Creating Caring Connections

with Children

Presented by

Arnold Lee Valdez BA, LCPAA, TBRI Educator

Arnold Lee Valdez

25 years in Child Welfare

Program Manager- FASST

DePelchin Children’s Center

Married for 18 years to Michelle

One 11 year old Leea

Contacting DePelchin Children’s Center

Main Campus

4950 Memorial Drive

Houston, Texas 77007

Houston: (713) 802-6200

Toll Free : (888) 730-2335

Fax Number: (713) 802-3801

E-mail: info@depelchin.org

Arnold Valdez BA, LCPAA

Program Manager, FASST

(Family Assessment Support

Services & Training)

Office: (713) 802-7639

Cell: (210) 325-5926

E-mail: avaldez@depelchin.org

Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/depelchin

Visit our website: www.depelchin.org

Depelchin Children’s Center

Our History

A woman named Kezia Payne DePelchin

relied only her pioneering spirit and faith in

humanity when she accepted three orphaned

babies into her care in 1892.

For 125 years, DePelchin has carried out her

mission and now has expanded beyond

Houston, with offices in Stafford, the

Woodlands, Lubbock, Austin, and San Antonio .

We currently partner with more than 300

families, caring for more than 450 children

across Texas.

DePelchin Children’s Center

Our Vision:

We envision a world in which

every child is safe and

healthy.

Our Mission:

We strengthen the lives of

children by enhancing their

mental health and physical

well-being.

Why We Need You!

In the State of Texas, there are more than

30,000 children who have been removed from

their homes by TDFPS.

More than 5,000 of these children are in the

Greater Houston area.

When children are removed from their homes,

about 60% of the time they are placed with

relatives. We call this Kinship Care.

30% of children placed in foster care with non-

relative families will be reunified with their

biological families.

Brain Development

The Brain-Simplified

Abstract thoughtConcrete thought

AffiliationAttachment

Sexual BehaviorEmotional Reactivity

Motor RegulationArousalAppetite

SleepBlood Pressure

Heart RateBody TempBreathing

Cortex(most complex)

Limbic

Midbrain

BrainstemLower Brainstem

(most simple – fewest cells)

Lower

Brainstem

The Brain- Continuum of Arousal

State of

ArousalCalm Alert

Alarm

(Agitated)

Fear

(Frustration)

Terror

(Anger)

Behavior Rest Vigilance Resistance Defiance Aggression

Part of the

Brain

Activated Cortex Limbic Midbrain BrainstemLower

Brainstem

As a person moves along the continuum the part of the brain in control of his functioning shifts.

The more distressed or threatened he is or perceives himself to be, the more primitive the behaviors and responses.

Felt Safety / Trauma Triggers

Fight, Flight, Freeze

BACK of the brain behavior!!!

Almost always patterned?

How do you respond?

Positive Phrasing

The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is

the part of the brain that relays

messages in the form of impulses to the

rest of the brain. When phrases are

negated the RAS can easily get

confused or clogged. It tends not to send

the negation in the phrasing.

Positive Phrasing

Tell kids what they should do instead of what they shouldn’t!!

Instead of “Don’t be late!” try “Be on time.”

Instead of “Don’t yell!” try “Lower your voice”

Instead of “Stop jumping” try “Sit down”

The brain is more likely to respond to positive phrasing!

Children Learn Best When

They are calm

They are alert

They have their

basic needs met

Determining the Need / Disarming the Fear

How can I help you? What do you need?Are you hungry? Are you thirsty?

Are you cold? Are you hot?

Do you need a friend? Are you lonely?

Are you sad? Are you hurting somewhere?

Are you confused? Are you tired?

Are you feeling overwhelmed? Do you need to use the restroom?

Do you feel anxious? Are you worried?

Are you angry? Do you feel sick?

Hydration

and

Nutrition ????

Hydration & Nutrition

Dehydration influences:

– Concentration

– Memory

– Anxiety Level

– Mood

Low blood glucose is associated with:

– Cognitive & academic deficits

– Difficulty concentrating/listening

– Anxiety

– Depression

– Irritability

– Aggression

– Difficulty regulating behavior

Teaching Self Regulation Skills

• Deep breathing

• Calming smells

• Physical activity

• Copping skills

• Self time

First we regulate for them..

Next we co-regulate…

Finally they self regulate

Create a Predictable Environment

• Greeting

• Expectation

• Reaction

• Rituals and Routines

Sharing Power

Sharing appropriate levels of power:

– Builds trust

– Empowers children/gives voice

– Choices are an easy way to share power

Choices

Choices are like any other skill

or talent you get better with

practice!!

Choices

Children* act out of control

when they feel out of control.

Choices create the feeling or

perception of control.

*This tends to be true for most adults as well

SETTING THE BAR

This is what we call

establishing “expectations”

for behaviors.

This helps the teacher

understand how much they

can expect behavioral from

their child.

SETTING THE BAR

– The Bar can change from day to day or hour to hour

– Only raise the bar high enough so that children can be

successful

– If children are continually unsuccessful, lower the bar to a

level where they can achieve success

– REMEMBER! Low bar does not mean “no” bar

Behavior is the expression of an unmet

need. If we can meet the need the

behavior will be eliminated.

Communication

Nonverbal communication is often times louder

than verbal communication.

Only 7% of communication is word choice. The

other 93% is body language, facial expressions,

voice tone, volume and cadence.

Connection

Here is how we help

Positive Phrasing- Tell them what to do instead of what not to do

Give them words to express their needs respectfully and appropriately

Know their limits (set them up to succeed)

Establish a connection- Meet their needs

Stay in the front of your brain (keep kids in the front of their brains)

Give them Praise

Resources

For further information:

• The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis & Dr. David Cross

• http://empoweredtoconnect.org (helpful articles, videos, interviews, DVD lecture series, etc.)

• The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Dr. Bruce Perry• The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz• The Out of Sync Child Has Fun by Carol Kranowitz• www.childtrauma.org• http://www.alertprogram.com• www.child.tcu.edu