DealingwithDifficultPeopleinDifficultSitua3ons

Objec'ves •  Whichdifficultpeopleneedtobeconfrontedandwhichneed

tobeignored•  Howyourpersonalityanda<tudeaffecttheoutcomeofa

disagreement•  Torecognizetheirown“triggers”andwilllearnfastandeasy

strategiestocontrolthem•  Graceful“exit”linestoretainrespectandcredibility•  Howtoturnacomplaintintoanopportunity•  Howtousenon-verbalcommunica'ontobuildrapportin

seconds•  Tosayno–tacGully–withoutfeelingguilty

hi

Beginning

Beginning End

#$%&@%$^#%$#&!!!!

Iden'fyingDifficultPeopleinYourLife

1.  Identify the difficult people in your life. Think of yourself as being in the center.

2.  Each of the peripheral circles represents one of the people/departments you interact with.

KC

SM MG

ShouldIconfrontthemorletitgo?

Askyourselftwoques'ons:(MustgetaYESforbothques'ons)1.  Isitpersistent?

2.  Doesitimpactme?

“Thepersoncouldsimplybeoblivioustoyourdiscontentorunderes'mateitandassumeyou

reallydon’tmind.”

Whatwewillcovertoday

•  Examineyourownbehaviorandreviewcommunica'onskills

•  Learnhowtodealwithsomeoneconfron'ngyou

•  Learnhowtoconfrontthem

Examineyourownbehavior

2RulesofCommunica'on1.Peoplewantyoutocommunicatewiththemin

________style.Passive Asser've Aggressive

THEIR

PersonalityStyles

Extrovert

Introvert

SlowerPaced

FasterPaced

Relater(Golden

Retriever)

Innovator(O^er)

Analyzer(Beaver)

Driver(Lion)

(People1st)

(Task1st)

(Passive) (Aggressive)

Exercise

1.  Writethenames(orini'als)ofthree“challenging”people

2.  Writetheirdominantpersonalitystyle

3.  Writeonethingyoucandodifferentlytocommunicatebe^erwiththem

2RulesofCommunica'on

1.  Peoplewantyoutocommunicatewiththemin________style.

2.Itisalwaysthesender’sresponsibilitytomakesurethecommunica'onisasclearaspossibleforthereceiver

THEIR

TheTransmissionModelofCommunica'on

Filters

•  Perceptions • Past Experiences

• Assumptions

•  Thoughts•  Feelings

•  Thoughts•  Feelings

DoTHEYunderstandME?

CAUTION:Yes/noques0onsarenoteffec0ve:•  “Doyouunderstand?”•  “DidImakesense?”•  “Doyouhaveanyques'ons?”Avoid“You”languageSOLUTION:Askopen-endedques0ons

•  “What’syourunderstandingofthesitua'on?”•  “What’syourplanformovingforward?”•  “Whatarethefirstthreestepsyou’regoingtotaketogetstarted?”

Use“I”language

HowwesendmessagesFace-to-face…

Body language

Voice tone

Words

On the phone…

Body language

Voice tone

Words

55%

38%

7%

0%

87%

13% Page 6

Listening:Areyoudistracted?

External•  Phone•  Computer•  Noisefromotheremployees

•  Ligh'ng•  Music•  Papers/Projects

Internal•  Personalthoughts•  Priorinterac'onsandinfluence

•  Otherworkprojects•  Focusonyourresponse

•  Hunger•  Fa'gue

Whatgetsintheway?•  Assump'ons:What’sbeingsaidisnotwhatweexpected

•  Didn’tfindanyinforma'ontoconnectwith•  Didn’tfindanyinforma'onwewantedtohear•  Selec'vea^en'on:Welistenonlytothesec'onsthatarerelevanttoour

needsandinterests

•  Listeningwithanagenda:Welistenforfactsthatwillproveourpoint•  Failuretotuneintofeelingsofthespeaker•  Ourpersonalbias:Ourbackgroundandpercep'onsofendictatewhatwe

willhear

WhenTHEYconfrontYOU….

1.  Givingyoufeedback2.  Saying“No”3.  Ven'ng/Complainingtoyou

2TypesofPeoplewhogiveFeedback

1.  Expert

2.  Ignoramus

ReceivingFeedback

•  Assumethebestinten'ons•  Separateyourselffromthefeedback

•  MakeTHEMgetspecific

HowtoSay“NO”

(Negotiating Solutions)

Acknowledge Circumstance

Transform = solution

WhenTHEYareangryandcomplainingtoYOU

What’sthereasonbehindeverycomplaint?

_______expecta8ons!Unmet

H.E.A.R.T. Service Recovery with

§ Hear them out

§ Empathize

H.E.A.R.T. Service Recovery with

§ Hear them out

§ Empathize

§ Acknowledge/Apologize § Review

§ Take responsibility/Tell what you CAN do

Hear them out

Empathize

Signsyou’renotmanagingyouremo3ons

Ø  Youtalktoomuch.

Ø  Youdon’tlisten.

Ø  Youbecomeoverlyemo3onal.

Ø  Youbecomedefensive.

Ø  Youbecomeundulysympathe3c.

HandlingYOURAnger

EVENT+RESPONSE=

OUTCOME

PAUSE

E+R=O(JackCanfield)

Op3onstoManageyourEmo3ons

Ø  Admitit

Ø  Writeitout

Ø  ExerciseØ  RoleplayØ  TakeadeepbreathbeforeyouspeakØ  Countto10silentlybeforeyouinterruptØ  Imaginethispersonisabelovedrela3vewhoishavingabaddayØ  HearthepersonoutratherthanarguingØ  Whenallelsefails,respecYullycallamanagertoassist

Graceful“exit”lines

•  “Letmegetbacktoyouonthat.”•  “Givemeaminutetocheckonthat.”•  “Let’sdosomeresearchonthisandgetbacktogethertomorrow.”

•  “You’vegivenmesomegreatthingstothinkabout…”•  “Ihaveamee'ngin5minutes,let’scon'nuethisdiscussionat2:00.”

•  “Ihadn’tthoughtaboutthatperspec've…”

WhenYOUneedtoconfrontTHEM….

•  Beprepared– Describethedifficultbehavior– Describethepreferredbehavior– Deviseaplanofac'on

•  Include'meframes/checkpoints

•  ManageYOURemo'ons•  Focusonthespecifics•  Talkaboutsolu'ons

CommonTypesofResistance

•  Denying•  Deflec'ng•  Trivializing•  Dismissing

•  Lookingforpity

Denying

Them:“Ihonestlydon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.Idon’trecalleverdoingthat.You’rege<ngthiswrong.”You:“Well,let’slookataspecificexample.Doyourememberyesterdaymorningat8:30when…..?”

Deflecting

Them:“I’mtheleastseriousoffender.WhataboutMike?”You:“We’renottalkingaboutMike.Rightnowweareheretotalkaboutyou.”

Trivializing

Them:“Ionlydiditonce.Ican’tbelieveyou’rebringingthisup.”You:“Actually,thishashappenedon___differentoccasions…”

Dismissing

Them:“Okay.Gotit.Arewedoneyet?”You:“Notquiteyet.Thankfortakingthe'metotalkwithme.Let’stalkabouthowwe’regoingtomoveforward...”

LookingForPity

Them:“I’mhavingproblemswithmyboyfriendrightnow.Wewereupallnightfigh'ng.”You:“Icanunderstandthatyou’regoingthroughsomehard'mesrightnow.I’ds'llappreciateitifthenext'methishappens…”

GivingConstruc'veFeedback

1.Statefactsandobservablebehaviors “When…”

2.Stateyourfeelings “…Ifeel/Iget/Iam…”

3.Relatetheimpact“…theimpactis/because”

GivingConstruc'veFeedback

4.Statethepossibleposi'vereason “Iunderstandthat…”

5.Requestnewbehavior “Inthefuture…”

6.Askaconfirmingques'on “Whatdoyouthink?”

BUT AND

GivingConstruc'veFeedback

1.  “When...”

2.  “Ifeel,orIget,orIam...”

3.  “Theimpactis...”or“because…”

4.  “Iunderstandthat…

5.  “Inthefuture,Iwouldlike...”

6.  “Whatdoyouthink?”

7.  “Next'me…”

BUT AND

EXCUSE

Re-Cap

Whendealingwithadifficultperson….1.  Beprepared–focusonthefacts2.  ManageYOURemo'ons3.  Lookforareasofagreement4.  Talkaboutsolu'ons

Ac'onSteps

1.  Thinkaboutallthethingswecovered.

2.  Writedowntwoac'onitemsthatyouwillimplementoverthenext30days.

3.  Gethelp,ifneeded.

DealingwithDifficultPeopleinDifficultSitua3ons