The Do’s and Don’ts of DatingA CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE WITH PRACTICAL ADVICE & COMMENTARY

Before the date

Know what you’re looking for. But don’t be superficial.

Don't marry for looks, position, excitement or money. "Marry someone who likes to show kindness to others. Who is hospitable.“

Check if they’re agreeable. For example, if you love tennis, they don’t have to love tennis but they will have to let you play it at least once a week.

Laughing and joking around is important. You can do this on the date. Dating should be fun!

You can plan some questions beforehand if you like. Perhaps rehearse some answers too. Mental rehearsal can often help to relieve some of the stress of the date, which can feel like an interview.

Before the date cont.

If you’re super nervous, why not practice with a trusted friend beforehand? Role play.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Everyone is nervous before the first date. It’s human.

Mentally rehearsing what the date is going to be like can help. Sit in a quiet place and picture yourself walking into the location. You’re sitting, talking, sipping your drink, smiling at your date. The date is going well. You’re calm and in control. You’re enjoying yourself. You make plans for the next date and say goodbye.

Basics

Personal hygiene is important: clean your nails, teeth, face, hair; wear deodorant, clean shoes and clothes.

Your date will notice how much care you take of yourself, and thoughtlessness or looking like you’ve gone to no effort with personal presentation doesn’t impress others.

Don’t overdo perfumes, lotions or aftershaves. It’s better to avoid these altogether anyway, they’re materialistic. Is that the message you want to send?

On the date. Don’ts:

Forget your ex. You will sound negative talking about them and you want to be positive.

Try not to have unrealistic expectations.

Ask questions and be interested in him but don’t talk too much. Aim for 50% or less of the talking.

Avoid anything about ex's, his/her past, or if they want to marry and have children. This will only scare them away.

Don’t be too intimate or too personal on the first date.

Avoid vulgarity and coarse language. It’s unattractive.

On the date. Do’s:

Smile. Laugh. Be positive.

First and last impressions count the most. Make your entrances and exits confident, energetic, and warm.

Be encouraging and agreeable.

Slow down, speak clearly.

Try to relax. If you’re nervous and jumpy, your date will sense this and become anxious too.

A good suggestion is to meet for coffee, a lemonade or a drink, that way you can spend an hour together, end it, and then evaluate how that went. You don’t want to overwhelm him or yourself.

Do’s cont.

Go for a person who is kind and who listens to you. If this isn’t evident after an hour, say thanks for meeting me, make it clear that you’re not interested and move on.

Lying might be fine to some people. It’s not on for me. Honesty is the best policy.

Be an active listener yourself.

Good Questions on a first date:

Have you lived here long? Where are you from originally? Do you live with family? Do you have a big family? What are some of your hobbies? Where do you like to holiday? Have you travelled much?

For girls:

Don’t go overboard on make up. You don’t need it. Natural beauty works. Consider avoiding short skirts, shorts and singlets. Dress conservatively, you don’t need to sell yourself.

Make your partner feel beautiful, valuable, virile, strong, sexy, attractive, wanted, important, intelligent, etc

Men don’t like loud and aggressive women. Most of them don't like that. Your man wants you to be similar to his mother in this way.

Don't criticise his parents. As a guide, don’t criticise anyone if you can help it.

For girls cont.

Q. What about kissing?

A. Jesus told me that kissing is intimacy. Reserve that for marriage. I know it’s hard but don’t give in. Don’t be alone together where you might be tempted. Emotions and love and sex are very special and powerful. It's better to share that with 1 person.

Genesis 29:20: “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.”

Read more:

To read

Read "The Book of Questions" by Gregory Stock, PhD

Read the book "Red Flags: How to Know if You're Dating a Loser"

The Dating Dilemma by Rachel Gardner and André Adefope

Quotable Quotes

What's important is... not what you possess, but rather what you give.

Young man: “What’s the secret of a long successful marriage?” Old man: “We are good friends.”

The number one reason that marriages fail today is selfishness, and unfortunately, we tend to always be thinking about what's in it for me. If you always put your needs before those of someone you're dating, you will foster a sense of resentment that may ultimately cost you everything.

You can do this.

After a break up, success is the best revenge. She/He wasn't right for me but eventually someone else will be.

Keep a journal if it helps. Talk things over with a trusted friend or family member.

You can do this.

Picture credits:

Slide 3 Biting by SayuriEyes on DeviantArt

Slide 13 Unsure by The-EverLasting-Ash on DeviantArt

All other images are public.

Happy dating!

Alex Cowling

Sydney, Australia