Copy ONE - Bishops Hull FEBRUARY 2021 magazine and adverts

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/09 February 2021

BISHOP’S HULL PARISH MAGAZINEFEBRUARY 2021

A THRIVING VILLAGE COMMUNITYIN THE HEART OF SOMERSET

LIMITED EDITION

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/09 February 2021EDITOR

Bob Coombs 2 Waterfield Close Bishop’s Hull Taunton, TA1 5HB

01823-253697 Email: [email protected]

POST VACANT - TREASURER &ADVERTISING MANAGER

Please contact John Chidgey 26 Shutewater Close, Bishop’s Hull Taunton.

01823-972908 E-mail: [email protected]

MAGAZINE SUPPORT TEAMRegular Helpers: (Clem & Val Pryer have now retired)

but Margaret Coombs continues to help.Magazine Cover: Photographs by Bob Coombs & Bob Winn

Magazine Distributors in inwaiting:

Margaret Baker 274542 Christine Chidgey 972908Margaret Coombs 253697 Jane Gurr 272415Pam Lloyd 251599 Kath Mogford 461735Rosemary Lockley 275867 Jo YeandleJohn Prinsep 253740 Janet ReedMary Trevelyan 256406 Roger Farthing (Reserve)

Articles relating to all aspects of our village and community are welcome.

Final date for acceptance: Mid-day on 12th of the month.Please help to make the magazine interesting by contributing material.

Magazines are delivered monthly to subscribers at a cost of £6.00 per annum.(Please note: Individual copies are now priced at 60p)Copies posted will attract a stamp fee (2nd class large) per copy .

Our magazine year starts on (TO BE DECIDED). Annual subscriptionsare due on this date or may be prepaid following delivery of the nextmagazine. Complimentary copies are sent to the LMG, Hospices and thelocal nursing and residential homes.

ADVERTISERS: Without the support of our advertisers this magazinewould not be financially viable. Please try to support them whenever

possible, and mention this magazine when doing so.It is emphasised that the views expressed in this magazine are notnecessarily those of the the magazine editorial team,unless attributable,

or those sent in by identifiable contributors.COVER PICTURE: THE FROST LINGERS IN THE WOODLAND

BELOW NETHERCLAY

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The Frank Bond Centre84 Mountway Road, Bishop’s Hull

All activities at The Frank Bond Centre, both insideand outside, have been suspended, except croquetwhere booking is essential, until greater clarification.

Over 50? Come and join us for fun, friendship & activitiesAnnual membership £22 (£20 if paid before 31st Jan)

Contact Carolyn 01823 283941Find on on facebook (& ‘Like’ us)

Activities to be resumed in due courseEvery Monday The Painting Group 10.00-12.00 Whist Club 1.30-4.00pm Bridge Club 2.00-4.00pm (except first Monday in the month)Every Tuesday Croquet 10.00-12.00 Games 2.00-4.00pmEvery Thursday Bridge Club 10.00-12.00 German conversation 10.00-12.00 Croquet 2.00-4.00pmEvery Friday Frank’s Café 10-00-12.00 Non members warmly welcomed

Monthly Activities1st Monday in month Family History 2.00-4.00pm2nd & 4th Tuesday. Parchment club for members 1.30-4.30pm1st Wednesday Just for Singles social club 2.00-4.00pm4th Wednesday Music Circle 2.00-4.00pm3rd Thursday Monthly lunch

The Frank Bond Centre still remains closed to the publicfollowing Government guidelines.

The Trustees will continue to review the situation on a monthlybasis.

A date cannot be set for the AGM but the accounts will be filed,in-accordance with the correct legislation. This will be

communicated to members in the FBC newsletter.Please keep safe and well and we hope we can re-open the FBC

soon. The FBC Trustees

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Vicar:Reverend Philip Hughes ,The Vicarage, Bishop's Hull Hill,Bishop's Hull, TA1 5EB01823-336102

Church Wardens:Mr Will Osmond, 01823-461820Mrs Jo George, 01823-331432

As I write this editorial (in the middle of January) I hope and pray that by themiddle of February we will have reached the beginning of the end of the

longest lockdown we have ever known; that over 13 million of the most vulnerablewill have been vaccinated and the awful death toll has started to subside. I alsopray that the remaining millions of unvaccinated members of the population willnot have to wait months for their protective vaccinations and that the country willbe slowly returning to work and some kind of normal.Every day we see ‘the plan’ being changed or tweaked to make it more efficient.Every day the papers are full of hindsight criticisms by just about every one whohas been following the pandemic strategy rather than leading it.It is true that there has been very little good news these past nine months but,thankfully, the science has prevailed and new vaccines are now being distributedworld and nation wide.However, something that has been puzzling me is the increasing number of peoplecatching the virus at the moment. Surely there isn’t anyone left in the country whodoesn’t know all about or understand the ‘keep safe’ rules. Because of the few, therest of us are having to endure even tighter restrictions. The pandemic has alsobrought sharply into focus the feeling that life has never been ‘fair’ for manypeople and now, even more so for the financially disadvantaged.Those who know me will not be surprised by some of my views on this subject, andthe increasing (well intentioned I’m sure) interference in the lives of people bysuccessive ‘caring’ governments.Heaven forbid that we should ever dream of returning to the days when there wasno National Health Service and very little, if any, financial help from the State.Times were extremely hard for the whole population during and after WWII.Almost every penny that came into the home then, had to be earned by thebreadwinner in the family. Somehow or other we managed, thanks mostly to Mumand her budget. So, what has changed?The answer is very complicated but one thing is for sure; money is still the mainconcern of many. Financial help, once given (as of right) is almost impossible tostop, or change. It would seem that more and more of us are to a lesser or greaterdegree dependent on the money that the government gives us every week. And,often it seems it isn’t enough even to feed the children in some families.Over the past eight decades I have experienced the worst and the best in life. Likemany of my generation I worked hard but always with a watchful eye on thefuture. Once this awful pandemic is over I hope and pray everyone will take backmore of the responsibility of running their lives more carefully and especially withan eye on the ever uncertain future. ##

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The Vicar Writes …….Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,Another year, another month, another lockdown, an-other cry for encouragement and wisdom. So, thismonth I thought I would take the letters of the monthand see if there are any Bible verses that can offer usencouragement and wisdom that start with those let-ters. Turns out this is much harder than I thought itwould be, and I confess a little bit of imaginative in-terpretation on just one or two in terms of where verses start! But if youwant to be encouraged and to be wise, read on…F For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, thatwhoever believes in him shall not perish but have…E …eternal life. John 3:16B “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They willsoar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they willwalk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31R “Rise up ... take courage.” Ezra 10:4U ‘understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father.’ John 10:38A “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward loveand good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the hab-it of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you seethe Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25R Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice! Philippians 4:4Y “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he ismy rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I shall not be shaken. Mysalvation and my honour depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my ref-uge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him,for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:5-8Maybe one of these verses connected with you more than others. If so,why not write it out in your own writing and put it on a kitchen cup-board (maybe above the kettle) so it will remind you each time you seeit. Or maybe you would choose different verses. If so, do the same withthose!Either way, I pray that we will keep on being encouraged by our Biblereading and each other as we journey through February, into Lent andonward into the Easter season.

God bless youRev Phil Hughes

Vicar and Chaplain

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BISHOP’S HULL IN TIMES PAST1812

Messrs White announced details of an auction for the sale of acapital mansion house called Netherclay House, lately the

residence of Captain John Tyrwhitt RN, deceased. The propertyconsisted of an entrance hall, library, dining room, drawing room, fivevery good bedrooms with dressing rooms, six attics, excellent cellars,kitchen, laundry, servants’ hall, together with a large coach house andstable, two gardens, a greenhouse and an orchard and plot of ground

adjoining. Also for sale at the same auction were various items of householdfurniture, 200 volumes of books and a coach and harness and cart and harness.

1848Herbert Winsloe Patton Esq, of Mount Nebo, second son of Thomas Patton Esq ofBishop’s Hull House, was promoted to the rank of second captain in the RoyalRegiment of Artillery. He served in the Crimean War and died there at Balaclava in1854. His memorial is in Stoke St Mary churchyard.The small estate called Long Run was sold by auction for £6,400. The estatecomprised 67 acres with dwelling houses and outbuildings.Mr John Newton, butcher, of Bishop’s Hull was married to Elizabeth, youngestdaughter of Mr Thomas, seedsman and florist, Wilton, Taunton.

1948The funeral took place of Mr Ernest Charles Sibley, who died at his home inBridgwater Road, Taunton, aged 66. A native of Yeovil and son of the late Mr andMrs GH Sibley, he had, up to the time of his retirement ten years ago owing to illhealth, been in the employ of Messrs WT Maynard & Sons, North St, Taunton, aschef, whose service he entered as a boy at Yeovil. A resident of Taunton for nearly50 years, the late Mr Sibley had been an active member of the CongregationalChurch at Bishop’s Hull and in recent years at Paul Street Congregational Church.Prior to internment at St Mary’s Cemetery, a service was held at Paul Street Church,at which the Minister, the Rev SW Dickinson officiated. Principal mourners wereMrs N Sibley (wife), Mr and Mrs Cyril G Sibley (son and daughter-in-law), Mr andMrs George Fisher (son-in-law and daughter), Mr Charles Cridland (son-in-law), MrHG and Mr SR Sibley, Yeovil (brothers), Mr S Collinson (brother-in-law), MrsWalbutton (friend) and Mr W Maynard (jnr). Floral tributes included tokens fromthe members of the Paul Street Congregational Church, the staff of MessrsMaynard’s Ltd and Mr E Maynard.Gwyneth Jones, of Bishop’s Hull Congregational Sunday School, was awardedsecond prize in the Teachers’ Division 1 section of the National Sunday School UnionScripture Examination 1948.Mr Victor Collins MP, speaking at the annual meeting of Bishop’s Hull Labour Party,said the murder of Mr Gandhi might well have its effect on every one of them andprove as great a loss as the death of Franklin Roosevelt. Gandhi personified thebasic principles of Socialism, namely the search for truth and the giving of self. Thefollowing officers and Committee were elected:- Chairman, Mr W Paterson; Vice-Chairman, Mr EJ Horne; Secretary, Mr P Snow; Treasurer, Mr SG Smith;Committee, Mesdames L Snow, L Paterson, D Page, L Davies, FE Gommo, MessrsWG Burston, C Stone, W Clarke.

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Have you missed the sound of church bells during lockdown?Here are a few bell tales from our past.

Many legends of saints include bells in one way or another. St. Catherinewas searching for a place to settle and received an angelic message that

she would find the place when she heard bells ringing – Ledbury was the place,and the church of St. Martin and All Saints was where she settled and lived asan anchorite. In Llandaff, the 6th century St. Odoceus asked some butter-maids for water to slake his thirst; they had no cup so he took some butter,fashioned a bell and drank from it. The bell turned into gold and was renownedfor its healing powers. Another bell known for its healing properties was thatowned by St. Mura, a 7th century Irish saint. This small silver hand-bell wasactually silent, for the legend tells us that it came down from heaven, and itsclapper was immediately taken back there. The bell is now in the WallaceCollection in London.Another bell known for its healing ability is mentioned in Sir John Sinclair’sStatistical Account of Scotland, written in 1778. He noted that in St Fillan’sChapel, Perth, there was a bell which could cure depressions and madness. Theafflicted would first wash in the Saint’s Pool, which one assumes was a holywell nearby, and then the bell would be placed on his head. One assumes thatthis bell was of no great size. Sinclair noted that the bell was safely locked awaywhen not in use, but in older times it had lain quite openly in the graveyard, forit was believed that if it were ever stolen it would come back on its own. InLancashire, the idea that bells had healing properties became part of localcustom. In the old days it was usual to give a new-born baby a bell made ofcoral, blessed by a priest. Coral itself was thought to protect against witchcraft,and the blessed bells would keep bad spirits at bay.As evidence that the Devil hated the sound of church bells, it is said thatTowednack in Cornwall never did complete its bell-tower, for each night theDevil destroyed the work that had been done that day. In Norfolk, the bell-tower at West Walton stands at a little distance from the church because theDevil moved it there.A story from Tunstall in Yorkshire tells how the church bells were taken downafter a fire damaged the church. A fierce argument broke out over who actuallyowned the bells, an argument which continued until the Devil himselfappeared and carried the bells off to a bottomless boggy pool called Hell-hole,where he and the bells disappeared into the murky depths. Visit Hell-holetoday and you will see bubbles rising to the surface, sure evidence that the bellsare still slowly sinking…Fairies, also, had a dislike of church bells, because they were so disturbinglyloud compared to their own tiny tinkling bells. At Inkberrow, Worcestershire,the church was dismantled at some point in antiquity and rebuilt on a differentsite, which was unfortunately inhabited by fairies. The fairies were so disturbedby the idea of church bells ringing out so close to where they lived that theytried in all manner of ways to prevent the work from going ahead, but theywere unsuccessful. The fairies were forced to move away, and were never seenin that place again. ##

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VACANCY NOTICE FOR PARISH MAGAZINETREASURER AND ADVERTISING MANAGER

Our current Treasurer/Advertising Manager retired at the end of 2020.We are therefore looking for volunteers to take on one, or both, of

these vital tasks at the beginning of 2021.

If you wish to volunteer, or find out more about the requirements/skillsrequired, then please contact our current manager, John Chidgey, who hasoffered to give every assistance to the newcomer(s) to these posts.

Contact details can be found inside the front page of the magazine which,currently, is available to view either on www.stpeterandstpaul.org.uk orwwwbishopshull.org.uk web sites.

It is important that these two positions are filled as quickly as possiblebefore publication resumes in 2021.

Frank Bond Centre

The Frank Bond Centre still remains closed to the public followingGovernment guidelines. The Trustees will continue to review the

situation on a monthly basis. A date cannot be set for the AGM but theaccounts will be filed, in-accordance with the correct legislation. Thiswill be communicated to members in the FBC newsletter. Please keepsafe and well and we hope we can re-open the FBC soon.The FBC Trustees

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Wanted - Laptops For Home Learning

For this month’s article, I wanted to highlight anexcellent new scheme called ‘Somerset

Computers for Home Office Learning’ (SCHOL). Ithas been established to source, refurbish andredistribute unwanted laptops to local families inneed, helping their children to learn from homeduring this dreadful pandemic.

The scheme is the brainchild of Tim Finch fromComeytrowe in Taunton, together with his friendsand colleagues Dan Taylor from Bridgwater andSimon Sparks from Wellington.

During an interview with me on 10th January, Tim told me that his initialpriority is to ask residents to kindly donate their unwanted laptops. Heemphasised that it is only laptops he requires, not Tablets or Desktops.These laptops should preferably be Windows or Apple, and no older than2010.Tim also put out a call for volunteers to collect and deliver the laptops.

So, if you live in the scheme’s target areas of Taunton, Bridgwater orWellington and would like to donate your unwanted laptop, volunteer tocollect and deliver these devices or receive your free laptop, please use thelink shown below. You'll see the clear instructions on what to do when youarrive.

Finally, I’d like to thank Tim for accepting my offer to chat with me andwish him, Dan and Simon all the very best in their selfless endeavour tohelp those less fortunate.

To contact SCHOL, please enterthis link in your browser:http://schol.techTo watch my interview with Tim,go to: BishopsHull.com/laptops

Take care, stay safe.John Hunt

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Neighbourhood Beat Team

PCSO Lyndsay Smith 07802 [email protected] Marshall Bernhard 07849 [email protected] Catharine Richards 07710 [email protected]

New measures to protect children online

The Government is to give the communications regulator Ofcom new powersto protect children and adults when they are using the Internet.

An Online Harms Bill will beintroduced later this year, with theintention of allowing Ofcom toblock access to online services thatfail to properly protect childrenand other users. Giants likeFacebook and Instagram couldalso be fined large sums if they failto take proper action against poststhat were legal but still harmful.That would include pornographyaccessible to children, bullying,

and disinformation, such as fake claims about vaccinations.The Digital Secretary, Oliver Dowden, says that the legislation should be in forceby 2022. He said: “A 13-year-old should no longer be able to access pornographicimages on Twitter; YouTube will not be allowed to recommend videos promotingterrorist ideologies; and anti-Semitic hate crimes will need to be removedwithout delay.”

Church Action on Poverty Sunday, 21st February

This month you can join churches around the UK in prayer, giving andaction, on behalf of those who are struggling with poverty. Society

should be “founded on compassion and justice, where all people are able toexercise dignity, agency and power,” says Church Action on Poverty.

For free resources to encourage prayer and fund-raising, go to: www.church-poverty.org.uk/sunday/.

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08/01/21 9788 Somerset: Covid Scam (Fake Text)Covid-19 Scam

We have been advised of a new scam that is doing the rounds, whichlooks very believable and therefore highly dangerous. It starts with a

text, seemingly from the NHS,saying that they are now eligible to apply forthe new vaccine and to click on the link to apply. The link takes you to awebsite, which looks genuine and asks the user to complete a form askingfor the following information.

Name Date of Birth Address Payment card details Proof ofaddress.

As you can see from the above, this should automatically ring alarm bells,as we all know, the vaccine is FREE.

Please follow this advice: Do NOT click on links in unknown texts–always check it first NEVER give out your personal details. With the recent approval of multiple vaccines in the UK, thesetypes of scam attempts are likely to continue as fraudsters lookto take advantage of the rollout to so many people. Cold calls regarding the vaccine are also beginning to takeplace –we’ve already had reports of scammers asking people topay for it over the phone. If you receive one of these calls, hangup.REMEMBER: The Covid-19 Vaccine is FREE on the NHS–youwill NOT be asked to pay

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14th February: The very first Valentine card, a legend

The Roman Emperor Claudius II neededsoldiers. He suspected that marriage

made men want to stay at home with theirwives, instead of fighting wars, so heoutlawed marriage.

A kind-hearted young priest namedValentine felt sorry for all the couples whowanted to marry, but who couldn’t. Sosecretly he married as many couples as hecould - until the Emperor found out andcondemned him to death. While he was inprison awaiting execution, Valentineshowed love and compassion to everyonearound him, including his jailer. The jailerhad a young daughter who was blind, but through Valentine’sprayers, she was healed. Just before his death in Rome on 14thFebruary, he wrote her a farewell message signed ‘From yourValentine.’So, the very first Valentine card was not between lovers, butbetween a priest about to die, and a little girl, healed through hisprayers.

It is not enough to love – you need to be loved

Sometimes we can be inclined to give and give and give to others - withoutasking anything in return. We may think that this is a sign of generosity - of

great strength. But it can also be one of pride - we want to be seen as the onewho does not need help. Or it can be a sign of very low self-esteem - we do notthink we are worth receiving anything from others.

Whatever the reason, when we keep giving, without also receiving, we putourselves in danger - we will burn out quickly. It is as important to know whenwe need to TAKE attention and care, as when we need to give it to others. Ifyou do not pay careful attention to your own needs - whether physical,emotional, mental or spiritual - you will not last the distance.

If you want to remain a joyful giver for years to come, you need also to be ajoyful taker and accept God’s love, given to you through other people. ##

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Shrove Tuesday: Who’s for pancakes?by David Winter

Why do we have pancakes on Shrove Tuesday, or Pancake Day, as we callit today? And what is Shrove Tuesday? And why do thousands of people

feel it rewarding to race along a street somewhere tossing pancakes fromtheir frying pans as they go?Well, the answer to the first question is that it is the day before Lent beginsand for well over a thousand years that has meant it was the last chance toenjoy meat, fat and other tasty dishes until Easter Day. The ‘Lent Fast’ waswidely and strictly observed. The food in the larder wouldn’t keep for sixweeks so it had to be eaten. With all these rich foods no wonder the Frenchcall it ‘Fatty Tuesday’ – Mardi Gras.So, what have pancake races got to do with all this solemnity? ‘Shrove’ is anold word for ‘forgiven’ and in those days to prepare for the rigours of Lentpeople would want to confess and seek forgiveness – not quite what you wantat a party. The answer is quite simply enjoying yourself while you can! So, onShrove Tuesday this year let’s have some fun and make it last as long aspossible.The most convincing (and amusing) of the explanations of pancake races is ofoutwitting the Sexton who rang the curfew bell that marked the start of Lent.He was reluctant to do it while the race was unfinished. So, the revelry causedby dropped pancakes, postponed the inevitable.Since the Reformation it has not been so rigorously observed in Britain, butstill people will resolve to ‘give up something for Lent’. Six weeks is aboutright as a duration and Sunday has always been exempt but make the most ofthose pancakes. They may well not reappear until April 12th! ##

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/09 February 2021Do me a favour?

I just had an email from a clergyman, saying,“Hi” and asking me to do him “a favor”. I

replied to say yes, of course. I then began towonder why he had not said what sort of favour itwas, and why he was asking me.

I decided to telephone him and find why he hadnot explained. His wife answered and said: “Is itabout the fake email?” I could tell from her toneof voice that I was not the first caller.

This was a scam of some sort and probably the favour was to send money. Thesame day someone else in the same parish had their accounts hacked. Theemail addresses used were correct, but if I had looked carefully I would havenoticed he would not spell “favour” like that and not say “hi”.

This all makes me quite cross, because these scammers are playing on churchmembers’ kindness. A friend of mine also got the email and was upset thatsomeone else was in trouble. We need to be aware of the risks and look out formessages of any kind which seem strange.

Criminals target churches and pretend to send emails from people in authoritysuch as clergy, churchwardens or treasurers. They prey on our credulity andcharity.

What should we do?

If you get a telephone call or email and you are not sure if it is genuine, useanother form of communication to check.

It is a crime, so report it to the authorities. If it is connected to a church, tellyour diocese or governing body.

The scammers must have got these addresses from somewhere. How easywould it be to get a list of the names and addresses of your minister, leadersand treasurer?

Lastly, carry on being generous and kind. These scammers should not stop us.

Disperse them

A young clergyman, fresh out of training, thought it would help him betterunderstand the harsh realities his future congregations faced if he first

took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physicalexamination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly andwisely in an emergency. Among other questions he was asked,“What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”He thought for a moment and then said,“I would pass an offering plate.”He got the job.

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Christian Aid report surveys climate breakdown

A new report by Christian Aid, Counting the cost 2020: a year of climatebreakdown, has identified 15 of the most destructive climate disasters of

the year.

Ten of those events cost $1.5 billion or more, with nine of them causingdamage worth at least $5 billion. Most of these estimates are based only oninsured losses, meaning the true financial costs are likely to be higher.

Among them is Storm Ciara which struck the UK, Ireland and other Europeancountries in February costing, $2.7 billion and killing 14. The UK’sEnvironment Agency issued 251 flood warnings.

While the report focuses on financial costs, which are usually higher in richercountries because they have more valuable property, some extreme weatherevents in 2020 were devastating in poorer countries, even though the price tagwas lower. South Sudan, for example, experienced one of its worst floods onrecord, which killed 138 people and destroyed the year’s crops.

Some of the disasters hit fast, like Cyclone Amphan, which struck the Bay ofBengal in May and caused losses valued at $13 billion in just a few days. Otherevents unfolded over months, like floods in China and India, which had anestimated cost of $32 billion and $10 billion respectively.

Six of the ten most costly events took place in Asia, five of them associatedwith an unusually rainy monsoon. And in Africa, huge locust swarms ravagedcrops and vegetation across several countries, causing damages estimated at$8.5 billion. The outbreak has been linked to wet conditions brought about byunusual rains fuelled by climate change.

But the impact of extreme weather was felt all over the world. In Europe, twoextra-tropical cyclones, Ciara and Alex, had a combined cost of almost $6billion. And the US suffered from both a record-breaking hurricane season anda record-breaking fire season adding up to more than $60 billion in damages.

Some less populated places also suffered the consequences of a warmingworld. In Siberia, a heat wave during the first half of the year set a record inthe city of Verkhoyansk, with temperatures reaching 38°C. A few months later,on the other side of the world, heat and drought drove the fires in Bolivia,Argentina, Paraguay and Brazil. While there were no human casualtiesreported from these events, the destruction of these areas has a great impacton biodiversity and the planet’s capacity to respond to a warmer world.

Christian Aid says that: “These extreme events highlight the need for urgentclimate action. The Paris Agreement, which set the goal of keepingtemperature rise ‘well below’ 2°C, and ideally 1.5°C, compared to pre-industrial levels, has just turned five years old. It is critical that countriescommit to bold new targets ahead of the next climate conference, which willtake place in Glasgow, in November 2021.”

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What does love require?A message from John Davies, Dean of Wells

Having heard the announcement about the latest lockdown, Iwalked over to the Cathedral. I sat at the back and looked

up at the Cross in the Nave.A question welled up as I sat: ‘What does love require in thecold climate of Covid?’, withempty streets, people shut in,schools and businesses closed.Like many clergy I have a listof people to lift with a phonecall or email. Everyone can ofcourse ring neighbours and friends and family. And offer aword, distanced, in the street; a wave to a window; a cardthrough a letterbox. My neighbour is those I know and care for.But Christ teaches that my neighbour is also on the streets,needy and destitute.Foodbanks and charities need urgent assistance in a cold climatewhere indifference is not unknown. It might be quite simple:shopping, love taking us to the supermarket. It might beconversation: love says listen as they pour it all out. It might bea bit more complicated. My neighbour might be disabled – ispractical help needed? My neighbour might be held as a slave ata car wash. How do I discreetly ask? When do I alert the Clewerinitiative? My neighbour may be gay, does love ask me to affirmor keep a distance? My neighbours may be black. How do I showmy belief that black lives really matter?Love becomes brittle and bossy if it is given but not received.Love means that I must be open to others, for they may want tolove me and be a neighbour to me by loving me.God is love, so in the cold climate of Covid, when community isweakened, let us give and receive love. And the coldness willvanish because love has come to stay.

John Davies, Dean of Wells

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BOOK REVIEWS Agents of Treachery: NeverBefore Published Spy Fictionfrom Today's Most ExcitingWriters - by Otto Penzler

For the firsttime ever,

legendary editorOtto Penzler hashandpickedsome of the mostrespected andbest-sellingthriller writersworking todayfor a rivetingcollection of spyfiction. From

first to last, this stellar collectionsignals mission accomplished.

Including:

* Lee Child with an incredible lookat the formation of a special ops cell.* James Grady writing about anArab undercover FBI agent with anactive cell.* Joseph Finder riffing on a Bostonarchitect who's convinced hisPersian neighbours are up to nogood.* John Lawton concocting a LenDeighton-esque story about Britishintelligence.* Stephen Hunter thrilling us with atale about a WWII brigade.

Full list of Contributors:

James Grady, Charles McCarry, LeeChild, Joseph Finder, John Lawton,John Weisman, Stephen Hunter,Gayle Lynds, David Morrell, AndrewKlavan, Robert Wilson, DanFesperman, Stella Rimington, OlenSteinhauer ###

Pride and Prejudice

Jane Austenarguably started

it all with her classicromance novels setin the early 1800s.And her books aretimeless, stillattractingcontemporaryreaders in love withdetails of British courtship, dancing,and ballgowns. Pride and Prejudicefollows the five Bennet sisters andtheir romantic entanglements asthey try to make a good match. Thechemistry between bold Elizabethand the egotistical Mr. Darcy makesepic love-hate sparks fly. *****

The Valley of Lost Secretsby Lesley Parr

September 1939.When Jimmy is

evacuated to a smallvillage in Wales, itcouldn't be moredifferent from London.Green, quiet and full ofstrangers, he instantlyfeels out of place. Butthen he finds a skull

hidden in a tree, and suddenly the valleyis more frightening than the war. Whocan Jimmy trust? His brother is toolittle; his best friend has changed.Finding an ally in someone he neverexpects, they set out together touncover the secrets that lie with theskull. What they discover willchange Jimmy - and the village -forever. A mesmerising mysteryabout bravery and brotherhood froman outstanding new voice. ##

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EAT WELL FOR LESSRack of lamb with a

fresh mint crust

Ingredients

2 to 3 trimmed racks of lamb,about 900 gm/2 lb total weight50 gm/2 oz butter, softened50 gm/2 oz coarse breadcrumbs4 level tbsp mint, choppedsalt and ground black pepper,to taste2 level tbsp grainy mustard

Method

Trim the fat from the lamb. Combine the breadcrumbs withthe softened butter, chopped mint,salt and black pepper.Spread the fat side of the lamb withthe grainy mustard, then with thebreadcrumbs mixture, pressing it onto the lamb.Pre-heat a roasting tin in the oven at220°C/425°F/Gas 7 and cook thelamb for 30 minutes, bastingfrequently, allow a longer cookingtime if you want your lamb wellcooked.Remove from the oven, cover withfoil and allow to stand for 10 minutesto provide a juicier meat.Serve with seasonal vegetables.

Terry Curnow

Gaelic coffee trifle

Ingredients

a packet of trifle sponges, about 82 tbsp coffee essence4 tbsp whisky75 gm/3 oz caster sugar75 gm/3 oz cornflour1 pint milk2 egg yolks25 gm/1 oz butter275 ml/10 fl oz double cream walnuthalves to decorate

Method

Put trifle sponges in a glass bowl.Mix half the coffee essence and 3tablespoons of whisky and pour overthe sponges.Heat the milk, sugar and cornflouruntil it boils and thickens, stirringcontinuously, then cook gently forthree minutes.Remove from the heat and stir in theegg yolks and remaining coffeeessence.Cook for a further minute.Remove from heat, mix in the butterand remaining tablespoon of whisky.Leave to coolWhip the cream until stiff but stillsoft. Fold half into the coffee mixture.Spoon over the sponge. Spread therest of the cream over the top anddecorate with walnuts.

Fiona/Blain

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A further extract from E W Hendy’s book (1943)Somerset Birds and some other folk.

THE CHAFFINCH FURTHER CONSIDERED

All birds, and particularly the smaller passerines, are wayward andspasmodic in their behaviour: they have multicoloured minds. And to

no bird, except perhaps tits, siskins and goldcrests, is this descriptionmore appropriate than to chaffinches. The buoyancy of their flight, theliveliness of their every movement, betoken vivacity. As I watch them onthe bird-table, they are 'everything by starts and nothing long’: greed,pugnacity, fear, anger, suspicion, succeed each other in kaleidoscopicsuccession, or even synchronise. In another chapter I have written of mytame hen chaffinch, Gouty; she once flew from her nest to my hand forfood, but, half way on her journey remembered her maternal duties andreturned, still hungry, to her brooding. I could not quote a better instanceof mental instability. Other tame chaffinches when they trespass into mybedroom are constantly torn between hunger (or greed), suspicion, andfear that their retreat is cut off.I can feel the varied impulses chasing each other in their minds, a mentalmaelstrom. And all this has its mainspring in a skull which, stripped offeathers, is as fragile as a skeleton leaf.As a race, chaffinches are pugnacious. Cocks frequently fight theirreflections in a window pane. They quarrel venomously amongthemselves; a male, lame from a bent leg, was at one time the bully of ourbird-table: a hen, with an injured and drooping wing was attacked byanother female who held her down on the ground and peeked her furiouslytill I intervened. Another hen constantly chivvied a cock from the table. Incontests with other birds they usually come off a second best: I have seenthem ousted from the table and the bath by robin, cirl bunting, songthrush and even blue tit. Yet at times they show great courage: I have notesof them attacking mistle-thrushes and starlings and once even a kestrel.Intimate acquaintance with chaffinches compels me to rate them low downas regards intelligence. Their behaviour seems to be almost entirelyinstinctive. Even thosewhich are now tame took along time to learn that itwas safe to come to myhand for food. The youngnaturally do not know thatglass is impenetrable, butadults never seem to learnthe lesson. When they enterany of our rooms they still

29


attempt to fly through shutwindows. One of our tamestcocks, instead of walking rounda half-open casement to kernelson the sill, spent the best part ofan hour trying to peck his waythrough a pane. A rook or agreat tit will learn to haul up apiece of fat attached to a stringso that he may feed upon it: achaffinch never advancesbeyond trying to perch on the string or snatch beakfuls ashe flutters.Chaffinches, as Mr. Eliot Howard has pointed out, have a strong sense ofterritory in the mating and nesting season. As early as January orFebruary, according to season, males begin their morning song fromchosen stances, one from the elm, another from the rooftree, a third from acherry. Later, these challenges are continued throughout the day. Contestsbetween rival males are frequent in air or even on the ground. Nestingsites are selected and guarded. Hens begin to visit last year’s nesting siteeven in February. I have never yet found two chaffinches’ nests in closeproximity and I do not think I ever shall. Not only the male defends theterritory; hens drive off trespassing hens from the nesting area.Nest building begins the first week in April; my earliest date for acompleted nest is the eleventh. It is in my experience constructed by thehen only. I once saw a cock carrying nesting material but cannot saywhether the hen accepted it. Her methods are typically described in thenext chapter. Egg laying may be delayed for as long as a month ininclement weather. Hen chaffinches are very sensitive to disturbanceduring the nest-making period. I have known them to desert even after twoor three eggs have been laid, but when once incubation has begun they areless fastidious. They sit very closely, only allowing themselves shortrespites for food. So far I have never seen a cock sharing incubation norfeeding the sitting hen though he is alleged to do both.‘Decorated’ chaffinches nests are often recorded. In Wild ExmoorThrough the Year I mentioned several instances, and hazarded thequestion whether these did not suggest that chaflinches possessed someglimmering of an aesthetic sense. Since then I have read of anotherchaffinch’s nest adorned with red, white and blue confetti, appropriately atthe time of the Silver Jubilee. However this may be, there is no doubt thatas an artificer the hen chaffinch is both aesthetically and practically in thefront rank among our British birds. Only the long-tailed tits ‘pendent bedand procreant cradle’ can rival hers. ##

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FEBRUARY IN THE VEGETABLE GARDEN

THE work of this month is to be carried on as weather permits, but withgreater activity and more confidence, for the sun is fast gaining power.

Earnest digging, liberal manuring, and scrupulous cleansing are the tasks thatstand forward as of pre-eminent importance. Many weeds, groundsel especially,will now be coming into flower, and if allowed to seed will make enormous worklater on. It is well, however, to remember—what few people do remember,because the fact has not been pressed upon their attention —that weeds of allkinds, so long as they are not in flower, are really useful as manure when duginto the soil. Therefore a weedy patch is not of necessity going to ruin ; but ifthe weeds are not stopped in time, they spread by their seeds and mar theorder of the garden. Dig them in, and their decay will nourish the next crop.If early sowing is practised, and the earliest possible produce of everything isaimed at, there must be always at hand the means of protection, such as litter,spruce branches, mats, or other material, as circumstances require. The vigilantgardener is not surprised by the weather, but is always armed for an emergency.

Frame Ground should be kept scrupulously clean and orderly. Many thingswill require watering now, but water must not be carelessly given, becausedamp is hurtful during frosty weather. Take care that the plants are notcrowding and starving, or they will come to no good.Artichoke, Globe.—Plants from a sowing made now in a frame, andtransferred to the open at the end of April, will generally produce heads in thefollowing August, September, and October.Artichokes, Jerusalem, may be planted this month where it has beenpossible to prepare the ground. Use whole sets if convenient, or plant cut setswith about three eyes in each.Beans, Broad, may be sown both for early and main crops now, and with butlittle risk of damage by spring frosts. The driest and warmest situation shouldbe selected for the early sorts, and the strongest land for the late ones. Ifsowings were made in frames last month, take care to harden the plantscautiously preparatory to planting out; if caught by a sharp frost, every onewill perish.Beans, French.—To precede the outdoor crops make a sowing of DwarfFrench Beans in frames, and of the Climbing French varieties in orchard-housesor other available spaces under glass.Beet.—Sowings of the Globe variety may be made this month and in March, ona gentle hot-bed under frames, to provide roots in advance of the outdoorsupplies.Brussels Sprouts.—For an early gathering of large buttons a sowing shouldbe made now on the warm border. This vegetable requires a long period ofgrowth to attain perfection, and those who sow late rarely obtain such finebuttons as the plant is capable of producing.Cabbage may be sown in pans or boxes placed in a frame, to be planted out indue time for summer use, and from a quick-growing variety tender hearts may

31

Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/09 February 2021be cut almost as early as from autumn- sown plants. Where plantations standrather thick, draw as fast as possible from amongst them every alternate plant,to allow the remainder ample space for hearting. It is well to remember thatthe small loose hearts of immature Cabbages make a more delicate dish thanthe most complete white hearts; but when grown for market, or to meet a largedemand, there must be bulk and substance. Cabbages are in constant requestto mend, and to provide stolen crops, or take the place of anything that failspast recovery.Cauliflower.—Another sowing should be made under glass to supply asuccession of plants.Corn Salad thrives well in any soil not particularly heavy, the best being asandy fertile loam. Sow in drills six inches apart ; keep the hoe well at work,and when ready thin the plants out to six inches apart. They should be eatenyoung.Garlic to be planted in rows, nine inches apart each way, and two inches deepin rich mellow soil.Lettuce.—Sow again on a warm border and in frames. Plant out in mildweather any that are fit from frames and hot-beds, first making sure that theyare well hardened.Onion.—There is still time for sowing seed in boxes preparatory to plantingout in April.Parsley to be sown in the latter part of the month.Parsnips should be sown as early as possible, on the deepest and best groundas regards texture, but it need not be on the richest. If the roots can push downthey will get what they want from the subsoil, and therefore it is of greatimportance to put this crop on ground that was dug twice in the autumn.Pea,—Sow round-seeded sorts in quantity now, in accordance with probablerequirements; but there will be a loss rather than a gain of time if they aresown on pasty ground or during very bad weather. There are now excellentround and semi-round seeded sorts which under normal circumstances arecapable of withstanding the weather experienced at this period. There is timeyet for sowing mid-season and late Peas; but the sooner some of the first-earlies are in, the better. It is customary to sow many rows in a plot ratherclose together, but it is preferable to put them so far apart as to admit of two orthree rows of early Potatoes between every two rows of Peas. This ensuresabundance of light and air to the Peas, and the latter are of great value toprotect the Potatoes from May frosts that often kill down the rising haulm. Awarm, dry, fertile soil is needed for first-early Peas. Where early rowsare doing well put sticks to them at once, as the sticks affordconsiderable protection, and the effect may be augmented by strewingon the windward side small hedge clippings and other light dry stuff.Rhubarb.—Roots which need dividing should be taken up and replanted inrich moist soil, every separate piece to have only one good eye. Do not gatherthis season from the new plantation, but always have a piece one year old tosupply the kitchen. This method will ensure sticks to be proud of, not only forsize, but for colour and flavour. ###

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National Nestbox Week – time to help your garden birds

Our birds are short of nestingholes, and no wonder: gardens,

parks and woodland are much neaterthan they used to be, and modernhomes offer few crannies for nestbuilding.National Nestbox Week, which iscelebrated from 14th February eachyear, aims to encourage us to put upmore nestboxes, and to considerplanting shrubs or trees with fruit thatbirds eat. These can make all thedifference to birds struggling to survive, especially blue tits, great tits, housesparrows, robins and starlings.The British Trust for Ornithologiy (BTO) offers a variety of ideas for buildingand placing nestboxes. Go to: https://www.nestboxweek.com

Tim Lenton looks back on a well-loved poet.Remembering John Keats

It was 200 years ago, on 23rd February 1821, thatJohn Keats, the Romantic poet, died in Rome of

tuberculosis, aged 25.

Keats was a generous, likeable and hard-workingman who had much experience of suffering in hisshort life. He also had a love of civil and religiousliberty. Most of his best work was done during theyear 1819, when he was already sickening after anexhausting walking tour of the Lakes and Scotlandthe previous summer.

In that same year he had also been nursing hisbrother Tom through tuberculosis – the disease that

killed their mother. But in 1819, after Tom’s death, he moved to Hampsteadand fell in love with a neighbour, Fanny Brawne, who was 18.

By this time Keats was devoting himself to poetry, having originally trained asa surgeon following his mother’s early death. He is most famous for his Odes,all of which (except the one to Autumn) were composed between March andJune 1819. All of them ponder the clash between eternal ideals and thetransience of the physical world.

His most famous lines: “Beauty is truth, truth beauty, – that is all / Ye know onearth, and all ye need to know.” ##

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All in the month of FebruaryIt was:

200 years ago, on 23rd Feb 1821 that John Keats, the poet, died oftuberculosis, aged 25.

125 years ago, on 1st Feb 1896 that the premiere of Giacomo Puccini’s opera LaBoheme, took place in Turin, Italy.

75 years ago, on 11th Feb 1946 that The Revised Standard Version of the NewTestament was published. It was the first major English-language update of theBible since the King James version published in 1611.

70 years ago, on 27th Feb 1951 that the 22nd Amendment to the USConstitution was ratified. It limits the President to two terms in office.

65 years ago, on 11th Feb 1956 that two members of the Cambridge spy ring,British diplomats Guy Burgess and Donald Maclean, announced that they haddefected to the Soviet Union. They had both vanished in mysteriouscircumstances in 1951.

50 years ago, on 15th Feb 1971 that the UK’s currency was decimalised.

40 years ago, on 24th Feb 1981 that Buckingham Palace announced theengagement of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer.

30 years ago, on 28th Feb 1991 that the Gulf War ended at midnight when acease fire came into effect.

25 years ago, on 15th Feb 1996 that the oil tanker Sea Empress ran agroundnear Milford Haven, Wales, causing a major oil spill along the coastlines ofWales and Ireland.

20 years ago, on 19th Feb 2001 that the first case of foot-and-mouth disease inthe 2001 UK outbreak was detected at an abattoir in Essex. The EUsubsequently banned all British meat, milk and livestock exports.

10 years ago, on 22nd Feb 2011 that the Canterbury earthquake in NewZealand took place. 185 people were killed and up to 2,000 injured., and therewas widespread damage across the city.

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POINTS TO PONDERLeave them be

The National Trust has urged thepublic to stay away from certain

areas during breeding season thisSpring.It hopes to mimic the effects oflockdown last year, which helpedmore vulnerable species.The call follows the discovery lastyear that lockdown did our peregrinefalcons, grey partridges and otherspecies a real favour.The tern colony at Blakeney Point inNorfolk had a bumper season, withmore than 200 little tern chicksfledged, the most in 25 years. ThePeak District saw more curlew, andthe Llyn Peninsula saw more stoats,weasels and rabbits emerging fromthe woodlands of Plas yn Rhiw.Meanwhile, the ruins of Corfe Castlein Dorset became home to peregrinefalcons, and a cuckoo arrived inOsterley, west London. Even Dartfordwarblers were on the move, some toas far as Shropshire.**

The birds and bees

Here is some good news: allnew major roads will havewildflower-friendly verges

that could boost our numbers of birdsand bees.Highway England has said thatvibrant road verges will be created as

standard on new roads over 300miles in England, using low nutrientsoils which will be seeded withwildflowers or left to grow naturally.A staggering 97 per cent of ourmeadows have been destroyed sincethe Thirties, due to modernagriculture. This means that the238,000 hectares of road vergesacross the UK could become a vitalhabitat for pollinators.The Government has pledged to build4,000 miles of new road by 2025.**

Boom in unwanted pets

Will Covid-19 mean a largeincrease in abandoned dogs

and cats?Battersea Dogs and Cats Home fearso. In a recent study it found that athird of the people who acquired a cator dog during the national lockdownhad not considered having a petbefore the pandemic, and had boughtone on impulse.Battersea predicts that the number ofabandoned dogs could increase by 27percent over the next five years,based on data from previouseconomic recessions. The report goeson: “The impulse buying of petsunder lockdown conditions is likely tocreate long-term welfare problems forthese animals.“Many in this cohort are likely to begiven up or abandoned as their

35


owners become unable to cope –particularly as a result of behaviouralissues that develop after periods oflockdown.”**

National survey finds ourfavourite walks

Where do we most like to walk? Arecent survey has found that

two places in the Lake District areclear winners.Top comes the gently accessibleButtermere Circuit, with its ripplingsilver water, mountain views, peaceand quiet. Second is the demandingeight-hour climb up Helvellyn, whichis not for the faint-hearted.Then comes the Rhossili Headlandwalk in Gower, and the Solva to StDavid’s route in Pembrokeshire, bothin Wales.The survey was done by the consumerchampion group Which?**

Potholes

Potholes have proliferated duringthe pandemic, and they are still

the top concern of nearly 40 per centof all drivers.The pandemic slowed down themaintenance of roads for manycouncils. A spokesman for theDepartment for Transport said:“We’ve committed £2.5billion for

local road repairs as part of thebiggest nationwide potholeprogramme ever announced.”But as a transport spokesman for theLocal Government Association said:“Extra government funding hashelped, but our local roads aredeteriorating at a faster rate than theycan be repaired by councils.”**

Smart bird

Ravens have been found to beamong the cleverest animals in

the world. These largest members ofthe crow family can even score ashigh on intelligence tests aschimpanzees.Ravens can remember where food ishidden, can use tools to get at it,follow human faces with their eyes,and understand what people meanwhen they point. All in all,researchers praise their “general,sophisticated cognitive skills.”The study was carried out atOsnabruck University in Germany.**

The challenge to some over-60s

Last year saw a steep rise inredundancies among the over-

60s, and a lack of proficiency withdigital work tools such as Zoomhelped contribute to the problem.The number of workers over 60 whowere made redundant increased from

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8,000 between April and June to31,000 between July and September –twice the percentage increase of anyother groups.According to research by Rest Less, ajobs site for older people, olderworkers are less likely to receiveworkplace training than their youngercounterparts, and once maderedundant are significantly more likelyto find themselves in long-termunemployment. “Contrary to popularbelief, most 60-somethings are notrevelling in their gold-plated finalsalary pensions – a long lost preserveof their parents’ generation.”**

Fairtrade Fortnight:22nd February – 7th March

It has been a terrible year for farmersand workers in the global south.In 2020, on top of the pandemic, theyhad to deal with the growing impact ofclimate change: more droughts andcrop disease, locusts, floods, fires, andheatwaves. No wonder their harvestswere shrinking.

Yet with the help of Fairtrade, many ofthese producers of food, drinks andcottons can be equipped to meet moreeveryday needs, and to deal with thechallenges facing them.So this month, why not visitwww.fairtrade.org.uk and see how youcan send some support.**

Love

He held her close in his arms’embrace,

Their eyes and their lips did meet,He looked down into her lovely face, And her heart did faster beat…

They went to the kirk and it came theday,

And the book the priest did take;He in his kilt was so bright and gay

As his promise he did make.She stood at his side so white and fair,

Her white fingers fair to give,The priest handfasted them then and

there, And he blessed them long to live.O God give the joy and God the love

To those who are lovers true,Shed down benediction from above

As in one are joined the two.

From Prayers of the WesternHighlanders

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LIGHTER MOMENTS

An Italian man is looking wistfullyout at his fields … It’s spring, and

for decades now he has plantedtomatoes. Unfortunately, he is gettingtoo old to turn the soil over toprepare for the planting season.Normally, his son Vincent wouldhelp, but he was recently arrested forarmed robbery, and was in prison forthe rest of the year.The old man sighs and resignshimself to being unable to growtomatoes this season.That night, he writes a letter to hisson:“Dear Vin,I miss you, my boy.I was looking out at the field todayand realising that without you, I’ll bewithout my tomatoes for the firsttime since I was a boy. Hope they’retreating you well in there.Love,Dad.”Three days later, he receives a letterfrom his son:“Dad,Sorry I can’t be there, but whateveryou do, do not touch the field! That’swhere I buried the evidence from mylast job.”That same night, a horde of detectivesand local cops descend on the oldman’s field. They work deep into theearly hours of the morning searchingevery foot of soil with shovels andpickaxes, but they find nothing. Thecops end up apologising and shufflingoff embarrassed as the sun starts torise.The next day, the old man receivesanother letter from his son:“Dad,

Sorry for the mess they probably left,it was the best I could do in thecircumstances. Send me sometomatoes when you harvest.Love,Vin.”*****

My uncle lives next door to acrazy cat lady. This woman has

tons and tons of cats, but herfavourite cat is this ugly little hairlesscat that follows her aroundeverywhere.One day my uncle was using a weedeater on the edges of his lawn whenthe hairless cat jumped out of thebushes and ran right under his feet.My uncle nearly fell over butmanaged to catch hold of the fenceand right himself…but the cat wasn’tso lucky…the weed eater had slicedthe cat’s tail clean off.My uncle, of course, felt terribleabout this and knowing that it wascrazy cat lady’s favourite cat, he spentsome time chasing the wounded cataround the yard and finally trapped itin the garage and managed to carry itand its severed tail over to crazy catlady’s house.Crazy cat lady was very upset andsince she didn’t drive my uncleoffered to do whatever he couldincluding driving her and the cat tothe vet’s office. Crazy Cat Lady agreedand they ran to the car and startedoff. They were heading to the nearestvet’s office when the lady grabbed myUncle’s arm and yelled, “Where areyou going!? You’re going the wrongway!”“No,” said my uncle, “The nearest vetis just a block over in this direction.”“But Wal-mart is the other way!”cried the Crazy Cat Lady.

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“Wal-mart?” questioned my uncle,“How can you think of goingshopping at a time like this? I’ll takeyou shopping after the vet takes careof the cat.”“We have to go to Wal-mart” sobbedCrazy Cat Lady.“Why?” asked my uncle.“Because they are the world’s largestretailer!”*****

The bell ringer at the cathedral hadretired after many years of

service, so the priest placed an ad inthe paper for a new bell ringer. Thenext day, a man came to apply for thejob, but the priest couldn’t helpnoticing that he had no arms.“How are you going to ring the bellwith no arms?” he asked. “Let meshow you, the man replied.”So they trudged up the many stair tothe bell tower. The man stood againstthe wall, got a running start and ranat full speed toward the largest bell.When he struck the bell with his face,it made the most beautiful sound thatthe priest had ever heard.Then the man ran at another bell andwith the first bell still resonating, theharmony was magnificent. He ranagain at a third bell, but this time heslipped and instead of hitting the bellhe skidded out the window and fell tohis death on the ground below.The priest ran downstairs andoutside, where a crowd had formedaround the dead man’s body. “Who isthis?” the crowd asked. The priestreplied,“Well, I don’t know his name, but hisface rings a bell.”*****

I was once driving a truckload ofcough syrup across the desert. I’m

a bit of an addict so I grabbed a bottleto swig on as I drove. As night fell Iheard a bang and realized one of mytyres had blown; since it was too darkto see well enough to fix the tyre Idecided to find shelter for the night.I remembered seeing a cabin backdown the road aways. Grabbing mycough syrup and stashing it in mypocket I walked back towards it.When I reached it I knocked on thedoor but no one answered, so finally Ibroke in through a window. It wasobvious no one had lived there inyears.I pulled out my cigarette lighter andmanaged to get a fire going in the fireplace. So warm! It was the perfectplace to spend a lonely night.Then I heard a noise. I looked up andsaw it–a coffin floating towards me. Ijumped up and ran to another roomof the cabin but the coffin followedme. I dodged the coffin and ran toanother room but it still keptfollowing me while making thishideous moaning noise.I must have run around that cabin foran hour. By then I was completelyexhausted and thinking I wasdoomed. Then I rememberedsomething.I pulled my bottle of cough syrup outof my pocket and took a swig.And the coffin stopped.*****

This marine biology researcher inFlorida hypothesized that if

certain dolphins were fed a diet of seagull eggs they wouldn’t age. Or die.Sure, they’d die from accidents, butnever from any sort of illness or oldage, for that matter. Something to dowith proteins and enzymes. So, heapplied for and got a grant to

40


continue this research. He found aplace on Long Island, NY, where hecould get all the fresh seagull eggs hewanted and hired a trucker with arefrigerated trailer to pick up atruckload of the eggs and bring themto him in Florida.The driver had no problem picking upthe eggs or getting the trailer loadedwith them. But as he was drivingSouth to Florida, he was stoppedwhen he entered Virginia andarrested by the FBI.The charge?

Transporting underage gulls acrossstate lines for immortal porpoises.*****

A man walks into a pub in Irelandand orders three pints of beer.

He takes them to a table and drinksalone, sipping in turn from eachglass. Before long, he goes back to theinnkeeper and asks for three morepints.“Our Colleen would be happy to bringyou your beer one pint at a time, sir.That way it will be cold.”“Well, I’m drinking with me and mebrothers. One’s in America; one’s inAustralia; we’ll probably never meetagain in this lifetime. But we alwaysdrink beer together!”The guy became a regular in the pub.Everyone thought it was asentimental story and greeted himwith well wishes whenever he showedup. Until one day, when he orderedjust two pints. :frowning:The news got around, and the pubwas a little quiet when the guy laterwalked over to order two more pints.The innkeeper shook his head, andsaid “we’re all grieving with you.We’re very sorry for your loss.”

The guy looked puzzled for a while,then smiled. “Oh no, I know whatyou’re thinking but me brothers arefine. It’s me! Doctor told me to stopdrinking!”****

A man is driving along in the

Irish countryside, when he comes to apetrol station, since he’s in need ofpetrol, the man decides to stop.He says to the attendant at thestation, “Fill it up, will you?”.The man says “Sorry – we’re right outof petrol.”So the man considers, and says “Well,I’m a bit low on oil, would youmind topping that up?”And the attendant responds “Sorry,but no oil either.”The man thinks, and asks theattendant to wash his windscreen, towhich hegets the by-now predictable responsethat he can’t do that.The man at this point is fairly mad, sohe asks the attendant, “Justwhat kind of petrol station is this ?”The attendant then looks both ways,and very carefully whispers to theman“To tell you the truth, this is just anIRA front.”The man then says “Well, in that case,you can blow up the tyres!”*****

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St James the Least of AllOn why our church does not need health or safety...

The RectorySt James the Least of All

My dear Nephew Darren

I appreciated your recent concern when you heard one of our parishionershad slipped on a gravestone. Your desire to help was entirely commendable,and I do know that sending your own church’s health and safety officer togive us some advice was kindly meant. But the 200-page report was notwelcome. If we implemented even half of your officer’s suggestions, life wouldbecome unbearably safe.

St James the Least of All has survived perfectly well for the last 600 yearswithout gutter cleaning inspections, path degreasing and electrical safetycertificates, so I think we may survive a little longer without them. As far as Iam aware, the only disaster to hit us was when Cromwell’s soldiers stabledtheir horses in the nave – which I suspect a few of our oldest members stillclearly remember.

The shock the sidesmen sometimes get when switching on the lights occursonly occasionally, is relatively mild and soon over – and if it happens whenpreparing for the 8am Service, helps to wake them up. The weight of the Dukeof Clumber’s marble sarcophagus is slowly detaching the south aisle from therest of the church, but it is very slow – and the pews in that area are usedonly once a year when his relations visit from America to commemorate hisdeath at Agincourt – which is probably just beyond remembrance of theoldest of our congregation.

Leaks from the ceiling in the north aisle are solved with a row of buckets –and even you must concede that the fungi on the oak beams look really ratherattractive when the sun catches them. The sapling growing out of the spire iscertainly an issue – although it looks so attractive in Spring when in blossom.As for our fire extinguishers, they were serviced when my predecessor-but-two was in office, and I have the certificate to prove it.

So, do thank your health and safety officer for all his work and tell him wewill bear his recommendations in mind. Also tell him I was so sorry heslipped and broke his leg in our choir stalls while he was with us. But that bitof floor has been out of alignment since 1748, and it seems a shame to disturbit now. If only he had arrived encased in bubble wrap, it would never havehappened. Perhaps you could put that on the agenda of your next health andsafety meeting.

Your loving uncle,Eustace

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Bishop's Hull Parish Magazine Edition 35/09 February 2021SERVICES AT ST PETER & ST PAUL FEBRUARY 2021

Wednesday3 February Holy Communion 10.00 a.m Mark 6.1-6a

Sunday7 February2nd before Lent

Holy CommunionHoly Communion

8.00 a.m.10.00 a.m. John 1.1-14

Wednesday10 February Holy Communion 10.00 a.m Mark 7.14-23

Sunday14 FebruaryNext beforeLent


8.00 a.m.10.00 a.m. Mark 9.2-9

Wednesday17 FebruaryAsh Wednesday

Holy Communion 10.00 a.m Matthew 6.1-6, 16-21

Sunday21 February1st of Lent


8.00 a.m.10.00 a.m. Mark 1.9-15

24-Feb Holy Communion 10.00 a.m. Luke 11.29-32

Sunday28 February2nd of Lent


8.00 a.m.10.00 a.m

OnFacebook

Mark 8.31-end

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CHURCH DIRECTORY (01823)Church web site: www.stpeterandstpaul.org.uk

Vicar: Rev. Philip Hughes 336102(Usual day off - Friday)[email protected]

Reader: Gerald Lush 251105

Church Wardens: Mr Will Osmond 461820Mrs Jo George 331432

Treasurer: Kathy Fear 0774 811 8124

Gift Aid Co-ordinator: Pat Barrett 365811

Safeguarding Officer: Tim Sutton 286984

Tower Secretary: Giles Morley 430710

PCC Secretary: Gerald Lush 251105

Parish Administrator/ Jayne White Weekly Notice Sheet [email protected]

Church Flowers: Belinda Luke 289537

CHURCH HALL REPRESENTATIVESBooking Secretary: Belinda Luke 289537

[email protected] Treasurer: Bob Coombs 253697

Covers designed by Bob Coombs.Photos by Bob Winn & Bob Coombs

Magazine (when printed) by Colourtone Print, Carly Press, Unit 7C-7D, CastleRoad, Chelston Business Park, Wellington, TA21 9JQ 01823 256535

Copy ONE - Bishops Hull FEBRUARY 2021 magazine and adverts

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