A FULL CAMP WITH HALF A TANKOur first full camp arrived on Monday, but the timing could not have been worse as it appeared that a strong majority of the staff had played way too hard on the spinning playground apparatus at Navajo County Park...

...on Sunday afternoon. Some had also played

too hard during the touch football game. By the

way, we are taking up a collection for Chris Ratliff to

replace his glasses following the next game at the

park. We’re not confident that he will be so lucky

then. Whatever the reason we were all feeling the

sputters and the spats of half a tank as the vans

began to roll in with eager campers waiting to

terroize...er...I mean tour the camp. They were wel-

comed with a rousing collection of skits and songs.

Note to staffers who may be able to help...Shelby

needs more of her important papers...NOW! Mark

Duarte needs more challenging actions to improvise

with his ridiculous “voiceover” skills. Speaking of

that skit, Caleb Hamilton needs an ambulance.

Following her skit, Kaylee Sowers needs a “Safe

From Harm - Notice of Concern” form. She may

also need a hand full of witnesses. No! Mark

Michaud does not need another date. He’s married

remember? Erin Barnes (aka Pebbles) needs a

towel. Can anyone else think of a few needs. Needy

was the theme this week. We needed more sun and

less clouds. Someone was actually heard crying

behind the Rec Shack on Tuesday, “We need Cap-

tain Chris!” That person just needed a reality check.

98% of the Counselors (Sr. and CIT) needed a big-

time breather after Wednesday evening’s Camp-

wide activity. With the exception of David Oh and

Cody Trimmer’s group, of course. Kudos boys! The

Program Staff have since humbly apologized for the

torturous trek for a fake Dino Egg. On Thursday, we

were all just needing one more day without rain at

free time. Thank you, Lord! I think that’s it for the

needs that became obvious this week. Although, I

feel like I’m forgetting one. Oh, of course, how

could I forget that Captain Christa needs to go

back to Tram Driving School again! Soeaking of

that...Can I get a notice of concern as well?

BREAKING NEWS!While hiking, a group of young campers found the spine of an Elk. Unfortunately, DNA tests have confirmed that it was not rabid. This means the Rabid Elk is still in the vicinity and apparently so Rabid that it is willing to kill and eat its very own species.

THE PULSECPR - Week 3 - June 22-26, 2009

“Life versus even more life.I can’t lose.”Philippians 1:21

95% - The percent-age of time that staff

was or at least appeared to be spaced out this

week. 5 more weeks to go guys!

True colors shine through!In the heat of battle you can learn a lot

about a person and this week of battle revealed

quite a bit about the Camp Ponderosa Staff. For

instance, we learned that Neil LaBarge, our

almost omniscient Camp Manager, will even

break the rules in the thick of it. Sorry

staffers...even though he drove his car on the

path you still need to keep your bikes off them.

If Neil were a Bible character from Jesus’ day

who do you think he would be? Certainly not

Jesus since Jesus was tempted, but did not

give in to that temptation. And then there is

Chad and Alberto the dynamic vomit duo. Their

work ethic shone through when after they wiped

up the “icky stuff” they proceeded to mop the

entire bathroom floor. You go boys! If they were

a Harry Potter Bertie Bott Jelly Bean they would

definitely be the “Tutti Frutti”. Based on the way

they wiped up that mess it is clear that vomit is

their nemesis and is anything more opposite of

vomit than “Tutti Frutti”? Seriously! Then there is

Peter Takeuchi and Danielle Brown. In the heat

of an intense Dino Egg Scavenger Hunt they

forgot they were supposed to actually hunt.

Instead, they took a break and waited for the

Dino Eggs to get served on a Silver Oven Tray

to them and their Campers. We still love you

guys, but come on Peter...In the future, let your

“Iron Man Triathlete” run all over the competi-

tion. I can hear the theme music now, “I can go

the distance!” Then, how could we miss recog-

nizing CIT “Soundover” Mark Duarte after the

opening night. How many sounds can that guy

make? Were there any other old people out

there reminded of that guy from “Police Acad-

emy”? Hey Mark, on our next Star Wars Film

we shoot you get to do Sean’s Wookie cry.

Then there’s Senior Counselor, and all together

selfish, Jeremy Simpson who when it rained at

the flag pole this week was quick to pull out his

own rain coat while his poor little campers

shivered in the cold. Hey Jeremy...Haven’t you

heard Jesus say, “If you give a green plastic

rain poncho to even the least of these you have

given it to me.”? Repent Bro! There’s more, but

as you can see this column is running out of

room. So check out this last one...Neal Reams

likes to wear undersized yellow halter tops

when the sky is gloomy. Someone get that guy

a shot of serotonin next time!

TWINSIES?

Wanted: A ride to and from the valley this

weekend.

Announcements! Announcements! Annnooouuunnncements!We checked the camp’s voicemail and found the following

messages. Jordan Witcher, “Absolutley no more Monster Drinks!” -

Captain Tammy Ray. Markus Whaley, “Ease off the steroids

Brother! David Oh didn’t deserve that smack down.” - Hulk

Hogan. Marcus Reams, “I was thoroughly impressed

with the way you torched your competitors in that nasty

chug contest on Tuesday evening. I just recommend that

next time you toss in someone’s kidney and a few fava

beans.” - Hannibal Lector. Nurse Anne, “Please keep the

vomiting children near a waste paper basket or toilet from now

on.” - Alberto and Chad. Wookie, “I am your Father.” - Neil LaBarge.

David Oh, “Tighten up your belt. KAM SA HA NI DA!” - Mom.

Dustin Trimmer, “I’ve deposited some money on your ACCESS card.

Please replace your duct taped shoes at PAYLESS.” - Dad Chaez

Taylor, “We are pleased to announce that you’ve won our 2009

Sweepstakes. As the winner you receive a lifetime supply of

tea.” The Tazo Tea Company Nurse Anne, “It’s late. I can

hear the coyotes. I think a tarantula just walked by. I really

need a ride to my cabin.” - Chad Nicolazzi. David Smith,

“We are prepared to offer you a $1,000,000 contract with an

attractive signing bonus.” - The Professional Bowling Associa-

tion. Mark Duarte, “Call us.” - The Producers of “Police

Academy 10”. Mark Michaud, “Michael Jackson has left you his

“Thriller” jacket.” - Executors of MJ’s Estate.

Wookie, “I am your Father.” - Neil LaBarge.

By the Numbers -

18 - The number of campers who puked or passed out this week. Not yet certain about the cause.8 - The number of victims who suffered minor injuries during a certain Tram ride.3 - The number of times free-time was called off and back on...daily.

THIS IS NOT A RABID ELK...IT’S DAVID OH. HOWEVER HE DID CATCH THE CHICKEN FLU THIS WEEK. DON’T LET HIM COUGH ON YOU!

HOW’D YOU LIKE THE RIDE? JORDAN HEATHER H. STEPHEN H. JONATHAN

“The last time I felt this ill was when I had just finished my 10th consecutive Monster drink. But! I’d do it again!”

“I feel this ill every time I have to drag everyone’s filthy trash out to the dump after every meal.”

“I dribbled in my pants...Wait...Is this interview off the record?No!? Actually, Jordan spilled his Monster drink on me.”

“I waited patiently for the Lord. He turned to me and heard my cry. Then I got a text so I jumped off to respond to it.”