A guide todying and deathSupport and advice around the endof life.

“The first thing to say is that everyone is an individual unique humanbeing and their experience at end of life should be unique and abouttheir needs.  This is also an important time for the loved ones that areleft behind and again their experience will be unique. But there aresome common threads that many people experience.”

Here at Nash & Co Solicitors, we will help yousupport the people around you who reallymatter; those who you may be looking after.The law can be complicated at the best oftimes and that is why we are veryapproachable and understanding. Our aim issimple; to understand your circumstances andto provide the best advice to achieve the bestoutcome – and we’ll do this while supportingyou at all times.

If you look after someone with a terminaldiagnosis and have experienced a time whenyou wished for someone to be on your side, toexplain what is happening and to advocate foryour loved one, please contact us and we willhelp.

Talking to lawyers may be intimidating. That’snot what we are about at all. We prideourselves on being sensitive andunderstanding, friendly and approachable. Weare here to help where we can, and willsupport your loved one and you as carer, tonavigate the challenges that you face andmake informed choices to get the best possibleoutcome.

Hilary CraggPartner / Elderly Law

BackgroundDo you know someone with a terminaldiagnosis? Or has a short life expectancy dueto an accident or ill health?

There is a saying about death and taxes, thatthey are inevitable and yet when someonepasses away, whether expected or unexpected,it is often a different experience and can betraumatic. The Dying Matters movement aimsto make it easier to discuss death and dying forindividuals, families and the wider society.

When someone’s life ends, it changes thenature of the relationship with those leftbehind. The person becomes memories andyet remains as loved as they always were. Italso means that anything that was unsaid willnow remain unsaid and this could beimportant things like “I love you” or “I’m sorry”.Those bereaved may benefit from somecounselling to help them deal with theemotions involved in their loss, though it’s notadvisable for at least six months after a loss.

What to doArrangements for end of life should be madein a timely, considered way and discussed andagreed with relatives and relevant health andsocial care service providers.

The stages of griefElizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book in 1969identifying 5 stages of grieving, which are:denial, anger, bargaining, depression andacceptance. This has become a popularmodel of the mental process associated withdying and bereavement. People go throughthe stages at different speeds and sometimesin a different order, as everyone is individualand unique. Some only experience a few ofthese stages, or none at all.

The planning stages related to death shouldbe easier to deal with if the person dying hasreached acceptance.

Nash & Co’s Guide to Death &

< 4 >

Planning your careIf the person has been given a terminaldiagnosis, then there should be a palliativecare team in place to support their medicaland social care needs throughout theirremaining time.

The person should, if they wish, discuss withthe team the progression of their conditionand what treatment is available, so that it canbe planned around the needs of that personand their preferred package of care.

How to talk about itTalking about death and dying can be reallyhard for some people. Western society hassanitised death, since people rarely see a realdead human body and yet people watch filmsand see it fictionally regularly and for peoplethat play video games, they may participate inthis fictional death, sometimes daily.

When discussing dying, people tend to use avariety of expressions such as “the long sleep”,“passed on” etc. While people need to do whatmakes them feel most comfortable, this canoften confuse or delay acceptance orunderstanding of what is happening.

For some people, it is an uncomfortablediscussion to have, they don’t want to face thereality of it, so don’t want to talk about it andthey might take some coaxing to engage inany discussion.

Nash & Co’s Guide to Death &

< 5 >

Since it is a difficult subject for many, no-oneshould be forced into a discussion that theyreally cannot cope with, however they can beencouraged to engage with something thatthey find uncomfortable, due to the necessityof the situation. What often happens after isthat the first time the discussion comes up, itis easier the next time around.

Planning your deathThe first thing to think about is how does theperson want to die? Where do they want to beand in what circumstances?

Most people would agree that they don’t wantto be in pain and often people want to die athome. After that there are personal choices,some want to have family around and otherswould choose to have them around until thevery last moment and will die when they leavethe bedside.

There can also be some very simple thingsthat they might like, such as to have the sunon their face or flowers in the room or aparticular piece of music playing.

One of the key issues to express is what is thepriority, such as being at home or havingindependence for as long as possible. This isimportant to communicate to those aroundthe person.

Having thought about the ideal circumstancesof the person’s death, the next thing to thinkabout is how much or little of the ideal ispossible to achieve and since the team aroundthe person know their priority, they will beable to assist to understand what can beachieved.

This support around dying makes thosearound the person feel better, as they aredoing something positive for that person andit makes the person themselves feel better, asthey are being listened to and will hopefully beable to get as close to their desired outcomeas is possible to achieve.

Decisions on such arrangements can give backan element of control which has beencompromised by failing health.

Nash & Co’s Guide to Death &

< 6 >

Planning your funeralThis is a time for the person to talk to theirfamily and Executors to tell them what theywould like. The Executors of the estate arethose that deal with all the administrativematters and may or may not be beneficiariesof the estate. It is therefore part of theresponsibility of the Executors to arrange thefuneral and ensure that it is paid for. TheExecutors could be family or professionalsand if they are professionals, they shouldliaise with the family to achieve the funeralthat they believe the person would like.

What the person wants for their funeral is forthem to decide and they may have detailedfixed ideas or they may be more flexible andallow their family to make some or all of thedecisions. Often families want an element ofinput, as this is their chance to express theirlove and respect, and honour their memory ofthat person.

If the person is not sure about what they wantor what can be achieved, they can discuss thematter in advance with the funeral director, sothat the service that they want can be realised.

It is also possible to discuss with a minister,celebrant or humanist officiant funeralservice, the content and wishes whilst theperson is alive.

Talking to your familyTalking to the person’s family can be as hardas talking to any other individual or not,depending on how they feel about the subject.If the person knows that they are dying, thiscan often focus the minds of all members ofthe family, so they say the things that theyhave always wanted or meant to say, whichcould be wonderful or negative.

Nash & Co’s Guide to Death &

< 7 >

As soon as the person gets a terminaldiagnosis, they should make sure that they gettheir affairs in order. If they have not alreadydone so, they should create Lasting Powers ofAttorney, both for financial affairs and healthand welfare decisions, if there is enough time.The person should also make a Will, to dealwith their estate after they die. It is helpful ifthey organise their paperwork, so that it iseasier for someone else to take over themanagement of their affairs in due course andultimately deal with the administration of theirestate.

It is always worthwhile them having aconversation with their family about what theywant to happen in the future. Including issuessuch as future care and what their priority fortheir future is, so that care can be organisedwith these expressed wishes in mind.

Lasting Powers of AttorneyThere are two kinds of Lasting Power ofAttorney, one covering financial matters andthe other dealing with health and welfareissues. The person can appoint attorneys andreplacement attorneys to act on their behalf, ifthey are unable to manage their own affairs.

Both Lasting Powers of Attorney have to beregistered at the Office of the Public Guardianbefore they can be used. The financial onecan be used if the person still has their mentalcapacity, but might have become physicallyfrail.

The Lasting Power of Attorney for health andwelfare can only be used if the person has losttheir mental capacity to make those decisionsthemselves. Lasting Powers of Attorney areonly valid if the person is alive, the powerceases as soon as they have died.

It is important that Lasting Powers of Attorneyare created sooner rather than later, but donot necessarily have to be used immediatelyand can be kept in safekeeping until they arerequired. Nash & Co can act as professionalattorney, if the person has no-one else to actfor them, for more information, please contactNash & Co.

Nash & Co’s Guide to Death

< 9 >

Getting Your Legal Affairs In Order

DeputyshipIf the person dying has lost their mentalcapacity and they need help to manage theiraffairs, then someone will need to apply to theCourt of Protection for a Deputyship order, ifthere is enough time. This works like a Powerof Attorney for finance, however dependingon the size of the estate, there can be ongoingannual costs of supervision and insurance ofthe value of the estate, that is required by theCourt. The costs involved in applying for aDeputyship order are usually significantlymore than those associated with the creationof Lasting Powers of Attorney.

Nash & Co can act professionally as deputy,for advice, please contact Nash & Co.

Nash & Co’s Guide to Death &

< 10 >

WillA Will deals with the persons estate after theyhave died. The basic things that the personwill need to decide is who is going to be theExecutor (the person dealing with thepaperwork), who will be the beneficiaries (theperson/s receiving the gifts from the estate).They can also add a funeral clause to theirWill, regarding their wishes for their funeral.Additionally they can include a clauseregarding guardians for their children ifrelevant. If the person has pets, they caninclude a clause regarding their pets andshould consider who will look after them afterthe person has died.

Wills can be complicated and involve taxplanning and / or trusts and if the personneeds advice or more information, they cancontact Nash & Co.

State benefitsSocial services should be able to advise on alocal organisation, such as Citizens’ Advice toundertake a benefits check, to see what statebenefits are available and to help the personcomplete any necessary documentation inorder to be able to claim any benefits thatthey may be entitled to receive.

Hilary CraggPartner / Elderly Law

As a Partner and practising solicitor, Hilary has aparticular interest in issues concerning elderly andvulnerable clients. She deals with all related legalmatters, from Will writing and Lasting Powers of Attorneyto care home funding issues and disputes about care.Hilary came to the law after careers in retail, training andbanking. She joined Nash & Co in 2008 as a traineesolicitor and qualified in March 2010.

Hilary is an Accredited Member of Solicitors for theElderly (SFE), a Committee Member of the Devon &Cornwall Regional Group for SFE, and a Full Member ofSTEP (Society of Trust and Estate Practitioners).

Hilary is highly active in raising awareness of dementia.As part of the Prime Minister's Dementia Challenge Teamshe has talked to ministers in both the House of Lordsand House of Commons about supporting people livingwith a dementia and regularly speaks at conferences.Through local Dementia Action Alliance groups, Hilary is aDementia Friend, Dementia Champion, and Purple AngelAmbassador.

Hilary is a Trustee of Plymouth Music Zone, which shetook on in September 2014.  PMZ is a local charity usingmusic to make a difference in peoples lives.  In addition,Hilary is Chair of Trustees of Memory Matters Foundationfrom June 2019, which is associated with MemoryMatters and Moment Café, all of which support peopleliving with dementia and their carers.

hcragg@nash.co.uk

01752 827047

Nash & Co Solicitors

Beaumont House

Beaumont Road

Plymouth

PL4 9BD

Nash & Co’s Guide to Death

< 16 >

Nash & Co Solicitors | Beaumont House | Beaumont Park | Plymouth | PL4 9BDTel: 01752 664444 Email: law@nash.co.uk

www.nash.co.uk