DAILY BUL Ldailybull.students.mtu.edu/archives/10-1/Daily Bull 2010-4-7.pdf · it in your kitchen...
2
L Did you know? In the Pokemon Manga, Pokemon DIED. BLOOD EVERYWHERE. Have a nice childhood! Wednesday, April 7, 2010 “Lord, Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet” -Saint Augustine ...see 9x-7i>3(3x-7u) on back AILY It was at that point that the lava lamp started smoking and steaming, coughed, and spat a red pen into my hand. Wip- ing the gel from the cap, I realized what the great lava lamp wanted me to do. It wanted me to grade. AND GRADE I DID! But young mathemati- cians of Michigan Tech, the lava lamp did not provide me with all the necessary wisdom to grade. No, it just gave me my mighty red sword. I would like to share with you what I learned. Firstly, students who don’t staple their papers are ANNOYING. Fold- ing the corners doesn’t count – not even if you do the little tear that goes the other way. Clever, but B for effort. It makes graders nuts to have your papers flying around everywhere, page one as far from page two as many CS majors are from pretty girls. If you do not staple your papers, your grader will steal away into your room at night and take every last undergarment you own, then burn D Back in the olde dayes when dinosaurs roamed the earth, dirt was young and fashionable, and I was a calculus student, I had certain expectations of graders. We all did. We wanted near-instant feedback, helpful com- ments, and preferably a good grade. “The grader” was a nice, hypotheti- cal entity who was to blame for every homework-related qualm we could think of. Some years later, after the great me- teor struck and my Stegosaurus friends died off, I reached enlightenment. I passed through the fiery inferno of calcs two and three, and at the end of the tun- nel was a strange glowing light. It wasn’t a holy glowing light that spoke to my soul, nor was it a bright train headlight il- luminating everything. The light I saw was more like a lava lamp: blobbing around, it cast glows of alternating colors on my eyeballs. “Ooooooo…” I said. The Daily Bull is probably not suitable for those under age 18 and should not be taken seriously... like copious fan-service! BUL By Liz Fujita ~ Daily Bull Really people. Its not that hard. Get a piece of paper, sign it, and then pass it on. Ugh. Today is a class we had a chance for extra credit by signing up to be human lab- rats. Not for the chem-sci, but I digress. The teacher put two sign-up sheets out, one at the front of class, one at the back. I was the fifth person in the row, so logically the fifth per- son to get the sign-up sheet. One would think it would take maybe 2-3 seconds to write the name and time you want. BUT NOOOOO. Like that one person who decides it’s the opportune time to balance their checkbook while they are paying at the grocery or that person that pays for a stick of gum with a credit card with cash-back, these people took FOR-EV-ER! The first one took it and wrote his name like a decent human being in a matter of sec- onds. The second decided to check and see where the previous wrote his name and then use factor-analysis to find the optimal day, hour, By Ruben Garcia ~ Daily Bull Ruben Rants: Pass it on! I WILL STAPLE YOUR FACE Mo’ Better Pizza! 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT! But you gotta ask for it and show us your MTU ID—because we won’t remember. Discount only on pizza and no extra discount on specials or with a coupon. And no discounts if you piss us off! 48 2 -5 1 0 0 48 2 -5 1 0 0 48 2 -5 1 0 0 482-5100 THE PIZZA The Steaming Pile Lady gaga Mega milk Coitus Frat mattress Myself John Pastore Liquid Thorium reactors Ron Paul and his revolution Hanna Montana Elton John Ash Ketchum Juan Mexican Food Philosoraptor Courage Wolf T-pain Siman 404 not found Simon Cowell The innocent Sexuality My libido Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt Straight From You-Know-Where! The Daily Bull Agrees With _________ Dr. Horrible Barney Stinson Jameson Luke Skywalker Your mom’s thong Carl Blair Dick in a Box Old Gregg What she said The French Change Skinny Jeans Porcupines The Moon (But not the New Moon) Your Sister’s Bed Sheets MOAR Carpal Tunnel Beer Keewenawesomefest Purple Vest Guy Bass Hunter Studio Pizza Batman ...see Share the Love on back That’s my kind of Calculus. If only Calc2 were that easy...
Transcript of DAILY BUL Ldailybull.students.mtu.edu/archives/10-1/Daily Bull 2010-4-7.pdf · it in your kitchen...
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L
Did you know? In the Pokemon Manga,Pokemon DIED. BLOOD EVERYWHERE.
Have a nice childhood!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
“Lord, Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet” -Saint Augustine
...see 9x-7i>3(3x-7u) on back
AILYIt was at that point that the lava lamp started smoking and steaming, coughed, and spat a red pen into my hand. Wip-ing the gel from the cap, I realized what the great lava lamp wanted me to do.
It wanted me to grade. AND GRADE I DID! But young mathemati-cians of Michigan Tech, the lava lamp
did not provide me with all the necessary
wisdom to grade. No, it just gave me my mighty red sword. I would like to share with you what I learned.
F irst ly, students who don’t staple their papers are ANNOYING. Fold-ing the corners doesn’t count – not even if you
do the little tear that goes the other way. Clever, but B
for effort. It makes graders nuts to have your papers
flying around everywhere, page one as far from page two as many CS majors are from pretty girls. If you do not staple your papers, your grader will steal away into your room at night and take every last undergarment you own, then burn
DBack in the olde dayes when dinosaurs roamed the earth, dirt was young and fashionable, and I was a calculus student, I had certain expectations of graders. We all did. We wanted near-instant feedback, helpful com-ments, and preferably a good grade. “The grader” was a nice, hypotheti-cal entity who was to blame for every homework-related qualm we could think of.
Some years la ter, after the great me-teor struck and my Stegosaurus friends died off, I reached enlightenment. I passed through the fiery inferno of calcs two and three, and at the end of the tun-nel was a strange glowing light. It wasn’t a holy glowing light that spoke to my soul, nor was it a bright train headlight il-luminating everything. The light I saw was more like a lava lamp: blobbing around, it cast glows of alternating colors on my eyeballs. “Ooooooo…” I said.
The Daily Bull is probably not suitable for those under age 18 and should not be taken seriously... like copious fan-service!
BULBy Liz Fujita ~ Daily Bull
Really people. Its not that hard. Get a piece of paper, sign it, and then pass it on. Ugh. Today is a class we had a chance for extra credit by signing up to be human lab-rats. Not for the chem-sci, but I digress. The teacher put two sign-up sheets out, one at the front of class, one at the back. I was the fifth person in the row, so logically the fifth per-son to get the sign-up sheet.
One would think it would take maybe 2-3 seconds to write the name and time you want. BUT NOOOOO. Like that one person who decides it’s the opportune time to balance their checkbook while they are paying at the grocery or that person that pays for a stick of gum with a credit card with cash-back, these people took FOR-EV-ER!
The first one took it and wrote his name like a decent human being in a matter of sec-onds. The second decided to check and see where the previous wrote his name and then use factor-analysis to find the optimal day, hour,
By Ruben Garcia ~ Daily Bull
Ruben Rants:Pass it on!
I WILL STAPLE YOUR FACE
Mo’ Better Pizza!
10%
STUD
ENT D
ISCO
UNT!
But y
ou go
tta as
k for
it and
show
us yo
ur M
TU ID
—be
cause
we
won’t
reme
mber.
Disco
unt o
nly on
pizza
and n
o extr
a disc
ount
on
speci
als or
with
a cou
pon.
And n
o disc
ount
s if yo
u piss
us of
f!
482-5100482-5100482-5100482-5100
THE
PIZZA
The Steaming Pile
Lady gagaMega milk
Coitus Frat mattress
MyselfJohn Pastore
Liquid Thorium reactorsRon Paul and his revolution
Hanna MontanaElton John
Ash KetchumJuan
Mexican FoodPhilosoraptorCourage Wolf
T-painSiman
404 not foundSimon CowellThe innocent
SexualityMy libido
Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt
Straight From You-Know-Where!The Daily Bull Agrees With _________
Dr. HorribleBarney Stinson
JamesonLuke Skywalker
Your mom’s thongCarl Blair
Dick in a BoxOld Gregg
What she saidThe French
ChangeSkinny JeansPorcupines
The Moon (But not the New Moon)Your Sister’s Bed Sheets
MOARCarpal Tunnel
BeerKeewenawesomefest
Purple Vest Guy Bass HunterStudio Pizza
Batman
...see Share the Love on back
That’s my kind of Calculus. If only Calc2 were that easy...
-
it in your kitchen sink.
Next, it is critical that people tear/cut/rip/bite off the fringes. You know, those little tabbley things on the side of your page when you rip it out of the notebook? Find a way to remove them. Most notebooks are perforated, people; think of it as burning a half of a calorie if that’s what it takes to get you to remove the little chits. They make papers stick together and not align; and you know everyone is just a little bit OCD about having a neat stack of papers. No one likes chitty paper.
People who divide by zero, even on one passing homework assignment,
...9x-7i>3(3x-7u) from front
Nathan “Invincible” Miller, Liz “Shogun” Fujita, Jeremy “Mr. Sunshine” Loucks, Simon Mused, John Pastore, Matt Villa, Mary Kennedy, Ruben Garcia, Kiri Kennedy, Benjamin Loucks, Tyler Botbyl, Lauren Allen, Jon “Big-O” Mahan, Alec Hamer, Phil Pomber, Stephen Whittaker, Sam Schall, Sandra Custer, Frank McGuire, Mike Cardwell, Bryne Judy, and the Animaniacs!
©2010 by the Daily Bull, a non-profit organization. All rights reserved. Articles may be freely distributed electronically or on late night talk shows provided credit is given, and that this notice is included. The Daily Bull reserves the right to refuse any advertisements or guest articles without reason. All opinionated letters sent to the editor (on paper or to [email protected]) will be treated as material to be published unless expressly stated otherwise by the sender. Original works printed in the Daily Bull remain the property of the creator, however the Daily Bull reserves the right to reprint any submissions in future issues unless specifically asked not to do so by the creator. If you keep reading this small text, you’ll sing the countries of the world song.
The Daily Bull would like to thank the Daily Bull for buying our own damn printer that this publication is printed on. We would also like to thank the Stu-dent Activity Fee for helping to pay for our paper and toner costs.
Daily Bull
Advertising inquiries, questions & comments should be directed to
Sunshine’s Searcher: Awesome Original Pokemon 2
PONYTARAPIDASHSLOWPOKESLOWBRO
MAGNEMITEMAGNETONFARFETCHD
DODUO Brought to you by Jeremy ‘Mr. Sunshine’ Loucks
minute, second, shirt, pants, shoes, kit-ten combination that would best suit them. And then he passes it to the slowest person in existence. She can’t even make up her mind then. She has to pass it to her friend who signs up for his day...I am next at this point...then passes it back to her.
Ok, I can understand, they are friends, they want to do it at the same time[dirty]. BUT SHE TAKES 5 MINUTES JUST SITTING THERE STARING AT THE PAPER! UGGGGGGH! I am sorry for that outburst people. But seriously, just sign it and pass it on. Like I did. Get sheet, look for Tuesday slot, do I have class then? Nope. Sign sheet of paper. Write date and location down. Pass on. It took me about 4.75 seconds to do all that. I challenge you to beat me, for all our sakes.
DODRIOSEEL
DEWGONGGRIMER
MUKSHELLDERCLOYSTERGASTLY
HAUNTERGENGAR
ONIXDROWZEE
HYPNOKRABBYKINGLERVOLTORB
ELECTRODEEXEGGCUTEEXEGGUTOR
CUBONEMAROWAKHITMONLEE
HITMONCHANLICKITUNGKOFFINGWEEZINGRHYHORNRHYDONCHANSEYTANGELA
KANGASKHANHORSEASEADRA
GOLDEENSEAKINGSTARYUSTARMIEMRMIMESCYTHER
JYNX
ELECTABUZZMAGMAR
PINSIRTAUROS
MAGIKARPGYRADOSLAPRASDITTOEEVEE
VAPOREONJOLTEONFLAREONPORYGONOMANYTEOMASTARKABUTO
KABUTOPSAERODACTYL
SNORLAXARTICUNOZAPDOSMOLTRESDRATINI
DRAGONAIRDRAGONITEMEWTWO
MEW
**Bonus: The hero of the original
pokemon series, his rival’s name, and the name of pokemon 0 who you find off cin-nabar island).
... Share the Love from front.
EDITOR IN CHIEF & BOSS MAN & RISING SHOGUN
COMNOMNOMPOSITION EDITOR
FACULTYADVISOR
Nathan “Invincible” MillerLiz “Shogun” Fujita
Jon “Big-O” Mahan
MONOPOLY GUY
David “Mahogany” OlsonAlec Hamer
BREAD WINNERSimon Mused
Hey you! Ya you! Can you use a keyboard? If so then come to our meetings! Wednesdays at 9:15 in
Walker 144. DUU EET.
are scary. I have almost had a heart attack three times this semester!! Don’t scare me like that!! Even if it means leaving a problem at (2x+5)/(x – x), please consider my poor little heart before you carry out that subtraction
and write zero.
Lastly, there are a few creatures of the deep that
all graders fear. It’s worse than the dark, worse than
the monster under your bed – hell, it’s worse than Michael Jackson under your
bed! These terrors are known as the “handwriting disabled.” The ones for whom you can’t tell a 0 from a 6 from an O from an 8. The ones whose 2’s
kind of look like a’s. This goes for both genders!! Gents, slow down, write more carefully. Ladies, excessive curls and cutes and rounds are not neces-sary. You don’t need to flirt with me via integrals.
These are but a few of the life-altering lessons I’ve learned from being a grader. I think it has also caused me to write everything with a great deal more care and structure. I now know that on the other side of campus, some poor soul is sitting in a study lounge at 2:15 in the morning, clinging to a Mountain Dew, rubbing the tired-ness from their bloodshot eyes and just… wanting… to know… where the FUCK… you wrote the answer to NUMBER 15!?
I would have given him the points. Better than my answer. (FLAG TAKEN!)
