I must admit that pursuing a career in finance was not my first choice when I was growing up. In fact, I cannot mention a specific event in my life that made me choose this field. However, I must say finance was an interest that increased as I was growing up. It was the increasing admiration I have had for my mom during my twenty-one years of life that motivated me to pursue a career similar to the one she had. When I was a little girl, I would always look up to my mom with great admiration because of all the confidence she portrayed as a business woman in a time where there were few women with prestigious positions in Colombia, my home country. Whenever I was able to come to the office with her, and would be able to see her work with such passion in her environment, it evoked great excitement and pride. This is when my interest in the finance field originated, and it was one that was later on reaffirmed by the classes I have taken at The College of St. Scholastica for the past three years.I dont really see the connection between you looking up to your mom and Finance. May be a better way could be that youve been looking at your mom and get interested in business in general, and when you started at CSS you find Finance the most interesting field within business. The confession at the first sentence introduced a bit of negativity to the paper, which is avoidable.

I have embraced and thoroughly enjoyed my course work and education in finance and economics at The College of St Scholastica. It has been this experience that sparked my interest in pursuing advanced education in the field. I must say that one of the reasons I am passionate the most about my majors is because they are mentally stimulating. Classes like financial management and investments enabled me to apply mathematical concepts and work on my analytical skills in order to succeed. The extra effort I had to put to overcome some of the intellectual challenges these classes enclosed is what made me enjoy what I am studying. Good! My goal in pursuing a Masters in Finance is to be proficient and more suitably prepared to take on any challenge that may arise in my working experience in the financial field. Although I already have the financial foundation from my undergraduate education, I believe that the quantitative core offered in the program will be valuable for me to succeed professionally; as I would be able to develop models that will help me make better decisions for any firm I may work for in the future. Furthermore, I also find myself highly interested in the Masters in Finance from Loyola because of the focus and commitment Loyola conveys towards leadership as a core aspect. I find this essential to prepare competent business people, as I saw it with the progress my mom had in the bank she worked for. She was able to climb up (try she was able to create a successful career) because among all her qualities, she was a great leader. She always found the way to motivate her team to excel at their best performance. For ultimately, becoming a successful businesswoman like her is what Im striving to be. With my extracurricular experiences I have demonstrated that I am committed to become an excellent community leader. However, I believe there is room for improvement, which I am sure I will be able to achieve if I participate in the program offered by Loyola.Aside from the academic world, I am also trying to embrace finance in the extracurricular activities I am currently involved. I am an active member of the International Club and the Investments Club at The College of St Scholastica. Both clubs have allowed me to learn how to allocate the clubs money in the most efficient and impactful way. In the Investments Club we have $10,000 the school provided us to invest in different stocks, and we have to do some research in order to make smart decisions. Moreover, working as the treasurer in the International Club, I helped the board of the club create budgets for the events we have to plan during the year. The treasurer position also helped me improve my leadership skills as I had to constantly and consistently communicate to the other club members guidance and advice on how to distribute the clubs funds among the events. Good! My background has made me realize that even though leadership is an important aspect to succeed in the business field, not any kind of leadership is effective to achieve success. Coming from Colombia, I am attracted to the focus Loyola has to develop responsible leaders committed to the common good. My country has demonstrated me how important it is to have companies that not only worry about creating profit for their stockholders, but that ensure a positive impact in all of its stakeholders and the community they are involved. While I am still defining my long-term career goals, I am confident in my desire in advanced finance education. I would like to start my professional career as a financial analyst for a multinational firm. In this role I want to become an asset for the company; evaluate its risks and develop ways of diminishing them, find ways of better allocating resources, and making use of all the mathematical tools I will acquire from my learning experience in Loyola. Most importantly, I want to see that my dedication through ethical behavior and strong leadership will be translated into an improvement for the firm and the community I am involved at. I think you should move your career aspiration up 2 paragraphs. It creates better flows when you talk about you like being your mom => study business => like finance => talking about your intended career (which is the last paragraph) => then how Loyola fits into you plan => finally what youll bring to the program. Other than switching parts around I think its a solid statement