COUGOCULARSEST. 1993

e[ [SALES

ASSOCIATE HANDBOOK

Congratulations and welcome to the Cougoculars® family. You now have the honor of working with such an innovative new company that Forbes Magazine declared us the “new destruction of American decency.” Cougoculars®, the product, is a pocket-sized pair of binoculars meant to seek and target young males primarily for our older female consumer base. Through this sales associate handbook, you will be able to garner a stronger essence of Cougoculars® the brand.

Our mission here at Cougoculars® is to provide a service that is second to none. Aging single ladies everywhere are looking for love and finding only lust. At Cougoculars®, we don’t ask how we can change that problem, we ask what’s the fastest way to expedite the process? The answer is competitive edge. Not only do we provide a valuable means to an end, we guarantee an unbeatable performance enhancer. At Cougoculars®, we uphold the same composure and dignity as we do with our Grandmother’s bridge club. Having fun should never be anything less than that.

WELCOME !

Michael LederschlaufeCEO, Cougoculars®

Michael Lederschlaufe

The origin of Cougoculars® is a story full of sparse details and missing holes that are difficult to piece into the company it has become today. What is for certain is that Cougoculars® was the brainchild of two Oregon graduates who wanted to develop a confidence building exercise for their school’s aging faculty. Through countless failures and misdirection, the young gentlemen discovered the key was not going through their own eyes, but to imagine themselves as a 37-year-old single clubhopper.

OURHISTORY

The result is a brand that is as recognizable today as the Goodyear Blimp. With little money investments and a jobless economy, the men decided to hire ex-Poison Tour Manager, Michael Lederschlaufe. Under Lederschlaufe’s guidance, the company and brand as a whole quickly emerged as a staple of American debauchery. Only our management knows what the future will hold for Cougoculars®, but with a depleting economy and the summer approaching, the future looks bright.

Many companies will try and wow you with data they claim has been collected from scientific reasoning and meticulous sample surveys. Fibbery.While other companies may claim these lies as truth, we at Cougoculars® pride ourselves with actually conducting scientific reasoning and mass sample surveys. Through this tireless process and mixed lab results, we were able to conclude where and when our product should be marketed.

RESEARCH

OLDER WOMEN

YOUNGERMENUS!

Our consumer is old enough to understand the finer things in life, but can still realize the importance of staying youthful. Our consumers are strong, independent women who are not afraid to be themselves and enjoy the lust of life. Women over 35 years old who are on the prowl for guilt free encounters with men many years their junior. Our consumers are the cornerstones of this industry and our livelihood depends on their promiscuity.

ro

r o

COUGOCULARS ® SOLD

(IN THOUSANDS)

HORNINESS500

200

400

100

300

JAN. FEB. MARCH JULY AUG. SEPT. OCT. NOV. DEC.JUNEAPRIL MAY

ONE-HALF PLUS SEVEN RULE: As a new employee of Cougoculars®, you will be frequently asked a number of difficult and subjective questions from perspective consumers. None of these questions arise more commonly than the concern of age. At Cougoculars®, we pride ourselves by preaching for our customers to set high goals; however, by a rule of thumb, we abide by the “one-half plus seven” rule. Divide the consumer’s age by two and then add seven onto that number. If the potential target is under that age, then it may be too far out of the user’s reach. Answering customer questions with precision and sensitivity is something we require from all employees and you should prepare as needed.

“ THE CREATIVE ” “ THE ATHLETE ” “ THE ‘G’ ”

MAN SHADES ™

WEIGHT -- 2.5 OZSIZE -- PARTY BINOCULARSWATERPROOF -- ALL ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGESBRAND -- COUGOCULARSDIMENSIONS (IN) -- 4.75L X 3 WFIELD OF VIEW -- @ 1000 YARDS 997 YDS.FOCUS TYPE -- MALE TRIPOD ADAPTABLE -- NO SHOULDER BRACE ADAPTABLE -- YES SHATTERPROOF -- NOBINOCULAR SERIES -- COUGPREY 09PRISM TYPE -- ROOF PRISM BINOCULARS

PRODUCT SPECIFICATIONS:A -- FOCUS IN RELATION TO BAC LEVEL

B -- INFRARED ZOOM

C -- ABORT MISSION BUTTON TURNS

COUGOCULARS® INTO REGULAR BINOCULARS

D -- REMOVABLE SHOT GLASS AND BOTTLE

OPENER COMBO DIRECTLY FROM LENS CAP

E -- SHOCK ABSORPTION FROM FALLS 5-8 FT.

F -- NON-SMEAR MAKEUP GUARD

G -- FINGERNAIL GRIPS KEEP NAILS IN TACT

AND UNSCRATCHED

POW

ER O

FF

MAN SHADES ™

C

B

DF

A

E

G

THANK YOUWELCOME

&