Early Childhood Science and Literature Parenting Workshop by Dr. Diana Wehrell-Grabowski
Cooperative parenting workshop
22
a workshop offered by a workshop offered by Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS, LPC EdS, LPC Maria Droste Counseling Center www.mariadroste.org
-
Upload
claricewilson -
Category
Health & Medicine
-
view
454 -
download
1
description
Co operative parenting plays an important role in bringing up children. This presentation provides 5 strategies for co-parenting kids when in a marriage or after divorce.
Transcript of Cooperative parenting workshop
a workshop offered bya workshop offered by
Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis Co-Parenting Specialist Chris Lewis EdS, LPCEdS, LPC
Maria Droste Counseling Center
www.mariadroste.org
MA in Counseling from The College of New Jersey
EdS in Marriage and Family Therapy from TCNJ
Over ten years experience helping parents, couples and families resolve conflict and improve communication
I’ve been there myself
www.mariadroste.org
Pretend you are a hostage negotiator
Stay in adult mode no matter what
Let the children be children
Keep the end goal in sight and don’t sweat the small stuff
Always “act as if” the other parent has the children’s best interest at heart
www.mariadroste.org
Establish the tone of the communication Use a calm voice and speak in a respectful manner
no matter what is coming back at you.
www.mariadroste.org
Be supportive and encouraging about the outcome
“I’m sure we can find a solution that will work for all of us.”
“I know you want to get this resolved too; we both agree on that so I’m confident we can come to a solution.”
www.mariadroste.org
Reinforce any positive movement toward resolution on their part
“That’s great that you are willing to do that! It really makes a difference. Thank you!”
(Reality check: Are you brimming with gratitude? Maybe not, but remind yourself what this is all about: Reducing conflict and minimizing harm to the children.)
www.mariadroste.org
Compromise whenever and wherever you can
This will not only reduce conflict, but increase the odds they will compromise down the line.
www.mariadroste.org
Listen actively, this helps to diffuse anger, reduce conflict
Summarize what they’ve said to ensure you understand
Affirm your understanding Don’t interrupt Be aware of posture, non-verbal cues
www.mariadroste.org
Children need at least one parent who is in control in order to feel safe -- BE THAT PARENT
www.mariadroste.org
Keep your interactions business-like
Speak in a polite and professional manner.
Have weekly phone/in person meetings for planning, concerns, etc. Hold these meetings away from the children.
Keep old marital issues OUT -- the marriage is over. You are now a co-parenting partnership only. Any other topics are off limits.
www.mariadroste.org
Don’t reciprocate bad behavior with bad behavior
If the other parent is yelling, cursing, being verbally abusive, tell them you will be happy to continue when they have calmed down, then walk away or hang up.
www.mariadroste.org
A little visual imagery to help motivate you to stay in adult mode:
Imagine your children watching both their parents act like angry, tantruming toddlers. What would they be thinking and feeling?
www.mariadroste.org
You do need support people in your life, but your children are NOT those people
Get support from friends, clergy, counselors, siblings.
Your job is to support your children. You can’t do that if you are leaning on them for your own support.
www.mariadroste.org
Don’ts and Don’ts:
Don’t use your children as spies
Don’t use your children as messengers
Don’t ever bad-mouth the other parent to or in front of your children
Don’t fight in front of the children
Don’t talk about failed marital issues with kids
www.mariadroste.org
Chris’s goal of parenting:
To bring your children safely to adulthood with the emotional, social, psychological tools they need to live successfully.
Make your own goal for parenting your children and use it as your guiding principle.
www.mariadroste.org
Children survive different parenting styles a lot better than they survive ongoing conflict. What’s the small stuff?
Is bedtime really worth fighting over?
Is diet?, clothing?, TV time?
Is exact “equal time” more about us or about what’s best for the kids?
www.mariadroste.org
Why do I have to do that? For the most important reason of all:
Because your children need to believe you BOTH have their best interest at heart.
Unless there is real abuse happening, they probably do love their kids to the best of their ability.
www.mariadroste.org
Another benefit:
If you “act as if” toward the other parent, this is likely to reduce conflict on its own because he/she will respond to your more positive regard. Try it!
www.mariadroste.org
Pretend to be a hostage negotiator
Stay in adult mode at all times
Let your children be children
Keep the end goal of parenting in sight and don’t sweat the small stuff
“Act as if” the other parent has your children’s best interest at heart
How to...
www.mariadroste.org
www.Co-Parenting101.com www.ChrisLewisPsychotherapy.com The Co-Parenting Survival Guide:
Letting Go Of Conflict After a Difficult Divorce, by Elizabeth Thayer, PhD
www.Find-a-Therapist.com
www.mariadroste.org
For more information about co-parenting counseling, family therapy, or marriage
counseling in Denver, Colorado,contact Maria Droste Counseling Center at
303-756-9052 or visitwww.MariaDroste.org.
