Dealing with Self Pity
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Self-Pity by Jay E. Adams What is self-pity? It probably has more dimensions, but I suggest two: self- pity is a nauseous concoction comprised of malice and envy. “Malice?” you say. Yes, either malice toward someone in particular or toward life in general (which, in the final analysis, means toward God). Here is how the whining, self-pitying person thinks (at least, many of them do): “Look what he did to me! The rat! I’d like to bash his head in for doing that to me.” In its more general form it moans: “Why did this have to happen to me? Why now? Why this?” It is anger toward circumstances, i.e., toward God’s providential working in His own world. It is anger, bad will, malice toward God. “How about the envy?” Well, then, consider this: “Look at how good he has it!” (Implied is, “Why don’t I?”) And what’s that, I ask you, if it isn’t plain old envy? Have you wondered why self-pity is so unpleasant to observe? Have you wondered why it is so destructive to those who wallow in it? Well, clearly malice and envy, based on pride and self-importance, are not very pretty to behold, even under the (sometimes thinly) disguised veneer of self-pity. Remember, when dealing with someone who is knee-deep in self-pity, he or she is an angry, envious person who is bewailing bitterly the good deals others get in contrast to what has been meted out to him or her. Otherwise, you may miss the main point: this counselee must be brought to a place of submission to and satisfaction with the providence of God. Perhaps, then, you can help him or her to begin making the efforts needed to achieve greater success in life, whether that means greater effort leading to desired results (rather than energy wasted on fretting), better handling of difficulties and unchangeable circumstances, or both.
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Biblical Counseling Journals
Transcript of Dealing with Self Pity
Self-Pityby Jay E. Adams
What is self-pity? It probably has more dimensions, but I suggest two: self-pity is a nauseous concoction comprised of malice and envy.
“Malice?” you say. Yes, either malice toward someone in particular ortoward life in general (which, in the final analysis, means toward God). Here ishow the whining, self-pitying person thinks (at least, many of them do):
“Look what he did to me! The rat! I’d like to bash his head in for doingthat to me.”In its more general form it moans:
“Why did this have to happen to me? Why now? Why this?”It is anger toward circumstances, i.e., toward God’s providential working in Hisown world. It is anger, bad will, malice toward God.
“How about the envy?” Well, then, consider this: “Look at how good he hasit!” (Implied is, “Why don’t I?”) And what’s that, I ask you, if it isn’t plain oldenvy?
Have you wondered why self-pity is so unpleasant to observe? Have youwondered why it is so destructive to those who wallow in it? Well, clearly maliceand envy, based on pride and self-importance, are not very pretty to behold, evenunder the (sometimes thinly) disguised veneer of self-pity.
Remember, when dealing with someone who is knee-deep in self-pity, he orshe is an angry, envious person who is bewailing bitterly the good deals othersget in contrast to what has been meted out to him or her. Otherwise, you may missthe main point: this counselee must be brought to a place of submission to andsatisfaction with the providence of God. Perhaps, then, you can help him or herto begin making the efforts needed to achieve greater success in life, whether thatmeans greater effort leading to desired results (rather than energy wasted onfretting), better handling of difficulties and unchangeable circumstances, or both.
