Cougar Comical 2018 Revised - Central Middle School Cougar Comical SPECIAL EDITION 2018 My Math...

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Transcript of Cougar Comical 2018 Revised - Central Middle School Cougar Comical SPECIAL EDITION 2018 My Math...

  • In this issue

    The

    Cougar Comical S P E C I A L E D I T I O N 2 0 1 8

    My Math Teacher is Invisible Mind Reading Student Is Driving Teachers Crazy

    My Sub Was Actually a Sub Sandwich Chrome Book Cart #7 Is Really a Time Machine Three-Year-Old Student Will Be Attending CMS

    Next Year Mrs. Goldberg and Her Pet Porcupine

    PARCC Test Will Be Taken At The Park Next Year

    Special Onion Edition

  • 2

    My Math Teacher Is Invisible!

       

    It  was  the  first  day  of  6th  grade.  Everyone  walked  into   math  groaning  knowing  that  they  have  to  do  work.  We  all   sat  down  in  the  seats  next  to  our  friends.  Soon  after,  we   saw  the  message  on  the  board  to  line  up  in  front  of  the   desks  because  the  teacher  would  be  giving  us  assigned   seats.  Speaking  of  the  teachers,  where  were  they?  Before   we  knew  it,  we  heard  the  sound  of  chalk  on  the  board.  We   all  turned  around  to  find  a  newly  drawn  seating  chart  along   with  the  message,  “Take  your  seats.”  Of  course,  I  was  all   the  way  in  the  back  and  had  to  move  up  front.  Everyone   went  to  their  seats,  sat  down,  and  started  whispering  to  

    each  other  about  the  teacher.  I  looked  around  and  still  saw   no  one.  Suddenly  we  heard  a  voice.  “Hello  class!  Welcome   to  my  math  class!”  The  next  moment  we  all  realized.  Our  

    math  teacher  was  invisible.

  • 3

    Mind Reading Student Is Driving Teachers Crazy

     

       

    This  student,  David  Winters,  has  just  been  named  a  mind   reader.  Whenever  a  teacher  asks  a  question,  David  always  gets   the  right  answer.  He  has  never  gotten  a  single  question  wrong   on  a  test.  Teachers  were  starting  to  suspect  that  he  was   cheating.  Even  after  a  thorough  lie  detector  test,  it  was   determined  that  he  was  truly  earning  these  perfect  

    scores.    During  an  exam  one  day,  Mr.  Romanyshyn  noticed  that   David  kept  squinting  at  him  while  holding  two  of  his  fingers  up  to   each  side  of  his  forehead.    After  which,  he  would  look  down  at   his  test  and  write  the  answer.  He  did  this  over  and  over.  Of   course  later,  he  got  another  100.  In  fact,  David  was  the  only   person  in  the  entire  sixth  grade  to  get  a  perfect  score.  Later,   they  discovered  that  David  Winters  was  a  mind  reader.

  • 4

    My Sub Was Actually a

    Sub Sandwich

    At first we thought, “This guy doesn’t even look human, and he smells like an Italian Hogie!” Then he started trying to talk, and we realized he didn’t even have a mouth, or maybe it was a she!

    Who knows because somehow this thing, this sandwich, was actually trying to teach in a middle school. After this

    realization, the kids decided to take their inquiry one step further, and one of the sixth graders took a bite of the strange teaching sandwich, “Hmm, delicious,” he said, ‘This is the best tasting sub sandwich I ever tried!” And then the rest of the class joined in, and by the end of the period, there was nothing left

    but crumbs on the floor. When Mrs. Shannon asked what happened to our substitute, the whole class yelled in unison,

    “We ate him!”

  • 5

    Chrome Book Cart #7 Is Really a Time Machine

    Sources  have  reported  that  Mrs.  Mekita’s  Imagineering   class  has  created  a  time  machine.    We  at  the  Cougar   Chronicle  have  confirmed  it  was  hidden  inside  the  

    Chromebook  Cart  7.    One  of  our  reporters  unlocked  the   secret  panel  placed  on  the  front  of  the  cart,  and  inside  there   was  a  machine  with  enough  room  for  a  student  to  step  inside.   A  daring  young  reporter,  Justin,  from  our  club,  was  brave   enough  to  make  the  time-­journey.  He  set  the  machine  back   ten  years,  and  found  the  school  to  be  quite  different.  For   example,  half  the  school  had  not  even  been  built  yet,  and   construction  on  the  new  wing  had  just  begun.  Also,  after  

    interviewing  some  students  from  the  past,  Justin  discovered   that  the  PARCC  Exam  had  not  even  been  invented  back   then.  Next  Justin  plans  to  go  back  twenty  years  to  a  time   where  it  is  rumored  Mr.  Gray,  our  principal  was  still  an  

    English  teacher  here  at  CMS.

  • 6

    Three-Year-Old Student

    Will Be Attending CMS Next Year

    When  I  first  saw  him,  I  thought  he  must  be  someone’s  little   brother  just  here  to  pick  someone  up  from  school.  I  went  to  give   him  a  high  five,  and  he  started  reciting  Einstein’s  Theory  of   Relativity,  and  I  didn’t  even  know  what  that  was,  but  he   explained  it  to  me.  “He’s  only  toddler,  and  he’s  a  genius.”   Jackson  Willis  will  be  attending  Central  Middle  School  next   year.  But  here’s  the  thing,  he’s  only  three  years  old!  Okay  so   here’s  the  whole  story.  On  the  first  day  of  preschool  he  was   teaching  kids  addition.  So  his  parents  put  him  in  kindergarten,   but  he  was  teaching  kids  multiplication  there.  So  his  parents  put   him  in  third  grade  but  he  was  teaching  kids  algebra.  So  now  his   parents  put  him  in  sixth  grade!  And  who  knows  what  he’ll  teach   kids  here!  Jackson  also  has  an  extensive  vocabulary  for  a   three-­year-­old,  and  at  the  rate  he’s  going,  he  will  probably  

    graduate  high  school  before  he’s  five.    

  • Mrs. Goldberg and Her Pet Porcupine

    Mrs.  Goldberg  just  has  to  be  different.  She  was  at  the  pet  shop   looking  for  a  new  dog  for  her  daughters,  and  there  he  was,  the   cutest  little  porcupine  she  has  ever  laid  eyes  on.  Her  daughters   thought  so  too,  but  they  were  concerned,  “Mommy,  won’t  that   porcupine  give  us  boo-­boos  if  we  try  to  pet  him?”  Mrs.  Goldberg   is  a  real  problem  solver  though.  She  said,  “Not  if  we  always  

    wear  special  gloves  when  we  handle  our  new  pet  porcupine!”  So   they  took  him  home  and  named  him  Peter,  Peter  the  Porcupine   to  be  exact.  The  only  problem  they’ve  had  with  him  so  far  is  that   during  one  of  the  girl’s  birthday  parties,  Peter  came  out  and   started  playing  with  the  balloons.  He  wound  up  popping  every   balloon  at  the  party.  Also  Peter  poked  a  bunch  of  holes  in  the   family’s  couch,  but  that’s  what  you  get  when  you  have  a  pet  

    porcupine!    

  • PARCC  Test  Will  Be  Taken  At   The  Park  Next  Year  

      It  makes  perfect  sense.  We  study  all  year  in  preparation  of  the   dreaded  PARCC  exam.  Why  not  have  it  administered  in  a  

    comfortable  place  the  students  will  enjoy?  So  next  year,  our   school  will  all  go  down  to  the  park  and  take  the  PARCC.  This  is   where  the  test  was  made  to  be  taken.  Why  else  do  you  think  they  

    call  it  the  PARCC?    

    Thanks  for  reading!   Cougar Comical Writers

    Maya Julia Nitya Averi Steve Aastha Peter Adam

    Charlie Aisha and Haasini