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Salem SamhoudMara Soekarjo

Peter Swier

Dear Millennial,ARE YOU REALLYPURPOSE-DRIVEN?Salem SamhoudMara SoekarjoPeter Swier

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230 years ago, I founded the consultancy firm &samhoud. Ever since, I have had the privilege of developing a personal vision with over 10.000 youngsters and in addition mentoring, coaching and counselling many people.

The people I have coached and mentored include accomplished CEO’s, young people barely graduated college, brand-new parents, parents with children in the middle of puberty, people in a divorce, people with butterflies raging through their stomachs, people at the top of their careers, people amidst a soul-searching mid-life crisis, people at the end of their careers evaluating their legacy, young people trying to figure out what to contribute to the world, and so on.

Working with this variety of people has taught me a lot about what drives people during different phases of their lives. In this article, I want to focus on the Millennials, or in other words – the people born between 1980 and 2000.

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I love working with these young, talented people. There are few things that give me more energy and inspiration. I guess the fact that my own three children – Jip, Pelle and Mangka – are Millennials also contribute to that. I dare to say that as a professional and as a father, I know what drives Millennials. I love that I can help them to get the most out of themselves, that I can give them love and attention, that I can help them by adding some wisdom to their questions and worries, that I can push them further to get the most out of themselves, and that I can help them find ways to fulfill their own potential. Personally, it gives me a lot of inspiration to observe their genuine curiosity, to see them grow and develop themselves fast, and to help them find their authenticity.

In the media, I read a lot about this group being purpose-driven. Many Millennials also claim to be purpose-driven, or in pursuit of serving a societal purpose. Let’s put that idea to the test. If you are born between

1980-2000 ask yourself if you consider yourself “purpose-driven”. Don’t think about the question for too long; just intuitively answer the question. I expect most Millennials to answer this question with “yes”.

My insight after working with so many young people is that they are not purpose-driven; they are I-driven. And this is a good thing! The idea that I wish to share with you in this article is that young people should focus on becoming healthy narcissists. Focus on yourself, your own development, on being a good person and trust that your purpose will come to you when it does, when the time is there. This idea complements earlier statements I have made about Millennials, such as that I experience them as brave in speaking out, honest, full of ideas, quick and digital savvy. In this article I will deep dive on this idea of I-driven Millennials. This is an important idea that both Millennials and the people working with Millennials should understand.

“My insight after working with so many young people is that they are not purpose-driven; they are I-driven.

”

Purpose driven

Contrary to the idea I am proposing here, Millennials are often credited with being “the purpose-driven generation”. I will first go through the main conclu-sions of these studies with you. Several studies argue in favor of this Millennial-trait. A PwC survey for instance found that 88% of Millennials want to work for com-

panies with organizational values that reflect their own values.¹

An American Express study found that 68% of Millennials want to make a positive difference in the world and said that according to 81% of Millennials a successful business needs to have a genuine purpose.²

Sources state that Millennials prefer “purpose over paychecks”. Finding meaningful work that makes them happy prevails over the money they will earn with it. According to Intelligence Group research, 64% of Millennials would rather make $40K a year at a job they love than $100K a year at a job they think is boring.³

6iI- driven

Although those studies seem to disagree with my idea, there are also studies that do think Millennials are I-driven rather than pur-pose-driven. For instance: a global survey among 26,000 LinkedIn members found Millennials to be the least purpose-driven of all surveyed generations.⁴ The survey indicates that the concept ‘sense of purpose’ be-comes more profound as you progress further in your career and your life in general. Interestingly, this survey suggests a large gap between what Millennials desire according to the media, and what they put into practice. According to an article in The Guardian by Lauren Vesty an explanation could be that Millennials are unable to put their money where their mouth is due to their lack of working and life experience.

They haven’t figured out what their qualities and values are and/or what aspects of work they find most energizing. Another expla-nation could be that companies still have a long road ahead in building a mutually beneficial relationship between employers and employees. Companies should help individuals with finding purpose at work in order to unleash their full potential. To establish an individual view on purpose, age and experience play critical roles. You could consider ‘purpose’ a need locat-ed in the very top part of the Maslow pyramid: at the tip of the self-actualization part. According to Maslow’s theory, one can only fulfill a certain level of needs once they have fulfilled the needs lower in the pyramid.

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Self-actualisationunleashing your full potential

Esteemself-esteem, status, respect, recognition

Love and belongingintimate relationships. friends, family, sense of connection

Safety needssecurity, employment, health, property, recourses

Psychological needsair, food, water, shelter, clothing

need

s

time

“You could consider ‘purpose’ a need located in the very top part of the Maslow pyramid.

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Lauren Vesty states in The Guardian that research by psychoanalyst Erik Erikson has found that young adults have a tendency to focus primarily on seeking out a life partner, estab-lishing an income and home and perhaps starting a family. Logically, young adults place their biggest focus on the lowest 3 or 4 levels of the Maslow pyramid. As people age and have fulfilled their hierar-chically lower needs, they start to think more about their contribution to society. This psychological shift leads to increasingly prioritize purpose after having laid out the above-mentioned foundations of their adult lives.⁵ Following this train of thought, it makes sense that Millennials are not truly purpose-driven yet because of the phase of life they are in. Couldn’t the gap between what Millennials desire according to the media,

and what they put into practice be explained by the difference between conscious and uncon-scious behaviour? Aren’t they unconsciously busy with fulfilling the lower levels of the pyramid and consciously with purpose? The idea of being I-driven can also be considered in line with various societal changes. In the article “Living in the I World”, Manfred Kets de Vries suggests that our society has shifted in values from collectivism to individualism. We have become more focused on ourselves as a society. We have gradually shifted from civic responsibility to self-gratification. This shift transformed our former “We” society into our current “I” society. This society is characterized by conspicuous narcissistic behaviour.

“This society is characterized by conspicuous narcissistic behaviour.

”

“Millennials are raised with the idea that they can become everything they want, as long as they try their best.

”

Healthy narcissists

This narcissistic behaviour is often associated with arrogance, lack of empathy, attention seeking, self-glorification, and feeling particularly talented, special, and successful. There are, however, also positive aspects of narcissistic behaviour. Narcists are charismatic and charming, they can seduce people and they want to perform well. These ‘healthy’ sides can be extremely useful to organizations. And fear not: the negative aspects of narcissism can be diverted. In order to do so effectively, it is necessary to understand the causes of this narcissistic be-haviour. Let’s have a look at the most prominent cause: upbringing.

Millennials are raised with the idea that they can become everything they want, as long as they try their best. So, they feel that they are responsible for their own success and happiness, but also for their own failure and misfortune. Nowadays parents often value their children’s individual achieve-ments more than civic duties.⁶ Parents want to help their children to acquire a solid sense of self-esteem to make them more successful in life. But this becomes a problem when parents go too far. By overprotecting their children, parents keep them from the valu-able experiences that are neces-sary to develop independent thinking, enterprise, resilience, adaptability, making for a growth mindset. Only when children are praised for real accomplishments it constructs the foundations for genuine self-esteem.⁷

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“My experience after many conversations with Millennials is that a lot of them are lacking self-esteem.

”

My experience after many conversations with Millenni-als is that a lot of them are lacking self-esteem. They show a lot of bravado, but they are in fact often inse-cure. These feelings of insecurity drive them to constantly feel as though they need to prove them-selves. And this doesn’t surprise me. Millennials grow up in a time during which divorces are becoming more and more normal. I believe this means that they receive less attention. Further, they have too many choices, too much freedom of choice, too many stimuli and experience enormous social pressure. All in all, my view is that these feelings of insecurity indeed drive Millennials to constantly try and prove

themselves. They use social media platforms for self-pro-motion. However: rather than making them feel more secure, using these platforms makes them feel worse about themselves. According to Kets de Vries, they fail to realize that everyone paints an unrealistic (narcissistic) picture of themselves on these platforms. They over-estimate the fun of others and underestimate their own experiences. I also experience that Millen-nials are impatient. When I coach Millennials I always try to push them, to help them unleashing their full potential. But my experience is that Millennials lack discipline. They have little long-term intensity. You have to force

them to stay intensely on something for longer. They are curious, but they don’t have deep curiosity. I see them do things fast and superficially. It’s my believe that they also deal with purpose in a superficial way. And I understand why, because they grew up in a time of addictive technology which provides constant distraction. They grew up in a world that values short term thinking over long term thinking. They grew up in a world of instant gratification. And I agree with Simon Sinek who states that Millennials struggle with two things they can’t get instantaneously: job satisfaction and deep, meaningful relationships.⁸ Both cost time, dedication, intensity and curiosity.

“I also experience that Millennials are impatient.

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I believe that we can break this negative spiral. Let us not allow our young adults to suffer the same fate as Narcis-sus in the Greek myth. Narcis-sus was a beautiful young man who only loved hunting and himself. Therefore he broke the hearts of many lovers. The gods punished him for this by letting him see his own reflec-tion in a pond. He fell in love with it, but discovered that he could not kiss and embrace the reflection and died of frustration. Relenting, the gods immortalized him as the narcissus (daffodil) flower.9

Let’s prevent that our young adult population, full of Narcissuses, dies of frustration. To continue the parallel with a flower: I believe that we should treat Millennials like flowers. They can only grow and flourish if we take good care of them and give them enough (not too much) attention, nutrients and sunlight. If we don’t do that, they will wilt. I believe that it is crucial for every individual to start at an early age with developing an adequate sense of self-love. Connecting with yourself is a prerequisite to lead your own success or that of others.

“Let us not allow our young adults to suffer the same fate as Narcissus in the Greek myth.

”

“Connecting with yourself is a prerequisite to lead your own

success or that of others.

”

“Millennials should be healthy

narcissists.

”

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To conclude, my experience with mentoring, coaching and coun-selling many Millennials has given me lots of energy, inspiration and ideas. The idea that I hope I have transmitted to you in this article is, that Millennials should focus on themselves. I think we should let go of the idea that Millennials are purpose-driven. Isn’t it logical that this is something that does not fit their stage in life yet? I believe Millennials should be healthy narcissists and I have several advices to both Millennials and other people coaching and mentoring this group. First, to all the Millennials, and I deliberately put it down firmly: focus on yourself, be a healthy narcissist and be proud of it.

Allow yourself to focus on your-self. Allow yourself to find your own authenticity. Reserve time for it. Demand coaching and mentor-ing from people further in their careers who have life wisdom to share with you. Stop fooling yourself by telling yourself you are purpose-driven. Are you really? I believe you are I-driven and that is a great thing. By investing in yourself now, you will prepare yourself to live up to a great purpose in a later stage of your life. You will do great things for society, but you won’t be able to do so, if you don’t allow your-self to invest in yourself at this stage of your life. And know that you are a good person; allow yourself to be self-secured. Feel proud, because you are kind to

“Shouldn’t we show leadership by giving Millennials what they need, not what they ask for?

”

others. Work on developing genuine self-esteem by seeking valuable experiences where you get the chance to fail and are praised for real accomplishments. Work on developing your own values. This will help you to follow through on plans and prevent you from often changing course. Be patient. And turn up your empathy detector. Try to sense what other people are feeling and train yourself in expressing real con-cerns for others and their ideas. This will help you to build mean-ingful relationships. Second, to everyone coaching and mentoring Millennials, I will quote Simon Sinek: “It’s the total lack of leadership in the world today, that is making Millennials feel the way they do. (…) We have to work extra hard to figure out the ways that we build their self- confidence. We have to work extra hard to find ways to teach them the social skills that they are missing out on.” Shouldn’t we show leadership by giving

Millennials what they need, not what they ask for? I believe we should help them to become healthy narcissists rather than purpose-driven individuals. Healthy means ‘as much as needed’, not ‘too much’ or ‘too little’. Healthy is about a right balance. Start by giving them way more attention than you are giving them now. Understand their insecurities and understand that they are at a stage in their life where they need to pay attention to themselves. Help them to create genuine self-esteem by giving them meaningful experien-ces. Help them to deal with their impatience so they can find job satisfaction and build meaningful relationships. Help them to find their paths in life and help them to find their authenticity. Only that way, we can develop individuals that will find their purpose and do great things to build a brighter future for us all.

Who cares wins.

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¹ PwC. (2014). Millennials at work.

Reshaping the workplace.

Retrieved from https://www.pwc.de/de/

prozessoptimierung/assets/millennials-

at-work-2011.pdf

² Field, A. (2017). Millennials Want

Companies Mixing Mission And

Money.

Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/

sites/annefield/2017/12/11/millennials-

want-companies-mixing-mission

-and-money/#50c79838bf2c

³ Thrive Global. (2017). Millennials are

Choosing Purpose Over Paycheck.

Retrieved from https://thriveglobal.com/

stories/millennials-are-choosing-

purpose-over-paycheck/

4+5 Vesty, L. (2016). Millennials want

purpose over paychecks. So why can't

we find it at work?

Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.

com/sustainable-business/2016/sep/14/

millennials-work-purpose-linkedin-survey

⁶+7 Kets de Vries, M.F.R. (2018).

Living in the 'I' World. INSEAD

Working Paper No. 2018/56/EFE.

Retrieved from https://ssrn.com/

abstract=3300601

⁸ Crossman, D. (2016, October 29).

Simon Sinek on Millennials in the

Workplace [video file].

Retrieved from https://www.youtube.

com/watch?v=hER0Qp6QJNU

⁹ Tate. (2019). Metamorphosis of

Narcissus.

Retrieved from https://www.tate.org.uk/

art/artworks/dali-metamorphosis-of-

narcissus-t02343

References

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