Contents

TitlePage

Dedication

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Chapter17

Chapter18

Chapter19

Chapter20

Chapter21

Chapter22

Chapter23

Chapter24

Chapter25

Chapter26

Chapter27

Chapter28

Chapter29

Chapter30

Chapter31

Chapter32

Chapter33

Chapter34

Chapter35

Chapter36

AbouttheAuthor

AlsobyLouisSachar

PraiseforHoles

CopyrightPage

ToLauraandNancy,forallyoutaughtme

1

OnceagainArmpitwasholdingashovel,onlynowhewasgettingpaidforit, seven dollars and sixty-five cents an hour. He worked for RaincreekIrrigation and Landscaping. He was in the process of digging a trenchalong the side yard of a house that belonged to themayor of Austin, awoman with the unusual name of Cherry Lane. As his shovel knifedthroughthedirt,hecarefullykeptthesodintactsothatitcouldbereplacedlater.Hisshovelwasshortandhadarectangularblade,unlikethefive-footshovelswithpointedbladeshehadusedwhenhewasatCampGreenLakeJuvenileCorrectionalFacility.

BeadsofperspirationrolledoutfromunderhisredRAINCREEKcap.Hisshirtwasdrenchedinsweat.Yetnoneofthishadanythingtodowithhowhegothisname.

DuringhisfirstweekatCampGreenLake,closetothreeyearsbefore,ascorpionhadstunghimonthearm,andthepainhadtraveledupwardandsettledinhisarmpit.Ithadfeltliketherewasahotneedletwistingaroundinside him.He’dmade themistake of complaining about howmuch his

armpithurt.Thepaineventuallywentaway,butthenamestuck.

“Theodore!” called his boss, Jack Dunlevy, a white man in his latethirties.“There’ssomeonewhowouldliketomeetyou.”

Armpit stopped digging as his boss and a woman approached. Thewomanworebluejeansandaloose-fittingwhiteshirt.Herlongsilverhairwas pulled back in a ponytail.Austin had a reputation for being a littleweird,andthemayorfitrightin.

“ThisisTheodoreJohnson,”saidhisboss.

CherryLaneextendedherhand.“Howyadoin’,Theodore?”

Armpitstoodaheadtallerthanthemayor.Hehadbroadshouldersandthick muscular arms. At one time in his life he had been a littleoverweight,butallhisdiggingandsweatinghadlongsinceburnedawayanyexcessfat.

“Justfine,”hesaidashewipedhisdirtyhandonhisshorts.“Sorry,I’mkindofsweaty.”

“That’sallright,”themayorsaid,andshookhishand.

Afraidofhisownstrength,Armpittriednottogriptheelderlywoman’shand too hard, and was a little taken aback by the firmness of herhandshake.

“IreadallabouttheterriblethingsthatwentonatCampGreenLake,”shetoldhim.“IwantyoutoknowthatIadmireyouforgettingthroughitandturningyourlifearound.”

Armpit wasn’t sure what to say. “I admire what you’ve done forAustin.”

He reallyhadno ideawhat she’ddone for thecity.Heknewshewassupposedtobeastrongenvironmentalist,buthe’dheardhisdadcomplainon several occasions that the “tree-huggers” only seemed to care aboutwestAustin,anareawellknownforitsrollinghills,naturepreserves,andhikeandbiketrails.MostAfricanAmericans,includingArmpit’sfamily,livedintheflatlandsofeastAustin.

Amosquitobuzzedbyhisear,andheswattedatit.Atleasttherehadn’tbeenmosquitoesatGreenLake.Itwastoodry.

HehadbeensenttoCampGreenLakebecauseofabucketofpopcorn.Hehadbeentryingtoeasehiswayalongarowofseatsatthemovies.Hewasonly fourteenat the time,andwasmakinghiswaypastacoupleofhigh school seniorswhenoneof themstuckouthis foot.Theyyelled athimforspillingpopcornonthem,andhedemandedthattheypayforthepopcorn,andby the time itwasallover, the twoolderboyswere in thehospital, and he was on his way to Camp Green Lake JuvenileCorrectionalFacility.

ThenameGreenLakewasacrueljoke.Hespentfourteenmonthsinadried-uplakebed,wherehedidnothingexceptdigholes.Later,whenheapplied for a job atRaincreek, JackDunlevywarnedhim the jobwouldrequireafairbitofdigging.Armpitjustsmiledandsaid,“Nosweat.”

AfterleavingCampGreenLake,hefirstspentsixmonthsatahalfwayhouseinSanAntonio,whereheattendedschoolandreceivedcounseling.Therewere sixteen boys at the halfway house. The counselor there toldthemthattherecidivismrateforAfricanAmericanboyswasseventy-threepercent. Thatmeant, according to the statistics, that eleven or twelve ofthemwouldbearrestedagainbeforetheyturnedeighteen.Thecounselorsaidtheratewasevenhigherifyoudidn’tfinishhighschool.

“If you think life was unfair before you went to prison,” she told

Armpit,“it’sgoingtobetwiceasbadwhenyougoback.Peoplearegoingtoexpecttheworstfromyou,andwilltreatyouthatway.”

Shesaidhislifewouldbelikewalkingupstreaminarushingriver.Thesecretwastotakesmallstepsandjustkeepmovingforward.Ifhetriedtotaketoobigastep,thecurrentwouldknockhimoffhisfeetandcarryhimbackdownstream.

UponreturningtoAustin,hesetfivegoalsforhimself.Fivesmallsteps.1.Graduatefromhighschool.2.Geta job.3.Savehismoney.4.Avoidsituationsthatmightturnviolent.And5.LosethenameArmpit.

Hepickeduphisshovelandwentbacktohistrench.

JackDunlevyalwaysbroughtaradio to theworksite,and itwasnowplayingasongbyKairaDeLeon.

I’mgonnatakeyouforaride,

Andwe’regonnahavesomefun!

Themayor, who had started towalk away, came hurrying back. “Oh, Ilovethissong!”sheexclaimed.

I’mgonnatakeyouforaride,

Ooh,andwe’regonnahavesomefun!

CherryLaneraisedherarmsintheairasshewiggledtothemusic.Armpittriednot to laugh.At least therewasmusic.Therehadbeennoradios tolistentowhenhewasdiggingholesatCampGreenLake.

I’mgonnatakeyousomeplace

youneverbeenbefore,

Andyou’llneverbethesameagain!

2

A rusted Honda Civic drove noisily down the street and parked acrossfromthemayor’shouse.Armpithadfinisheddigginghis trenchandwasattachingPVCpipe.Themayorhadgonebackinside.

Thedriver-sidedoorhadbeenbashedin,anditwouldhavecostmoretofixthanthecarwasworth.Thedriverhadtoworkhiswayoverthestickshiftandthenexitonthepassengerside.

Thepersonalizedlicenseplateread:XRAY.

“Armpit!”X-Rayshoutedashecrossedthestreet.“Armpit!”

Theguys atworkdidn’t knowhimby that name, but if hedidn’t saysomethingX-Raywouldjustkeeponshouting.Bettertoanswerandshuthimup.

“Hey,”hecalledback.

“Man,you’rereallysweating,”X-Raysaidashecamenear.

“Yeah,well,you’dsweattooifyouweredigging.”

“I’vealreadydugenoughdirttolastonelifetime,”saidX-Ray.

TheyhadmeteachotheratCampGreenLake.

“Look, don’t call me Armpit around other people, all right?” Armpitsaid.

“Butthat’syourname,dawg.Youshouldneverbeashamedofwhoyouare.”

X-Rayhad thekindof smile thatkeptyou fromhatinghimnomatterhowannoyinghewas.Hewasskinnyandworeglasses,whichwerenowcoveredwithclip-onshades.

HepickedupArmpit’sshovel.“Differentshape.”

“Yeah,it’sfordiggingtrenches,notholes.”

X-Raystudieditawhile.“Seemslikeitwouldbehardertodigwith.Noleverage.”Heletitdrop.“Soyoumustbemakingatonofmoney.”

Armpitshrugged.“I’mdoingallright.”

“Atonofmoney,”X-Rayrepeated.

ArmpitfeltuncomfortabletalkingaboutmoneywithX-Ray.

“Soreally,howmuchyougotsavedupsofar?”

“Idon’tknow.Notthatmuch.”

He knew exactly how much he had. Eight hundred and fifty-sevendollars.Hehopedtobreakathousandwithhisnextpaycheck.

“Gottobeatleastathousand,”saidX-Ray.“You’vebeenworkingforthreemonths.”

“Justpart-time.”

Besidesworking,Armpitwasalsotakingtwoclassesinsummerschool.Hehadtomakeupforalltheschoolinghe’dmissedwhileatGreenLake.

“And they takeout for taxesandstuff, so really Idon’t takehomeallthatmuch.”

“Eighthundred?”

“Idon’tknow,maybe.”

“ThereasonI’masking,”X-Raysaid,“thereasonI’maskingisIgotabusinesspropositionforyou.Howwouldyouliketodoubleyourmoneyinlessthantwoweeks?”

Armpitsmiledasheshookhishead.“Idon’tthinkso.”

“Ijustneedsixhundreddollars.Doubleyourmoney,guaranteed.AndIwon’tbetakingoutanytaxes.”

“Look, things are going all right forme right now, and I justwant tokeepitallcool.”

“Don’tyouevenwanttohearmeout?”

“Notreally.”

“It’snotagainstthelaw,”X-Rayassuredhim.“Ichecked.”

“Yeah,youdidn’tthinksellinglittlebagsofparsleyforfiftydollarsanouncewasagainstthelaweither.”

“Hey, it’s notmy faultwhatpeople think they’re buying.How is thatmyfault?AmIsupposedtobeamindreader?”

X-Ray had been sent to Camp Green Lake for selling bags of driedparsley and oregano to customers who thought they were buyingmarijuana.Thatwas alsowhy his family had tomove fromLubbock toAustinshortlyafterhewasreleased.

“Look, I just don’t want to do anything thatmight screw things up,”Armpitsaid.

“That’swhatyouthink?ThatIcameheretoscrewthingsup?Man,I’mofferingyouanopportunity.Anopportunity.IftheWrightbrotherscametoyou,youwouldhavetoldthemit’simpossibletofly.”

“TheWright brothers?” asked Armpit. “What century are you livingin?”

“Ijustdon’tgetit,”saidX-Ray.“Idon’tgetit.Ioffermybestfriendanopportunitytodoublehismoney,andhewon’tevenlistentomyidea.”

“Allright,tellmeyouridea.”

“Forgetit.Ifyou’renotinterestedI’llfindsomebodyelse.”

“Tellme your idea.”He actuallywas beginning to get just a little bitcurious.

“What’sthepoint?”askedX-Ray.“Ifyou’renotgoingtoevenlisten..

.”

“Allright,I’mlistening,”saidArmpit.

X-Raysmiled.“Justtwowords.”Hepausedforeffect.“KairaDeLeon.”

Itwaseleven-thirty inAustin,but itwasanhour later inAtlanta,whereKaira DeLeon, a seventeen-year-old African American girl, was justwakingup.HerfacepressedagainstPillow,whichwas,infact,apillow.Therewasn’tmuchoomphleftinthestuffing,andtheedgeswerefrayed.The picture of the bear with a balloon, which had once been brightlycolored,hadfadedsomuchitwashardlyvisible.

Kaira groggily climbed out of bed. She wore boxer shorts and wasunbuttoningherpajamatopasshemadeherwaytowhatshethoughtwasthebathroom.Sheopenedthedoor,thenshrieked.Athirty-year-oldwhiteguy,sittingonacouch,staredbackather.Sheclutchedthetwohalvesofherpajamatoptogetherandslammedthedoor.

Thedoorbouncedbackopen.

“Doofus!”Kairashoutedattheman,thenclosedthedooragain,makingsureitlatchedthistime.“Can’tapersonhavesomeprivacyaroundhere!”she screamed, then made her way to the bathroom, which was on theoppositesideofherbed.

Over the last three and a half weeks she’d been in nineteen differenthotel suites, eachwith no fewer than three rooms, and onewith six. Soreally,itwasnowondershewentthroughthewrongdoor.Shedidn’tevenrememberwhatcityshewasin.

Shesuspected thatPolly,herpsychiatrist,would tellhershehaddonethat on purpose; something about wanting to show her body to herbodyguard.MaybeshewasbetteroffnottellingPollyaboutit.Everythingshesaidinhertherapysessionswassupposedtobeconfidential,butKairasuspectedthatPolly,likeaparrot,repeatedeverythingtoElGenius.

She had no privacy—not in her hotel room, not even in her ownthoughts.

The problemwas that, except for Polly, therewasn’t anybody on thetour she could talk to. Certainly not her mother. And not her doofusbodyguard. The guys in her band were all at least forty years old, andtreatedherlikeshewasasnot-nosedlittlekid.Thebackupsingerswereintheir late twenties, but they seemed to resent her being the center ofattention.

Theonlytimeshefeltatpeacewaswhenshewassinging.Thenitwasjustherandthesongandeverybodyelsejustdisappeared.

Her concert tour would take her to a total of fifty-four cities, so shewasn’t even half done yet. She was now on the southern swing. FromAtlanta they’d be going to Jacksonville, then Miami, Birmingham,Memphis, Nashville, Little Rock, and Baton Rouge, and on to Texas:Houston,Austin,andDallas.OriginallythetourwassupposedtoincludeSanAntonioinsteadofAustin,butthatwaschangedatthelastminuteduetoamonstertruckrallyattheAlamodome—notthatKairacared,orevenknewaboutthechange.

Other people took care of things like that. Other people took care ofeverything.Kairahadaccidentally leftPillowbehindinNewHaven,andAileen,thetour’stravelcoordinator,tookaflightbacktoConnecticutandpersonallysearchedthehotellaundryuntilshefoundit.

Kaira emerged from the bathroom thirty minutes later wearing a hotelrobe. She called room service and ordered a glass of orange juice,pancakes, a cappuccino, andFrench fries. Itwouldhave to lastheruntilthe concert. If she tried to eat before the concert she’d puke. After aconcertsheusuallyhadabowloficecream.

She got dressed, then stepped back out to the sitting area. Fred, herdoofusbodyguard,wasstillthere,goingthroughhermail.

“AssoonasIturneighteen,you’regoingtobethesecondpersonIfire.”

Freddidn’tevenlookup.Itwasn’tthefirsttimehe’dheardit.

The televisionwasonCNN.Kaira changed the station to theCartoonNetwork.

The first person she’d fire would be El Genius. Hewas her businessmanagerandagent,andalsohappenedtobemarriedtohermother.Theyhad gotten married shortly before the tour. His real name was JeromePaisley, but he actuallywantedpeople to call himElGenius.Nomatterhow hard Kaira tried to sound sarcastic when she used that name, healwaystookitasacompliment.

Herfatherhadbeenkilled inIraq.HisnamewasJohnSpears.Kaira’srealnamewasKathySpears,but therewasalreadyafamoussingerwiththatlastname.

ElGeniushadcomeupwiththenameKairaDeLeon.

“YoumeanlikePoncedeLeón?”Kairahadaskedhim.

“Who?”

Somegenius.

KairaexplainedtothegeniuswhoPoncedeLeónwas,whichwaswhyherfirstCDwastitledTheFountainofYouth.ElGeniusthoughtitlookedclassy forDeLeon tobe spelled asoneword,with a capital letter in themiddle.

KairahadlearnedallaboutPoncedeLeónwhenshewasinfourthgradeandlivingatthePensacolaNavalAirStation.ShehadtolearnthehistoryofFlorida.Byyear’sendshewaslivingatFortMyer,wherethey’dbeenstudying the history of Virginia all year. She had never spent an entireschoolyearinthesameplace.

“So,anythingfromBillyBoy?”sheaskedFred.

Fredshookhishead.

“Aw,toobad,”Kairasaid.“Hewritessuchcharmingletters.”

“It’snotfunny,”saidFred.

“Ithinkit’shilarious,”saidKaira.Shesang,“Oh,wherehaveyoubeen,BillyBoy,BillyBoy?Oh,wherehaveyoubeen,charmingBilly?”

BillyBoyhadsentherfourletterssofar.Hetoldherhethoughtshewaslovely,shesanglikeabird,andsomedayhewouldkillher.

El Genius hired Fred after the first letter. Kaira wouldn’t have beensurprised if El Genius had actually written the letters, to scare her intostayingconfinedtoherhotelroom.Hewassuchacontrolfreak.ShewassureFredtoldhimeverythingshedid.

“Yougotanothermarriageproposal,”Fredsaid.

“Whiteorblack?”

Aphotographhadbeensentwiththeletter.Fredlookedatit.“White,”hesaid.

“Whatisitwithyouguys?”askedKaira.

Itwasherseventhproposal,andeveryonehadbeenfromawhiteman.

Fredcarefullyputtheletterandthephotographinaplasticbag.

“Whatareyoudoingthatfor?”

“FBI.”

“Hesaidhewantedtomarryme,notkillme,”Kairapointedout.

“Forsomepeople,it’sthesamething,”saidFred.

Kaira glanced at him, surprised. The Doofus had actually saidsomethingkindofprofound.

“Letmeseewhathelookslike?”

Fredhandedhertheplasticbag.

Kaira laughed when she saw the picture. “He looks like you!” Thephotographwas that of averymuscularmanwearingno shirt.Theonlydifference between him and Fredwas that his hair was long andwavy,whileFredhadabuzzcut.

“Youought togrowyourhair out,”Kaira toldhimas shehanded theplasticbagbacktohim.

Sevenmarriageproposals,andshe’dneverhadaboyfriend.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” said X-Ray. “Here’s the deal. They just addedAustin to her tour because of some kind of screwup in San Antonio.Ticketsgoonsaledayaftertomorrow.Fifty-fivedollarsapop.”

“Fifty-fivedollarsforjustoneticket?Idon’tthinkso.”

“In Philadelphia two front-row seats sold for seven hundred fiftydollars.Each.”

Armpitcouldn’tbelieveit.“Sevenhundredandfifty—”

“Each,”X-Rayrepeated.

“She’sgotanicevoice,”saidArmpit.“Kindofsassy,andplayful,youknow?Youcanalwaystellit’sher.”

X-Raylookedathimlikehewascrazy.“Idon’twantacritique!Iwantsix hundred dollars.”He spoke as if to somebody else. “He givesme acritique.Nowhe’sacritic.”

“Well,ifIdidn’tthinkshecouldsing,Iwouldn’tgiveyousixhundreddollars.”

“Soyou’regoingtogivemethemoney?”

Hewasconsideringit.

“See, here’s the deal,” X-Ray explained. “They only let you buy sixtickets.Sotogetherwecanbuytwelve.Sixhundredandsixtydollars.I’vealreadygotsixty,soIjustneedtherestfromyou.Youwon’thavetodoa

thing.I’lldoallthework.Thenwe’llsplittheprofits.”

Armpitslowlyexhaled.“Sixhundreddollars,”hesaid.

“You’llmakethatbackononeticket,”saidX-Ray.

“Noone’sgoingtopaysixhundreddollarsforaticket.”

“TheypaidsevenhundredandfiftyinPhiladelphia.”

Armpit picked up his shovel and began filling in the dirt around thepipe.

“Okay,let’ssayweonlyselltheticketsfortwohundred,”saidX-Ray.“Afterthreeticketsyougetyourmoneyback.Iwon’tgetanyofthat.ThenIgetmysixtybackoutofthenextticket,andwesplittherestrightdownthemiddle.Soreally there’snorisk toyouatall.Youknowwecansellthreetickets.”

Armpitreplacedthesod,stompingitdownwithhisboot.

“Thinkofitthisway.It’slikesomeoneisofferingtopayyoutostandinlineforhim.What ifyourbosssays toyou,hesays, ‘Armpit, insteadofdigging today, I want you to stand in line for me, and I’ll pay you athousandbuckstodoit.’Wouldn’tyoudoit?”

“Ofcourse.”

“Samething!”X-Raysaid.“Somedudesaregoingtopayusathousandbuckstostandinlineforthem.Wejustdon’tknowwhotheyareyet.See,yougottothinkoutsidethebox.”

Asirenblaredovertheradio.

“Oh!Oh!”X-Rayexclaimedashefumbledforthecellphoneattachedtohisbelt.

The siren noise had been made by an electric guitar, which slowlywounddownandtransformedintoaflurryofnotesandchords.ItwastheintrotoKairaDeLeon’sbiggesthit.

Ihearaw-w-warningsound

Everytimeyouc-c-comearound.

Shouldyouch-chancetoglanceatme,

Threatensmysecurity.

“C’mon,c’mon,”X-Raysaidintohisphone.

RedAlert!

Myhandsaresh-sh-shakin’.

RedAlert!

Stomach’sachin’.

RedAlert!

Theearthbeneathmyf-f-feetisquakin’.

“Yeah—no,wait!”X-Raysaidintothephone.“Justwaitasec—”

He scowled as he returned his phone to his belt. “Sixth,” he griped.“Canyoubelieveit?Sixth!Fifthcallergets twofree tickets.Man,Ihatethisphone.Thespeeddialistooslow.Howyousupposedtocompetewiththoserichwhitekidswhohavenewerphones?”

“Toobad,”saidArmpit.

“Thatwouldabeenatleastanotherfourhundredforus,”X-Raysaid.

“Forus?”

“Sureman,we’repartnersnow,right?”

Armpitconsidered thisquestionseriously. Ifhegave themoney toX-Ray,atleasthe’dstillhavetwohundredandfifty-sevendollarsleft.

“Right?”X-Rayaskedagain.

RedAlert!

Myheadisfilledwithas-s-sirensound!

RedAlert!

Allsystemsareshuttingd-d-d-d-down!

“Yeah,we’repartners,”Armpitagreed.

X-Raypattedhimontheshoulder.“Youwon’tregretit.”

Healreadydid.

3

Interstate 35 goes from the Mexican border all the way up to LakeSuperior,andsomeof theheaviest traffic isalongthe two-hundred-fifty-milestretchbetweenSanAntonioandDallas.Thesteadyflowofcarsandtrucksdivides thecityofAustin inhalf,not justgeographically,butalsoeconomically,andtosomeextent,racially.

Armpit’shomewas ineastAustin.Thehousewasaduplex,with twoidenticalfrontdoorsthatfacedeachotheracrossawidefrontporch,141Aand141B.Armpit’sfamilylivedin141B.Itwasjusthimandhisparents.HehadanoldersisterwhowasmarriedandlivedinHouston,andanolderbrotherservingeighttotenatHuntsville.

A white woman and her ten-year-old daughter, Ginny McDonald,occupiedtheotherhalfofthehouse.

“S-s-six hun-did d-dollahs?” said Ginny. She was small for her age,with skinnyarmsand legs.Sheworeglasses thatwere so thick itwasawondertheycouldstayuponhertinybuttonnose.

“Hundred,”saidArmpit.

Ginnyconcentrated.“Hun-dred,”shesaid.“That’salotofm-money.”

“Tellmeaboutit,”saidArmpit.

Theywerewalkingaroundtheblock.Ginny’slefthandkeptholdingonto, then letting go ofArmpit.Her right armwas bent at the elbow, andrigidlyupright,althoughshewasn’tawareofit.

“Relaxyourarm,”Armpitremindedher.

Ginnyglancedatherarmas if itwasaseparatebeingfromherself. Ittookamomentforherbraintosendthepropersignals,andthenherarmlowered.

SheremindedArmpitofamarionettewhowasalsoherownpuppeteer.Shehadtofigureoutwhichstringtopulltomakeherarmsandlegsmoveproperly.

Shehadbeenbornwithcerebralpalsy.Afewneighborhoodkidscalledherspaz,andretard,butmost treatedherwithrespectbecauseshewasafriendofArmpit’s,andbecauseshewaswillingtoanswertheirquestions.

“What’swrongwithyou?”someonemightask.

If therewasa taunt in thequestionshenevernoticed.“Ihadbleedinginsidemybrainwh-whenIwasborn.”

Andthatseemedtosatisfywhoeveraskedthequestion.

She and her mother had moved into their half of the duplex whenArmpit was still at Camp Green Lake. Her mother was ready to moveawaywhen she found out that the boy next doorwas a violent criminal

whowouldsoonbereturninghome.

Shewasnowgladshehadn’t.

GinnyandArmpithititofffromthebeginning.Shedidn’tfearhim,andhedidn’tpityher.

Notlongaftertheystartedtheirdailywalks,Ginnystoppedwearingherlegbraces,claimingtheypinchedher.Shehadawalkeraswell,butonlyused that if she needed tomove quickly, like at schoolwhen theywentoutsideforrecess.

ButasmuchasArmpithelpedher,shehelpedhimevenmore.Shegavehis life meaning. For the first time in his life, there was someone wholookeduptohim,whocaredabouthim.

Togethertheywerelearningtotakesmallsteps.

“Shes-singslikeItalk,”saidGinny.

“Howdoyoumean?”

“H-handsaresh-sh-shaking!”sangGinny.

Armpitlaughed.“Youknowthat’sjustpartofthesong,”hesaid.

“Yes.ButIl-likeit.”

“Metoo,”saidArmpit.“Soifyouhadthemoney,wouldyoupayfifty-fivedollarsforaticket?”

“Yes.”

“Howaboutseventy-five?”

“Yes.”

“Ahundred?”

“No.”

He laughed. “They paid seven hundred and fifty dollars inPhiladelphia.”

“Noway!”saidGinny.

“That’swhatX-Raysaid.”

“Youc-can’tbelieveeverythingX-Rays-says.”

Shewasrightaboutthat.

“Yousweatalot.”Withjustonefingerextended,shedelicatelytouchedalargecircleofsweatunderhisarm.

“Yeah,well,it’shotout.”

“Idon’tsweat,”saidGinny.

“Youwillwhenyougetolder.”

“AndIwillw-walkandt-talkbetter.”

“Yes, youwill,” saidArmpit. “But sweating’s got nothing to dowithyourdisability.It’sjustbecauseyouhaven’treachedpubertyyet.”

Ginnygiggled.

“What’ssofunny?”

“Yous-saidpuberty.”

Armpitlaughedtoo,notattheword,butatherreactiontoit.

Ginnywasstilllaughingastheyheadedupthecrackeddrivewaytotheirsharedhouse.Weedspokedupthroughthebrokencement.

“Whatareyoutwolaughingat?”askedGinny’smother,whohadcomeouttothefrontporch.

“Something,”saidGinny.

Armpitwinkedather.

Ginnytriedtowinkback.Sheclosedandopenedbothhereyestogether.

Eventhoughthetwofamilieslivedinsideit,thehousewassmallerthanmost of the homes in west Austin where Armpit planted shrubs andinstalledirrigationsystems.Anoaktreeinthefrontyardshadedalmosttheentirehouse.

TherewerefewtreesthissizeinwestAustin.Thathalfofthecitywasmostlybuiltonsolidwhitelimestone,withonlyalittlebitoftopsoilaboveit. Dirt had to be trucked in whenever Raincreek Irrigation andLandscapingplantedanything.

AccordingtoArmpit’sfather,thecostofair-conditioningthehomesinwestAustin,withtheirhighceilingsandgrandentrances,wasgreaterthantheamounthepaidinrent.

Armpit’sfatherworkedinthedaytimeasameterreaderfortheelectriccompany.Atnighthewasadispatcher for a taxicabcompany.Armpit’smotherworkedasacheckerforH-E-B,alocalsupermarketchain.

Armpit saidgood-bye toGinnyandhermother, thenwent inside.Hisparentswereinthekitchenchoppingvegetables.

“Hey,how’rethingsgoin’?”hisfathercalled.

“They’regoin’,”Armpitmutteredashecontinueddownthehall.

“Holdon,Iwanttotalktoyou,”saidhisfather.

Armpitsighed.“Whatabout?”

“Justcomehere.”

Armpit stepped into the kitchen. “Look, I beenworking all afternoonand I’m hot and dirty and sweaty. Can’t a person just take a showerwithoutgoingthroughthethirddegree?”

“Noone’saccusingyouofanything,”saidhismother.“YourdadhardlygetstoseeyousincehestartedworkingforYellowCab.”

“Fine,nowyoucanseeme,”Armpitsaid.

“Idon’tappreciateyourattitude,”saidhisfather.

“Sorry,I’llchangemyattitude,”Armpitsaid.“Whateverthatmeans.”

“What’swrongwithyoureyes?”hismotheraskedhim.

“There’snothingwrongwithmyeyes.I’mtired.”

“Howyougethome?”hisfatherasked.

“Hernandez.”

“Iwantasample,”hisfathersaid.

“Why, because he’s Mexican? Actually, we were working at themayor’shouse.MaybeyouthinkIgotstonedwiththemayor?”

Hismotherlaughed.“Iwouldn’tputitpasther.”

“Themayorshookmyhand,”Armpitsaid.“Shesaidsheadmiredme.”

“What’dshemeanbythat?”askedArmpit’smother.

“You know.Working hard, goin’ to school. She’d read about GreenLake.”

“AndhowdoessheknowyouwereatGreenLake?”hismotherasked.

“Iguessmybosstoldher.”

“That’s supposed to be confidential,” hismother said. “Those recordsaresupposedtobesealed.”

“It’snobigsecret!Everybodyatschoolknows.”

“Andthat’ssupposedtomakemefeelbetter?”

“Igiveup!”Armpitsaid.

Mostparentswouldbeproudifthemayorsaidsheadmiredtheirson!

“Iwantasample,”hisfatherrepeated.

“Why,becauseI’mtiredafterworkingallday?”

“No,becauseyou’rebeingverydefensive.Ifyou’vegotnothingtohide...”

Armpit marched off to the bathroom, where he got a plastic cup out

fromunderthesink.

After he returned fromCampGreenLake, his parents bought a homedrug-testingkit.Theyweren’tgoingtostandbyandlethimruinhislife,likehisbrother.Hehadtriedpointingoutthatthereasonhe’dbeensenttoGreenLakehadnothingtodowithdrugsoralcohol,butthatdidn’tmakeanydifferencetothem.

“Drugsandalcoholcanleadtoviolence,”hismotherhadsaid.

Socouldabucketofpopcorn.

4

Armpit showered again in the morning, dried off, then ran a stick ofdeodorant three times under each armpit. He splashed his face withaftershavelotion.Heonlyshavedeveryotherday,butheputonaftershavelotioneveryday.

Therewasagirlinhisspeechclasswhosmiledathimalotlately.HernamewasTatiana.

He sprayed Sploosh on his feet. He didn’t have a problemwith footodor, butwhen your namewasArmpit you had to be extra careful. HesprayedsomeSplooshundereacharmpitforextraprotection.

OneoftheguysfromCampGreenLakehadsenthimawholecaseofSploosh.Itwasprobablymeantasajoke,buttheguy’sfatherhadinventedthestuff,somaybenot.

Thephonewasringingwhenhesteppedoutofthebathroom.ItwasX-Ray.

“Hey,partner.Youknowthesixhundreddollars?”

“Yeah,I’mgoingtostopbytheATMafterschool.”

“Good.Onlyyouneedtomakeitsixhundredandsixty.”

“Ithoughtyouwereputtingupsixty,”Armpitremindedhim.

“I am,” saidX-Ray. “I am. The thing is, there’s a five-dollar servicechargeoneachticket.Soeventhoughtheticketsarefifty-fivedollars,theycostsixty.”

Thatmadenosenseatall.

“Bettermakeitanevensevenhundred,”saidX-Ray.“Justincase.”

Seven hundred. Thatwould leave himwith only a hundred and fifty-seven dollars. A hundred and fifty-seven dollars after three months ofworking.

“That’snotaproblem,isit?”

“No.Noproblem,”saidArmpit.

“You’llstilldoubleyourmoney,”X-Rayassuredhim.“Guaranteed.Soreally,you’llbemakingmoremoneythisway.”

Despite all his efforts, he was sticky with sweat after walking the fiveblocks from home to school. At eight-fifty-five in the morning thetemperature was already in the mid-eighties, and the humidity made itseemevenhotter.

Tatianahadherbacktohimwhenheenteredtheroom.ShewastalkingtoherfriendClaire.Tatianahadtwolongbraids,whichactuallyconnectedatthetips,formingagiantV.He’dneverseenanyothergirlwearherhairthat way, but everything about Tatiana was a little bit goofy. That waswhathelikedabouther.That,andthefactthatshesmiledathim.

“Hey,Tatiana,”he said, trying to soundcasual,buthewas toocasualandshedidn’thearhim.Hesaiditagain,alittlelouderandmoreabruptly.

Sheturned.“What?”

“Uh,nothing.Justwantedtosayhi.”

“Hi,”shesaid,butwithoutthesmile.

Speechclassalwaysmadehimnervousevenwhentherewasnospeechdue. Coach Simmons sometimes called on students to speakextemporaneously.Armpithadafearofstandingatthefrontoftheroom,notknowingwhattosay,sweating,asTatianastaredathim.Hehadahardenoughtimeevenwhenhe’dpreparedaspeech.

Fortunately, therewerenoextemporaneousspeeches thisday.Mostoftheclassperiodwasspentdiscussingthenextmajorassignment.Everyonehadtobringastuffedanimaltoschoolandgiveacampaignspeechforit.Then there would be an election to see which stuffed animal would beelectedruleroftheworld.

“Idon’t evenhavea stuffedanimal,”Armpit said aloudashewalkedoutoftheclassroom.

Therewasalaugh,withjustalittlebitofasnortmixedwithit.“Youaresofunny,”Tatianasaid,touchinghisarm.

Hedidn’tevenknowshewasthere,andhadn’ttriedtobefunny,buthe

wasgladshethoughthewas.

“Ihearyou’regoingoutforfootballnextyear,”shesaid.

“No,IjustwantedCoachSimmonstothinkthat.Hegivesbettergradestofootballplayers.”

“Soyouliedtohim?”askedTatiana.“Isn’tthatkindofcheating?”

Armpitshrugged.

How could it be cheating? It was unfair that the coach gave bettergrades to football players, and he was just trying to even things out.However,bythetimeheput thosethoughts togetherTatianahadalreadywalkedaway.

Hisother classwas economics.Armpit likedMr.Warren, abald-headedwhiteguy,buthehadtroubleunderstandingall thegraphs.Somehowbylooking at the graphs he was supposed to be able to tell what wouldhappentothepriceofacupofcoffeeiftherewasadroughtinBrazil.Itmadeaboutasmuchsensetohimasafifty-five-dollarticketcostingsixtydollars.

PartofhisproblemwasthathalfthestuffMr.Warrentalkedabouthadnothingtodowiththeassignments.

“I have here a ten-dollar bill,” Mr. Warren said, taking it out of hiswalletandholdingintheairforalltosee.“I’llsellittothehighestbidder.DoIhearfiftycents?”

Armpitwasn’tquitesurewhathemeantbythat,andhewasn’ttheonly

one.Mostoftheclassseemedconfused,butthenMattKapok,akidinthefrontrow,offeredfiftycents.

“Goingonce,goingtwice—”

“Wait a second,” said the girl who sat next to Armpit. “You meanyou’regoingtosellyourten-dollarbilltoMattforfiftycents?”

“Yep,”saidMr.Warren.“UnlessIgetabetteroffer.”

“Sure,I’llgiveyousixtycentsforit,”saidthegirl.

Someoneelseoffered seventy-fivecents, thenadollar, andbefore toolongitwasuptoninedollarsandninety-ninecents.Andthensomeonebidtendollars,tradinghisten-dollarbillforMr.Warren’s.

Therewasalessoninallthat,butArmpitwasn’tquitesureexactlywhatitwas.

“Oneyear Iactuallysold it for tendollarsand tencents,”Mr.Warrentoldtheclass.

Eighteenhundredmilesaway,KairaDeLeonwasgettingherownlessonineconomics.

“IjustwanttoknowhowmuchmoneyImadesofar,”shesaid.

“It’snotthatsimple,dear,”saidhermother.

“I’mnotaskingyou,”saidKaira.

Hermotherhadonanaquaandindigosilkjacket,withasmallsapphire

pinned to the lapel.Kairahadn’t seeneither the jacketor thepinbefore,but that wasn’t surprising. Her mother seemed to show up with a newoutfitdaily.

“Ican’tgiveyouexactfigures,”saidJeromePaisley,Kaira’sagentandbusinessmanager.

Hehadjustreturnedfromthehotel’shealthclub,andwasstillwearinghisrunningshortsandaV-neckundershirt.Agoldchainhungaroundhisthickneck.

Hehadalargeforeheadandapuffyface,whichwasnodoubttheresultoftakingsteroids.Atonetimehe’dbeenaprobaseballplayer,although,exceptforeighteendays,he’dnevermadeitoutoftheminorleagues.Hiscareerwasruinedafterhewashitinthefacebyapitch.

Kaira always wondered how someone could get hit in the face by apitch.Youhavetoseeitcoming,don’tyou?

“HaveImadeamilliondollarsyet?”sheasked.

“Therearealotofexpenses.Doyouevenknowhowmanypeopleareonthistour?”

Shewastooembarrassedtosayshedidn’t,sosheremainedsilent.

“Forty-two,” said Jerome Paisley. “Everyone gets salaries, per diems,travelexpenses.And then thereareadditionalcostsassociatedwitheachvenue.”

“What’smysalary?”

“Youdon’tgetasalary.Yougetwhat’sleftoveraftereveryoneelseispaid.”

“You’redoingverywell,sweetie,”saidhermother.

“HowmuchdoestheDoofusgetpaid?”Kairaasked.

“I’veaskedyounottocallhimthat,”saidhermother.

“Ijustwanttoknow.Howmuchdoyouhavetopayababysitter?”

“Fredgets fourteenhundredaweek,plusexpenses,”saidherbusinessmanger,hermother’shusband.

Kaira laughed. “And what about your new jacket?” she asked hermother.“Whopaidforthat?”

“Yourmoneyallgoesintoatrustaccount,”saidhermother’shusband.“Nobodycantouchit,notevenyourmother.You’llgetitwhenyouturneighteen.”

“Yeah,well,alotisgoingtohappenwhenIturneighteen,”Kairasaid.

If JeromePaisleyheard the threat,hechosenot toacknowledge it.“Itdoesn’treallymatterevenifyoudon’tmakeadimeonthistour,”hetoldher. “Right now, it’s all about exposure. Getting your name out there.Getting your songs on the radio.You’llmakemoremoney in CD salesthanyou’llevermakeonthetour.”

“Maybeweshouldchargemoreforthetickets,”Kairasuggested.

“Oh,youthinkso?”

Shedidn’tlikehispatronizingtone.

“InPhiladelphia, ticketswentforsevenhundredandfiftydollars,”shesaid,tryingtoshowthatsheknewathingortwo.

“Where’dyouhearthat?”

“Idon’tknow,”Kairasaid,suddenlyfeelingdefensive.“Ontheradio,Ithink.”

Hesmirkedather.“Iplantedthatstory,”heboasted.“Youdidn’tevenselloutinPhilly.”Hepointedtohisbig,fatheadandsaid,“ElGeniusatwork.”

Kairafeltfoolish.

“Themostimportantthinginthisbusinessisn’ttalent,”hetoldher.“It’sallabouthype.Hypeandbuzz.”

“Well,itstillmakesmemadthatticketscalpersmakethemoneyinsteadofme.”

“You let me worry about the business end of things. You just keepsingingandshakingthatsexylittlebody.”

“Listen towhat Jerome tells you,” saidKaira’smother. She gave herhusbandakissonhispuffycheek.“He’smadeyouwhatyouare.”

5

X-RaypickedArmpitupatfouro’clockinthemorning,andtheydrovetotheLonestarArena.“Anythinginthefirstrowispuregold,”hesaid.“Puregold.Thesecondrowtoo.Anythinginthefirsttworows.”

Armpitbroughthiseconomicsbookalong.Heknewhe’dprobablymissspeech,buttherewasatestineconandhecouldn’taffordtomissthat.

Whentheypulledintotheparkinglot,theysawthatalinehadalreadyformed at the ticket window. Tickets wouldn’t go on sale until eighto’clock.

“Man,Itoldyouweshouldhavespentthenighthere,”X-Raysaid.

“Youneversaidthat.”

“Well,Ithoughtit.”

Theygotinline.Therewerealreadytwenty-ninepeopleaheadofthem

inline.X-Raycountedittwice.

Armpit layonhisback in thegravelparking lotwithhis eyes closed.Hiseconomicsbookwashispillow.Heplannedtostudywhentherewasenoughlight.Apieceofgraveldugintohisback,butthemorehetriedtosmoothitouttheworseitgot,sohedidhisbesttoignoreit.

Somebodyinlinehadbroughtaboombox,andTheFountainofYouth,KairaDeLeon’sCD,wasplaying.Armpitwaslyingthere,hiseyesclosed,onlyhalflistening,whenhesuddenlyheardhersing:

Theseshoes,thesejewels,thisdress,

Aperfectpictureofsuccess.

Oh,youwouldneverguess,Armpit,

Adamselindistress.

Atleast,thatwaswhatitsoundedlike.

Saveme,Armpit!

Adamselindistress.

Hesatup.“Didyouhearthat?”

“Hearwhat?”askedX-Ray.

“Nevermind.”

Ifhetoldhim,X-Raywouldneverlethimliveitdown.Whywouldshesing “Armpit?” Itwas impossible. Therewas no possibleway.Hemusthavefallenasleepforasecondanddreamedit.

In line behind them were five men who seemed especially dirty andragged.Armpitmighthaveguessedtheywerestreetpeople,exceptforthefactthattheywerewaitinginlinetobuysixty-dollartickets.Fromthewaytheysmelled,hethoughtmaybetheyworkedforthesanitationdepartmentandhadcomehereafterwork.

“I’mthinkingthirdrow,”X-Raysaid.“Thirdorfourth.Aslongaswe’resomewhereinthefirstfiverowswe’regolden.”

Armpitlookedatthepeopleinlineaheadofhim.Nearlyallwerewhite,eventhoughKairaDeLeonwasAfricanAmerican.Severalworeshirtsandties.

“Idon’tknow,”hesaid.“Ifeverybodybuyssixtickets—”

“Noteveryone’sgoingtobuysixtickets,”X-Rayinterrupted.“Besides,youreallydon’twanttobetooclose.It’sbettertobeafewrowsback.Thebest seatsarebetween row threeand rowseven.Thoseare theones thatwillbringinthebigmoney.”

Shortlyaftersunrise,Armpitopenedhisbookandtriedtounderstandthedifferencebetweenfixedcostsandvariablecosts.Graphs illustratedhowthesechangedasmoregoodswereproduced.Thelinerepresentingfixed

costswasflat,andtheonerepresentingvariablecostsangledupward.

ItmightaswellhavebeenwritteninChinese.

“Lookatall thepeoplebehindus!”X-Raypointedout.“They’dpayahundreddollarsjusttohaveourplaceinline.”

“I’lltakeit,”saidArmpit.

X-Raylaughed.“We’regoingtomakealotmorethanthat,myfriend.Alotmore.”

AfterawhileaguywearingaLonestarArenaT-shirtcameoutandtriedto adjust the line so that instead of sticking straight out from the ticketwindow, itwent parallel to the building.This caused a lot of grumblingfromthegrubbyguyssittingbehindArmpit.

“Whatdifferencedoesitmake?”

“Iwasjustgettin’comfortable.”

“JustbecauseyougottheT-shirtdoesn’tmakeyouGod!”

Buttheygotupandmovedalongwitheveryoneelse.

The mystery of who they were was solved shortly after seven-thirty,whentheguyswhowerepayingthemshowedup.Onewasafast-talking,skinnywhite guy.With himwas a big dudewearing a cowboy hat andboots.

“Nowlistenup,’causeI’mnotgoingtorepeatmyself,”saidtheskinnyguy.Heworeapearlearringandhadafacethatneededtomakeachoice—either shave or grow a beard. “When you get to the ticket window,Mosesherewillgiveyouanenvelopecontainingthreehundredandthirty

dollars.Youdon’thavetocountit.Youjusthandittotheticketagentandaskforsixtickets.YouthengivetheticketstoMoses,andhewillpayyoutwenty-fivedollars.”

“Twenty-fivedollars!”complainedoneoftheguys.“We’vebeensittinghere for fivehours! Icouldmakemore than that sittingon thecornerofMopacandSpicewood.”

“Youwanttogo,go,”saidtheskinnyguy.

Thebigguyinthecowboyhat—Moses,apparently—hadathermosofcoffeeandabagofbreakfasttacos,whichhehandedout.HetriedtogiveArmpitataco.

“I’mnotoneofthem,”Armpitsaid,somewhatoffended.

“We’renotpartofyourcrew,”saidX-Ray.

“Ohyeah?”saidtheskinnyone.“JustaKairaDeLeonfan,areyou?”

“We’reindependent,”saidX-Ray.

“Well,wegotacoupleofextratacosifyouwant’em.”

ArmpitandX-Raylookedateachother,thenhappilytookthetacos.

MosesfilledaStyrofoamcupofcoffeeforX-Ray.Armpitdidn’tdrinkcoffee.

“I’mFelix,”saidtheskinnyguy.“ThisismymanMoses.”

“X-Ray,”saidX-Ray.“Andthat’smymanArmpit.”

“Armpit,huh?”

“Ascorpion—”

“Tell youwhat,” saidFelix. “After you get your tickets, come talk tome.”

“We’re going to have to leave straight away,” saidArmpit. “I got aneconomicstest.”

“Listen tome,Armpit,” said Felix. “I bring you a breakfast taco, theleast you cando is talk tome. If you’re studying econ, thenyou shouldknow.There’snosuchthingasafreelunch.”

The ticketwindowsdidn’topenuntil tenafter eight, and the linemovedexcruciatinglyslowly.

“C’mon,c’mon.Howlongdoesittaketobuyaticket?”X-Rayyelledatthepeopleinfrontofhim.

There were two ticket windows. X-Ray went first, and when Armpitreachedtheonenexttohim,hecouldhearX-Rayarguingwiththeticketagent.“Areyousurethisisthebestyougot?Well,canyoucheck?”

Armpitpaidforhistickets.TheywereallinrowM.Hecountedinhishead. The thirteenth row. On the back of each ticket, printed in boldletters,werethewordsThisticketmaynotberesold.

“M’sgood,” saidX-Ray. “It’s the firsthalfof thealphabet.That’s allthatmatters.Justlookatallthosefoolsstillwaitinginline!”Helaughed.“They’llbeluckyifthey’reinthesamezipcode.”

Armpitpointedoutwhatwaswrittenonthebackofeachticket,butX-

Ray wasn’t concerned. “They can write anything they want. It doesn’tmeansquat.ThisisAmerica.Everything’sforsale.”

TheywatchedasMosespaidthelastmemberofhiscrew.

“Those guys are so cool,” X-Ray said. “That could be us in a fewyears.”

Felixheadedtowardthem.“So,X-Ray,yougetgoodseats?”

“RowM!”

“M’sgood,”saidFelix.“Firsthalfofthealphabet.”

“That’swhatIwastellin’Armpit.”

“Thefirstfewrowsarereservedforfriendsandradiostations.It’sarip-off,butwhatcanyoudo?”

“Whatcanyoudo?”X-Rayagreed.

“Tell you what. I’ll give you seventy bucks for each ticket. That’sfifteenmore than face value. Times twelve, you’ll make a hundred andeightydollars.Ninetybuckseach.”

“Theycostsixty,notfifty-five,”saidArmpit.

“YeahIknow,”saidFelix.“There’safive-dollarservicecharge.Whatarip-off.Butthethingis,youtrytosell thetickets,andall thecustomer’sgonnaseeisthefacevalue.”

“We’renotinterested,”saidX-Ray.

“Allright,I’llpaythedamnservicecharge.Seventy-fiveaticket.”

“Wecandoalotbetter,”saidX-Ray.

“Maybe,”Felixagreed.“Maybeyoucan.I’mnotsayingyoucan’t.Butyou never know. A bird in the hand. Ninety dollars, Armpit, for just amorning’swork.Hardtobeatthat.”

“We’renotinterested,”saidX-Ray.

“Armpitlooksinterested.Howaboutit,Armpit?”

Itdidsoundprettygoodtohim.Ninetydollarswasmorethanhemadeintwodaysofdigging.

“TheysoldforsevenhundredandfiftyinPhilly,”saidX-Ray.

“Austin ain’t Philly,” said Felix. “And rowM ain’t exactly the frontrow.”

“Wewereaheadofyourguys in line,”saidX-Ray.“Whateverwegothastobebetterthananythingyougot.”

“Look,I’mnotsayingyoucouldn’tmakemorethanseventy-fivedollarsaticket.Iwouldn’tbetalkin’toyouifIdidn’tthinkso.Butthere’srisk,too.Rightnow,thingsarelookingprettygood.Bigdemand.Shortsupply.Thepricecanonlygoup.ButtherewasabigdemandwhenDylanplayedhereafewyearsback.Soyouknowwhattheydid?Theyaddedasecondshow. You’re the economist, Armpit. You know what happens whensupplygoesup?”

“Thepricegoesdown?”

“Like an elevator with a busted cable. I was lucky to unload myinventory.OrwhatdoyouthinkwouldhappenifwelearnthatsweetlittleMissKairaispregnant?OrsaysheburnstheAmericanflaginsomekind

ofpolitical protest? I can tell youwhatwouldhappen.Youwouldn’t beabletogiveyourticketsaway.”

“Yeah,well,ifit’ssorisky,thenwhydoyouwanttheticketssobadly?”askedX-Ray.

“Thisismybusiness.IfIlosemoneyonKairaDeLeon,I’llmakeitupnext week on someone else. You’re going to have to put an ad in thepaper.Thatcostsmoney.Me,Ialreadygotarunningad. ItcostsmethesamenomatterhowmanyticketsI’mselling.”

“Afixedcost,”Armpitsaidasitallsuddenlymadesensetohim.

“And I got connections, too,” Felix went on. “Every hotel conciergeknowswhotocallifsomeguestwantstickets.AllI’msayin’is,it’snotaseasyasyouthinkforacoupleofindependents.I’mofferingyouahundredandeightydollars,pureprofit,andnoworries.”

“Weain’tworried,”saidX-Ray.

“Armpitlooksworried.”

“I’mcool,”saidArmpit.

Felixsmiled.“Thenwhyareyousweatingsomuch?”

“Don’t you worry. We’re going to make a lot more than ninety bucksapiece,”X-Ray assuredhimas theydroveout of theparking lot. “A lotmore.Felixwouldn’tawantedtobuythemifhedidn’tthinkso.Thisisagreatday!We’reonourway,partner!Weareonourway!”

By the time they reached the high school, Armpit was already five

minuteslateforhistest.Ashewasgettingoutofthecar,X-Raysaid,“Bytheway.I’mgoingtoneedthirtybuckstoputanadinthepaper.”

6

Hewaswalkinghomefromschoolanhourlaterwhenamancomingtheotherwaycrossed to theother sideof the street. Itwasnobigdeal, andmaybe the guy really needed to cross the street, but that kind of thinghappened a lot to Armpit. White people did it more, but AfricanAmericansdid it too.Heusuallypretendednot tonotice, but sometimeshe’dgivetheguyamenacingglareasiftosay,“Yeah,youbetterstayoutofmyway!”

Thistimehejustignoredit.Hewasintoogoodamoodtoglare.

He’d gotten a ninety on his economics test, thanks to Felix. He’dlearnedmoreintheparkinglotoftheLonestarArenathanhehadlearnedallyearinclass.

“Italljustclicked,”hetoldGinnyastheytooktheirdailywalk.“Eventhe graphs! The questions were all about people buying and sellingeverything fromgasoline tohulahoops,but inmyownmind, Iput it intermsoftickets.”

“Hulahoops,”Ginnysaidwithalaugh.“That’sfunny!”

Aftertheirwalk,heaskedherifhecouldborrowastuffedanimalforhisruler-of-the-worldspeech.

Ginnywas amazed.Hulahoops, stuffed animals, ruler of theworld—highschoolsoundedalotmorefunthanthefourthgrade.

She led him into her room, where she had more than thirty stuffedanimals.

“Justgivemeoneyoudon’tliketoomuch,”Armpitsaid.

“Iloveallofthem,”Ginnysaid,butnotinaselfishway.ShedefinitelyconsidereditanhonorforoneofherloviestogettogotohighschoolwithTheodore,andshecarefullyconsideredwhowasmostdeserving.

“Howabout thatone,”Armpitsaid, indicatingabrownowlwithhugeeyes.

“That’sHoo-Hooter,”saidGinny.“Hecan’tsee.”

“Hecan’t?”

“He’sblind.Buthecanh-hearreallyg-goodandsoheneverb-bumpsintotrees.”

“Howcanheheartrees?”Armpitasked.

“Theleavesrustleinthewind,”saidGinny.

Ginnymust have said that same sentencemany times before becauseshedidn’tstutteroveranyofthewords.

“This is Daisy,” she said, handing Armpit a basset hound with long,floppyears.

“Howyadoin’,Daisy?”saidArmpit.

“She c-can’t hear you,” said Ginny. “She’s deaf. But she has a keensenseofsmell.”

Armpitsmiled.Helikeditthatsheusedtheword“keen.”

The next one she showed him was Roscoe, a fuzzy bear with twistyarmsandlegs.Roscoewasparalyzedduetoa“horribleaccident.”

Ginnysatontheedgeofthebedwithherlegsbowedoutandhertoespointeddownward.Asababyshecouldn’tlearntowalkbecauseshewasalwaysontiptoe.Shehadtowearaspecialbracejusttostraightenoutherfeet.

Armpitlookedoverthethreeanimals.Hooterwasout.Everyonewouldjustlaughatthename.

“Oh,Iknow!”Ginnysuddenlyexclaimedasshebroughtbothhandstoherface.“YouneedCoo!”

CoowasasortofbunnycreaturelyingnexttoGinny’sbed.Ithadarmsandlegslikeapersonbuthadbunnyears.

“I’vehadCoomywholelife,”Ginnysaid.

“IbetterjusttakeRoscoe,”saidArmpit.

Ginnyfrowned.

“I think Coo’s great,” Armpit assured her. “I just don’t want to take

yourfavorite.It’sjustastupidspeech.Whatifsomethinghappens?”

“Coo isn’t scared,” saidGinny. “He is always strong andbrave.H-hewillbetheb-bestrulerofthew-w-world!”

“Well,Iwouldn’tcountonCoowinning,”Armpitcautioned.“IgetrealnervouswhenIhavetogiveaspeech.”

“Coowillhelpyou,”saidGinny.

ArmpitheldCoo inonehand. Itwas soft andspongy, thekindof toygiven to babies because it was easily held on to by tiny fingers. “So istheresomethingwro—”Hecaughthimself.“DoesCoohaveadisability?”heasked.

“Leukemia,”Ginnywhispered.“Butwedon’ttalkaboutit.”

7

Friday,withtheconcertjusteightdaysaway,ArmpitwenttotheStop&Shopafterschooltobuyanewspaper.Hehadpaidthirtydollarsforthead;hemightaswellpayanotherfiftycentstoseeit.

He dropped two quarters into the newspaper vending machine andpulleduponthehandle,butitwouldn’topen.Hepressedthecoinreturnand got back nothing. He pulled harder on the handle. He slammed hishandagainstthecoinreturn.

He was already mad that X-Ray had waited two days to buy the adbecausehe onlywanted to pay for oneweek, andnow themachinehadeatenhismoney.Heshookitsohardhemighthavebrokenit,butthenavoiceinhisheadremindedhimthatitwasn’tworthgoingtojailforfiftycents.

Instead,hewentintothestoreandtoldtheclerkwhathadhappened.

“Youhavetowaitforthecoinstodrop,”theguytoldhim,andwouldn’t

givehimhismoneyback.

Armpitaskedhimforchangeforadollar.

“Nochange.”

Soheboughtabagofchipsforadollarandnineteencents, thenusedpartofthechangetobuyanotherpaper.

This time he listened for each quarter to drop before pulling on thehandle. When the door opened, he took three copies of the AustinAmericanStatesman, just togeteven,and left twoof themontopof themachine.

Backhome,hespreadtheclassifiedadsoutacrossthekitchentable.He’dtoldX-Ray not to ask for toomuch, since they only had aweek.Therewereanumberof ads forKairaDeLeon tickets.Theprices ranged fromseventy-fivetoahundredandtendollars.ThenhecametotheonewithX-Ray’sphonenumber.

KAIRA DELEON TKTS. $135Closetothefront.555–3470

X-Rayansweredonthesecondring.

“Areyouinsane?”Armpitshouted.

“Yes,butithasn’tstoppedmebefore!”

“Didyouseealltheotheradsinthepaper?”

“Yeah,so?”

“Sothey’reallatleasttwenty-fivedollarscheaper.”

“Andyourpointis?”

“Itoldyoutokeepthepricelow.”

“Itislow.TheysoldforsevenhundredandfiftyinPhilly.”

“We’renotgoingtobeabletosellanytickets.”

“You’re thinking east Austin,” said X-Ray. “You got to think westAustin.”

“What?”

“See, you andme,we’d buy the cheapest tickets. But that’s not howtheythinkinwestAustin.Theydon’tworryaboutmoneyoverthere.Theyjust want the best. And the ones that cost the most got to be the best,right?”

ArmpithadinstalledenoughsprinklersystemsinwestAustintoknowthatpeopleworriedaboutmoneyovertherejustasmuchastheydideastofI-35.Theirhomesmighthavebeenworthhalfamilliondollars,buttheystill expected Armpit’s boss to reimburse them five bucks if Armpitaccidentallysteppedonadaffodil.

“Okay,”Armpitsaid.“Evenifsomebodywantedtopayalittlemoretobeupfront,”hesaid,“rowMisnotthefront!”

“Theaddoesn’tsayit’sinthefront.Itsaysclosetothefront.”

“It’snotclosetothefront.RowFisclosetothefront.Gmaybe.”

“Sothenthey’reclosetoclosetothefront,”saidX-Ray.

“Justcallthepaperandtellthemtolowertheprice,”saidArmpit.

“You need to relax. I promised you I’d double yourmoney, didn’t I?Didn’tI?”

Doubleornothing,thoughtArmpit.

“Besides,it’llcostanothertenbuckstochangethead.”

Hedidn’tsleepthatnight,orthenextnight,orthenightafterthat.X-Raydidn’tsellasingleticketovertheweekend.

HewonderedhowhehadeverletX-Raytalkhimintothis.Whydidn’ttheysell the tickets toFelixwhentheyhadthechance?Nowhewasoutanotherthirtydollarsfortheadinthepaper,anditwouldcosttenmoretochangeit.

But at three o’clockMondaymorning, he decided thatwaswhat theywould have to do. Just change the ad. Seventy-five dollars. They’d stillmakeasmallprofit.Maybeiftheyhadgottenseatsinthefirstorsecondrowtheycouldhaveheldoutformoremoney,butnowtheyjustneededtogetridoftheticketsbeforeitwastoolate.

Atfouro’clockinthemorninghedecidedonseventydollarsaticket.

“That’s five dollars less than Felix offered!” X-Ray said when Armpitcalledhimbeforegoingtoschool.

“Well,we should have sold them to Felixwhenwe had the chance,”Armpitsaid.“Butwedidn’t,andnowIjustwanttogetthethingssold.”

“Forseventydollars?”

“We’llstillcomeoutahead,evenafterthecostofthead.”

“Soyoudon’twanttosellthemforahundredandthirty-five?”

“That’swhatIsaid.Look,it’smymoneyontheline.”

“That’saproblem,”saidX-Ray.

“I’llpaythetendollars!”

“It’snotthat,”saidX-Ray.“It’sjust...”

“Nowwhat?”

X-Rayheaved a heavy sigh. “Well, a guy just called and hewants tobuytwoticketsatahundredandthirty-five.He’smeetingmeafterhegetsoff work. I guess I’ll just call him back and tell him they only costseventy.” He laughed. “I mean, if that’s what you want me to do.” Helaughedagain.

Armpitmanagedasmile.

Later atworkhehad to removea red tipphotinia fromsomeone’syard,and its root was enormous. He first cut off the bush at the base, then

startedontheroot,butnomatterhowdeephedug,henevercouldseemtogettothebottomofit.Itwaslikeanoctopuswiththick,longtentaclesthathuggedtheground.

Hewentatitwithanaxe,hackingoffmanyofitsoffshoots,buttonoavail.Finallyhewrappedachainarounditandattachedtheotherendtothebackofapickuptruck.

He climbed into the cab, put it into four-wheel drive, and shifted intofirst gear.Therewas amoment of uncertainty, and heworried hemightdestroytheengine,butthentherootpoppedoutoftheground.

He lifted it into the back of the pickup alongwith the top half of thebush.Hewashot,tired,sore,andcoveredwithdirtandsweat.

But he felt good.He had a feeling of satisfaction that he could neverexplain toX-Ray. Itwas good cleanwork. Scalping tickets felt dirty incomparison.

8

He andGinnywaited out front forX-Ray to bring themoney from theticketsales.

“Twohun-hundredandseventydollars,”saidGinny.“Ifyous-sell tenmore...”Shedidthemathaloud.“Tentimesonehundredandthirty-fiveis one thousand three hundred and fifty!” Her eyes widened. “You’rerich!”

Armpitlaughed.“Well,I’llhavetosplittheprofitswithX-Ray.Whenwe sell all the tickets I’ll make a profit of four hundred and thirty-fivedollars.”Hehaddone themath too.“Youknow,youdidn’t stutteratallwhenyouwereadding,”hepointedout.

“IonlystutterwhenIt-t-t-talk.”

“Youweretalking.”

“Thatwasmath.I’mg-goodwithnumbers.Notw-w-words.”

“Well,you’reprettysmart,”hesaid.

“Andyou’reprettyrich.”

“Andyou’reprettycute.”

“Andyou’reprettypretty.”

Shelaughedatherownjoke.

“What’ssofunny?”

“Is-saidyouwerepretty.”

“So?”

“G-girlsarepretty.Boysarehandsome.Thatm-meansyou’reagirl!”

“Andyou’reprettysilly,”saidArmpit.

HenoticedawomanwatchingthemfromtheparkinglotoftheStop&Shop. He wondered if she was suspicious because he was with a littlewhitegirl.Didshethinktheywereondrugs?Maybeshewasmemorizinghisface,incaseitturnedoutthegirlhadbeenabducted.

He stared back at thewoman, who then quickly got into her car anddroveaway.

Ormaybeshejustenjoyedseeingtwopeoplesmilingandlaughing.

TheX-Mobilepassedhercomingintheotherdirection.

“There’sX-Ray,”saidGinny.

NotbotheringwithaU-turn,X-Rayparkedfacing thewrongway.He

slidovertothepassengerside,climbedout,thenwalkedaroundthecar.

“Hey,Ginny.YoutakinggoodcareofArmpit?”

“Yes.”

“So,didyousellthetickets?”Armpitasked.

X-Raysmiled.“See,Ginny,that’swhatIlikeaboutArmpit.Straighttothepoint.Nobull—”Hestoppedhimself.“Nobull.”

“Hed-doesn’tliketobecalledArmpit.”

“Imeanitwithgreatrespectandaffection,”X-Raysaid,hishandonhisheart.

“Didyousellthetickets?”Armpitaskedagain.

“Say, Ginny, did I ever tell you what happened to my car?” X-Rayasked,pointingtothebiggashinthedriver-sidedoor.

“No.”

“I’mdrivingalongMopac,and thisdinosaur leapsoutand takesabigbiteoutofmydoor!Scaredmehalftodeath!”

Ginnylaughed.

“Look,doyouseetheteethmarks?”

Ginnypushedbackherglassesonhernose.“Yes.”

“IthinkitwasaT.rex!Canyoubelieveit?”

“No.”

X-Raylaughed.

“Soyoudidn’tsellthetickets,didyou?”saidArmpit.

“Okay,here’sthedeal,”saidX-Ray.Iwassupposedtomeetthedudeintheparking lotof theH-E-Bat five-fifteen.Hey,Ginny,youknowwhatH-E-Bstandsfor?”

“No.”

“HowardE.Butt.Seriously.Thatwastheman’sname.That’swhytheyjustcallitH-E-B.WouldyouwanttobuyyourgroceriesataplacecalledButt’s?”

Ginnycrackedup.

ArmpitglaredatX-Ray.

“Okay, so anyway,” X-Ray continued, “I get there at five o’clock,fifteenminutesearly.SothenIwait.Theguysaidhe’dbedrivingawhiteSuburban.Five-fifteen:nowhiteSuburban.Five-twenty-five.Five-thirty.It’s like a hundred and fifty degrees in the parking lot, but still I wait’causeIdon’twanttoletmybuddyArmpitdown.Finally,atfive-thirty-five, I hear this guy screaming out, ‘X-Ray!X-Ray!’ like some kind ofmaniac.SoIgiveacoupleatoot-tootsandthenthisobesevehiclepullsupbesidemeandtwool’rednecksgetout.‘AreyouX-Ray?’

“‘No, I’m just somedudewho happens to haveX-Ray on his licenseplate’—butIdon’tsaythat.Isay,‘Yeah,that’sme,’andI’mjustabouttohandovertheticketswhenheasks,nowget this,Ginny,heaskswhoheshouldmakethecheckoutto.

“ItellhimhecanmakethecheckouttothetoothfairyforallIcare.Hegoes into thiswhole riff about losinghisATMcard,whichwaswhyhe

waslate,butIdon’twanttohearit.”

“Soyoudidn’tsellthetickets?”askedArmpit.

“Theystillwant’em,”saidX-Ray.“They’regoingtomeetmebackattheH-E-Bat ten tonight.Theysay they’llhave thecash this time.Only,youbettercomewith.”

“Ican’t. Igoteconhomework,aspeech towrite—man,I thoughtyouweresupposedtodoallthework.Ijustputupthemoney.”

“Theywere twobigwhiteguys.And therewon’tbe toomanypeoplearoundatteno’clock.Ijustthinkit’sagoodideatohavesomebackup.”

Armpitdidn’tlikewherethiswasheading.

“Don’tworry.Onelookatyouandtherewon’tbeanytrouble.”

Forbetterorforworse,Armpitknewthatwasprobablytrue.

He worked on his Coo speech until it was time to go, first making anoutline,thenputtinghiskeypointsonthree-by-fivecards.HisspeechwasmostlyaboutGinnyandhowimportantCoowastoher.Hecameupwithasentencehereallyliked:Coogiveshercomfort,courage,andconfidence.

Herealizedhemightbetakingtheassignmentalittletooseriously.Thepeoplewhohadgiventheirspeechesearliertodayhadtreatedtheelectionasifitwasabigjoke,whichofcourseitwas.OnegirlhadurgedeveryonetovoteforMilfordtheMonkeybecauseifhebecameruleroftheworld,hewouldplantamillionbananatrees,andthatwouldstopthedestructionofthe rain forests and help prevent global warming. Another kid urged

everyonetovoteforWilbur thePigbecausehewouldbringaboutworldpeace,andifhedidn’t,thenatleasteveryonewouldgetahamsandwich.

ButArmpitknewhewasn’tgoodatmakingjokes,andifhedidn’twritehis speech down, he would just stand there, sweating and babblingnervously.Besides,hereallywantedCootowin,forGinny’ssake.

X-Rayshowedupalittlebeforeten.

“Whereareyouoffto?”Armpit’smotherdemanded.

“We just got to do something,” Armpit said as he hurried outside,knowinghe’dhavetosubmitasamplewhenhereturned.

ItwasthesameH-E-Bwherehismotherworked,althoughithadbeenafewyearssinceshe’dhadtoworkthenightshift.Therewereonlyafewcarsintheparkinglot,andnowhiteSuburban.

“Man,I’mgettingsickofgettingjerkedaroundbythosejokers!”X-Raycomplained.

“Justgive’emacoupleofminutes,”saidArmpit.“HedidsayhelosthisATMcard.Maybehe’shavingtroublegettingthecashtogether.”

“Acoupleaminutes,”X-Rayagreed.“Andthenwe’reoutofhere.It’sdisrespect.What,theythinkwegotnothingbettertodothanwaitaroundforthem?Disrespect.”

Armpitwasfeelingclaustrophobicinthecarandsteppedouttostretch.

“Goodidea,”saidX-Ray.“Let’emgetagoodlookatyou.”

Helookedupanddowntheaisles.“Maybethey’rewaitingattheotherendoftheparkinglot,”hesuggested.

“I’mintheexactspotwhereIwasearlier.Theexactspot.”

At a quarter after therewas still no sign of them. “That’s it,” X-Rayannounced.“We’releaving.”

“Justwaitafewmore—”Armpitstarted,butX-Rayhadalreadystartedtheengine.

Armpitclimbedbackin,andtheyhadonlyjuststartedmovingwhenalargewhiteSUVpulledintothelot.

“Isthatthem?”Armpitasked.

X-Raycontinuedtodriveaway.

“Wait!It’sawhiteSuburban.”

“Toolate!”X-Raysaidastheybouncedoveraspeedbump.

ThehornsoundedontheSuburban.

X-Ray yelled an obscenity out his window, then lurched out of theparkinglotandintotraffic.

“Are you nuts?” Armpit yelled. “That’s two hundred and seventydollars!”

“Ourrespectisworthalotmorethanthat,”saidX-Ray.“Whodotheythinktheyare?”

“Ifyoudon’tsellthetickets,I’mgoingtokillyou,”Armpitwarnedhim.

X-Raylaughed.“Alwaysthejoker.”

9

ArmpitfeltprettysillycarryingCootoschoolonTuesday,andwishedhehad taken his backpack. He was still mad at X-Ray, but he was evenmadder at himself. The concert was four days away and no tickets hadbeensold.Sixhundredandninetydollarsdownthetoilet.

“Hey,Armpit,wantaride?”

Heglancedover toseeayellowMustangslowlymovingalongbesidehim.

“Whereyougoing,Armpit?”

Therewerefivepeopleinthecar,threeguysandtwogirls,andalthoughheonlyrecognizedthetwoguysinthefrontseat,heknewhedidn’twantanythingtodowithanyofthem.ThedriverwasnamedDonnell,andtheguybesidehimwasCole.Bothwerethreeorfouryearsolderthanhewas,andhewassortofsurprisedtheyknewhisname.Itwasnotgoodnews.

“Comeon,hopin,”saidCole.“We’lltakeyouwhereyouwanttogo.”

Thetrickwastosaynowithoutoffendinganyone,especiallyCole,whowasknowntobealittlebitcrazy.

“Itdoesn’tlooklikeyougotmuchroom,”Armpitsaid.

Hewonderedwhat theywere doing out so early in themorning, thenrealizedtheymusthavebeenupallnight.Theywereprobablyhigh.

“Alwaysroomforabrother.Sharesecansitonyourlap.”

“That’sokay,”saidArmpitashecontinuedtowalk.“I’mfinewalking.”Hecontinuedtowalkandthecarrolledslowlyalongsidehim.

“What’sthematter?Youdon’tlikeSharese?”

“Hi,Armpit,”calledagirlinthebackseat.

“Ijustliketowalk,that’sall.”

The car pulled ahead of him, and for a second he thought they werethroughwithhim,but then it swerved sharply into adriveway, blockinghispath.Thepassengerdooropened.

“You know, when a brother offers you a ride,” said Cole, “the rightthingtodoisaccept.”

“Ididn’tmeananydisrespect,”Armpitsaid.

Atleasttheyallremainedinsidethecar.Hetriedtoactcasual.

“What’swiththebunny?”askedSharese.

ArmpittightenedhisgriponCoo.“Somethingforschool.”

“School!It’ssummer!”shoutedoneoftheguysfromtheback.

“It’ssocute,”Sharesesaid.“CanIhaveit?”

“It’sforaschoolproject.”

“Iwantit,”saidSharese.

Armpit tightened his grip onCoo. “It belongs tomy neighbor.”He’dfightallofthemifhehadto,beforegivingCooup.

“Thatlittlewhiteretard!”saidCole.“Iseenyouhangin’withher.Man,what’sherproblem?”Helaughed.

Colewasn’texpectingananswer,butArmpitcopiedGinny’stacticandgavehimone.

“Therewassomebleedinginsideherbrainwhenshewasborn.”

“Oh,”Colesaid.“Toobad.”

ArmpitslowlywalkedaroundtheMustang.

“Whatareyougoingtoschoolfor?”Coleshoutedathim.“Comeworkwithus,andyou’llmakeallthemoneyyou’lleverneed.”

“Thanks,butit’sjustsomethingIgottodo.”

Hekeptwalking.

He heard the car door shut behind him but didn’t turn around. Amoment laterhesaw thecardrivingpasthim.Someoneshouted“Fool!”

outthewindow.

Fifteen minutes later he stood in front of the class, all eyes on him,includingTatiana’s.

“ThisisCoo,”hebegan.

Everybodylaughed.

“Coohasleukemia.”

Someevenlaughedatthat,too.

It wasn’t that they were cruel. All the other speeches had beenhumorousand theyexpectedmoreof thesame.ThesightofArmpit, thebiggestandtoughestkidinclass,holdingthelittlebabytoyjustaddedtothecomedy,andittookawhileforwhathewassayingtosinkin.

Hecouldfeelhissweatdrippingdownhissideandhopeditdidn’tshowonhisshirt.

“Coobelongstomyneighbor,Ginny.Shehascerebralpalsy.”

“Youjustsaidshehadleukemia,”saidClaire,Tatiana’sfriend.

“Coohasleukemia.Ginnyhascerebralpalsy.That’swhyCooshouldbeelected rulerof theworld.BecauseCoogivesher comfort, courage, andconfidence.”

Thatwassupposedtobehisclosingsentence.Hedidn’tmeantosayitsosoon.Hefumbledwithhisnotecards,buthe’dalreadygottenoffwrong,sohejustwingedit.

“Allherlife,Ginnyhashadtroublewalkingandtalking.Somekidsatherschoolcallher’tard,youknow,shortforretard,butshe’snotretarded.She’s really smart. It’s just that her brain has difficulty processinginformation. It’s like she has to decode everything first. That’swhy shestutterswhenshetalks.Sheknowswhatshewantstosay,butit’slikeherbrain has trouble sending the signal to her mouth. And then if peoplepressure her, it just getsworse andworse, and she sometimes has thesespasticseizures.”

“Andyouwanthertoberuleroftheworld?”somebodyasked.Severalpeoplelaughed.

“No, you should vote for Coo, Ginny’s favorite stuffed animal. See,since I don’t ownany stuffed animals,GinnygavemeCoo. I toldher Ididn’t want her favorite, you know, ’cause it’s just for a stupidassignment.”

The class erupted in laughter and Armpit realized that he probablyshouldn’thavecalled it a stupidassignment in frontofCoachSimmons.Hepressedon.“ButGinnysaid Ihad to takeCoo.ShesaidnoneofherotherswereasstrongorasbraveasCoo.Well,eventhoughGinnyisonlyten years old and has cerebral palsy andweighs less than sixty pounds,she’sthestrongestandbravestpersonIknow.SoifCoocoulddothatforGinny, imagine what Coo could do for the world. So vote for Coo.Thanks.”

Hemadehiswaybacktohisseatwithoutlookingatanyone.Hehadnoideaifanythinghe’dsaidmadeanysense.Atleastitwasover.

Hewasthefirstoneoutthedoorwhenthebellrang.

“Theodore,” came a voice from behind him, and then Tatiana’s handwasonhisarm.

“Ithoughtyourspeechwasreallysweet.”

“Yeah,well,Ididn’thaveanystuffedanimals,soIhadtoborrowone.”

Shesmiledhercrookedsmile.“Youwerereallynervous,weren’tyou?”

“Sortof,yeah.”

“Icouldtell.Don’tworry.Youdidareallygoodjob.I’mgoingtovoteforCoo.”

Hesmiled.“Thanks.Imean,itdoesn’tmattertome,butitwouldmakeGinnyreallyhappyifCoowon.”

“CanIseeit?”

“Sure.”HehandedthestuffedanimaltoTatiana.

“Whatexactlyisacoo?”

Armpitlaughed.“Idon’tknow,somekindofbunny-person-thingy.”

TatianahuggedCoo.“Itfeelssosoft.IlikethewayyousaidCoowillgiveyoucourage,comfort,andstrength.”

Hedidn’tcorrecther.

“Armpit!Hey,Armpit!”

X-Raycamebreezingdownthehall.“Armpit!IthoughtI’dneverfindyou.”

HegreetedTatianawitha“hey,”thenpulledawadofmoneyoutofhispocketandstartedcountingit.“Twenty,forty,sixty,eighty,onehundred.”

HehandedArmpitahundreddollarsbutwasn’tfinishedyet.

“Twenty,forty,sixty,eighty,twohundred.”

Hewasstillnotfinished.

“Twenty,forty,sixty...”

Tatianawasnolongersmiling.“Ibettergo,”shesaid,handingCoobacktoArmpit.

“Uh,seeyoulater,”Armpitsaidtoher,butshedidn’tturnaroundasshequicklywalkedaway.

X-Ray countedout another hundreddollars. In total,X-Raygavehimfivehundredandthirtydollars.

Armpitcouldhardlybelieveit.Hehadgottenpracticallyallhismoneyback.Itwasmoneyhe’dthoughthe’dneverseeagain.“WasittheguysintheSuburban?”

“Thoseclowns?Hellno!A ladycalledme thismorning.Wanted fourticketsforherkid’sbirthday.Thewhole thing tooktwentyminutes.See,that’sthewayyoudobusiness.Notsomejokersstringingyoualonglikeyou’reayo-yo.”

Armpit felt bad for having doubtedX-Ray. “Wait a second,” he said.“Fourticketsshouldbefivehundredandforty.”

“Oh,yeah,Ineededtoborrowten.Youdon’tmind,doyou?”

10

It’sasix-and-a-half-hourbusridefromBatonRougetoHoustonalongI-10. Six buses and two trucksweremaking the journey.KairaDeLeon’sbuswasequippedwitha flat-screenTV,aDVDplayer, twovideogameplayers, a refrigerator, a microwave, a treadmill, and a bathroom thatincludedashoweraswellasamakeuparea.Theonlypersononthatbus,however,wasthebusdriver.

Kairawassickofbeingaloneandsohadaskedtheguysinthebandifshecouldridewiththem.Itwasherfirsttimeontheirbusandsheknewhermotherwouldfreakifshefoundout.Hermotherimaginedallkindsofwild goings-on with a rock ’n’ roll band, but all they were doing wasplaying cards. Tim B, the lead guitarist, had given her a beer, but shedidn’tlikethetasteandonlytookafewsipstobepolite.

“Whichwaydowepass this time?”askedDuncan,abaldmanwithagoatee.Heworedarksunglasses,indoorsorout.AsfarasKairacouldtell,allbassplayersalwaysworesunglasses.

“Left,”saidCotton,thedrummer,whothenhandedthreecardstoKaira.Cottonwas also bald, but thatwas because he shaved his head.Duncanstillhadhaironthesides.

“Wepassedleftlasttime,”saidBillyGoat,whoselastnamewasreallyGotleib.Heplayedkeyboard.

“Toolate,Ialreadypickedupmycards,”saidCotton.

Theymayhavebeenwildrock’n’rollersatonetimeintheirlives,buttoKairatheyjustseemedlikeabunchofoldmen.

TheGratefulDeadwasplayingover the sound system.She found themusicmonotonousbutdidn’tdaresaysooutloud.Thatwouldhavebeensacrilege to these guys. She also pretended their cigarette smoke didn’tbotherher.Anythingwasbetterthananotherlongridealone.

She knew they all thought she was just a spoiled prima donna whodidn’tknowanythingaboutmusic.She’dheardthemsayasmuch.They’dbeenmakingmusiclongbeforeshewasborn,andoftenmentionednamesoffamouspeoplethey’dplayedwith,namesshe’dneverheard.

“Okay, who’s got the two of clubs?” Kaira asked. “Oh, I do.” Shegiggled,thenplacedthecardonthecoffeetable.

She had never played hearts with real people before, only on acomputer,andwas losingbadly. Itseemedlikeeveryhandshegotstuckwiththequeenofspades.

Thebushadtwocouchessetupatarightangle,withacoffeetableinthe center “for drinks and feet.” ThosewereCotton’swords. Just abouteverythinghesaidmadeherlaugh.

Threeotherbandmembersandallthreebackupsingershadmissedthe

bus.TheywouldhavetofindtheirownwaytoHouston.

“Goin’ toTexas,weshould listen to someTexasmusic,” saidTimB.He stoodup, then stumbledand fell against the sideof thecouch.Kairadidn’t know if thiswas caused by the bus’smovement or bywhat he’dbeendrinking.

“I’mallright,”hesaid,gettingbacktohisfeet,thenmadehiswaytotheCDrack.“Hey,Kaira,youeverheardofJanisJoplin?”

Kairahesitatedamoment,thensaid,“Oh,yeah,shereallyrocks!”

Cottonsawrightthroughher.“Youneverheardofher,haveyou?”

“Uh,maybe,I’mnotsure.”

“Ifyouheardher,you’dknow,”hesaid.

“We’re talking real music,” Tim B said as he fumbled with the CD.“Rawandtothebone.”

“Andnocutesy-dootsybackupsingers,”saidDuncan.

“I’lldrinktothat,”saidCotton,clinkingbeerbottleswithhim.

Kaira didn’t like the backup singers any better than they did, but ElGeniussaidtheyaddedsexualenergy.

“Musicneedsblankspacessometimes,”Cottonsaid.“Theytakeupalltheblankspaces.”

“Nowyou’retalkin’aboutmusic,”saidBillyGoat.“Nobodymakesrealmusicanymore.It’salljustabigshow.”

“JustbackgroundforMTV,”saidDuncan.“It’salmostimpossibleforarealmusician to do anythingworth listening to anymore.Now it’s all I-don’t-know-what.”

“Don’tlistentothem,Kaira,”saidCotton.“Theybeensayingthesamethingforthelasttwenty-fiveyears.”

Janis Joplin’s voice came over the speakers. Kaira hadn’t heard herbefore,butshelikedherrightoff.Herraspyvoiceseemedtodripemotion.Therewasakindofrawenergytothemusic,notlikethepolishedsongsshesang,inwhicheverynotewascarefullyplannedandorchestrated.

“Now,that’s thewayrock’n’roll’ssupposedtobe,”saidTimB,halfsittingdown,halffallingontothecouch.

“She’sfromPortArthur,Texas,”saidCotton.

“Where’sthat?”

Noneofthebandmembersseemedtoknow.

“SomewhereinTexas,”saidCotton.

Kairalaughed.

“So,Kaira,”saidBillyGoat.“Ithoughtyourmamadidn’tallowyoutoridewithus.”

“She doesn’t know I’m here,” said Kaira. “Anyway, I got Fred toprotectmefromyoudirtyoldmen.”

TheDoofuswassittingupfrontnexttothedriver.

“Yeah,well, tellyouwhat,”saidBillyGoat.“Yourmamawouldbea

lotbetteroffifshekeptherwatchfuleyeonthathusbandofhersinsteadofonyou.”

“Don’tgothere,”saidCotton.

“Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”askedKaira.

“Herwatchfuleye...,”sangTimB.

“It’snothing,”saidCotton.

“She’sagrowngirl,”saidBilly.“Shemightaswellknowthetruth.”

“Youdon’tevenknowwhatyou’retalkingabout,”saidCotton.

“What?”askedKaira.

“All I’msaying,”saidBilly,“isyourmamawouldbebetteroff ifshekeptoneeyeonherhusbandandoneeyeonAileen.”

“And all I’m saying,” said Cotton, “is when you don’t know whatyou’retalkingabout,youshouldn’ttalksomuch.”

“Aileen’smymom’sfriend,”saidKaira.“Theygoshoppingtogether.”

“She’syourdad’sfriendtoo,”TimBsaidwithalaugh.

“He’snotmydad,”saidKaira.

“The girl likes to shop, I’ll give you that,” said Duncan. “But thequestionisthis:whosemoneyisshespending?”

Aileen was the person in charge of coordinating all the travelarrangementsforthetour.ShehadbeentheonewhowentandgotPillow

when Kaira had left it behind in Connecticut. Kaira’s father had givenPillow toherwhenshewas threeyearsold.WhenAileenhadcalled thehotel, themanager said they hadn’t found any extra pillows, butAileendidn’ttakenoforananswer.ShetookaflightbacktoConnecticut,wenttothehotel,andpersonallysearchedthelaundryroomuntilshefoundit.

Kairadidn’tknowwhattothinknow.Aileenjustseemedtobesomeonewhoreallyhadheracttogether.SobesidesthefactthatAileenwouldbebetrayingKaira’smother,Kaira just couldn’t imagine someone as smartandascoolasherbeinginvolvedwithsomeoneasgrossasElGenius.

BeforeAileenstartedgoingalongwithKaira’smotheronhershoppingsprees, Kaira’s mother usually came home looking all gaudy andridiculous. When Aileen went with her, the stuff she bought actuallylookedprettygoodonher.

Aileenhadgoodtaste.Atleastinclothes.

Well, ifElGeniusreallywascheatingonhermother, thenmaybethatwasn’tallbad,Kairadecided.Maybehermomwoulddivorcethefreak!

ShelistenedtoJanissingtheblues,hervoicefilledwithsuffering,yettenderness.

“MaybewecanmeetJaniswhilewe’reinTexas?”shesaid.

DuncanandTimBlaughed.

“We’llallbemeetingJanissomeday,”saidCotton.“Butitwon’tbeinTexas.”

Janis haddiedof a drugoverdoseover fortyyears ago.Shewasonlytwenty-sevenatthetime.

“Hey,Kaira,everhearoftheBeatles?”askedDuncan.

“Who?”askedKaira.

“Yougottobekiddin’me,”saidDuncan.“You’rekiddingme,right?”

Kairashrugged.

Cottonlaughed.“She’splayingwithyou,man.”

Duncanwasn’tsosure.

WhentheyarrivedatthehotelinHouston,Aileenwastheretogivethemalltheirroomkeysandschedules.Shehadarrivedearlierandhadalreadygotten everybody checked in. They could just go right to their rooms.Theirluggagewouldbebroughtup.

“You’reRhodaMorgenstern,”shetoldKairaasshehandedherthekey.

KairastudiedAileen’sfaceforsomehintofbetrayal,butherexpressiongavenothingaway.

Eveninherhighheels,AileenwasshorterthanKaira.Everythingaboutherwas small: herwaist, her feet, her ears, hermouth. Shewas stylish,efficient,andcompact,likeacellphone.

“DoyouknowwhoRhodais?”Aileenasked.

“MaryTylerMoore’sbestfriend,”saidKaira.

“Actually,MaryRichards’sbestfriend,”saidAileen.

It was a game they had. Aileen always registered Kaira under anassumednamesoshewouldn’tbehassledbyfans.AileenchosecharactersfromoldTVshows,butKairahadn’tbeenstumpedyet.

ShewatchedtoomuchTV.

11

X-Ray picked up Armpit at school; then they drove to South CongressAvenue in search of a barbecue joint called Smokestack Lightnin’.SomebodybythenameofMurdockwantedtwotickets.

“Idon’tfeelcomfortableonsomeoneelse’sterritory,”X-Rayhadsaid.

“Howcomehecouldn’tmeetyouattheH-E-B?”

“Said he couldn’t get away. Works from six in the morning untilmidnight.”

Armpitthoughtthatsoundedalittlesuspicious.

SodidX-Ray.ThatwaswhyhewantedArmpitalong.

“Igottobeatworkatone,”Armpitremindedhim.

“I’llgetyouthere,”X-Rayassuredhim.

Congress Avenue was called that because at its north end stood themajesticstatecapitolbuilding,withitsdomeandwhitecolumns.ThiswaswheretheTexascongressmet,butonlyeveryotheryear,sotheycouldn’tcausetoomuchdamage.

Justsouthofthecapitolwasthefinancialandtheaterdistrict,andthentheCongressStreetBridge,whichcrossedoverTownLake.Acolonyofmore than a million Mexican free-tailed bats lived in the cracks andcrevices on the underside of the bridge. Several fancy hotels lined thebanksof the lake—whichactuallywasnota lakeat allbuta river—andtouristswouldgatheratsundowntowatchthebatsswarmoutfromunderthebridgeastheywentinsearchoffood.

Theykeptthemosquitopopulationundercontrol.

“IsMurdock his first name or his last?” Armpit asked as they droveacrossthebridge.

Agirlwearingvery shortpantsandabikini topwas joggingwithherdog.

“Whoo!Whoo!”X-RayshoutedthroughArmpit’sopenwindow.

Thegirlraisedhermiddlefinger.

SouthCongressAvenuehardly resembled thestreetnorthof the river.Armpitlookedoutatboarded-upbuildings,liquorstores,bars,andtattooparlors.AtnighttheareawouldcomealivewithsomeofthebestmusicinAustin,but in theheatandglareof the late-morningsun, it seemedas iftheentirestreetsufferedfromagianthangover.

“Thereitis,”saidX-Ray.

SMOKESTACKLIGHTNINwaspaintedinbrownlettersonthesmokyglass

ofastorefrontrestaurantlocatednexttotheFingernailEmporium.Armpitcouldsmelltheslow-cookedmeatassoonashesteppedoutofthecar.Iftheyhadn’tbeentheretoselltickets,hewouldn’thavemindedasausagewraporachopped-beefsandwich.Hehadmissedlunch,thankstoX-Ray.

“Here,youbetterholdthese,”X-Raysaid,handingArmpitthetickets.

He hadn’t seen them since the day they bought them.Once again, henoticedThisticketmaynotberesoldclearlyprintedontheback.

Abellon thedoor jangledasX-Raypushed itopen.Armpit followedhiminside.

Onlyacoupleoftableswereoccupied,butitwasn’tnoonyet.Arollofbrownpapertowelsstoodinthecenterofeverytable,alongwithvariousbottlesofhotsauce.

Theymadetheirwaytothefront.

“WhatcanIgetyou?”askedthemanbehindthecounter.Variousmeatswereondisplaybehindadirtyglasswindow.

“We’relookingforMurdock,”saidX-Ray.

“Youfoundhim.”

Hewas a blackmanwith gray hair and a gray beard.His apronwassplatteredwithgreaseandbarbecuesauce.

“X-Ray?”

“Yeah,andthisismypartner,Armpit.”

Murdock laughed at the name. “Armpit, huh? I used to know a dude

whocalledhimselfBurntToast.Heplayedtheslidetrombone.Youplayaninstrument,Armpit?”

Armpitwantedtotellhimaboutthescorpionbutinsteadjustshookhishead.

“Letmeseethetickets?”

Armpitfeltalittleworriedashehandedtheticketsovertheglasscase.Therewasn’t awhole lot theycoulddo ifMurdockdecided just tokeepthem.

Murdock looked them over. “Row M. Not bad. Two hundred andseventy,right?”

“That’sright,”saidX-Ray.“Andyou’regettingabargain.”

“Well, Idon’tknowabout that,”saidMurdock.“But Ionlyget toseemydaughteroneweekendamonth,soIgottamakethemostofit.WhensheheardKairaDeLeonwasgoingtobeplaying,itwasallshecouldtalkabout.Hey,Wiley,youeverlistentoKairaDeLeon?”

“Who?”askedoneofthefewcustomersintheplace.

“KairaDeLeon.”

“Neverheardaher.”

WileyworeaHarleyT-shirtandhadtattoosupanddownbotharms.

“GopunchE-4,”Murdocktoldhim.“Seeifshedon’tknockyoursocksoff.”He turned his attention back toX-Ray. “I really do appreciate youboyscomingallthewaydownhere.Whenit’syourownbusiness,yougottostayontopofittwenty-fourhoursaday.Idoitall:cook,washdishes,

younameit.”

ArmpitwasstillwaitingforeitherthemoneyorMurdocktoreturnthetickets.

Wileyfumbledwiththejukebox.Hewasabigguy,andArmpitwouldnotwanttohavetotrytodealwithhimandMurdock.

“CanIgetyousomethingtoeat?”Murdockasked.“Onthehouse.”

“Chopped-beefsandwich,”X-Rayansweredrightaway.

“How’boutyou,Armpit?”

Hewasmoreconcernedaboutthemoneythanhewasaboutfood.“Thesame,”hesaid.

“Youlikeyoursaucehotormild?”Murdockasked.

“Mild,”saidX-Ray.

“Armpit?”

“Thesame.”

Kaira’svoicefilledtherestaurant.

I’mnotthekindagirlwho’saptto...

Settledown.

No,I’mthekindagirlwholikesto...

Getaround.

Murdockbrought thesandwichesover to thecashregister.Heopenedit,thentookout twohundredandseventydollars,whichhegavetoX-Ray,alongwithhissandwich.

Armpitfeltbadaboutnottrustinghim.

Iseeyoulookin’atme

thewayyoudo...

Justholdon!

alittlelonger.

Justholdon!

alittlebitlonger.

Holdon,baby

justalittlebitlonger

’CauseI’llgetaroundtoyou!

Murdocklaughed.“Man,don’tyoujustloveher?”

“She’sallright,”saidWiley.

“Sowhatdoyouwanttodrink?”MurdockaskedX-Ray.

Nexttothecashregisterwasalargemetalbucketfilledwithiceandsoftdrinks.

“Rootbeer,”saidX-Ray.

MurdocklookedatArmpit.“Letmeguess.Thesame?”

Armpitshrugged.

“Doeshetellyouwhentogotothebathroom,too?”

Armpitsmiledandsheepishlyshrugged.

Andnowthatyougotme...

inyourarms,

Ooh,Ifeelso...

softandwarm.

There’sonlyonething

Iwanttosay...

Armpitbitintohissandwich.He’deatenalotofbarbecueinhislife,butthis might have been the very best. Of course, that might have had

somethingtodowiththefactthathenowhadallhismoneyback,andthensome.

Justholdon!

alittlelonger.

Justholdon!

alittlebitlonger.

Holdon,baby,

justalittlebitlonger

AndthenI’llbeonmyway.

12

X-Ray sold four more tickets to a couple of high school students fromWestlake,andjustlikethat,Armpithadanothertwohundredandseventydollars.Hewasup threehundreddollars,and therewerestill twoticketsleft,whichwouldmeananotherhundredandthirty-fiveforhim.

The final two ruler-of-the-world campaign speeches were givenThursday morning. The second-to-last speech was given by Claire,Tatiana’sfriend,whobroughtDumbotheElephant.

“.. .soalltheotherelephantsmadefunofhim,butthenhegotdrunkandendedupina tree,andthesebirdssangtohim.Andthenhismousefriendsaidhecouldflybecauseofamagicfeather....”

“Yeah, I’ve seen the movie,” a boy in back said, but Claire justcontinued.

“I used to love that movie!” Armpit heard Tatiana whisper. HewonderedifshestillplannedtovoteforCoo.

The last speech,givenbyRobbieKinkaid,was foranarmadillonameJoe.Robbieobviouslymadeupthespeechashewentalong,includingthenameofhisarmadillo.

“This is an armadillo, I think.You canvote for him if youwant.Hisnameis...Joe.JoetheArmadillo.He’sbrown,andhasfourlegs,andthisshellthingy....”

Thencamethevote.

Everyonehadtowritedownhisorherfirstandsecondchoices.

JoetheArmadillowon,andDumbowaselectedviceruleroftheworld.If forany reasonJoewasunable to fulfillhisobligations,Dumbowouldtakeover.

Armpittriednottolethisdisappointmentshow.Afterall,itwasjustastupid assignment, and people just voted for the only ones they couldremember.

“I’msorryCoodidn’twin,”Tatianasaidtohimafterclass.Sheplacedherhandonhisarmasshesaidit.

“Nobiggie.”

“Yougavethebestspeech,”shetoldhim,herhandstillthere.

“ItwouldhavemadeGinnyhappy.”

“She’syoursister?”

“Myneighbor.”

“That’sright.Shehasleukemia?”

“Cerebralpalsy.”

ArmpitwonderedifTatianahadforgottenherhandwasthere,butifshehad, hewasn’t about to remind her.Her fingernailswere painted green.Herperfumesmelledlikecantaloupe.

“Say,listen,”hesaid.“DoyoulikeKairaDeLeon?”

Shesqueezedhisarm.“‘RedAlert!’Ilovethatsong.”

“YouwanttogototheconcertonSaturday?”

Shebitherlip.“Youmeanwithyou?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”heasked,justtomakesure.

Shesmiled.“Yeah.”

By the timeeconomicswasover,Armpithadconvincedhimself thatX-Rayhadalreadysoldthelasttwoticketsandthathewasgoingtohavetobuytwofromascalperforfifteenhundreddollars.HecouldhearX-Ray’svoiceinhishead.“Sevenhundredandfiftydollars—each.”

When thebell rangheboltedoutofhis seatandhurried to theoffice,where he asked the secretary if he could use the phone. She seemedsympathetic,butitwasagainstschoolpolicy.Apparentlynottheprincipal,thesuperintendent,oreventhepresidentoftheUnitedStatescouldchangeschoolpolicy.

WherewasJoetheArmadillowhenyouneededhim?

HelefttheofficeandspottedMattKapok,askinnywhiteguyfromhiseconomicsclass.Mattwasprobablytheonlystudentinhisclasswhowastakingsummerschoolbecausehewantedto,notbecausehehadto.

“Matt!”Armpitshoutedashechargedtowardhim.“Yougotfiftycents?I’mdesperate,man!”

Mattbackedupagainstarowoflockersashetookhiswalletoutofhisbackpocket.“Uh,sure.Here.”Heheldoutadollar,butitdroppedoutofhishandbeforeArmpitcouldtakeit.

AsArmpitbentdown topick itup,Matt sidesteppedhimandquicklydisappearedaroundthecorner.

“I’ll payyouback!”Armpit called after him, but didn’t know ifMattheardhim.

Hewentbacktotheoffice,wherethesecretarygavehimfourquartersforthedollar,thenwenttothepayphoneandcalledX-Ray.

“Yousellthelasttwotickets?”

“Nottoworry,nottoworry,”X-Raysaidinasoothingvoice.

“Haveyousoldthem!”

“Look,yougotto—”

“Yesorno?”

“Notyet,but—”

“Don’t!”

“Waitasecond.Whoareyou,andwhathaveyoudonewithArmpit?”

ArmpittoldhimaboutTatiana.“Shehadherhandonmyarm,andwithherperfumeandeverything,Icouldn’tthinkstraight.”

“Was she the one I saw you talkin’ to that time? Strange hair, goofysmile?”

“Yeah.”

“She’sprettycute.”

“I’llpayyouahundredandthirty-fiveforthetwotickets,”saidArmpit.“Thatwouldabeenyourshareifyousoldthem.”

Ahundredandthirty-fiveseemedlikeabargain.Hewasrelievednottohavetopayfifteenhundred.

“Man,thatgirl’sreallygottentoyou,”saidX-Ray.“Look,they’reyourtickets.Youdon’thavetobuythemtwice!”Helaughed.“Thatmustabeensomeperfume!”

13

“Well,that’sthewayitgoes,”GinnysaidwhenArmpittoldherthatCoodidn’twin.Theyweretakingtheirdailywalkaroundtheblock.

“What they should have done,” said Armpit, “is write down all thecandidates’namesonaballot.Theproblemwasnobodyrememberedanyofthespeeches.”

“Well,that’sthewayitgoes,”Ginnysaidagain.

Herfacetwitchedasshesaidit,andArmpitdidn’tknowifthatwasduetoherdisabilityorifshewastryingnottocry.

“But hey, I got an A on my speech,” he said. “Thanks to Coo.” Hesmiled.“Ofcourse,itdoesn’thurtthatCoachSimmonsthinksI’llbegoingoutforfootball.”

“LikehowMrs.R-Randsinkleg-gavem-meanAinart,”saidGinny.

Mrs.Randsinklehadbeenherteacherlastyear.

“AndIc-c-couldn’tevenc-c-colorinsidethel-lines.”

ArmpitnoticedthatGinnystutteredmorewhenshetalkedaboutschool.

“Well,youknow,art’snotjustaboutcoloringinthelines,”saidArmpit.“It’saboutcreativity.Puttingyoursoulonthepaper.You’regoodatthat.”

“No,shejustfeltsorryforme.Shew-w-wishedIw-wasn’tinherclass.She’safraidofmys-seizures.”

Armpit would have liked to tell her that wasn’t true, but he knew itprobablywas.Ginnyhadenoughproblemswithouthimtellinghershewaswrong.“Well,theyarekindofscary,”hesaid.“ButIbetthere’salotshelikedaboutyoutoo.You’reaverythoughtfulandcaringperson.”

Ginny’sarmwasraised,butthistimeshenoticeditherselfandloweredit.

“Oh,Ididn’ttellyou!IaskedagirltogototheKairaDeLeonconcertwithme.”

Ginny covered her gapingmouth with her hand. From behind it, sheasked,“What’dshesay?”

“Shesaidyeah.”

Ginnygiggled.

“What’ssofunny?”

“Thew-wayy-youl-look.”

“HowdoIlook?”

“All dreamy-eyed.” She giggled somemore. “What’s her name?” sheaskedinateasingkindofvoice.

“Tatiana.”

Ginnygiggled.

“What?”

“Thewayyousaidit.”

“HowdidIsayit?”

“Tati-ahna.”

“Tatiana,”saidArmpit,tryingtosoundnormal.

“Tati-ahna,”saidGinny.“Isshepretty?”

“Yeah,butinadifferentkindofway.It’slikethatKairaDeLeonsong‘Imperfection’?Youknow?”Hesang:“Youreflectonyourreflection.Butyouwillneversee.Yourimperfectionisyourfinestquality.”

Ginnylaughed.Hewasn’taverygoodsinger.

“She’scutebecauseofallherimperfections,”Armpitexplained.

“Iknewit!”saidGinny.“Ismelledherp-perfumeonCoo.”

ArmpitrememberedTatianahadhuggedCoo.

“Tati-ahna,”teasedGinny.

“Idon’tevenknowifshereally likesme,”Armpitsaid.“I thinkshe’sjustabigKairaDeLeonfan.”

“Shelikesyou,”saidGinny.

“Oh,yeah?Howdoyouknow?”

“Because.You’reav-verythoughtfulandcaringp-person.”

While Ginny and Armpit were walking around the block, Tatiana wassittingonthefloorofClaire’sbedroom,alongwiththeirfriendRoxanne.Theyweresharingabowlofpopcornanddrinkingdietsodas.

“Aren’tyoujustalittlebitscared?”Roxanneasked.

“No,whyshouldIbe?”

ClaireandRoxannelookedateachotherknowingly.

“Heiskindofdangerous,”saidClaire.

“Maybethat’swhatshelikesabouthim,”saidRoxanne.“Thedanger!”

“He’saniceguy,”saidTatiana.“He’ssweet.”

“Sweet?Healmostkilledtwopeople,girl!”Roxanneremindedher.

“Do you know what they called him at Camp Green Lake?” askedClaire.

“Yes,Iknow,”saidTatiana.

“Armpit!”Clairesaid.“Outofallthosenasty,sweatyguys,hesmelledtheworst!”

“It was so bad, even the other sweaty guys noticed,” said Roxanne.“Andyouknowguys!It’sgottastinkreallybadbeforetheynotice.”

“Andyoureallywanttositnexttohim,inthathotarena,witheveryonealljammedclosetogether?”askedClaire.

“He’llprobablyputhisbig,fat,sweatyarmaroundyou,”saidRoxanne.

“I like ‘Red Alert!’ ” said Tatiana. “I think it’ll be cool to see KairaDeLeonsingitinperson.”

ArmpitstoppedintherestroombeforeschoolonFridayandsplashedhisfacewithcoldwater.ThenhecaughtupwithTatianajustbeforeshegottoclass.

“MyfriendsaidIcouldusehiscar.Oneofthedoorsdoesn’topen,butatleastIgotwheels.”

“That’s great,” said Tatiana without looking at him. She entered theclassroomandmaneuveredherwaybetween thedesks.Clairewhisperedsomethingtoherwhenshesatdown,andTatianasaidsomethingback.

Armpitcouldn’thearwhattheysaid,buthewasabletoreadTatiana’slips.ShetoldClairetoshutup.

HewenttoworkearlyonSaturday,gladtobedoingphysicallaborsohe

wouldn’t drive himself crazy thinking about the concert and Tatiana.Hernandez dumped a truckload of dirt in the driveway, and now theymixeditwithpeatmossbeforespreadingitaroundtheyard.

Bettertouseafifty-centplantandten-dollardirtthanaten-dollarplantandfifty-centdirt.JackDunlevysaidthatallthetime.

He got home around four-thirty but didn’t shower right away, or elsehe’dbeallsweatyagainbythetimehepickedupTatiana.Instead,hewentovertoGinny’s.

Ginny’s mother looked all frazzled when she opened the door. “Oh,Theodore,I’msogladyou’rehere,”shesaid.“Ginny’s—It’smyfault.IsaidsomethingIshouldn’thave.”

Armpitsteppedinside.“Ginny,areyouokay?”

Shesatonthefloor,cryingwhileshehuggedCoo.

“Ginny,what’swrong?”

“Myd-d-dad...”Shewasunabletocontinue.

“Didyourdadcall?”

Herfatherhadlefthomewhenshewasababy.

“Hel-leftbecauseofm-me.B-becauseofmydisa-b-b-bility.”

“That’snotwhatIsaid!”saidhermother.

“It’strue!”Ginnyexclaimed.

“Itwasn’tyou.Itwasthewholesituation.”

“IfIg-getb-b-better,willhec-comeh-h-home?”

Ginny’smomwascryingnowtoo.

Armpit sat on the floor next to Ginny. “I didn’t know your dad wasdisabled,”hesaid.

“He’sn-not.”

“Sounds like he is.He’s a lotworse off thanyou are.You just had alittle bleeding in your brain.He’s got somethingwrongwith his soul. Imean,ifheleftyourmomandyou,man,there’sgottobesomethingreallywrongwithhim.”

Ginnyshrugged.

“I sure hopehegets better.You at least cango to physical therapy. Idon’tknowwhattheycandoforsomeonewithnoheartandsoul.”

Therewas a knock on the door; then it opened, andArmpit’smotherleanedherhead in.“IsTheodorehere?”Shehad the telephonewithher,herhandcoveringthemouthpiece.“It’sher.”

Hismotherwasalmostasexcitedabouthisdateashewas,eventhoughhekepttellingheritwasn’tadate.Theywerejustgoingtohangoutattheconcerttogether.

Hetookthephoneandwalkedoutsideforprivacy.“Hello?”

“Hi,how’sitgoin’?”askedTatiana.

“Great.I’mreallylookingforwardtotheconcert.”

“Look,Idon’tknowhowtosayit.I’mnotgoodatthis.”

“Atwhat?”

“I’mreallysorry,butIcan’tgototheconcert.”

Hedidn’trespond.

“Theodore?Youthere?”

“Yeah.”

“I’mreallysorry.There’sthisfamilythingIgottodo.Iforgotallaboutit. Theywon’t letme out of it.Myparents have this thing about familytime!”

“Iunderstand,”saidArmpit.

“Yousure?”

“Yeah.”

“ButIwantyoutotellmeallaboutitonMonday,okay?”

“Sure.”

“Promise?Everysongshesings.Whatclothesshe’swearing.Iwanttoknoweverything!”

“Okay.”

“I really feel bad about this.Maybe you can find someone else to gowithyou.”

“Yeah,don’tworryaboutit.”

Hehungup,thendialedX-Ray’snumber.

“Was it Tati-ahna?” Ginny teased when he returned to her house. Sheseemedtobefeelingbetter.

“Shecan’tgototheconcert.”

“Oh,I’msosorry,”hermothersaid.

“Well,that’sthewayitgoes,”Armpitsaid.HewinkedatGinny.

“YouwanttoholdCoo?”sheoffered.

Heshookhishead.X-Rayhadsaidpeoplewerestillcallingabout thetickets, somaybe itwasn’t too late. Ifnothingelse, theycouldgo to theLonestarandtrytosellthematthedoor.

Butnowanotherthoughtcametohim.“So,Ginny,”hesaid.“Youwanttogototheconcertwithme?”

Her eyes widened. She looked to her mother, who shrugged, thennoddedherapproval.

14

“Justdon’tcomehomewithyournosepierced,”Ginny’smothertoldher.

Ginnypromisedshewouldn’t.

Armpit’s parents seemedmoreworried aboutGinny’s safety than herownmother,butArmpithadalottodowiththatsincehisnaturalresponsewastoarguewithanythingtheysaid.

“Now,youkeepasharpeyeonGinnyatalltimes.”

“Shecantakecareofherself.”

“Therearealotofcrazypeopleatarockconcert.”

“Just because people have tattoos or pierced tongues doesn’t meanthey’recrazy!”

“Ifyou’renotgoingtoberesponsible...”

“Ginny’smothertrustsme.Whycan’tmyownparents?”

“Becauseweknowyou.”

He didn’t know why he argued with them like that. He was just asconcernedastheywere,ifnotmoreso.Heknewarockconcertcouldbeawild scene and had every intention of protectingGinny and holding herhanduntiltheyweresafelyintheirseats.

HecalledX-Raytomakesurehehadn’talreadysoldthetickets.

“Igot aguyon the line rightnow!”X-Ray said. “He saidhe’dpayahundredandfiftyaticket.Itoldyouthepricewouldonlygoup.Didn’tItellyou?”

“Youcan’tsellthem.I’mtakingGinny.”

“Ginny? Are you outta your gourd? Have you completely lost yourmind?”

“Look,shehadareallybadday.Justbringtheticketsoverhere.Iwanttogetanearlystartsowecanbeatthecrowds.”

“We’retalkingthreehundreddollars!”

“IpromisedGinny.”

X-Raysaidhe’dbeoverintwentyminutes,buthedidnotsoundhappyaboutit.

Armpit sighed as he set the phone back in its cradle.Maybe he wascrazy. He didn’t even know if Ginnywould be able to handle the loudmusicandthecrowds.

Thephonerangamomentlater.ItwasX-Rayagain.

“Itoldtheguytheywerenolongerforsale,andheofferedtwohundredaticket.”

“No,”saidArmpit.

“Fourhundreddollars!”

“No.”

Itwasalmostseveno’clock.X-Raystillhadn’tshowed.ArmpitandGinnywaitedonthefrontporch,alongwithGinny’smother.

“You listen to Theodore and do everything he tells you,” said hermother.

“Iwill,”Ginnypromised.

HewouldbedrivingGinny’smother’scar.Sheinsistedonit,whichwasfinewithhim,becauseifhetooktheX-Mobilethey’dhavetofirsttakeX-Rayhomeandtheywererunningoutof time.Besides,Ginny’smother’sCamrywasundoubtedlymorereliable,andsafer,thanX-Ray’smachine.

Hismothercameoutside.“Stillnothere?”

Armpitshookhishead.

“YoumustbeveryproudofTheodore,”saidGinny’smother.

Armpit’smotherwascaughtoffguard.“Uh,well,yes,ofcourseIam.”

IfhesoldthoseticketsI’mgoingtokillhim,Armpitthought,andthenasecondlatertheX-Mobilepulledaroundthecorner.

X-Ray parked in front and slid out the passenger side asArmpit andGinnyheadeddowntomeethim.

“Whattookyousolong?”Armpitdemanded.

X-Ray ignored the question. “Hey, Ginny, are you ready to rock ’n’roll?”

“Yes.”

X-Ray laughed, then handed Armpit the envelope containing the tworemainingtickets.“Justremember,”hesaid.“Beflexible.”

“Allright,”saidArmpit.

“YouhearwhatI’msaying?Flexible.”

“Yeah,Ihearyou,”Armpitsaid.Hedidn’thavetimeforanyofX-Ray’snonsense.

HeandGinnygotintohermother’scar;thenhecarefullybackeditoutof the driveway while everyone waved good-bye. He saw X-Ray saysomethingtoGinny’smother,wholaughed.

They turned the corner. The clock on the dashboard read 7:06. Theconcertwasn’tuntileight.

HewinkedatGinny.Sheshutandopenedbotheyes.

Armpit sang:“I’m gonna take you for a ride! Andwe’re gonna havesomefun!I’mgonnatakeyouforaride!”

Ginnyjoinedin:“Andwe’regonnahavesomefun!”

Armpit:“I’mgonnatakeyousomeplaceyouneverbeenbefore...”

Theysangthelastlinetogether.“Andyou’llneverbethesameagain!”

15

TheysangallthewaytotheLonestarArena.“Youknow,youdon’tstutteratallwhenyousing,”Armpitpointedout.

Ginnylaughed.

“Maybeyoushouldsingallthetime.”

Ginny laughed again. “Good mor-ning,” she sang. “I’ll have pan-cakes.”

Armpit laughedashepulled into theparking lot,whichwascrammedwithcarsandpeople.

Ginnysang,“Twoplustwoisfour,Mrs.Randsinkle.”

He couldn’t find anything that resembled a parking space. It was X-Ray’sfaultforbeingsolate.

Helifted thehandicappedplacardoutof thepocket in thedoorbesidehim.“I’mgoingtohavetousethis,”hesaid.

Ginnystoppedsinging.

“It’snotbecauseIdon’tthinkyoucanwalk.”

Ginnynodded.“Iknow,”shesaid.

Hehungtheplacardontherearviewmirrorandparkedrightinfront.

Ginny tightly held Armpit’s hand as they made their way to thebuilding. She was so excited she would have fallen several times if hehadn’tbeenholdingherup.“Smallsteps,”heremindedher.

“Issheallright?”thetickettakerasked.

“She’sdancing,”Armpittoldhim.

Inside, they had tomaneuver theirway through throngs of people allmoving in different directions.Before going to their seats, they got in alonglineatoneoftheconcessioncounters.Ginny’smotherhadgivenhertwentydollars.

Armpit liftedGinny up on his shoulders so she could see. She reallywanted togetaKairaDeLeonofficial tourT-shirt,butwhen theygot tothefront,theyweretolditcosttwenty-eightdollars.

Armpitwaswillingtopaytheothereightdollars,plustax,butGinny’smotherhadtoldhernot to letTheodorepayforanything.Instead,Ginnyboughttwosoftdrinks,whichcameinplasticsouvenircups,andabucketofpopcornforthemtoshare.Shepaidwithhertwenty-dollarbillandgotonedollarandseventy-fivecentsbackinchange.

Armpitheldthepopcornandhisdrink,whileGinnyheldontoherdrinkandhisarm,astheyslowlymadetheirwaytotheirseats.Hecouldn’thelpthinkingabout the last timehe’dheldabucketofpopcorn ina crowdedplace, but they safely reached section B, rowM, seats 1 and 2 withoutincident.

Thelargestage,withgianttowersofspeakersoneitherside,juttedoutinfrontofthem.Behindthemwereatleastfortyrowsofseats,andthosewere the good seats. Beyond those, and to the sides, were two tiers ofbleachers.

Heglancedaroundatthepeopleseatednearby,realizingtheyweretheonestowhomX-Raysoldthetickets.Well,atleasttheygottheirmoney’sworth.Thesereallyweregreatseats.

“Greatseats,huh?”hesaid.

“Yes,”saidGinny.

He looked forMurdockbutdidn’t seehim.AnAfricanAmericangirlwas sitting a few seats awaywith her boyfriend. If shewasMurdock’sdaughter,thenthatwastoobad.HerememberedMurdockhadboughtthetickets so he could spend timewith his daughter on the oneweekend amonthhegottoseeher.

Backstage,KairaDeLeonwaschewingapieceofgumthathadlonglostitsflavor.Thiswasalwaystheworsttimeforher.Sheknewshe’dbeallrightonceshestartedsinging.Thenshewoulddisappearintothemusic.

The backstage area was filled with people, half of whom she didn’trecognize. Besides all the people working on tour, there were record

company executives, friends of record company executives, children oflawyers, brothers-in-law of security personnel. Every once in a whilesomeonemanaged to slip past theDoofus and ask for her autograph. InHouston,awomanandhertwokidshadactuallyaskedhertosingasongforthem.

Kairaworea lavendersweatsuit.Beneathitwastheoutfitshe’dwearfortheshow,whichwaslittlemorethansparklingunderwearwithfringe.Forsomereasonitseemedallrighttodressthatwayinfrontofthousandsofpeople,butinthissmallareaitwouldhavebeenembarrassing.

Shewishedshehadstayedinherdressingroominsteadofhavingtobearoundallthesepeople.Itwasalmosteight,buttheconcertsneverstartedon time. She should know that by now. El Genius liked to “make ’emwait.”Hedidn’twanthertakingthestageuntil theaudiencehadworkeditselfintoafrenzy.

Shelookedathim,shoutingintohiswalkie-talkie.Shepitiedthepersonontheotherend.Nexttohim,hermotherwasdrinkingfromoneofthosehorribleplasticsouvenircupswithherpictureonit.Latelyhermotherhadbegunhavingcocktailsduringtheshow.

AtleastAileenwasn’taround.Kairacouldnolongerstandthesightofher.She’dalreadygone toDallas tomake sureall thearrangementshadbeentakencareofattheirnexthotel.

KairawonderedifhermothersuspectedtherewassomethinggoingonbetweenJeromeandAileen.Maybethatwasthereasonforthecocktails.

AlocalDJwasonstagenow,firingupthecrowd.

“Iseveryoneready?”

“Yes!”Ginnyshoutedatthetopofherlungs,butevenArmpit,sittingrightnexttoher,couldn’thearherforthecrowd.

“Areyousure?”

“Yes!”heandGinnyshouted.

“BecauseKairaDeLeonwillbe standingon thisveryspot in just fiveminutes!”

ArmpitfeltGinny’sfingernailsdigintohisarm.

“Sojustholdonalittlelonger!”

EveryonecheeredthelinefromoneofKaira’ssongs.

Armpit only slowly became aware that somebody was tapping hisshoulder.Heturnedtoseeasecurityguard.

“Excuseme,” theguard said, apparentlynot for the first time.“May Iseeyourtickets,please?”

Amanandyounggirlstoodbehindhim.ThegirlwasprobablyGinny’sage,althoughshewasmuchbigger.

“MayIseeyourtickets,please?”thesecurityguardaskedagain.

“Mytickets?”

“Please.”

Armpit tried to remember what he’d done with them. He hoped he

hadn’tdroppedthemwhenhewasdealingwiththepopcornandsoda.

“You’resittinginourseats!”thegirlaccused.

“Aren-n-not!”saidGinny.

Armpitstoodup tocheckhispockets.Thesecurityguard instinctivelysteppedbackfromhim.

“Idon’twantanytrouble,”theguardsaid,placingahandonhiswalkie-talkie.“Ijustwanttomakesureyou’reinyourrightseats.”

Armpitdidn’twantanytroubleeither.“Igotthemheresomewhere.”

“I’mgoingtohavetoaskyoutocomewithme,Sir.”

“I’ve got the tickets!” Armpit shouted, partly out of frustration andpartlytobeheardoverthecrowd,whichwasnowstompingtheirfeetwithimpatience.

“Pleasecomewithme,sir,andI’llhelpyoufindyourcorrectseats.”

“Justwait!”

Theguard spoke intohiswalkie-talkie. “I’mgoing toneed somehelphere.SectionB.”

Armpit’spantshad toomanypockets: threeon the right front, twoontheleftfront,andtwointheback.“Found’em!”heexclaimed.Theywereinoneofthefrontpockets.Hehandedthestubstothesecurityguard.

As the guard was looking them over, two uniformed police officershurriedquicklydowntheaisle.“What’stheproblemhere?”askedoneoftheofficers.

“Noproblem,”saidArmpit.

“Counterfeittickets,”saidthesecurityguard.“Herefusestoleave.”

“What?”Armpitexclaimed,reachingforthetickets.“Letmesee...”

Anofficergrabbedhisarmandtwisteditbehindhisback,spinninghimaround.

Armpitjerkedhimselffree,buttheotherofficergrabbedhim.

Thenextthingheknewhewasonthefloor,hisfacepressedagainsttheconcrete.Hecouldfeelakneediggingintothesmallofhisback.

It felt likehisarmswerebeingrippedoutof theirsocketsasfirstone,then the other was jerked behind his back. Then they were handcuffedtogether.

Hisheadwasliftedoffthefloorbyhishairandapoliceofficershoutedinhisface.“What’ssheon?”

“What’dyougiveher?”shoutedtheotherofficer.

Hewincedinpain.Itfeltlikehishairwasabouttoberippedrightoutofhis head. He could hear the security guard calling for a doctor. “We’regoingtohavetopumpherstomach!”

Theofficerabruptly letgoofhishair,andhisfacebangedagainst thefloor. “Look,” theofficer said, no longer shouting. “Itwould reallyhelpforustoknowwhatkindofdrugswe’redealingwithhere.”

“Youthinkit’sbadnow,”saidtheotherone.“Believeme,youdonotwantanythingtohappentoher.”

“Helpussaveherlife!”

“What’ssheon!”

Armpitmanaged to get a glimpse of Ginny, her body jerking arounduncontrollablyonthefloor.

Thesightofhermadehimlurchup,knockingbothofficersbackward,but just for amoment.Theyquickly tackledhimagain, and then abillyclubslammedagainstthesideofhisneck.

“What’sgoingonhere?”

Itwasawoman’svoice.

“Stayback,Mayor,he’sallwhackedoutonsomething.”

“Youdon’thit somebodywho’salreadyon theground, inhandcuffs,”saidCherryLane.

“Hedruggedthatlittlegirl.”

“She’snotondrugs!”Armpitgasped.

“Shutup!”saidtheofficer,pushinghisheadagainstthefloor.

Hemanagedtoraisehisfacebackup.“Idugatrenchatyourhouse!”hegasped.“Yousaidyouadmiredme!”

Themayorleaneddownwithherhandsonherkneestogetabetterlookathim.Herlongsilverhairhungonbothsidesofherface.“YouworkforJackDunlevy?”

“Yes!”

“What’swrongwiththegirl?”

“She’snotondrugs.Iswear.She’shavingaseizure.”

“Hewascaughtwithcounterfeittickets,”saidoneoftheofficers.

“Letmehelpher,”Armpitpleaded.“Please.”

“You think he knew they were counterfeit?” asked the mayor. “Youthinkhe’dsitinthoseseatsifheknewtheywerecounterfeit?”

“Icanhelpher,”saidArmpit.

“Lethimgo!”orderedthemayor.

“Idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea.”

“Youlethimgorightnow,unlessyouwanttospendthenexttenyearswalkingupanddownLamarBoulevard.”

The officer twisted Armpit’s arm extra hard as he unlocked thehandcuffs.Theotherofficerwasreadywithhisbaton.

Stayinglow,ArmpithurriedtoGinny.Drooldrippedfromhermouthasherbodywrithedandtwitched.Hereyeswerewideopen,buttheyweren’tseeinganything.

Thefloorwasstickywithspilleddrinksandpopcorn.

“I’mherenow,Ginny,”he said softly. “I’mherenow.”Hewiped thedrooloffherfaceandadjustedherglasses,whichhadfallentooneside.

Thepeopleandtheirchairshadbeenclearedfromthearea.

“Isshegoingtobeallright?”askedthemayor.

He slipped his hand below her head, then gently lifted her up off thefloor.“It’sokaynow,”hewhispered.Heheldhertremblingbodyagainsthischest.

“Nowwhat?”Kairademanded.Therehadbeensomekindofdisturbanceoutonthefloorandthewaitingwasdrivinghercrazy.

“Funniest thing Iever saw!” laughedJeromePaisleyashe returned tothebackstagearea.“Thislittlebitofagirl,wrigglingaroundonthefloor,drooling all over herself. She looked like a goldfish that fell out of itsbowl.Youknowhowtheyfloparounduntiltheydie?”

“Youthinkthat’sfunny?”askedKaira.

“Thethingis,everyonethinksshe’sondrugs,right?Butshe’snot.Shewasbornspastic!”

“Andthat’sfunny?”askedKairaagain.

“How awful,” Kaira’s mother said, although she seemed moreconcernedwithherdrink,whichwasnowdowntonothingbutice.

“See,shewaswiththisbigblackdude,”ElGeniusexplained.“Thecopsarebeatingthecrapoutofhimwhilethelittlewhitegirlwashavingaspazattack,becausetheythoughthegaveherdrugs!”

“Oh,yeah,that’sreallyfunny!”saidKaira.God,shehatedhim!

“Hemeantunusualfunny,notha-hafunny,”explainedhermother.

“That’snothowhesaidit.”

“It was their own fault,” said her mother’s husband. “They paid likethreehundreddollarstosomescalperforcounterfeittickets!”Helaughed.“Somepeoplearetoostupidtolive!”

“Wherearetheynow?”askedKaira.

“Theyshouldhavetheareaclearedandcleanedupinaboutfiveortenminutes. You better have Rosemary do some touch-up on your hair. Itlooksalittleflat.”

“Wherearetheynow?”Kairaaskedagain.

They were on a cot in the security area, surrounded by a half-dozensecurity andmedical personnel.Armpit still heldGinny in his arms, butherattackhadsubsidedintotearsandhiccups.

Themedicalpersonnelweretrainedtohandledrugoverdosesandminorinjuries,andknewverylittleaboutcerebralpalsy.

“Shedoesn’tneed togo to thehospital,”Armpit said.“She justneedsspacetobreathe.”

AwomanputherhandonGinny’swrist.“I’mjustgoing to takeyourpulse.”

Ginnyjerkedherhandaway.

Themayoralsowasthere,despiterepeatedsuggestionsbytheheadofsecuritythatshereturntoherseatandenjoytheshow.OutinthearenathecrowdwascallingforKairaandstompingtheirfeet.Armpitcouldfeelthe

vibrationsonthefloor.

“You say he came at you?” the officer in charge asked one of theofficerswhohandcuffedArmpit.

“Iwasreachingfortheticket!”Armpittriedtoexplain,thenfeltGinnytrembleathissuddenoutburst.

“He made a threatening movement, but I was able to quickly gaincontrolofthesituation.”

“There’snoquestionhewasresistingarrest,”saidtheotherofficer.

“His friend was having a seizure!” the mayor pointed out. “He onlywantedtohelpher!”

“Please,Mayor.Itwouldbebetterforeveryoneifyoureturnedtoyourseat.”

“I’mnotgoing to letyou justifyyour actionsbyblaming thevictim,”themayorsaidfirmly.“Letmeaskyousomething,”shesaid,directingherattentiontotheofficer.“Wouldthegesturehavebeensothreateningifhewaswhite?”

ArmpithadtohandittoCherryLane.Shewasonetoughlady.

“Insteadofpersecutingthevictim,”themayorwenton,“youshouldbebackoutthere,gettingthenamesandphonenumbersofeveryoneseatedinthatarea.Somebodyelsemayhaveboughtticketsfromthesamescalper.”

Twomorepeopleenteredtheroom:agum-chewingAfricanAmericanteenagegirlwearing a lavender sweat suit, followedby a thirty-year-oldwell-dressedwhiteguy.

“Whothehellareyou?”demandedtheheadofsecurity.

Ginnyknewwhoshewas.Hersobsinstantlyceased.

“Iheardtherewasaproblemwithsometickets,”thegirlsaid.ShesatonthecotnexttoArmpitandaskedGinnyhername.

“Ginny.”

“Hi,Ginny.”

“Hi,Kaira,”saidGinny.

WhenArmpitrealizedwhoshewas,hecouldn’tbelieveshewassittingrightnexttohim,herlegalmosttouchinghis.

“Areyoufeelingbetter?”Kairaasked.

“Yes.”

“Isshegoingtobeokay?”KairaaskedArmpit.

“She’sfine!”Armpitsaid,soundingalittletooenthusiastic.Hecouldn’tbelievehewastalkingtoher.“It’shappenedbefore.Shejustneedsalittletimeandspace.”

“Ihearthat,”KairasaidtoGinny.“It’samadhouseoutthere.Allthesepeoplecrowdedaround,andthentheytellyouyourticketsarenogood.”

“Mybodyw-wenttoredalert,”saidGinny.

ThatmadeKaira smile. “Youseemokaynow,” she said. “Wouldyouliketocomebackstageandwatchtheconcertfromthere?”

“Yes.”

16

Armpitwasn’t certain ifKaira’s invitation included him aswell, but hewasn’tabouttobeleftbehind.Kairaledthemoutofthesecurityareaanddownadarkhallway.

“SorryIwalksoslow,”saidGinny.

“There’s no hurry,” said Kaira, as out in the arena the audience wasstompingandclapping.

“Soareyoulikehernurseorsomething?”sheaskedArmpit.

“We’rejustfriends,that’sall,”hetoldher.

“He’smybestfriend,”saidGinny.

“I’msosorry!”Kairasaid.BecauseGinnywasawhitegirl,andArmpitwasolderandanAfricanAmerican,shehadjustassumedheworkedforherfamily.Talkaboutracism!

Armpithadnoideawhatshewassorryfor.

“ThisisFred,mybodyguard,”Kairasaid.“He’sheretoprotectmefromGinny. You think you can handle her, Fred? She looks awfullydangerous.”

Armpitsmiledatthejoke,butheandeveryoneelseknewGinnywasn’ttheoneFredwascloselywatching.

“Justdoin’myjob,MissDeLeon,”saidFred.

TheyreachedaflightofstairsandKairaaskedGinnyifshecouldmakeitupbyherself.

“Ineedtoholdontosomeone.”

“Holdontome,”saidKaira,extendingherhand.

Armpit was amazed by Ginny’s calmness. She didn’t seem one bitnervousaroundKairaDeLeon.He,ontheotherhand,couldhardlythinkstraight.

Kaira led them up a flight of stairs, then through a door and into thebackstagearea.Severalpeoplehurriedtowardthem.

“Thesearemyfriends,”Kairasaid.“Ginny,and...”

“Theodore,”saidArmpit,helpingherout.

“Weneedtosetthemupsomewheretheycanseetheshow.”SheturnedbacktoArmpitandGinny.“Davidwilltakecareofyou.”

Davidworeavestbutnoshirt.Hehadredhair,aredbeard,andaredhairy chest. Tools of various sorts were attached to his belt and in the

manypocketsofhisvest.

“Come with me,” David said as a Hispanic woman led Kaira away.“We’llsetyouupbehindthesoundboard.”

“Wait,wait,wait,”saidaveryprettywomaninashortskirtandtightT-shirt.“Holdon,honey.Letmegetyoucleanedupfirst.David,get themsomeT-shirts.”

The woman introduced herself as Rosemary and brought them to amakeuparea,wherethethreebackupsingersweresmoking.

While shewas helpingGinnywash up,David returnedwith a box ofsouvenirT-shirts.“Whatcoloryouwant?”

“Red,”saidGinny.

“Oneforhim,too,”saidRosemary,indicatingArmpit.

“I’mfine,”saidArmpit.

“You’reamess.Nowtakeoffyourshirt.”

Davidgrabbeda coupleof foldingchairs and ledArmpit andGinnyoutontothestage.Hewalkedcloseenoughtothekeyboardthathecouldhaveplayedanote.

The audience, which had been yelling and stomping impatiently,suddenly stopped and applauded, glad that at last something washappening.

GinnysqueezedArmpit’shand.

David set up the chairs behind a large piece of electronic equipment.“Don’tworry,”hesaid.“You’llbeinvisiblehere.”

Theywerenearoneof thespeaker towers,butbackbehind it, so theywouldn’tbeblastedbythesound.

The soundboard operator introduced himself as Terry. He woreheadphones.Thesoundboardconsistedofapanelof switches,dials, andlights.“Thisissothebandmemberscanhearthemselvesandeachother,”heexplained.

“Cool,”saidArmpit.

David returned a moment later with two souvenir cups filled withlemon-lime soda.He hurried off just as everythingwent pitch dark, andthenthemusicshookthestage,nearlyknockingArmpitoutofhischair.

Strobe lights flashed on the various bandmembers, and then a greenspotlightsettledonKairaDeLeon.

“You’veheardshe’snaughty,

You’veheardshe’swild.

You’veheardshe’sjust

Asweetinnocentchild!

“Well,now’sthechance

foryoutofindout!

’CauseI’mtheshe

Youbeenhearin’about!”

Itwashardtoimaginethatthiswasthesamegum-chewinggirlhehadjustmetafewminutesearlier.Shewasdazzlinglybeautiful.

“Youwakeupscreaming

Inthemiddleofthenight

Wasitanightmare?

Orwasittoomuchdelight?”

Thefloorbeneathhimbouncedwitheachbeatofthedrum,andhecouldfeelthebassvibratingrightdowntohisbones.Hehopeditwasn’ttooloudforGinny,butshejuststaredatKairaDeLeon,mesmerized.

“Betteropenyoureyes,

Ifyouwanttofindout,

’CauseI’mtheshe,

Youbeendreamin’about!”

ThespotlightonKairakeptchangingcolorsandherfringedoutfitseemedtoshimmerandchangewitheachnewcolor.

“Youbeenwarnedofherpower,

Youbeenwarnedofhercharm.

Theysaywhenshelovesyou,

Shecausesbodilyharm!

“Well,comealittlecloser,

Ifyouwanttofindout,

’CauseI’mtheshe

Theywarnedyouabout!”

Ifthepeopleintheaudiencecouldhavecomeanyclosertheywouldnothavehesitated.Theplacewasgoingcrazy.GinnyshoutedsomethingintoArmpit’sear,buthecouldn’thearher.Itdidn’tmatter.Hecouldfeelherexcitement.

When thesongended theybothstoodupandwildlyapplauded.Kairalookedoveratthemandsmiled.

As the concert went on, the songs changed from fast to slow, fromfunky to sincere, but Kaira maintained a magical hold over the crowd.Even she could feel it. Normally she shut out the audience as shedisappearedintothesongs,butitwasdifferenttonight.Itwasalmostliketheaudiencewaspartoftheband.Shefedofftheirenergy.

“I listentotheradio,”shesaid.“SomuchofwhatIhear isfilledwithangerandhatred. It’s likeguys think theyhave tobe toughandcruel inordertobeaman.Tome,amanissomeonewhoisbraveenoughtolove,andtolethimselfbeloved.”

Cotton,ondrums,poundedoutadriving,steadybeat,andKairarippedintothenextsong.

“AngryYoungMan,withyour!

AngryYoungHeart,andyour!

AngryYoungEyes,andyour!”

Thedrumpunctuatedeachlineanddroveithome.

“Angryyoungmouth,[BANG!]spewing

Twistedcruelwords.[BANG!]’boutthe...

Peopleyouknow,[BANG!]andthe!

Moneyyoumake,[BANG!]andthe!

Womenyouhurt,[BANG!]withyour!

Hatefullove.”

Armpithadheardthesongbefore,butneverwithsuchfirebehindit.Now,watchingher,hearingher,seeingthepassioninhereyes, italmostmadehimcry.Thesongcouldhavebeenabouthimacoupleofyearsago,beforehewenttoCampGreenLake.Althoughitwasn’treallyCampGreenLakethatreleasedhimfromhisanger.ItwascominghomeandmeetingGinny.

“You’llbea

Sorryoldman,witha!

Sorryoldheart,andtwo!

Sorryoldeyes,withyour!

Sorryoldrage,inyour

Sorryoldcage....”

She followed thatwith“Imperfection,” andhewas remindedofTatiana.He had forgotten all about her. He was glad he’d ended up going with

Ginny instead, and it wasn’t just because he got to be up onstage. Justseeing the look on Ginny’s face as she stared at Kaira made him veryhappy.

Kairastarted inon“Damsel inDistress,”andArmpitgrabbedGinny’sarmandtoldhertolistentothewords,butitwashardtopickthemout.The music was too loud, the audience was screaming, and the backupsingersweresingingsomekindofcounterpointharmonythatkeptgettingintheway.

“...thesejewels,theseshoes,thisdress

Aperfectpictureofsuccess.

Noonewouldeverguess,Armpit,

Adamselindistress.”

“Didyouhearthat?”heaskedher.

Shedidn’tknowwhathewastalkingabout.

Of course she didn’t. He knew that. He knew he had to be hearingsomethingwrong.

Finally,attheveryendofthesongeverythingsloweddown.Themusicgot real soft, and the backup singerswere silent, and even the audiencewashushed.Kaira,underasinglespotlight,seemedespeciallyaloneandvulnerableasshehalfsang,halfwhisperedtheverylastwords.

“Saveme,Armpit.

Adamselindistress.”

Atleast,thatwaswhatheheard.

“So?”ArmpitaskedGinnyastheybothstoodandapplauded.

“Ilikethatsong,”saidGinny.

Kairafollowedthatwiththefast-paced“FryingPan,”duringwhichthewordsseemedtojustshootoutofhermouthlikebullets.

“Anoverworked,underloved,housewifenamedMyra

Hasdinnerintheskillet,andaloadinthedryer.

Whenamagazinesalesmancomestoinquire

Ifshewouldliketobeamagazinebuyer,

Onelookinhiseyes,andshe’sfilledwithdesire.

ShebuysasubscriptiontoTime,andonetoEsquire.

‘Isthereanythingelse,ma’am,thatyourequire?’

Shesays,‘Takemeoutofthefryingpan...

Andintothefire!’ ”

Armpitwas amazedKaira couldget all thewordsout.Therewere threemoreverses,andeachseemedtobefasterthantheonebeforeit.

“Whew!” Kaira exclaimed when the song ended, and the audiencelaughedandapplauded.

“Golly,”Kairasaid.“Somanyofthesesongsseemtobeaboutsex!”

Thiswasgreetedbyhootsandmoreapplause.

“You’dneverguessI’mavirgin.”

Thecrowdwentwildoverthat,andtheguitarplayermadeanoisethatsoundedlikehepoppedastring.

Everypartoftheconcertwascarefullyplannedandscripted,butKairahad never said that before. The words just came out of hermouth. Foronce,shewashavingfun.SheturnedandwavedtoGinnyandherfriend.Ginnywavedback,butherfriendlookedstunned,likeadeerinheadlights.

Thebandlaunchedintothenextsong.

“I’mgonnatakeyouforaride,

Andwe’regonnahavesomefun!

I’mgonnatake...”

ArmpitandGinnyturnedandlookedateachother.Thishadbecometheirsong.Theyrosetotheirfeetandremainedstandingthroughoutthesong.

“Whoo!”Armpitshouted.

Ginnylaughedathim.

Heheldherhandasshetwirledinacircle.

“Iain’tneverbeenaccusedofgoin’tooslow,

Sohangon,baby,anddon’tletgo!

“Oh,Igotnorearviewmirror,

Andnoneoneitherside.

Gotnorearviewmirror,

Andnoneoneitherside.

Ain’tnolookin’back,babe,

WhenItakeyouforaride!”

When thesongwasover,Kairaannounced that she’d like to introducea

couple of friends of hers. To Armpit’s horror, she turned to him andGinny.Hehadahardenoughtimejuststandinginthefrontoftheroominspeechclass.

“Comeonout,”shesaid,wigglingherfingeratthem.

Ginnystoodup,butArmpitremainedgluedtohischair.

“Youbettergo,”saidTerry,thesoundboardoperator,“oritwilljustgetworse.”

Armpit heldGinny’shandas theywalkedacross the stage, but itwashardtosaywhowashelpingwhomthistime.

“Thesearemyfriends,Ginny,and...”

Armpitthoughtshe’dforgottenhisnameagain,butsherememberedatthelastsecond.

“. . .Theodore.Theyalmostdidn’tget to see the show tonight.Somelow-lifeticketscalpersoldthemcounterfeittickets.”

Everyonebooed.

“Well, I guess you ended up with pretty good seats after all, didn’tyou?”

SheheldthemicrophoneinfrontofGinny.

“Yes,” Ginny said, then flinched, startled either by the sound of heramplifiedvoiceorbythecheersoftheaudience.

“Sohowdoyouliketheshowsofar?”Kairaaskedher.

“It’sawesome!”saidGinny,andeveryonecheeredinagreement.

“How about you?” Kaira asked, holding the microphone in front ofArmpit.

Hedidn’tknowwhattosay.“Awesome,”heechoed.

Noonecheeredthistime.

“I think it’s awesome too,” said Kaira. “In fact, I think it’s the bestdamnshowI’veeverdone!”

Cottonrat-a-tattedonthedrumsinagreement.

“So,Ginny,what’syourfavoritesong?”

Ginnydidn’thesitate.“‘RedAlert!’ ”

“Youheardthelady!”

The lead guitar whined like a siren as the house rockedwithKaira’sbiggesthit.

“Ihearaw-w-warningsound

Everytimeyouc-c-comearound...”

ShewasdancingaroundArmpitandGinnyasshesang,andkeptlookingatArmpitasifhewastheoneshewassingingabout.

“Shouldyouch-chancetoglanceatme,

Threatensmysecurity.”

Hedidn’tknowwhathewassupposedtodo.

Ginnywasshouting“RedAlert!” rightalongwith thebackupsingers,althoughhecouldonlyreadherlips.

“Heart’sa-th-thumpin’!

RedAlert!

N-n-nervesa-j-j-jumpin’!

RedAlert!

AllIhearisas-s-sirensound.”

At last Armpit managed to ease his way back to the safety of thesoundboard,takingGinnywithhim.

“Allsystemsaresh-shutting...

D-d-d-down!”

Kairashouted,“Thankyouverymuch!Iloveyou!”andsheandthebandleftthestage.

Thecrowdshoutedformore,GinnyandArmpitrightalongwiththem.Thelightsremaineddark.

Afterabout fiveminutes theycamebackoutanddid“JustHoldOnaLittleLonger.”Onthelastline,“...AndthenI’llbeonmyway,”Kairablewakisstothecrowdandonceagainleftthestage.

Peoplecontinuedtoshoutformore,butthistimethehouselightscameon.

“Goodshow,Kaira,”saidDuncan.

Kairawas amazed.He had never said that to her before.None of theband members had. But something special had happened tonight; theycouldallfeelit.

“Whatdoyousaywegobackoutanddoonemore?”saidTimB.

“Soundsgoodtome,”saidCotton.

Usuallyoncethebandwasdone,theyweredone.Itwasajobtothem,nothingmore.Theydidtheoneplannedencore,andthatwasit.

“We’veplayedallthesongsweknow,”Duncanpointedout.

“Thenlet’splayonewedon’tknow,”saidBillyGoat.

Kairalaughed.

“Soundsgoodtome,”saidCotton.“Anyideas,Kaira?”

“Youwanttotry‘PieceofMyHeart’?”Kairasuggested.ShehadbeenlisteningtotheJanisJoplinCDanditwasherfavoritesong.

“Let’sdoit,”saidTimB.

Theplacewentcrazywhentheysteppedbackoutonstage.

“We’veplayedeverysongweknow,”Kairatoldtheraucouscrowd.“Sonowwe’regoingtoplayonewedon’tknow!”

Itjustmighthavebeentheworstperformanceeverofthatsong.Kairahadthoughtsheknewthewords,butshekeptskippingaroundtodifferentparts of the song and repeating parts she’d already done as the bandstruggledtokeepupwithher.

But nobody cared. It was pure fun, and the audiencewas having funrightalongwiththem.Itwasthewayrock’n’rollwasmeanttobe.

Even the cutesy-dootsy backup singers, two of whom had alreadychangedbackintojeans,cameout,andwerescreamingatthetopoftheirlungs.

“TAKEIT!”

“Takeanotherlittlepieceofmyheartnow,baby...”

The band tried to improvise a big finish, but in the end, the song justfizzledout.

“God, that was awful!” Kaira said with a laugh amid the thunder ofapplause,andthensheandthebandleftthestageforgood.

17

As an army of workers cleared the stage, unhooking power cords,removing instruments and equipment,Armpit andGinnywere unsure ofwhattheyweresupposedtodoorwheretheyweresupposedtogo.Whentheystooduptheirchairsweretakenaway.Theymadesuretoholdontotheirsouvenircups.

Therewasnowaydownexceptthroughbackstage.Besides,theyhadtoget their regular shirts back fromwhoever had them. So, holding on toeachother,theyheadedbackthroughthecurtain.

Itwasn’tascrowdedasearlier,butthepeoplewhoweretherewereinconstantmotion.Someone shouted, “Watchyourback!” as a cart full ofelectronicequipmentwaswheeledpastandouttoaloadingdock.

“Ginny!”

It was David, the red-bearded guy wearing the vest and no shirt.“Kaira’slookingforyou.Here,followme.”

Armpit followed too, and David didn’t tell him not to. He led themalongaverynarrowpassageway.AstheyturnedthecornertheysawandheardKairaarguingwithalarge,athletic-lookingblackman,whileKaira’sbodyguardstoodofftotheside.

“...couldhavebeenyourbestperformance,”themanwassaying,“butyouknowwhatthecriticsaregoingtowrite?‘She’snoJanisJoplin.’Allthey’regoingtotalkaboutishowyoubutcheredherclassicsong!”

“Wewerehavingfun!Rock’n’rollissupposedtobespontaneous!”

“Where’dyouhearthat?”

“Cotton.”

“Cotton,” the man repeated. He glanced at Armpit and Ginny. “Thisareaisofflimits,”hesaid.

“They’remyfriends!”saidKaira.“Iinvitedthem.”

Themanscowled,thenturnedandwalkedaway.

“Sorryaboutthat,”Kairasaid.“So,youguyswantsomeicecream?”

“Yes,”saidGinny.

“Uh, what flavor?” asked Armpit. He didn’t know why he said that.Sometimeswordsseemedtocomeoutofhismouthontheirown.

“I’llcheck,”Kairasaid.Sheopenedthedoortoherdressingroomandwentinside.

ArmpitandGinnyremainedinthehall.

“Well,comein,”Kairasaidtothem,asifshethoughttheywerebeingstupid.

Ginnyentered,followedbyArmpit.

Kaira’sbodyguardstartedtocomeinaswell,butKairatoldhimtowaitoutside.

Armpit was surprised by how small the roomwas—notmuch biggerthan a utility closet. A small couch had been squeezed in between twowalls,andaminiaturerefrigeratorsatontheflooracrossfromit.

Kaira opened the tiny refrigerator, and the even tinier freezercompartment,whichwasjustbigenoughtoholdaquartoficecream.“It’schocolatechip,”shetoldArmpit.“Isthatokay?”

“Sure,fine,”Armpitsaid,wishinghehadneveraskedabouttheflavor.

“IcanaskDavidtogetyousomethingelse.”

“Chocolatechipismyfavoriteicecream!”hesaid,tryingtoputanendtothesubjectbutinsteadsoundinglikealittlekid.

Kairascoopedtheicecreamintotwoplasticbowlsandgavethemeachone.“Well,sitdown.”

“Youshouldgetthecouch,”saidArmpit.“You’rethestar.”

“Shutup,”saidKaira.

Ginnylaughed.“Shetoldyoutoshutup.”

“Iknow.Iheardher.”

ArmpitsatonthecouchnexttoGinny.Kairasatonthefloorandatehericecreamrightoutofthecarton.

“Ialwaysgetsohungryafterashow,”shesaid.“BeforetheshowI’mtoonervoustoeat.”

“Youdidn’tseemnervous,”saidArmpit.“Youseemedreallycool.”

Kairalaughed.“Cool?Lookatme.I’mdrenchedinsweat.It’sgross!”

IfArmpitknewherbetterhemighthavesaid,Youthinkyou’resweaty.Man,youdon’tknowwhatsweat is!Buthedidn’tdaresaythat toKairaDeLeon.

“Whywasthatmany-yellingatyou?”Ginnyasked.

“Him?That’sEl—mymanager,”Kairasaid.“He’sallpissedoff’causeofthelastsong.Oh,sorry,Ginny.”

“It’sokay,”saidGinny.“Ih-hearb-badwordsatschool.”

“Ithoughtthatlastsongwasgreat!”Armpitsaid.

“Well,Idon’tknowaboutthat,”saidKaira.

“Isitanewone?”Armpitaskedher.

“Youneverhearditbefore?”

“No.”

“Don’ttellmeyou’veneverheardofJanisJoplin?”

Hehadn’t,buthedidn’tdareadmititnow.“MaybeIhave,”hesaid.

“Ifyou’dheardher,you’dknow.She’slikemyall-timefavoritesinger.Youknow,shewasbornrighthereinTexas.”

“Haveyoumether?”askedGinny.

“We’reallgoingtomeetJanissomeday,”saidKaira.“Butitwon’tbeinTexas.”SheturnedbacktoArmpit.“HaveyouheardoftheBeatles?”

“Shutup,”hesaid.

Ginnygasped,butKairaonlylaughed.

“Sowhatgradeareyouin,Ginny?”Kairaasked.

“F-fourth.Iwasinfourth.I’mg-goingintof-fifth.”

“Fifth grade’s great,” said Kaira. “What about you? Are you still inschool?”

“I’llsortofbeaseniorinhighschool.”

“Oh,yeah?Whatsortofseniorwillyoube?”

“Hemissedayear,”Ginnyexplained.“Hew-wasatCampGreenLake.”

“Shedoesn’tneedtoknowaboutthat,”saidArmpit.

“What’sCampGreenLake?”

“It’snothing,”saidArmpit.

“A juvenile correctional facility,” Ginny said, carefully pronouncingeachword.

“Youmeanlikeajail?”askedKaira.

“It’s a long story,”Armpit said. “Four years ago I got in a fight andthingsgotoutofhand,andsoIwassenttoakindofworkcampforayear.AndnowI’mhavingtotakesummerschooltotrytocatchup.”

HewonderedifKairanowregrettedshuttingthedooronherbodyguard.

“CanItellheryournickname?”askedGinny.

“No.”

Kairasmiled.“What’shisnickname?”

“Don’ttellher,Ginny.”

“Ginny?”coaxedKaira.

“Youbetternot,”Armpitwarnedher.

“Comehere,Ginny,”saidKaira.“Iwanttotellyouasecret.”

Ginny slid off the couch, and Kaira whispered something in her ear.ThenGinnywhispered something intoKaira’s ear. They both looked atArmpit.ThenKairawhisperedsomethingtoGinny,andGinnywhisperedsomethingtoKaira.

Armpit didn’t like it one bit. And he didn’t like the way Kaira andGinnysmiledconspiratoriallyateachothereither,whenGinnyreturnedtothecouch.

“Youtoldher,didn’tyou?”

Ginnyshookherhead,

“Shedidn’ttellme,”Kairasaid.ShewinkedatGinny.Ginnyshut,then

openedbotheyes.

Therewasaknockatthedoor.

“Goaway!”Kairashouted.

Thedooropenedanywayandabald-headedblackmanentered.Armpitrecognizedthedrummer.

“Oh, I didn’t know itwasyou,”Kaira said apologetically. “These aremyfriends,GinnyandTheodore.ThisisCotton,ourdrummer.”

“Well,notanymore,”saidCotton.“Yourdadjustfiredme.Ijustwantedtostopinandsaygood-bye.”

“Hecan’tdothat!”

“Hecan,andhedid.”

“ButI’mtheonewhowantedtosingthatsong!”Kairasaid.

“Hey,don’tworry.I’mcoolwithit.Thisreallyisn’tthekindofmusicIshouldbemakingatthistimeinmylife.Ineedtodosomethingreal.”

“He’snotmydad,”Kairasaid.“Justbecausehemarriedmy—AssoonasIturneighteenI’mfiringhisass!ThenI’llcallyou.”

“Youdo that,”Cottonsaid.“Nice tomeetyou,”hesaid toGinnyandArmpitwithoutlookingatthem,thenleftthedressingroom.

“Thatsucks,”Kairasaid.

“Sorry,”saidGinny.

“Yeah,metoo,”Kairasaid.Shesatinsilenceforamoment.

“Maybeweshouldgo,”ArmpitsaidtoGinny.

“You know what I do all day?” Kaira asked. “I watch TV and playvideogames.Allday.”

Thatdidn’tsoundtoobadtohim.

“Ihavenofriends.Butthenfinally,finallyIfindsomeoneIcantalkto.SomeoneIlike.AndsoofcourseElGeniushastofirehim.Iswearthat’sthe reason hewas fired.Not becausewe did that song.Because hewassomeoneIcouldtalkto.”

Armpitcouldonlyfollowabouthalfofwhatshewassaying.“Wereallyoughttogetgoing,”hesaid.“Ginny’smomwillworry.”

KairaturnedtoGinny.“Youlikeyourmom?”sheasked.

“Yes.”

“You’relucky,”Kairasaid.“Howaboutyou?”sheaskedArmpit.

“Yeah,IlikeGinny’smom,”saidArmpit.

Kairalaughed.“You’refunny.Man,youguysaresocool.It’ssogreatyou can be such good friends, when, you know, you’re so different. Imean,differentages.”

“Differentcolors,too,”saidGinny.

KairawentnosetonosewithGinnyandsaid,“Well,duh!”

“Duh!”Ginnyrepeated,rightbackather.

Therewasanotherknockonthedoor,andthis timeitwasDavidwiththeirshirts,washed,dried,andneatlyfolded.

It was hard for Armpit to imagine this big, red-bearded guywashingtheirshirts.

KairagaveGinnyagood-byehug.Armpitwouldn’thavemindedoneofthosehimself,buthejustshruggedandsaid,“Well,seeya.”

“Seeya,”saidKaira.

“SowhatdidyouandKairawhispertoeachother?”heaskedwhentheygotbacktothecar.

“It’sasecret,”Ginnysaid.

“You’renotgoingtotellme?”

“No.”

“You’rereallynotgoingtotellme?”

“No.”

“AfterItakeyoutothisconcertandeverything,youwon’teventellme?NowI’mmad.”

“Areyoureallymad?”askedGinny.

“No.”

“Ididn’tthinkyouwere.”

“Youdidn’ttellhermynickname,didyou?”

“Ij-justg-gaveherahint.”

“Ahint?Whatkindofahint?”

“Isaiditwasap-partoftheb-body.”

“That’s evenworse!”He could just imaginewhat shewas imagining.“Well,Iguessitdoesn’treallymatter,”hesaid.“It’snotlikeI’lleverseeheragain.”

“Yes,youwill,”saidGinny.

“Oh,Iwill,willI?”

“Maybe.”

18

“Doyourealizeit’saftermidnight?”

“That’showlongconcertslast.”

“Thenyoushouldhaveleftearly.”

“Inthemiddleoftheconcert?”

“Yes!YouhadaresponsibilitytoGinny,andtohermother.Youhavenoideahowworriedshewas!Shewasreadytocallthepolice!”

Armpitknewthatwasn’ttrue.HehadjustcomefromGinny’smother,whowasdelightedthatGinnyhadhadsuchawonderfultime.

“Thebesttimeofmywholelife!”Ginnyhadsaid.

Theyhad toldherabouthaving icecreamwithKairaDeLeon,butnotabout thecounterfeit tickets.TheyjustsaidthatGinnyhadgottena little

overexcited and suffered a mild seizure. She was taken to the medicalstation,wheretheymetKairaDeLeon,andsoon.

Armpit didn’t tell any of that to his own parents.He felt like hewasunder attack the second he walked in the door, and so didn’t tell themanythingexcepthisname,rank,andserialnumber.

He didn’t have to work Sundays andwould have slept late, but shortlyafterninesomeoneturnedonhisbedroomlight.HeshieldedhiseyesasX-Raysmileddownonhim.

“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Hisvoicewasa littlebithoarse from thenightbefore.

“Yourmomletmein.Saiditservedyourightforstayingoutsolate.”

When he and X-Ray were at Camp Green Lake together, they wereforcedtogetupeverymorningatfour-thirty.X-Rayalwayssaidthathe’dsleepuntilnooneverydayoncehewasreleased,buthisinternalclockwaspermanently out of whack. It had been more than two years since hisrelease,andhestillcouldn’tstayinbedpastsix-thirty.

“SoIguessyougottoseetheconcert,”X-Raysaid.“Ifyouwereoutsolate?”

The last bit of sleep slowly cleared from Armpit’s brain, and thememoryofthenightbeforecamebacktohim.“I’mgoingtokillyou,”hetoldX-Ray.

“Maybeyourseatsweren’tquiteasgood,butatleastyougottoseetheshow,right?Noharm,nofoul.Right?”

Armpitsatupandplacedonefootonthefloor.“FirstI’mgoingtoputmypantson,andthenI’mgoingtokillyou.”

The pants he’dworn the night beforewere on the floor of his room.“That’soneleg,”hesaidashesteppedintoit.

“Wait,nowjustholdonasecond.Igotsomethingherethatjustmightcool your jets.”X-Ray reached into his pocket and pulled out awad ofmoney.“Twohundredandninety-eightdollars!”

“My pants are on,” Armpit said, then slowly moved toward X-Ray,backinghimagainstthewall.

“Look, Ihad tomakeabusinessdecision,”X-Raysaid.“Youweren’tthere,soIhadtodowhatIthoughtwasright.”

Armpitgrabbedhimby thecollar.“Whatyou thoughtwasright?Youthoughtyouweredoingtherightthing?”

“Look,whatwasIsupposedtodo?Youkeptcallingmeback,changingyourmind.Sell thetickets.No,don’tsell thetickets,I’mtakingTatiana.No, I’m not taking Tatiana. Sell ’em. No, don’t sell ’em, I’m takingGinny.”

“Andthat’sthelast thingIsaid,”saidArmpit,shakingX-Rayoneachword:“Don’t...sell...the...tickets!”

“And Iheardyou,” saidX-Ray. “Iheardyou.But I alreadyagreed tomeet the dude at theH-E-B.That’s the least I can do is stillmeet him,right?Ican’tdisrespecthim.SoIgetthere,andI’mwaitingintheparkinglot,andI’mthinking,ifonlytherewassomewayyouandGinnycouldgototheconcert,andIcouldsellthetickets.Andthensuddenly,rightinfrontofmeisabigsign:AllYourCopyingNeeds.I’mtellingyou,itwaslikea

signfromGod!Imean,howmanytimeshaveIbeentotheH-E-BwithoutnoticingtherewasaCopyKingrightthere?Didyouknowitwasthere?”

“Godmustaputittherejustforyou,”saidArmpit.

“SoIgo inside,but just to lookaround.Just toseewhat’spossible, ifyouknowwhatI’msaying.Theyhadalldifferentkindsofpaper,andsoIhold a ticket against the paper, comparing, you know, trying to find therightthickness.AndthenImadesomecopies—butjusttoseehowthey’dlook,Iswear!Iwasn’tplanningtodoanythingwiththem.

“Then I got back outside, and the guy shows up, and I told him thetickets were no longer for sale. I did. I told him that. But he says he’sdesperate.Heoffersme twohundredand fifty apiece.Sorry, I promisedthem to a friend. Three hundred? Imean,what am I supposed to do? Imeannowwe’retalkingatotalofsixhundred!”

Armpitglaredathim.

“Youweren’t there. I had tomake a decision. Look, I thought you’dfigureoutwhattodowhenyousawpeopleinyourseats.”

“Wegottherefirst,”saidArmpit.

“That’simpossible!Iwaitedbeforecomingtoyourhouse.”

“So you just came over, handed me the tickets, without even awarning.”

“Iwarnedyou.Itoldyoutobeflexible.”

“Oh, I was flexible, all right. I had both arms stretched behind myback!”

“Iwasafraidyou’dblowit,”saidX-Ray.“You’renotaverygoodliar.YoulookallguiltyandnervousandIwasafraidyou’dnevermakeitpastthetickettaker.Butifyoudidn’tknow,you’djustwaltzrightin.Ididn’twanttodisappointGinny.”

Armpitgrabbedhimbytheneckandliftedhimoffthefloor.

Thedoortohisroomopened.HeletgoofX-Rayandbackedawayashismotherentered.

“Youhaveaphonecall.”

“Uh, thanks.” He took the phone from her, and she walked out. Hehopedshehadn’tseenthemoneyonthebed.

“Hello?”

“Hi.Ihopeit’snottooearly.”

“Uh,no,Ijustgotup.”

“Wedon’thavetoleaveforDallasuntilone.Youwanttogettogetherandhavebreakfastorsomething?”

“Sure,thatwouldbegreat.”

“Cool! I’m staying at theFourSeasons. It’s next to a river or lakeorsomething.IfyouwantIcanlookuptheaddress.”

“No,Iknowwhereitis,”saidArmpit.Hehadseenitfromthebus.

“Oh,andwhenyoucome,don’taskforKairaDeLeon.YouhavetoaskforSamanthaStevens.”

“Isthatyourrealname?”

“Yeah,I’mawitch.”Shelaughed.“No,Ialwayscheckinunderafakename.HaveyoueverwatchedthatoldTVshowBewitched?”

“Isthattheonewiththegenie?”

“No,dummy,theonewiththewitch!It’snotcalledBegenied!”

Armpit toldherhe’dbe there in forty-fiveminutes.Hehad to showerfirst.

Hehungup, thenwalkedover to the bed and scoopedup themoney.“Twohundredandninety-eightdollars?”

“Itcostfourdollarstomakethecopies.Ifiguredwe’dsplitit.”

Armpitstaredathim.

“Okay,fine,”saidX-Ray.Hetossedinanothertwobucks.“Sowhowasthat?”

“Kaira DeLeon. Can you give me a ride to the Four Seasons? I’msupposedtomeetherforbreakfast.”

19

X-Ray’s carwasparkedout front facing thewrongway.Heopened theonlydoorthatworked,thenslidovertothedriver’sside.“Soreally,wherearewegoing?”heaskedasArmpitgotinbesidehim.

“TheFourSeasons.”

“Right,becauseKairaDeLeonwantstohavebreakfastwithyou.”

“Yes,”saidArmpit.

He didn’t tell him anything more. It was his payback for the phonytickets.

Thewholeway there,X-Raykeptglancing sidewaysathim, trying toseeahintofasmile,orsomekindofclue,butArmpitremainedcool,asifnothingwasoutoftheordinary.

The X-Mobile turned off Cesar Chavez Avenue and into the hotel’s

circulardriveway.AdoormanopenedArmpit’sdoorforhim.

“Excuseme,”X-Raysaidtohim.“IsKairaDeLeonstayinghere?”

“Iwouldn’tknow,sir.”

“Yes,youwould.She’snothere.You’dknowifshewashere.”

Armpit thankedX-Rayfor theride, thenwalkedthroughtherevolvingdoorintothehotel.

Theinsideof thehotel remindedArmpitofpictureshe’dseenofancientGreektemples,withstonepillarsandmarblefloors.Hehadnoideawherehe was supposed to go. The concierge seemed too intimidating, so heaskedoneofthebellhops,whodirectedhimtothehousephone.

Armpitpickedupthereceiveranddialedzero.

“HowmayIdirectyourcall?”theoperatoraskedhim.

Hehungup.

He’d forgotten the name she’d given him. It was the lady fromBewitched, heknew that, but he couldn’t rememberher name.He couldpictureher perfectly, and could evenhear themusical notes theyplayedwhenever she twitched her nose. Mary? Mindy? He was pretty sure itstartedwithan“M.”

Afamilyof fourcameoutof theelevatorandheaded inhisdirection.Theyallhadblondhair.Thehusbandcouldhavebeenatennispro,andthewifelookedlikeamodel.Thegirlsweretwins,aboutsevenoreightyearsold.

“Excuseme,”Armpitsaid.“YoueverwatchtheshowBewitched?”Heknewhemusthavesoundedcrazy.

Thefathercrossedinfrontofhisdaughters toprotect them.Hewouldhavekeptongoing,hurryinghisfamilyalong,butthemotherstopped.

“Whataboutit?”sheasked.

“Doyourememberthenameofthewoman,youknow,theonewhowasthewitch?”

Shetriedtoremember.Theyalldid.

“ElizabethMontgomery,”saidthefather.

“Thatdoesn’tsoundright,”saidArmpit.

“I’msure,”saidthefather.

“That’sthenameoftheactress,”Armpitrealized.“Ineedthenameofthepersonontheshow.Youknow,thenameofthecharacter.”

“Oh, I thought you wanted the name of the actress,” the father said,disappointednottohavebeengiventhecredithethoughthedeserved.

“Herhusband’snamewasDarren,”saidthewife.

“Samantha,”saidoneofthegirls.

“That’sright!”saidhermother.“DarrencalledherSam,buthernamewasSamantha.Verygood,Ashley.”

“Doyourememberherlastname,Ashley?”Armpitaskedthegirl.

“Stevens,”thefatherdeclaredproudly.“SamanthaStevens.”

“Thanks.” Armpit picked up the phone and asked the operator forSamanthaStevens.

Theblondfamilystaredathim.“Isshestayingatthishotel?”askedthefather.

FiveminuteslaterKairaDeLeonsteppedofftheelevator,alongwithFred,herbodyguard.Kairaworedenimshortsandasleevelesstopthatstoppedaboveherbellybutton.Heryellowtoenailsmatchedherflip-flops.

“Howyadoin’,Knuckles?”shegreetedhim.

“Hi,”hesaid.

“Wasthatit?”sheasked.“IsKnucklesyourname?”

“No,Ididn’tevengetwhatyousaid.”

“IsitElbow?”

“I’mnotgoingtotellyouevenifyouguessit.”

“It’sElbow.”

“It’snotElbow.”

Despitetheweather,FredwaswearingatansportscoatoverablackT-shirt.Helookedverystylish.IfArmpitdidn’tknowbetter,hewouldhaveguessedthathewastherichandfamousoneofthetwo.

“Youhungry?”Kairaasked.

“Starving!”hesaid,andhehadbeen,untilhesawher.Nowhewastoonervous.

“Thecaféhereisreallygood.”

Sheledthewaydownaflightofstairs.Thehotelhadbeenbuiltonthesideofahill,soeventhoughtheywentdown,thecaféwasstillongroundlevel,withanoutdoorpatiooverlookingtheriver.

“Three?”askedthehostess.

“Two,”saidKaira.“Andwedon’twanttosittooclosetohimeither.”

Onthewaytotheirtabletheypassedtheblondfamilyseatedatabooth.AllfoursmiledandwavedtoArmpitliketheywereoldfriends.Hewavedback.

“Youknowthem?”askedKaira,morethanalittlesurprised.

“Sortof.”

Theywereseatedata table in thecorner.Fred’s tablewasfarenoughaway togive themprivacybutcloseenough forhim tocome toheraid,justincase.

Awaiter came bywith coffee and fresh-squeezed orange juice.Kairahadcoffeebutnojuice.Armpithadjusttheopposite.

“Muscles?”saidKaira.

“I’mnotgoingtotellyoueitherway.”

She dumped a packet of sugar into her coffee, then another one, andthenathird.

“Soyoulikesugarinyourcoffee,”hesaid.

Hefeltawkward.Theybothdid.

He was glad when the waitress brought them their menus so he hadsomething to focuson.Andwhenhe saw thepriceshewasgladX-Rayhad brought over the three hundred dollars. There was nothing on themenuforlessthantwentydollars,andthatincludedcereal.

“Toenail?”askedKaira.

Hedidn’tanswer.

The waitress returned. Kaira ordered lemon ricotta pancakes, and heorderedcorned-beefhashandeggs.

“How’dyougetmyphonenumber?”heaskedher.

“Davidgotitforme,fromsecurity.”

“David,”saidArmpit.“Hewastheguywiththevest.”

“What?”

“Heworeavestandnoshirt.”

“Ididn’tnotice,”saidKaira.“Sowhatwasitlikeatthatcamp?Wasithard?”

“Yeah.”

“What’dyoudothere?”

“Dugholes.”

“Thatall?”

“Prettymuch.Everydayanotherhole.”

Kairanoddedasifsheunderstood,butheknewshedidn’t.

“You like being a famous singer?” he asked her. It was a stupidquestion,andhewishedhehadn’taskedit.

“It’sallright,”shesaid.

Theysatinsilenceforamoment.IthadbeenaloteasiertotalktoeachotherwhenGinnywasthere.

“Haveyouseentheviewfromthepatio?”sheaskedhim.

“No.”

“Youneedtoseetheview,”shesaid,inavoicethatseemedunusuallyloud.“Youcanseethelake.”

“It’sactuallyariver,”hesaid.

“Whatever,”saidKaira.

“There’sahugecolonyofbatslivingunderabridgerightbyhere,”hetoldher.

“Bats?”Kairasaid,againinanunusuallyloudvoice.“Let’sgolookatthebats.”

“You’renotgoingtobeabletoseethemnow,”Armpitsaid,butshewasalreadyoutofherseat.“Theyonlycomeoutatnight.”

“We’lljustlookfromthepatio,”Kairasaidagainratherloudly.

Shewastalkingtohim,buthegot thefeelingthateverythingshesaidwasforFred’sbenefit.

Hefollowedherthroughtheslidingglassdoorsouttothepatio.Awell-manicured lawn gently sloped away from the patio and down to awalkway.Ontheothersideofthewalkwaythehillgotmuchsteeperandleddowntotheriver.

“Niceview,”hesaid.

Kairatookoffherflip-flops.“DoyouwanttoplayditchtheDoofus?”

“What?”

Shesteppedoffthepatioandracedacrossthelawn.

Forasecondhewasafraidhewasthedoofus,butthenherememberedthat was what she called her bodyguard. He watched her leap over theconcretewalkwayanddisappeardownthehill.

Hetookoffafterherbutlostcontrolasheheadeddownthesteepestpartoftheslope.“Lookout!”heshoutedatKaira,whowasnowstandingonadirtpathbesidetheriver.

As he tried to put on the brakes, she grabbed hold of his arm, andtogethertheyspunaroundthreehundredandsixtydegrees.

Kaira’sfacebouncedhardagainsthisshoulder.

“Youallright?”

Shelaughed.

“Thatwasclose,”Armpitsaid.

Kairasmiledathimassheletherpalmslidedownhisarm,thenheldhishand.

Theywalkedalongthedirtpath,continuingtoholdhands.“Soyou’renotworriedI’lltrytokillyounowthatyouditchedyourbodyguard?”

“You?”askedKaira.“Areyoukidding?You’resuchawimp.”

Armpitpointedoutthebridgewiththebats.

“Idon’tlikebats,”saidKaira.“They’recreepy.”

“So,likehasFredeverhadtosaveyourlifeoranything?”heaskedher.

“AllyoutalkaboutistheDoofus!”

“Iwasjustcurious.”

“Mostlyhejustkeepspeoplefromgettingtooclosetome.Ofcourse,itkindofmakesithardtomeetguys.Imean,whatguywantstogooutwitha girl andher bodyguard?You try to kiss her andyou risk getting yourheadblownoff.”

Didshesqueezehishandwhenshesaidtheword“kiss”?Ifshedid,itwasn’tabigsqueeze.Justalittletwinge.

Whathe shouldhave saidwas “I’ll risk it,” and thenkissedher.Thatwouldhavebeenreallysmooth,butbythetimehethoughtofit,itwastoo

late.Thetimingwasoff.

Theycontinuedalongtheriver.

“Igetallkindsofweirdletters,”saidKaira.“I’vegottensevenmarriageproposals!OneguyclaimstobeabillionaireArabprince.”

“Youthinkhereallyis?”

“Why,youwanttomarryhim?”askedKaira.

Armpitlaughed.

“They’reallfreakazoids.There’sthisonewhocallshimselfBillyBoy,you know, like that song.” She sang very softly: “Oh, where have youbeen,BillyBoy,BillyBoy?Oh,wherehaveyoubeen,charmingBilly?”

Hearinghervoicewhileholdingherhandwasalmosttoomuchforhimtotake.

“Hewantstomarryyou?”askedArmpit.

“No,hewantstokillme.”

“Really?”

“Seriously. He’s written like five letters so far, saying he’s going tobreakmyprettylittleneck.Ievengotoneatthishotel.”

Armpitcouldn’thelplookingaroundbehindhim.

Kaira laughed.“It’s so lame,” shesaid.“Heevencutsout little lettersandgluesthemtothepaper.”

“You’renotscared?”

“You’llprotectme.”

“Me?I’mawimp.”

“Sotellmeaboutyou,”saidKaira.“Whatareyourbigdreams?Imean,besideswantingtomarryanArabprince?”

“Idon’thavebigdreams,”Armpitsaid.“Ijusttakesmallsteps.”

He told her about the advice the counselor at the halfway house hadgiventohim.Theimportantthingwastotakesmallstepsandjustkeeponmovingforward.“Lifeislikecrossingariver.Ifyoutrytotaketoobigastep,thecurrentwillknockyouoffyourfeetandcarryyouaway.”

“That’skindofpoetic,”saidKaira.

“Ididn’tmakeitup,”saidArmpit.

“MymanagertellsmeIneedtotakebigsteps,”shesaid.“Ihavetograbforeverything Icanget rightnow,because ina fewyears Icouldbeallwashedup.”

“Idoubtthat,”saidArmpit.

“There’sthissongI’mwriting.”Shesangagain:“BritneySpearsisoldandgray—sheturnedtwenty-fivetoday.That’sreallyallI’vegotsofar.”

“Youwriteyourownsongs?”

“Acouple.Iwrote‘AngryYoungMan’and‘DamselinDistress.’ ”

Forabriefsecondhethoughtaboutaskingherthewordsto“Damselin

Distress” but then thought better of it. It could only lead to hisembarrassment.

“AndthenElGenius—that’swhatmymanagercallshimself,ElGenius—hehadpeoplekindoffix themupandarrange themusic.He’ssuchacontrolfreak.SometimesIthinkhe’stheonewho’ssendingmetheBillyBoyletters,justsohecanhaveevenmorecontroloverme.It’sanexcusefor having the Doofus watch me all the time. He’s also married to mymother.”

“Yourbodyguard?”

“No,mymanager.But I bet he justmarriedher tohavemore controloverme,becausehe’sgotagirlfriend,too.Itdoesn’tmatter.I’mgoingtofirehimwhenIturneighteen.”

Armpit could only shake his head in wonder. She lived in such adifferentworld.

“You’vegotnicestronghands,”saidKaira.

“They’reallcallousedfromdigging.”

“Isthatyourname?Hands?”

“No.”

“Fingers?Areyouthemiddlefinger?”

Armpitdroppedherhand.“I’ll tellyouwhat.I’llmakeyouadeal.I’lltellyoumyname,butononecondition.”

“What?”

“Whatevermynameis,youhavetotouchmethere.”

Kairatookastepbackward.“Ihavetotouchyouthere.”

“That’sthedeal.”

She slowly lookedhimover, starting at his feet andworkingherwayupward.“Ginnysaiditwasn’tanyplacenasty.”

Armpitshrugged.

“Youaresomean.”

“Doyouwanttoknowordon’tyou?”

“Okay,tellme.”

“Dowehaveadeal?”

“Yes,wehaveadeal.”

Armpitwaitedalongmoment,thenquietlysaid,“Armpit.”

Kairashrieked,causingseveralotherwalkerstoturnandlookatthem.

“Youaresobad,”Kairasaid.“Oh,youaresobad.Okay,raiseupyourelbow.”

Hedidso.

She slowly moved her finger up the sleeve of his T-shirt, but hesuddenlylaughedandpulledaway.

“You’reticklish!”

Shetriedagain,butagainhecouldn’tstaystill.

“Areyougoingtoletmedothisornot?Closeyoureyes.”

Hedidsoandwaited.Sheheldontohisshoulder.Itwashardtokeepstill.

Shequicklypokedherfingeruphissleeveandfulfilledherpartofthebargain.

Heopenedhiseyes.

“Yuck,it’sallsweaty,”shesaidasshewipedherfingeronhershorts.

Hestartedtoexplainabout thescorpionbutshewasn’t interested.Herhandwasstillonhisleftshoulder,andnowsheplacedherotherhandontherightone.

Hegentlyheldherwaistand felther rise toher tiptoes.Hecould feelbloodpulsatingagainstthetipsofhisfingersbutcouldn’ttellifitwashisorhers.

Heleanedtowardher.

“Whatareyoudoing?”sheexclaimed,suddenlybackingaway.

“Myjob,MissDeLeon,”saidavoicebehindhim.

20

“Soyoud-didn’tkissher?”

“Icouldn’t.Notwithherbodyguardrightthere.”

“Iwouldhavekissedher,”saidGinny.

“Youwouldhavekissedher?”Armpitteased.

Ginnygiggledatthat.“Im-meanifIwasyou.IfIwasab-b-boy.”

ArmpitateaspoonfulofCheerios.Theywereinherhalfofthehouse.TheywereherCheerios.

HeknewGinnywasright.Howmanychancesinyourlifedoyougettokiss someone likeKairaDeLeon?He’d thought aboutnothingelse sincethemomentFredshowedup.

Fredhadruinedthemoment,butasthethreeofthemheadedbacktothe

hotel,Armpithadhaditallplannedout.Justbeforesayinggood-bye,hewould say something smooth like “Next timeyou’re in town,givemeacall,”andthenkissher.

Butitneverhappened.Kaira’smanagerwasinthehotellobbywhenshereturned,andshestartedyellingathimforfiringthedrummer,andhetoldherthatdrummerswereadimeadozen.Kairawaspracticallyintears.ShetoldArmpitshewas“sorryaboutall this,”thenwentsulkingoffintotheelevator.

“Shetoldmetosayhitoyou.”

“Shedid?”

“Yeah.Shethinksyou’rereallycool.”

Ginnysmiled.Herglassessliddownhernoseandshepushedthembackinplace.

“Whathappenedtothef-food?”

“Whatfood?”

“Atthecafé.”

Armpit laughed because he hadwondered about that too.AfterKairawentupintheelevator,hewentbacktotherestauranttocheck.

“Theythrewitaway.”

“Toobad,”saidGinny.

“Yeah,Iwouldalikedtohavetriedthosetwenty-nine-dollareggs.”

“Didyouhavetopayforthem?”

“No,everythingwaschargedtoherroom,butit’snotlikeshepaysforiteither.Everything’scharged to the tour. It’sawholeotherworld. It’snobigdealtothemtopayahundreddollarsforbreakfast.”

“Nowondert-ticketscostsomuch,”saidGinny.

“You’reright.”

Acarparkedinfrontoftheirhouseandayoungwhitewomangotout.Theywatchedherthroughthefrontwindowasshesteppedontotheporch.

“Youknowher?”Armpitasked.

“No.”

Skincolorwasusuallyareliableindicatorastowhichhalfofthehouseavisitorwasheading for, but thiswomanwas the exception to the rule.Shecheckedhersmallnotebook,thenknockedonArmpit’sfrontdoor.

“MaybeKairasenther,”saidGinny.

Hehadbeenhopingthesamething.Hewenttothedoor.“MayIhelpyou?”

Thewomanturnedaround.“I’mlookingforTheodoreJohnson.”

“I’mTheodore.”

Thewomancheckedtheaddressonthedoor.

“You’reright.That’swereIlive,”Armpitexplained.“I’mjustoverhererightnow.”

“Oh,thenIguessyou’reGinnyMcDonald.”

“Yes,”Ginnysaid,atArmpit’sside.

Thewomantookablackwalletfromherpurse.“I’mDetectiveDebbieNewberg from the Austin Police Department.” She opened the wallet,showing them her badge. “I wanted to talk to you about the concerttickets.”

Armpit struggled tokeephiscomposure.“Youwant to talk tobothofus,orjustme?”heasked.

“Wereyouwithhimwhenheboughtthetickets?”sheaskedGinny.

“No.”

“Thenjustyou,ifyoudon’tmind.”

Armpitwentoutonedoorandintheother.HeledDetectiveNewbergintothelivingroomandofferedhersomethingtodrink,butshedeclined.Hesatatoneendoftheredandblueplaidcouch,andshesatacrossfromhimonanottoman,herkneesclosetogetherandhernotebookonherlap.

She seemed too young and too pretty to be a police officer. She hadbrightbrowneyes,andcurlyblackhairverysimilartoKaira’s.Hercheekshadaredglowtothem,asifshewasblushing.

“So I understand you paid six hundred dollars for the tickets, is thatcorrect?”

He hated to start right out with a lie, but it was the path of leastresistance.“Yes,ma’am.”

“Wasthatsixhundredtotal,orsixhundredperticket?”

“Total,”hesaid.“Threehundredperticket.”

“That’salotofmoney.”

He suddenly felt very conscious of the old and well-worn furniture.Everythinginhishouseseemedshoddyandcheap.

“Well,Iwasn’tplanningtopaythatmuch,”hesaid.“Itwassupposedtobeonlyahundredandthirty-fiveaticket,butthentheguykeptchanginghis mind. First they were for sale. Then they weren’t. Then they wereagain. Three hundred’s not really that much for Kaira DeLeon tickets.TheywentforsevenhundredandfiftyinPhiladelphia.”

“Wow,”saidDetectiveNewberg.

Hetriedtorelax.Hewasn’tasuspect,heremindedhimself.Hewasthevictim.Shewasheretohelphim.

“Whatdoyoumeantheywereonlysupposed tocostonehundredandthirty-five?”

“Therewasanadinthepaper.”

Thesecondhesaidthat,heknewitwasamistake.Shecouldeasilygetahold of last week’s newspapers and find the ad, along with X-Ray’sphonenumber.

“Whatnewspaperwasthat?”sheasked.

“Itwasn’treallyanewspaper.Itwasoneof thosefreeadvertisements,youknow,thattheystickonyourdoor.”

“Doyoustillhaveit?”

“No,itgotrecycled.”

“Doyourememberwhatdayitwasplacedonyourdoor?”

“No.Itmighthavebeentwoweeksago.Ijustdon’tremember.”

“Andtheadwasforahundredandthirty-fivedollars?”

“No,Idon’tthinkitwasthatmuch.”

“Youjustsaid—”

“Itwas forninety-five,”Armpit said firmly. “But thatwas twoweeksago. By the time I called the guy, he said the price had gone up to ahundredandthirty-fivesoItoldhimIhadtothinkaboutit.ThenwhenIcalled him back on the day of the concert, he said the tickets were nolonger for sale. But then he calledme back and said theywere for saleagain,butthepricewasnowtwohundred.ButthenwhenItriedtobuytheticketshesaidtheyweren’tforsaleagain.”

“Andthat’swhenyouofferedhimthreehundred?”

Armpitnodded.“Iwasdesperate.Itwasfive-thirty.Theconcertwasateight.I’dalreadypromisedGinny.”

“Didheevertellyouhisname?”

Heshookhishead.

“Itwasn’tinthead?”

“No,”saidArmpit.“Look,why—Imean,what’s thebigdeal?GinnyandIendedupgettingtositonthestage.Youknow—noharm,nofoul?”

“Well,ourmayorseemstothinktherewasquiteabitofharm.ShesawwhathappenedtoGinny,andtoyou,andshewantstogettheguy.”

“Whatwillhappentohim?”Armpitasked,tryingtosoundonlymildlycurious.“Willhehavetogotojail?”

“Oh,Idoubtit.We’rejusttalkingsixhundreddollars.”

Hetriednottolethisreliefshowonhisface.

“Unlesshehasapriorcriminalrecord,”saidDetectiveNewberg.

Armpitsatupstraight.

“Soyourinitialcontactwithhimwasbyphone?”

IttookArmpitamomenttodecipherthequestion.“Um,yes.”

“Idon’tsupposeyourememberhisphonenumber?”

“No.”

Shesmiled.Hercheeksturnedpink.“Iwouldn’texpectyouto.Sothen,wheredidyoumeethim?”

“AtH-E-B.Intheparkinglot.”

“Andhowdidyourecognizeeachother?”

“Ididn’t.Ineversawhimbeforeinmylife.”

DetectiveNewbergraisedhereyebrows.“WhatI’maskingis,howdidyoufindeachotherintheparkinglot?Howdidyouknowhewastheonesellingthetickets?”

“Oh.” Armpit noticed his Raincreek cap hanging on the back of thedoor.“IsaidI’dbewearingaredcap.”

Hegotupandgotthecap.Itfeltgoodtogetupandmovearound.

Heshowedher thecap,butshedidn’t seemall that interested.Heputthecaponhishead.“Sothenhedroveupbesideme,andwebargainedalittle, like I said, and then I gave him the money, and he gave me thetickets.”Hesatbackdownonthearmofthecouch.Heremovedthecapandsetitonthecushionbesidehim.

“Whatkindofcarwashedriving?”

“AwhiteSuburban.”

“Andwherewereyoustanding?”

“Onthecurb.”

“InfrontoftheH-E-B?”

“No,afewstoresover.IthinkitwasinfrontofCopyKing.”

Whydidhesaythat?Sometimesitfeltlikethewordsjustjumpedoutofhismouth.

“Washetheonlyoneinthecar?”

“Yeah.”

“Sohewasdrivingonthewrongsideoftheroad.”

“Hewas?”

“Ifthedriver’ssidewasnexttothecurb.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so,” said Armpit. He realized he had to be morecareful.“Ididn’tnoticebecausethereweren’tanyothercarsaround.”

“At five-thirty?” asked Detective Newberg. “Man, I should startshopping there!”She smiled. “TheH-E-Bbyme is jammed that timeofday.”

Armpitshrugged.

“Sowhatdidhelooklike?”

“Ididn’tgetarealgoodlook.”

“You were face to face, weren’t you, when he rolled down hiswindow?”

“Iwasthinkingaboutthetickets,notwhathelookedlike.”

“Washewhite?Black?Hispanic?”

“Kindofblack.”

“Kindofblack?”

“IthinkhemighthavebeenIranian.”

Iranian?Wheredidthatcomefrom?

“YouthinkhewasIranian?”

“Maybe part black, part Iranian,”Armpit said. “Now I remember.HesaidhisnamewasHabib.That’swhyIthinkhe’spartIranian.”

OfficerNewbergraisedhereyebrows.“Habib?”Shewrotethenameinherlittleblacknotebook.

“Didhespeakwithanaccent?”

“Um,yeah,kindof.”

“AnIranianaccent?”

“Yeah.”

“Washetall?Short?Thin?Fat?”

“Kind of big,” Armpit said. “But it was hard to tell because he wassittingdowninhiscar.”

“Howold?”

“Maybeaboutyourage.”

“HowolddoyouthinkIam?”

Hestudiedherface.“Twenty-three?”

“I’mtwenty-eight.”Shesmiled.“Sowe’llsayhe’sinhistwenties.Anydistinguishingcharacteristics?”

“No.”

“Tattoos?Facialhair?”

“Oh,yeah.Hehadamustache.”

“Niceofyoutomentionit.”

“Ididn’t think itwas important. Imean, heprobably shaved it off bynow,don’tyouthink?”

Sheshrugged.“Anythingelsecometomind?”

Heshookhishead.

“Yousure?”

“NotthatIremember.”

“Okay,well,thisisagoodstart.I’mgoingtotalktosomeoftheotherpeopleseatednearbyat theconcert.Maybetheyalsobought their ticketsfromHabib.”

Shegavehima cardwithher name andphonenumberon it and toldhimtocallherifherememberedanythingelse.

Heshookherhand.Itfeltcoolandsoft.

Ashewatchedherdriveaway,hefeltbadabouthavingtolietoher.Shewas nice. She had a sweet smile. It was hard to imagine her out in theworld,fightingcriminals.Heworriedshemightgethurt.

21

X-Ray paced back and forth by his car, which was parked in front ofArmpit’s house. “We got nothing toworry about,” he said. “Nothing toworry about. The police have better things to do than to launch a biginvestigationoveracoupleofphonytickets.”

Armpithadtoldhimeverything,includinghowhehadmetKaira.

“Man, I wish you had talked tome first,”X-Ray said. “I could havecomeupwithsomethingbelievable.”

“Ithinkshebelievedme,”saidArmpit.

“Habib?” X-Ray shook his head. “And you never should havementionedtheH-E-B.”

“Yeah,Iwasn’tthinking.”

“Well, that’s obvious. Look, if she interrogates you again, just

rememberoneword:‘kiss.’K-I-S-S.KeepItSimple,Stupid!”

“Ithinkshebelievedme.”

“Youknowwe’reinthistogether.Wesplitthemoney,fifty-fifty.”

Yes,herealizedthat.

“Not toworry,”X-Raysaid.“Thecopshavebetter things todo.Man,it’sjustmyluckthemayorwasattheconcert!Whatkindofmayorgoestorockconcerts?”

“You’reluckyshewasthere,”Armpitpointedout.

“Oh,yeah?How’sthat?”

“If themayorwasn’t there, Iwoulda been sent to jail,Ginnywouldabeentakentoahospitalandhadherstomachpumped,andyou’dbedead.”

X-Raylaughed.“You’resuchajoker.”

AtschoolonMonday,Tatianawantedtoknowallabouttheconcert.“Youstillwent,didn’tyou?”

“Oh,Ihadagreattime.Toobadyoumissedit.”

“Wereyouabletofindsomeonetogowithyou?”

“Yeah,thatwasn’taproblem.”

“Agirl?”

Henodded.

“Well,good.I’mreallygladyouhadsuchagoodtime!”

“Sheworethisthingwithlongwhitefringe—”

“You know what?” said Tatiana. “I really don’t care what yourgirlfriendwaswearing.”

“Mygirlfriend?No,youaskedme to tellyouwhatKairaDeLeonhadon.”

“Idon’thavetimeforthisnow,”Tatianasaid,thenwalkedaway.

IneconomicshegaveMattKapokthedollarback.

Mattseemedsurprised.“Uh,thanks,Arm—”Hiswhitefaceturnedevenwhiter.“Imean,Imean,Imean,Theodore.Thanks,Theodore.”

“Youreallyhelpedmeout,”Armpitsaid.“Ioweyouone.”

OnthebackoftheirsouvenirT-shirtswasalistofthefifty-fourcitiesonthe tour.Ginny andArmpit looked at themeveryday for thenextweekandahalfandtriedtopredictwhereKairawas.

“Maybeshe’llcallfromAlbuquerque,”saidGinny,studyingtheT-shirt.“Al-bu-quer-que,”sherepeated.Shelikedsayingthatword.

Armpitlaughed.“She’snotgoingtocall,”hesaid,asifhenevergaveitathought,whenintruthitwaspracticallyallhe’dthoughtaboutsincehe’dlast seen her. Every time the phone rang his bodywent to red alert.Hehatedleavingthehouseforschoolorworkbecausehewasafraidhemight

miss her call. But after a week and a half, that didn’t seem too likelyanymore.

“It’slikeshesaysinhersong,”hetoldGinny.“She’llgetaroundtoyou,andthenshe’llbeonherway.”

Hejustwishedhecouldhaveheldonalittlebitlonger.

Hehadfailedaquiz ineconomicsearlier thatday.Hehadn’t read thelasttwochapters.Hecouldn’tconcentrate.

At work the day before he’d installed a sprinkler system in the frontyardofahouse.JackDunlevyhadtrustedhimtodotheentirejobhimself.

Armpit hadmade sure the sprinkler headswere evenly distributed, sothatthewaterwouldcovertheentirelawn.Hehadcarefullysecuredeachconnection.

Theproblemwasthatitwasalljustattachedtoitself.Thepipesformedonegiantrectangle,withnowayforanywatertoenterthesystem.

He ended up having to work overtime, digging a new trench, cuttingintothepipes,andattachingthemainwaterline.“Youdon’thavetopaymefortheextratimeittook,”hetoldhisboss.“I’mtheonewhoscrewedup.”

“Unfortunately,Ido,”saidJackDunlevy.“It’sthelaw.”

HowcouldheexplainitwasallbecauseaKairaDeLeonsongcameontheradio?

Atleasthehadn’theardfromDetectiveNewbergagain.MaybeX-Raywas right. The Austin Police Department had better things to do thaninvestigate who had sold counterfeit tickets to an African American

teenagerwholivedonthewrongsideofI-35.

He wondered if she had checked his record and found out about hispriorconviction.Hedidn’twanthertothinkbadlyofhim.

Cherry Lane called once, to ask how he was doing. His mother hadanswered thephone andwasvery impressedwhen she realizedwho shewastalkingto.

Armpitwasdisappointeditwasn’tKaira.

“Why’dthemayorcallyou?”hismotheraskedhim.

“Remember,ItoldyouImether?Ididsomeworkatherhouse.”

For the first time in a longwhile, hismother looked at him and sawsomeonewhomaybewasn’tallbad.

NowitwasThursdayevening,elevendayssincehesawKaira,andhewastryingtogetthroughachapterineconomics.Thefinalexamwasineightdays.

He’d thought about asking Matt Kapok if he might want to studytogether.Theygreetedeachothereverydayinclass.Buthedidn’twanttoleave the house, just in case Kaira called, and he would have beenembarrassedtoinviteMattoverhere,where,whoknows,hisparentsmightaccuseMattofbeingadrugdealer.

The speech final was also a week from Friday, but he wasn’t tooworriedaboutthat.Therewerenomorespeechesdue,andthestuffinthebook was all obvious stuff, like how you should look your prospective

employerintheeyeatajobinterview.

Herereadaparagraphinhiseconbookandstudiedthegraphnexttoit.Itwas justbeginning tomake sensewhen thephone rang, shatteringhisthoughts.

Hewaitednervouslyforamomentbeforereturningtothegraph.

“Theodore,telephone!”hismothercalled.

Hetriedtoremaincalm.MostlikelyitwasjustX-Ray.Hetookadeepbreath,thenwentintothekitchen.

Hismothermouthedthewords“agirl”asshehandedhimthephone.

“Yeah,hi,”hesaid,tryingtosoundcasual.

“Hi,how’sitgoing?”

He recognized the slightly nasal voice ofDetectiveDebbieNewberg.Hewalkedbackintohisbedroomashespoketoher.

“Oh,uh,fine.”

“YouprobablythoughtI’dforgottenaboutyou.”

“Uh,no,notreally.”

“Howcertainareyouthattheguy’snamewasHabib?”

“Notrealcertain.”

“CouldithavebeenFelix?”

“Felix?No,Idon’tthinkso.”

“HowaboutMoses?”

“No.I’mprettysurehesaiditwasHabib.”

“Maybehehadanickname.Isthatpossible?”

“Iguess.”

“DidheeverrefertohimselfasX-Ray?”

Hetookabreath,thensaidhe’dneverheardthatnamebefore.

“HowaboutArmpit?”

Healmostdroppedthephone.

“Hello?Areyouthere?”

“Yeah.Yeah,I’mhere.”

“DoesArmpitringabell?”

“No,IthinkIwouldhaverememberedanamelikethat.”

DebbieNewberglaughed.“Isupposeso,”shesaid.

Armpitlookedathiseconomicsbookopenedonhisdesk.Heknewhecouldforgetaboutstudyingtonight.

22

A letter came thenextday.Armpit checked themailwhenhegothomefrom school. It was addressed to Theodore A. Johnson, and its returnaddresswastheHoteldelCoronadoinSanDiego.HismiddlenamewasThomas.

The letter was written with a purple pen on hotel stationery inremarkablyneathandwriting.

DearT(orshouldIsayDearA?),

Ihopeyoudon’tmindalonganddopeyletter.Iknowit’sgoingtobelonganddopey,becauseeveryletterI’vewrittentoyouhasbeenlonganddopey.Theyjustkeepgettinglongeranddopier!Ofcourse,Idon’tactuallymail them,so Iguess itdoesn’tmatterwhetheryoumindornot.

IalwayssayallkindsofstupidthingsabouthowmuchImissyou,andwishyouwerehere,andlamejunklikethat.OnceIevenusedtheLword!Howdumbis that???Nobody falls inLafterabowlof icecreamanda ten-minutewalk!Nowyouknowwhy Ididn’tmail theletters.Imaybedumb,butI’mnotstupid!!!

It’s just that you and Ginny are really my only friends. Is thatpatheticorwhat?Idon’tmeanyouandGinnyarepathetic.I’mtheonewho’spathetic!

Itfeelsgoodtowritetoyou,evenifIknowyou’llneverreadit.Itsurebeatstalkingtomyshrink.Icanseeyourfaceinmymind.Youreyes.Yoursmilemakesmefeelsafe.

I’m somadDr. Doofus showed up when he did. That’s my newnameforhim.He’sadoctorofdoofology.

Ithinkyouweregoingtokissme.IknowIwantedyoutokissme.Istilldo.Oh,somuch!

God,thisisevenworsethanyesterday’sletter!Youknow,Ialmostsent it toyou. Iputastampon itandeverything.Therewasamailslotbytheelevator.Iheldtheletterovertheslot.I’dliftonefinger,then another. It was kind of like standing on the edge of a cliff,wonderingwhatitwouldbeliketojump.

Do you think I’m insane? Of course not, because you’re notreadingthis.

WhenIsing lovesongs, ithelps forme topicturesomeone inmymind.Iusedtojustmakeupsomeimaginaryboyofmydreamsandsing about him. He looked nothing like you. He was much morehandsome. Just kidding. Anyway, now, when I sing those songs, I

pictureyou.

Don’tgetallfreakedout.I’mnotsayingIloveyou.Itjusthelpsmesingthesongs.

Iwonderwhatyou’dthinkifyouactuallyreadthis.

Okay, Kaira, this is getting scary. You’re not going to mail thisletter.You’renot!You’renot!Noway!!!!

Okay, I’m going to have to write something really embarrassingnow.ThenIcanbesureI’llnevermailit.

Okay,heregoes.

I liked itwhen I touchedyourarmpit. Itmademe feelallgooseyinside.

Aaaah!

Oh,Imissyousomuch!!!!

XOXOXOXKaira

23

“Wow,”Armpitsaid, thenreadtheletteragain.Heimaginedherholdingtheenvelopeaboveamailslot,closinghereyes,andlettingitgo.Maybeshescreamed.

Hewishedheknewhowtogetintouchwithher.HelookedatthebackoftheT-shirt.SheprobablywasinLosAngelesnow,buthehadnoideawhathotelshewasstayingat,orwhatTVcharacter’snameshewasusing.

Itwastoobadshedidn’tincludehercellphonenumber,butwhywouldshe?Sheneverplannedtomailtheletter.

Thephonerang.

Hegrabbeditbeforethesecondring.“Hello?”

“Theodore,good,I’mgladyou’rehome.”

ItwasDetectiveNewberg.

“We’vegotasuspectdownatthestation.I’dlikeyoutobeherewhileIquestionhim.”

Hedidn’tknowwhattosay.“Ihavetogotowork.Ionlyjustgothomefromschool.”

“Whattimedoyouneedtobethere?”

“Oneo’clock.Idon’tevenknowtheaddressofwhereI’msupposedtobe.”

“Icanhaveanofficertakeyouwhereveryouneedtogo.”

“AndIgottoeatlunchfirst.”

“Whatkindofpizzadoyoulike?”

“Pizza?Uh,pepperoni.”

“I’llsendapatrolmantogetyou.”

HehungupwithDetectiveNewbergandcalledRaincreek.Hegot theaddress and left a message that he might be a little late, and that hewouldn’tneedHernandeztogivehimaride.

Lessthantenminuteslaterapatrolcarpulledintothedriveway.

“CanIsitinthefrontseat?”Armpitasked.“Idon’twantmyneighborstothinkI’mbeingarrestedagain.”

He regretted thosewords as soon as they escaped hismouth, but thepoliceofficerjustsaid,“Sure,hopin.”Maybetheofficerhadn’theardhimexactly.Orelsethecopsalreadyknewabouthiscriminalrecord.

Thepolicestationwasathree-storystuccobuilding.Armpitrecognizedthe place. It was where he had been taken after the fight in the movietheater.

Asignwarnedthatallvisitorsweresubjecttosearch,buthejustwalkedthroughthemetaldetectorandwentwiththeofficeruptothesecondfloor.

DetectiveNewbergsteppedoutofaroom,sawArmpit,andgavehimalittlewave.“Comehavealook,”shesaid,thenputherfingertoherlips,indicatingforhimtobequiet.

Hewentwithherbackintotheroom,whichwasdarkandsmelledlikepizza.Oneslicehadalreadybeeneatenfromtheboxonthetable.

“It’sgoodpizza,”saidDebbieNewberg.Hercheeksreddened.

Awindowlookedoutintoanotherroom.Theroomwasalmostidenticaltohisbutbrightly lit.X-Raywassittingata table,hisfingersdrummingnervously.Armpitcouldhearthetappingthroughthespeakersonthewall.

“IsthatHabib?”DetectiveNewbergaskedquietly.

Healmostlaughedbutthenjustshookhishead.

“You’resure?”

“Definitelynothim.”

“IwantyoutolistenwhileIinterviewhim,andletmeknowifanythinghesaysstrikesachord.”

Shegavehimapadofpaperandapenoutofherbriefcaseincasehewantedtomakenotes.

She left him alone in the room, then amoment later sat down acrossfromX-Ray.ArmpitlistenedwhilesheadvisedX-Raythateventhoughhewasnotunderarrest,hestillhadtherighttoremainsilent,andtherighttohaveanattorneypresentduringquestioning.

ArmpithadneverknownX-Raytoremainsilent.

“Whywould Ineeda lawyer?”X-Rayasked.“I’mcooperating, right?Writethatdown.I’mbeingcooperative.”

DetectiveNewberg flashedher girlish smile, thenmade anoteonheryellowpad.

Don’t be fooled by her smile, Armpit thought, trying to telepathicallysendthemessagethroughthewall.

“You understand that you are not under arrest and are free to leavewheneveryouwish.”

X-Raynodded.

“Pleaseansweraudibly.”

“Affirmative,”saidX-Ray.

“Youalsounderstandthatthisinterviewisbeingrecorded.”

“Affirmative,”X-Raysaidagain.

“You also understand that although you are not under arrest, you arestill a suspect in thiscase.Anythingyousay todaymay laterbeusedasevidenceincourt.”

“Affirmative,”saidX-Ray.Helikedsayingthatword.

“And that youhave the right not to answer anyquestions, andyou’reknowinglyandfreelygivingupthatright.”

“LikeIsaid,Iwanttocooperate.Igotnothingtohide,right?”

“Willyoustateyournamefortherecord?”

“RexAlvinWashburn.”

“Andyourage?”

“Seventeen.”

“DoyouevergobyanameotherthanRex?”

“No.”

“X-Ray,perhaps?”Againshesmiled.

“X-Ray?”X-Rayrepeated.

“Beforeyousaysomethingstupid,IthinkyoushouldknowIspoketoseveral people who bought concert tickets from someone who calledhimselfX-Ray.His cellphonenumber is the sameasyours.Andwe’veseenthelicenseplateonyourcar.”

“Right,Iwasjustabouttotellyouthat.Youhavetogivemeachance.Youcan’tjustaskquestionswithoutgivingmeachancetoexplain.”

“Sorry.”

“See,whenyouaskedifIhadanothername,Idon’treallythinkofX-Rayasanothername.It’spiglatinforRex.See,likeyou’reDebbie,right?So in pig latin that would be Ebbie-Day. It’s the same name, just a

differentlanguage.”

“Iunderstand,”DetectiveNewbergreassuredhim.“Sojusttobeclear,when these people toldme they bought tickets fromX-Ray, they reallyboughtthemfromyou.”

“Right.Mypointexactly.”

“Howmanyticketsdidyousell?”

X-Rayhesitated.Armpitknewwhathewasthinking.Hewastryingtofigurewhatsheknew,andifitwasworthlyingabout.

“Twelve.”

“Yousureitwasn’tfourteen?”

“No,justtwelve.”

“Howmuchdidyousellthemfor?”

“Ichargedasmallservicefee.It’snotillegal.It’scalledfreeenterprise,protectedbytheConstitution.”

“Howmuch?”

“Ididn’t twist anybody’s arm.Theyall came tome.Theywanted thetickets, and I charged a fair price. If they didn’t think it was fair, theydidn’thavetobuythem.”

“Ijustwanttoknowhowmuch.”

“Ahundredandthirty-fivedollars.”

“Didyousellanyforanymorethanthat?”

“Yeah,Isoldtwoforthreehundred.”

“Threehundredeachticket,orthreehundredtotal?”

“Each.ButIhadexpenses,too,youknow.Itwasn’tallprofit.Ihadtopayforanadinthenewspaper.Andgasoline’snotcheap.PlusIstoodinlineforlikesixhours.Timeismoney,right?”

“Didyouhaveapartner?”

“No.I’mindependent.”

“EverheardofsomeonenamedHabib?”

“Habib?No.”

“HowaboutArmpit?”

X-raydidn’tevenflinch.“Armpit?Isthatreallylikesomeone’sname?”

“Apparently.Soyoudon’tknowhim?”

X-Rayshookhishead.

“Pleaseansweraudibly.”

X-Raychuckledandsaid,“No,IneverheardofnobodynamedArmpit.”

“Howdidyoufirstgoaboutacquiringthetickets?”

“Saywhat?”

“The tickets you sold. Where did you get them? You mentioned

standinginlineforsixhours.”

“Right.Iacquiredthemthedaytheywentonsale.”

“AttheLonestarArena?”

“Right. I got there the night before andwaited in line for like twelvehours.”

“Howmuchdidyoupayforthetickets?”

“Seven hundred and twenty dollars. Talk about a rip-off. They’resupposedtosellforfifty-fiveapiece,buttheychargeafive-dollarservicechargeforeachticket.”

“That doesn’t seem fair,” Detective Newberg agreed. “But here’ssomethingIdon’tget.Iheardtherewasalimitofsixticketspercustomer.Howdidyoumanagetobuytwelve?”

“Ijustdid.”

“Iheardtheywereprettystrictaboutthat.”

“You’reright.Okay.Here’swhathappened.”

KeepItSimple,Stupid,thoughtArmpit.

“Like you said, you can only buy six tickets. Six tickets at a time.There’s nothing that prevents someone from buying six tickets, thengettingbackinlineandbuyingsixmoretickets.”

“Butitwasalongline,wasn’tit?”

“Yeah,itwas.Butyoucanalwayspaysomeonelikefiftydollarstocut

inline.See,that’sanotherexpense.That’swhatI’mtalkingabout.Peoplethinkticketscalpersjustmaketonsofmoney,buttheexpensescanreallyaddup.”

“Thatwasn’twhatIwasthinking,”saidDetectiveNewberg.“YouwanttohearwhatIwasthinking?”

“Goahead.”

“Thankyou.Iwasthinkingaboutthefactthatalltwelveticketswereinthesamerow,rightnexttoeachother.I’mwonderinghowyoucouldbuysix, then go back in line and buy sixmore, and they’re all right next toeachother.”

“Icanexplainthat.”

“Isuggestyoudon’t,”saidDetectiveNewberg.

“Butyousaid—”

“Idon’twanttohearyourexplanation,”DetectiveNewbergsaid.

“See,IneversaidIwentbackinline.Isaidyoucanpaysomeonetocutinline,butIdidn’tsayI—”

“Shutupandlisten!”

X-Raystoppedtalking.

“It’s a crime to give false information to a police officer. And forsomeone like yourself, with a prior offense and still on probation, youcouldbefacingquiteabitofjailtime.”

“Youknowaboutthat?”askedX-Ray.

“You’re not dealing with children here. Let me tell you what else Iknow.IknowyouwenttoarestaurantcalledSmokestackLightnin’withsomebodynamedArmpit.So Iknowyou liedwhenyou saidyoudidn’tknowhim.Anyotherliesyouwanttotellme?”

X-Raydidn’tanswer.

“Youseethatmirror?You’reasmartguy,X-Ray.Doyouthinkthat’saregularmirror?Youthinkit’sinheresoIcanfixmymakeup?”

“No,”X-Rayansweredquietly.

“No,it’satwo-waymirror.Behinditisanexpertcriminalpsychologist.He’swatchingandlisteningtoeverythingyousay.Heknowswhenyou’relyingjustbyyourbodylanguage,andbytheinflectionofyourvoice.”

X-Raygavealittlewavetothe“psychologicalexpert.”

Armpitwavedback.

“Sowhat Iwantyou todo is thinkabouteverythingyou toldme,andseeifthereareanycorrectionsyoumightwanttomake.”

“See,ifyoujustletmeexplain—”

“Thinkbeforeyoutalk,”saidDetectiveNewberg.“Andyoubetter tellmethetruththistime,orelsetheDAwillgetthisrecording.”

“I’mtryin’totellyouthetruth,ifyou’lljustlisten.You’reright,Ididn’tbuyalltheticketsmyself,butitwasmymoney!Look,let’ssayyou’reatthe store,andallyouwant tobuy isacandybar,but there’sa real longline.Andthenyouseesomebodyyouknowatthefrontoftheline,soyougive her your dollar and she buys the candy bar for you. Then later, ifsomeoneasksyouwhereyougotthecandybar,you’llsayyouboughtitat

thestore.It’snotalie,isit?”

“Whohelpedyoubuythetickets?”

“Armpit.”

“Doyouknowhisrealname?”

“Habib,Ithink.”

“Youthink?”

“Idon’tknowthedude!Iswear!FelixcalledhimArmpit.Ineverevensawthedudeuntilthatdayinline.See,Iwenttobuymytickets,andtheytoldmeIcouldonlybuysix,likeyousaid.SothenFelixandArmpitshowup, and Armpit offers to buy the other six for me. Man, that was thebiggestmistakeIevermadeinmylife.”

“Howdoyoumean?”

“Youknow, I thought Iwould just have to payArmpit fifty bucks orsomething, for doing that for me. But no. He insisted I make him mypartner.And letme tellyou somethingelse.Armpit isnot someoneyoucansaynoto.I’mtalkingbig,andmean,andtough.That’swhyIliedandsaidIdidn’tknowhim.IfI’mgoingtohavetotestifyagainstArmpit,thenyoubetterputmeinthewitnessprotectionprogram.”

“Whatwasyourarrangementwithhim?”

“We split all the profits, fifty-fifty. He was there with me for everysale.”

“Doyouknowhislastname?”

“No.”

“Wheredoeshelive?”

“Ihavenoidea.”

“Doyouknowhisphonenumber?”

“No.”

“I’mgettingtiredofthis,Rex.”

“Iswear.I’mnotlying!”

“Thenhowwouldyougetintouchwithhim?”

“I’dcallFelix.ThenFelixwouldcallArmpit,andwe’dmeetatH-E-B.”

“Whokeptthetickets?”

“Hekeptsix,Ikeptsix.Tobehonest,Ithoughthewasgoingtoripmeoff,butheneverdid.”

Detective Newberg set her briefcase on the table and unlatched theclasps.

“Look,I’msorryfornotbeingtotallystraightwithyouearlier,”X-Raysaid.“Armpitscaresthebejesusoutofme.ButnowItoldyouthetruth,soeverything’scool,right?”Hesmiled.“Noharm,nofoul?”

DetectiveNewbergsuddenlyturnedandseemedtostarerightatArmpit,althoughheknewshecouldn’tseehim.

Shelookedaway,thenremovedtwophotographsfromherbriefcase.“Is

thisFelix?”

“Yeah,that’shim.”

SheshowedX-RayaphotoofMoses.“IsthisArmpit?”

X-Ray tookhis timestudying thephoto. “No,Armpit’sgotdark skin.Andhedidn’twearacowboyhat.Heworeoneofthosethings,whataretheycalled,aturban?IthinkhemightbepartIranian.”

“Didhehaveamustache?”

X-Raythoughtamoment.

Armpit couldn’t remember if he told X-Ray he’d said Habib had amustache.

“Hemighthave.Theguywassohairyitwaskindofhardtotell.He’sthekindofguywhohas to shave three timesaday, ifyouknowwhat Imean.”

“Howoldwashe?”

“Maybetwenty-five.Hardtosaybecauseoftheturban.”

DetectiveNewbergsighed.“Thankyouforyourcooperation,”shesaid.ShehandedhimhercardandtoldhimifheeverheardfromArmpitagaintocallher.

“Icango?”

Shenodded.

AuniformedofficercameinandescortedX-Rayoutoftheroom.

ArmpitwatchedDetectiveNewbergplace thephotographsback inherbriefcase.Sheshookherhead,thenwalkedoutoftheroom.

Amomentlaterthedoortohisroomopened.

“Sowhatdoesmyexpertcriminalpsychologistthink?”Shesmiled,andhercheeksturnedpink.

“Ithinkhetoldthetruth.”

“You’rekidding,right?”

“Imean,notatfirst,butthenyouscaredhimandIthinkhetoldyouthetruthafterthat.”

Detective Newberg shook her head. “Now I understand how Armpitmanagedtosellyouthosephonytickets.Youarewaytoogullible.”

Armpitshrugged.

Shesmiled.“It’sbecauseyou’rehonest.Oh,youdidn’teatyourpizza.”

He’dlosthisappetite.

“Well,evenifX-Raywon’ttellushowtofindHabib,itshouldn’tbeallthathardtofindsomeonewhosenameisArmpit.Wecouldprobablysmellhimamileaway.”

Shelaughedatherownjoke.

“He didn’t smell bad to me,” Armpit said. “I mean, that might havenothing to dowithhis name.Maybe awasp stunghimon the armpit orsomethinglikethat.”

Hejusthadtogetthatin.

24

It had never felt so good to be digging and sweating in the hot sun.Hedidn’thavetothinkaboutanythingexceptdirtandshrubs.

DetectiveNewberg ended up driving him towork,whichwas just aswell since she drove a normal car and he didn’t have to explain aboutshowingupinablack-and-white.HedidhisbesttobackupwhatX-Rayhadsaid.HeconfirmedthatHabibworeaturban.

X-Raycalledhimlaterand toldhimhe’dhadanicechatwithDebbieNewbergandthateverythingwascoolnow,butjustincase,itmightbeagoodideaiftheystayedawayfromeachotherforawhile.

Armpitdidn’thavethehearttotellhimhe’dseenandheardthewholething.Instead,hetoldX-RayaboutKaira’sletter.

“Youdog!Ifyouendupmarryingthatchick,youowemeatleastahalfamilliondollars.”

ThephonerangthesecondhehungupwithX-Ray.

“Okay,Ijustwanttowarnyouthatyou’regoingtogetareally,reallydumb letter, so don’t read it.Don’t even open the envelope. Just take amatchtoit.”

Whenhetoldherhe’dalreadyreadit,Kairascreamedsoloudhehadtoholdthephoneawayfromhisear.

ThenshecomplainedabouttheunreliabilityoftheU.S.PostalService.“I thought they were supposed to be slow! You must think I’m a totallamebrain.”

“Ilikedtheletter.”

“Youdid?”

“I liked it a lot. Itmademe feel good inside.Not all goosey, kind ofducklike.”

“What?”

“Nothing.Iwasjusttryingtomakeajoke.”

“Sowhatdoallyourfriendsthinkaboutyouhavingafamousrockstarforagirlfriend?”

Hedidn’tknowshewashisgirlfriend,buthewasgladshethoughtshewas.

“Ihaven’treallytoldanyone.”

“Youareso...Idon’tknow.Otherguyswouldbeallbraggyaboutit.You’re justsoreal.Sodown-to-earth.I feel likeabigphonywheneverI

talktoyou.”

“Idon’tthinkyou’rephony.”

Kairaforcedalaugh.“That’sbecauseyoudon’tknowme.I’msofakeIcan’teventellwhenI’mbeinghonestornot.LikeyouknowwhenItoldyoutoburntheletter?Iwaslying.Iwashopingyou’dreadit.Ijustdidn’twantyoutoknowIwantedthat.”

“Ifiguredasmuch.”

“Youdid?”

“Well,Imean,ifyoureallywantedmetoburntheletteryouwouldn’thavewaitedafewdaystocallme.”

“Youaresosmart.Youseerightthroughme.”

Thatmight havebeen the first time anyonehad ever toldhimhewassmart.

“Okay,” Kaira said, “you’ve got to tell me something embarrassingaboutyounow.”

“Why?”

“BecauseIwroteanembarrassinglettertoyou.”

“Ididn’taskyoutowriteit.”

“You have to,” said Kaira. “That way we’ll be even. Otherwise I’llneverbeabletolookatyouagain.”

“Allright,”Armpitagreed.Hethoughtamoment.“Allright,youknow

thatsong‘DamselinDistress’?”

“Uh,yeah,IthinkI’veheardofit,”Kairasaidsarcastically.

“Well,yeah,Iknowyouknowthesong.Whatarethewordsafter‘thissomething,thissomething,thisdress.Youwouldneverguess.. .’—thenwhatcomesnext?”

“Why?”

“Because every time I hear the song it sounds like you’re singingsomething,butIknowitcan’tbethat.”

“Whatdoesitsoundlike?”

“Okay, this is really embarrassing, but you asked for it. Every time Ihearthesong,itsoundslikeyou’resinging,‘Armpit.Saveme,Armpit.Adamselindistress.’ ”

Kairalaughed.“‘Saveme,Armpit’!”sheexclaimed.“WhywouldIsing‘Saveme,Armpit’?Thatdoesn’tmakesense.”

“Iknow!”

“Ididn’tevenknowthatwasyourname!Ididn’tevenknowyouwhenIrecordedthesong!”

“I know! I know you weren’t really singing that. I already told youthat.”

“God, you’re even worse than me. I just wrote you a dumb letter.You’redelusional!”

“Soareyougoingtotellmetherealwordsornot?”

“Ididn’tknowtherewasanybodyintheworldnamedArmpit!”

“Willyouhumormeandtellmethewords?”

Kaira recited the words. “‘These shoes, these jewels, this dress. Aperfectpictureofsuccess.Youwouldneverguess. . .’ ”Shepausedandsaidthenexttwowordsslowlyandclearly.“‘I’mbutadamselindistress.Saveme.I’mbutadamselindistress.’ ”

“Well,thatmakesmoresense,”Armpitagreed.

“You are so funny,” said Kaira. “Just hearing your voice. You don’tknowhowmuchImissyou.”

“Metoo.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I really do. I tried not tomiss you toomuch, because I neverthoughtI’deverhearfromyouagain,butonceIgotyourletter,andnowhearingyou...It’slikeyourvoicecutsrighttomyheart.”

“Aw,youaresosweet.Youknowwhatweshoulddo?We’regoingtobe staying inSanFrancisco for three days thisweekend. I’ll be doing ashowthere,ashowinMarin,andoneinBerkeley.Youshouldcomevisitme!”

“Yeah,right,I’lljusthoponmyprivatejet.”

“Weflypeopleinallthetime.Aguitarplayergetssickorsomething.”

“You’reserious.”

“Iamserious.We’llarrangeeverything.Alimowillpickyouupatyour

houseandtakeyoutotheairport.”

“You’reserious?”

“ThreedaysinSanFrancisco.Justyouandme.Whatdoyousay?”

Itwasincomprehensibletohim.Shemightaswellhaveaskedhimifhewantedtoflytothemoon.Whichwasprobablywhyhesaidwhathesaid.

“Sure,whynot?”

25

“Youhavetot-tellyourp-parents,”saidGinny.

“Why?”

“Because.They’reyourparents.”

Theyweretakingtheirdailywalk.

“Thinkaboutit,Ginny,”saidArmpit.“DoyoureallythinkI’mgoingtoSanFrancisco?Lookaround.Doyoureallythinkalimoisgoingtocomedrivingupthisstreetandparkinourdriveway?”

“Yes.”

Armpitstaredoffinthedistance.“SanFranciso,”hesaid.

“SanFrancisco,”Ginnyrepeated.

“I’mscaredofearthquakes,”hetoldher.

Awoman named Aileen called him on Tuesday and asked him for hisUnitedAirlines frequent flyer number.When he told her he didn’t haveone,shesaidUnitedwastheonlyairlinethatflewnonstopfromAustintoSanFrancisco,andshesuggestedheenrollintheirfrequentflyerprogramwhen he got to the airport since he’d be getting doublemiles for flyingfirstclass.

She sounded incredibly efficient.She rattledoff several departure andarrivaltimesashestruggledtokeepup.Shesuggestedhetakethe11:55flight,whichgotintoSanFrancisoat1:10,becausetheonlyothernonstopwouldgethiminat6:21,whichmightmakeitdifficulttomaketheeighto’clock show inBerkeley, depending on traffic, unless hewanted to flyintoOakland,inwhichcasehewouldflyAmerican,buttherewouldbealayoverinDallas.

Hewentwithherfirstsuggestion.

“Theeleven-fifty-five?”

“Whateveryousaid.”

Itwasn’t until after he hung up that it occurred to him he’dmiss hiseconomicsfinal.Thatwas,ifhereallywent.

Aileensatatanantiquedesklookingover thehillsofSantaBarbaraandout to thePacificOcean.Unfortunately,what thehoteloffered in charmand serenity, it lacked in modern technology, such as in-room Internetconnections. She’d had to connect her laptop to her cell phone but keptlosingreception.Whichmeantshestillhadn’tbookedTheodoreJohnson’s

ticket.

Sheheardtheclickofherdoorbeingunlocked,andthenJeromePaisleypokedhislargeheadintotheroom.“Haveyoumadethearrangements?”

Shelazilyglancedhisway.“Ijusthavetobooktheflight.”

“Wait till youhear this?”he said, comingupbehindher. “Youwon’tbelieveit!”

“Tellme.”

Jerome massaged the back of her neck as he spoke. “Fred ran abackgroundcheck.Thekid’sgotacriminalrecord.Assaultandbattery!”

Aileenturnedaroundtolookathim.

“AmIageniusoramIagenius?”

She rose from her chair, then stood on tiptoe to kiss him. “You’re agenius,”shewhispered.

“See,geniusisn’tallaboutintelligence,”heexplained.“Therearealotofsmartpeopleintheworld.Smarterthanme.It’saboutrecognizingyouropportunities. It’s about letting your opportunities come to you.Sometimesallyouhavetodoisopenthedoorandopportunitywalksrightin.Ittakesageniustoknowwhentoopenthedoor.”

Aileenknewathingortwoherselfaboutrecognizingopportunities.Shehad recognized Jerome Paisley as a weak, insecure man who wasconstantlytryingtoimpresseverybody.Sheletherselfbeimpressed.

Sofar,withthehelpofJerome,shehadmanagedtoextractnearlythreemilliondollarsfromKaira’strustaccount.Evenhedidn’tknowtheextent

ofherembezzlement.

Jerome began to pace. “Now’s the time. Now’s the time,” he said,talkingmoretohimselfthantoAileen.“She’llbeeighteenintwomonths.Now’sthetimetoact.Opportunityisknocking.I’vegotnochoice.Now’sthetimetoopenthedoor.”

Hewasrambling.Aileencouldhearthefearinhisvoice.Shecouldseeitinhiseyes.

Kairahadsaidmanytimesthatsheplannedtofirehimwhensheturnedeighteen. If that happened, thenwhoever took his placewould certainlydiscovertheembezzlement.However,if,forexample,somebodylikeBillyBoykilledKairabeforesheturnedeighteen,thenhermotherwouldinheritallhermoney.Jerome,hermother’shusband,wouldcontinue tooverseeallthefinancialmatters.

“She’snotagoldengoose!”hedeclared.“I’mthegoldengoose.She’dstillbesinginginherchurchchoirifitweren’tforme.Imadeherwhosheis,andIcanfindsomeoneelsejustaseasily.”

HisplanwastostaywithKaira’smotherforacoupleofyearstoavoidsuspicion, then divorce her and live with Aileen. But those weren’tAileen’splans.Shehadnointentionofsharinghermoneyorherlifewiththatself-absorbedmaniac.

Whichwaswhy in addition to needing to book a ticket for TheodoreJohnson, she planned to book one for herself: first to Portland, then toCostaRica.ThenameonherpassportwasDeniseLinaria.

One thing for certain. She did not want to be anywhere near SanFranciscowhenTheodoreJohnsongotthere.

The concert that night was in an outside amphitheater, nestled in thefoothills. Kaira waited on a patio offstage. The ocean air was cool andfoggy.ShecouldsmelltheflowersthatbloomedaroundtheSantaBarbaraMission.

Shecouldn’tbelieveshe’dbeseeingTheodoreagaininjustthreedays.Aileenhadbookedtheticket.ItalmostmadeherlikeAileenagain.

MorethanonceshehadthoughtabouttellinghermotheraboutAileen,butshecouldn’tbringherselftodoit.Itwasn’tjustthatshedidn’twanttohurthermother.Asmuchasshehatedtoadmit it, thesadtruthwasthatshe,Kaira,neededElGenius.Despiteallherbluster,deepdownsheknewtherewasnowayshewouldeverfirehim.She’dbelostwithouthim.

OncetheconcertstartedshewasabletoshutoutallthoughtsabouthermotherandElGeniusand justdisappear into themusic.Out in theopenair, her voice seemed to float all the way up to the stars. And nobodynoticed,nottheband,nottheaudience,whenthistimeshereallydidsing:

“Saveme,Armpit!

Adamselindistress.”

26

Uncharacteristically,JackDunlevyworeajacketandtie.Armpittoldhimhe looked sharp, but Jack just grumbled something about not havingenoughneckroom.Hehadtogotosomekindofmeetingatthemayor’soffice.

They were at a house where two months earlier they’d installed asprinklersystem.Nowtherewasaleak.“It’ssomewhereontherightsideofthefrontyard,”hisbosstoldhim.

“Myright,orthehouse’sright?”Armpitasked.

“What?”

“Imean, is it on the right when I’m standing in the street facing thehouse,orwhenI’mstandingatthefrontdoorfacingthestreet?”

“Justfindthedamnleakandfixit!”

He was edgy about the meeting and his clothes made himuncomfortable.Plus thehomeownerwouldn’tbepayinghim for this,nomatterwhatcausedtheleak,buthestillhadtopayArmpit.

Heleftforhismeeting,andArmpitlookedoverthearea.Therewasnoeasyway to find a leak.Hewould just have to dig along every inch ofpipe.

Andhewas justabout todo thatwhenamountain laurelplantednearthe cornerof thehouse caught his attention.Hehadn’t remembered thatmountainlaurelbeingtherethelasttime.

He realized, of course, that he’dworked at forty houses, at least, andcouldn’tremembereveryplantineveryyard.Still,hehadtostartdiggingsomewhere,sohestartedthere.

It took him less than twenty minutes to find the leak. Whoever hadplanted themountain laurel had cut a gash into the sprinkler linewith ashovel.

He sawedoff a two-foot sectionof thedamagedpipe, thenattachedanewpiece.He had to let the glue dry before he could test it, so hewassittingintheshadewhenacarpulledup.

Heassumeditwassomeonecomingtoseethehomeowner,soittookamomentforhisbraintoregisterthattheguygettingoutofthedriver’sseatwasFelixandtheguyinthecowboyhatwasMoses.

Mosespulledathirdpersonoutofthebackseat—X-Ray.X-Rayhadalargebruiseonhisrightcheek,andhewasn’twearinghisglasses.Hisshirtwasripped.

Armpitrosetohisfeet.“Areyouallright?What’sgoingon?”

“Everything’scool,”X-RaysaidasMosesshovedhimalong.“Theyjustwanttotalktoyou.”

TherewassomethingwrongwithX-Ray’smouth,andhespokewithalittlebitofalisp.

“Wherearehisglasses?”Armpitasked.

MosespulledX-Ray’sglassesoutofhisfrontshirtpocket,heldthemamoment,thendroppedthemonthelawn.

“Haveyouheard?” askedFelix. “Somebody’s been selling counterfeittickets.This ladycopcametotalktomeabout it.Tome?Ineversoldaphonyticketinmylife.Iexplainit’sbadforbusiness.Sure,Imightmakea quick buck, but then I’d never sell another ticket. See,mybusiness isbasedontrust.”

“Itoldyou.Shedoesn’tthinkitwasyou,”saidX-Ray.

Moseswhacked himon the side of his head. “And I told you to shutup,”hesaidinhisunusuallyhighvoice.

“Haveyoureadthenewspapers lately?”askedFelix.“Themayor’sallchargedup.Gottostopallthecounterfeitticketsales!Whatdoyouthinkthatdoestomybusiness?”

“Peopletrustyou,Felix,”saidX-Ray.“You’reknownallaroundtown.Everyhotelconciergeand—”

“Shutup!”saidMoses.

Felixcontinued.“Nowthey’reeventalkingaboutpassingalawtomaketicketscalpingillegal.”

“Theycan’tdothat,”X-Raysaid.“It’sunconstitutional.”

Moseswhackedhimagain.“Man,whatdoesittake?”HeturnedbacktoArmpit.“Howdoyouputupwithhim?”

“Youknowwhatthecopasksme?”Felixasked.“Youwanttoknowhernumber-one question? ‘Where’s Armpit?’ That’s her question. ‘Wheredoeshelive?What’shisphonenumber?’AndallI’mthinkingis:WhothehellisArmpit?Butthenitcomestome.IrememberthosetwodudesImetattheLonestar.Ikindalikedthoseguys.Theyseemedcool.SoItellherIneverheardofnobodynamedArmpit.”

“Weappreciatethat,”saidX-Ray.

“Shutup!”

“Butyouknowwhathappenswhen there’sa lossof trust?Peopleareafraid to buy tickets. Demand goes down. Prices drop.Way I figure it,Armpit, your two little phony tickets have cost me about two thousanddollarssofar.”

“Armpitdidn’tknowanythingaboutit!”saidX-Ray.

Moses was about to hit X-Ray again, but Armpit took a step towardhim.“Don’ttouchhim.”

“Oh,yeah?” saidMoses, challenginghim. “What areyougoing todoaboutit?”

“Settle down,” said Felix. “Here’s the thing, Armpit. I could tellDetectiveCutie-pieeverythingIknow,buthowdoesthathelpme?”

“Itdoesn’t,”saidX-Ray.

“It doesn’t,” Felix agreed. “The damage is already done. But maybethere’s awaywe could help each other.You helpmemakemymoneyback,andevenmakesomemoneyforyourselfwhileyou’reatit.”

“Whatdoyouhaveinmind?”Armpitasked,hiseyesonMoses.

“KairaDeLeon’sletter.I’llpayyouahundredandfiftydollarsforit.”

“It’snotforsale,”ArmpitsaidfirmlyasheshotaglanceatX-Ray.

Felixsmiled.HeturnedtoMoses.“Whatdoyouknow?OurfriendX-Raywasn’tlying.”

“Hey,I’veneverliedtoyou,”X-Raysaid.“YoujustgottounderstandwhereI’mcomingfrom.”

ApickuptruckpulledupbehindFelix’scar.

“Look,here’s thedeal,Armpit.Yousellme the letterorelse I talk toDetectiveCutie-pie.Yourchoice.Everybodywins,oreverybodyloses.”

JackDunlevygotoutofthetruck.Henolongerworehisjacketandtie.

“Yougottwenty-fourhours,”Felixsaid,thenhandedArmpitabusinesscardwithhisphonenumberonit.“Bytheway,isyourrealnameHabib?”

Armpitdidn’tanswer.

TheheelofMoses’sbootcamedownonX-Ray’sglasses;thenheandFelixheadedbackto theircar,crossingpathswithJackDunlevycomingtheotherway.

“Sorry,man,”X-Raysaid.“I’mreallysorry.TheonlyreasonItoldhimabouttheletterwasbecauseIwastryingtoexplainhownoonegothurtby

thephonytickets.”

“Yeah,well,sometimesyoutalktoomuch,”saidArmpit.

“Ido,”X-Rayagreed.“Idotalktoomuch.”

ArmpitpickedupX-Ray’sglasses.Theframeswerebentandalenshadpoppedout,buttherewasnothingthatcouldn’tbefixed.

“Well,youjustdowhatyouthinkisright,”X-Raysaid.“Don’tworryaboutme.IfIgotojail,it’smyownfault.”

JackDunlevycametowardthem.“I’mnotpayingyoutostandaroundandtalktoyourfriends,”hesaid,butdidn’tsoundespeciallyangry.

“Ifixedtheleak,”Armpittoldhim.“IwasjustwaitingforittodrysoIcouldtestit.”

Hisbosslookedaroundattherelativelyundisturbedlawn.

Armpittoldhimaboutthemountainlaurel.

Hisbosssmiled,thenturnedtoX-Ray.“See,that’swhyI’mgivinghima raise and a promotion. He’s got more than a strong back. He’s got abrain,too.”

Themeetinghadbeenasuccess.JackDunlevy toldArmpithegot thecontracttolandscapetheperformingartscenter.Hewasgoingtohavetohireawholebunchofnewpeople.Andhewasn’tkiddingabouttheraiseandpromotion.“You’llhaveyourowncrew.Westartthisweekend.”

He turned back to X-Ray. “So what happened to you? Was it thoseguys?”

“I’mokay.”

“Youwouldn’tlikeajob,wouldyou?Six-fiftyanhour?”

“Soundsgood,”X-Raysaid,muchtoArmpit’ssurprise.“ButIwanttobeup-frontwithyoustraightoff.I’vegotarecord.”

Jack Dunlevy considered a moment. “You at Green Lake too?” heasked.

“Yes,sir.That’swhereImetTheodore.”

Armpit almost laughed. It sounded strange tohearX-Raycall himbyhisrealname.

“In that case I’ll make it seven dollars an hour,” said Armpit’s boss.“Youguysarethefastestdiggers.”

27

Armpit’s economics teacheronce told the class about adonkey standingexactlyhalfwaybetweentwoidenticalhaystacks.Sinceithadnoreasontochooseonehaystackovertheother,itjuststayedinthemiddleuntilitdiedofhunger.

Everyoneintheclassarguedthatadonkeywouldn’treallydothat,butthatwasn’tthepoint.Actually,Armpitcouldn’trememberwhatthepointwas.Likea lotofwhathe learned ineconomics, itdidn’tmakesense intherealworld.

Buttheimageofthatdonkeyremainedinhisheadallyear.Hecouldn’tget rid of it. Its long ears drooped and its head hung low as it becamethinnerandthinner.Hewantedtoscreamatit.“Justpickoneandgoeat!”

Nowhewasbeginningtounderstandwhatitfeltliketobethatdonkey.

Hedidn’t studyforhiseconomics test.Hedidn’tcallFelix.Hedidn’ttell his parents about Kaira DeLeon inviting him to San Francisco. He

didn’ttellhisbossthathecouldn’tworkthisweekend.

ArmpitfiguredthatFelixwouldprobablysell theletteroneBay.He’dheardabout apieceofgumchewedbyMadonnagoing for six thousanddollars.

JustwhatKairawanted—herpersonalletterreadbymillionsofpeopleovertheInternet.Butifhedidn’tsellFelixtheletter,thenX-Raywouldgoto jail. Maybe he would too. If he went to San Francisco he’d faileconomics.

And so he remained, paralyzed by indecision, a donkey between twohaystacks.

28

He lay awake all Thursday night, but when he got out of bed Fridaymorninghehadaplan. Itdidn’t solveallhisproblems,butat leasthe’dcome to a decision. He realized he couldn’t do everything. He couldn’tpleaseeverybody.

HecalledFelix, thenwent to school and tookhis speech final. Itwasridiculouslyeasy,asheknewitwouldbe,withonlymultiplechoiceandtrue/falsequestions.

Hedidn’tgotoeconomics.Therewasnopoint.Hehadn’treadthelastthreechapters.

His feeling of regret was so strong that he actually felt pain walkingawayfromtheschoolbuilding,buthe’dmadeadecisionandheknewhehadtosticktoit.HefeltbadaboutlettingJackDunlevydowntoo.Otherpeople complained about their bosses, but Jack had beenmore than fairwithhim.

But when someone like Kaira DeLeon invited you to San Francisco,howcouldyounotgo?Hecouldhearhervoicesinginginhishead.

Gotnorearviewmirror

Andnoneoneitherside.

Ain’tnolookin’back,babe,

WhenItakeyouforaride!

Who knew, he might never have to work again. Whether or not hegraduatedfromhighschoolwouldn’tmeanawholeheckofalot.

Ahornhonked.HeturnedasthecarmadeasuddenU-turn,thencamerightathim.Itstoppedagainstthecurb,withitsbackendstickingoutataforty-five-degreeangle.

FelixandMosescameoutfromeitherside.

“Iwanttheletternow,”saidFelix.

“ItoldyouMonday.”

“I know what you told me. I want it today. I don’t appreciate beingstrungalong.”

“I’mnot stringingyoualong.Look, it’s likeyousaid.You talk to thepolice,everybodyloses.YouwaittillMonday,everybodywins.”

Moses’s fist slammedagainst the sideofArmpit’shead, spinninghimbackward.

Armpit managed to keep from falling. He raised his hands with hispalmsout.“Justwait.”

Moses didn’t want to wait. He came at Armpit again, but this timeArmpit saw him coming. Armpit ducked under the swinging fist, thenchargedlikeabullheadfirstintohim.

Moses’s cowboy hat flew off as he fell back against Felix’s car,crackingaheadlight.

Hewasluckyitwastheheadlightandnothishead.

Moses got back to his feet, rubbed his hands together, and smiled atArmpit.

Armpitreadiedhimself.

Mosestookonesteptowardhim,fakedwithhisright,thenslammedhisleftfistintoArmpit’sgut.

Armpitdoubledoverbutfendedoffthenextblow,andthetwoofthemfell to the ground and rolled into the gutter, fists flying as they tradedpunches.Armpittookseveralblowstothehead,butMoses’spunchesonlygotweaker,whilehisownseemedtogainpower.

A horn sounded from the street, andArmpit looked up to see a longwhite limousine stopped in themiddleof the road. “I called thepolice!”thedrivershouted,pointingtohiscellphone.

Armpit rose to his feet. He took a couple of steps backward as hewatchedthelimodrivedownthestreetandturnthecorner.

“JustgivemetillMonday,”hesaid.“You’llgettheletter.”

Mosespulledhimselftohisfeetusingthesidemirrorforsupport.

Thecowboyhat layon theground,whitewithabrownband.Armpit,rememberingX-Ray’sglasses,steppedonit.

Hewalkedtherestofthewayhomewithoutoncelookingbackoverhisshoulder.

Thewhite limowas now parked in front of his house. The driver stoodbeside it, but when he saw Armpit, he got back inside and locked thedoors.

Armpitknockedonthewindow.

Thedrivershowedhimthecellphoneandstartedpushingthebuttons.

“It’sme!TheodoreJohnson.I’mtheguyyou’reherefor.Justletmegetmystuff.”

Hehurriedintothehouse,unsureifthedriverwouldstillbetherewhenhe returned. When he saw himself in the mirror he was even moredoubtful.He looked like awildman.Sweat and blooddripped fromhisface onto his torn clothes. Even hewould cross to the other side of thestreetifhesawhimselfcoming.

Therewasnotimetoshower.Hetookoffhisshirtandsplashedhisfaceand upper body with cold water, then sprayed himself with Sploosh. Aknuckleonhisrighthandwasbleeding,soheputaBand-Aidonit.

Heputonacleanshirtandputthreeothersinhisbackpack,alongwitha

pairoflongpantsandsomesocksandunderwear.

InthebottomofhissockdrawerwasKaira’sletterandthemoneyfromthe ticket sales, almost a thousand dollars. He took it all, including theletter.

Hewent into thekitchen,and, lookingout thewindow,hewasa littlesurprisedtoseethelimostillparkedoutfront.Hewroteanoteonthepadnexttothetelephone.

DearMomandDad,

Iwon’tbebackuntilSundaynight.It’sjustsomethingIgottodo.Don’tworry.

T

Hedidn’t knowwhat else he could say.He realizedhe should call JackDunlevy,buttherewasn’ttimeandhedidn’tknowwhathe’dsaytohim,either.He justhad tohope thatX-Raywouldcover forhim.Hegrabbedhisbackpackandwentoutside.

The limousine driver came around and opened the door for him.“Welcome,Mr. Johnson,”he said. “Sorry I didn’t realizewhoyouwerebefore.”

“I’mjustgladyou’restillhere,”Armpitsaid,settlingintothebackseat.

“There’swaterandanewspaper,”thedriverpointedout.

“Thanks.”

TheAustinAmericanStatesman layon theseatnext tohim,and therewere two bottles of water in side cup holders. Armpit finished the firstbottlebeforethecarmadeitontothehighway.

Inthepanelabovehimweretheradioandtemperaturecontrols.Armpitstudiedtheknobs,thenturnedtheairconditionertoMAX.

“I’vegot anenvelope foryouwithyour traveldocuments,” thedrivertoldhim.“Apparentlyyourfaxmachinewasn’tworking.”

Armpitsmiled.

Kaira’svoicecameovertheradio.

Asadcircusclownwhohashopestoinspire

Theloveofthelong-haired,blue-spangledtrapezehighflyer,

Kicksoffhisfloppyshoesandchangesattire,

JustlikeClarkKent,orTobeyMaguire,

Andgoesupthecircusladder,higherandhigher,

’Causeaclownissomeoneshecouldneveradmire,

Butthereain’tnonetbeneaththehighwire.

Nearingthetop,hestartstoperspire.

He’sclimbingoutofthefryingpan...

Andintothefire!

29

Therewasalonglineattheticketcounter,butArmpitbreezedrightpastitandwenttotheoneforfirst-classpassengers,wheretherewasalmostnowait.TheticketagentcalledhimMr.Johnson.

Hewentthroughsecuritywithoutbeingsearched,whichsurprisedhimbecause theystoppedamiddle-agedbaldguywithglasses.EvenArmpitknewhelookedmoredangerousthanthatguydid.

A couple of hours later hewas flying over theRockyMountains andeatingacaramelsundae.ThemanbesidehimlivedinSanFrancisco.

“Youeverbeeninanearthquake?”Armpitasked.

“Lotsoftimes.Nothingtoworryabout.Youjustduckunderadeskorstandinadoorwayuntiltheshakingstops.”

Armpithadanimageofhimselfcoweringunderadeskwithplasterandbrickscrashingaroundhim,andbiggapsintheflooropeningonallsides.

Theplanelandedtenminutesearly,atexactlyoneo’clockPacificdaylighttime. Armpit took the escalator down to the baggage claim, where hespottedamanholdingasignwithTHEODOREJOHNSONonit.Themanhadabaggagecart,butArmpittoldhimthatallhehadwashisbackpack,whichhecarriedhimselftothelimo.

Itwashotandsunnyattheairport,althoughnothingliketheoppressiveheat of Texas, but when he arrived at the Wellington Arms Hotel indowntownSanFrancisco twenty-fiveminutes later, foghadfilled theairand the temperaturewasdownright cold. Itwashard tobelieve thiswasthemiddleofJuly.Hewishedhe’dbroughtajacket.

Ginnywillneverbelieveit,hethoughtashetookabreathofoceanair.Itwaslikethewholecitywasair-conditioned.Therewasalsoafreshnesstotheairthathedidn’tgetinTexas,whereitseemedthatthesamehotandhumidairstayedinoneplaceallsummerlong,becomingmorestaleandstagnantbytheminute.

Adoormanasked ifheneededhelpwithhis luggage,butArmpit toldhimnothanks,showingthathisbackpackwasallhehad.

When he walked through the revolving door, it seemed like he hadstepped into a palace. Once again he thought of Ginny. He wished shecouldseethis.“Grand”and“spectacular.”Thosewerethewordshe’dusewhen telling her about it. All around were giant chandeliers and ornatemirrors.“Ornate.”Thatwasanotherwordhe’duse.

Athin,attractiveAsianwomanwearingabluepantsuitapproachedhim.“Mr.Johnson?”

“Yeah, that’sme.”Shewas the fourthperson tocallhimMr.Johnson

thatday.

“It’sapleasuretohaveyouwithus.I’mNancyYoung.”

He shook her hand. A brass name tag attached to her blazer had hernameandthewordsVIPGUESTRELATIONS.

“Letmeknowifthere’sanythingyouneed.”Shegavehimanenvelopewiththekeystohisroomandminibar.“You’reonthetwenty-firstfloor.Everything’salreadybeentakencareof.Doyouneedabellman?”

“No,Ijusthavemybackpackisall.”

Sheexplainedthathewasonarestrictedfloorandwouldneedtousehisroom key in the elevator. “Would you like me to show you how thatworks?”

“No,that’sallright.”Hethoughtaboutaskingherwhatheshoulddoincaseofanearthquakebutdidn’twanttosoundlikeawimp.Thetwenty-first floor was pretty high up. It didn’t seem like ducking under a deskwoulddomuchgoodifthewholebuildingfellover.

He looked around for the elevators, then started off in the wrongdirection, but Nancy Young stopped him. “The elevators are right overthere,”shesaid.

Nowthathesawthem,hewonderedhowhehadmissedtheminthefirstplace.Theywererightoutintheopen.“Sorry,I’veneverbeeninthishotelbefore.”

“Yes,itcanbequiteconfusing,”shesaidwithoutevenahintofsarcasminhervoice.

Shewalkedwithhimtotheelevator,thenshowedhimhowtoinserthis

roomkeycardintotheslottogainaccesstothetwenty-firstfloor.

“Enjoyyourstay.”

Hishotelroomturnedouttobeatwo-roomsuite.Afruitandcheeseplatehadbeenleftforhimonacoffeetableinhissittingarea,complimentsofthehotel.Hecutoffasliceofveryhardcheeseandputitonacracker.Ittastedbitter,buthefigureditwassupposedtotastethatway.Hepoppedacoupleofredgrapesintohismouth.

Therewere twotelevisionsets,one ineachroom,andhecountedfivetelephones: two in each room and one in the bathroom. “Now, that’sclass,” he said aloud when he saw the one in the bathroom, easilyreachablefromthetoilet.

He was taking a shower, his hair full of jasmine-avocado shampoo,when the phone rang. No problem. He opened the shower door andreachedforthephone.

“Hello.”

“You’rehere!Whydidn’tyoucallme?”

“I’mjustgettingcleanedup.”

“Well, hurry. I’ve been waiting all day! God, I can’t believe you’rereallyhere.Ican’twaittoseeyou.I’mgoingoutofmymind!”

“Metoo.”

“Callmeassoonasyou’re ready. I’minroom2122.Myname’sLisaSimpson.”

He rinsed the soap out of his hair, brushed his teeth, and used thecomplimentarymouthwash toget ridof thecheese taste.Heputon longpants for the first time in nearly twomonths, then calledLisa Simpson,whosaidshe’dmeethiminthelobby.

He was on his way to the elevator when Kaira’s business managerstoppedhim.“Welcome,youmustbeTheodore.”

“Yes,sir.”

Armpithadseenhimtwicebefore:firstattheconcert,theninthelobbyoftheFourSeasons.

“JeromePaisley,Kaira’sfather.”Heextendedhishand.

ArmpitrememberedKairasayingsomethingabouthimbeingmarriedtohermother,butsheneverreferredtohimasherfather.Heshooktheman’shand.

“Yourflightokay?”

“Yeah, it was great,” Armpit said. “Thanks. I really appreciate youbringingmeouthereandeverything.”

Themansmiled.“Happytodoit.Ifthere’sanythingyouneed,youjustletmeknow.”

“I’mfine.Everything’sreallygreat.Thanks.”

“Youlikebaseball?”

ThequestioncaughtArmpitbysurprise.“Iguess.”

“C’mon,Iwanttoshowyousomething.”

Armpithadnochoice thenbut togowithKaira’smanager.Hedidn’twanttoberude.

Jerome Paisley opened the door to his hotel room. “I’ll just open thedoor.Youwalkrightin,”hesaid.

Itwasastrangethingtosay,andhesaiditinastrangeway,butArmpitwentinside.

ThesuitewasidenticaltoArmpit’s.Kaira’sstepfatherslidopenaclosetdoorandpulledoutabaseballbat,holdingitbyfatend.“Takealookatthisbaby!”

Armpittookthebat.“Cool.”Hedidn’tknowwhatelsetosay.

“Seetheinitials,B.B.?”

Theletterswereabovethelabel.

“BarryBonds,”saidKaira’sfather.“Goon,takeafewswings.”

“That’sokay,”saidArmpit.

“Goon,youwon’tbreakit.”

Armpittookthebat,madesurehehadroom,thentookahalfswing.Hefeltsilly.

“Feelsprettygood,doesn’tit?”saidJeromePaisley.“Youcouldhitalotofhomerunswiththatbaby.”

Armpitdidn’tknowallthatmuchaboutbaseball,buthewasprettysurethatitwasn’tthebatthathitthehomeruns,butthepersonwhoswungit.

“Youknow, I used to playproball,”Kaira’smanager toldhim. “Justoneseasoninthebigleaguesbeforeaninjuryendedmycareer.”

One seasonwas an exaggeration. Jerome Paisley played in themajorleagues for just eighteen days in September,when teams are allowed toexpandtheirrosters.Theso-calledinjurywasmorementalthanphysical.After having been hit in the face by a pitch, he couldn’t swing a batwithoutclosinghiseyes.

Armpitsetthebatdown.

“But it allworkedout in the end,didn’t it?Lookatmenow.Makingmore money than most ballplayers. And how long does a ballplayer’scareerlast?Tenyearsifhe’slucky.I’malotbetteroffthantheyare,amInot?”

It took a second before Armpit realized that Jerome Paisley wasexpectingananswer.“Yes,sir,you’redoinggreat,”hesaid.“Look,Igottogo.I’msupposedtomeetKairadownstairs.”

“Hey,havefun.Don’tmeantoholdyouup.”

“Thanks.Thanksforshowingmethebat.”Hebackedoutof thesuite,thenhurrieddownthehall.

Well, thatwasweird, he thought as he rode the elevator down to thelobby.

Kairawaswaitingjustoutsidetheelevator.“It’snotnicetokeepagirlwaiting,”shesaid.Shewasallinflannelanddenim,likealumberjack.

Fred was standing a few steps away from her, but this time Armpitdidn’tletthatstophim.HewentrighttoKaira,grabbedher,andkissedheronthelips.

She returned the kiss, letting it linger for several seconds. Then theysmiledateachother.

“Iguessitwasworththewait,”shewhispered.

30

“You’re going to freeze. I can’t believe you didn’t bring a jacket!” Sheheldbothhishands.

“It’ssummer.It’slikeahundreddegreesinTexas.”

“You’renotinTexas.You’rehere,withme.”

“Well,you’reprettyhottoo,”saidArmpit.

Sherolledhereyesbutsmiled.“Comeon,we’llgetyouasweatshirtorsomethingatthegiftshop.”

Sheletgoofoneofhishandsbutstillheldtheotherassheledhimintotheboutique.

Hebeganlookingthroughthesweatshirts,tryingtofindonethatwasn’ttoocutesy,butKairawentstraighttoacharcoalgraywooljackethangingondisplay.

“You’dlookgreatinthis!”

Itwasprettysharp.Armpitfeltthefabric,whichwasassoftasKaira’sflannel shirt. He was about to try it on when he saw the price. Ninehundredandninety-fivedollars.

HereturnedtothesweatshirtseventhoughKairatoldhimnottoworryabouttheprice.“Youjustchargeittoyourroom.Thetourwillpayforit.”

ArmpitpickedoutahoodedredsweatshirtthatsaidSANFRANCISCOonitandhadapictureofacablecar.Itcostahundredandtwentydollars,butthat seemed like a bargain compared to the jacket. He charged it to hisroom.

KairacalledhimLittleRedRidingHoodwhenheputthehoodup,soheput it back down. “You want to take a walk across the Golden GateBridge?”sheasked.

“Soundsgood.”

Thedoormanwhistledforataxi,andKairaaskedthedriverifheknewthewaytotheGoldenGateBridge.

“Neverheardofit,”thedriversaid,thenwinkedatArmpit.

Armpit got in thebackseat, andKaira snuggledupnext to him. “Youtakeyourowncab,”shetoldFred.

Shefeltsoftandcuddly,likeoneofGinny’sstuffedanimals.

As they pulled away from the hotel, Kaira asked Armpit for a fifty-dollarbill.

Apparentlyshewasusedtobeingaroundpeoplewhocarriedthatkind

ofmoney. For once in his lifeArmpit actually had several fifties in hiswallet.

“Okay,here’sthedeal,”shetoldthedriver,handinghimArmpit’sfifty.“Theguyfollowingusisatotaldoofus.Assoonasyoucanditchhim,letusout,thenkeepongoingtothebridge.”

“Ilikeyourstyle,”thedrivertoldher.

“Metoo,”saidArmpit.

Kaira sang, “I like your style/and the way you smile/just drives mewild.”

Armpitdidn’tknowifitwasarealsongorifshejustmadeituponthespot.

“Youknow,yougotareallynicevoice,”thedriverremarked.

Thecabsuddenlyswervedacrossthreelanesoftraffic.KairalaughedasshefellacrossArmpit’slap.

Thedriver told them toget ready.He turnedacorner, theneased toastopinfrontofadouble-parkedUPStruck.

“Go!”

Kairaopenedthedoorandjumpedout.Armpitonlyhadonefootonthepavementwhenthedriverhitthegas.HeswungthedoorshutandgrabbedKaira’shandtokeepfromfalling.

TheycroucheddownbehindthelargebrowntruckasthetaxiwithFredinitdroverightonby.

JeromePaisleyslippedthekeycardintotheslotandwaspleasedtoseethegreen lightcomeon.Hechecked thehallwayone last time, thenopenedthedoortoArmpit’ssuiteandsteppedquicklyinside.

He wore a pair of latex gloves, the kind worn by surgeons. They fittight,likeanextralayerofskin.

He took a quick look around the sitting area, then went into thebedroom,whereArmpit’sclotheswerestrewnacrossthefloor.Hepickedupasweat-soakedsock,considereditamoment,thenletitdrop.

Heenteredthebathroom.Armpit’swettowellayinaheaponthefloor,nexttotheterry-clothbathrobethehotelhadprovided.Thecapwasoffatube of toothpaste, and some toothpaste had leaked out.A hairbrush laynexttothemirror.

Hepickedupthehairbrushandremovedacoupleofstrandsofhairthatwerestucktothebristles.Heplacedtheminaplainwhiteenvelope.

A used Band-Aid, crusted with blood, lay on the floor next to thewastebasket. He picked it up, smiled at his fat face in the mirror, thenplacedtheBand-Aidintheenvelopeaswell.

He returned to the sitting area.Aileenwas the onewhohad providedhimwiththeextrakeytoArmpit’sroom.ShealsohadgivenhimtwokeystoKaira’s.Henowplacedoneofthembetweenthecushionsonthecouch.

Beforeleaving,hetooktheknifefromthefruitandcheeseplate.

They found themselveswalking throughChinatown, his arm around hershoulders,hersaroundhiswaist.Racksoffruitsandvegetableshadbeenset out in front of small grocery stores, further blocking the alreadycrowded sidewalks. Truckswere double-parked up and down the street.Trafficwasatastandstill,andpeoplemovedinandoutbetweenthecars.YetwhenArmpit andKaira stopped andkissedby thepagodaonGrantAvenue,itseemedtoeachofthemliketheyweretheonlytwopeopleonthestreet.

They continued walking. Armpit was amazed by all the people andwondered what their lives were like. He felt like he was in a foreigncountry.Womengrumbled inChineseas theypicked throughvegetablesandmelonsthathe’dneverseenbefore.

“Lookatthose,”hesaid,pointingatgreenbeansthatwerewelloverafootlong.

“Idon’tlikeveggies,”saidKaira.

Theinsidesofthestoresseemedevenmoreexoticandmysteriousthanthevegetablesdisplayedonthesidewalk,buthecouldn’tgethertogoinonewithhim.Shehadbeengrossedoutbyastringofdeadduckshanginginawindow.

“Ithinkit’scool,”saidArmpit.

“That’sbecauseyou’renotaduck,”saidKaira.

She agreed to stop at a store selling Chinese souvenirs because hewanted to buy something forGinny. The silk slipperswould have beenperfect, but he didn’t knowwhat size to get, andKaira pointed out thatslippersweren’tlikeT-shirts;theyhadtobeanexactfit.

Going througha rackofclothes,hecameacrossa sweatshirt thatwasidenticaltotheonehewaswearing.Thepricewasnineteenninety-nine.

“It’snotthesame,”saidKaira.“Itdoesn’thaveahood.”

“That’soneexpensivehood,”saidArmpit.

“That’snottheonlydifference,”saidKaira.“Feelthefabric.”

Itdidn’tfeelallthatdifferenttoArmpit,buthedidn’tsayso.

He ended up buyingGinny a silk scarf that showed theGoldenGateBridgestretchingacrossabackgroundofblueskyandgreenocean.

31

“God, I can breathe again,” Kaira said. The crowds of people and thestrong smells ofChinatownhad gotten to her. “I could kill for a cup ofcoffee.”

Hebelievedher.

TheywerenowintheItaliansectionofthecity,whichKairasaidwascalledNorthBeach,buthedidn’tseeanysandorwater.Thestreetswerelined with Italian restaurants, cafés, bookstores, and other small shops.Oneshopsoldnothingbutoldpostcards.

“It’snotabeach,”Kairaexplained.“It’sjustcalledthat.”

“KindoflikeCampGreenLake,”saidArmpit.

Theywentdownintoabasementcoffeehouse.Interspersedbetweenthetables, vertical wooden beams supported the ceiling. The wood seemedespeciallydarkandrich,asifithadbeenabsorbingcoffeeforthelastfifty

years.

The girl behind the counter had a teardrop tattoo under her left eye.Kairaorderedadoublecappuccinoandaskedforwhippedcreamontop.

“Thesame,”saidArmpit.HewouldhavefeltdumbaskingforaCokeinaplacelikethis.

The coffee was served in cups the size of soup bowls. The eternallycryinggirl sprinkledpowderedchocolateover thewhippedcream.Kairapickedout somekindof twistedpastry thatwasbig enough for them toshare,thentookhercoffeeandpastryandwentlookingforatable.

“Ninedollarsandtwentycents,”saidthegirlbehindthecounter.

Armpitwassurprisedbyhowcheerfulshesounded.Hepaidwithatenandleftthechangeinthetipjar.

Kairawasemptyingapacketofsugarintohercoffeewhenhesatdownnext to her. The remains of another sugar packet lay in a small coffeepuddlenexttohercup.

“Isn’t this place great?” she asked. “Beatniks used to read poetry andplaybongosonthatstage.”

Thestagewasatriangularspaceinthecorner,raisedaboutafootoffthefloor. It was empty now, but there were small posters attached to thebeams,advertisingvariousfolksingersandpoetswhowouldbeperformingoverthenextfewweeks.

Armpit just hoped the beams were strong enough to hold up in anearthquake.Ifthey’dbeenaroundsincebeatniktimes,theymustbestrong,hethought.Eitherthatortheywerereadytobreakatthenextlittleshake.

Hetriedtotakeasipofhiscappuccinobutcouldn’tquitefigureouthowtodoitwithoutgettingwhippedcreamonhisnose.

“I’dliketosingonasmallstagelikethat.Noflashinglights.Nobackupsingers.Nobloodsucking agents or businessmanagers. Just get up thereand sing, and then pass around a hat. People paywhat theywant.”Hereyeslitup.“Youcouldbemyguitarplayer!”

“That’dbegreat,”Armpitagreed.“ExceptIdon’tknowhowtoplaytheguitar.”

Kairalaughed.Shetoreoffapieceofthepastry,dippeditinhercoffee,andtastedit.“Oh,thatissogood!”ShedunkedasecondpieceandfedittoArmpit.

Thepastrywasgood,butherfingertipswereevenbetter.

“So,how’sGinny?”

“Thesame,”hesaid.“Great.”

“You’re sogoodwithher,”Kaira said. “I really admire that. I have ahardtimearoundhandicappedkids.”

ArmpitrarelythoughtofGinnyashandicapped.

“Have you ever heard of the Make-A-Wish Foundation?” she askedhim.

“Yeah,Ithinkso.”

“InacoupleofweeksI’msupposedtospendthedaywithanine-year-oldgirldyingofsomedisease.Iwasherwish!”

“That’sreallyniceofyou.”

Hetookasipofcoffee,thenwipedthewhippedcreamoffhisnosewithhisnapkin.

“I dread it,” saidKaira. “I know, thatmakesme sound like an awfulperson, but I just get creeped out being around someone like that. Mymanagersaysit’sgoodpublicity.Idon’tknowwhatshewantsfromme!I’mjustasinger.It’snotlikeIcancurecancer!”

“She’snotexpectingyoutocureher,”saidArmpit.“Justlookherintheeye.Letherknowshe’sreal.”

KairalookeddeepintoArmpit’seyes.

“Justlikethat,”hesaid.

Shesmiledandsaid,“Youaresowonderful.”

“No,I’mnot,”hesaid.

“Yeah,youreallyare,”saidKaira.

He reached across the small table and held her hand. “There’ssomethingIgottotellyou,”hesaid.

“Oh,mygosh,”Kairasaidplayfully.“Youlooksoserious.”

“It’s just that . . .” He wasn’t sure how to begin. “You know at theconcert,howGinnyandIhadcounterfeittickets?”

A man wearing a shirt and tie and one pearl earring suddenlyapproachedthetable.“You’reKairaDeLeon,aren’tyou?”

Kairatookasecond,thenadmittedit.“ThisismyfriendTheodore.”

Theguydidn’tevenglanceatArmpit.“MynieceplaysyourCDallthetime.TheFountainofYouth,right?”

“Yep,”saidKaira.

“OnlyoneofherCDsIcanlistentowithoutthrowingup!”

“Uh,thanks,Iguess,”saidKaira.

“No, really. For overproduced commercial pap, it’s not too bad.”Theguy stretched his arm in front of Armpit’s face and said, “I’m veryhonoredtomeetyou.”

Kairashookhishand.

Hehandedheranapkin.“Wouldyoumind?”

Kairashowedhimheremptyhands,buthegaveherapen.

Shesignedthenapkin.

“Thanks.Thanksalot.Myniecewillloveit.Nowwillyoudooneforme?”heasked,handingheranothernapkin.

“Sorryaboutthat,”Kairasaidoncetheguyleft.

Armpitshrugged.

“Sowhatwereyouabouttotellme?”

He wasn’t sure it was the right time anymore. Everyone in the caféseemedtobelookingatthem.

“Abouttheconcert?”Kairaprompted.

Armpittookabreath.“Okay,here’sthething.Youknowtheletteryousentme?”

Kairalaughed.“Yeah,IthinkIrememberit.Talkaboutembarrassing!”

“Right. So will you write me another letter? One that’s not soembarrassing?”

Kairasmiled,thenleanedcloseandwhispered,“Maybeitwillbemoreembarrassing.”

“No,that’snotwhatImeant.Imeanwriteonesometimethisweekend.Youdon’thavetomailit.Justwriteitinyourhandwritingandgiveittome.”

“Why?”

“There’sthisguywhowantstobuyitforahundredandfiftydollars.”

“What?”

Thatcameoutwrong.Hewasn’tusedtodrinkingcoffee,anditfeltlikehisbrainwasracingoffindifferentdirections.

“Letmeexplain.”

“Yeah,Ithinkyoubetter.”

“See,Ididn’tgettheticketsfromascalper.Well,technicallyIdid,butIdidn’tbuythem.”

“You’renotmakinganysense.”

“See,Ihavethisfriend.Andhewasscalpingtickets.Weboughttwelvetickets foryourconcert. Ipaid for the tickets, andhe sold them,andwesplittheprofit.”

“You’reaticketscalper.”

“Myfriendis.Was.Andhe’stheonewhogavemethephonytickets.”

“Yourfriend?”

“Butnowthere’sthisotherguywhowilltellthepoliceunlessIsellhimyour letter.So Iwas thinking if youwrote another letter thatwasn’t tooembarrassing,Icouldsellhimthatone,andmyfriendwon’tgotojail.”

“Whydon’tIjustwriteyoutenletters?Thenyoucanmakeathousanddollars!”

“Youdon’tunderstand.It’snotaboutmoney.”

“No,youdon’tcareaboutmoney.Justwanttokeepyourfriendoutofjail.”

“Right.”

“Sohowdoesthisotherguyknowaboutmyletter?”

“Myfriendtoldhim.”

“Youareunbelievable.”

“Youdon’tunderstand.”

“Maybeyoushouldhaveyour friend explain it tome!”She stoodup.“You’rejustanotherhustler.Anythingformoney.”

“Whatdoyouknowaboutmoney?”Armpitasked.“Youdon’thaveaclue.Yousayyouwanttojustsinginplaceslikethisandpassaroundthehat.Youwouldn’tknowhowtolivelikethat.Here,buyajacket.Onlyathousanddollars.Chargeittoyourroom.Youwouldn’thaveaclue.”

“Oh,Idon’thaveaclue?”askedKaira.Shestoodup.“Ijusthaveonequestion,”shesaid.“Whowasitwhokissedme?You,oryourfriend?”

Shepickedupher cupand tossed thecontents athim, splatteringhimwithcoffeeandcream.

Severalpeopleapplauded.Awomaninredleathersaid,“Yougo,girl!”

Shedidjustthat.Rightoutthedoor.

Armpitsatthereamoment,wipinghimselfwithanapkinashetriedtofigureoutwhyKairathoughtX-Rayhadkissedher.

32

Itwasalongwalkbacktothehotel.Kairawasnowheretobeseen,andhesupposedshe’dtakenacab.Hedoubtedshehadanycashonher,butwhenshegottothehotelshecouldprobablycallsomebodytocomedownandpaythedriver.

Heheadedbackup throughChinatown.Hewasn’t exactly sureof theway,butheknewthegeneraldirection.Thestreetsweresteeper thanheremembered, and after a while he had to take off his coffee-stainedsweatshirtandtieitaroundhiswaist.HecarriedGinny’spresentinaflatpaperbag.

HewonderedwhetherheshouldtrytotalktoKairawhenhegotbacktothe hotel, or wait a day, or maybe just fly back to Austin. It would beprettyweird spending theweekend in the hotelwith her hating him andeverybodyonthetourknowingaboutit.Maybejustwriteheranote.

He’dthoughtaskinghertowritethesecondletterwassuchagreatplan,butnowitjustseemedsolame.Whatgoodwouldithavedone?Detective

Newbergwassmart.She’deventuallyfigureouthewasArmpit,whetherFelixtoldherornot.

Hehadtriedtotaketoobigastep,andthecurrenthadknockedhimoffhisfeetandwaswashinghimaway.Allhisefforts,atschoolandatwork,were for nothing. X-Ray would most likely go to jail, and he probablywouldtoo.

Forwhat?Thewhimofarichandfamousgirl.

Hehadthoughthe’dmadearealconnectionwithher,butwhatdidheknow?Itwasn’tthatlongagothathe’dthoughthemadearealconnectionwithTatiana.Thetruthwas,halfthegirlsatschoolcouldhaveeasilywonhisheart. Itwouldn’t have taken all thatmuch; just a smile andhe’dbehooked.

Butwouldhehavethrownhislifeawayforoneofthem,orwasitjustbecauseKairawas rich and famous?Hehadmockedher forwanting tochargeathousand-dollarjackettoherroom,butmaybethatwasthereasonhecametoSanFrancisco,tolivethatkindofhighfalutinlife.

No,itwasmorethanthat.Atleast,hethoughtitwasmorethanthat.Hedidn’tknowanymore.Hedidn’tknownothingaboutnothing.

Andhehadtoldhershedidn’thaveaclue!I’mtheonewho’sclueless.

Hetookadeepbreath.ThecooloceanairmixedwiththeexoticsmellsofChinatown.Therewassomethingspecialaboutbeinginastrangeplace,allaloneinamassofpeople,evenifyouhadjustscrewedupyourlife,orperhapsespeciallyifyouhadjustscrewedupyourlife.

Hestoppedandboughtsomekindofsteamedbun,stillpipinghot,fromaChinesevendorwhodidn’tspeakEnglish.Thedoughwasmadeofrice

flour,and itwassoftandspongyon theoutside. Insidewassomeof thebestroastporkhe’devereaten.

Hewasremindedof thespeechforWilbur thePig.“He’llbringaboutworldpeace,andifhedoesn’t,everyonewillgetahamsandwich.”

Imayhaveruinedmylife,Armpitthought,butatleastIgottoeatsomereallygoodChinesefood.

Fred moved with determination along the pedestrian walkway on theGolden Gate Bridge, oblivious to the dirty glances from slow-walkingtouristsasheelbowedhiswaypastthem.Hisfacehadthelookofpainedurgency.HehadneverlostKairabefore.

Everywalker on the bridge, every driver in a car represented danger.Although, really, what worried him the most wasn’t some wild-eyedstranger. Sure, Theodore Johnson seemed like a good kid, but what didthey know about him?Notmuch, except that he had a violent criminalhistory.

Fredmadehiswaypastthefirsttoweronthebridgeandwasabletogeta good view of the people up ahead. He spied a person wearing a redsweatshirt, but the person walking next to the red sweatshirt had on ayellowjacketandwastootall.

33

KairalistenedtoGilligan’sIslandintheshowerthroughaspecialspeakerconnected to theTV.Shewould have to leave for the concert in a littleoveranhour.

Notallthemoistureonherfacecamefromtheshowernozzle.Someofitcamefromthinking thatnobodywouldever likeher forwhoshewas,onlyforwhatshewas.

She’dbegladwhentheconcertstartedandshecouldloseherselfinthesongs. Singing about heartbreak and betrayal would come easy. She’dhavetoconjureupanimaginarypersonagainforthelovesongs.

Jerome Paisley knocked on the door to her suite,waited amoment, theslippedakeycard into the lock.Heopened thedoorandstuckhis largeheadinside.

“Kaira,”hesaid,butnottooloudly.Heheldthebaseballbat.Hishandsweresweatinginsidethelatexgloves.

Heenteredandpulled thedoorgentlyshutbehindhim.Hecouldheartheshowerrunningandthesoundofthetelevision.

Kaira’s suite was bigger than his, with three rooms and a workingfireplace.Italwaysbuggedhimthatshegotthebestroom.

TheSkipperwasyellingatGilligan.

As Jerome Paisleymade his way through the suite, he could feel hisblood pounding inside his head. His eyes blurred momentarily, and hestopped to take a breath. So far it had just been a plan, an intellectualexercisebyElGenius,buttherewasabigdifferencebetweentheplanningandthedoing.

Hegathered his courage and continued into the bedroom.He grabbedholdofabedposttosteadyhimself,thenwaitedjustoutsidethebathroomdoor.Theshowerwasstillrunning.

He heard a rattling noise, then realized that his handwas shaking somuch,thebatwasknockingagainstthewall.HehopedKairahadn’theardit.

Armpitwaswindedwhenreturnedtothehotel.HehadalwaysthoughtthehillsinAustinweresteep,buttheywerenothingcomparedtowherehe’djustbeen.Oneofthestreetswassosteepthesidewalkhadbeenshapedtoformstairs.

Theorangemessagelightswereblinkingonhistelephones—allfiveof

them.Hesplashedhisfacewithcoldwaterandwatchedthephoneinthebathroommirrorblinkonandoffrapidly.

Hereturnedtohisbedroom,satontheedgeofthebed,thenpickedupthephone.Hepressedthebuttonformessages.

“Idon’thateyou.I’mjustsickandtiredofbeingusedbyeveryone.Whyshouldyoubeanydifferent?Justgoaheadandselltheletter.Idon’tcare.Ireallydon’t.Everyoneelsemakesmoneyoffme,whynotyou?Besides,howcanIbeembarrassed?I’mnotarealperson!Idon’thavefeelings!I’mjusta—Justgoaway.Ineverwanttoseeyouagain!You’reright.Idon’thaveaclue.Butneitherdoyou.”

Well,hecouldhavetoldherthat.

Anewvoicecameon.

“Thatwasyourfinalmessage.Tohearthemessageagain,pressthree.Tosaveit,presssix.Toerase—”

Armpithungup.

Kairaputon ahotel robe.Thevolumecontrol for thebathroomspeakerwastothesideofthesink.Sheturneditdownnowthatitdidn’thavetocompetewiththeshower.

She towel-dried her hair. Rosemary would come fix it later. Shedropped the towelon the floor,opened thebathroomdoor,and tookonestepintothebedroom.

JeromePaisleyclosedhiseyesasheswung.

Thebatcaromedoffhershoulder,thenslammedagainstherthroat.

Kairafellagainstthebedpost,andbeforeshecouldevenfigureoutwhatwashappening,shewasstruckagain,thistimeacrossherchest.

Shefoundherselfonthefloor.Shetriedtocrawlunderthebedbutwasonly able topartiallyprotect her head.The areaunder thebedhadbeenblockedoffsoguestswouldn’tlosetheirkeysandunderwear.

Thebatsmashedagainstthebackofherneckjustbelowthebaseofherskull.

ShewasonlyvaguelyawareofwhatwashappeningasJeromePaisleygrabbedherbytheankleanddraggedherawayfromthesafetyofthebed.Shesawtheeerieimageofherbusinessmanager/stepfathersplitintotwopeople,eachholdingabaseballbathighabovehishead.

Therewasanoisefromoutinthesittingarea,andthenashout.

ItsoundedliketheDoofus!

JerometurnedawayfromKairaandswungjustasFredlungedathim.The bat cracked hard against Fred’s rib cage, but he kept coming. HishandswrappedaroundElGenius’s thickneckas the twomenfell to theground.

KairawatchedthebatrolledacrossthefloorandundertheTVcabinet.Shewantedtoscreambutcouldn’tgetabreath.Shetriedtocrawltothetelephonebutcouldn’traiseherselfoffthefloor.

Therewas an anguished groan; then Jerome pushed himself up to hisknees, took several deep breaths, and stood up the rest of the way. HeglancedatKaira,thenwenttoretrievethebat.

Fred remained on the floor. Sticking into his stomach was the knifefromArmpit’sfruitandcheeseplate.

TheentrancetoKaira’shotelsuitehaddoubledoors,asitwasfrequentlyused tohostparties.Armpitwassurprised tofindoneof thedoorsopen.Heknocked,andwhentherewasnoanswer,steppedinside.

HecouldheartheTVcomingfromthebedroom.“Kaira?”hecalled.

Jeromefroze.HelookeddownatKaira,butshewasinnoconditiontocryout.

“Kaira,”Armpitcalledagain.

Noanswer.

“Look,ifyoudon’twanttoseeme,Iunderstand.Ijustcametoreturntheletter.I’mnotgoingtosellit.Idon’twantanythingfromyou.”

Jeromemovedtothebedroomdoor,hisbatready.Hereallydidn’twanttohavetokillTheodoreJohnson.Thatwouldjustcomplicatethings.

Kairafought toretainconsciousness.She tried tocallout,butshehadnothingleft.

Armpit set the letter on the bar. “I’m just putting it right here on thebar,”hesaid.

Good,thoughtJeromePaisley.Touchthebar.

“Well,I’mgoingnow,”Armpitsaid.“Thanksfortheride.I’llneverbethesameagain.”

Hewaited amoment to see if his little jokemight bring her out, butwhenitdidn’t,heheadedtothedoor.

Kaira’seyeswereclosed,butherhandfeltaroundunderthenighttable.Her fingers wrapped around an electrical cord. Using every last bit ofstrengthshehadleft,shepulledthecord.

Thelampcamedownwithacrash.

Armpitstopped.“Youallright?”

Therewasnoanswer.

“Youokay,Kaira?”

Hewalkedquicklyintothediningarea,andthenonintothebedroom.“Kaira?”

HesawKaira’sstepfatherjustintimetoraiseonearm.Thebatsmashedagainstit,breakingthebone,andhecollapsedtohisknees.

ElGeniusswungagain,butArmpitspunaway,thenpulledhimselfupwiththehelpofabedpost.

HesawFredonthefloor,andlotsofblood.Hedidn’tseeKaira.

He took several deep breaths as he backed up against theTV cabinetandreadiedhimselfforthenextattack.Hisrightarmwasbroken,buthewasleft-handed.

Kaira’s stepfather stepped over Fred as he came atArmpit again, butjust as he swung, Fred grabbed an ankle, and the bat smashed into thetelevisionset,whichexplodedinagreenflash.

Armpit’sleftfistwasstillgainingmomentumasitconnectedjustbelowElGenius’snose,flooringhim.

Armpitwasalloverhim,hittinghimfirstwithhisfist,andthenwithhiselbow on the backswing, again and again, until Jerome Paisley laymotionless.

Kaira’shairdresser,Rosemary,walkedintothebedroomandscreamed.

34

Amid the chaos of police, doctors, ambulance workers, TV news crew,Kaira’s hysterical mother, and other people from the tour all trying tofigureoutwhatwashappening,ArmpitmanagedtoretrieveKaira’sletterfromthebarandtossitintothefireplace.

The last he saw of Kaira and Fred, they were being taken out onstretchers.Kairawasunconscious.Shehadpassedout rightafterpullingoverthelamp.

Toodizzytowalk,Kaira’sstepfatherhadtobeheldupbyacoupleofpoliceofficersashewasledoutinhandcuffs.

Fred was able to speak just enough to confirm Armpit’s innocence,althoughthatreallywasn’tmuchofanissue.ArmpitwouldhavethoughtthatwithhimcaughtintheactofbeatingupKaira’sstepfather,everyonewould have assumedhewas the attacker, but nobody doubted his story.Maybeitwashisdemeanor,orthelatexglovesonJeromePaisley’shands,or the fact thathewas theonewhohadshoutedatRosemary tocall the

police.

The next twelve hours were a whirling blur of confusion. There wasnobody in charge. It was actually Duncan, the bass player, who finallycalled the Berkeley Auditorium and informed them that there’d be noconcert.Thatwasn’tuntilaftereighto’clock.

Twenty thousand people were stamping their feet and shouting, “WewantKaira!”whenamancameoutandmistakenlyannouncedthatKairaDeLeon had just beenmurdered. Some people cried, while others weredesperatelylookingfortheirticketstubs.

Armpitwasquestionedfourtimesbythepolice:firstinKaira’ssuite,thenon theway to the emergency room,wherehis broken armwas set, thentwicemoreatthepolicestation.Hesignedaten-pagestatement.

Hedidn’treturntothehoteluntilwellaftermidnight.InthemorninghetriedtofindoutifanyoneknewanythingaboutKaira,butnobodydid.

The people associated with the tour didn’t know what they weresupposed to do orwhere theywere supposed to go.Nobody knewwhowould pay the enormous hotel bill. Aileen, the woman who normallywould have been in charge, couldn’t be found. She had flown ahead toPortlandbutnevercheckedintothehotel.

NancyYoung suggested, only somewhat tongue-in-cheek, thatArmpitmightwanttoleavenow,beforehegotstuckwiththebill.Hetookacabtotheairport,wherehewasabletoexchangehisticketforthenextflight,buttherewerenofirst-classseatsavailable.Notthathecared.Hesleptthewholewayhome,muchtothedismayofthepassengersittingnexttohim,whokepthavingtonudgehimawake.

“W-wereyouscared?”askedGinny.

“Itallhappenedsofast.Ijustreacted.WhenIthinkaboutitnow,Igetscared.”

“Me too,”saidGinny.Hereyesmoistened,andshedabbed themwithherGoldenGateBridgescarf.

ItfeltoddlynormaltobebackinAustin.“Youwanttosignmycast?”heaskedGinny.

“Yes.”

It was Sunday. They were sitting in his half of the duplex. It wasimpossible for them to take their usualwalk. The street was filledwithnewsvansandcameracrews.

Armpit’smotherhadhadtoshooawayanumberofreporters,localandnational.

“Hedoesn’twant tobe interviewed!”he’dheardhersay.“Whywon’tyourespecthiswishes?”

Itwasnicetohearhismotherusetheword“respect”whentalkingabouthim.But thenagain, itwasn’t everymother’s sonwhosepicturewasonthefrontpageofnearlyeverynewspaperinthecountry,usuallywiththeword“hero”somewhereintheheadline.

Most of the articles had their facts wrong. According to the Austinpaper,Kairahadgivenhimakeytoherroom,andhehadcomeupforaromantic rendezvous when he discovered she was under attack. An all-news network reported that he was in bed with Kaira when the attack

occurred.

Whatmusthavehappened,hecametorealize,wasthatFredhadleftthedoortohersuiteopenwhenherushedintosaveherafterreturningfromhiswild-goosechase.

“DoesKairaknowyousavedherlife?”askedGinny.

“Iguesssomebodymusthave toldher,”Armpitsaid.“And it’son thenews.”

“Sheshouldcallyou.”

“Shewillwhenshegetsbetter.She’sinbadshape.”

Thedoorbellrang.

Hismotherthrewupherhands.“Whywon’ttheyleaveyoualone?”Shesoundedexasperated,butArmpitcouldtellshelovedeveryminuteofit.

“I toldyoupeople—Oh.”She turned toArmpitand toldhimapoliceofficerwantedtospeaktohim.

DetectiveDebbieNewberg put awayher badge as she stepped inside.“Hi,Ginny.”

“Hi,”saidGinny.

“IneedtospeaktoTheodorealone,ifyoudon’tmind.”

If Armpit’s mother was surprised by any of this, she didn’t show it.Armpitfigurednothingsurprisedheranymore.

“C’mon,Ginny,let’sseehowmanypeopletakeourpicture,”Armpit’s

mothersaid.ShetookGinnybythehandandledheroutside.

DetectiveNewbergjoinedArmpitonthesofa.“You’requitethehero,”shesaid.Hercheeksflushedpink.

Armpitshrugged.

“IjustwantedtoletyouknowI’vebeenassignedtoanothercase.Itoldmy superiors that all my leads had dried up. And really, for just twocounterfeittickets,itisn’tworththeresources.”

“Soyou’renotgoingtotrytofindtheticketscalper?”

DetectiveNewbergshookherhead.

“I see,” said Armpit, trying to sound as if the matter was of littleimportancetohim,butalittlebitofasmileslippedoutdespitehisefforts.Heneverhadaverygoodpokerface.

“CanIsignyourcast?”

“Uh,sure.”

HegaveherthesamemarkerGinnyhadused.

DetectiveNewbergheldhis cast as sheprepared towrite. “SodoyouwantittoTheodore,ortoArmpit?”

“Uh...”

Ifthiswasatesthehadjustfailedit.

Shewinkedathim.“Don’tworry.LikeIsaid,caseclosed.”

“Sohow’dyoufindout?DidFelixtellyou?”

“Felix?Heknew?”Sheseemedgenuinelysurprised.“No,Ijustputtwoandtwotogetherandcameupwithfour.”

He always knew she would. “I really didn’t know the tickets werecounterfeit,”hesaid.

“Oh, I figured that, too.Themanwhobought the real tickets toldmethatX-Rayhadbeenreluctanttosellthembecausehe’dpromisedthemtoafriend.AtthetimeIthoughtitwasjustX-Raytryingtojackhimaround,butthenithitme...youwerethefriend.”

“X-Ray’sreallynotabadguy,”saidArmpit.

“He’d be all right if he just learned to keep his mouth shut,” saidDetectiveNewberg.

He watched her sign her name. “I always liked you,” he told her. “Ithoughtyouwerereallycool,andsmart,andIreallyfeltbadaboutlyingtoyouandeverything.”

DetectiveNewberglookedupandsmiled.“Noharm,nofoul,”shesaid,thendottedthe“i”inhername.

KairaopenedhereyestoseetheblurryimageofFredlookingdownather.Hewaswearingapaper-thinbluehospitalgown.Shemighthavelaughedifithadn’thurtsomuch.

“Howyadoin?”heaskedher.

She tried to talk but could just barelymove hermouth.Her facewas

heavily bandaged. The only nourishment she got was from the IV tubestickingintoherarm.

Therewassomethingwrongwithhervocalcordsaswell,andshewasonly able to speak in akindof raspywhisper.Fred leaned close tohearher.

“Thanksforriskingyourlifeforme.”

Fredtouchedherarm.“Justdoin’myjob,MissDeLeon.”Hewinked.

He started to straighten up, but she grabbed his arm. There wassomethingelseshewantedtosay.Hehadtoputhisearclosetohermouthtohearher.

“I’msorryIwassuchadoofus,”saidKaira.

35

Overthenexttwomonths,alotmorepeoplesignedArmpit’scast,mostofthem females who decorated their names with hearts and flowers. Hedidn’tgetanFineconomics,butanIncomplete,whichturnedintoan89afterhemadeupthefinal.

Hewasverylucky,andheknewit.IfJeromePaisleyhadsucceededinkillingKaira,Armpitwouldhavespenttherestofhislifeinjail.

His fingerprintswere on the bat. The knife came from his room.Herroomkeywasfoundinhishotelsuite.Tracesofhisbloodandhairwouldbediscoveredin thenext letterfromBillyBoy.Thentherewashispriorcriminalhistory,andtheverypublicargumentatthecoffeehouse.

“IfIwasonthejury,evenIwouldhavevotedtoconvictme,”hesaid.

“No,you’dagottenoff,”X-Rayassuredhim.“Howdidyougetthebat?You couldn’t have brought it from Austin. It wouldn’t fit in yourbackpack. Andwhat? Did Ginny fake a seizure just so you couldmeet

KairaDeLeon?AndyoucouldhavegottenDebbieNewbergtoinvestigateforyouandshewouldhavefoundoutaboutthemissingmoney.Besides,howdidyourhairandbloodgetinsidetheenvelope?What—didyoucutyourselfwhilebrushingyourhair,whileyouwerewritingtheletter?Theframewastooobvious.Ifyou’regoingtoframesomebody,yougottobemoresubtleaboutit.”

“Youshouldbealawyer,”saidGinny.

“Alawyer,”saidX-Rayashemulleditover.“Nowyou’retalkin’.I’mgoodattheartofverbalpersuasion.”

“OtherwiseknownasBS,”saidArmpit.

The three of themwere sitting in Ginny’s room, with all her stuffedanimals.

As it turned out, the evidence that would have been used to convictTheodore Johnson would now be used against Jerome Paisley to provepremeditation—to show he had planned to murder her. However, ElGenius had pretty much confessed to everything, so it didn’t look liketherewouldevenbeatrial.

Armpit had been a little disappointedwhen the San Francisco districtattorneytoldhimthat.Iftherewereatrialthenhe’dgettogobacktoSanFrancisco and see Kaira again. Maybe they would go to Chinatowntogetherandeatacoupleofthosesteamedporkbuns.

Hestillhadn’theardfromher.Hethoughtabouttryingtogetintouchwithherbutdidn’tknowwhereorhowtofindher.

“Youshouldn’thavetocallher,”saidX-Ray.“Sheshouldcallyou!Notevenathankyou!She’ssuchanungrateful—”HestoppedbecauseGinny

wasthere.

“She’sgoingthroughsomehardtimes,”Armpitsaid.

Fromeverythinghe’dreadinthepapers,Kaira’slifewasatrainwreck.ThatwomanAileenhadstolenmostof themoneyfromtheconcert tour,andtherewerestillmanypeoplewhoneededtobepaidandticketholderswho needed to be reimbursed. According to the newspapers, Kaira wasbroke.Whatevermoney shehad leftwasbeingeatenupby lawyers andaccountants. Of course, he realized, broke for someone like her didn’tmeanthesameasbrokeforsomeonelikehim.

Aileenhadbeenarrested inBelizeafewweeksearlier,but themoneywas never recovered. A police detective had discovered that TheodoreJohnson’sairlineticketwaspurchasedovertheInternetandthatthesamecomputer had also purchased a ticket toCostaRica for someone namedDeniseLinaria.

WorseforKaira than the lossofhermoneywas the lossofhervoice.Thedoctorssaidshemightneverbeabletosingagain.

ArmpitlookedaroundatGinny’sstuffedanimals.LikeHooter,theowlwhocouldn’tsee,orDaisy, thedogwhocouldn’thear,Kairamightbeasingerwhocouldn’tsing.

36

Butshedidsingagain.

It was in late February. Armpit was just getting out of bed when heheardhervoiceontheradio.

It’salostandlonelykindoffeeling,

Towakeupwearingadisguise.

Ilieinbedstaringattheceiling,Idon’tknowwhoIam,There’slittlethatIcan

Fullyrecognize....

Her voice sounded fragile, like fine crystal that might break at anymoment, but each note was true and clear. There weren’t any backupsingers or elaborate instrumentation; just the gentle plinkity-plank of apiano.

ButI’mtakingsmallsteps,

’CauseIdon’tknowwhereI’mgoing.

I’mtakingsmallsteps

AndIdon’tknowwhattosay.

Smallsteps,Tryingtopullmyselftogether,AndmaybeI’lldiscover

Acluealongtheway....

Armpitsmileddespitethelumpinhisthroat.

Justtomakeitthroughthedayandnottogethurt,

SeemsaboutthebestthatIcanhope.

Likecoffeestainssplatteredonyoursweatshirt,Thereisn’tanypattern.Everything’suncertain.

It’sdifficulttocope....

Thelumpinhisthroatturnedintotears.

ButI’mtakingsmallsteps,

’CauseIdon’tknowwhereI’mgoing.

I’mtakingsmallsteps,

AndI’veforgottenhowtoplay.

Smallsteps,Tryingtopullmyselftogether,AndmaybeI’lldiscover,

Acluealongtheway....

Thecoffeestainswerestillonhissweatshirt.Hismotherhadtriedwashingthemout,buttheywerepermanentlyset.

Andifsomedaymysmallstepsbringmenearyou,

Pleasedon’trushtotellmeallyoufeel.

Youdon’thavetospeakformetohearyou.

IfIsoftlysigh,Lookmeintheeye

AndletmeknowI’mreal....

Thenwe’lltakesmallsteps,

’Causewewon’tknowwherewe’regoing.

We’lltakesmallsteps,

Andwe’llhavetoomuchtosay.

Smallsteps,Handinhandwe’llwalktogether,Andmaybewe’lldiscover

Acluealongtheway....

She didn’t say she would see him again, just if. The song could meananything or nothing at all, he realized. It might just be a song that heinspired, and thatwasnice too.More than anything, hewas just glad tohearhersingingagain.

Anyway,hecouldn’tlethisliferevolvearoundKairaDeLeon.Hehadhisownsetofsmallstepstotake.1.Graduatefromhighschool.2.AttendtwoyearsofAustinCommunityCollege.3.DowellenoughtotransfertotheUniversityofTexas.(JackDunlevywantedhimtomajorinlandscapearchitecture,butArmpitwasn’tsurehewantedtodigholestherestofhislife.Hewasconsideringstudyingoccupational therapy, sohecouldhelp

people likeGinny.) 4.Don’t do anything stupid.And 5. Lose the nameArmpit.

Smallsteps,

’CauseIdon’tknowwhereI’mgoin’.

Smallsteps,

Ijusttakeitdaytoday.

Smallsteps,Somehowgetmyselftogether,ThenmaybeI’lldiscover

WhoIamalongtheway....

About the Author

LOUIS SACHARisthebestsellingauthoroftheaward-winningnovelHoles, aswell asStanley Yelnats’ SurvivalGuide toCampGreenLake,DogsDon’tTellJokes,TheBoyWhoLostHisFace,There’saBoyintheGirls’Bathroom,andtheMarvinRedpostseries,amongmanyothers.

OTHERBOOKSBYLOUISSACHAR

Holes

StanleyYelnats’SurvivalGuidetoCampGreenLake

DogsDon’tTellJokes

TheBoyWhoLostHisFace

There’saBoyintheGirls’Bathroom

Awardsfor

HOLES

WinneroftheNewberyMedal

WinneroftheNationalBookAward

WinneroftheBostonGlobe–HornBookAward

AnALABestBookforYoungAdults

AnALANotableBook

AnALAQuickPick

WinneroftheChristopherAwardforJuvenileFiction

ANewYorkTimesBookReviewNotableChildren’s

BookoftheYear

AHornBookFanfare

APublishersWeeklyBestBookoftheYear

ABulletinBlueRibbonBook

ASchoolLibraryJournalBestBookoftheYear

Praisefor

HOLES

“Asmartjigsawpuzzleofanovel.”—TheNewYorkTimesBookReview

“[A]rugged,engrossingadventure.”—SchoolLibraryJournal

“Larger-than-life.”—PublishersWeekly

Publishedby

DelacortePress

animprintof

RandomHouseChildren’sBooks

adivisionofRandomHouse,Inc.

NewYork

Textcopyright©2006byLouisSachar

Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,orbyanyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,withoutthewrittenpermissionofthepublisher,exceptwherepermittedbylaw.

ThetrademarkDelacortePressisregisteredintheU.S.PatentandTrademarkOfficeandinothercountries.

VisitusontheWeb!www.randomhouse.com/teens

Educatorsandlibrarians,foravarietyofteachingtools,visitusatwww.randomhouse.com/teachers

LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData

Sachar,Louis.

Smallsteps/LouisSachar.

p.cm.

Summary:ThreeyearsafterbeingreleasedfromCampGreenLake,Armpitistryinghardtokeephislifeontrack.

[1.Juveniledelinquents—Rehabilitation—Fiction.2.Cerebralpalsy—Fiction.3.Peoplewithdisabilities—Fiction.4.Singers—Fiction.5.Interpersonalrelations—Fiction.6.AfricanAmericans—Fiction.]I.Title.

PZ7.S1185Sma2006

[Fic]—dc22

2005009102

eISBN:978-0-375-84069-2

v3.0