconclusions about a document's effectiveness.

225

EXHIBIT NO. 9: Grouped Frequency Distributions

If your sample is fairly large (say, over 15 people)it becomes too unwieldy to simply array test scores fromhighest to lowest. For you to improve the form ofpresentation and make the scores visually meaningful, youcan group test scores into.score intervals and note thenumber of people who fall within each interval. Shown aretest scores for a sample of 25 people on a test having 40possible points. You might use or adapt this material inyour instruction.

Test scores received by sample of 25 (40 points possible):39, 36, 19, 34, 40, 35, 38, 31, 14, 40, 26

39, 30, 35, 36, 23, 39, 35, 37, 27, 31, 36,

35, 32, 33

Procedure: (1) Array test scores from highest tolowest. (2) Select score interval. (3) Constructfrequency distribution. (4) Tally sample getting scoreswithin each interval.

Score Interval Frequency

37-40 7

33-36 9

29-32 4

25-28 2

21-24 1

17-20 1

13-16 1

Interpretation: The scores cluster in higher rangessuggesting that the document is clear to most of thesample. Only 3 scored low (i.e., scored under 24). Thedocument is effective.

Advantage of this technique: It gives visualoversight of a large number of test scores. It is easy todo. It permits tentative conclusions about a document'seffectiveness.

222226

EXHIBIT NO. 10: Calculating Averages

We have described the steps for calculating the meanand the median for an odd-numbered and an even-numbered setof scores. You might use this material as a model for yourinstructions.

The Mean

Procedure: (1) Add the test scores. (2) Divide thesum of the test scores by the number of itest scores.

Test scores 80

15 Mean = -7 = 11.421313 The mean of 11.42 is an index12 of how the sample as a group11 performed on the test.9

7

80

The Median

a. Odd-numbered set of scoresProcedure: (1) Array the scores in order from highest

to lowest. (2) Count down (or up) to the midpoint of theset of scores. (3) The midpoint is the median.

Test scores

15131312 4,--119

7

There are seven scores, so thefourth score, 12, is the median.Three scores are higher, andthree scores are lower.

b. Even-numbered set of scoresProcedure: (1) Array the scores in order from highest

to lowest. (2) Draw a line between the uppermost score inthe lower half and the lowermost score in the upper half.(3) Add the two scores above and below the line and dividethe sum by 2. (4) The result is the median.

2 2 7 2 2 3

EXHIBIT NO. 10: Calculating Averages

Test scores

14121211 Median = 11 + 9 2

9 = 20 i- 2

7 = 106

5.,

/

Advantages of these techniques: They are easy tocalculate. They are indicators of the typical performanceof a group of people. They permit,tentative conclusionsabout a document's effectiveness on the basis of groupperformance.

+.... .

228

EXHIBIT NO. 11: Percent Attaining Acceptable Scores

We have described the steps for calculating the cutoffscore that represents acceptable performance. Theillustration is based on a test worth 40 total points and asample size of ten. You might use or adapt this materialin your instruction.

Test scores received by sample of ten (40 points possible):21, 38, 15, 40, 27, 30, 17, 21, 15, 36

Procedure: (1) Establish level of acceptableperformance. (2) Calculate the score that representsacceptable performance. (3) Array test scores in orderfrom highest to lowest. (4) Tally the number of people whoreach or exceed the acceptable performance score.

(1) 90% of total number of points is set as thelevel of acceptable performance.

(2) .90 x 40 = 36, the score that representsacceptable performance.

(3) Test scores

4038364 -- The cutoff score30272121171515

(4) Three people attained or exceeded score foracceptable performance.

Interpretation: Since only 30% of the sample (i.e., 3of 10) reached or exceeded the score indicating successfulperformance, the document is not clear to the majority ofthe $ample. The document should be revised and improved.

Advantage of this technique: It is easy to calculate.It provides a very clear statement of acceptableperformance.

2292 ,t)

EXHIBIT NO. 12: Writing Performance Standards

Performance standards are relative. The purpose ofthe document dictates how stringent a performance standard'should be. You should give your students an opportunity todiscuss "appropriate" performance standards for differentdocuments. They also should practice writing performancestandards for different document situations and defendtheir reasoning. We have listed below examples of classexercises that you might use or adapt in your instruction.Note that the second situation requires a more stringentperformance standard because of the purpose of the documentand the potentially fatal consequences of not understandingthe information contained in the document.

Saugion I

Mary designed a reference guide for use in her state'sOffice of Tourist Information. The guide containsinformation about the location and dates of festivals,fairs, camping grounds, hunting and fishing opportunities,and other recreational events. Mary intends to validatethis reference guide by testing it on a sample of 40 peoplewho come to the tourist office for information.

What performance standard would you use? Why?

Situation 2

Fred designed a label for a household product that ispoisonous. The label gives specific steps to follow incase a child or adult swallows the product. Fred willvalidate the label by testing it on a sample of 30homemakers who have children under 10-years old.

What performance standard would you use? Why?

0 ()A., .. 0

230

Appendix A

A Suggested Syllabus

22 7

SYLLABUS

WEEK 1

Logistics - grading procedures

Reasons for Writing

Ask students to write freely for 5-10 minutes to answer

the question "Why Write?" After open discussion make

the point that this course is concerned with trans-

actional writing, the kind of writing concerned with

satisfying the reader who is seeking information. The

goal of this course is to help students successfully

inform, instruct, and persuade. You may wish to con-

trast transactional with poetic and expressive writing.

Writing log

So that students can become aware of the demands that

are made on them as writers and their weaknesses and

strengths, have them establish a writing log (See

Chapter 2). Yon may want students to keep the log

for only two or three weeks, or you may want to en-

courage students to document their work and their

development throughout the course.

Case studies

Have students review case studies in Chapter Two. Allow

time for discussion of issues about the role writing

plays in career advancement. Look at contrasting

formats for case studies.

A-1

22S

Have students begin work on case studies of professionals

in their field. Writing a case study requires consider-

able skill but the major purpose of this assignment is

to give students first-hand information about on-the-jobI

writing. \

Have students collect documents that they have used

recently to bring to class in Week 2. Ask for forms,

notices, excerpts from texts, leases, brochures, letters,

etc.

Evaluating documents

It is probably wise to collect your own sample documents

to supplement what students might bring in. You will

want a fairly wide selection of good and poor documents.

Form small groups to read documents in class. Ask each

group to identify one good and one poor document. Have

students make their criteria for judging the writing

explicit. Have someone in each group list their criteria

and discuss the groups' findings.

Writing projects

At this time you should introduce the writing projects

for later in the course. You have at least two options.

If students need practice with rhetorical strategies,

clear language, revising, reviewing, and editing, you

may decide to cover cycles one and two (see Chapter One.)

If you cover two cycles only, students will follow all

A-2223

iN'

steps of the process model and rewrite and evaluate a

document. If you cover all three cycles, they will also

create and evaluate a document. We recommend the full

course for advanced, fairly competent writers who have

done well in basic writing courses.

The documents that students choose to rewrite should be

fairly brief, no more than five pages. The students

should be able to gather information about the content

without too much difficulty. They must be able to find

readers for the document so they can plan, if not con-

duct, an outside evaluation. They should be fully

familiar with their projects by Week 5.

The documents that students create should probably be no

more than 8 to 10 pages, directed to an easily accessible

audience. Students should be ready to discuss several

feasible projects by Week 8. In effect students will be

working on their projects while you take up the process

model step-by-step. Students can begin right away their

search for

a document they can rewrite and evaluate, and

a document they can create.

You will want to begin discussing criteria for choosing

these documents and lay some ground rules that will help

students get,their projects underway. You may dr:cide

that you will provide the documents yourself.

A-3 23;)

Writing clear English on the job

At this point you can have students read and respond to

the section on clear English and on-the-job wri+,ing in

Chapter Two. Questions that need raising include "What

is Clear Writing?" '"What is the Plain English Mov6ment?"

"Is Plain English c4atible with legal writing, business

writing, academic writing?"

WEEK 2

Case Studies

Discuss case studies students are working on. Ask for

progress reports and establish a date for completing the

studies.,

Writing logs

Review writing logs. Have students work in small

groups to identify patterns and to discuss the kinds

of information the logs are yielding.

Overview of the process model

Present the model (See Chapter Three). The model provides

a framework for writing or revising any piece of writing,

including forms. Have students contrast the process

described by the model with their own writing processes.

Explain that they will go step-by-step through the model

before tackling a major writing task.

A-4

\\

,

The pre-writing stage

Introduce the five pre-writing questions. Discuss the role

of planning in writing. Refer to writing logs: What kind

of planning do students now do when they work on assign-

ments?

Pre-writing: What is the message I wish to convey?

Have students practice writing one sentence ans-ers to the

question "What is the message I am trying to convey?"

They can use the tasks in Chapter Five or work with actual

assignments from their classes.

Select, from your pool of documents, several pieces of

writing with different messages. Have students practice

writing brief descriptions of .lese documents.

Generating ideas to get started

Have students try out and practice

brainstorming

focused free writing

using journalists' questions (who, whatwhere, when, how, why), and

using different rhetorical techniquesfor analysis

Give your students a topic such as "Should professionals

dictate letters or write them out?" and have different

students use each of these techniqueS to generate

ideas. Contrast the results.

A-5

232

How to get content if you don't have it

Discuss interviews, research, ways to discover if content

is appropriate and complete.

Short range writing projects

At the end of the second seek you should make assignments

to be completed over the course of the term that will

allow students to become familiar with certain formats

that they are likely to use: resumes, letters of applica-

tion, memos, analytical reports, executive summaries,

evaluations. We strongly suggest that these assignments

derive from the demands that the students field is likely

to make on him or her and that you reguiarly arrange

writing workshops that will allow students to critique

each other's writing to establish criteria for assessing

their use of formats. If you can draw these assignments

from work your students are preparing in other classes

or on the job, your students will probably be highly

motivated to practice them.

WEEK 3

Case studies

Review students' case studies in class. Have students

write a brief in-class report on their findings, At

this point you may wish to arrange conferences to review

writing logs, case studies, and to discuss their projects

individually with students.

A-6

2:.3.3

projects

Have students propose several documents they want to re-

write (and, if you plan to cover three cycles, the docu-

ment they plan to create). Allow a full session for

establishing criteria for selecting these documents which

must include several readers whom students can ask to be

subjects of an evaluation. You should establish teams

of 2 or 3 if your students are going to collaborate on these

projects. Each team member must be responsible for

specific tasks: organizing, reading content, editing,

etc. All must write. Describe each team member's role

and make it clear that all members must write.

By the end of Week 5, students should have selected,

and you should have approved, the writing they will do

for their major projects. They should submit a proposal

for the rewriting project in Week 5 and for the writing

project in Week 8.

Pre-writing: Why am I writing this document?

Define terms: transactional, expressive, poetic. Have

students work in small groups to determine the purposes

of several of the documents they have collected. Note

that documents have different purposes for different

audiences (See Chapter Four).

Have students try to answer this question for any docu-

ments they plan to rewrite or create.

A-7 234

WEEK 4

Pre-writing: What is the purpose of the documents?

Review documents in your corpus and have students discuss

whether its purpose is clear to the reader;

how effective they think the document is, and

why it is likely to be effective or ineffective.

Working in groups, students should study the documents

they judge to be effective and try to describe the

characteristics of the writing. Have groups list features

that make a particular document effective or ineffectilre.

Have students analyze the "Dear Patient" card and report

briefly on their findings.

Pre-writing: Who will read it?

Have students write letters to different audiences. In

class, discuss the effects of audience on these student

letters. Study the letters in Chapter Four to show how a

writer shapes written language for different audiences.

Work on identifying the various readers of a document that

has multiple audiences. Have students look at the financial

aid form for college students and describe groups who

must use the form.

Introduce techniques students can use to meet needs of

multiple audiences (summaries vs. full reports; technical

appendices; different sections for different readers, etc.).

Practice analyzing audiences, using a variety of techniques

from intuition, to brainstorming, to the questionnaire

A-8,,....0 0

in Chapter Four.

Discuss the notion of reader-based prose: writing that

takes into account the needs of the reader.

WEEK 5

Pre-writing: How to address different audiences

Review a number of documents including the short writing

assignments students are working on. Have students state

the purpose of the document for each audience, select

content that is appropriate for each audience; arrange

and present the content for different audiences.

Pre-writing: What do I expect readers to do with thedocument?

Use documents from your corpus to show how readers

read to understand

read to locate information

read to act immediately

read to answer questions--fill out a form

Have students analyze readers' tasks in each other's short

writing assignments. How would a reader use each document?

Is it easy to use?

Have students review forms, instructions, reports to see

how well writers consider the tasks from the readers'

point of view.

Writing workshop

Have students prepare informal proposals for their rewriting

projects including a schedule for doing the work, a

A-9

236

rationale for selecting the document. Spend time in class

working on the audience, purpose, task. Emphasize that

proposals are working papers, to be refined and clarified

as the course proceeds.

Constraints on the writer

Review the process model. Discuss the term "contextual

constraints." Ask students to describe the constraints

they operate under in specific conditions.

Writers always work within systems; discuss how organiza-

tional systems large and small - affect the way writers

work.

Review short writing assignments, look at systems which

require using particular formats. Review the pre-writing/

planning stage of the process model in terms of writing

projects and samples from your corpus of documents.

WEEK 6

Organization

Look at several different documents and discuss basic

patterns of organization. Have studdnts look at each

others' writing and try to relate organization to audience

and purpose.

Discuss traditional patterns and formats: letters of

application, resumes, etc.

Examine specific documents (report, regulation, lease).

Do writers provide 'roadmaps' for readers?

A-100'1'4

Comment on use of titles, tables of contents, headings.

Use checklists to analyze several paragraphs from specific

documents. Rewrite several paragraphs to improve organi-

zation.

Clear writing 7 overview

Discuss principles that make documents easier to read and

three kinds of writing problems (See Chapter Six). Show

different versions of a text: discuss the way good writers'..

awareaess of audience and purpose shapes what they write.

WEEK 7

Discuss each of the three major sections on clear writing.

Present guidelines and exercises for each guideline.

Have students consider samples of their own writing. Review

pieces of writing they brought in at the beginning of the course,

or samples from writing logs. Have them work in pairs to

correct language problems that appear in their own writing.

Reviewing, Revising, Editing

Discuss the importance of collaboration and techniques

for revising one's own material, revising what others have

written and revising with the input from others. Look at

several manuals, guides, and samples of edited papers.

Writing.workshop

Review proposals to revise or create documents. At this

stage, students should have done most of the planning

A-11 236

work for major projects.

WEEK 8

In the first session, introduce the concept of empirical

evaluation and distinguish from typical

classroom (academic) evaluations. Clarify the meaning

of audience-centered evaluation and the central role

of testing documents on samples of intended users.

Give students descriptions of several hypothetical docu-

ments and their intended purpose and audience. Have

students describe appropriate samples for evaluating

these documents.

Discuss the purpose of tests and test item formats.

Distribute Exhibits # 3, 4, 5, and 6.

Give students a text of a document (1-2 pages) with purpose

identified. Have students, for homework assignments, write

2-3 test items for each of the four formats with

assigned values; they should bring these to the second sessior.

In the second session, discuss testing and the develop-

ment,of test items in each format. Critique and discuss

students' work.

Give students two sets of hypothetical test scores (N=20-30)

with acceptable level of performance specified. Assign

students to:

(1) arrange in descending order(2) create frequency distribution(3) calculate mean, median, percent attaining

acceptable performance.

A-12

2 3 3

WEEK 9

Distribute Exhibits # 8, 9, 10, and 11 to students. In

the third session, discuss how to organize and calculate

test scores. Discuss and critique class work. Integrate

test score's students worked with.

Graphics -- charts, graphs, illustrations

Present a review of typography and forms design guidelines:

typeface, leading, layout, captions, printing constraints,

etc.

Writing workshops for rewriting projects

Groups assess audience for documents. Show how they have

verified content for documents and content they have

gathered. Use checklists to analyze original documents.

Present plans for rewriting.

WEEK 10

Writing workshops for projects

Small groups review working drafts of documents. Use peer

review of working drafts to check organization and language.

If students are going to create a document, they need not

conduct an actual evaluation; instead, for the document that

students are rewriting, have students prepare a formal

evaluation plan. The plan should:

describe the sample and size that could beused if the evaluation were actually done

describe how test scores would be organizedand analyzed

A-13

240

describe how and what they wouldexpect to learn from the evaluation

explain and justify the audience-centered method they would use

describe the performance (byvalidation) and justify.

If you omit cycle 3, students should then implement the

evaluation plan they have developed. The sample size

shotld be tempered to meet the realities of the students'

time and resources.

Students should write a report summariAing their evalua-

tion plan, the results, and their conclusions. In this

case, distribute Exhibit #1 (See Chapter Seven) to

students. Critique and discuss evaluation plans in class

and with each student.

WEEK 11

Writing workshops for major project

Determine scope of the task: have teams exchange written

answers to planning stage questions. If recessary, have

them conduCt interviews with key people and bring findings

to class for discussion.

Have sttdents write one page descriptions of possible

constraints connected with their documents, give copies

to Other members of class and instructor.

Have students gather content and bring answers to letters

of inquiry, results of research, and interviews to

class.

A-14

04i

,,-

Work on selecting relevant informat6 ion for the audience

and purpose, making information useful. Have students

submit outlines for peer review and for the instructor.

This outline should show how students plan to show the

organization to the reader.

WEEK 12

Writing workshops for major project (cont'd.)

Teams work on organization. Have stuclents turn in

suggestions to each other and instructor.

Bring working drafts to class. Use checklists to

review for clear writing. Review, revise, edit.

Have students prepare a brief evaluation plan with some

of the information described in the cycle 2 option.

The sample and size of the sample must be obtainable.

Have students implement their evaluation plans and have

them write a brief report discussing the procedures they

used, the data they collected, the data analyses, and

their conclusions.

WEEK 13

Have students complete the outside evaluation, editing,

and review. You may want to meet with individual students

or with teams to anticipate problems.

By the end of this week students should have their docu-

ments ready for typing. (For a class of 25, you might

have 7 or 8 documents to assess.)

A-15

242

WEEK 14

At the beginning of the week, have students bring their

documents in for peer review and evaluation. You may

wish to rank the new documents, allowing students to

establish criteria, based perhaps on checklists.

Throughout the final week, the class will complete the

work of reviewing and assessing the final projeCts.

c

A-16

0 4

4" 1 3

Appendix B

An Example of a Redesigned Form

24 4

i eIIILAIIII /Ilk -all11/1111111

I 11 -

The "FISAP,"Before and Afterby Joanne Landesman

Look at the forms on pages two and three.Which one would you rather fill out?

The "BEFORE" form, on the left inside pageof this issue, is one that postsecondary schoolsmust fill out for the Department of Education(ED) in order to participate in several studentfinancial assistance programs. The form, calledthe "FISAP" for short, functions both as afiscal operations report for the previous periodand as an application to participate in the pro-gram during the next period. It also has twoaudiences: continuing participants and newapplicants. (The form comes in a booklet withinstructions, which we do not include here.) Thepeople responsible for this form report that manyinstitutionseven those with professional administra-torshave problems filling it out. The "AFTER"form, on the right, is our suggested revisionthe result of a workshop exercise.

If you look at both forms again you can eas-ily identify some of the problems with the cur-rent form. For example, where's the title? Thecurrent form makes very little use of differencesin size and weight of type, so it is difficult topick out the title. In fact, the title is very longand is not the first thing you see at the top ofthe pagenor does it sit by itself on an entireline. It takes up several lines in a box that hasseveral o . boxes to the right of it.

No. 15

March 1981

Robbin Battison, Editor}

In a workshop that the Document DesignCenter developed for the Office of StudentFinancial Assistance (OSFA), we and OSFAstaff examined the FISAP together. Our lin-guists, writers, and graphic designers wrote amanual for the workshop that was geared spe-cifically to OSFA forms. In the workshop, wetaught principles of graphic design and clearwriting, using OSFA documents as workingmodels. The OSFA participants then used theseprinciples to criticize their own forms and sug-gest improvements.

The "AFTER" form is our suggested revision,based on ideas that OSFA staff had during theworkshop. The Department of Education hasnot officially or unofficially adopted our sug-gestions.

BEFORE The original form is visually confus-ing; there is no pattern of lines to draw thereader's eye in a given direcwion. The number-ed items begin at different points across thepage, so the reader must read across the pageto discover where a numbered item begins. Itis difficult to find the title, because there are nographic cues that make it stand out. Extraneouslines and boxes within boxes add to the confu-sion. Instructions on where to send the com-pleted form appear near the beginning.

AFTER The revised form uses the principle ofa grid which visually divides the page into sec-tions. This helps the eye move naturally downthe page. All of the numbered headings beginat the far left margin, where the eye wouldnaturally go in the normal left-to-right progres-sion of reading English. The title is on the topof the page, in boldface type, sc that it is the

§ The monthly newsletter of the Document Design Center, American Institutesfor Research, 1055 Thomas Jefferson Street, NW, Washington, DC 20007

24,-)irk

)1

1

I

Before

Department of EducationOffice of Postsecondary Education

Washington, D.C. 20202

.hSTRTIOPLEASE EAD IN UC NSIIEFORE COMPLETING THIS FORM

FORM APPROVEO FEDAC No. R-64

APP. EXP.: 6/81

..'FISCAL OPIRATIONS REPORT FOR THE 197980 AWARD PERIOD (July 1, 1979-Juno 30, 160) AND APPLICATION TO PARTICIPATE July 1, 1981 through June 30,1902 NATIONAL DIRECT STUDENT LOAN, SUPPLEMENTAL EDUCATIONALOPPORTUNITY GRANTS AND COLLEGE WORK.STUDY PROGRAMS

SERIAL NUMBER (CSGB)

ENTITY NUMBER (EN)

1. INSTITUTION 2. ProgramDuration/Typea. Con.

tro1b. Area vocational/

TechnIcaifOYU ONo

NAME AND ADDRESS OF INSTITUTION (Include city. state and ZIP code, COMPLETE APPROPRIATE PARTS OF TH S FORM ANDRETURN THE ORIGINAL AND ONE COPY POST MARKEDNO LATER THAN OCTOBER 31, MO, TO

US. Oepertment of Educa6onOffice of Student Financial AuistanceOivision of Program OperationsCampus and State Grants BranchROB #3 Room 4621Washington. O.C. 20202

GENERAL INFORMATION (SEE INSTRUCTIONS)

ELIGIBILITY(TO BE COMPLETEO aY NONPARTICIPANTS IN THE 12 MONTHS ENDING JUNE 30. 1981)

3. HA vE. YOU RELEAVED NOTIFICATION FROM THE GIVISION OF ELIGIBILIT Y AND AGENCY EVALUATION OF THE ONNIs ONoDEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION OF YOUR ELIGIBILITY TO PARTICIPATE IN THESE PROGRAMS'iF NOT, HAvE. ALL REQUiRED MATERIALS BEEN SUBMITTED TO THE DIVISION OF ELIGIBILITY AND AGENCY EVALUATION? OYet ONo

IN OROER TO BE ASSUREO OF CONSIOERATION, YOU MUST FILC YOUR APPLICATION ANO MUST ESTABLISH ELIGIBILITY BY OCT. 31. 1980.

MAINTENANCE OF EFFORT(SEE INSTRUCTIONS FOR TYPES OF FINANCIAL Al0 TO BE INCLUOE0)

MST I TUTIONS WHICH PARTICIPATEDIN CWSP AND/OR SEOGP IN 1979.80COMPLETE THIS BLOCK

4 INSTITUTIONAL 3CHOLARSHIPAND S TUDENT AID EXPENDITURESJULY 1, 1979 THROUGHJUNE 30. 1950 -

INSTiTUTIONS WHICH RECEIVED CWSP AND/OR SEOGP AWARDS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 1980-81COMPLETE THESE BLOCKS ACCORDING TO INSTRUCTIONS.

INSTITUTIONAL SCHOLARSHIP

AND STUDENT AiD

EXPENDITURES

12 MONTHS ENDING6/30/78

12 MONTHS ENDING6/30/79 S

12 MONTHS ENDING6/30/80 s

[ 3

TOTAL $

3.YEA R AVERAGE

MAINTENANCE OF EFFORT(JOB LOCATION ANO OEVELOPMENT PROGRAM)

INST i I Ut iONS vvHiCH OPERA TEO AJ918 LOCATION ANU OLVELOPMFNTPROGRAM AND USED CWS FUNDS

INSTITUTIONS WHICH ARE OPERATING A JOB LOCATION AND DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM FOR THEFIRST TIME ANU USINO CWSP FUNDS RECE.IVEL) IN THE 1980-81 AWARD PERiOD COMPLETE THESEBLOCKS ALCORDING TO INSTRUCTIONS

AUTHORIZED FOR THE 1979110AWARD PERIOD COMPLETE THISBLOCK.

II 12 MONTHS ENDING6/30/75 S

10 INSTITUTIONAL t XPENDI rORESTe-IE. MONTHS

12.12 MONTHS ENDING6/30/79 s

f OR TWELVE (ND,INC JUNE 30, 1950

INST I TUTIHNAL

EXPE NDITUIRt S 13,12 MONTHS ENDING6/30/80 s

$14. TOTAL1 L

15. 3.YEAR AVERAGES

16 THE INSTITUTION DiL) NOT PARTiCIPATE IN ANY OF THE NATIONAL DiRECT STUDENT LOAN, COLLEGE WORK-STUDY OR SUPPLE-MENTAL EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITY GRANTS PROGRAMS IN THE 12 MONTHS ENDING JUNE 30, 1980

COLLEGE WORK-STUDY PROGRAMWAIVER REQUESTS17 CHECK IF YOU WISH TO APPLY AS A DEVELOPING INSTITUTION" UNDER TITLE HI oF THE HIGHER EDUC +TION ACT OF 1965, AS

AMENDED, FOR A PARTIAL WAIVER OF THE NON-FEDERAL SHARE OF CWS COMPENSATION TO STUDENT', DURING THE I2.MONTH (3PERIOD ENDING JUNE 30, 1982. (SEE INSTRUCTIONS)

18 CHECK IF YOU WISH To APPL Y FOR A PARTIAL WAIVER OF THE NQN4 EDERAL SHARE Of IHE CWS COMPENSATION TO STUDENTSLAMING HE 12.MONTH PERIOD ENDING JUNE 30, 1982, ON THE BASIS THAT A t LEAST 50 PERCENT OF THE STUDENTS ENROLLED r...,HALF . IME OR MORE DURING THE 12MONTHS ENDING JUNE 30, 1981 HAVE PARENTS WHOSE ANNUAL ADJUSTED INCOME DOES LINOT EXCEED $7.500 PER YEAR.

ED FOIRM 6411 (9M) Raplues0E Form 646 (9179) which is obsolete

Simply Stated 15 2 9 March 1981

After NOTE: Both forms have been reduced to90% of their original size.

Fiscal Operations Report For the 1979-80 Award Period (July 1, 1979-June 30, 1980)

Application to Participate (July 1, 1981-June 30, 1982) NSDL SEOGP CWSP

L Name of Institution

Address (Include Zip Code)Previous Name of Institution(If changed during the year)

Previous Add row

Serial No. (CSGB) Entity No

2. InstitutionA. Control

0 1, Public0 2, Private/Non.prohto 3. Proprietary

3. Duration/Type of Instructional Program (Select the highest code number that applies)

o 1 Lees than one year 05. Four veers (bachelor's degree only)0 2. One year but Nes than two ys.r 06. Five yews or more0 3, Two yews but INS than three years 0 7. Post bechelor's degrees only0 4 Thrse yews but less than four years

B. Is your institution designated as an"aria vocatiuivatechnical school,"

Yes

No

4. ParticipationA. Did your school perticipete in any of the National

Direct Student Loan, College Work. Study orSupP fomenter Educational OPportunity GrantPrograms in the 12 months ending June 30, 1980?

Yes (If you chock "Yes". do not answerQuestion 5.)

No

5. Ergibility r If you answer this question, do not answer questionsA. Has the DePartment of Education's Division of

Eligibility and Agency Evalzation notified you thatyou are eligible to perticipst in those programs?

0 YesNo

8 Is your school perticipeting in any of those programsthis year (the 12 months ending June 30, 1981,)

0 Ves In YOU check "Yes", do not answerQuestion 5.1

ONoIf you answer "No" to both A and 8, you must answer guestiOn 5

6and 7 )8 If not, have you Pint tn'all required materials

to the Division of Eligibility and Agency Evaluation,

0 YesNo

NOTE To be sure that you will be considered for thisDrogram. you must have established Your eligibility to

6.foe sanding in this application

Financial Aid Expenditures (See instructions tor Ions 01 financlui:11,:dp.ttoe

Answer A of 13

A. U your school participated in CO/SP or SEOGP in 1979-80. what did it spend for scholarships and student aidfrom July 1 19/9 June 30, 1980'

8 If your school receives CWSP or SEOGP Awards for the first time n 1980.81, wnat did it spend for scholarshipsand student aid for the

12 months ending 6/301787 , Total S

12 months ending 6/30179, 3 Year12 months ending 6/30/80? Average

7. Job Location and Development ProgramAnswer A gi

A 0 ?OW school operated a lob location and development program and used CWS funds that were authorized for the1919 80 Award Period what did it spend for the 12 months erdmg June 30 1980,

8 or your school is operating a iob 10C31104) end development program for the last time and d using cws funds that dreceived in the 1980.81 Awed Period what did .t 'Spend frzr the

12 months end.ing 6/30178, $ Total S

12 months ending 6/30/797 $ 3 Year12 months endmg 6/30/80? Average

8. College Work-Study Program Waiver Request for "Developing Institutions"Do you want to sooty as a "Developing Institution" under Title 111 of the Higher Education Act of 1965 las amended)for a pertai waiver of the non federal share of CWS Compensz 'ion to Students during the 12 month period endinglune O. 1982, (See instructions)

0 YesONO

. 9. College Work-Study Program Waiver Request on the Basis of Parents' IncomeDo you want to apply for a partial waiver of the nonifsderal share of the'CWS Compensation to students during the12 month period erxfing lune 30 1982, (You may do so if at least 50% of the students who we enrolled haif time ormoqe during the 12 months ending June 30 1981 have parents whose annual achusted income does not exceed$7500 per year I

ales0140

Comp** the iNisreeriese pais of this form Ind RETURN TNEORIGINAL AND ONE COPY, psetrurked no Isar *en 10/31 /110 ut:

U.S. Omettraest of IldesotOnOfese el *Mem Farm* MammaOlvtelea of Preteem OpormensOrreue and w GIMI frenchMOS i3 - m. 421Warifneen, D.C.

Simply Stated 15 2,1 "1 March 1981

first thing the reader sees. We have eliminatedthe boxes and made the mailing address anddeadline date the last item on the form, setapart by size and weight of type.

BEFORE There is almost no variation in thesize or weight of type. This makes it difficultto pick out important words or phrases or tolocate items of interest. Everything is in upper-case type (all capitals). Research has shown thata combination of upper and lowercase type iseasier to read, because lowercase letters havedistinct outlines that are more readily recogniz-able. Using all uppercase letters slows readingtime by about 15% and takes up about 30%more space than upper and lowercase letters.

AFTER We have printed the name of each itemin boidface type two points larger than the typewe used in the main text. The numbers in frontof each title are large and bold. This makes iteasy to identify the separate items. We used acombination of upper and lowercase type through-out the form.

BEFORE Some of the items are confusingbecause they have no context. For example,item 1 has a space labelled "Control," but theuser must look in the instructions to knowwhat "Control" means and what would be asuitable response. Item 2 presents the sameproblem.

AFTER We have incorporated some of theinstructions into the text of the form. Foritems 2 and 3 on the new form, all the usermust do is to check a box. It is no longernecessary to go to the instructions just to findout what the item refers to.

AMERICAN INSTI TU Tf S f OR RESEARCH

1055 Thomas Jefferson Street, NWWashington. OC 20007

MENT

NR..mr

§1111pIdYtate

BEFORE Items that asklor the same kind ofinformation are not written in parallel language.Items 3, 16, 17, and 18 use different structures,even though they are really all "yes/no" ques-tions. Item 3 asks a question and provides twoboxes for "yes" and "no" answers. Item 16 isa statement. The user must check the box ifthe negative statement is true. Items 17 and 18are imperatives that tell the user to check a boxfor a positive response. This is very confusingand can lead to errors.

AFTER We have rewritten these items inparallel language. On our revised form, theseare now items 5, 4, 8, and 9. Each asks a simplequestion and has two boxes, one for a "yes" re-sponse and one for a "no" response.

BEFORE The form does not create logical"pathways" for the two groups of users, andthis increases the burden for both groups.The burden that the form imposes appears evengreater than it is, because there are eighteen sep-arate items.

AFI'ER By reorganizing, we have reduced theburdenboth real and apparentthat the formimposes on the user. We have made the olditem 16 into the new item 4A and made ex-plicitas 4Bthe question that is implicit inthe parenthetical instruction to question 3 onthe old form. These changes create separate"pathways" through the form for the two groupsof users. The directions we have added in thenew items 4, 5, 6, and 7 reinforce the "path-ways." We have also grouped together relateditems to create a smaller number of items thatare divided into parts. With only nine items tocomplete, the form appearsand ismoremanageable.

The "AFTER" form is, of course, a working draft.A form's final test is in the field.

Non.Prof it Org.U S. Postage

PAID

Washington. D.C.Permit No. 1926

No. 15

Appendix C

Exercises for Writing Clearly

24 9

AIR/Document Design Project

LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.1

Instructions:

Rewrite this section using personal pronouns. Make the textas clear as you can.

Text:

Privacy Act 16.5(3).*

(3) Parents of minors and legal guardians. Anindividual acting as the parent of a minor or thelegal guardian of the individual to whom a recordpertains shall establish his or her personal identityin the same manner prescribed in either paragraph(d) (1) or (2) of this section. In addition, suchother individual shall establish his or her repre-sentative capacity of parent or legal guardian.In the case of the parent of a minor, the proof ofidentity shall be a certified or authenticatedcopy of the minor's birth certificate. In the caseof a legal guardian of an individual who has beendeclared incompetent due to physical or mentalincapacity or age by a court of competent jurisdic-tion, the proof of identity shall be a certifiedor authenticated copy of the court's order.

i

*W1) and (2) list the documents by which an individual can establish

proof of identity.C-1 230

Al R/Document Design Project

LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.2

Circle the correct letter -- A for active or P for passive --next to each sentence. On the bottom of this sheet, rewritethe passive sentences into active sentences.

1. If this note is secured by a motor vehicle, boat oraircraft, property insurance on the collateral is required.(A P)

2. An insured person or covered dependent shall be entitledto Maternity Benefits only under the High Option Plan. (A P)

3. Written notice of any sickness or injury upon which claimmay be based must be given to the Agency within twenty daysafter the date charges are incurred. (A P)

4. A station may be used or operated anywhere in the UnitedStates. (A P)

5. The forms were available from the Office (f Managementand Budget. (A P)

6. The Director of the Office of Development may be standingby the County Medical Examiner. (A P)

7. This drug may only be prescribed by a medical doctor. (A P)

8. Dear Parent or Guardian:

. . . If at any time medication (including aspirin andother products) is to be administered to your child, themedication must be accompanied by a signed order from thephysician. (A P)

C-2


LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.3

Cross out unnecessary words. Underline words that couldbe simplified and write in a new word above the old one.

1. Pursuant to the provisions of law stated in the afore-

mentioned section, the Metropolitan Police Department is

hereby authorized and directed to conduct a full and com-

plete search of the premises. The Commissioner shall prepare

a full and complete report on such search.

2. Any and all persons operating motor vehicles of any type

and kind whatsoever in the District of Columbia shall obtain

liability insurance.

3. Each and every marriage between persons under the age of

16 years is null and void. Said marriage shall have no force

and effect.

4. In addition to the duties and powers enumerated else-

where the Commissioner shall have the power to promulgate

rules consistent with this legislation to effectuate its

purpose.

El2


LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.4

Underline the misplaced phrases ana rewrite the sentences.

1. (a) The Secretary may issue in accordance withthe provisions of section 553 of Title 5 includingan opportunity for informal oral presentation,regulations for the safe trensportation in commerceof hazardous materials.

2. In the case of a disaster at the Governor's request,the President may declare the State a disaster area.

3. All employees . . . shall submit to the Directorof Personnel within 30 days after their entrance onduty a confidential statement of employment andfinancial interests on Form . . .

0C-4

A..


LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.5

A. Shorten each of these sentences wiahout changing themeaning:

1. This will inform you that your eligibility for medicalassistance will expire on

2. It is possible for you to apply for a Basic Grant bycompleting any of the following five forms . . .

B. First cross out all duplicate wording; then rewritethese sentences as simply and clearly as possible.

1. The findings and determinations hereinafter set forthare supplementary and in addition to the findings anddeterminations previously made in connection with theissuance of the aforesaid order and of the previouslyissued amendments thereto; and all of the said previousfindings and determinations are hereby ratified andaffirmed, except insofar as such findings and determin-ations may be in conflict with the findings and deter-minations set forth herein.

2r3- ,4

C-5

Exercise 6.5, page 2


*)^

LANGUAGE

2. The failure of Landlord to insist in any one or moreinstances upon a strict performance of any of the covenantsof this lease or of the rules and regulations or toexercise any option herein contained shall not be con-strued as a waiver or relinquishment for the future ofsuch covenant, rule, regulation or option, but the sameshall continue and remain in full force and effect.

9 ,

4.., 1,)

C-6


LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.6

Make lists with parallel structure for these paragraphs.

1. TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF CONTRACT -- The Tenant agreesto and as follows . . .

11. Upon vacating, to pay for all utilities servicesdue and have same discontinued; to see that theproperty is swept out and all trash or other refuseis removed from the premises; that the doors andwindows are properly locked or fastened; and thatthe key is returned to the Landlord or Agent.

(continued on the next page)

C--7256


LANGUAGE


2. ABC bus company needs more drivers. You can apply ifyou are

over 21 and under 65 and a resident of thestate of Maryland

you must have a valid driver's license

no points against your license for the lastthree years

be willing to work flexible hours.

To apply,

come in person to the ABC office, 123 Main St.

you will be required to have a medical certifi-cate before beginning work

you can get an application by calling 135-2486

mail your application to Office of Personnel,ABC Co., 123 Main St.

.s. ..) /

C.-8


LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.7 :Rewrite in the positive.

1. It is not necessary to delay filing the FAF until the1978 U.S. income tax return is filed.

2. In no event shall original records of the Department bemade available to the individual except under the imme-diate supervision of the Privacy Act Officer or hisdesignee.

3. This policy shall not be valid unless countersigned byour authorized representative.

;,,

2 58

C-9

Al R/Document Design Project

Exercise 6.8

LANGUAGE

Identify by name the features you want to change in thesein these examples. Rewrite the sentences so that they aresimpler and clearer.

1. There are four major characteristics that influence

consumer information seeking and utilization behavior.

2. This is a request for public comment on a proposal for

an industry self-regulated voluntary information labeling

program.

3. The government's investigation into the methodologies

used by the evaluators in the program survey analysis was

met by their refusal in regard to an examination of their

documentation.


LANGUAGE


4. Nonbusiness Federal Welfare Recipient Employment Incentive

expenses incurred by the taxpayer are limited to $5,000 per

employee.

5. Students receiving Basic Grants based on incorrect

information submitted on the application will have to repay

any funds received.

6. The new system of deductions will simplify income eligi-

bility calculations, thus reducing the' risk of r.aseworker

errors.

26


LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.9

Find the faults in this sentence. Write a sentence (or sen-tences) with the same meaning, but without these faults.

The amount determined payable pursuant to the decision,

lest any portion already paid, normally should be paid without

awaiting contractor action concerning appeal.

passive verb

words you want to change

noun used as adjective

Rewrite:

C-12


LANGUAGE

Exercise 6.10

This paragraph is part of the introduction in a booklet thatis addressed to parents and students who want to know how theagency determines how much money a student gets under thisprogram. Do you think that this is as clearly written as itcould be for the purpose and audience?

List the faults that you find in this paragraph. Rewrite it sothat it is simpler and clearer.

However, since the entitlement nature of theProgram requires that all students be treated in aconsistent manner on a National basis, a formulahas been developed by the Office of Education andapproved by Congress which is applied to all studentsin the same way. Because of the requirement forconsistent treatment, there can be no individualdiscretion exercised to take into account specialcircumstances of students or their families. Dueto the formula nature of the Program, once theeligibility index has been computed based on correctinformation, discretionary judgment cannot be usedto accommodate the special circumstances of anyone family.

passive verbs

noun strings

unnecessary words

nominalizations

difficult words

other problems

rewrite:

C-13 2132

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