DATING AND MARRIAGE IN THE

MIDDLE AGES

COURTLY LOVE• Attraction to the lady, usually via eyes/glance• Worship of the lady from afar• Declaration of passionate devotion• Virtuous rejection by the lady• Renewed wooing with oaths of virtue and eternal fealty• Moans of approaching death from unsatisfied desire .• Heroic deeds of valor which win the lady's heart• Consummation of the secret love• Endless adventures and subterfuges avoiding detection

HOW DOES COURTLY LOVE COMPARE TO DATING TODAY?

LOVE IN POETRY

I shall make a new song

before the wind blows and it freezes and rains.

My lady (ma dona) is trying and testing me,

to find out how much I love her.

Well, no matter what quarrel she makes,

she will not loose me from her bond.

Rather I become her servant, surrender to her,

so she can write my name in her contract.

Now don't go thinking I must be drunk

if I love my good lady;

for without her I cannot live...

WHAT WAS THE PROCESS LIKE?

• For the upper class most marriages were arranged.• Sure it would be great to woo a woman but really it was about

establishing alliances and connections to other powerful or connected families.

• Sometimes people were promised to people when they were still babies.• What if the girl doesn’t like the guy who is interested in her?• IT DOESN’T MATTER!!!• His family can essential pay her family off to secure the marriage.

• Elaborate ceremony with the exchange of rings and such

WHAT WAS THE PROCESS LIKE?

• For the lower class it was a bit different.• Sometimes no formal act of marriage took place as both

families were poor and had no power.• Sometimes a small ceremony was performed outside a church.

WHEN DID PEOPLE GET MARRIED?

• When they were physically able to wed so…puberty • Boys around 14• Girls around 12

• What was the primary goal for marriage?• Procreate!!! Especially creating a male heir.• If you can’t have kids, women, you aren’t fit to marry?

• What do you think this led to?

MIDDLE AGES NOBLE WOMEN

• Had very little choice in the matter

• Arranged for mutual benefit of the families.

• 12 years old, sometimes younger.

• Rarely for love always a dowry was involved, money, land, goods the bride would bring to the marriage.

• Husband had full rights, essentially she became property.

• Main duty to provide children.

MIDDLE AGE PEASANT WOMEN

• Often their family had to get permission for her to get married.

• Jus primae noctis

• Based on being able to have children.

• 12 years old, sometimes younger.

• Husband had full rights, essentially she became property.

• Main duty to provide children but also had to help with her husband’s work and take care of the household duties.

MARRIED LIFE IN POETRY

"Burdened with children and landlords' rent;What they can put aside from what they make spinning they spend on housing,Also on milk and meal to make porridge withTo sate their children who cry out for foodAnd they themselves also suffer much hunger,And woe in wintertime, and waking up nightsTo rise on the bedside to rock the cradle,Also to card and comb wool, to patch and to wash,To rub flax and reel yarn and to peel rushesThat it is pity to describe or show in rhymeThe woe of these women who live in huts;"

QUESTION

• How do the goals, rules, expectations, and reality of Middle Ages marriages/love align with your goals, rules, and expectations for a relationship?

WHAT IS THE MAIN MESSAGE OF MACHIAVELLI?

WHAT DO MACHIAVELLI AND DATING HAVE TO DO WITH FEUDALISM?