Creating Creating a Sense of a Sense of ImmediacyImmediacy

Dawn DavishallDawn Davishall

English II, Regular and Pre-APEnglish II, Regular and Pre-AP

Barbers Hill High SchoolBarbers Hill High School

Mont Belvieu, TXMont Belvieu, TX

Barbers Hill High School Barbers Hill High School Chambers CountyChambers County

8 schools in the district serving 2,792 students8 schools in the district serving 2,792 students

High school enrollment is 769 students High school enrollment is 769 students supported by 58 full-time employeessupported by 58 full-time employees

Demographics:Demographics: 1 American Indian1 American Indian 24 African Americans24 African Americans 65 Hispanics65 Hispanics 679 Caucasians679 Caucasians

Seven 55-minute periods each daySeven 55-minute periods each day

High level of student involvement in all areas of UILHigh level of student involvement in all areas of UIL

UIL Reading-Writing CoachUIL Reading-Writing Coach

From Where I StandFrom Where I Stand

Younger students are encouraged to create. Their Younger students are encouraged to create. Their natural poetic sense is drawn out. Older students have natural poetic sense is drawn out. Older students have been expected to be more analytical, and many been expected to be more analytical, and many teachers, including this one, have felt safe there.teachers, including this one, have felt safe there.

Writing involves risk.Writing involves risk.

As the focus shifts from process-oriented instruction, “we As the focus shifts from process-oriented instruction, “we have begun to struggle with teaching craft as opposed to have begun to struggle with teaching craft as opposed to ready-made forms” (Lane 39).ready-made forms” (Lane 39).

Fostering intrinsic motivation will support an environment Fostering intrinsic motivation will support an environment of trust and safety in which writing can flourish.of trust and safety in which writing can flourish.

What is it that I sit and read with What is it that I sit and read with wonder? What do I love so much wonder? What do I love so much

that I am moved to read and that I am moved to read and reread it, to slow down and spend reread it, to slow down and spend

time with it, to show it to my time with it, to show it to my friends, share it with my students, friends, share it with my students,

and recommend it to my book and recommend it to my book club?club?

Language that puts me where the Language that puts me where the writer is . . .writer is . . .

in the moment, in the scene, in the moment, in the scene, walking around in it.walking around in it.

What Makes Writing What Makes Writing Real?Real?

If a writer is immersed in the world she’s creating, it is more If a writer is immersed in the world she’s creating, it is more likely that the reader will be immersed in that world as likely that the reader will be immersed in that world as well. It is the writer’s job to open up, peel away, expose well. It is the writer’s job to open up, peel away, expose the underbelly. She is encouraged to show, not tell, the underbelly. She is encouraged to show, not tell, breathe life into the piece, stand inside it. In breathe life into the piece, stand inside it. In Writing Writing Down the BonesDown the Bones, Natalie Goldberg exhorts one to “stay , Natalie Goldberg exhorts one to “stay in direct connection with the senses and what you are in direct connection with the senses and what you are writing about. If you are writing from first thoughts—the writing about. If you are writing from first thoughts—the way your mind first flashes on something before second way your mind first flashes on something before second and third thoughts take over and comment, criticize, and and third thoughts take over and comment, criticize, and evaluate—you won’t have to worry. First thoughts are evaluate—you won’t have to worry. First thoughts are the mind reflecting experiences. . . . They can easily the mind reflecting experiences. . . . They can easily teach us how to step out of the way and use words like a teach us how to step out of the way and use words like a mirror to reflect the pictures” (68).mirror to reflect the pictures” (68).

The Telling DetailThe Telling Detail

In In What a Writer NeedsWhat a Writer Needs, Ralph Fletcher notes that “a writer can bring a , Ralph Fletcher notes that “a writer can bring a character to life with a single, carefully chosen detail. There is an character to life with a single, carefully chosen detail. There is an art to this, of course; find the right specific and every aspect of the art to this, of course; find the right specific and every aspect of the character comes into instant focus for the reader, right down to the character comes into instant focus for the reader, right down to the color of his socks, her earrings” (58). He goes on to say that “the color of his socks, her earrings” (58). He goes on to say that “the bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Don’t write about senility or bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Don’t write about senility or a man losing the ability to take care of himself. Write about the a man losing the ability to take care of himself. Write about the missed belt loops. Put forth the raw evidence, and trust that the missed belt loops. Put forth the raw evidence, and trust that the reader will understand exactly what you are getting at” (59).reader will understand exactly what you are getting at” (59).

Showing not telling, yes?Showing not telling, yes?

Exposing the underbelly?Exposing the underbelly?

So quit telling, and show!So quit telling, and show!

With a sense of discovery, let’s read selections from the following With a sense of discovery, let’s read selections from the following works to uncover how these authors create a sense of immediacy:works to uncover how these authors create a sense of immediacy:

All the King’s MenAll the King’s Men by Robert Penn Warrenby Robert Penn Warren

““Barbie-Q” from Sandra Cisneros’ Barbie-Q” from Sandra Cisneros’ Woman Hollering CreekWoman Hollering Creek

Fahrenheit 451Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury by Ray Bradbury

The Things They CarriedThe Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien by Tim O’Brien

Annotate your texts, underlining, making marginal notes, and Annotate your texts, underlining, making marginal notes, and asking questions. Or simply listen and let yourself be asking questions. Or simply listen and let yourself be

immersed in the language.immersed in the language.

The farmhouse in The farmhouse in All the King’s All the King’s MenMen

TechniquesTechniques

ToneTone

The Act of FramingThe Act of Framing

We don’t frame pictures of folks we don’t like, places that We don’t frame pictures of folks we don’t like, places that we’d just as soon not have visited, events that held little we’d just as soon not have visited, events that held little meaning. No, instead “we frame pictures of loved ones, meaning. No, instead “we frame pictures of loved ones, special events, not-so-special-events, animals, birds, special events, not-so-special-events, animals, birds, butterflies, places . . . because we want to remember butterflies, places . . . because we want to remember what’s in the picture—because the picture is special. . . . what’s in the picture—because the picture is special. . . . Framing in writing also does that. It invites the reader to Framing in writing also does that. It invites the reader to look at something closely” (Armstrong 11). look at something closely” (Armstrong 11).

Do you see a frame around Warren’s farmhouse?Do you see a frame around Warren’s farmhouse?

. . . . . . Or we can think of this Or we can think of this technique as an author’s using a technique as an author’s using a

MAGIC CAMERAMAGIC CAMERAIn In after The End: Teaching and Learning Creative Revisionafter The End: Teaching and Learning Creative Revision, Barry Lane , Barry Lane

suggests that “writers have a magic camera that they can point at suggests that “writers have a magic camera that they can point at the world and create snapshots that contain smells and sounds the world and create snapshots that contain smells and sounds as well as colors and light” (35). Further, he encourages us to as well as colors and light” (35). Further, he encourages us to “listen to the invisible questions that whisper in readers’ ears, “listen to the invisible questions that whisper in readers’ ears, begging them to read on” (20).begging them to read on” (20).

Warren has taken a snapshot, Warren has taken a snapshot,

painted a still life, created a scene that we can walk into.painted a still life, created a scene that we can walk into.

Try it!Try it!1.1. Think of a person that you know very well. Place that person in the middle of an Think of a person that you know very well. Place that person in the middle of an

empty page, and then pretend that you have a empty page, and then pretend that you have a magic cameramagic camera that can freeze that can freeze any moment in time since you’ve know that person. Jot down at least five or six any moment in time since you’ve know that person. Jot down at least five or six moments, briefly noting them;moments, briefly noting them;

2.2. Pick one moment and write a snapshot of that moment, creating a picture with Pick one moment and write a snapshot of that moment, creating a picture with words that frames the person so that your reader can see what you see. For words that frames the person so that your reader can see what you see. For example, instead of “Dad took me ice fishing,” we have “Dad knelt beside me by the example, instead of “Dad took me ice fishing,” we have “Dad knelt beside me by the ice hole, his hand in the icy water reaching for the perch that slipped back in.”ice hole, his hand in the icy water reaching for the perch that slipped back in.”

3.3. After you’ve taken some time to create a snapshot of this person, read over what After you’ve taken some time to create a snapshot of this person, read over what you’ve written and ask yourself at least two questions that will lead to more detail. you’ve written and ask yourself at least two questions that will lead to more detail. Then go back and either insert or add this detail to the snapshot.Then go back and either insert or add this detail to the snapshot.

4.4. Next, share your snapshot with a partner or group. The listeners should write down Next, share your snapshot with a partner or group. The listeners should write down questions that grow out of their natural curiosity about this person. You then add questions that grow out of their natural curiosity about this person. You then add more detail to the original snapshot.more detail to the original snapshot.

Barry LaneBarry Lane

““We must remember that everything is ordinary and We must remember that everything is ordinary and extraordinary. . . . In order to write about it, we have to go extraordinary. . . . In order to write about it, we have to go

to the heart of it and know it, so the ordinary and to the heart of it and know it, so the ordinary and extraordinary flash before our eyes simultaneously” extraordinary flash before our eyes simultaneously”

(Goldberg 75).(Goldberg 75).

Alternately, try this spin-offAlternately, try this spin-off

Recall the scene in Recall the scene in All the King’s MenAll the King’s Men when the men “saw the house.” when the men “saw the house.”

Return to a story you’ve written and find a place in which you could insert a Return to a story you’ve written and find a place in which you could insert a snapshot, framing a scene for your reader. Place a caret (^) in this spot in snapshot, framing a scene for your reader. Place a caret (^) in this spot in your story and write your snapshot on a separate piece of paper.your story and write your snapshot on a separate piece of paper.

Share your re-vision with fellow writers, asking them to comment on the scene Share your re-vision with fellow writers, asking them to comment on the scene and its clarity. Are there any unanswered questions? Could you layer, even and its clarity. Are there any unanswered questions? Could you layer, even more, your writing?more, your writing?

Discuss the effect of layering. When is enough enough? Discuss the effect of layering. When is enough enough?

Remember that we are ever Remember that we are ever

reading like writers and writing like readers.reading like writers and writing like readers.

451451 and “On the Rainy River” and “On the Rainy River”

ToneTone

TechniqueTechnique

Creating a Sense of Immediacy Creating a Sense of Immediacy with the Listwith the List

In In Writing with Passion: Life Stories, Multiple GenresWriting with Passion: Life Stories, Multiple Genres, Tom Romano , Tom Romano observes that “a list allows a writer quickly to confront readers with observes that “a list allows a writer quickly to confront readers with abundant detail, enabling them to see an untainted, holistic picture. abundant detail, enabling them to see an untainted, holistic picture. In list making, syntax and logical connections of language are not In list making, syntax and logical connections of language are not important. Simple, unexplained, occasionally poetic,” the list is often important. Simple, unexplained, occasionally poetic,” the list is often seen as objective, a “still life” to which the reader brings meaning seen as objective, a “still life” to which the reader brings meaning (87). However, he also notes that the list can also be calculated, for (87). However, he also notes that the list can also be calculated, for a writer can choose to “include some items and exclude others. . . . a writer can choose to “include some items and exclude others. . . . The list offers the writer opportunity to amass pointed detail in a The list offers the writer opportunity to amass pointed detail in a particular context for devastating effect” (89).particular context for devastating effect” (89).

How have both Bradbury and O’Brien created How have both Bradbury and O’Brien created

a sense of devastation with their lists?a sense of devastation with their lists?

Try it!Try it!

For practice, do a quick-write of one of the following:For practice, do a quick-write of one of the following:Job opportunities for teens;Job opportunities for teens;Entertainment;Entertainment;Your bedroom;Your bedroom;Reading materials;Reading materials;Topic of your choice.Topic of your choice.

Look at your list. Look at your list. Is it accurate? Is it accurate? Is it objective? Is it objective? How could you manipulate it to create bias? Look at the following list How could you manipulate it to create bias? Look at the following list

poem for an example of how a list can make a statement simply by poem for an example of how a list can make a statement simply by omission. omission.

A List, a Social Critique, or Both?A List, a Social Critique, or Both?

Help Wanted Help Wanted Nymens Cosmetic CounterNymens Cosmetic Counter

Attractive women ages 21-39Attractive women ages 21-39with prior cosmetic experience.with prior cosmetic experience.Must have excellent communicationMust have excellent communicationskills. Single, non-mothersskills. Single, non-motherspreferred. Must be able to work preferred. Must be able to work anytime Monday-Sunday includinganytime Monday-Sunday includingholidays. No wrinkles, age spots,holidays. No wrinkles, age spots,facial scars, or bad teeth. Heavyfacial scars, or bad teeth. Heavyfoundation, panty hose, high heels foundation, panty hose, high heels and hairspray required. No sickand hairspray required. No sick

pay or personal leave time. Over-pay or personal leave time. Over-weight applicants and applicants withweight applicants and applicants withphysical handicaps need not physical handicaps need not apply. No job security unless youapply. No job security unless youmaintain sales goals. Aggressive, maintain sales goals. Aggressive, self-motivated, persistent womenself-motivated, persistent womenonly. Big-busted blondes encouragedonly. Big-busted blondes encouragedto apply. Actresses and anorexicsto apply. Actresses and anorexicspreferred. Please contact Sherriepreferred. Please contact SherrieAirs at 231-2343 for an appearanceAirs at 231-2343 for an appearanceinterview.interview.

Jennifer Pickering, Graduate Student, Jennifer Pickering, Graduate Student, Utah State UniversityUtah State University

““Barbi-Q”Barbi-Q”

ToneTone

TechniqueTechnique

Does Cisneros create a sense of immediacy? How?Does Cisneros create a sense of immediacy? How?

Lists, Lists All Over the Place:Lists, Lists All Over the Place:Immediacy, Detail, PowerImmediacy, Detail, Power

Historical Fiction Social Commentary

Vignettes FictionScience

As Mark Twain exclaims:As Mark Twain exclaims:

“Don’t say the old lady “Don’t say the old lady screamed.screamed.

Bring her on and let her Bring her on and let her scream.”scream.”

What can we do to show not tell? According to Joyce Carroll What can we do to show not tell? According to Joyce Carroll Armstrong’s Armstrong’s Dr. JAC’s Guide to Writing with DepthDr. JAC’s Guide to Writing with Depth, there are “five , there are “five ways to practice showingways to practice showingAnalyze the work of published authors;Analyze the work of published authors;Compare telling writing to showing writing;Compare telling writing to showing writing;Recognize and use “show don’t tell” as an elaboration technique;Recognize and use “show don’t tell” as an elaboration technique;Identify telling parts in your writing;Identify telling parts in your writing;Replace the telling parts of your writing with showing parts.”Replace the telling parts of your writing with showing parts.”

Works CitedWorks Cited

Bradbury, Ray. Bradbury, Ray. Fahrenheit 451Fahrenheit 451. New York: Ballantine Books, 1953.. New York: Ballantine Books, 1953.

Carroll, Joyce Armstrong. Carroll, Joyce Armstrong. Dr. JAC’s Guide to Writing with DepthDr. JAC’s Guide to Writing with Depth. Spring, TX: . Spring, TX: Absey & Co., 2002.Absey & Co., 2002.

Cisneros, Sandra. Cisneros, Sandra. Woman Hollering Creek and Other StoriesWoman Hollering Creek and Other Stories. New Your: . New Your: Vintage Contemporaries, 1991.Vintage Contemporaries, 1991.

Fletcher, Ralph. What a Writer Needs. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann, 1993.Fletcher, Ralph. What a Writer Needs. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann, 1993.

Goldberg, Natalie. Goldberg, Natalie. Writing Down the BonesWriting Down the Bones. Boston: Shambhala, 1986.. Boston: Shambhala, 1986.

Lane, Barry. Lane, Barry. After the End: Teaching and Learning Creative RevisionAfter the End: Teaching and Learning Creative Revision. . Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann, 1993.Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann, 1993.

O’Brien, Tim. O’Brien, Tim. The Things They CarriedThe Things They Carried. New York: Broadway Books, 1990.. New York: Broadway Books, 1990.

Romano, Tom. Romano, Tom. Writing with PassionWriting with Passion. Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/Cook, 1995.. Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/Cook, 1995.

Warren, Robert Penn. Warren, Robert Penn. All the King’s MenAll the King’s Men. San Diego: Harcourt Brace & Co., . San Diego: Harcourt Brace & Co., 1946.1946.