Crocodile Couch

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8/12/2019 Crocodile Couch http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/crocodile-couch 1/23 Crocodile Couch By Book and Lyrics Nick Turner Music Troy Schuh All Rights Reserved. [email protected]

Transcript of Crocodile Couch

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Crocodile Couch

By

Book and Lyrics Nick Turner Music Troy Schuh

All Rights Reserved. [email protected]

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ACT I

Scene 1

SETTING: A couch. Henrietta walks in and regardsthe audience.

WITHOUT A MAJOR PRODUCTIONCan you take me today? Where do you want to go?Wherever you will go. With little thought.With little worry. With little planning.Without a major production.Can we take them along? Do they really want to go?I don’t think they will. They have a lot of doubt.A lot of worry. A lot of planning.I sense a major production.Some place that reminds me of no other.That doesn’t recall another time.Some place that will give us a joy of just being there.

You never know what you may find.Can you take me today? Where do you want to go?Where ever you will go. With little thought.With little worry. With little planning.Without a major production. (Repeat.)

Henrietta is left alone on stage. SHE sees she’son the carpet. SHE shouts and leaps onto thecouch.

Interlude #1

IMAGINEER #1 (CLOVER)

A child went forth and saw something wondrous and toldeveryone she met and wasn’t believed so she quicklyforgot all about it.

PIPER enters and look for HENRIETTA finding her hiding under cushions.

PIPERWhat are you doing?

HENRIETTAAh! Quit sneaking.

PIPERI’m not sneaking. I just walked in. Mom said I had toplay with you, so let’s get it over with. What are youplaying?

HENRIETTASomething.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 2.

PIPERTell me.

HENRIETTAI don’t think you really want to know.

PIPERTell me.

HENRIETTA"Crocodiles."

PIPERWhat?

HENRIETTAYou can’t touch the floor or the crocodiles eat you.

PIPER

Nice. How do you play?

HENRIETTAOne thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand ...

PIPERWhat are you doing, Ding-Dong?

HENRIETTA... three. You have until one thousand five and thecrocs eat you. One thousand four ...

PIPER

Right.

HENRIETTAOne thousand ...

PIPER runs to the couch.

PIPERNow what?

HENRIETTAOh, anything can happen. Just remember the crocs. Don’ttouch the floor.

PIPER looks at the floor. Henrietta nods and smiles.

PIPERYou’re really strange, you know that, don’t you?

She looks at the floor and Henrietta spooks her.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 4.

PIPERYou’re both going over.

They drop to the couch. Silence.

PIPER

How long are you two staying?

BOTHSleepover.

PIPERGreat.

Interlude #3

IMAGINEER #3A child went forth. Not first or second or third and soshe got the benefit of three going before her.

ABIGAILHow’s the mom?

OLIVIAGood, good. How’s yours?

ABIGAILGood, good. Gets a little cranky now and then.

OLIVIAHow so?

ABIGAILNo imagination.

OLIVIAReally?

ABIGAILI was testing the results of bring two small flatservices in contact with a yielding surface with greatforce.

HENRIETTAJumping in mud puddles?

ABIGAILExactly.

MAGGIEShe frowned on that?

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 5.

ABIGAILYeah.

OLIVIAAnd there are so many test objects lately.

ABIGAILWhat are you going to do?

Interlude #4

IMAGINEER #4A child went forth and what do you know? Everyone hadadvice on which way to go. Go left. Go right. East orwest. All those suggestions. Which was the best? Shefinally just shouted "Leave me alone!" Soon, she verymuch was. And then she wished she’d just stayed home.

LIGHTS UP. HANNAH enters. They all look at her.

HANNAHHello, Piper.

PIPERHello, Hannah. What are you doing here?

HANNAHMy mother stopped by to see your mother about something.

PIPERAnd?

HANNAHThey’re talking.

PIPERAnd?

HANNAHYour mother sent me in here to play.

PIPERAnd?

HANNAHAnd what?

PIPERWhat did she say?

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 6.

HANNAH“Go into the family room and play.”

PIPERWhat did she say exactly?

HANNAH“Go into the family room and play with Piper andHenrietta and their little friends.”

PIPERWhat did you say?

HANNAHNothing. My mom told me to go ahead.

PIPERYou didn’t have a choice?

HANNAHYeah, right.

PIPERI don’t know about this.

HANNAHHey, I’m not happy about this either but they’ll betalking for awhile so ...

MAGGIEWho’s she?

HENRIETTAHer archenemy.

LACEYWhy?

HENRIETTAI don’t know. Just natural, I guess.

LACEYI like her. Let her play.

HANNAHLooks like the whole neighborhood is here.

LACEYDidn’t the crocs get her?

PIPERNot yet. She doesn’t know the rules.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 7.

HANNAHWhat rules?

HENRIETTAYou touch the floor the crocodiles get you.

PIPERYeah. Crocodiles.

HANNAHI’m supposed to be scared of Crocodiles? In your livingroom?

LACEYBe scared of crocodiles wherever you are.

BEWARE THE CROCSBeware my friend, the crocs at night.Beware my friend, they gnash they bite.

They swallow you whole. Beware, beware.The crocs don’t care if you taste good. Lots of otherkids in the neighborhood.They swallow you whole. Beware, beware.Beware, my friends. They smile they grin. Don’t looktoo close you’ll fall right in.They swallow you whole. Beware.Stay on the couch. See where they go. Don’t touch thefloor or you’ll soon know.They swallow you whole. Beware, beware.They have to follow the rules. At least they aresupposed to.Remember they’re crocs, my friend. And hunger gets the

best of them.They swallow you whole. They swallow you whole. Beware.Beware, my friend. I’ll say once again. Thosecrocodiles, they like to win.They play upon your kindness and fears. When all elsefails, there’s crocodile tears.Beware, beware. Beware, beware. Beware, beware. Beware.

MAGGIEOne thousand one, one thousand two ...

HANNAHOoh. I’m scared.

ALLOne thousand three, one thousand four ...

SHE runs to the couch.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 8.

HANNAHNow what?

PIPERThat’s a dumb question.

MAGGIECaptain, I see a ship on the horizon.

HENRIETTAWho is it?

MAGGIEMorg, and his monster crew.

HENRIETTAEnemy of all pirates.

HANNAH

We’re pirates?

HENRIETTALoad cannon. Look sharp there. Fire!

HANNAHI don’t want to be a pirate.

HENRIETTANo jabbering in the crew.

HANNAHI want to be a mermaid.

PIPERThere’s no mermaids.

HANNAHWhy not?

ABIGAILYeah, why not?

HENRIETTAFine. You’re a mermaid princess we captured and areholding for ransom.

LACEYI’ll guard her.

PIPERThere. You’re a mermaid. Happy?

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 9.

MAGGIEThey’re boarding.

HENRIETTAFight to the death.

THEY “fight”.

HANNAHHelp, I’m falling out of the ship.

HENRIETTAMan overboard.

HANNAHWoman.

HENRIETTAWoman overboard.

PIPERAh, let the sharks have her.

MAGGIEWe’ll save you.

LACEY and MAGGIE "save" her.

HANNAHThere’s sharks, too?

HENRIETTA

There’s pretty much everything. Sharks, giant squids,piranha, but mainly crocodiles.

OLIVIAIt’s a very dangerous ocean.

MAGGIEIt was once peaceful with friendly natives and all thecocoa puffs you could eat.

HANNAHCoconuts?

ABIGAILCocoa puffs. She’s allergic to coconut.

MAGGIELet’s play spaceship.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 10.

PIPERI’m Captain.

HENRIETTAI’m the captain.

PIPEROnly of the pirate ship.

HENRIETTAI’m not playing, then.

HANNAHFeed him to the crocs!

PIPERIsn’t it time for you to go home?

MAGGIE

You don’t just feed people to the crocs.

LACEYYou shouldn’t joke about it.

OLIVIANot funny.

HANNAHFine. Touchy.

ABIGAILShe’ll play.

PIPERSpace ship, everybody. Asteroids ahead. Pilot. Get usout of here.

MAGGIEI can’t dodge them.

PIPERBlow them out of the sky.

HENRIETTAWe’ve been hit.

MAGGIELand on that planet down below.

ABIGAILIt’s going to be a crash landing.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 11.

HENRIETTAI told you I should have been the captain.

THEY crash.

HENRIETTA

Look. Aliens.

MAGGIEThey’re hideous.

PIPERUse your blasters.

They fight the aliens.

HENRIETTAThey’ve got me!

The CREW saves her.

PIPERFix the ship. Hurry.

HANNAHWe’ll never make it.

MAGGIEIt’s fixed.

PIPERTen, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two,

one. Blast off!

LACEYWe made it.

HENRIETTAWhew!

Interlude #5

IMAGINEER #5A child went forth and often because the door was wideopen and she lived on a dead-end street. Her mom stilltold her everyday to be oh, so careful. So everyday sheexpected something to happen because she knew herselfand couldn’t be careful all the time.

LIGHTS UP. The gang is lounging.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 12.

HANNAHWell. Pirates. Aliens. You guys really know how to beall scary. I’m on the edge of my seat to see what’snext. Ooh.

HENRIETTA

Scary is different for different people. Crocodileskeep me on the couch. Pirates are Piper’s.

PIPERBunk beds did it.

MAGGIEYou don’t think aliens are scary? The fact that theycan appear anywhere anytime. Right up there floatingaround. All they have to do - (she makes eeriespaceship noises and pantomimes something being drawnup into a ship). You’re an experiment, like a frog.Ribbit. Ribbit. Aliens.

PIPERAliens don’t scare her and pirates don’t scare her.

HANNAHThat’s right.

HENRIETTASharks?

PIPERNope.

LACEYTarantula’s?

PIPERUh, uh.

HENRIETTASnakes?

PIPERSnakes? Not her.

HANNAHYou got that right.

OLIVIABogey man?

PIPERMaybe. A long time ago.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 13.

HANNAH(All dramatic.)

I was only a child.

MAGGIEYou gotta be scared of aliens. They could be anywhere.

She looks suspiciously at LACEY.

HANNAHNot a bit.

ABIGAILWow.

HANNAHThere you go.

PIPER

The dark.

HANNAHWhat did you say?

EVERYBODY’S SCARED OF THE DARKONE, TWO, THREE! The dark. The dark. Everybody’s scaredof the dark (repeat 4)She’s not scared of spiders. She’s not scared ofsnakes.She’s not scared of the usual things that give a kidthe shakes.She’s not scared of crocs. She’s not scared of Hook.

She’s not scared of the usual things you might find ina book.But Everybody’s scared of the dark. Everybody’s scaredof the dark.(Aliens? You gotta be scared of aliens. You need help.)The dark. The dark. Everybody’s scared of the dark(repeat 3)You never know what’s there in the dark.It might have some talons. It might have some teeth.It might have a slimy tongue that winds up beneath.It might have those red eyes that see you in the night.That find you in the covers though you hold them downtight.‘Cause everybody’s scared of the dark. Everybody’sscared of the dark.The dark. The dark. Everybody’s scared of the dark(repeat 3)Being all alone in the dark.(Yes.)Now we’re not alone in the dark.

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14.

Interlude #6

IMAGINEER #6A child went forth and found herself in line but it wassuch a long line she just knew it had to be forsomething spectacular. She stood. She took a step. She

stood. She took a step. She stood for what seemed likea long time for it really was. Eventually, she turnedto another fellow soul. “What is this line for?”, sheasked. “Ah, this is the line to get into the big line.”“The big line. Man, that’s all I need.” She stepped outand lost her place, immediately. And she neverregretted it.

LIGHTS UP on the couch.

MAGGIELet’s be on an island.

PIPERThat means a tropical beach.

HENRIETTA(Doesn’t sound too adventurous to her.)

A beach?

HANNAHNow you’re talking. The water is so clear. I’m going toswim.

MAGGIEAh, ah, ah. Crocodiles.

LACEYAnd sharks.

ABIGAILAnd those stingy jello-fish.

HANNAHRight.

MAGGIELook at the palm trees.

HENRIETTA(Dramatically.)

Look at the headhunting cannibals!

PIPERNo!

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 17.

PIPERNo one’s stopping you.

HANNAHCrocodiles.

MAGGIEI like it here. You never know what to expect.

HANNAHI expect to be bored and surprise! I am.

PIPERThat’s your own fault.

HENRIETTAOnly have yourself to blame.

LACEY

Don’t look at us. It’s not our job to entertain you.

OLIVIAWe can only do so much.

HANNAHFine. I’m going home.

SHE steps off the couch to the floor. EVERYONE looks at her in shock. Nothing happens at first.

HANNAHWell, there you go.

HENRIETTALook! A ship!

LACEYWho is it?

ABIGAILIs it Morg, again?

HANNAHI’m not playing.

PIPERNo one asked you to.

MAGGIEIt’s not Morg. It’s the Nightmare Pirates.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 18.

HANNAHI thought we were pirates?

LACEYGood pirates.

HENRIETTAThey’re the   evil   Pirates.

PIPERCan we outrun them?

ABIGAILThey’re too fast.

PIPERLoad cannon.

MAGGIE

It’s too late. They’re boarding.

THEY fight. It is a much more serious battle.OLIVIA and ABIGAIL are taken.

HENRIETTAWait. A fog blows up. They can’t see us.

PIPERGet in the space ship. Light speed.

MAGGIEFaster than light speed.

HENRIETTASomething’s wrong. It won’t start.

ABIGAILThe Alien Zombies.

PIPERUse your blasters.

MAGGIEThey’re not working. Help!

HENRIETTAWe’re on the island. We’re on the island.

PIPERCannibals.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 19.

HANNAHPiper. You’re their queen. Tell them to go away.

MAGGIEThey’re not listening. Help!

THEY take away MAGGIE and LACEY. Henrietta grabsfor her.

HENRIETTAMaggie. Don’t go.

PIPERCome back. Wait.

HENRIETTA(Stepping off the couch.)

This isn’t fun anymore. I quit. I’m not playing.

PIPERHenrietta. Wait!

The "CROCS" drag her behind the couch.

HENRIETTAHelp!

PIPERHenrietta.

HANNAHThere are crocs.

PIPERWhat do think? We’re kidding?

HANNAHNo one said that could happen. It’s not fair.

PIPERNot fair?

HANNAHThat’s cheating. There’s not supposed to be anycheating.

PIPERWhat do you think? They’re crocodiles. They don’t careabout rules. Don’t be so stupid.

HANNAHDon’t say that. Don’t call me stupid.

(CONTINUED)

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CONTINUED: 21.

PIPER (cont’d)To go unprepared. Not to be worried.It’s okay. It’s okay not to be scared.

THEY sit quietly. MOM calls. Again, only they hear.

HANNAHWhat? (Time to go home.) Home? Mom? Can I stayovernight? (What?) Piper asked if I could stayovernight.

PIPER(If it’s okay with Piper’s mom.)

Mom, is it okay? (All right.)

THEY smile.

PIPER

C’mon. If we can make it to the stairs we can getsomething to eat in the kitchen.

HANNAHCareful, Piper. Don’t touch the floor.

THEY step from couch to chair, holding hands.

Interlude #9

IMAGINEER #9A child went forth and her middle name was Constancy.She walked the same walk and talked the same talk and

she did her best to be different and so she wasn’t. Shenever was really herself until one day she followed herfeet where they wanted to go and her mouth was its ownbest friend and she changed her middle name to oneuntranslatable in the human language.

IMAGININGSIt never happens like you think.It never looks like youthought it would.We find that we like to imagine things so much betterthan we find them to be.It never happens like you think. It never looks likeyou thought it would.Everything so real, so new, and so beautiful.So much better than we thought it would be.Imaginings. Imaginings. It was never what you thoughtit would be.Imaginings. Imaginings. Ah, you’re just imaginingthings.

Sometimes it happens like you think. It happens just

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

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