Cougar Comical 2018 Revised - Central Middle School Cougar Comical SPECIAL EDITION 2018 My Math...
Embed Size (px)
Transcript of Cougar Comical 2018 Revised - Central Middle School Cougar Comical SPECIAL EDITION 2018 My Math...
In this issue
Cougar Comical S P E C I A L E D I T I O N 2 0 1 8
My Math Teacher is Invisible Mind Reading Student Is Driving Teachers Crazy
My Sub Was Actually a Sub Sandwich Chrome Book Cart #7 Is Really a Time Machine Three-Year-Old Student Will Be Attending CMS
Next Year Mrs. Goldberg and Her Pet Porcupine
PARCC Test Will Be Taken At The Park Next Year
Special Onion Edition
My Math Teacher Is Invisible!
It was the first day of 6th grade. Everyone walked into math groaning knowing that they have to do work. We all sat down in the seats next to our friends. Soon after, we saw the message on the board to line up in front of the desks because the teacher would be giving us assigned seats. Speaking of the teachers, where were they? Before we knew it, we heard the sound of chalk on the board. We all turned around to find a newly drawn seating chart along with the message, “Take your seats.” Of course, I was all the way in the back and had to move up front. Everyone went to their seats, sat down, and started whispering to
each other about the teacher. I looked around and still saw no one. Suddenly we heard a voice. “Hello class! Welcome to my math class!” The next moment we all realized. Our
math teacher was invisible.
Mind Reading Student Is Driving Teachers Crazy
This student, David Winters, has just been named a mind reader. Whenever a teacher asks a question, David always gets the right answer. He has never gotten a single question wrong on a test. Teachers were starting to suspect that he was cheating. Even after a thorough lie detector test, it was determined that he was truly earning these perfect
scores. During an exam one day, Mr. Romanyshyn noticed that David kept squinting at him while holding two of his fingers up to each side of his forehead. After which, he would look down at his test and write the answer. He did this over and over. Of course later, he got another 100. In fact, David was the only person in the entire sixth grade to get a perfect score. Later, they discovered that David Winters was a mind reader.
My Sub Was Actually a
At first we thought, “This guy doesn’t even look human, and he smells like an Italian Hogie!” Then he started trying to talk, and we realized he didn’t even have a mouth, or maybe it was a she!
Who knows because somehow this thing, this sandwich, was actually trying to teach in a middle school. After this
realization, the kids decided to take their inquiry one step further, and one of the sixth graders took a bite of the strange teaching sandwich, “Hmm, delicious,” he said, ‘This is the best tasting sub sandwich I ever tried!” And then the rest of the class joined in, and by the end of the period, there was nothing left
but crumbs on the floor. When Mrs. Shannon asked what happened to our substitute, the whole class yelled in unison,
“We ate him!”
Chrome Book Cart #7 Is Really a Time Machine
Sources have reported that Mrs. Mekita’s Imagineering class has created a time machine. We at the Cougar Chronicle have confirmed it was hidden inside the
Chromebook Cart 7. One of our reporters unlocked the secret panel placed on the front of the cart, and inside there was a machine with enough room for a student to step inside. A daring young reporter, Justin, from our club, was brave enough to make the time-journey. He set the machine back ten years, and found the school to be quite different. For example, half the school had not even been built yet, and construction on the new wing had just begun. Also, after
interviewing some students from the past, Justin discovered that the PARCC Exam had not even been invented back then. Next Justin plans to go back twenty years to a time where it is rumored Mr. Gray, our principal was still an
English teacher here at CMS.
Will Be Attending CMS Next Year
When I first saw him, I thought he must be someone’s little brother just here to pick someone up from school. I went to give him a high five, and he started reciting Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, and I didn’t even know what that was, but he explained it to me. “He’s only toddler, and he’s a genius.” Jackson Willis will be attending Central Middle School next year. But here’s the thing, he’s only three years old! Okay so here’s the whole story. On the first day of preschool he was teaching kids addition. So his parents put him in kindergarten, but he was teaching kids multiplication there. So his parents put him in third grade but he was teaching kids algebra. So now his parents put him in sixth grade! And who knows what he’ll teach kids here! Jackson also has an extensive vocabulary for a three-year-old, and at the rate he’s going, he will probably
graduate high school before he’s five.
Mrs. Goldberg and Her Pet Porcupine
Mrs. Goldberg just has to be different. She was at the pet shop looking for a new dog for her daughters, and there he was, the cutest little porcupine she has ever laid eyes on. Her daughters thought so too, but they were concerned, “Mommy, won’t that porcupine give us boo-boos if we try to pet him?” Mrs. Goldberg is a real problem solver though. She said, “Not if we always
wear special gloves when we handle our new pet porcupine!” So they took him home and named him Peter, Peter the Porcupine to be exact. The only problem they’ve had with him so far is that during one of the girl’s birthday parties, Peter came out and started playing with the balloons. He wound up popping every balloon at the party. Also Peter poked a bunch of holes in the family’s couch, but that’s what you get when you have a pet
PARCC Test Will Be Taken At The Park Next Year
It makes perfect sense. We study all year in preparation of the dreaded PARCC exam. Why not have it administered in a
comfortable place the students will enjoy? So next year, our school will all go down to the park and take the PARCC. This is where the test was made to be taken. Why else do you think they
call it the PARCC?
Thanks for reading! Cougar Comical Writers
Maya Julia Nitya Averi Steve Aastha Peter Adam
Charlie Aisha and Haasini