Jinzuo Dai

Emre Koyuncu

English 106,Section 11

1 May 2011

Cover letter

This Cover letter is for the assignment#5 Revision Portfolio. In the following

paragraph i will comment the feedback i get for my assignment#2an#3 and justify my

revision.

The portfolio is include 4 file the photo essay, photo essay's rational paper,10-page

essay,and this cover letter.

Assignment#2, this is a photo essay. The grade i get is actually pretty good however

their is one thing i miss in my rational paper which is the introduction and the

conclusion.the feedback i get form this assignment is showing that i lost 10pts for

missing intro and conclusion. This showing my weakness in the paper organization.

For the revision of this assignment#1 i add a introduction for the rational paper simply

showing how i will do in this rational paper. Also i add a conclusion for the rational

paper.

Assignment#3, 10 page essay. The grade of this assignment is not as i expect. Since

my lack of skill of organization the feedback i get told me this essay is more like a

free writing than actual essay. The thesis statement is not wide enough for the essay,

also because the lack of translational statement make my essay feel not well structure.

For the revision of this essay, first i change the format to Time new roman 12. Then i

start to revise my thesis statement in order to make it wide enough for my essay. What

i do here is, i try to add all my point in this thesis statement make it clear enough for

my reader to under stand the whole structure i will do in the following paragraph.

After i finish my new thesis statement i make a new outline in order to keep the essay

together as a unit. Then i add a short translational statement for every point, as a mark

leading my reader to next point also doing a simple conclusion for the point i made

before. In order to keep my point in balance i delete a point form Into the wild to

keep every movie have one point on wildness and one point on dealing death. Also i

doing the change on my ending, the old ending is only talking about death which

missing another main point. For the revised one, i add a conclusion of all my point i

made in the essay as the ending of my essay.

For the A#2 its easy for me to revise because it just missing the intro and conclusion

in the ending however i put most of my work on the A#3, its seriously in need a

revise. After all my hard work i believe now the organization is totally better than the

original one, it now a real essay not a "free writing" as it used be.